#this year is shaping up to be…an emotionally taxing time

[first-son-of-finwe]

honestly sometimes LOTR is just the comforting pair of arms that you need

#this year is shaping up to be…an emotionally taxing time #and today me @ me is just like… ‘do you wanna watch lotr?’ ‘🥹 yes please’ #out of silmarils

[hyperfixatinator]

I love when Apollo and Klavier's dynamic reflects Phoenix and Miles', but in ways that reverse what we'd expect.

More specifically, the ways Apollo parallels Miles and Klavier parallels Phoenix.

(Ngl I couldn't stop thinking about the post @box-dwelling made on this topic, and I wanted to make a bulleted list.)

Apollo Justice & Miles Edgeworth

Became the apprentice of a perfectionistic, corrupt lawyer sometime after losing their defense attorney father figure.

The same corrupt mentor killed someone in their family out of revenge, and was later found guilty of it in court. (This is if you consider Zak Gramarye was technically Apollo's step-dad)

Has adoptive siblings who's evil parental figure murdered their father. One of their siblings is a prosecutor who followed their evil parental figure's teachings until adulthood.

Unknowingly used forged evidence given to them by someone they trusted to uphold the law.

Had a loved one who was murdered in December.

Klavier Gavin & Phoenix Wright

Had a loved one guilty of poisoning multiple people. They were manipulated into trusting this loved one and unwittingly helped them hide their crimes.

Originally split their career path between law and some type of art before settling on law full time. Also left law during the seven year gap to get a job playing music.

They got involved in law (again after seven years in Klavier's case) for the express purpose of meeting and confronting their courtroom counterpart in person.

Had an earnest female legal figure who helped shape their moral beliefs about law. That figure was later killed by a socially powerful man attempting to cover up his illegal business practices.

Gained the help and support of their courtroom counterpart during an emotionally taxing trial. Then later, that counterpart moved incredibly far away with no warning.

#ace attorney #apollo justice #klavier gavin #miles edgeworth #phoenix wright #analysis #I currently have these four blorbos rotating in my brain #I like that the prosecutors and defense attorneys still kinda relate on a surface level #But then you dig deeper and it's a total turnabout #We don't get enough of these duos interacting #They'd have so much to talk about

[marvins-linguinie]

roommates au anyone??

steve walks into the apartment and hears some commotion coming from the kitchen.

of course, he has to investigate, then finds eddie, and the rest of hellfire, playing d&d on the kitchen table

steve: couldn't you guys go anywhere else?

eddie: oh. hey, you're home. how was your day?

dustin: sh!

steve, completely ignoring dustin: it was good. nance picked robin up, so i didn't have to drive her home.

dustin: SHHH

steve: also, i need to tell you something after your ga-

dustin: SHUT UP, STEVE.

steve: henderson, you do realize that i live here, right?

will: be quiet, please! im trying to focus!

dustin: ha! see? even will agrees.

will: that means you too, dustin.

dustin:

eddie mouths something along the lines of 'you can tell me later'

steve sighs, and walks to his bedroom, kicking off his shoes, and laying down.

he pushes his glasses up, and continues to read his book.

after the laughs and arguments quiet down, eddie sits on the foot of the bed.

eddie: they left.

steve: m'kay.

eddie: i know they can be a little...

steve: extra? i've known these kids for about 4 years. trust me, i know

eddie: well, i was going to say much, but yeah, extra sums it up pretty well. if you don't want me to host hellfire here again-

steve: it's fine.

eddie: okay, good, because i was going to do it either way.

steve glances up at eddie, seeing a soft smile.

they make eye contact.

eddie: im... gonna go to bed. long day, you know?

steve: ...yeah. night.

eddie: wait, what were you gonna tell me?

steve [internally screaming because he thought eddie forgot]: nothing

eddie: what's going on?

steve: don't worry about it.

eddie: come on, harrington. share with the class.

steve: it's not important.

eddie, quietly: steve... did you murder someone

steve: wh- no! i didn't murder anyone.

eddie: tax fraud?

steve: no?

eddie: insurance fraud?

steve: I DIDN'T COMMIT A CRIME, MUNSON

eddie: okay, then what did you do?

robin gave steve a note to hand to eddie -that is, if he couldn't tell eddie- so, Steve pulls it out of his pocket, and hands it to eddie.

eddie starts to unravel it, but steve stops him.

steve: go to your room, and think it over. talk to me in the morning.

eddie? he's terrified of what the contents of the folded up note he's holding.

eddie walks to his room, quietly shutting the door behind him.

could steve be moving out? but, why would he not just tell him?

eddie stares at the paper for a few seconds, before slowly unfolding it.

"so, im guessing steve didn't tell you. this was a last resort type of thing. i don't know how or why he stringed me into this, but here we go. 1: steve is madly in love with you. he won't shut up. even at work, 'eddie this' and 'eddie that' like a middle schooler with a crush. now, as my duty as steve's best friend, i am going to get very serious. if you hurt Steve, emotionally or physically, i will hurt you. no, i will do more than hurt you. i will be wanted for murder. of course, you probably have some questions, so i'll answer them for you. he's had this stupid crush on you since the upside down. no, this is not a joke, or humorous in any way, shape, or form. it's getting annoying listening to your name because i've heard it so many times. as im writing this, steve is pacing in front of me, on the verge of tears. that's not normal for him. have you brainwashed him or something? anyway, you're entitled to your own assumptions, but by the way your face lights up at the sight of steve, im going to assume that you feel the same. - robin

p.s. don't let steve read this. he would probably kill me."

eddie's eyes start to water

how can steve like him? out of all people, eddie 'the freak' munson?

let's just say, neither steve or eddie slept that night.

early in the morning, right after the sun came up, eddie bursts out of his room

he can't find steve.

suddenly, steve walks through the front door, with sweat dripping off of his forehead.

steve: so... did you read it?

eddie:

steve: what uh... what do you think?

eddie: steve harrington has a crush on me? eddie munson? local freak?

steve: you aren't a freak.

eddie: okay, but you aren't denying it.

steve: just, tell me what you think

eddie: ..okay. it really wasn't noticable. like you hid it very well, so im impressed. i have half a mind to kiss you right now, but i think you want to talk about it first.

steve:

eddie: so, as a formal compliment, steve harrington, yes. i accept your offer.

steve: you can kiss me now.

after that day, eddie cherished that letter with his entire heart.

he placed it in a frame and hung it up in their living room.

and whenever someone would ask "what's that?" eddie would explain how steve made robin write a love letter for him.

#steddie #steve harrington #eddie munson #steve x eddie #steveddie #stranger things #robin buckley

[fgrobichiko]

Case 1846L - File 2022V

[Subject: A series of disappearances in the town of Moulesy in the years [REDACTED], as remembered by witness.]

"I still remember the warnings, of course. Ma, bless her heart, always said it was rude to stare, but it was more than that. Papa said it plainly - we shouldn't talk about the house behind the road.

It didn't seem to have any path to it. I may never have gone looking for it - I was a good boy, of course - but my cousins would, and so would the boys who didn't go to school. Never learned right I guess.

Me and my brothers' room were at the back of the house, though. We kept the drapes pulled tight shut as children. When the whigs tried to bring back window tax we'd already been trying to find a bricklayer.

First time I was in a pub, I heard old Albert talking. I were struck dumb. I didn't know ADULTS could break the rules like that. He'd talk about the shape of it. Said it was too strange. Like it was growing.

I were at his funeral two week later. There was men there I didn't know. Moulesy ent a big town. I'd guessed they were cousins of his. Ma told me not to stare. The box they had him in was closed, o'course. Had to be back then. I never knew he were sick.

My brothers left. Went to work Coventry apparently. Ma said they'd be busy. I'd hope there'd be money from em. Never saw any. I left schooling, and with my first wage I bought a big, beautiful bookcase. It covered the window perfectly. The garden were shadowed more'n it had been. We'd stop going back there soon after.

Papa left one day. Said he had business in London. Never knew what it was, said he had to tell about something. Ma begged him to stay. Said something bout my brothers. Said they ent coming back. I didn't understand, tried to speak up, but I caught Papa's hand instead. Ma were crying. Asked who'd support us. He said I would. I was proud then. I din't know to be scared yet.

He ent come back either. I hugged ma, said I'd get a better job. Walking to town I felt brave. Coming back... well, it's rude to stare innit. Even if I'd get a glimpse of tall, tall windows. Swore I couldn't see em before from the street. But I'd had a growth spurt. Put it down to that.

My boss were asking questions when I told him about Papa. Checked my street address again. Started raging. Had me take over for him when he stormed out. He came back soon. Rushed in. Two men came after. I assumed men. Wore black. Tall. Very tall. They grabbed him and he yelled. It was a butcher's shop, so I couldn't tell at first but - the stains on his clothes was new. One pointed to me as the other covered my bosses mouth. I had my cleaver. I put it down. I were about to ask what the hell happened, averting my eyes as I didn't want them self-conscious... don't know why that was a concern, I guessed I just wanted to be on my best. But they just left. The three of em. That's how I got promoted.

When I went home... well, there was no home. I guess I found the path to the big house. Realised I was walking toward it directly. Tried to search for my home. I couldn't. The house was right on the street. It took up the whole street. It went into the road. I turned back. Moved into my bosses place above the butcher shop. Started moving in new circles. Din't talk about it til now. When you came in, started taking people, I knew it weren't about manners no more. An' now I'm telling you. But you knew already yeah? It shouldn't be a problem, yeah? Right?"

[Report ends. Though in his late thirties by our best estimates, Mr. [REDACTED] a notably childish worldview. That he lived so close to the epicenter of the Moulesy incident, without seeming to be emotionally affected, suggests he may have been hiding more than he shared. Whether this is intentional or not, his disappearance from our custody and the devastation of his cell suggest quite a significant struggle that can only be explained, in this researcher's opinion, by notes C-E, case [REDACTED]. The Moulesy facility has since been deactivated.]

#Foundation Texts

[darkdoverpseeker]

Well well well. 🔆

Please, do call me Void (he/him. 21). I'm currently looking for literate and interested individuals above the age of 18 who are interested in an OC rp. Though I'm open to certain CC. My preference, should romance be involved is mlm. This truly can go wherever you want it to. I'm open to dark, romantic, platonic or a mix and match of them all. Now let me tell you all about it.

This is a world where everyone is given a chance. A chance to ascend when faced with death. These chances come in the form of trials and seem to be different for everyone. Either physically, mentally or emotionally taxing, and generally, extremely hard to pass. The percentage of people mastering their trials and ascending to Godhood is pathetically small.

As a God, you are not only immortal but you're given a few things. For one, you're given your soul in a vessel of your choice. You remain 'alive' as long as this item isn't destroyed. Though it's best to keep it close by. The further you move away from it, the less like yourself you become. Seeing as your soul, your essence, is being forced apart from your body. It's common then for Gods to give their soul to loved ones. Others keep it on their person. Which can be an issue if you have any enemies. If another deity destroys your vessel, you not only die but they also inherit your power. Fights between the Gods are frequent, not even a structured hierarchy can lessen the urge for conflict in some.

You're also given a domain. It usually ranges from the size of a room to the size of dozens of galaxies - depending on how powerful you are. The domain adjusts to yourself, taking on the shape it assumes you would like it to have.

And, of course, you're given powers. Each tailored to you. It takes years to master the powers given to you. These can also expand, evolve and gain in strength over time and practice.

If this strikes you as interesting, please interact and I will come seek you out. It's up to you.

Until then.

Farewell.

interact if interested!

#oc x oc #1x1 rp #rp ad #fandomless rp #literate rp #18+ #rp #roleplay

[blossomkochhararomaaagic]

Struggling with Stretch Marks? Check Out Tips That Can Help! 

Do any of you love belly dancing? Well, I myself am far from being a belly dancer (or any dancer, to be honest), but my elder sister is a charismatic belly dancer. Her dancing moves leave everyone in the crowd swooning. By the way, my sis gave birth to a beautiful baby girl about a year ago, and we are all so over the moon to have that little princess in our lives. 

While the last few months have been great, my sister’s pregnancy and post-pregnancy phase has not been without challenges. Amidst many other difficulties, my sister also almost gave up on her passion for belly dancing. You see, like many women, she also developed stretch marks during her pregnancy, which took a hit on her self-esteem and confidence. Although these marks aren’t usually painful or harmful, they can affect a person’s emotional and mental health, impacting one’s self-image. 

A 2021 research study conducted by Michigan Medicine found that the permanency of stretch marks can be a cause of embarrassment for many pregnant women or individuals and can have a negative impact on their pregnancy and quality of life.

Pregnancy is one of the most significant causes of stretch marks. However, it is not the only one. Irrespective of the cause, they can result in anxiety and depression. I know it all sounds bad. But there’s always hope, guys. If you have stretch marks or maybe you know someone who does, please know there are ways that can help you reduce and fade stretch marks. Wanna learn about those ways? Then stick around till the end of this blog post. 

Stretch Marks: Causes & How to Reduce Them

I am a big-time foodie. I can basically eat anything you give me, provided it’s delicious. Unfortunately, my love for food sometimes seems to overpower my love for fashion (haven’t we all been there at some point)! 

Recently, I had to go out on a brunch date, and I had the perfect outfit in mind for it - my favourite jeans paired with a red halter-neck top. Unfortunately, when I tried wearing the jeans, they got stuck (because I had gained weight). However, adamant as I was on wearing them, I stretched the jeans beyond their elasticity allowed, and let’s just say it didn’t end well. The fabric lost its elasticity and got puckered (basically, there were stretch marks on the jeans). 

I guess this is somewhat similar to what happens with the skin! When the skin stretches or shrinks quickly, its elastin and collagen rupture. As your skin heals from this, it might result in lines or streaks across the skin called stretch marks. They are a type of scar and do not have the same melanin composition as healthy skin, which can result in pigmentation. They can also cause your skin to have an uneven skin tone and texture. Itchiness, irritation, sunken lines, and discoloration are common symptoms of stretch marks. 

What Causes Stretch Marks?

Remember I told you how stretch scars can appear when your skin experiences extreme growth or shrinkage in the last section? Well, here are a few factors that might cause the elastin and collagen in your skin to break, resulting in stretch scars: 

Pregnancy: Isn’t pregnancy a marvel? I mean, an individual brings another human being into this world. But we need to accept that pregnancy can also be physically and emotionally taxing. 

The body also goes through hormonal changes during pregnancy, some of which can result in the reorganisation of collagen and elastin. Also, during pregnancy, the body and skin stretch to make space (actually a lot of space) for the developing fetus, which often results in stretch marks on the belly.  

Rapid muscle growth & weight gain: Have you ever seen a weightlifting competition? Well, I have watched a few (on TV, obviously). When you look at weightlifters, do you ever wonder why many have stretch scars on their arms, thighs, or other body parts? It is because when the muscles grow, the skin has to stretch itself as per the changes in body shape & size (just like I tried to fit into my jeans by stretching them way too much).

Similarly, when you put on a lot of weight in a short period of time, it can cause tears in the inner layers of your skin, resulting in stretch marks. 

Puberty: I meet many people who are under the impression that stretch marks are only experienced by adults or aged people. Well, not true! They are common in teens because of rapid growth and weight gain.

I guess we’ve talked enough about the causes of stretch marks and should now move on to discuss a few tips for reducing them (did you just say “Finally”)! Anyway, let’s dig in!  

How to Fade Stretch Marks and Brighten Skin Tone

Last week was amazing for me! Among many good things, I got to see my sister back on stage as a belly dancer. I loved it, the crowd loved it, and I am sure my niece would have too if she had any idea about what her mom was doing onstage.

For the past few months, my sister has been working on boosting her self-confidence and self-acceptance. And she has also been able to reduce stretch marks and lighten skin tone using some expert-backed ways and solutions. And you can use them too! 

