#the three really knows the relationship already

[whismizxal]

who’s her man? pt 2 ln4

── in which y/n y/l/n soft launches her relationship and her fans are starting to figure out who it is.

── warning: fluff, secret relationship, love, kissing, probably some spelling and grammar mistakes, if there’s more warnings to be added, let me know.

f1 drivers. navigation. prt 1

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WHEN Y/N Y/L/N WALKED THROUGH THE DOOR OF THE ARRIVIALS IN MADRID AIRPORT she didn’t expect to see her boyfriend dressed in a black tracksuit with a large grin on his face.

she was quick to run up to him, drop her bags and hug him. the man held her tightly as he embraced her before pulling back and kissing her quickly and leaning his forehead against her’s.

“hi my love.” she said softly as she looked up at his eyes and stroked his cheek.

“hi gorgeous.” he responded back, his tone just has soft and endearing.

“thought we agreed you weren’t gonna pick me up, you need to rest.” y/n pointed out.

“you honestly think I wasn’t gonna pick up my girl from the airport after I haven’t seen her in two months? you’re crazy.” he said calmly as he held her, looking at her as if she hung the moon and the stars.

“you still need your rest love.” she told him whilst she ran her fingers through his hair.

“mhm, so come on then, let’s go rest.” he smiled, reluctantly pulling away and grabbing her luggage whilst his other hand intertwined with hers.

as they walked towards his car there’s a comfortable silence which is soon broken by him as he places the luggage in the car and opens the car door for her.

“how long can stay with me?” he asks, as he gets into the car.

“three months.” she sees happily, her smile only growing when she sees his reaction.

“yeah?” he says hopeful, his face filled with joy and love.

“yeah.” she confirms nodding her head as she leaned into kiss him which he accepted quickly. “you have me for three months.” she whispers against his lips with a soft smile.

“good.” he murmurs as he kisses her again, placing his hand on her cheek as she places her’s on the back of his head.

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landonorris made a story

yourusername replied to this story

my love, thank you 🤭

ofc, I can’t help but notice I am mentioned a lot though

it’s for you. pretty sure everyone’s gonna realise we’re dating soon

I love it. thank you gorgeous

🤍🤍🤍

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yourusername

liked by landonorris, your bestfriend and 721,191,822 others

yourusername you guys already know so might as well show a few photos I’ve taken over the past two years of MY BOYFRIEND. happy anniversary love 🤍🤍

tagged; landonorris

view 10,292 comments

landonorris WHERE DID YOU GET THAT LAST PHOTO?

yourusername your mum. where else would I get it?

username not the first photo 💀

username she did him dirty with those last two photos

username DID YOU GUYS GET A DOG

username damn two years

username so happy for you guys!!

danielricciardo surprised you guys kept it a secret for so long

carlossainz55 send me that last photo

⤷ yourusername you got it 🫡

⤷ landonorris NO WHY

⤷ yourusername too late 🤍🤍 sending love

⤷ landonorris I hate you

⤷ yourusername I love you too pretty boy

⤷ landonorris love you more

⤷ carlossainz55 take this somewhere else so I can’t stop getting notifications of you two flirting.

last part, hope you guys liked it <3 also I feel like this is really cringe but idk 😭. also that spotify thing looks so bad so I might change it.

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#✧ . * 🛩️ whismizxal’s blog! #✧ . * 🪿 whismizxal’s stories! #✧ . * 🎧 whismizxal’s driverlist! #f1 #f1 imagine #f1 social media au #f1 x reader #formula 1 #f1 x female reader #f1 x y/n #f1 fanfic #f1 fic #lando norris #lando norris x you #lando norris x y/n #lando norris x reader #ln4 x reader #ln4 x y/n

[moviecritc]

i saw an edit on tiktok and i can’t stop thinking about it so i wanted to ask you if you could do either a smau or a fic with versainz x reader where not a lot of people know their dating and a guy starts flirting shamelessly with the reader and versainz get super jealous

anyone but us ⋆ versainz

pairing: versainz x reader

word count: 607

warnings: versainz a little bit too much overprotective

a/n: i understand you darling, i can't stop thinking about max and carlos either

masterlist | wattpad | letterboxd

Y/N loved to party, especially when it was to celebrate one of her boyfriends' victories. The season had just started and Max and Carlos had already shared a podium; it was on occasions like these that Y/N wondered why Carlos didn't have a secured seat yet. She knew Red Bull was in talks with him, and although nothing was certain, she would love for Max and him to be on the same team. Having to choose which garage to be in at each race was an awkward situation, and she knew Max would love to have Carlos on his team too.

But none of that worried them at the moment. They were at the after-party, celebrating their victories with some friends and too many strangers. Carlos had his hand on Y/N's leg, while Max had his arm draped over the back of the sofa behind his girlfriend, occasionally playing with a few strands of her hair.

Few people knew that the three of them were in a relationship. Although they had been together long enough to know they loved each other for life, the criticism still scared Y/N a little. If gossip pages already trashed her for her close friendship with the two of them, who knows what they would say if they knew there was much more.

"Are you really not going to dance with me?" Y/N sighed, with a disappointed expression.

"My feet hurt, hermosa," Carlos said, moving his thumb slightly on the hand resting on her leg.

Y/N turned her head towards Max, who was finishing his gin-tonic. "You know I don't dance."

Y/N let out a long sigh and slid down the couch a bit. "I can't believe that out of two boyfriends, both are boring."

Carlos and Max exchanged a look, Carlos biting his lip and Max with his usual expression. They were both exhausted; it had been a long race, and neither of them felt like being there, but they knew how much their girlfriend loved after-parties, especially when they were the stars of the night.

"I can dance with you."

Y/N frowned slightly as she saw a man sit on one of the poufs next to the sofa. She noticed Carlos's hand tense a bit around her leg.

"Who are you, exactly?" Y/N asked with a sweet smile.

"I work for McLaren."

After that sentence, she felt Max's arm move closer to her back.

"So, what do you say? Dance with me?" he extended his hand with a suggestive look.

"I wou-"

At that moment, Carlos's hand stretched out, slapping the stranger's hand away.

"She doesn't want to dance with you," Max declared, now putting an arm around Y/N's shoulders.

"Not at all," Carlos agreed, even tightening his grip on his girlfriend's thigh.

The man looked at Y/N for a few moments, then at Carlos, and finally at Max, who gave him a hard look, then said:

"What are you still doing here? Get lost."

Y/N blinked and looked at her boyfriends, hiding a silly smile.

"What was that?" Y/N asked, impressed and not turned on at all.

"That's what I want to know. Who the hell did that guy think he was?" Carlos spat, taking a sip of his drink.

"An idiot who thought we'd let her dance with anyone but us," Max said, with an ironic smile.

#max verstappen #carlos sainz #versainz #versainz x reader #versainz x you #versainz x yn #max verstappen x you #max verstappen x reader #max verstappen imagine #max verstappen fanfic #formula 1 #noraverse 🫧 #carlos sainz x y/n #carlos sainz x you #carlos sainz x reader #carlos sainz one shot #carlos sainz imagine #cs55 #mv1 #cs55 fic #cs55 x reader #cs55 imagine #cs55 fluff #mv1 x reader #mv1 imagine #mv1 fic #mv1 x you #f1 #f1 fanfic #formula 1 one shot

[doublel27]

We Are: Queer Found Family and Romance

Or the meta I didn’t intend to write.

It’s taken 9 eps (of me admittedly watching We Are through gifs and clips on Twitter, because I have yet to pay for iQIYI and I am bad at grey watching) but I think I have figured out the central conflict/plot of We Are and why the mostly linear narrative of Phum and Peem with the in media res relationships of our other three pairings made this impossible to fully tease out until we got all the pieces.

The through line that connects all of these stories about how incredibly hard it can be to be part of a queer friend group when the lines of friendship and romance blur, especially when there’s a real aspect of found family to that group.

Two things really cemented it for me this week: Tan telling the gang (and therefore the audience) the full scope of his background with Fang, as well as the beginning of Phuwin’s IG live where he talks about why he likes Kluen as a character is that he’s very direct with people he likes and isn’t blurring the lines between friends and possibly fucking up the friendship.

Because that’s the central problem that all four main couples of the show grapple with in different ways. I’m gonna get into all of that under the cut.

I’m going to start with Tan and Fang because aou contains multitudes and is my beloved while going for Fang could have always messed up his relationship with Phum, we find out in episode 9 that Tan met Fang first. Unsurprisingly, it’s not a great first meeting between what are seemingly two known fighters of what appear to be rival high schools. But then Tan finds Phum and Fang being jumped by a group from his own high school and saves them and eventually becomes friends with them sometime two years+ before the start of our story. Within this time, Tan falls so far in love with Fang, who can both out bitch and out fight, him that Tan goes full simp instead and cuts out the fighting(love that for him).

And mixing his reveal to his friends of how he met Fang and how Fang eventually consumed his waking thoughts to the point he would wish to order Fang as a pizza topping (my love for Tan is immeasurable).

But take us back to episode 2 (which is now on YouTube for US watchers for how long I don’t know) and Tan has clearly not seen Fang in awhile. He asks Phum to invite Fang out where Tan will happen to be. At the time, it was taken as Tan and Phum are university friends and Tan and been obsessed with Fang ever since and needs Phum to make the connections. But the clues that Tan and Fang were also close were already laid down. Their exchange goes:

Tan: Hey. It’s been awhile. Right?

Fang: I thought you were dead.

Tan: Come on. I haven’t seen you in ages either. (That’s the English translation, but the flow of the conversation connotes that Fang hasn’t sought him out either)

At which point Phum makes the face he always makes when Tan is in Fang hyperfocus mode of looking away and sighing. And Fang pointedly asks why Phum invited him out and what is going on.

