#they're all around 400 pages maybe?

[pumpkinspicedlesbian]

If you've never heard of any of these feel free to vote based on vibes. Tell me what you voted in the tags! And why if you like!

#they're all around 400 pages maybe? #none of them seem super short or super long to me in any case

[aikotos]

💙 How to buy Japan-only Persona merch

(AKA how to not be scammed by Ebay resellers)

With P3RE around the corner there has been a boom of P3 merch and I often see people wondering how they can buy all the stuff releasing on Japan or getting scamed by western scalper prices, so I thought a merch guide would come in handy.

I will talk about:

Kinds of merch & their usual prices

Persona figures: Kinds & prices

Shops with international shipping

Japan-only shops

Proxies & how to use them

Different proxies

If you have any more info or I'm mistaken in something, feel free to add to this!

💙 Merch & their pricing

These are the most common merch types & their usual retail price (in yen).

Keep in mind that "character tax" is a thing and often merch for the most popular characters has insame price. It's up to you if you want to pay scalper prices or keep an eye to find a good deal.

Acrylic Stands [アクリルスタンド] - Image printed onto transparent plastic with a small base so you can display it on a surface. Price: Depends on size, 1200-1900k

Acrylic keycharms [アクリルチャーム] - Same as acryic stands but with a strap, usually a lobster or metal chain one. Price: ~700

Acrylic frames [アクリルフレーム] - Frames meant hold inside photocards or acrylic chamrs/stands, kind of a mini mini ita bag or shirne. Price: Around 1.5k, 3k if they come with accesories to be put inside. They're sold via lottery often.

Keycharms [チャーム] - Mini-figures with a strap meant to be hang from phones and such. Price: ~400, usually sold in gatchapon & blind boxes

Can badges [バッジ]: I think we all had these. Price: 500-800

Plushes [ぬいぐるみ] - Everyone knows what are these as well. Price: Depends on the size, 1.5-2k for small or keychains ones, over 4k for bigger ones.

Nuigurumi [マスコット] - Usually called just "Nui". They're mascot plushes, but in the case of Persona, they're the 10cm chibi pushes of characters, often with a strap so you can hang them from your purse and such. The character plushes from the 25th anniversary are Nuis. Price: 1.5-3k

Nui clothes [ぬいぐるみポンチョ - おきがえポンチョ] - Ponchos and onesies to dress up your Nuis. I don't know if they have a catch-all name, but the 2 I mentioned are the most popular lines. Price: ~400 for gachapon ones, ~1.2k for the ones sold normally.

Clearfile [クリアファイル] - An art print on a plastic sheet, often they're folders as well. Price: 300-700

Tapestry [タペストリー] - Art printed onto fabric to be hang from a wall. Due to their size they're often expensive to import. Price: I'm not sure, sorry 🙏 I don't think the Persona ones are too expensive, maybe around 3k.

Character/ CD drama [キャラクターCD - ドラマCD] - Audio stories, some of the P3 ones are canon btw! Price: 1-3k

Artbook [アートブック - 画集] - Collection of official art by one artist or series. Price: Depends on how many pages the book has, around 3-5k

Guide - In the case of Persona, they're guide for the games. Sometimes they explain lore and such too. Price: 2-4k

Fanbook [ファンブック] - Book often focused on the series' lore, fun facts, answering fans' questions and such rather than art. Sometimes they even share art made by fans for that fanbook. Price: 1-3k

Novel - Light novels,Persona 3 has a few ones. So far not a single ones has been officially translated. Price: 1-3k

Anthology - Collection of comics/novels made by fans (or mangakas, Sogabe has participated on P3 anthologies before!). Each artist draws/writes one chapter, and while they're not connected, they often share a theme. They're not official content per se, but are licensed by the IP's owners to be sold in stores. Price: Around 800

Doujinshi [同人誌] - Self-published works by independent artists. Most often when people say "[Series] doujin" they're refering to the comics made by said independent artist, sold in very small numbers (to avoid legal troubble) at events. If they're derivated from an IP, most often these comics are sold at production cost with barely (if any) any profit margin, again due to legal matters. Contrary to popular belief, there's actually lots of SFW doujin comics so you definetly should try checking some out!. Price: 200-500

There are tons of more merch (Pita Nui, Noseberi....) but these are the most common ones. I usually just type [ペルソナ3] ("Persona 3", change the number for others) and browse everything there unless I'm looking for something non-persona related like Nui clothes.

💙 Persona figures

Figures need their own section since they're a trickier subject.

There are different kinds of figures, and their price changes depending on it. The main types are:

🌟 Scale: Pre-painted high quality figures, their name comes from the fact that most of the time the figures as sized in relation to the character's actual height (for example a 1/7 scale figure of Yukari would be 22-23cm tall, 1/7 of her height). Due to the materials and all the work they require, their price is expensive, usually 12-30k yen. I recomend buying them with their box unless the figure has very a static pose, due to the small details they can break during shipping.

🌟 Garage Kits: Figures modelled and casted by independent artists and sold in very limited numbers at events via 1-day licenses (unless it's a GK of an OC, then some artists sell their kits online). These figures come unpainted and unassembled, you have to finish them yourself. Since they aren't official,the artist has some freedoom so you can find some funny ones (like catgirl Aigis) Their price can vary, current ones cost as much or more than scales, but older kits can be found for very cheap (1-3k yen) specially if the character or artist is unknown. Remember you're paying the hours and hours a single artist put onto the figure, each piece had to be modelled and casted manually and resin is expensive, that's why the price is high despite being unpainted.

🌟 Prize & Noodle Stoppers: Pre-painted mss-producced figures made to be won via crane games and merch lottery, hence the name. Their quality and QC is way lower than scales, but you can still find some cute ones & their quality has improved lots in the recent years. Their price is low, around 2-3k yen. Anything more than $40 is a scam, don't pay re-sellers that price. Usually, you will find prize figures for $15-20, that's a fair price. Since they're made for crane games, they're very sturdy so you can take the plunge and buy them boxless for an even cheaper price ($5-10), they will arrive safely most of the time.

🌟 Semi-prize: Lately companies have been jumping onto the "premium prize figure" trend. While not reaching the scale quality by a huge margin, they often have better casting and paint job than prize figures. Some semi-prize lines are "Pop Up Parade" (quality varies between figures), "Tenitol" and "Artist MasterPiece+" Their price is low/medium, around 3-5k yen. Still, just like prize figures, I recomend looking them for around $15-25, they're not worth more than $45.

🌟 Action: Pre-painted figures made to be posed and played with. Nendoroids and Figmas fall in this category. They're usually around 10-12cm tall, but there are some as big as 30cm. Their retail price is around 5-12k yen depending on the brand. Action figures in scale or with actual clothing can fall in the 17-20k yen range I personally wouldn't pay more than $60 for ones like Nendos and Figmas due to their size, but it's up to you.

"But how can I differenciate between all of these?"

If while looking for merch you see a figure but are unsure if the price is fair, go to the website "My Figure Collection" & write the name of the series/character on the seach bar (I think MFC uses Surname - Name as the entry name) and click on the resut.

Click on the number there to see all the figures from said series/character. Now simply look for the figure you're interested in and check its table to see important info about it.

If you scroll down, you can also see user coments & photos, which can give you an idea of how much people sell the figure for (not always a fair price tbh) and how the figure looks like irl

💙 Where to buy: international shops

You will use most of these sites to buy new merch and preoders. I don't recoment places like Ebay since they often inflate the price of everything and even sell bootlegs (though you can sometimes find good deals there)

CD Japan: Great selection and prices, customer service is wonderful as well. If you live in EU, you can pay your purchase's VAT thru them to avoid handling fees.

Ami ami: Has lots of stuff, but some can only be shipped to US and a few eastern countries due to licensing issues. Has a great 2nd hand selection, but mostly for figures.

Hobby Search: I haven't used this one myself, but they're legit as far I know.

Hobby Genki: Mostly for figures. They let you undervalue your invoice (useful for EU VAT)

Solaris Japan: For figures, they have a second-hand section as well (some are good deals, some are not). They let you undervalue.

Mandarake: 2nd hand Japanese stores under the same wing. The prices are great, but depending on the store, shipping can be pricey (mostly for figures). It can be tricky to oder more than 1 thing as well.

Suruga-ya EN: 2nd hand Japanese store. The international website has less stuff than the JP one and their search system is weird ("Persona 3" and "Persona Persona 3" are different tags??) but you can't beat their prices. Lately they have been running lots of free shipping campaigns, keep an eye on that.

💙 Where to buy: Japanese shops

These are the shops where you can find good deals and any kind of merch. While in the international shops (except Mandarake and Suruga-ya) are only able to offer merch producced by Atlus, these can sell collaboration merch as well.

You will need a proxy to buy from them. For search, just put [ペルソナnumber] ("Persona") and browse. If you want something specific, try the words I put on the merch type section.

Suruga-ya JP: Same as its ENG counterpart but with way more stuff. Great to find single items at lower prices. This is one of the best places to buy doujin from as well. I think starting at 3k yen spent the national shipping is free, but don't quote me on this.

Mercari JP: Pretty much the Japanese Ebay. The best thing about it are the merch bundles (you can save lots) and "junk" items (figures with missing accesories and such, they can be dirt cheap). Since you have to contact the seller directly, some proxies charge extra fees for Mercari orders (and some sellers refuse to sell to proxies)

Yahoo Auctions: Auction site, you can find great deals and obscure merch there. Some listing are a "ready to buy", so you dont have to bid. Yahoo Auctions is blocked in EU, so you will need a VPN to browse it (I use Opera's free in-browser VPN, its works for what you need it)

Booth: Marketplace for japanese artists. You can find from prints and charms to 3D models and music. The national shipping price is always 750 yen.

💙 Proxies & how to use them

First off, a proxy is not a shop, but an intermediary. They sometimes have in-website shops so you don't have to change tabs to browse different shops, but all they do is to buy what you tell them to & then sent the item to you.

Each proxy has a user guide, but most of them work like this:

You sent them the link of the item you want

They sent you the invoce for said item

You pay the item (+ proxy fees & national shipping, if any)

They buy the item

Once it arrives to their warehouse, they pack the item & sent you the international shipping invoice

You pay the international shipping.

They sent you the item.

Akihiko is now on your house.

So what you will always have to pay is the item price & the shipping from Japan to your house, just like any other online purchase.

The optional payments are:shipping within Japan & proxy fees. And if you like in EU, the VAT of the item+shipping value (luckly, proxies almost never put the shipping price on the invoice)

It may sound complicated, but is very easy actually. All you have to do is sent them links & wait for "you need to pay" emails.

💙 Different proxies

Pretty much any proxy will do the work, the big difference is often how expensive they are. This is something you will need to research yourself to see what option is better/cheaper to you, but here are some proxies:

DeJapan

Fees- None if you only buy 1 thing. 100y/item if you buy more than one thing

Mercari Fee: 200 yen (handling fee)

Customer service - Amazing

Can bid on Yahoo Auctions? - Yes

Can buy from physical stores? (not online ones) - Yes. 200y/oder fee

Can buy NSFW items? - Yes

Can undervalue? - No

Boxes - Okay

Good for - Buying in bulk, probably the cheapest proxy. No currency exchange fees

Complains - Shipping options can be limited (For examply they don't offer Small Packet to some countries when other proxies do). They can take a bit to buy and package orders.

Buyee

Fees- Too many to count.

Mercari Fee: 300y/order

Customer service - Bad

Can bid on Yahoo Auctions? - Yes

Can buy from physical stores? (not online ones) - No

Can buy NSFW items? - When they feel like it

Can undervalue? - No

Boxes - You can use them as your new house

Good for - Buying a single item, specially with discount coupons. If you only buy 1 thing, these coupons can save you lots.