Here’s how to fade stretch marks: 

Home Remedies: Got some lemons in your kitchen? Yes? Good! If not, go buy them.

Lemons are one of the best natural remedies for stretch marks. All you got to do is take some freshly-squeezed lemon juice and apply it to the affected areas and then rinse it off with lukewarm water. Because lemons are a rich source of vitamin C, they also help brighten skin tone and fade pigmentation that might accompany stretch scars. 

And yes, massaging the affected area with warm Jojoba oil can also help fade stretch marks. Jojoba oil boosts collagen and elastin production in the body and helps restore skin elasticity.

Creams and Lotions: Just like you have skin care products for dark circles, acne, and dehydrated skin, there are products that can help you with stretch scars too. When looking for stretch mark creams, choose something with natural ingredients. Besides lemon and jojoba oil, you can also look for other ingredients like Wheat Germ oil, Centella, and Aloe Vera.

Well, my sister has been using Blossom Kochhar Aroma Magic Wheat Germ Cream. The main ingredient, Wheat Germ, has excellent antioxidant properties that help stimulate tissue regeneration and remove stretch marks. It is also infused with Jojoba oil, Honey, vitamins A, C & E, Almond extracts, and essential oils. 

Aroma Magic Wheat Germ Cream is super-moisturising and also helps brighten skin tone and reduce wrinkles. The best thing about this product is that it is all-natural and eco-friendly (definitely a bonus point for that)!

Medical & cosmetic treatments: Some people also opt for treatments like Laser Therapy, Dermabrasion, and Microneedling. While these treatments can help reduce the appearance of stretch marks, they can also have a few side effects, including discoloration, swelling, irritation, flaky skin, etc. 

Self-tanners: Ever used a concealer for your makeup? A concealer conceals the blemishes and dark spots by blending them in with your skin, but it doesn’t help remove them. Similarly, a self-tanning lotion can help hide stretch marks by minimising the difference between their colour and your skin tone. 

Stretch marks are a common skin condition, guys! While you can always resort to any of the ways mentioned above to fade stretch marks if it makes you feel better, it is also crucial to recognise that there is nothing to feel embarrassed about having them. So whether or not someone chooses to treat them should be their choice.

#How to Fade Stretch Marks #Remove Stretch Marks #Reduce Stretch Marks #Get Rid of Stretch Marks #Brighten Skin Tone #Lighten Skin Tone

[findyourrp]

Well well well. 🔆

Please, do call me Void (he/him. 21). I'm currently looking for literate and interested individuals above the age of 18 who are interested in an OC rp. Though I'm open to certain CC. My preference, should romance be involved. This truly can go wherever you want it to. I'm open to dark, romantic, platonic or a mix and match of them all. Now let me tell you all about it.

This is a world where everyone is given a chance. A chance to ascend when faced with death. These chances come in the form of trials and seem to be different for everyone. Either physically, mentally or emotionally taxing, and generally, extremely hard to pass. The percentage of people mastering their trials and ascending to Godhood is pathetically small.

As a God, you are not only immortal but you're given a few things. For one, you're given your soul in a vessel of your choice. You remain 'alive' as long as this item isn't destroyed. Though it's best to keep it close by. The further you move away from it, the less like yourself you become. Seeing as your soul, your essence, is being forced apart from your body. It's common then for Gods to give their soul to loved ones. Others keep it on their person. Which can be an issue if you have any enemies. If another deity destroys your vessel, you not only die but they also inherit your power. Fights between the Gods are frequent, not even a structured hierarchy can lessen the urge for conflict in some.

You're also given a domain. It usually ranges from the size of a room to the size of dozens of galaxies - depending on how powerful you are. The domain adjusts to yourself, taking on the shape it assumes you would like it to have.

And, of course, you're given powers. Each tailored to you. It takes years to master the powers given to you. These can also expand, evolve and gain in strength over time and practice.

If this strikes you as interesting, please interact and I will come seek you out. It's up to you.

Until then.

Farewell.

like & asker will find you !

#rp finder #18+ rp #oc x cc rp #fandomless rp #romance rp #rp ad

[findroleplay]

Well well well. 🔆

Please, do call me Void (he/him. 21). I'm currently looking for literate and interested individuals above the age of 18 who are interested in an OC rp on discord. Though I'm open to certain CC. My preference, should romance be involved is mlm. This truly can go wherever you want it to. I'm open to dark, romantic, platonic or a mix and match of them all. Now let me tell you all about it.

This is a world where everyone is given a chance. A chance to ascend when faced with death. These chances come in the form of trials and seem to be different for everyone. Either physically, mentally or emotionally taxing, and generally, extremely hard to pass. The percentage of people mastering their trials and ascending to Godhood is pathetically small.

As a God, you are not only immortal but you're given a few things. For one, you're given your soul in a vessel of your choice. You remain 'alive' as long as this item isn't destroyed. Though it's best to keep it close by. The further you move away from it, the less like yourself you become. Seeing as your soul, your essence, is being forced apart from your body. It's common then for Gods to give their soul to loved ones. Others keep it on their person. Which can be an issue if you have any enemies. If another deity destroys your vessel, you not only die but they also inherit your power. Fights between the Gods are frequent, not even a structured hierarchy can lessen the urge for conflict in some.

You're also given a domain. It usually ranges from the size of a room to the size of dozens of galaxies - depending on how powerful you are. The domain adjusts to yourself, taking on the shape it assumes you would like it to have.

And, of course, you're given powers. Each tailored to you. It takes years to master the powers given to you. These can also expand, evolve and gain in strength over time and practice.

If this strikes you as interesting, please interact and I will come seek you out. It's up to you.

Until then.

Farewell.

_

#rp #roleplay #oc rp #mxm rp #original rp #fandomless rp

[theyogshala8]

Postnatal Exercise: Benefits and what it is ?

One of every mother's most treasured memories is the miracle of birth. A mother's life undergoes a number of adjustments when she welcomes a new child. A mother must go through a variety of changes, from emotional and psychological to physical. However, when these issues fade with time, the body is no longer exactly the same as it once was. Postnatal exercises by top experts like the team at The Yogshala one of the best Ayurveda clinics in Delhi NCR are the solution for you, whether you're looking to get back into your pre-pregnancy shape, boost your confidence, decompress, or just enjoy some alone time.

What is Postnatal Care?

Given that giving birth may be a rigorous and exhausting process, both the mother and the new-born require special care right after delivery. The mother may have back pain, weakness, and postpartum depression in the first few weeks after giving birth, which can be quite emotionally and physically taxing for her.

The importance of prenatal and postpartum care for women is emphasized by Ayurveda. In Ayurveda, postpartum care is known as "Sutika Paricharya," which refers to the mother's immediate postpartum state.

In order to ensure that the mother's body heals and feels better after birth, postnatal care is an essential step. But according to Ayurveda, postpartum care shouldn't end after a few weeks because it can allow new mothers to regain the power lost during labor etc.

Importance of the Right food and exercise for Postnatal

In Ayurveda, the significance of postnatal care is described in great depth. After giving birth, a woman's body reaches a stage that could result in tissue loss, thus extra precautions must be taken to prevent illnesses and infections. It is suggested that you adhere to a particular dietary and lifestyle routine that can aid in helping you rebuild your strength to combat it.

A "Sattvic lifestyle," according to Ayurveda, can not only help you regain strength but also help you lose the postpartum tummy.

The vegetarian diet that is part of the sattvic diet might assist you in achieving your optimal state of health. It suggests eating plain, raw, healthy, and lightly prepared food. The diet is low in processed meals and high in nutritional value foods.

Importance of Postnatal Exercises

Your Vata dosha increases after giving birth, which is normal for everyone. But it's crucial to keep it up. The Vata dosha, which controls movement in the body, must first be balanced, which requires a lot of rest.

Before beginning postpartum exercise, your body needs to gain the appropriate level of strength, which takes at least a few weeks.

You can begin noticing a difference between your pre- and post-pregnancy body once your body has fully recovered. Even though your body will alter after giving birth, which is completely normal, getting back into an exercise regimen will help you regain your body's power.

To Sum-Up

The value of safe parenting has been emphasized by Ayurveda for thousands of years. A woman's body weakens after giving birth and is in desperate need of the proper foods and activities.

Sattvic living can assist new mothers in regaining their strength and going back to the prenatal stage. While yoga and postnatal activities can increase strength, shed pregnancy weight, and even lower the risk of postpartum depression, sattvic foods offer the nutrients needed for healing.

Exercise can be a wonderful component of postnatal care since they provide a new mother with a much-needed break from the demanding changes that have taken over her life. Therefore, postnatal exercise is the fundamental stage that you do not want to skip if you recently gave birth to the cutest little child and are looking for a way to unwind and restart your daily routine!

#Best Ayurvedic Clinic in Delhi NCR #Best Ayurvedic Clinic in Ghaziabad #Best Ayurvedic Clinic in South Delhi

[passiveagressiveukulele]

Home-coming

CINEMATOGRAPHY CLASS EXERCISE 1

An American title to kick off my new blog season because I had to dumbify my English and go easy on the Scottish accent in order to still be able to communicate with the Erasmus kids during the exchange and make friends. Yes, chips became fries, shame on me.

I can't lie, the first day back was a bit rough - straight from the airport to class where a photography exercise on the subject of Home was set... Home is such an emotionally taxing subject for me because I feel like I am still searching for one. I thought I put it to rest even just for a little bit after finishing my film Let the sunshine in, but as it turns out after returning from Prague, I'm not so sure on where I stand with my relationship to Scotland.

So to heal it I first went to Glean: Early 20th century women filmmakers and photographers in Scotland exhibition at the City Art Centre. Obviously, I was beyond inspired and so thankful this exhibition has been put up to shine a light on the groundbreaking visual art these women have produced, but history tucked away in a dark, dusty corner.

Most of these photographers/filmmakers explored their relationship with the urban and rural environments and "utilised walking as a way to understand the Scottish landscape from its midst - a place to inhabit rather than to aesthetically frame." I would argue they succeeded in both as most of their compositions were truly breathtaking. So breathtaking I set out to recreate one of them for this exercise:

The description next to MEM Donaldson's photograph says: "Here it can be seen how far the woman has walked, and given the composition, how far she must go." This echoes my own path at the moment where I feel like my search for home has been fruitful and rewarding, but still there are so many more miles to walk. I always felt like an outsider - in my homeland and my adopted homeland (Scotland) and a part of me fears I will always feel not quite compatible with either, small and invisible, proud and humble, loved and lonely at the same time.

But before I started to walk I needed to pick an outfit. I traced my cultural lineage of migration, not back to Croatia but to Bosnia where my grandpa was originally from. Last year my grandma gave me her traditional Bosnian sheep wool vest which she was gifted on the day of her engagement to him. It's an incredibly gendered item of clothing so when my boyfriend put it on he was immediately ridiculed by my family. So naturally, I got him to wear it when posing for my photos. He is the closest thing I have to family in this new adopted home and him wearing the vest amongst the suitcases and boxes I started to unpack but failed to seemed like a logical extension of me. When I showed my third culture film to a Croatian filmmaker he said to me: "As much as your film is about you adapting to the new culture it's interesting you open it with your boyfriend trying to speak your language and adapt to you." I never really thought about this relationship as reciprocal; the culture adapting to me.

In every room I've inhabited so far I collected footage of the windows. I'm not really sure why. I saw a feature length documentary about a guy who recorded the view from his window for 20 years and it made sense - it was the same window, but the view constantly changed. My windows were always different. Different shape, size, heat isolation and of course, the view. For the first time in the past 5 years I simply can't call the window or the view my own, even temporarily. I'm staying in Peer's little sister's room. I'm surrounded by her scented candles, polaroids and clothes. This space is welcoming, but not my own. So I cranked up the exposure and created a portal out of it. Out into the Scottish forests and beaches, which I tried to claim back by wearing the vest myself.

So here they are, my 9 photos of Home:

ASC Article: Bringing Emotional Weight To The Journalism Thriller She Said

Surprise surprise, I found the one article about a female cinematographer. Watching the trailer made me so emotional and after reading the article I would love to go see this film in the cinema if it's still playing. It looks like a love child of Spotlight and Bombshell and I am a fan of both. Reading through the article, I looked up the DoP Natasha Braier's previous work and I can't say I am blown away by her imagery - it's quite straightforward and playing by the classic, mainstream Hollywood book. She addresses this herself in the interview saying: “Of all my movies, this is probably the one where people are not going to talk about the cinematography. But in this case, that is success for me as a cinematographer.” Her cinematography is not really drawing attention to itself which I applaud, but I also crave some adventure and out of the box thinking when it comes to the film's visual language. Personally I have no problem with style over substance, but I guess that comes with being an experimental film nerd.

I found it really insightful to read about how she worked around the NY Times office fluorescent lights which cast a yellow tone on the actors' skins.

Her solution was to rig Astera LED tubes over the hero location and slightly dial up the yellow to make them more in line with the location’s fluorescents, while still maintaining the more flattering illumination she sought.

However, this got me thinking the way in which different colours look unpleasant on different types of skin and it got me wondering if the same issue occurs on essentially non-white skin. And then I started thinking back on the trailer and realised I didn't really see any (female) Black or other poc characters in the film. And that got me thinking about how yes, of course we should be focusing on stories of women and cover the issues raised by the MeToo, but the reality of the situation is that the female voices being heard historically and right now are predominantly white. The ruthless chain of discrimination and abuse gets worse the darker your skin is. And the fact that this film (at least from the trailer) does not address that is highly problematic. 87 women accused Weinstein of sexual abuse - I do not believe for a split second all of them were white. The allegations were having a tough time to be taken seriously to begin with, but I think that they would have had an even harder time if women of colour were the first to go on the record and both those assumptions are terrifying, heartbreaking and sickening.

I don't want to end my first blog post on such a pessimistic note so just wanna say, well done Natasha for having a whole team of butch men carrying and setting up your equipment. It's something I aspire to.

[blush-and-books]

always you-shaped thoughts inside my head

so, we found wonderland, the amazing fanfic by @pink-flame ended this week. as a result of my deep and sorrowful mourning, i wrote a fanfic for a fucking fanfic. yes, everyone, we have reached that point. so if you’re one of the unfortunate souls who hasn’t read it then you can start here and do not read this if you don’t want spoilers babes!!!!

anyways, i don’t want to talk about how much i cried when i wrote this. moving on. title from find u again by mark ronson ft. camila cabello and once again THANK YOU @pink-flame FOR THIS WORK, I LOVED IT, I LOVE YOU, ENJOY

A/N: the first part of this is a reimagining of a scene from the story, and the second part is more of a deleted scene. grab tissues if you’re one who cries easily. also tagging @bluefirewrites because i kept texting you while writing this

Julie doesn’t know in what timeline she thought that going to the bookstore would be a good idea. 

Even with her back flat against the wall and Luke’s book clutched identically between her hands and the palms of every other eager fan in the room, she felt like she was too close. Like this was a mistake.

She was the one who insisted they don’t look for each other. 

But here they were. Him, with a poem that crossed time with the silent, lost plea for her to come back to him; her, who chose to answer the call even if she knew she shouldn’t have. Julie should have realized that she couldn’t avoid him forever. Their paths were meant to cross in every universe. 

When he takes the stage, she doesn’t shatter. Yet. 

People are swamped beside her and Flynn on all sides, and she still feels like it’s just the two of them. Once he’s in her line of sight, it’s only him in the room, only him that exists. 

In a world where she’s jumped to and from across time, Luke may be the most real thing she’s ever known. 

