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spotforme · 2 months

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you know, cats are a society, Cat definedly had a name before everyone left. so when Lister rolled around and just decided to call him Cat he just went with it, was his last name just so uncool? did he just not care? or the crushing one, was he so much of a recluce, like was alluded to in promised land, that he never really heard his name being used by anyone so he wouldn't really even respond to it if he heard it? even his brother doesn't call him by any name. he's just a nameless outcast who was left on the ship with a dying delusional priest. i feel like he was quite young at that point too like how could they do that to him!!

might i think about his obsession with himself being because he was the only one who would care about him and if he stopped caring about himself then no-one else would, and no-one else would help him if he started spiraling or slipped up, we can literally see his obsession with himself simmer down as he learns to be a part of the dwarfers because now he doesn't have to be the only one to take care of himself, he can focus on other things than survival for a change -oouugh i'm sorry i'm just dying at the thought of a corralation between his self obsession and abandonment which seemed to happen even before the cats physically left. like he must have known that if he let his mental state deteriorate he would be done for, being alone on that ship and all. like surely the priest and him had their chats but that priest just could not have been much in terms of company.

this was supposed to be a funny post like "ooh what could be Cat's given name??" but i just had to get to thinking and as we know, that never ends well.

#did not think i was going to get so emotional about cat today but the THOUGHTS !#they're flowing in #and they make that last speech of his about how he's found home hurt SO MUCH #red dwarf #the cat #i'm started reading a paper about how big of a part mentality and despair actually plays in shipwreck and stranding situations #and i did not realize how that would tie in but HONESTLY ?!

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babacontainsmultitudes · 8 months

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Thinking about Normal who so badly needs validation and to be loved but struggles to seek it in a manner that is honest. Thinking about Lincoln who loves all his friends deeply but has developed a strong aversion to lying after being lied to all his life. Thinking about Lincoln and Normal's hearts being in the same place but never at the same time. Thinking about Lincoln's attention constantly being divided and pulled apart in the struggle to care for all of his friends at once, and Normal needing the surefire but infinitely distant reassurance of being someone's one and only. Thinking about their current relationships with their dads being the most similar in the group, and what they both saw in Wrath. Thinking about them never actually having time to talk with each other without something or someone getting in the way. Thinking about a cleric and a paladin who really have so much in common and could be such good friends, but whose circumstances leave their trajectories perpetually misaligned and their relationship one of the weakest in the group.

#They're doomed by the narrative your honor! Let them kiss who said that #Cal if you see this one thank you- our convo really got the brain juices flowing #dndads #dndads spoilers #dndads s2 ep 44 #lincoln li wilson #normal oak #normal oak swallows garcia #dungeons and daddies #thank you I yield the rest of my time

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crustaceousfaggot · 6 months

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Who's gonna tell YouTubers that if you want something to be a "video essay" it has to have some kind of overarching thesis statement. Bro you didn't write an essay you wrote 2 hours of tangentially related thoughts and facts that loosely circle your topic

#this is not about #hbomberguy #by the way #his essays are excellent and flow together seamlessly. and are. you know. a collection of evidence which support an overall thesis #it's just something I've noticed #people toss around the word “video essay” a lot but a lot of the videos they're referring to are... not really essays #y'all it's not an essay if you aren't arguing a thesis #video essay

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arataka-reigen · 5 months

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Jason, actively freaking out inside his own mind, no idea about his own identity, but trying to keep his cool on the outside: if Leo really is my best friend then i'm fucked fr

#this first chapter is so fucking funny #they're torn between not believing jason has no memories and not believing the adults would be able to help if jason indeed has no memories #so leo just decides to go with the flow #riordanverse #hoo #hoo: tlh #jason grace #leo valdez #gi talks #1

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iwritenarrativesandstuff · 10 months

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Trimax Thoughts Vol. 4 Pt. 3

Alright. Bit of a heavier one for tonight. I want to talk Vash's relation to his own feelings of anger and how these tie into his suicidal thoughts, because it's tragically fascinating and I still can't really make heads or tails out of it - specifically in that I don't think anyone is a reliable narrator in this situation so I'm left a little lost as to who to believe.

(ID: A screenshot of four panels from Chapter 7 of Volume 4 of Trigun Maximum. A conversation between Hoppered and Vash takes place, in which Hoppered says "I bet you want to kill me too, right? Of course you do... You want to tear me limb from limb." A somewhat grainy image of Rem, smile visible but eyes hidden, is shown, before Vash replies, his eyes narrowed, "Yeah... I do..." End ID.)

Warning! I am going to be discussing Vash's no good, very bad mental health. It's nothing worse than what is obvious from a read of the manga but if you're not in the headspace for it, you might want to skip this one. I had a bit of trouble writing it, if I'm being honest.

Volume 4 basically solidified what had kept cropping up all throughout the manga - Vash is keeping himself going only through his goal of "settling the score" with Knives. On the next page, Vash says the following:

"That's why... you can go right ahead and kill me. But... before I give you that chance... before I let you bind me in chains, lock me up, and torture me to death... I will send Knives to hell!"

