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suffering-and-happy-about-it · 4 years

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The Second Incident (Kids, Monsters, D&D and Adults, Part 2.) (Part 27.)

Description: A problematic college student gets the worst summer job of the ‘83 - Jim Hopper, the Chief of police in your hometown will have you as his secretary since his old lady Flo has two months lasting holiday. It was agreed so Hopper could keep you far away from all the trouble.

Part Summary: As October came by again, your traditional family vacation did as well. And just like the last year, the things were about to go downhill. Yet that year, Hopper wanted to make sure you’re completely out of the game.

A/N: So, season 2 is here! We’re getting extremely close to bad Russians of 1985 and I’m getting more and more anxious about this fic.

Word count: 4.2 K

Tagging: @nemodoren @creedslove @missdictatorme (CHECK HER OUT, SHE’S SO LOVELY)

Master list: H E R E

The fourth of July at your parents’ was exquisite - you always had the greatest view from your garden and that year was no exception. The most exciting part was to shoot the fireworks on your own - which was your dad’s and Jim’s job. Eleven was sitting on your brother’s shoulders while you were snuggling to Hopper in the back as you watched the colors on the sky, drinking a beer. And it was the first evening your mother wasn’t looking at you with worries. Jim and your dad made the best burgers waiting for the fireworks to start blasting, you were preparing sweets with your mom, Aiden spent his time with his newfound niece, drawing with her.

You made a pact including you, Jim and partially your mom, who, of course, didn’t have to know everything - you needed to leave Eleven at that household way more often to have some time for kinky fucking. And you definitely felt more than ready to try out new things and to deepen your horizons.

From your thoughts about all of that kinky fucking Eleven woke you up. She was standing in front of you with a drawing, looking you in the eyes.

“For you from me.” - She peeped and you patted Hopper’s ass, sending him off to the garden and you walked with Eleven to the kitchen to have some more burgers. You were hungry as hell - but suddenly, you stopped as you watched that drawing.

It was you, Hopper, her, Aiden and your parents, all holding hands. It was a drawing looking a lot like stickmen, but with some nice details - there was that big red waistband you always wore on your wrist, Aiden had Go-Hawkins-Go! t-shirt and your mom had a big smile on her lips. And on top of that, there was written 'famili’ with a sweet grammar error. This one made you smile.

“Is this for me, baby?” - You whispered, looking at her with actual tears in your eyes. She smiled, nodding at you, stealing yet another cookie from the plate on the counter.

“This masterpiece will hang on my fridge until the day I die, I swear.” - You mumbled happily, kissing her forehead and bringing her for a hug. At that moment, you got why Joyce was showing Will’s rainbow spaceship to everyone who visited Melvald’s. You were extremely proud as you watched the drawing.

You and Joyce got pretty friendly since Hopper proposed to you, honestly. You went to Melvald’s for every small thing or when you just felt the need to talk with her, sometimes even going as far to visit her place to learn to cook something really good for Hopper and Eleven.

Since the Byers disappearance incident, as everyone in Hawkins called the event, you knew that her younger son, Will, had some problems - you knew that every first day in every month, Joyce, Will, and Hopper left somewhere for the whole afternoon, but you never asked about any details. You were sure that Hopper wouldn’t tell you - he was one sly motherfucker, he would find his way to throw you off the rails.

But when you were in their house, Will was always glad to try what you’ve cooked. You talked with that boy a lot, to be honest, and you needed to say… That the boy was pretty cool, telling you all about Dungeons and Dragons campaigns, having these pop-cultural references and he liked some cool music. He was looking weird, yeah, but he sure as hell was cool. And he always said you’re a great cook, so you liked him even more.

You hadn’t got too close to Jonathan, though. Not that you were trying too hard. He wasn’t too much of a social person, so you only greeted each other when you came and never talked until you said goodbye.

“You’re leaving for a vacation? Leaving Hopper all alone here? Are you sure that he won’t starve to death or something like that?” - Joyce smiled, making the mashed potatoes while you checked on the meat put in the oven. That day, you were showing her how to make your famous meatloaf Hopper talked about all the fucking time.

“I do so every year since I was born. Plus, I think Jim can take care of himself for two weeks… Not even that long.” - You rolled your eyes, grinning ironically. - “I noticed that Will has gone to the… Somewhere you’re taking him two times since October had started. Is everything alright?” - You asked and closed the oven once again.

“He’s… Having some episodes. The doctor is saying that it’s because it’s been a year since he disappeared, something like PTSD. I’m just trying to make everything easier for him now.” - Joyce hugged herself, lighting up a cigarette, offering you one as well. You wanted to say that you know what she had on her mind, but she didn’t know about Eleven. And you couldn’t tell her no matter what. And to say that you know how does she feel because you have a child as well… That would be extremely weird.

“It will get better, Joyce. Just… Don’t lose hope. Will’s a smart kid and a fighter.” - You said and hugged her, looking at your watch, sighing dramatically. - “Holy crap, it’s this late? I need to go. The meatloaf only needs ten more minutes and it’s done. Say the boys that I hope it would taste them.”

“You better go.” - Joyce agreed and made sure that she’d at least walk you out of the door.

“I’m going to North Dakota soon, to see my grandma and family and I almost forgot about it. I haven’t even packed yet! Cooking with you always makes me forget stuff. And say hi to Bob from me!” - You giggled and ran to your car, waving at her with your purse.

“Sure. Have a lovely holiday!” - Joyce watched as you slowly left her driveway in your old car.

Cheri Cheri Lady was playing all over the forest as you pulled off in the driveway, turning the engine off. Eleven was peeking at you through one of the curtains while Jim was opening the door for you already. they knew that every time a loud car pulls off in front of the cabin, it’s you. No-one from the lab was that stupid to let the radio playing as loud as you did.

“You once forget your head somewhere, have I told you that?” - He grinned at you, kissing the back of your head as you hugged him, storming inside the cabin.

“My meatloaf is a fricking masterpiece and it needs time and patience. And patience is a virtue.” - You answered a bit ironically, throwing your stuff on the kitchen table, saying hi to Eleven with a tight hug. - “How were you, sweetheart?” - You asked with a small smile, looking her in the eyes. You did exactly as you told her - the drawing was on your fridge and you refused to take it off, having a furious motherly expression on your face when one of them touched it.

The drawing wasn’t going anywhere anytime soon and these two needed to accept that as a matter of fact. You weren’t playing any games.

“Fine. I’ve helped with packing.” - Eleven smiled at Hopper, making you furrow at him. You knew she had packing all of your stuff for the vacation on her mind, but a bit of fun never hurt anyone.

“I’m taken away, Mr. Hopper. You really want me out of the house in no time, huh?” - You mumbled with faked drama, making Eleven giggle. If you had to be honest, it was extremely sweet of them to pack your stuff - Hopper knew that you’d lose the track of time as you always did, making sure that you won’t be panicking and that you would make it on time.

“And we made tuna sandwiches. For you, grandma, grandpa, and uncle.” - Eleven said seriously, taking four small bags out of the fridge. These she loved to make the most, so you just accepted it with grace, learning how to love them.

“I will all of them on my own because I’m sure they’re the best in the entire world.” - You said playfully, making Eleven furrow at you.

“You should go. You have barely twenty minutes to ride to the house even if you ride like a madman.” - Jim said, making you realize that you’re leaving again. For the last time for the next twelve days, you hugged Eleven, kissing her all over her face, making her giggle.

