#this is the first post I’ve consciously read this morning

[mysunshinetemptress]

Everything in between

Your Royals Support p3

Leah Williamson x royal!reader

A/n I’m so sorry I haven’t posted, I hit a wall but have since been spending all my free time writing so here is the first of many promised stories. And to begin I thought why not start with the end

Leah had woken to the sound of you vomiting for the second morning in a row, sighing she got out of the bed before trying the door handle only to see it’s locked “love you ok, will u open the door for me.” She was met with the sound of you vomiting once more before you groaned “trust me Le you don’t want to come in.” Leah shook her head “trust me I do, I want to make sure your ok.” You sighed sitting back before opening the door “oh Y/n.” You shook your head “I don’t know what’s wrong with me I felt fine two days ago.” Leah sighed moving towards you and bending down before pushing the hair out of your face “it’s ok, maybe you should cancel your engagement for today.” You shook your head a look of disappointment in your eye “I can’t it’s for a charity event Le, I’m riding with Zara to raise money for charity today I can’t… I promised Pa that I would do it for the princes trust.” Leah shushed you pulling you close to her “it’s ok hey Y/n relax ok it will be ok they will understand.” You shook your head “I’m not pulling out I’ve done it feeling a lot worse then I do now.” Leah sighed knowing there was no talking you out of it. “Ok but you let Zara know if you need to come off that horse at anytime.” You nodded “I promise.”

You where stood in the stable checking over Hale-Bopp comet and his tack before nodding to your groom that you where happy with everything and ready to go. Zara stood next to you holding your helmet as you both talked over the course and discussed the strides between each jump before she looked at you concerned “hey you ok.” You looked at her confused “yeah just nervous l, want to ride my best.” Zara smiled squeezing your hand “you can do this in your sleep you will be fine.”

Walking over to Hale-Bopp comet you put your leg back as Zara lifted you up and you swung your leg over the saddle before adjusting your stirrups and checking his girth. “Ready.” You looked down at your older cousin “ready.” She smiled patting Hale-Bopps hind before wishing you good luck as you trotted into the arena as the commentator read out your name.

You began at the start of the bell taking of towards the first jump clearing it before turning to take the double, it wasn’t until you got to the water tray that you felt the need to vomit, you shook your head slightly pushing Hale-Bopp on before a wave of dizziness took over, you tilted your head slightly trying to clear it as you head towards the double oxer to finish the course. Slowing Hale-Bopp you felt the world spin as you waved at the crowd heading towards the gate where you could just make out Zara, passing the the gate you took your feet out of the stirrups and let go of the reins you could tell Zara was trying to say something to you but couldn’t make out a word as you felt your body tilt no longer able to keep your eyes open as you slid off the 17.1 hands horse. Zara let out a shout as she caught you before placing you on the ground and shaking you. “Y/n, hey Y/n come on wake up.” The paramedics raced over just as you regained consciousness, feeling groggy “Leah.” Zara shook her head “I’ll call her now, I’ll get her to meet us at the hospital.” You groaned as the paramedics began getting you ready to head to the hospital.

Leah raced down the hall before finding Zara stood outside your door “Zara, Y/n is she ok.” Zara looked up from her phone smiling at the younger blonde, pulling her into a hug “she’s fine, promise but she’ll fill you in.” Leah looked at Zara confused as she was pulled in for another hug by the older girl, before she let go and burst through the door to see you sat up on the bed dressed in you jodhpurs and shirt. “Your ok.” You looked up from the bed focused on fixing your shirt, Leah felt worry course through her as your eyes began to fill with tears “hey whatever it is we can fix it, we will get through it together ok, hey it’s me and you.” You mumbled into her shoulder as Leah hummed “what.” You picked your head up looking into her eyes as you shook your head “it’s me, you and our baby.” Leah looked at you confused before a look of shock took over her features “Baby, you mean, your….it…hold on.” You laughed grabbing Leah’s face “I’m pregnant Le, we are going to have a baby it worked.” Leah felt her eyes prick with tears as she pulled you in for a kiss “ we are having a baby oh my god.” You laughed looking at the door as Zara came running in “oh I’m so happy for you both ahhh I can’t wait for a little baby in the family again.” You both laughed resting your head into Leah’s chest as smiled at Zara.

Both yourself and Leah decided to keep it between the both of you and Zara until you where at least 12 weeks along after that your father the king had to be told first before you could tell anyone else. To say he was excited was an understatement the man harped on for a solid two hours about how happy he was for you both and how proud he was of you, next you told both your brothers, Harry Via FaceTime and William when you invited himself and Late over for dinner, both brothers where equally excited for you telling you how much of an amazing mum you where going to be as well as Leah.

Telling Leah’s family was a lot less formal something you really loved, you both had decided to buy a small England jersey with Williamson on the back as well as three England jerseys saying Grandma and Grandpa as well as one for Jacob saying uncle before heading around for dinner. Leah was like a child on Christmas the entire way through the meal, her leg shaking next to yours in excitement and anticipation, had placed your hand on her thigh several minutes ago but nothing seemed to stop it. Half way through dinner your wife simply couldn’t wait any longer, jumping up from her half eaten meal Leah raced to get the bag you had left at the hall door before running back into the room “I’m sorry, I can’t wait any longer…I know your all still eating but for five minutes just wait and I’ll give out your presents.” Amanda looked at you laughing shaking her head at Leah’s excitement “I hope you cleared this with Y/n Bubba.” Leah looked at you sheepishly “well we where supposed to wait but I can’t hold in any longer so here.” Leah handed out three boxes before sitting next to you with the fourth one, as your in laws began tearing the paper off Leah grabbed your hand pulling it to her mouth before kissing it softly looking at you with pure adoration. “We have these already Le.” Leah turned looking at her brother rolling her eyes as her mum turned it around before her head shot up to look at you both at the other end of the table “your joking.” Leah shook her head smiling as David looked at his followed by Jacob “oh my god your having a baby.” Leah pulled out the small English jersey with Williamson on the back as your three in laws jumped to their feet and began laughing, crying and shouting simultaneously in happiness “oh god a little Williamson…oh my god it’s going to be a Williamson.” You laughed squeezing Leah’s hand before standing up as Amanda raced around to wrap you in a hug as Leah protested “hey, I’m your daughter.” Amanda swatted her away as she pulled you close “that doesn’t matter Y/n might as well be my second daughter and on top of that she’s carrying my grand baby.” Leah laughed looking at you before turning to hug her dad and brother as everyone swapped hugging each other “when did you find out.” You looked at Leah “about 12-13weeks ago I have morning sickness and we didn’t realise, I ended up attending a horse riding event and came off the horse just after finishing my round as I passed out, when they brought me to the hospital they took my bloods and told me a short while later.” You squeezed Leah’s hand “and your father and brothers do they know.” You nodded “I’m sorry we would have told you sooner but protocol calls for Pa to be told first then the rest of the families and if I’m being honest this was the best way we could tell you.” Amanda shook her head “this was perfect oh girls I’m so proud of you both.”

Speculation about your pregnancy had been on going since way before you where pregnant but now more then ever did the press seem to be so sure of it. You knew a statement would have to be put out sooner rather then later and so the clock was ticking to tell the rest of your friends I.e the Arsenal and England girls.

Arsenal where first after the both of you decided the last match before international break would be best as it allowed the girls to hold the secret for the shortest amount of time. Arsenal had beaten West Ham 3 nil at meadow park so the locker room was ecstatic when you knocked on the door only to be greeted by Wally “Y/n hey she’s in the toilet but come in.” You knew Leah was changing her jersey to the one you had bought her not to long after telling her you where pregnant “hey guys how are you all doing.” The team all turned cheering at the sight of you before talking all at once “ehm right I won’t keep you all to long from your celebrations just have one thing to say really quick.” You looked around the room at the faces of the girls you had so quickly called friends and some even family “eh alright, so there will be a new member to the squad next season, I’m sure they’ll be a great asset my only hope is you love them nearly as much as Leah and I do.” To say the squad was confused was an understatement until you wife came running out of the bathroom before turning shouting “SIUU.” Showing off the back of her Arsenal jersey that read Mummy 6 on the back, the locker room realised rather quickly after that and the team where up screaming not even a second later as they all piled towards you both to wrap you in a group hug “oh my god Baby Arsenal is on the way holy shit best teammate ever, ahhh I can’t wait.” Could all be heard from different directions. The girls decided you all had to go out for dinner to celebrate, you spent the rest of the night laughing and talking about the future member of the squad.

The English squad came a bit earlier then expected, you had planned to wait until the last match to tell them but had been informed that your announcement was due out in less than a week and you wanted the people closest to you to know a bit further in advance so here you where at the first training session of the camp having stayed with Leah the night previously, you walked towards the team holding three jerseys behind you as you made smiled at your wife who had spotted you waving sheepishly before feeling some one scoop you into a hug “Al I swear to god put me down.” The older girl laughed putting you back on the ground as she hugged you tightly “oh what you doing here.” You smiled at her “all will be revealed shortly but for now how are you haven’t seen you in ages.” You and the older girl hit it off the first time you met, although she thought of you as a stuck up snob who was simply entitled like the rest of her family she soon found out you where a lot more down to earth and not at all as close to stuck up or entitled as she thought.

Leah ran over shortly after pulling you into a kiss “ew.” Leah turned flipping off Grace and Aggie. Alex laughed “hey what happened to Royals not showing PDA.” You rolled your eyes “Shut it you, I’m allowed to kiss my wife wherever I please thank you.” The girls laughed as Leah started asking them to line up for a photo “oh boo your here on a royal visit, thought you where here to see your mates like.” You pushed Mary’s shoulder lightly laughing “I’m here to see mates I just wanted a photo with you all like we have done every time I’ve come to visit.” Mary shook her head “You Royals and your bloody traditions.” You laughed shuffling away from her as Leah set up the girls to stand in places she wanted them. Once everyone was set you handed out the three jerseys One to Georgia one to Kiera and one to Alex all readying “Baby Williamson 25” before looking at the camera smiling. The girls didn’t think anything of it thinking your niece and nephews names where on the back like they had been previously, that was until the media crew showed the girls the photo for final approval, the front row consisted of the younger girls Aggie,Grace,Ebony, Khiara, the middle row consisted of Ella,Alessia,Hempo,Chloe,Esme,Niamh,LJ,Ellie, Hannah and Lotte and the back row consisted of Lucy,Millie,Rachel,Georgia,Leah,Y/n,Alex,Kiera,Beth,Mary the younger girls shot up first with Grace running right for you as Leah stepped in front “slower.” Grace let out a sheepish smile as she wrapped you in a hug “congratulations, oh my god your having a baby.” The rest of the team took a bit longer to process the information excluding the Arsenal girls before they did exactly what the girls at Arsenal did and formed a massive group hug before bursting into multiple questions. You spent the rest of the day being followed by 23 England players chatting about the upcoming games as well as about baby who all the girls where so excited to meet.

Finally it was time to tell the public

Her Royal Highness Princess Y/n and Mrs Leah Williamson are pleased to announce they are expecting a baby in the coming summer.

The king has been informed and both families are delighted with the news.

To say the news was met with nothing but well wishes is an understatement you soon found letter being sent wishing congratulations and clothes and toys where handed to you at any possible moment when in public.

6 MONTHS LATER

You had been dismissed from your royal duties a couple of months back and since then Leah had been waiting on you hand and foot, the team where heading into the off season and the England girls where gearing up to defend their title of European Champions and although you knew this pregnancy had been planned in order to ensure Leah would be in England and out of camp for the birth of your baby you couldn’t help but feel nervous that you would go past your due date and that she would miss it.

Leah tried her best to calm your woes but could do little to help the anxiety that seemed so constant. The WSL season has ended two weeks ago and since you both had been wrapped up in Kensington Palace, your father had insisted on it stating that if you went into Labour in Milton Keynes you would never make it to St Mary’s on time where they knew all doctors and nurses had been vetted, and you had to admit it did slip your mind that you where having a royal baby at the end of the day and so these measures had to be taken.

Luckily for you both the apartment was big enough that you could ask Leah’s family to move down for the last remaining weeks as you didn’t want them too far away when it happened knowing she needed them and all though you wouldn’t admit so did you. The Williamson’s time and time again had proven how much they loved you both, how much they loved you and when you felt the world hated you and you felt you couldn’t voice the concerns to your family in fear of them telling you to “never explain never complain.” You went to them and spent many nights sobbing into Amanda’s arms as she held you with the carefulness only a mother could. You needed them there.

It was the early hours of the morning on the 14th of June, just three days before Leah was supposed to leave for camp to start preparing for the euros when you where woken with a contraction, you sighed looking at the clock as it read 1:30 am. Sighing you turned slightly to see Leah dead asleep facing the other way, you knew this baby wasn’t coming for another few hours but you also knew you couldn’t lie in bed any longer and had made the decision to go to the lounge. Getting out of the bed without Leah waking up these days was hard but tonight she was out cold and only stirred as you let out a small groan as another contraction came.

You sighed sitting on the couch looking for something to watch, you gripped the remote tightly as you stopped on the replay of the final of the Euros 2022 at Wembley you had seen it repeatedly at least a thousand times but for some reason you couldn’t flick away. You had made it to half time before you felt someone sit down beside you, turning you spotted Amanda “everything ok darling.” You looked at her smiling “your going to be and Grandma.” Amanda laughed “well yes you told me this nine months ago love.” You shook your head laughing “no I mean your going to be a grandma today.” Amanda looked at you shocked “I’ve been sat here since 2 o’clock after I was woken at 1:30 with my first contraction, it’s happening you grand baby is coming today.” Amanda was shaking her head “what on earth are you doing sitting here, where’s Leah, oh god you have to get to the doctor.” You smiled shaking your head “I’m not ready yet.” Amanda shook her head again “oh I know it feels like that but you are trust me you….” You laughed “no I’m ready to be a mum I know that, my body just isn’t ready yet I can tell, there’s no point waking Le up when she doesn’t need to be and all she will do is just push me to go to the hospital well before I need to be, she needs the rest and I’m not in a hurry, besides this match is just getting good.” Amanda turned to look at the TV for the first time smiling wide as she recognised the kit and the girls and the packed out Wembley “alright if your sure.” You nodded turning back to the TV.

At 6:30 Leah came running through the doors panic written across her face “Y/n.” Leah let out a sigh coming to stand beside you “hey what are you doing in here.” You smiled grabbing her hand “we where just watching some old matches before we headed to the hospital.” Leah nodded along before pausing “hospital.” You smiled nodding “yeah I’ve been getting contractions since 1:30 and they have gotten a lot closer so I’m going to go change and call Buckingham while you get changed and then we are going to head to the hospital to meet our baby.” Leah’s face paled “meet…baby…you have been awake since 1:30 and didn’t wake me, mum why didn’t you wake me.” Amanda looked at you and back to Leah “y/n wanted you to sleep.” You put your hand out for Leah to help pull you off the couch and as you stood you felt another contraction falling into Leah’s chest as you squeezed you eyes shut and puffed out your cheeks in pain “hey hey it’s ok I’m right here, your ok.” You nodded standing up straight as the contraction ended “I’m ok, let’s go get changed yeah.”

Sitting on the bed you watched Leah race around looking for something as you phoned Buckingham and then looked at your watch before calling your Sister in law “hello Kate.” You sighed watching your wife run around like a headless chicken before using the code word you had come up with many months ago so that she would know you where heading to the hospital “I’m just popping to the shops for orange juice.” Kate let out a gasp “if you could let Zara and Will know I’ll give you a call when I have it.” Kate let out a string of excitement shouts before wishing you congratulations and hanging up as you turned to Leah “it’s in the top drawer of your bedside table Le.” Leah shook her head “you don’t even know what I’m looking for…oh it is sorry my love, right let’s go.”

You arrived at the back of St Mary’s at 7:30 am to be met with your team of doctors and nurses who informed you the press had already been set up since the 12th of June in anticipation.

And at 9:30 am you where sat in bed at St Mary’s holding you daughter as you and Leah cried tears of joy over her “she’s perfect, absolutely perfect.” Leah kissed you passionately before you both turned to look back at you daughter “right you top off.” Leah looked at you shocked “dear god woman you have just had a baby keep it in your pants.” You laughed shaking your head “no le it’s time for you to do skin to skin contact with her.” Leah let out an oh as she took her top off before taking your daughter out of your arms and sitting on the chair next to you “I can’t believe she’s here.” You smiled your heart swelling at the sight of them “Your Dad, did he approve of the name.” You rested your head back on the pillow “he did.” Leah turned looking down at your daughter talking softly “ well then welcome to the world Amelia Maria Elizabeth Williamson.”

A short while later your first visitors arrived, the King along with William, Kate and the kids “she’s absolutely beautiful Y/n well done indeed.” You laughed at your father as he looked down at his granddaughter for the first time “thank you Pa.” George, Charlotte and Louis took turns sitting in the chair holding her gently as you watched Leah tell them where to put their arms before placing her down gently, giving extra support to Louis “that’s it mate you got her, she’s heavy isn’t she.” You laughed looking at Kate “Well.” Kate wrapped her arms around you squeezing you tightly “she’s perfect honestly so perfect congratulations to you both I can’t wait for her to join in our little tea talks.” You laughed as William came over “Mum would be so proud, she would adore her honestly.” You looked back over as Leah took Amelia back from Louis “like how she adores them all.”

