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openheart12 · 4 years

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Hi, yes, hello beautiful! Can you write a fic where MC accidentally sends Ethan her entire fanfic folder by mistake 😂🤣

How To Get Away With Fanfiction

I’m reliving my embarrassment 😭 but it is done and idk wtf happened with this lmao. This is also to make up for earlier kmjhygfd

Only tagging @ao719 @oofchoices @loveellamae @burnsoslow because no one else should have to read this unless they click on the read more and if they do... god bless. And thank you to Maroe for helping me come up with some of these ideas!

It had been a long day at work when Dr. Gertrude-Sue Claws made her way home to do the one thing that relaxed her; writing fanfiction.

She had thought of the perfect idea for Spirit and Rainbow Dash and her fingers flew across the keyboard.

There was something about the multi colors in his mane and tail that drew him to her. He lived by the phrase, “hump ‘em and dump ‘em,” which he planned on doing with Rainbow Dash, but not without consent because horse jail wasn’t fun. He had heard the horror stories from his human friends, Kurns and Bryce.

“Rainbow Dash,” he neighed.

“Spirit…” She neighed back in response, she knew all about his...extracurricular activities. He was the biggest fuck horse out of the herd. Ever since Rain had died from drowning, god bless, he hadn’t been the same. It was also why he paid more attention to Rainbow Dash because she had Rain in the first part of her name.

“Let’s do this,” he smirked with his horse mouth.

“Fine…” She turned her back to him as he reared on his hind legs and mounted her, letting out a series of neighs.

She laughed silently to herself before moving on her Owen Hunt fic and she knew how much she was going to enjoy this one especially.

Owen was walking through the halls when he saw five women stalking towards him like cats, one even had whiskers drawn on her face. “Anitah with the h, get him!” He heard one of them command and watched as she came up to him, kicking him in no man's land. He felt them drag him into an empty exam room.

“MAROE! You got the chainsaw?”

“Nah bruh, Bears and Rams were in charge of that,” she explained.

Anything but Krista, cocked her half shaved eyebrow at Burns and Ella. “Y’all got the chainsaw?”

“No, but I have the cream for the burn I’m about to inflict,” Burns snickered to herself at her own joke, the others joining in before getting back to business.

“Burns, Ella, go scope out the cafeteria for some good food because I can’t kill in good faith on an empty stomach and as me and Ella say, we always get food first,” Anything but Krista said, turning her attention to the two people left, throwing them both a knife. Then proceeded to stab Owen numerous times, but making sure not to hit any major organs yet.

“We need a blender,” Anitah with the h announced.

“Are you thinking what I’m thinking?” Anything but Krista and MAROE said at the same time, looking at each other and bursting into laughter at the jinx.

“If that was making a human smoothie, then yes. We’ll show him that no one messes with Derek Christopher Shepherd,” Anitah with the h said smugly, pulling a blender out from behind her back and plugging it into the wall.

“You...you pulled that out of your jacket?” MAROE asked in a surprising tone.

“Y’all don’t keep blenders in yours?” Anitah with the h asked as if that wasn’t common, but it was good to know that she was always prepared.

Suddenly, the walkie talkie came to life, “Team Bears/Rams to Team CA, what y’all want from here? Over and out.”

“Team CA to Team Bears/Rams, we want CookOut. Over and out.” Anything but Krista responded. “It’s about time y’all tried a little piece of heaven,” she looked at Anitah with the h and MAROE.

“That’s a negative ghost rider, the closest CookOut is on the other side of the country. Over and out.”

“Well you better get on your way because you two also need to try a little piece of heaven, we’ll save the good stuff for when you get back. Over and out.” The trio resumed their slice and dice game, taking a short break to play Choices because the latest chapter of The Nanny Affair had just been released and even Owen wasn’t going to keep them away from Sam Dalton.

A couple hours later, Burns and Ella arrived with the food, handing out their respective trays to their respective orderers, they were able to keep the milkshakes from melting by their cold hearts.

“Ahhh gimme my milkshake,” Anything but Krista snatched it from Burns’ hand, earning a slap on her hand from her adoptive mother and a threat of taking away her pony...again.

“Yooo this shake hits different,” Ella exclaimed.

“You could even say that it slaps,” MAROE added making her squeak.

“It’s the one good thing North Carolina has to offer for me,” Anything but Krista chimed in, fist bumping Anitah with the h because the struggle was real. The cows really did outnumber the people, they just hoped that there wouldn’t be a cow revolution because that would be awful except the yeehaw folk would probably survive since they did have a song called “A Country Boy Can Survive.”

