#theres a lot more shit i forgot to revise

[peggysousfan]

Agent Carter AN Au Series

Its here!!! Chapter 12 is partially done! Since the episodes and the story have to coincide with each other, each episode will likely be 3+ chapters each. This chapter is only part of episode 1 and its 2500+ words...so yeah. I’m gonna have a lot of revision and thinking to do for future chapters XD I hope y’all enjoy this one!!!!

Peggy's POV:

I rise early in the morning, right before the sun. I see that Steph is sound asleep, and I slip away for a shower. Today I start working again, and while I am thrilled to leave this building and do more than sit around and read, I am worried. I've never been away from my little poppet before, and I don't know how long I'll be able to go without seeing her. I'm suppose to be in the office at 9 O' Clock and leave around 5, but I'm hoping to leave sooner than that. I know the Jarvis's will take good care of her, but I'm still fearful of what the day lintels. I step out of the shower and quickly change, only to hear Stephanie start to cry. I pick her up and start to nurse her.

Shes been doing amazing since Daniel helped. Daniel... Oh bloody hell. I forgot. What will me working entail for us? I hope we'll still be able to spend time together. I don't want us to grow apart. We've been getting so close...and I'm not exactly sure how to feel about it to other than amazing. I'm not sure if he feels this feeling I do when we're together, but I hope we'll be able to explore it further. Once Steph is finished I lay her back down and make some tea and toast. Colleen grabbed the newspaper earlier and I haven't gotten to read it yet, but when I do, I'm in complete shock. CAPTAIN AMERICA ALLAY YET TO EXPLAIN WEAPON SALE. Oh dammit Howard,  what have you done now... I set down the paper and finish getting ready for work. I water the plant and start to fold up the bed, until Colleen enters.

"Oh don't bother, I can't feel my feet." Shes been working more nigh shifts lately and has just returned home.

"Colleen."

"They let 10 girls go yesterday" Here lately since the war ended, woman have been loosing their jobs left and right.

"Did they say why?"

"Because 10 more GI's got discharged." She fluffs the pillows and lies down on the bed. "I had to show a guy from Canarsie how to use a ribbon gun." Its terrible, the world we live in. Woman are seen as less than men, and are forced out of there jobs to make room for them. "Oh I think I have tuberculosis..." Oh dear... that may explain why she has been feeling under the weather lately.

"Thanks by the way, you lent this to me last night while you were at work." Stephanie had barfed all over my sweater in the evening, and before Colleen had left, she let me wear it. She waves it off.

"It looks better on you, ya know. Its something that might catch a mans eye. Say on a date...maybe with a certain fella down the hall..."

"Don't hold your breath." I say. I don't know if he feels the same way, and anyhow we're really good friends. I go to the closet and get my gun to put in my bag. I've had it hidden in a small storage box this whole year. "Especially with tuberculosis." She laughs.

"You know theres a difference between and Independent woman and a spinster. "I walk out of the closet and pick up Stephanie, thankfully she's still sleeping.

"Is it the shoes?" she laughs again. "Clock out, pull the curtains and sleep. Peggy's orders." I grab the nappy bag for poppet and turn to Colleen.

"Okay, but remember if I don't see you, we're going to the movies on Saturday. I have the night off."

"I'll try this time, but you know the office may try to keep me busy."

"Peg, you're working at the phone company, it ain't life and death." At this Steph begins to stir in my arm and snuggle closer.

"Darling... you have no idea." We laugh one last time and then I head out of the door.

Daniels POV:

When I get into the office this morning, theres more buzz than usual. Dooley keeps walking in and out of his office, and the other agents are walking around, answering phones, and writing up reports. Next thing I know, chief walks past me to the elevator.

"Hey look who decided to show up today."

"I'm here everyday Krizminski."

"Not true. You're not here on weekends." I get to my desk, set my crutch aside, and sit down. "Plus you've been skipping out."

"What? No I haven't." This guy is such a pain in my ass.

"Thompson confirmed it earlier. Is it true? You got a dame on your arm, Sousa?" I take a deep breath, let it out, and roll my eyes. "Hey, this is your chance. If you don't have one, then your luck might be changin'"

"What are you rambling on about?"

"We're getting a new secretary, maybe shes your type.. Hell, you could probably lure her in the file room and make a move." He laughs

"What? I thought we were getting a new agent today, not a secretary..."

"Whatever. Lady Agent, secretary, same thing." Lady Agent...? Before I can say anything else, Dooley walks in, and hes not alone. Holy shit...