Complains - Too many fees specially if you buy more than 1 thing. They throw the original shipping boxes onto a bigger box unless you contact them directly, so you will get an elephant-sized box with a elephant-sized shipping cost to match. Seriously, only use them for a single order

Zen Market

Fees- 500yen/item

Mercari Fee: No

Customer service - Good

Can bid on Yahoo Auctions? - Yes

Can buy from physical stores? (not online ones) - No

Can buy NSFW items? - Yes

Can undervalue? - No

Boxes - Small, very sturdy. They weight quite a bit.

Good for - Buying one item. Also you can pay EU VAT thru them.

Complains - The new 500y/item fee piles up fast, not recomented to buy in bulk. They're slow to buy. You have to put money on the ZM wallet to pay.

Japan Rabbit

Fees- Per-item fee (depends on shop) + >10% of your order total (depends on how much you spent). Minimun fee is $9 regarless of what you spent.

Mercari Fee: $3/item

Customer service - Amazing

Can bid on Yahoo Auctions? - Yes

Can buy from physical stores? (not online ones) - Yes, but only in stores located in Tokyo and Yokohama.

Can buy NSFW items? - Yes

Can undervalue? - Yes (despite claiming otherwise, probably due to legal matters. You can undervalue after the items arrive to their warehouse)

Boxes - Very small, they're masters at tetris

Good for - To undervalue (but I their 10% fee can cancel a good chunk of what you save in VAT). They're fast in buying & packing.

Complains - They got very expensive, specially now that they charge with USD instead of Yen. I dont know why would you use them now. I guess great service comes with a price to match...

Neokyo

Fees- 250y/item + 500y for packaging

Mercari Fee: None

Customer service - N/A

Can bid on Yahoo Auctions? - Yes

Can buy from physical stores? (not online ones) - Yes, 1k yen fee

Can buy NSFW items? - Yes?

Can undervalue? - No

Boxes - Okay from what I have heard

Good for - They buy very fast. Buying in bulk

Complains - All payment options have a 3% fee

Other proxies:

From Japan - I have heard good things about it, but they changed their site & I find it hard to read, so I can't comment much on it on how its currently. Looks like they dont have many fees either?

And that's all!

I hope you have fun buying, I started using proxies a few years ago and I got addicted lmao

You're the only one who gets to say what to do with your money, but I would use the retail prices I mentioned as a reference when buying to not get scammed with high prices.

Also if you want a specific merch, the key is patience! Check 2nd hand sites every 2 days or so until you find it.

If you have any problem or question, feel free to send me an ask/DM!! (except for bidding, I have never used Yahoo auctions)

#talk #persona 3 #i keep seeing people buying prize figures for #over $100 when theyre not even worth half of that and #it hurts me; please take care of your wallet ToT

[the-full-shakespearience]

He was not of an age, but for all time

Sometimes that famous quote by Ben Johnson about Shakespeare feels more real to me. Shakespeare's work has been hugely popular for over 400 years, and it connects us not just to his time but to all the time in between.

This is a page from from my copy of Macbeth from The Temple Shakespeare. The Temple Shakespeare was a collection of Shakespeare's plays published individually. These little red volumes were published prolifically from 1894 - 1930 (The New Temple Shakespeare was published from 1934 - 1956). They're fairly common in vintage bookstores throughout the English-speaking world. My copy of Macbeth was published in 1896.

One of the previous owners (perhaps the original owner) left their name inside the cover:

It looks to me like the name is Z. R. Stuber (though it could also be E. R. Stuber). There is also a little ticket listing the bookseller, Gilbert and Field at 67 Moorsgate Street, London E.C. The only information I can find about the bookseller is a reference from the Royal Academy of Art. They have a listing for Don Quixote of the Mancha by Edward Abbott Parry that also had a ticket in the front cover for the same bookseller, which they describe only as a book seller in London during the 1890s.

The area of the city that housed this bookshop was heavily bombed during the Second World War, which lead to the widening of London Wall just west of here. Most of the buildings around this address are obviously modern, though this building is either older or was built/restored in an older style.

This is 67 Moorgate today, a store selling designer greeting cards and stationary:

This book went on its own journey for more than 120 years before I acquired it, being bought and sold an unknown number of times before getting here. It is a century older than I am. The people who first printed, sold, and bought it are gone. The store that sold it is gone. The street it was sold on is unrecognizable. The company that published it was bought by another company that was in turn bought, like a matryoshka doll of corporations.

The story inside was already ancient when this was published, and now the world in which it was created is as inaccessible as the Elizabethan Era.

And yet something has endured.

Knowing that other people have shared in these stories with us makes them real like almost nothing else can. Charles I retitled his copy of Much Ado About Nothing. Sylvia Plath annotated her Hamlet. Z. R. Stuber left their name in Macbeth.

This is my copy of Macbeth now, but for how long? Will it outlive me? Will its fragile pages fall apart before I do? Or maybe I'll leave my name in the cover so that one day someone else can try to decipher my handwriting and know that we read the same lines.

#shakespeare #macbeth #the temple shakespeare #vintage books #much ado about nothing #hamlet

[separatist-apologist]

During my re-read of ACOSF, I was re-examining my feelings about Cassian. Up until the hike, I was starting to wonder if maybe I was remembering him all wrong. Cassian has his bad, stupid, ugly moments but they're par the course for SJM heroes and tbh, not half as bad as Rhysand/Rowan. Cassian is struggling with his own feelings and his inability to just say what he needs to say in a way that doesn't come out as offensive or hurtful. It's forgivable, I think.

But now I'm at the hiking scene and I forgot how foul this whole thing is. He's been, in his head, all but thinking about how much he loves her. Needs her. Wants her. She's everything to him, he'd curl up and die if he lost her (his thoughts when she's lost in the bog). He'll take whatever she's offering from him just to have some little piece. Desperate and earnest to see her show up to yoga with him, encouraging her to reach out to her friends, telling Rhysand to leave her alone.

Only to turn around and treat her like trash. Throwing that pack at her, laughing with Rhys that she's gonna HATE hiking, that it's her punishment after Rhys, only hours before, promised Cassian he would kill her. He knows fire troubles her and keeps one going for days and doesn't ever examine the link between his own fire and her constant flinching or how she's curled up in on herself. He thinks about it constantly over 400 pages, how she refuses to sleep in front of fire, how strange that she begs him/the house to make it stop. He knows there is trauma around it. How she's barely eating. That she doesn't speak for days.

And it's troubling and awful to read. He's supposed to love her but it doesn't feel like love. And then it gets reframed as "for her own good" and "cassian knew what she needed" just like Feyre a few pages back immediately forgiving Rhysand for keeping the news she'd die from her but saying she's "furiously angry" with them all. He knows best and Feyre submits to this judgement. Cassian knows what Nesta needs, and Nesta submits.

That hike doesn't solve shit between Cassian and Nesta btw. She's still all set to marry Eris because she thinks Cassian's TOO GOOD FOR HER and she's NOT WORTHY of him. The man who didn't care if she didn't talk to him for days and only felt sorry when she fell face first in the dirt from dehydration and exhaustion. Who took his girlfriend on a hiking trip against her will, he's loving and kind and sweet ONLY because the author says so. Cassian is an asshole. Keeping this scene makes Cassian's behavior feel sinister. He's nice until he's not. He wears his heart on his sleeve until he's mad.

Feyre was over it. She told him to bring Nesta back. Cassian decided to do this on his own to score points with his best friend/frat brother and to exact a little revenge that wasn't his to dole out. Anyway I guess I'm back to ranting about Cassian. The Archeron sisters deserve better, these men are serving dust.

#sjm critical #acosf critical

[mermaidsirennikita]

I've been reading some somewhat older (late 90s to early 2010s) historical romances lately, and like... they were so much sexier?

And it's not that these books were soooOOOOOooo explicit, because they aren't, necessarily (although it's not like they're tame, either). They don't get super creative in terms of kink, or even acts like anal play.

But it honestly feels way less self conscious, in a lot of ways. Stephanie Laurens is famous for writing loooong sex scenes, but her sex scenes just also... it never feels like she's COUNTING. She's not self conscious. It never feels like these scenes are things her characters wouldn't do. Scandal's Bride has like... legit somewhere around 7 sex scenes in a 400 page paperback, with many alluded to scenes otherwise? Whereas in the preceding book, A Gentleman's Vow... it's still a lot hotter than many historicals today, lol. But it's not as many sex scenes, at all. Because how could Vane and Patience, who are unmarried and in a house full of people looking for scandal, have sex whenever they want? Like they do it a lot, but while Richard and Catriona in SB are married fairly on in the book, they aren't very good at talking about their feelings (whereas Patience and Vane are better at expressing their feelings, they just aren't on the same page) which leads to them expressing their emotions much more... physically.

And the thing is that there is zero self-consciousness in Laurens's writing. It doesn't feel CONSTRUCTED. Although there are absolutely many writers who do write great sex scenes today... In some cases, I feel as if they are either being restrained, or writing sex scenes simply to create a BookTok Moment. And neither approach really works for me, because in both cases they are unnatural. If you're holding back because you want your book to be safe for the hesitant romcom crowd, you're not writing what you want to write. If you're creating a moment just to be a Moment, you're not writing what you want to write. Nor are you following what the characters would do.

Like I said, there is a lot... of activity... in Scandal's Bride. But it's absolutely consistent with the tone of the story, the humor, the way Catriona and Richard interact. It's GREAT. It's funny, it's ribald, it's entertaining. It is true to Laurens's style.

I can say the same of the MacKenzie books by Jennifer Ashley. The Duke's Perfect Wife, for example--Hart and Eleanor just do things... to do them. They're passionate about each other. I see this book critiqued because we get a lot of previous allusions to Hart's "tastes", but the novel ends with him just introducing Eleanor to his preferences--which makes sense, because she's inexperienced in general (and another reason which makes his restraint pretty understandable). To me, this felt totally natural, and consistent with his insecurities, his fears of scaring her off, and again, her level of experience. Eventually, they will clearly be freaks together. The novel never shames him for his interests. But they're not quite ready for the level of intensity that I think readers have become used to because of this need to have A Moment, and I think Ashley was honestly following the natural path there, versus being encouraged to tone it down (and again, I think agents and publishers ABSOLUTELY have encouraged authors to tone it down in some cases--I know of one specific case. But I don't think that's ALWAYS what happens.).

As I wrote all of the above, I thought of a book that is totally unrestrained, wild, and maybe? Over the top compared to the heroine's experience--Kresley Cole's Lothaire, which does feature a virgin heroine getting preeeeetty intense pretty early. But like--the degree of things that lead up to the Big Thing ramp up, she's not actually a babe in the woods, and this is a paranormal romance about a certifiable vampire. That's part of it all, to me. You're not just trusting the character beats, you're trusting and aligning with the tone of the books. Kresley Cole can go crazy with her paranormals because the rest of the book is crazy (and Scandal's Bride has a similar thing, imo).

I do think that as romance has become a more competitive, heavily saturated market, there is this struggle and pressure to stand out, which has created some artificiality re: Moments. And that's why these older books ring truer for me.

#romance novel blogging #romance meta #i guess? #romance novels #WE HAVE TO GO BACK!!!! #and for the record i think great books are being published right now #but this element seems more consistently strong in the days of yore

[sovengardeswag]

The Dogtrot Murder And Why You Should Read it (contains spoilers)

Like many people, I don’t read as much as I would like. I’ll set aside time to read during the day, but it’s limited, which is why it took me several months to read "The Dogtrot Murder" by Nick Sanders.