“Burns, we left you the honor of picking the perfect weather for us to dispose of the body which is more like liquid at this point. We need rain, thunder, and lightning to erase all of the evidence. Watching “Forensic Files” has finally come in handy. And Ella, we need you to pretend to be a nurse or something to help us get out of here. I’ll be honest, I haven’t thought that far ahead…” Anything but Krista admitted, but they expected that from her so they already had a plan in place.

“If anyone happens to see Derek Shepherd, I ask that you tell me,” MAROE added.

“Not if I find him first,” Anything but Krista said.

“He’s like fifty four years old…” Burns said being ever the good adoptive mother.

“Then I call Spencer Reid!” Anything but Krista exclaimed.

“I have Lucifer then,” MAROE challenged knowing that would get under her skin.

“Children, calm yourselves.” Burns shook her head.

“Hey, I’ll be eighteen in like a number amount of months,” Anything but Krista said.

“I’ll be eighteen before you,” MAROE said, sticking out her tongue.

“I’Ll Be EiGhTeEn BeFoRe YoU,” she repeated, placing her hands on her hips and doing that Spongebob meme. After thinking of a better comeback, she grabbed her knife she used on Owen earlier and plunged it into MAROE’s back.

“Et tu, Brute?” MAROE said with shock in her voice before her body crumpled on the ground.

“Yes, bye bitch.”

The other three just stared as the blood drained from her body before turning their attention to Anything but Krista. They were the epitome of 👁👄👁.

“What? She wanted to “due” anyway. And at her funeral we can play “To Be So Lonely” because well she will be lol.”

“Anywaysss, we gonna get food or what?” Ella asked as she covered Owen’s body with a sheet.

“Wings?” Burns suggested and they all agreed. After arriving at the restaurant, they were very shocked to see MAROE sitting at a table waiting for them.

“It’s the trying to kill me for me,” she said upon taking their seats, glaring at Anything But Krista specifically.

“It’s the stealing my fictional husbands for me,” she retaliated.

“It’s the acting like children for me,” Burns' authoritative voice came.

“Sorry,” they both murmured as they looked over the menus to order their food. The rest of their lunch going smoothly, their victims already forgotten about. Don’t mess with hangry chicks who hate Owent Cunt.

“So who’s next?” Anitah with the h asked.

“Ahh you’ve gotten the first taste of blood and now you’re addicted,” Burns observed. She would make for a good profiler for the FBI at Quantico. She would have a cool nickname; Cunt Punter.

“Why not just kill everyone we hate?” Ella questioned.

“That’s a great idea! I say we kill Guy and Vanessa,” Anything but Krista suggested.

“And Landrat!” MAROE added, the whole group agreeing, finishing their lunch before getting to their killing spree.

Gertrude-Sue was laughing at her made up characters and story when she received an email from Ethonk Remy to send him a folder that she had. Goggle Drive was acting stupid so she didn’t realize that she had shared her fanfiction folder with her boss before it was too late. She saw a little giraffe pop up in the right hand corner telling her that he was already viewing what was inside the folder.

“Holy donkey claws,” she cried out loud, smacking her hands against her face.

Meanwhile, Ethonk was going through her folder when he came across a document and his eyes went wide. “What are they doing with the dog?” He said to himself.

Wonder pets, wonder pets

We're on our way

To help a friend and save the day

We're not too big

And we're not too tough

But when we work together, we've got the right stuff

Gooo wonder pets yaaaaay!

The phone

The phone is ringing

The phone

We'll be right there

The phone

The phone is ringing

There's an animal in trouble

There's an animal in trouble somewhere

“What the hell are Wonder Pets?” He continued inspecting the different documents ranging from murder of one Owen Cunt, horses having sexual intercourse, Wonder Pets stuff, four kids and a dog where they did questionable things with each other, a sponge and a starfish were high on marijuana, a game where Gertrude-Sue had made him and her a family that looked way too realistic for his liking, two bunnies who kept hopping around with one of their little brothers, and multiple documents about Matthew Gray Gubler, Tom Holland, Tom Ellis, Patrick Dempsey, and Harry Styles which were all quite disturbing.

He took out his phone to call her. “Hey uh, Gert, what is this?”

“Oh well you see, the funny thing is that I accidentally sent you the wrong folder so if you could just pretend like this never happened, that would be fantastic. Okay thanks bye. I’m sending you the right one this time.” And she hung up, ready to throw herself off a cliff at her stupidity.

One thing was for sure, she would never make this mistake again.