"Alright, listen up. I have an announcement to make." As the chief speaks, the new agent  and I lock eyes, and I'm not sure which one of us is more in shock. "This is our new agent, Agent Carter, from the Brooklyn office in New York." Brooklyn office? It was shut down 6 months ago, where- oh, she was pregnant with Stephanie. Stephanie, whose fathers name was Steve... Oh my god.  Steve Rogers, as in Captain America, is Stephanie's father; and shes inherited part of the serum. That explains her strong smacking and flailing arms. I can see Peggy in instant panic, the moment she sees me. Dooley shows her where her desk is and she gets to work, but every eye in the office keeps staring for several minutes before they, too, get to work. God dammit, how could I have been so stupid..? It doesn't take long for her to slip a note to me to meet her in the file room.

"You can't tell anyone about Stephanie." Wow, okay, right to the punch. "Daniel, please, no one can know who her father is." I can see it in her eyes how worried she is. Does she not trust me to not say anything?

"Of course I won't say anything, Peggy." She breaths a sigh, leans back, and closes her eyes. When she opens then, she glances at me, and then away.

"I've been doing so well, what with keeping the identity of her father secret, I don't want anyone to know."

"Thats okay, I get it. I promise I won't tell anyone." She looks at me, as if shes analyzing me, looking for any lies or alternate motives, I guess she not finding any. Which makes sense, cause I have none.

"I had no idea you worked here, Daniel."

"Yeah, well... I do my best to keep my work life and personal life separate. And for the most part, its been working, but..."

"Now I'm here." It wasn't a question, as much as it was a statement. I nod my head and look away.

"I'm sorry..."

"For what?" I finally look at her.

"I appear to always be intruding in your life, and I apologize for that." she gives a dry chuckle. "But you are right to do so. To keep work and personal separate, I think we both need to do that." And my heart is starting to sink. I was afraid of this the moment I saw her in the office. I was afraid we'd grow apart because we wouldn't see each other, now its the opposite, we're going to see each other none-stop. I look down at the ground and nod my head.

"I agree. Complete strangers. We've never met before today and we don't mean anything to the other." I breath a sigh, and her head turns so fast to me, it looks like she had whip lash.

"Right. Complete strangers..." She looks like shes thinking of something. She tilts her head to the side as she bites the corner of her lip... dammit Daniel. I back away from her and turn away.

"Daniel? Where are you going?

"To my post Agent, or did you forget we have work?" She looks offended and shakes her head.

"Daniel..." She looks upset as she starts to walk closer.

"Sorry, I just.. need a minute to process this." She furrows her brows and glances way for a second. "I need a minute to process going from friends to nobody I'm suppose to care about in an instant."

"Nobody- Daniel." She looks appalled and grabs my arm. "What-"

"Well well well, look what we have here." Dammit Thompson. "You two seem nice and cozy. What are you doing down here?" Peggy immediately drops her hand and backs away slightly, and as subtly, as she could.

"Agent Sousa was just showing me the filing system,hes been very helpful."

"Well I bet he has..." She looks between us both confused, but doesn't say anything." Well since you're down here, why don't you put these away for me?"He hands them to me. "See  just how much more help Sousa can be." And with that he walks away.

"What an ass." I say

"What an arse" she says. We both say it at the same time.  I look over at Peggy and she looks at me, and we both laugh.

Peggy's POV:

After several hours of being at work, I am in complete agony. I miss my daughter. What I wouldn't give to be home right now. I sit at my desk with a  report in hand and a pencil in the other. Around and around I spin it, over and over again I read the same damn sentence. Ugh... I look in front of me, and I can see Daniels back turned. I still can't believe he works at the SSR. As I begin to get my mind set back to work, the alarm blares and the red lights flash. I look up and then at Daniel, and our eyes meet. Somethings happening. I get up from my seat and gather some papers, when suddenly the Chief and the others walk to the meeting room.

"Agent Carter, we just caught a red ball out of DC, all hands on desk." I start to gather supplies when he says, "Meaning,  cover the phones." Wanker... I grab my telephone and dial up Rose from the entrance.

"Rose? Forward all calls to the briefing room." She agrees and I set down the phone. "Covered, Shall we?" As we head to head to the conference room, Dooley begins to play a film, a film about Howard.

