#this is insane ik as the hyperemotional 24/7 guy but also like

[soldier-poet-king]

I have too many emotions in too quick a succession with periods of severe emptiness in between I just. I don't have time to PROCESS any of them. It's like I've been incurring an emotional 'debt' for 27 years.

#this is insane ik as the hyperemotional 24/7 guy but also like #all the work stuff. the move stuff. #r&g last night. time change giving me mood swings. PATHFINDER TONIGHT WAS INSANE #soooo good and such fun rp #but also OUCH MY EMOTIONS. i wouldn't trade it for the world but i sure am experiencing SMTHN #given the whole manipulative mentor people pleasing sense of self woth thing #PLUS A COOL GF??? I WANT A COOL GF #and then just this last bit of an astarion fic that made me cry #in terms of just. emptiness. gentleness. how do you move on. how do you build a life #when you didn't expect there to be an after? #how do you free yourself when everything you are was shaped by that person #how do i free myself when everything i am was shaped by my parents #and its just constantly this bitter ache and anger #the upcoming move its like. im in the same city how can i get a clean break #i feel guilty for wanting it but also. fuck i need it #how can i build a life for myself. yknow? #anyway. im uhhh. a lil fragile. a lot stressed abt work stuff. joints been hurting a lot lately too. #i am so hungry. ever hungry. for the unnamed thing. #the duality of fran #anyway. shits wild and that is both good and bad and also neither??? maybe??? #i am trying to find meaning and purpose in it all. or to create it. #i am a skittish stray but i am also kissing you all gently on the forehead. idk. i can be both things at once maybe