#CA chronicles

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a-conspiracy-of-bad-decisions · 5 years

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Smart Yamada

Okay so I’ve seen a lot of responses to stories or art with Present Mic doing dumbish stuff with ‘but Mic has 5/5 intelligence’. I will not argue with this. What I will argue with is the idea that just because you’re smart you wont do stupid things.

I’m decently smart. I’m not a genius or anything but my family/friends tend to believe I’m pretty smart and my grades support this. My decision making skills and instincts do not support this. The following is a list of dumb, dumb, actions I’ve taken:

· I thought I ended up with pink eye because late at night my eye began to get swollen and red and had discharge. It began to clear up within a few hours though, so… either I had a superhuman immune system (I do not) or it was not pinkeye. I could not figure it out, until I remembered what happened that morning. My grandma made me and my cousin put OFF on to go outside to play. While doing this I sprayed OFF directly into my eye and decided to try walking it off. You know how you should always handle spaying dangerous chemicals directly in your eye.

· I sprained my wrist because I used way to much force when shutting a car door.

· I shut my own head in a car door. Like shutting the door on your hand but it was just… my entire face.

·�� I’ve both played and worked with a migraine so bad I had to vomit. As in I played/worked with my migraine right up until I had to go run to the bathroom to vomit. If my mom or friends didn’t stop me, I would return to working or playing because I have no sense of self preservation.

· I set my desk on fire (for ScIeNcE!!!). So… I knew nail polish remover was flammable but I didn’t know how flammable. And I watched T.V. I watched documentaries. I know when you want to know something you do an experiment. So I cut the top off a plastic water bottle, poured about ½ cup of nail polish remover in and dropped in a lit match. My friend started yelling for my parents, meanwhile I’m dead behind the eyes as I walk to the bathroom, get a cup of water and return to dump it on the fire.

· I was painting and on impulse wasted a ton of black acrylic paint by coating my entire hand in paint. I have done this multiple times and will likely do so again.

· I’ve always been short. So I decided I did not have time to go get a step stool every time I needed a cup. Seven year old me came up with a solution, countertop parkour.

· There was the whole… ‘Bird Incident’

· I was the king of hide and seek. Mostly because I chose hiding spots a person should not be able to fit into. Such as the washing machine. Or under a horse trailer so low to the ground my back brushed the floor when I breathed in.

· Doing things that trigger: allergies, asthma, headaches, carsickness, nausea, etc because yeah it made me sick but it was fun so worth it.

· I met this dude and had a slight dislike of him. So I returned every comment he made with snark and sarcasm. After a few minutes I was “alright cool, we’re rivals that’s fun”. Turns out he had a crush on me. I was disappointed we weren’t actually rivals.

· I will get so focused on my work I will forget to breath. As in the only way I remember to breath is when my lungs hurt bad because ‘oh yeah I haven’t breathed in like… a minute’.

· I spaced out and just stood in the middle of a parking lot staring at something on the ground.

· I have recently developed health issues that can involve bouts of muscle weakness. I also love backpacking. I decided to go on a backpacking trip despite my health issues. (Because what my body needs it strap 15 lbs of gear on my back and walk for hours). Yeah, I fell multiple times, scraped my legs to shreds, and my legs shook like half set Jello in an earthquake.

· I would get bored in class and would bend my fingers back far enough that it hurt.

· We had a golf cart. Because once again I’ve seen T.V. I had a brilliant idea. My cousin should drive the cart as fast as it will go and I should run behind and then jump on it as it moves. This was fun.

· Despite being terrified of spiders I try to relocate them outside because if I kill one the guilt will haunt me for weeks.

· I’ve always liked snakes. Young me desperately wanted a pet snake. Current me also wants a pet snake but that’s irrelevant. My cousins and I were playing in the yard and found!! a!! snake!! So we caught it. Then however we were like… is this a worm or a snake? Cause if this is a worm it’s really big. If it’s a snake it’s really weird. So we asked my grandfather who agreed Yes. This is a snake. So we decided that we now had a pet snake. Our snake needed a name. This was not a snake. This is how we ended up with a worm named Fang.

· While backpacking (around 11 years oldish) we were headed back to the car. I was ready to get to the car so I hyper focused on the trail. Which means that I hiked full speed, carrying a heavy backpack, without breaks, and ended up way ahead of the adults (who were keeping a reasonable pace), and hiked until I almost passed out from exhaustion, heat, and dehydration.

· While in Walmart saw some pixie stix. Yelled “PIXIE STIX” as loudly as humanly possible.