"So far, six pieces of Stark technology have either shown up on the black market or in the arsenals of enemy states. Hes been waffling on the hill. Treating the whole thing like a joke. And yesterday was his final day of hearings. Stark didn't show." Good Lord Howard, I'm going to kill you if I ever see you again. "We've checked his half-a-dozen houses, his half-a-dozen offices. Nothing." He's such an idiot that man. I look away from the chief and look at  Daniel, he has no idea what really is going on..." So as of this moment, Howard Stark is a fugitive from justice. Find him. Squeeze him. Till he looses his sense of humor. Thompson you lead." As I look over at Thompson, he starts to explain his ideas and plans, but I can't stand to listen to any more.

"Sir, I really must object-"

"Why am I not surprised." I internally sigh of frustrations. I already know where this is headed..

"Sir, I knew Howard Stark during the war, his help was invaluable. He may be a great many things, but hes not a trader." As I say this I glance at Daniel, whose eyes are glued to me. I look away as the chief speaks.

"We're all aware of your record Agent. I'm sure being Captain Americans...liaison... brought you into contact with all sorts of interesting people. But the Wars over. Let the professionals decide with whats gonna happen." And with that the meeting ends, of course, not without some gossip and rude slander about me and men during the war. Ugh, men are such pigs... But what I didn't expect was Daniel to speak up.

"What did you just say Krizminski?"

"I wasn't talking to you." I close my eyes and take a deep breath. This is going to be a very long day...

"I think you owe the lady an apology."

"Oh. You standing up for her now, Sousa? Well c'mon I ain't got all day." I look away before I lash out at this oaf. Little do you know the strength this man has you utter wanker. Hes worth 10 of you, at least. Krisminski and the others leave, which just leaves Daniel and myself. When he starts to walk by, I say something; something I hope he won't take offence to.

" Agent Sousa, about what you just did..."

"Oh that? It was noth-"

"I wish you hadn't," I say plainly. We have to keep up a front with our co workers, and with Daniel defending me, they could get suspicious.

"You're an Agent and they treat you like a secretary. I just wanted to-"

"And I'm grateful." I smile. "But I'm more than capable at handling whatever these adolescents throw at me." We lock eyes, and my heart starts to skip a beat...

"Yes ma'am. Doesn't mean I have to like it though."

"Well thats another thing we have in common." As we stand there, Thompson approaches us, and of course, he hands me files to put away. Arse.

"I would file these away, but you're so much better at that sort of thing. Ya know, cause you're a woman." I glance at Daniel, briefly, and I can see him getting angry.

"Better at what, Agent Thompson? The alphabet? I could teach you. Lets start with words beginning with 'A'" He laughs and walks away.

"Good one." I look at him and can't help but smile. Oh this is going to be so difficult pretending to not know him at all; let alone ignore how I feel... We both head to our desk and start working again. Before I know it, its 4 'O clock. Oh thank God. I put away my files, grab my coat, and head over to the Jarvis's. Little does Howard know, I've met them several times, and have asked them to never tell Howard about her. As far as they know they are babysitting my niece, whom, I'm taking care of while her parents are away. I hate all of this lying, especially to good people, but no one can know the truth. When I pick up Stephanie, I feel a weight lift off of my chest, I can finally go home with my little girl. And, I don't have to make dinner. The Jarvis's graciously made a roast for me and Colleen, but since it is large enough, I'll invite Daniel over. I leave a note under his door. Hours go by and he knocks at the door.

"Daniel." I walk over to him and embrace him. I've wanted to do this all day. He hold me close, and the Steph begins to giggle. We both laugh. She reaches for him and gables her baby talk. I hand her over and invite him inside.

"So, I hear you have a roast." he says, snuggling with poppet.

"Indeed we do." As we sit down and eat together, I can't feel more at peace.

#peggysous #peggy carter #daniel sousa #Peggy x Daniel #agent carter #agent carter series #au fanfic #fanfiction

[diddly-darn-ghost]

hey guys,,, would you believe me if I said that, a month before I made this blog, I was actually adamantly writing an entire Danny Phantom rewrite in google docs

it is 5-6 google doc files and it’s all unorganized dialogue, notes, and environmental/character design aspects. The rewrite itself was very self-indulgence but i truly got immersed in the world of Amity Park and I put in a lot devotion to it.