At a little over 400 pages, this urban fantasy is what I would call average in length, if not a touch shorter due to the illustrations by the author. They're lovely black and white pieces, traditionally drawn in a cartoony style, filling the book with just an extra bit of life and helping the reader get a sense for the scenes and characters.

The story is about an apprentice mechanic with a drinking problem named Maurice Hutch who finds himself turned into a vampire by a roving pack and must become accustomed to his new life as a creature of the night, all while dealing with life in the 2000s, personal problems with his coworker, and a mysterious serial killer who may or may not be supernatural in origin.

For full disclosure, I need to say that Nick Sanders is a friend of mine. I was familiar with the main character for about two years before the novel’s debut. However, I can tell you with confidence that The Dogtrot Murder is a book that I highly recommend.

The first point in this book’s favor is the strong narrative voice. As shown on page 12, line 15, “For a moment, their lips met under the buzzing yellow backlot light. Jessica ran her hand down Maurice’s side. He could feel her laugh against his lips. Maurice felt like he was dreaming. Maybe things were turning around. Jessica ran her hand from his side down along one leg of his breeches and dipped into his toolbox.

With a single graceful sweep of her arm, Jessica brought a heavy pair of pliers against the side of Maurice’s skull.” The narrator really conveys how sudden this violence is, going from Maurice’s perspective to Jessica’s almost seamlessly. It feels like something a friend is telling us. The narrator also shows a bit of personality while being matter-of-fact, as seen on page 124, line 35. In a section of the book where the omniscient point of view lets the audience know what some cows feel about being fed on. “However, all Maurice heard was “Moooo.” because he didn’t speak cow.”

What really impressed me however was how the narration was able to convey “mundane” despair in a way that doesn’t feel necessarily like tonal whiplash. This is seen on page 361, where the character Meranda, Maurice’s co-worker at the gas station he apprentices at, learns of her father’s death. For context, Meranda spends the book becoming increasingly more irritated and volatile due to her father’s terminal illness and this is the culmination of that stress. Maurice and the audience were unaware of this. “Then, everything he’d known or thought he knew about the stony Meranda fell away as she sank to the floor and collapsed into herself. She had started to bring her hands up to her face but stopped halfway and let them dangle uselessly, fingers curled, as powerful sons shook her tiny frame. She coughed and squeaked and tried to choke back the awful sounds coming out of her.

She knew it was stupid and that she was stupid for pretending nothing was happening for so long. And now nothing really was happening because it was over. Meranda wailed.”

The characters are also a highlight of the book. The first thing you’ll notice is that several characters have uniquely spelled names, such as Meranda and Margret (Maurice’s mother). While some may find this distracting, it’s my opinion that these names add a sense of authenticity to the characters as unique spellings are, ironically, not too uncommon throughout the South. But I would be remiss to imply that names are the only reason these characters feel real.  The third-person omniscient perspective allows us to get into each character’s head when needed, such as in the previous passage I quoted. Each one is vibrant and full of life, especially the undead ones. Even in the case of one background character whose personality can be succinctly described as “an asshole,” you feel like you’ve had the displeasure to meet someone like him before.

However, I need you to take the A Night in The Woods comparison seriously. The Dogtrot Murder does have a larger overarching threat and conflict, mind, but it is much more about Maurice adjusting to his new life as a vampire than it is about the identity of the serial killer. Much like how A Night in The Woods’ gameplay is more focused on Bea’s interactions with her friends and family than it is on her dreams. If you like slice-of-life and coming-of-age type stories, however, I highly encourage you to order the book on Nick Sanders’ website here.

#sam speaks #sam writes #essay #book recommendations #the dogtrot murder #vampire #urban fantasy #horor #spoilers

[bitegore]

never have I ever meme: pure fluff?

I think my flavor of "pure fluff" and everyone else's is a little different, but in terms of, like, no plot no porn only cuddles and/or sweetness I'm going to characterize this as two sections (one exclusively cuddling/other displays of affection labeled 'definitely fluff' and the other where maybe there's some stuff going on but the point is that there are characters who like each other labeled 'dubiously fluff')

Definitely Fluff:

a quiet oasis below the stars - Cyclonus and Tailgate go stargazing, 300 words.

four-car pile up - the stunticons get drunk and all fall asleep on the floor together in a big pile. 1635 words, Drag Strip is the narrator and is predictably weird about it.

gambling and fires and lights and killing people and fuel purity - the car stunticons pitch celebrating Hannukah to Motormaster. 3589 words, there's quite a bit of arguing in there and also a full-on bombing but it's fluff to me.

Reading Night - pre-ship, features a decent amount of pining. Blast Off and Dead End read books together and then have a sleepover, from both POVs. 2975 words.

stop going off into trouble - Astrotrain/OC (Redshift), cuddling. 100 words.

quick tour - Earth Wars Skullsmasher gets a warm welcome to the Terrorcons by Hun-grr. Contains some cannibalism. 100 words.

Old Traditions and New Experiences - Wing takes Drift to a Cybertronian!synagogue. 400 words.

gender jokes at the polycule orgy - interlude in-between rounds of fucking but there's no actual sex on screen, just G1-AU Rodimus, Arcee, and Springer talking about the "egg/chicks" joke. 585 words.

Dubiously Fluff:

A Day in Town, A Night In The Country - only qualifies until I finish the languishing last chapter, at which point it will be half fluff half fluffy porn. 4843 words of the Stunticons at a street fair.

Just A Little Overwhelming - edges into almost-angst territory a little bit. 551 words, Rodimus shows Tailgate how to go meteor-surfing and then forgets that it's really intense the first time around and has to wait a little for Tailgate's initial adrenaline rush to wear off a little so he can go again.

Free-fall - like the above but with less "buddy I promise I'm doing this because I like you" to it. 500 words, Wildrider talks Vortex into dropping him into the ocean over and over & they both enjoy themselves immensely.

Blue Skies - 1358 words. Drag Strip and Hun-grr race and then cuddle. Only dubiously fluff because Hun-grr spends the entire fic openly annoyed with Drag Strip and Drag Strip is also pretty annoyed back even though they clearly like one another.

[ping!] - on the stupider side. Stunticon chatfic where Wildrider hits on the other Stunticons with really bad one-liners. Only not fluff because there's a chunk where Wildrider deliberately needles Drag Strip into fistfighting with him. 1608 words.

Drawing Up Plans - Hook gives Scrapper really bad feedback and Scrapper, who knows him, translates. Dubious because, like in Blue Skies, Scrapper and Hook are annoyed the entire time even though they clearly know and like each other. 430 words.

The Stunticons and their Garden - 6203 words, a series of disconnected snippets of the Stunticons gardening.

we become such strangers now, fading out - 3100 words of Springer and Impactor patching things up in a post-Sins of the Wreckers au where Impactor doesn't die and Springer doesn't go back in time to the beginning of the war. Dubious because... well, Fanlore describes fluff like this:

Fluff is often used in fandom to characterize any pleasant, feel-good work. It is sometimes described as the opposite of angst

This is feel-good but it's not the opposite of angst, it's walking hand in hand with angst. So there's that. Fluff with angst?

-

I saw something that needed editing in the meantime and started messing with it and now Ao3 says I've queried too many pages at once and they're temporarily stopping me from digging further as an anti-DDoS measure (alright, w/e) so that's the furthest I'm digging through my archives for this lol. Besides, I had gotten back to stuff from 2019 and I just don't like it very much. Hope you enjoy these XD

#red replies #jariktig #fic author never have i ever

[mediaevalmusereads]

Archivist Wasp. By Nicole Kornher-Stace. Big Mouth House, 2015

Rating: 3/5 stars

Genre: YA sci fi

Series: Archivist Wasp Saga #1

Summary: Wasp's job is simple. Hunt ghosts. And every year she has to fight to remain Archivist. Desperate and alone, she strikes a bargain with the ghost of a supersoldier. She will go with him on his underworld hunt for the long-lost ghost of his partner and in exchange she will find out more about his pre-apocalyptic world than any Archivist before her. And there is much to know. After all, Archivists are marked from birth to do the holy work of a goddess. They're chosen. They're special. Or so they've been told for four hundred years.

Archivist Wasp fears she is not the chosen one, that she won't survive the trip to the underworld, that the brutal life she has escaped might be better than where she is going. There is only one way to find out.

***Full review below.***

CONTENT WARNINGS: violence (including violence against children), blood, abuse

OVERVIEW: This book has been on my TBR pile for ages, so I figured I should get around to picking it up. The premise was intriguing, and I was in the mood for something a little weird. Unfortunately, I don't think I can give this book more than 3 stars because there was a lot about the plot and the characters that looked good on paper but didn't come to life.

WRITING: On a sentence level, Kornher-Stace's prose is fine. It's a little more complex that what you might expect of YA, but it flows well and balances showing and telling.

I do think, however, that the pace can be slow. The meat of the plot doesn't really get going for some 100 pages, so everything felt a little aimless until then.

PLOT: The plot of this book follows Wasp, an "Archivist" who lives in a post-apocalyptic world. Wasp's job is to hunt ghosts on behalf of the community's deity, Catchkeep, and hopefully piece together information about the past. However, when Wasp encounters a ghost who wants her help finding someone, she abandons her post in hopes of using the ghost to earn her freedom.

I personally had a difficult time getting invested in the story, in part because it felt like Wasp's world and motivations were unclear. I wasn't sure how the deities worked or whether Wasp was a true believer, and it wasn't made clear from the onset that she had tried to escape her abusive priest multiple times before the ghost came along. The deities meant very little to me; I had no idea what some of them were deities of, and most of the time, their names seemed to be dropped in at random to make the world seem different from ours. I also had no idea why the religion would mandate the Archivist to battle to the death every year - wouldn't that severely slow down the accumulation of knowledge? And on top of that, how could the institution last 400 years and be horribly abusive without anyone questioning or challenging it?

On top of that, Wasp didn't seem very invested in helping the ghost; she neither seemed all that interested in what happened in the past, nor did she have a clear plan for escaping the priest (she mentions trading the ghost's "healing device" for money but later says that no matter how far she runs, she'll either run out of food or be caught). To me, it didn't feel like there was a point to helping the ghost other than the plot said she had to, and I would have liked to see Wasp be more invested. Maybe she is truly interested in the past or maybe she is devoted to her deity (only to have her beliefs challenged during her journey).

I also struggled with this plot because it did not seem like Wasp was all that useful for a majority of the narrative. Once Wasp agrees to help, it seems like the ghost is more knowledgeable and competent than her in every respect, and it's only once they accidentally figure out that her weapon gives her a special ability that she becomes invaluable. This frustrated me because it made no sense for the ghost to seek her out unless it knew about the weapon's power (which it didn't). I wanted to see Wasp either use her tracking skills to help or offer something more so it didn't feel like a dead weight for 60% of the book.

On top of that, the lack of trust between Wasp and the ghost made for a stagnant relationship. Wasp seems to mistrust the ghost from day one, and the two don't really start to see themselves as partners until the last 100 pages or so of the book. This was frustrating for me for a number of reasons. First, it meant that when big, emotional moments happen, it didn't feel all that impactful because our two characters don't seem to like each other anyway. Second, it made Wasp seem especially hostile, which got tiresome and repetitive. Their relationship doesn't evolve with time, and I felt like Wasp's hostility went counter to the compassion she had for ghosts at the beginning of the novel. If the two had grown to be friends or partners, then some of the more shocking revelations would have crested more emotional tension.

Still, there were things I liked. I liked the descriptions of the "underworld" and the different areas that reminded me of Dante's Inferno. Not only were these areas creative and otherworldly, but they seemed real in the way Hell is real in Dante's work. I also liked Foster's story and the connection between Foster and the ghost. Once this thread got going, I found myself curious as to what Foster's deal was and why the ghost wanted to find her so badly, and I kept reading mostly to watch the pieces fall into place.

