#they'd be so cool with that and probably even happier to give me time to make things happen

[nerves-nebula]

(long ask heads up srry) damn so im a donnie kinnie AND a raph kinnie. fuck! /lh

i just wanna give them both a hot chocolate and tell them theyre both wonderful lil guys :( /pos

and poor mikey who i feel like for SURE gets lost in the chaos, even after they all move away and start recovering & repairing their relationships w/ each other. between Donnie's sexual trauma/inferiority complex(?), Raph feeling like a failed protector, and Leo's whole. Situation. i feel like Mikey probably gets the short end of the stick vis-a-vis brotherly comfort bc comparatively, his own trauma could be seen as not so severe (even though it totally is!) -stitch

SOBB NOT YOU DIAGNOSING DONNIE WITH AN INFERIORITY COMPLEX!! this is what happens when i put too much of myself into a character (i am constantly battling an inferiority complex lmao. it is RUINOUS to my mental health. you'd think all these compliments would have given me an ego by now but at most it's given me permission to ACT like I think I'm cool and awesome)

you're right that Mikey gets kind of left behind though, which isn't ENTIRELY everyone else's fault to be fair. Mikey kind of leaves himself behind too. he spent so much time angry at their situation that now that things have changed he kind of just expects himself to be happier/better automatically. and he goes a bit crazy with the freedom for a while which makes it hard to talk to him about his emotions, because he SEEMS to be really happy all the time! That's good, right?

I think he's also a little emotionally illiterate when it comes to himself. he can sniff out other people's emotions just fine but when he looks at himself its a bit harder for him to tell. unless the answer is obvious (like being mad because splinter yelled at him or something).

so yea Mikey kinda just doesn't know what to do with himself. which is funny cause that's the same boat all his brothers are in, in one way or another. and they could probably really easily relate to each other if they'd just!! talk about it!!

his life mission was to convince his brothers that their dad sucks ass, and now they all agree with him! and they've all moved out together! so why are things still hard??? maybe he should do some underage drinking about it or something.

#nnstuff #ask #asks are sweethearts #tmnt donnie #tmnt mikey #teenage mutant neglected turtles

[roberrtphilip]

do you think they ever get a pet when sofia is a kid and she wants one Really Really Really Reallyyyyyy badly!!!!😭😭😭😭🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺

ah, this was fun to think about :3 !!!!!!!!!!!!

Sofia loves snakes so much, and I think from a very early age she was begging, and begging, and begging to have one. Robert was very Not Interested in this because 1) he knew Sofia would make him hold it, which he did Not want to do, but 2) she was little, which meant he and Giselle would have to do the majority of the work raising said snake. And he doesn't know nearly enough about proper snake care to, well, take care of it. He also really doesn't want to deal the whole Feeding It Mice thing, and Giselle certainly does not like the idea of doing that either.

There's also the worry that, because Sofia is so young, she may lose interest very quickly, and Robert doesn't want to deal with trying to rehome the little guy.

But Sofia doesn't ever lose interest in snakes. When they visit the zoo, she always wants to spend hours looking at them. And she's always asking her parents to take her to the pet stores so she can stare at them. And she can communicate with animals, so the snakes love her just as much as she loves them.

When Sofia is about 6, Robert and Giselle both decide that, if she's still interested in wanting one when she's older, and more capable of caring for it on her own, they will get her a pet snake.

And so she sets out to learn every little thing she can about taking care of every different kind of snake. Which, she kind of already knew a lot, but still, she kept reading, and reading, and reading, and asking a million questions to both zookeepers, and the employees at the pet stores.

Eventually, for her 12th birthday, Robert and Giselle agree that she's ready, and they surprise her with all the supplies she'll need, and they take her to the pet store to pick out which snake she wants. And Sofia, gosh she is SO excited. She starts crying, and she can’t stop hugging both her parents, and keeps thanking them over, and over.

Later, she thanks Giselle for “finally convincing Daddy to let me have a snake.” but Giselle tells her that she had nothing to do with it, and it was all his idea because he believed she was Finally Ready, which just made Sofia even happier.

I feel like they'd probably get a corn snake to start, and she'd name him Dragon, because she's 12 and loves dragons, and she loves him sooooooo SO much. He’s her bestie, and she walks around the house with him all the time. You know this vine? That’s Sofia and Dragon.

Also, part of the deal was to make sure she didn’t randomly shove him in Robert’s face, or make him hold it, the way she did with worms, and bugs, and she agreed. But eventually he does come around to the idea of awkwardly patting the snake’s head with his finger, and that’s good enough for everyone.

And Giselle !! She loves Dragon. She does not enjoy feeding him, but she loves holding him, and letting him slither up and down her arm. She and Sofia do not understand why Robert gets so whiney about it.

Oh, and Morgan thinks he's cool, too, and so does Tyson. They like holding him, buuuuuut Sofia's also like. not rude about it but any time someone other than her holds Dragon for too long she's like, "okay, he's my son, give him back now, thank you 😠😤" She's just not very good at Sharing.

As a random sidenote, in the script, Morgan says this,

which is wild to me because it means Morgan remembers the divorce in this draft, and that's just. idk wild to think about but also, Robert buying an iguana to smooth over the divorce news ????????? I respect you, Bill Kelly, but I think I know more about your characters than you do 😤

anyway, thank god that was cut. just not realistic.

#before this the closest they had to a pet was Pip but he doesn't really count because he's basically Giselle's brother #and I think if Robert ever called him their pet he'd bite him #anyway thank youuuu I was thinkin about little snake scenarios with Sofia all night :3 #lumiereandcogsworth #ask #hc #sofia philip #robert philip #giselle philip

[bikelock28]

What kind of parents to Ted do you think Remus and Tonks would've been if they survived?

I don't know why but I imagine that Tonks would be the 'easy one', the one who Ted could tell some juicy details from his teenage life and Tonks would be like 'ooh yeah I understand, tell me more!' and would sometimes behave like she's his friend rather than a mum (which sounds good but could be bad xD) I also imagine lots of cringe nicknames that would embarrass Teddy and lots of hugs and kisses, basically very affectionate and warm, like she was in books.

For Remus... I can't help but imagine him being loving but also strict and a bit cold. He would LOVE Tonks and Teddy obviously, but Remus is not naturally affectionate or open about his feelings and I don't think he would be a natural Family Man (like Arthur Weasley), so he would be reserved. He would express his love towards Teddy by saying how proud he was of Ted's Head Boy badge and ruffle his hair and clap him on the back. I also think his lycanthropy might affect their relationship - Remus would get grumpy, in turn Ted might also get sarcastic and grumpy if he's in a bad mood, which could result in a fight. Also, Remus gives me the ~old fashioned father~ vibes when it comes to discipline, if you know what I mean. BUT in spite of all this, Teddy would be a complete daddy's boy! Especially if he's more like Remus in personality and looks, and he and Remus could talk endlessly and understand each other.

Sorry for long post 🤡 what are your headcanons?

Thank you for your question. Don’t apologise for a long post- I love long posts:) and this reply has turned out v long also.

I touched on the answer a bit here: https://bikelock28.tumblr.com/post/624514058632232960/i-lobed-the-chapters-about-what-happened-to.

I don’t think either Tonks or Lupin would be very strict parents, but I also don’t think either would be the “friends with the kids” type. I don’t think either would be the Cool Parent, because frankly by the time children are old enough to fully understand/appreciate coolness, they’re too old to reckon it applies to their parents.

I think Lupin does most of the childcare. This means he and Teddy are close. Being a dad makes lupin happier than anything. He has a lovely relationship with Teddy: loves teaching Teddy stuff and is also good at being silly with him (remember this is a man who dressed Snape as Neville’s gran and who laughs at James’ jokes 20 years later! Do not underestimate the daftness Remus Lupin is capable of). I think Tonks would absolutely love all of the above.

I write Lupin as allergic to PDA with Tonks, and I think it would largely remain that way. But I don’t think he can keep his hands off Teddy, he is always hugging, tickling, kissing, ruffling hair, having Teddy climb on him, etc. It feels natural to him, he doesn’t even notice that he’s doing it in front of others.

If you grew up in a family where one parent was stay-at-home and the other went to work, you’ll remember that the latter coming home was a bit of a big daily occasion. I think that defo happens with Tonks- “MUMMY IS HOME! Mummy let me show you my drawing, mummy I scored a goal today” etc, hurling himself at her when she comes through the door. Plus it allows her to be Fun Mummy. 

However, Aurors presumably work many evenings, weekends, early mornings. If you grow up with a parent who works shifts like that then as the child it’s normal to you. But for many mums that‘s guilt-inducing. I think Tonks would really struggle with that, which makes me sad. Though I suppose the good thing about being married to Lupin is that you’d always have someone to talk to about guilt lol! I reckon she’d buy Teddy all sort of daft and unnecessary toys to make up for missing bedtimes etc. These presents would largely be junk Teddy didn't actually want or need. Lupin would find this habit extremely irritating and it would probably be something they'd argue about: "It's just a silly plastic frog, it was ten knuts," "So why did you bother getting it?" "It's just a little token to say sorry for being away so much this week," "It's clutter we don't need, like that whistle you got him in the Summer. He knows you wish you were home more, Tonks- you don't need to spoil him with junk to prove it," etc etc.