Which is a weird exchange when you think Tan is Phum’s friend who is obsessed with Fang. It is a less weird exchange between friends that have been avoiding each other for an unspecified amount of time. And we can assume Tan started avoiding Fang because he was madly in love with him and didn’t know how to handle it and didn’t tell Fang why he was avoiding him.

In the episode 9 speech to his friends, Tan outlines that he didn’t think Fang would ever reciprocate his feelings (that it was impossible) and didn’t want to fuck with the friendship (at which point Pun sends a longing look to Chain but we’ll get back to that later) with Fang and Phum and he buried it. Until he couldn’t live with it any longer and decided to do something about it.

Which with the limited information we have, his feelings were already fucking with his friendship. He already didn’t know how to approach Fang because of his feelings at the start of the show, so is it better to not try and hope the romantic feeling dies while avoiding your friend or shoot your shot and maybe get a boyfriend out of it or maybe continue to fuck up your friendship. Tan chooses to roll the dice and it’s clear from the moment they leave the bar in episode two that Fang likes him back.

They both watch each other when they think the other isn’t looking. Fang is the one who sends Phum and Peem home together and sets himself up with a taxi ride with Tan. It’s particularly interesting to me after episode 9, this exchange, because Fang looks at a passed out Peem, mouths Peem? And proceeds to ask Phum if this is the guy that hit him while Tan snickers and Peem looks like the saddest wet cat. It’s only after the affirmative from Phum that Fang is essentially like “well, you can take him home Phum. Take home your drunk friend who hit you and I will go home with Tan.” Which our besotted Tan jumps at.

And considering the parallel between Tan and Fang meeting and Tan immediately sassing him and Fang throwing a punch leading to a fight, and Phum ruining Peem’s painting which led to mutual sassing and a kick to the nuts and a fight…I don’t know if Fang is a mastermind and connected the dots because these brothers need someone who will occasionally not be afraid talk back if need be and sees the potential for Phum to care as much about Peem as Fang does for Tan. Or if he just wants time alone with Tan and doesn’t see it. Look, I wouldn’t be surprised if Fang is secretly a long game mastermind.

Once they’re alone, Tan and Fang steal glances and flirt in the way that Tan makes very loud attempts at flirting and

Additionally, Fang is reserved like Phum, and seemingly as isolated as his only friends seem to be Phum’s friends. We don’t know if he is just not paying attention to other members of the architecture faculty or knows stuff about Kluen he won’t share. As previous parts of this narrative are folded in later episodes, we may find out. What we do know is he’s either ever only appeared alone or in connection to Tan and Phum and Phum’s friends. Even with the flashbacks, Tan points out that the head of the Fang, head of cheer club, approaches him alone and later it’s just Fang and Phum when Tan finds the group of guys jumping them. We know he and Phum adopt Toey who is bullied in high school. It makes sense why he’s potentially reserved about pushing things with Tan if Tan becomes his first real high school+ friend that he has outside of his brother.

Which is why by the time we get to episode 5, Fang says yes before Tan finishes talking. He’s been waiting but also wasn’t willing to be the first to put himself out there. And considering how much Fang and Phum seem to live in their heads and not in the world with everyone else, I can see why he needed Tan to be the one to commit to it first, especially with Fang’s later comments about not understanding why hanging out with him is a preference of Tan’s. I do hope we cross his “don’t tell tan how gone I am on him” bridge later in the narrative. Cause I think Tan knows, but also it’s nice to hear.

Let’s go back to another long-suffering pair where only one half really knew why they were suffering, and the other got a nasty shock, QToey.

I know the guys are all team if Toey loves Q and Q loves Toey then why is Q so hesitant? And I get it, but let’s talk about the double shock Q suffered and the potential layers of risk Q is facing.

It’s not just that Q is cautious with his heart. That is a factual truth. It’s why he ghosted Milk Frappe Boy, because while he fell in love with Milk Frappe Boy I think there was a deep worry, and a self esteem issue that the reality of Q, instead of Pencil Senior, would not be enough for Milk Frappe boy. So Q bolted and then deeply regretted said bolting enough say so to both Toey, not knowing the truth, and to Peem.

But the fact that he learned that Toey was indeed Milk Frappe boy at the same time he learned all of his best friends, his family for all intents and purposes, also knew and no one told him. And the way the confrontation is staged between Q and Toey, it is Q against Toey and everyone else is behind Toey.

And that, friends, that’s the real third rail for Q.

It’s one thing to know that he loved Milk Frappe Boy and that he loves Toey. And that is scary enough. The fandom loves to joke about how Toey is everyone’s little brother and they’ve all adopted him: and that is a correct assessment. But that means if Q fucks it up with Toey, he stands a chance in his mind of everyone else choosing Toey over him.

That fear doesn’t even feel that unfounded when everyone calmed Toey down mostly before Peem, Q’s true bestest friend, came out to be with him. Like Peem caught Toey before going after Q. The next episode nearly every character but Q (aside from Fai who is at all connected to this group) shows up to plan how to support Toey in getting Q.

And while I know my brain cell-less brain trust fully believe they’re helping Q, no one actually seems to ask what Q wants. Aside from Peem trying to get him to come to some that first night on the curb, no one ever asks. And that night all Q wants is to sleep in a pile with his four best friends, because that’s his family. Losing them is even scarier than losing Toey. In essence he’s lost Milk Frappe Boy once. He could do it again. But if they chose Toey…IDK.

We don’t know anything about their families really, aside from Peem’s lovely aunt and the fact that Phum doesn’t get along with his dad. And I get why when the focus is really on these large groups of found families (that are becoming one large found family) that the audience is really in love with. The bonds between the friends are just as much a part of the romance as the actual romances. Because the friendship is where the complications come from.

And while I can’t speak to mlm spaces, as I have never identified as a man, within queer wlw and non-binary spaces there are jokes about dating yourself out of friend groups. There are people you used to know who you don’t anymore because you dated someone in the friend group and were too new and got bounced. Or you date and the way it ends make everyone choose one side. Or, a person in the friend group has a crush on another person in said group, that is an open secret but when the person who was crushed upon gets a new relationship people get mad at them for not dating the person in the friend group who liked them all along because didn’t everyone know. (None of these are from personal experience I assure you 🙃)

And it doesn’t always happen like that. Sometimes the people figure out a friendship or a queer platonic solution when they’re not attracted to each other anymore. Sometimes they orbit around the friend group like two comets on opposite trajectories, occasionally crossing in awkward moments. Sometimes everyone gets past the weird. Sometimes no one does.

But that’s the risk that we’re playing in this show. I can choose the romance, but if it doesn’t work out, I am gambling this safe zone.

Which is gonna bring me to our last two pieces of this: one has had the most development and one the least but both are struggling.

I’m gonna start with Chain and Pun who are the most unhinged, gay yearning codependent besties that exist in the middle of the week and give Potae and Payos on Only Boo a real run for their money. (Both have lips touching earlobes and I don’t have a platonic answer for either) The thing is, I think both Chain and Pun are very aware of the mutual feelings. They both have moments where you know they’re aware but neither will do anything about it. And they are in the case of the story, the most embedded in one single friend group, and have the potential to explode their core group of five if things go sideways.

Now, they’re also the pair that has been effectively dating this entire time without actually dating. The ear biting and the blowing on things in the other’s mouth and the…I don’t have platonic explanations for their behavior okay? I don’t. Not naming it keeps it from being real though. It’s a collective hallucination or the biggest game of chicken.

Eventually, though, one of them is going to cross the line in a way that can’t be erased or the line redrawn. And it’s gonna have to be big because their friends watched them gaze longingly into each other's eyes for 20+ seconds and thought it was normal. Because this is how they are.

And that brings us to not quite friends not quite lovers and not quite enemies, Phum and Peem. The risk is, as discussed in many other metas, mostly on Phum’s side here and it’s why he spent the episode so hesitant. Yes he started off particularly entitled and rude. His and Peem’s relationship started as a fight (but so did Tan and Fang) and Phum feels incredibly comfortable with Peem. He’s definitely neurodivergent coded my Phum, which doesn’t make his assholery okay, but it explains his hesitancy to try new things and his struggle with making friends and expressing his feelings.

He’s got friends but he doesn’t feel particularly deeply connected to them. Yes, Beer makes time for him and actively seeks him out to give advice. He and Fang have a level of sibling codependency that hints at neglect and Fang protecting Phum at all costs. We see Tan approach Phum most of the time and while some of that is angling to get to Fang, Tan does genuinely care. But Tan is also incredibly loud which seems to be a lot for our neurospicy Phum, and Tan also has his large found family with Peem. Same with Toey, who Phum and Fang adopted long ago, and clearly Phum adores him, but he’s also the little brother of the art faculty.

And Peem is a very loving and giving soul and he makes time and space for Phum even though he’s annoying and high handed and gets Phum out of his ruts and comfort zones. And Phum clearly wants Peem to choose him, because Phum has already chosen even if he hasn’t said “I like you and want to date you.” He’s said other very direct things about how safe he feels with Peem and how connected he feels to other people by hanging out with Peem. And Peem is this safe space for him to go out and connect with the world without it being overwhelming and he even feels more connected to his own friends.

And that’s the danger that Kluen represents and what Phum struggles with. He wants Peem to choose him, but he also doesn’t want to force Peem to make a choice and not choose him, and then lose out on the experiences he’s building with Peem as well as a break in some of the connections he has with the people closest to him as Fang and Toey find love within Peem’s group. And so again, the question comes around, is it better to stay in this limbo where no one says anything and maybe Peem dates Kluen but I get to keep him as a friend, or do I roll the dice like Tan and maybe win.

