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damnbrain · 11 months
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a  concept:   raven  with  lots  of  tattoos  in  modern  but  they’re  relatively  small  and  scattered  across  her  body
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damnbrain · 11 months
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raven’s   sense   of   self   worth   is   heavily   linked   to   her   abilities   &   intelligence.     a   lot   of   it   comes   from   the   neglectful   behavior   and   practically   rejection   from   her   mother.    she   didn’t   matter   in   her   own   family   besides   her   rations.    when   she   begins   to   be   picked   first   and   gain   attention   and   respect,   it   comes   because   of   her   intelligence   during   her   classes.   therefore   her   value   =   to   being   useful   in   any   way.
“       i   used   to   be   picked   first   for   everything.    earth  skills…   zero-g   mech   course…    so,   how   the   hell   did   i   end   up   here  ?       ”
that   quote   hints   heavily   on   that.   she   still   has   the   same   skillset,   she’s   still   useful   around   the   camp.   and   yet,   she   ends   up   heartbroken   &   with   a   bullet   in   her   spine.    working   while   bleeding   &   paralyzed   to   make   one   last   plan   work.
finn   loving   her,   choosing   her   kind   of   balanced   that   out.     but   the   moment   he   gets   a   chance,   he   leaves   her.    he   choses   someone   else.    &   raven   goes   back   to   getting   attention   only   because   of   what   she   can   do.
and   it’s   very   visible   in   her   behavior   that   she’ll   put   work   first   &   her   well  being   second.    she   makes   the   ring   of   fire   while  still   bleeding.    she   starts   working   a   day   after   her   surgery.    she   keeps   working   and   going   on   patrols   with   her   leg   aching   because   she’s   useful.    she   is   willing   to   die   if   she   can   provide   them   with  a   solution   to   the   radiation.
[ abby: ]      “    you   can   still   be   useful.    ”
she   feels   betrayed   the   moment   she’s   benched   &   she   feels   useless.    resulting   in   her   taking   the   chip   so   she   can   gain   some   self   worth   back.  fix   her   leg   so   she   can   work   again.
not   being   able   to   fix   the   fuel   problem   on   the   ring,   breaks   her.    she’s   not   able   to   figure   this   out   therefore   she   thinks   very   low   of   herself.     she   feels   like   she’s   failing   them   &    staying   behind   on   the   eligius   ship   is   a   no   brainer   even   without   the   coding.    the   rest  6   deserve   to   go   home   more   than   her.    she   wants   to   but   if   anyone’s   staying   behind;   it’s   her.
tl;dr:    she   would   risk   her   life  /  well   being   if   it   meant   being   able   to   make   a   plan   work   /   be  of  use.    when   she   isn’t   able   to   figure   something   out   her   self   worth   lowers   significantly.    while   she   believes   in   her   skills  (  even  if   she   sometimes   doubts   them  )   &   prides   herself   on   them   and   her   intelligence;     she   doesn’t   really   think   of   herself   outside   of   that,   of   raven   the   person   not   the   mechanic,   as   someone   with  a   lot   of   worth.
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damnbrain · 11 months
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raven  reyes   +   forgiveness
something   i   did   want   to   talk   about   was   raven’s    forgiveness.    while   she   has   a   tendency   to   get   angry   even   at   people   she   loves   &    is    willing   to   say   harsh   things   that   sometimes   need   to   be   heard.   at   the   end   of   the   day   she   is  willing   to   forgive   &   it   doesn’t   take   much   to   forgive.
the   first   one   is   her   mother   who   while   she’s   spoken   badly   about,   she’s   spoken   about   the   things   she   did   to   her   in   a   casual   manner   at   first   during  s1.    as  if   it   was   a   fact   &   not   something   that   hurt   her.    she   even   goes   so   far   to   defend   her   in   a   way   in   s6   (  even   if   those   words   are   mostly   out   of   spite   towards   abby.  )
second   is   finn,   who  also   deeply   hurt   her   with   his   actions,   and   yet   she   doesn’t   really   hold   it   against   him.   in  1x11  right   after   their   breakup,   after   finn   tries   to   apologize   again   she   cuts   him   off   &   says   that   they’re   good   (  &   that   he   doesn’t   need   to   apologize   or   talk   about   this   )   this   is   partly   to   avoid   the   subject   but   she   doesn’t   hold   the   way   he   hurt   her   against   him.    again   she   practically   justifies   his   actions   in   s2   with   the   things   change,   maybe  it’s   for   the   best.   &   then   reaffirms   that   they’ll   always   be   family.