The words he says as he reads and answers questions hit her ears as just a series of tones and syllables that are achingly familiar. He’s laughing through one of the book’s anecdotes and suddenly she’s back in the arcade, laughing with him at the pinball machine. He’s talking about the rush of playing their first sold-out show, and she’s back in the greenroom as he heatedly kisses her up against a wall after she spent so much time fighting for him to love her again. 

He’s reading about his parents, and she’s back on that pull-out couch that was only comfy when he was in it; listening to him whisper about their fragmented relationship. 

But then a 20-year-old pokes him about the poem. And he says he loves her -- well, not explicitly, but he says it’s about love -- and the other shoe drops. 

Tears inundate her eyes. 

“I have to go,” her voice shakes as a sob threatens to rip through her words. Flynn offers to join, but Julie needs fresh air and to be alone and to just let her tears fall onto the asphalt of an alleyway without feeling the need to explain herself. She will always be alone in these emotions, in this heartbreak, and that’s okay -- she just doesn’t want anyone to act like they get it.

So she passes her book to Flynn, urges her to get it signed, and flees out the side door. 

Right before she’s out, the 20-year-old presses on about Find Me: “Well, what if they came to you now? What if they found you? Wouldn’t you be happy to see them?”

The exit slams shut behind her and she doesn’t get to hear his answer. 

--

“Well, what if they came to you now? What if they found you? Wouldn’t you be happy to see them?”

Flynn watches intently as Luke’s eyes darken. The book feels heavy in her hands, and she feels like she is suddenly intruding on an intimate moment between Luke and Julie -- even with Julie gone. 

She didn’t always understand what happened with her best friend. But this was clearly a mind, body and soul situation. 

Luke has to clear his throat and blink rapidly before answering. “God, sorry, that one caught me a little!” The audience chuckles. “No one’s asked me that so far on this tour. That’s a good question. I probably think about it more than I should, but… I mean, first of all, they wouldn’t come and find me. I know them well enough to know that Find Me just… Went out into the universe with no expectation of a response. But if they decided too, I… I’d wanna make sure they were happy. And I’d probably thank them one more time for everything they did when I was younger. I would probably be in shock, honestly. I haven’t seen them in a long time.”

Flynn is wiping her nose with a stray tissue from her purse before she can even register that she’s started crying. 

The random people in the back row with her send her strange looks, wondering why she’s getting so emotional, but hearing Luke talk about her best friend like that… 

“Do you still love them?”

God, this person won’t give him a break!

The rockstar visibly tenses up, and the easy grin plastered on his face breaks. That’s when his manager hustles onstage and announces that they are going to start the signing; and everyone needs to start lining up. 

Flynn has to fight to get farther up in line, but it’s worth it when she reaches him.

“Hi,” he smiles, “who should I make it out to?”

The word makes her tongue feel like lead. “Julie.”

His head snaps up, and he’s fully looking at her for the first time. There are a thousand Julie’s in the world, but he knows it’s his. 

“I’m her best friend,” Flynn continues, shifting her teary eyes down to her converse because fuck Julie wasn’t kidding when she said his eyes were intense sometimes. 

“Flynn.”

“Oh... She told you-”

“Where is she? Is she here?”

She’s not even looking at him, but he sounds so desperate, and the water in her eyes swells as she glances at the exit off to her side. “Not right now. But she wanted me to get this signed for her.”

Luke’s Sharpie doesn’t move across the inside cover. In fact, he’s frozen; staring off in the distance with what Flynn is sure must be a whirlwind of emotion that he didn’t ask for. Flynn isn’t sure how to handle it -- they’re in public, and she’s minorly concerned she just sent him spiraling, and they don’t even know each other -- but she feels the need to relay a message since he’ll never get to hear it from Julie himself. 

“She…” Luke looks back up at her; eyes boring into hers in a way that could tug the truth out of anybody. As she blinks, an enthusiastic tear drops onto her cheek, and she instantly lifts her index finger under her eye to catch anything else. “Fuck, my eyeliner. Sorry. Anyways-”

The words get caught in her throat again, so she has to take another deep breath. Helping star-crossed lovers communicate when they are almost thirty years apart is more emotionally taxing than she anticipated. 

“She’s really proud of you,” Flynn finally manages with a voice squeakier and higher than she ever wants to hear it again. Another tear falls from her other eye. “She loves y- your music, and hopes that you have everything you wanted and she’s so proud of you for everything you’ve built.”

At this point, the crumpled tissue in her hand has been helping her dry her eyes because standing in front of Luke Patterson and trying to tell him that the love of his life still cares -- still watches from afar, still wants the world for him -- is making her realize the emotional turmoil that Julie must have been feeling all this time. 

How did she do it?

In front of her, Luke is rubbing his hands over his face and audibly takes a deep, sniffly breath in. Turning to the same woman who got onstage to transition the event before, he informs her: “I need to get some air.”

“Luke, where are you-”

But he’s already forcefully pushing himself back in his chair, grasping the book off of the signing table, and darting out the same exit that Julie stormed through ten minutes ago. 

When the manager turns to look at Flynn -- she bolts away and towards the front entrance. If Julie and Luke are about to meet in that alleyway, she doesn’t want to intrude. Even if she already fucked up both of their plans to never see each other again. 

--

Julie is still hyperventilating and sobbing in the alleyway when the emergency exit loudly flings open against the wall of the bookstore. Her arms are wrapped tightly around herself with a childish prayer to have Teddy Luke in her arms, because at least then there would be a little piece of him to stay with her when the rest of him is gone.

She’s expecting Flynn, or an employee on their smoke break, but not-

“Luke.”

“Julie.”

A whimper leaves her lips at hearing him say her name for the first time in so long. His own eyes are glassy, and even though he’s so much older his eyes are still the same. He’s still her Luke, and that’s such a dangerous idea to touch in this timeline but she can’t let it go. 

“I’m so sorry,” she wails, trying to avoid looking at his heartbroken expression for too long. “I know, I said we can’t do this, I just-”

“Julie.”

“Did you want me to find you?”

Air puffs from his mouth in a harsh sigh as he takes a few steps closer to her; incredulously focused on the fact that she’s there, in front of him, real. “I- Of course, of course I did, Julie. I just didn’t think you’d come. But I wanted you to know I was looking.”

Her eyelids fall shut. More tears are pushed out, and she doesn’t know if she’s crying or laughing because of course Luke would look even when she told him not to. He respected her, and he respected her wishes, but he could never help himself from pushing the boundaries. 

Achingly, she’s always been so grateful for that trait in him. 

But now the two of them are awkwardly standing only a few feet away, and the urge to just feel him, assure that he’s solid in front of her is becoming all too real. 

Gravel rolls under the soles of her shoes. “I loved the book,” she confesses. “All of the stories. I mean, I’m sorry about the- About your splits-”

“I shouldn’t have even tried with them-”

“But everything else, just…”

How does she say it?

“When- Back when, in the other timeline, and you guys were ghosts… Those stories were the kind of thing you had always wanted. You were so determined to get it, and-” She sniffles. “I’m so glad you got it.”

His lips turn downward. It’s a flash of the familiarly frustrated Luke who is trying to make a tough decision, but in this case, she doesn’t know what that decision is. All she sees is the wince at her saying it was what he wanted, and how happy she was that he got it, and-

A conceited part of her contemplates if he’s about to correct her, tell her that life hasn’t been great, say that he would have rather had it differently; but he doesn’t want her to think her sacrifice was for nothing. 

Oh, God, please say he’s happy. She doesn’t think she could handle anything less. 

“It’s thanks to you,” he responds instead, gulping down any more that threatens to come up. “You saved me.” Beat. “Are- Are you happy? Is everything in this timeline okay?”

Well, in her head, not exactly. Of course she still had her dad and brother and Flynn, but Sunset Curve never stayed together, she erased Carrie’s entire existence, and everything felt just a little tilted on its axis. Julie felt like a stranger in a world of her own creation. 

She yearned for the days back in Wonderland where everyone belonged. They were a little scarred and a little broken, but they were home. Her house from the original 2020 timeline was her home. Luke was her home, and he was right in front of her; the only security blanket she has right now. 

Once again, she finds herself bursting into tears and wanting so badly to reach out to him, to give him a hug and tell him she wishes that she stayed in bed in Wonderland with him forever. She wants to jump back down the black hole and go back to 1995 when things made more sense than they did now and Luke could be hers again; and not a distant love that could never materialize in the present. 

Julie, miraculously, holds herself back. But watching Luke’s hands flinch at the sight of her crying doesn’t make things easier. 

“Please don’t cry.” His voice is a whisper but the words hit with a force that almost buckles her knees. “Julie, please, take a deep breath.”

She takes in a breath that makes her lungs expand into her ribs. “I’m happy,” she lies through her teeth as she breathes out slowly. “I’m happy. We’re happy.”

“Good.” 

Tears are running down his face. She recalls a time where it was easy for her to hold his face and swipe under his eyes with her thumbs until there were no more tears for her to kiss away. 

In unison, they clear their throats and shift their eyes. The air changes; they know they’re in a public place again, and Luke is an adult musician, and he’s with a fan. He holds his hand up, the one that has the book, and shakes it a little back and forth. 

“Flynn said you wanted this signed?”

A watery smile blooms on her face in spite of the bitter moment. “Yeah,” she nods. “Thought it could be another memento.”

To put emphasis on the idea, she lifts up onto her tiptoes and tilts her voice up. Make it a more positive moment. Don’t dwell. Stop crying. 

You can’t change things now. 

Luke pops the cap off with his teeth, and toys around with it in his mouth like it’s one of his marked-up guitar picks as he holds the book open and scribbles something (probably illegible) on the inside of the front cover. 

Then, once he’s done there, he starts flipping the pages around like he knows where every detail of the story is and marks up certain pages with… Something. She doesn’t know. After he’s made his wanted notes, he writes something out on the last page before firmly shutting it and returning it to her possession. 

“Thank you,” she smiles simply as she pulls the book from his hands and carefully assures that their hands don’t overlap. If she touches him, she falls apart. 

Luke hums in response. 

Stupidly, Julie decides that moment to open up the book and see what he wrote while he’s standing right in front of her. But she isn’t thinking about him, or looking at him -- she’s looking at the inside cover. 

We were always meant to find each other. Don’t forget that - please. 

Yours,

Luke

When a tear drops on the page, she quickly turns farther into the book because she doesn’t want her feelings to ruin his beautiful, even if messy, words. These words are all she’ll have after today. 

The few pages in the book that he made notes on were just little things that she never knew she needed to hear. 

The chapter about his first sold out stadium show? Thought of you the whole time

When he heard he was nominated for a Grammy? Wanted to call you first

The night he won his first Grammy? Almost thanked you in my speech

The last page he wrote on was the Acknowledgements page. Unsurprisingly, it wasn’t that long. Luke kept a core circle of people and that was that. But below that short list, in bold, black letters:

To Julie Molina, who sacrificed everything so that I could be able to tell these stories. I wish she could have been a part of them. 

Her tears slip from her face so clear and quickly that she’s surprised her tear ducts are generating such a mass amount. The words replay in her head, in Luke’s voice, over and over. The affirmation that he wanted her with him all this time. 

But she had to go again. This had to be a one-time thing. This hurt too much for her to put either of them through it again, and besides -- now she had closure in his own writing; with her tears notarizing each word. 

“It’s time, Julie,” she mutters to herself. “It’s time.”

To say goodbye. Again. 

But Luke never answers. It’s dead silent, even though cars should be racing on the road behind them. When she looks up, Luke is frozen to the spot. Everything is, except her. 

“Time is a funny thing isn’t it? Just when you think you have a handle on it, it manages to surprise you.” 

It’s Willie, but not actually Willie. The one who was giving her the clues and trying to lead her in directions all over 1995; the one who she hasn’t seen in a really, really long time. For a moment, she doesn’t believe it. 

But he tells her that fate is in her hands. This is her choice. And despite the doubt that lingers uneasily in her chest, she can’t help but be desperate for this to be real. 

“Why not you? Who better than Julie Molina? Teenage girl with a good heart and music in her soul. Braver than most. Why not you?” 

Julie jumped across time to save her boys, and now she is willing to make the trip again if it means there’s a chance of saving them all. 

But there’s one more thing she wants to do. Just before everything either is perfect again or goes to complete shit. 

Spinning away from Willie, she takes a second glance at Luke’s still frame and softens her face into a smile. He had been looking down at her while she was reading his notes with tears in his eyes and a sad grin on his face. 

No one is looking or judging anymore -- so she stands on her toes and throws her arms around his neck, squeezing him close even if he can’t hug her back. She’s been dying to do this since she saw him in the bookstore. 

And it feels like coming home. 

“I’ll find you again,” she whispers into his ear that probably isn’t listening. “I promise.”

And without any more hesitation, she turns back to Willie with her chin up and shoulders back. 

“What do I have to do?”

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The book never finds its way back to her the way that the bear does or the way that the ring does. 

But that’s okay, because the bookstore does, and she’s with Luke when she registers that they are walking by the bookstore on their way to meet everyone at one of their favorite diners. 

By now, Luke had been told everything. She felt herself starting to fall in love with this third Luke just as she had all the others, but could never tell if he was falling back in love with her. Julie found herself -- while this timeline was infinitely better than the old one -- pining for Luke to come back to her and love her like he did in two other lifetimes. 

Their hands were brushing each other’s on the sidewalk when the bookstore sign met her eyes. 

“Jules?” 

Her feet are glued to the cement; her eyes are glued to the alleyway. Luke approaches behind her and lays a hesitant hand on her shoulder. 

“Jules, are you- Is everything okay?”

“Can we take a detour, really quick?”

And suddenly, he’s letting her lace her fingers through his and pull him through traffic -- no crosswalk in sight -- across the street to stand in front of a bookstore that has zero meaning to him whatsoever. Julie selfishly revels in his calluses rubbing her knuckles and doesn’t make a move to let go unless he will. 

He doesn’t. At least, until they hit the alleyway.

“Julie, what is this place? Why are we out here? Is this… Did I like it here, or something?”

They never spoke much about the Luke’s of other timelines. Julie quickly caught onto the fact that he got uncomfortable when she talked about guys with his name and face that he knew virtually nothing about even though he felt pressured to know everything. 

But he dealt with her when she had moments like these. She never thanked him properly for it.

“It wasn’t like that,” she shakes her head, “we were here in the other 2020. The one where you were older, and this huge Grammy-winning solo musician. The one that was a result of what I did in 1995.”

The exit door is still rusty on the hinges. The brick is the same shade of red, and-

“Okay… And? What did you guys do?”

His use of third person is a clear message. “Him and I had made this promise in ‘95 that we wouldn't find each other, right?” “Because he would be old.”

“Yeah. But he published this book and had a whole signing tour called Find Me, and Flynn told me we should go, and… Basically, I had a mental breakdown at seeing him, and then he came back here and signed the book for me, and we talked, and-”

Her voice cracks. Her eyes feel wet. 

Fuck. 

Can’t she make it one timeline without sobbing in an alleyway?

A familiar hand rubs up and down her back as she stares, firmly, at the spot where her and Luke were so vividly standing and talking and pining for the other. 

“Jules, hey, look at me.” 

Because it’s Luke -- because it’s her Luke -- she listens to him, and rotates to face him. The soft fabric of his shirt hits her cheeks as he presses his fingers into the cotton and lifts his hand to wipe the tears from her face in a gesture that tempts her to cry more. Instead, she tries to laugh it off. “God, I really need to stop having meltdowns in alleyways, huh?” He stays quiet; looking at her in a recognizable Luke way that reminds her of all of their loving times in other lives. But she can’t get her hopes up. “I’m sorry. I know you don’t like when I talk about it. Sometimes I just-”

“You need to,” he nods. “I get it.”

Her feet are planted identically where they were in alternate-2020. But Luke is in a different spot, because this is a new Luke. One that’s right in front of her, lightly holding her arms; not one that’s a few feet out of reach. 