CHARACTERS: Wasp, our protagonist, is interesting on paper, but ultimately feels a little flat. Her main goal is to escape the priest, which is all well and good, but she doesn't seem to have a good plan for doing so, even with the ghost's help. She also seems prickly and hostile, which is fine, but she doesn't soften over time, which made her feel stagnant. The author also tries to shove some complexity in towards the end by having Wasp be frustrated that she always breaks everything she tries to fix, but we don't get the sense that she was a screw-up for the entirety of the book. On the contrary, she seems hyper-competent in that she's one of the longest-lived Archivists, so it seems weird that suddenly, she's so concerned with trying to "fix" things.

The ghost isn't much of a personality in the present, but he gains some complexity through visions of the past. Part of why it was so hard to connect with him is because he remains nameless throughout the book, and he is cagey in a way I found frustrating. As the past became more clear, however, I was invested in his connection to Foster and the conflict his past self endured.

Foster was perhaps the most interesting character for me though we never really meet her in the present. We primarily encounter her through memories. I liked that she seemed to have her own moral compass and was willing to go through great lengths to do the right thing. I also liked her connection to the ghost and the comraderie they forged through a lifetime together.

The Catchkeep-priest and the upstarts were fine, if a little flat. The priest was horrible and abusive, which is fine in am antagonist, but his motivations aren't as clear as I would have liked. I also don't really see why the upstarts would go along with his rules for as long as they do, though I guess a system of control explains a little of it. Still, I would have liked to see more secret alliances or friendships in spite of the priest's efforts.

TL;DR: Archivist Wasp is an imaginative genre-bending book that ultimately doesn't seem to know what to do with its world or its characters. Though the mystery of the ghost was enough to keep me reading, I would have enjoyed this book more if character motivations made more sense and the two protagonists had a much more gradual arc in which they came to trust one another as partners or even friends. Doing so would have made the emotional moments resonate more and would have echoed the partnerships we see elsewhere in the book.

[lt-catbolt]

tl;dr fame is weird

it's actually kind of crazy to think about how there's people that almost everyone around the world knows like

imagine if you tried to explain to someone a thousand years ago that there was this one "Taylor" or "Wilbur" or "Lin-Manuel" that just… internationally, cross-continentially, people know them. and they're not political figures (at least not by definition); they're not famous warriors, or royalty, or emperors-- nope, they're poets. bards. and not only their songs are internationally known, no, their personal lives too-- to varying degrees, of course, but to a point where some of their fans misguidedly feel as though they know them like a friend, because they've grown accustomed to hearing their voice day in day out in their own room, their own house, wherever they go--

like how is society that tilted that the overwhelming majority of people will go forgotten by all but their close friends, their passing acquaintances-- did you know that studies from four years ago show that the average person only makes 29 "real" friends in a lifetime, of which only 6 last? in 2003 there was a study that said you make 400 friends in a lifetime, but only a few close ones. regardless of what the accurate statistic is-- can you imagine that most people will be remembered by maybe 400 people, of which not even half will last a generation down? But there's this handful of celebrities, this select few-- it feels like a lot when you start listing them, but placed in contrast with the 8.1 BILLION PEOPLE currently on the earth? insane. a study from 2013 says 0.0086% of people are famous. LESS THAN ONE-TENTH OF A PERCENT! it's like the world's worst gambling machine, a fucked-up few raised on a pedestal so the rest of us can dream of lives we'll never attain because we were born at the wrong time or were too shy to grab a microphone or just missed an opportunity that one time. They will be remembered, at least for longer than a single generation, because they have a wikipedia page and an album or two to back them up. They are known on a first-name basis across thousands upon thousands of households, part of more inside jokes than they themselves could ever comprehend, mentioned more by strangers they'll never meet than some people will be named by their loved ones in a lifetime. We laugh at the cinematics and television fame of the Hunger Games, we act like we don't put people on spotlights in deathmatches. We act as though we wouldn't throw ourselves forwards as tribute if we were asked to be destroyed by a life of fame, and in fact some of us long for it. We thirst for the thrill of being recognized on the streets, not even realizing what kind of horrors these people undergo on a daily basis because they were Sherlock that one time. The twisted sides of the internet they have to avoid because humanity's most fucked up desires are now projected onto them, the chosen few, the "lucky" ones. We shout abuse at them for being human, for being tired, for making mistakes. We expect them to be perfect, even if many of them didn't ask for this life of fame. Sure, they may still want it-- because who wouldn't? It is the dream of contemporary man to be famous, and if you stop to think about it, it has always been. Hamilton destroyed himself for his legacy, Narcissis died of his own adoration, Nebuchadnezzar had a statue of himself erected so that all might bow to him. We long for recognition of the masses, and today's society makes it look so easy. Look at Ranboo, Tommy, Tubbo, Philza-- all streamers who skyrocketed out of seemingly nowhere, seemingly at random. Just "luck", right? Right place, right time, got in on a famous SMP and BOOM they're famous now, making more money than they'll ever need. You don't see the dedication they put into-- the work, the burnout, the endless grinding and years of nothing that precursored their fame. It makes it feel like you have a chance-- if they could do it, why shouldn't I be able to, right? If I keep trying, maybe I'll hit that same goldmine, right?

But it doesn't work like that, does it?

So we're left with our pipe dreams, our useless aspirations, that little kindling flame inside that believes we could rise above. We cherish it for the rest of our lives, ignoring the odds even when they're glaring at us like the sun. Because if we abandon our hope at fame, then, well, why bother trying at all? Because we're "doing what we love"? In this economy? Hah, nice try.

Yet somehow… maybe there's some merit to it. Maybe, if the odds are really that horrid, we should stop caring. We can keep hoping, sure-- so long as that hope brings us nothing but sweet longing, and none of the sour regret of missed chances and twisted desire. But maybe we shouldn't live on that hope alone, and maybe we should bring back some of that innocent warmth and kind enjoyment that those live laugh love signs are always going on about. Maybe, just maybe, our goal should be our own happiness, not an endless investment in a future that will probably never come. Maybe we shouldn't sacrifice now for tomorrow, every day over again, in the futile hope that one day tomorrow will be today.

Because at the end of the day, we only get one of each. Famous or not, time will keep ticking, so you'd better use it well. Striving for fame isn't wrong, but be careful when you gamble with your life.

If you wouldn't bet your entire fortune on a 0.000086 chance, maybe you shouldn't bet your entire life on it, either.

#in this essay i will #who am i kidding this was already an essay #catbolt essays #fame is weird #celebrities #fame #essay #ramblings #random thoughts

[maeve-is-annoying-about-books]

House of Leaves, C

Have I ever talked about how uncomfortable this book is? As in the actual physical sense. This paperback edition I have is downright unwieldy. It's a floppy mess to hold up. The pages are so thin you can see through them. The extra horizontal space make it seem like less pages than it actually is. When I first picked it up I thought it was in the 300~400 range, definitely not over 700. But it has the weight on a 700 page book, that's for damn sure. I know because I spent the finer part of last night twisting it in every direction just to read.

And what a read it is. Navidson enters the house with his trusty bicycle and supplies. I don't know why I find it so humorous that his grand plan is to bring a bike, but I sure do. It's like the ultimate common sense answer to traversing the huge distances of the house.

Perhaps that's why it's so large, though. And always downhill. Navy's being invited in and it shows. He wants the depth, the core, the soul of it all.

There'll never be an answer though, will there? Just an ever-increasing expanse that dares you to assign it meaning, just to pull the rug out from under you each and every time.

Everything of substance is reduced to the formatting. We only know where Navidson is by way of where the text lies. Imagine me at midnight, nearly claustrophobic from the small text that keeps squishing tighter and lower. The panicked flip of the pages to keep reading at an even pace. There's this piece of me that wonders if I had it wrong the first time. I said the formatting follows the characters' space. But now I wonder if the space is like that because they're following the formatting? Like as in another nod to the fact that the house on Ash Tree Lane is synonymous with the House of Leaves in my hands.

Really, it's incredible how much moving around I did to follow Navidson on his journey. And how enjoyable I found it. I found myself laughing at the twists and turns, each page was a new puzzle to solve just to read it.

2 times now Ive been really impressed by the use of negative space in Navy's explorations. It feels so lonely and distant, not like Holloway's exploration where everything was a claustrophobic nonsense pile. You could almost say that it''s because Navy alone can see the house for what it is. Like he's almost there, just on the cusp of it.

0 chances of me giving up reading it now, though. Not when we've just found something.

...What? Did that zero jar you? Look back and maybe you'll see another pattern emerge.

There are no rules where the house is concerned.

In that way it is freeing.

I

almost

see

the

sheer

joy

of

it.

Not as a blank te rror. But as a joyf ul canvas. The auth or must'v e had fun.

Maybe I'm on the outs for this one but seeing these pages, as horrific as their contents are, fills me with a kind of satisfaction. Like I've seen something I can't put

into

words...

But it's fun.

#live reading #house of leaves #maeve's house of leaves readalong #there are no footnotes there is only the house

[imanes]

is taking 4 books for an 8 day long holiday tew much y/n

#they're all around 300-400 pages long so they're not super long but they're not super short either #also im gonna listen to audiobooks too... maybe i should cut one out #i mean the physical books

[whataperfectwasteoftime]

Of All the Gin Joints...

Rating: E (SMUT, 18+ only)

Word Count: ~7k

Warnings: Oral sex, fingering, PIV sex, rough-ish sex, good aftercare (Marcus ‘King of Aftercare’ Pike y’all), one (1) spank, lil bit of a praise kink for Marcus, soft dom!Marcus AS ALWAYS lmaoo

Summary: You and Marcus are both trying to re-enter the dating scene after bad relationships, and you’ve been set up on a blind date. You really hit it off, but after a few dates, it seems like Marcus is being really distant. Before you can ask him about it, you run into someone from Marcus’s past…

A/N: This is from a prompt from @imtryingmybeskar for my 400 follower celebration! My dear, I hope you like it! It's certainly long-winded. They asked:

Could I have a Marcus story where he is with reader, perhaps they're on their first few dates. He hasn't told her about his past yet because he's trying to play it cool but then somehow Theresa and Patrick are at the same bar/restaurant as you and...well I don't know. Does it turn into an awkward double date from hell? Does it make reader realise how much she likes him? Does it all go horribly wrong? Or something else?

“I’m not interested.”

“Oh, come on, Pike, you’ve gotta get back out there sometime,” says Agent Miller around a large bite of salad.

“I don’t think going on a blind date is a good way to re-enter the dating scene,” Marcus argues, poking at his own lunch. “I need to build my confidence back, not get it torn down,” he adds with a self-deprecating laugh.

“How else would you go about it?”

Marcus raises one eyebrow. “Well, I like to start with talking to the person first, finding common interests, letting it develop organically, that kind of thing,” he grumbles sarcastically.

“That’s not exactly how dating works in the age of Tinder,” replies the other Agent.

“I don’t care how Tinder works,” Marcus says emphatically. “I’m a traditional kind of guy, and I don’t plan on changing that.”

“Oh, that’s a good strategy,” responds Miller. “Who knows, maybe this time it’ll work out for you.”

Marcus glares at him. “Are you going to keep insulting me for the entire lunch hour, or are you going to take a break to eat?”

“Just listen to me on this one. She works at the Smithsonian, she’s an Archaeologist or something. You have a lot in common–she just got out of a relationship and is trying to get back out there, same as you. All you have to do is have dinner the once, and if it doesn’t work, you just walk away. Simple as that.” Agent Miller takes another huge bite of lettuce, and Marcus looks down at his own plate in thought.