· Got coffee on a road trip. Coffee was disgusting, stale, AND cold. Drank it anyway.

· Invinted and played ‘the blindfold game’ with my cousin. In the blindfold game you blindfold yourself (obviously) and then try to do daily tasks without making a huge mess. (Yes blind people do this every day. My cousin and I are not blind. We had no practice in this what so ever.) I think on of the most complicated things we did was make a sandwich.

· Fixed a minor problem with my ceiling light. Did not flip the breaker to make sure I couldn’t get shocked.

· We had an above ground swimming pool. It had about 5-6 inches of water in it in the winter. The ice froze and I was like ‘Neat! I can go ice skating!’. I do not have ice skates. I broke through the ice multiple times. I only went inside to warm up when my legs were completely numb. 10/10 would repeat.

· Ran on slick concrete, in the rain. Fell and opened a five inch long cut on my arm. I was at work so I duct taped some paper towels to my arm and got back to work.

· Ended up with a bone bruise (also called microfracture) on one of the bones in my foot. Was supposed to stay off it a whole week. Wanted to go do something fun but Mom was like ‘with your foot injured you’re in no condition to do so’. Forced myself to walk without crutches, a limp, or wincing to ‘prove’ I was well enough to go do the fun thing. Mom relented. I was not well enough.

· I have to move sharp things away because my instincts will scream ‘stab it through your hand’ and I’m like ‘that’s not a good idea’ and my instincts are like ‘do it, coward’.

· Windows? You mean extra doors.

· And finally my favorite story. Real life fruit ninja. This was around the time the fruit ninja app was super popular. I was cleaning up the scraps from a pineapple and had a long knife in one hand. I also had an idea. It it safe to wave around long sharp knives in front of you while your friend hurls potatoes (cheaper and less wasteful than actual fruit) at your face safe? No. Is putting three knives between your fingers so you have wolverine claws safe? No. Is it fun? Yes. Have I learned that this is too dangerous? Nope, this game is fun and I will play again in the future.

· Got my first pocket knife. Immediately closed it on my finger. Never mentioned it to my parent because my dad had told me to be careful of that about five minutes earlier.

Just because you are smart doesn’t mean you make good choices, it just means you’re better at fixing the fallout from your bad choices. Is my point you shouldn’t write smart Yamada Hizashi? Is my point you should write only smart Yamada Hizashi? No. My point is you can have the best of both worlds. Complete Idiotic Genius Yamada Hizashi. Present Mic that put together clues and come up with an answer Sherlock Holmes style, but who also got bored, set a bunch of ‘Home Alone’ traps all over the house, forgot and got punted down the stairs by his own trap.

#yamada hizashi #present mic #presentation michael #bnha

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padawan-jiejie · 5 years

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V’s Affection

Summary: You and Nero have to kick some demon ass while V's doing what he's doing...

Word Count: 1496 (yeah, even I was surprised)

Pairing: V (Vitale / shadow of his former self / whatever you wanna call him) x fem!reader

Warnings: !MyEnglish!, violence, swear words

A/N: THIS IS TRASH BUT I FELT BAD FOR NOT POSTING ANYTHING IN SUCH A LONG TIME THAT I JUST WANTED TO THROUGH THIS OUT THERE!!! I'm sorry for any mistakes and inconsistencies because I suck at writing action (when I don't know how to do them in my native language, howma supposed to handle it in English?! - so that can tell you a lot) and I wrote it in 2 hours (AND IT SHOWS) which is weird cuz normally write ONE FF in like a MONTH and it's still NOT finished, so I'M PROUD OF MYSELF!!! And... Yeah... I never thought I'd get so attracted by a bunch of pixels, but yeah... Here I go!!! And... apparently, I'm not alone!!! And for the beginning... I COULDN'T HELP MYSELF!!! *PULL MY DEVIL TRIGGER!!! FIGHT ME ON THAT ONE!!! And for the ending... I have NO IDEA how they ended up talking about such stuff!!! DON'T ASK ME!!! IT JUST HAPPENED!!

You walked down a street. No one was there and everything looked like a mess. Crashed cars left on the sides of the road, newspapers slightly flying through the air and occasionally you could smell blood. Hell, a demon invasion happened just a couple days ago. Yet you were out searching for the boys that kind of went their own separate ways after Dante lost. Little did you know that it wouldn't take much longer for you to find them.

Boom!

Bang!

Bang!*

Scream!

Crash!

