#then literally deleted me from her life

[bilestat]

.

#why does it still hurt so much that my hs best friend ghosted me #i really shouldn’t be surprised because the second we went to separate colleges she was so hard to get in touch with #and I definitely panicked and got intense trying to contact her #and even asked her sister if she were upset with me #i really should’ve just taken the hint #but we were inseparable #and I’m slowly coming to grips with the fact that I probably had a crush on her #my sibling says we were basically dating #which I guess I can see #we definitely had an intense friendship #but she really told me like. weeks before ghosting me. how much she loved and missed me #then literally deleted me from her life #and didn’t answer when I tried adding her again and texting her #which is cool cause she knew a middle school friend did that to me and how much it hurt but whatevs lol #anyway I definitely didn’t react the best #but it’s been like seven years and I still think about her sometimes and I hate it #i want closure #i want to know what I did to deserve this #i want to stop missing her when I know I deserve better #i want to be able to move on and forget as easily as her #to be deleted #personal #fun fact she also started dating my friend when she came to visit me on campus. he had a girlfriend. #gf broke up with him but they got back together and are married but that’s another story #but hs bff really snuck to my campus to come get him to hang out multiple times #and dated him in secret for months before I had to find out from my actual bestie. #still cannot believe the audacity

[ask-artsy-oncie]

I was reminded of the time that tumblr tried to make "monster high but with tumblr sexymen", and one of the characters was (obviously) the daughter of the once-ler.

And the funny thing to me about that is that in the canon of the illumination lorax movie, the once-ler is heavily implied to have an estranged daughter. I don't know all the sexymen off the top of my head but I think he might've been one of the only ones referenced in that trend who actually had a daughter in his own canon.

#Stupid shit #I'm gonna provide context in the tags for those who want it but I also like the idea of just leaving it there #Okay so for anyone who wasn't in the fandom: when people say the movie gave us no one to ship the Once-ler with they were LYING #The movie gave the Once-ler no MALE characters to ship him with - thus Oncest started #However - the second most popular Once-ler ship was between him and Norma #(Who - if you haven't seen the movie in a while - is Ted's grandmother who tells him about the Once-ler and how to find and barter with him #This was mostly just a ship born from theory and logical deduction - why does Norma know so much personal info about the Once-ler? #Were they perhaps friends? Lovers? In the past? Where was she in his life and at what points? When did she leave? #And people started making theories and shipping the two - primarily as past lovers. But there was art of them reconnecting for sure. #HOWEVER - this also meant that there was a theory that Ted's mom was also related to the Once-ler #As in - hmm this daughter of a very short fat woman is oddly tall and thin... hmmm #And so the running theory wasn't just that the Once-ler and Norma were once lovers - but that the Once-ler was also Ted's grandfather #Who was entirely estranged from the family due to self-exile and possibly bad blood between him and Norma at some point during his downfall #(I actually do think that it's funny that the Once-ler's youngest design purposefully draws some comparison between him & the Truffula tree #Only for the character theorized to be his daughter to also evoke some Truffula tree imagery in her design) #ANYWAYS that was a theory for about as long as the movie was out - Normaler (the ship) was a thing for as long (if not longer) than Oncest #And was present enough that there were like actively flame wars between the two groups of shippers #Like literally I directly remember this it's so insane to me that no one ever brings this up when talking about the shipping in this fandom #BUT THEN!!!! The Lorax comes out on DVD. The fandom rejoices and everyone takes pictures of themselves buying or holding the DVD. #If you dig far enough and I haven't deleted it yet you might find mine. I was in full cosplay wig and all. #Anyways - we have the movie in HD now!! No more cam rip footage!!! #And now we can take high-quality screenshots that truly show off the detail of the backgrounds in this movie #(The fandom loved to gush about how detailed and well-designed the movie's backgrounds were - that wasn't just a throwaway transition) #Only - what's this????? #In one of the shots at the end of the movie - we very briefly get to see the inside of the Once-ler's lurkim - like the living room #AND THERE - IN THE BACKGROUND - ONLY VISIBLE IN HD #IS A PHOTOGRAPH OF A WOMAN WHO SUSPICIOUSLY HAS THE EXACT SAME SILHOUETTE AS NORMA #Normaler fans rejoice and 'Grandpa Once-ler' theory is accepted into canon (or - more accurately - 'implied canon') by most fans #So yes - for those keeping track - while the evidence wasn't as concrete as it could have been #The Once-ler is implied to have been the father of Ted's mom in the movie

