#the last confessions of mara dyer and noah shaw | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

wheresmymilliondollarman · 10 months

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please jealous Noah Shaw. I love him so much

goldrush

noah shaw x fem!reader

you never took your boyfriend as the jealous type, a little misunderstanding unveils a whole new side to noah.

a/n: omg im so happy to take a noah shaw request thx for this. and him jealous?? love ur mind bff. i havent read the confessions of noah shaw trilogy yet, so im basing info off the mara dyer trilogy - hope that's alright !! au ig bc no specific timeline??.

also ik this fc is italian and noah is british, but he is who i imagined the whole time while reading so let a girl dream <3

word count: 3.4k

warnings: i get a little too into backstory bc i can't help myself, noah getting a little handsy, suggestive tones, mara and jamie comedic duo, reader's style is specified

"oh my gosh, shut up!"

"yes, please shut up." noah mumbles to himself, his arms crossed in discontent. hearing your laugh usually was angelic music to his ears. but now it only sounded like a mocking melody created to provoke him.

noah watched as you, unknowing of his thoughts, stood in the kitchen immersed in conversation and light banter with daniel, mara's older brother. you laughed at whatever he was saying, playfully hitting the side of his arm. something soured inside noah the more he watched the interaction.

"dude, you keep looking at them as if you're trying to blow daniel's head up." jamie remarked, walking up next him with a can of soda in his hand.

if only, noah thought. but lucky for daniel, his gift only enabled him to heal people.

stella and the dyers were in the house's living room filled with various streamers and party decor, while you were in the kitchen with daniel, if that hadn't been clear enough. noah bitterly watched, leaning up against the wall of the hallway with a direct view of the interaction through the kitchen entrance. he was sure the scowl on his face hadn't moved since he started keeping his attention on you both.

your reason for even going in the kitchen had been to put candles and bring the cake out while mara's mother found a camera to record mara blowing out candles. it was daniel who got up by his own account from the couch and insisted he help you out. it was also him who started distracting you from the task by talking with you.

it started when you all gathered at mara's house in celebration of her birthday. her mother insisted she invited you all to the houses as a merit for mara's improvement with therapy, or at least tha's what she believed. jamie may have possibly fed her fibs involving mara's mental health with his compulsion.

your connection with the dyers had a long history, one noah was still learning. you befriended mara around the first grade after getting partnered up for a school project. you two hit it off, both having weird persoanlities of your own, but she was already friends with rachel at the time, so you remained solely school friends for years. you were also a very smart kid, which is how you also befriended daniel almost immediately after mara. weirdly enough, it wasn't through mara you both met - it was through the school's book club. later, you found out the two were related.

so, you started finding yourself at the dyer house a lot, but it was to hang out with daniel. you remained a common occurrence in mara's life, but couldn't seem to get closer than friend. you had invited her to hang out various times, but she always had the excuse of already having plans with rachel. you never took it personally, or let it wipe the smile off your face, you had other friends - that included daniel.

it wasn't until the arrival of claire and jude did your dynamic change. mara began getting excluded from claire and rachel's hangouts and found herself losing her closest friend. you took notice of mara's loneliness during school, and once again offered to hang out, and for the first time - mara accepted. she realized she really liked having you around, and you moved up from possibly last in her last to being somewhere on top.

mara still remained friends with claire and rachel, she wanted to include you in their hangouts, but you got the feeling the other girls didn't like you much, and claire's brother jude gave you a feeling of discomfort. out of courtesy you did accept an invite every now and then, but you liked it better when it was just the two of you and sometimes daniel.

on the night of the asylum, you were spending the night at mara's house, unaware and what was suppose to happen. when jude showed up, she explained then pleaded for you to join her. you were scared out of your mind, but still followed her out the window.

inside, rachel and claire dragged you away to give mara and jude alone time, but you knew something was off. you were right because jude had cornered mara when you returned. you immediately pushed jude off, and he, in retaliation, shoved you back. then, the asylum was brought down, later learned to be mara's doing, and you and her were the sole survivors. at least that was assumed at the time.

when mara's family announced their move, you pleaded with your parents for the same. you argued a new start was the best option, and it was better to be around someone that went through the same traumatic experience. by some miracle, your parents agreed and moved to miami.

you met noah through school and with your active involvement in mara's messes. at first, noah had highly doubted the two of you were friends, you were like opposite sides of the same coin. mara had bleak and ominous aura to her while you were upbeat and vibrant. in simple, mara was a black cat, and you, the orange cat.

unlike him and the majority of your friends, you weren't supernatural. at least not genetically. however, you were oddly immune to their abilities for a reason no one had an figured out yet.