BUT I also reckon Lupin would also be indulgent of Teddy in a different way, e.g:

I bet he’d hate leaving him to cry as a baby. 

He’d have phases of extreme anxiety about Teddy’s safety. 

Because Lupin’s self-loathing means that he believes he Is Bad, and because he carries a lot of shame, he would be weird and paranoid about Teddy growing up with similar problems. This would lead to him struggling with if an how to punish Teddy when he’s naughty, and with even the idea/wording of “naughty”/“good”/“you’re in trouble” etc.

Tonks, like many people, would find all the above bemusing and infuriating. I headcanon that Andromeda was quite a strict parent to her, and as far as Tonks is concerned she (Tonks) turned out OK. Therefore i think Tonks would have a more normal and healthy approach to punishment: “sending Teddy to bed without his pudding will teach him not to steal biscuits from the tin again”, “telling him he’s been naughty isn’t shaming him”, “he knows we love him even if we get cross sometimes”. Whereas Lupin, with his aforementioned shame and self-loathing would be troubled by all that. I think he would defo argue with Tonks about it. E.g a battleground would be if Teddy can/should sleep in his parents’ bed: "It helps him sleep," "No, Remus, it helps you sleep, but not me, and I'm the one who has to be up at five to go to work," "I'll have him on my side, then" "It doesn't matter, he'll still end up keeping us awake. You've got to get over this clinginess," "He isn't clingy," "He's going to be because of you, and you are because of him. Look, I know you get anxious sometimes about him being alone at night, but he's safe here. He's in the room nextdoor. Nobody is going to hurt him," "That's not what I'm worried about," "Remus, that's exactly what you're worried about. We both know it. It's OK, I understand, but you can't let it effect how we are with Teddy," etc etc.

As for their family relationships when Teddy’s older:

I don’t agree with you about Tonks being keen to hear the juicy details of teddy’s teen life, or him being keen to tell her- remember this is his mum! Plus, if Teddy’s anything like his dad, he’s a closed book. And Tonks has enough experience of Remus by then to respect that in Teddy.

I also disagree with you about Lupin getting grumpy around the full moon. In canon he gets ill, not bad-tempered, so there’s nothing there to cause arguments with Teddy. I don’t think having a werewolf dad would make school easy for Teddy (even though said dad is also a war hero). But I don’t believe Teddy would ever directly blame Lupin for that, because Teddy’s grown up seeing first-hand how being a werewolf is an illness.

Overall I think Teddy’s Hogwarts years would be a happy time for the family (as much as they can be when you have a teenager in the house!). I headcanon Teddy as always pretty independent, so him growing up and making choices would be cool for his parents to watch. Especially as he’s a bright lad, and I don’t head cannon him as having any interest in being an Auror or going into politics. Probably a relief for his parents on a personal level, but also a big signifier for them (and their Order friends) that the war’s over, and they won it so Teddy didn’t have to fight or campaign or be afraid. He can live the life he chooses. He can be normal. Well, as normal as you can be when you have turquoise hair ;)

However, by the time Teddy’s in 4th/5th year I headcanon that Lupin would be getting increasingly unwell. Probably walking with a stick and tiring easily. Of course that’s a difficult thing for a parent to experience, and a child to witness. I think Tonks would try to make this all seem OK and fail, and everyone would be miserable about it. But being a loving family makes even a miserable time a little better.

Hope you enjoyed this long answer. As always, feel free to weigh in or send Asks or Messages.

#Questions or something #Teddy lupin #my rambles #sorry for errors or unhingedess I am on a megabus on a Bank Holiday evening so anything goes

[tokimekiinversion]

gonna do this yumejoshi twitter thread! (not all of them but some of them) (actually wait nevermind i just did all of them)

1. briefly introduce your yume ship! is it romantic, platonic, familial, or something else?

mmm we are so in love it is doki doki love romantic kiss kiss mwah

2. how did you and your comfort character(s) meet?

i watched monogatari!

3. what is the dynamic between you and your comfort character(s)?

they tease me and mess with me a lot and say funny things and i laugh bc they are funny. we do... physical affection i give them kisses all the time. they are also a little mean... and try to get me to fall down a dark path. but its not that serious and probably doesnt work anyway since i just dont do things i dont want to. also, to some extent, this video. im the one on the right. and it would be more like, ougi is reading a book and smiling but yeah.

4. how would you and your comfort character(s) describe each other?

me describe ougi: the best. amazing. wonderful. brilliant. wise. super cool. love of my life. beautiful. adorable. impish. rude. fun. funny. beloved. hot 😳. sinister. scary. creepy. (<- good things) and more!

ougi describe me: cute. foolish. teasable. admirable. bubbly. considerate. thoughtful. kind. pleasant. easy. boobs

5. who is better at cooking?

neither of us are ace chefs but ougi is more swift when following recipes. so i would ask them to make food and then they make it bad on purpose to force me to get faster and better at cooking. grrrr...... annoying 💢......... but i wouldnt mind that much because i'd get to COOK FOR THEM YAAAAAAAAY NOURSHING OUGI and it would probably make me a better more confident cook too

6. who is better at organizing?

ougi. this has no footnotes

7. who is more athletic?

also ougi. they ride that bicycle. i do nothing....

8. who tends to lose track of time more?

probably me more, but i bet ougi would get lost in a good book (prolly mystery novel) and sit up to stretch and its 4 hours later

9. who gets tired faster?

probably also me with my lack of good physical practice.... ugwah.... ougi should take care of me when im tired........... wah....................

10. who gets more excited about special occasions (birthdays, holidays, etc)?

easily me. although i would get more excited for events for them than mine. they wouldnt really get excited for either. but they would make sure to celebrate my birthday and stuff of course.

its like this:

i am the one who makes their birthday and such a special occasion... because i refuse to let it not be!!!!!!!!!!!! because they are the best and deserve nice things and should be celebrated😌

11. who is better at planning surprises/keeping secrets?

this is also ougi. have you seen that poker face?

also id be good at keeping secrets normally but they would just know anyway and make me tell them. also also if we were playing a prank together i would be the one trying not to crack up like 95% of the time. and the other 5% is we're both trying not to

12. what is something about you that your comfort character(s) don’t know?

mm... not much! probably random details and anecdotes. basically, whatever they don't ask about, or anything not important

13. what is something about you that ONLY your comfort character(s) know?

well if i said it would defeat the point! tryna get me to spill my secrets...

14. what are three ways in which you have changed since meeting your comfort character(s)?

im smarter and happier and much cooler

15. what are three ways in which your comfort character(s) have changed since meeting you?

HOPEFULLY, if they are not being an OBSTINATE LITTLE SHIT some of my love for them will have rubbed off and they like themself more now :) they are also happier, because obviously i don't make them anything but happy 😌✨ also they'd get even more insufferable. i can't not spoil them 😭

16. what is your favourite thing about your comfort character(s)?

everything! well, there's parts i like more. and they shouldnt be so hard on themself but. everything!

17. what is your comfort character(s)’s favourite thing about you?

they'd say boobs to mess with me >:( but it's not true 😇 they like my excitability and my kindness

18. what is your favourite moment featuring your comfort character(s) in the media they come from?

GWEH.

the gweh is just.... its just..... its everytihng

19. do you have alternate universes of your yume ship? tell us more about them!

welll...... unless u count me in naoetsu as au then no...................

20. what nicknames do you and your comfort character(s) have for each other?

oho?

i actually was tryna think up nicknames for ougi once but its hard bc their name is short already. i just kinda call em whatever comes to mind. they can be ougi, they can be my beloved, they can be my precious little thing, they can be the oug. the ouger, even. its what it is

ougi doesnt have nicknames for me they just call me by my name tho.

21. if you had to describe your yume ship with one song, which song would it be?

gwah theres a few of these.... hmmmmm.......

invisible touch is too perfect to not include

the bird and the bee - my love

mad head love - kenshi yonezu

and ill even put...

mitski first love late spring

arms tonite mother mother

some of it is describing the relationship more in general and some of its more about my feelings..... well thats okay too

22. where do you want to be with your comfort character(s) in three years?

🥺

i want us to be happily married and in love........ and i want to have raised my devotion levels and number of tributes 😌✨

23. if there was a book written about you and your comfort character(s), what would the title be?

going by the series' usual naming convention......... sakumonogatari (錯物語).

#🖤 #yumejoshi

[julianobungus]

Could you talk about which are your absolute favorite TOH ships and why you like them? I find your takes very interesting and it's so cool that you ship so many rare pairs!

