#theres so many other things I've missed but i saw it last week and i just

[kidflashimpulse]

i personally really wanna know what Bart's relationship with the mental health check-ups is. like, is he super tight-lipped about what he's been through and plays everything off as fine, that he's handling it? does he talk about certain stuff but not others? has he legitimately gone to therapy since s2 or has he only done what's required of him? i'm very very curious

Okay, so this is such a good question it has taken me forever to put this together because I have a million thoughts and its impossible for me to put a proper structure to it so please bare with me, I tried my best LOL also I am SO SORRY for writing up this essay as my response LMAO i don't know, the words just won't stop !

warning: it is a lot im so sorry lol

From what I've read among the fandom, I often read that hes been put to therapy pretty much from the moment season 2 ends and has since his stay in the present managed to somewhat "heal" from his trauma or at least confront it one way or another.

Personally, I somewhat disagree with this approach. First, like we've seen from Gars arc, BB had been suffering for months pretty badly, but interventions and mandatory check ups weren't at all enforced on him until what many thought was pretty late. Honestly, I found this actually pretty realistic. From both a "slice of life" aspect as well as what's typically expected from professionals. Thats because you can't force someone to seek help unless they pose a threat to themselves or can't care for themselves anymore. So people really only intervene when things reach their nuclear stage. Typically people who also need help withdraw themselves from their social circle, as we saw with Gar, which idk if ppl realise makes it incredibly hard for them to even try to help (not out of a lack of empathy, but because they have their own responsibilities, and if someone withdraws themselves from you, then its much harder to approach them or be aware of the extent of their mental health problems). Again, I actually found his friends general involvement in Gars mental health journey fairly realistic.

I think people also overestimate the reach (heh) of the Leagues mental health efforts. The mandatory aspect is a simple "check up" and this involves a lot of people. So unless someone is actively seeking or needs help, theres only so much this service can do.

Now how this unwarrented essay on an imaginary health care system ties in to Bart (lol im so sorry for my rambles), well ill tie that in later.

Now, maybe im reading too much into it considering how him being fine was made into a gag in the Elder Wisdom Season 3 episode lol, but his first reaction (which at that point wasn't made into a recurring joke) to Barrys worry was very much "its nothing, im fine, your worry is annoying". His emotional intelligence was also displayed from his scene later on where he manages to call out what Jay was really going thru for what it was.

Elder wisdom was an episode that was listed multiple times in the watch list for the series and Jays involvement was pretty prominent in it. Now with how Phantoms concluded, Jay was listed as someone by Dinah in the last episode who has needed mental support, so it seems like that plot line has been continued. Now I don't know about you, but I interpreted Dinahs mention of Jays issues to stem from Bart being missing (compounding onto general hero life stress and him probably still mourning Joan). This is because the creators of YJ always heavily emphasise that "everything u need to know regarding all plots is what is shown" and starting from the moment in season 3 where Bart guarantees he's not going anywhere, to the moment that Jay returns to an empty home from which Bart was missing for over two weeks, to the conclusion of Jay needing mental support, I feel like its a very tidy and directly connected storyline.

Another thing from that episode which has been continued over this season is that Bart is always guaranteeing that hes fine. Its a little jarring in parallel to the worry Jay was going thru, especially with us as the audience knowing that he actually has been through a lot in those two weeks and that all that time he was literally in bandages. But the moment hes awake with Clark and co, he guarantees hes fine and immediately resumes with the mission.

What I found pretty interesting with Barts involvement in Phantoms is that a lot of what has been previously assumed of him from season 2 has been supported this season. I believe the intention of his scene with the Legion when he pretty much cornered them into revealing the truth is that he somewhat has a switch on his personality depending on the circumstances. Which to an extent supports the notion that while his general personality is pretty much genuine, what he shows depends on what hes in the mood to play up or down.

From season 2 we've seen that he can be pretty tight lipped on what he wants. From season 3 we've seen him adjust to his new timeline pretty well and in season 4 we've seen some of his complexities as well as how it can affect the people he cares about.

So, with all this in mind, to answer your questions. With the check ups being spread thin with the purpose of singling out people who are shown to need/ask for it and his affinity for being tight lipped as well as playing everything off, guaranteeing that hes fine and keeping to himself, hes really only done what hes been required to do and played off any need for concern that would require him to seek further help. This doesn't mean I don't think he hasn't talked about stuff with the people hes close with.

Lastly, he also has the factor that a lot his background has to do with the future. Sure it might be one that doesn't exist anymore, but im sure he'd struggle to explain things without giving away too many things that he'd believe he really shouldn't be saying. Also his very specific background restricts him from seeking any professional help outside of league related resources.

So yeah, if you made it to the end of my post, thank you for reading :D <3 I hope through all this I at the very least, managed to address your questions and give my two cents on our fave speedsters relationship with mental health check ups

#YJ asks #bart allen #Bart Allen analysis #kid flash #impulse #young justice #young justice phantoms #jay garrick #flash family #I mean two members of the flash fam is still flash fam right and Barry was mentioned lol #garfield logan #beast boy #yj #the flash

[itsthwippingtime]

so on Thanksgiving i saw Frozen 2 and it was AMAZING and I've only just now had the time and energy to finish my thoughts on the movie and share it with y'all so here it is. Disclaimer: Sorry for how long it is

!!!!! MAJOR FROZEN 2 SPOILERS AHEAD !!!!!!!!!

first, baby anna and elsa???? I’m dead

thjkhsdhjk the story they came up with is literally how every child played with barbie dolls and doll houses

(children are so dramatic also why did we all have the same childhood)

oooh mystery about the past 

their dad is so dramatic now i know where Anna and Elsa get it from

four spirits: Earth Wind Air Water how original

(everything changed when the fire nation attacked)

(okay but while their dad was telling the story about the northedral (???) i was totaling believing this is where Elsa got her powers from)

THEIR DAD WAS SAVED BY THE VOICE

(but Elsa was born with powers so her mom is totally magical)

where the nORTH WIND MEEEEETS THE SEEEAAAAA

i love their mom omg i love this song also

(okay but at this point i was like??? did their mom save their dad)

ELSA IN PURPLE I LOVE HER

Elsa being startled and sticking herself to the railing with ice is comedic gold

ANNA’S HAIR I LOVE IT

why is Olaf’s never-ending existential crisis the most relatable thing in this movie 

also i love this song about things never changing

hi the line about a stone wall never falling??? FORESHADOWING

KRISTOFF LOVES HER I LOVE HIM HE IS SO PURE

HE HAS A RING

Elsa singing about being afraid of change but seizing the day?? CHARACTER GROWTH 

Arendelle flag will always fly??? FORESHADOWING

family game night??? i fucking love it

Olaf shouldn’t be allowed to play charades that way Anna is right

but Olaf imitating Elsa??? iconic

Elsa playing charades is me playing charades

THE VOICE

TELL ANNA ELSA

oooh Kristof honey don’t,, don’t do it like that,,, honey

if Elsa is comforted by their mom’s scarf where was their mom’s scarf in the first movie??

Anna singing Elsa to sleep????? so pure

THE VOICE (AGAIN!)

INTO THE UNKNOOOOOWWWWWWWN

i love this song

‘Everyone I’ve ever loved is here within these walls’ so she loves Kristof???? good me too

where does Kristof sleep?

THE SPIRITS!!! HER ICE IS SHOWING HER THE SPIRITS RIGHT????

oh its the part with the ice suspended in air from the trailer

EARTH AIR FIRE AND WATER 

so um the fire went out and its windy and they’re going to the cliffs???? okay???

ummm Elsa did you awake the spirits on purpose??? did you know what you were doing?? you never said it was an accident????

Elsa you cant go alone you’re team has to go with you or else its not much of a movie now is it Elsa. don’t be selfish share some screen time

i just love their outfits so much i want to be a princess in Norway please and thanks

Olaf and his fun facts are literally me

ELSA’S ICE CASTLE THERE SHE IS i wonder if they ever go there. is it a vacation home

water has memory FORESHADOWING

‘Elsa and Olaf are asleep,,, whatcha wanna do?’ UM WHAT

’Sven, keep us steady’ UMMMMM WHAT

THIS IS A PG MOVIE I WAS VERY UNCOMFORTABLE NEXT TO MY TEN YEAR OLD COUSIN THANKS DISNEY

oh Kristof honey

oh no Anna he didnt mean it like that

Kristof stop just stop

ooooh the voice is back

‘Kristof stop’ ‘Good idea’ I’m dead

i don’t really remember what happens in between them stopping and them finding the mist if anything but THE MIST

oooh they’re locked in. nice

okay so wind. thats fun.

the wind spirit is v smart because she knows which one is Elsa 

her name is Gale and i love her

hello water has memory

their father being saved by a young girl??? it’s their mom

okay so the northuldra (i googled it) begin to attack? or advance at least

ARENDELLE GUARDS

okay but lieutenant whats his name can get it

they’re frenemies

Olaf’s recap of the first Frozen is comedic gold i want him and Luis from Ant-Man to get together

i don’t really remember what happens at this part but: Elsa and Anna learn that their mom saved their dad (CALLED IT), their mom is northuldra (KINDA CALLED IT) and everyones been trapped in the mist since their grandfather was killed

(which that story is fishy but i don’t think king Elsa & Anna’s dad would lie so????)