[elliesbelle]

lol

#i'm literally like. #sooooo done with life #i've been on the verge of tears on and off today fr #work itself has been ugh #my kids are being so crazy and i love them but very draining #and my work friends are basically pulling away from me and it makes me wanna die #they essentially replaced me with someone else and i'm literally sitting here like oh ok lol #and my ex and i are in this weird fucking space and i can't fucking deal with it #siri play 'boyfriend' by ariana grande and social house #like... she's not mine and like... technically she can date other people lol #but lol you're really taking her out on a date that would be perfect for ME????? #you know what ur doing lol #but i mean ig #'you ain't my boyfriend!!!! and i ain't ur girlfriend!!!!!' #screaming and crying and throwing up #i hate my life y'all #i'm legit at my limit #i don't want to make my every-three-years trip to the ICU and psych ward but!!!!!! #sorry y'all i needed to put this somewhere lol #i'll prob delete later #belle speaks #v

[big8cola]

Hi

#✌️✌️✌️✌️✌️✌️not really been posting much art recently tbh ive kinda been veering away from doing fanart the last few months #I saw spiderverse i thought it was really good though i found the pacing was kindof weird. Gwen was literally the deutragonist of that movi #And i see like no fan content of her.. at least in comparison to other characters...😭 brraks my heart #I have prom tomorrow☝️ killing myself #I started listening to that percy jackson podcast. Pretty ok even though they mention h*rry potter like twice per episode... School just go #out for me so ive mostly been spending my time listening to that and playing papas freezeria... Really awesome #Next year is my last year of hs tbh idk what im doing post secondary i think i might go live with my aunt in bc for a tear...ik i dont wann #stay where i live rn #Was abt to dox myself LOL even though id probably be one of three total tumblr users from where i live😭 #Life is pretty good atm... Not much to complain abt honestly #Summer is going to cause a major metaphorical stock market crash in my intake of ice coffee drinks which is a little heartbreaking #Honestly this past year has been one of my best..ive made alot of good friends and ive started painting and bouldering... Idk #Lowkey thinking about deleting or retiring this account. I think it does more harm than good to me sometimes

[starsandthorn]

"the distance between sitting in the hands of the anemo archon statue in mondstadt and standing on the head of the statue of the omnipresent god in inazuma is exactly 6666m" how the fuck did you guys figure that out

#personal stuff #delete later #was looking into smth regarding the omnipresent god statue. weird she looks a bit like egeria huh #could just be a consequence of similar haircut and bangs + all divine beings in this game wear hoods as symbols of their divinity #but considering she was created directly by the shade of life. i imagine there might be a bit of resemblance there #which might be a hint towards the statue's identity? #like i know we all think it's istaroth but i'm pretty sure that's because she's literally the only divine god we know the name of #and bc she's wearing an eye of the storm AND the exact distance from venti's statue #considering they were. if not besties then they were at least both worshiped in mondstadt for a while #but yall thought nicole was istaroth too like come on #like it might make sense if ei's og plan was to collect visions and use the statue to stop time or smth? #but. we all know how that went. grimaces. thank god we don't have three-act archon quests anymore right #but her sticking visions into a celestial statue does make me curious about the responsibilities of the four shades #and if one of them either had something to do with the vision system or with the quote-unquote ascension system #like what the fuck did that line in neuvillette's ''vision'' story mean #about the gods receiving gifts after a vision holder completes their duty. HUH #just auuugh. ripping and tearing #hope we get to see a full design of egeria when furina's second story quest comes out in. 4.6 i think