I think it’s been a hard thread to pull because without the context of Tan & Fang meeting first, and Phum and Peem mending their relationship to become something akin to friends who kiss sometimes and don’t talk about it, and the lingering feelings of betrayal for Q by his friends (where they learned about his largest secret/mystery and NO ONE TOLD HIM) which are later revelations in the course of the show, they feel like different types of love stories without the mess of friendship blurring the lines. The story feels linear, because we start in a school year with the meeting of Phum and Peem, the connections between the other characters are older than this year, leaving some of their stories in media res.

And it’s an interesting core struggle taking a risk when the line between who you’re friends with, who you depend on, and who you’re attracted to blurs and the potential for rifts in your safety net are everywhere. It’s not the first show with this as a central tangle nor is it specific to queer television. But the reality of the deep ties that can exist within queer friendships and how they form deep supportive communities makes the stakes higher. And that’s why the friendships are developed nearly as much if not more than some of the romances. That’s where a lot of the risk lies for these characters.

Anyway, that’s nearly 3K of thoughts I didn’t know I had in me about We Are until today. But here we are.

#we are the series #we are series #we are #phumpeem #qtoey #tanfang #chainpun #thai bl #thai ql #gmmtv #gmmtv 2024 #we are meta #we are the series meta #queer media meta #doublel27 talks #doublel27 meta #I know I rambled here #sorry if it’s not coherent

[deluweil]

I feel like the characters of Buck and Eddie's specifically are so underdeveloped it borders on crime at this point.

Because Buck has traveled all over the world, he was a so called sex addict, and sought (still seeks) attention from every breathing relatively human form he comes across.

He was a bartender and his communication skills are limited to flirting mode (see 911 LS hold the line) - It's like right there where TK from LS felt the need to tell Buck that he has a boyfriend - and you're telling me he never experimented?? Never been kissed by a drunken man?

He has gay friends, has he never been to a gay club??

And Eddie! The man was in the army, he was never in love with Shannon, he loved her - sure - she was the mother of his child, they had sexual chemistry but there was nothing there emotion wise.

Also often they'd have sex after they were reunited to avoid actually talking to each other.

Eddie went and reenlisted to a job he knew there was a fair chance he may not return home alive from, to avoid actually having to deal with the realization of Christopher's diagnosis and not being able to adjust and not wanting to be a husband to Shannon.

He didn't want to get married, he did that because he knocked her up not because he wanted to get married - his way of running was enlisting. - It was his personal suicide mission. - Like he said in 5X14 - his friends are gone and he's still here - "not sure why." - it wasn't just survivor's guilt, he never planned to live in the first place.

And you're telling me that with all his time spent with soldiers most of them men, not thinking about his wife, just his son - because when he was in a dire situation it wasn't a picture of Shannon and Christopher, it was just Christopher.

And in 3X15, He does see Christopher but he also sees BUCK! ALOT!

Are you telling me that in this very intimate connection he has with Buck, that he seems so comfortable in - there was nothing similar that preceded that? Eddie broke down when he found out all his friends from the army were dead, was there something more there? Other than failing to save them from themselves and bad luck?

I feel like 7 seasons later and all I know of Buck and Eddie from before can be summarized in one paragraph each and nothing more - I can write articles about what I deduced watching them with each other the past 7 seasons, but nothing that explains that intense, intimate, tension underneath the surface between them.

I want to know where it's buried. Give me less LIs and chemistry-less relationships - And give me a history that can connect me to the here and now, that explains what made Buck and Eddie, almost instantly, BuckandEddie - buddie.

I want them to be developed characters, and not just the scratch the surface we got so far.

I have so many questions!!!

#deluweil has so many questions #what makes them tick #except for the ptsd and abandonment issues for not being hugged enough as a child #evan buckley #eddie diaz #buddie #911 speculation #for main characters they are so underdeveloped it's upsetting #bobby had like three begins already #chimney and hen's lives were laid out pretty clearly #i feel like eddie's begin was centered on his faulty relationship with shannon and his ptsd we don't really know anything about him #Buck's story for all the layout was not exactly telling except that he had a brother that his parents suck #Athena's background was laid out perfectly and developed not only in her begin episode #why are buck and eddie different?? #is it that the writers hasn't decided or because they are single it doesn't matter? #were they originally just pretty faces with muscles? #I want to know #911 spoilers #kinda

[pluviowriting]

Study Break

18+ || MDNI || Content Warnings: SMUT, characters aged up, established relationship, language, praise kink, thigh riding, lil bit of breeding kink, semi public sex I think that covers it all