OH WAIT FIRE SPIRIT HAPPENED BEFORE ELSA AND ANNA LEARNED ABOUT THEIR MOM

AND OLAF’S SONG OMG

samantha?

(that part was so simple yet so funny omfg)

olaf: “this will all make sense when i am older” all the adults in the room: :/

also notice how Elsa is mindful enough to keep the fire spirit away from the northuldra’s homes??? like i love her???

I LOVE HIM i think his name is Brunie but i don’t know how the people at the Disney Store came to that conclusion 

oh also Kristof and Sven run in to save the reindeer but Anna is only worried about Elsa??? idk maybe she knows Kristof can take care of himself and knows that Kristof knows when it becomes too dangerous but Elsa is going to try to stop the threat until she physically can’t and at that point it may be too late okay i get it

(okay but if they’ve been trapped and nothing can get in or out what do they eat??? like theres a lot more northuldra than arendelle guards so do they have designated areas they’re allowed to go in?? what do they do with the people who died?? probably bury them)

(also some if them are born in there and they’ve been in for decades so a generation maybe the beginning of the next one but how many of them are related????)

Kristof has a new friend and I’m so glad they’re not fighting over Anna

(take that toxic masculinity)

HES GONNA HELP HIM PROPOSE I LOVE IT

Reindeers are better than people (cont’d.)

the following are my favorite parts/lines from Lost In The Woods

that guitar riff (?) at the very beginning? sexy

“you had to go and of course its always fine”

because Kristof loves Anna and knows that Anna loves him and they can do different things and still be in love and he doesn’t have to constantly be over her and controlling what she does

(take that toxic masculinity part TWO)

OKAY BUT Kristof saying its fine while simultaneously worrying that he’s losing Anna is absolutely breaking my heart

NORTH IS SOUTH RIGHT IS LEFT WHEN YOU’RE GONE

Kristof: “and i don’t know what path you are on” me: :((((

I NEVER THOUGHT IT WAS A QUESTION OF WHETHER

WHO AM I???? IF IM NOT YOUR GUUUYYY?????

WHERE AM I???? IF WE’RE NOT TOGETHEEEERRRRRRR??????? FOREEEEVVVVVEEEEEERRRRRR

NOW I KNOW YOU’RE MY TRUE NORTH CAUSE I AM LOST IN THE WOODS

UP IS DOWN DAY IS NIGHT WHEN YOU’RE NOT THERE

YOU’RE MY ONLY LANDMARK SO IM LOST IN THE WOODS

WONDERING IF YOU STILL CARE

BUT ILL WAIT FOR A SIGN

(FOR A SIGN) 

(peep the Queen reference)

THAT I’M YOUR PATH CAUSE YOU ARE MIN

UNTIL THEN IM LOST IN THE WOODS

this concludes my favorite parts/lines from Lost In The Woods

every time i type Lost In The Woods I wanna type Lost Into The Woods

okay SO

Olaf doing the siren call with Elsa is comedic gold

THEIR PARENTS SHIP OH MY GOD

peep Olaf with that gruesome “maybe there was nobody on board” when they asked how the ship was able to get through the mist

peep Olaf with the “why didn’t they just make the whole ship waterproof” 

THEY WERE GOING TO FIND WHERE THE NORTH WIND MEETS THE SEA THE RIVER FILLED WITH MEMORIES

THEY WERE GOING FOR ELSA

WATER HAS MEMORY BITCH

ELSA BBY ITS NOT YOUR FAULT

LISTEN TO ANNA YOU ARE NOT RESPONSIBLE FOR THEIR CHOICES

so they go to the river

(low-key thought that was their goal the whole time but its fine)

ELSA!!! ANNA AND OLAF HAVE TO GO WITH YOU WHAT ARE YOU DOING

if Disney doesn’t make the ice-canoe part of the Frozen Ride in Epcot in some way shape or form i will be deeply disappointed

uh oh rock giants

oh waterfall

cave

thats fun

ah Olaf always the optimist

(but where did Anna get flint?)

Anna’s hair??? i love it

oooh Elsa on the beach

she can’t get her shoes or coat wet i understand

PONYTAIL?????

GO BITCH

YAAASSS QUEEN USE THOSE ICE POWERS

oh shit that water horse is trying to drown her

what the fuck he’s actually trying to drown her

AH SHIT ITS ELSA’S WATER HORSE NOW

YAAASSSS BITCH

sdahjhdskjhdsjk

ITS A GLACIER BECAUSE WHY FUCKING NOT

every inch of me is trembling

SHOOWW YOURSELLLF

ELSA HAS A DUET WIHT HER MOMN

IM FINE

ELSASN IS TBHE FIFHT SPRIT

THE BRIDGE

ELSA’S NEW OUTFIT AND HER HAIR I WANT

WATER HAS MEMORY

Elsa destroyed Han’s memory I’m dead

OH SHIT KING RICHARD (Elsa & Anna’s grandfather, i don’t remember his name)

KING RICHARD IS AFRAID YAASSS QUEEN TELL HIM ELSA

WAIT ELSA

GO TO FAR AND YOULL BE DROWNED 

ELSA WAIT

oh shit she jumped

OH SHIT SHES COLD BUT THE COLD NEVER BOTHERED HER ANYWAY

OH SHIT KING RICHARD KILLING THAT GUY FOR NO REASON

OH SHIT ELSA’S FROZEN

BUT SHE SHOT OUT ONE LAST ICE THINGY

we now return to this episode of Olaf and Anna Alone In A Dimly Lit Area With A Little Bit Of Fire

YAASSS ANNA GOT THE MESSAGE

BREAK THE DAMN

but Arendelle

OLAF

why isn’t that when Olaf and Anna are alone one of them is always dying

now i understand the no context memes featuring spider-man from Infinity War

okay so you’re telling me that Anna learned that her sister is frozen (pun intended) and Olaf dies in her arm and she still finds the energy to save Arendelle/the forest???

GO ANNA YOU GO GIRL ITS GONNA BE ALRIGHT

DISNEY CAN’T KILL ELSA AND OLAF THEY’D LOOSE TOO MUCH MONEY 

oh shit the rock giants

KRISTOF TO THE RESCUE

AND SVEN OF COURSE

WHAT DO YOU NEED I LOVE HIM

THEY BROKE THE DAMN

OH NO ANNA DONT FALL

ANNA GET OUT OF THERE

LIEUTENANT WHATS HIS NAME AND KRISTOF SAVE ANNA TOGETHERDSKJAD

ELSA AND THE WATER HROSE THEY SAVE ARENDELLE SYDJHASDJKFHSDA

the Arendelle citizens literally are so hilarious to me all they know is: the spirits are mad and all the heirs to their thrones went on a dangerous journey to save their kingdom, with no guards to protect them, then a tidal wave comes rushing towards their homes and suddenly their Queen who has always been quiet, modest, and reserved comes riding in on a fucking water horse in a boss ass outfit with her hair down and saves the kingdom. like???? imagine being on that cliff??? and all they do is clap???? I’m so dead

poor Anna :((( but Kristof is doing his best to comfort him like i love him

ELSA GO TO HER ANNA GO 

THEY’RE CRYING CAUSE THEYRE SO HAPPY KJDASDHSJKHFJKSAD

ARENDELLE IS SAVED ANNA ITS OKAY

OLAF IS SAVED ANNA ITS OKAY

KRISTOF PROPOSED IN THE DORKIEST WAY BUT ANNA’S REACTION WAS THE CUTEST I LOVE IT

(WATER HAS MEMORY)

ELSA STAYS AND ANNA IS QUEEN

CUT TO ANNA’S CORONATION AND THE NEW STATUE AND THE ENCHANTED FOREST IS ICE NOW AND ELSA HAS A WATER/ICE HORSE AND GALE HELPS ANNA AND ELSA COMMUNICATE AND THE ROCK GIANTS ARE NICE AND BRUNIE IS STILL THE CUTEST AND ANNA AND ELSA STILL HAVE FAMILY GAME NIGHT

(okay but did anyone else find it odd that Elsa didn’t go to Anna’s coronation)

(also the Northudral are just totally fine with living in ice and snow and cold now too??? idk i guess Elsa asked first but whatever its not like they can say much she’s the fifth spirit so)