Yikes buddy. This has been a running bit of characterization all throughout the manga - Vash survives because he has to. He takes small moments of joy where he can, tries to smile even when he's not feeling it, looks on the bright side even when things seem hopeless, because that's the only way he can survive to do what he has to. <- There's nothing especially wrong with this. This is a coping mechanism and as far as his coping mechanisms go, it's not so bad at all. It's actually pretty good, all things considered.

Problem is, he also has to embody the ideal he strives for - that no one needs to die, that he will never kill. And herein lies the issue, because Vash already feels like a monster because of July. Any deviation from the peace loving pacifist image he tries so hard to maintain brings Vash's self-loathing to the surface.

Ex. Vash sees the moon his angel arm blew a hole in and goes from denying culpability for the destruction of July to hardly resisting and calling himself a murderer.

Ex. Vash expresses that he holds murderous sentiment towards Hoppered. He sees this as a justifiable reason for Hoppered to kill him.

Even the thought that he has or could still deviate from his promise made in Rem's memory causes him immense amounts of shame. Vash does not want to harm people. Is it out of love? Is it out of guilt? I think at this point, there's no separating them. Vash doesn't kill out of a mix of these two emotions that are so intertwined in his core they have become inextricable.

The thing is... Vash's driving emotion appears to actually be anger, specifically, anger against Knives. He wants to "settle the score", which is a pretty retributive mentality for someone trying to embody pacifism. In fact, that kind of motivation strongly clashes with that image in a way that imo cannot coexist. It's reasonable in his mind to take that stance against Knives, who is not one of the humans Rem died to save, but against humans, it's unacceptable. So, Vash represses his anger constantly.

A great example of this is watching the contrast between Vash fighting Leonof and Wolfwood fighting Ninelives. Wolfwood fights with his emotions on visceral display; he is loud and cocky and desperate and violent. Vash, on the flip side, is almost dangerously quiet and composed, to the point Wolfwood seems a bit disturbed by it - but it's all repression. He needs to stay focused, his motions are calculated to reduce harm even against the puppets, he's eerily silent and his facial expressions are controlled and muted for the most part; all methods that Vash uses to stay in control (<- this is important!).

Here's the thing. I don't know that I necessarily, fully believe that Vash wants to kill Hoppered. I don't know that I trust anyone's narration in this scene - first of all, Hoppered is mad projecting his animosity onto Vash because he needs to secure the image of Vash as unrepentant destroyer of July; if Vash isn't the demon he believes him to be, his quest for revenge was for nothing (well, sort of. Vash obviously did destroy the city, but the intent was not there - and the latter seems to be what Hoppered is banking his hatred on). Hoppered earlier accused Vash of enjoying the fight... which is pretty clearly not true, so that it was Hoppered who prompted Vash's admittance above is a little suspect. Second, we've seen what Vash looks like when actually violently angry.

(ID: Two separate images screenshotted from the Trigun manga. The first shows Vash raising his gun at a recently reborn Knives, angrily shouting the other's name. The second shows Vash having jammed the barrel of his gun into Monev's eye, clearly close to pulling the trigger. End ID.)

To me, I see little indication in the build up to this of Vash legitimately wanting to kill Hoppered. He had no desire to kill Rai-Dei after all, and that was after he knew the GHG were targeting Home. Hoppered is probably the most sympathetic of the GHG. Vash is also in a self-destructive mindset in this scene, having just called himself a murderer after seeing the damage done to the moon again.

Is he agreeing with Hoppered's projection because he wants Hoppered to continue to hate him enough to punish him for the deaths of all those people? (The image of Rem then becomes symbolic of his having already failed to uphold her sacrifice.) Or should I be taking his words at face value and he really does want to kill Hoppered? (In this case, the image of Rem is out of guilt for voicing something aloud that goes against his image of her.) Is it possible that a combination of his self-loathing in this scene and fear of himself has him agreeing with Hoppered out of resignation that despite his best efforts, he is doomed to destroy? (Like in fifth moon's "we were no good from the start". The image of Rem is thus the image of someone genuinely good and kind to him, an image he feels he cannot embody no matter how hard he tries.)

I find it very ambiguous honestly. Any interpretation is compelling from a character sense. Perhaps they all hold merit to some degree.

Regardless of how you interpret the line though, Vash is obviously angry, and for good reason - Hoppered, Midvalley and Zazie have taken Meryl. He's also likely afraid for her too - dude did jump out a window for like no practical purpose whatsoever before Zazie even finished talking. Like that's really sweet buddy but you accomplished absolutely nothing of use lol. Anyways. The point is, even if Vash was angry enough to want to kill Hoppered (and it would be for this reason, since nothing else would really warrant that), then that still wouldn't make Vash secretly evil and awful - first off, having a thought does not mean you will actually act on it, and second, what's the thing we keep getting shown and told, again and again?