Word Count: 1480 exactly

Sebastian Sallow x f!MC

A/N: Happy Thirsty Thursday :) This was written in one sitting and not edited at all. I read through it once before going “yeah post it”

~~~

MC was ready for summer. Summer meant NEWTs were done and she could take a month or so off to celebrate and relax before diving headfirst into her next adventure. She had spent the last two summers under an apprenticeship with Fatima Lawang, making the trip from Feldcroft to Keenbridge every day to study and learn business from someone she truly looked up to. She would be opening a small apothecary in the hamlet she now called home. It was a wonderful location, since she knew Bernard really stuck to selling beast byproducts and plants. She wouldn’t be encroaching on his market, and she could also source ingredients from him. It was going to be, thankfully, a mutually beneficial existence.

She had moved to Feldcroft at the end of their fifth year. Sebastian had nowhere else to live over the summer months, she really had nowhere to live over that time, and neither wanted to be alone. So, when that first year had come to an end, she just followed him home. He had started courting her about halfway through that summer. She had accepted and they had practically lived together like a married couple ever since.

Before she could get to the summer and enjoy her newfound freedom with the love of her life, she had to pass the NEWTs. In order to get her apothecary license, she needed to score high in Potions and Herbology at the very least, but that wasn’t going to be enough for her. The reputation of saving the wizarding world at fifteen years old meant she was expected to do exceedingly well on all of her NEWTs, and she was determined to do so.

She had taken up residence in one of the more secluded corners of the library. It always ensured that MC wouldn’t have to share the table and she could have all of her books open and spread out. Only a select few people knew of where she hid out to study, which limited the interruptions. Except in the case of her boyfriend.

She didn’t know how long she had really been studying when Sebastian finally sat beside her. She didn’t even look up from rereading a paragraph she had already read ten times before. She still retained nothing.

“MC. Love, you missed lunch. I brought you some food.”

“Thanks Bash. I’ll eat it in a minute. I just need to understand what this page is saying.”

He set the plate down and moved the book.

“Considering it’s well past lunch and I didn’t even see you at breakfast, I think you can’t understand the page because you’re hungry. Eat and take a break.”

MC glared at him, debating whether or not it would be worth the argument since they were both the most stubborn person the other had met. That train of thought was interrupted by a rather loud growl as she was betrayed by her own stomach. She ate the food that he brought her without further complaint.

While she ate, Sebastian sat beside her and scanned over the tomes she had laid out on the table. She was paying more attention to him instead. The way that his eyebrows furrowed when he was focused on a paragraph in one of the books and the way his lips moved silently with the words. She focused on his hands as he turned the page and the way that the muscles in his exposed forearms flexed even with that small movement. She could feel herself growing hotter by the second, and it led to the realization that she and Sebastian hadn’t been intimate in nearly three weeks. It could’ve been a record, honestly. Even before he was courting her, after they took each other’s virginities that first summer in Feldcroft, they hardly went more than a couple days without going after each other. The joys of two students living with no chaperone.

“I can feel you staring holes in the side of my head, MC. Have you finished eating? Do you want me to read to you to see if that helps you understand the material better?”

The way he cared for her had also always been one of her favorite things. She had never been good at keeping herself in check, but Sebastian always did his best to make sure she didn’t overextend herself.

“I—uh it’s mostly gone. But I was thinking about something else.”

“Were you? Care to share with the class, darling?”

“I could use your help. Just in a different way.”

He looked at her curiously for a moment before it seemed he registered the look on her face and his expression grew more heated.

“Have you been thinking too much? Do you want to turn that brilliant brain off for a minute?”

His tone was condescending, and while it would normally agitate her when he spoke to her that way, this time it felt different. She nodded slowly, her eyes not leaving his own while a smirk grew on his face.

“Do you remember over the winter holiday, you told me about how one of the girls had talked about grinding on a pillow when she didn’t want to do things herself and I made you do it for me? We don’t have a pillow here, but I bet I could have you grinding on something else and feeling as good as you did that night. Come sit on my thigh, darling. We’ll see if you can ride me like you rode that pillow. Maybe you’ll make just as big a mess on me.”

As she settled in on his lap, she was grateful she had opted for a skirt instead of one of the few outfits she had with pants. The back of the skirt that draped over her boyfriend’s knee would hopefully help hide what they were doing if anyone were to stumble back and find them.

She gave an experimental roll of her hips, and she felt Sebastian’s thigh flex beneath her. MC let out a shaky exhale as she did it again. The thin fabric of her knickers and the coarse fabric of Sebastian’s quidditch pants provided the most delicious friction to her clit. Sebastian’s large hands settled on her hips beneath her skirt, the feel of his fingertips on her bare skin lighting her nerves on fire.

“Make sure you stay quiet. Don’t need anyone hearing how I’m helping you study,” his voice purred, the effect going straight to her core.

As she grew more confident, her pace picked up. Sebastian helped, tensing his thigh and slightly pushing her hips down when she rolled them to make sure that the bundle of nerves she was focused on didn’t go a second without feeling something.

“That’s it, darling. Use me. Grind that needy little cunt on my thigh.”

MC gasped softly, biting her lip as the familiar tension in her lower stomach began to build. She was able to keep her volume down, but she couldn’t keep herself from whining and whimpering completely.

“Bash. Oh gods. I-I’m~”

“Keep going, darling. I can feel how bad you need it. That pretty pussy is drooling through my trousers. You’re making such a mess for me, my good girl. Go on. Cum on my thigh. You can do it, honey.”

With his encouragement and permission, she felt herself giving into the pleasure as her orgasm hit. Her hips stuttered, but Sebastian kept her in rhythm. She registered his low moan too, her chest heaving as she started to come down from her high.

MC’s hand moved to where she assumed she’d find Sebastian’s bulge, hard and aching for the attention she wanted to give it. Instead, her hand landed on a warm, wet patch on the front of his trousers.

“Sebastian Sallow,” she spoke his name low and soft, her frazzled brain slowly putting the pieces together as she looked up at him. “You came in your pants. Untouched. Because of me?”

The boy’s freckled cheeks flooded with color as he blushed. Her normally suave boyfriend seemed embarrassed by this turn of events.

“I may have. You didn’t see yourself. Or hear yourself for that matter. I didn’t realize it was going to happen until it just…happened.”

“That is one of the hottest things you’ve ever done. If we can sneak down to the library floo flame without getting caught, we can make it to the ROR. And I can give you something else to cum in.”

He let out a dark chuckle, looking at her with blown pupils.

“You think this is a game, MC? Hmm? Merlin, I’m gonna get you so fucking pregnant.”

Her eyes widened, and she couldn’t stop the giggle that fell from her lips. She was still giddy as she pulled him down the stairs and towards the floo flame on the back wall.

Thank Merlin for study breaks.

#hogwarts legacy #sebastian sallow #hogwarts legacy fic #sebastian x mc #sebastian sallow smut #sebastian sallow fanfiction #sebastian sallow fic #sebastian sallow x mc

[negrowhat]

What are the top three shows you are watching right now?

Hey Anon! Hmmm my top 3 current series???

Wandee Goodday. I love every single thing about this series! I love that these two idiots are already in love and pretending to be in love while fake being in love with other people. It's a messy little love square but not really. I think Wandee is a sweet and talented doctor whose competitive streak raises some concerns and I think Yoryak is one of the kindest green flag bisexuals out there. I hope the relationship balances out as they get closer and become more real. I enjoy the sex positive tone of the series and how it promotes safe and communicative sex and bonus points for having a canon ACE character with ACE people problems. so far the series is a 10/10.

My Stand-In. What a messy ass toxic ass series. And I eat up every bit of it every single week. I love to hate Ming but secretly I'm rooting for them. But I'm also looking forward to Joe making him work to get him back. Ming is an asshole and I don't think it's going to change but he realizes the bag he's fumbled and he's going to work hard to get Joe to return to him. Joe has the opportunity to take back his power and do things his way this second time around. I love Joe to bits but I view him as I did Mark from Love Mechanics; you can't save that hoe until he wants to be saved. Tong can choke tho. Also Sol is a good noodle and I want nothing but the best for him.

City Boy_Log. The way this fake lil vlog-style Korean BL has me choked up. It is soooooooooo messy the way reality tv is messy. Jaejun doesn't know who are what he wants but he always seems to gravitate towards Jihan. And Jihan is just a big ole softie who goes for what he wants and tells it like it is. It's interesting to see Jaejun make the absolute worst decisions and still find a way to be cute and charming and make Jihan (and me) forgive him. I just want him and Jihan to be happy. Also I find it interesting that the actors are using their real names for this fake almost alternate reality it is a very delicate line to walk and at any moment could truly backfire in the Korean media.

#wandee goodday #yakdee #my stand in #my stand in the series #mingjoe #city boy log #cityboy log #jihan x jaejun #2j

[narcissosbythepool]

@pricegazweek Day 2 - Shotgun

Tags: smoking, shotgunning, discussion of illness and death, pre-relationship (or the liminal space between that and romance)

//

“I don’t think our target is going to show up today.”

Gaz, looking out to the empty street from the window, lowers his binoculars. “No, I don’t think so either,” he admits and sits down on the floor where Price already is located, hiding under the window’s ledge, gun propped up against the wall.

“Tomorrow?” he asks and Price shrugs.

“Your guess is as good as mine. Maybe better to keep watch either way, but I have a hunch.” He sniffles. “And it rarely leads me astray.”

“Ah yeah, the famous hunch,” Gaz rolls his eyes and gets an amused look. Price returns to patting his pocket. His eyes light up as he finds what he wants, a cigar and a lighter, and he lights it with an air of gratitude that only a good nicotine hit can sate. Gaz is suddenly grateful he closed the windows – such an obvious tell would be the most embarrassing to be found out.

They’ve been on the look out for two days now and their target is nowhere in sight. Price assured him this is nothing abnormal – him and MacMillan waited for Zakhaev for three days back in Pripyat, apparently, and Gaz hopes they won’t break that record this time.

Gaz sets his weapon on his lap, muzzle facing away from Price, and starts disassembling it as Price smokes. The smoke puffs in the air like from a great dragon, and a smile tugs at the corner of his mouth.

“You know,” Gaz says, “there is no safe exposure to secondhand smoke.”

“Yeah?” Price replies, blowing smoke in his direction. Gaz waves it away, holding back a laugh.

“My sister ranted about it to my brother once,” he explains. “Last leave. Told him to stay away from his smoker friends, when they’re out.”

“I’m sure that went over well.”

“I’m sure it did,” Gaz sighs. “Didn’t have the heart to tell her that my boss smokes constantly.”

“Like a chimney,” Price grunts and Gaz can’t fight back the grin anymore.

“I didn’t say it,” he simply quips back and knows that if they were any closer, Price would elbow him for his insolent behavior, like a proper commanding officer.

“Could be worse,” Price says then, inspecting his cigar. “A nasty habit, this one. Started years ago and was never able to stop. So don’t ever start.”