Olaf wearing clothes has me dead

Anna: tells Kristof she likes him “better in leather” me: when does he wear… leather :O (Anna’s freaky yo)

final thoughts: Amazing movie, the constant shade of Hans was absolute gold, Kristof is so pure, Anna and Elsa’s relationship is so amazing, everyone’s character growth is absolutely amazing

if you read all of this, bless you child I’m so sorry it was so long

#IM SORRY OKAY #thank you for coming to my ted talk #theres so many other things I've missed but i saw it last week and i just #i cant #frozen 2 #frozen 2 spoilers #frozen spoilers

[moonlightchris]

𝕾𝖚𝖓𝖉𝖆𝖞 𝕽𝖊𝖒𝖎𝖓𝖉𝖊𝖗𝖘~

hello this is admin with a small ~Sunday Reminder~ (small also translates into I'm about to rant and I'm not sorry about it mhm)

truth be told I've been fucking inactive lately. it's been super hard to get to many of my chats, I keep pushing my yns further and further, and this week especially for some reason I've just been feeling really down. cry out of nowhere down. feeling unmotivated and worthless and annoying down. not wanting to talk to anyone and just slump on my own down. which sucks because as much as I hate socializing at a certain level I do enjoy being here and talking to yall and interacting and just yknow fucking around. it's fun and it makes me happy and it keeps me going. you guys make me so happy. and I did try to push myself to stay around and at least active at some degree but we can all agree that empty rb's and plain asks are not the same as being actually active lmao I'm guessing the main reason why I've been feeling like this is because I do feed a lot out of everyone else's energy and lately people that means a lot to me has been super stressed and down for their own motives and just not even 50% and it makes me sad because bro yknow that feeling when you see everyone sad and you wish you could just do something to change it for everyone like just you wish you could suck in everything and anything that is upsetting and pushing down the people you love and you just wish you could make things better for everyone like you wish there was something /more/ to do because what you're doing isn't enough? but sadly theres just so much we can do as people and we gotta live with that so that's like :\\\ I've been tired and stressed and just bad on my own and seeing everyone else like that too made it maybe worse? so I had to give myself time and space and even though i still forced myself to be around people i did bring down replies a lot and sometimes even just wasn't really there at all, just got myself into some Netflix shows, eating lots of sweets, cuddling my cat. even though I knew maybe some people needed me, I needed me too so I prioritized that because, how can I help anyone if I'm all over the place right?

and so

then suddenly the other night someone messaged me like hmmmm about chris post right and it's super stupid because sjsnsjs I mean I know that person is around anyway but I just didn't want to bother them cuz I know they're going through enough so getting their message !!!!!! and then I messaged someone a small cat and they replied and I !!!!!! and then someone I was missing a lot popped up like hewwo and we talked a lot and I just !!!!!!! and then last night two people I love so much were having so much fun together on our server and I !!!!!!

i guess what I'm trying to say is that, I am already feeling worn out for a lot of things, there's so many things going through my head and so many not nice thoughts and situations and feelings that have had me just yknow not here, not being me, but I've come to realize how small things yknow like a message or a comment or just a little check up or reminder from people that they are here have such an impact??? dude i saw two dogs playing earlier today and whenever I remember I just SMILE it's so stupid but giving yourself time and then just taking and appreciating little things is so important guys. so so so important.

and I know I'm not the only one feeling like this and sadly I do not have enough time or energy yet to dm every single one of you but I think its important that you guys know and hear that

I love you so much and you mean lots to me

so today's reminder is to choose yourself, you can't give people things you don't give yourself. respect your own boundaries, it's ok to push yourself sometimes but don't force it. give yourself time to grow and learn to accept that sometimes things will happen and you have no control over them whatsoever. distancing a little from others to find and heal yourself its ok, its valid, and people around you will have to understand and respect that just as you do with them.

also here ^^^^ are some pics that I like and I want to share with you

now its Netflix time goodbye

#adminnie soft hours

[illfoandillfie]

Hey. I would like to get the How To Find Love reading. I've been bssically single all my life. I once was with a guy but I don't count this one as a relationship bc I didn't want it from the beginning and saw him only 2 times before I "broke up" with him 4 weeks later. The guys who show interest in my aren't my type. A good friend told me that I might be a bit intimidating (have a lot of respect) bc I seem to be a person who knows what she wants. I'm not the type for dating apps so that makes it more complicated. Hope that's enough of a description. 🙈 Thank you! 💜

here you go lovely!

Tarot cards: The Chariot, 3 of Swords, 5 of Cups, The Sun, King of Wands

Okay so the middle of the circle is Key Issues pertaining to your love life and here it’s represented by the 5 of cups. It’s a bit of a self-pity card. The person depicted on the card is looking at their 3 spilt cups but they have 2 still standing that they’re ignoring. It’s sort of like when you look back at a situation and think about what might have been if you’d done something different. It’s not necessarily harmful but it doesn’t exactly help you either, it means you’re more likely to miss things that are happening in your present because you’re so focused on the past.

On the left we have the 3 of Swords which represents behavioural patterns influencing your love life. You’re afraid of getting hurt so you’re not making as much of an effort as you could be. Totally understandable!! It is scary to put yourself out there or approach someone, especially if the only people you know have been interested in you are not people you want to be with. This might be contributing to the intimidating vibes you seem to be putting out because it is so much easier to scare people off then to risk letting them hurt you. This might be manifesting in automatically assuming people won’t be interested in you or creating/exaggerating incompatibilities as a way to prove you wouldn’t work well together. It might also be a constant cycle of delaying talking to someone until they leave or talk to someone else. And I don’t want this to sound like i’m saying you should settle for someone you aren’t attracted to!! Like absolutely have high standards for yourself! but also, next time you rule someone out without talking to them first, stop and think why. Are you deciding they wouldn’t be a good partner because you genuinely believe it, or is it fear of rejection/being hurt that is keeping you from making a move.

Then we go up to the top card which is areas you need to grow. Here you have The Chariot. The Chariot can refer to travel so it may be that seeing new places or having new experiences may be a way to grow and open yourself to love. But the Chariot can also refer to direction, control and willpower. It’s a card of determination and self-confidence and ambition. Those are what you need to work on, what you need to grow. Easier said than done, I know. But you do have it in you to direct and control your love life, to connect with people you want to connect with and find the experiences you want to have. It might just take some work to get there.

Next is areas you need to change. The Sun. The Sun is I’d say the most positive card in the deck. It’s about joy, success, positivity and celebration. You need to think more positively. Manifestation works both ways. If you put negative energy out into the world, you receive negative energy back. Think highly of yourself, tell yourself you deserve the best. Be optimistic about your situation and believe that the sort of love you want is coming. Fake it till you make it. Right now you’re getting bogged down in the what ifs and the maybes and the past, you’re focusing on your spilled cups. Turn your attention to what is good and the cups you still have left.

And finally, what you need to liberate/open yourself to. The King of Wands. Now, theres two ways we could take this card. Court cards are usually read as people so this king could be someone who will enter your life. If that’s the case they may be a little older than you and a fire sign (aries/leo/sagittarius). It might be that this person is a potential partner the universe is sending you and you need to be open to seeing them and connecting with them.

OR. The king could represent you. See, the king of wands is also about overcoming challenges. He’s a big picture sort of a guy, a leader. Completely in control. The wands suit is tied to fire and action and this king is master of both. Embrace that energy, be open to being in the drivers seat, to being an agent of change. You can control the situation.

I drew from two oracle decks for you, Spellcasting and Hedgewitch Botanical. 

From Spellcasting you got: Friendship / Trust / Closure

Friendship could be a sign that your friends will be able to help you find a romantic partner - perhaps one of your friends knows someone you might like or perhaps it’s more that it could be useful to have their opinion on potential love interests. It could also be a sign that love will start as friendship first - this may be a way to trick your brain into not thinking about getting hurt. Talk to them as if to become their friend and see what happens. 

Trust is calling you to trust not only others but also yourself. Trust that no everyone is out to hurt you, trust that you can be happy, trust that love will come. 

And Closure. When a door closes, a window opens. New opportunities are waiting for you but you need to make room for them. Clean out your negative thought patterns and fears to make way for more positive experiences. 

From the hedgewitch botantical deck you got: Cohosh - Repel / Foxglove - Connection / St. John’s Wort - Stabilize 

Repel relates to rejecting bad energy and negative thoughts/feelings. Definitely ties in with the Sun card above. Push away things that are holding you back or weighing you down. Dwelling on the negative is seldom helpful. 

The oracle meaning of Connection comes from many folklore tales that link foxglove flowers to fairies, magic and the unseen. Foxglove is also associated with the planet Venus which rules love and relationships. This may be a sign that a new potential connection is coming towards you. But it’s also about other connections - those with our friends or our communities or even different aspects of ourselves. Connections take work and require space and attention to flourish. 