Next was Leah’s family a lot smaller and less noisy which you where thankful for, you had been holding Amelia lightly chatting to your wife as she watched on when they came through the door and you had handed her off to Leah allowing her to be the one to introduce the most important person in her life to three people she loved the most in the world “Mum,Dad,Jacob this is Amelia.” You felt your eyes well up for the umpteenth time that day as they all cooed over her before Leah asked Amanda if she wanted to hold her to which Amanda nodded quickly “oh hello darling I’m Grandma, and you don’t know it yet but you are so so loved my little darling.” Leah sat on the side of the bed taking your hand “ I love you.” You hummed looking at the people in the room before your eyes landed on your daughter “I’m so glad I fell in love with you back then, that I have fallen even more in love with you since, I loved you first Le and I’ll love you last but mostly I love you for moments like this the little in between. You have given me the life I dreamed about from the moment I met you.” Leah sighed leaning forward capturing your lips “Here’s to everything in between then my love.”

#awfc #leah williamson #woso #woso fanfics #woso one shot #woso imagine #leah williamson x y/n #leah williamson imagine #leah williamson x reader #leah williamson x you

[continuumitgirl]

hi!!

so i’ve known ab subliminals, manifesting, shifting for a while, but always had minimal success. i was never able to get the ‘big’ things i wanted.

but since being on tumblr, i learnt about STATES. which i had previously known about when i had read the power of awareness by neville goddard. unfortunately, that didn’t last long as i started watching manifesting gurus on youtube and got clouded with information again. (no hate to sammy ingram) But i watched her a lot. and i never got that much movement even tho i was consistent, it would make me feel guilty if i was t affirming enough. and i would beat myself up, saying to myself “if u really want this, u need to affirm more”. i would do the 10k challenge, 10 min stuff, but it was soooo overwhelming. so much stress because i wanted so many things, and i felt like i didn’t have enough time, i had other stuff to do, so even tho i was consistent, i would stress myself out, wondering if i was doing enough, doing it right, etc.

this mindset was toxic, although i didn’t realise it then. i just would get so upset because i trying to hard. which is why it also took me a min to realise.. that i shouldn’t be trying that hard to get something … u either have it or u don’t! so anyways, one or two weeks ago, i came on here because i was done. i wanted my desires. enough. At first i got swayed by the void stuff, which made me put it on a pedestal . which made me angry, i was like bro not this shit again. i don’t wanna waste another months or years. and somehow i stumbled across states. i’ll admit it took me a second to grasp. i re read the power of awareness. and realised it is simple, once i understood it, i deleted tumblr and focused on my life, while occupying my ideal state.

One thing that i’ve been wanting a lot is to travel this year. I travelled last year a bit with my friend and spent 3 months in another country during the summer and it was phenomenal: i wanted this again for 2023. I want to live my life yk.

Well this morning my mum woke me up to tell me we are going on 2 holidays. one next month and one in easter. Athens, Greece and Verona and Venice, Italy.

i was like omg this is amazing ?? we had talked a bit about it and every time we did i was like “yes. we’re going” in my head. and today we booked those holidays.

Now what’s so special about this? Well i made a pinterest board end of 2022 with places i wanna go def this year!! every time i looked at this board i was like “it’s done” [just the way i think ab every desire, because it is done, it’s mine, it literally comes from my consciousness so it’s inseparable to me]

and yeah!! i have 2 other places on this pinterest board but it’s literally the 31st of January 2023 rn and we’ve already booked for 2 of them so that’s a fucking success. i’m so confident more than ever about my power and how the 3D truly is just a reflection of my consciousness/ state i dwell on often!!!!!

yeah as u can see i literally have athens, venice, paris and amsterdam pics on here as a vision board :))))

i want to thank @0t0mie @lotusmi and @angelsinluv (also to twitter users that explanation states v well and posted motivating content . i don’t rlly use twitter for loa stuff cus my irl friends follow me there but there’s a community over there i would lurk on that encouraged states and helped me understand that the mindless affirming in aim to TRY and get ur manifestation was pointless)

anyways i cannot wait to post more loa success stories. this way of manifesting not only makes so much sense once u grasp it. it literally is so fucking easy and effortless 😩 cannot believe it took me this look to figure it out but honestly its fine. my desires are already mine now. that’s all that matters 😎💪

#loa #law of assumption #states loa #manifesation #manifesting #manifesting success #neville goddard #void state #spiritual #subliminals #shifting #shifting consciousness #consciousness

[sexyandhedonistic]

Faith (and feeling) is the secret: A small success story and what you can learn from it.

Hello, my loves. It’s been a while since I’ve made any sort of post on this blog. Today I’m going to be bringing you one of my many success stories. As someone who’s very private, I’m always skeptical about talking about any of them as they tend to be quite personal and oftentimes require me to disclose details to provide context. Even in this one, I’ll be keeping it occasionally vague and change a few insignificant details to preserve that privacy. Nevertheless, I feel good about sharing this one because I remember drawing so many comparisons and turning to a lot of what Neville himself said in his lectures and I applied what I’ve learned from beginning to end. Anyway, let’s get to the story:

This happened some time ago, it doesn’t really matter when but I had found out that a favorite artist of mine was having a concert after tickets had started going on sale. The concert was in one of my favorite cities which was a bit of distance from me so I was open to going, but not particularly compelled to. When I first heard about it, I looked up how much of the seating was occupied just to have an idea of how popular this concert was. 

I couldn’t even see the seating chart because it would halt me with a “there are no seats available at this time”. Knowing the law, if I really did want to go, what I had just read meant nothing in the slightest, so I wasn’t discouraged. I continued to check from time to time to see if anything had changed and I would bump into the same exact notice. But again, I was still open to going and what I had read held no value and my reaction was no different than if I had seen a stadium full of blue sections. It didn’t matter one bit. This went on for two months.

During that time, I found out that some of my friends were going, so now I was more interested in going as well. I hadn’t particularly assumed I would go throughout, I was always thinking of the idea rather than from it. So, although for the most part I had no solid desire to actually be there up until now, I still knew that if I wanted to, I could be. Not once through this entire time did I feel stressed nor desperate. I always had faith.

It was the month of the event and I still didn’t have seats, and then they announced a giveaway which I entered. The span to apply was approximately two weeks and they would announce a winner a week before the event. That very morning, I was still hopeful about winning. I felt good, I kept thinking about what it would be like to be in one of my favorite cities hanging out with my friends and seeing one of our favorite artists. And then I decided to induce the state akin to sleep to really place myself into that state of consciousness.

I would like to mention something very briefly here that I’m not sure whether or not I have previously brought up, but whenever I imagine during the state akin to sleep, I see it as death. What I mean by that is that I am conscious of being something I don’t want to be before I induce the SATS, and the goal should be to come out of that imaginal act conscious of being something else. That’s how you should always approach the state akin to sleep. Die to the old state and identify yourself with the new one. 

 Having already been in Los Angeles on numerous occasions, I drew the feeling from that. I recalled what the weather was like at that time of year, I remembered all of the landmarks I would pass by, I thought about how happy I would be to see my friends, how excited I would feel to see one of my favorite artists perform, and I mentally placed myself in that city. I was no longer sitting in bed within four walls miles and miles away. I was in Los Angeles. I was surrounded by the hot weather telling my friends how happy I was to see them and I heard them say it back to me. I saw the lights and the streets, I felt the butterflies of making my way to the venue and finding my seat. I took all of those feelings and really let myself sit and become fully drenched in them until I felt happy to be there. (And I remembered to think from the end and not of the end. Remember that this is key. If I simply thought about being there, it would create no shift in consciousness.) I kept focusing on that feeling, I didn’t have a particular scene in mind, I was simply focusing on the senses and the emotions of being there. I felt happy that I was able to make it, I was thinking about how glad I felt for not taking no for an answer and the memory of the present moment of me inducing the SATS was something I had done last week.

I wasn’t keeping track of the time I was in that state, but it was roughly an hour. I hadn’t slept and the sun was starting to rise when I pulled myself out. I felt satisfied with my prayer and I reminded myself that if for whatever reason I felt uncertain I could simply do the same, so I felt good. I wasn’t anxious about whether or not I had done enough because I knew praying and accepting that it was happening was all I had to do and soon enough I’d be making my way to LA. 

Then I went to sleep. The winners were to be announced in a few hours and shut my eyes assuming I would wake up to the good news. However, I didn’t win the giveaway, but I was a runner up and I was given access to purchase tickets at a heavily discounted price, which in itself was a good start to my trip to LA. I didn’t have a particular seat in mind when I saw myself there, but I did want to be close and I was (4th row from the stage). A seat that would’ve cost me about $230 went down to $60, so I snagged it. If you’re familiar with the You Are In Barbados story, this was my “Good news, Mr. Goddard” moment. It was happening.

I had my trip, I booked my flights, I prepared everything and within a week I was on my way to see so many of my favorite people in one city. I was ecstatic the entire time leading up to it and I enjoyed myself to death. The concert was on a weekend and I was back home by the time the week started. It was Tuesday and I was checking my inbox and for some reason I felt like going through my spam folder. And I came across an email that stood out to me.

It was an email from the event telling me that one of the winners hadn’t responded so I was next in line and I had won two tickets plus the opportunity to meet them. Now, I admit that I did think the giveaway was going to be the how in my story. When I induced the state akin to sleep, I didn’t visualize myself winning, I visualized myself being in LA because that was the actual end. What I most wanted was to attend the concert so that was the end I was living in. Yet, that email served as a reminder that if I really did want to meet them, I very much could have. That would’ve been the part where Abdullah would’ve told me, “Who said you are only attending? You are in Los Angeles and you met them.” If I had that desire in my heart, I would’ve remembered to remain faithful to that even after the giveaway had ended. Remember that it always comes down to persistence and brazen impudence when it comes to whatever it is that you really want. Know what you want and reject anything that isn’t it. Nothing more, nothing less.

I hope you guys enjoyed this little success story of mine and you can learn a thing or two from it. I know I’m always here providing advice to the best of my ability and this particular success story attests to the fact that I practice what I preach to you all. I’ve also told you guys before that when you all start having successes of your own, your faith in the law will only grow more and more. I speak from experience! 

So my advice to you from this story, as I always have advised:

Know what you want. Have a clear idea of your desire.

Facts aren’t important. The 3D isn’t important. 

Go straight to the end. You don’t need to become conscious of things in steps. (This is why I focused on being in LA and not on winning the giveaway.)

Have faith. Always walk by faith and not by sight.

The takeaway is to not worry about the how in the slightest, only concern yourself with what the end of your wish fulfilled looks like. It is yours if you truly want it. Focus on the end only, not anything in between. If you know circumstances don’t matter and you are limitless, that you don't need to worry about the how, the when, the why or the if, the only relevant question you should be asking yourself is the following:

Do you want it?

[psychewritesbs]

Chapter 212: Fester—Megumi's sense of self

Y’all.

Cursed JJK-Sunday.

So much for me being like “oh yeah catharsis is fucking amazing guys, you should defo try it every once in a while.”

And then laughing like a maniacal and tacky Mexican telenovela villainess because I loved the idea that Gege was about to make Megumi suffer and...

Joke’s on me... that cursed cat is a sadist and landed a low blow and now Megumi’s beautiful sense of self is... 

HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE NORMAL ABOUT THIS?!!!!!

It’s personal under the cut btw.

Literal picture of me waking up to see the JJK leaks first thing in the morning on Wednesday:

Just because I am not using the evil laughter doesn’t mean I don’t have other tacky af moments up my sleeves. 

But... as per usual, today I wish to go on a massive tangent. 

As I said above the cut, this got personal real quick.

Like, yes, let’s talk about how cruel it is for Tsumiki’s memories to be used against Megumi by Yorozu... 

And how cruel it was for Yuji to have to witness Sukuna take over Megumi’s body despite his best efforts to not just protect Megumi, but to save him...

Gege went to town with the irony this chapter... 

And how sad it is for Yuji to continue to undervalue his life as a mere cog that has served a “practical” purpose in the grander scheme of things. 

I personally really, really want to see Yuji love himself but like... I also know my kind and we can be very self-loathing.

Yes. All #the things.

Gege was seriously saving all of the good stuff for last. 

That said, I want to focus instead on how chapter 212 is a culmination point to a number of disparate and seemingly unrelated factors with one thing in common--Megumi and the major reorganization to everything that he is and stands for. 

Updated warning:

So today I am most interested in exploring Megumi’s sense of self because if there’s one thing that is clear to me is that I’m here for Megumi. 

As a result, this turned into a sort of introspective headcanon exploration on the nature of the sense of self or self-identity using my interpretation and relationship with Megumi as the basis for it. So just keep that in mind if you keep reading because as much as I care about “canon Megumi”, my interpretation of him, however “accurate or not accurate” it might feel to others, is inevitably a projection of my own psyche.

Thing is... and I am not sure that I’ve harped enough about it in my rambles but... as an amateur art historian, I see art as a mirror upon which we can see ourselves reflected both as collective members of humanity, and as individuals. One is a macrocosm to the other after all.

This is why I am a huge proponent of how the characters we love are reflections of our deepest sense of self whether we consciously recognize it or not. 

Megumi being relatable af

That said... Megumi’s sense of self has always been incredibly relatable to me and this post captures that experience really well from a personal perspective. 

So... yeah. Episode 23 in the anime is THE reason I read JJK.

I know I’ve said this three hundred million times I’ve been keeping track, but seeing Megumi step into a version of himself beyond his self-perceived limitations was one of the most inspiring and beautiful moments I have ever witnessed in animanga. 

It awoke in me a desire to do the same for myself and inspired me to find a way to go about it. A desire to exercise my free will to overcome my fate, to exercise my sense of agency to take control of my life. 

So to see Megumi’s sense of agency, his free will and consciousness get snuffed (even if it’s only temporarily) by Sukuna was... personal, not to mention a complete shock.

And yet... in retrospect it makes so much sense that things arrived at this point. Not just from a foreshadowing perspective, but from the perspective of the sense of self. 

For some time now I’ve seen Megumi as a character on an identity defining character arc. Meaning that the events in JJK were shaping how he sees himself in relation to others and his place in the world around him. 

Whereas prior to this arc Megumi was insecure and had a limited perception of himself...

During Shibuya he developed a confidence in himself and his ability to exert power over his environment that was not there before and that we got to see shine through in the events that followed Shibuya.

Perhaps that is why I always had the feeling that in the CG he was going to go through a reversal of his previous character development up to The Origin of Obedience arc where he kept “loosing” and bumping into obstacles he was afraid to tackle.

Rather, starting with Shibuya, Megumi kept “winning”. He was shown to combine his incredible intelligence (boy can manipulate people like a boss and there’s something very object-relations about it) with the new creative ways he was learning he could use his shadow-based Cursed Technique.

The sense of self and the proverbial glass ceiling

Now, given the nature of an identity-defining character arc, I felt like there would come a time when his current understanding of himself would be challenged by an outside force just as he was beginning to “coagulate” this new, more confident identity.

After all, Gege has shown us several times how when a sorcerer reaches the pinnacle of strength (self-knowledge) and takes it for granted, they get knocked down by their humanity (their shadow)--everything that they didn’t know that they didn’t know about themselves and the world around them.

Side note: I LOVE that Gege drew a soul in the panel above! This man is into soulmate bonds and soulmates recognizing each other and I love him all the more for it even after what he did to Megumi.

In other words, it’s like an invitation to never take our sense of self for granted. Because the moment you THINK you are The Strongest, you are quite literally putting a glass ceiling on top of who you THINK yourself to be. 

The moment you THINK you are “enlightened” you are in the ego’s grip, an illusion created by Wetiko/Mara that severely limits how you see yourself in relation to the world around you.

“No tree, it is said, can grow to heaven unless its roots reach down to hell.” In other words, as above, so below--an enlightened being is most human insofar as their shadow keeps growing right along with them.

To be clear, I’m not saying that Gojo is not THE Strongest. I am saying that Gojo was so confident that he was THE Strongest, that he failed to take into consideration, not just Kenny’s existence, but his own human ego’s emotional attachments--an opening that Kenny exploited if you think about it.

For a limitless being such as Gojo, his downfall was his limited human ego attachments. He might be an enlightened being, but he’s still human.

Also, just a friendly reminder that ego is not good or bad. Don’t fall for the bad reputation that the word “ego” has picked up over the years. Psychologically speaking, ego is your sense of self and YOU NEED IT to move through and experience your reality.

Anyways... that’s how we got here... Gojo got sealed, which allowed for the chain of events to unfold as it did, and that brought us to this particular culmination point...

The reason I bring up Gojo’s “weakness” is because Megumi is going through the same thing. The moment Megumi THINKS he’s got everything under control, well...

Megumi is betrayed by one of his most important people’s, and as a result his consciousness or sense of self gets snuffed like a candle in the wind.

Enchain 恵+活

So, real quick before we keep going... Just to emphasize how important kanji is in JJK: the Japanese phonetic spelling for “enchain” is “kei + katsu” and the kanji Gege used is 契闊.

The individual meaning of each kanji character doesn’t matter as much as swapping kanji that have similar phonetic sounds. 

