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oneeyedoctogod · 6 months

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Disclaimer: long, extremely personal rant. Yes, it's also about mdzs and Jiang Cheng but mainly, it's about me trying to deal with my own trauma when I'm being hit in the face (metaphorically) with it by putting my feelings into words. The posting is so I don't erase it and force myself to forget about it.

You know it's funny, but as I was trying to sleep (and failing. Badly. It's 2:38 am.) I kept on finding myself thinking about why I didn't like Jiang Cheng. Because you see, it's rare for me to dislike a character that much, to the point I actually have blacklisted all his tags and avoid any fics that talk about him positively.

(Again, this is an extremely personal post about my own feelings. This is not meant as a rebuke if you love him. On the contrary. Keep doing what sparks joy. Just, you know, far away from me.)

I have a funny history with the mdzs fandom. I first started watching the donghua when it started airing back in... 2018? 2019? Can't remember for sure. Then I was left hungry for more because only the first season had aired, and it ended on a big cliffhanger. I saw it was an adaptation, so I went looking for the source material... and found the manhua (I was used to japanese animation at that point and thought that was it). The manhua was also being fan translated, and despite being extremely different (and confusing for poor past me), ALSO left me on a cliffhanger. I was desperate and saw someone pointing out there was a novel! I finally found it, read it in a few nights, and loved it. I read a bunch of fics, enjoyed myself, met and befriended people. Then I moved on after a while. I remember, distinctly, that I wasn't a big fan of Jiang Cheng but that I could at least stomach him in fics.

Last December, I felt the urge to reread some mdzs fics. I read some popular ones and, after falling into the animatics and amvs rabbit hole, decided to rewatch the donghua. Except for some reason, Jiang Cheng's character rubbed me wrong. I remembered not liking him much but he wasn't that bad in the fics so I couldn't see why he was so distasteful in the donghua. I'd been warned that the donghua wasn't that faithful (my own memory was extremely hazy), so I just shrugged it off. Maybe the people behind the donghua weren't fans of jc?

I saw there was an official translation of the novel and, by that point, DEEP into the hyper fixation, I bought all four available volumes and read them. At the same time, I was still reading fics. It was fine after all, I already knew the story.

By then, I had realized something was a little wrong with the characteristization. Some of the tropes given to Wei Wuxian rubbed me the wrong way. I looked it up a little (remade a tumblr, found amazing meta, the rest is history) and figured "Ah that must be cql fics. That's the problem."

And yes, that's true. In part.

The other problem lies with the particular way some people write Jiang Cheng. I'll be clear again: I have nothing against those people. Most of them I don't know and I'm aware this is very much a, shall we say, "me" problem. It's why I avoid the positive Jiang Cheng content. I don't care if you keep writing it so long as you keep it away from the canon jc tag.

But whenever people write Jiang Cheng and completely erase his crimes and abuse of both Wei Wuxian and Jin Ling, I feel it like a slap on the face.

Last Monday, I saw a therapist and talked about her about many things (I did warn this would be a very personal post). Part of it was my mother and her treatment of me and my brothers. And after barely a few words, she said, very simply "Oh so your mother abused you."

I already knew that. I use those words myself to describe my history with her. But the validation is always nice to hear, you know? Especially because so many people try or have tried to brush it off as "nothing." My own mother did, both about her own behaviour and when I was being abused by other people and tried to seek her help. Hell, even I still do it sometimes.

And I think that's why I hate Jiang Cheng so damn much now. His canon self is... Well, I'm not a fan, but he's a well-written antagonist. But dear gods, I've seen so many people brush off his canon characteristics to make him into a more palatable character, the loving uncle, the funny tsundere brother, the ace guy who hates mushy romance (let me tell you, as an ace person I am also real fucking tired of homophobic characters being hc as ace)... Even the ones who mention his bad parts feel the need to immediately add his achievements, as if they don't dare speak badly of their fave. "Yes, he tortured Wei Wuxian, but he also sacrificed his core to save him!" "Yes, he hit and verbally abused Jin Ling, but he also lovingly raised him!" "Yes, he tortured and killed innocent people but he also has trauma and had to lead a sect when he was so young!"