“As if the exposure won’t do it,” Gaz chuckles.

“Well, there are worse ways to go.”

“What, worse than lung cancer?”

“That’ll be my problem, won’t it,” Price drawls and were his Captain any other person, he would have winked.

“Not exactly,” Gaz says, taking out a rag to clean the parts of his gun, hands working as they speak. “It’s even more dangerous to the bystander.”

“Really, now?”

“Heightened risk, same result.”

“Uh-huh.”

“Inflammatory and respiratory effects appear within 60 minutes,” Gaz rattles on, and then turns to look at Price. “Can last up to three hours.”

“Hm.”

“Isn’t it interesting?” Gaz asks, putting the parts of his gun aside. “That it lingers like that?”

“Not just on your clothes,” Price’s eyes rake over his form and it makes him shiver.

“But inside you too,” Gaz confirms. Price blinks slowly and takes another inhale of his cigar.

“That is interesting, Sergeant,” he says, blowing the smoke away this time.

He’s not a stupid man.

Gaz doesn’t know what this reaction means – perhaps it excites him? Knowing he never leaves Gaz’s system, even when they’re apart. That he lingers in Gaz’s work clothes, his fatigues too… He mourns a little when he puts the clothes into the wash, willing the scent to stay – but it always fades away after a wash, unlike the smoke in Gaz’s lungs. It creeps into every part of him – from his lungs to his blood stream, his heart, his brain, envelops him into a deadly embrace from within; a warm sort of burn that doesn’t abate once the light is out. He wonders what it would be like to get it right from the source, not just have a scent memory that takes him back to the backseat of a car, to an office, to a quiet night on a mission. He’s never been a real smoker, but he could try. His fingers itch with the absence.

“Being with you is a little like secondhand smoking, you know,” Gaz blurts out.

“Being?” Price raises a brow and Gaz tries not to flush.

“Working.”

“Go on.”

“Leads to premature death.”

That makes Price laugh out loud, making him cough and cover his mouth with his fist. Gaz grins, willing his palpitating heartbeat to calm down – surely this isn’t the moment that his heart gives up on him, of all places, not on the job and exfil nowhere to be seen.

“You’re right about that,” Price chuckles once he’s recovered from his coughing fit. “Can’t tell which is going to kill you first, serving under me or my smoking.”

“I think we’ll find out,” Gaz shrugs. “Visit me at the hospital?”

“I’ll bring flowers to your grave every week, Sergeant,” Price says almost earnestly. Gaz nearly thanks him, save for the look in his eye. “But a pity. To die for the second-best thing.”

“At least I’d die from a real bullet.”

“You think I’ve tainted you enough by now?” Price muses.

“I think you did it by the trip to Moldova.”

“Like a smoke sauna, that car.”

“You ever been?”

“Nikolai took me once. You’d never know the difference.”

“I think I became a firsthand smoker,” Gaz grumbles, the memory of the stench of the smoke lingering in the car seats still ingrained in his memory.

“Almost like the real thing,” Price says.

His eyes linger on Gaz’s, then move to the stillness of the room. The smoke rises above them, swirling in the low light.

“Would you ever offer me one?”

“One of my cigars? Never.”

“Why is that?”

“Cigarettes suit you better,” Price says, voice low. “Your fingers… More slender than mine. A cigarette would belong there.”

“You’ve clearly thought about it.”

Price gives him a heavy look, straying to his hands – empty, still, aching to reach out.

“Yes.”

Gaz bites his lip. Price’s eyes travel back to his face, the blue of them piercing through his very being.

“Pity I don’t carry any.”

“Secondhand smoke it is, then?”

Gaz weighs the situation for a moment.

Ah, fuck it.

“Won’t hurt to have it straight from the source,” Gaz says, and crawls across the space between them – feeling slightly self-conscious, but it’s dulled by the expectant parting of Price’s lips. When he settles astride Price’s legs, Price meets his eyes – hooded, expectant – and brings the cigar to his lips.

Shotgunning is a delicate art – it has to be deliberate. The smoke, directed from one person’s lips to another, has to be a gentle blow; the inhalation precise. Gaz leans in slowly, chases that sliver of smoke from his lips, inhaling it into his lungs. And he feels it, first hand, the real thing, Price’s hand on his thigh and the other holding out the cigar, to stop the ash from falling on his clothes.

But there’s already a fallout: Gaz hands clutching the straps of Price’s vest, his mouth chasing the alluring smoke from Price’s lips, and when he leans back, it’s only for Price to inhale once more, and to pull him close by the chin.

He wonders which one’s better, the denial or the chase of it? The expectation of it or when it already burns his lungs? He thinks he already has the answer as the smoke turns into the soft press of Price’s lips, when the burning sensation turns into a greedy kiss.

Gaz hopes this will linger, too.

#pricegaz #gazprice #pricegazweek2024 #pricegazweek #narcissosbythepool #kyle gaz garrick #captain john price #cod

[irondadfics]

Hi!!!! Hope you're doing great. So, I really love fics where tony makes a mistake, like yelling at peter, misunderstanding, argument, ignore peter, etc. And then he feels guilty and apologize. I already checked out all the "tony is not nice" tag and I really loved it, so I was wondering if you have more fics like this. Thank you very much! I really love what you do!

We got a few recommendations with these themes! Enjoy!

Mistakes by happyaspie

Peter is injured during a mission but Tony is too distracted to notice... or listen when Peter tries to ask him for help. This leads to some frustrated tears, a trip to medical, a few promises and, of course, forgiveness.

You Need to Know (and I wish I Knew How to Tell You) by NanixErka

Alternate Title "Tony Stark Has the Emotional Intelligence of a Fish"  Tony Stark - through a daft conversation - leads Peter to think he doesn't care about him Luckily he knows exactly how to fix it (He doesn't)

you held your pride like you should have held me by searchingforstars

“I had to take the risk!” Peter snaps. “I saved your life.” Tony’s stare hardens. “Yeah, and nearly ended your goddamn own. This isn’t a trade-off. It wasn’t your call to make.” “You would have done the same thing to protect me,” Peter points out. Tony just seethes at the statement.  “I don’t care about what you think I would have done. You are notme. And I don’t know who you think I am, but I’m perfectly capable of looking after myself." -- or, as the timer ticked down, Peter knew his only option was to take things into his own hands. He just didn’t expect Tony to be mad at him for saving his life.

Irreplaceable by for_the_night

It starts with a cancelled lab session. Then two. Then three. When Peter finally plucks up the courage to ask what he’s done wrong, he finds another kid in the lab with Tony. The teen feels a pang of hurt seeing the pair laughing and joking together, but the fatal blow is seeing Tony ruffle the boy's hair. Tony doesn’t hate Peter. He’s replaced him.

it hurts to be half-loved by canon irondad (tomlinsoul)

“Oh for God’s sake. I’m not Peter’s fucking father. I’m not, I never have been, and I never fucking want to be, okay? I like the kid, sure, we all do, but at the end of the day, he’s just a smart little superhero I happen to mentor, alright? Now can that be the last I hear of that, please?” or; Peter overhears another denial Tony is Peter's dad right after he realises he sees him as one. It's about as messy as you might expect.

I Do Listen To You by Icylightning

Tony was not having a good week. Too bad he takes his anger out on Peter.

The Tumblr Archives by losingmymindtonight

Chapter 21: Shout, Shout, Let It All Out

Written for the anon who left the prompt: "peter doing something self sacrificing and stupidly heroic during a fight and tony is like. fucking screaming at him once they’re safe cause he doesn’t wanna loose his kid but he stops when he sees peters eyes wide in fear, hands shaking, knees about to give out and tony realizes just how fucking scary it must’ve been to have to step up and do whatever the stupidly heroic act was, especially for a teenager..." WARNINGS: mention of past child abuse, lots of explicit language, yelling

please believe me (i’m begging you) by idyllic_dae

Things were going so damn well. But then Michael showed up, and now everything around Peter is turning to ruin, and he doesn’t know how to stop it, and— Maybe he’s the crazy one after all.

Forgive me by wolfypuppypiles

Tony thought that a botched mission and a fight between him and Peter would have been the worst thing to happen that week. He was wrong.

I Didn't Actually Mean That: A Tony Stark Story by what_the_fluff

Tony reverts back to bad habits for one night, resulting in a terrible rift between he and Peter (aka drunk asshole!Tony makes an appearance). It's entirely his fault, and he knows it's up to him to make things right - and save whatever shred of the last good relationship in his life still exists. He hopes Peter can forgive him...

Stress Is A Man's Best Enemy by Yousaydoctorisaywho

Tony Stark never really gets angry. Sure, he gets stressed nearly all the time, but who doesn't? Unfortunately, after both him and Peter have very stressful days, Tony releases it on Peter who ends up running away. There were quite a lot of misunderstandings and now Tony has to go out there and save the kid.

#fic rec #fic rec list #misunderstandings #arguments #hurt/comfort #emotional hurt/comfort #Guilty Tony #hurt!peter #yelling

[greenlittlesoul]

My opinion/thoughts on this season of 9-1-1

This season felt a little bit rushed but I'm not mad, I think Tim was trying to introduce the characters and their dinamics to the new network while trying to give closure to some storylines that weren't really addressed before so season 8 can have new storylines

Bobby facing someone from Minnesota and finally acknowledging that he survived and has a new good life, so he can let go of his suicidal tendencies

Athena facing her fear of losing her partner and learning to talk to Bobby as equals that understand and respect each other, which is something they struggle with in earlier seasons

Hen having to defend her actions on the job cause they can affect her family, we know she's good at her job but she's also impulsive and there have been a lot of times where she skips protocol cause she knows better

Eddie being forced to focus on his relationship with Shannon as a couple and not glossing over it in favor of focusing on their relationship as coparents of Chris cause they're two separate things

Also I think we got a lot more of Buck's role in the Diaz family on screen, cause before it was usually just referenced by them but we didn't see much of it apart from major moments, whereas this season we got a lot of domesticity between all three of them and Eddie acknowledging Buck as he's coparent implicitly, asking for advice and that Buck talks to Chris when we know Eddie is super protective of his place as the father and the one who makes all the decisions regarding Chris life

Obviously Buck is having fun discovering this new relationship and I know some people complain that we didn't get to see much of BuckTommy but I'm actually kind of glad we didn't cause to me this way it feels like the new relationship that it is yk, introducing a new partner slowly into your life even if they already know your family, and I think they're very much still in the honeymoon fase

And Chimney and Maddie being married without more trouble than that of the wedding also feels like a good thing to me cause they have been through so much together in the past seasons that we already know that relationship will survive and be healthy and happy

#911 spoilers #911 #911 on abc #911 s7 #evan buckley #eddie diaz #bobby nash #athena grant #hen wilson #chimney han #just my opinion #don't come for me #if you don't agree #that's okay

[1starqi]

Hair Dryer

genre: fluff, established relationship, tooth rotting fluff

pairing: anton x reader

warnings: none

word count: ~700

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~▸ Now Playing: Forever Only

Your old, oversized t-shirt is soft against your skin as you put your hair up in a towel. The other arm of your boyfriend is tucked behind his head as he scrolls through his phone on the couch. He turns his face to you and his face lights up. On the coffee table lay two unexpected items: your pink hairdryer and a hairbrush.

“I had an idea when you were in the shower.” He confesses and seems to fidget with the fabric of his sweatpants pockets.

“How’d I get so lucky?” You ask yourself as you sit down on the sofa next to him. 