“He told me that we would always find each other.” Her voice is watered down, and quiet, but Luke is close enough to hear it. 

“Well, he was right, wasn’t he? We did it. For like, the fourth time, according to you.”

And then, she’s hit with a Luke Patterson smile. She sees it all of the time now but it never gets old because he’s young, and he’s happy, and he’s here. 

Her lips turn up to reflect it, and in a shocking turn of events: Luke instigates the hug. 

They are nearly best friends, so they’ve hugged before. But this one is different. 

His arms fold around her shoulders and tug her close and snug into his chest so that his chin is nearly resting on her hair. This leaves her able to press him close to her with her arms wrapped tightly and lovingly around his waist -- almost, dare she say it, like he was a teddy bear. 

“I never said I’m sorry,” he murmurs into her forehead. “Or thank you, for that matter.” “For what?” “I’m sorry you went through so much for me. For us. It still affects you a lot and I’m sorry you have to carry that alone.” His chest rises and falls under her cheek as he takes a deep breath, and she doesn’t think she’ll ever get tired of feeling him breathe or hearing his heartbeat. “And thank you for loving us enough to do it. You sacrificed a lot.”

She is too choked up to verbally comment -- but she squeezes him tighter, almost tempting her arms to swish through him. 

They don’t. 

And Luke continues talking after a moment of a peaceful silence. “It’s kind of cool, though, for me to think about this person I have in the universe. You know? The whole thing with us finding each other. I always have you, no matter where I am. You’ll be out there.”

“Always,” she sighs into his chest, because she can’t help it. It took them a few tries, but here they are: In the same timeline, with full family and friends and lives, in a reciprocated hug. 

“Always.” Luke repeats the word, almost feeling it out in his mouth. “Well, thanks for doing it again. Maybe let me do the work next time. You need a break.”

God, this Luke is always so good at making her laugh. Ghost-Luke was, too, but the other Luke’s and her were always swept up in emotionally-taxing situations for her to be laughing like she could when she was with this Luke. 

It was almost as if this one had practice. Maybe those other lives were kicking in.

He was her final Luke, hopefully. 

As she props her chin up on his chest, she gives him the widest grin she’s worn all day. “I would appreciate that. Just don’t take too long.” Her forehead nuzzles itself into his neck as she settles herself back into his arms; fully content to be wrapped up in him for as long as he will let her stay. “I’ll get worried.”

A soothing hand over her hair is all the confirmation she needs. 

“Don’t worry, Boss. I’ll be there.”

#jatp #julie and the phantoms #juke #jukebox #jatp fanfic #juke fanfic #we found wonderland

[hongism]

mists of celeste ➻ 37.5

➻ characters: yeosang, wooyoung, yunho ➻ genre: space au, pirate au, space pirate!ateez, angst ➻ word count: 3.6k ➻ rating: M ➻ warnings: language, violence, guns and weaponry, blood, future warnings tba chapter specific warnings: past abuse and dubious consent are discussed - no graphic depictions of any of the above, depictions of piercings and needles. this interim deals with heavy topics relating to a whorehouse and it is not required to read this interim to understand the rest of the story. it is an optional chapter as all interims are, so please skip over this one if you are not comfortable with the warnings tagged ➻ summary: Sneaking aboard the ship of a renowned space pirate may not have been the best idea, but you’ll have to make do with what fate has handed to you

⇐ previous | next ⇒ | masterlist

✧✧✧ act five ➻ part 4.5

​​​​

“I’d like you to give me more piercings.”

“I—” 

The blunt statement catches Yunho a bit off-guard, moreso than he would like to admit, and as much as he tries to hide that shock, it still slips through nonetheless. He blinks back at Wooyoung with some wonder in his eyes, enough to make the other man tilt his head in question. Yeosang stands beside him as well though the Elitist’s eyes remain unfocused and noncommittal. It’s been quite some time since Yunho gave Wooyoung any piercings — god, how long has it been? Two years? Maybe three? Surely that can’t be right… — and the doctor is absolutely no stranger to the reasons why Wooyoung would be asking for such a thing now. However, because he tries to be a good and fair doctor, Yunho never goes through with the piercings unless he and Wooyoung have talked things through. 

And by that, he means therapy, basically. Checking in on where Wooyoung is at mentally and emotionally before doing anything drastic. Yet that also brings more challenges than anything else because out of everyone Yunho has ever treated in his years being a doctor, Wooyoung is by far the more difficult. He doesn’t like talking about himself, his experiences, his feelings; he despises the thought of sharing intimate and vulnerable parts of himself outside of Yeosang, but according to the Elitist, it’s near impossible to get Wooyoung to speak even when it’s just the two of them together. 

Yunho would call it a phenomenon of trauma but frankly, it makes a perfect amount of sense.

Given what Wooyoung has been through and experienced — between being a slave and suffering at the hands of not one but two cruel masters — Yunho truly cannot blame the young man for being so hesitant to talk about his feelings. But, as he said, he knows vaguely how Wooyoung must be feeling if he is coming to Yunho for more piercings now.

“You hardly have any room left on those ears for more piercings, Woo,” Yunho comments through a slightly strained smile. Wooyoung opts to simply wave a hand through the air in response. Yeosang glares at the floor. “Take a seat.”

There is a large amount of struggle in this for Yunho. On one hand, he wants to be firm, stand his ground, and say absolutely not until Wooyoung opens up a little. On the other side of things, Yunho understands that this is what Wooyoung needs to cope with whatever trauma he experienced while being held captive. Yunho doesn’t know all the details, of course, he merely knows that Wooyoung was held in a cell on a ship with San and Mingi for several days before being sold to a whorehouse in Lynder. Then he stayed a few days in that whorehouse. He no doubt had to work against his will, no doubt gave in and didn’t fight what he was told to do even though he didn’t want it, and it no doubt brought back horrid memories from his time as a slave. Yunho isn’t stupid. Such a thing would be taxing for anyone.

The other thing Yunho is grossly over aware of is the fact that pain, to Wooyoung, is nothing. He still has a hard time wrapping his brain around that. Wooyoung… feels pain to a certain degree like any other person would but he has conditioned himself into not feeling it the way others might. The slice of a knife against his arm would be nothing but a pinch of a needle on his skin and wouldn’t bother him one bit; all it is to him is a small pinprick. He asks people to go harder on him when sparring. He punches closed fists against his thighs when he’s upset. He enjoys getting piercings after going through something that would otherwise be traumatic for others. Because it doesn’t hurt. Yunho recalls asking once about it because at the time he didn’t understand that either.

“Why do you ask for piercings as though you want to be hurt? If you don’t really feel that pain? What do you gain from it in that case?”

“Because it’s a pain that I get to choose. All my life I’ve been subjected to pains that are not my own doing or that I didn’t ask for. But in asking for a piercing and choosing where it will go and when it will happen… I get to choose that pain. Getting to have that after suffering pains I didn’t want feels liberating in a way. I enjoy it, as bad as that sounds. It helps me cope with what I’ve been through. Like, for every pain they force on me, I choose a new piercing. Eye for an eye but… on myself, I suppose?”

“Where would you like them?” Yunho inquires, shifting over to shuffle through his cabinets in search of his needles and barbells. “Just one or are we doing more than that?”

“Two this time, I think,” Wooyoung hums as he sits down on the edge of the first bed in his vicinity. Yeosang falls down on the bed next to him without a noise, still staying silent even though Yunho can clearly see how much this bothers him. Which part of it bothers him exactly is a mystery to Yunho because it could be any combination of things. The doctor wants to ask Yeosang if he’s okay with this but that would be a tragic mistake on his part so he bites his tongue instead. It would seem too much like giving Yeosang all the power in Wooyoung’s decisions, and doing such a thing to a former slave would only be detrimental to long-term progress. Besides, he doesn’t need the verbal confirmation when he can clearly see how much Yeosang does not want Wooyoung to do this.

Yunho’s hand hesitates over his growing collection of piercing rods, and he glances back at Wooyoung once more.

“Where are you wanting them?”

“Nipples!” The combination of Wooyoung’s blatant enthusiasm as well as Yeosang’s far too deadpan expression sends Yunho reeling, and he chokes around nothing but air before truly processing Wooyoung’s request. 

“A-Ah, I see, of course. One moment,” Yunho murmurs, blinking down at his collection with a bit of bewilderment before picking out what he thinks to be the right size barbells. He’s not unfamiliar with these sorts of piercings — ones on the body that is — and he has found himself well acquainted with certain body parts of the crew to a point where he is no longer uncomfortable with doing things like this for them. Wooyoung is one of the few (the others being Yeosang, Seonghwa, and Y/N) who Yunho is not well acquainted with in that way, however, so this does come as a bit of a surprise. “Your shirt… would you mind taking it off?” Wooyoung strips himself of his top in the next second, and Yunho watches the way the fabric catches on his metal collar before springing loose. Then his eyes settle on the expanse of freshly exposed skin. It elicits a sharp gasp from Yeosang as well, one that Yunho matches in intensity because… well. Yeah. Yunho isn’t sure how to phrase what comes to his mind then. 

“Wooyoung,” Yeosang exhales as he balls his fists around the sheets. Wooyoung stares forward at Yunho with a certain expectancy, like he’s challenging the doctor to not breathe a word about the sight before him, but Yunho would rather lose that challenge right now.

There are… bruises against Wooyoung’s waist. Vaguely shaped like large, manly hands that press the outlines of fingers into his tanned skin. They wrap about the young man’s lithe waist and leave little to the imagination about what sort of scenario and position Wooyoung must have been in when receiving such bruises. The sweeping sensation in Yunho’s gut is so strong that it nearly makes him sick on the spot. Yeosang just looks angry at this point, and Yunho cannot blame him all too much for that. With a sigh, the doctor sinks onto his stool and presses closer to the bed until his knees bump against Wooyoung’s. 

“Wooyoung, we need to talk about… this.” Yunho motions to the other’s torso, unable to peel his gaze off the ugly marks. 

“What is there to talk about?” Wooyoung sounds almost genuine when asking the question. “We all know the nature of working in a whorehouse. There’s nothing to discuss.”

“That’s not — you didn’t — Wooyoung.” Yunho may or may not be bordering on desperation when he exhales this time. He has dealt with a lot of different scenarios and situations as a doctor, but something of this degree is far out of his wheelhouse. 

“I asked them to be rough,” Wooyoung admits through a whisper so quiet that Yunho at first thinks he misheard what the man said.

“W-What was that?” 

“I said I asked them to be rough.” Wooyoung’s repetition doesn’t make it any easier to hear. Almost worse. Definitely worse. “I told them to rough me up a little, make me hurt some, I asked them to treat me that way.”

Yunho spares a pleading glance in Yeosang’s direction, hoping that the man will have some insight on this part of Wooyoung since that is far from Yunho’s specialty. He doesn’t know… intimate details about Yeosang and Wooyoung’s more physical relationship, but Yeosang would surely be the person to ask for confirmation about this side of the man. Instead of a small nod of approval or some sign that this is normal, all Yunho sees is a horrid scowl.

“You — did you want them to be this rough with you?” Yunho asks, tone falling into a more quiet one now.

“I asked them to make me hurt, Yunho.”

“That wasn’t the question, Wooyoung. Did you want them to do that?”

“I came here to get my fucking nipples pierced, not to be interrogated pointlessly,” Wooyoung snaps back. This time he pushes some venom into his tone but it rolls off Yunho’s shoulders without sticking one bit. “I like pain during sex. I like when Yeosang pushes me around and hits me some even when I’m fully in control. I barely feel it anyways so why should it matter at all? Now are you gonna do this or not because I’m sure I can do it myse—”

Wooyoung moves to push up off the bed and make for the door but Yeosang is quicker to wrap his hand around Wooyoung’s wrist and pull him back without a word.

“Did they do anything you didn’t want?” The Elitist asks through tightly gritted teeth.

The hesitation and silence speak volumes, Yunho is hurdling towards a conclusion he does not want to hear, and he is ready to cry by the time Wooyoung finally opens his mouth and answers the question.

“No, they didn’t. I got lucky. I got fucking lucky, Yeosang. All my clients in those days were fucking kind and only did what I told them they could because the workers knew I was fresh meat. They knew people like me needed to be treated gently for the first few weeks so they only sent clients with good and safe track records to my room. Those clients only ever did what I told them to, only did what I said was okay, didn’t touch me if I said no. I got lucky.” Wooyoung spits the words like he hates himself for speaking them, and Yunho thinks somewhere in the back of his mind that the man was not as lucky as he says he was. He should be relieved, grateful even that he got lucky, but he only sounds enraged. 

“Were there…” Yunho starts but his question dies a bit early on his tongue. He swallows around nothing, pulling a pair of latex gloves off his workstation and working his fingers into them as he mulls over his next words. When the last of the latex snaps around his wrist, he finally speaks again. “Were there ones who weren’t lucky?”

“Every fucking night after my clients left, I got to listen to the prostitute next door sob alone in a room with no one to help him. And the very first night I tried to talk to him through the fucking wall and ask him if he was okay and if he was hurt, and he told me I was lucky to be fresh meat. That they would listen to me because I was new and still had some hope left in my eyes. While he didn’t get that chance, he didn’t get to dictate what he wanted or didn’t want because people just took it from him for so long that he lost the will to ask. So yeah, there were ones who didn’t get lucky. There always are.”

Yunho opens his mouth but closes it just as quick, expression a cross between blank and just flat out dumb because he doesn’t know what to say if there even is something to say.

“That’s not your fault, Wooyoung,” Yeosang says instead, but his grip on the other’s wrist releases. “What happened to him is not your fault.”

“What was it that your mother said when you picked me out of a line of slaves? That I was lucky to be picked? But why did I get to be lucky while others suffered? Why did I get to choose not to be hurt or in pain while that prostitute was stripped of that choice? We were all whores for sale in that place so what did I do to deserve being treated better than him? What did he do to deserve being treated worse?”

“Woo…” Somehow the Elitist manages to sound genuinely saddened by the words. 

“The very least I could do was ask to be treated the same as him, was it not? But I couldn’t even have the courage to ask for that? The only thing I could do was ask them to hurt me even though I knew it wouldn’t really hurt. How lucky I was, right? If I’m not hurt, then it doesn’t matter who else gets hurt in the process, does it?”

“Wooyoung.” The edge in Yeosang’s tone pushes forward, bordering on threatening, but Wooyoung is hellbent on speaking his mind right now and any threat from Yeosang won’t stop him. Yunho has the thought to intervene and stop them but he knows — he knows how badly Wooyoung needs this right now. If this will help him cope with what he had to go through then Yunho is in no place to stop him. 

If this is what he needs to make Yeosang cope with it too, then Yunho again is in no place to stop him.

“How does it feel, Yeosang? Knowing that the only reason I was hurt in there is because I asked for it? Do you still think we got lucky?”

“Don’t ask me questions you don’t want the answers to.”

“No, because if it had been you in there, things would have been different. Because you — you are lucky, Yeosang. You always have been and you always will be. Yet no matter how many times I tell you that, you still refuse it. You—” Wooyoung stabs his index finger hard against Yeosang’s chest, voice coming out a bit choked and wet now “—could have sat there for weeks and listened to that boy next door cry and sob without an ounce of sympathy. Because that’s what an Elitist would do. That what you were raised to do, that’s in your blood, how your brain works. But it’s not how mine works. So you don’t get to sit there and tell me that I made the wrong decision.” 