“You need to promise that you won’t let him starve. And to eat also normal food, not just Eggos. Make him clean up the place and you two won’t have any bad blood once I’m gone, is that clear? Or I will make a long psychological sitting at the dinner table and you both know how annoying and uncomfortable these are.” - You pointed your finger at both of them, really kissing the temple of El’s head for the last time before you left the cabin. Hopper, as usual, came out just a second after you.

“You have everything there, alrite? I packed the damn bag with the best intentions.” - Hopper leaned into the top of your car and with that, you exactly knew what did that old douchebag had on his mind.

“You packed me only the lacy underwear you like, didn’t you?” - You mumbled and looked him in the eyes, seeing his face growing into the annoying grin he used to have every time he did some random bullshit like this was.

“Maybe I did.” - Jim laughed into your lips when you stole a big, fat kiss from her.

“Joyce told me it’s getting worse with Will now. Just… Promise me that you’d call me when something fishy would happen and that you keep them safe. And that you keep yourself safe in the first place, okay?” - You hugged him, closing your eyes, thinking about all of the stuff that happened last time you left Hawkins for a vacation.

“Gonna do it, mum. Can you go already? I am a grown man, I can do it on my own.” - Jim hugged you with one hand, but he took a deep breath in and tried to relax as well. He wasn’t sure about the last thing he told you. But he needed to look brave. For real, the Byers boy was making him worried.

“Be safe. And call me.” - You said definitely, stealing one last kiss before basically jumping into the car and stormed off. Just as last year, you drove to Dakota with having Aiden in the car, taking turns after four hours of driving, having a lot of fun on the road.

For the first few days, everything was extremely hectic at Dakota, but you had fun - just as he promised, Jim called you every day around afternoon to tell you how they are doing, everyone was extremely curious about him since now, he was not only your boyfriend but your fiancé as well.

Anyone could prepare themselves for what was about to hit Hawkins that time - and it all started with Eleven and Jim having a huge argument only two days after you’ve been gone from the cabin. Since you and your family weren’t around to make her occupied, the air between them got heavier and heavier. She was pissed about Mike, about Hopper keeping her under a constant lockdown, she was just mad and alone.

So the whole cabin just seemed to explode when the rage got on a level so high that she couldn’t contain it anymore. Eleven manifested her powers since you weren’t around. Normally, when it came to Hopper and her arguing, you were the neutral one, making them sit down and talk about everything - but without you there, oh Lord. Eleven was a protesting teenage girl and Hopper had a bad temper. And the situation got worse and worse - with Hopper not making it on time on the Halloween night.

You could say that some shit went down there when Hopper called you the day after, but you didn’t make too much out of that, because you knew that no matter their natures, they could make it work again. They manage to get through more than three months without you, they could do twelve days, for fuck’s sake.

The red flag came when Hopper hadn’t called you the other day… And the day after that. And the third as well. Only if you knew… Only if you knew what was going on there. There were monsters called Demodogs running around Hawkins, set loose, Hopper had fainted in one of the Mind Flayer’s veins, the rift in the lab needed to be closed as soon as possible and little Will who you liked so much was now controlled by the Mind Flayer.

But you didn’t know that, so naturally, when Hopper hadn’t picked the damn phone up the first three days, you tried to call Joyce. But boy, oh boy, you didn’t know that fucked them up in Hawkins, having the spy inside Will realizing where they were keeping him. When you heard the line ringing, you were excited and when someone picked up, you almost started talking - just to hear some muted voices and breathing before someone put the phone down.

You tried to call the phone again - only to hear as the phone line went dead and unreachable in the next second. You almost panicked, packed all the lacy stuff Hopper had packed you and went to Hawkins to yell his bitch ass down. But then you stopped yourself.

Maybe he got too caught up in a case? Maybe something was going on and Hopper just needed to focus on his damn work for once? Maybe he was off in the cabin with Eleven? That could be true…

But you would kill Hopper first and yell at Eleven seconds if you would know that the girl left the cabin twice actually while Jim wasn’t there - first, she took a fucking hike to Hawkins Middle to see Mike Wheeler with her own damn eyes and then, she went to search for her actual mother, Terry, and a weekend trip to Indianapolis. Your little, fucking fourteen-year-old girl, went to visit Indianapolis on her own while Jim’s ass was locked up in Hawkins Lab. He knew that he would be so dead if you knew.

So that was why he called you back as soon as he got the chance, in the hospital gown with his naked ass showing its glory to everyone in the Lab. It was just about to go down - and he needed to hear your voice before everything turns to shit and before he might… No. He couldn’t tell himself bullshit like that.

“Y/N Y/L/N at the phone, may I help you?” - You asked sweetly, smiling at Aiden who was just calling you a dumb frick because you accidentally did the laundry on a bad temperature, making everything have a bad color - all of his white t-shirts were pink now, thanks to you.

“Hey, baby, it’s me. I know I haven’t called you in the last few days, but I can explain everythin’.” - The known raspy voice told you from the other end of the line and you just grinned, walking into the next room, closing yourself in there.

“James Hopper! Do you even realize how fucking worried I was? Blablabla, I will call you every day, I swear, stop behaving like my mom, blablabla. Bullshit!” - You yelled on the whole room furiously, not giving him space to talk actually.

“Hope you aren’t in Hawkins.” - He said quietly and you could hear other voices in the background. This wasn’t the office mess, as you called it - he was not in the office.

“To your luck, I am still in Dakota. Give me those reasons and maybe, maybe I won’t kick your ass when I get home. But I get to know that something’s wrong with her… God help me, James.” - You hissed when Aiden stuck his damn face into your door and you shoved him back to the hall. That conversation was very private.

“I got too caught up in a case, but I’m fine now. Will is havin’ worse and worse PTSD episodes, so that was why I was off the phone too. And she… She’s doin’ fine, okay? We’re fine. Don’t be worried and stay in Dakota.” - Jim said tiredly and you exhaled out loud. Just as always, you overreacted. They were doing good without you and they were alive and well… Only if you’d know the truth.

“I’m sorry. I just jumped to conclusions too fast. Are you sure that you’re fine?” - You whispered, being relieved. Jim hummed into the phone. This was the last shot to tell you, after all.

“I’ve missed you here, you know? And I love you.” - Jim told you with his eyes shut closed. You closed your eyes as well, nodding even if he couldn’t see you.

“I know that, douchebag. And I love you too. I can’t wait to be back home.” - You said honestly, looking at the calendar on the wall. Only two more days to go and you would be home with them again.

“Need to go now. Keep your goddamn ass safe.” - He said silently and you laughed, telling him something nasty as well before hanging the phone.

In the end, everything played out - the Mind Flayer seemed to be gone, the gate was closed, everyone was alive - and Bob Newby, the superhero, was maybe gone, but not forgotten at all. Everything went seemingly back to normal before the due of your arrival came.

Now, Jim needed to accept the fact that Mike Wheeler and the whole child gang knew that Eleven was alive the whole time and that he couldn’t tear them apart anymore. He didn’t wish her to be locked at the cabin the whole time - but at the same time, the thoughts about Brenner were on the back of his head the whole time.

Just the evening before you were supposed to come, Hopper made every member of the child gang come to the cabin. He sucked with boys at Mike’s age, but there were safety steps that needed to be taken to keep you safe. That was how he interpreted it to them once they were done with fixing the cabin up. He told them that when you were around, Eleven hadn’t got any superpowers, there weren’t and Mind Flayers, Demogorgons, and Demodogs, there was no Upside Down, there was nothing.

He sure did know that he will need to make up some other silver lining for you, but the kids seemed to respond pretty good - and they were all thrilled that every once in a while, Hopper was agreeing with them seeing El at the cabin. Well, if you’d agree with that. And, naturally, there was the whole Snow Ball thing.