And last but not least Stabilize. St John’s Wort has long been used as an antidepressant/mood stabilizer which is where the oracle meaning comes from. Stabilize refers to having a clear mind, focused thoughts and subdued emotions as you consider your situation.

#card readings

[ridiculousravenclaw]

The Life of Elara Ware : Chapter 2

Elara sat on her butterfly patterned bedsheets, a heavy leather bound book in her lap. She was studying alchemy this year and wanted to get a basic understanding of it before school started. She was lost in concentration when her bubble of thought was burst by light tapping at her window. She looked up to see a shabby brown owl rapping its beak against the glass. She smiled. "Hi Errol". Elara crossed her room and opened the window. The old bird half hopped, half collapsed inside. Looking out her window Elara saw it was now starting to get dark. The sun retreated below the horizon casting shadows of deep orange and red across the sky. It was a beautiful summer's evening, a light breeze provided respite from the unforgiving heat of the day. Errol lazily nipped at her hand letting out an exasperatedly quiet hoot. "Sorry boy, here" She detached the tightly rolled parchment from his leg then opened the empty bird cage perched on top of her drawers, gesturing for him to go inside. Errol happily obliged helping himself to water. The Wares family owl Alizeh had to stay in Elaras room as her mother couldn't stand her hooting. But she was currently out hunting and Errol looked thankful for the hospitality.

Elara undid the scroll expecting to be greeted with another message from George, so she was surprised to find it wasn't his handwriting at all. 'Hello Elara. I know George has been in contact with you but I dont know exactly how much he's said or not said so I thought it best to write you myself. You are of course still welcome to come and stay tomorrow. Though I must warn you it'll be a bit of a tight squeeze. My eldest sons Bill and Charlie are home and are in the twins room meaning Fred and George are currently in with Ron and Harry. Oh yes, Harry's staying with us as well I hope you dont mind. You'll be in Ginnys room, but again, tight squeeze. We have Hermione staying in there too. I hope this is all okay with you. I've been told to expect you by flu powder at about 11. Our house is called The Burrow, I don't know if George had said. Anyway it's all still a go is what I'm trying to say and we'll take you to Kings Cross as planned. Look forward to seeing you Molly Weasley'

Elara smiled. The note really was unnecessary but she couldn't blame Mrs Weasleys lack of trust in George giving her all the correct details. She quickly scribbled a reply on the back of the note. 'Thanks again Mrs Weasley this is really kind of you. 11 o'clock. Flu powder. I'll see you then'

It took some convincing and several treats but Elara finally managed to get Errol out of Alizehs cage and attach the note to his leg. She wasn't sure if Errol was quick enough to get the note to Mrs Weasley before tomorrow morning but it was worth a try. She sent him on his way then made her way downstairs to the living room. There she found her mother silently working her way through stacks of documents she had laid out on the sofa. Her long brown hair was wound into a messy bun on top of her head and her black rimmed glasses were perched on the end of her narrow, slender nose. She was wearing grey jogging bottoms and a light blue t shirt that hung off one shoulder. She was sat cross legged, brows furrowed in concentration. She hadn't noticed Elara walk in.

"Watcha doin?" Elara said. Her mother sent several pages scattered across the wooden floor as she jumped in surprise.

"Jeez sweet pea don't sneak up on me like that!"

Elara laughed and stepped forward to help as her mum started chasing papers around the room. "sorry. I wasn't aiming to scare you"

"yeah? then why are you laughing at me?" Her mother retorted as she tried to smack Elara on the backside with a recovered sheet. She tried to put on a disgruntled face but she couldn't hide her smile as her daughter dodged her attacks.

"hey! I'm helping!" Elara replied, smiling goofily back as she hopped out of her mothers reach.

"causing mayhem more like"

Elara folded her arms defiantly, a devious grin on her lips

"fine. I wont help then"

Elara put up her hands in mock surrender and started walking towards the door.

"hey! not so fast. This is your doing so you can come tidy you cheeky bugger"

Elara complied with an exaggerated curtsy as her mother started to reorganize the pages.

"honestly. all I came down for was to tell you I'm going to the Weasleys at 11. now you've got me clearing up like your personal slave" Elara put on her best dramatic sigh which made her mother chuckle.

"think how I feel. it took me ages to put all this in order now I've got to do it again"

"hmm, well if you will insist on throwing things around the house"

"oi!" her mother retorted but once again she couldn't stifle her smile.

"11 did you say?" She added after a moment.

"yup"

"how were you going to get there?"

"flu powder" then at the look of confusion on her mothers face she continued "that's the one where you travel through the fireplace. wosh" Elara flailled of her arms to illustrate.

"oh right. the one that scares me to death you mean?"

"that's the one"

"great!" Her mother gave her a double thumbs up but her eyes showed her disapproval. Elara rolled her eyes.

"mum how many times? it's safe. I've been using flu powder since I was 7. Everyone does"

Her mother sighed, nodding her head reluctantly "I know, I know"

They picked up the last few pages in lazy quiet before Elara went to kitchen to make them both a cup of tea. When she returned she found her mother staring into the currently empty fireplace like she was waiting for something. Elara silently stood by her side handing her a floral patterned mug. She looked at her mothers face obviously deep in thought. She looked almost upset. "mum?"

It was several moments before she answered.

"you know it doesn't matter how impressive and mystical and amazing all this is. Theres still a massive part of me that wished you took after me, not your dad."

Elara couldn't deny she felt offended, and it must've shown on her face

"no no that's not what I meant. Oh hunny your magics incredible and you make me proud every day. Please know that. It's just. I dont know. I can't lie. I'd be a lot less stressed if you just grew up to be a hairdresser or something. Something ordinary. Something risk free" Elara felt confused at the direction the conversation had taken. Quick to defend the life she loved so much she answered

"Well wheres the fun in that? mum I'm perfectly safe in the wizarding world. you must know that. it may still be weird to you but its who I am and its normal for us."

Her mother looked at her for a moment. Then smiled a strange, sad sort of smile. She started to say something, then stopped herself sipping on her tea instead. Elara could see a million thoughts spiraling behind her mothers eyes. Then, finally "yeah. yeah of course you are." Then without a word she turned and left.

As she stood alone in front of the mantelpiece, Elara had the feeling like she was missing something. Then a most unwelcome thought; that there was something her mother wasn't telling her. Her mother had always been a worrier. Fretted over her wellbeing day and night. It never bothered her. In fact Elara Ware had grown so used to her mothers fussing she almost didn't notice it anymore. But now that she stopped to think, since returning from school that summer it'd seemed to get a lot more frequent. Obsessively checking in on Elara through the day. Restricting when she could leave the house, not letting her go alone. At first Elara thought this was just her fear of her baby growing up. Now that she'd sat her exams, chosen a career path, got a boyfriend. But now she wasn't sure. Whatever it was, her mother was definitely upset by it.

The next morning Elara woke up later than she wanted to. She ran downstairs and inhaled some cereal so fast she was sure she must have set a new world record. Then back upstairs for a hurried shower, which unsurprisingly resulted in shampoo in her eyes. Swearing repeatedly and dripping water onto the tiles as she went. Elara stumbled blindly across her en suit reaching for a towel. cursing herself for not putting one out first. Quickly drying herself off she threw open her wardrobe, looking at her limited selection of clothes. most of it was packed in her trunk. She glanced out the window. It was raining and with the rain had brought cooler weather. She picked out her favourite pair of jeans and a loose white shirt with lace criss-crossed across the back.

It was only after she had triple checked her trunk, glancing at the clock and seeing she still had 30 minutes to spare, that Elara finally allowed herself to relax a bit. Mentally scolding herself for waking up late and turning her morning into a mad rush. She was gazing at her reflection in the mirror and without realizing found herself fussing with her hair. She couldn't explain why. Elara had never really cared what others though of how she looked before. Yet there she sat tucking her brown hair behind her ear, the pulling it forward, then tucking it back again. Perhaps it was the nerves of seeing her boyfriend again after weeks apart. After all they hadn't been dating that long when school ended for the holidays. Or perhaps it was the stress of meeting his whole family. But then again she already knew half of them. She may never have spent much time with Ron, Percy or Ginny but they were already acquainted. Then of course theres Fred. the twins came as a pack. you rarely get one without the other and she'd been going to school with them for 5 years.

She tried to shake the nerves, focussing instead on the thing she'd always liked about herself. She gazed into her eyes which were the only ones like them she'd ever known. Her right eye was a cool blue, like a river. Her left eye a pale light green flecked with yellow. The muggle doctors said it was a genetic condition with a weird name she could never remember. it didn't matter. Elara loved her eyes. they made her different. Different was good. She looked at the clock again. 20 minutes. She picked up her trunk which she'd played at the foot of her bed and began to haul it down the stairs.