There are several kanji that mean different concepts that have the same phonetic sound, so you have to find the right combination: 

Like the kanji for 恵 (kei) + 活 (katsu). Which, if you recognize the kanji for “kei”, it’s the kanji used in Megumi’s name. As for the kanji that replaced “katsu” (活) it means “Live / Resuscitation / Being helped / Living”.

I think I read about this from this user.

Boom. 

Gege hiding clues in the kanji? 

Ok moving on...

We all know Sukuna wanted to use Megumi for something nefarious and that he was waiting for just the right moment to activate his binding vow.

What’s interesting to me is that the precise moment that Sukuna was waiting for had everything to do with finding the right opening for taking over Megumi’s psyche. As it turns out, that was when Megumi was at his most vulnerable, which is, as I’ve said over and over and over and over again, one of the qualities Megumi deeply rejects about himself. More on this in a bit.

Basically, Sukuna’s opening was Megumi’s sense of self being weakened by the utter emotional shock he was in because of the reveal about Tsumiki. 

Like... we seriously have never seen Megumi show this much emotion, this strongly. And there’s something almost... idk... infantile about the way he’s depicted? 

I’m just throwing arrows in the dark here, but I get massive “abandonment issues” vibes. Almost like we’re seeing Megumi’s ego regress to a stage in his childhood where he last felt the sheer terror of betrayal and abandonment.

Gege you sadist! He’s seriously out to punish Megumi like the wrathful “God” that he is.

But going back to the idea of Megumi’s vulnerability being exploited because he assumed that Tsumiki had awakened a Cursed Technique instead of being a vessel for a sorcerer from the past...

Not only is this, again, an ironic reversal on how he looked down on Remi’s vulnerability for believing Reggie’s empty promises (even though she probably had NO clue that her lover’s consciousness did not exist any longer), but, again, it’s Megumi feeling vulnerable, a feeling he rejects.

Self-obliteration vs. self-affirmation

I have to thank Fellow Fishie #7 for helping me see this because I was so caught up in the shock to my own ego and so engrossed in my own experience of Megumi that I had failed to notice how Megumi’s self-obliterating thoughts and behaviors were a big part of Sukuna taking over his body.

Not to mention the lack of self-affirming thoughts and behaviors.

And this REALLY got me thinking. Like... REALLY got me thinking about the nature of self-identity and self-sabotage and self-hatred and how despite our best efforts at developing a sense of self, we are afraid to interface with the world and choose instead to stay within self-obliterating comfort zones.

For reference, an example of a self-obliterating behavior would be “addiction” (as an extreme example) and a self-obliterating thought would be rejecting your vulnerability. 

How so? With addiction you are numbing the self, and by rejecting your vulnerability you are inherently rejecting a part of your self.

In Jungian Psychology, the goal of psychological maturation is wholeness--that is, bringing the contents of the shadow to the light of consciousness and being able to hold the tension of all of our contradictions as human beings.   

During maturation and identity-formation, however, the ego creates an idea of itself. As we experience unpleasant feelings like shame or guilt, a lot of the personality traits associated with those unpleasant feelings get pushed into the Shadow to protect the ego’s idea of itself.

i.e. you know that moment when you come to the cold realization that you have been doing the exact same thing you hate about others? It takes A LOT of psychological strength to be able to see this truth about oneself and not reject it.

If I am honest, this is why “anti” stances baffle me... 

So any time you consciously, or even worse, unconsciously reject aspects of yourself, you are self-obliterating. As a clue, projection is one way you can recognize when you are rejecting aspects of yourself.

In Megumi’s case, we know he rejects both good and bad people. Megumi is neither good nor bad. To Megumi’s consciousness, neither of these personality traits apply to him. Other people are good, and other people are bad. 

Meaning, good and bad exist outside of himself and he is not good because if he was good he would be weak-minded and pretentious...

And he’s also not bad because, if he was bad, he would have no brains and zero emotional capability what’s up with this translation omg now I want to go read the Japanese raws...

Actually, reading these panels I am noticing just how skewed Megumi’s opinion is of both. His take on both good and bad people is immature at best.

BUT ANYWAYS... the point I am trying to make here is that, despite how much more confident in his abilities his sense of self has become, Megumi still self-obliterates and doesn’t realize it.

I think the main reason I agree that if Megumi dies right now is inconclusive and anticlimactic, is precisely because his sense of self is a beautiful example of what is possible for our self-identity when we step outside our self-obliterating comfort zones and step into self and life-affirming thoughts and behaviors.

If I had to say what it is that broke my heart about Sukuna taking over Megumi’s body it is precisely the fact that I’ve been rooting for Megumi to keep growing, to keep bettering himself. So to see him loose agency over his soul and body it just... guh. It gutted me.

Again. It’s PERSONAL AND I CAN’T BE NORMAL ABOUT IT. LIKE... WHERE AM I SELF-OBLITERATING (other than the obvious) AND HOW DO I STOP MYSELF FROM SELF-SABOTAGING?! WHERE DO I NEED TO BE MORE SELF AFFIRMING IN MY OWN LIFE?

The thing is that Megumi’s confidence in himself might have increased, but his emotional intelligence and self-awareness stagnated. And again, what happens in JJK to a character whose self-awareness stagnates? They get put in the fucking corner after having their vulnerability and their very humanity exploited.

To complicate things, Sukuna is Wetiko personified, a sense of self corrupted by the illusion and trappings of ego. Sukuna is self-affirming but not life-affirming. So whatever actions Sukuna takes in Megumi’s body, again... it will be self-affirming but not life-affirming for Megumi’s ego.

In other words... if Megumi’s sense of self is still alive somewhere in there, this is the ego death I’ve been waiting for. 

IF he’s still alive, the real test to his sense of self comes after Sukuna leaves his body.

idk if this makes sense but the content of this lecture will be on your finals. Please study properly. 

All of this to say...

TLDR; in conclusion

You son of a....

How am I supposed to continue to call him Daddy Sukuna?!!!! It feels SO wrong on SO many levels.

#jjk ch 212 #god I love jujutsu kaisen #give me back my megumi

[owl127]

I second the alpha x alpha clexa fic! Your idea with nerdy Lexa and femme Clarke sounds great!

read on Ao3

(Next)

Like the tide, regret came in waves. First, the music. Whoever dared to call themselves the DJ of the party simply selected some random playlist and abandoned it to fester on the loudspeakers. Second, Anya had vanished the moment they stepped into the house, mumbling something about a girl, which meant Lexa would be coming home alone that night. And finally, just like being swallowed by a tide, Lexa regretted coming to this party when she choked on the cheap concoction of punch fruit mix and low shelf vodka. 

Regret, regret, regret. Coming to this party had been a mistake. She escaped to the backyard of the house hoping to find freedom from mediocre music and people. Ignoring a huddle of stoners that offered her a joint—no thank you; she had soccer practice early the next morning—she made her way to the back gate. Freedom was close. Suddenly too close, when the wooden gate opened from the outside straight at her face and Lexa fell backwards, ungracefully.

“Holy shit!” She heard someone call from above her. Lexa would love to yell at her perpetrator as soon as she could open her eyes, but then something warm filled her mouth.

“Fuck, you killed her, Clarke.”

“I didn’t kill her!” The voice was closer, and someone helped her sit up. Lexa opened her eyes, saw blue, and closed them again. She blinked hard, unfocused. “Here, put this under your nose,” the same voice instructed, gentle, and Lexa felt pressure under her nose. 

“Is she okay?”

“Hi. Can you hear us?” Lexa finally regained full consciousness and stared at maybe the one reason she would stay at a horrible party. 

“Hi,” Lexa mumbled from under the cloth on her nose. Everything hurt. Her nose, her cheek, her face. It was like the day she had hit her face against the goal post back in high school, but this time she didn’t score.

“What’s your name?” Her rescuing muse asked, her warm hand holding whatever was keeping Lexa’s nose from bleeding. 

“Lexa.” Lexa felt for all her teeth with her tongue. No gaps. That was good. “What happened?”

“She tried to kill you,” someone said from above them, and the muse flipped them off.

“It was an accident. O, get some of the beer ice for me?”

Lexa took a deep breath and tried to free her face from whatever was on it. 

“Let’s keep it there for a little more, okay? Until the bleeding stops. It doesn’t look bad, though. You’ll live.”

“Good.” Lexa tasted copper on her tongue. “I like to live.”

The laugher that erupted from her savior was melodic and low, like a touch of salt in a sweet cupcake. Lexa liked it. 

“Here.” The cloth, which Lexa noticed was a hoodie, was replaced by ice in a ziplock bag, and the coolness immediately soothed Lexa’s senses. “Hold that to your nose. Let’s take a look at it somewhere quieter.” Lexa accepted the hand and stood up, noticing the couple of inches she had on the girl. They walked back to the house, and her saving angel greeted the stoners with high fives, never letting Lexa’s hand go. 

“Benji’s locked downstairs, and there’s a bathroom there,” the girl said, as if any of those words made sense, guiding Lexa through the party crowd. Lexa focused on not tripping and holding the ice to her face; she failed at both. They made it to a door behind the stairs and, once it clicked shut, a merciful extra layer was between them and the loud music. 

Lexa plopped on the couch, hissing, and tried to touch her nose. 

“Wait, let me see.” Without distractions, Lexa could only look at the girl next to her. Her pink glitter eyeshadow was smudged, but her lips were still pristine cherry red. Delicate fingers touched Lexa with such care that she closed her eyes again. “Not broken. Just a bump,” she declared.

“How do you know that?”

“I’ve done that once or twice. I’m Clarke, by the way. Sorry about the whole gate-at-your-face thing. We were out getting beer because the vodka bomb Bellamy made is disgusting.” 

“It is disgusting. I’m Lexa.”

“You told me.” The girl said easily, a satisfied grin on her face when her hands left Lexa’s numb cheek. “I asked you before to make sure you were not unconscious.”

“I’m conscious.”

“That you are.” Lexa tried and failed to not look at the exposed cleavage every time Clarke laughed. Maybe being hit in the face had its advantages, like meeting the cutest omega at the party. 

“Is this your party?” Lexa asked, twitching her nose to test it out. It burned, but less so, and Lexa wasn’t sure if that was because of the effect of the ice or the girl. 

“Gods, no!” Clarke laughed again and Lexa had become addicted to it. “Bellamy is my friend O’s brother, and this is his party. We tried to offer ideas, but he wanted to do it all himself. That’s why it sucks.”

“It kinda sucks.”

Clarke looked at something behind Lexa, her smile blossoming into something warm and inviting. “Oh, hey, Benji.” Lexa turned her head to see a black cat with two big white spots staring at them from atop the dryer. He purred when Clarke motioned for him to come and made his way to her lap. He ignored Lexa completely, jumping above her shoulder to land on Clarke’s jeans. “Such a good boy.” She petted him a couple of times, and he spread himself on her lap in a cute offering. “He hides here whenever there’s new people in the house.”

Lexa risked a touch to the cat’s fur, and if he didn’t like strangers, he was too absorbed in Clarke’s caress to notice. She couldn’t blame him. Her fingers grazed Clarke’s, and no one pulled away. Benji purred in cat heaven-bliss, his legs up in the air at the attention.

“He’s the cutest thing ever,” Clarke whispered, leaning down to kiss the cat’s head. Lexa’s mind, so unprepared for the boost in cleavage view and a hot girl leaning down on her lap, swallowed the aftertaste of blood and repeated,

“The Cutest thing ever.” Clarke looked up, the glitter on her eyeshadow quivering with a single raised eyebrow. That was a challenge Lexa took head on, so she completed, “and the cat is not too bad.”

Clarke laughed, quiet and rich, and tucked a stray blonde lock behind her ear. “You’re not concussed, are you?”

Lexa frowned, her hand touching Clarke’s palm above the endless purring. “I hope not. But maybe I am a little to have the guts to flirt with you.”

Clarke’s smile was wide and beautiful, a small dimple on her cheek sparkling with makeup. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to assume. That’s on me for judging a book by the cover.” Her finger played with her hair again and Lexa saw a blush creeping down from her cheeks to her neck. She wanted to kiss the pink taking over pale skin, sink her teeth and leave marks on mapped freckles. Was that a concussion or a crush?

Between them, the monochrome cat was satisfied with the attention and jumped on the ground, leaving their hands with no excuse on why they were still touching. Lexa knew it was her role to take action; she would lean in and kiss those beautiful lips, get all smudged in red lipstick, finally find out how soft that little spot under her jaw would feel and—

Clarke kissed her while Lexa planned her move. It was gentle, mindful of Lexa’s nose, and yet Clarke’s tongue was slow but purposeful, an insistent explorer of everything Lexa wanted to give. Lexa opened her mouth to deepen the kiss, swallowing the moan that escaped Clarke’s lips. She welcomed the hand on her hips, allowing herself to be pulled closer, until that wasn’t enough, and she bit under Clarke’s jaw, whispering, “Do you want to sit on my lap?”

The grin that spread on Clarke’s face was predatory. All teeth and dimples, ready to pounce. So she was that type of omega, okay. Lexa could roll with that. Clarke’s hands were gentle when she cradled the back of Lexa’s head, pulling it to reveal Lexa’s pulsing point on her neck. 

“You good? Your nose okay?” Clarke asked, breath heavy against Lexa’s lips, and Lexa would endure another gate to her face just to kiss this woman again. She nodded and gasped when Clarke sat fully on her lap. She was warm, warmer than her hands, all hot touches of tongue and hands. Clarke’s knees hit the back of the couch, her breasts on display as she moved her hair aside and leaned in for another kiss. They parted for air, breaths mingling, and Clarke rolled her hips and Lexa couldn’t suppress a moan.

“That wasn’t because of your nose, was it?” Clarke’s eyes spoke of want, but her words were laced with concern. Lexa smiled and kissed her, tongues meeting halfway. 

“No,” she reassured the woman on her lap, hooking her fingers on Clarke’s belt. “That was something else.”

Clarke rolled her hips again, and Lexa bit her lip not to gasp. “I wonder what?” Clarke teased, grinding her hips farther. Lexa had not predicted a handjob tonight, but sure, she also had not predicted being knocked out, but there she was. 

“Fuck,” Clarke hissed above her, and Lexa continued her diligent work on her ear. She sucked the earrings there, licked the reddening skin, then went for another kiss. She ignored the protest her nose made when Clarke pushed back, hunger in her gasps. “You kiss like you mean it,” Clarke confessed mid-kiss, her hands toying with Lexa’s button-up shirt. “Can I open this?” Lexa nodded and continued to kiss Clarke’s neck as her buttons fell open, one haphazardly after the other. Clarke’s hands toyed with the underside of her sports bra, painted nails pulling at the elastic. Lexa made a questioning noise in the back of her throat that Clarke interpreted correctly, her own blouse hitting the floor. Black lace and peaked nipples welcomed Lexa.

“You’re gorgeous,” Lexa whispered, her mouth closing on a nipple, and Clarke was the one making embarrassing sounds. Lexa hummed at the scrape of nails on her nape, pulling her head impossibly closer, and she obliged, the pain a minor distraction in her mind so overpowered by boobs. Lexa helped Clarke to start a rhythm, her hands on her backside pulling her back and forth, the heat between them growing. There was a particular grind where Clarke’s jeans met Lexa’s hardening member just right, and her hips moved to meet hers in sync. “Fuck, you’re making me hard,” Lexa confessed into blonde hair, her tongue licking under Clarke’s chin. Clarke hummed with the praise, her hips never stopping.

“Me too, babe.” She breathed hot on Lexa’s ear, leaving lipstick marks all over Lexa’s skin. 

Lexa didn’t process what Clarke said. Too preoccupied with damp lace under her tongue to fully comprehend what Clarke had said. Until she wasn’t. “Wait, what?”

Clarke didn’t stop their grinding, sucking a deep mark on Lexa’s neck. “What did you say?” Lexa repeated the question, moving one hand to Clarke’s lower back. Hazed, with pupils eating at the blue of her eyes, Clarke blinked, tilting her head to the side. 

“What?” Clarke asked, now confusion between her knitted eyebrows. “Is your nose okay?”

“I’m fine, but… are you—” Lexa didn’t have to form the question. All she had to do was look beyond the boobs—a herculean task with an almost half-naked Clarke on her lap—to see the bulge in her own pants. And the other one in Clarke’s. The sweet, sweet grinding had been — “You’re an alpha,” Lexa wheezed, eyes wide.

Unphased, Clarke tucked a stray braid back behind Lexa’s ear. “Yeah?”

“I… I did not know that.”

Clarke chuckled, the new bruise on her neck shining a light pink. “That’s the problem of assuming things about people, isn’t it?”

“But.” Lexa’s eyes fixed on her own erection and the matching one in Clarke’s pants. Clarke had a penis. A legitimate dick. Hard. Which had been grinding against Lexa’s own. “But I’ve never been with an alpha,” Lexa said, and finally looked up to find a tight smile. 

“If you’re going to be a jerk about it,” Clarke warned, “you better fucking leave now.”

“No, no, no, it’s not like that. It’s that I’ve never…” She bit her lip and watched as Clarke looked her up and down.

“It’s the first time you desire an alpha.” Clarke rolled her hips in emphasis. “The first time you get hard for one.”