[nataliekabra]

ilovemybestfriendilovemybestfriendilovemybestfriendilovemybestfriendilovemybestfriendilovemybestfriend

#i just had to get it out #i can't believe i was ready to let her go this time last year. she's so everything to me #and yes i am posting on this blog because ive blocked most of my irls here #she keeps calling me like twice a day to check in on me. like literally between her classes #and i dont think id want to talk to most people but just hearing her voice makes me so happy #okay im not going to ramble anymore here because (surprise!) i have half a semesters syllabus to study for my midsem tomorrow from scratch #i will do everything except study. tumblr and i have this like codependent relationship #guys im supposed to be off tumblr until my exams because i have literally never been this behind on acads my whole life #its not my fault im an addict i swear i deleted the app and everything ok im on my laptop rn #if you see this no you didnt #also our anthropology midterm was a case study on tumblr it took all my self restraint not to come back here and scream about it #UGH GO STUDY KAVYA #vagueposting the shit out of tumblr dot com #nini🌺

[pepprs]

ok actually yeah. i really need to do dishes and go to bed and not stay up late mentalillnessposting a little too viscerally on tumblr the night before i facilitate a workshop in front of the literal president of the university and the vp of my division (LOL about that btw. actively shitting my pants.) but oh my GOD. so saying goodbye to lia was actually fine in the moment. neither of us cried and we talked about all the ways we’ll still be in each others lives and reasons we’ll have to interact in the near future. and she gave me an extremely heartfelt thoughtful gift and we left on a very hopeful note and i felt better and content bc there’s still the rest-of-life and we’ll see each other there. but like an hour before that as i mentioned i was HYSTERICALLY sobbing. in full view of people i know AND people i don’t. and i just sat there and sobbed while everything carried on around me. everything carried on around me!!! and i feel like im about to sob again thinking about it.

#purrs #delete later #idk. i typed a bunch here and then deleted it and now idk what to say. i just feel so lonely. i have had fucked up relationships with every #single older adult in my life and never had someone who could a) stay in my life b) be consistently present in my life c) meet my emotional #needs d) actually See me and accept me for who i am. Like not one person who can be all four of those things. and i have to be all four of t #those things for myself now because im 24 and i missed my chance. but how fucking shitty and painful is that? especially after a year like t #this. the way it’s literally ending the SAME way last year did. huge scary promotion (which i haven’t even talked about on here or to anyone #but lia today actually. but it might be huger and scarier than i thought. which is good but also HUGE -‘d scary. and not a bad thing of bc o #course but it’s so fucking… perilous? like it makes me feel profoundly imperiled because i have extremely good reason to feel that way. and #i have to endure the mortifying ordeal of applying for my own job AGAIN after the first time was so horrible. lol) and also losing a beloved #mentor figure who understood me in a way no one else did which mattered immensely even if they couldn’t do the whole presence thing or #whatever. and now i only have one older adult in my life left (aside from my therapist who doesn’t really count bc i only see her once a #week and we barely know each other still) who is like. here and helping me and i KNOW i am so sick in the head i KNOW and i should not be #writing it but every single day i am fucking terrified that i am being or will be separated from him emotionally or physically jsut like all #the others so. LOL!!!!! i am normal and well adjusted. but it’s like so fucking painful because im grasping at straws but again the reality #is im 24 and the only people on this earth who it is fair for me to expect all 4 from and who should’ve provided it to me are my parents. #and i missed my chance with them forever and now i have to do it myself. and that’s ok sometimes and i can handle it… except in the moments #where im sobbing hysterically and everything carries on. when i am in my darkest moments i want to run to an older adult and have them #comfort me but i truly cannot do that with any of the ones i still have left / regularly interact with for so many reasons. and it’s so #painful it makes me sick sometimes. and now i have to be the romy and the lia i wish to see in this world. but how can i do that when i #haven’t finished grieving over them leaving which feels like leaving ME — NOW — in this moment when i have never needed more support of that #kind more. how can isummon it within myself. im not ready yet. i need a long hug and a hand to hold that won’t (have to) let go. when im #crying i need someone to take me somewhere and comfort me and calm me down. and im 24 so i can’t ask for it. but oh my god i need it. and i #missed my chance. and lia left today and she only ever did that for me metaphorically but… tonight i feel more alone than ever. #and it’s like i don’t even have the emotional intelligence or whatever to ASK for that. bc im playing by ear and i don’t know how to read #the music of it. im self taught. that fucking sucks. that SUCKSSS. also that’s too strong a way to put it liek obviously my friends who are #closer to my age are INTEGRAL to me being able to function and i learn from them and cherish their support. but just like i can’t be a mom #to me my friends can’t either. so it’s like what the fuck do i do. get steamrolled by relentless grief and rage every day i guess. #also side note. everything carried on when i was in brighton too. i came home early ofc but it’s like nothing changed in my absence. and #that has fucked me up SUPREMELY. i think that might be a root of it. like hm… it seems my presence doesn’t have impacts. but idk