“If you’re wrong about this, you’re not allowed to try and give me dating advice ever again,” Marcus declares.

“That’sh th’spirit!” Miller answers, before swallowing. “You’ll like her. Trust me.”

Marcus isn’t sure if he’s disappointed that the coworker he considers to be more of a ‘frenemy’ than a friend turns out to be correct in his judgment, or just happy that, yes, the woman he had been set up with is beautiful, smart, talented, funny, and all-around perfect for him.

She appears just as nervous as Marcus feels when she walks up to him at the bar in the restaurant she had chosen for them to meet. The booth where they end up being seated is too cozy, the already-flickering candle on the table casting a romantic glow that seems wildly inappropriate for the occasion, and Marcus spends far too long debating whether or not to blow it out as he pretends to peruse the menu. It's too much. Is he being too much already?

Marcus eventually decides that extinguishing the flame would be more conspicuous than leaving it be, when the waiter comes back for their orders. He chooses an entrée at random–having been too preoccupied with the candle dilemma to actually read the words on the page–and when he finally really looks at her for the first time, he realizes he can see all of his anxieties reflected back at him in her eyes. He feels himself start to relax, just a little.

She tells him she works for the National Museum of the American Indian, then immediately launches into a little mini-rant about her area of study–pre-contact Mississippian civilization in the Midwest–which Marcus finds both relatable and endearing. She tries to apologize for veering into a debate about ancient pottery firing methods, but Marcus only smiles kindly and asks her more targeted questions about her research.

She stares at him, stunned, and tells him that no one else has ever listened without their eyes glazing over, let alone asked her to elaborate.

That's when Marcus decides he is absolutely going to kiss her goodnight.

And he does–eventually, after a walk through the National Mall (where she excitedly tells him all the details of her “favorite” mound at Cahokia, the archaeological site she goes to every summer to excavate during field season). Her energy is addicting, and there are so many little ways their disciplines overlap–mainly when it comes to the looting and illegal selling of antiquities, which they talk about at length.

When she launches into a tirade about Hobby Lobby, Marcus can't help but laugh and thread his fingers through hers as they continue their walk.

When the two of them arrive at her modest little townhome, she bites her lip shyly and asks, in the smallest voice Marcus has heard from her all night, if he’d maybe like to do this again sometime.

Marcus finally allows himself to step in close and he brings his hand up to gently caress her cheek as he assures her that yes, he would like to see her again, and soon.

And then, giving her plenty of time to anticipate the move, he slowly closes the distance between them, bringing his lips to hers in an achingly tender kiss.

Oh wow, she breathes against his mouth when they separate, but Marcus only smiles, kisses her once more on the forehead, and wishes her a good night.

Marcus can’t escape the fear that he’ll scare her off–that she’ll eventually find him to be too clingy, too intense, too much of a hopeless romantic, just… too everything.

He does his best to bury his instinct to lean in too close to speak to her, or to press his hand gently against her lower back as they walk, or to pepper tender little kisses across her bare shoulder on their second date when she wears a sleeveless top. He stifles his desire to have roses sent to her desk at work or surprise her with lunch or to invite her up after their third date and show her just how attentive a lover he can be.

Marcus tries his best to stay aloof, detached. Nothing ever lasts, not for him, and he'd be borrowing trouble if he let himself believe that this time would be different.

It’s more difficult than Marcus expected, suppressing himself in this way, but he so badly does not want to scare her off, and he knows from experience that he comes on too strong and lets himself get attached far too easily.

He had known this before Teresa, if he’s being honest, but she had highlighted it in such an extreme, glaring way that he had finally come to the realization that he had a problem.

If he can curtail his tendency to be overly affectionate, Marcus thinks, perhaps he can delay the speed at which he inevitably falls for her.

Because oh, it’s going to happen if he lets it.

He knows that he needs to resist the urge to take her back to his home, to his bed, because he's certain that the moment she comes undone by his hands, he's never going to want to let her go.

“What are you trying to communicate with your outfit?” your best friend, Adison, asks from the armchair in the corner of your bedroom, as your bed is currently occupied with piles of clothes, shoes, and lingerie as you try to select the perfect combination for your date tonight.

You bite the inside of your cheek and consider. “I want something that says ‘I like you’ and ‘I want a relationship’ but also ‘I’m super horny and want to have wild animal sex with you all night.’”

Adison purses her lips and considers. “So like, slutty but not too slutty,” she says, casting her eyes over the options laid out on the bed again.

“Yeah, you know, like right-on-the-line slutty, but here’s the problem,” you say, steepling your fingers. “He’s like, really respectful, like almost annoyingly so, and I’m a little afraid I’m gonna scare him off if I’m super obvious about it.”

“Oh,” Adison grimaces. “Is he really religious or something?”

“I don’t think so,” you answer. “I’m not sure what his deal is. In some ways he kind of acts like a Disney prince, but then at the same time, he’s weirdly… distant? It feels like he’s holding me at arm’s length, and I’m not sure if he’s being, I dunno, chivalrous or if he’s just not interested and is too polite to say so.”

“So you wanna push him tonight, and see if he’ll go for it,” Adison says.

“Well yeah, plus I’m also just… God, Adison, he is so hot,” you gush. “The way he kisses is fucking incredible and I’ve been sexually frustrated since date number one.”

You pick up a lacy red dress and hold it against your body. “Is this trying too hard?”

“Yes.”

You toss the garment on the floor. “And so even if he’s not interested in a relationship, I’m gonna be honest, I want to take him home tonight anyway. If he fucks even close to the way he kisses…” you trail off, thinking of the way he had left you breathless after your third date a week ago, sliding his lips so sensually against yours before pressing his thumb against the hinge of your jaw and licking that talented tongue into your mouth and taking what he wanted from you until you were panting and your underwear was soaked with the evidence of your desire for him.

“Jesus, calm down,” Adison says with a roll of her eyes. “I’m thinking the lacy pink set under the dark blue dress.” She picks up the pink bustier and inspects it. “If he’s Prince fucking Charming, he’ll like something girly and sweet.”

“And then hopefully he’ll fuck my brains out,” you say wistfully, taking the bra from her.

“Good luck with that,” Adison responds sardonically. “Kinda sounds like a ‘missionary’ kind of guy to me.”

You grimace. “I dunno, maybe. But I just have a feeling that this man fucks.”

“I think you’re just seeing what you want to see,” Adison argues.

You shrug. “I guess we’ll find out.”

Marcus shows up at your door for your fourth date looking like a fucking three-course meal, wearing a casual blazer and a dress shirt with enough buttons undone to make you salivate. You have to suppress the urge to pull him inside and lick the hollow of his throat.

As always, Marcus is frustratingly chaste, and he only presses a kiss to your cheekbone, tells you that you look incredible, and the two of you head to a little hole-in-the-wall Mediterranean restaurant that Marcus had recommended.

After dinner, he takes you to a cozy little lounge with low lighting, lots of cozy leather armchairs, and shelves filled with old books on the walls. In short, it’s the perfect place for you, and you tell him so. It’s crowded, but by chance, the cluster of comfy leather armchairs by the central fireplace had just been vacated as the two of you walk in, and you are able to snag two of them.

You settle into your chair with a content little wiggle and smile at Marcus. The fireplace is warm and crackling and his chair is so close to yours and he’s smiling back and you know this is the perfect opportunity to tell him that you’d really like a relationship with him.

“These last few weeks have been really nice,” you begin, a little lamely. “I’ve… I’ve been having a really good time with you.”

Marcus smiles warmly, his eyes swimming with affection, but there’s something else in his expression, too. Worry, maybe? You can’t quite place the emotion you’re getting from him, and it rattles you a little, but you’ve already started down this path and you’ll never know how he feels if you don’t ask.

You take a deep breath. “Hey, can I… I w-wanted to talk to you about someth–”

“Marcus?” someone exclaims from across the room, and Marcus’s head shoots toward the source, his eyes suddenly wide with what looks like panic.

You follow his gaze to see a woman approaching your spot by the fire, trailed by a man with light, curly hair. The woman looks happy to see Marcus. The man, on the other hand, does not. Your confused frown deepens.

“Teresa,” Marcus replies, with hesitation in his voice, as they reach the two of you. “Jane. What are you two–” he trails off, a confused frown of his own coloring his features and causing a deep crease to form on the bridge of his nose.

“Chasing down a lead,” the man says, dismissively. “Forgot you were in the area, Pike.”

“Right,” Marcus responds, and you can tell he doesn’t believe him. “Teresa, I don’t–”

The man–Jane?–claps Marcus on the back, causing Marcus to break off again in mid-sentence. “This place is packed, huh? You guys have got the best spot in the house,” he says, gesturing to the crackling fireplace, which had, up until now, been incredibly romantic. “Mind if we take the other two chairs?”

Marcus grimaces. “Er–”

“Of course you don’t,” the other man interrupts, and you start to simmer with anger underneath the cool façade that’s becoming more and more difficult to maintain. Who the fuck is this guy?

Teresa, to her credit, looks equally uncomfortable as the other man sits back in the leather chair, making a show of leaning back and spreading his legs wide, taking as much space as possible. You struggle not to roll your eyes at his posturing.

“What are you drinking?” Jane asks cheerfully, his eyes flitting between Marcus and you. “Next round’s on me.”

You ignore him, and extend your hand to Teresa, introducing yourself. You want to call yourself Marcus’s girlfriend, but you haven't had that conversation yet. In fact, you rage inside your head, that’s the conversation you were supposed to be having right now!

It’s obvious that Marcus has a history with this woman. Is this why he’d been so distant with you? Does he still have feelings? Oh, God. You could feel your face starting to heat up with shame. You’d come between something that you weren’t aware of, of course it’s too good to be true, this always happens. You should never have trusted Adison’s dumb cousin to set you up with someone he worked with at the FBI.

You have that feeling, again: that feeling like the room you’re in is getting smaller, the hum of the people around you getting louder–or is that the ringing in your ears?

You always do this, you scold yourself. You always jump in headfirst and you always panic when it doesn’t go the way you want it to. Don’t panic. Don’t panic, don’t freak out, don’t–

“Oh!” you suddenly say, trying to sound surprised. “Phone’s ringing. I, um, gotta take this, I’ll be right back.” You fish your phone out of your purse–taking care not to show that the screen is completely black–and do what you do best. Retreat.

You push the door open and take a heaving breath as the pressure of having too many people pressing in around you abates. The air is clearer, out here. The night is a little crisp for the season, and you wish you had thought to grab your cardigan before bolting, but it feels good in your lungs. You focus on the coolness of the air as it enters you for a few more steady breaths.

Maybe you’re better off if you swear off dating, you think to yourself. Maybe Ian was right. Maybe you are too much. You pinch your eyes shut at the thought and lean back against the bricks. You talk too much about your work and you’re too excitable and you feel things too loudly. Idiot, you think. Idiot, idiot, idiot–

“Hey! There you are.” A frantic voice cuts through your inner monologue. “Jesus Christ. I’m so sorry.”

You open your eyes to see Marcus standing in front of you, his expression one of apology, pure anguish in his eyes.

“What the hell was that?” you ask before you can stop yourself.

“It’s–fuck, she’s my–we used to, back in Austin, I was–” Marcus sighed, then leaned against the brick wall next to you. “Let me start that again. Teresa and I dated about a year ago, when I was still living in Austin. I got the job here, and–” he broke off again. “Fuck, I’m going to scare you off by telling you this.” He sighed again, and pinched the bridge of his nose.

“I’m already pretty freaked out,” you tell him. “Can’t make it much worse.”

"Of all the gin joints…" Marcus mutters sardonically under his breath, and you shoot him a quizzical look.