A bricked wall on your right cracked and Nero lent just a few feet away from you. Suddenly there were demons all around! One of those big flies tried to attack you, but you quickly jumped and pulled out your gun. You aimed at it, pulled the trigger and shot it in the head! First one - down! You stepped next to Nero and helped him up.

,,Seems like you need a lil bit of help here!"

,,Nah, I'd handle them myself."

,,Yeah, just like you'd have both hands! No offence!"

,,None taken."

,,Alright then - let's do this!" You smiled and loaded both of your guns, turning your back to Nero who was already charging his sword. You started to shoot the monsters and he ran right into a whole crew of them!

Nero was swinging his sword, slaying those bastards while you were shooting them until... You ran of bullets. The boy obviously didn't notice and accidentally pushed your back which almost made you fall down. He was fighting one of the enemies, havening trouble defeating it since it kept on fending off his attacks. Those scissors are the worst!

,,Egr! Fuck! Not now!" you dropped your guns and tried to get out of reach. But one of the Empusas lunged at you. You stopped, punched it. then you kicked it and rolled away so that you could pull out your daggers. Once you did that, you were back in the game!

V was at a top of a building observing the scenario below. He was very aware of that you could take care of this. And he quite enjoyed watching you. Well, not Nero but certainly you. He didn't want to admit it but he was fascinated by how you could handle all those demons with just two pistols and two daggers. He's seen it not work out already once or twice but still, you somehow found a way around and out! You are pretty confident with your skills - but not overly confident like Nero and Dante tend to be - and managed to be a badass when you wanted or had to be. Also, the way your hair flew in the air when you were fighting or fell down your face when you smiled at him was driving him crazy! As was the fact that you recognized the poetry he was quoting from time to time.

,,You're staring at her again! I'm sick of you, V! You perverted asshole! You don't help her but watch her slay down demons - that's rude! Your crush deserves some help!" Griffon teased a tattooed guy.

,,She's fine by herself. And she's not my crush!"

,,Yeah, keep telling that to yourself!"

You backed the creatures attack and stabbed it multiple times till it faded to the ground. Two of them decided to come at you and you gave them every damn reason why that was a bad decision. You kicked the first one and pinned it to the ground. The other jumped at you but you pushed yourself to the side so the monsters attacked one another and killed each other. Proud of your work you happened not to spot the tentacle with a sting right behind you.

You through your last dagger at a creature running right towards you which left you unfortunately without a weapon. Not so smart after all.

Swing!

,,Aahg!" you cried out in pain. The sting went right through your side leaving you bleeding. You fell down to your knees holding your wound so you didn't bleed out, cursing yourself for being stupid not to notice the tentacle.

Out of nowhere claws grabbed your arms and lifted you. Confused and startled you looked up and saw that Griffon was taking you away from the scene. Then you noticed Shadow in the corner of your eye. Panther made a guillotine out of herself and attacked a Pyrobat.

Griffon took you up to one of the buildings where you found V. His cane was leaning against his right leg as he was reached out to catch you when suddenly the little chicken dropped you without giving you any goddamn sigh! Thankfully it wasn't that high and V caught you although for a minute you thought he's gonna fall down. You didn't understand it, but somehow you developed a crush on him the first day you met him. And it just got stronger by time.

,,Hello, Y/N." his voice sent shivers down your spine, but... It could still be only your wound right? You tried to play it cool which almost didn't really work out considering you were in desperate pain and in the arms of an extremely attractive man!

,,Hey, jacka-ass! Ouch!" he laid you down on the roof a little concerned for you. Hell, you had a hole in your body! ,,Lil respect for a h-hurt woman, V!"

,,I apologize. Once Nero has the way cleaned we'll take you somewhere where you'll heal. For now... just rest." he acted calmly though was freaking out on the inside!

,,Easier said then d-done! You're not the one who's b-bleeding out here!"

,,Sorry." he caressed your cheek and pressed one palm to your wound to help you stop the bleeding. But it wasn't better. You felt a bit dizzy and started to pass out.

,,V...?"

,,Yes, Y/N/N?"

,,V... I..." you tried to tell him what's going on but it was too late. Your focus faded.

You slowly opened your eyes. You were laying on a couch on Nico's van. Your head hurt so as your side. You mumbled and heard someone approaching.

,,Ey! Nice to see ya finally awake! How ya feelin' girl?" Nico asked you and your sight.

,,Bad."

,,Well, you've been out for a while. Two weeks actually!"

,,What?! And- and what about... my...?"

,,Ya side? Got better since Nero took you in!"

You frowned. ,,Nero? What the hell happened?! Where's V? And Nero?"