murphy  is   obviously   a   prime   example   who   disabled   her   &   she   forgave   him.   besides   s2   for   being   while   to   throw   him   under   the   bus   to   save   finn   &   obviously   being   vocally   angry   towards   him   while   still   bleeding   on   the   floor   from   that   bullet,   she’s   not   blowing   up   towards   him.   she   doesn’t   like   him   though   &   she   makes   it   known.    there‘s   also   her   blow   up   during   s4   but   it   was   enhanced   from   the   situation   with   her   brain.   ultimately   all   it   took   to   forgive   him   was   him   helping   her   get   away   the   drones   in   the   island   &   saying   he’s   sorry   for   doing   this  (both  s2  i   think   but   that   wasn’t   the   most   genuine  &   actually   in   s4).   it   does   take   a   lot   to   trust   him   but   she’s   already   forgiven   him   @   that   point   and   six   years   later   she   considers   him   family.
abby   is   also   another   example.    even   from   s2,   abby   slaps   her   &   raven   offers   her   what   she’s   drinking   in   return.    in  s6   it’s   more   complicated   and   she   does   blow   up   at   abby   at   first,   saying   cruel   things.    but   ultimately   she   apologizes   for   her   words   &   forgives   abby.   now   i   don’t   remember   s6   that   well   but   i   don’t   remember   abby   doing   much   to   earn   that   forgiveness   save   for   also   apologizing.
clarke   &   raven   have   also   had   a   turbulent   relationship.    first   instance   that   this   plays   into   is   with   finn’s   death.    that’s   the   first   betrayal,   with   her   own   knife   being   used   &   being   asked   from   clarke   to   not   attend   the   funeral   because   she   had   to   watch   the   radio.   she   does   blame   her   for   the   choice   especially   during   the   funeral,   when   herself   is   accused   of   poisoning   lexa   &   punches   her   for   it.   the  only   time   she   ever   brings   it   up   again   is   during   their   fight   before   the   tondc   bombing.  (   you  killed   finn   and   i   didn’t   give   up  )   but   at   the   same   episode   practically   forgives   her   with   that   hug   &   doesn’t   bring   it   up   again.   now   they’ve   had   their   disagreements   afterwards   but   the   next   big   one   really   is   what   happened   in   s5   &   how   that   carries   on   in   s6.    she   fully   blames   clarke   for   turning   her   in   to   be   tortured   &   doesn’t   accept   that   apology  as   enough.   yet,  by   the   end   of   the   season   because   they   nearly   lost   clarke,   she’s   forgiven   her   &   doesn’t   speak   of   it   again.  
i   also   want   to   note   in   s7   while   she’s   very   much   angry   with   bellamy,   who   also   showed   no   remorse   towards   sending   her   to   be   tortured,   at   the   end   of   the   day   she   tries   to   reason   his   behavior   for   herself   really.   but   she   says   to   murphy   that   something   must   have   happening   to   him   out   there   (  for  him  to   have   this   behavior  )  did   she   forgive   him   @   that   point ?   no.   but   she   tries   to   find  a   way   for   it   to   make   sense   to   possibly   forgive   him   later   on.
what   i   want   to   end   with   is   raven   saying   have   you   ever  loved   someone   so   much   that   no   matter   what   they   do   to   you,   you  take   it  ?    it’s   spoken   with   regards   to   her   mother   but   truly   this   can   be   applied   for   all   her   dynamics.    because   at   the   end,   she   doesn’t   hold   grudges   for   a   long   period   of   time.
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damnbrain · 11 months
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it   is   common   in   mecha   station   to   hear   spanish   &   brazilian   portuguese  being   spoken   among   citizens   as   much  as   english.    mecha   was   formed   from  the   original   brazillian   space   station   &   the   languages   carried   over   through   the   generations.   
raven   is   almost   fluent   in   spanish.   she   can   speak   with   no   problem  but   is   not   as   used   to   reading   and   writing   because   she   didn’t   have   as   many   opportunities   to   practise.   
she   can   also   understand   some   brazilian   portuguese  as   well   as   speak   a   few   phrases   that   she’s   picked   up   from   working   around   mecha.