And this feels familiar, every time. This feels like the people telling me "Yes but it's not that bad" or saying "Yes your mother gave you panic attacks but she made sure you didn't fail at school" or "Yes but she made you love reading" or "Yes but she gave you so much, don't be selfish" or "Yes but she was here for you when you were depressed" or "Yes but she has it hard too" until I fell in the habit of saying "Sure, my mother insulted me and threatened me financially and there was a long, long time I was convinced she didn't love me... but."

Always that damn BUT.

So you might be able to understand why I have a hard time with Jiang Cheng when people pull the same shit all thenfucking time. I'm working on it because I'd rather not be stuck feeling anxious about a silly purple grape just because he happens to be fandom fave in my current hyperfixation but in the meantime, I have to deal with it and it's... annoying. To say the least.

(I'm going to insist here: I know that Jiang Cheng isn't my mother. That's not the point here. I am fully aware he's a fictional character and that me feeling that way is something I should be working on. I am. And I'm not telling people to stop writing positive content for him. This is just me trying to put into words my complicated feelings for a complicated character. And ranting, a little bit, about badly tagged fics I admit.)

It's easier on social media. You just block the characters tag and, if people bother you about it, you block them. Friends being friends, I just need to tell them "I don't feel comfortable talking about this character" or "let's agree to disagree on this interpretation" and because my friends are the best, they agree and we move on.

Fanfiction is where the problem lies.

I know why people erase the 'hard' parts, or at least I have a good guess. It's easier that way. Fanfiction is about having fun! It's about writing about your blorbos the way you want to! I don't want to police anyone's content. I'd just like it if people tagged their OOC and stopped trying to make me feel as if I'm the one who misread the book because I don't feel like erasing the canonical abuse this character did or because I don't like that they keep putting down my favorite character to uplift theirs.

I'm not sure how to conclude this. I should be sleeping honestly.

Let's try this: if you read this to the end, congrats I guess. I want to reiterate I don't care if you make Jiang Cheng into the most loving, best brother and uncle ever. Just be aware of what you're erasing first. And tag your goddamn fics.

#screaming into the abyss #not sure whether to tag this as the fandom or not #let's go with no #we'll see tomorrow if i feel differently #feel free to reblog so long as you stay respectful #this isn't about hating on people #this is about me working through my problems so that trauma doesn't color my view of a character #if i dislike a character i want it to be because i find them obnoxious #not because their fanbase remind me of my mother #gods I'm tired and I'm sad

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areseebee · 6 months

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The imitating-the-head-movement thing is soo great, tbh, I wonder if he was directed to or if he did that on his own. There's some really brilliant "little acting" in this show that's just so very good. I rewatched the S2 finale, and that scene with Cathy (not her eyebrows!), when she has that discussion with Ma Mary, he's full on beaming at his mother's pathetic claims about how much she's missed him, face completely dropping at Mary's "well you did dump him here quite a long time ago!", the way he says "Mum's had a lot going on" - that was sooo nailing the abandoned child in denial about their parent's lack of affection, brilliant, but also Mary's reaction!! When her eyes stay on James for a second before going back to Cathy going on about her business, you can literally watch Ma Mary's heart break for him! Considering there's some quite silly slapsticky comedy and over the top physical stuff in there as well, in some moments we really get to see how much *serious* acting talent there's assembled in this cast! ("Serious" acting talend in addition to comic acting talent, which is obvious in practically every scene I mean)

[this ask is referencing my tags on this reblog of a gifset of james in 3x07 as he watches his erin fancam footage]

yes, totally agree! there's some really, really top tier "little acting" from the entire cast (face acting, i think it's called? idk, don't quote me on that, i am not a trained actor).

in the same vein as the "little acting," the background acting in derry girls is just so excellent. i remember an interview with one of the main cast members where they talk about how tiring some of the long filming days would be because, even if they didn't many lines, they are always in the scene, reacting or doing something in the background. orla/louisa harland gets a lot of recognition for their/her background antics, but i think james/dylan llewellyn is really, really excellent with his background acting too. and, imo, it leads to a really rich text to work with as a fic writer and makes the show endlessly layered and rewatchable. i still feel like i pick up on new things when i revisit the show.