[look-at-the-stars-tonight]

one of my friends and i were talking about life and where we would be in a few years and it made me a lil bit sad

#we were driving somewhere and i said something about how she was going to move away one day #(she doesn't wanna live in texas forever esp cause she's lived here most of her life) #and we talked about how one day we'd both probably just be fond memories to each other #like just people to look back on when thinking about your early 20s or whatever #SHE said this not me. i think it's so fucking morbid #but like she's not wrong and i keep thinking about it #how everyone you ever love will leave u some day?? isn't that just so absolutely fucked #but like. we're probably gonna part ways someday #and then we'll just start talking less and less and less and one day not at all #cause that's how life is isn't it #someone can mean the absolute WORLD to you one day #and a few years later you might not even think about them unless something prompts it #and i DO Try to talk to my besties as often as i can #but maybe i should get on real social media or something idk #it's literally impossible to talk to every single person who has meant something to you on a regular basis #and i think that's what social media is for??? idkkkkk #i'm being melancholy and CRINGE today ig #idk it's weird how u can go from 'we're going to be at each other's weddings' to 'eh we probably won't see each other much if ever #in another five years' #she's said both of those things. one of them is more realistic than the other. #delete later #you just gotta leave before u get left ig #sorry for quoting taylor swift

[rootbeerfloats]

sometimes i wonder how im supposed to move on from her its like she carved out a part of my brain and now lives there

#like i think she was literally one of my first crushes ever and then i was in love with her for like the entirety of highschool but i #couldnt do anything because i already confessed and she rejected me but we were still best friends and then SHE confessed to ME in febuary #of this year and i think that was the happiest moment of my life and then she broke up with me after five months!!!! and its not her fault #that she wasnt ready for a relationship of course its just that like. it was incredibly clear that liked her so much more than she liked me #and it hurts...!!! and i dont even know what to DO now i wanna start dating again but i DONT KNOW HOW literally how do you go from the most #insane painful relationship that lasted years to just like. casual dating. i literally dont know if i can do it HELP LOL #if you read all of this i hope it was entertaining like genuinely i love oversharing on the internet its so cathartic also i am going to #delete this post tomorrow

[grimmjowjaegerjaquez]

will also say that all my thinking about bleach and thus also my old bleach ocs, i am rethinking ways to combine two of the stories i had for them (lorcan's story, and alice's story. like they both originally involved a certain bat lmfao) and now i am like. i mean it started as me just thinking "well this would be a good way to consolidate everything" and now i am thinking about shipping them together and i am losing my mind. how do i keep doing this to myself.