That I can do! Thanks a bunch~! I just enjoy coming up with and seeing different dynamics, and some stick more than others or just appeal to me personally.

Luzador (Luz/Alador): I like this one for a couple reasons. Firstly and superficially, I think they look hot together (y'know, big burly man and lithe petite woman), so they have nice physical chemistry. Secondly, I feel like they have pretty similar/convergent personalities, both being socially-handicapped nerds who are considered deviant and who stand out in some way. I feel like they'd bond over that. I also feel like they'd have a fair bit of shared pain as well - with Luz being ostracised for being 'weird', as well as losing her father, and Alador being emotionally abused by Odalia and feeling guilt for messing up as a father because of her.

Huntleb(Hunter/Caleb): This one may be a little out of left field, but it appeals to me too. I've been seeing a few artworks and talk of it, so that's more or less swayed me hehe. To me, Hunter and Caleb are dadson/selfcest coded, bringing in the best of both worlds and being all the spicier for it. I feel like they'd get along well, with Caleb feeling a sense of duty to protect this poor, abused young man, and Hunter projecting onto him as the closest thing he has to a father figure. Couple that with the fact that Hunter doesn't know how to healthily process and disentangle romantic and familial feelings, and how Caleb has been repressed sexually because of his religious upbringing, and you have two young men giving in to their urges.

BumpEda (Bump/Eda): Okay, so hear me out. These two were already acquaintances in canon and actually got along quite well (to a degree at least, hehe). I'd imagine that Eda confided in Bump about the curse and what was going on with her family life, so I feel like he would have been a good confidante. A good reason for strong feelings to develop. And he even kept the Owl House's location a secret! Now that they're both adults, I'd imagine they have more time and confidence to explore the feelings they have toward one another, with what was once platonic friendship becoming something romantic~

We can't forget Lunter, which is definitely up here as one of my favourites. Even in canon they get along so well! I swear to God, if Amity was out of the picture they'd get together and it'd probably work! There's also the themes and symbolism behind it - the parallels to Caleb and Evelyn for example. It's all so juicy.

Beluz makes me pretty happy too. I'm a sucker for hero/villain ships just because of an 'opposites attract' type deal. Philip/Belos is devoted to Luz, and she needs a big strong man who probably understands her better than *anyone else*, or is at least willing to understand her (same vein as Luzador then, hehe).

Guslow (Gus/Willow): So sweet it makes me sick. Classic childhood friends blossoming into sweethearts. There's only a two-year age gap so I don't really know why this is considered proship (if it even is?). They just slot so neatly together: taller buff GF and short meek boyfriend - i.e., that size difference we all crave.

Camiluz (Camila/Luz): If there was another person beside Alador, Philip, and Hunter who would truly understand Luz, it's her own mother. Despite her mistakes, Camila thinks the world of her Mija and wants her to be as comfy as possible. I like to imagine that they discovered their feelings for each other after Luz came home, and have both just accepted the fact that they're now mother-daughter-girlfriends! Despite how much happier they are together, they feel a little bit of shame because they wonder what Manny would have thought of it.

Belunter (Luz/Hunter/Belos): Listen. Belos loves these two so much. They both remind him of Caleb and one of them is a beautiful human girl. He cherishes them even if they don't feel the same way. While you can definitely ponder the darker/dead-dove aspects this would all imply (of which there are aplenty), I'm a sensitive wee soul so I tend to focus on the soft stuff (with only some aspects of DD). I'm still formulating in my head the proper dynamics to fit these three, but trust me: they have all the more reason to love each other. Hunter was raised by him and has an unhealthy view on relationships; Luz has been ostracised for much of her life and is desperate for the company of those who understand and sympathise with her, and Belos? He's obsessed with them.

Lastly, I've recently been thinking of Amity/Edric. Writing those headcanons for them earlier (thanks to the anon who suggested them, btw) has made me a little gaga over them. It's a new and interesting idea/dynamic to me~!

#proship #anti anti #proshippers please interact #proshipper #proship safe #proshipping

[jameui]

GUILTY MISTAKE

PAIRING: Kang Yeosang x M!Reader

GENRE: Angst, Fluff

WARNINGS: M!reader bullying sweet baby Yeosang, bad friends

SUMMARY: You've made a huge mistake once when you were a child and it's been in your head for the rest of your life, haunting you unless you've done something about it.

Just last month, you had turned six years old and you couldn't be more happier. For some unknown reasons, you liked how you grew older after every year, mostly because you receive gifts from your mom and dad and, of course, your friends who were about a year older than you.

Every year, on your birthday, you'd get expensive items and presents that you have been wanting for so long and foods that you get to eat with your family and friends. Loud music booming through the speakers, giggling while you made jokes with your friends laughing at almost everything due to the excitement and adrenaline that rushed through your bodies.

But, once everything was over and you know that everyone had to leave, you just keep on wishing that it was your birthday everyday. That way, everyone could still have fun and be happy with you, but then again, where's the thrill in that? They'd probably grow tired of it.

Right now, you were playing with your toys that you received creating specific sounds that corresponds to the action you controlled them to do, when you heard the doorbell ring making you gasp with joy at the thought of having a guest paying a visit.

You stood up from your position, your short legs running towards the door as you reached for the knob and turned it to open the door for the person behind it. The door moves wide open and reveals a woman who didn't look quite older than your mother, while you smiled and looked up at her. "Good morning!" You greeted her.

The woman's eyes fell down to you, beaming with glee at your politeness. "A very good morning to you, too, deary." She replied. "Is your mom or dad around? We're actually new to the neighborhood. We just moved from Busan."

You nod your head to answer her as you walked up to your mother who was in the kitchen cooking lunch. "Mom, someone's at the door for you."

"Really? Who is it?" Your mother asked you, wiping her newly washed hands on her apron.

You shrugged your shoulder, holding onto your mom's hand. "Neighbor said she was new." You and your mom was now in front of the door and the two women greeted each other as the other woman handed out a basket to your mom while you waited patiently for your mom to give it to you.

As soon as she did, you waggled your small feet towards the table before you caught a glimpse of a kid, not much taller than you, peeking from behind his mother's pants. He looked scared and shy, but it seemed to you that he wanted to approach you, but he was just too timid to do so.

You gave him your million dollar smile that made the small boy giggle at your friendliness, you jumping down from where you sat with a small groan when you hit the floor. You ran back towards the door, now seeing the chubby boy whose tummy was curving like a small hill on his stomach.

He wore a blue tiny jumper that fit perfectly onto his body, with a striped long sleeves under his jumper, white socks and shoes that almost looked worn out. You approached the boy a comfortable distance away and looked behind the woman that looked to be like his mother, a wide smile still present on your face as you waved a hand at him hello.

The boy bashfully hid, only leaving his arm to be left seen while waving back at you hesitantly. You could see how much the boy struggled to make friends with you so you decided to close in on the distance leading your feet towards the boy and poked your head out that made the boy flinch. "Heya there!" You said, now standing in front of him as the little boy hid his eyes away from you. "Don't be scared. People tell me I'm kind." You giggled softly, the other boy glancing up at you before quickly looking away once again. "I'm M/n, by the way. How about you? What's your name?"

He looked up at you shyly and stammered. "I-I'm Yeothang."

"Yeothang? What a unique name." You beamed, but he shook his head to correct you.

"No, no. Yeothang."

"Oh, you got a lisp." You said at the sudden realization and he nodded his head. "So, Yeosang?" He nodded again. "Yeosang. You have a pretty name." You said, finally noticing the birth mark that decorated the side of his left eye. You gasped and pointed at it. "Wowza! You have a cool looking tattoo!"

"It'th... It'th not a tattoo, M/n." Small Yeosang said, hesitating to call you by your name. "Mommy told me it'th a birth mark."

"Ooh, a birth mark. I wish I had one just like yours." You pouted. "I've got nothing."

Yeosang giggles at you making you smile. "That'th okay, M/n." He said and looks at you with his small brown orbs. "You look great even without them." He said, before he sniffed due to his runny nose that caused a snot to fall from his nose.

You were able to see this and pulled the hem of your shirt to wipe it from his nose and smiled brightly at him, which in turn, earned you a face of shock from Yeosang. "There."

"But, I dirtied your shirt." He furrowed his brows.

You waved it off and gave him assurance. "Don't you worry. My clothes get cleaned pretty well, so it's alright." You told him. "Oh, hey, wanna eat the snack your mom gave us? I saw cookies there. I bet you love cookies."

He nods his head once and immediately, you took his wrist into your small hands that barely closed around it as you pulled him inside and to your kitchen table. You let Yeosang take a seat first, since he needed a little help from his small size. You were next to take seat, settling on the seat beside him. You opened the basket that was wrapped with a cling wrap to secure it properly.

You let yourself drool at the sight of all the delicious delicacies that was inside the basket. "That is a lot." You chuckled cutely, unable to decide which baked goods to eat first. Throughout your process of thinking, your mother and Yeosang's mother had finished their conversation and the latter was called over. Yeosang gave his mother a small 'coming', before climbing down the seat as you pouted. "You're leaving already."