your normalness is what drew noah to you at first, he thought it to be weird and admirable how despite not being supernatural, you went along and supported mara through the whole thing. as you grew closer, it extended to noah as well. he was never annoyed by your energetic attiude, your optomism, or your corny humor. he saw you as the sun that never saw the night sky. he wanted nothing more than to protect that brightness.

it took a while for you to accept his advances, the school rumors did nothing to help. you had genuinely assumed noah and mara were into each other, so you were a bit oblivious to his flirtations. noah had thought you were just uninterested, his pursing of you slowing dying. it was all cleared up when you offhandedly mentioned your assumption, and noah made sure you understood he had no romantic notions for mara. he kissed you for the first time that same day. eventually, it turned into a relationship.

noah was secure in his relationship with you. maybe he wasn't the best man, but he knew no one could love you like him. though he had serious issues of his own, he didn't have any doubts about how deep the two of you cared for each other.

he blames mara for bringing unwanted thoughts into his mind.

everyone was seated in the living room watching twilight new moon, in honor of mara turning eighteen. it had been suggested as a joke by you, but it ended up being played and invested in by the group. you were sat on noah's lap, his arm around your waist and your back to his chest. mara's mother had come in and asked you for the favor, so you stood up, gave noah a kiss on the cheek and walked off, daniel leaving a bit after. after daniel had followed you into the kitchen, mara shook her head and silently laughed, taking a sip of her drink.

noah noticing, raises a brow, "what are you laughing about?"

mara glances toward the kitchen and shakes her head, "nothing. it's just typical of daniel to do that." she says nonchalantly.

"typical of him to do what?" jamie, now invested in this conversation instead of the movie, asked.

mara shrugs, "he just always wants to help y/n, ever since we were kids. he would carry her backpack and books, help her do homework, and bandage any bruise or cut she got." she turns her head back to the tv, then smiles at a memory, "there was even a time when her date for the eighth-grade dance bailed, he stepped in. i think he does it subconsciously at this point."

noah had never thought about just how deep your friendship with daniel ran. he knew you were used to be closer to him, but he didn't think much of it because of how close you and mara were now. he had never actually seen you both interact much since he's known you.

noah glances around the room and sees the wall with various family photos. he begins to notice your involvement in a lot of photos, many which included daniel. in fact, there were more with daniel and you together rather than you and mara. he notes the photos of matching halloween costumes, birthday parties, and school events all involving the two of you, mara making a guest appearance in some. but the big picture was obvious - you had a long-lasting friendship with daniel.

jamie stuffs a handful of popcorn in his mouth, "sounds like he had a crush on her." noah's jaw clenches hearing that.

noah has known daniel since he's met mara. by this point, they were pretty good friends. he believes if daniel held any sort of affection toward you, he'd be able to see it. but then again, it wasn't as if the topic of you came up very frequently when the two hung out.

"i don't think-"

stella piped up with her input, having silently listened to the conversation, "yeah, my dad use to act like that around my mom before they got together. they were best friends for years before he finally confessed, and she even had a boyfriend at the time."

who even asked her?, noah thought.

"maybe, i wouldn't be surprised. my mom always wanted them to end up together, she already sees her as another daughter. i actually think he was her first kiss." mara responds, still focused on the film.

noah's senses sharpened at the mention of first kiss, "first kiss?"

mara realizing what she said tries to backtrack, "well, i mean, it's only a theory, but it's really nothing, noah."

noah can now feel stella and jamie cast their attention on his reaction. he leans back in his seat, uncaring, "doesn't bother me, past is the past."

that was enough for mara and the others to turn their heads back to the television. but, noah could no longer pay attention to bella and jacob on the screen.

jamie, the closest to noah on the coach, leans in to him, "personally, if that was me, i'd be overthinking this thing. i mean childhood friends is the gateway to lovers. but, hey, it's cool to see you're not that type of guy." then as if nothing, he goes back to stuffing his face with popcorn.

noah didn't know why a burning sensation began to build within him at the image of you two. he told himself it didn't matter that you were currently in the kitchen with him, alone.

noah excused himself to the bathroom, but his real intention was toward the kitchen. he told himself he wasn't jealous; he was just going to check on you like a good boyfriend. he was totally not jealous when he saw daniel close next to you, helping you place candles. nor did he feel an intense rage seeing your hands occasionally brush over each other. at least that's what he told himself.

it didn't help that you were the prettiest girl; your hair let loose, but still looked pristine, you wore a baby pink lace top with a small rose on the top middle, a gold chained necklace with a crystal heart, tiny gold hoops, on your bottom is a denim mini skirt accompanied by a sparkly belt, then to finish off you wore white knee high knitted socks with baby blue converse that had embroidered stars all over.

on the other side, noah just wore a plain gray tee and some loose-fitting black jeans. the only accessory he had on being a gold-chain necklace and a michael kors watch, both which you'd gifted him.

she's everything, he's just ken.