Perhaps Yunho is too used to conflict and gross distortions of communication because when Yeosang stands down rather than fighting back against Wooyoung’s words, he’s overwhelmed. Simply put, he is overwhelmed. He doesn’t know how else to describe the swell of emotions in his chest. But Yeosang just lets his shoulders sag and his face falls flat once more, anger ebbing out of his expression like Wooyoung has a tight grip of control over him. Yeosang isn’t a person to stand down so easily; he’s stubborn, has a short fuse and even shorter patience that causes issues more often than not, and he hates when things don’t go his way. Yunho merely assumed the same would apply to his relationship with Wooyoung. 

It doesn’t, as it seems. 

“Then what would you have me do, Wooyoung? Let you bend until you break without batting an eye? Watch as you blame yourself for something that happened to a person you didn’t even know? Who had been there well before you? Letting you torture yourself for things that are out of your control is not logical or fair; I don’t need to be an Elitist to realize that.”

“You can be as upset as you want, I don’t mind if you’re upset, that’s not what this is about!” Wooyoung argues back, voice climbing in volume a bit. Yunho takes it upon himself to lean away from the bed a bit, and he does his best to make himself seem as insignificant as possible while prepping his clamps and needles. “It doesn’t matter if it was my fault or not. What matters is that he suffered while I did not. And even asking to be hit and pushed around and bruised wasn’t enough because I was still asking for it. I’m… I’m not saying that I wanted my choice taken away — I would never ever ask for that or want that in any capacity. That’s the worst possible thing that could ever happen to a person. No one deserves that. No one. It just didn’t feel fair enough even though it was all I could do to make it feel fair. So yeah, I got fucking lucky, I guess. But he didn’t do anything to deserve to be unlucky.”

“I’m not saying that he did, Woo,” Yeosang whispers to the space between them. “I’m certain that he was a good person who got a bad hand in life, and I’m sure he deserved much better than what he was given. You always ask me to consider your thoughts and feelings on matters. You tell me that it’s because I’m an Elitist that I can’t understand you. You say I just have to accept things and move on, but you don’t — I’m not some emotionless husk, Wooyoung. Being an Elitist doesn’t make me not feel anything. Just because I think with logic more than emotion doesn’t mean that I can’t have emotions. For every fucking night you were gone from my side, I suffered too. It felt like I was losing you to the fate you wanted to fight together, and there was nothing I could do except wait. I was lucky too. Lucky that I didn’t have to wait longer or fight harder to get you back. Lucky that we got you on the first try. Lucky to have you even sitting before me now. It’s not… the reason I keep saying that we got lucky isn’t because I think everyone else in that whorehouse deserves the fate they were given. It’s because we had the chance to fight what fate gave us and took it.”

Yeosang manages a shaky exhale. He blinks down at his hands without saying anything for several moments, but doesn’t look back up at Wooyoung even when he decides to talk again.

“For the first time in over fourteen years, I didn’t get to be your shield. I wasn’t at your side. It wasn’t as simple as coming home from a mission and having you by my side, in my bed, or being in your arms. None of that was even an option because it wasn’t a mission and there was no guarantee of if you would ever come back. I have dedicated my whole life to protecting you because I promised to never let you be hurt again. So you want the answer to that question? How does it feel knowing that the only reason you were hurt in there was because you asked for it? It feels like you’re fucking spitting in my face, Wooyoung, and taunting me for my failures because I wasn’t there to stop you.”

That causes Wooyoung to backtrack in an instant. Realization sinks through his skin, and Yunho doesn’t doubt that it hurts more than any pain that he could inflict on himself. Because that’s the thing about love — it can simultaneously bring you the greatest joys in life as well as the deepest ruin.

And right now?

Yunho can clearly see the ruin in Wooyoung’s features as much as he tries to contain the emotions. Yeosang doesn’t stop there, and it’s with a small shake of his head that he lifts his chin to look Wooyoung in the eye again.

“I’m not blaming you, Wooyoung. I know the kind of person you are, I know how deeply and strongly you feel, especially towards injustices and unfairness like what that boy experienced in there. I know you did what you thought you had to, and I’m not blaming you for making those decisions. But do not ask me to love you even a fragment less than I do now. I knew a boy who was in that very same position once too. Who didn’t have a choice, who couldn’t make any decisions for himself, who didn’t get to choose his pain. I knew a boy who sat on the other side of a metal divider in a bed too small for his body and cried because of how unfair life was to him. And I promised that boy I would get him out and save him and keep him safe from harm at any and all costs. I can’t keep that promise if you won’t let me.”

The breath of silence that ensues after Yeosang speaks is thick enough to choke Yunho, and he pauses his movements in the wake of that quiet because it just feels utterly wrong to even move right now. Wooyoung is dangerously still, perhaps more still than Yunho has ever seen him before. Then a tear escapes the corner of his eye and rolls down the ball of his cheek to pool at his jawline before dropping to the bed. It breaks the dam of the frozen atmosphere, and Wooyoung careens forward to smack his fist against Yeosang’s shoulder. 

“You stupid little — how can you say cute shit with that stupid lovesick look on your face? And I’m supposed to be okay? God, I’m gonna suck the soul out of you later for that, you absolute sap. Then ride you until you cry for good mea—” 

“Um, too much information, hello!” Yunho intervenes before Wooyoung can even think about finishing the thought in front of him. “Listen, I’m all for sex but I do not need to hear those kinds of details. Just… practice safe sex and wear protection. That’s all I need to know about your sex lives, please!”

“I’m just trying to show my appreciation here,” Wooyoung argues through a wet sniff, wiping at his nose with the back of his hand.

“Yes, well, save the appreciation for later. I’m still piercing you, am I not?”

“Was that enough talking for you then?” Wooyoung offers a small laugh that sounds more pitiful than anything else, but Yunho isn’t about to call him out on such a thing. 

“You tell me, Wooyoung.” Yunho shrugs a bit and glances over to where Yeosang is sitting, watching the way the Elitist folds a hand over Wooyoung’s without hesitation. “This is about how you’re feeling and where you’re at mentally and emotionally. I’m not the person who gets to determine whether it’s enough or not.”

“No, i-its — I feel… better getting to tell someone that. And getting to reassure you guys that it wasn’t as bad as it could have been. Even if I still feel a bit of guilt about it, I know I couldn’t change it even if I tried. But yeah, talking about it — that helped.”

“I’m glad,” Yunho hums through a smile of his own. “I know you’re probably sick of hearing me say it over and over, but my door is always open if you’d like to talk more about it. That goes for both of you.”

“I’ll keep it in mind, Yun, don’t worry! But right now I’d like for you to put that needle through my nipples so I can get on with choking on Yeos—”

“Nope, okay! I’ll put this needle through your tongue to shut you up instead, how about that?”

✧✧✧ a/n: okay so!! i felt like this chapter was kinda necessary? considering what we saw wooyoung go through and i didn’t want to bury what he went through or act like it didn’t happen but bec of the heavy nature of the topics i wanted to make sure that it wasn’t absolutely crucial for anyone to read this and feel like they were missing out. these are serious things, they are important things, and as always i tried my best to represent those things as best i could and as realistically as possible to avoid any romanticizing of these topics so i hope i was able to convey that and the feelings the characters had well. please please please take care i love u all as always be safe and stay healthy !! i’ll see you guys soon with another chapter!

also it’s been a minute but this survey is always open for you guys to take whenever you like!

taglist: @faeriewoobin @sugarrimajins @atinyinwonderland @sparklychangbin @jeong-uwu @jeonartemis @anothershorthuman @xxbluestrifexx @haotheheckk @noonawriter @lostscenarios @nlost21 @mirror-juliet @okokokok123-45 @purple-aeon @theoinkypiglet @toothlessshiber @atinyarmyx1 @simpforhyunjin @hwangwoosan @softyubi @drumboydowoon @chatsgotmytongue @just-a-starfruit @babydolljo @scintillating-souls @khjssss @rawrrainn @hewwo-from-the-other-side @icekdy​ @eggteez​ @bangtanxberm​ @uglychildd​ @lucymultistan​ @revehosh​ @choistan​ @vampyrejimin​

#mists of celeste #abuse tw #blood tw #interim #not tagging as usual bc of the heavy nature of the chapter!

[the-wild-candy]

Hi there!! So I did a reading of someone of best qualities and the ones you need to work on!!

So you are someone who is able to understand the subconscious mind very well. Since you see peoples subconscious patterns very well, you expect others to understand you the same way You are someone who really sees through people and understands why they dud what they did if I make sense! You might have 12H placements. You like to stay hidden and I don't think that's a bad thing but at times when you are get close emotionally with someone, you can't expect them to be okay if you get closed off because of the stiff that happened in your past!! Allow others and even yourself to nurture and love you!!✨

Sometimes you get to much in your fears that you don't open your heart. You need to understand that for people to understand you, you need to let those curtains down.

You are someone who is very intelligent and a very good communicator. You are skilled with you works and how you present it. I think another good quality of yours is that you understand that Money requires flow. An equal give and take. It is one of your big principles. You can see the future outcome of stuff very well and not just by your intuition but your mind is also very strong too!! You are curious cat. But you need to learn to be patient about it.

The thing you need to work on is to not resist change in your life. You could be very stubborn with your mindset and you might believe that the way you think is the best. Another thing is that you are all talk but you need to take action too. You need to go after what you want. I guess you might get indecive with so many options. You are also very curious too!!

I hope this helps you and it resonates with you!!❤

My question is what career options suit me the best?? I'm applying for uni this year so I confused if that course will be good for me!! Should I do an MBA later, marketing?? Idk! Thankyou so much!! Have a great day ahead!!☀️

Hi, love!

First of all, I apologize for how long I took to give you back this exchange. I got caught up in work :( Again, I'm really sorry that you had to wait so much.

Feedback - this reading definitely resonates with me. I have always had a hard time opening up to people. The bit where you emphasized about letting the curtains down so that people can actually get to know me and understand me, phew. Ah yes, I am very curious and I need to be more patient. Equal give and take, absolutely. Oh and about 12th house placements, I have a lot of pisces in my chart if that counts. Thank you so much for reading for me! I loved it. I really appreciate the time you took to give me this exchange, let's begin with your reading!

What career options would best suit you?

I feel like you have been planning a lot for your future. You're making plans and charting a path forward towards your dreams. You can consider working for an ideal company or maybe even start up your own business. I see that your dreams are taking shape. In your suited career, you can be a bit cutthroat.

I am getting that you need to improve the way you communicate, especially in your work environment. You'll have to be more careful with sentiments and emotions of other people. Honestly, I do see you working very hard for your goals and spirit wants you to know that you'll get there if you aren't already. I heard "be proud of yourself".

Some career options which might suit you -

Career in government related jobs

Land and natural resources

I heard "taxes"

Overseas jobs/teaching in abroad

Jobs including planning and negotiations

Leadership/justice/intellectual jobs

Sales/publishing/advertising (can also include journalism) -you can thrive in these areas

Mortgage broker

Actor/entertainer

Charity/social work

(Note - since we have the knight of pentacles in reverse here, I would not suggest going for action oriented jobs such as a doctor, jobs related to war correspondence, gaming, computers, etc)

I feel like you are a very diligent person, thus you have high standards (specifically towards your goals). You are/will be highly dedicated and committed to your work. You are wither gonna learn a new skill soon or you are already learning one.

Work on it, it can be fruitful. Again, keep your skills sharp but remain soft and generous so that you don't come off as someone who's gonna get work done by this or that. If you're currently studying, you might impress people around you by your talent.

Should you do an MBA later?

Yes.

Now if I specifically talk about marketing here, I got the page of swords which is all about being curious and having that energy to learn more and more. You're bright and you're alert. You barely ever get out of ideas. You've got sharp tongue and a quick wit. Innovative, intelligent and ambitious.

Since this card is a page, it does point towards some sort of apprenticeship, or a new experience, college/uni, a new/starting career path, etc. You're also likely to have some extra education or experience in order to reach the goals you have been yearning for. All you have to do this focus on the skills you have been developing at this early stage and the way you communicate.

I also feel that you'll have a very kind and compassionate mentor along the way. Someone who is gonna be a great advisor. Balancing emotional, practical and logical needs. It might seem that you aren't done with the battles yet. You're half way through faces all these challenges and they will end soon. If you are facing any sort of trouble in your career path, you have to know that its temporary.

Maybe your workload is a bit too much right now. Don't worry, its gonna lighten up soon. Overall, I see you flourishing in your career because of your concentration, hardwork and organised approach. I am again going to emphasize about having a senior, a mentor, a boss, or someone more authrotiave than you, at the moment who is gonna guide you. I am pretty sure about it. You are going to learn how to be more efficient and disciplined if you haven't already.

That's all I am getting for you, boo. I would really appreciate a feedback. Thank you for letting me read for you! 🤍

#sunisglowing #exchange reading <3

[moonlightsanctuary]

Kuvira x Reader The Christmas Conundrum Part I

SOOOO it has been a while. So sorry this is late, had a lot of crazy stuff happen to me and this should have been out since Christmas but unfortunately i ended up sick with COVID, and a bunch of other health issues. So i am just now posting this. It ended up being so long that i had to split it up into two parts. With that being said special shout out to @ellsss and @goldfyshie927 for their honest feed back and encouragement. They is cool peeps you should go check out their blogs. This fic was suppose to be for a commission for special someone but we fell out of contact. @kuvirasrubberducky hopefully this finds you well and i hope you are taking care of yourself. 

Disclaimer: As always there will be smut so you have warned! -.-

Summary: After returning to Zaofu under the care and guardianship of Suyin Beifong, You and Kuvira have to readjust to your old life before the earth empire. Although Kuvira has proven her worth and dedication to try to amend the damage and pain she has caused she still feels alienated from the Beifongs. The reader tries to help Kuvira face the deeper issue at hand and help reconcile somethings she has long kept hidden from the world including Suyin and you. Will your plan of attending Suyin’s Christmas celebration go smoothly or will the curse of the Beifong family drama hit its peak and become a melting pot from a very salty Beifong who refuses to forgive and move on? Find out for yourselves! Set after Ruins of the Empire. 

Kuvira X Reader - The Christmas Conundrum Part I

It was the most wonderful time of the year. You watched the citizens of Zaofu go about their day preparing for Christmas. Decorations lined every street corner and shops, garland decorated every lamp post, and colorful lights glimmered in every snow-covered pine tree. You clung to your coat tightly, feeling a cold breeze blow past you as snow drifted down from the sky coating the land in a serene winter ambiance.  Yes, it was the most wonderful time of the year, but not for everyone…especially not for Kuvira.

Since the reunification process and the downfall of the earth empire, things have not been easy for the former great uniter. From the time the two of you were put on house arrest under the care of Suyin Beifong, the transition from total freedom to full restriction has been a very troubling and taxing situation for the both of you. The relationship between Kuvira and Suyin was very rocky but both seem to have come to some sort of common ground. Though Suyin and Kuvira had gotten better and the two seemed to have learned to be cordial around each other didn’t mean that the two were fully amended. The relationship was far from what one would call normal. Suyin and Kuvria would still interact in a way that was very awkward or tense. Almost as if they were both walking on a very cold and thin layer of ice. Regardless, you remained by her side since the very beginning and nothing has changed since the day you joined her cause. You loved her, and no matter what the two of you have been through over the years, nothing has changed.

It was the first time in three years Kuvira had been back with the Beifongs for Christmas. Suyin, a person who was always known for her grand gestures decided to host a celebration for the upcoming holidays. Suyin had taken it upon herself to send out invitations to almost anyone who was a close friend of the matriarch including her half-sister Lin Beifong. You expected Avatar Korra and her girlfriend, the Future Industry CEO Asami Sato to make an appearance as well. This celebration would certainly be very interesting, you thought to yourself growing increasingly worried about what tonight’s events would have in store for you.