,,Calm down, Y/N. Drink this... Yeah... It should make ya feel betta."

And in an hour you actually did feel better. But it was not because of the medicine Nico gave you. It was because of V. Nico found him with Nero and you asked for a second with V. You wanted to thank him for basically saving you and wanted to talk to him in private. You didn't get much of those alone-moments with him although you knew each other for about a month.

You were sitting in a van with him while Nero was arguing with Nico about something out on the street.

V pulled out something out of his pockets, ,,I thought that maybe you would want this back." and handed to you your guns.

,,Oh my! Thank you, V! I thought I lost my babies out there!"

,,Your babies?" he asked confused.

,,Um... You know... I don't think I'm going to have my own biological kids considering what I'm doing as a job I just... Needed something to get my feelings attached to. Guess guns wasn't the best choice but... Yeah..." I'm a mess. you thought to yourself.

,,Not that bad choice. Guns protect you. But having children would mean you would be the one who's protecting. So I don't think it is that bad."

,,Thanks for the support." you smiled at him. That made his heart pound faster. He loved your smile. You didn't smile much so when you did, every second of it was making him happy. The same went for you. With that conversation, you couldn't help but wonder what it would be like to have children with this guy. Rising them to be strong and intelligent. Would they look more like you or would they have beautiful green eyes and raven black hair? Wait! What are you even thinking about?! And... You've been staring at each other the whole time?!

Suddenly feeling ashamed you looked away, biting your lip, heart beating fast. V stroked your cheek just like he did back then, sending butterflies to your belly.

,,What's wrong?"

,,Nothing. Just um... Not used to this kinda affection."

He chuckled. ,,What do you mean by this kind of affection?"

You looked him in the eyes and thought: what could I lose? and went for it. You closed the distance between the two of you and placed your lips on his. At first, V was surprised by your action but quickly gave in the temptation and kissed you back. He pulled you closer and deepened the kiss. You couldn't believe it was happening. Yet it felt incredibly right. After a while, you broke the kiss and said: ,,This kind of affection. And after this I want it, so from now on I got my eyes on you."

,,Pleasing, for I had mine on you since the very beginning."

#devil may cry 5 #dmc 5 #v x reader #dante #nero #nico #dmc v x reader #dmc 5 v #owen hamze #pull my devil trigger #it's in my head #and i can't stop it #and i'm not even sorry #this is trash #but i love v #<333

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firegrilled · 5 years

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Mommas’ Boys - Part 6

@erejeanweek2k19 Prompt: Emotional Scars Cont

Part 1 | Part 7

The hit echoed loudly, earning multiple gasps from the crowd of kids and other chaperones that now descended onto the dancefloor.

Jean’s face fell at first before his anger exploded and boiled his blood. “You asshole!”

Celine didn’t budge from the hit, keeping her footing. She inhaled a deep breath, her hand brushing against her stinging cheek.

“…and someone who hits a lady. Yeah, you’re a real man,” Celine replied, her response dripping with sarcasm.

Before he could reply she jabbed Mr. Wagner in the throat causing him to gag and grab his neck. Then Celine lifted her heel and stabbed the stiletto into the man’s foot. She felt the stiletto snap and followed through with a swift kick to his balls. When Mr. Wagner lurched forward in pain, Celine grabbed his head and slammed it into her knee, allowing the man to crumple to the ground in agony.

“You bitch!” He shouted, his voice an octave higher. He rolled around in pain as other adults arrived.

“Sounds like I might be even more man than you now.”

Smirking, Celine turned to check on her son. She ignored the awkward walking pattern of having one functional heel.

“You’re no man-”

“You must’ve started with the world’s cruelest handicap if you’re having a dick measuring contest with a women,” Levi’s icy tone cut through Mr. Wagner’s weak voice.

Levi stepped to the front of the crowd with Erwin trailing just behind him.

“I’m going to sue the shit out of her! I want her and her son arrested for assault!” Mr. Wagner demanded as he slowly got back up. He hissed as he wiped blood away from his nose.

Erwin straightened his black tie, and patted his cowlick down.

“No you will not. We heard and saw everything. Harassing and assaulting students is already a major offense, let alone their mother. Between the security footage and witnesses there’s no court that would ever convict a single mother defending herself and her son. In fact, I can’t wait to hear what charges are brought up against you. Now get out of here and don’t ever come near my school,” Erwin ordered.

“But-”

“Security!” Erwin called out, a few guards emerging from the entrances.