When you pulled off at the driveway, you could immediately tell that something had changed about the cabin. First things first, there was no tripwire around the estate. It looked almost polished - and the curtains weren’t drawn. In fact, you could see what’s going on inside.

And even more surprised you were, when you found out that the door was unlocked - and that even if Hopper was at work, Eleven wasn’t home alone at all. In fact, you could count six children sitting around the living room, learning some English with her.

“Oh my God.” - You whispered only once you saw them, immediately thinking about Hopper just being set off if he gets to know. But the kids only looked at you and as Eleven went for a hug, you were terrified of a boy who had a baseball cap on his curls.

“Eleven, baby, I’m really glad that you have friends, but Jim is going to flip out.” - You mumbled into the temple of her head when you hugged her back, watching the rest of the gang just… Existing in your cabin.

“He knows. I asked him and he told yes.” - Eleven told you a smile, taking another tuna sandwich out of the fridge, giving it to you. - “You have to be hungry. I made.” - She smiled and went back to sit next to the Wheeler boy again. Will was sitting in your damn couch next to a girl and the Sinclair boy as you were freaking out, sitting at the table, eating the sandwich.

“Yeah, sure, he will murder us both.” - You mumbled and stood up to catch the attention of the kids. - “Are you guys hungry? I was thinking about making some pancakes, how does that sound?” - You offered a tight voice and most of them were hesitant, but WIll smiled at them.

“Y/N is the best cook. I swear.” - He got up, putting the book down. - “Do you need any help?” - He smiled, pulling his sleeves up. Well, damn you, this was a nightmare and you didn’t want to wake up.

And like that, you made pancakes for the whole party, even pulling off some of Hopper’s triple extravaganza style with Hershey’s kisses and jellybeans. And when Hopper made it home, damn, wasn’t that a funny situation? You were staring at him, getting ready for his temper just going off and he was looking at every move you made, gulping, preparing himself for a long-ass class about being secretive and how having six teenagers isn’t fucking secretive at all.

“Um… Can we for a… Will you guys mind…?” - You spoke nervously to the kids and each of them just nodded smiling at you. You dragged Hopper out and made sure the door and the window is closed before you freaked out. - “Jim, I am sorry, but these kids somehow appeared at our cabin and I didn’t have the heart to tell them to frick off. Just don’t yell, please.”

“I don’t want to yell at you at all. I knew they planned to study here today, I just totally forgot to tell you.” - Jim answered, being as freaked out as you. You motioned on the cabin, raising your eyebrows.

“So you knew about them, okay. Okay? I just need to get my head together, Jesus. So, Eleven isn’t a secret anymore? She’s allowed to have friends now? I just want to know where we’re at these days because it fucking freaked me out to see not one kid, but six of them in my living room.” - You mumbled, leaning your back into the wall behind your back. - “Also, is it me, or does the cabin look… Different? Did you finally repaired the door?”

“More or less. She still can’t go to Hawkins, but… I couldn’t just look at her bein’ all alone in here. We have a lot to talk about, I know, I know, just… Be cool for now, yeah?” - Jim took your shoulder to his palm and held you for a long time, finally realizing you’re back there, with him, alive and well. You smiled and leaned into his touch, feeling safe as well.

“Hey, I’ve missed you there, have I told you that?” - You asked quietly, making sure that the kids can’t see you before you leaned to steal a kiss.

“Hold your damn horses, that’s my catchphrase, miss. But yeah, I know.” - Jim answered your typical answer and you laughed, listening to his heartbeat. So… Your baby wasn’t a secret anymore. She was allowed to see her friends, which was about to put you through the hell and back, especially before you knew that Steve Harrington had broken up with Nancy and he is their babysitter basically, but at that moment, you felt good.

“Also, these kids loved my damn pancakes, so I think I’m good with them.” - You giggled with less panic in your voice.

“And… I need to talk to you about somethin’.” - Hopper mumbled and that caught your attention again, so you rose your chin to look at him. - “We need to get El dress for Snow Ball and I don’t know how the hell are we gonna do that.”

#jim hopper imagine #jim hopper #jim hopper x reader #james jim hopper #stranger things hopper #hopper imagine #mike wheeler #mike wheeler stranger things #eleven stranger things #eleven ives #eleven hopper #jane ives #jane hopper #the child gang #oh shit #oh no #they have just summoned in your goddamn living room #joyce byers #will byers

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thecursedhellblazer · 4 years

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♣ 15 QUESTIONS ABOUT THE MUSE.

① ARE YOU NAMED AFTER ANYONE ?

“Ah, ‘m pretty sure tha’ someone in me fuckin’ bloodline gots a similar name, but ‘ard to tell if t’was done on purpose or nay. ‘S a really common name, innit? Sure as ‘ell I ain’t named after me ol’ man...n’ thank all th’ bloody gods o’ the universe for tha’.”

② WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU CRIED ?

“Dunno? ‘S been a while I guess? I ain’t exactly th’ kind o’ bloke who often gets down on ‘is knees n’ cries ‘is sorrows out. I prefer drinking ‘em away. Zee says I should...‘ow did she word it again? Ah, aye. ‘Let meself be a bit more vulnerable’ or shite like tha’. Thanks no thanks. ‘S too troublesome.”

“Tho, now tha’ I think ‘bout it...Does it count if th’ bloody tears were ‘cause th’ fuckin’ ‘ellish prick I live wit’ sometimes threw some burnin’ shite in me eyes? ‘Ell, imma kill ‘im one o’ these days...”

③ DO YOU HAVE KIDS ?

“Ah...tough question. I was used to spawn a few...uh, t’in’s. Like, Swampy borrowed me to get ‘is wife pregnant. N’ there was all tha’ mess wit’ Rosacarnis n’...lots o’ other shite. Ne’er thought o’ ‘em as me kids tho. Jus’...Spillin’ DNA.”

A cough. “Tho...There’s Tim. He ain’t exactly me kid, but...He’s family, in a way. N’ Ruby too. But yeh didn’t ‘ear this from me!”

④ DO YOU USE SARCASM A LOT ?

“Sarcasm? Me? Dunno wha’ yeh talkin’ ‘bout, mate. Wha’ even ‘s tha’ shite? Ne’er ‘eard o’ it. Can yeh drink it?”

“...Aye, tha’ was sarcasm. Draw yeh own conclusions.”

⑤ WHAT’S THE FIRST THING YOU NOTICE ABOUT PEOPLE ?

“Depends on wha’ ‘m in town for. If ‘m after one o’ me...t’in’s I try to separate ‘umans from not ‘umans. Ain’t tha’ easy all th’ time, tho. Other times, whether said person ‘s ‘ot or not...Or if I can play ‘em n’ win their money. Or get ‘em to buy me a drink. A bloke gots to make it thru ‘is bills, aye?”

“...Ah, th’ bloody physical feature are th’ eyes. Can read a lot in those. Or body language in general.”

⑥ WHAT’S YOUR EYE COLOR ?

“Blue, usually. Got a few mishaps where they changed colour for some time, but...those are stories for ‘nother time.”

⑦ SCARY MOVIE OR HAPPY ENDING ?

“Fuckin’ oul’ ‘appy endin’. N’ don’t yeh dare to judge me, yeh arsehole, ‘cause yeh ne’er get those in real life, so...Sometimes a change ‘s good, innit? Even if ‘s jus’ bloody fiction.”

“Scary movies are alrite too. Even tho...When yeh live me kind o’ life? They ain’t scary at all. I prefer watchin’ th’ game n’ shite. ‘S a good excuse to get Chas to buy th’ beer for th’ nite.”