Lexa couldn’t do anything but nod. This was… weird. No, different. Unprecedented. Not unpleasant; quite the contrary. Clarke was a cloud of perfume and painted nails and still looked damn heck proud of her status. Lexa admired that. She wanted that.

“I understand if you want to stop.” Clarke kissed Lexa’s cheek. “But I’d really like to touch you. You look like you’d moan my name as you come.” There was that embarrassing noise in Lexa’s throat again. “Or,” Clarke continued atop her throne, running a single finger down Lexa’s chin. “You can go home and jerk off thinking about fucking me. So what do you say?” 

Anya would make so much fun of her if she knew. Or would she? Would anyone even care?

“Yes.” Lexa lifted her head to find Clarke’s lips, but she pulled back, a warm, so warm hand on Lexa’s chest. 

“Yes to what, Lexa? I need to hear you say it.”

Swallowing on nothing, Lexa focused on kiss-swollen lips. “I want you to touch me.” Lexa didn’t hear her own voice, not with blood rushing everywhere at once. Her ears popped, her heart throbbed desperately in her ribcage and pleasantly between her legs. Clarke’s lips were rough on hers, her always-warm hands strong when she lowered Lexa’s zipper. Had she always been so intense and only now Lexa associated this with being an alpha? Or being an alpha had nothing to do with it; was that just Clarke?

“Do you usually do this with other alphas?” Lexa said through gritted teeth, her hands digging into Clarke’s jeans. Clarke closed her fist around her and Lexa moaned, leaning her forehead on Clarke’s shoulder. 

“Sometimes.” Clarke kissed Lexa’s temple, lingering there for a moment. Lexa twitched in Clarke’s hand. “Lexa.” She coaxed Lexa out of hiding. With her free hand, she held Lexa’s chin, and the corners of her eyes lowered at whatever she saw in Lexa’s face. “There’s nothing wrong with wanting another alpha, Lexa.” Her dominant hand around Lexa moved, a slow up and down, almost a lazy stroke. Clarke did everything with precision, a hidden, meaningful grace. “It doesn’t make you less of an alpha, or a woman.” Following the cadence of Lexa’s gasps, Clarke sped up, spreading the dripping need along Lexa’s shaft. “Or me. I’m no less of an alpha for doing this.” Clarke looked down, and Lexa would never forget how fascinated she looked. 

“Come here.” Lexa leaned for a kiss and helped Clarke sit next to her instead. “Can you touch yourself while you touch me?” 

Clarke nodded enthusiastically at the proposal, her first graceless move the way she spread her legs and wiggled until the tight jeans were below her hips. Lexa loved that she had thin, lacy briefs that did nothing to hide her arousal. Lexa’s fingers clawed at Clarke’s thighs, and she hoped to leave marks, a visceral need taking over to have any kind of claim on her. 

If Clarke wasn’t an expert on this, no one else would be. She moved both hands in sync, watching for clues on Lexa’s face and bucking her hips at each stroke. Lexa mimicked her movements, their hips jumping in tandem, fingers digging into pale skin. Lexa tilted her head to bite Clarke’s shoulder.

Tongue on Clarke’s bruised skin, Lexa asked, “Can I?”

“What?” Clarke’s half-lidded eyes widened as Lexa’s right hand moved in her direction. Clarke was apparently left-handed, and Lexa was right-handed, a perfect combination as Lexa, for the first time in her life, held someone else’s hard, leaking cock.

“Fuck,” Lexa whined as Clarke sped up at her first touch. Clarke was thick, thicker than her, but Lexa did what usually worked for her, wrist twisting close to the knot and light at the head. Clarke moaned, tightening her grip on Lexa. Pre-come poured freely from Lexa’s head, coating Clarke’s hands, making the gliding smoother.

“Harder,” Clarke asked in a gasp, and Lexa struggled to keep her rhythm, liquid beading over Clarke’s broad head. “Yeah, babe, like that.”

Lexa bit her lip at the term of endearment. Part of her wanted to giggle at having another grown alpha calling her babe, but whatever was left of her functional brain melted at Clarke’s voice.

“I can’t wait to feel your cock inside me.”

An image flashed in Lexa’s closed eyelids as vividly as a memory: Clarke, all soft curves and hard cock, on all fours, head buried in a pillow as Lexa fucked and fucked into her. “That’s it, babe, come for me.”

Lexa grunted, her hips missing the increasing pace. Fuck, she was going to come already. She could feel it building in her belly. She opened her eyes to see Clarke kicking off her pants and straddling her again. Clarke shifted closer, her proud erection an angry red, and Lexa salivated. “This is alright?” Lexa nodded, and moaned as Clarke’s hand closed around her again, but this time Clarke’s cock was touching hers, teasing the sensitive underside. It transfigured Lexa; her cock was longer, but Clarke topped in girth, and the knot forming at her base was impressive. They glided together, Clarke using her hand to stimulate them. 

“God,” Clarke moaned on top of Lexa, her breasts bouncing, her hips thrusting forward, and Lexa wondered if she would look like that while riding her.

“Clarke, Clarke, I’m going to—”

“Make a mess, babe.” There was an unmistakable alpha tone to Clarke’s voice, and it was that what pushed Lexa into sweet oblivion. She came with a long moan that died on Clarke’s neck, thrusting into Clarke’s hand with hard thrusts of her hips. She felt the splash of warm come on her belly, and then Clarke was joining her, a long, high-pitched moan leaving her lips as she continued to stroke them and scratch Lexa’s nape at the same time.

Indeed, they made a mess.

It took a long time for Lexa to open her eyes, her abs twitching in aftershocks, when Clarke finally released her. Her nose ached, but she kept it pressured against Clarke’s neck, enjoying the scent that became stronger there.

“You good?” Clarke asked, guiding Lexa to look up at her. Lexa smiled at the smudged lipstick. 

“Yeah.”

“You really look concussed now.”

“Worth it.”

Clarke kissed Lexa’s cheek, lingering there. “Is it okay if I asked for your number? In case you don’t regret this alpha experience.”

“I don’t regret it,” Lexa said, nuzzling into Clarke’s neck. “I kind of want to do it again.”

“Hmm…” Clarke’s fingers grazed Lexa’s chin, lifting it for a short, sweet kiss. “There are other things we could do, too. Just saying.”

Lexa blinked slowly, the mental images taking life. Between them, her cock twitched, curious. Clarke kissed her, albeit softly. “But you really look like you need a break. Can I drive you home?”

Lexa realized that saying no to Clarke was extremely difficult.

And she was okay with that.

(Next)

#drabble #ask the owl #long time coming but look at me #writing prompts #clexa #clexa fanfic #thank you all the thirsty anons living in my inbox #you give me life #some self discovery for our little gays #omegaverse #abo #sexy times #guess what happens next #if i ever get to write it

[indigowallbreaker]

Hey there! If it's fine, may I request 63 from the kiss prompts with Sylvain, Felix, and Ashe? Just found your writings recently and they're great! <3

Glad you’re enjoying my work! I hope you enjoy this too!

63. Routine Kisses Where The Other Person Presents Their Cheek/Forehead For The Hello/Goodbye Kiss Without Even Looking Up From What They’re Doing

(Currently accepting rare ships! Click here for the info post!)

--

The Gautier estate was not a very calming place, even with Sylvain taking the title of Margrave. There were always meetings to attend, troops to train, orders to give-- not to mention the piles and piles of paperwork. Ashe had to consciously carve out time to just sit and listen to the logs in the fireplace crackle, or savor the lunch he helped the cooks make, or pursue the library in for a good book. And it was pulling teeth trying to get Sylvain to slow down and do the same.

Once Felix finally moved in with them, Ashe had declared the mornings “rush free”. 

“So if renegade Empire troops attack the borders I’m just supposed to stay tucked in bed?” Felix had asked gruffly.

Ashe frowned. “That would be an exception.”

“Hurray.”

Sylvain nudged Felix. “Come on, you came here to spend more time with us, didn’t you? What’s wrong with having mornings to ourselves?”

“And it wouldn’t be the whole morning,” Ashe added. “Just time enough to have breakfast together. No interruptions.”

After grumbling about needing to redo his training schedule, Felix had agreed. Sylvain, praising Ashe for his great idea, agreed as well.

It wasn’t easy. At first the trio had a whole two hours to themselves every morning. But, within a fortnight, that time had dwindled to half an hour. Then Felix had put his foot down and yelled at the Gautier staff for needing so much hand holding-- and Sylvain, equally frustrated, did nothing to reign him in. Ashe had apologized to the servants later but gave each general and advisor a firm glare.

Which is how, at long last, Ashe found himself on the couch in their sitting room, listening to the crackle of the fireplace and sandwiched comfortably between Sylvain and Feix. Sylvain had one hand in Ashe’s hair as he reviewed a report for his afternoon meeting. Felix drank his tea, feet propped up on the low table in front of them and occasionally bumping Sylvain’s leg. 

The clock began to chime, breaking the quiet. Sylvain heaved a sigh. “Alright, I gotta get ready.”

Felix scowled. “I still don’t see what you could possibly do for merchants out of the eastern port,” he said into his cup. 

“I think they just need me to sit at the head of the table and be stunningly handsome while they talk it out.”

Ashe laughed and Felix rolled his eyes as Sylvain disappeared into their bedroom to change. “You have to get going too, right?” Ashe asked, bumping Felix with his shoulder.

“I’ve got some time.”

Ashe didn’t know if he fully believed that but he wasn’t about to push Felix away. Leaning forward, Ashe took the top letter from his pile of that day’s mail and opened it, settling back against Felix again. “Can I read you the latest update from Gaspard? My sister’s reports are always more detailed than my brother’s.”

“Sure.”

The letter was detailed enough that Ashe was still reading when Sylvain left the bedroom fully dressed. “I’m off,” Sylvain announced, folding his arms over the back of the couch between them.  

“Good luck,” Ashe said as he tilted his left cheek up. Felix did the same with his right, eyes still on the letter. Sylvain pressed a kiss to each cheek before ruffling Ashe’s hair one last time and turning for the door. 

He stopped in the doorway. “Don’t you have that thing, Felix? The captain orientation thing? Or is that tomorrow?”

“It’s today. I’ll leave soon.” Felix waved a hand at Sylvain to urge him out the door. “Get going, and don’t forget to be handsome or whatever.”

With a wink, Sylvain left. Ashe looked at Felix. “Captain orientation? Are you late?”

Felix shrugged. “I’ll be fine. I mostly just need my swords. Finish the letter.”

Luckily they were on the last page. Once done, Ashe gently took Felix’s empty tea cup from him. “Get dressed,” he ordered just as gently.

Felix stood from the couch, hesitated, then continued on to the bedroom. Taking the next letter, Ashe sat back again the pillow Sylvain had been using as an armrest, trying to draw peace from the warmth Sylvain had left behind and the lingering scent of Felix’s tea.

When Felix opened the bedroom door again, he was indeed armed with both his favorite swords. He fiddled with the straps on their scabbards as he approached Ashe. 

Ashe inclined his head and accepted Felix’s kiss to his forehead.  “Good luck,” he said as Felix straightened.

“I hate when we leave at the same time,” Felix blurted out.

Ashe looked up. “Huh?’

Hands still busy with his straps, Felix said, “When Sylvain and I have things to do but you stay here-- I hate when we have to run out on you. So I wanted to stagger this morning a bit.” Felix met Ashe’s gaze. “I know I didn’t think much of this idea at first but it’s been nice having time set aside just for you two. I’d hate to make you feel abandoned just because we have places to be.”

Ashe found himself smiling as he took one of Felix’s hands. “We’re all busy, Felix. That’s why I wanted to plan this time together in the first place! As long as we have that-- and as long as we’re all together at the end of the night-- then I could never feel abandoned. Is that how you feel, when I have to go on missions and Sylvain has meetings and we leave you here?”

“No...”

“Then I’m fine.” Ashe kissed his knuckle. “We’re fine. I love you.”

“I love you too.” 

Accepting one more kiss to the forehead, Ashe let go for Felix. “You’ll be late.”

“Like they could start without me.” But Felix turned for the door and, with one last look at Ashe, left.

Ashe settled back into the couch again. As he continued reading the letter from Caspar, he absently wondered how to increase their mornings back to two hours. 

Somehow, he got the feeling Felix would like that. 

#fire emblem three houses #ashe ubert #sylvain jose gautier #felix hugo fraldarius #rare pair run #ashefevain #sylvixashe #ashevainlix #I love trying to mix three names for a ship lol #cinnamon-bunni #been in SUCH an ot3 mood lately thanks for this!

[theimperialnuisance]

FFXIV Write 2023 || FFXIV Write info\\Prompt list\\Character info \\Master post ||

Prompt 17: You Pick (Trouble-Maker)

a person (or in this case a Chocobo) who consciously or unconsciously causes trouble

Character(s): Kien Eilath, G'raha Tia Cw: none c: Word count: 2510 Notes: so I originally wrote this for a prompt I received in my ask box and it was so fun to write but I couldn't think of a good beginning so I left it as a WIP. I finally managed to start and finish it so I thought this would be perfect for the word I chose for the free day! Read more for length <3 takes place shortly before patch 5.4!

The chronometer ticked idly as music played quietly throughout Cid’s workshop. Kien sat behind the desk, several airship blueprints were scattered in front of him as he scratched out various notes and hummed quietly to the music.

It had been just shy of a week since the Scions returned from the First and since everyone was still on rest orders from their soul rejoining, Kien found himself with ample free time he wasn’t used to having. Most of his time was spent assisting Tataru at the Rising Stones or at the Twin Adder but lately he had been occupied in the workshop, wanting to build an airship for his Free Company.

Cid was happy to get him started by lending out his old blueprints, but the project was proving to be more difficult than he thought, and the stubbornness to make progress kept him in the workshop for several bells every day. He groaned at the paper in front of him, the lines beginning to blur together from his endless starring of trying to make sense of it.

“There you are!”

Kien’s ears perked up in alert as the familiar voice of G’raha drifted into the workshop and he threw an arm over his chair to twist himself around enough to smile at the newest Scion in greeting. “Cid said you’d be here if I couldn’t find you in the Rising Stones. Have you been here all morning?”

Kien leaned back to glance at the chronometer, surprised to find so much time had passed since he first sat down to work. “I guess so,” he replied, tossing G’raha a sheepish grin. “The Twin Adder didn’t have any missions today, so I thought I’d spend the morning working on the airship…I didn’t realize it’s been several bells since I’ve been here.”

“How is it coming along?” G’raha asked as he peered down at the pile of work Kien had before him.

“Slowly,” Kien couldn’t help but let out a small, frustrated sigh. “There’s so many components to it and no two blueprints are the same…I can’t figure where to start.”

“Mayhap a walk will help?” G’raha suggested innocently as he moved behind the chair, unbeknownst to the other as he looked back down at the pile of blueprints again, shaking his head. G’raha pressed on. “It might help you clear your head, especially since I haven’t seen you take a moment for yourself since we all returned from the First.”

“This counts as time to myself,” Kien replied without missing a beat, causing the other to frown slightly in response. “I’m sure I just glanced over the wrong thing and need to start over…” He trailed away in his abstracted muttering, a frustrated sigh escaping him as he crumbled up his notes and pulled out a blank page to write on.

“You know,” G’raha began as he slowly clasped his hands around Kien’s chest from behind. “I’m fairly certain every now and then, the famed Warrior of Light and Darkness deserves a free afternoon. Especially if it means giving your mind a break from work.” He rested his chin on Kien’s shoulder, the movement bringing back a memory that caused him to chuckle. “This feels familiar, does it not?”

Kien finally looked up from the blueprints he was reading, a small unseen smile spreading across his face as he leaned into G’raha’s embrace and glanced his head to the side so he could make eye contact with him. “Yes, it does,” he replied with a laugh. “Only this time, it’s you trying to get me out of the workshop instead of me trying to drag you out of the Ocular.”

G’raha nodded his head as he leaned in closer to tighten his grasp around the unsuspecting man’s chest, his tail swishing playfully behind him. “And your intentions were so gracious that I intend to follow your example.” Before he even gave Kien a chance to process his reply, G’raha used the hold he had around Kien to drag his chair back from the desk causing the other to make a noise of surprise and protest before swiftly maneuvering himself onto the others lap, his hands now clasped loosely around Kien’s neck. “No souls at risk this time—I think the airship construction can wait a bit longer.” He peered up innocently at his partner, ears flickering a few times as he grinned.

Kien could only blink at him in amusement before chuckling. “You weren’t going to give me an option to say no, were you?” G’raha wordlessly shook his head, still grinning cheekily. The raven haired Miqo’te let out an exasperated sigh but grinned all the same. “Alright Raha, you win,” he raised his hands in a small surrender. “The rest of my afternoon is in your hands.”

“Excellent! I thought you’d say yes.” G’raha replied as he drew back to slide off Kien’s lap, the other playfully rolling his eyes. “Since you’ve been here all morning, I suspect you’ll be wanting lunch, so I took the liberty of preparing some sandwiches for us.” He turned to offer a hand for Kien to take and gently guided him to his feet, both of his hands still loosely clinging to Kien’s as they faced each other. “And since you have Nova, Blaise was kind enough to lend me her Chocobo Jester as a means for transport to our destination, if you’ve no objections?”