#bleachposting #lorcan's story was about being the original fourth espada and ulq being his only subordinate #(though lorcan would never frame it that way; he always tried to tell ulq that they were equals) #and then lorcan ends up getting really cagey about working for aizen and fearing for ulq's life bc he sees how depressed and nihilist he is #that he ends up betraying aizen and aizen goes ''lol'' and mindfucks him and then seals him into that crystal tomb ulq was found in #and alice's story is about. well being a quincy. being sent off to hueco mundo to be part of the jaegerdame. and uh. defecting. #bc she grows a conscience. #and originally her story was part of my ulq au where he reconstitutes from the dust cloud he became in canon lmao #and is like severely depowered bc hes still recovering (high speed regen only goes so fast when you get completely deleted like that) #and like. the place where he reconstitutes is his crystal mancave tomb. you know the one. from the masked comic. #and alice literally crash lands in there and ulq who is newly reawoken is like ''hey. why are you here. what are you.'' #alice as a character is like a year? or so? older than lorcan #so lorcan's story came about way after this. so i am combining them. alice crash lands onto lorcan. #and hes like ''hey thanks for freeing me from my eternal slumber lol hey whats going on out there'' #i think you can see where this is going :/ #sighs into my hands. this is so dumb #literally it started bc i was like ''whats a slightly sarcastic and dramatic thing lorcan could say to her'' #bc thats the kind of character he is #and i wrote him calling her a ''fallen angel'' bc of how she crashed into his prison #and i just. i mean it writes itself at this point. need i say more.

[roobylavender]

i think one of the most frustrating things to see whenever people get into spats about bruce’s romances is the intentional reduction of selina as a character solely in pursuit of establishing her as the superior love interest. it’s baffling how people retroactively rewrite her history prior to helena’s introduction via the idea she was always written to end up in a marital relationship with bruce. selina was set up as a formidable femme fatale counterpart to bruce and maintained a significant independence as a character for years despite expressing her occasional sympathies with him. the earth two story where she ended up married to bruce did so and killed her off within its first five pages to prop up her daughter’s character, and the subsequent earth one stories of the 80s near completely reduced selina’s personal priorities to being with bruce rather than keeping the focus on any of her moral complexities. obv the way their romance can be executed effectively varies but i don’t understand how no one sees a problem with arguing that selina’s one true purpose is to be the love of bruce’s life. it completely erases any contention with her personal circumstances or morals bc in any scenario where this ideology is posited her personhood has to come second to wanting to fit into bruce’s life. it shouldn’t be any prominent bruce love interest’s purpose to be the love of bruce’s life even if you could find a way to argue for it. that’s the last thing i would be worrying about when approaching female characters within a genre that already affords them so little consistency outside of their relationships with men 

#every time i see these arguments i want to maul someone like can you WAKE UP. there has to be more to these women's existence than this #it esp baffles me with selina fans bc it's like. you guys aren't even in a talia situation #where she was built to be restrained by her relationship with bruce and writers subsequently had to break her out of it #selina was literally independent from day one. she HAD all of the space to be her own character with her own goals #and somehow in a modern landscape this is consistently deprioritized to focus on making sure she ends up in a relationship with bruce #like it's just terrible. do i like where her solo book is going right now no is the solution to put her back with bruce ALSO NO #the solution would be to literally just focus on her. and her morals. in like any substantive capacity #that doesn't make her sex life the focal point of her storytelling #that's where your problem is. her personhood has no value with editorial and it hasn't for years it makes me miserableeee #and to think there was a glimpse of it with ram v before howard took over the book [gag] #to be deleted

[srkgirlblogger]

.