"why are we weirdly staring at y/n and daniel." mara had appeared out of nowhere and now joined the conversation. she had come with the purpose of informing her brother and best friend her mother was ready for them, but instead ran into jamie and noah in front of the kitchen entrance.

jamie shrugs, "i don't know, i found him like this."

noah, not paying attention to them, mutters, "since when does bringing a cake involve two fucking people."

mara looks at you and daniel in the kitchen then back at noah, "this isn't because of what i said right?" she asks noah.

"don't know what you mean." he denies.

jamie rolls his eyes, "de nile is a river in egypt. you are acting like a jealous boyfriend."

mara agrees, "seriously, you've got nothing to worry about. y/n is crazy about you, and daniel is into that new friend of his."

noah doesn't respond; he pushes himself from the wall he leaned on and waltzes into the kitchen.

jamie cackles, "this is gonna be great."

"shouldn't we do something?" mara questions feeling a bit guilty.

jamie gives mara a look, "c'mon, you can't say watching shaw feel threatened for once isn't the least bit entertaining."

mara shrugs, "fair enough."

noah walks into the kitchen, your back facing him as you talk to daniel. he doesn't say anything as he wraps his arms around his frame and fits his head in the crook of your neck. he gives a few small kisses on the side of your neck.

your conversation comes to a stop once noahs antics begin. you smile and move a hand to ruffle through his hair, "hey baby, what brings you in here?"

daniel also greets noah, but he ignores it. noah hums in contentment at your touch, "just wanted to let you know mara's mom is ready for you to bring out the cake."

daniel laughs, "right, that's what we come in here for. if only you hadn't sidetracked us with your horrible placement of candles."

you gasp, offended, dropping your hand from noah's hair, "hey! my placement was perfect, you're the on-"

"i think i hear mara calling us." noah interrupts. it was a lie, mara went back to being immersed in twilight new moon.

daniel nods and goes to carry the cake himself, and you're about to help him out, but noah hold you tight - stopping you. "let's go get seated before we sing happy birthday, i'm sure he has it covered here, don't you daniel?" noahs states with a passive aggressive tone.

you give noah a weird glance, and daniel either didn't pick up on the attitude or ignored it because he replied in his usual preppy tone, "yeah, i've got things handled over here, you guys go on ahead."

noah wastes no time in taking you to the dining room. you didn't comment on noah's attitude back there and brushed it off, thinking you might've read into things. you're blind to the glances exchanged between mara and jamie when you both return.

you go to take a seat next to noah, but he pulls up down onto his lap.

you frown, "but there's a seat right there."

"the leg is super wobbly on that one," noah then kicks one of the chair legs very hard, enough to make the once stable leg now unstable, "see? i wouldn't want my girl to hurt herself."

you kiss his cheek, "you're the best boyfriend," you tell him appreciatively.

"tell that to daniel." noah whispers.

"what was that?"

"hm? nothing."

everyone begins taking their seat at the table once daniel comes out with the cake. you inform mrs. dyer of the broken chair, which she was surprised to hear, commenting how it was fine that same morning.

everyone stands up as the happy birthday anthem begins, mara being sat in front of the cake, awkwardly waits for the singing to stop. you and jamie make sure to prolong the song as much as possible to annoy mara. she conveyed her appreciation by throwing gestures your way when he mom wasn't looking. when it does end, everyone sits down and gets a piece of cake. daniel takes a seat next too you and noah, and he notices you both sharing a chair.

being the gentleman he is, he offers his seat to you, "here, i'll stand and you can sit here-"

you grab his arm to stop him from standing, "no, no, it's alright i'm-"

noah doesn't let you finish, "she's fine here. she's used to being situated on my lap, in more way than one."

mara chokes on her drink, stella gives a disgusted look, and jamie is biting into the knuckles of his fist to stop a laugh from leaving him. daniel is visibly uncomfortable at his comment and mutters an ‘alright’ and sits back down. luckily for you, both of mara’s parents were busy handing out cake to tune into the conversation.

you turn to noah with an incredulous look, your face beginning to flush at his innuendo. noah gives you a shrug and feigns innocence, seeing no issue with his comment.

mara did you the favor of speaking up with a new topic to move past the awkward tension.

eventually, the others retreated to the living room, taking plates of cake with them. you took the chance to talk to noah privately.

you turn your head to the side and lower your voice to a whisper, “why would you say that?”