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damnbrain · 11 months
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𝚑𝚞𝚗𝚐𝚎𝚛  𝚐𝚊𝚖𝚎𝚜  𝚟𝚎𝚛𝚜𝚎:     𝚖𝚘𝚌𝚔𝚒𝚗𝚐𝚓𝚊𝚢.
at  the  end  of  the  quarter  quell,    raven  is   one   of   the   victors   who   are   captured   by   the   capitol.    and   she   becomes,  almost   an   experiment   for   the   capitol.   they’ve   already   figured   out   how   to   distort   memories.   but   being   able   to   access   them,  is   another   step   that   they   test   on   raven.   in   the   end,  they   manage   to   control   her   in   a  way   &   send   her   waves   of   pain   when   she   doesn’t   comply.
when   she   can   no   longer   handle   the   pain,   she   can   no   longer   resist   the   influence.   &   she   turns   into   a   weapon   at   the   hands   of   the   capitol.    using   her   for   interviews   but   most   importantly   using   her   against   friends   and   alies.
she   never   wanted   to   risk   the   rebellion,   but   when   she’s   coming   to   without   anything   else   in   her   head,   she  can’t   help   but   be   relieved   that   they   didn’t   give   up   on   her.
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damnbrain · 11 months
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𝚑𝚞𝚗𝚐𝚎𝚛  𝚐𝚊𝚖𝚎𝚜  𝚟𝚎𝚛𝚜𝚎:     𝚛𝚊𝚟𝚎𝚗  𝚛𝚎𝚢𝚎𝚜.   𝚍𝚒𝚜𝚝𝚛𝚒𝚌𝚝 3.
no   one   knows   what   to   expect   of    the   girl   who   can   take   apart   the   arena’s   technology  and   use   it   to   her   will.    others   fought   to   get  weapons,   she   fought   to   get  whatever   piece   of   technology   was   available.    until   a   sponsor   gave   her   a   screwdriver   and   a   pair   of   pliers   that   become   the   most   lethal   in   her   hands.    but   she   lacked   physical   &   fighting   skills   and   took   a   stab   in   her   spine.    unable  to   escape   cornucopia,   she   makes   bombs   placed   right   in   the   entrance  until   her   legs   give  out.   no   one   knows  what   to   make   of   an   unconscious   victor   who   blew   up   the   last   tributes   with   blood  stained   hands   from   her   own   injury.
she’s   a   genius   &   the   capitol   knows   it.    the   capitol   wants   her,   brace   &   everything   to   work   for   them.    design   games,   traps   that   wouldn’t   be   taken   apart   by   another   tribute.   she   refuses   and   the   boy   she   loves   ends   up   in   the   games   right   after   hers.    she’s   forced   to   watch   as   another   tribute   shoves   a   knife   to   his   gut   and   hear   his   canon   echo   through   the   screen.   the   capitol   thinks   it   was   a   lesson,   they   don’t   know   she’s   much   more   dangerous   with   nothing   to   lose.
when   the   quarter   quell   arrives,   she  takes   wiress’s  place.   her   and   beetee   have   a   task.   figure  out   a   way   to   blow   up   the   arena.    destroy   the   forcefield.    a   rebellion  is   rising   and   that’s   their   first   big   action.    &   raven   reyes   has   always   favored   explosions.
01.   ceasar   discussing   her   games.     02.   jaha   a   capitol   member   approaches   her   for   a   new   position.    03.    haymitch   gives  advice   to katniss  and   peeta   regarding   raven.
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damnbrain · 11 months
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THE BEST OF THE 100: Character Appreciation [3/11] (insp)
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damnbrain · 11 months
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#SPACEK1NG: independent bellamy blake from the 100 universe. this interpretation is based on season 1 - 5, and mostly headcanon based. plot driven. as adored by chrissie. twenty-eight, she/they.
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damnbrain · 11 months
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EMOJI ASSOCIATION CHALLENGE
@jaqobis asked:  🔥    →    nolden in 2.01
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damnbrain · 11 months
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𝐚𝐧𝐠𝐬𝐭𝐲 𝐩𝐫𝐨𝐦𝐩𝐭𝐬 𝐩𝐭. 𝟏
i’ve made emotional ones before but also, angst?? bon appetit!