“Not at all,” Kien replied as he arched an eyebrow at the other in curiosity. “How long have you been planning this?”

A slight blush began to dust G’raha’s cheeks. “Oh, for a while now,” he looked away for a moment as if slightly embarrassed. “Since before you even woke me up here actually.” The blush was slowly becoming more prominent on his face. “You’ve done so much for me these past few moons; I wanted a way to repay that kindness. I know you’ve been trying to find ways to keep yourself busy while everyone recovers, but I think you deserve a day of relaxing as well…just like you had hoped for when all of this was over.” He paused for a moment, suddenly shy. “Too much?”

Kien’s expression softened as he released one of his hands from G’raha’s hold so he could cup the other’s face gently and lean in close to touch his forehead to his, his heart thrumming in his chest. “It’s perfect.” He nuzzled his head against G’raha’s who returned it in kind, both blushing and smiling in a moment of bliss. “Though, I will make one suggestion...” Kien said after they pulled away, G’raha hummed in curiosity. “I’ll take Jester and you take Nova…trust me on this.”

“Alright then,” G’raha smiled as he tugged on Kien’s hand to guide him to the door. “Shall we?”

—=—=—

They arrived at Hawthrone Hut just as the sun rose to mid-afternoon. Jester was constantly ruffling his wings in anticipation and digging his talons into the grass, letting out various whistles and chirps while Kien finished securing his barding. Beside him, Nova waited patiently for G’raha to finish his own preparations, letting out a soft ‘kweh’ in Jester’s direction as if chastising him for being so impatient.

“He’s quite energetic today, isn’t he?” G’raha looked over to Jester with a chuckle as the Chocobo playfully nipped at Kien’s hand every time he reached up to adjust the helm.

“Very much so,” Kien replied with a short laugh as he dodged his hand out of the way a few times before successfully clipping in the reins. “Even Blaise has a hard time getting him to calm down sometimes, and I imagine he’s full of energy with how little he got out of the stables while we were all away in the First.” He gave Jester’s beak a gentle pat and the Chocobo nudged Kien’s arm happily with a chirp.

“I think this ride will be good for him then.” G’raha grinned as he gently patted Nova’s beak after his preparations were finished. “Although, there might be something else that could help burn out some of that energy.” The red haired Miqo’te smirked as he swung himself up onto the saddle in one swift motion, adjusting his grip with the reins as he waited for Kien.

Kien raised an eyebrow at the other. “Oh? What’s that?” He followed G’raha’s lead, quickly grabbing the reins to keep Jester steady who once again let out a loud squawk, eager to take off now that his passenger was on the saddle.

“I think Jester knows what I’m thinking.” G’raha laughed. He leaned down to gently pat Nova’s head. “You ready Nova? We’re going to race!” Nova let out a loud squawk in eagerness and ruffled her wings.

“A race…?” Kien barely had time to adjust his grip on the reins before Jester let out a loud squawk, rearing up in eagerness and nearly knocking Kien off with the movement. “Whoa!” He quickly tightened his hold on the reins and leaned in low to keep his balance as Jester shot off down the path, picking up enough speed to whip up the leaves into the air. “Wait! Jester!” Kien tried to pull on the reins to slow Jester down again, but the bird continued to sprint, letting out a loud whistle as he tossed his head back in happiness, completely lost in his own bliss of getting to run freely.

“Kien! Wait!” He heard G’raha call out. “I didn’t say go!”

Kien glanced back to G’raha with a sheepish grin, his hair whipping his face as Jester let out a loud whistle. “Sorry! I can’t get him to slow down!” He called back, nearly losing his balance again. “You wanted to race, didn’t you?”

“Yes well,” G’raha’s voice grew closer as he finally urged Nova to move forward to which she was able to catch up quickly enough. “Traditionally, you’re supposed to wait for a ‘go’ before you race!”

Kien tossed back a grin as Jester continued his sprint, sunlight dappling on his skin as it flickered through the trees. “I don’t think Jester wants to follow traditions today!” He heard G’raha let out a playful sigh just as Jester picked up the pace again, leaving G’raha and Nova far behind as they sped through the Honey Yard. By the time Jester began to slow down and Kien was able to regain control of the reins, they had nearly made it to the Mirror Planks of the far side of the East Shroud.

G’raha and Nova weren’t too far behind in their trot and once they caught up, G’raha slowed Nova down so that she was side by side with Jester. Kien reached over to pat Nova’s head; despite not winning the race, she looked rather proud of herself for keeping pace with Jester the entire time. “Despite the unfair advantage, I concede.” G’raha teased lightly. “I suppose that’s what I get for challenging a Chocobo with too much pent-up energy.”

“He can be quite the trouble-maker,” Kien hummed in agreement, his face still flushed from the adrenaline rush. “That’s why I suggested we switch in the first place…I think we’ll have to take him out more for Blaise’s sake, so she doesn’t have to deal with impromptu races once she’s on her feet again.” Jester let out a ‘kweh’ in agreement causing Kien to chuckle as he gave him a gentle stroke through his neck feathers. “The gazebo is just up ahead…shall we stop there for lunch?”

“That’s where I had hoped to go, even if we got here a lot faster than intended.” G’raha smiled, causing Kien to laugh again. They reached the gate to the docks and Kien slid off Jester’s saddle to open the gate and allow Nova to stroll in with G’raha still on her back. Jester followed in next, heading straight for the water while Kien returned to Nova’s saddlebag to search for some greens for the two birds.

G’raha slid off Nova’s back and placed the basket of sandwiches down on the gazebo floor and turned to accept the greens from Kien to give to Nova who was eagerly eyeing them. She nudged G’raha’s arm in appreciation with a chirp as he held out the greens for her to take, a small chuckle escaping him as she eagerly accepted. With his attention diverted by Nova, the Archon hardly noticed Jester sneaking up behind him, a playful intent in his gait as he treaded carefully so as not to alert the Miqo’te.

There was a crunch of leaves, causing G’raha’s ears to flicker back to the noise but before he could turn, Nova nudged him again and he laughed. “Hey now, there’s still plenty left.” He reached down to grab more greens, failing to notice Jester right behind him until he heard the Chocobo let out a playful squawk and nudge him in the back. The sudden jolt from behind caught the Archon off guard and he stumbled forward with a gasp right toward an unsuspecting Kien who reacted with just enough time to catch him, but the impact was still strong enough to cause the two to tumble down toward the grass.

“By the twelve!” G’raha had just enough time to throw his hands out to catch himself from falling atop Kien’s chest and glanced down at the other, doing a once over to ensure there were no injuries from the fall. “Are you alright? Jester took me unaware--” He tried to begin to explain what happened, but the rest of the words died in his throat when he caught sight of Kien’s face, a lopsided smile spreading across his own. The other was laughing hysterically, so much so that he had tears beading his eyes. G’raha couldn’t help but let his own laughter overtake him as he breathlessly said, “I’ll admit, this is not how I thought this afternoon would turn out.”

Kien’s laughter finally began to subside, and he reached up to wipe away his tears before propping himself up onto his elbows. “Don’t worry,” he smiled. “This day was exactly what I needed.” He reached a hand up to cup G’raha’s cheek, lifting his face closer and G’raha leaning in until their noses barely touched. They hovered like that for a moment, hearts hammering and cheeks flushing. Kien closed his eyes as he surged forward to meet his lips with G’raha’s and the other melted into the kiss, the world fading away around them for a moment until they broke apart with breathless laughter, G’raha resting his forehead against Kien’s as Kien reached a hand up to stroke through his hair.

“Lunchtime?” Kien asked as G’raha straightened up and rolled off his hips.

“Lunchtime.” G’raha agreed as he stood up and offered a hand for Kien to take.

“Good, cause after all that excitement just now, I’m starved, and your sandwiches are my favorite!” Kien laughed, not letting go of G’raha’s hand as the two walked back over to the gazebo to enjoy their lunch and the rest of the afternoon in each other’s company.

#ffxivwrite2023 #ffxivwrite #final fantasy xiv #ffxiv #kien eilath #g'raha tia #g’raha x wol #wol/g'raha #ffxiv writing #kien x g'raha #nico writes #I think this is the longest one I've done lol #but I really love it

[sen-no-kotowari]

PGR Lucia Activation Day 2023 Mail

While maintenance is still on-going, I'll be posting both Lucia's and Alpha's respective Activation Day Mails the players received during June 15. The attached gift is arranged as how it was in game so there will be in between pictures depending where they place those items. You can read more of Lucia's thoughts on her activation day in the cut down below.

To the Commander

It’s been a while, (Commander). Even though it’s only been a month since I’ve been assigned to a solo mission this time around, it already feels like I’ve been away from you―…away from the Gray Raven unit for a long time now. The skirmishes over on the western battlefront settled down and the enemies were kept at bay a few kilometers from the vanguard so I’ve completed the mission. I think we can return to base after a few days. I feel that it’s going to take quite some time before that. I have so many things I want to talk about. Not just the post mission report, but about the things I saw and about how we weren’t able to celebrate my activation day together. …Although it would’ve been nice if everyone was also assigned to this mission… I can execute this mission on my own surely, it’s just that I’ve unconsciously searched for their traces. I want to share with Liv the flower I saw for the first time, to share with Lee the examination results of an unknown data. And… I can’t really understand this emotion inside me, but the reason why I want to see you isn’t because there’s something I wish to discuss or because of my responsibility to report to you… I… simply wish to see you. I remembered how you held your hand high when the morning sun rose, when you raised your head as the wind blew when you defeated the Infected. And that one time when we saw a raven in the midst of a driving rain… I always remember you, (Commander). Maybe it’s because it's been so long since we’ve been this far apart from each other, but what I feel towards the Gray Raven unit will never stop how I live my life or my blade. As I’ve mentioned earlier, the mission is done. I’ll be back there soon enough. Attached to this is a “memento” I’ve received for this mission. I hope that I’d cross your mind whenever you look at it. …That is what my wish is for my activation day. From: Lucia’s Mail―Part 1

Lucia’s Journal

It’s almost daybreak and right now, I’m sitting at the edge of the crater created after I had blown up. Since it’s such a large crater, water’s been accumulating in the center. There’s a light crimson colored flower blooming beside me. I wonder if this place used to be a meadow. If Liv was here, she would immediately tell me what the name of this flower is. I miss everyone in the Gray Raven and the time I spent together with you, Commander. Even though I’m far apart from everyone for a short time, it felt like several months had passed by. I can feel how slow time flows. Have I been relying too much on everyone? …Is this kind of change a good thing, Commander? Since it’s been a while since we saw each other, I wonder where I should start first despite the amount of things I wish to talk about with you… I don’t know how to express the past I've experienced with you. The things I’ve experienced together with everybody, the countless moments I’ve spent with the Commander, every single one of them seemed to have an impact inside my Sea of Consciousness. Even now, this perplexing feeling inside me still won’t quell. That is why I’ve documented my emotions in this format and sent this to you. Talking with you like this and showing you the things I saw feels like you’re still here with me. Would all of this then become “memories we share?” Just now, a pair of birds flew. It soared high towards the distant skies before I could catch a glimpse of its visage… It’s almost time for the sun to rise. From: Lucia’s Mail―Part 2

#pgr #pgr lucia #punishing gray raven

[dayseternal-blog]

In Memory, Katarinahime. Part 10.

"For Fanfic Writer Appreciation Week, I had started a post that I didn't finish. It was going to be an in-depth review of her 'Serenity Prayer.' I was going to dig into her story structuring, her characterizations, her language...like. It was going to be a long post. And it's sitting in my drafts. And I never finished it. And she'll never see it. [...] I wonder if it's okay for me to just post a bunch of short reflections instead now."

For nhmonth2022, Day 11, Prompt: Serenity Prayer

“Serenity Prayer” by katarinahime - Rated M for depictions of domestic violence, substance abuse, and smut, Modern AU, Multi-chapter, Ongoing. When their fairytale endings smash to ugly pieces, Hinata and Naruto help put each other back together.

Let’s start from the top with this work of art.

She dove on the ground for her phone, pushing it further under her seat so it would take longer to grab. It was a silly move. She couldn't stay down there forever. - Chapter 1, when Hinata sees Naruto walking toward her at the airport.

☝🏼 katarina has an amazing way with throwing in bits of self-deprecating humor into primarily ANGST stories that lightens the load just enough.

"I still have that scarf." He admits, smiling at her like he can't see her wanting to shrivel up and die.

I felt this.  The embarrassment, the simply relatable wording of wanting to shrivel up and die, like it came straight from any mortified consciousness.  And again, another sprinkle of humor here.  AND on top of that, the canon reference in a Modern aged-up AU!

A cracked iPhone 5c that her little sister let her use, matching the outdated MacBook that was thicker than a college text book. At the moment, they are her most prized possessions.

The first chapter is one of the BEST establishing introductions I’ve ever read, and yet there isn’t a single true flashback.  Hinata’s medication, abusive marriage, regrets, shames, they litter her thought process throughout that in no way interferes with the “now” narrative of meeting Naruto in an airport and waiting for a flight on standby.  We get a clear picture of everything she’s been through since high school, as well as worrisome insight into her mental health.

And all through Hinata’s pov, we get a shocking and intriguing glimpse into Naruto’s life.  Quite a few major players in the story are mentioned in the first chapter without any of them having a “spoken” line.  Various complex plot points are laid out that hold across the story - her financial instability, Ino’s business proposal, the unresolved divorce, her unanswered confession,... It’s crazy how well-thought out it is.

katarina develops the romance, character growth, friendships, family relationships, everything beautifully.  All sensitive topics are treated with care, rather than written to entertain a trope.  The fic goes beyond “what if?”, diving into difficult topics like domestic abuse, PTSD, substance abuse, anxiety, etc. without any romanticism.

She bites her lip and nods, leaving that evening without agreeing to anything. - Chapter 2, at the end of Naruto’s and Hinata’s “business meeting” at Ichiraku.

I’ll never get over the skill of this story.  Down to its structure, the layout is masterful.  It has the smoothest scene transitions I’ve ever read.  Ever.  In any fanfic or published book.  In one sentence, Hinata has left Naruto’s date invitation hanging and is working at Ino’s house the next morning.  In Chapter 5, within a few lines, Hinata is at a bar one night and then at Hanabi’s dress fitting the next day.  There are practically no scene breaks in the entire story except for, of course, at the end of a chapter.

"Oh, you forgot your name at the top." Hinata spotted.

"Oops." Shinachiku reached back for his pencil to fix his oversight. - Chapter 7, the first time Hinata babysits Shinachiku.

The CHILDREN.  Feel like real, actual children.  I’ve read so many fics where the children don’t act like children, or are not behaving at a maturity level appropriate to their age.  Shinachiku’s intelligence is off-the-charts, as expected of the son of Sakura, and his personality is spot-on for an only child.  His social awkwardness at a playground, his comfort level around adults, his attachment to routines, his inability at times to interpret admonishments correctly, there are a plethora of details put into this kid.

The details are vivid in every character, from Kurenai and her plant-based diet to Shikamaru and his AA coin, from Moegi with her opinions on pearl succulents to Mirai’s preteen snarky attitude.  There’s a huge cast and each one feels in-character like in canon.

“Yes, the stories are dangerous, she was right. A book is a magic carpet that flies you off elsewhere. A book is a door. You open it. You step through. Do you come back?” -  Jeanette Winterson, Why Be Happy When You Could Be Normal?

Did you come back?

I opened the door to “Serenity Prayer.”  I loved her so much I never left, I traced the veins of her words and ordered my own in her image.

When you step through my doors, I hope you recognize her magic.

#katarinahime #rest in love #nhmonth2022

[leatafandom]

I posted 4,562 times in 2022

That's 1,555 more posts than 2021!

110 posts created (2%)

4,452 posts reblogged (98%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@rich-a-day

@idabbleincrazy

@ldrmas

@datajana

@quicksilver-castiel

I tagged 2,570 of my posts in 2022

Only 44% of my posts had no tags

#sam winchester - 247 posts

#sabriel - 221 posts

#gabriel spn - 127 posts

#❤️❤️ - 121 posts

#spooky season - 92 posts

#🤣🤣 - 88 posts

#richard speight jr - 80 posts

#amazing - 70 posts

#gabriel - 70 posts

#dean winchester - 53 posts

Longest Tag: 123 characters

#i try to be a detective and then realize its 5 in the morning and ive been trollif tumblr for hours so not a good reference

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

Sabriel - jamming out to the radio at midnight? What are they listening to ????? (:

Absolutely dear! Thanks so much for the ask, I’ve honestly been having a bit of writer’s block so it was really fun to write something this weekend! I hope you enjoy it. It took a bit to pick out the songs but I just couldn’t help myself with the first one. I ended up going with two: Heat of the Moment by Asia and Never Wanted to Dance by MSI. I love picturing some stress relief dancing fun for them. Happy reading! I hope you enjoy it and thanks again!❤️

Tags: established relationship, comfort, fluff with a little angst, date night, late night dates, music, night drives, singing and dancing, Sam Winchester needs to have some fun

Summary: Sometimes Sam gets lost in the cases and the hustle of all the new hunters in the world. Sometimes he forgets to breathe and remembers to have fun. 