In a matter of moments the dance floor was cleared and everyone moved to nearby rooms while the museum processed the situation themselves. Once it was all said and done, the clock in the courtyard struck a loud bell signaling midnight.

“Well, you might want to get Jean an X-Ray,” Erwin spoke, glancing at Jean who winced with every step.

“That was the plan,” Celine sighed. “He’s a tough boy for not complaining for so long.”

“I think we all know where he gets it from,” Carla added, appearing right by Celine. “I didn’t know you could do that.”

Celine smirked, chuckling. “It’s been quite a while since I needed to do something so crude. Marriage and motherhood tempers a personality once you realize you’re caring for more than yourself.”

“Kick ass moves, Celine,” Levi complimented. He walked over to Erwin and leaned on his taller half.

“Thanks, but I really should take Jean to the hospital. I’m sad he’s missing his last after prom but better to be safe than sorry,” Celine shook her head. As she turned to leave, she glanced back at the principal. “Oh, and Erwin? You’re wearing the wrong tie. Unless Levi is adopting your pastel aesthetic.”

Levi and Erwin’s eyes widened, instantly looking down at their ties. Levi undid the baby blue tie around his neck and rushed to give it to his boyfriend.

Celine strolled over to the other high schoolers, finding Jean exchanging jokes with his prom group as well as Connie and Sasha.

“Jean, honey, it’s time to go to the hospital,” Celine interrupted their conversation.

Her son frowned but nodded. “Yeah, okay. I’ll see you guys on Monday.”

“Bye Jean!” His friends waved to his as he walked over to his mom.

Jean remained quiet while he accompanied his mom to her old Honda. He inhaled sharply when he clicked his seatbelt in but tried to ignore the persistent pain in his chest. His eyes locked onto his lap while Celine started the car and began the long drive to the nearest hospital. The quiet hum of the ancient engine buzzed in his ears along with his guilt.

“Mom, I… I… I didn’t know you could fight,” Jean struggled to find words. It wasn’t what clawed at his consciousness but it was at least the truth.

“Now you know where you got your temperament from,” Celine giggled, trying to thaw the cold atmosphere in the car. Her eyes occasionally glanced at her son, recognizing all his tells.

Jean didn’t make eye contact, slouched in his seat despite his injury, and rubbed his hands back and forth over his thighs.

“I didn’t- Well, I mean… I wish you didn’t get involved.”

Celine frowned upon hearing that.

“My son was being attacked by a grown ass man. Well, I’m pretty sure I popped something so I don’t think he’s a man anymore-”

Jean snorted at his mom’s joke, accidentally cutting her off.

“He tried to beat up my son. No mother would let that happen,” she continued.

“Yeah, but… There’s something I need to tell you,” Jean’s voice lowered, suddenly more fragile. His hands stopped moving and grabbed onto his legs when he started trembling. “I… What they called me… called us. They weren’t entirely wrong and that’s what pissed me off! Thomas can call me what he want but not the others. They don’t deserve that.”

“No one does, Jean. And don’t you ever dare think that anyone can call you that,” Celine stated. “There are plenty of bullies in life no matter how old you get but you must learn to deal with them in other ways. Violence isn’t always the answer, though it does feel good. And I guess we’re going to be able to pay for your college now but-”

“Mom, stop making jokes. It hurts to laugh!” Jean begged as laughter wracked his body. His smile fell into a frown as the memory of the night came back to him. “They said our dads would be ashamed of us for being… for liking guys. And when he kept calling us fa-”

“Jean Kirschtein don’t you ever say that word,” Celine all but yelled as she pulled the car over, her knuckles white from griping the steering wheel so tightly. “No matter your choices, or your preferences, your father would’ve loved you just like I have.”

Jean’s face snapped to face his mom, revealing a scared yet sullen expression. Silent tears streamed down his cheeks. He quietly spoke. “Maman?”

“Your father was a tender and gentle soul, unlike either of us. He cared deeply for those around him, not unlike you which is why I fell for him. A man of few words but sharp as a tack and very easy on the eyes… But I digress. Before his health took a turn for the worst he spent most of waking hours with you. Even when he was frail from the chemo he held onto you so tightly, the light of his life. I know you have many questions about your father that I’ve never answered since even now the memories are bittersweet but never doubt one thing: he loved you. He loved you for who you are and for what you’ve become. He’d be so so proud to see how you’ve grown.”

Celine placed her hand on her son’s shoulder, firm but gentle. She bit back her own tears as old memories swirled in her head but the multiple emotions that played across the canvas that was Jean’s face left her trying to keep her composure.