“what? it’s not like it isn’t true…” his words trails off as he leans down to kiss the crook of your neck. noah starts nibbling gently, but enough to leave faded marks on your skin.

you roll your eyes,"rather not have our friends gag before the cake." you assert.

"why? is it because you don't want dear old daniel to hear." noah mutters bitterly.

you turn your body in his lap to look at him. you furrow your brows, "why are you acting like this? i thought i was jumping to conclusions, but ever since daniel and i were in the kitchen-" noah jaw clenches at the mention of you and daniel.

"see, there you go again. anything daniel related, and you-" you cut your sentence short in realization. you should've seen it sooner, but it was the most obvious at this moment. noah was jealous.

your faces shift from confusion to amusement, and you let out a small laugh. noah was lost on the your change in demeanor, "what? why are you laughing?" he questions.

"you're jealous," your eyes widen in realization,"that's why you've been acting so weird."

he roll his eyes and shakes his head. "no, that's absurd."

"it's cute, really. i hadn't thought of you as the type." you coo at him, going as far as pinching his cheek a bit. noah retaliates and swats your hand away.

"i'm not the type," noah denies, "i've just come to the realization how annoying daniel is."

you nod, playing along, "right, the same daniel you hang out with every week. daniel. who you've called your best friend, and the one you saved from death."

"people's opinions change," noah defends, but you're still not buying into it.

"—and mara may or may not mentioned him possibly liking you at some point." noah adds in quickly.

your head snaps, "what? daniel doesn't like nor has he ever liked me."

"c'mon, you've been friends for so long and mara just happens to think he was your first kiss."

your eyebrows furrow, confused by noah words. ten, it hits you, and you can't help but snort as you remember.

"this is painfully embarrassing to admit, but that was a rumor we made up at school so people thought i'd kissed someone."you confess.

noah eyes narrow, "so you and daniel.."

"never kissed?" you finish for him,"nope, but my entire middle school class thought we did."

"perhaps, i acted a bit hastily before." your boyfriend grumbles.

"jealous." you correct in a fit of faux coughs.

noah groans in your shoulder, "i hate this feeling, make it stop."

you shrug, "it's not totally bad. it could mean you care about me so much, you hate the thought of losing me to someone else. which you won't, so you have nothing to worry about."

"promise?"

"cross my heart and hope to die." you recite heartily, drawing an x motion over your chest.

noah looks at you in adoration before leaning in to connect your lips. you hum contently, and weave a hand through his soft hair.

"unless it's my celebrity crush, then you should definitely start worrying."

"careful darling," he leans down to whisper in your ear, "i'd hate to have mara put her powers to use."

"noah i swear—"

#noah shaw #noah shaw x reader #noah shaw x female reader #x female reader #x reader #reader insert #x y/n #mara dyer #jamie roth #the unbecoming of mara dyer #mara dyer trilogy #the unbecoming of mara dyer imagine #reader imagine

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theballadoffinchesandsaints · 4 years

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Why don’t you like Mara and Noah together?

I’ll preface this by saying that, on the spectrum of fictional relationships that I find problematic, these two are fairly close to healthy. I do not think these two are past the point of no return, and I do not think they were always unhealthy. If issues that have arisen in the past few books are carefully dealt with in last confessions (the upcoming 6th and final book), I would be more than happy to see these two get back together and a live long happy lives with each other. This might end up being a tad disorganized, so bare with me.

Now Mara and Noah had a bit of a damsel in distress/knight in shining armor thing going on during unbecoming and evolution (books 1 and 2). However, I don’t see anything inherently wrong with this so long as Mara is able to get her emotional independence fully back eventually. And by retribution and becoming (books 3 and 4), I do think she got there. The issue that arose here is more of a character flaw with Mara than anything else. She gained back her independence in retribution and becoming with violence (the boys in the subway she almost killed because they were verbally harassing someone, sacrificing all those cops to save Noah, and murdering Noah’s dad). I worry that Mara’s shadow tendencies take over too much when she is fighting for Noah or simply with Noah. This is one of many reasons I appreciate that Mara and Noah were separated during reckoning (book 5). While Noah was learning to live on his own, Mara was able to do the same thing somewhere else. We don’t know how well that went, but we’ll find out in last confessions, and I’m hopeful.