“ i can’t do this alone… “
“ i can’t do this without you. “
“ nothing is worth losing you. “
“ i can’t lose you! not again! “
“ i don’t wanna lose you! “
“ i love you… “
“ i never should’ve dragged you into this. “
“ you’re not alone, [NAME]… you never were. “
“ if something happened to you… that would be because of me. and i can’t have that. “
“ …did you know about this? “ “ this is all my fault… “
“ i/we/you lost… “
“ you won’t win. “ “ this path you’re on… it’s gonna get you killed. you know that, though; don’t you? “
“ i can’t stop. “
“ you would tell me if something was wrong. wouldn’t you? “
“ it’s like you’re not really here; even when you are. “
“ don’t you get it?! if anything happens to you, i… i don’t know what i’d do! “
“ you have no idea how important you are to me, and i’m tired of waiting for you to figure it out, and i sure as hell won’t wait to announce it over your reckless ass’ grave! “
“ no! i’m not leaving without you! “
“ i can’t do this anymore… “
“ you don’t even know me. “
“ what have you done?! “
“ you’re shaking… “
“ i’ve… made some mistakes. “
“ you are nothing to me. “
“ you were never nothing to me… “
“ stop it. enough of this self-sacrificing bullshit! stop acting like you have nobody who loves you! you have me! so no! you don’t get to be a martyr. not today! we can figure out a different plan… “
“ i would’ve done anything for you… “
“ i’d risk everything and anything for you. “
“ i’m not a good person. “
“ please don’t look at me like that… “
“ i believed in you! “
“ we can’t lose… “
“ what?! what am i supposed to do?! please! tell me, what the hell am i supposed to do?! “
“ please, just go… i’m not the kind of person anyone needs to be around right now. “
“ what happened to you? huh? what happened to you to make you this way? “
“ they’re coming for you. right? that’s why you’re pushing me away like an idiot? because you don’t want me getting hurt? “
“ nothing’s going to be as good as it was before. “
“ you lied to me! “
“ i didn’t mean for any of this to happen! “
“ i can’t trust you anymore… “
“ i know it’s selfish. god knows, ever since we met, i’ve been the reason behind every threat and danger that’s come your way. but… i honestly can’t say that i’d change a second of it. “
“ it’s been an honour knowing you. “
“ there’s nobody else i can turn to. only you. “
“ i don’t trust anybody else. not the way i trust you. “
“ we have no choice… “
“ why?! why are you helping me?! “
“ it’s too late. there’s nothing more we can do… “
“ please don’t go… don’t leave me. “
“ you are everything to me. okay? EVERYTHING. i can’t lose you… “
“ you deserve better than this… better than me… “
“ i thought i could give you a better life. instead, i’m the reason it’s gotten worse… i’m so sorry. “
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damnbrain · 11 months
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𝐙𝐎𝐌𝐁𝐈𝐄 𝐀𝐏𝐎𝐂𝐀𝐋𝐘𝐏𝐒𝐄 𝐏𝐑𝐎𝐌𝐏𝐓𝐒. (𝐏𝐓. 𝟏)
so i’m rewatching a number of shows based in the zombie apocalypse genre atm, but let’s be totally brutally honest, all of us are dead are absolutely responsible for this! anyway, these are all dialogue prompts, i’m only on episode 1 of twd so be ready for like, a LOT of parts of this!! basically, don’t add to this list, okay? okay. i hope ye enjoy them!
“ how have you survived all this time on your own? “
“ there’s strength in numbers, you know. you should come with me. “
“ i know a place. it’s secure, isolated… it’s safe. if we get there, we stand a good chance. that is… assuming you wanna team up with me? “
“ i’ll keep watch tonight. you try and get some sleep, okay? “
“ what do you miss most? about before? “
“ you won’t get far if you don’t know how to use a weapon. i can teach you, if you like? “
“ if we could get to the airport, or the coast… they’ve got to be evacuating people, right? “
“ let’s set up camp here for tonight. we’re no good if we can’t keep our eyes open to see what’s coming for us. “
“ the radio works. we can’t call for help, but… i found a station that’s still playing music. “
“ is… is that a bite? “
“ no! no, don’t come any closer… i got bit. “
“ no… no, no, please… tell me you didn’t get bit trying to save me. “
“ it’s my fault you got bit! “
“ hey, hey… we don’t have time to argue, love. okay? i got enough time to get you somewhere safe before i turn, but… only if we go right now. okay? “
“ what should we call them? zombies feels kinda silly, doesn’t it? “
“ they’re faster than i thought they’d be. usually… i mean, in the movies… they’re usually so slow. “
“ aim for the head! haven’t you ever seen a zombie movie before?! “
“ listen… we have a camp set up nearby. there’s a group of us; strength in numbers, you know? why don’t you join us? “
“ you’re really naive if you think for one second that the government’s gonna fix all this. we’re on our own. us and the infected. “
“ let’s stop for a second, okay? if that wound of yours gets much worse, the zombies might not have to kill you. “
“ jesus… i’ve never seen a horse that big before… “