"I'm afraid tho, M/n." Yeosang replied sadly as you thought.

You pondered for a moment before you hastily took a bunch of the delicacies from the basket and went down to give it to Yeosang. "Here. I want you to take this with you. Eat them, or else."

Yeosang nodded and gave you a look of delight at your kind and cute gesture. "I will, M/n." He said before he jogged off to his mother showing her what you gave to him.

"Bye, Sangie!"

"Bye, M/n."

The following day, you were with your friends by the children's playground playing a round of tag, you being the tagger. "Tag, you're it!" You yelled on top of your lungs once you were able to catch up with the smallest of your group of friends, who whined in protest and stomped his foot.

"I'm always 'it'! Why can't it be—"

"Can I play, too?" That all too familiar sweet, honey like voice came from behind him, taking all of your attentions as your head all turned to him and revealed the very shy Yeosang. "I know how to play the game. We uthed to play that back at home."

"Yeosang, of cour—" You were about to reply, but your friends' rejection to his action of joining cut you off.

"Ew, no way. We don't want your boogers and sticky green nose liquid on us. Get away!"

"Yeah, go away! We don't want you playing with us."

"Booger boy!"

"Go play in another playground!"

Those were the words that your friends threw at him that got you shocked from hearing what your friends were saying to Yeosang. Your eyes had widened in shock while you could clearly see the hurt in his eyes that was now glossy with his forming tears from the mean comments he received from your friends. You clearly didn't know there was something going on with your friends and Yeosang.

Yeosang's pleading eyes was placed onto you as he waited for your answer, fiddling with his fingers. Your friends were the best people you could ever have and losing them never crossed your thought, so to avoid this situation from happening, you did what you thought was going to keep them as your friends. "Sure. You can play with us." You said, which made Yeosang hopefully smile, but he immediately took it back from what he heard next from you. "If you weren't so disgusting."

At that, you smirked and all your friends bursted out laughing giving you a clap at the back, the dejected Yeosang hanging his head low, feeling embarrassed. Although he was shamed upon, he still knew you had that kindness inside you and guessed you might have done that for a reason, so he gleamed and looked back at you. "Alright. Maybe next time? When I'm not snot booger rocket anymore." He snorted while laughing that made you all look at him like he's a weirdo.

"Go away! We never want to play with you, again."

And what you thought was just a one time thing, became a permanent bullying towards the poor little boy who only wanted to make friends and play with you. Before they left Busan, he had promised his mom that he wouldn't be the shy boy his parents knew him as, and become friends with the children at their new home, but it looked it was 'friends' that didn't want him.

Their first day, the day he met you, he was so excited and happy that he was able to make a friend, even if it were you who was the first one to approach him. He admired how you were so brave to befriend him and your politeness was one of the things he praised you for. He also thought you were a really kind and friendly kid, but looking at it now, it looked like he was wrong as he was once again rejected to play with you, seating on one of the swings that were a far distance away from where you and your friends played tag.

He sighed, but he didn't want to give up that easily so he ran to you while giggling repeating the words, 'I wanna play' over and over again which got to your friends' nerves, to the point where one of them pushed Yeosang to the ground which got your mouth gaping at the shock, while Yeosang stared up the person who pushed him, eyes starting to swell with tears. As though the fact that he was pushed to the ground wasn't enough, the same person kicked him by the leg which got Yeosang shouting in pain, before standing back up crying and ran home.

You made your way to your friends and glared at them. "Hey, that was too much."

"Why do you care so much?" He sassed at you. "He deserved it."

Your glare didn't falter, but softened when your eyes caught sight of a crying Yeosang. While your friends started to pile up in the middle of the place, you were still caught up in your thoughts, wishing you had just been nice to Yeosang and left your friends for treating Yeosang like that.

Yeosang didn't deserve it. He was a sweet, innocent and kind-hearted boy. He was too pure for this world. He didn't even give up once on trying to be friends with you, but all you ever did was tease him and mock him, call him names like 'booger boy' as you all called him as, 'weirdo', and all sorts of things. Finally realizing your fault, you sighed and regretted the treatment you gave Yeosang. "Sangie..."

A month or so after, you heard about the Kang family moving to another neighborhood which made you feel so bad and hate yourself totally. You didn't even get to say your sorry to Yeosang properly. The little boy never again showed up at the playground and only did when he was asked to throw the trash, all bundled up under so much clothings, since it was winter. That was the only moment you could ever see him.

You rushed out of your house and saw that they were now entering their car, you zoomed across the street and called Yeosang. "Yeosag, Yeosang! Wait!"

This got his attention, snapping his head towards you with a big smile. "M/n! You came to thee me off?" He giggled, making you feel guilty.

You shook your head and knitted your brows. "Why are you leaving? Where are you going?" You asked all in one go.

"We're moving back to Buthan, thince mom wath able to find a plathe there where it'th rent free and could all fit uth in." Then, he leaned in close to your ear to whisper. "Don't worry. I never told mom that your friendth hated me." He giggled secretly.

"Sangie... I also did bad things to you.." You told him sadly.

"I know." Yeosang smiled. "But, I know you didn't do it on purpothe."

"Yeosang, the car's about to leave."

"Oh, I gotta go now. Bye, M/n." He said and waved you goodbye while entering the cab and rolled the windows down while he smiled up at you. "Hope to thee you thoon again, M/n." He said one last time before the car drove off to their destination.

And there it goes. Your last chance to say sorry. Lost. Now, you're left with a lingering feeling of pure guilt and regret.

-------

Years after and you have disbanded with your friends, you are still living with the regret that you made from when you were young. You had just turned 18 years old last month and you were even sadder than the last. Instead of wishing gifts and presents from your new found friends and families, you were only wishing for Yeosang to come back so you could just tell him how much you were sorry and hug him so tightly that he wouldn't be able to breathe.

Your sullen look was noticed by your mother, who by the way, already knew your sin towards Yeosang since you had told her about it already. The first time you told her, she was aggravated with you for not being the child she had raised you to be. You told her the purpose of your action, thus the reason why you left your friend group and boy was your mom right to have let you leave them. What once was playful, turned harsh and violent and you didn't want to be a part of that. "What's wrong, honey? Don't you like your gifts?" Your mother asked you in concern.

You shook your head and sighed. "It's not that. I'm just... feeling like a total jerk."

Your mother sighed at you sadly and sat down beside you, patting you lightly on the back. "Honey, what you've done was wrong, but trust me when I say that Yeosang has a kind heart and if you ever tell him you're sorry, he'd forgive you right away."

"Thanks, mom." You said. "But, people change as they grow."

"Not Yeosang."

You rolled your eyes at your mom with a smirk. "Sure mom. Not Yeosang." You shook your head in disbelief. "I just wish you're right, mom."

You stood up from your seat, as your mother did and walked your way out the door taking in the fresh air of the morning during spring season, when all the trees stood straight and tall, the flowers blooming with all their beauty. You smiled at the sight and took the camera that was hanging by your neck, over a sling and took a picture of the ethereal scenery.

You walked past your porch and started heading to the park to get some takes on your camera to post on your Instagram to entertain your million followers. As you did, you were able to pass by an ice cream stall, so you took a quick stop and bought three scoops of (favorite ice cream flavor) with chocolate syrup and sprinkles to top it off.

You were wearing a smile, happily licking your ice cream away. You let your eyes explore the world around you, finding everything interesting. All these years, the place had been making a lot of changes. From buildings to parks and work towers, everything just felt new, as if you never got to spend time, at least once visiting these places throughout you're whole eighteen years of existence.

You finally arrived at the park, everything from your childhood flashing back through your head. The once only a children's playground is now a family park, but rather than being reminded by the joyous memories, you were able to remember the memory that's been haunting you for life.

You couldn't believe yourself that you had the ability to bully such an innocent kid, while you kept blaming yourself for their sudden moving away. If you had the power to turn back time, you'd make things right with Yeosang and be a better friend to him, which you couldn't do because you wanted to be with the 'cool kids' when all they ever did was make a person's life miserable.

You found a bench to seat on and checked through the pictures you took on your camera, laughing at a video of Mingi getting drunk with Yunho, carrying him like he was a puppy. You just missed those two so bad. You never got another chance to meet them, not even once, since they're both now busy with their job and you're still here trying to find a way to pass the college entrance examination.

Whenever they're around, you three would always be loud as fuck and wouldn't care a thing about the world, just as long as you three are happy. Of course, you didn't go too far just to be happy, unlike the friends you once had.

You still had the smile on as you sighed satisfied and rested your camera back down to let it hang on your neck. You looked around you and saw children playing by the fountain, their parents watching with glee at the sight of their children playing happily. You grabbed your camera and took a picture of the wonderful scene.

You took a few more shots, satisfied, you were finally about to leave with not much else to do, when in a distance you heard a gruff voice call out to you. "M/n? Didn't expect to see you here."