⑧ ANY SPECIAL TALENTS ?

“Got lots of those. Yeh know. Magic, connin’, makin’ most people n’ bein’s ‘ate me guts...Tho I think tha’ th’ most relevant one ‘s gettin’ meself in trouble. Fuckin’ rotten luck. Even when I stay put, I can’t ‘ave a bloody week wit’out some sort o’ crisis bein’ dumped o’er me ‘ead.”

“Can’t I drink a bloody pint in peace, once in a while?! Ah, nay, John, oul’ son, ‘cause fuckin’ Fate says yeh can’t. Screw it!”

⑨ WHERE WERE YOU BORN ?

“Liverpool, UK. Oul’ coal industries n’ all. Compared to London n’ most American cities, ‘s like a big town. At times I miss it. Not th’ bloody life I ‘ad there tho. Ne’er.”

⑩ WHAT ARE YOUR HOBBIES ?

“Uh, I gots a few. Most are kind o’ connected to me field o’ expertise, tho. Lots o’ readin’ up n’ researches, ‘cause yeh ne’er know too much or even bloody enough ‘bout magic n’ th’ Arcane n’ all th’ Occult stuff. I like tinkerin’ wit’ me own spells n’ seals n’ all. Gots to ‘ave a few new tricks up me sleeve, yeh know? N’ stick me nose where I shouldn’t.”

“Aside from tha’...Drinkin’? More like a bloody necessity than a bloody ‘obby tho. Me n’ Chas gots our routine. Games n’ pubs n’ dinners n’ shite. N’ I kinda...cook from time to time? But tha’s outta necessity again. Unless I gots some fuckin’ arsehole at ‘ome whinin’ ‘cause he wants ‘is fuckin’ maticore blood cake. Tha’ alone requires talent.”

“I kind o’ got into yoga too? Thanks to an ol’ friend o’ mine. ‘Elps to clear me ‘ead from time to time. N’ meditation can be good. Not for th’ soul, tha’s already rotten n’ gone, but makes miracle when yeh tryin’ to do some complex Divination.”

⑪ DO YOU HAVE ANY PETS ?

“I used to ‘ave an undead pet rat called Francis in me younger years, but nowadays...Hell no. ‘S already enough when Tim’s ‘round n’ I gots to deal wit’ ‘is fuckin’ bird. N’ Ruby gots this ugly cat who ‘ates me. Tho, th’ damn thing probably can smell ‘Ell on me, n’ tha’s why he loathes me tha’ much.”

“Also...Chas ‘s been talkin’ me ears off ‘bout ‘ow much he wants a fuckin’ dog or two, so I guess I’ll soon find meself ‘avin’ to worry ‘bout me best mate’s pet too. I refuse to pet-sit or whate’er. Chas knows tha’. N’ like ‘ell he’s gonna talk me into tha’!”

“...Damn. I’ll probably end up doin’ it anyway, aye?”

⑫ WHAT SPORTS DO YOU PLAY/HAVE YOU PLAYED ?

“Sports? Eeeeeh, not me t’i’g. Ne’er been. I gots plenty o’ excitement elsewhere, really. Don’t need tha’ at all.”

“I got dis...mate o’ mine who’s kind o’ ‘elpin’ me wit’ some...work out routine? Gods, th’ guy ‘s good ‘ealth on two legs. Th’ whole t’i’g kicks me ass e’ery bloody time.”

“...N’, to ‘ell all th’ people who disagree, but I got all the fuckin’ gymnastic I need already.”

⑬ HOW TALL ARE YOU ?

“Dunno. ‘Aven’t measured in a while. Why th’ fuck does it even ma’er? Average. N’ ‘m fine wit’ it. Less back problems n’ shite, th’ docs say.”

⑭ DREAM JOB ?

“A fuckin’ vacation from all th’ shite tha’ ‘aunts me. Not good as an answer? Ah, den I guess I’ll say wha’ ‘m doin’. I stuck me nose in magic when I was too young to understand most o’ th’ shite th’ world throws at yeh n’...Tha’s all I e’er wanted to do. An oul’ mate o’ mine once said tha’ I live for it. Like a fuckin’ religion. He was rite. I do fuckin’ live for it. Found me path, even tho it sucks most o’ th’ times. But...‘s mine. Really mine. Wrong in all th’ rite ways tha’ suit me. If yeh get wha’ I mean.”

⑮ FAVORITE SUBJECT AT SCHOOL ?

“Dunno. I was too busy bein’ kicked outta all th’ fuckin’ schools they sent me at to care. Troublemaker, troubled lad, wohe’er. It ain’t tha’ I dislike learnin’...even if maths always made me ‘ead ache so badly. I jus’ ‘ated th’ system. Still do.”

TAGGED BY: @theprinceof-gothamcity (( thanks!! )) TAGGING: @blindeddevil @thedemonconstantine (idk if I want Timmy, demon John or Chas so YOU pick u.u) @thegreenxrcher @cosmosfated @exanxmo @ceolenaluthor @xnonxnocerex (Ava) - & whoever wants to steal it !

#* Blokes like me? We cheat. * ::ic::#* My reality is eleven tenths perception. * ::headcanons::#(( this was SO FUN ))#(( why comic icons?? xD ))#(( no idea felt like to x'D ))

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princeleyjeans · 4 years

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True Colours ---- “Cards on the table, man, nothin’ to hide this time. Or ever again” “This some fruity way of--” “I’m sayin’ this is me. This is me! Us! This can be Us if you want it to be” “Beige?” “Honest! Happy! Together! Fuck sake, why won’t you let even the smallest-” “I’m scared, Cupcake, alrite! I. Am scared” “We both are, T. But, ain’t it easier knowin’ there are two people in this sinkin’ ship?” “...Guess could use you as a life raft” “...Sure. Do that. Use me. Count on me. Trust me” “Got any insurance to back up that question?” “No, but....losin’ you again, ain’t worth thinkin’ bout how I’d go on, because I wouldn’t. I wouldn’t be capable, not now. Not after this” “After shedding your scal---” “I am in love with you, Trevor Philips. There’s no going back, it’s out there, you know it, I know it, the world knows it and if I lost you, if I hurt you, well, there’d just be no reason to go on anymore. When there was Manda, an the kids, I had this...thing, this safety belt, but they’re gone, everything I’ve built over the last 12 years is gone and my life is teetering on a cliff. You are the one thing keeping me from goin’ over, and cutting you loose would be the stupidest way to kill myself. Because I would. Without you. I’d die. I’d die without you, Trevor Philips. You’re my world. You’re my reason for existing and it’s the gayest thing I have ever told someone but it’s the truth. It’s the fuckin’ truth and we both know it” “Wow.” “Yeah, wow. So, you gonna fuckin’ kiss me or what, you piece of crap?!”

#trikey #omg im legit sobbing #omg this desk is new #and it has tears on it #oh my god i hate myself

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izzy-isme92 · 5 years

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Just when JK-er/KM-er started becoming entitled little brats

Jimin comes bearing gifts

Thank you Jimin-ah 🥰🥰🥰

Kids...lets stop being so spoiled and entitled k?

JM/JK/Jikook/Kookmin owes us nothing...literally nothing

If i start seeing posts out bout JM being "irresponsible" again???

Bitch gonna start throwing hands...alrite??

#jikook #kookmin #minkook #jeon jungkook #bts #park jimin #be grateful kids

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lustingtc · 5 years

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3rd May 2019

Hatsune Miku says trans rights!