You were both welcomed back to the Beifong household and given personal invites from Suyin herself for tonight’s event. You were grateful for the invite knowing full well that Suyin was doing her best to offer an olive branch but you couldn’t help but wonder what her intentions were. As the hours grew close you felt the dread building up inside you that grew stronger as time passed. You knew you were both in for an awkward situation and wouldn’t be surprised if tonight’s events would be emotionally draining on both you and Kuvira. You began to mentally steel yourself for tonight’s events, hoping and praying that everything went smoothly.

When you returned to the Beifong estate you immediately noticed the change in the atmosphere from its usual peaceful operations to the frantic movements and panic as both guards and servants shuffled past you in a hurry. You assumed the Beifong household servants and guards were bustling about getting ready for the party. You walked past the entrance hall, heading towards the parlor.  You paused as an orderly carrying a large box nearly knocked into you. Quickly, you stepped aside to allow them room to slip past you. After the orderly mumbled an apology before rushing away you proceeded to enter the parlor. At the center of the chaos stood the matriarch of the clan herself Suyin Beifong.

Suyin stood at the foot of a tall pine tree with her back to you as she mulled over the tree’s decorations. You approached the matriarch carefully, watching as Suyin used her metal bending to put up last-minute decorations on the tree.

You stood quietly behind Suyin watching her use her bending to take out a large metal star from a colorful box. Suyin held it in the air and turned her attention back to the tree, looking it over carefully. You eyed the star, astonished by its beauty. The design was simple yet elegant. With unique carvings that covered the entire surface of the star and jewels that lined the outer edge. At the very center of it was a star-shaped ruby. It seemed to glisten from the Christmas lights that were wrapped around the branches of the tree. Suyin hoisted it up higher in the air, playing with the weight of it as she maneuvered it up to the top. Very gently and with much concentration she settled it at the very top of the tree, carefully setting it down and making sure the branches would hold its weight. Once she was convinced that the decorative piece was secure Suyin released it from her hold, letting her arm fall to her waist.  It was quite a sight to see, just admiring the beauty of the tree put you more in the Christmas spirit that was almost nonexistent up until now.

You took a step forward to get a better look at the decorations. The gold garland that wrapped around the tree made the Scarlet and gold ornaments appear vibrant. Silver metal candy canes and pine cones also hung from its branches. The metal was smooth and reflective causing the ornaments to sparkle from the nearby Christmas lights. It was breathtaking, there were no other words to describe it.

“It’s so beautiful…” You said out loud, not hearing yourself speak. You watched as the matriarch flinched from your words, turning quickly on her heels to meet your gaze that was still fixated on the tree. It seemed the older woman was not aware of your presence despite her seismic abilities.

“Oh, Y/N!” Suyin said, pressing a hand to her chest to ease her already fried nerves. “I didn’t hear you come in.”

You turned to address the matriarch, noticing how she looked a little worn and weary. You assumed the stress was caused by the intense preparation of tonight's events and believed it was beginning to eat away at her. That was Suyin. If it wasn’t up to her standards then it just wasn’t worth it. You had to give the older woman props, the amount of time, effort, and dedication she put towards her projects were quite impressive. Accepting only the very best and nothing less than that. It’s no wonder Kuvira was so dedicated and hardworking. Suyin must have pushed her hard as her protégé. It made you wonder what life was really like for Kuvira growing up. Up to this point, you only heard the few scant stories that Kuvira had shared with you.

“I’m sorry I didn’t mean to startle you.” You quickly cut in after realizing you were staring. “I was just watching you put up the decorations and I have to say the tree looks marvelous!”

At this Suyin breathed a deep sigh. Detecting an undertone of worry, you couldn’t help but raise an eyebrow at the older woman. “Is everything ok?”

“With me yes, everything is fine but I can’t help but worry about…” Suyin trailed off, causing you to stare at her with brows knitted in concern.

“Worry about...what?” You pressed, genuinely curious.

“Well... worried about getting everything prepared for tonight before my guests arrive. there are still some things I need to address such as the menu and the entertainment. Lin should have been here already, but her travels were delayed from the approaching snowstorm. So she said she will be here in a few hours.” Suyin sighed at the unfortunate news. She hoped that the storm wasn't too serious but knew Lin could take care of herself. In an attempt to take her mind off her stress she diverted the topic. “I hope you and Kuvira will be there.”

You turned to meet the Matriarch eye’s, the exhaustion evident on her features, but you could see the concern she withheld. “I plan on being there, however, I can't say the same for Kuvira…”

Suyin frowned, turning her attention to the tree, her shoulders sagged at your statement, as if your statement confirmed her fears. “I really want Kuvira to be there, it would mean the world to me. But…” Su grew quiet, her sight fixated on the tree.

Despite her appearance, you could see that Suyin’s mind was somewhere else. “Su…?” You said, trying to revert her attention back to the conversation.

Suyin cast her eyes to the ground. You noticed her hesitation to speak. For someone like Suyin, the behavior was rather odd. She was always quick to speak her mind, not caring what people thought about her. It was an admirable trait but also a flaw of hers.

“I am trying Y/N…” Suyin finally spoke after a few moments of silence.

Instinctively you took a step closer to her, careful to keep enough distance so you didn't feel like you were trying to invade her space. It was more out of care and concern than invasive.

“What do you mean?” you asked gently.

Suyin turned to meet your gaze, you could see the confliction flittered across her face as she spoke. “I know Kuvira has never been one for family gatherings. I mean how could she? Just look at what her parents had instilled in her at such a young age… and I’m afraid… I’ve only added to it.” Suyin turned away from you, it seemed that she was too ashamed to even look you in the eyes. “It’s no wonder she doesn't completely hate me… I wouldn’t be surprised if she did...”

You noticed Suyin’s expression hardened, the idea that Kuvira had possible feelings of underlying hatred towards her was eating away at her. Though Suyin was well versed at keeping her emotions in check, the suppressed hurt you saw behind those emerald green eyes betrayed what the older woman was truly feeling and trying to keep hidden.

“Oh, Su… She doesn’t hate you.  How could she? You were the only mother she has ever known.” You said in hopes to help quell her fears. “I know things haven't been easy for the two of you since we were placed under your care to serve our sentences, but hate is not something I think she feels towards you. I just think... these things take time.”

“How could she not!?!” Suyin rounded on you. The action was so abrupt it caused you to take a step back, afraid that your words of comfort had accidentally upset her.  “I had just as much as a part to play in her actions and for what? If I just listened to her and not brush her off… involved her more with the family - treated her more like a daughter?” Su spoke quickly, trying her best to rationalize Kuvira’s behavior and her direct involvement.

“Honestly I think she is angrier at herself at this point.” You spoke up, feeling that it was necessary. “She blames herself for what happened.” It has nothing to do with you.”

“Then why do I get the feeling that it does?” Suyin asked you, trying to make sense of everything.  Her eyes burned with raw emotion. “It's been months since the two of you were brought under my care and yet she is still distant with everyone, including me. She doesn't talk to me the same way she used to. She hardly eats with us, and when she does she doesn’t even bother talking to anyone. I can barely get her to hold a conversation with me that is not related to the weather or how she is doing... I had hoped that by inviting her it would show that I’m trying to reach out to her- that I’m trying to bring her into my family. I just… I don’t know what else to do.” Suyin seemed legitimately distressed as she spoke.

You stepped forward, placing your hand on Suyin’s shoulder, squeezing gently. “It’s not you Su.” You said softly, trying to reassure her that she was not the problem. “Kuvira is at the point where the guilt is just weighing heavy on her.” You paused, taking a moment to ponder how much information you wanted to share without getting too deep into details. You knew Kuvira was rather autonomous and preferred to deal with her own issues herself. You wanted to respect that.

“Kuvira is just caught up in her own emotions. I can barely get her to talk to me so believe me it's not one-sided. She’s…” You trailed off debating whether to tell Suyin or not, hoping the information you were about to share wasn’t too much... You knew if Kuvira was here she would object. At the same time as Kuvira’s guardian, you felt that Suyin needed to know. “Su, She’s… she’s been crying in her sleep… she’s been having nightmares.”

“Kuvira’s having nightmares again?” Suyin interrupted, her eyes widening. You could tell that she wanted to press you for information. You were worried you may have swung open the door for her to do just that. Instead, Suyin pursed her lips and knitted her eyebrows, her eyes searching your face for answers.

“Yes, she has.” You reaffirmed, hoping that she didn’t begin to drill you with questions you knew you couldn’t answer. “I really shouldn’t be sharing this with you but as our guardian, I feel that this was something you should be aware of.”

“No, of course. I’m sorry, I don’t mean to pry. I appreciate you telling me, I just… I’m worried about her.” Said Suyin, doing her best to keep her voice leveled from her growing concern. “She’s had night terrors growing up, mostly about her parents. I didn’t think she still had them.”

“Well she gets them every so often but they have been rather frequent as of late. I have noticed that Kuvira tends to get like this around the holidays.”

“Well, Kuvira has never been fond of the holidays. From what I've noticed over the years they seem to get her depressed. Probably stemming from her abandonment.” Suyin took a deep breath to help her relax before addressing you again, “You don't have to worry Y/N. I won’t tell her anything. You have my word.” Suyin said firmly.

At Suyin’s reassurance, you breathe a sigh of relief, grateful that Su was not being intrusive. “I appreciate that, thank you.”

“I appreciate you being honest with me. You and I both know how Kuvira can be about these things. Though I have noticed that she has been looking rather… exhausted lately. I had asked if everything was ok, but she brushed it off as if it wasn’t anything important. I should have known better… Kuvira has a habit of undermining her problems.”

You couldn’t help but chuckle in agreement, knowing Suyin spoke with such accuracy. “Ain’t that the truth. It would take a rope and a sledgehammer to get anything out of that thick skull of hers. I swear she is so stubborn sometimes.” You shook your head, “I wish she wasn’t though. It’s not helping her and I think deep down she knows that.”

“Please!” Suyin scoffed, fixating you with an annoyed look. “I’ve been trying to break through those platinum metal walls that she surrounds herself with for years. You might as well grab a plasma saw and start drilling with me.” A small smile appeared on Suyin’s lips.

You laughed at Suyin’s statement. You knew it was in jest but had to admit the matriarch’s words held much truth. The sounds of footsteps scurrying in caught both of your attention, you turned around to see a guard rushing in. He stopped abruptly and stood at attention waiting for Suyin to address him.

“Is there something wrong?” Suyin asked the guard with a raised eyebrow.

“Madam Beifong, an airship belonging to the Republic City’s chief of police, has been spotted by the watchtower. Do we have permission to allow them to land?” The guard asked rather stiffly.

Suyin’s eyes lit up. “Lin’s here? I thought she would be longer. Yes, I grant permission. I will be there momentarily to meet with her.”

With that being said the guard saluted before turning on his heel and running back out from the direction he came in from.

“I’m sorry Y/N I have to cut this short. I need to speak with Lin. We have much to catch up on and no doubt she will want a full report on the progress the two of you have been making.”

“Oh, I understand. It’s not a problem. Besides, I need to get back to my quarters to grab a few things. I’ll see how Kuvira is faring.” You reassured Suyin.

“Thank you, Y/N. If you can talk her into coming to the party tonight it would mean the world to me. I want to see the both of you there.” Suyin said lifting her hand and placing it over yours where it rested on her shoulder, giving it a gentle reassuring squeeze.

“I will figure out what to will do with Kuvira. I might try to have a private chat with her over tea or something later when this is all over. I’ll have some chamomile tea brewed for her and sent to her quarters, later on, to help settle her nerves. Hopefully, it will help with the sleep problems for the time being until we find the underlying cause.”

“That sounds like a plan.” You smiled in agreement. You turned to walk away to leave Suyin to meet with the chief of police when a hand shot out to seize yours. You stopped, turning around to see Suyin smiling. “Really, Y/N... Thank you. I appreciate it.”

You nodded your head, feeling Suyin squeeze your arm gently in appreciation before she released you, arm falling back to your side. With that you took your leave, walking back to the living quarters that you shared with Kuvira. You wondered what she was up to. Knowing her probably some rigorous dance routine or bending forms.

When you entered your quarters you found Kuvira standing by the window watching the snow drifting slowly to the ground. When you closed the door you noticed her stiffening but as soon as she heard you announce that you were back you could see her visibly relax. You approached her from behind wondering what she was so focused on. She made no attempt to turn around to address you instead her gaze remained locked on the view outside the window. You breathed in a deep sigh, you hated when she got like this. Kuvira had a habit of retreating into her walls. Even worse into her head, blocking out everything and everyone, including you. Though she was physically here with you, you could tell that her mind was millions of miles away. You often wondered what went through that brain of hers. Her thoughts must have been just as complex as her emotions. It’s no wonder she frowned so much. She must be putting in a lot of mental effort to stonewall her emotions.

She was still in her nightclothes, her hair out of its usual style was tousled and unkept from sleep. It draped over her shoulders and stuck out in some areas. A clear indication that she hadn't bothered fixing it when she woke up. From the looks of things, it appeared as if she just got up moments ago. It made you wonder how long Kuvira had decided to sleep in. It wasn't like her to do so. She preferred to be on top of her rigorous daily routines but with her current behavior and her known issues with night terrors, it wasn't entirely out of the ordinary. I made the concern you managed to keep under wraps grow, mentally processing ways to try to help, but Kuvira was a stubborn one. Opting to deal with her own affairs and problems herself and pushing anyone else who tried to get close away with very few exceptions. You being one of those said exceptions.

“Hey…” You whispered, lifting a hand to place on Kuvira’s shoulder in hopes to snap her out of her trance. “Did you just get up?

You felt Kuvira stiffen under your touch but immediately began to relax. She turned to meet your eyes, noticing your face etched with worry. She sighed deeply, “About a half-hour ago.” Kuvira answered quietly, her voice still raspy from sleep.

You took a moment to study her features, her appearance looked dejected. You saw for yourself how worn and exhausted she looked, taking a mental note on how her eyes were developing dark circles. You swore the bags under her eyes were big enough to hold her dance equipment. It wasn't a good thing, to say the least. This was beginning to become a problem, a problem you would eventually need to figure out how to rectify despite Kuvira’s stubborn nature.

“Did you have another nightmare?” You asked gently.

Kuvira didn't answer you, all but gave you a silent nod in confirmation. Your hand rubbed her shoulder, trailing down the length of Kuvira’s arm, taking hold of her hand and lifting it to your lips to place a gentle kiss on her knuckles. “Do you want to talk about it?” you asked in hopes she would be willing to open up.

“No, I don't. There's no point to... It’s not going to fix anything.”

“Kuvira…” You began, trying to get her not to start minimizing her issues. It was a notorious habit, one that obviously wasn’t helping if her appearance had anything to say about her mental state. “I know that is how you might feel about it, but if there is something troubling you then you need to not keep it bottled up. It’s just going to fester until it starts to manifest itself into other problems.”

Kuvira averted her gaze from you, almost as if she was trying to retreat back into her walls but not entirely. She took a deep breath and exhaled, “I know.”

“If you don’t want to talk to me will you at least talk to someone? Have you tried reaching out to Suyin?”

You felt Kuvira tense at the very mention of the matriarch’s name. She pulled her hand free from your grasp and turned to walk to the kitchen, leaving you without an answer. You stood there baffled, not sure of what to do.

No, I’m not gonna let her brush this off easily. You groaned and began to follow after her. You turned the corner and stepped into the kitchen just as Kuvira closed the cupboard, a mug in hand. She went over to the pot of freshly brewed coffee she had just made moments before your arrival and poured herself a cup. You stood beside her, leaning against the wall waiting for her reply. “Well?”

You watched as she reached for the sugar dispenser and cream,  pouring in a generous amount. She grabbed a spoon and began stirring the contents in the mug. She was clearly trying to avoid your questioning gaze.

“No of course not.” Kuvira finally answered before lifting the mug to her lips and taking a sip. She exhaled into the mug, feeling its warmth spread throughout her body, relaxing her.