You looked behind you to see Mingi who was in his suit holding a case, his golden wrist watch shining brightly under the sun's light. You smirked and scoffed. "I could tell you the same thing." You said all the while crossing your arms over your chest. "Mingi, are you slacking off?"

Mingi rolled his eyes at your teasing. "I take my job seriously, M/n. I'm not the same person who cuts classes."

"Sure. Sure." You mocked him, while he glared at you. "Anyways, how are you and Yunho doing?"

The brown haired male smiled at the thought of the taller male and sighed. "Oh, you know. The usual. Us missing you and wanting to baby you."

This time, it was you who rolled your eyes, the smirk on your face growing wider, if possible. "You both still on that?"

"Well, you're pretty much the reason how we got together. So, it's just a way of us showing our gratitude for having you in our life." Mingi patted your head making you giggle at the simple contact.

"I just hated how you two were so dense with all the signs you both tried so hard to make the other notice. I had to do something, at least." You said.

"But, weren't you the one who told me you had feelings for Yunho?" He teasingly wiggled his brows at you, making you blush profusely.

"Shut up. There are pasts that should be forgotten and it includes that." You huffed, puffing up your cheeks making you look like a little squirrel. "And you promised we would never speak of this ever again." You pulled your brows in disappointment, looking up at him. "All you do is lie."

"Hey, hey. I don't go that far." Mingi defended himself, before pulling you into his arms to hug you. "But, if you're so embarrassed about it, it'll be just our little secret."

"Don't even promise me if you're just going to break them in the end." You deadpanned making Mingi let out a deep voiced chuckle.

"Alright."

Soon, the two of you parted ways, waving your hands to each other to say goodbye. You were making your way back home, when you noticed a moving truck from the house next door. A new neighbor? You walked up to the truck driver to greet her and do some important interview. "Good morning, ma'am. Did someone just move in?"

"Oh, nice to see friendly faces up in here." She chuckled. "It's not everyday you get the luck to meet one." She sighs from her aching back, before exhaling deeply. "Yeah. Rich families, to be exact. Paid me a good tip." She said making you giggle.

"I see." You laughed lightly. "Well, have a great day, ma'am. Hope to see you, again." You waved her goodbye, the woman doing the same to you.

You hummed to a song as you finished your walk, now in front of your porch, your mom tending with her flowers. "Had a good day, honey?"

"Better than great." You replied. "I met Mingi on his way to his job. Thought he was slacking off like he usually does." You chortled, earning a playful slap on the back from your mom.

"Oh, you." She told you before she led you inside and went straight to the kitchen. "Oh, by the way, have you met the new neighbors next door?"

"Nope." You answered, popping the 'p' with a purse of your lips at the end, then sat down on a seat excited to eat the apple pie your mother made while you were away. Once, it got placed down on the table, you hurriedly dug in with your barehands, but before you could, your mother slapped your hand making you pout as she folded her gardening apron.

"That's for the neighbors." She informed you, your mouth opening in understanding while nodding your head. "And I'm letting you do the honors to give this to them, since I believe, the new neighbors' son was a friend of yours."

"A friend? Who?" You asked with a raised brow, but your mother only gave you a wink and carefully hands you the apple pie. With no other choice, you stood up and wore your bunny slippers, too lazy to put your shoes back on, as you headed to the house next door.

You walked up the small stairs that led up to the house's front door and knocked three times. You waited for a reply, but you received nothing, so you waited before knocking on the door, once again just in case they didn't hear you.

Alas, a male's voice was heard, shouting a loud 'coming' to inform you that someone was finally coming for the door. You stood there patiently with a smile, practicing in your head what you will have to say to the male. The door soon flew open and appeared a tall man, who looked freakishly handsome, his features flawless that it's making it hard for you to look away. He was so surreal. Like a character pulled straight out from a comic.

You tried to utter a word, but the lines you prepared in your head was long forgotten. "Uh..." Was the only word you could ever stable.

"Er.. Is that for us?" The male asked you, snapping you from your thoughts and nodding your head, taking notice of the small lisp he had with the letter 's'.

"Uh, yeah, yeah. It's for you and your family." You said. "It's actually a tradition, so we make the new neighbors feel welcome." You added and slowly gave it to the male infront of you, a smile gracing upon his features. Goodness, his smile is so stunning.

He accepted the gift and took it into his hands. You bowed curtly and had decided to make your way back, when the male had caught your attention. "Wait, don't go just yet. Why don't you come inside and have a bite?"

And who were you to turn down an offer from a cute guy? "Uhm, er, sure. Yeah, I'd love to." He lets you walk inside first as he closes the door, a small creak and click coming from it.

"Hol'up, you're not a pedophile, are you?" You suddenly asked out of fear. "There's been a lot of news going on around the world and I've prepared my whole life, so I can fight you."

"No, no. For sure, I'm not." He said as he walked by past you, leading the way to the kitchen to guide you. Once you two made it to the kitchen, the things on the table were cleared, the car keys hiding it in his pockets. "Take a seat. I'll go grab some plates."

"Your mom and dad?" You asked out of the blue, making him chuckle.

"You're so full of questions." He told you. "They're buying groceries."

"Oh." You let out silently, sitting down while fiddling with your fingers since you got nothing else to do.

The male came back with what he intended to get and placed one on your side, then one on his, moving to the kitchen isle to get a knife to cut the pie. "So, how's your life going?"

You thought for while taking a long deep breathe. "Well, I guess you could pretty much say, complicated." You answered and when he didn't speak back to let you keep on talking, you continued. "There's days where I feel so happy, then there are days where I feel miserable." You looked up at him while he cuts the pie. "I just wish... I..." You trailed off once you were able to catch a glimpse of the discoloration of a certain area on the side of his head. Wait a minute. That birthmark...

The moment you were able to figure it out, you jumped up from your seat and widened your eyes in shock. "Yeo.. Yeosang..?"

He let out a small chuckle, before stopping his actions and looking up at you. "So, you saw my tattoo, huh?"

You couldn't believe it. He was back, but different. He's no longer the chubby little boy with snot running down his nose, he's now a total hottie and he's even taller than you already. "O-oh my gosh.. Yeosang.. You look so.. different."

"Well, I wanted to be your friend badly, I decided to change for you, but it was also a self-decision, so don't feel so bad, M/n." Yeosang said. He did change, but his personality is still the same old Yeosang.

"Yeosang, I was your friend. I was just a coward." You sadly said, your guilt even growing bigger. "I'm so sorry."

Yeosang moved to your side and pulled you into his arms, the strong scent of something sweet and musky all at the same time, tickling your nose. His embrace was so warm and caring that you never wanted him to pull away. "M/n, I have forgiven you a long time ago, already. You don't have to say sorry, anymore."

"Just let me do it, Sang. The thought of not being able to see you again keeps plaguing me for days." You admitted. "I kept on blaming myself that I was the reason why you moved away."

"No, M/n, you're not. Please, don't be hard on yourself." He said, caressing your hair. "It was a family business, so we had to move to a place near dad's work place."

You gave him a light punch and stifled a laugh. "You should have told me sooner."

You both got into a comfortable silence, before Yeosang decided to break it. "Well, how about we eat and catch up on each others' lives, yeah?"

"That sounds lovely."

#x male reader #bottom male reader #bxb #idol x male reader #male reader #ateez x male reader #kpop #ateez #fanfiction #yeosang #yeosang x male reader #kang yeosang #kang yeosang x male reader

[nixonio]

Bakugou Apologized and I Have Some Constructive Criticism

So, I read the fan translation for Bakugou's apology, and I figured I'd analyze it to the best of my ability. Well, not analyze, more like give my opinion on it.

I want to start off by saying that I'm not an anti. I'm I'm a stan either. I'm tagging this as both, though because I want to hear every side, and think about everyone's opinions so that I can make sure mine is the best it can be.

Also yes, I know it's fan translated and that the official will probably be different, but I wanted to have fun and do it anyway🥰

Please note that this is my opinion. You are more than welcome(in fact encouraged) to tell about your own opinion in the replies, but please be respectful.

Everything I write here is to be read in the most respectful and kind tone. It's how I was meaning for it to be read. I'm sorry if it doesn't come off that way, but please know I am in no way trying to be rude with anything I say.

Now then, let's get started.

First of all, he starts out with a bit of an insult "you were always far behind me" thats not true, but it's Bakugou's opinion. I'm not sure I like how he states it as fact. "You were always so far behind me." Rather than "I used to think you were always so far behind me." or "I thought you were so far behind me."

Bakugou does, however, imply that him looking down on Izuku because of him being quirkless is wrong, and I think that's awesome.

After this, he starts giving a reason(a pretty illogical one, in my opinion) as to why he bullied Deku. Bakugou felt that Izuku was somehow miles ahead of him. Next he goes into what he felt, why he felt the need to hurt Izuku. It's because of something he was feeling. And of course, how could you talk about that with someone? Especially being immature and at that age(around five or so). He didn't have to talk about it, but hurting someone is never the option(we knew this already).