“Mom, I like boys and girls,” Jean whispered, his voice low like he was stating a terrible fact. He sounded like a kid caught with his hand caught in the cookie jar.

“That’s fine sweetie. I love you and that’ll never change. Thank you for being brave enough to tell me this,” Celine replied, reciting the lines she’d practiced for so long in her head. Not that Jean ever needed to know that. “Now let’s go see if you actually broke something or if you’ve been a big baby.”

“Maman!” Jean squawked as the car came back to life.

“Now as a mother I must know, are you really dating Mikasa? She spent the whole night with that little blonde girl,” Celine wondered, already noticing the pink tinting her son’s cheeks.

“Her name is Annie,” Jean informed her. He released a deep breath and dabbed his face with his sleeves. “No we haven’t been dating for almost six months. We came out to each other and wanted to hide it from everyone. Though Eren and Armin knew. She and Annie have been a thing for a few weeks now.”

“Does that mean you’re seeing someone? Is it Marco? Oh honey please don’t tell me you’re dating your future college roommate-” Celine started as a realization dawned on her.

“Whoa, no! I mean we dated in middle school but no. He’s been seeing Armin for a while. Apparently they’ve been in some sort of weird long distance relationship that started out as pen pals or something. I’m not seeing anyone.”

“Really? What about Eren? We saw you two dancing before things hit the fan.”

“You saw that?” Jean asked as his eyes widened and his voice jumped an octave. He quickly clearly his throat and sunk into his seat, trying to hide his tinted cheeks. “No, ew. Why would I like him? I just gave him a pity dance.”

Rolling her eyes, Celine tried to hide her smirk. “Of course, honey. We’re here.”

The trip to the hospital took time but eventually the staff was able to confirm that nothing was broken but Jean definitely had bruising. With a prescription for bedrest and some painkillers, Celine and Jean returned home to retire for the evening. They had just walked into the house when a knocking from the door caught them by surprise.

“Who the hell would come here this late?” Jean asked as he pushed himself up from the couch to answer the door. “Oh, hello.”

“Who is it, honey?” Celine called from another room.

“Hi, Jean, may we come in?” Carla asked.

“Ye-yes. Come on in. Mom, the Jaegers are here!” Jean called back as Carla and Eren walked in, quietly shutting the door behind them.

“I got this for ya. Hope you’re doing well,” Eren spoke, his voice much quieter than usual as he extended a plastic grocery bag.

Jean took it and quickly pulled out a tub of cookies and cream ice cream.

“Oh, my favorite. Thanks! And yeah just some bruising. I’ll live.”

Celine stepped out of the kitchen to see the two boys talking over something while Carla made a beeline for her.

“Sorry for stopping by so late, but Eren insisted on checking up on Jean. He even wanted to skip after prom but Mikasa insisted he stay until Jean got out of the hospital. How’d that go?” Carla wondered.

“Well, it was productive,” Celine chuckled before clarifying. She pulled a stool out for Carla while she prepared coffee for the pair. She elaborated in more detail about the car ride. Tears threatened to come forth once more but she restrained herself once more until a gentle tap from Carla brought a somber smile to her face.

“Thank you for telling me so much. Jean’s so lucky to have such a caring and warm mother. You’ve raised such a fine boy and even took his coming out with a much better attitude than myself or my husband,” Carla chuckled at the ridiculous memory.

“Well I had a mother’s intuition for a while. It helps.”

“Sorry to go off topic but where do you keep the bowls and spoons? I think both boys have earned the right to eat some ice cream before bed,” Carla asked, standing up.

Celine pointed to a cabinet and a drawer just below it. “Yeah they’ve been through a lot today.”

Carla retrieved the bowls and spoons, walking towards the living room. She took two steps into the room before doing a U-turn and dropping what she grabbed onto the counter with a clatter. Carla’s eyes were wide and unblinking.

“Are you okay, Carla?” Celine quirked an eyebrow at the unusual expression.

“I owe Levi a bottle of Chardonnay.”

That answer left Celine even more confused.

“What? Why?”

“Uh, what’s a gentle way to put this… your son’s choice in people takes after his father.”

Celine almost spat out her coffee when she understood the meaning of that sentence.

To Be Continued

#fic: Mommas' Boys #erejean #Eren Jaeger #Jean Kirschtein #jean kirstein #prompt: scars #enemies to lovers #friends to lovers #side marmin #mikannie #eruri #prom going to hell #and celine and carla kicking ass #also FINALLY it happened #I hope you guys enjoyed the build up #shingeki no kyojin #snk

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