Anyways

I had a dream. A dream about that dumb dog man 😔😞

It was really weird??? Like it was a dodgeball game and I was just wearing my uniform n yeah,,, 😳😳😳😳

It was...let’s just say he noticed my blue underwear YiKeS 😓😓 It’s bc I fell in like a ditch and he helped me and then he like... his eyes. Boy pussy. Yeah. That happened 🤢🤢🤢 but like he was also like “Uh. No. That’s weird.” So,,.

My mans ain’t a pedo in my dreams🤧

💝💞💓💗💖💘💕💝💞💓💗💖💘

Anyways ACTUALLY getting into school n after tutor,,,

So bc it was non school uniform day,,. We waited to see T’s fit.. 😰😰😰

It’s honestly... considering it’s HIM

That fit... absolutely 🤭😩😭🤤💯💯

WE LOVE!!! 1 MAN!!!!

He had a white T shirt on and then he had a white button up shirt over the top of it,,, n like,,, the 2 top button where undone and like 💝💞💓💗💖💘💕

GIRLS!! WE BE FEASTING!!!!!! 🤪🍽

Alas I went to maths after that wonderful meal of a man

Do dogman. His fit? Brown. Sweat patches. It’s is... not,,, a,, look,,, 😳😰

But we touched elbows 🤪✌🏻😚🤙🏻 wedding is Sunday!!11!1!1!1!

Me and O managed to convince him to let us play Kahoot!! He was like “What do we do now?” Bc we had 20 minuets let and me n O were like “KAHOOT!!! KAHOOT!!!!!!!!” And he just looked at us and was like,,, alrite 🤧🤧

So of course as soft stannie #1! I put my name as ‘uwu’ uwuwuwu

N he’s reading the names and THIS MAN. THE WORDS THAT COME OUT OF HIS MOUTH OHMYGOD!!!!!!

“You-woo”

Fuck what did this man say?? FUCKING WHAT!??? Anyways me and O lost it,,,

Also some kid asked where in the town Dogman was from, but he’d come to our city for university,,

Turns out he’s from South London :OO very exotic!!! 🤩🤩🤩💯💯

So I was done with tht shit

Omw to English 🏃‍♀️🏊‍♂️🏃‍♂️🏃‍♀️🏊‍♀️

I was walking towards the door right

Got my hand on the hand thing that you pull to open the door, right. 🖐🏻🚪

This mother fucker. I see that mother fucker T on the other side of the door. I SHIT MYSELF 😰😰😡😡😡

My brain be lyK xd

“Oh fuck. Oh fuck. Do I open the door? Do I let him open the door? What do I do? Should I open it??? What if I fall into him bc I stub myself on the door?? What do I do??”

So... I open the door

“Aw shit, here we go again.”

He opens the other door... like. I’m pretty sure he was gonna open the door I was opening an sO idk???

The big question:

Does opening another door means he hates me with a passion?

Maybe? Most likely... 😔😔😔

But then this lower year bitCH comes SKRRRTTT past me. Almost knocking me off my fUCKING FEET!!!!

But she was like “SIR!!!”

So. Another bitch on the hit list. 😎🗒

Saw the fat bItCH AGAIN 🙄🙄👋🏻👋🏻

He was on break duty (3 this week. What a sacrifice.) but,,, he was talking to an annoying kid so...😶💍🚫

Me and P are back together...

As much as our very dramatic awful horrible dirty disgusting blood flinging breakup was a thing

She redeemed herself.

Her fit was VeRY CuTE!!!!! uwuwuwu

We did this game and not to flex but I got our team 2 of the 3 points so, really, we’re both putting so much into our relationship 110% the wedding is on sunday 😌😌🤞🏻🤞🏻💍🎉🎉🎉

But we didn’t win so we had to stay a minuet behind bc that was the rules.

And this girl got lowkey pissed jsksksk and she was like “AFTER WE HELPED YOU THAT ONE TIME!!!” And P was just laughing sm 💝💞💓💗💖💘💕!!!!

And then she said something and P was like “PLEASE!!! Anything but that!!1!1!” And !!uwuwuwuwu!!! She is just the CUTEST AWEE!!!

Me? T? Yeah I saw him for about 2 seconds before spanish. Yeah he’s cute. Yeah I’d get run over for him

Yeah I miss him :(((((((((

I want my boyyyy!!! ONE INTERACTION WITH MY BOYYY 😩😩😩😩

Like I miss him sm it’s not even funny. I miss his voice and dumb jokes and his wonderful baby smile!!! I miss him so so so much,, I just want to give him all love :-( 💝💞💓💗💖💘💕

#teacher crush #tc #teacher crush community #tc community #Z #dogman #P

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snekblr · 6 years

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Here’s a failed attempt at an angst fic, enjoy because i havent written in like 5 years

CW: a n g s t (maybe)

Rating: G-T?

“Hey did you hear? That grey-haired transfer kid left Inaba a few days ago.”

“Is that so? He arrived just as abruptly as he left, why come when you’re gonna leave so soon anyway?”

Yosuke increased the volume of his mp3 player. The last thing he needed to be reminded of right now was the fact that his partner wasn’t here anymore. He searched for his name in the newly posted class roster and headed to class 3-2, ignoring a student with the name of Souji Seta being crossed out at the bottom of the list.

Classes weren’t bad. They were just so frustratingly boring that it makes you want to rip your hair off and regrow them just to rip them off again. Yosuke was preoccupied with random thoughts about anything remotely interesting as an attempt to stay awake from the curse of a sleep-inducing lecture.

“Hanamura-kun! I bet you’re not listening,give me the answer for question 3!”

That definitely caught him off-guard. As a reflex, the brunette leaned forward and whispered to the student seated in front of him.

“Hey sou-“

Wait. That’s not Souji.

Yosuke tried to calm down and glanced through the question written on the board. Hold on, this question seems familiar, he came across it while studying with Souji last year. “um...Mt. Olympus...?”he squeaked nervously.

“Good try Hanamura-kun but I was asking about the tallest mountain in Malaysia. Pay attention next time,”the teacher scoffed while resuming his lesson.

‘Oh crap. Where the fuck is Malaysia anyway,’ Yosuke mumbled while he overheard his classmates whispering to one another.

“Looks like he really is a disappointment, why did that...guy...Seta-san hang out with him anyway? Seta is way cooler than he is!”

“Wow he can’t even answer that? I guess Junes is the only thing he’s good for. “

“He’s useless now that Seta-kun is gone!”

Snickers and whispers were supposed to be soft and barely audible right, but why were they deafening to the brunette? They were loud and they lingered in his mind. Why won’t they get out? Why is this happening?

And for the first time in three years, Yosuke paid full attention throughout the rest of the lecture.

He couldn’t have ran any faster when the bell rang. He needed to escape, albeit for a mere 20 minutes , he has to get out of that place pronto. It was beginning to suffocate him and he didn’t know why. With his legs on autopilot he ended up at the school rooftop. As he barged through he heard two shrieks, very familiar shrieks to be precise.

“Yosuke, don’t scare us like that!”Chie yelped while Yukiko tried looking away. Both of them seemed somewhat guilty and have slightly flushed faces, as if they’d been caught doing something they shouldn’t be doing on school grounds.

“Yosuke-kun, would you mind going somewhere else to eat? I...have something private to discuss with Chie. Sorry.” Yukiko requested nicely but sternly. With Chie right beside her it’d be impossible to leave the roof in one piece if he decided to protest. He merely nodded, understood that his presence was greatly not welcomed to the girls and took his leave silently.

Yosuke was on the verge of tears, how lame and pathetic would it be to cry on your first day in school? Lunchtime was going to be over soon so he decided to hide in the bathroom until the bell rings.