Next he talks about how he was distant. And OK, that's good. He should have been distant.

Except he wasnt distant.

I can admit that on normal circumstances Bakugou didn't go out of his way to speak to Midoriya, but when Deku would speak to/compliment him, insults were thrown. Bakugou should have been distant then. Also, "I grew up distant and always tried to beat you down" are contradictions to eachother, imo. Bakugou, back in middle school, went out of his way to bully deku. That's not distant. Now back when they were small, yes. I'd say Bakugou was kind of distant. He still made fun of Izuku though, so he probably wasn't as distant as he thinks he was.

Next he talks about he could never truly be superior to Deku, how he always lost. But this is(in my opinion), unnecessary. He's giving all these reasons as to how things didn't work out for him, and that last part being placed well....last kinda makes it seem like because everything didn't work out right, he's sorry. I know this isn't how its meant, but I feel it could have been worded differently. I can't help but wonder, though, if Izuku had submitted, if Bakugou had been superior in his own eyes, if he'd succeeded, would he still be sorry?

In alot of cases, though, Bakugou succeeded in beating Midoriya down(temporarily). Physically anyway(the final exam, and when he impaled Izuku with his headpiece).

(Note: A differing opinion has lead me to think differently about this. Bakugou had become distant in an emotional sense, he and Deku weren't as close as they were before. No longer besties, if you understand me.)

At least, after this, Bakugou explains that he realizes nothing he said really matters. I like that he can understand this, and I appreciate that he feels Izuku is owed an explanation at least. The one thing I hate about this is that his reasoning for doing what he did is longer than his apology. His apology is one line.

It's just one. If someone told me that they put me through hell because of an idea they'd placed in their own head that was so incredibly far from the truth(like Bakugou saying that he thought Izuku was looking down on him during their first battle at Ground Beta), I wouldn't feel any better. As a matter of fact, I'd feel worse about it. There is literally nothing Izuku could have done to prevent the bullying. Even if he wasn't quirkless, Bakugou back then, might not have been able to fathom the idea of someone being even a little better than him. So he probably still would have bullied Deku. Only this time Izuku might have been able to fight back depending on the quirk he would have been born with.

If someone murdered my mother, and stood in court explaining why, far more than being sorry, I wouldn't be any happier. Yes, the reason matters, but the amount of time you spend explaining the reason should be virtually nonexistent compared to the time you spend showing remorse and sorrow.

I very much enjoy how he understands that Izuku wanting to leave UA and go it alone wasn't necessarily wrong. I think Bakugou is correct here. Nice Bakugou, very cool.

I'm also very happy that Izuku apologizes for saying that everyone couldn't keep up. Very cool, Izuku.

Please don't get me wrong, though. I'm proud of Bakugou for even bringing this up regardless of how he did it. I think that Bakugou apologizing is a huge step in the proper direction. I cant help but be concerned over how he'll be different in the future though.

Well, why would I be worried about this? Because he's shown promise before, but soon after goes back to being pretty rude. Bakugou explained to that child that looking down on others would prevent him from realizing his own weakness "If you keep looking down on everyone, then you won't notice your own weakness."(My Hero Academia Episode 80(sub): Relief For License Trainees -16:00). Yet, he continued to look down on others in a sense, even as recently as the Endeavor Training Arc. Bakugou's arrogance continues, even when he realizes that looking down on others is wrong. He claims that Todoroki could never notice something he didn't already notice(My Hero Academia Episode 103(sub): One Thing at a Time -7:18). And when he claims that Endeavor, the Number 1 Hero, is ripping off of his style "He's copying my Explosion" (My Hero Academia Episode 103(sub): One Thing at a Time -6:50).

Truly, I hope Bakugou's arrogance and negative confidence will subside, and we'll be able to witness him being blatantly and openly kind to others. I'm not asking Bakugou to change his character, he could become an Inosuke(Demon Slayer) of sorts. He could even become a more obvious Tsundere, with the narrative showing his thoughts and agreeing with him actually caring in a more obvious fashion.

But, that's just what I think

Once again, feel free to comment your opinion on my criticisms of Bakugou's apology, or even tell me what you think about it! I love hearing differing opinions.

#anti bakugou #ish #bakugou katsuki #mha critical #just my opinion #anti bakugo #i dont hate bakugo #im neutral #id love to hear your opinion #mha chapter 322 #bakugou's apology #bakugo's apology #322 #izuku midoriya #deku #anti bkdk #bkdk #im tagging both sides because #i want to hear #both sides #so please dont #be mad

[elriel-oblivion]

So it's been four days so here's part two 😁 Just wanted to say a huge thanks to everyone who read/liked/commented/reblogged the last part! It was such an amazing response, especially given it was my first time posting my writing here, so thanks for all the love you shared 🥰🥰

Heads up, this part is actually part one from Elain's pov. Initially I wanted to continue from where the last part left off in Elain's pov, but as I was writing the background, I realised I'd written too much to just skip when Az gets to the estate and cut straight into a continuation of part one, so I ended up rewriting the whole thing in her view. So there's no new elriel moments, but you'll get a lot of new stuff anyway 😅 I would've said you don't have to read this part to understand part three, but when I was rereading the later parts a few hours ago, I realised there's some stuff that alludes to things in this part, so I strongly recommend you don't skip this 😅😅

Also, wow, some of my fave paragraphs I've ever written are in this part 😁 Bonus points if you can find them; there are four I'm thinking of in particular 😉

Word count: ~ 3.1K. Lemme know if you'd like to be tagged/removed 😊 Next part up in two or three days 😊

AO3

Ashes from the Deep

Part II

__

It had been a pretty uneventful day as Elain worked through her new plant textbook. Feyre and Rhysand had decided to spend the weekend away at the mountain cabin, Cassian and Nesta were away doing things she wished not to think of, and Mor was at the Winter Court.

Amren had only been round in the mornings, probably to check Elain was still alive. She'd glance round the living room, examine some of those fine crystal glasses in the display cabinet and then leave. There was no difference today, though Elain always felt Amren's scrutiny upon her even when that muted silver gaze was directed elsewhere; perusing Rhys' wine collection had become a tired ruse.

So besides preparing and taking her meals with Nuala and Cerridwen, Elain had spent her afternoon with her book, making notes and copying drawings. The twins had gone off on some errands, so she'd wandered into the garden at some point to tend to her many plants, telling them how lovely they each were. The crocuses looked particularly stunning this autumn day, their pale violet colour breathing life into the shades beneath some of the trees.

With her book, she'd identified new weeds, digging into the soil to rip some pesky ones out. Sometimes she didn't want the help of a tool; sometimes she needed to feel those roots on her bare skin.

Harvesting the carrots and beetroot was also on the agenda today, along with seeding for some spectacular displays next year. She'd been collecting the seeds from some of her summer blooms, like those soft clouds of baby's breath, saving them to replant. These she sowed directly into ground she'd prepared days before, her fingers digging into the crumbly clumps of earth.

Autumn onions she'd plant tomorrow, perhaps. Feyre always remarked on how their strong taste complimented meats well, so Elain wanted to harvest some fresh for her sister for once. It'd take a few months of waiting, but there was little else better than picking out and eating food one had grown with their bare hands and the essential ingredients of love and care.

Setting her book on the patio table, Elain surveyed the garden. It was a good day's work. Plants watered and sown, weeds uprooted, and hands sweaty and soiled, Elain was proud of what she'd achieved today. There were no distractions, nothing to take her from the one thing she always found satisfaction in.

After a long shower, she found herself back in the garden with a cup of tea and a blanket. The sunset washed the sky in a blaze of red and orange glory before it yielded to the cool tones of twilight then night. Elain sat in silence, hands wrapped around her mug. How long would it be until someone's arms were wrapped around her, until she felt the warmth her sisters finally had?

Silly, these thoughts. Immortality stretched far ahead, there would be time to develop that companionship. Months and years were but a heartbeat in the life of a High Fae. She wouldn't even notice the years pass.

Or so everybody else kept saying.

With her tea finished, she perused the book of recipes she'd borrowed from Nuala. Some recipes jumped out, ingredients for which she'd been growing for a few months now. Pumpkin pie sounded especially delightful, the gourd having almost darkened and hardened to ripe quality just a couple days ago. They should be ready for harvest tomorrow.

A chill wind sent Elain inside to prepare and have her dinner in pleasant silence. Even her mind was quiet tonight. After washing her dishes, she stood by a bay window, fingers idly tapping the windowsill.

Faelights bobbed like tiny lamps, dotted through the garden. The full moon was now high in the sky, its ghostly glow illuminating the datura flowers she'd seeded half a year ago. She pulled on her blanket and went out again for a better look at those gorgeous blooms, the petals opening only at night.