"you'll write wont you"

"nah I won't bother I'll just leave you in suspense the whole year"

"Elara Ware!"

"I'm joking! I'm joking! C'mon mum I'm in my 6th year now. I'm a big girl. I'll be fine. and I'll be back before you know it."

Her mother sighed and pulled Elara into a bone crushing hug. "I know. I just worry" Elara chuckled "yeah funnily enough I've noticed"

Her mum ignored this "I love you" she mumbled into Elaras hair. "I love you too" Just then Elara noticed the time on the clock "ooh mum I've got to go. its time" Elara wriggled out of her mums grip and stepped into the fire place where her trunk was waiting. "mum the powder"

"oh yeah right"

Her mother grabbed a small clay pot from ontop of the book case. It was peculiar in shape, unpainted and unvarnished. Elara had very vague memories of making it at muggle school when she was about 7 years old. Inside was the floo powder. Elara grabbed a handful and offered one last smile to her mum. "Bye mum"

"Bye darling"

Elara dropped the floo powder onto her feet and shouted "The Burrow" With that she started to spin. Faster in faster as her living room dissolved into a blur of colour. But just before she lost sight of her mother completely she saw it again. The same sad look in her mothers eyes. She was trying to hide it but still it was unmistakably there. Why? what was Elara not understanding? Before she could even fathom the answer the spinning stopped. She was no longer in her living room. She stepped out onto a well worn rug to a wall of welcoming red headed smiles. and there standing the closest the one she was most excited to see. beaming the brightest of all "miss me?" Said George

#harry potter fanfiction #hufflepuff #hogwarts #fanfic #original character #ravenclaw #gryffindor #slytherin #georgeweasleysgf #george weasley #molly weasley #harry potter #ginny weasley

[killerqueenjoy]

99 Question Tag

okay okay I know i got tagged to do this like a month ago on my main blog by @santonicababy iM SORRY LIN ILY BUT THIS WAS SO DAMN LONG

1) DO YOU SLEEP WITH YOUR CLOSET DOORS OPEN OR CLOSED

I sleep in the room where everybodies closets are and they all gotta be closed goddamn do you know how spooky it is to even have one open during the night

2) DO YOU TAKE THE SHAMPOOS AND CONDITIONER BOTTLES FROM HOTELS

my parents do, but alas I don't use them in case they have silicones or sulphates in them because I got a whole lotta curls to protect

3)DO YOU SLEEP WITH YOUR SHEETS TUCKED IN OR OUT?

if this refers to the sheet protecting the mattress, then my answer is in because how the fuck would you be able to sleep with that moving around???

4) HAVE YOU STOLEN A STREET SIGN BEFORE

NO SORRY IM BORING

5)DO YOU LIKE TO USE POST IT NOTES

heck yeah, but for random shit

6) DO YOU EVER CUT OUT COUPONS BUT THEN NEVER USE THEM

nee my parents are fancy fuckers who use the coupons on their phone (our local supermarket has a damn app skskksksk)

7) WOULD YOU RATHER BE ATTACKED BY A BIG BEAR OR A SWARM OF BEES

a bear because its one giant son of a bitch and not millions of tiny motherfuckers and also I've never been stung by a bee and intend to keep it that way because majority of my family seem to be allergic

8) DO YOU HAVE FRECKLES

nope! I have a couple beauty spots on my hands and face but thats kinda it

9) DO YOU ALWAYS SMILE FOR PICTURES

not really but if I've been told to smile then its 200% dead inside

10) WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST PET PEEVE

i find many things annoying

11)DO YOU EVER COUNT YOUR STEPS WHEN YOU WALK

only when i go up and down stairs, but i also try to make sure i step with each foot equally (if that makes sense) and i step on only certain colour tiles when im bored

12) HAVE YOU EVER PEED IN THE WOODS

the real question is have i ever been in the woods? both answers are no

13) HAVE YOU EVER POOPED IN THE WOODS

refer to question 12

14)ummmm idk what this question is meant to be curse you Lin

15)DO YOU CHEW YOUR PENS AND PENCILS

nope, the idea weirds me out

16) HOW MANY PEOPLE HAVE YOU SLEPT WITH THIS WEEK

none, this week and in general

17) WHAT SIZE IS YOUR BED

one person and a long yet smol doggo size

18) WHAT IS YOUR SONG OF THE WEEK

Eddie from the Rocky Horror Picture Show has been stuck in my head for the whole week so yeah i guess that

19)IS IT OKAY FOR GUYS TO WEAR PINK

HeLL YEAH DUDE HAVE YOU SEEN RAMI MALEK IN PINK

SKSKSKSKS END MY LIFE

but yeah, anyone can wear anything they want to wear (although a suit made out of meat might not be wise)

20) DO YOU STILL WATCH CARTOONS

dudeeeee scooby doo and tom and jerry are my jam I watch them on the regular (among other things)

21)WHAT IS YOUR LEAST FAVOURITE MOVIE

uhhm idkkkkk I tend to repress bad movies sksksk

22)WHERE WOULD YOU BURY HIDDEN TREASURE IF YOU HAD SOME

idk shove it in the closet ig at least it will be hidden behind my sexuality

23)WHAT DO YOU DRINK WITH DINNER

I usually only drink before or after but ig water??? cooldrink if I'm in a restaurant

24)WHAT DO YOU DIP A CHICKEN NUGGET IN

depends on the nug

25)WHAT IS YOUR FAVOURITE FOOD

How dare you assume i only have one favourite

tbh it depends cos i love pizza and pasta and stuff but then i cannot live with my granny's curries ksksmks

26) WHAT MOVIES COULD YOU WATCH OVER AND OVER AGAIN AND STILL LOVE

borhap, sing street, rhps, the natm movies, the harry potter movies, any mcu movies

27)LAST PERSON YOU KISSED/KISSED YOU

ahhahahahahahha bold of you to assume anyone wants to do that

28) WERE YOU EVER A BOY/GIRL SCOUT

nope but I was a catrobat which is basically my preschools acrobatics team that was actually really terrible

29)WOULD YOU EVER STRIP OR POSE NUDE IN A MAGAZINE

nahh m8

30) WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU WROTE A LETTER TO SOMEONE ON PAPER

this week for a transactional task at school (It was in Afrikaans and I got a C skskskks)

31)CAN YOU CHANGE THE OIL IN A CAR

omg no

32)EVER GOTTEN A SPEEDING TICKET

not old enough to drive!

33)EVER RAN OUT OF GAS

my parents never have for as long as i can remember

34)WHATS YOUR FAVOURITE KINDA SANDWHICH

cheese because I am actually John Deacon

35)BEST THING TO EAT FOR BREAKFAST

MUFFINS!!!!

36)WHAT IS YOUR USUAL BEDTIME

school nights its 11pm otherwise i dont have one lol

37)ARE YOU LAZY

YES BUT MY LAZINESS MAKES ME ANXIOUS OOF

38)WHEN YOU WERE A KID WHAT DID YOU DRESS UP AS FOR HALLOWEEN

we dont celebrate that here but i rly want to it seems fun!

39)WHAT IS YOUR CHINESE ASTROLOGICAL SIGN

Ram, which is really cool because im an Aries, so I'm sheep squared

40)HOW MANY LANGUAGES CAN YOU SPEAK

English, Afrikaans (at a basic highschool level), I could speak very vERY basic isiZulu when I was younger but I'm not sure about now, I know a bit of French and Telugu, and I'm gonna start learning Hindi soon!!

41) DO YOU HAVE ANY MAGAZINE SUBSCRIPTIONS

nee

42) WHICH ARE BETTER, LEGOS OR LINCOLN LOGS

i didn't play much with legos and i have no idea what the second one is rip

43)ARE YOU STUBBORN

to an extent

44)WHO IS BETTER, LENO OR LETTERMAN

I kept reading Leno as Lenin ffs

45)EVER WATCH SOAP OPERAS

I watch them occasionally with my granny, but I don't keep up with them very well (Kasamh Se is my shit tho)

46)ARE YOU AFRAID OF HEIGHTS

no, im afraid of falling in general tho

47) DO YOU SING IN THE CAR

My dad and I bop frequently to Never Gonna Give You Up in the car, and also classic bollywood songs (we have even learnt the choreography for some)

48)DO YOU SING IN THE SHOWER

i perform

49) DO YOU DANCE IN THE CAR

well theres not exactly much space

50)EVER USED A GUN

nope

51)LAST TIME YOU GOT A PORTRAIT TAKEN BY A PHOTOGRAPHER

not sure

52)DO YOU THINK MUSICALS ARE CHEESY

most are but thats why i like them

53) IS CHRISTMAS STRESSFUL

we don't celebrate because we're not Christian (we still eat a lot and exchange presents tho), but it can get stressful if we have to visit extended family, mostly because my extended family loves to insult everything about me so thats great!