“ it’s… it’s crazy, i-i’ve never seen one… never seen one up close like that before. “
“ did you get bitten? scratched? anything? “
“ give me a hand boarding up the windows, will you? “
“ we need water, medicine, ammo and food. in that order. okay? “
“ it’s okay… it’s okay, they won’t be able to get through that barricade, i promise. we’re safe. we’re safe. “
“ your wallet’s useless now; it’s just bits of paper. the world we knew is gone. we’ll be paying with bullets and antibiotics from now on. “
“ you think they can smell us or hear us? you know, which of their senses is stronger since they turned? “
“ i don’t know who the bigger threat is; the dead, or the living. “
“ hurry! that barricade won’t hold them off for long! “
“ damn it! we’re out of gas… looks like we’re gonna have to walk the rest of the way. get your weapons out and ready, and keep quiet, okay? “
“ i heard it on the radio a couple of days ago. it sounded too good to be true, at first. a camp of survivors, food, shelter, protection… but maybe we should try and find it? “
“ what did you do? you know, before? “
“ you’re bleeding… from a bite? scratch? anything from one of those dead monsters?! “
“ i used to be with another group. it didn’t last long. “
“ hey, hey, don’t add so many logs to the fire. the dead might see it. “
“ you know what i don’t miss about before? traffic jams. “
“ do you think we turn regardless? or do we have to be bitten first? “
“ hey, i’m thinking of heading out later for a supply run. wanna join me? “
“ maybe it’s just us. maybe the rest of the world is okay, zombie-free. “
“ do you think we might be the only people left alive? you know, other than the infected? “
“ we need to find somewhere more long-term. with land to farm and fresh water, somewhere high up and isolated. somewhere we can survive and live until this mess is over. “
“ hurry! come with me, they’ll have heard the gunshot! “
“ hey… listen, we… we gotta go now. you can’t stay with them. they’re gone, you know it, they know it… it’s too late for them now. we need to move away before they turn… “
“ no sense in leaving now, they have us surrounded. we’ll camp here for the night; they’ll be gone by morning. “
“ did you know anyone who got bit? who turned? “
“ you think they remember anything from their past, after they turn? “
“ we just need to wait until the scientists come up with a cure, that’s all. “
“ promise you won’t let me become one of those. promise… promise you’ll stop me before i turn. “
“ they’re not alive. okay? it’s not like killing an actual living human being. they’re dead, and they’re starving, and they’re dangerous, and you have to be ready to kill them in a heartbeat. “
“ there’s an evacuation centre up north. if we get there… even if we don’t get on a plane, we could stay there. they say the cold affects the dead. “
“ i’m gonna teach you how to shoot, because the way things are looking now, you’re a bigger danger to yourself than the dead. “
“ use your knife, the gunshot’ll draw more! “
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damnbrain · 11 months
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& .˚      the  expanse  prompts.     (  this is an assortment from all seasons, including season six trailers, from many characters and is mostly focused on the themes of war, politics, morality, humanity & all that jazz. feel free to change pronouns if needed.   )
“   a kid needs at least one person who never gives up on them, no matter what   ”
“   everyone leaves unfinished business. that’s what dying is.   ”
“   the sides change sometimes. what we think we’re fighting for. who we tell ourselves are the good people. but it just seems we can’t ever stop fighting war after war after war. it’s part of being human. an ugly part, but i don’t think it will ever change.   ”
“   no weapon ever brings peace.  ”
“   i’m never going to like what you did, but i can’t hate you for doing what you thought was right.  ”
“   i think, ‘[her] father was a terrible person,’ but a lot of people have terrible parents. and then i think, ‘[she]’s clearly damaged person,’ but then, who isn’t? so i’m down to, ‘maybe [she] has a brain tumor.’  do you have a brain tumor?  ”
“   hate is a burden. you don’t have to carry it with you   ”
“    us and them.  how many of us… how many of them ?   ”
“   you’re either some kind of genius or you’re the luckiest dipshit in the solar system.   ”
“   the war does not end when people put down their guns; it ends when they reconcile. until then, the war has only paused.   ”
“   you just have to believe that what you’re doing really matters, and then the fear can’t control you.   ”
“   don’t worry about what i want,  worry about what i am due.    ”
“   walking away is the only choice anyone ever has.    ”
“   and he’s building it on a river of blood, with your help !     ”
“   the thing about civilization is, it keeps you civil. get rid of one; you can’t count on the other.   ”
“   if we decided to include everyone in our tribe without demanding that they prove we need them, maybe people wouldn’t have thrown rocks at us in the first place.   ”