Elain couldn't be happier she'd found seeds of a triple-flowered variety. They'd grown to produce large trumpets, three layers of petals ruffled against each other. Somehow she thought of her sisters as she crouched and stared at the flowers, each layer so similar, yet fighting for space and breath as it unfurled before another. It was only when they were all fully open that they could sigh along the night breeze as one, an ethereal song of togetherness, tinged with notes of poignancy, only heard by those with the will to look deeper.

The white petals were stained with velvet violet, a true vision in her garden. While the others had given her passing compliments on the flowers, Azriel had seemed stunned the first time he saw them, citing them his favourite of all the plants Elain had grown so far. Something about their shape and contrasting colours, he'd mentioned.

She smiled fondly at the memory, where his eyes sparkled as he reached for one of the soft petals.

Her hand lashed out to grab his wrist. 'Don't touch them; the leaves and stems are highly poisonous.'

His brows rose. 'You wouldn't think that at first sight. But they're beautiful, Elain. Truly magnificent,' he said, his smooth voice so low, a voice that was night given sound. And how befitting, as even those datura flowers seemed enraptured by his presence, one shy petal finally unfurling towards him.

She beamed at him. 'They like you. Flowers like it when you talk to and compliment them - but these ones haven't given me the same reaction as they have to you. I think they really like you, Azriel.'

His answering smile was heartbreakingly tender.

A few more seconds passed before she realised she still held his wrist. She silently let go.

It was a shame she'd have to dig out the datura shrub and move it inside for the winter; it did look magnificent in the moonlight.

The sky shifted past its midnight velvet, and still Elain crouched, admiring the flowers. She shivered in the night's chill. The stars above twinkled and glistened, cold and distant as ever, yet stunning - infinitely more striking than they'd ever been when she was human. A thousand different colours sparkled in that vast expanse, the moon a phosphorescent queen in the centre of her court.

The Night Court truly lived up to its name in the wee hours of the day. Its opulence never failed to mesmerise her; the enhanced Fae eyesight was at least one thing she was grateful for from this body.

Her eyelids became heavy and she yawned. Why was she still out here? It was late into the night; she should be in bed by now. But the night was so beautiful and it was so quiet and she wanted to appreciate it all just once. Just once without the expectations of others, without having to wear that miserable smile all the time.

Of course, it didn't look miserable, which is probably why almost nobody ever bothered to look deeper into Elain. She should be used to it by now, but it still felt - wrong. That most overlooked her so long as she wore a smile. That most didn't think her capable of feeling the utter bitterness and loneliness she had once seen so plain on her sisters' faces.

And in acknowledgement of her sisters' hardships, Elain didn't fault them for not looking, for not seeing her. To see past the thick blanket of darkness in one's own mind was a trial in itself. But it had been years since the war now. And still they didn't notice.

They didn't notice that Elain was being shredded from the inside out.

It was almost laughable. But not funny enough.

No, it was not funny that people still treated Elain like a child, that people wanted to keep Elain in some weird impasse of a stage between child and adult. She'd thought finally carrying out her duty and giving her hand in marriage would show everyone that she was growing up: Elain Archeron, middle born but first married. Of course it was still on her own terms, to a man whom she'd loved. A man who'd seen her through the rubble of her family's lives. But she'd overall hoped doing what was expected of her would be enough.

Clearly not. She didn't even know who she was any more. Did she ever? Everything she'd once yearned for, gone. That fragile human life would soon be just a speck on the horizon of her past.

She sighed. Rebuilding herself was going to take a long time.

But what would she have to do for people to see her, to listen to her? Throw a rage? Fall into a drunken stupor and break a few dozen bottles?

She definitely could, but those were not her. She was Elain Archeron. And so she would wait. Patience wasn't a bad thing at all; she saw it on the shadowsinger's face all the time, that tranquility and calmness she so wished to feel inside.

Azriel. Her heart softened as he entered her mind again, and she dug her fingers into the soil, if only to occupy her fidgety hands. As sure as the chaos of her visions these days, there was a mess of butterflies related to him she wasn't willing to show. Or understand.

Elain and the spymaster? Now that was laughable. Truly laughable. He was wise and patient, while she - well, everyone already thought her a child, and though he listened like no other around her, surely even he couldn't glimpse the adult she so desperately wanted everyone to see.

No, it was foolish to entertain the idea of a relationship with him. No matter how much he saw.

No matter that he was the first to see her since Graysen.

Elain exhaled. She stifled another yawn, smoothing out the soil, then brushed her hands clean. She wrapped the blanket closer around herself and stood. Twinkling stars and velvety darkness and -

There, a knot of shadows materialising at the far edge of the garden, collecting and swirling into a larger mass before Azriel himself stepped out and sagged against a tree. His shadows whirled and obscured him, a dark fire with him burning at the core.

Elain's voice left her throat before she even thought to call him and she ran over to his figure slumped in the dimness.

She couldn't help but say his name again as she neared. 'Azriel!'

Those beautiful hands fiddled with a Siphon, but he looked even worse up close. Fatigue dragged at his body, a second weight to all the muscle and armour he already had to carry. Sweat and dirt clung to him, his hair. At least the shadows were parting, swallowing each other and misting away as they often did around her. Perhaps she should ask someday why they did that. But not today, not when his breathing was so laboured.

She raised a hand - to do what, she had no idea. She couldn't just touch him right now. 'You don't look okay.'

Something else limned his features as he huffed a light laugh and said, 'I'm fine, don't worry.' His voice was raw, so starkly different to its usual icy smoothness. It was common for him to guard his emotions, but in his state, this kind of thinking was just unhealthy. What would it take for him to be honest with her?

'You don't have to pretend with me, Azriel,' she said, lowering her hand. She studied the ground, embarrassed that she'd come up to him. What could she even offer in her pathetic childlike state when he was so clearly affected by his mission right now?

His hand rose. Her heart faltered, she had to do something, and she blurted, 'Can I wash your hair, please?'

His eyes widened, his entire composure crumbling. It wasn't often that the shadowsinger looked startled, but Elain was far too shy to show that she quite liked the effect her question had on him.

'You want to wash my hair?'

His face was so exquisite, it hurt to look at it. His eyes would be even worse; it wouldn't be the first time she was rendered speechless by their kind gaze. A myriad of colours swirled in their glistening depths - gorgeous greens and brilliant browns, all so natural and rich, if only she could look at them long enough to find their matches in the garden around her. Though, his eyes were an entire spectrum of colour in their own right. How would she ever pick out each and every shade?

And if she somehow did have the courage to meet his eyes now, what would she see of herself in their reflection?

A lovesick puppy? A doe-eyed, fearful fawn?

No, she didn't want to know.

So she swallowed and focused on his hair. Perhaps this Fae eyesight was a curse, for even his hair was shockingly fascinating. Only flat black from a distance, the faelights bobbing about the trees highlighted layer upon layer of silky raven locks up close. His hair was so dark it seemed to absorb the surrounding light. Mud stained one side of his head, and it was an effort to keep her hands from brushing it away, so she said, 'I'm positive that's mud and you shouldn't sleep with that in your hair. It'll only take a few minutes.'

He ran a hand through his hair, clumps of dirt falling out.

'You've managed to get some on your face, too.' There were light specks of mud and blood across his face, a more noticeable patch along his cheekbone, thrown into sharper relief by the faelights and his own weariness. Was that a cut beneath the patch? And another on his temple?

She leashed her arms.

What had happened? He wore the signs of a fight, but why would he come here when he knew Elain was the only one home?

His eyes bored into her face, but she refused to meet them. He seemed to lean forward then, stumbling.

Ridiculous, absolutely ridiculous that he wouldn't even acknowledge he was in need. Azriel rarely stumbled. Any fatigue Elain had felt just a while ago was now burrowing down a little longer. Her voice was firm when she spoke. 'I'm washing your hair. It'll help relax you into falling asleep.'

His brows rose, but if Elain stood there one more moment she wouldn't have the courage to do anything for him. For herself - she could take care of someone else. She could do for Azriel what she hadn't done for Feyre all those years as a human.

And for Azriel, she could tend to the male who'd provided her with comfort and safety in this world of distress and danger.

So she pulled him along, clenching her jaw and refusing to look back. Her heart hammered in her chest but she continued, hand wrapped round his armoured arm. Her hand slid down to his wrist but just as she was about to replace her grip, he grabbed her other hand and pulled her into him.

The shadows instantly began to ensconce them, dozens of those cool tendrils twining like vines. The estate loomed huge before them, and Elain gripped Azriel's hand tighter. 

'My bathroom,' she said. Beneath the low whisper of those shadows, her blood thrummed, her heart so painfully obvious against her ribs now. It would be a wonder if the spymaster wasn't aware of it. Though she did hear another flutter above, right by her ear. But as expected, the shadows made quick work of their journey and she didn't have the chance to dwell on it further.