He shakes his head as if to dispel a memory. “I proposed to try and get her to move here with me. After two months of dating,” he admits, his ears reddening with embarrassment.

You gape at him. “What? Why? Why not just… date long-distance?”

“I knew if I left, it would just be a matter of time before they–” he gestured inside the bar, where you’re sure Teresa and Mr. Ramen Hair are still sitting by the fire across from the chairs you and Marcus had vacated.

“I wanted a family, I wanted to not be alone any more. I thought that maybe if I just got her here, it would work out. I’ve already been married and divorced once,” Marcus confesses. “I didn’t want another failed relationship on my ledger.”

“So she said no, I take it,” you say with a wry twist of your lip.

“Actually, she said yes,” Marcus replies.

“What?”

“Yup. Said yes, and for approximately two hours, I was an engaged man,” Marcus says with a little laugh and a shake of his head.

Two hours? You blanch, suddenly knowing what’s coming next.

“Then I guess Patrick Jane over there did some sort of last-minute grand gesture for her, and here we are,” he finishes.

“Jesus,” you murmur, and that’s all there really is to say. You can’t believe someone did that to him. “Marcus, that’s really fucked up. I’m sorry.”

You reach for his hand and he startles a little at your touch, then relaxes as you entwine your fingers with his.

“The problem is, I’m the kind of guy who does stupid shit like propose after two months because I wear my heart on my sleeve and I can’t seem to force myself not to,” Marcus says, still staring straight ahead.

“You can’t make yourself be something you aren’t,” you tell him gently.

“Yeah, well, what I am seems to get me into trouble,” he says ruefully.

“It doesn’t matter,” you say emphatically. “You still didn’t deserve that.”

Marcus’s breath seems to catch at your words. You wonder if anyone’s ever said that to him before.

“Even with you,” he murmurs, “I’ve tried to force myself not to go too far off the deep end. I’ve tried to bury all those instincts but all I really end up doing is suppressing that part of me outwardly and still feeling just as strongly on the inside and it’s making me fucking crazy.”

Your heart starts to pound. “What–what are you saying?” you ask him.

Marcus turns to look at you, his eyes somber. “I like you,” he answers immediately. “I like you a lot. I want–I know we’ve only had a couple of dates, but I really want–to, um–God, why is this so hard to say!” Marcus fists his hands in his hair in frustration. “I feel far too old to use this terminology now, but I want to… be your boyfriend,” he says with a little chuckle. “If that’s–If you want that.”

You let out a little shriek–you can’t help yourself–and propel yourself into Marcus’s arms. He lets out a muffled exclamation as you collide, and you can feel his chest shaking with gentle laughter as he hugs you back.

“Is that… is that a yes?” Marcus asks, and you can hear the smile in his voice without seeing his face.

“Yes,” you squeal into his shoulder.

You let yourself be held for a few moments, reveling in the feeling of being pressed against Marcus. "I like you too," you eventually whisper. "A fucking lot. That's what I wanted to tell you tonight."

Marcus tightens his hold on you. “Thank God something good is coming out of tonight,” he says quietly. “I was worried that was going to be it for us for a minute there.”

“Me too,” you whisper back. “But I think we can make tonight even better.”

You pull back and look in his eyes with a mischievous grin. “Let’s fuck with them.”

“What?” Marcus shoots you a confused look.

“Teresa and Patrick Jane,” you say his name with an over-exaggerated swagger, which makes Marcus laugh. “Let’s go fuck with them.”

“I don’t know what that–”

“Just… follow my lead,” you tell him. “I dunno what I’m gonna do yet, but I know I’m gonna fuck with them.”

You rack your brain on the short walk back to the fireplace and come up with nothing. Yep, you’re gonna have to wing it. You plaster a smile on your face as you sit back down in your chair.

“So sorry about that, I had been waiting on that call all day,” you gush. “I had to have an emergency appointment with my gynecologist because this guy,” you gesture at Marcus with a wink, “knocked my IUD right out of position. Just bam, right through it, like it wasn’t even there.” You slap your hand against your opposite wrist in a suggestive gesture as you say 'bam.'

You ignore Marcus’s choked reaction and fix your gaze on Teresa. “You guys used to date, right? Did that ever happen to you?” you ask her, then continue without letting her reply. "I had to switch to another method of birth control. Not that I blame him," you say, patting Marcus's thigh. "He can't help his size, bless his heart."

Your smile widens at the shocked expressions across the low table.

“It was sooo crazy, I mean, thank goodness we realized what had happened before, y’know, because of his… condition,” you say cryptically as you squeeze Marcus’s arm and ignore his frantic look.

Marcus takes a large swig of his drink, and Jane takes the bait. “What… condition?”

“Oh, Teresa didn’t tell you? He’s got hypervirile sperm.”

You see Marcus spit some of his drink back out in the corner of your eye. You smile sweetly, and continue.

“Yeah, those little suckers will knock up a grandma in menopause," you say, knocking back the rest of your first drink and setting the glass down a little too firmly.

"Oh my g-" Marcus starts under his breath, but you pipe up again.

"I'm not saying it's a bad thing" you add unnecessarily, picking up the second drink that Patrick had ordered for you and swirling it around casually. "I mean when the time is right, we've always wanted three or four–right honey?–but he wants to wait until after my book is published. He's so thoughtful," you coo. You smile at Marcus, charmed by your own silly fabrication. But however false your story, you wanted him to know that your final words were the absolute truth.

"Very thoughtful," grumbles Jane in a monotone. "It was nice to see you, Pike, but we're jet-lagged, and…" he trails off and stands.

"So very nice to meet you both," making no effort to hide the falsity in your tone.

"Nice to–yeah, you too," Teresa replies, looking between you and Marcus, whose lips were pressed tightly together in an attempt not to laugh.

"I… bye, Marcus," Teresa says, and as she and Jane exit the bar, she looks back one last time, a bemused expression on her face.

You watch them leave, then look at Marcus with a wary expression. "I'm sorry, was that… too much?"

Marcus turned to look at you, his eyes twinkling with mirth and astonishment and… and something a little darker.

"Finish your drink," he says, his voice low. "Let's get out of here."

You quickly realize just how much affection Marcus had been holding back. He stays close to you on the walk back to his apartment, his palm warm on the small of your back and his voice soft and low in your ear.

You lean up on your tiptoes to kiss along Marcus’s jawline as he stops to unlock his front door and you smile when the action makes him fumble with his keys.

“You’re gonna be a little menace, aren’t you?” Marcus says with a soft smile and fond shake of his head.

“I plan on it,” you smirk, and to punctuate your words, you slip your hand into his back pocket and squeeze and Marcus fucking blushes and oh, it’s cute. Not for the first time, you wonder what he’s like–is he cautious, eager, intense, fun? Your entire body is thrumming with anticipation. You’re about to find out.

“Can I get you a drink?” Marcus asks as you slip into his apartment.

You shake your head. “Not to sound overeager, but I think I’m going to die if you don’t kiss me right now,” you say breathlessly.

“Drinks later, then,” he chuckles, and descends on you.

His kiss is just as soft and sensual as always, but tonight there’s an undercurrent of promise lurking under the surface. His hands grip at your hips and pull your body flush against his–you feel his prominent erection pressing against your stomach–and he tilts his head to deepen the kiss, slipping his tongue past your lips and making you groan softly.

The noise only spurs Marcus on. His grip tightens on your hips before one hand migrates down to palm the globe of your ass, and he makes a little pleasure-soaked sound of his own as you grind your hips against his.

“Any objections to taking this into the bedroom?” Marcus asks breathlessly as he comes up for air.

You nod frantically. “Please, Marcus.”

Your plea seems to make him shudder with want, and instead of taking your hand and guiding you through his apartment as you expect, Marcus suddenly grabs the backs of your thighs and lifts, picking you up. You wrap your legs around him and kiss him again–hard–as he walks through the living room and into his bedroom, not breaking the kiss.

Marcus tosses you playfully on the bed, making you squeal in surprise, then crawls over you with a devilish grin and slots his hips between your legs.

Kissing Marcus while standing is overwhelming enough. Kissing him while you’re lying horizontally and his weight is pressing you into the bed is an entirely different animal. Your fingertips dig into the meat of his shoulders as he slants his mouth against yours again before kissing along your jaw and down your neck, which makes your back arch as you try to bare more of your skin for his waiting mouth.

Marcus gets the idea and bites down gently, and you whimper at the little hint of pain from his teeth scraping against the delicate skin of your throat.

“You like that, hmm?” he murmurs against your skin.

“Yeah,” you agree breathlessly, then you gasp as he repeats the action.

“God, the sounds you make,” Marcus groans, rocking his hips against you lightly. “So fucking pretty, wanna hear more of them.”

His hands skim up your thigh underneath your dress and you both moan as he reaches the seam of your underwear–the lacy pink ones you had decided upon earlier that day.

The feel of the lace makes Marcus pull back and look at you with a heated gaze.

“Are these for me?” he asks, tracing his fingertips against the material.

You bite your lip and nod.

“I’ll be honest, I was going to just pull these off without looking,” Marcus admits with a crooked grin, “but now I wanna see.” He sits back on his heels. “Sit up a moment,” he directs gently.

You sit up and Marcus moves behind you to slowly, slowly, pull down the zipper to your dress, pressing kiss after kiss to the skin he’s exposing.

“Arms up,” he whispers, and of course you obey and let Marcus pull the dress up over your head himself, letting it fall off the edge of the bed onto the floor.

You relax back on the pillows, reveling in the lust in Marcus’s eyes as he takes in the lingerie. He moves between your spread legs again and gives you another hungry kiss.

“You look incredible,” Marcus murmurs against your lips. “Absolutely fucking incredible, but I want to see all of you, now. Will you let me?” He searches your face for any sign of hesitation, although you know there’s none to be found.

When you nod eagerly, Marcus chuckles and reaches underneath you to unhook the clasp to your bra, and you let out a sigh as he pulls off the garment and it joins the dress on the floor. Keeping his eyes on yours, he slides your underwear down your legs, and then you’re completely bare for him for the first time.

You see him mouth ‘Fuck,’ as he rakes his eyes over your body and starts unbuttoning his own shirt, hastily shrugging it off his shoulders before fumbling with his belt. Oh, he’s nervous. Your heart practically aches with tenderness for him, and you sit up and gently shove his hands out of the way.

“Let me,” you say quietly, undoing his belt buckle and the button on his pants before unzipping his fly and shamelessly palming his erection, which… Jesus. You look up at Marcus with a mixture of lust, trepidation, and amusement.

“Here I thought that whole thing back at the bar was a fabrication,” you say with a little laugh, trying to dispel your nerves with a joke.

Marcus shakes his head in exasperation. “Oh, stop,” he huffs with an embarrassed smile, but he stops when he sees the hesitance in your expression. He gently palms your cheek, rubbing his thumb over your bottom lip. “Hey, now. I’ll never hurt you, you know that, right?”

“I know,” you whisper. You smile widely at him, and say, “You seem like the kind of guy who takes his time.”

“Mmhmm, you already know me so well,” Marcus growls playfully, and he finally removes his pants and boxers, kicking them off to join your clothes on the floor before pressing you back into the mattress. “You’re absolutely,” he starts kissing a path from your shoulder to the swell of your breast, “fucking,” he drags his lips against the soft underside, just below your areola, “right.” He takes your nipple into his mouth and gently flicks it with his tongue, and you make some sort of desperate noise somewhere between a gasp and a sob.

He teases your nipples almost to the point of overstimulation, and you realize just how right you were–Marcus is a man who takes his time. He’s almost insatiable in his appetite for you–he can’t stop touching, kissing, tasting, and he hasn’t even touched your pussy yet. This is going to be a long night, you think with a smile. He finally starts moving down your body, kissing and nipping at the soft skin of your belly before arriving at his destination.