Back facing him, he takes your wet hair in his hands and combs it with his fingers. “I shouldn’t brush it when it’s wet, right? Because it’ll break?” You nod gently, already relaxing from the long day. You’re impressed he remembers little things like that, but that’s always been his way of showing his love. Buying your favorite soda without you asking, remembering your favorite kind of flowers on dates, all of his gestures, really. They’re all full of his love for you. He slowly stands up to plug in the hairdryer. You close your eyes and feel the sofa sink softly when he sits back down. 

Hot air greets your neck as he turns it on the lowest setting, careful not to startle you. “Is the temperature okay?” He asks.

“No.” You mumble, tired and relaxed. The fact he could make you so comfortable makes him smile. If only you could see the concentration on his face as he rotates the dryer around your head. You feel his careful fingers lift up layers of your hair to dry it thoroughly. 

When it’s almost dry, he stretches an arm to get the hairbrush and runs it gently through your hair, and you swear you’re about to fall asleep. “I know you don’t like it when your hair dries all the way when you use the hair dryer.” He muses and continues brushing your hair. He’s nearly encyclopedic about you. He loves doing things for you. If you asked him to give you the moon you think he’d do it. “Do you have a hair tie?”

“Yeah.” You take a thick black band off of your wrist and hand it behind you, and his rough hand gingerly takes it from you.

He parts your hair into threes and when he’s done, he flips the expertly done braid onto your front for your inspection.

“It’s perfect. Where did you learn how to do that?” You query him, because, as far as you know, he’s never braided hair before.

“I watched some tutorials…” He confesses sheepishly. He looks awkward, but instead of thinking it’s awkward or embarrassing, you marvel at how hard he tries. You pepper slow kisses on his face and relax into him on the couch, gently pushing him backward onto the pillow-clad arm of the sofa.

“Thank you, baby. You’re sweet.” You praise him and a blush starts to form on his cheeks. Cute. Lying comfortably on his chest, you can only think about how much he shows how deeply he cares about you.

#riize x reader #riize fluff #anton x reader #anton fluff #anton x reader fluff #riize x reader fluff #anton #qiqi writes

[dairy-farmer]

Please consider this ridiculously convoluted idea inspired by my favorite Norse myth:

Basically, there are a couple of parents whose son is being threatened by a monster (ogre / trolls/giant / whatevs) and they pray to Odin for help to protect their son. Odin says no because he's busy and/or he's not interested in helping these random humans. So next they try praying to Thor for help but get a similar answer, and start to despair. But Loki happens to hear about Odin and Thor turning down this couple and their son and shows up to intervene and defeat the monster (I suspect because of how many children Loki has lost in the mythology). The story ends with the three of them giving Loki a hug in thanks.

So what does this have to do with Tim and the bat family? Consider: Justice Lords situation and let's say because of the whole 'being okay with murder/be evil but thinking they are good' thing, the Justice Lords either have no beef with or are actively friendly with Ra's. Ra's has taken an interest in the son of a wealthy Gotham couple named Tim and has sent them a message informing them that he / his minions will be coming to collect Tim.

First, Jack and Janet try asking Superman for help to protect their son, but Superman is basically 'I'm far too busy taking care of the world to worry about one random kid' about the whole thing. So next they try petitioning Batman, but since Batman has a neutral, trending-towards-positive relationship with Ra's in this universe, he declines to interfere.

But Bruce has a son; Dick Grayson, AKA Nightwing AKA formerly Robin (and everyone knows that Robins, the first one at least, are rather mischievous. Thus the Loki role)! Dick hears about the situation and how both Superman and Batman have declined to help. And maybe, even if Ra's and his League aren't enemies in this universe, let's say Dick has some animosity towards Talia ( how dare she try to date his father: Baby!Dick to the rescue cockblock) and messing with Ra's is a roundabout way of messing with her.

So Nightwing shows up and sends the assassins (possibly even Ra's himself) packing, saving the day! Jack and Janet are so grateful, and bring out Tim from the panic room they had hidden him in to meet and thank Nightwing personally. And when Dick sees Tim for the first time, he falls in love instantly: Tim is a beautiful teenager, all smooth pale skin, strong yet delicate limbs, silky black hair and intelligent blue eyes. He blushes so prettily when he thanks Dick for keeping him away from Ra's (and from definitely becoming his new little wife).

Dick plays it cool, even while he drinks in every detail of Tim, already planning how to court this beautiful young man. Nightwing even cracks a joke about getting a kiss for saving the damsel in distress. He is pleasantly surprised when Tim blushes, looking down nervously, before placing a hand on Nightwing's shoulder and leaning up to press a sweet kiss to his cheek.

Dick wants to stay longer, but unfortunately he has to figure out how to clean up the mess/get the assassins back to Ra's before it becomes an issue. He promises before he leaves that he will come back to 'check in' on Tim and make sure he's doing all right.

(That's all I really have, aside from this somehow leading to a detailed and relentless (and enthusiastically welcomed) courtship that ends up with Tim revealing that he knows who Nightwing really is and them eventually getting married (and fucking nasty style, of course 😘)

Thank you for indulging me in this myth nerd silliness! 🦇

❤️❤️❤️❤️!! dick obviously being so unable to resist sweet little tim, he's tim's knight in shining armor afterall, his little damsel which tim is all too happy to be ❤️!

#answered asks #asks #anonymous

[cooganbegs-blog]

Tomorrow

So tomorrow I’m speaking with the Queen Bee from The Yield. I haven’t spoken with her for quite a few years and the relationship is, uneasy and silent.

The Yield is in the process of being acquired by Yamaha (yes the global fuxkoff automotive, robotics etc corporation). As a result of the mismanagement, ego and hubris of the Queen Bee, all shares except for Yamaha shares are worthless, zero, zip, nada. Everyone is walking away with nothing, except for Ros who has already ripped over a million dollars out, but that’s another story!

There were three of us who started The Yield. John, myself and Ros. We needed the skills and experience of all of us to get it off the ground. Without us, Yamaha would not have a company to be acquiring.

When we agreed to follow Ros when she begged us with words “I can’t do this without you.” we were offered shares, and in particular specified “Founders Shares”. We paid a nominal fee and they were supposed to be the final compensation where we would financially realise the years of underpayment and slaving that we put into The Yield when and if it was ever acquired.

We will get nothing.

John wrote to the chair of The Yield stating our case, he got a platitude filled response about the good of all shareholders bla bla bla.

The message is that legal advice is clear that our Founder shares, as ordinary shares, are useless. There will be no special recompense as an ordinary shareholder.

Ros finally called John yesterday and his response was that John paying $15 for 150,000 shares and me paying $5 for 50,000 shares was not an investment in The Yield but a mechanism to be repaid at a later date for “free”.

So Ros said to John: send her a letter stating (only) his case based only on a goodwill request for recompense for the 15 months he worked for fuck all. Which he’s now done.

Apparently this means that this now separates our claims as founders.

However, this leaves me and what I should or might do. Yes, I’m bitter and hurt and angry and want to tell Ros exactly what I think of her manipulative and selfish behaviour to get what she wanted and demand a share. The other half is terrified as I just don’t really believe I deserve anything. I was the gullible fool who listened and believed her when she told me she needed me, that no-one else could help her like I could, and that she would make sure that I was taken care of. Fuck that stings, after all I’ve learned, I fell for her honeyed words. I believed what I wanted to believe and heard what I wanted to hear.

But hurt pride and bitterness aside. I don’t know what to say to her tomorrow. How to ask for what I believe (maybe) I deserve, not to beg and grovel but to appeal to a better side of her that I have yet to see?

But then I know it won’t make a scrap of difference, she doesn’t a fuck, a global multinational like Yamaha certainly doesn’t give a fuck about a nobody like me. So do I swallow my pride and ask the same as John or shut up and keep my pride in tact.

[lunabug2004]

I watched Only Friends... and It Was Definitely An Experience! **SPOILERS**

I knew going into it that SandRay was the most popular Only Friends couple, at least that's what it seems like based on how many posts/edits there are about them over all of the internet, but it's so rightfully deserved!!!

I couldn't care less about TopMew, they were just pretty boring to me and I did not like Top at all. Mew was alright, though I will say I loved his petty revenge arc. BostonNick I thought was doomed from the start so I kinda made myself not get too into them? Nick is a sweetheart while also being a conniving little spy so I thought he was pretty fun and liked him a lot but, like Top, I hated Boston (basic of me, I know). But SandRay??? Loved every second! I think Ray is such an interesting character with so many layers and it's so fun to explore his life, and I absolutely fell in love with Sand. I love everything about him and he deserves nothing but to be able to attend all the music festivals in the world. Also quick shout out to Sand & Nick's friendship, it's so refreshing in this messy tree of relationships lol.

It's crazy to me that some people didn't enjoy SandRay as much, but some complaints I've seen are pretty valid tbh. I've seen people complain that the only reason people loved them so much more than the other couples is because they had the most screentime, and that's fair, but they also had the most to cover with their stories: both individually and together. I know this is fully on the writers, I've also seen people complain about SandRay being way more developed than the other characters. These complaints are extremely valid I feel, and I honestly believe they would've been better off doing either a show made up of three short series focusing on one pairing at a time or a show focusing on SandRay as the main couple (they have enough to their stories/story that alone it could take up a whole 12 episodes easily) with BostonNick and TopMew as sides with the possibility of getting their own series after (kinda like UWMA with BU even tho I know it's a different company). Either way, we got what we got with SandRay, and I, for one, enjoyed it thoroughly! I personally don't really understand what's not to like about their relationship, I thought it was at least mostly realistic and they suit each other so well it's insane.

Back to my complaints, I really hated the pool scene with Sand, Ray, and Boeing. Like, really hated it. Also the fact that Ray tried to say Sand was still in love with Boeing after the huge difference b/t the two kisses... was insane. I also disliked the scene with Ray and the therapist because no matter how sweet and also heartbreaking it is the second-hand embarrassment is the actual worst.

Now onto what I enjoyed: obv SandRay and Sand & Nick's friendship since I already mentioned those. I also enjoyed the way all the characters were connected in different ways, it was so much fun to untangle all the relationships! I like the way the show tackled alcoholism and made it realistic, as well as the way it tackled betrayal within the friend group (looking at you, 'Ton) in a realistic way.