“   as long as we’re living and breathing, there’s more we can do.  we just have to be strong enough.   ”
“   maybe this war was inevitable, maybe there was no way to avoid it. the best you can hope for is that it’s justified.   ”
“   good and bad, don’t get distracted by that.  it will just confuse you. good men do bad things and bad men do things believing it’s for the good of all mankind.    ”
“   i didn’t kill [him] because he was crazy.  i killed [him] because he was making sense.   ”
“   you give a monkey a stick, inevitably he’ll beat another monkey to death with it.   ”
“   the way i see it, there’s only three kinds of people in this world. bad ones, ones you follow, and ones you need to protect.   ”
“   truth is truth. how you deal with it is up to you.  ”
“   the hardest part of this game is figuring out who the enemy really is.   ”
“   every shitty thing we do makes the next one that much easier, doesn’t it?   ”
“   individuals can be divided and conquered, but symbols… symbols endure.   ”
“   there are ways that you can live a good life, without being a good person.   ”
“   stars are better off without us.   ”
“   guilt is like salt. you put a little on, and it hides all the bitterness.   ”
“   don’t decide for them. tell them the truth and let them decide for themselves.   ”
“   i never loved you because you were fighters,  i loved you because you were builders.  ”
“   a child who won’t grow up turns into a fool.  ” 
“   you must always have a knife in the darkness.   ”
“   violence is indiscriminate. if you use it as a tool, it will do more than just kill your enemies. sometimes it will kill the ones you love most.   ”
“   no matter how traumatic the loss is, you only have so much emotional stamina. even grief can get used up.   ”
“   everything you do is corrupt, and i can’t stand to be part of it.   ”
“   if you want to die, i can’t stop you. but there is a path from where you are to where i am. all we did was buy you a little time. you decide what you want to do with it.    ”
“   i need you to know, whatever happens, wherever you go, you’re not gonna do it alone.    ”
“   we did not choose this, but this is our fight now.  ”
“   see, here’s the thing.  i was terrified for you, i didn’t know why.  and now i do, you will do anything to win. i won’t play with you, ever again.   ”
“   [she] trusted you, [she] put [her]self in your hands ‘cause [she] couldn’t see the blood on 'em.   ”
“   if we get out of this, we have to find a way to understand each other, to explain why we made the choices that we did. it is the only way that we can let go of the hate.   ”
“   but there’s only one thing that i need to tell you and it’s the simplest thing. but it’s the hardest thing to remember. listen to your heart. no matter what. it’ll always be the right call.   ”
“   war is an inherently unstable interaction of three things: intense emotion, politics and luck.   ”
“   in the end, the only thing that matters is fighting for who’s covering your back.   ”
“   many fought for us to get here. many died. we have lost people we loved, and have suffered. we would be justified to seek vengeance. but instead, we will choose peace. we must choose peace.   ”
“   when people don’t tell the truth, it always ends badly.   ”
“   how much shit do i have to eat before you treat me with some respect ?    ”
“   what i want to know now is, are we - i mean humanity - are we part of that plan?  ”
“   we’re on the brink right now because we keep reacting to things we don’t understand. we’re scared, we’re hurt, and we’re reaching for violence cause we can’t figure out what to do.  just this once, can’t we try something else?  ” 
“   i know he wouldn’t die for you, but he would let you die for him.   ”
“   a parent you never hear from exists in a quantum state, both dead and alive, until you check up on them and the act of observing makes one of the two states true.   ”
“   we were already at war. you just couldn’t see it because they were killing us slow.   ”
“   i have killed but I’m not a killer, because a killer is a monster and monsters aren���t afraid.   ”
“   killing people doesn’t mean you’re strong.   ”
“   now the only dream i have for you is that someday, you will regret all the things you’ve already done.    ”
“   we’re wounded, broken, trying desperately to keep ourselves going by pretending we’re not.      ”
“   people come into our lives and they go out. families change. it can be hard and sad, but we bear it, as long as we don’t shut ourselves off from the new, wonderful things that come—and i know there will be more wonderful things for you.    ”
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damnbrain · 11 months
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WHAT ELSE YOU GOT IN THAT DAMN BRAIN OF YOURS ?     INDEPENDENT   &   SELECTIVE   ROLEPLAY   BLOG  OF   RAVEN   REYES   OF  CW’S   THE  HUNDRED.     SEASONS 1-7 ,   MAINLY  CANON  COMPLIANT.      SPACEWALKED  BY  SUN.