i literally told no one about this before because I kind of forgot about it (the last edit was in early August) but after revising it, it is... extremely long. I shit you not, each document had around 30-40 pages of unformatted text

some interesting aspects upon revisiting:

it’s a start-to-end rewrite. more serialized. very self indulgent and based off my own headcanons 

it was very ghost-central, danny interacts with the ghosts a lot more than in the original. there was a lot more world building and science behind the ghost zone. more history about ghosts and amity park’s relationship with them. more stuff about how halfas “work”

running gag where in almost every episode, Valerie comes and shoots a ghost violently 

no romance subplot

dash and paulina had more prominent roles?

it is pretty angsty. i mean how could it not

Spooky the Owl was a recurring character 

I had a whole document trying to list out and explain my ideal environmental design aspects in terms of animation/ art direction and capturing a more “spooky” environment within Amity Park:

In addition.....the dialogue...............i wrote.. was very........interesting

If anyone is still curious about this, I can post more. I, myself, am pretty surprised I wrote this much. 

eventually i just, stopped because i stopped and wondered “why am i even writing all of this. theres no way i could every present this as a fic or somehow gain the rights to the show and make it like this”, so ill show you some of the snippets right here!

#diddly darn post #Danny Phantom #dumb stuff #long post #diddly darn rewrite #danny phantom rewrite #i cant believe i almost forgot about this. this took a good chunk of my time! #it was story parts built up over the months! #redesign

[shytiff]

September 2021

1 - MTBS 0 pt. tried out kopsus from jannor coffee with gofood pickup promo (10k). it tasted nutty and yummy even though it seems to use regular milk. but its kinda hot. the ac was not satisfactory. finished up the word for Prof. bought jasuke on the way back. filled out IDI form since i still have energy. 

2 - mtbs again but this time its 3 patients at the same time. vcalled with kris. bought some snacks in hypermart. exercised a bit and played badminton with renata. watched 3 eps of nanno. 

3 - my body aches and it will be wonderful to sleep again but its already 6:40. usila today. the ac in kamar jaga was no longer cold. finally finished moms box of brownies from like 2 weeks ago. read dear benjamin. got to enjoy some silence because i napped before maghrib and the others slept early. 

4 - vaccine in GCD with teh fitri, teh fany and teh rahmi. about 440ish patients. gossiped about cibeber lmao. watched the hitman’s bodyguard. samuel and ryan was hilarious. 

5 - morning walk with renata. saw cilegon’s cfd. cleaned up the room accompanied by howl’s soundtrack. made spaghetti with instant bolognese sauce, egg and cheese. o seven with tri nagita. just saw prof’s email from 2nd sept, shit. tried to get some headspace to do ppt.

6 - bp with nessa (originally kia/ugd). except therere some patients in ugd lol. did excision for clavus (1st timer!) and hecting. fried tempe (1st timer!) using someone’s leftover oil lmaooo

7 - BP with zihan. had spaghetti combined with cheese egg and mom’s chicken for lunch. instant bloating :). drank hot matcha to curb the bloat. planked. ate muesli lol. did not do anything significant today :( started the origin of species. 

8 - vaccine today except it starts at 10:30 since we’re waiting for the mayor. so i hung out on the screening table since the doctor room was hot. vaccine with dr lutfi. watched homcha and nanno. fell asleep

9 - vaccine with bang esa and other staffs in smp 8 cikerai. its apparently the highest point in cikerai. finished at 12-ish pm and we ate buffet lunch lol. made matcha latte again. this time with almost 1 spoon of sugar so it tastes good. i missss matcha. read 1 webinar ppt so i guess thats a little but its something. rip attention span

10 - usila. tried A BIT of duren from bu Tur for dr isip but its enough to make me retch lmao. was given labbaik chicken by bu oo. Some exercise. rly tried to make some progress but my brain just cant seem to muster

11 - kia/ugd. Some ugd patients. Spaghetti for lunch yay. Originally intended to go to cafe but i ended up falling asleep :) tried to get some progress for PPT. Involved a lot of staring into nothing. Slept at like 00:30ish am

12 - morning walk slash jog. The jogging track was finally open. Went to jannor. Ordered kopsus and meatball potato dish with gofood takeaway promo (spent a total of 30k) . The staff kindly asked whether i want to eat there or to actually takeaway lol. The meatball truly tasted like meat. The mashed potato was a bit dry. The weather was grey and cloudy, exactly my favorite. First time cooking kangkung

13 - vaccine today. 20-ish patients. Alone in kamar jaga since nessa went to mass vaccine. Zoom call with Prof. Dyed my hair blue in flow salon (1200K). got free manicure, It took 5 hrs 😅. another firsts in life. both the nail tech and hair tech said my hair was dry lmao. arrived in mess at 9ish pm. ordered nasgor in front of mess