54)EVER EAT A PIEROGI

not i good sir

55) FAVOURITE TYPE OF FRUIT PIE

never had one, it doesnt appeal to me

56) OCCUPATIONS YOU WANTED TO BE WHEN YOU WERE A KID

a vet

57)DO YOU BELIEVE IN GHOSTS

i am a ghost

58)EVER HAD A DEJA-VU FEELING

not that i remember

59)DO YOU TAKE A VITAMIN DAILY

yes, I take a multi vitamin, a vitamin D pill because I'm vitamin D deficient, and im not sure if this is a vitamin or not but i take evening primrose oil so that im not outwardly a bitch due to pms

60)DO YOU WEAR SLIPPERS

i wear slipper socks, because my doggo got jealous of my doggie slippers and murdered them in cold blood

61)DO YOU WEAR A BATH ROBE

i have one and rarely use it because i forget it exists

62)WHAT DO YOU WEAR TO BED

a random shirt and pants, though ive been known to kick pants off (ive been doing that since birth), occasionally i manage to get the matching pj set

63)WHAT WAS YOUR FIRST CONCERT

ive unfortunately never been to a concert before

64)WALMART TARGET OR KMART

ive never seen any of these stores in my country

65)NIKE OR ADIDAS

i own neither

66) CHEETOS OR FRITOS

neither

67)PEANUTS OR SUNFLOWER SEEDS

Peanuts because thats my doggos name!

68) EVER HEARD OF THE GROUP TRES BIEN

no sorry

69)EVER TAKE DANCE LESSONS

i went to a bhangra class for about a year, and we performed for our parents at the end of that year (i was in one of the few groups that didnt have to dance in lehengas thank goodness)

70)IS THERE A PROFESSION YOU PICTURE

YOUR FUTURE SPOUSE DOING

probably something creative, but I don't mind as long as they're happy with what they're doing and its not harming others!

71)CAN YOU CURL YOUR TONGUE

yep

72)EVER WON A SPELLING BEE

never entered one, having to spell out loud makes me anxious

73)HAVE YOU EVER CRIED BECAUSE YOU WERE SO HAPPY

i think so

74)OWN ANY RECORD ALBUMS

nope

75)OWN A RECORD PLAYER

i wish

76)DO YOU REGULARLY BURN INCENSE

my granny burns incense while I'm at school because my mom and i both get really sick when its just been lit and the smell is strong. Going to the temple is a damn nightmare because of it

77)EVER BEEN IN LOVE

no, too busy fangirling

78)WHO WOULD YOU LIKE TO SEE IN CONCERT

oof a long list

Queen, Twenty One Pilots, Waterparks, Frank Iero and the Future Violents (ffs fronk stop changin the name), Panic! at the Disco...to name a few

79)WHAT WAS THE LAST CONCERT YOU SAW

refer to question 63

80)HOT TEA OR COLD TEA

both

81)TEA OR COFFEE

coffee

82)SUGAR COOKIES OR SNICKERDOODLES

sugar cookies

83)CAN YOU SWIM WELL

i wouldn't drown, but im no professional either

84)CAN YOU HOLD YOUR BREATH WITHOUT HOLDING YOUR NOSE

im doing it right now

85)ARE YOU PATIENT

eh

86)DJ OR BAND AT A WEDDING

I've only ever been to Hindi,Tamil and Telugu weddings and lemme tell you 90% of the time bands flop at those weddings because they can't sing the classics without failing miserably, so DJs are generally better. However, in that case, if a band can perform those songs, then I'd prefer a band ig

87)EVER WON A CONTEST

yep, a couple of reading contests

88)HAVE YOU EVER HAD PLASTIC SURGERY

nope, not planning on it

89)WHICH ARE BETTER, BLACK OR GREEN OLIVES

dont like olives rip

90)CAN YOU KNIT OR CROCHET

i can knit!

in fact, my friends and i are so cool that we're in our schools knitting club (which besides myself, @grandfunnyemopainter and @imjustabruh , only has 2 other members)

91)BEST ROOM FOR A FIREPLACE

lounge or study/library

92)DO YOU WANT TO GET MARRIED

i guess, its not on my goal list tho

93)IF MARRIED, HOW LONG HAVE YOU BEEN MARRIED

no

94)WHO WAS YOUR HIGHSCHOOL CRUSH

currently in highschool, and in love with the borhap cast, sebastian stan, stephanie beatriz and band members (theres more but yeah)

95)DO YOU CRY AND THROW A FIT UNTIL YOU GET YOUR OWN WAY

nope, i have only two ways to deal, be a total pushover or a total bitch

96)DO YOU HAVE KIDS

nope

97)DO YOU WANT KIDS

kind of undecided, but i do want more pets

98)WHAT IS YOUR FAVOURITE COLOUR

Dark Blue

99)DO YOU MISS ANYONE RIGHT NOW

my dog, shes been ignoring me for about four hours now because I stayed at school for an extra hour (for knitting club!)

@softspaceboibrian @roger-taylor-owns-my-wigg @im-inlovewithmycar do it cowards

[thots-and-ideas]

Tom I don't believe in grammar  but I just want you to know that I've loved you for as long as I've known you and wrote so many poems about you and when I hear songs they make me think of you. I hope you see this.

Last week when you picked up Solis you kinda slapped my arm in the way you do when you make that “pshhhh” sound. Last year on Christmas you handed me something and I felt your hand on mine and I swear I could feel the warmth from you like you intentionally exchanged energies with me but you’ve disciplined yourself to keep from giving me anything. The time you touched me before that was when Chris died. I couldn't tell if you wanted to hug me but God it felt good and I didn't even mind that we didn't say anything. Before that it was you begging to kiss me. For the first time you begged for me, couldn't accept what I was saying. It was the first time I really thought that maybe you could spend forever kissing me. 

You could have spent forever kissing the person I should have been. The feeling of warmth comes to me in my dreams and sometimes I wake up and remind myself that you're gone. I have dreams of you knowing who I am. I have dreams that you're apart of this family I've built for myself and for Solis. When I had Solis I was in no way sophisticated enough to understand how deeply flawed and unprepared I was to be a mother. Deciding to have Solis was never about keeping you. I wanted a love that would never die, how selfish was I? I knew I had something special inside of me and I couldn't resist that feeling of being a creator of my own world. What was inside of me could never leave me because she is tethered to my flesh, my blood, and my labor. How wrong was I? You and I facilitated someone who does not belong to either of us. I couldn't stand the thought of her not needing my body for sustenance, I couldn't stand the fact that she wasn't mine, but she was ours, but she wasn't. Do you understand? I remember taking a nap after she was born. I woke up to you next to me holding Solis. It was joyous. I always had these little pockets of hope that we could do this together, whatever together meant. 

Theres these messages I remember. You told me you wanted to be friends, and my response was “we’re not friends.” What did that feel like for you? My body felt like a dumping ground and you were a dumping ground for my pain that caused me. You were my friend. I was always so intimidated by you, amazed by you, entranced by you. At 15 you stood out to me. Your cute hair and your teeth I liked the way you laughed but you didn't really say much, that was okay to me. You played with my hair. You had a pull and I think if you were to think back maybe you would tell me that you felt the same way. You told me the other day that I have amnesia, I thought it was funny because I pretty much remember every single moment with you. The thing is, I for so long thought my anger and my rage was righteous. I was confused, I didn't understand why you were ashamed of me or why you hid me why you wouldnt call me your girlfriend, why I was expected to behave like an adult. In between those feelings there I was, causing chaos, losing myself in bitterness and self loathing. It was all my fault so I would punish myself but when I was faced with consequences of my hurtful and unhinged behavior I would punish you. 

For years, up until very recent years, I couldn't see myself. My body was disposable, I wrote a poem about myself as recycled trash. You can't know your own pain until you look It in the eye. The last few months of dating Karlos I couldn't afford my rent anymore, and couldn’t afford my downpayment on greektown house. I had to turn myself off to survive. I started going to the women in my life and coming to terms with my abuse, getting help for my abuse, Im still working on it very hard and it'll probably stay with me forever. But this is the lesson. I'm responsible now for that pain. Will I let it make me small or will I accept the support of my community who did everything they could to help me, and help myself while being lifted by love, and grace. I have blamed you for my pain for a long time, but there has never been a time I haven't wanted to heal from that with you, and I think that is the problem. I didn't want to heal with Karlos, if I believed in police system , he would be in jail right now for what he did to me. But for me to heal from you is to heal from myself. 