#im going to sound crazy and angry but thats bec i am. i hope my mom dies #wont stop yelling at me. wont stop being passive aggressive all the time and criticising everything i do. wont stop treating me like shit #and then making me feel guilty for being mad at her. #shes always complaining abt me being lethargic and tired and she thinks its because i dont eat good (i eat atleast one meal everyday and #i eat healthier than almost every single kid of my age that i know) or bec i eat too little (after she literally made us give up eating #breakfast when we were like 14 and yelled at me for wanting to eat something for breakfast). #shes a dickhead. it never occurs to her that maybe me being continuous depressed for almost half of my life is a factor in my tiredness. #and im constantly anxious and i used to cry whenever i would pick up a pencil to draw bec i wasnt good at it and i wouldnt get to the #college i need to go to get away from this house if i didnt know how to draw. and literally ive just wanted a stupid skateboard for like #years at this point and she told me shed get me one on my birthday which was two months ago. and even before that when we were in the store #she told me she was going to buy one weeks before my birthday and then got mad at me even when jntold her I didn't want one then. now shes #not even pretending to care about it anymore. + she told me she was going to kick me out of the house if i failed my entrance exam days #after. actually no months after ive kept on talking to her about re attempting my exam if i fail it the first time around. #i hope she rots in hell and i dont even believe in hell #delete later

[pepprs]

ppl are being so fucking mean in the notes of this one wc post abt the new excerpt like. don’t get me wrong i think redacted is a deeply flawed character and i share everyone’s anger and frustration in his storyline being so badly written and lazily thought out and a perfect example of the misogyny in wc like that’s part of why i stopped reading the books bc they kind of fucking suck. but ppl in the notes are saying he’s a loser and should die over… resenting that he is the last person picked for the team? like is that not a universal experience. have we not all been through that. idk. like i know that’s not the most important aspect of this conversation and at the end of the day it’s a fictional character but also it’s like… lol

#purrs #ppl saying he should die over resenting his mom too when like. idk. i get it and i know talking abt these aspects is like unhelpfully #detracting from what the conversation is actually about but like. i think even if his reasons to hate his mom and feel distanced from her #are immature and selfish and he’s needlessly cruel (not to mention the personalities of well established (FEMALE!) characters are literally #being bent into unrecognition narratively to prove him right which i fucking hate) and i think it’s dumb that they didn’t go w his mom for t #this storyline when it was the obvious choice. but also like. the mom stuff is so real. the scene with him and his mom and sister (sorry im #vaguing bc i don’t want this in the search lol) just like wrenched my guts bc that’s what it’s like w me and my mom and my sister. i don’t c #care about the character i don’t even really like him that much and i skim his parts but i think the mom drama storyline is important and #the whole warped view of the world bc of your mom drama storyline is also important and i just don’t like seeing ppl bash him for those #aspects bc… a lot of people out there do that and have that and it doesn’t make them bad people. idk maybe im just defensive and butthurt or #whatever bc it’s making me think abt how maybe how i treat my mom / react to her emotionally neglecting me (and even PERCEIVE it as neglect) #is unfair and flawed and whatever but like. idk. i just think it’s unfair to want him to die for struggling w that and i think that aspect #of it is written in a very real way that i appreciate a lot in a vacuum / detached from the context of the character. and i wish ppl were #focusing their anger towards the erins for choosing him and warping the storyline more than they are taking issue with the actual like. #conflict and emotion in it because yeah i do think that redacted is justified in feeling how he feels in some ways. idk #it’s been pissing me off all night. like ppl are allowed to say die and kys and explode etc i do it all the time but also.. for that #specific thing it doesn’t feel fair. and it’s embarrassing to say that but im saying it. lol #delete later #like the reason he hates his mom isn’t because he hates women it’s because she abandoned him and couldn’t be a mother to him (for extremely #justifiable reasons but still) and even though it’s justifiable that is also like.. real. and it impacts you for life. lol! 🤸🏻‍♀️

[meejijis]

Suddenly wanted to go look for my cringey comic I've made way back in 2010 when I was in my weeb phase so I went onto smackjeeves, hoping to find it, only to find out that apparently I'm a few years late learning that smackjeeves SHUT DOWN on December 2020........ That. Really sucks. A lot. What the fuck 😭😭😭

