#this isnt based on me having spent the last 3 hours having a breakdown

[adharastarlight]

Regulus never actively tried to shut people out, at least he didn't to begin with. As a child, he was one of the bubbliest kids he could have been in his circumstances. In fact he was always better at making friends than Sirius was until he wasn't.

No, Reg never blocked himself off until he had to. Because sometimes you realise too late that your whole life you've been taken advantage of because you're warm and bright. And sometimes the brightest people become the coldest people, the ones who are near to impossible to reach.

Regulus Arcturus Black was not a cold person. The world froze his warmth time and time again until he couldn't bring himself to fight back.

#im not projecting #at all #this isnt based on me having spent the last 3 hours having a breakdown #about so called friends #this is about my mum and her bf trying to convince me not to shut people out #no ofc not #this is not about me whatsoever #and even if it was- #i stand by the hc #but yeahhh #marauders #regulus black #about regulus #regulus arcturus black #regulus deserved better #the black brothers deserved better. #the black brothers #the black family #james potter #dead gay wizards #sirius black #remus lupin #starchaser #wolfstar #james x regulus #jegulus #sunseeker #sirius orion black #marauders headcanon #regulus black headcanons

[mikeandpsych-blog]

Alive and Kicking

Yes, you heard it here first ladies and gentlemen, I am not dead, not missing, and most shockingly am not coming to you from a dismantled computer plagued with syntax errors. My D-day with VoldRmort has came and gone, and thanks to a few meetings with Chris Martin (and one with Tom) I appear before you the victor of my first battle with R (or at least I think).

You are probably wondering where I have been for the past 3 weeks, or have even perhaps if I am still alive... I would put you in the picture, but that would involve unthinkable quantities of coffee, library deliveroo receipts and the CCTV footage of me scaling the west face of Northumberland building to access a window having been locked out at 9pm on deadline eve- so you've not missed much...

However, long story short I have learned the core basic of R-Studio and the underlying mechanics that allow codes to run and why sometimes they do not. For example, assigning variables, making histograms, running rather complex analyses (like non-parametric tests) and exporting them as separate files. I was so proud...I managed to complete my WHOLE assignment with no errors and with the entire document running, happy days I thought- not. It appeared VoldRmort had had at least one more trick up its sleeve, commonly known as knitting...

Having spent every waking hour of the past 6 weeks worrying about R and at least trying to learn its complexities before eventually getting the end product, just as as we thought in the case of the disgruntled child earlier in my series of blogs, its toys came flying out the pram.Rather than being content with all it has been provided so far, it wanted more- which unlike most kids who opt for the latest Xbox or Playstation this little man wanted the slightly less popular cyber parallel of a KNITTED jumper. 

By this time it was 8pm on deadline eve. Following 11 gruelling hours of warning messages and having attempted more knitting procedures than the entire elderly population of Newcastle, I managed to submit my final centrepiece at 6am the following day. However, much like other historic battles, it didn't go by without its casualties. I lost a good 20% of my code and 2 questions wouldn’t run at all. 

That said, as the sun rose over the Tyneside skyline, as I sat with 3 of my fellow students who didn't manage to submit anything amongst the confusion.... I had a strange feeling of joy knowing the ordeal was over and that I had came out the other side not only knowing far more than I had weeks prior, but that I had tried my darn best at what continues to be comfortably the most difficult thing I have ever tried in my life!

Fear not! Its not all doom and gloom and I will ensure for my next attempt in January I either set off with the knitting process drastically earlier, or, by passing the task onto a suitability experienced pensioner who I will pay in the form of re-runs of ‘last of the summer wine’ and ‘keeping up appearances’.   

On a more serious note, I am just putting the finishing touches to my next assessment as part of the MRes which takes the form of a poster presentation. While on Wednesday I am engaging in a gait study with Conner Leslie as part of my placement and anticipate on having a meeting with Tasmin on Thursday to discuss a ‘sustainability intervention’. While on Friday a meeting is scheduled with Tom to set an action plan for the hunger study my poster is based on. So as you can see I am neck deep in research and loving every minute of it.

Lastly, in the words of Simple Minds, despite the voluminous mental breakdowns R has caused I am “Alive and Kicking” and well and truly mustering though. It goes to show just as in the case of refereeing, it isnt how you make mistakes, but how you respond to them that counts for the difference between success and failure. 

Until next time, 

Mike