mine and @derrygirlstrash's fic, making moves, is grounded in only a look that erin gives james in the dark when the gang is sneaking into the protestant boys' room in 2x01. she's concerned about how she "doesn't have any moves," looks back at james anxiously, he very clearly notices, and then his next line is about how "boys like girls who are confident." like! why was she looking at him? had they talked about this together before? he's so quick to reassure her, to make sure she's not worried. boom - we wrote a fic about it.

or in 3x03, when james is about to sneeze on the train and erin is looking at him encouragingly, hoping she'll get to hear about his "hopes and dreams," and michelle is looking between the two of them like she suspects something, like whatever is about to happen needs to be stopped. did michelle really just happen on them kissing in 3x04 or had she been watching them for a while, seeing this develop right in front of her eyes and try to interrupt it? because i think it's fun, my headcanon is the latter and it's based literally on that one look in 3x03 alone. i'm not gonna write it, but someone give me a "5 times michelle suspected" fic!

there's just so much there if you've got an eye to it, so many spaces for fun ideas. it's the way i like to write and think about fic - to find those spaces in a source material, to find those opportunities within it to really explore what else could be there and to better understand who the characters are to themselves and to each other. imo not all source material has those spaces, but derry girls has it in spades.

#sorry this basically turned into fic thoughts instead of show thoughts lol #but this is one of the main reasons why i love this show so much and why i write fic for it #so thanks for giving me an excuse to talk about it!#derry girls #my fic #ask

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katierosefun · 3 years

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Heyy, just wanted to say I LOVE your stories (and all you headcanons and tags hehe) I'm new here and wanted to ask how and when you started writing fanfiction for star wars and if you have any tips 😊

hello! thank you for the kind words :’) and of course, welcome!!

so if we want to get really technical about things, i started writing star wars fic like,,,,waaaay back in 2013, and i kinda cringe a little when i think of those fics now because lol i was thirteen years old then--and i wrote for a little while until maybe 2016-ish? and then took a break because of mental health things, and then got back into writing fic in the past year and a half or so!

as for the how, i wanted to write star wars fic mostly because as a thirteen year old, i was devastated by the season five finale (back then, that was when the show just got cancelled and the season five finale was the only series finale we were gonna get!), and i just kinda wanted to write all these stories about the tcw fam actually being happy. filling in the gaps and all. (lol considering how my gut reaction to the tcw season seven finale was also to write as much fic as possible, i can safely say that some things just don’t change.)

as for tips! i got a little into writing gen fic specifically here, but as for writing fic in general: (and under the cut because i,,,as usual, went off for a while.)

1. rewatch/reread source material! this is something i usually do when i’m trying to refresh my memory on a certain episode--i won’t watch through the whole thing, sometimes i’ll just kind of jump around, but i like to get some quick look back into the source stuff to put myself in the right headspace to explore how to extend/expand the story somehow.

of course, if you’re writing something that’s an AU then you don’t really have to worry about this, but!! rewatching the source can also just be super helpful when you’re trying to characterize properly/try to get a feel for what the characters’ voices are like.

2. wookiepedia is your best friend, but if you don’t have enough info on something, either search through fanon star wars meta or!! just make up something on your own! like, i cannot tell you the amount of times i’ve wanted to tear my hair out because i couldn’t find enough information on x or if i had to stop and be like “wait, but does star wars even have y??” sometimes, wookiepedia is helpful for providing those answers, and other times, blogs like @gffa really provides a big, broad look at all the stuff in star wars, and her blog kinda runs like wookiepedia itself, so i can guarantee that you’ll find some useful stuff if you’re ever kind of lost about what certain jedi customs/culture or in general, what different cultures were like in the galaxy far, far away.

but also, as i’ve mentioned, i think it’s okay to just kinda ignore the technical stuff and just make something up in star wars as you go along. you don’t like that glass in star wars is called transparisteel? then use glass. you’re not sure if star wars even celebrates the new year? screw it, why not? you’re the writer--you get creative license!