Now, I have to mention the acting and chemistry between the couples. ForceBook was meh to me. This is the first thing I've seen them in it and they didn't really blow me away with their chemistry but I did enjoy their acting! I do think this is because I didn't really like the couple, so I'm not really holding it against them and I do plan to watch A Boss and A Babe at some point. NeoMark was very good! Both the chemistry and the acting. Neo has never been my favorite actor, (sorry if this is controversial) I like him fine but he never really blew me out of the water, he's just always done good, but this series he was insane! He played Boston so well he made most people hate him and that's always impressive when it's done by such a well-liked actor. I knew Mark was gonna kill it and he did. I love Mark. The chemistry b/t these two was surprising but enjoyable (speaking purely on what I saw as someone who skips through most saucy scenes). Now... FirstKhao. I expected everything from them and I got everything. I 1000% know that they are joining OffGun and GemFourth as one of my favorite pairings ever (who am I kidding they did that after I watched The Eclipse). Just the pure talent these two have is unreal and the chemistry is off the charts. The fight scenes broke me and the bonding scenes made me feel butterflies, just everything about them is perfection. Also wanna make a special comment on First b/c he has climbed my ranks as one of my favorite actors ever extremely quickly but I mostly see people talk about Khao, (which is so valid; man is insane as well, I just prefer First for whatever reason), but the way First plays all of his characters is so hypnotizing to me. Like the emotions he portrays and the way he completely transforms into his characters with his body language just impresses me so much. I'm def rambling now so it's time to wrap this up!

Anyways, putting aside others' complaints over the best couple SandRay, as well as my own complaints and compliments, I think overall it's a really good show and the drama is fun! So so messy but since it's all fiction it's fun to get sucked into! I'd tell anyone to give it a try at least!

Also wanna end this by saying if you disagree with me on any of this that's totally okay! All opinions are valid! Plus, I went into this with extreme actor bias towards FirstKhao (esp First), so that definitely tied towards my instant love for SandRay.

#another semi-review that no one asked for #wooo #(it's pm just me raving about SandRay and First) #only friends the series #only friends series #only friends #only friends sand #only friends ray #sandray #raysand #sand x ray #only friends boston #bostonnick #topmew #? ig i'll tag them #i dont wanna tag topmew cuz i kinda just dissed them lol #firstkhao #firstkhaotung #khaofirst #khaotungfirst #first x khao #first kanaphan #khaotung thanawat #neo trai #mark pakin #neomark #force jiratchapong #book kasidet #forcebook #gmmtv

[yellowocaballero]

So fucking glad to see someone talk about SSS Class revival hunter 😭 I lived it so much and I feel like no one ever mentions it against more popular titles like ORV or even The Lout of the counts family, so I'm so glad to come here and see your amazing takes :>

Thank you for the ask which lets me talk about SSSCRH (the version I read was titled 'Suicide Hunter', which tbh I like more - no beating around the bush).

It's hard to draw an accurate comparison since I'm going off just the webtoon for SSSCRH, while I'm going off both the webtoon and the webnovel for ORV. And I love ORV, ORV is my media blorbo right now, it hydraulic presses my brain, I am writing ORV fanfic - it's, like, funner to enjoy. But SSSRH is just better. In the vast majority of ways it is is better. It's better than the holy trinity by a wide margin. TW talk of suicide obviously.

I can't believe I'm saying this but you need a basic understanding of Buddhism in order to understand SSSCRH. It's not about Gongja's suicides - he doesn't suicide from depression or lack of self-esteem. SSSCRH is about suffering in the Buddhist sense - dukkha. I don't want to make this an essay, so I might reblog this with more information, but extremely shortly:

The Four Noble Truths of Buddhism is the truth of suffering, the truth of the cause of suffering, the truth of the end of suffering, and the truth of the path that leads to the end of suffering. You've heard that Buddhists say 'life is suffering'. To put it one way that doesn't require defining a lot of words: the cause of suffering is experiencing the world as we percieve it instead of how it truly is. Suffering isn't just being miserable and in pain, and life isn't suffering because life sucks and global warming exists and people voted for Trump. Life is suffering because we can experience beautiful and joyful moments in this world, but we do not exist in the moment of that happiness or place our ego/'self' between us and that happiness. Living in that moment, accepting the moment as it is unconditionally, is freedom from suffering. The Buddha tries to free people from suffering through teaching Buddhism.

"What does this have to do with the webnovel and manwha about a guy murdering himself thousands of times" it has everything to do with it. Because SSSCRH is about suffering, and it is about using suffering as a tool in order to experience a world unfiltered by ego and break down the artificial boundaries between human beings. Suffering in SSSCRH is not a bad thing. Gongja has the unique capability to (reincarnate.) experience a person's suffering in unity with them, which dissolves the delusion of separation between people and puts us in touch with the reality of oneness.

The Murim arc was fucking insane because Gongja pulls a Big Bodhisattva Move and walks through the suffering of the world in order to achieve full understanding of the human experience. He takes all of the suffering of the world into himself and is liberated. You can tell it's Buddhist because death was not presented as a bad thing - death was an aspect of a happy ending for the Heavenly Demon lady, because she was finishing her life according to her own joy, and because her teachings were passed on she did not truly die.

But the purpose of embracing suffering is to discover the ability to fully embrace life, and that's where Heavenly Demon's teachings were incomplete - as the ghost dude said, Gongja hasn't even experienced his own full life and the infinite capability for his own happiness. You can only feel the depths of sadness when you've felt the depths of happiness. Sadness deserves its place in the world and it can strengthen you, but so does happiness.

Gongja is attention-seeking, envious, and unbelievably petty. When he drills down into his own desires and why he wants the things he wants, you see that he has a very strong sense of justice and right and wrong - he realizes he doesn't want to be famous, he wants to be acknowledged, but on an even deeper level he is desperate for love and to be loved. Everything he does is to experience love, and as such he learns to love others. His love for the Flamey Asshole was purely parasocial and ego-filled, with no concern for who he was as a human. Throughout the manwha, he grows to care for people as they truly are and pierce through any delusions or misleading outward appearances. He has released all attachment to life and death, and as such does not fear death, and as such has taken a step on the road towards becoming a Boddhisatva who frees others from the cycle of samsara, and as a result has learned sick sword techniques and is sooo good at beating people up.

I think the only other thing I want to mention here because otherwise this is an essay: in almost every time loop/regression story, only the final regression matters. In stories with dungeon monsters and NPCs, only the humans matter. The regressor exists in a space where there are no consequences for their actions, so they act terribly and do whatever because none of it matters. In Groundhog Day Bill Murray acts like an asshole because he can. That's not the case here. Everything Gongja does matters. The NPCs are fake, but Gongja never treats them as anything less than real people who deserve life. Once he understands a person's life he never treats them as unimportant. No loop is thrown away and no person or life is disregarded. His choices matter, the way he treats others matters, and Gongja never treats anybody as if they don't matter except for himself.

That was not short. There is a lot more. The female characters are so good and so rich. From a craft perspective it is excellently paced and has a wonderful sense of set-up/payoff and balances tone and maintains a lot of momentum, which is really hard in a time loop story. You have to do a few very specific things to write OP characters well and SSSCRH does it very well. There's more to say from a craft perspective and it's hard to judge accurately from a webtoon but it's good. I was so strangely struck the entire time about how sincere and genuine it was, how it said what it said with no trace of irony of confusion, and I think that's what stuck with me the most.

TL;DR: SSS Class Revival Hunter is good for a lot of very normal reasons, such as excellent pacing and set-up/pay off and characters, but it's also so sincerely and genuinely Buddhist that it blew my tits clean off.

#sss class revival hunter #kim gongja #ssscrh #I s2g I rewrite these like three times to be as short as possible #I just knew I had to define some terms because if I say 'it's about suffering' and leave it at that #people aren't going to fully get it #its not intuitive from a western perspective #It's really hard to get the full meaning of SSSCRH if you have no familiarity with Buddhism #bc suffering (and delusion and nothingness and oneness) mean diff things in buddhism than in english #theres other buddhist stuff like responsibility to the whole and the community but this was long enough already #the few ppl talking about it have good takes but I think ppl miss how #kgj isnt depressed and he doesnt kill himself from self-sacrifice #he's not kdj or cale #he only truly commits suicide (throws his life away) once which was from part percieved worthlessness of his own life #and big part EXTREME FUCKING PETTINESS NEXT LVL PETTINESS INSANE PETTINESS #every other time he kills himself is from his EXTREME goal oriented behavior #as usual there seems to be a dialogue with the rest of its genre #specifically the extreme egocentrism and selfishness of its genre and other OP protags #(which cale has a hilarious relationship w/) #(ur doing amazing honey i know this upsets you) #my asks #and theres also a conversation with buddhism itself anyway #i love orv but this is so much better on so many levels and its being slept on smh #nobody is going to read this its way too long but you know. its not ABOUT you.

[cerise-on-top]

Got any Farah, Valeria, & Laswell hcs? Anything, really- I'm dying for my girls 🤲🤲🤲

Hello! Yeah, I was able to come up with a few! I already wrote a few for Valeria here! Somehow, I forgot to put them in my masterlist, though, which I have since fixed! Thank you for making me aware of this, though :-) These are general Headcanons, though, since I had an easier time coming up with those and because you didn't specify, I hope that's okay!

Valeria, Farah and Laswell HCs

Valeria: She’s always had quite the temper, even when she was young. While she may not have been spoiled to hell and back as a child, she usually got what she wanted, as long as it wasn’t something extraordinarily big, her parents always took care of her like that. Valeria loved her mother, they got along very well with each other, and she also took after her, having inherited her personality for the most part. Her father was a bit calmer than the two of them, but that didn’t mean they didn’t get along either. Whereas her mother would encourage her to do most things, her father would try to talk sense into her if it was a bad idea. She often sulked because of it, which is why she didn’t like her father as much as her mother, but as she got older she realized he meant well. Sometimes she still thinks about his advice, but the both of them died a long time ago, so most things they’ve told her are a distant memory by now. Valeria may be successful with what she’s doing and doesn’t like being told what to do, but sometimes she does wish she could still eat some sweets with her parents like she used to.

Joining the military actually wasn’t her first choice of career. She tried many places, but no one would take her, so she opted for the military, which welcomed her with open arms. She got paid. Not well, but she received the money, which was important since her parents couldn’t leave her with too much. They didn’t have very much either, so there wasn’t much to be inherited. Because she’s a woman, a few creeps tried to harass her, but she had none of it and beat all three of them up herself and on her own. Ever since that incident she wasn’t a big fan of the military either, but no other place would take her. However, it showed just how capable she was and earned her a lot of respect. A few other men would try to make advances towards her, but she shot them down every time. However, whenever another female soldier would jokingly flirt with her, that’s when she’d give it her all, making it her goal to fluster her beyond all hell. She’s spent a few evenings and nights with a few female soldiers, but was always willing to rip a male soldier’s dick off if he was being too friendly with her. During her time as a soldier she also realized that she preferred women.