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damnbrain · 2 years
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@bandrona​​ asked:     I NEED YOU TO KNOW, WHATEVER HAPPENS, WHEREVER YOU GO, YOU’RE NOT GONNA DO IT ALONE.
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IT’S  A  PROMISE  SHE’S  HEARD  MULTIPLE  TIMES   and  it  begins  to  feel  like  an  empty  one.    how  many  times  did  her  mother  say  i  love  you  before  leaving  her  without  a  ration  ?    how  many  times  did  the  boy  next  door  promise  to  be  there  for  her,   until  the  moment  he  stepped  away  from  her  replacing  her  with  another.    she  does  not  fault  clarke  for  that.    she  does  however  blame  her  for  her  own  knife  ending  up  into  the  guts  of  said  boy.    especially  right  after  the  promise  that  nothing  would  happen  to  him.    her  family,   the  only  glimpse  of  family  she’s  ever  gotten.       “      sure.   until  the  next  time  something  else  works  best  for  your  plan.   ”      there  it  is,  her  inability  to  settle  with  half  truths  and  half  relationships.   if  it’s  not  all  or  nothing,  she  has  trouble  placing  her  trust  on  it.
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damnbrain · 2 years
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okay but because we're talking about 1x11 today: in that scene, raven says that she's only ever been with finn. then she sleeps with bellamy. and in s2 she sleeps with wick. how does she contextualize her thing with wick within her grief over and love for finn? since they are close in the timeline (unlike shaw, but if you have thoughts on that too pls lmk!!!)
01.    𝚋𝚎𝚕𝚕𝚊𝚖𝚢
first  of  all,   i  want  to  mention  that  it’s  not  revenge  sex, it’s  not  hate  sex,  it’s  not  oh  finn’s  probably  screwing  clarke  right  now  &  i’m  going  to  go  screw  someone.   regarding  my  portrayal  at  least.   i  base  this  exactly  on  the  line  that  she’s  never  been  with  anyone  but  finn.   that’s  the  only  moment  she  lets  her  guard  down  in  front  of  bellamy  &  looks  at  him  almost  pleading.    she  doesn’t  expect  that  sleeping  with  one  person  will  erase  finn.    she  sleeps  with  bellamy  because  she  doesn’t  want  finn  to  be  the  only  one  to  have  touched  her.   it’s  a  moment  of  gaining  herself  back,  her  body  back.   finn has  been  written  with  capitals  letter  in  every  aspect  of  her  life.   it’s  an  attempt  to  take  away  his  special  place  in  her  life,  in  her  heart,  in  her  body.   obviously  it  doesn’t  help  but  she  doesn’t  regret  trying.   
the  reason  she  chose  bellamy  is  fundamentaly  trust.   trust  that  he  won’t  ask  anything  from  her  after,   trust  that  he’ll  help  her,  trust  that  he  won’t  speak  of  his  conquest  ( as  she  expects  most  teenagers  in  camp  would ).   which  emphasizes  why  this  is  about  herself  &  not  finn  or  making  him  jealous.
also  something  i  talked  with  kari  about  was  that  while  he  had  been  to  that  point  more  dominant,  he  let  her  take  the  lead  &  control  in  this  because  she  was  in  a  vulnerable  state.   &  that  while  his  words  were  dismissive  and  saying  he  didn’t  care,   he  gave  her  a  way  out  &  only  started  touching  her  after  she  kissed  him  and  proved  that  she  wanted  to  do  this.   that  trust  she  placed  on  him  was  both  returned  &  proved  a  right  decision,  and  from  that  point  on  they’ve  always  been  a  team  working  together.