3. there is no such thing as “too much” of one trope. so, idk if you might struggle with this, but just in case you do--sometimes, fic writers will hit a wall and be like “no i can’t post this because so many people have already written about this/used this trope/etc.” to that, i say pffft, nah. there’s a post floating around here on tumblr about a cake analogy and how like,,,to you, you might have just brought another cake to a party with already so many cakes, and you might feel kinda embarrassed about that, but to the large majority of people? all they see is more cake, and who doesn’t love more cake?

what i’m basically trying to get at here is!! write whatever you want and don’t worry about if someone’s already done it, because everyone in fandom lives to see their favorite storylines expanded over and over and over again/everyone lives to see their favorite tropes used over and over and over again. fic is wonderful for that very reason, and you shouldn’t deprive yourself of enjoying that.

4. this might seem kinda trivial, but spellcheck and formatting is...mostly important. the unfortunate thing about fic is that sometimes people will click out the second they see a huge block of text like so:

“this is just a practice run,” i say as i start this paragrah. i don’t really know what i’m writing about but this is an example, and i know that this is probably going to look really, really ugly on the screen but here we go oh the things i do for explaining fic i already know that this has gone long enough but who is to stop me you know? wait no i haven’t made any spelling errors yet to prove my point so okay let me think of a common spelling error i can’t think of any right now but hm let’s see i will causally say that i have made a spelling error. oh look! i have made a spelling error (well, not a spelling error, more like a mix-up of words) because you can tell that instead of writing casually which would be more correct i wrote causally and those two are very different things. but there are other spelling errors that can sometimes be a turn-off for readers like when they notice that the k in kenobi isn’t capitilized and once or twice that’s all fine and most people will overlook that, but if you do that consistently then most people will be turned off and click into another fic and oh dear it seems that i am actually explaining things so i guess that means i should stop with this ugly paragraph and actually move forward. “move on!” i shout to myself now. (and just pretend that something like this continues for a good two or three pages.)

do you see how ugly that is? it’s an eye-strain to most people when they read, and you can write the most beautiful fic in the world, but if the formatting and the spelling is off, then most people will move to a different fic. (which is, again, unfortunate, especially for younger and newer writers, but! ‘tis a thing that comes with fic.)

5. have fun! don’t get yourself caught up with appealing to the crowd. write what you want to write first and foremost, because at the end of the day, it’s you who’s putting in the work and the effort to craft a story, and if you’re about to invest your time and energy into anything in your free time, then it should be something that brings you at least some joy and comfort. so go on and write, and keep writing if you enjoy it! no one can take that away from you.

hope that all helps!!

#answered #asdfdsf sorry for the essay but!!! i hope that was somewhat helpful!!#writing tips

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binickandros · 3 years

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Hey I know it was a few days ago you said this but I'm coming into your asks to also complain about how much they sidelined Nick in the Stand. I legitimately don't understand the creative choice to focus on Harold as the main character and sideline Nick and the other, bigger characters. Yes Owen Teague is a fantastic actor, he was amazing, but the decision was presumably made long before his casting. Why was this the Harold Lauder show whereas Nick was barely in it, I... don't understand :(

Stand ranting anon again: I just wanted to add that I would be fine with the amount of screen time Harold got, if all the other characters got the same amount, like if it was a 20 episode season and we could get a whole episode of Nick backstory, of Frannie etc. We only even saw Frannie pre-plague through the fence whilst Harold was creeping on her, which is really... Not Great. So yeah I just feel like it was bizarre they used their limited time in the way they did, very confused.

Listen, nonny, LISTEN: I may never be over this injustice. I am a CANCER, we hold GRUDGES, and you can consider this one fuckin well HELD. Uh this gets long sooo...

I watched the 94 miniseries when it aired and of course immediately loved Nick. Shortly after that I read the book for the first time and loved Nick even more (Larry is 2nd, then prob Fran, then Stu), and over the years I’ve rewatched the mini-series and re-read the book and I was always like “man, I’d love to see an adaptation of this without network TV limitations, just like dark and creepy and atmospheric, but with the good guys winning the day” as they do.

So fast forward to 2011 or whenever and there are tentative announcements of a movie. Eh, not great, nowhere near enough time. Then!! A limited series!! Which is just a miniseries made fancy.