“Why not?” You asked, reaching into the cupboard for a mug to pour yourself a cup.

“Why would I?” Kuvira answered dryly. “What happens to me is my problem. Besides, it's not like Suyin cares.”

“Kuvira… You know that’s not true. You know that Suyin cares. Why else would she have welcomed you back home?”

Kuvira shrugged, taking a long drink from her coffee. “Beats me… Probably because Korra and Lin guilt-tripped her into taking me back.”

“Kuvira, She cares about you. How do you not see that? The times she’s asked how you are doing, the random things she has asked for your assistance on, inviting you to dinner? You can't sit there and tell me you haven’t noticed?.”

“What of it? Kuvira said sharply, growing more agitated by the second. “That doesn't mean anything…”

“Well if it didn't mean anything to her then why does she keep doing it? For Spirits sakes Kuvria, Suyin has been trying to reach out to you by offering an olive branch and you are choosing not to reach for it.”

“I don't know why? She didn't care before, why start now? Kuvira asked bitterly.

“You know she does. I think deep down you do too! Su just has a strange way of showing it, and though it may have not always been the right way she is still trying.” You pressed further, not allowing Kuvira to dismiss it as a frivolous matter. “She asked me about you today.”

Kuvira’s eyes lit up as she pulled her mug away from her lips, swallowing the coffee that she held in her mouth hard. “She did?” She asked, surprised by your statement.

You took a drink from your own mug enjoying the taste and the much-needed warmth it brought to you before answering her. “Yes, she did. She hopes to see us both at the gathering tonight. Lin just arrived before I got back.” You paused, hesitant to bring it up Suyin, worried about what her reaction would be. “Suyin asked how you were doing… She’s worried about you.”

Kuvira took a sudden interest in her coffee mug. Scratching at the matte polished surface and swirling the contents with the spoon. She was contemplating this you were sure. If her stoic expression was any proof of that then you were certain. At the very minimum, she was receptive to your suggestions.

“I really don't want to go,” Kuvira whispered. she leaned her head back to down the rest of her coffee. She straightened back up, placing the mug on the counter with a hard thump. “She really wants to see you there. I’ll be attending too so you are not alone in this….” you reassured her.

“It’s not just this party Y/N! It’s more than that. I don’t want to want to pretend everything is normal when it’s clearly not. I know the Beifong’s have said they have forgiven me but I really can’t help but question the validity of that especially the way they act around me. I swear it’s almost like they expect me to do something bad…” Kuvira said, growing more irritated. She could feel herself being overcome with old resentment feeling an unspoken underlying hurt that even she herself wasn't aware was there, but she didn't want to acknowledge it. Doing so would further cause unnecessary tension that she knew would worsen her mood.

The sudden abrupt change in Kuvira’s behavior made you raise a brow. You could tell that the concern she felt was a valid one but you could see there was something more to her words. Something she wasn't speaking out loud almost as if she was avoiding something. You didn't press for an answer that you knew she wasn't ready to discuss, but you didn't want to dismiss her concern as something frivolous. You knew that in a way she was right. Since the two of you had been put under Suyin’s care you noticed how people watched you carefully, almost fearfully. Like a barrel of blasting jelly with a very short fuse. It was to be suspected of course the two of you were war criminals by all counts. Who’s to say either one of you would not revert to your old dogmatic tendencies. You couldn't change the opinions of others, after all, you were a big believer that actions spoke louder than words. You expected to be treated as such once it became known that Suyin would be your guardian and would be aiding in your rehabilitation. Now you had to put much work into proving to the citizens of Zaofu that you were not a threat and that alone took time. You took a long drink from your mug, feeling your expression soften as you contemplated the situation.

“I know…” You whispered softly. “And I know it’s even more difficult for you since you grew up and knew a lot of these people personally, especially the Beifong’s. You have to understand that these things take time.”

“I know… I just thought that my efforts in stopping Guan in Gaoling would have been more than enough to prove that I’m not the same person. That I'm not the Great Uniter any more. I regret how in my conquest for power I lost sight and hurt the ones I cared about… I’m trying to change Y/N… Why can't they see that?” Kuvira said anger flitting over her face as she spoke. What caught your attention were her eyes, you could see the pain she felt in that moment threatening to surface but she wouldn't allow it.

You put the mug you held in your hand down and reached out to her, pulling her close to you.  “I'm not the only one who sees it. Suyin sees it too. As much as you don't believe that to be true, it is. Please... give her a chance. I know it's frustrating but you are not alone in this… You have me…” You gave her a small smile, lifting your hand to cup her face.  

Kuvira exhaled sharply, feeling herself relax under your touch despite her frustration. She knew you were right, but it didn't make dealing with the reality of the situation any easier to bear. She leaned into your touch and allowed herself a moment of clarity, knowing full well you were subjected to the same treatment as her. It wasn't easier for either one of you and understood that you both needed each other. She needed to be rational about this and not let her personal feelings get in the way of reason.

“I know…” Kuvira said quietly, thankful for your support despite her stubbornness. “Thank you Y/N. Really, I don't know how you put up with me sometimes…”

You chuckled softly, leaning in to press a kiss to her forehead. “The same way you put up with the Beifong’s.” You pulled away from her and pushed her tousled hair from her face.

Kuvira sighed deeply, finally making up her mind. “Alright, I’ll go. But just so we are clear this was your idea.” She jabbed a finger at you accusingly.  

You took hold of her finger and shook it. “Glad we could come to an agreement.” You said, resisting the urge to laugh.

Kuvira pulled herself free from your grasp. Her eyes narrowed, a frown forming on her lips. “Don’t patronize me…”

You scoffed. “Me? Patronize the all-mighty Kuvira? I would never…” You smiled.

Kuvira couldn't help the pout that formed on her lips. You found it so cute when she did, loving her softer side that she kept well hidden from the world but only allowed you to see. It melted your heart into mush.

You lifted and rested both hands on either side of her shoulder. “Why don't you go ahead and take a shower. Start getting ready. We only have a few more hours until we are expected to be there and I have some last-minute gifts to stash under the tree so I need to do that before things get crazier.”

Kuvira nodded in agreement. “Ok.” She whispered softly, pulling away from you. Your hands coming to rest at your side.  

She pointed in the direction of the bathroom, gradually walking in that direction. “I’m gonna go shower. I'll see you when you get back.” She said then walked out of the kitchen.

You grabbed your mug from the counter finishing the last of your coffee. Taking Kuvira’s empty mug in hand, you placed them in the sink. When you heard the sound of the bathroom door clicking close and the water turning on gave an indication you were in the clear. Carefully you walked into the bedroom and into the large walk-in closet. You pushed aside boxes and moved around clothed until you found a specific box that was buried under the lot. You pushed that box up to the side and began putting everything you moved back into place. Once finished, you lifted up the medium size box with both hands and walked back out into the bedroom. Taking a seat on the bed you peered into it, noting the number of objects that you had bought for each Beifong including Lin and Kuvira.

You shuffled through the pre-packaged gifts searching for one particular package that you didn't want Kuvira to open in front of the Beifongs. Your fingers closed around a long box. You pulled it free, giving it a quick glance to make sure the wrapping was still intact. You couldn’t suppress the smile that formed on your lips as you studied the box, feeling that familiar tug in your stomach at the idea of using it. You looked over at the closed bathroom door, listening in on Kuvira opening and closing the shower door. You were very tempted but knew it wasn't the right moment. With a small sigh, you leaned over to pull open the drawer to the nightstand, placed the gift quietly inside, and gently slid the drawer closed. Somethings were better to wait for. You hoped Kuvira would like it when the moment was right. The thought alone had you pressing your lips together to subdue your excitement. Yes you decided, there were some things in life worth waiting for and this was one of those things. Pushing the gifts back into the box you stood lifting up the box and left the bedroom, closing the door behind you for good measure. You walked out of the apartment into the cold winter afternoon and headed towards Beifong estate.

Once inside you immediately noticed that the chaos had slowed but not by much. Pushing through a group of servants putting last-minute decorations on the wall, you headed towards the parlor. When you enter you turn to peer around the corner to make sure that the coast is clear before proceeding in.  You approach the foot of the tree, placing the box on the floor and reaching in to pull out presents. You heard shuffling behind you which causes you to peer behind you. You waited a few beats making sure the coast is clear before turning back around to carefully place each gift under the tree.

You heard the sound of metal shoes tapping the stone floor heading in your direction. You stood up quickly, turning around just in time to see Lin and Suyin enter the parlor, their conversation ceased as they turned their gaze away from one another to where you stood, standing in front of the tree awkwardly.

“Y/N?” Suyin spoke first. Giving you a puzzled look. Lin stood beside Suyin eyeing you suspiciously as Suyin continued. “I thought you were going back to your quarters?”

“I did. I just wanted to put some things under the tree for later since your family usually unwraps gifts at midnight.” You stepped aside so they could see for themselves. The two inched closer and peered overseeing the neatly wrapped packages under the tree. Their suspicions died down.

“Oh, that is such lovely wrapping paper, you didn’t have to do that Y/N.” Said Suyin, pressing a hand to her chest.

“I wanted to do something nice.” You stated, noticing how Lin still watched you carefully. “I mean it is Christmas after all, the time for giving.”

“Exactly! I wished some people felt that way…” Suyin turned her attention to Lin, her eyes narrowed and lips forming a tight line.

“What?” Lin said defensively, eyes widened when Suyin fixed her with an accusatory stare. “I came, didn’t I? You know I’m not one for family get-togethers.”

“While that may be true did you have to come in your work uniform?” Suyin said exasperated. “Honestly Lin don’t you wear anything besides your armor?”

“I came right from the station… it’s not like I have anything else.” Lin said matter of factly.

“Right… other than your extensive collection of coats,” Suyin said dryly.

“I don't even have that many Su.” Lin countered, “And besides what of it? It gets cold often in Republic City. So it is a necessity to have.”

“Lin, the fact that you have more coats than actual clothes is enough proof to show that you’re practically married to your work.”

“And that’s a bad thing?” Lin asked, not sure what Suyin was getting at with her argument.

“And what are you supposed to wear for tonight???” Suyin asked sharply.

You couldn’t help but stand there silently, watching the siblings squabble over Lin’s choice in wardrobe. You weren’t really surprised. The Beifong sisters could only remain civil long enough before they found something to bicker about. You knew the argument they were having was completely frivolous, but at that moment both women were so focused on it that they seemed to have forgotten your presence in the room. You wanted to leave, to let them go at each other. It would have been one less problem for you to deal with, but you knew that it would only set the tone for a tense gathering. You didn’t want anything to make things difficult for Kuvira. It already took enough convincing to get her to attend. With much apprehension, you tried to offer a resolution.

“Hey, If I may…” You began. Your voice was an octave higher than normal which worked in gaining their attention.

Both sisters stopped, switching their attention back to you to glare at you, causing a lump to form in your throat. You immediately regretted your choices but had no choice to continue unless you wanted them to round on you. “Su, Lin is a workaholic and that is not an unknown fact. And Lin as someone who understands being a workaholic, it doesn’t mean you can’t have a life.”

You clasped your hands together, addressing both of the Beifong sisters at the same time. “So, Su why don’t you rummage through your wardrobe and see if there might be something suitable for Lin to wear. If not maybe make a call to your tailor to see if they can come up with something last minute.”

Both sisters stared at you with blank expressions. You could see the gears in their minds clicking as they pondered your suggestion. Suyin shifted her gaze from you to address Lin. “I’m sure there is something in my closet we can find for you to wear Lin,” Suyin said mentally visualizing what she had accessible on hand that might be within Lin’s acquired taste.

“So long as it’s not frilly or makes me look like a clown I could care less,” Lin said dismissively. “At this point, I rather just wear a burlap sack.”

“Lin No! Stop” Suyin frowned, visibly horrified by Lin’s suggestion. “You are not wearing a burlap sack. We should be able to find you something. to wear. I am sure of it.”

“Fiiiinee…” said Lin begrudgingly, dissatisfied with the idea of having to play dress-up with Suyin. She was already dreading showing up.

“Great!” You exclaimed, rubbing your hands together before folding them together over your chest. “Now that it’s settled I will let you guys continue on with your discussion.”

You took a few steps forward with the intent to walk past them but were halted when Lin raised a hand in front of you, blocking your path.

“Hang on a moment Y/N, I need to talk to you.”

You raised a brow in suspicion. “About what?”

“Well as your parole officer I’m supposed to be checking in with you about once a month and it’s close to that time. The other issue being Kuvira.” Lin explained.

“What about Kuvira?” You asked hesitantly.

“I spoke with Su and she explained to me that Kuvira is showing signs of self-isolation.” Lin stood up straight, folding her arms across her chest. “Normally I don’t get involved with personal problems but seeing as it’s a perpetuating issue that is unresolved, it’s now officially my issue to deal with. Your mental stability is part of your rehabilitation. Can’t expect progress if either one of you is uncooperative and moping around.”

“I wouldn’t call it moping. And as far as I’m concerned she’s done everything she has needed to do. She’s just been distant with everybody… including me.” You expressed to Lin who listened intently.

Suyin interrupted, holding out an arm to gesture to the large sofas in the middle of the room. “Here, why don’t we all sit down,” Suyin said, laying a hand on Lin’s arm to gently lead her to a nearby sofa. You followed behind the two sitting down in front of them as they both sat together across from you.

“Look, It’s really not my place to say. I’m not one to divulge other people's personal issues… I’m sorry.” You apologized.

“I know you care about her and that you have a personal obligation to keep her affairs private but as your probation officer and Su as your guardian, it’s important that we know if there are any potential issues that might cause problems.” Lin pressed

“Kuvira is not trying to cause problems. She just doesn’t like the holidays.” You said, defensively

“If it’s just that then why is she refusing to cooperate with Su.” Lin countered.

“Lin, that’s not what I meant.” Suyin interjected, “All I said was that she has been extremely distant with me and doesn’t want to talk to me.”

“Su it’s the same thing!” Lin stated.

“It’s not the same.” Suyin exclaimed, “I never said she didn’t listen. Kuvira’s done everything I’ve asked her to do, but what bothers me is when I’m trying to reach out to her she closes herself off.” Suyin explained, her tone coming out pained. “I just want…” Suyin paused trying to hide the hurt that flashed across her face. “I just don’t want her to push me away…not again...” Suyin said softly.

“Su…” Lin whispered, placing a hand on Suyin’s shoulder in a comforting manner.

“I just want to know… what I did wrong this time,” Suyin whispered solemnly, tilting her head down to watch her hands pull at the fabric of her robes in her lap.

You could see the pain and concern that Suyin suppressed written all over her face. That same pained expression that she managed to hide earlier was there in full display. You couldn’t help but be surprised by it. It was almost hard to believe to see Suyin visibly hurt and near tears by Kuvira’s avoidance.  You knew that Suyin was not always direct about how she felt about Kuvira, but at that moment you could see how much Kuvira truly meant to Suyin. You secretly wished Kuvira could see for herself how much the matriarch cared for her. You wondered if it would be enough to kick Kuvira out of whatever funk she had been in up to this point.

“I know…” You said gently after a few moments, wondering what Suyin was thinking. You felt guilty for originally questioning Suyin’s intentions but just seeing her here in front of you now made you realize how inaccurate your perception was.

“It really isn’t anyone’s fault. Kuvira’s just being stubborn.” You said to Suyin, causing her eyes to meet yours. She saw nothing but empathy and compassion.

“No one is to blame for this.”  You reassured her. Suyin’s gaze softened, understanding that there was more to this delicate situation.

“I did manage to talk her into going. So she will be at the party tonight. Though I have to admit it took some convincing,” You admitted.