Dancing in the Dark

"Come on, Samalamb." 

Sam tilted his head away from his laptop screen, combing his hand back through his hair, and looking at Gabriel's outstretched hand and then the archangel attached to it.

"Gabe, I'm busy." 

"No, you're not." The blonde shook his head, his hand staying outstretched between them. "You're getting nowhere." His lips twisted in a grimace at his own bluntness. "Come on, Sammich, up up up. Come and stretch those gorgeous gams with me."

Sam released a wearily chuckle before sighing. He sat back in his chair, his eyes roving over the books and notes scattered for three different hunts around him, wondering what time it was, before landing back on the archangel's mischievous amber eyes. The taller man narrowed his own eyes, scrutinizing the archangel's expression. The archangel impatiently bounced his brows and grabbed Sam's arm when his lover stared just a hair too long and hard at him, the teasing action startling a laugh from Sam's lips. 

"Jeez!" Gabriel groaned, wrapping his hand around Sam's, pulling him from the chair he'd been in all day. "Come on, like I'm trying to lure you to your death." 

"It would not be the first time…" the brunette grumbled under his breath, giving into his partner's grip. 

"Oh ouch Sammoose," Gabriel huffed, feigning hurt. “You know, maybe I just wanna fuck."

"If you wanted to have sex…" Sam's words faded as he rose from his chair with an exaggerated stretch that felt better than it should. "Then we'd already be in our room," he added around a groan when his spine popped. 

Amber eyes couldn’t resist the shift of Sam’s muscles under his clothes. His eyes snapped back to Sam’s smug smile and knowing gaze when the long arms dropped from above Sam's head to swing at his sides. 

"Also very true," the archangel admitted without hesitation, his fingers interlocking with Sam's before leading him from the library and towards the garage. 

"Where are we going?" Sam questioned, self-consciously combing his fingers through his scraggly beard, wondering if he could sum up the energy to shave.

"A drive." Gabriel slipped his hand into his pocket, fishing out a set of keys before tossing them over his shoulder to the bruttnete. 

"A drive?" Sam asked as he fumbled for the keys, juggling them before securing them in his hand with a raised brow. 

"Driving relaxes you," the shorter man replied casually. "So,” his eyes looked about the garage as they entered it, avoiding looking at the hunter behind him, “we're going to drive somewhere." 

Sam felt something give within his chest, squeezing his hand around Gabriel’s, his eyes roving over the blonde. Whiskey eyes were focused elsewhere, ignoring the soft expression the other was surely giving him from behind, focused on guiding the taller male towards the truck that matched the keys. The brunette looked away from Gabriel towards the keys in his hand as they stopped in front of an old pickup, a smile teasing on his skeptical lips. 

"And where exactly are we driving to?" 

"Somewhere," Gabriel sang with a grin, pulling him down for a kiss. 

The blonde pulled back with a wink, turning from the tall hunter to slide into the passenger side of the old pickup truck. Sam rolled his eyes, his lips pulled into a frown that was threatening to crack into a smile. 

“You’re ridiculous,” Sam said around a sigh, opening the driver’s side door and taking his seat. 

The archangel laughed, smiling as he rolled down his window before bending over the brunette’s lap once Sam had closed his door. Sam shifted under the archangel’s reach as the other rolled down his window. 

“We have fun!” Gabriel beamed, leaning back from between Sam and the wheel before scooting closer to Sam’s side as the tense human started the engine with a chuckle. 

The late summer air, which smelled of grass fields and fresh rain, was more relaxing than Sam would ever admit. The more they drove the more the hunter was grateful for the fresh breeze that rolled through the cab. The breeze carried the music that had his fingers tapping along to the radio and his partner’s singing. Throughout the drive, Gabriel sang along with the radio getting Sam to join in and inserted directions at seemingly random moments. 

With the archangel’s choice in stations and dancing beside him, Sam easily let the stream of endless hunts fall from his mind and the worries that waited further and further behind them. The sound of the truck’s rumbling engine and Gabriel's warm wiggling body beside him soothed his worried mind. Sam's tense broad shoulders relaxed and leaned back, his right hand had long found the archangel's somewhere along the drive and squeezed the archangel's hand. The hunter leaned closer to the shorter blonde on the cushions of their seat, singing along with Gabriel’s jovial tone to the pop song as they drove down the dark back roads that surrounded the bunker. 

"Right up there, and you'll see it." Gabriel's hand squeezed his, a smirk tugging on his lips. 

See the full post

22 notes - Posted September 3, 2022

#4

Ooh #63 would make a great Sabriel (cuz we just know Gabe is a noisy lil fuck in bed, right?)

Yes! These words were made for Gabriel! I have no idea why this fic took so long to come to me, but I finally give you smut! Thank you so much for the ask and understanding that the muse works in mysterious smutty ways. 😂 Happy Reading ❤️

Rated: Explicit

Tags: smut, anal sex, bet, kissing, on the sofa, hand jobs, plot what plot, Gabriel is a screamer

The Easiest Bet

"This is a stupid bet." Sam sighed, his arms crossed over his chest, as he looked down at his partner as the archangel lounged on the TV room's couch. Sam shifted his stance in front of him. "You cannot hate my movies that much." 

The archangel rolled his eyes, stretching out more across the two-seater. "I assure you I do hate your documentaries that much, Sammykins," Gabriel reassured with a roll of his wrist. "Somehow they are more boring than actually living it. Come on, Sammoose. First one to make a noise loses and the winner gets to pick what we watch for a month."  

Sam shook his head, a crooked smile weaseling its way onto his lips. He ducked his head, looking down. "There is no way you would win that bet, Gabe. You have to know that right? Do you even realize how loud you always are?" Sam asked with a wave of his hand.

"Hey," Gabriel cried, pointing a finger at him and sitting up a bit on the sofa. "I can be quiet if I want to be! Overconfident moose," Gabriel huffed, his lips pulling into a scowl. 

The brunette bit his lip trying to stifle his laughter. "Gabriel, I have spent my whole life living with someone. Mostly Dean," Sam said, tucking his chin to his chest trying to control his amusement. "And Cas normally has to soundproof our room so Dean doesn't have a stroke." He let out a chuckle looking at his partner just as Gabriel rolled his eyes waving a dismissive hand at him. "There is no way you can stay quiet longer than me." 

"I can be quiet, Winchester." The blonde shifted, sitting up fully on the sofa. "Especially if it means I don't have to watch a single documentary for a month." 

Sam sighed, running a hand through his locks, looking to the bunker hallway as he thought about it. "Make it two months," he said looking back at Gabriel with a wide smile, knowing he couldn't talk his boyfriend out of it and that he would definitely win. "I'll do it if the winner picks for two months." 

"Deal." Gabriel's grin widened, his brows bouncing. 

"First one to make noises loses?" Sam questioned, bending down over the sofa and pressing a kiss to the blonde's grinning lips. 

The archangel leaned into the teasing press of lips, his fingers reaching to stroke through Sam's beard. "Yes, Samheart."

Sam chuckled against his lips, pressing the shorter man back into the cushions and deepening the kiss. Gabriel smiled into it, wrapping his hand around Sam's nape to keep him close, parting his lips. The brunette's tongue slid into his lover's mouth as his hands rolled down Gabriel's sides, lifting him with ease and sliding onto the sofa to take the shorter man's space on the couch. 

Gabriel let out a silent gasp as Sam's long arms wrapped around him and pulled him into his lap, straddling him. Large hands quickly slid Gabriel's jacket off before working his shirt off. The archangel bit his lip, breaking the kiss to help take his shirt and jacket off, his hips grinding down on Sam's half-hard member. Sam licked over his lips at the feeling of Gabriel's round jean-clad ass grinding down on his hardening length. He rocked up to him, his hands going to Gabriel's belt wanting to feel him. 

The shorter man's lips were on him again the moment they were free from their shirts, rocking his hips and lifting them as Sam shoved down his pants and boxers. The blonde sucked and bit at Sam's neck, his eyes flashing with grace as their clothes vanished, biting down on the tender clave of skin at Sam's neck to stop himself from moaning at the feel of Sam's hardening flesh pressed bare against him. 

Sam's hips rutted at the feeling of smooth skin against him, his hands clenching around Gabriel's gyrating hips. His eyes closed at the hard bite and the soothing suckling of his lover's lips that went right to his groin swallowing back a hiss of delight. Hazel eyes rolled behind his lids, his hands clenching at Gabriel's ample cheeks spreading them and biting back a moan at the feeling of his already prepared opening. Gabriel shuddered, pressing his face to Sam's neck as he gripped Sam's long cock squeezing him and stroking him in his hand. The brunette bit harder on his lip, holding in a grunt when Gabriel's hand was on him, cursing internally at his lover's perfectly tight grip. 

The archangel pulled back with a smirk, looking over Sam's heaving chest as he stroked him into fullness. He grinned as Sam rutted into his hand before lifting his hips and hovering over the thick member as it throbbed in his hand. The hunter held tight to his hips watching as Gabriel sank down on him, huffing out a heated breath through his nose as Gabriel took all of his length in with slow torturous rolls of his hips. The blonde withheld a whine at the slow pace, knowing any faster and he'd cry out. He bit his lips as his fingers clenched on Sam's broad shoulders only to gasp a breathless silent moan when Sam rutted up into him, forcing the archangel to take all of him with one smooth roll of his hips. 

The blonde's head rolled forward, shuddering at a breath barely containing his cry when Sam held tighter to the archangel's waist, holding him still and burying himself inside of the wet canal. Gabriel shuddered at the easy stretch and burn of Sam's thick shaft relishing in the sudden fullness, wanting to cry out. He held tighter to Sam, determined to be quiet even when the taller man found his prostate. Sam licked his lips, his cock rubbing against the bundle of nerves with his every upward thrust. 

Gabriel clenched around him, biting down harder on his lips as Sam drilled into him, moving with him. Sam panted, pressing open mouth kisses against the smooth sunkissed skin, his eyes rolling at the clenching walls of his lover. His hips moved in tandem with each roll of Gabriel's, the archangel clenching tighter around him with his efforts to keep quiet in the face of the brunette's punishing pace. Gabriel's head rolled, his nails scraping at Sam's shoulders and back, rocking with each of Sam's thrusts, his cock bouncing and aching between them. 

Sam's head went back, not knowing if he could stay quiet with the delicious warmth wrapped around him. He wasn't going to lose. An idea struck him as he watched the archangel bite back his cries. A smirk pulled on Sam's lips, wrapping an arm tight around Gabriel’s hips and pulling from him with a silent gasp. Gabriel couldn't hold back his whine at the sudden loss or the cry that was forced from his lips when Sam bent him over the arm of the sofa. The taller man lined his thick head against his rim from behind him before shoving back inside of him in one long smooth thrust. 

"Fuck!"

Sam let out a low guttural groan, his smile wide as he thrusted relentlessly into Gabriel. "Dumbest bet," he said around a moan, wrapping his hand around Gabriel's leaking cock.

"Goddamnit, your cock feels so good,"  

Gabriel groaned, admitting defeat and sinking fully into the spikes of bliss that racked through his vessel. "Shit right there, Sammy," he hissed. His hands gripped tight to the arm his chest was pressed against, bucking his hips back to him as Sam rocked into him, his head hanging. "So fucking good." 

The brunette smirked his left hand holding tight to Gabriel's hip, losing his rhythm quickly when the blonde let his moans run free. "Fuck, I love your voice, " Sam grunted out, bending over him more and slamming his hips faster. "Love it when you scream for me." 

Gabriel let out a low groan at the heated words as Sam's hand stroked his cock faster. "Gonna cum… Fuck Sam don't stop." His hips rocked between the thrusting length and the tight fist around his weeping member. 

Sam nodded against him, grunting out his agreement as he thrusted into the fluttering warmth around him, cumming with a choked-off moan against Gabriel's back. The archangel's hips jerked as Sam stiffened behind him, his orgasm hitting him hard as Sam's thumb dragged over his wet tip, cumming over his lover's hand with a shout and a curse. 

See the full post

23 notes - Posted August 21, 2022

#3

"The couple's first morning together was spent in relative ease. Gabriel relaying his plan to take Sam into the sleepy town not far from the cabin before their hike over breakfast. A town which the archangel had introduced with flair as they bundled up in their winter gear as new.

Sam rolled his eyes at Gabriel's dramatics regarding the small town down the mountain as they walked out of the door. He narrowed his eyes, pulling out his phone as he followed Gabriel's confident stride. Sam fell into step beside the archangel as he looked up the small town's founding on the long walk into town from Gabriel's house.

Sam huffed. "Gabriel," Sam rolled his eyes, turning his screen towards the archangel. "1838 is not new."

The archangel's arms swung gently back and forth at his sides. "It's new, Sammy," Gabriel said with a dismissive roll of his eyes, not bothering to look at Sam's phone.

Sam looked back down at the article. "It's not even a town! It's a village," Sam added, looking back at the shrugging archangel.

Gabriel turned to him, squinting at Sam in the morning light and his moose decorated and fur-lined ushanka. "Fine, it's a new village," Gabriel snarked, waving his left hand in the air between them.

"No." Sam shook his head, looking around the wooded path. "No, I don't care if you are as old as time, the 1830s is not new."

Gabriel scoffed, his head snapping to look at Sam. "I am not as old as time!" He huffed, his left hand gently swatting at Sam's bicep.

Sam laughed, raising his hands and bending away from Gabriel's playful wacks. "Fine," Sam relented, pushing his phone and hands into his coat pockets. "Even if you're slightly younger than time-"

"Jeez, make a celestial feel all his eons," Gabriel interjected with a dramatic roll of his wrist and eyes.

"The 1830s is not new, Gabe."

"The 1830s is new," Gabriel repeated, pointing a finger at him. "Time is relative, Sam-I-am."

Sam shook his head, huffing out a dry amused laugh. "Yeah. Uh-huh. Whatever you say, old man," Sam said around his teasing laughter, turning to Gabriel with a crooked grin as they walked. "Take me to this crazy new-fangled town of theirs."

"Wiseguy," Gabriel said, narrowing his eyes with a grin and checking his shoulder against Sam's side."

Preview from Chapter Seven of Seasonal Healing, Clear Night's and Story Horizons, coming to my Ao3 this weekend.

26 notes - Posted January 26, 2022

#2

A Little Pick Me Up

Rated: E

Ship: Sam Winchester/Gabriel

Tags: Human Au, shameless smut, prompt fic, established relationship, lazy mornings, blow jobs, Gabriel's just not a morning person

Author Notes: Created for @idabbleincrazy prompt request for characters waking up together “breakfast in bed?" “define breakfast." Look what the muse remembered and finally unexpectedly finished! I hope you enjoy it. Thank you for sending the ask (hopefully I finish the other one soon as well) <3

A Little Pick Me Up

Sam smiled against his pillow, pulling his lover closer. The muffled grumble he received caused a chuckle to rumble free from his chest and his long arms to wrap more securely around the tempting hips. 

"Morning," Sam mumbled, kissing the top of Gabriel's head. 

"Morning is a subjective term, Sammoose." The shorter man’s eyes hesitated to open. Managing only to crack open one when Sam continued to bury his face in the crook of his neck and searched blindly for his phone. "Ugh, Sammy! It's not even seven in the morning." The older man groaned at the time that blazed from his too-bright screen, slamming it back down and closing his eye. 

Sam let out his own huff of frustration at his partner as Gabriel buried himself back against him, twisting around and burying his face in his chest. The brunette knew that the blonde enjoyed his sleep on the days he had off but the college student still had classes and Gabriel had promised to spend the day with him.

“You said you’d come with me today,” he reminded, stretching beside him before tightening his long arms around the curled-up man. 

“Not before seven in the morning, Samwise.”

The taller man rolled his eyes at the muffled reply, releasing a hum when he felt Gabriel’s lazy mouth drag across his bare skin. "Yes, you did. You said we’d carpool and I have a morning class, Gabe," Sam replied, resisting the urge to close his eyes as the blonde’s lips left lazy-open-mouth kisses over one of his nipples before making their way up his chest and over his collar bone. 

“That’s entrapment, lawyer boy,” Gabriel teased as large hands held tighter to his boxer-clad hips, pressing his morning wood against Sam. “I never would have agreed if I had remembered my day off was Wednesday this week.” 

Sam’s hazel eyes closed, pressing closer to him, at the firm outline of Gabriel’s thick erection, and his distracting lips as they traveled over his neck. “You weren’t that tired when I asked.” He countered feeling Gabriel whine against his skin. 

"Too early, Sammykins." He rebutted weakly, leaning back to look up at Sam, rolling his hips tantalizingly. "Where's my pick me up, Winchester?" He questioned with a wide grin, running his hand up Sam’s flexing arm and squeezing his bicep. 

"Seriously?" Sam’s head tilted back slightly with his laugh, unable to resist the press of Gabriel's clothed length against him. 

"Yes, seriously. You know I don't function this early without a little something, somethin’," Gabriel said with a yawn that may have been fake. 

The brunette sighed, laying his head in the crook of his elbow, letting his eyes wander Gabriel’s body as the blonde stretched. He turned his head, glancing at the time before turning fully back to his lover, letting his eyes rove his barely clothed body.

"Breakfast in bed?" 