14 - mi rebus for bfast. not too much patients for vaccine so i finished at like 10 am. napped at kamar jaga. got free rice box from dr arief etc yay :)))) got mochacinno at jannor. tried to do sumn useful but cannot. still no ppt progress aaa. watched homcha ep 6 together

15 - vaccine in al hanif. tried chicken-cakwe porridge near the school. the school was an all girls school, with ppl wearing long veils. tried to fit the placement test from cakap (12-1 pm) during the vaccination lol. had to excuse myself to the ssaem during photo sesh. napped so i could see the 17 pm cakap class but i ended up napping until close to 18 :) saw the 19 am class with lukas ssaem

16 - spaghetti for bfast. usila today. this dumbass forgot to wear komin and wore her rubber slip ons. turns out theres some money from al hanif vaccine. which is great bcs there’s literally no paper money in my wallet lmaoo. rested a bit. dr eva called and she gave me a ppt and chapter book job. sheeet theres no progress yet of Prof’s ppt. a wake up call. whatsapped with frends that planned to go to cilegon this weekend, but it ended up being the next weekend. thank god, because dr eva’s ppt deadline is 24th sept. set myself up on a spot in the vanity table so i can work in a chair (i frfr find it difficult to work on my own bed)

17 - some patients in UGD. Slept while waiting for 2 pm. Held off my sleepiness for zoom with dr Eva. 5pm cakap class. Matcha latte. 7pm zoom w dr eva. Fell asleep after that

18 - bp. Turns out teh imey also dyed her hair. cakap class abt bts' spring day lol. Worked on dr eva's ppt

19 - jogged a bit. had kopsus (20K) and fish fillet rice (27K). finished dr eva’s ppt with the given material so far. napped in mess. dr eva also revised the ppt on the same day so there’s 2 slides left (patient clinical profile and conclusion). took some time for me to get the headspace to work on ppt so i started prof’s ppt at like 7-ish. only got 1 slide. stayed awake until 11ish but i basically stopped doing useful stuff at 9 TT TT

20 - vaccine today, finished at 10 am. lounged around. went to bni to check on m-banking, still system error. transferred 3mil from my BNI atm to muamalat. tried nasi goreng roa and cakalang with added chicken shreds (20K). so goood. conversed with nessa zihan. did not open my laptop at all :) stopped by at rodalink bcs nessa wanted to buy a bike. drank matcha latte in an effort to curb sleepiness. worked on Prof’s ppt. fried the frozen kebab (35K) i bought from teh Rahmi. 

21 - vaccine P3K w teh yeni teh rahmi mas oim. 3 patients. Ate some gorengan and talked lol. Did the abstract and ppt for dr eva. Worked on Prof's ppt.

22 - usila w mas oim. Had banana, bolu and protein for bfast. Ordered nasgor roa cakalang from bakuku for lunch. Felt suuuuper sleepy afterwards. Wanted to sleep again in mess but couldnt. Washed my shitton of clothes with washing machine. Heavyyy. Worked more on PPT. Too much denial this week

23 - picked some groceries @ bu rum. Kia/ugd today. Its been a while since i last checked DJJ. Successful first attempt but fail in the 2nd bcs the baby is still floating. Cooked meat and veggies with nessren. Jannor and kopsus again. Worked on ppt til my head hurts. Its a little bit more to gooo.

24 - bp. Made myself bento with nugget and left over veggies. Finished the smol details of the ppt and finally sent it. Watched shangchi @ transmart w chillegone. The film was fun! We cooked soup at mess and tri made perkedel. Watched homcha ep7. Slept

25 - Vaccine but there was no vaccine, so I went to UKK @ villa ternak cikerai with pkm peeps. its like opening a clinic but somewhere in hills area. got treated to bakso and tempe mendoan afterwards. lazed around in my bed, with no info from jkt friends who wanted to visit but suddenly they arrived lmao. went to amaris to catch up with them. thankfully it was not hourly parking. ate at saung bonang near the billiard place with heri joining us. total bill for five was 126 lmao its rly pocket friendly. heri borrowed my motorbike bcs his friend’s place doesnt have car park. thank god we brought the bike