Anyone will pick up a gun when their loved ones are threatened.

It's very natural to feel animosity for a person who may have harmed someone we care about. In that sense, Vash is behaving very human.

However, there's an extra layer here that complicates things. Vash has never been shy about his anger, but I think there is a bit of a progression of Vash kind of... tamping down on it faster, reeling it back in a little sooner after an initial flare of rage. ...Ever since Fifth Moon, actually. We also know that he has a strict training regimen, he does not miss a target, even blindfolded - Vash clearly maintains strong control over himself, all to mitigate the potential damage he could cause.

But then there's his Plant abilities. The angel arm. Something destructive he clearly does not understand, and has little if any control over (never mind that control was literally wrenched away from him but whatever). I don't think it's a stretch to say Vash is terrified of losing control.

Any human can feel hatred and anger and potentially cause moderate amounts of harm and damage, but these are likely to be targeted and can be more easily contained. Vash feels hatred and anger and has the capacity to level a city and blow a hole in a celestial body in the blink of an eye, and there is nothing anyone can do about it. That must be terrifying.

Because, see, the no-killing thing is out of respect for Rem, but Vash also strongly wants to, needs to believe that non-violent solutions are possible, that people are good, that anyone can change. Vash, out of some combination of love and guilt, does not actually want to harm anyone, but Vash is also a living gun just under the surface of his iron self-control. And being reminded of that deeply fucks him up, to the point he believes he is a danger by nature, incapable of living up to the standard of kindness he wants to put into the world, so even just the thought of wanting to inflict harm on another is enough to send him spiraling - because what if that is the point he loses his control? "I should never have been born" indeed...

It's interesting to me that Vash should call Wolfwood out on his lack of hope in a future for the world, when he so clearly has little if any hope in a future for himself. He allots himself no place in the world. Maybe you should allow yourself to heal a little, buddy. You have some people pretty close by who, in spite of it all, like you quite a lot...

#starting putting ids under my images since i want to make sure they are easily accessible! should've been doing that before... sorry #(hope they're ok! i tried lol)#also i apologize for the delay in writing this - the topic + my stupid depression episode was uh. not a good combo. i just couldn't write #while in that headspace.#i hope this actually made sense lol i have no idea if it flowed well or makes sense or if i wildly misinterpreted #tw suicidal thoughts #<-if there is a better tag for me to be using for these kinds of discussions please inform me!#trigun #trigunbookclub #trimax #trigun meta #vash the stampede #call me ace detective the way i am ace. and also a detective.#storyrambles

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tswwwit · 8 months

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i’m sooo curious on bill meeting dipper’s parents. i think i remember you mentioning at one point they kinda sucked and treated dip especially bad. i’m sure that’s caused a lot of his long term mental health/self esteem issues and i can’t help but think his husband wouldn’t be too thrilled about that. also they don’t even know he’s married so that’s a whole other thing lol

In the Familiar AU, Dipper's parents shipped him and Mabel off to Grunkle Stan back when they were twelve, actually!

This was initially excused as the twins 'needing to get used to having magic'. Which makes sense! Magical puberty is a heck of a thing, and getting some training's useful to cut down on random magic surges.

But by the end of the summer, they hadn't made any plans for picking the kids up. This when Stan twigged to the real situation.

And by the end of that year, Dipper knew his 'paranoid' assumption was absolutely correct.

So the twins grew up in Gravity Falls, with only very occasional visits back 'home'. Contact's been sporadic, and Mabel's been the one who's clung more to their parent's attention. Dipper hasn't spoken to them unless forced to in years.

So yeah! Bill's not exactly thrilled with the parents - but lucky for them, they haven't met him yet! And they definitely don't know about the marriage. Much less anything else.

#answers #In summary: The twins' parents found out their kids were magical and decided they Just Couldn't Deal with that #They're not magical themselves and giving your kids some Magic Training is a good idea #But at some point you need to actually *take them back*#Which they just. Didn't #Dipper abso-friggin-lutely has a whole mess of issues from that #Abandonment's a big one. Being worth something and good at something? Yep that's an issue right there #Not the least of which is that Mabel as a more Talented and Powerful magic user got more attention when they were still there #Then continued to get more attention via phone call when they weren't #Mabel's got some REALLY rose-colored glasses on about the situation #Dipper sees it for the 'well my kids are freaks but at least one of them is a Cool Freak' it is #That's a fact he's been stewing on for *ages*. A fact bomb that he could theoretically drop on his sister but never did #Needless to say he got the brunt of the Issues™ but Mabel's got her own in turn #I'm also betting there's more than a dash of homophobia in their parents considering their reaction just to Magic #So the parents aren't going to be very thrilled about either of their partners #In my head I picture the parents wanting a Totally Picturesque Family #And creating the visual of one is easier if you only have Pictures of the kids instead of them being there and being themselves #In summary: Yeah The Parents Suck #I started a fic for this once and I still intend to write one but that's a later type of project #I gotta have the right start for it to flow well

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