The second issue is the common YA trope: trust. One of the beautiful things about Mara and Noah’s relationship in unbecoming and evolution was the level of full disclosure they reached. As far as I can remember, by the end of evolution, they kept no prominent secrets from each other. There were stumbles along the way with moments like Mara reading Noah’s diary, but that was one mistake, and she felt awful about it almost immediately and came clean. Unfortunately, things started to spiral in retribution. We know that both Mara and Noah went through some of their worst trauma of the series so far during retribution as they were experimented on by those paid to keep them healthy. The sad thing is that these things happened to them while they were apart, and they let it grow a wall between them. There’s this section of retribution that has always bugged me where Mara and Noah are lying in bed together, and Mara notes how things feel different between her and Noah, less intimate and close. Of course, change after trauma is inevitable and should be accepted, but the fact that she does not feel the need to address this new distance again and works towards regaining their emotional closeness through open conversation worries me. Instead, they have a short conversation about the nature of their relationship as pertaining to the hero and shadow archetypes and what that means for the future. It could be argued that this is a symbolic conversation that does represent the two growing back together, but it does not explicitly address the things each has gone through and the ways they have changed. Instead, they each make their own assumptions and call it understanding. Finally, instead of opting for a discussion to correct the mistakes made when assuming, the two have sex. This brings me to my third point.

At times when Mara and Noah are keeping secrets from each other or are deeply upset over something, they use sex as a coping mechanism. Let’s go encounter by encounter. I have already explained the issues with the time at the end of retribution, so i’ll skip that one here. The second one, while they technically did not have sex, is close enough even besides the point that it was their full intention to do so. This scene takes place at Noah’s dad’s funeral when they sneek off instead of attending the service. Of course, it’s worth bringing up here that the service is Mara’s fault. She killed Noah’s dad in cold blood (I know Noah’s dad was an awful person and deserved what he got, but that’s not the point) and kept it a secret. Now, Noah hated his dad. There’s a good chance he would have agreed with killing his dad or at least been ambivalent if told. He even says that his dad really died with his mother. But Mara didn’t tell Noah, she kept it a secret, and there’s no way that wasn’t on her mind when they were kissing on that altar. Noah, on the other hand, used the physical aspect of his relationship with Mara to avoid dealing with his feelings over his dad’s death, even if he wasn’t truly grief-stricken. It’s escapism, plain and simple, and it’s not healthy. Finally, later in retribution, there’s the first night at their apartment. I don’t remember precisely what he was doing, but Noah snuck away from his group of friends to work on something he was keeping secret from Mara. When she confronts him on this, Noah is evasive. Then he distracts her by kissing her, and Mara stops asking about Noah’s secret. In all three of these scenarios, Mara and Noah use sex, not as a way to express love, but as a way to run from their problems or hide their guilt.

Finally, both Mara and Noah are deeply uncomfortable with the way each views and uses their power. Neither person is particularly at fault in these instances, but it demonstrates an extreme disconnect glossed over by the ways they view each other. Examples with Mara’s powers are everywhere. Noah breaks up with her because of them. The cops, his dad, it horrifies him, and he doesn’t even know about the boys on the subway in retribution. He assumed he understood her darkness by the end of retribution, but they never really broke down the wall that had formed between them. Then there’s Noah’s power. At the party at Noah and Mara’s flat, Noah wants to prove to Goose that his powers are real. To Mara’s horror, Noah says he’ll cut himself so Goose can watch the cut heal itself even though he and Mara previously agreed that he would never try to hurt himself again. In the same way that the worst thing in Noah’s eyes that Mara could do is sacrifice dozens of seemingly good people for him, the worst thing Noah could do to Mara is hurt himself. And yet, they’re both willing to do these things to each other even though they know it hurts them. At least, Noah certainly does. But, while Mara might have believed she was doing a good thing for Noah, she was not open about it like Noah was.

All in all, things were really reaching a boiling point at the end of becoming, and I’m glad they separated. This way, they can work through their own personal issues separately and then focus on fixing their relationship. Because I truly am rooting for these two. It is certainly possible that Mara and Noah can make peace with each other, themselves, and their emotions enough to be better together than they are apart. This is why the end of reckoning scares me. Noah losing his memories of Mara seems like a set-up to a darkest minds style ending where the characters never really get past their relationship issues. These two need to accept their past and learn from their mistakes, not try to forget everything. I hope that will be the theme of the final book. Then maybe madness could turn into happiness.

(The Mara Dyer/Shaw Confessions series is written by @michellehodkin)

#mine #mara dyer #mara amitra dyer #noah shaw #noah elliot simon shaw #mara x noah #mara and noah #madness #the unbecoming of mara dyer #the evolution of mara dyer #the retribution of mara dyer #the becoming of noah shaw #the reckoning of noah shaw #the last confessions of mara dyer and noah shaw #the mara dyer trilogy #shaw confessions #michelle hodkin #cw self harm

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