His dark, hooded eyes meet yours once more. “Last chance to back out,” he murmurs, his voice hoarse with desire. “Once I taste you, I’m not sure I’ll ever be able to stop.”

You swallow thickly. “Then don’t,” you say, and you can’t find it in you to be embarrassed by how shaky your voice is, at how fucking wrecked you sound already. “Don’t stop.”

Marcus lowers his head with a soft groan, licking a broad stripe through your folds and up to your clit. Oh, shit. You were right–you could tell by the way this man kisses that he’d excel at this, too. He’s devouring you with enthusiasm, moaning into your pussy as he tastes you and grabbing your hips hard enough to bruise.

All you can do is writhe on the sheets and murmur his name over and over and over as you feel your core starting to tighten. You cant your hips reflexively, bucking into his mouth, and Marcus has to release his grip on your hip to press you down into the bed with his forearm, keeping you still for him as he sends you higher.

“Come,” Marcus says softly, and then he gently sucks your clit into his mouth and you fall apart with a cry.

You’re still trembling with aftershocks when you feel Marcus slip a finger inside your sensitive channel, and you keen for him.

“Do it again,” he commands with a gentle smile. He works you back up embarrassingly quickly. To your credit, it had been a while, and you’ve been so worked up over these past few weeks over this man. But still–you have to admit, Marcus knows exactly what he’s doing. He adds a second finger and curls them both upwards as he drops his mouth back down to lathe at your clit and suddenly you’re coming again, your legs shaking as he fucks you through it with his fingers.

“Please, Marcus, oh my God, please,” you babble at the ceiling. “Fuck, I need you.”

Marcus crawls up your body to capture your mouth, and you moan at the taste of you on his tongue. “Need me?” he asks softly.

You whimper and nod your head. “Please,” you repeat again. You feel absolutely wrecked already, and you want more. You want this man to utterly destroy you, to ruin you for everyone else, to make you forget everything that came before him. “Marcus,” you murmur. “I don’t–I don’t want it gentle.”

It feels as if Marcus’s elbows buckle slightly at your words–his body sags against you and you feel the weight of his cock against your core, gathering your slick on his length. “Shit, you can’t say stuff like that or I’m gonna lose control,” he groans, burying his face in the crook of your neck.

“Do it then,” you urge him. “I want it. I want everything you have to give.”

Marcus growls into your neck before pulling back to look at you again. “Okay,” he agrees breathlessly. “Okay. Gonna start like this,” he husks as he notches his heavy cock against your entrance, “to make sure it doesn’t hurt.”

You nod at him, your eyes wide as you feel him push into your cunt. “Oh shit,” you breathe. “Ohhhhmygod.”

“So fucking beautiful,” Marcus murmurs, almost to himself, his expression filled with reverence as he watches you take him. “Still good?” he asks as he slides in all the way, until his hips are flush with yours and you feel full, just so fucking full of Marcus, Marcus, Marcus.

“So good,” you whimper. “Oh, wow, so good.”

Marcus presses a gentle kiss to your lips. Suddenly, he starts to chuckle, and you give him a funny look.

“What?”

“Do you have an IUD I need to worry about knocking out of place?” he asks with a teasing glint in his eyes.

You shove at his chest playfully. “Move, you fucking comedian.”

Marcus starts to rock his hips and you both groan. “That was–fuck–that was incredible, by the way,” he says. “Absolutely hilarious, and cute, and–and sweet, and it fucking meant a lot to me, what you did.”

You give him an affectionate smile and you raise your hand to palm his cheek. "You deserve someone in your corner," you tell him sincerely. "Plus, it was insanely satisfying to take them down a few pegs."

Marcus laughs again and presses his forehead against yours as he starts to surge his hips forward over and over. You cry out and your hands scrabble for purchase on his broad shoulders.

"I–ah!–do have an IUD, by the way," you manage to gasp out. "Y'know, for... future reference."

"Good," Marcus rasps. "Because I'm gonna fuck you full of me."

You let out a surprised laugh. "You are surprisingly filthy and I am loving it," you tell him.

Marcus laughs again and shakes his head almost disbelievingly. He hovers his lips right over yours as he says, "Why don't you turn over and get on your knees, pretty girl, and I'll show you just how filthy I can be."

Marcus's words make you clench around him, and he notices and raises his eyebrows, his expression almost smug.

You scramble to obey, letting Marcus slip from your heat as you get on your hands and knees, wiggling your ass playfully as he mounts up behind you, taking ahold of your hips and sinking back into you inch by inch with a groan.

Marcus leans over your body to press his lips to your shoulder, mutters "So fucking gorgeous," into your skin, then straightens, pulling out of you nearly all the way before slamming back in.

"Ah!" Your arms immediately give out as Marcus sets a punishing pace, snapping his hips against you and sending you forward on the bed with each thrust.

"Is this what you wanted?" Marcus asks through clenched teeth as he palms your ass and squeezes it roughly.

"Yes," you sob. "Yes, yes, yes, yes–"

His hand comes down on your ass with a crack and you instinctively throw your hand over your mouth as you scream for him, but Marcus’s hand shoots up to grab your wrist and pin your arm behind you on your lower back.

“Don’t do that,” he chastises. “Be fucking loud, let me hear you.”

"Oh fuck," you groan–somehow even more turned on by the way he's restraining you. Marcus notices–of course he does–and pulls your other arm behind you, taking both wrists in the same hand.

He uses his grip on your wrists to pull you back on his cock, sending him impossibly deeper.

"Like it when I use you, huh?" Marcus grunts as he pulls you onto his cock again and again.

"Yes," you gasp. You can barely speak against the strength of his thrusts knocking the air out of you. He’s hitting the perfect spot over and over and you can feel the coil tightening already, your cunt fluttering as you near another climax.

He brings his other hand to your clit and rubs little circles and it’s enough to send you over the edge again. It’s… a lot. Your whole body seems to convulse with it. Marcus slows down as you clench hard around him over and over with a wordless cry. Your trembling legs give out and you pitch forward onto your stomach, and Marcus follows you down, covering your body with his. He presses his lips against your temple and fucks you with slow, deep thrusts until you stop shaking.

“Must have been a good one,” Marcus says teasingly in your ear.

You giggle breathlessly, the little laugh almost coming out like a sob, and Marcus murmurs little praises in your ear, telling you how good you feel, how pretty it looks when you come, how well you take him, as he starts snapping his hips into you again.

He stays close, keeping his lips at your ear, or sliding them messily across your temple, or nipping a line down your throat.

You reach behind you to card your fingers through the hair on the back of his head, letting your fingertips dig in and your nails scratch against the skin, and Marcus moans brokenly into your neck.

“Your turn, baby,” you coo. “Come for me.”

Marcus shudders at your gentle command, and his hips snap once, twice, and then he buries himself deep inside you with a groan.

“Shit,” he murmurs breathlessly as he slips out of your heat and immediately pulls at your shoulder, turning you over to hold against his chest.

“Did that–are you okay? I didn’t hurt–”

“No,” you tell him with a soft smile. “Marcus, that was… incredible.”

Marcus gave a shy little laugh, his ears turning pink under your praise. He must not hear it enough, you think, and you make a mental note to make sure to tell him as often as possible.

He’s soft again after sex, planting little kisses on your brow, the tip of your nose, your cheekbone, holding you close as you both come down from your highs.

Eventually, Marcus extricates himself from your arms and pads over to the bathroom, returning with a warm cloth, which he uses to delicately clean you. Your breath catches–he’s so tender that it makes your heart ache to realize all the emotion he’d been holding back, afraid of moving too fast and getting hurt again. He tosses the cloth somewhere on the floor and rejoins you on the pillows, taking you into his arms again with a sigh.

“I tell you what, Theresa was a damn fool,” you say emphatically.

“Yeah?” Marcus is smiling, but his eyebrows are upturned, uncertainty written all over his features.

You palm his cheek. “An absolute fucking fool,” you assure him, looking deep into those soulful brown eyes. “And I need you to know, I’m not just talking about the sex, okay? I’m talking about everything. I think you’re wonderful. Exactly as you are.”

Marcus’s eyes widen, the cute little crease on the bridge of his nose completely disappearing as he hears your words.

“I… thank you,” he whispers, his voice thick with emotion.

“Just don’t propose to me in two months, please,” you say with a wink. “Can we agree to take it slow?”

Marcus laughs. “We’ll take it slow,” he agrees, and tilts his head down to kiss you sweetly.

--

A/N: Go ahead, ask me about my favorite mound at Cahokia. (It's Mound 72 you're welcome). Yeah, I shamelessly made Reader an archaeologist. I'm just inserting all my hobbies and interests into these damn readers, let me tell ya.

Taglist: @leslie-lyman @beyourobsession @coastielaceispunk @balekanemohafe @lovesbiggerthanpride @wildmoonflower @hotchlover @honestly-shite @ezrasbirdie @stilettoforbeginners @bison-writes @green-socks @mandocrasis @musings-of-a-rose @beskarprincessjenny @iamskyereads @janebby @amneris21 @littlemisspascal @buckybarneshairpullingkink @pascalove @beardsanddetectives @girlofchaos @mandoblowmybackout @oogaboogasphincter @hb8301 @elegantduckturtle @shadesofnerdlygrace @anaaaispunk @allthe-ships

#marcus pike #marcus pike x reader #marcus pike x you #marcus pike x f!reader #marcus pike fanfiction #the mentalist #the mentalist fanfic #pedro pascal

[redbeardace]

Pagination is Hard

If you've been following along lately, you'll have seen that I'm working on a Choose Your Own Adventure style book. Primary writing is happening in Twine, which is a tool specifically for Interactive Fiction/Game Books/etc. But a Twine file is meant for a digital world, and I want a physical book.

More specifically, I want a physical look that looks like a CYOA book, acts like one, smells like one. I want people to pick it up and be teleported back to 1986. And so, there's a few style rules to follow. Some are simple, like the font, but others are more difficult, like pagination.

Twine has absolutely no concept of a page. Pages are irrelevant. It cares about Passages and only Passages. Its primary storage format is HTML, which also doesn't care about pages. Okay, so all you have to do is copy and paste it into Word, and now you have pages, right? Word cares about pages, doesn't it?

Word does not care about pages.

More specifically, Word docx files don't care about pages. Under the covers, they're not much different from an HTML file. (They're actually a zip package of a bunch of XML files, but that particular detail doesn't matter much.) There are tools and SDKs that let you create Word docs, but what you're creating are sections, paragraphs, and runs of text, but not pages.

Now, okay, Word itself does care about pages... Sort of. You can see the pages, you can print the pages, but they're sort of a calculated illusion. Whenever you open a Word doc, the rendering engine figures out how to pretend that the file is organized into pages, even when it's not. But because the pages aren't real, you can do something as simple as shuffle the pages around. That's largely fine, because in most cases, you don't want to shuffle pages around. In a normal document, the page break could come in the middle of a sentence in the middle of a paragraph. Reordering that would result in chaos.

Choose Your Own Adventure books are not normal.

Their whole thing is that all the pages are reordered randomly. Everything is centered around pages. Go on to the next page. Turn to page 73. The pages form an interconnected tree of decisions that make up a story. Pages pages pages.

So, in order to make a CYOA book, you have to be page-based, not passage-based. So, you just take all your passages, turn them into pages, set up links between them, and you're done!

But... Just what the hell is a page, anyway?

A page is a fixed-size panel of text, right? Easy enough concept. But... How much text? One of my passages is 400 words long. Is that more than a page or less than a page?