“She’s going to be there?” Suyin asked, eyes wide and hopeful.

 “Yes, she has agreed to be there.” You confirmed, finding it hard to ignore the growing smile on Suyin’s face at the confirmation.

“But she hasn’t explained to you why she’s been distant?” Lin asked you directly, not satisfied by your answer.

“I mean she has told me very little about it.” You replied.

“What has she discussed with you, Y/N? Do you have any idea as to why she’s feeling the need to isolate?” Lin asked, pressing for an answer.

You took a moment to decide how you want to answer her question without giving her too much information. “As I had mentioned earlier to Su, I don’t think she is angry at anyone. If anything I think that she is just taking the opinions of others and the way people look at her way too seriously.”

“What do you mean by that?” asked Lin.

“What I’m saying is…” you paused, trying to find the right words to defend Kuvira the best way you could. “Though things have been really challenging for her since moving back to Zaofu. She’s trying her best to make amends and to fix her wrongdoings and personally… I don’t think she feels supported…”

“I don’t understand why she would feel that way,” Suyin said, confused. “I’ve been trying to get her to open up to me, but I haven’t had much luck… I’m at a loss as to what to do.”

“Su, I don’t think this is just about you or anything you are doing.” You stated quickly, not wanting your words to be taken out of context. “I just think her lack of support around her is causing her to feel hopeless and alone, but that’s my opinion. I mean besides you Su; who else has really tried to talk to her?” You asked, hoping that Suyin would begin to understand the message behind your words.

“I…” Suyin paused, it seems that she was starting to understand the situation. “I didn’t even think to consider how she’s been settling in since she came back… how she's even handling everything. I mean Kuvira is no stranger to rumors, but I didn’t even think about how detrimental they could be to her.

“Especially since she’s in a great state of emotional and mental sensitivity. The added stress could also be contributing to her sleep issues.” Lin chimed in, adding her input into the conversation.

You nodded your head in agreement. The two older women were starting to understand that the issue was far greater than themselves; it all came down to Kuvira herself. More or less her mentality and how people viewed her now that she was no longer the Great Uniter. Having so much power at once and literally having it stripped away would make anybody question their life choices and sanity, especially when it came down to their relationships with others. That is considering if the relationship was still salvageable.

“Maybe, it’s possible…You do bring up a valid point Y/N.” Said Lin, her hand coming up to scratch at her chin.

“Indeed…” Suyin nodded in agreement. “I believe at this point it would serve in both of our best interests if I were to have a sit-down conversation with Kuvira.”

“I think that would be for the best, Su.” Lin agreed. “Better to hear it directly from the source.”

“I want to hear what Kuvira has to say before assuming the worst.” Said Suyin, her face remained passive but her voice sounded apprehensive. “I’ve already told Y/N that I would have tea brewed to help with Kuvira’s sleep issues… I will find time to meet with her later.”

“I’m sorry I couldn’t help more.” You said, feeling an odd sense of guilt at keeping Kuvira’s weary behavior towards the Beifongs to yourself. You knew the two sisters meant well but there were some things that people had to find out for themselves, and this was one of those things.

“It’s okay Y/N,” Suyin reassured you. “It’s not your place to speak on Kuvira’s behalf. I’m just glad that she will be joining us tonight. Hopefully, everything goes smoothly…”

“I’m sure it will.” You stated.

“I mean what is a Beifong gathering without a little family drama,” Lin said nonchalantly.

“Lin!” Suyin whipped her head at Lin and narrowed her eyes. “Really?”

Lin shrugged her shoulders, “What? I’m just saying it’s pretty typical for our family to have some sort of drama or a reoccurring crisis during family get-togethers.”

“Well for once it would be nice not to.” Suyin spat.

“Anyways…” Lin began, brushing off her sister’s sass. “Besides that Y/N how have you been doing?”

“Oh you know, just helping out where and when I can.” You answered, feeling a bit awkward now that the conversation had diverted away from Kuvira and onto you. “I try to go where I'm needed.”

“Lately, Y/N has been helping me with reconstruction projects. I had her assist with a new design for our landscape project” Suyin confirmed.

“Yes, I have been trying to find ways to figure out how to make exotic plants thrive and reformat the layout of the grounds. It’s dirty work but I enjoy it. However, the weather has made it difficult to work so I will have to pick it back up when it gets warmer.”

Lin scoffed “Yeah, I don’t blame you. Getting here alone was a real pain. This storm is no joke. We had trouble with navigating our way here. At this rate, we might need to hunker down for a few days and wait out this storm.”

“Really? It’s that bad?” Suyin balked.

“Yes, visibility is terrible,” Lin confirmed. “If it wasn’t for it being daytime I highly doubt I would have been able to get here safely.”

“I’ll go ahead and have the rooms prepared just in case.” Suyin decided, her face etched with worry. “Hopefully the others will make it here safely.”

“They should, I radioed Korra and Tenzin before departing. They left after I did. From what I’m aware of they’re taking the future industry airship.” Said Lin.

“If that’s the case then I’m sure they’ll make it here safely. Asami has people that know what they’re doing.” Said Suyin, still showing visible concern.

Lin snickered at Suyin’s comment, earning a dirty look from Suyin. Her smug look vanished almost instantly. You resisted the urge to laugh, instead you bit your lip to suppress it. The way the two would throw shade at each other was something you found hilarious, not that you would make it known. One angry Beifong was enough to deal with… you didn’t want to do anything that would cause them to direct their anger at you. You doubted you would come out unscathed. That was a force you knew you did not want to reckon with if Kuvira’s description of their past fights was accurate as she claimed to be. You remembered when Kuvira explained to you their last fight. You almost didn’t believe it. It sounded so exaggerated and atrocious it was hard to believe. When you overheard the guards the other day talking about it after learning that Lin would be stopping by you couldn’t help but notice how nervous they became. Speaking cautiously in frantic whispers made you eavesdrop on the conversation. You had listened in on one of the guards complaining about how long it took to clean up the damage from the last time they fought. You remembered Kuvira mentioning it took weeks to fix the damage to the estate after the last time they went at each other's throats. Overhearing the guards talking with wide eyes and hushed voices made you wonder how extreme the fight was to cause that much damage. You definitely didn’t want to find out.

“Anyways…” you began, hoping to alleviate the tension. “Was there anything else you wanted to discuss? I probably should head back and start getting ready.”

Lin shook her head, “Not at the moment, I will get with you later on for your evaluation.”

“Sounds like a plan,” you confirmed, pushing yourself off the sofa into a standing position.

Suyin rose from the sofa, “In the meantime, I’m gonna have the rooms prepared for later. That way everybody can retire after and nobody has to travel through that dreadful storm. I will get with you later Y/N.”

Lin stood up, “I’ll go ahead and radio Asami to check-in with them. Just to be sure.”

You nodded your head in agreement, “Great, see you later.”

You smiled at the two, then turned to leave. Giving them the opportunity to finish their chat before they went to carry out their tasks. At least things couldn't get more invasive than you thought to yourself. You pushed open the doors to the estate and headed down the path back to your apartment, wondering what you would return to.

#kuvira #kuvira x reader #the legend of korra #the great uniter #TLoK Book 4 #TLOK #kuvira the great uniter #the beifongs #suyin beifong #Suyin

[ask-dynamosparks]

So not Dy content and just a heads up this is gonna be a small life rant, so pay it no mind if ya don’t want to get sucked into life drama. And with that let’s jump in.

So to start things off I’d say I’m doing pretty ok. Physically I’ve been trying to get back into shape and even more recently I’ve been hired on for part time at a mom n pop comic book store as their manga guy. How ever dealing with my dad when I’m at home has been mentally and emotionally taxing. Honestly it feels like I’m dealing with a younger sibling rather than some one who raised me. And when ever I try to bring up my concerns with him he gets really defensive and tries to point the finger at me, so at this point I’ve stopped trying to communicate with him.

Now most of the mental frustration comes from my dad touching and interacting with stuff or activities that don’t belong to him. My dad is the type of person who has that mind set of “If it’s not mine, no biggy if something happens to it. And it’s not my problem if it effects some one.” During the start of quarantine I began to plan stuff out to keep my sanity up, but my dad muscled his way into said activities. As of date he’s killed 2 vegetable gardens, nearly drowned a rose bush, nearly broke a bunch of art supplies I needed for classes, nearly broke my old Wacom bamboo, potentially damaged a few comic books that could be worth money in the future, moved around important documents and checks that tie into me getting a BA, potentially has drowned a Filipino citrus bush, almost destroyed a whisk that is one of the few remaining things that my grandmother left to my mom before she passed away before me and my sib was born, killed a bonsai tree that I kept alive for 2 years because he wanted to ferment stuff next to it, and a few other things and each time I’ve told him not to do that again. A lot of these incidents happened before I got my job, so I’d be digging into what little I had saved up at the time in order to replace things.

Now fast forwarding to now and the reason why I’m posting this. About 2 to 3 weeks ago I was out drinking with some friends, ended up coming home late and noticed a package came in for my mom and dad, so I brought it in so it wouldn’t get stolen. I woke up pretty hung over so I decided to have a lie down on the couch. My dad comes in the the package that I brought in and he’s going on and on about how him and my mom saw this basket and just had to buy it. He then went into a few other things before asking how my night was. The conversation went something like this “So who did you hang out with? What were you drinking? Oh mead that’s some fancy strong stuff? BTW I broke you favorite coffee mug you know the one your friend made you. I’ll buy you a new one. Anyways look at this basket.” At this point I was too hung over to care so I told him not to touch any of my stuff. Later I asked my mom how it happened and she told me it was because he was making beet salad. When the mug broke he tried to chuck it but my mom and sister stopped him had to explain he needed to tell me cause the mug was irreplaceable and was designed by some one who was an avid coffee drinker. My dad responded with “well I didn’t know that” to which my mom and sis responded with “He’s mentioned it a couple times and it’s something that brings him a lot of joy.”

Jump to today and after telling my dad not to touch anything and I found that he’s been messing with my photo equipment. Literally $700+ worth of camera equipment acquired over 4 years left in an area where my dogs love to get their zoomies out. And original it was all placed in an area where they would be safe. So yeah, my equipment for potentially my livelihood was handled by some one who absolutely doesn’t care and at this point I’m emotionally exhausted. Hopefully things might get better, but who knows at this point and it might be after a bunch of stuff gets broken and my anxiety shoots through the roof.

So if you got through all this, thanks for reading my little rant and I do plan on getting back into making more Dy content.

[drneilfox]

Scarlet's Swords: Music Films Book Blog 10 (July 2021)

A rollercoaster of a month emotionally with ‘the book’. So many moments of insecurity and anxiety washed away by a series of related and tangential moments and experiences. I went on annual leave finally, to await the arrival of our new baby and to spend a few weeks as a family with little to no responsibility or expectation beyond that. It was freeing to put on my out of office at work and simultaneously put a quasi-OOO on the book for the foreseeable. It might have been foolish given how far behind where I wanted to be I am currently, but it was liberating.

It caused me to rethink my approach, or at least know I need to (I haven’t done it yet because I’m stepping back a tad). In the downtime away from writing I have been tinkering and moving forward at a snail’s pace. One thing I did was to map out all the films I still need to see or see again, or at least have told myself I need to see or see again. It’s up near the 300. Obviously I can’t watch that many and write and read and edit and submit my first draft in February 2022. So I stopped worrying that I had to. I have been prioritising viewing and making peace with the fact that I can’t see everything. It’s weird how pervasive that sense is when writing about cinema and how hard it is to escape. The feeling that I am writing about something I love and want to share with people is subsumed beneath the fear of being ‘tested’ on my knowledge and the facts of it all (even though I’m not presenting fact) and what ‘gaps’ might tell people about me. This is sometimes stronger than the feeling that I am just a terrible writer writing a book no one has any interest in ever reading. I wonder if that’s my age, or the social media age, the fact that it’s taken me so long to get to this point or some wretched combination of all three.

The writing of the list certainly helped put the next few months into focus and my sketch of a new plan, once I am back in earnest at the desk, looks ok. I’m excited to work through the final films and get the book into even better shape. Other events in July certainly helped. One was finishing a draft of the fifth chapter on my list, on films about making music. It was a slog time wise, because of so many interruptions, but I got there on the final day of ‘work’ before annual leave. So it felt momentous and a good way to sign off for a bit.

There was also the arrival of some films from the U.S. I took advantage of the Barnes and Noble 50% off Criterion Collection sale and the fact that I have a dear, dear friend in New York (thank you JC!) to post stuff to me that would mean avoiding import tax, to get my hands on some classic films. I mainly wanted them for the extras but also because I love them. I picked up A Hard Day’s Night, Gimme Shelter (a July rewatch), Transes and one I’ve never seen, Murray Lerner’s Festival. I also picked up maybe my favourite ever music doc, Les Blank’s A Poem Is A Naked Person, and a box set of Blank’s work which includes a ton of music, music-centric, or music related works that I can’t wait to get stuck into. Blank is fast becoming one of my favourite filmmakers.

July’s watchlist was heavy hitters galore as I was watching and rewatching for my Milestones chapter so films and filmmakers included The Last Waltz and other Scorsese works (is Rolling Thunder Revue his best music film maybe?), Jonathan Demme, Julien Temple and films about the Beatles, Stones and Bob Dylan. Big. One such film was Demme’s beautiful concert film Heart of Gold, focusing on Neil Young not long after surgery for a brain aneurysm. It’s a warm and soulful film and one I saw on DVD, in New York, on a lazy afternoon before heading home, while staying with my friend John Carlin (the JC who sent posted me some DVDs this month). I was tired, I was all New York-ed out, and John put it on and we loved it. It meant a lot, maybe more, than it would normally had because a couple of years earlier I had written a play called How It Plays Out, that John travelled to Luton to perform in as the lead, and in the play he performed a Neil Young song, Only Love Can Break Your Heart. John Carlin is a brilliant songwriter in his own right. Check out his work here and buy Songs From The Black House, it’s one of the best records ever made, Fact. I love him.

I also read the first book that will feature in my book since I started writing back last year (nearly 12 months ago!), Thomas F. Cohen’s Playing to the Camera: Musicians and Musical Performance in Documentary Cinema. It was invigorating. Not only is it a great book, but it reminded me why I am working on mine. I want to be in dialogue with these other works that exist, reach out to and pull from them and survey the land of ideas that is music documentary and the writing on it. I loved Cohen’s style and confidence too. It gave me strength to be more confident about my own writing. It was also nice to see so much time dedicated to Shirley Clarke’s Ornette: Made in America, a truly magnificent doc I loved writing about.

So over the next few months I shall be reading more and more for the book. I am excited. That trip to the BFI library (where I learned of Cohen’s book), really galvanised me, in ways I’m becoming more aware of as I think more and write less.

Don’t forget, you can track what I’m watching (and maybe try and work out which films I’m referring to above and in the note fragments below) via my Letterboxd list, here.

Don’t forget you can listen in to my book themed playlist here.

Here’s what I was listening to while writing in July:

Finally, a bit of fun. Here are my favourite notes from this month’s viewing sessions:

Demme knows

“I just wanna play well and share the stage with my friends”

“He had a lot of ukeleles in the trunk”

Imagine booing one of the greatest live shows ever by one of, if not the, greatest rock n roll backing bands of all time.

Joan Baez’s Dylan impression is bang on.

“I don’t even wanna get in tune”

People lying around everywhere.

Need a shower after watching this.

Babies, planes and Nick Cave

Bob Marley tats and flags

Coke in the nose

Clapton - boring

Bob looks amazing!

“you booed!”

Keroauc’s grave

“I don’t want this shit to work. I hate it”

Bawdy

Ludicrous outfit Mick

Chilly at the heliport

#book #music films #music #music documentary #film #movies #cinema #documentary.