Now out of the comfort of Azriel's hold, Elain set down her blanket and made to grab a chair from her bedroom. His dark presence was so overwhelming that she exhaled lightly as she entered the room and took the chair. She dragged it to the sink, avoiding his gaze, and pulled a towel, soap and a large jug from the cupboard by the door.

As she settled the soap and jug on the sink, she dared a glance at him. He was still clad in full armour, those black scales gleaming like obsidian over his skin, his Siphons glistening jewels across his body. 'I think you'll have to collapse your armour for this,' she said.

He inclined his head and tapped a Siphon, those scales lashing back into each other with cruel elegance. They were a mirror of their master: cold, controlled and unyielding, forged from scintillating darkness. He was a night sky riddled with stars; light existed if only one bothered to look for it.

Azriel's great wings righted themselves as he stood straight, now looking smaller in just his black tunic and trousers. Something about him seemed vulnerable without the armour, so Elain breathed, 'It's beautiful, all of it.' The hulking armour, the classic simplicity of the tunic and trousers, and the male who wore them all.

He was just so wonderful, Azriel. An enigma that could see her own. Her heart clenched.

Azriel rustled his wings, colour blossoming on his cheeks.

Elain blinked and pulled the chair out a little. 'Please sit.' As he sunk down, she rested the towel on his shoulders, hovering her fingers above his forehead. Her body tensed and her fingers remained suspended. It was like a spark of tension flickered in the space between their skin, teasing her, tempting her, taunting her.

After all, she'd offered to wash his hair, an act that would certainly require touching. But why was she so hesitant? She'd touched him before - kissed his cheek, even. Although that had been in the heat of adrenaline, a mark of her gratitude where a simple thank you wouldn't suffice, not for risking his own life for hers.

This was - what was this?

She finally lowered her fingers through that tense spark, pushing his head back against the sink. It was exhilarating, this contact, but he lowered his wings, shifting on the seat. Elain moved into the space he gave, turning on the tap as he went still. Just as her body was taut, taut as the skin of a drum.

She checked the water. Warm. It was time to start.

Azriel was looking up at her. Something like yearning swirled in his eyes.

He looked so tired. It made her heart ache.

'You can close your eyes,' Elain whispered. And he did.

___

Feedback's welcomed; thanks for reading 😊

If anyone wants to know what the datura flowers look like, CTTO:

@illyrian-lover-flower @julesherondalex @nooriee @mis-lil-red @verifiefangirl @tswaney17

#elain archeron #azriel #elain x azriel #elriel #acotar

[white-eyed-girl]

Thoughts of the day after  three weeks after - Eurovision 2021

So... I know, it's late lol I'm not even sure if people are still talking about Eurovision on here lmao but hey I always do this post after ESC and I can't not make it this year.

I'm much later than usual in making it, but I guess I spent so much time on tumblr during this ESC season that by the end of it I was kind of overwhelmed, especially after the victory...and before I knew my introverted ass in need of recharging (yes on the internet too hhh) had gone silent for three weeks, even though I still had a lot to say - much more than I'll end up doing here probably asfhshdhd

We won. Like, we really did. It's still sinking in to be honest, and this results in me still barely knowing what to say :" So, bear with me for one moment and have some last thoughts in no particular order, on our victory and about the year in general:

- I feel like a lot of people thought that, when we would win, it would be with something on the lines of Grande Amore, and instead we won with rock music, how cool is that

- Måneskin have lived this experience in a way that I think none of our representants have; always so enthusiastic and curious and engaged, I really appreciated this.

- We got an actual full non-English top 3. Something that hadn't happened since 1995. I am almost happier about this than I am about my country winning ahahah

- All my favourites in the final entered the top 10, and boy that's one glorious top 10 we got. That top 5 specifically, I think it might be one of the strongest ever.

Also, like I had hoped, this year was indeed focused on countries that usually don't really make the headlines, or haven't made them in a significant way in a while, like France, Switzerland, Iceland, Lithuania...good stuff

- Italy and Ukraine exchanged the televote 12 and honestly I couldn't be happier (Ukraine actually gave us all their 24 points I'm still feeling blessed tbh T-T); also we gave our jury 12 to Lithuania, which was also great to see!

- I remember that time when people were saying Iceland was out of the race for the victory and I was telling everyone to still give them a chance, so my satisfaction in seeing them catch a top 4 spot without even being able to perform live is considerable :"""

- The French press cocaine rumour was of course ridiculous and disgraceful, but honestly so was the attempt on some fans' part to have it weigh on Barbara's shoulders. She never had anything to do with it, she even said Maneskin were in her top 3 before the show, and I think things have calmed down at this point but still if I see people attacking her they'll hear me

- So, charts aren't important I HATE when people use the excuse that a Eurovision song didn't chart around as an objective proof that it isn't good Songs DON'T need to chart to be good. But ESC songs this year have been charting like crazy, more than they ever did in recent years at least, and Måneskin in particular have been going places that the last one to go to after her victory was Celine Dion I think? lol It's all crazy and I think it deserves a mention

- You have no idea how happy I am that Voilà didn't flop T-T Some people in the groups I'm in had started hoping for Barbara to have a Madame Monsieur kind of result, and know I see them so mad that it didn't happen, while I'm so happy I'm still beaming lmao I had started to fear they'd be right, but in the end neither the juries nor the televote let her down, and rightfully so. If the juries had been smart and hadn't fixated themselves on Switzerland too (whose big popularity I still don't understand, sorry - whatever serves to get a full non-English top 3 though lol) they could have made her win easy peasy. Now, I am absolutely ecstatic that we won. I started properly following Eurovision in 2015 and, despite us having the impressive result streak that we have had in the past few years, I have to admit I didn't think I would remember a victory so early. I am determined to enjoy this new feeling as long as I can, which I guess is one of the reasons why I am taking pretty much no part in the speculations that are already going around about next year. Which city will host, who will host, what everything will look like, there will be time for that! Just know that the journey won't be boring.

Speaking of not boring, as you know or as you will learn to know, as infamous as it is, Eurovision 1991 has a very very special place in my heart. One of the many reasons for this is that I find it to be the least boring and most entertaining Eurovision year ever, with all the good and bad it carried with it. I, of course, hope and I am sure that our hosting next year will be extremely professional, or anyway will have nothing to do with what happened 30 years ago. BUT, a tiny part of me hopes that we won't let this trauma of 1991 and fear of doing it all over again have us trying to make it as boring and as formulaic as possible. I don't care what everyone will say, I hope we will manage to sneak a little bit of genuineness in it again.

Also I hope people who thought we should never be allowed to win again because of 1991 are crying a whole river rn asdfggdfg Now I remember before the Eurovision week started I said that in a way I wouldn't be sad for the fact that we have to leave behind a 2-years-long ESC season, but now that we're here? Honestly? I don't know. I feel like this was a special year in some ways. A year above the average. There are so many artists that I am not ready to let go. Artists like Barbara and Manizha who were such lighthouses in their countries' representation record that it physically pains me to think they'll most likely be exceptions and we won't see anything like them for a good while And again, artists like Go_A and The Roop and Daði and his gang, who have been with us for all of these two years and have given us amazing moments and delivered great song after great song...in a way I think we kinda "got used to them" so it will be so strange when they won't be there (here) next year T-T

I'll spend a couple more words about Barbara because, as happy as I am for our victory of course, I haven't been able to help feeling like the ending we got was a tad bittersweet. Someone actually told me "well, that's the best result that could have happened to you, you country won and your winner is in 2nd!" Yeah...but what if you really felt like your winner should have won and you still feel kinda sad that only 25 points got in between them and making it? But at the same your own country won and you are absolutely glad about it and you know you deserved it? I am SO conflicted about this, and I think part of me will always be :" I talked all season about how much this year reminded me of 1991 and I guess it's just the cherry on top that I, once again, find myself being sad that two countries couldn't win at the same time lol

Well, since we're here, here's what my "2021 vs 1991" bingo chart looks like at the end lol

- Someone must have listened to me since there was indeed an ex-aequo lol Greece and Bulgaria tied for 10th place, the issue was ofc solved with the tie-break rules - France didn't exactly go home empty-handed, consisdering Barbara brought home a top 3 placing they hadn't seen in 30 years and also won the Press and Artistic Besançon awards, but considering I did have the gut feeling they would barely miss the victory again I decided to go for green lol - KEiiNO being there would have made this even more perfect, they were literally the only thing missing in that amazing top 10 no way I was going to make this post without mentioning this lol

There are other 1991 traditions we respected but maybe I'll make another post, this is already way too long :" I waited three weeks to write this and now I'm vomiting it out all at once so sorry if some parts of this don't make sense

But hey, it's coming home, and I just hope this is the start of a new glorious decade just like the 90's were!

#eurovision 2021 #eurovision song contest #esc 2021 #esc italy #eurovision #esc #esc victory #esc thoughts #no one's going to read this and I won't blame you lmao #but I needed to have these thoughts on here #I'll also resume ESC-posting for a bit if I manage to #and keiinoposting too ofc