Gabriel's eyes glistened with mischief, his eyebrows bouncing. “Define breakfast, Sammy boy."

The taller released a chuckle at his boyfriend’s lecherous smirk. “A liquid one. Where only I eat something.” He hummed as Gabriel wrapped an arm around his neck pulling him closer. 

“Color me intrigued,” Gabriel hummed, capturing Sam’s lips in a kiss before rolling onto his back and pulling the brunette with him. 

Sam released a soft grunt against his lips, pulling back to leave a trail of lazy sucking marks down Gabriel’s chest. The blonde released a pleased hum, his fingers tangling in his partner’s brown hair as Sam worked his way lower. Long fingers coasted over Gabriel’s arching sides before slipping into the rim of his boxers. Sam’s tongue traced slowly over the line of Gabriel’s pubic bone as the older man lifted his hips and pushed down his boxers. Sam pulled back slightly to help free the hardened member, letting his lips graze over the heated flesh. 

Gabriel let out a guttural groan at the first touch of Sam’s soft lips, feeling his tongue dash out to trace the pulsing vein of his aching erection. His hips rolled before Sam’s hand could hold them in place. The brunette stayed beneath their sheets as he dragged his tongue up Gabriel’s shaft, rolling his tongue around his tip before sinking down on him. Slim fingers clenched in brown hair, stopping himself from rutting into the welcoming warmth. His eyes closed as he bit his lip with a curse as Sam sank lower. His toes curled as Sam’s tongue twisted around his base before he pulled his head back.

“Shit,” Gabriel cursed, his hips rolling as Sam’s lips wrapped around his thick base. “I’ll never get used to that mouth, kid.” 

Sam groaned around him, bobbing his head faster on the hardened shaft. Gabriel’s eyes open, pushing back the sheets to watch Sam as he worked his cock. He groaned at the sight of his lips split around his swollen shaft.  

“Wanna fuck your throat, Sam.” 

Gabriel groaned as Sam’s hand shifted, letting go of his hips and letting the man rut up into his mouth with a punched-out moan. Sam held still as his lover’s hands tightened in his hair, his jaw lax against the drag of his lover’s cock against his tongue. The blonde licked over his lips with a breathless moan when he felt Sam’s throat convulse around his tip, his eyes rolling to the gagging younger man. His hips slowed slightly before speeding up once more, trying to go easy on his lover’s throat. Sam held tight to him, his eyes watering as he moaned around the heavy cock. His right hand reached, shoving into his sleep pants and wrapped around himself, squeezing his aching shaft. Gabriel panted, watching Sam’s arms flex to keep himself up and jack himself off. 

“Fuck, Sam,” Gabriel’s head tilted, planting his feet and rolling his hips harder up into Sam’s spread lips. His eyes drank in the sight of his lover working himself and leaking into his fist. “Are you gonna cum just from sucking me off?” Gabriel questioned breathlessly, his eyes fluttering closed when Sam responded by creating more suction around his thrusting shaft. “God, do that again,” he hissed, his hips rutting faster, holding Sam’s head down longer. “That’s it Sammy. Show me how you cum from the taste of me.” 

See the full post

28 notes - Posted August 1, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

''you used me as a pillow." ''sorry.'' or “breakfast in bed?" “define breakfast."

Thank you so much for the ask love! I actually had an idea for both but I'm just not really happy with "breakfast in bed" "define breakfast." Maybe I'll post it at some point, it is a Sabriel, but Spideypool completely consumed the first one. It's been so long since I wrote them. I miss them and even as short and angsty it is, it was really nice to find some inspiration for them again.

Heartbeat

A sudden loud thumping roused Peter from his fitful sleep. He groaned, nuzzling his cheek against the kevlar of Deadpool's suit before his eyes snapped open. His ears filled with the triumphant sound.

"Wade?" His head lifted, pulling his arms from around the bulker man, pushing himself up onto his elbows. "Wade?!"

Wade groaned, a grumble sounding from under Peter as the other pushed himself up from the blood spattered man, both still in their suits.

"Not so loud, baby boy. Head wounds are like the worst hangover." His eyes blinked behind his mask trying to remember what they had been doing and where they most likely were.

His eyes roved around the familiar safe house that was more safe than a house. Wade's hand raised to feel over his masked head before raising it to look down at Peter's unmasked face hovering above him and the concern edge in his brown eyes. His eyes roved over his best friend taking in the press of Peter against him and the other's torn suit.

"Sooo. No judgment, baby boy, but you used me as a pillow?"

Peter's eyes widened, leaning back and distancing himself a bit before looking over his blood covered suit. "Sorry," he mumbled, unsure if he was talking to Wade or his ruined suit.

"You don't gotta be sorry, but clarity would be nice." He shifted more, feeling his bones finish snapping back into place. Wade watched him looking over the causal self-consciousness. "You used my lifeless bloody corpse as a pillow?" Wade's voice hitched watching the other shrug.

"I didn't want to leave you," Peter defended, crossing his arms over his chest and looking over the other's damaged suit.

The brunette hadn't really thought about it. He had already been tired after pulling an all nighter and that was before almost being blown up by a giant space squid and dragging Wade back here. All Peter had wanted was to sleep and hear the steady thumping again after falling asleep to silence.

"Everyone was leaving so… I swung us here. And it's not like you have a lot of pillow options." His brown eyes roved around the warehouse turned living area with a wave of his hand before looking back at Wade. "I thought we could hang out after you… woke up." Peter finished lamely, never used to watching Wade die after Gwen.

"Petey?" Wade's head tilted on the worn mattress beneath him, his hairless brows furrowing under his mask. "I'm okay. I'm always okay."

Peter scoffed in disagreement, shaking his head weakly.

Wade shifted, reaching his gloved hand for his cheek. "You can hear it right?" Wade asked, his hand coming up to pull him back down to rest his ear back over his beating heart.

Peter nodded, slowly leaning back to his broad chest, settling back against him. Wade cradled Peter's head as his other arm wrapped around the younger man's back. Peter held tighter to him with a smile, closing his eyes and heaving a deep inhale at the strong unique sound of Wade Wilson's heartbeat.

"Yeah. I can hear it, Wade"

46 notes - Posted July 10, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

#tumblr2022 #year in review #my 2022 tumblr year in review #your tumblr year in review

[melethwi]

before i go home

read it on ao3

word count: 3.2k

summary: Before Ellie makes the trek back to the farmhouse, she has a stop to make in Jackson.

notes: this is the first one of my fics i’ve posted here on tumblr since restarting my account! this is my (probably cheesy, probably been done before, but hopefully still good) take on the ellie-goes-back-to-jackson-to-beg-for-dina-to-take-her-back trope lol. i hope you enjoy :) 

Ellie sucked a breath in, taking in the massive perimeter walls of Jackson. 

Home. She was home. 

Well. She wasn’t really home. It wasn’t the sunny, wallpapered farmhouse she would’ve preferred. But that would have to wait. She had a stop to make before she ventured past Jackson. Besides, her back was absolutely killing her, and she suspected sores riddled her feet. 

She tightened her backpack straps a little further, providing some more support, and stepped out of the tree line. She’d be spotted any second. 

Fresh faces dotted the guideposts above the gate. The sign to her left where it had always been, reading: Stop. Identify yourself before approaching gate. She didn’t know if she still had a working voice to do it. Along with her laundry list of other ailments, she’s pretty sure she contracted a nasty throat infection about a week ago. 

One foot in front of the other. That’s how she got to Santa Barbara, that’s how she’d gotten back, and that’s how she intended on making it the last few steps into Jackson. 

“Stop!” Ah. She’d been seen. 

Looking up into the blaring sun, she tried to reach a hand to shield her eyes. She kept walking, one foot in front of the other, at a trudging pace toward the gate. 

“I said stop!” The voice repeated, wavering. A guard that had just been posted, she thought. Never had to deal with someone they didn’t recognize showing up. And she was truly unrecognizable. 

She had no intention of stopping until the gate was open and she was through, but one of her feet stuck in the mud. Ellie fell to her knees, hands slapping against the wet ground- she grit her teeth as dirt seeped into the cuts between her fingers. A ringing pierced through her ears, the voice telling her to identify herself. She sunk deeper into the earth, coughing. 

When she finally stopped, she mustered the very last drop of energy she had in her to look up. Her eyes burned in the bright afternoon sun directly overhead.

The voice again. “Holy shit.” A small smile from Ellie. “Someone get Tommy!” 

The world went black as she fell unceremoniously back into the mud. Tommy. She was safe.

-

She awoke sometime later in a bed. Eyes blinking the fog away, she didn’t recognize where she was, but she knew the unforgettable smell of gunpowder and whiskey- Tommy’s house. Or at least it probably was. She didn’t know where he was after taking some time apart from Maria. 

A heavy wooden clock ticked on the wall, threatening to fall off and smash to bits on the ground. In her daze, Ellie thought to herself how stupid it looked. 

Everything hurt. As she began to come to consciousness more and more, she surveyed herself in the shimmering morning light coming in from the window at her side. 

Bandages everywhere- hands, arms, legs. There was a steady pounding in her head, rhythmic and in time with the ticking of the clock. 

“Heya, kid.” 

Her eyes shot over to the door at a speed that actually made them hurt. Tommy stood in the doorframe, tall and brooding and holding a mug of something steaming. For the first time in her adventurous youth, she hoped it was just water. She couldn’t remember the last time she’d had reliable access to clean water. 

“Hey,” she managed to squeak out. She hadn’t had to talk to anyone in months. 

“It’s good to see you awake,” Tommy said, taking a step into the room. A step closer to Ellie having water. “It’s good to see you alive,” he emphasized, walking further in. 

“You’re telling me,” she scoffed, rolling her eyes. 

“Took a real nasty spell out there, I hear. Just about scared the gate crew to death,” Tommy chuckled. 

“Sorry. I’ll be sure and think of them next time.” They quietly laughed together. 

A moment of silence passed by. “So how are you feeling?” Tommy asked.

Ellie took a moment to think it over. “In general? Not great. Terrible. I feel like I could sleep for days.”

“You did sleep for days,” Tommy pointed out. 

“What?” She craned her neck to look at him as he grabbed a chair from the corner of the room and moved it to sit by the bedside. 

“Yes ma’am. When they pulled you inside, you were out like a light the whole time they were fixin’ you up until just now. Two days later.” 

“Wow,” Ellie said. “I guess your mattress was just that comfy.”

“I bandaged that hand up for you,” Tommy said solemnly, ignoring her jibe. “Think I got to it before anyone saw it if you were worried. Shouldn’t be a problem with the folks here. ” 

Ellie’s smile fell. She didn’t even think about what would’ve happened if that secret had gotten out, especially by accident. Her head throbbed once again. The scar was mostly healed over, some cysts and lesions scattered around the edge. It looked remarkably similar to the one she’d suffered on her arm, on a slightly smaller scale. Running her finger against the rigid skin, it felt cold to the touch.

She didn’t even want to think about the missing fingers. She could still feel them when she closed her eyes.

“Thank you,” she said quietly.

Tommy nodded and a moment passed in silence. A poignant question hung in the air. Tommy didn’t know how to ask it, and Ellie wasn’t sure how she was going to answer it.

If she told Tommy the truth about what happened in Santa Barbara, he might never forgive her. He might turn his back on her forever this time, shun her for letting the girl go in peace.

She knew he could understand why she did it, but she didn’t know if he was ready yet. She’d spent weeks weighing the odds of ever seeing the girl and the little boy again- Ellie didn’t even know where they’d gone, and she’d be starting from scratch if she ever wanted to go looking again.

Ellie sunk somehow further into the mass of pillows propped behind her head, and shut her eyes until Tommy finally asked. Two simple words, but her answer could change their relationship forever.

“What happened?”

What happened… What didn’t happen? She thought to herself. Over the months she was gone she lost herself, found herself, and lost herself again. She’d hoped that she’d be able to find herself again in Jackson. She’d seen the scum of the Earth, some of the worst people she’d ever seen since leaving the Boston QZ as a child. She’d faced death and walked away. She’d been death and let someone walk away.

How could she ever begin to tell him all that?

“I took care of it,” she eventually said. “It’s over now.”

Tommy leaned forward in his seat, interested.

“You killed her?”

Ellie bit her lip. She realized that she couldn’t answer that question honestly in the way that he wanted her to.

But she couldn’t lose Tommy. Not after losing Joel. Not after pushing Dina away.

Dina.

Ellie turned to face him.

“She won’t be hurting anyone ever again.”

Ellie believed it with every fiber of her being. She had to.

Tommy seemed satisfied. He relaxed back into his seat, accepting her answer. They both released a breath.

-

By the time Ellie felt up to walking around, she’d already been hounded by Maria five times. She didn’t have all that many visitors- She asked Tommy and Maria to keep people away. She didn’t know if the news of her arrival back in Jackson had made it through the population.

Ellie felt one absence harder than all the rest, though.

Finding Dina was the one thing that kept her fighting to get out of bed. From her second-floor window, she watched people walking to their shifts in the gardens and the stables. She didn’t see Dina, though she looked vigilantly. Could she still be at the farm?

Through the time that she was gone, she had to fight to imagine Dina staying at the farmhouse. At her core, she knew Dina must have left. It would be too much for her to upkeep all the animals, the house, and the garden all while being a single mother.

The idea of getting back to her family fueled her further to shove food in her mouth. She finished every meal that was put in front of her, forced herself to sleep every night. She knew she needed to heal. She needed to get back to her family. After not eating in any sort of way that could be considered ‘stable’ for months, it was a chore to even keep the food down. The meats and vegetables they gave her were rich, and the milk they gave her fresh from the cows was thick in her throat.

Her first steps out of Tommy’s house were hard. She didn’t know how she had made it out of her bed, let alone down the stairs and to the front porch. The fresh Wyoming air hit her very suddenly, filling her lungs for the first time in a week. It was fall now, and the air was cold and beginning to bite against the skin of her cheeks. She had to go back inside to get another layer.

It took another two days before Ellie felt steady enough to walk past Tommy and Maria’s front gate. Though she lamented and begged to be allowed back to her garage behind Joel’s old house, the couple insisted she stayed right under their noses where they could watch her recovery personally.

Ellie just figured that they didn’t want to walk past Joel’s house multiple times a day to bring her food and check on her.

She found that to be a fair request.

Once she finally cleared the gate, she made it to the street. She marveled at how weak she was now. This was the same body she dragged half alive back to Wyoming from California. She didn’t know it at the time, but now she realized that she had been running on pure determination. Now, swaying on the dirt road, she was paying for it.

Maria took her for a short, supervised walk. They didn’t go into the more heavily populated ‘downtown’ part of the Jackson encampment, just taking a stroll down the road the house was situated on. After a couple days of this, she was finally allowed to take walks on her own.

She didn’t know if this meant that she was allowed to go back to her garage. That wasn’t her first priority.

Maria hadn’t brought up whether she was to report for duty once she had recovered, and the silence was deafening.

Ellie had one question she wanted to ask more than anything. Something she knew Maria would know the answer to, as she kept track of practically everyone coming in or going out of Jackson.

Where was Dina?

Ellie didn’t fault her for not visiting.

She decided her first outing would be to the graveyard to see Joel. To tell him what she had done, and to ask for his help.

It was a Sunday afternoon when she finally worked up the strength to head out in the direction. The sun was out, but autumn was in full force, and she was bundled in one of her jackets that someone had fetched for her from the garage.

She didn’t feel ready to head into town. For months, she hadn’t talked to anyone but the occasional traveler- and herself. She wasn’t ready to be surrounded by people just yet, especially not happy people who would want to talk to her. Ask questions about where she had been. What she had been doing. How she was feeling.

The walk to the graveyard wasn’t extremely long, but she still felt winded by the time she made it there mid-afternoon.

She rolled her eyes and almost turned around when she saw a figure kneeling in the center of the cemetery. Ellie had come here specifically so she could be left alone. She wished silently that whoever it was would leave her alone, would honor the sanctity of the area and just keep their mouth shut.

Until she got closer.

It took her a second to identify the figure, but she almost fell over when she did.

“Dina?”

The dark-haired girl whipped around, not believing her ears. She jumped a bit in surprise and stood up.

“Ellie?”

Ellie took a beat before responding. She didn’t know how to respond. She hadn’t planned on seeing Dina yet and thought she would be able to see her on her own terms. Not in this way, getting hit out of nowhere with it.

She’d spent months writing a script in her head about what to say in this situation, but it suddenly flew away in the autumn breeze.

“You’re holding flowers,” Ellie said with an air of curiosity. It occurred to Ellie that Dina had been kneeling right in front of-

“I bring him flowers every week,” Dina explained, scratching the back of her neck. She turned around and placed the small bouquet down in a little vase that had been placed in the ground next to the headstone reading Joel Miller. “I do it when I come to see Jesse.”

The two girls stared at each other for a few more seconds, neither knowing what to say.

“Come on, let’s go somewhere better than this to talk.”

Somehow Ellie knew that they were going to be okay.

-

Dina wanted to take Ellie to a nice place on the North gate where they could get a nice view, but quickly realized Ellie wouldn’t have the strength to climb up the ladder.

Almost poetically, they ended up sitting on the front porch steps of Joel’s former house. Ellie was glad that they still hadn’t given it to anyone.