The stall was kind of dark and slightly claustrophobic but compared to the classroom he’d gladly take the offer of staying here for the entire year if he could. As Yosuke wore his headphones, his stomach made a grumble similar to a Shadow that he used to fight. It was at this moment that he realized he actually didn’t pack anything for lunch.

It wasn’t that he forgot, it was more of a reason that...Souji was the one making lunch for them everyday. His heart ached while another realization dawned upon him as he noticed he went to the rooftop because it was his regular meeting spot with Souji during lunch.

As much as he was familiar with Yasogami High, he never felt so foreign and outcasted. He knew that if he stayed in school any longer he would just make a fool out of himself for crying. Yosuke made a mad dash into his class, took his belongings and told the class representative he wasn’t feeling well and left. Fortunate for him, the Class Rep took his reddish nose and croaked voice as symptoms of a flu so he was allowed to leave without questions.

Of course he didn’t go straight home or else his mom would never let him hear the end of it. Deciding to just wander around the small town, once again the brunette let his legs take charge of his destination. The music blared on his headphones as he strolled, ignoring the glances and chatters of housewives and passersby.

He stopped in his tracks, unsurprised that he was currently standing in front of the Dojima Residence. The white scooter that Souji rode was still parked in place. Upon closer inspection, he noticed the key was in place. With that said, Yosuke Hanamura did the dumbest thing he’d ever imagined.

> hey prtnr, u didnt rmve ur scootr key??

Souji replied almost instantly.

> I might have forgot, wait why are you at Dojima’s at this hour Yosuke?

‘Ah crap now I’ve really done it haven’t I.’ Yosuke groaned and replied.

> its a long stry, dnt wry abt it

> I don’t buy it. Is there something bothering you? You can tell me about it, you know you can trust me right, partner?

> cn i call u??

> Now’s not a good time, I’m...still in class. Sorry but I’ll call you when I’m dismissed. Let’s just text for now.

> but u hv clss wont u gt caught??

> That’s not as important as you. You need me at the moment, I can’t just leave you be.

> y r u so nice 2 me, im juz a disapoinman i cnt even spll it rite ...

> I treasure you as my friend and most trusted partner. You’re not a disappointment...You’re special to me Yosuke. I won’t forgive myself if I ignore you when you’re in trouble. Besides, you’d do the same for me too right? We are equals. I want to prove that to you. Please let me.

> i undrstnd, focus in clss , il b alrite, thx prtnr ..

> Remember that I’m here for you. Text me if there’s anything alright?

> i will , cya ltr :)

> :)

Yosuke stared at the screen, breathing a soft sigh. Things were definitely difficult at the moment but everything seemed like they’d turn out fine with Souji’s reassurance. It’s probably wrong, weird and girly to rely on a guy so much but for now that doesn’t matter. Souji may have left Inaba, but he definitely did not leave Yosuke. And Yosuke was content with that.

#whats a proofread #fic #angst maybe #yosuke hanamura #souj #souyo perhaps #i cant tag #enjoy #tagging angst agn #smol yukichie #they didnt mean to be mean #someone teach me fanfic ratings and taggings thank

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solargroup09 · 4 years

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alrite, so i'm actually jittery about the scandals. although Yeoreum looks mysterious, i'm kinda curious about what scandal she'd get into. (Also get well soon! so i can see your scandal! alrite just kidding for real, get well soon and have lots of rest!! we'll be waiting)

Manager: As her manager....I'm really not liking forward to that cleanup, but she wanted me to say that she has A LOT of male friends, so unfortunately it sounds like we wont be able to escape them for long, and its most likely gonna be one where shes hangingout with one of them. But that's all I am able to say for now....I don't think I can handle the torment of it just yet....please....

But please look forward to the girls' adventures! They're going to be taking the word by storm if they have anything to say about it!

#anon asks #manager.answers #manager answers #solar manager #solar.answers #solar #solar au #we are solar #girl group au #oc girl group #koc

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omgnille1010 · 7 years

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question tag !

i got tagged by local cutiepie @haedreamers (!!!) to do this and i thought it was a perfect opportunity to tell a bit more about myself :’0 so here goes ~

1. nicknames: pear mostly ! nille too, as it comes from my full name pernille heh 2. zodiac sign: aquarius and proud :’) 3. height: okay look i cry about this daily, i’m freekin 177.5 can you believe? 4. orientation: i’m what the cool kids would refer to as bisexual B) 5. nationality: danish ! 6. favorite fruit: despite my nickname, my fave fruit is actually apples :00 7. favorite season: i hate the cold and i hate the heat, so i’d like to go with a solid spring ! the blooming season is amazing 8. favorite book: ready player one by ernest cline !! it’s being made into a movie as we speak and i can’t wait :’))) 9. favorite flower: this i don’t know :’) i’ve encountered so many beautiful kinds that i can’t name just one :00 10. favorite scent: hmmmm, another hard one - really depends on my mood and mentality honestly 11. favorite color: yellow all the way ! not like a screechy neon yellow though, i like mellow, pastel, “turning orange” kinda yellows <33 12. favorite animal: would say penguin, but i’m such a general animal lover !!! 13. coffee, tea, or hot cocoa?: hot cocoa by a long shot !! 14. average sleep hours: 8-9 hours, my body loves sleep so i can’t stay up after 12-01 for my life ! (only in very special situations) 15. cat or dog: you can’t make me choose between my babies :’((( 16. favorite fictional character: don’t really know, don’t exactly grow lasting attachments to fictional characters :’0 17. # of blankets: hmmmm, two now ! i’m not really a blanket person, would rather cuddle with my duvet instead ! 18. dream trip: traveling around the world, experiencing architecture and cultures !!! 19. blog created: i started this blog in the beginning of 2015, started posting random kpop and shipping stuff that summer ! rebranded my blog to pure nct & donghyuck in late january 2017 ! 20. favorite song at the moment: if you ask my iMusic then either AKMU’s dinosaur, n.flying’s the real or any song from zico’s & exo’s new albums 21. # of followers: 194 atm !! so close to 200 TnT 22. favorite bands: svt and nct ! i’m very multifandomed, but those two are the onces i keep going back to (oh and gorillaz - my only non-kpop interest omg) 23. favorite solo artists: does group member’s solo careers count?? bc then i’d say zico !! 24. song stuck in my head: you don’t know love - k.will keeps sneaking in 25. last movie i watched: leap year ! me and my mom love watching romcoms whilst we eat 26. last tv show i watched: just finished up ‘the best hit’ today !!!!! i yell-cried :’)))) 27. what do you post: haechan, lee donghyuck, full sun, pudu, nct, markhyuck, oh did i mention haechan yet? 28. when did your blog reach its peak: ain’t there yet :’) (hopefully) 29. do you have any other blogs: got a general kpop blog ( @aka-un-biased ), an architecture geek blog ( @aech-itecture ) & an anonymous scenario blog ;) 30. do you get asks regularly: not really :’)) 31. why did you chose your url: nille1010 was my preferred username when i was younger and then smol me thought ‘i want ppl to say ‘omg it’s nille1010 bc i’m sooo fame’ and bam - a tragedy was created 32. following: 549 (holy shit, i need to clean it out omg) 33. posts: 3,974 34. hogwarts house: hufflepuff !! or,,, pottermore says i’m ravenclaw bUT I’VE ACCEPTED MYSELF AS A HUFFLEPUFF OKAY (i’m not even a hp fan but i’m v v v v passionate about my house alrite?) 35. pokemon team: i was tricked into mystic :’) i wanna be an instinct tho 36. lucky numbers: it used to be 3 but then i realized how much 1/3 in decimals hurt my head, so now it’s 2 ! 37. what are you wearing right now: a striped ’too small for me’ shirt from h&m and jeans with a ruined left pocket - what an outfit (about to change into my green m&m sleepshirt though)

i’m gonna go without the tags :’) do pm if you wanna get tagged in things like these, but i’m not comfortable tagging unknowing ppl hahah

#tag game !#a question tag this time around :00 #i hope this was okay #hopefully not too messy hehehe #thanks for the tag homeboy !!!