Trick question! Words don't matter. Pages are measured in lines. With known margins, font, size, spacing, etc., a page can hold a certain number of lines. For the style I'm using, let's say that a page is 25 lines.

So how many words are in a line, then?

Another trick question! Words in a line don't matter.

A cat in a hat ate a pie.

Several loquacious antidisestabilishmentarianistic sasquatches contemplated pseudoscientific philosophies belligerently.

Both of those sentences are eight words long. (So was that one.) But they're vastly different lengths. The first sentence has room to spare on its line, while the second one likely ends up spanning more than one line (depending on how you're reading this post.). So, it's clearly not word count that matters, it's the number of characters that counts. So, how many characters in a line?

Also a trick question! Some lines are short because the last word is a long one and doesn't fit. And letters are different sizes in most fonts.

You pretty much need a full layout engine to figure out how much text fits on a page, and that is not something I have.

But... Why do I care?

I care, because CYOA books are so centered around pages that you have to care about pages. Go grab one and open it up. (You obviously have one just lying around like I do, right?) What's the first thing you notice? Every page ends in one of two ways: The phrase "The End" or with "Turn To X Page" directives. That's the defining feature of the series.

But what else do you notice?

Almost every page ends with a bunch of whitespace. Because every page ends with a complete paragraph. Nothing runs on to the next page.

That's weird in a book.

(Okay, it's not every page. There does seem to be an exception to that rule and the "Turn To Page X" rule, which involves facing pages and a large illustration. It appears that mid-paragraph breaks are permitted in those rare circumstances. But anyway...)

They end with a complete paragraph because they have to. You can't suddenly have a "Turn To Page 37" in the middle of a sentence. No, the book has to pause, give you an instruction, then resume. These books would be irritating if

If you want me to finish the sentence, keep reading the next paragraph.

you were interrupted in the middle of every passage like that. So, in order to avoid that, I need to split the passages up, so that the right number of paragraphs are on each page, and in order to do that, I need to know how many paragraphs I can fit on a page. In order to do that, I need to know how much text can fit on a page and we've already been down that road.

So. What can I do about it?

I can fake it!

Faking things is a foundational principle in computer science. Some problems are too hard to solve the right way, so instead, we solve them the wrong way and make it look good.

You see, I don't really care exactly how much text can fit on a page, I care more about roughly how much text can fit on a page. That, give or take, is 22 lines, and a line is, give or take, 40 characters. And I didn't perform a complex layout calculation involving kerning and justification and whatever'n'th'hell an "em" is. No, I pasted a paragraph into Word with all the settings I wanted, let it do all that work, then I just counted letters. 40-45ish letters and 22-25ish lines, so go low for safety, and presto.

For each paragraph, get ceil(paragraph.length / 40.0) to get the line count for it, and repeat until there would be too many lines. Then put a page break and keep going.

And presto, now you have complete paragraphs and whitespace on every page!

Except for page 153, because fuck page 153:

Page 153 is a page number in the heading, followed by two "Turn to page X" choices and nothing else. What this means is that somewhere in my book, there's a directive to tell you to "Turn to page 153.", only for Page 153 to tell you to immediately go somewhere else.

And so you think, "Oh, well maybe that page is full of other paragraphs and there isn't any room left and maybe you can tweak a setting or add a feature that prevents such orphans. So you track down the page in question. Behold page 94:

WHAT THE HELL, PAGE 94‽

It's like 60% full! There's plenty of room for the choices there. Why are you doing this to me?

Anyway, that's all I wanted to say. I felt I had to write this big long thing just to name and shame Page 94, rather than spending that fixing Page 94, because you all need to know what Page 94 did.

#writing #cyoa #choose your own adventure #game book #choose your own adventure rules #pages 151 157 45 98 and 85 are also being problems #but don't get me started on them #or how is you have a paragraph that's like 20 lines long it screws everything up #let alone one that's 30 and can't even fit on a page #also in case you were wondering #it's grammar checking 'dragon' because it thinks it should be 'your badass dragon's name' #but no it's correct #you are a dragon and you need a badass dragon name #although if you had a badass dragon #your badass dragon would need a badass dragon name too

[crossdressingdeath]

counterpoint: if the genre is romance instead of fantasy, you will almost NEVER see a paperback more than 400 pages long. and I can definitely see seven seas choosing romance as a better fit than fantasy, especially if they're using these works/mxtx as a blueprint for further danmei publishing

and on a personal note, I hate doorstopper paperbacks, the spines look terrible immediately and they're awkward to cart around.

I guess, but my thing is... these books aren't being written with a certain page count or genre in mind because they already exist, and honestly the summaries I've seen do not look like romance summaries to me. The summaries read like fantasy, maybe that's just me but that's what I'm getting from them. Frankly I'm concerned that they're going to use these as a blueprint for further publications, given they're taking over a year to release one book and releasing it split into more parts than it's designed to be split into with each volume costing market price; if nothing else I'd rather they translate the whole thing and release it as a box set with a slightly reduced price. Honestly my main reason for concluding that the number of volumes is just a bit of a cash grab is the cost of each volume, because... yeah, 1/8 of a book should not cost the same as a whole book, I can buy these being more expensive because of translation and illustration and the cost of multiple volumes but they're essentially charging for TGCF eight times; it's not unreasonable to charge market price or close to it, but in that case they should be trying to minimize the number of volumes, not maximize it.

I feel like the best way to do it would be to have multiple sets with different volume lengths; people who prefer shorter volumes and are fine with paying so much can get the sets they've been advertising, and people who would prefer fewer, longer volumes (both to minimize the inevitably awkward end points of each volume and to reduce the cost) can get a different set with the books split only as much as is absolutely necessary. Because like... the thing that gets me is that in every situation I'm aware of where a book has been split into multiple volumes for some editions, it's possible to get the entire thing in one volume if that's what you want. That's physically impossible here, but I feel like there should be an option for As Few Volumes As Possible for people who prefer that over such short volumes. To put it another way, it's not the fact that each volume is so short that bothers me; it's the fact that if I want these books I have to buy so many short volumes even though I'd prefer something longer even if they weren't all supposed to be one book. It feels like they're forcing me to pay the price of four or five or eight books for a single book if I want to read them even though it could be considerably less. If nothing else a hypothetical ebook release should be the whole book in one, because there's no reason to split up an ebook. Like... if someone would prefer four volumes for SV, five for MDZS and eight for TGCF more power to them, but I don't want to carry four books when one would do, or five when there could be two. I definitely don't want to carry (or pay for) eight whole books when it could be less than half that. You want to talk awkward, I don't think a few doorstoppers could possibly be more awkward or heavier than eight books. (Also re doorstopper fantasy, I will admit that they're very awkward to carry around but if you're careful with them the spines last fine; they're a bit delicate, that's all!)

[mistwraiths]

4 stars

This is the sequel to From Blood and Ash. I appreciate a book that starts up exactly where it left off like literally seconds after. I thought that was a fun and excellent choice because the first book definitely ended on a 'omg what' moment. Overall, I did enjoy the book and I do want to see where it continues but I did still have some grievances with this book/series.

First, I'll start off with what I liked. The book finally has a map which is nice. There's definitely more worldbuilding and world information being spun out. Kieran is one of the joys in this book, we didn't get to properly get to know him in the last book but he's a welcomed and refreshing character. The banter in this book is more entertaining (when it's not repetitive and I'll get more into that later) and Casteel's and Poppy's tension and relationship is good to read. Poppy even seems to have more of a personality than she did in FBAA thank god and she does eventually start growing a backbone. There's so much less ellipses in this book too and there's some pretty descriptive scenery scenes I enjoyed. The smut is also pretty good although there was one scene I was like really?? you're fucking there??

Now, the parts that did let me down a little bit and I'm probably being nitpicky in some instances but I'm only like this I think when I do overall enjoy it.

My first issue is that Poppy is like the only female character. There's women characters but there's only one we actually get to see interact with Poppy and be friendly but this isn't until about 500 pages in? Tawny from the first book, who was more a shadow than anything, isn't here and the only other females with names either are dead (Shea), gets killed off (Magda who we never really interacted with anyway), or the guardian and the healer who are literally blink and you miss them. There's a shit ton of males everywhere. I'm Tired™️ and books deserve more female characters. It also plays heavily in the Poppy isn't like other girls trope, she's incredibly special and unique. I get this is a fantasy book and the way the author is going with Poppy but it's a little tiring.

One of my other issues is the pace and the plot. If you're looking for a plot heavy book, this book seems to throw the plot entirely on the back burner. It's still there but it's not the main focus because they're trying to still do what they were trying to do in the first book: leave Solis and get to Atlantia. This book mainly focuses on dumping world info, leveling up Poppy's powers, and the romance/smut. That's not a bad thing but it makes this book's pacing incredibly slow. They don't even start moving towards their next stop until 200+ pages in. The book gets generally faster paced around 300 pages in and then grinds to a halt again around late 400 to 500 pages. What's going on about 500 pages to the end is fairly interesting stuff but it's rough because I just wanted them to keep moving. But let me tell you that literally almost nothing happens in this book except for the very end and most everything that happens is waiting for Casteel to explain his motivations and reasonings.

The repetition is what I struggled with the most, especially in the beginning. Casteel, Poppy, and at times, Kieran, rehash the same conversations multiple times. Not once, not twice, but several times. Once the book gets going, the repetition still lingers in areas like constantly referring to Poppy wanting to stab people. Her violence is constantly mentioned to the point that i wanted to be violent. It could be a funny thing to make reference to if it didn't pop up every ten to twenty pages. Casteel is a big repeater of the same thing which mostly is compliments (except for him saying he's horny when she's violent and her repeating constantly he's disturbed and this happens SO MUCH IN THE BOOK) and while they're nice, I prefer them to be used maybe less often so they have real meaning to them. I think I just prefer being shown and like SJM, Jennifer is a TELL TELL TELL person. We're constantly being told everyone hates Poppy because she was the Maiden (and we go over that several times in different situations). We're told Poppy is so intelligent although I've yet to see her do something that I'm like oh that was smart. We're told she's so random asking random questions which is really weird to read about. Poppy's internal monolouging again is mostly redundant and there's not more perspective or insight you gain from it.

This book definitely felt more romance than plot and that ending was very intriguing. We're finally in Atlantia so I'm interested to see what happens next. I was shocked when they actually married because folks, we're in book 2 here there's like two or three more. I do think if the book was shorter, the pace might be better. All in all, I enjoyed it. I do think this series needs a glossary so I can keep track of gods and royals and whatever else. And I hope that we actually get more female characters.

#a kingdom of flesh and fire #jennifer l. armentrout #steph reads #steph's book review #book review

[trisscar368]

Never stop reblogging all the Euclase supernatural fanart. It is so beautiful! Where do you even find these gems? Some I've never seen before!!! I want to put them all in a book or all over my bedroom walls maybe... They're phenomenal.

Dude m’dude let me hug you and bring you into the family, I’ll make tea and cookies

I’m one of the admins for @theroadsofararchive, which means this is what I do for fun with a lot of artists.  I just happen to have an art crush on Licia so I go looking for her stuff more often.

There’s not really much “how”, outside of “find old blogs and poke around,” which just requires asking people who have been in the fandom for a while for old urls and seeing who reblogged rarer bits of art.  There’s seriously a lot of spn art in kpop blogs and it is the most mystifying thing on the planet.

If you want more of Licia’s art, I’ve got some on this blog (including not-spn stuff) but you really really need to look at the archive’s collection.  We’ve got… should be a full 40 pages now (which means about 400 pieces).  We’ve found things she doesn’t remember making >.> *pats self on back*

(And if you’re serious about the bedroom wall thing, you might be able to purchase some prints from her.)

#asks #answered #anonymous #fangirls unite? #random archivist stuff