#txt #Luckily I managed to come across a reddit post that had an absolute mad man that preserved almost 80% of EVERYONE's comic onto #internet archive. I checked to see if my cringe comic made it and it did. IMFAOOO #I reread it and im fucking cackling. lord #Though aside from that Ive been reminiscing about the days when I used to use this website back when I was in like 3rd-5th grade. #I mostly read lots of shoujo mangas on there. #I remembered some of my absolute favorite comics being “123 step!” by AshlingDraws. There was also this comic that never got finished #but it had 9 year old me on a CHOKEHOLD. “And your name is...?” by haku10 / akumatenshi19. literally one of my favs aaaaaaaa #I also remembered when rosuuri (who also used to go by tsugumi09 / tsugumi09x) USED to made comics too. I still remembered she made 3 comic #One of them was titled acquaintance. I still remembered it being set in a highschool setting I believed. slice of life. there was bullying. #and romance. I think she finished it but it later deleted it. I also remembered another comic she made but i forgot the title but #it was about highschool students and angels I believe...(?) then there was her comic about Pinku and alice in wonderland. aaaaaaaa #Rosuuri ended up deleting all of her comics and left smackjeeves like somewhere in like 2016. Idk but she left somewhere during those years #then there was m syndrome written and drawn by nemurou. who also later sadly deactivated everywhere. literally one of my first favorite #artists and inspiration. Nemurou come backkkk. I miss her art a lot ;;;;;__;; #Those were mostly almost all of the comics I remembered from my smackjeeves days they ALL had me on a chokehold on 9-11 year old me #YOU HAVE TO IDEA #And if it werent for me being babysitted by my ex crush and his older sisters which the eldest one who used to draw anime and posted #onto her webcomic being titled love letter onto smackjeeves I would have never have this childhood experience. I prob wouldnt be where i am #with my art today either. #But yeah smackjeeves was a part of my childhood at some point. it truly is tragic theyre not here anymore. I am grateful to the person from #reddit that archived almost 80% of it though. But man. Truly an end of an era. Rip

[ozlices]

wrote another note as civilly as i fucking could despite still being triggered, honestly. if this one doesn't result in us actually make up i fucking give up bruh i cant keep doing this w her

#mine #i tried in the og letter to be like i rly wish u'd just understand my journey w dealing w my trauma wrt my abuser #is the same journey that ur going on w my dad & im not ready for that journey yet. #like dawg. i literally watched my daughter fucking die this year then got betrayed by my roommate & damned back to where it happened #sorry not sorry coddling my 30 y/o abuser who still throws tantrums is not on my priority list of processing & healing ?????? #she literally has held this shit over my head my entire life #she believes my abuser at her word automatically & she always has #but my word is always called into question. like... god it's so fucking exhausting. #even when i was a kid if we woke her up from fighting my abuser always told her side of the story before me #& it was believed even if i was sobbing my eyes out from being traumatized. #she literally said in her note that i need to explain stuff that happened to her if it rly did happen & it's just. #I DID!!! I DID /WHEN/ IT HAPPENED!!! & GUESS WHAT?! YOU BELIEVED MY ABUSER OVER ME!! #WHAT DIFFERENCE WOULD RELIVING MY TRAUMA MAKE NOW??? NONE!! ALL IT WOULD DO IS TRIGGER ME FOR NOTHING!!! #im so fucking tired bruh i literally am at my wit's fucking end #i am trying so damn hard to stay afloat but i wanna scream & break shit #bc it's so fucking infuriating to have made sm progress just to get reset like this. & to an even worser degree UUUUGGGHH #i hate being a person so much #vent// #delete later// #abuse mention//

[drevming]

I miss the people I made connections with on here

#I deleted my blog at 19k #got harassed and had enough of the attitudes of people in my space at the time #people that are radical and literally dont see the other side at all #so literally my life from 12-23 was erased because some bigot decided to harass me #and they were so shortsighted that they just twisted my words against me and took it all out of context. #I'm mainly talking about Izzy from the UK when saying I miss the connections #her url was something like bookshelvesand... something? #idk I just still think about her as a person and I hope she's doing okay #last time we talked #she wasnt