“I missed you,” Ellie said, breaking the awkward silence that kept manifesting between them.

“Oh, Ellie,” Dina said sadly, putting her face in her hands. “I don’t know if I can do this.”

Ellie winced, hurt but expecting that sort of response.

“Do what?” she asked.

“This,” Dina emphasized, waving one of her hands in Ellie’s general direction, running the other one through her hair. Ellie noticed that she was wearing it down for once. “I can’t sit here and act like I haven’t been dying every day that you were out there hunting for Abby.”

Ellie winced again, not wanting to hear that name.

“If it makes you feel any better, I can’t act like I wasn’t dying either.” She rubbed her left hand thoughtfully, the fingers no longer bandaged.

“Oh, Ellie,” Dina repeated. Ellie looked over and Dina was staring directly at her hurt hand. Reflexively, Ellie wiggled the remaining fingers and looked down. “Are you… okay?”

“Physically? I’ll recover. Mentally? I’m fucking drowning, Dina.”

Dina looked away from Ellie’s hand, slumping over.

“Me too.”

The script suddenly came back to her.

“I’m sorry,” she blurted. “I never should have left you. I never should’ve left Wyoming. It was a fool’s errand. I’m sorry.”

Dina stared up at the sky, contemplating. Anger laced her voice when she spoke again.

“So you didn’t even find her?” Dina asked.

“No, I did find her.”

“So you killed her.” Dina practically spat.

“No, I didn’t kill her.”

Dina froze.

“So you left me here, alone with a baby, and you didn’t even kill her?” Dina asked, the words flying out at a mile a minute. It was like a switch had flipped. “I thought that was the whole point, Ellie!”

Ellie bit her lip to avoid matching Dina’s anger.

“It was the point, Dina,” Ellie answered, feeling the heat grow in her face anyway.

The two of them stared at each other, neither saying a word.

“I let her go,” Ellie whispered, turning away from Dina, and hugging her knees up to her chest. “I had her. I let her go.”

“What?” Dina asked incredulously.

“When I got to her,” Ellie started. “She was half alive. I tried- I tried to make her fight me. And she did. But then-“ She paused, tears beginning to well in her eyes. Her chest felt tight, her mind putting up resistance against reliving the moment she was trying to describe.

Ellie felt a hand rest on her shoulder. She knew it had to be Dina’s, but it still shocked her. She had felt the resent radiating out of Dina’s skin like heat from the sun. How had it changed so fast?

Did Dina think she had done the right thing?

Could it be that easy?

“What happened, Ellie?” Dina said gently. Looking over at her, Ellie saw her arm fully extended to reach her. She looked like a spooked deer, like she was going to run away at any second.

Hot tears escaped Ellie’s eyes. Fuck. She didn’t know what to do.

“I couldn’t do it. I- I know I left you and I know that makes me the worst person in the world and the biggest jackass ever, but I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t let her turn me any further into a monster.”

She bent further over her legs, burying her face in her knees. Breathe. She needed to breathe.

A chest pressed into her side. Arms wrapped around her shoulders.

“When you left, I swore to myself I would never take you back.”

Ellie’s heart took off running in her chest.

“I told myself I would treat you how you had treated me. That if you somehow managed to survive getting there, fighting her, and coming back, I would just turn my nose up at you.”

What was the purpose of telling her this? Ellie longed for a simple rejection. A ‘no’ would suffice.

“But now I don’t think that was fair to you. I think you needed to go, as much as I’ll hate it every day for the rest of my life that you left. I’ll never let you forget it, no matter what you do,” she snorted. “I also don’t think it was fair to me.”

“What do you mean?” Ellie asked. She sat up a bit, leaning into Dina. The contact had to mean something, the way Dina was supporting her. Dina had always supported her. Was this time going to be different?

“We live in a world where everything you love can be taken from you in the blink of an eye. You know that.” Joel’s small smile flashed in Ellie’s mind, fading into Dina’s dark eyes.

“Yeah,” Ellie said dumbly.

“I swore to myself I would never take you back,” Dina repeated. “But every second I’ve been in your presence today has outweighed every second you’ve been gone. So I have a question for you.” Ellie raised her eyebrows, asking what is it? “Is it done?”

The air rushed out of Ellie’s lungs. Somehow, she smiled. “I promise, I swear to you. It’s done.”

“Okay.”

“Okay?”

“Let’s go home,” Dina said with finality.

-

Ellie bounded down the front stairs of the farmhouse, treading back into the woods where Dina waited, a small child at her side. Dina smiled up at her. A wagon with the first load of their things waited just outside the tree line away from the house.

“I’m ready.”

#elliedina #ellie x dina #ellie williams x dina #ellie tlou #ellie williams tlou #tlou #tlou 2 #tlou2 #elliedina fanfic #tlou2 spoilers

[oh-katsuki]

cal i’ve had this thought that has been in my head since the morning and i can’t get it out of my head

so i’ve been trying to talk nicely to myself more often and i noticed that i’ve changed in the sense that i hear you in my head instead of myself?? gdjshhd what are you doing invading my subconscious and becoming my comfort person????? lol when i noticed this i got like 10x happier cause callie my beloved <33

idk i think it’s the way you phrase your words. like even when ur being horny asf for a character i can’t help but read ur posts with a sweet/gentle aura?? voice?? tone?? idk lol thats the voice my brain has assigned u

gentle, sweet, kind, and everything nice <33 that’s your powerpuffgirls recipe to me lol have a nice day/night! kiss kiss

this is so so so so cute!!!

first of all, im so so happy that you're consciously thinking about being kind to yourself. you deserve that kindness and that gentle treatment, especially from within (where it can be hard to get it from). it's so nice to hear that you're doing that for yourself and i am rly rly proud of you <333

also, you hear MEEEE in your head?? that makes me SO HAPPY!! im so glad that i've become a safe person for you and i hope that my blog continues to feel like a safe space <333 just know that i am always in ur brain cheering you on

i hope ur doing wonderfully today <3

#[ 🏩 – chatting ] #this was so kind #THANK YOU #o love u and i hope u have a good day !!

[flower-seeks-the-moon]

the house in fata morgana: another story, chapter 1

fandom: the house in fata morgana

relationships: michel bollinger/giselle

characters: michel bollinger, giselle

words: 1272

ao3 link

first posted on ao3. this is the first part of a multichapter project for gischel week 2022, with the prompt roleswap. could be read as a standalone. new chapters will be uploaded on both tumblr and ao3, but sporadically. features giselle as the master of the mansion and michel as the servant.

Chapter 1: You and the Servant

“... Master?”

Your consciousness came back in trickles of sensation, drop after drop into a small pool. But his voice was the first tangible thing that you could register, cold and brisk like a frozen spring.

It eclipsed the feeling that gradually returned to your fingers, low and yet drowning out the distant sound of the rain you could now discern from somewhere.

It stood out against the warm sounds of a crackling hearth.

“... Wake up, Master.”

“Where… Where am I?”

Creak, creak, creak.

You felt under your hands the solid wood of a rocking chair, and realize that you had been rocking back and forth for a while.

The room was dark, the singular fireplace a beacon that glowed against the dimness of your surroundings.

And yet.

“How fortunate. You’ve finally awoken.”

He stood out, hair a pale white like the icy cap of a snow-covered mountain. Skin a sallow white like a bleached bone, or a corpse. Kneeling beside your chair, he stared at you with ruby eyes that were the only things somewhat resembling life on his body.

“Good morning, Master.”

A smile curved the edges of his thin lips upwards and left those eyes utterly untouched. A pang suddenly cut through your chest.

“Is something the matter?”

It both relieved and pained you when that smile left, replaced by a bemused frown. Somehow, that looked rather more natural on his face than a smile.

It confused you.

You had no memories of this man, who looked like a servant and called you Master.

And yet he knew you…

“You have just woken up,” he murmured to himself. “In this case, I should let you gather yourself first.”

He gave you yet another of those flimsy smiles. A place inside you ached, the longing almost tangible, at the polished look of it. You were sure, even as your mind was emptied of any knowledge of him, that this man once wouldn’t have given out such meaningless smiles too easily.

“I’ve missed your voice. It’s been so long.” His ruby eyes locked with yours, an unreadable gleam in them. “Keeping this mansion perfect, until the day you return. I worked hard every day.”

“It made me weary, for it was a long, long time.”

Looking at the windows, where naught but darkness was visible outside, he continued to smile. “And then you showed up outside the window, and I felt joy for the first time in many eras… My heart leaped at the sight of you.”

Those words were smooth and could have made a maiden blush.

His entire being felt lonely, gentle and so utterly unfamiliar. And it hurt.

(Where is the ungainliness?)

(He doesn’t feel like who he should be…)

You opened your mouth. “You-”

“Would you like me to serve you some tea? I remember… You liked chamomile.” 

For a brief moment, the thought crossed your mind that for a servant, he rather liked cutting you off. Was he ever properly trained? It didn’t seem to be so. Incongruously, this delighted you. 

Like catching a peek of a charming little bird among the bushes in your garden… That hidden flash of someone beyond the calm, implacable servant that he tried to be. 

It made a part inside you, cold when you first came to, warm.

You felt a smile tug at your mouth, and oh , did that feel as natural as breathing. Though you didn’t know why, and the reason slipped through your fingers like sand the more you tried to grasp it.

But smiling still felt… Good.

He must have disagreed because upon seeing this, the servant froze.

“Ah - I must apologize for my rudeness. I was overeager.” Stilted words came tumbling out as he hastened to right himself. You watched as he tucked away every little bit of himself that he had shown you until all that remained was the Servant.

And that was… Unbearably sad.

“It… It’s alright,” you managed to get out. Control of your voice, of your lips, was tenuous. You had come to understand that whatever you were, you weren’t alive or human.

Managing even these little replies took a lot of your willpower. 

But to get that side of him back, you felt that nothing would be too much for you.

His gaze snapped back to you, and only lingered a second before he looked down. “It was unbecoming. I am a servant of this mansion, and you are the Master.”

(But I didn’t want us to be like that… To stop at nothing but that…)

“No. I don’t know who you are… but we couldn’t possibly be just that.”

“Indeed, you do not know me at the moment.” The affected distance in his eyes and voice stung, for a man you didn't even remember. He had stopped looking at you, staring into the flickering hearth instead.

(But I did once…)

“You do not even remember my name,” he mused with a hollow little smile.

(I want to!)

“Much less who you are.”

“... I don’t remember who we are,” you repeated after him, desolate.

Seemingly coming to a realization, he stood up. It made you notice his height. And yet, instead of filling up the room with his presence and size, he looked as if he had been stretched thin. His long hair, cold white despite how the orange glow of the fire should have cast a warm tone to it, swayed at his back where it had been tied neatly.

“I cannot serve someone,” he spoke slowly, dragging the words out as if to test their weight, cold as hoarfrost. “Who does not remember themselves.”

The words felt like a death knell, almost final. And paired with his corpselike pallor, he looked like a harbinger of the afterlife. And you, yourself, were dead and just recently reformed.

It was, you couldn’t lie to yourself, frightening.

“But you said I had just returned,” you replied, shivering and clutching at your arms to stave off the chill.

As if he sensed your unease, something in him gentled. Perhaps it was his gaze or his posture. Despite the distance he attempted to put between you two, he was still unable to hide that hint of kindness you had glimpsed briefly.

“As a servant of this mansion, Master, I bore witness to the many tragedies that befell the people who once dwelled here.”

Here, he flashed yet another of those smiles that weren’t smiles, as if the tragedies he mentioned were but a trifling matter. 

Or perhaps it was a weak attempt to ease his Master’s worries at the mention of misfortunes.

Your mind spun as more questions came. 

He called you the Master, but who are you, really? Without even a face to put to your unknown name, you sorely needed all the help that you could get. 

“We shall review those incidents, Master. You will recall who you are.”

“Alright, help me…” You reached out your hand to him, on a whim.

(... I want to hold it… But would he allow me?)

(Would his hands be as cold as a corpse’s?)

(... Can I hold it and not cry if so?)

A freezing hand engulfed yours. You barely get a moment to process the aching heartbreak this sensation brought, before your cold, soft-spoken Servant held on to you firmly and pulled you up from the rocking chair.

“Ah, I must remind you, Master. Do not let go of my hand. History is not kind to those who are swept away by the memories.”

"Is that so? Then I won't let go of this hand," you tell him. That had indeed been your plan. 

#the house in fata morgana #fatamoru #michel bollinger #giselle #Gischel Week #luna's fics

[ajoytobeheld]

Mega, depressive, all tomorrow's party post

May 8th, 2009

Today, we should be at ATP. BY RIGHTS!! The next three days promise to be a stream of torturous reminders that we’re not.

So, to celebrate the fact that I’m gonna be miserable this weekend while my friends tweet and facebook and blog about how they’re having an incredible time, as I sit LONELY at msn, ABANDONED, here are some stream of consciousness, non-proof read reminisces about the four ATPs that myself and other members of LC! have attended. Plenty of name-dropping because I’m depressed, alright?

MAY 2006 The United Sounds Of ATP. Our first ATP. Phil Elverum with Herman Dune as backing band. Neil and Tom paid for tickets. I got the other…five of our pals “press passes” due to me being a BIG PLAYER in student media at the time. We slept the seven of us in and around a single double bed. John slept with his head in a bin and wore a dress for the weekend, got recognised by Huw Stephens while hitching up his skirt in the . Tom and Neil got their picture taken with Bill Callahan. Immediately accidentally deleted it. Cried. Beth Ditto called me “the cutest thing I’ve ever seen”. Met a really awesome girl, wrote a song about it. Did a conga line whilst watching the Shins. Shared a chalet with a Sheffield Wednesday fan, he was very tall. Two litre bottles of Strongbow. Vodka and slush puppies. Might have met Josie Long. Dancing with Sleater-Kinney to ‘Hot Topic’ by Le Tigre, WHILST WEARING a Bikini Kill t-shirt. 33 at 45. Mascis playing guitar with BSS, and forgetting to mute his pedals whilst tuning up, LOL. Absolutely OWNING the dancefllor for the entire weekend.I kind of peaked here. Pretty certain this was the happiest weekend of my life.

MAY 2007 ATP VS THE FANS The moment, watching Architecture In Helsinki, that, all at once, about 25 blokes in the crowd noticed a bit of one of their songs sounded like the BBC Cricket coverage theme tune, massive grins. Starting the weekend off with The Thermals, meeting loads of people off Drowned In Sound in the front row. Somebody told me Daniel Johnston had missed his flight. I drunkenly announced it to loads of people. Daniel Johnston hadn’t missed his flight. I’m still very sorry. The Notwist being amazing. Got a verse out of this one too. Yoni Wolf and Dose One performing part of Physics Of A Unicycle together. Incredible. Missed Shellac because we watched the frankly FUCKING AWFUL Chelsea v Utd FA Cup final. Asked to do a Los Campesinos! v Mogwai 5-a-side football match. Too scared.

CAN’T FIND ANY PHOTOGRAPHIC EVIDENCE OF THIS ONE!!

MAY 2008 ATP VS PITCHFORK We played this one. Esiotrot/4 or 5 Magicians/Los Campesinos! 5-a-side. Lot of fun. Maybe shouldn’t go to ATP with a girlfriend, makes it a bit rubbisher. Also, don’t jump off the drum kit during your set and sprain your ankle and subsequently have to spend the rest of the weekend on crutches. Except, ATP only had one pair of crutches, and somebody had already taken. In extreme pain for the rest of the weekend. But playing was probably the proudest I’ve ever been. I CROWDSURFED!! Last day of the Premiership season, United win it at Wigan. Found a disposable barbecue with a human turd on it. Times New Viking dedicating a song to us, and hanging out with them all weekend, gettin’ waaaaaaasted man. Saw the guy, who had the crutches, CARRYING THEM, WALKING FINE!!! BASTARD!! Was offered a Zimmer frame.

DECEMBER 2008 NIGHTMARE BEFORE CHRISTMAS: MIKE PATTON/THE MELVINS Didn’t go until Saturday afternoon, because I had a football match Saturday morning. Watched about 3 bands. All very good, thank you very much. Watched about 5 football matches. Everton v Aston Villa was a hell of a game. United beat Fulham. Kept asking for beers with the stress on the wrong cyllables, hilarious. Got drunk and tried to go swimming. It was closed. Got tricked at ‘gay chicken’. Lots of Dance Dance Revolution. Me and Gui started our new band KrabIsland (news on that, never). I could be Teenage Jesus’ drummer.

I’ve been reasonably restrained here. Might add some more in a bit. We’ll be lucky if I don’t bust out crying…

No apologies made.

#2009 #gareth!blog #lc!blog #lc!image

[fluffy-critter]

#crosspost #busybee

[jonkatzatbedlamfarm]

The Lessons Of Simon: The Photo You Asked For. What Simon Looked Like When He Came To Us. Humans Can Be Good, They Can Be Monsters

I don’t like to post this photo often; I’ve only done it once or twice. It’s just too disturbing. I’m not in the business of upsetting people (at least not consciously. I wrote about Simon yesterday, and this morning, I was flooded by messages from people who had read my book Saving Simon and followed his recovery on the blog but did not know how he looked when he first came to us. The outpouring…

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