I remember the cruel things I said to you, just like Ill never forget how your touch feels on my skin Ill never forget the way I weaponized things you trusted me with and attacked you. I’ll never forget the way I would try and try and try to make you so angry to get a reaction. I put words into your mouth and created my own realities. It must have been exhausting, more than that... the point was to make you hurt like I hurt. That was always the point. I wanted you to love me and my delusions told me you didn't any you never would. 

You told me I needed therapy and I agree with you. We all have broken bits. I look at you now and see that beautiful smile and that way about you that I see in myself and in Solis. I knew I would see her in you and there's been no greater gift than this life we have all been able to provide Solis. I had troubles, those I hope you can forgive me for and understand me for. I couldn't get out of bed and Solis was my only will to live. I hadn't been able to harness that pain yet. I hadn't practiced ownership and self accountability. The pain I've felt from you is mine to carry and I promise you, I only carry lessons, lessons I'm applying. For Solis, for my chosen family, and for myself. 

I wish I could send you the poems I used to write about you, and some more of the things I would write Sol when she was in me. I always saw you in the brightest of lights and nothing ever dimmed that, not even my own lies I told myself about you. Biggest lie is that you didn't love me. When you said you wouldnt let me hurt you anymore I didn't know if you still felt anything about me. Like I was just some human you see sometimes that existed before  but its just a ghost now. I don't want to be remembered as that Lexei from you. The more I told myself you didn't care about me the more I pushed you away. Instead of calming down and being rational I turned to creating problems . Is it too late Tom? Have the lights turned off for you? Do you know what I would do to just sit with you, like normal people, and talk about our good memories and the joy we felt together and what you taught me and who we are now. I miss you so much Tom. Look at everyone who's in my life, they've been there for as long as you have. They're family to us. We wanted you here during quarantine. We want you to be a part of this family. Sometimes I dream about being together with you but I know that's just a delusion of grandeur. We could be friends. We were friends. I think I’ll always love you and always I will extend my apologies to you and I know it can be healing to hear “I'm sorry” from someone who has hurt you. I know its recent but Im coming back to me. Im passionate about learning how to be a healer and mindfulness and it has always brought me back to you. You still pull me tom. You showed me so much gentleness, you formed me in so many ways that I can't explain. We manifested a product of ourselves and she is the most perfect, flawed, complex, kind, smart girl who emits golden light into this world. She's a reflection of all that is good in us. You only want to talk about Solis and I get that. Im not sure why I keep extending but I keep seeing you in my dreams and I keep seeing you in Solis and I keep seeing you in real life and I can't take my eyes off of you. Sometimes I worry about you like you keep so much in, I wonder if you could ever trust me again but, Im here, and I love you. Ive made myself a safe place for people. You and Solis helped me in ways you'll only know if you see me through eyes of forgiveness. 

I don't know what the point of this is. You make things Clear to me all the time, but sometimes you flirt with me and I think sometimes you might be flirting with the idea of me. Flirt with it more. We can be a team, a real team. Not married mom and dad but, come be with the chickens and the family and you'll feel at home because when we’re together we are home. 

“oh how I love you, in the evening when we are sleeping.” 

I remember every song we listened to, I remember every fight, every time we played and played and played, and the piano fingers on my skin. Watching you play gently on the keys making such powerful noise. Thats why you're a good cook I bet. It’s all in the gentle finesse. You're a gentle dad and a gentle man and I'm so sorry for bringing that chaos and lack of privacy into your life, I didn't get it then and you did everything you could to make me understand. I wonder why though, you never let me go and why it takes you to treat me almost like I'm not a human, in your words “nothing” to be able to stomach being near me. Is it resistance or is is disgust? Ive done a lot of stupid things... make some stupid mistakes. The fucking phone dude... didn't even cross my mind.  Its your job to catch me on those things and tell me to cut it out. Im learning that we all need to pick each other up when we’re slipping. I love you tom. Im so proud of you, and I will always be rooting for you. I will always love you in a special way too. More than love like family. I want to touch your hand sometimes so badly and just grab you and hold you and smell you like the time in the harbor. Its hard to dream of you. 

There are so many things I need to be sorry. You didn't deserve what you've had to go through. I wish we could hug man. 

[franeridart]

Hey hey hey, so I've seen your lack of Bokutoo art (or haikyuu art in general) and at first I was going to comment on it, but then I saw your art theft post and I hope that won't have too much influence on your haikyuu art? Of corse I'm gonna let you post whatever you'd like to post, I just miss it a lot y'know :0

Well. Okay, I’ve talked about this a lot but I understand people don’t just read all my answers and it’s totally my fault for procrastinating on that faq page so let me just go through this again in an as clear way as possible?

I haven’t stopped drawing for hq! As a matter of fact in the last week alone I have posted one, two and three things for that fandom for a total of five portraits and a three panels comic

That said I understand with the rhythm I update this blog you might think “well, that isn’t much at all, is it?”, which, again, is my fault because - even though when compared to most art blogs’ update schedules eight drawing in one week is more than enough - I’m the one who set the rhythm here

The “problem” with hq is that all my favorite characters are currently absent from the manga and there’s no anime airing, while at the same time my other main fandom (bnha) has both an interesting arc going on in the manga AND an anime season airing right now - I hope you’ll understand if my interest at the moment is mostly focused there, that’s a continuous stream of inspiration I have coming my way

To add to that some parts of the Haikyuu!! fandom are being unrespectful of what I post (this includes reposting, treating my stuff as if it were templates for their own art instead of ship/character specific content, honestly unrespectful comments and tags under a lot of my main ships posts and so on) which, you’ll excuse me, but dampens the joy I get from posting art a lot

Moreover, the creative side of the hq fandom is being, at least for what concerns the zones I frequent, pretty damn quiet lately, so I can’t say I get much inspiration from there either

I haven’t stopped and I can’t see in my foreseeable future myself stopping posting stuff for haikyuu!!, and all things considered I don’t think I’m posting too little for it either? Art and inspiration aren’t things I want to force, if I started I would stop finding drawing enjoyable really damn fast and I can’t let that happen - please be understanding, I first and foremost draw for myself, I can’t help it if sometimes I get stuck on one fandom or another

Anon said: Have you seen the latest chapter of haikyuu? I like how they are showing more Daishou. It’s fun to see his reactions and thoughts about nationals! And I will love to see him in your art style.

Anon, my friend!!! I have drawn Daishou in the past! As a matter of fact the last one was just after he appeared again in chapter 251! I love that snake boy a lot, seeing him there made me really really happy haha

Anon said:SAEKO NEE-SAAAAANNNNNN

SHE WAS AMAZING WASN’T SHE OH MY G O D !!!

Anon said:Kirishima and/or Bakugou being good at singing. And then gay happens.

BOI ANON I have drawn these boys singing to each other a whole lot already (like here or here) at this point I would assume you guys were fed up with it hahaha (… can’t say I won’t ever have them sing to each other again, though)

Anon said:DADZAWA IS SO REAL! But I’m actually so amused because Izuku is basically Ron Swanson with his “I can do what I want” permit except Aizawa wrote and signed the permit

No no anon it’s even better because Aizawa wasn’t like “you can do what you want” he was like “you can do only what I tell you you can do and it just so happens that I’m deciding that you can do exactly what you want to do but it’s still my decison” it was amazing lmao I love Aizawa so much poor man

Anon said:friendo, whats your opinion on the traitor kaminari theory? it breaks my heart but it has a good backbone to it?? like in the new chapter, theres a character that looks like kaminari’s dad/uncle/older family member and im worried for my electric baby

I still don’t think Kaminari is the traitor - as a matter of fact, I still don’t think the traitor is any of the kids. If that’s how it’ll turn out to be I’ll be sad about it, for sure, but right now I really, really don’t believe it. It’s true that the Kaminari-is-the-traitor theory is very cleverly worded and super convincing, but a lot of the things in it are really stretched out as far as I’m concerned

ie, taking the weird faces Horikoshi makes him make in the sketches and using them as proof that he’s got a double face? Too far out for me; his original design being that of a villain? Deku’s original design was villain-ish too, no one is calling him a traitor; taking the expression he made when Aizawa told him he could go to the camp and making it sound like he didn’t want to go? Might be believable as long as you don’t take into account the fact that he had just had a conversation with Midoriya in which he told him it was impossible Aizawa would let them go and that Midoriya was just being too optimistic, the “what the actual fuck is this” expression makes a lot more sense in that context; the fact that he makes clever quotes and uses a complex vocabulary used to say that he’s pretending to be stupid is unfair towards the very real possibility of him just not liking studying or thinking things through analytically but otherwise enjoying reading and being fairly intelligent in his own way?? - in the theory it’s also mentioned that it’s weird how during USJ he was worried about an electricity villain overcharging him as if that’s not perfectly normal, having an electricity quirk obviously doesn’t stop him from suffering overcharges, and later during the end of term exam they say it’s “weird” he refused to go all out with his qurik from the start, again, as if that weren’t a perfectly sensible decision in that context (you have to keep in mind that Kaminari is also studying to become an hero, him going “wait a second, maybe keeping on going stupid and putting myself out of commission every time I fight isn’t the right choice” is perfectly in line with him growing up and learning)