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coralsgrimes · 2 years

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"IMPORTANT QUESTION! Where ye seen the uncle stuff? omg wtf is happening like x.x the only thing I can think of is a failed uncle ben's joke...................... but they rebranded x.x"

I think it was a tweet (or ask?) saying something like "Ben's an uncle", but I've yet to see any evidence backing this up, hence my question. I mean, his brother is def the right age for kids, so it's absolutely possible, but is the tweet true and correct? I have seriously no idea🤷‍♀️

And yeah, I think consensus said he'd got a smaller part... at least smaller than McKellen and other big names. I half recall reading a recap of the book, but of course, the script may gone through some changes, so really, who the heck knows if it'll be big-ish or small-ish until the finished product is out.

🌼

Maybe the uncle stuff is about Anna's kid? He said he like a godfather right? And they are forever besties?? Idk but that's the only thing I can think of here :c it's more like SOME PEEPS trying to find ways to oh and ah over his dilf features, which he has none of, so they wiggle it xd

Dunno about his part but I really struggled to find a whole recap of the book to compare. Could not find anything on Mark Strongs character in the book at all sooooo if he a new addition and is intended to be main cast, then there are changes alrite. But yeeee I don't think Benny's part is big.

Gonna expand my list of what we will see of him in the film - bare face, bare ass AND !new addition! dead one. Possibly killed while naked 🧚🏻‍♀️

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deadgwen · 7 years

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IT IS A HAPPY 17TH BIRTHDAY TO THE BEST GOAT

@fucshias @jiilys MY LOVE GOATY. MY MOST BEAUTIFUL GOAT. MY SUN. MY STARS. MY BEAUTIFUL HOOVED CREATURE OF GOD. I HAVE ARRIVED TO SAY SOME IMPORTANT THINGS BUT FIRSTLY I LOVE YOU I LOVE I LOVE YOU U R READING THIS POST RIGHT NOW DUE TO A VERY IMPORTANT REASON AND THIS IMPORTANT REASON IS THAT

*CHOKES BACK TEARS*

IT IS UR BIRTHDAY.

*SCREAMING*

OK OKI DOKI BEFORE I START: I AM NOT ACTUALLY HERE BUT DO NOT BE D I S E N H E AR T E N E D BC I JUST DONT HAVE WIFI BUT I PROMISE U SOMEWHERE OUT THERE I AM SULKING AND FIGHTING A WALL AND ALSO SETTING OFF FIREWORKS BC !!!!!!!!!!!!! ITS UR FUCKING DAY AND IM SORRY I COULD NOT WISH U BUT I LOVE U SO SO SO SO SO SO SO MUCH I AM HERE W/ U IN SPIRIT

ALRIGHT ALRIGHT ALRIGHT TURN THE FUCK UP HAPPY FUCKING BIRTHDAY TO MY LOVE HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO U UR EXCELLENT AND I LOVE YOU AND ALSO WHAT THE FUCK BINCH HOW ARE U SEVENTEEN TODAY U ASSHOLE (COPYRIGHT U KNOW WHO) WHO ALLOWED U TO BE LIKE THIS AND ALSO I LOVE YOU. AND ALSO I CANT BELIEVE UVE DONE THIS. UR LITERALLY SEVENTEEN TODAY I AM NOT ALRIGHT AND I NEED U TO HOLD ME BECAUSE I AM GOING TO COME OVER AND FOR THE SOLE PURPOSE OF BEING A DRAMATIC BITCH I WILL FAINT IN UR ARMS I AM 100% NOT ALRIGHT

like,,,, HONESTLY u are so. fucking. great. WHERE DO I EVEN START.

FIRST AND FOREMOST I WANNA SAY I AM SO FUCKING EXCITED FOR THIS FOR UR BDAY I LOVE YOU GOATY I AM SO PUMPED THAT UR SO OLD ITS RIDICULOUS @ ME FUCK OFF ALRIGHT BUT. JUST. I LOVE I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU AND HAPPY BIRTHDAY U GOAT UR BEYOND INCREDIBLE

UR OFFICIALLY A DANCING QUEEN UR YOUNG AND SWEET. ONLY. *SMASHES OPEN MY WINDOW AT 12 MIDNIGHT* SEVENTEEEEEEEEEEEEEN

SO OH MY GOD. I AM CURRENTLY YELLING BECAUSE??????????? LIKE???????????????? YOU'RE SEVENTEEN??????? HOW DID WE EVEN COME TO THIS POINT ITS INSANE LIKE HOW THE FUCK ARE YOU SEVENTEEN WE'RE ALL JUST STILL TINY SMOLS WHERE ARE U GOING WHY ARE U GROWING OLDER STOP IT PLS ALRITE I DO NOT LIKE. MY PRECIOUS GOAT SUNSHINE WHO IS A PROFESSIONAL PAJAMA CONSULTANT A REAL SOLID BUSINESSWOMAN WHO DRIVES AND SHIT AND COULD PROBABLY RUN ME OVER AND IS 6'3 SO IF U WOULD SIT ON ME I WOULD MOST CERTAINLY DIE UR OFFICIALLY A DANCING QUEEN AND I AM CRYING

but in all seriousness I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU i am FOREVER AND EVER glad that i met u LIKE I FUCKIN HATE U GODMDAN FUCKIBG GOAT MAKING ME REBLOG THIGNS FUCK YUO FUCK O FF but like????? apart from that UR FUCKING BEYOND FABULOUS and i have decided to compile a list of reasons why u are unbelievably great and have earned ur title of being a dancing queen/brilliant goat/actual love of my life. bc u are excellent. AND IT MUST BE WRITTEN OUT HERE SOMEWHERE THAT I LOVE YOU.

OK OK OK SO HERE WE GO BINCHES. PREPARE URSELF. THIS IS GONNA BE SUPER LENGTHY BECAUSE I LOVE YOU A LOT AND I AM GONNA DO A 'ON THE JELLICOE ROAD' WORTHY REVIEW OF U BUT LIKE A SHITTIER VERSION SO U BETTER FUNKIN BUCKLE UP BITCH

LEZGO:

IS OBVIOSULY FABULOUS

IS A REAL LIFE GIRAFFE

WE ARE BLESSED TO HAVE ONE ROAM OUT OF CAPTIVITY LIKE............. WE ARE STRONGLY BLESSED

I CANNOT STRESS ENOUGH

CLAIMS TO HAVE 'barely any leg but a huge torso' and interpret this how u want bUT i just wanna say u r the most fucked up giraffe ever ok what the fuck WHO HURT YOU

apparently dis binch owns a bunny AND NEVER TOLD ME SHE DID

owns a problematic rabbit bc it pees everywhere

said problematic rabbit likes to pee everywhere so much its ridiculous it has no respect for the value of items of modern society and thus in my opinion should be sent to COURT

@ rabbit U NASTY OK PLS GET UR PRIORITIES SORTED???? THIS HAS BEEN A MOTHERFUCKING PSA THANK U (CAROLINE I AM TRUSTING YOU TO SHOW THIS ON UR PHONE TO THE GODDAMN BUNNY I NEED IT TO KNOW)

is 100% excellent at looking after drunk people ALRITE literally THIS WOMAN IS A SAINT who has saved REAL LIVES tbh where would that poor child from your old intermediate be if u hadn't SAVED HIS ENTIRE LIFE from all that tequila he would DEAD thats fuKCIN RIGHT U DESERVE ALL THE MEDALS A TRUE HERO AMONG NEW ZEALANDERS. A NATIONAL ICON. SO BRAVE I AM SO PROUD I LOVE YOU ALWAYS