02.    𝚠𝚒𝚌𝚔
with  wick,  it  was  because  of  her  grief  and  trauma.    she  was  in  a  very  complicated  headspace  in  season  two.   with  mixed  feelings  about  finn,  &  the  grief  of  losing  her  leg  and  losing  finn,  and  clarke’s  betrayal.   but  she  needed  to  do  her  job,  from  like  day  one  post  her  surgery  and  she  had  to  bury  those  feelings.   and  with  the  tensions  high  of  them  about  to  go  to  war,   she  needed  a  release.   she  wanted  to  feel  alive  right  before  they  risked  their  lives.   but  also  at  that  time  period,   because  of  her  leg  &  her  grief,   she  felt  broken  and  she  wanted  to  both  feel  good  about  herself  and  feel  a  temporary  high.    it  didn’t  work  either  and  she  felt  even  worse  after.    wick  says  she  shut  down  on  him  after.    because  the  high  was  temporary  and  then  she  crashed  hard  in  reality.   
she  placed  the  same  trust  on  wick  too,   but  he  wanted  more  than  she  could  give  him  at  that  time.   she  couldn’t  be  in  another  relationship  so  soon.   not  with  her  hard  edges  and  overwhelming  emotions.    she  felt  bad  for  being  implusive   about  this,   for  starting  this  when  she  wasn’t  ready  yet  for  something  more.   &  honestly  she  felt  a  bit  like  her  mother,   using  sex  not  to  get  favors  &  moonshine,  but  to  get  just  a  brief  peace  of  mind   from  suffocating  emotions.    obviously  that’s  not  fully  true,   she  never  intended  to  use  anyone,  she  just  wanted  to  feel  good  for  once.   but  she’s  in  a  complicated  headspace  as  i  stated  before.
03.    𝚜𝚑𝚊𝚠
with  shaw  with  have  yet  again,  a  raven  in  grief.   she  just  lost  monty  &  harper  and  that  loss  combinined  with  the  anger  of  them  leaving  her  is  again  overwhelming.   she’s  very  much  in  tears  as  she  stomps  out  the  hallway  when  shaw  follows.   difference  is  this  time  she  says  that  she’s  not  okay  when  asked.   his  line  about  sounding  good  to  him  to  spend  the  rest  of  his  life  with  someone  he  loves  while  directly  looking  at  raven  gives  her  the  final  push.   but  at  the  end  of  the  day,  even  if  she  wants  this,  it  is  once  again  stifling  her  pain  &  anger  &   grief  with  pleasure.  this  is  the  only  time  it  helps  somewhat,   and  distracts  her  from  her  pain  for  a  short  period.
there’s  a  pattern  here,  everytime  she  sleeps  with  someone  she’s  in  a  complicated  or  vulnerable  place  emotionally.   (  this  applies  even  with  finn  in  s1 )  but  ultimately  her  desicion  is  based  on  wanting  to  make  herself  feel  good  or  better  than  before.   she  can’t  bring  herself  to  regret  any  of  her  decisions  but  none  of  them  had  been  out  of  love.   attraction ?  yes.  but  not  quite  feelings  yet  or  at  the  very  least  deep  ones.
&  𝚗𝚘𝚝𝚎:   raven  never  deals  with  grief  well.   most  of  the  times  her  grief  or  hurt  is  expressed  with  anger.   and  a  way  to  release  exactly  that  anger  is  sex.
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damnbrain · 2 years
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   𝘆𝗼𝘂    𝗵𝗲𝘀𝗶𝘁𝗮𝘁𝗲𝗱.
in   the   actual   scene   raven   talks   about   how   finn   didn’t   hesitate   to   catch   clarke.    &   that   was   on   her   mind.     but   truly   she   thought   of   the   difference   she   saw   in   their   own   relationship.    he   had   been   willing   to   risk   his   life   for   hers   in   a   heartbeat   on   the   ark.    on   the   ground   that’s   changed.    when   presented   with   the   choice   of   himself   or   raven   he   hesitates;   before  the   answer   was   straight  up   raven.    obviously   she   doesn’t   want   him   risking   his   life   for   her   constantly   but   this   solidifies   that   their   relationship   changed,   for   good.    yes,   she   speaks   of   clarke.   but   the   second   ‘ you   hesitated  ’ ,    in   her   delirious   feverish   state,   refers   to   the   change   from   the   spacewalk  to   now.
                     𝙮𝙤𝙪   𝙙𝙞𝙙𝙣'𝙩   𝙝𝙚𝙨𝙞𝙩𝙖𝙩𝙚 …
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damnbrain · 2 years
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i have been a lil unmotived these past few days when it comes to actually writing but come to plot and discuss dynamics eith me on discord ( naomi nagata lovebot 🤍#1906 ) bc muse is there i just- feel a bit stuck writing wise
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