26 - me and racheel went downstairs to get the hotel bfast. packed fruits, tempe and bread upstairs lol. put our stuffs in royal krakatau. took maxim to pulau kecil. turns out pak asep changed his number. it was raining there, so we sat a bit and got mie rebus. had lunch at amirang (my treat). there was only us inside. the food was okay but the meat was rly overpriced for its amount. went back to the hotel. went to indomaret and mess with racheel to get my stuff. my stupid impatient ass dropped atikah’s brand new iphone while pulling the hotel towel from the bathroom rack. im sorryyyyy. racheel and i swam until maghrib. atikah told us abt her boy “friend”. slept early at like 9-10ish with the usual width but longer leg space

27 - and suddenly its time to go to puskesmas. asked nessa to bring my shoes. said goodbye to friends. BP. there were a lot of patients. kanayam for lunch. i bought shades lol bcs i commute against the sun in the morning. cakap club. watched homcha. fell asleep

28 - vaccine. finished at like 10:30. tried to go to bni to install mbanking but the queue was like 20 ppl. did the outline for the red book. liqo with kak kartika. zoom meeting with dr eva. fell asleep again

29 - vaccine in sma 3 cilegon (cikerai) with bang esa and others. finished at like 2-ish pm. got 750K hehehe. mentoring with dr. Arnadi about KKD and HHS. bought rotbak with nessa. showered and cleaned and fell asleeep

30 - cooked tempe with leftover kanayam chili sauce. bp again. saw interesting cases today, such as fixed drug eruption. bought phd from gofood promo. went to jannor and got the usual kopsus with added espresso (since the min amount for gofood pick up promo was 25k). tried to do prof’s script but cannot, so i searched the literatures needed for dr eva’s project

[castlehead]

beauty seems to be really funny most of the time and i like dat.

this idea that sends pop definitions of beauty running for the hills makes for some

quality distance, if only one step back.

what if i had any idea who i was but could see into everybody else

phone home cheeky cosmic touch m8 gonna think this is too easy

yeah but not let’s feel this way without before examining ourselves

for anything fake about it first parting from the idea that there wasnt anyway

and then parting cuz that knows so much

that part of me knows so much abt what do you call it extreme fear of maudlin

i run naked thru the grass singing abt yesteryear

                        ...There’s a move in social situations I like to call, “around the sun” whereby you wait for the game to end to play music, or wait patiently for one plan of another to say its peace so you can say yours. I like to take it to a more extreme level and say, turn down the fuckin tv, I want to listen to a thing I find beautiful.

SONG ONE : like the earth

1. Sit back and dream of clouded metaphors Reveal the schemes that we devised Back in the day, when ur hands were small And the WORLD splayed out colorfully Before our eyes

(chorus)

Take ur thronging bussloads of the living dead Take all the lifetimes of a million busy heads Ur sly intellectuals that laugh in the dome The only place, the only place is in the peaceful tones Of singing birds perched on ascending wires, like notes

2. Caught u up past three, sitting on the porch I woke up from a dream that I immediately forgot That seems to happen a lot, especially if previously I torched a dutch and passed the fuck out But from the ether of my dreams I heard, from the scope of reality I heard you shout

(chorus)

3. The sun and the moon both live in a box And the box is a square made out of lead And the square lies motionless in ur head Like a body on the rocks

Watch the hour tuck away into an evening A day nestled in afternoon light From the beginning In ur mind that made all minds the same The twilight creeping across ur paper brain And I can only burn and burn and burn

And I can turn round like the EARTH And I can be a sphere like the EARTH And I can stitch up the nations With fear, like the EARTH

(chorus)

                        ...people who call it a false flag just don’t wanna think it’s their own who bomb, if it can’t be a towelhead.

SONG TEW : the rainbow

The sinister rainbow blinks over the clover And the dawn is a monster in my brain I'll take a picture before this song is over And I’ll fix u in a wheel to keep me sane

Don’t break out the gin for the old lady creepers Smoke until the blur makes ur head float around I live in hades, burn my tongue on the heater When I lick this heaven ill taste yur sound

(chorus)

What Im saying isnt deep What Im stealing isnt cheap But I know that if i play it loud and long That this song in my head will instead Form a beat

Like a stranger in the rain Slowly driving me insane There's a fork in the road And I dont know whether Or when, all this shit will come together In the end

2. I got a stupid friend who lives in a pause He takes life from the tiger’s jaws, and prays

That life begins again, after it is over And the rainbow shines like a dream, in a daze

Ill take u thru the eye of the needle Ill breathe a testament to ur false gods Ill tell the truth, and contaminate the evil And zap u like a lightning rod