Now I don’t have the post open in front of me and it’s been a while since I’ve read it, but most of the theory as far as I get it is based on the idea that Kaminari can’t be lazy and an airhead and might talk without thinking now and again (the Stain comment), but at the same time be clever in his own ways, which just isn’t convincing for me. It’s taking this character’s three dimensionality and making it a plot-hole, why would you want to do that

(on a similar note, the Kirishima-is-the-traitor theory doesn’t convince me for the same kind of reason, it’s all based on the idea that he can’t just genuinely like Bakugou for who he is without having second reasons for it, which is just unfair and cuts too much off the personality of a really good, well written character)

As far as the new villain guy goes, I understand why most of the fandom might be weary and linking him to Kaminari, but we don’t know his color scheme nor his quirk and the pattern on his hair isn’t even a lightning bolt - Horikoshi has had to make up unique designs for a whole damn lot of characters, the fact that one random guy might have something similar to Kaminari isn’t really enough to make him his dad (again, it might turn out to be true, but in my opinion it’s still too early to make theories about it). Also, this guy is from the Eight Precepts. Weren’t you all trying to link Kaminari to the League of Villains? Isn’t the traitor supposedly tied with the League? How many people is this boy working for even

By the way, during the USJ attack the villains had informations they couldn’t have gotten from any of the kids aside from Midoriya (the “they told me All Might was getting weaker” comment) and tbh that’s enough for me to not believe any of the student is behind the informations leak, but all of this is just my opinion

Anon said:Your thoughts on mob psycho 100??

LOVE IT  one of the best anime I’ve watched lately, without any doubts

Anon said: Being a bokuroo artist? More like drawing art but every time someone says brOTP, you get steadily more annoyed, lol - love your art, btw; you have a really cute and fluffy style

Yyyyyyyyeeeeeeaaaaahhhhhhhh… sadly you kind of grow used to it but it is incredibly annoying and one of the reasons why I’ve been drawing it less, t b h

Anon said:I love the concept of the bakubowl because unlike with other characters where everyone’s like “omf they’re so cute!!” the bakubowl is just “why is he like this. why do we ALL like him for this ffs”

WELP I don’t ship Bakugou with everyone so I can’t say I’m fond of the idea as a whole, and the ships I do ship Bakugou in are with the people that actually do like him for whatever reason (lmao), but I can understand why you’d find it a fresh take on the concept! 

Anon said:Ily your art gives me life

AAAHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Thank you so much!!!!! *O*

#fran answers #faq #just so i don't lose the first one #and the one about traitor kami too #it got kinda long with that one but i love kaminari and i need people to stop calling him a traitor #or more like #keep on headcanoning what you want but p l e a s e realize that there's no canon evidence for it at all??? #somehow it seems like my nice kids can't just be nice without it being suspicious haha #rip #anonymous

[velvet-fr0g]

So I don't think I've ever done a vet to know me tag thing so I'm going to do one. I can't tag for some reason so I tag EVERYONE!!!

QUESTIONS: 

1:Do you sleep with your closet doors open or closed? Close 

2:Do you take the shampoos and conditioner bottles from hotel? Yepp

3:Do you sleep with your sheets tucked in or out? Out

4:Have you ever stolen a street sign before? Never

5:Do you like to use post-it notes? I love them I use them to write little notes to my mum

6:Do you cut out coupons but then never use them? I never really use them

7:Would you rather be attacked by a big bear or a swarm of a bees? Big bear

8:Do you have freckles? No I wiah

9:Do you always smile for pictures?I smile but without teeth

10:What is your biggest pet peeve? Rude people really annoy me

11:Do you ever count your steps when you walk? Yes. 

12:Have you ever peed in the woods? No

13:What about pooped in the woods? Nope

14:Do you ever dance even if theres no music playing? Like everyday! 

15:Do you chew your pens and pencils? I used to but realises how much germs they have on them

16:How many people have you slept with this week? Non

17:What size is your bed? Single like me

18:What is your Song of the week? She's American by the 1975

19:Is it okay for guys to wear pink? Why wouldn't it, it's just a colou4

20:Do you still watch cartoons? Yaaas spongebob all the way

21:Whats your least favorite movie? Anything that is badly filmed

22:Where would you bury hidden treasure if you had some?I have a cupboard in my room with the boiler in that so one goes in apart from me

23:What do you drink with dinner? Water

24:What do you dip a chicken nugget in? I'm vegatarian

25:What is your favorite food? SPICY HULIMU FRIES!!!

26:What movies could you watch over and over and still love? La la land or the labryinth

27:Last person you kissed/kissed you? Dunno

28:Were you ever a boy/girl scout?no

29:Would you ever strip or pose nude in a magazine? No

30:When was the last time you wrote a letter to someone on paper? The other day writing a letter to dodie clark

31:Can you change the oil on a car? No

32:Ever gotten a speeding ticket? Nope

33:Ever ran out of gas? Nope

34:Favorite type of sandwiches? Cheesr 

35:Best thing to eat for breakfast? Jam on bread

36:What is your usual bedtime? Between 12 and 3

37:Are you lazy? Extremely

38:When you were a kid, what did you dress up as for Halloween?cats mostly

39:What is your Chinese astrological sign? I can't remember

40:How many languages can you speak? 3: English and a tiny bit of French

41:Do you have any magazine subscriptions? No but I buy karrang

42:Which are better legos or lincoln logs? I don't know what Lincoln logs are?

43:Are you stubborn? Very

44:Who is better...Leno or Letterman?I don't know what that is sorry

45:Ever watch soap operas? No I don't . 

46:Are you afraid of heights? No

47:Do you sing in the car? Yep

48:Do you sing in the shower? Yep

49:Do you dance in the car? Yep

50:Ever used a gun? I've shot a riphal is that's how it's spelt

51:Last time you got a portrait taken by a photographer? School picture day probably

52:Do you think musicals are cheesy? NO

53:Is Christmas stressful? Yes because I don't have alot of money

54:Ever eat a pierogi? I don't know what that is sorry

55:Favorite type of fruit pie? Cherry! 

56:Occupations you wanted to be when you were a kid? Ballerina or astronaut

57:Do you believe in ghosts? Yes

58:Ever have a Deja-vu feeling? All the time

59:Take a vitamin daily? No I need to though

60:Wear slippers? Yepp

61:Wear a bath robe? Dressing gown? 

62:What do you wear to bed? Over sized tee shirt and ok bottoms

63:First concert? The wanted

64:Wal-Mart, Target or Kmart? Target I've never been to any though

65:Nike or Adidas? Nike

66:Cheetos Or Fritos? Cheetos flaming hot

67:Peanuts or Sunflower seeds? Peanuts

68:Ever hear of the group Tres Bien? No they sound French  

69:Ever take dance lessons?no

70:Is there a profession you picture your future spouse doing? No

71:Can you curl your tongue? Yep

72:Ever won a spelling bee? No

73:Have you ever cried because you were so happy? When I was seeing wicked I was so happy that I cried.

74:Own any record albums? 3 I have twenty one pilots,ed Sheehan and linkin park

75:Own a record player? Yep

76:Regularly burn incense? No

77:Ever been in love?never

78:Who would you like to see in concert? Twenty one pilots and ed sheeran I really wanted to see linkin park to

79:What was the last concert you saw?emma blackery  

80:Hot tea or cold tea? Hot

81:Tea or coffee? At the moment cold coffee but I do love tea

82:Sugar or snickerdoodles? I don't know?

83:Can you swim well? No

84:Can you hold your breath without holding your nose? Yes

85:Are you patient? Depends if I'm waiting for food

86:DJ or band, at a wedding? Dj

87:Ever won a contest? Ugliest contest,kidding no. 

88:Ever have plastic surgery? No

89:Which are better black or green olives? I don't like them

90:Can you knit or crochet? I can kni5

91:Best room for a fireplace? Living room 

92:Do you want to get married? Yes but I'm scared I won't find the right person

93:If married, how long have you been married? I'm a single pringle. 

94:Who was your HS crush? I'm guessing he means high school some guy I was very close to

95:Do you cry and throw a fit until you get your own way?No I'm not a child

96:Do you have kids? Nope

97:Do you want kids? I wouldn't want to go through child birth

98:Whats your favorite color? Too many to decide

99:Do you miss anyone right now? Yes mostly people who have passes away and also people I used to be close too.