My dumb ass: more time in Shoyo!! Maybe Rita AND Nadine!! More time with Fran and her dad!! Etc etc

Welp I guess I got one of those things, but at what cost!! A whole entire Lucy, and uh...p much everything else I might have wanted.

I was talking about this with someone else (you know who you are but don’t wanna tag you in case you, like me, avoid the mortifying ordeal of being known at all cost) and we were both like “okay what EXACTLY about our culture right now made the adapters here (including King’s own son, Owen) think that a story about good v. evil somehow needed to focus on the red pill incel????”

Like they obviously had some idea about making the story more diverse, but because of the way they then used those characters, it felt like performative with no substance.

Ralph Brentner is now a Native woman?? Love it!! She’s also a glorified extra until the last few episodes?? Oh pls fuck off.

Larry is Black?? Great! A Black main character!! Except of course he’s NOT because HAROLD IS.

Nick’s now Latino! Buuuut played by a hearing actor. Which actually only matters in principle because we’re going to try to sweep our bullshit decision-making under the rug by hardly having him on camera. Won’t show up till episode 3, gone by episode 6, in one 2-minute scene in episode 5. Good job, guys! *high fives all around the writers’ room*

I’d honestly like to see someone with way more time on their hands do a screen time comparison between Nick and Harold, or Harold and literally every other character on this show. They opened with Harold, he was in every episode in a major way, he got a CLOSING MONOLOGUE and MONTAGE of his LIFE, while Nick just blew up and then was mentioned a few times and that was it.

I mean I guess they attempted something meaningful by having him...looking at that picture or postcard before the bomb? Which was like someone on a boat, so was maybe his mom, or reminded him of his mom? But how the hell were we to know that, bc we got the piece of exposition about his mom from FLAGG in ONE SCENE, and we’d never seen that picture before, nor do we have any idea of the significance of “Silencio,” which was written on the picture and was the title of the episode. It was literally not meaningful AT ALL bc we as the audience didn’t know a goddamn thing about it, and it was “blink and you miss it.”

I thought 9 hours would give us more time for backstory. That’s what I was looking forward to. Like Fran burying her dad was sad bc duh he’s her DAD and he’s DEAD, but it’s so much more meaningful when you’ve seen them bonding. Even the 94 miniseries, which had to cut some stuff for time, showed us how close they were, and the scene of her stitching his shroud was heartbreaking.

How did Stu, a 45-year-old man (tho that’s James Marsden’s age and I think they mean for Stu to be younger), come to fall in love w Frannie, a 20ish-year-old girl?? Who knows! He saw her on the road and thought she was cute and I guess that was that. She’s a college student from Maine and he works in a calculator factory (or something idr) in East Texas and there’s a huge age difference, so what do they have in common? Ah fuck it who cares let’s see what Harold’s doing.

I just honestly would like to know the thought process here. I think. Let’s be real. This is what happens when your main creative team is nerdy white boys. They identify with Harold: he’s an “outsider,” he’s “misunderstood,” if only people hadn’t been so mean to him!

An adaptation created by 2 white dudes. A writers’ room with all white dudes, except ONE woman who, for all we know, was just there, again, as tokenism. This is what happens when white men create for themselves without any real input from women, POC, or members of the LGBT community. Because the “gay rep” on this show is a whole other rant.......

Anyway, nonny, I’m writing a Nick fic rn that will hopefully see the light of day soon, and it’s literally. All Nick. And an OC bc Nick deserves love too!! And no Julie does not count. I’m not saying that just as shameless self promotion, but also to show that I was so incensed by this bullshit adaptation that I’ve now written 35k words and they JUST LEFT SHOYO, all while starting school doing something I’ve never even dipped my toe into before, so it’s fairly intense work.

Justice for Nick Andros. He deserved better from the source material, and somehow an adaptation made in 2020 (when we should all know better) made it So. Much. Worse.