(chorus)

3. Dont you know that the rainbow is the world? Dont you know that the news is already told? Im gettin too old to be unfurled Im seein the rainbow in my mind Im waking up for the daily grind Im singing useless things for useful people The rainbow is not evil, its kind Dont u know that the color kings rattle like a marble In a tin can? And the rainbow eats the darkness like a mother Without a son? Dont u know that u can never be a man? And the rainbow drags across the empty land And the rainbow drags across the empty land

(chorus) (chorus)

                        ...the only division is classical and romantic. all else is contributory to these two. postmodern, modern, no. romantic. it all follows the romantic objective. one is ruled by the time at which it occurred, and the other is ruled by the mechanism of breaking from any present time.

SONG THREE : an ending that promises to begin again

1. A legend sleeps in yur head somewhere You take yur trembling hands And grope for mine, like a bum for spare Change... You cant explain

This strange perdition that engulfs Yur position in the sane... And the trouble of the pulse That leads a broken synapse Up into my eccentric brain... Theres a clot in my neck And the ruins of time Keep me from being able to find A comfortable spot to rest

(chorus)

Im stuck in erasure--a constant exposure To the elements still provides me with eyes To see bad karma writhing in my spleen And I wonder if ill dream While the whole WORLD is awake Will I be the manufactured figure, Will I be fake?

Or will I take these petty abstractions And roll them up into a ball And put them in my pocket Just to feel the reason stall In my throat... Is life a puzzle, or a joke?

2. The life you led one sunny afternoon Is the life you never led again... I can appreciate the reasons For why you did not blend Like a chameleon in the room But cant discern the seasons Of the moon

Yur whispers prosper, loud Like a passionate apostle And the lords are proud of ur Painting on the wall... That skritter of an evening gone Is enough to scatter colors When the sky finally falls, And the lords are like the brothers Of what lorded over them... Take these idols and shatter them... The racket in my brain is loud And does not end And does not end And does not end, even when the jig is up Cuz ive gotten fucked by time: Its an ending that promises To begin again

(chorus)

                        ...Nobody starts an Apollonian, and only those are Dionysian who have the capacity for restraint needed to confer the Apollonian chariot, tho some die without a revision of the vision etc. some die restraintless

SONG FOUR : chauncey ames and the case of jenny preston

1. Chauncey loved the flowers Chauncey loved the trees Chauncey smelled the wind And knew that he was free

Chauncey took a cab home Chauncey felt the air flow Thru the window He paid the driver extra Just for keeping him From being alone... Back, once again To the place that he had left Long ago

In fact, it had been years and years and years Since the man had seen walls Not fortified in concrete... In fact, it had been years and years and years Since this man had put to rest That lying cheat

(chorus)

Chauncey was a killer That was his disease Got off on manslaughter: Fingerprints on a pair keys Got him twelve years For offing someone's daughter Even tho she was eighty three Cuz no matter how old u are Everyone Is a daughter or son To someone

2. Now he's out, but he has his fears... Maybe people will not like him For his past It is unclear Even after all the facts Had been presented... Whether Jenny Preston Was murdered, or just had a bad fall Onto a bed of broken glass They found her in the hall At the head of the stairs, flat on her wrinkled ass

(chorus)

Chauncey was a man of few words But in the end he was unheard His eyes were petrified In delirium His arms shook As he held the gun He took aim On the good book Instead of his brains just to prove a point His neck is craned His eyes like coins That shine their milky matter On the barrel of a luger

(Chorus)

                        ...doubt any of y'all would live up to the wit/confidence/sardonicism y'all judiciously sculpt for hours on the book of face.

SONG FYVE: my summer home

1. This is food for thought Write it down in chalk: The chimney puffs From the fire in the fireplace And erupts in a black plume And with luck The old man Balances a spoon On his nose He sits inside a room As the room grows Smoking from a pipe While its raining outside And the light Is waning, slowly waning, outside

My fingers and my toes Are numb to the bone And I will have my wish To swim with all the fish In the sea of my mind In time ill find A little spot in the country Somewhere peaceful and secluded Ill save up all my money And hope im not deluded And hope that I can find a place Thats nice, a lush spot For a good price

(Chorus) Do you feel that I feel you? Do you feel that you feel me? The time is right to live again To let the atoms wiggle In our spherical galaxy That seems to have no real end But the one that we assume Is reality, and soon We'll eat up all the doom