She didn’t always hate Alejandro, actually. Back in the day, they got along very well. He was a man, yes, but he had enough respect for her. It wasn’t a given, even if it should have been, but she appreciated it. Whenever they sparred he gave it his all as well and never looked down on her. In his eyes, the two of them were equals and it showed. Valeria could appreciate that. She liked him, she spent a night with him but realized she hated that sort of stuff with men. He was the final realization for her that Valeria does not like men. It didn’t make her hate him at first, though. Only when he insisted on the two of them being a thing did she develop some form of disdain for him. Once she told him that she could never feel the same way, he stopped. However, he also started treating her a bit differently since he was in love with her. As he rose in ranks, he was a bit harsher on her than the other soldiers, usually dissatisfied with anything she did. He didn’t even notice that, but Valeria did. Therefore he became just another scum to her.

Farah: Before her town got attacked, she actually had a pretty happy childhood. She was sweet and kind as a kid, she got along well with her parents and her brother and she had a few close friends. Farah loved going outside to play, sometimes even inviting her parents to make potions with her in a bucket filled with water, sand and rocks. Her parents were always afraid of the Russians invading and tried to keep their children safe regardless of what happened, but in the end they were unable to. It hit Farah pretty hard, she loved her parents. Even now she misses them dearly since they always took such good care of her and her brother. At least she still had her brother. Farah knew she was the younger one out of the two of them, so she likely should have been the one to be protected, but once her town got attacked she became determined to make sure her brother would stay with her. Drastic times called for drastic measures, so she actually has killed people just so her brother could stay alive. It was around that time that other people realized how she was a very caring person still and could be trusted. Slowly, through that realization, she was able to gather a small force that could help her.

Farah is a pretty good leader. The people she works with adore her because, under that rough exterior, she’s still a good person. All her brothers and sisters know she can be trusted with just about anything. She rarely ever says no upon hearing a request of one of her people, knowing fully well what it’s like to need something. As she’s been through a lot herself, she always has an open ear for her brothers and sisters. While there’s not always time to listen to everyone’s concerns, if she does have time she’ll listen to you intently. Farah knows a lot more about her people than she lets on, that ranges from how the latest battle has gone to how her sister’s family is doing. She’s never one to turn down someone in need, always offering food and shelter. I know she may seem stern, because she has to be in order to be a good leader, but deep down she’s still the same kind girl that she’s always been. Her people would give up just about anything for her, and they do. One day, Farah dreams, Urzikstan will be free, it will be safe and it will prosper, its people won’t have anything to fear anymore. Trade will continue, the people will be happy and she can finally lay down her weary head and rest for a bit. But until then, she swore she’ll fight and fight until everything is finally over.

She’s never actually been in love. When she had the chance to develop a crush she was too young. Now that she’s older she doesn’t have time for anything lovey dovey in the slightest. Alex was the first person she ever developed a crush on. He may have seemed like an enemy at first, but it quickly enough became evident that that couldn’t be further from the truth. He was a good man, someone who could be trusted no matter what. He was loyal to a fault as well, which Farah could appreciate. However, she never told him, swallowing her feelings down instead no matter how intense they became. Yet, she sort of did always look forward to his small gestures of affection. Alex is a physically affectionate guy, so he’d sometimes pat her shoulder, put a hand on her shoulder or gently bump her arm to show he liked her. Farah is severely touch starved, so it made for a good combination. One time, he asked if she would like a hug, to which she said yes. To this day, Farah thinks about that hug since it was the first one she had received in seven or eight years. It may not have seemed like she was swayed at the time, but she was very content afterwards.

Laswell: Laswell’s parents didn’t really care too much for her. Don’t get me wrong, they provided for her physical needs, but they barely looked after her in any other regard, thinking she was happy because she had everything she could ever need. Laswell may have been strong because of it, even then, but she did wish her parents had cared more about other things as well, such as how she was doing emotionally. There were quite a few things that hurt her during her childhood, but she barely had anyone who would support her during her rough times. Her parents only ever wanted to see her happy and content, but barely made any effort to actually keep her as such. Laswell knew fairly early on that she was a lesbian and did come out to her parents, but that’s all that happened. It was never discussed again afterwards, even if her father would sometimes say that she would “find the right guy eventually” while talking to other people. Laswell has called him out on it numerous times, but he always made it about him and how he was the victim for saying something that made his daughter uncomfortable. Laswell didn’t stay in contact with her parents for very long once she moved out.

Even back when she was a child, Laswell knew she wanted to do something more exciting than be a hairdresser, waitress or cook. She wanted to do something with plenty of action, but at the same time she wanted to study and go to university. And thus she combined her wishes and started going to university at first. Afterwards, sometime in her twenties, she started to work for the CIA. She wasn’t treated with very much respect there at first, being a woman working there and all. But she didn’t let that disrespect get her down. In fact, on the outside, she stayed professional, but on the inside she took mental notes on who treated her badly and who didn’t. It soon enough became evident that Laswell knew what she was doing, even if her master’s degree should have been proof enough that there was some intelligence in that noggin of hers. However, soon enough she was transferred. In fact, she was transferred many times before she became a station chief, but it only showed just how competent she was in her field. Laswell has since saved thousands of lives and is proud of it. To her, such a thing is her calling and she wants to continue doing so for as long as she can, all the dangers be damned.

Laswell adores her wife. In fact, “Laswell” isn’t her original last name, she took that of her wife. At first they played with the idea of combining their names, but Laswell wanted fairly little to do with her parents at that point. Plus she wanted to show her father that she never “found the right guy”. So her being named Laswell is purely out of spite. While she may not be at home all the time, or very often, for that matter, she makes sure to bring her wife a gift every time she comes home. It can be something small, such as a souvenir she found while she was abroad, or it could be something along the lines of a golden ring that unfolds into an astronomical sphere. She needs to pamper her wife like that and make sure she knows Laswell loves her to the moon and back. Money isn’t an issue for her, she gets paid very well. Even if the biggest reward for her doing what she does is seeing her wife smile. Every time she sees her give her a big smile she’s reminded of why she does what she does, and that’s the most wonderful thing for her. Even so, not many people know about Laswell’s wife, only a select few do. It’s a safety measure since she knows people will target her. Although she’s a diplomatic kind of person, if anyone ever were to hurt her wife, then that person can be certain they’ll never walk freely among the sunlight again.

#cod #valeria garza #farah karim #kate laswell #if it was up to me I'd make Valeria and Laswell lesbians. and so I did because this is my blog #and because I wanna kiss them and cook them a nice and healthy meal that reminds them of me! I can't cook to save my life but I'll learn ho #Farah is into Alex so she isn't a lesbian in my book! #“a gay person's straight ship is the most powerful thing in the universe” #you can't tell me Alex wouldn't treat Farah right though! she deserves a guy like him who's hopelessly in love with her #sometimes I think about a poly relationship with the two of them because I love both of these characters dearly #just think about it: being hugged by two strong people at once! what's not to love about this concept? #cooking them a meal and receiving a kiss from the both of them oh god please someone wife me up already #Alex would get all three of you something cute and matching! like plushies! #he'd get a nice dog plushie. Farah gets a cat plushie. you get a plushie of an animal that reminds you of him that's still cute! #like a small bunny or a small birdie! #and just so you know both of them are good at hugging! they're both really strong and good at making you feel protected! #man I love Farah and Alex! they're such good characters! Alex was the first character I truly liked when watching MW1 #I was so sad to see he wasn't in mw2 but!!! he's in MW3!!! My boy is back in business! #can I also just mention that you can play as Farah in MW3? isn't that also just so cool? again I squealed! #I squealed every time at the cafe I stayed at when I saw you could play as one of the girls! good thinking activision!

[arthur-r]

(stupid vent in the tags i’m maybe struggling a lot. not feeling particularly real or handling my life and relationships maturely at all)

#i love i LOVE how i can write out three fucking pages of how well and normal my life is going and then just fall apart #is this directly correlated to whether i take my anxiety medication? certainly but the side effects are SHIT and its not mandatory anymore #(realizing the amount of my shit relationship that i spent fucking drugged up by myself is SHIT!! i wasn’t a real human being i was so #fucking out of it all the time and he DIDNT FUCKING CARE and i’m upset. that being said i’m anxious as shit now without my meds) #anyway i’m meeting up with two people tomorrow and they’re both the most fucked up sorts of relationships where they’ve been almost my #entire life at certain points of time but are also people who have made me FUCKING UNCOMFORTABLE but with no ill will just fucked situation #problem is one is just an asshole but the other is an incredible person with delusions attached. i think. i’m struggling #i was so fucking healthy two days ago and i thought its a good idea to say hi when i’m in town. but no actually i’m fucked in the head #i feel like he’s either going to kill me or fall in love with me. he’s ten years older than me. and has done NOTHING WRONG IM JUST INSANE #should i not show up?? this is a normal fucking person this is a normal person and i want to say hi. already sent him a long fucking email #so we’re a little late to lose this relationship. and it’s FUCKING NORMAL. normal fucking person. mentor figure positive fucking role model #what the fuck is wrong with me!!!! i’m so fucking normal i just get insane. i’m being like my nemesis actually. ex-bandmate who fucked me u #and didn’t fucking care about anyone and saw me as a character i’m doing her fucking thing. im talking about a normal man who cares about m #a normal amount. ​and interacts with me in a NORMAL FUCKING WAY. who SAVED MY FUCKING LIFE. what is WRONG WITH ME #aside from that…. i’m just feeling sick and awful. my little sister is really struggling and so am i. and i talk so much and never listen #and i could have fucking sworn that i was doing well. fucking LAST NIGHT i wrote all about how fucking stable i am. how i’m going to be oka #AND I AM. i just feel like shit. and i don’t know what’s wrong with me. i’m going on testosterone TOMORROW if all goes well. why can’t i #just fucking focus on that?!!?!?!?? and i’m dysphoric as shit it’s half of what’s wrong with me right now. maybe t will just fucking fix me #but what the fuck. what the fuck. i dont know. all of a sudden i’m in a bad place. i just want to be okay. #i hope everyone is well and i’m sorry for venting. i would almost not post this but i don’t feel real #i don’t know. sending love…. let me know if you need anything please. be well 💛 #friends only #vent cw #like if read #delete later #ask to tag