#anonymous #asked and answered #the stand #nick andros #the entire thing smacks of whiny white men #i guarantee if women had been more involved #and POC and the Gays #this adaptation would be entirely different #and we'd like it a WHOLE lot more #1 woman like pls #i've read enough horror stories #of women on writing staffs #with all white men #to know exactly how much input she had #hint: none to 'not much'#not any creative decisions i can promise you that

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ettadunham · 5 years

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A Buffy rewatch 3x19 Choices

aka everyone’s just dying to give each other a piece of their mind

Welcome to this dailyish text post series where I will rewatch an episode of Buffy and rant about it in 10-3k words. What you can expect: long run-on sentences and disjointed observations, often focused on one tiny detail about the episode. What you shouldn’t be expecting: actual reviews that make sense.

And I’ve been waiting forever for today’s episode to finally discuss some quality Willow and Faith feelings... And it turns out that it was just a 2-minute-scene all along? Still, we’ll be making the best out of those 2 minutes, folks.

There’s actually a lot going on in Choices, but I want to get the main rant out first, before I get lost in all the small details of it.

So... Willow and Faith.

Fun fact, did you know that that is actually the 5th most popular BtVS F/F pairing tag on Ao3? Right after the popular canon, the popular “it’s basically canon and you can fucking sue me” ship, the pairing of the two main female characters (shout out to the Wuffys, I got you) and the less popular canon ship.

Which... wasn’t really what I was expecting? I mean, I also wasn’t expecting #6 being Faith/Dawn (having a 2 fic-lead on the ultimate OTP because you’re all heathens), so I guess I know nothing.

Some of those switch though if you filter for the F/F category, look, I have charts:

(Meanwhile Buffy/Kendra has like 12 fics, you really are all heathens.)

Anywho, thanks for coming to my Ted talk about the math of Buffy femslash. Now, back to Willow and Faith specifically.

Once I thought about it, it did make sense that this is actually a popular fandom pairing I guess? On one hand, it’s a common denominator situation, as in note which characters pop up consistently on that chart... On the other hand, in this episode alone Willow taunts Faith to which she responds by punching her and threatening her with a knife... And that’s pretty much how foreplay works as far as Faith’s concerned.

Faith just likes it rough, okay? Remember the screencap I used for Consequences after Buffy punches her?

I rest my case.

But I’m already way off topic here. Because what I was actually planning on talking about initially was how Willow felt about Faith, and the source of those feelings.

I already pointed this out, but I feel it’s worth repeating - Willow’s dislike of Faith goes back to two episodes in particular: Bad Girls and Consequences. As far as I was able to discern this time during my rewatch, there were no previous signs of animosity between the two preceding that two-parter.

In Bad Girls, Buffy blows Willow off for their study session to go out with Faith, and starts rambling about how Willow and Xander wouldn’t understand anyway what she and Faith do.

Willow is deeply hurt and jealous... She actually blows Buffy off too in return when she tries talking to her at school in the next episode, and only listens once Buffy shows up crying at her doorstep not knowing what to do about the whole Faith killed a guy situation.

In the same episode, Xander lets it slip that he and Faith had sex... And Willow is once again obviously hurt and jealous. She even has a good cry about it in the bathroom.

And I guess that that seems like a stronger emotional response than how she reacts to Faith stealing away Buffy from her, but it’s still coming from the same place. Note her line in that episode when she acknowledges her biases:

I'm not the most objective, I know. I kind of have an issue with Faith sharing my people.

“Sharing my people” - she’s pointedly talking about both Xander and Buffy here.

And there is a specific kind of betrayal that she feels from Xander, and that’s going to translate to pretty much all of Xander’s relationship... But at this point, it’s not really about her wanting that relationship with Xander. She had the option and she rejected it.

Still, if Xander has that with someone else, that makes their shared experiences feel less special. It makes her feel like less special in his life. (Which unfortunately tracks with a lot of Xander’s behavior about how he’s always chasing the new, shiny and unattainable thing in his life.)

Meanwhile with Buffy, Willow is mostly supportive of her relationships... up until to the point that she feels like they’re taking up the space that she occupies in Buffy’s life. And that very much happens with Faith in those moments, as Buffy suddenly feels like she can’t share with Willow what she and Faith has. (I swear, I’m not even trying, these sentences just turn out this way.)

So... yeah. Willow is super pissed at Faith for having the audacity to try and take away her people from her, and then hurting the both of them.