2. Concentrate upon a single understanding Dont let the sisters on the throne Rage in the dome And find out that this trip Needs more planning to exist

The sky is silver and the universe is green Ill show you things in this world That you have never seen Things that have been waiting So long to be unfurled Things for boys and things for girls Without an explanation Ill bring the nation together And hold it by a tether Show you things for boys And things for girls

(Chorus)

                        ...for example i would never be able to muster the cognitive stones to say all of this, in order, amongst the company of people, even friends

SONG SIX : notion

#1 im in the middle of this phrase Stuck between the lines Bless these simple chains I'll see what I can find In my simple mind To lead to some way out The drip, drip drip of water From the trippy rusty spout Keeps me awake I'll explain that to ur daughter The world is fake The world is miles away:

Chorus: Put a notion on the river And see it travel downsteam Suspended on liquid creature dreams I sweated thru the fever And, between the middle of this phrase Passed all my days in solitude And grew weaker, as the days Passed on in solitude

You can call me daft You can say im frozen In technicolor time That im stranded on an island In the middle of the ocean But I dont have the spine To wiggle thru the shaft And give you back This simple notion

#2 I gots a paper boat Lofting on the water It travels down ur purple throat And dissolves in the water

I set a fire just to see if it could think And I questioned the venom Just to see if it could blink Nonsense on the edge Of the bullshit day Chillin on the ledge, you shape the clay And drive the screws on down And drive the screws on down

I thought of you, thought of you And I felt like a clown

(chorus)

#3 I crawl out, I crawl out I crawl out of bed I walk down the hall To turn the notion into thread And whisper rumors to the dead Sometimes I try to talk And my voice drops Sometimes the vague paralysis Defies analysis And you are left sitting on a chair In a yellow room That is a technicolor tomb Without a door, confined and spare, I crawl, I crawl I crawl out of bed And walk down the hall And fall and fall and fall Into the creation of sound Until I hit the ground And everything is mother night And the imperfections in yur eye Spangle in the strange notion of the twilight

(chorus) (chorus)

                         ...the broad concept of subjectivity has as much to do with a detailed exegesis of one tenet of it as death itself with the specific way we die

SONG SEVEN : collected and connected

You're a sharp one You're a dumb one You got nobody But the people in yur head

And everybody is connected But you aint connected to them Yur a ghost, on the interim While the fringes die out You live them out To the last splinter Until it is winter And the trees are all white with snow And the blue wind blows

Yu spend twenty minutes Feeling for the lightswitch In a room made out of figments That you shovel into a ditch And bury, along with all yur Dangerous ambitions And as you drive away, you feel The religion Of yur memories corrupt u And yu reel

CHORUS. Cuz everyones connected Everyones collected Into the same intangible organism That lives life in the schism Of ur teeth I watch ur lips move And cannot hear u speak I pick up on the clues and watch the pressure leak Until all of it is used And nothing much is left To be abused

Everyones connected by a string That trembles across the space Of every living thing The fractions of my face illuminate in the light I shake when i sing I am a yellow kite Mangled in a tree Forgotten by the breeze I am a thing, wafting in the breeze But I have begun again, my friend, Just by following the string Follow, follow the string

#2 Two days ago the WORLD was made of angles I opened my eyes to the lost ways And came upon a shallow swale The brush and branches tangled And the rays of the sun, barely Coming thru the jail Of the scary fray

Dont you think that yur fellow men Would like to lend a hand? And dont you think That this desert you have crossed Only gets u more lost Until u arrive at the brink Of the sahara, and find A single, solitary house Where a mumbling old man Is confined

(CHORUS) (CHORUS)

i always dress nice when i have no place to go. otherwise i look like a sweaty coked up hobo. its my chic, paranoid hobo chic. my comportment u say? quirky to the acquaintance, somewhat sad to the friend, an endearing mix of both with a dash of worry to the best friend, and an embarrassment to the significant other. im usually the life of the party bc i bring drugs so people are forced to tolerate my horror of a personality.

rejection is a rare and beautiful flower my time is spent tending it my life wants it to be a gift i water the flower it sits next to my bed it is next to a lamp littered under the lamp are dead ladybugs ladybugs are all over my house but if i am not meant i am not meant and i cast my line of poetry here trying to figure out if it was meant to be there wonder exactly why what is innumerable can be rare and think of lots of things

#poetry #powtry #pome #poem #collage #hodgebodge #zibaldone #desiderata #song lyrics #stuff