And I guess we can see some of that same kind of jealousy with Faith (I can and I will read parallels into Willow and Faith’s characters, just you wait) and her whole thing with Buffy and Angel in Choices... Except it’s weirdly misdirected? Like is the Mayor and the show seriously trying to tell us that Faith is jealous about Angel not wanting to make out with her, when that whole thing was all about Buffy in the first place?

Really, Mayor Wilkins? Really?

Well, I guess he is evil.

Back to Willow though, we have this scene where she gets taken hostage, and after she murders her vampire guard with a pencil (amazing), she decides to get comfortable in the Mayor’s office and read through all 5 tomes of the Books of Ascension??? It’s such a delightful nonsense.

Of course, I’m definitely with her on the whole “knowledge is power” notion. Even if they were to prevent the Mayor from having this Box of MacGuffin, there’s no way to tell if that would actually stop the Ascension. But knowing what’s to come and what they could do about it? That’s a definite win.

The issue is that as Faith puts it, being caught red-handed while gaining that knowledge makes Willow some very strong murder material for the bad guys. She could’ve just put the books in a bag, and tried escaping with them, or get the hell out there the moment she discovered those sensitive pages.

But do you know what I think? I think Willow just wanted to have the chance to confront Faith. She was ready to die just to give her a piece of her mind.

Willow: It's way too late. You know, it didn't have to be this way. But you made your choice. I know you had a tough life. I know that some people think you had a lot of bad breaks. Well, boo hoo! Poor you. You know, you had a lot more in your life than some people. I mean, you had friends in your life like Buffy. Now you have no one. You were a Slayer and now you're nothing. You're just a big selfish, worthless waste.

That’s commitment.

Notice also how she highlights Faith having Buffy in her life and not appreciating it enough to keep fighting. I do feel like Willow is deeply offended by that. I talk about her jealousy a lot, but her commitment to the people she loves is usually her more dominant character trait. Feeling like Faith stole her friends from her hurt her; but her anger mostly comes from the fact that Faith hurt Buffy and Xander in unimaginable ways.

I guess this episode did give me a lot of Willow feelings.

Someone else who shared Willow’s need to impart some wisdom in the most inconvenient times was the Mayor. And honestly? I didn’t care a whole lot about it. Angel and Buffy has a million other conflicts that come before him being immortal.

Like, I get that it’s supposed to shake them out of their own little bubble a bit, and face the fact that they don’t really see a future together. I believe the phrasing I previously used was that being together prevents them from becoming the people they want to be.

Their initial exchange at the graveyard is kinda hilarious though. “You never take me to any place new” - I’m still laughing, ngl.

At the same time, Xander and Cordelia still appear to be having their bitter verbal conflicts. Which is weird, especially after Earshot, an episode that I praised for including Cordelia in the group once again. (I guess maybe Earshot was written with a different place in the season in mind for it initially? I know that it didn’t air when it was supposed to too, because of the school shooting aspect...)

Here, the two of them are once again out to get each other. Even Buffy ends up in the crossfires, as Cordelia aims one of her pointedly cruel jabs at her. Yikes.

But we also find out here that Cordelia is working in a dress shop now, so there’s that.

And this episode of course is also about everyone’s futures. Willow decides that despite being accepted into literally every school ever, she’s going to attend UC Sunnydale with Buffy. Not just to be with her, but because she enjoys saving the world and all that jazz.

Oh, Willow, if you only knew...

This of course also presents a welcome contrast for Buffy, who feels like she doesn’t have a choice but to stay in Sunnydale. It’s a really nice moment between them, as Buffy realizes herself that she too very much made that choice herself. Because that’s who Buffy is. Someone who could never turn her back on the people who need her.

Buffy: I kinda love you.

We all do, Buffy. Just ask Oz, and his decisive ingredient smashing move that annihilated the whole argument about whether or not they should rescue Willow. (”That’s your future wife!” - me @ Alexis Denisof in that scene.)

Also, shout out at that whole Mission Impossible heist premise we got going on in this episode. I always appreciate a weird clash of genres.

#buffy rewatch 2k19 #btvs talk #btvs

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