AND ALSO PULLING DRUNK MAKING OUT PEOPLE OFF EACH OTHER I JUST WANT U TO KNOW THAT UR EFFORTS ARE SO VERY RECOGNIZED BECAUSE ONE TIME I DID THAT AND I GOT PUNCHED IN THE THROAT I THOUGHT I DIED BECAUSE I SAW JESUS BUT IT WASNT ACTUALLY JESUS IT WAS JUST A POSTER TAPED TO A FRIDGE I WAS SCAMMED

her own mum has called the police on her and was 100% ready for some quality fun family jailtime

ALSO ONE TIME GOATY ACCIDENTALLY FUCKED UP SOMEONES REAR MIRROR AND THE VICTIMS OF THE INCIDENT DID NOT GIVE HALF A FUCK HOWEVER, HER MOTHER GOATY REPORTED SEVERAL FUCKS TO THE POLICE AND FILED AN ACCIDENT REPORT AND THAT WAS THE DAY MY GOATY BECAME A DARK CRIMINAL

*OMINOUS MUSIC*

I AM STILL WAITING FOR THE DAY I WALK MY BUTT INTO COURT AGAINST UR MUM COVERED HEAD TO ASS IN $3 PLASTIC BRACELETS BACKED BY UR UNEXPECTEDLY KLEPTOMANIAC SISTER AND A BASKET OF STOLEN WOMANS DAYS AND ALONG WITH BLING BLING JIMMY WE WILL RESTORE THE RIGHTEOUSNESS AND LACK OF CONSCIENCE ON THIS LOVELY EARTH

ALRIGHT ALRIGHT ENOUGHT ABOUT UR MUM LIKE ACTUALLY ALL UR FAMILY MEMBERS ARE DIFFERENT LEVELS OF WILD AND..... I AM AFRAID

OK OK IT MUST BE SAID CAROLINE HAS THE MOST AMAIZNG VOICE ????? EVER

like i love her voice sm SO FUCKING MUCH I TELL U i have never heard anything like it and i want caroline to like read me books for hours AND HOURS AND NARRATE MY WHOLE ENTIRE LIFE because i love how unusually deep and shadowy her voice sounds like deep flowing river water or smth like i LOVE IT SO MUCH it. Is.So. Strange BUT I LOVE IT IT IS THE COOLEST GODDAMN THING THROW A BUCKET AT ME I LOVE YOU

HAS A VIDEO OF HERSELF DOING THE ICE BUCKET CHALLENGE AND I KNOW I HAVE PRAISED IT FOR TWO YEARS IN A ROW ALREADY LIKE @ ME PLZ CHILL BUT i will not i will NEVER it is solid entertainment a+++ QUALITY I AM LAUGHIGN IM LAUGHING I AM LAUGHING FOREVER those beautiful hops of pain across ur backyard ARE THE LAST THINGS I WANT TO SEE BEFORE GOD TAKES ME FROM THIS EARTH

WRONGFULLY FRAMED ME FOR HAVING SHIT DICK TENDENCIES AND THEN YELLED AT ME AND CALLED ME A GARAGE WHAT A BINCH I AM IN LOVE

loves yellow flowers AND ALL THE FLOWERS AND HEAVY ROSES AND IS A FULL OUT FLOWER HOE

IS DESPICABLE TEEN WOLF GARBAGE LIKE.... ive been scrolling through our fanmails AND MY HEART HUR T S G O A T Y hOld mE we were sO Y O U N G and like no lie i shit u not 80% oF THE FUCKING MESSAGES ARE U YELLING 'STYDIA IS GONNA HAPPEN THIS SEASON' AND 'OH MY GOD DID U SEE THAT STYDIA SCENE' AND DECLARATIONS OF LOVE FOR LYDIA MARTIN AND THE OTHER 20% IS U ASKIN ME IF IVE SEEN THE NEW TEEN WOLF I LOVE IT I LOVE YOU I AM SORRY TEEN WOLF KEEPS DISAPPOINTING US BOTH BUT STDYIA IS. DEFINIETELY. GONNA. HAPPEN. THIS. SEASON. IT HAS TO OR I WILL FUKIN FITE ALRIGHT GIVE US STYDIA OR GIVE US DEATH I LOVE UR TEEN WOLF LOVIBG ASS

anyway caroline is an utterly excellent person

if u were an ncea paper i would grade u with excellence

*FINGER GUNS*

like ?????deals with my stupid yelling ALL THE TIME

whenever i had a problem and went to my goaty she was so very understanding and patient AND DID NOT CALL ME A DUMBASS WHEN I DESERVED TO BE DECKED

TOLD ME THE TRU DEFINTION OF THE PHRASE 'SHOT'

TWO YEARS OF UTTER CONFUSION. ERASED FROM MY LIFE. PERMANENTLY.

MY SKIN?? CLEARED . MY FUTURE BILLS ??? PAID MY HUSBAND MARRIED MY STATUE FOR CAROLINE FULLY ERECTED

ok but like i can never say this enough goaty IS SO NICE TO TALK TO PLETAHE TALK TO ME FORVER SHE IS FABULOUS??? it blows my mind constantly that someone this incredible and special walks along this earth NONE OF US DESERVE THE GOAT

also ???? WHAT IN THE FUCK HOW HAVE I NOT MENTIONED THIS YET CAROLINE IS THE BEST WRITER I HAVE EVER SEEN IN MY LIFE SHE IS SO TALENTED EVERY TIME I READ ONE OF HER FICS I END UP THINKING ABOUT IT AFTERWARDS FOR 958495894 YEARS ALRIGHT THEY FUCK ME UP THEY WAY SHE HANDLES WORDS FUCKS ME UP HOW CAN YOUT TAKE FUCKING LETTERS AND THEN SHOVE THEM UP MY ASS LIKE THIS I AM NOT ALRIGHT I AM NOT ALRIGHT I AM NOT ALRIGHT I am Not Strong Enough For This

i am not even kidding ok THE WAY U HANDLE WORDS IS IN.FUCKING.CREDIBLE whenever u use them its like?? u turned them into something precious and all your writing have this feel to it like as if im holding a delicate bouqet of a thousand yellow flowers like im holding a butterfly in my hands like im holding a box of eggs and i am scared shitless to drop it bC MY DAD WILL PERSONALLY CRUCIFY ME

I AM AWFUL AT DESCRIPTIONS BUT I HOPE U SEE WHAT I MEAN. LIKE. IT IS SO *SCREAMS* MINBLOWING DECK ME WITH ALL UR WORDS EVER

I AM ONE HUNDRED FUCKING PERCENT NEVER OKAY WITH ANYTHING YOU WRITE IT HURTS SO GOOD AND I LOVE IT

ok ok this hoe right here has written THREE fics with a dedication for me at the beginning and like.............. ..... do u ever just cri

i have 'the glorious everywhere' printed out and FUCKING PINNED TO MY WALL WHERE I CAN SEE IT FROM ALL CORNERS OF MY ROOM ALWAYS back in my apartment in russia like it is legitimately the best thing. i love everything about this piece it should be adapted into a novel or a short film like PULL SOME FIFTY SHADES OF GREY SHIT W/ IT OK the imagery and REALNESS of this fic gets to me all the time and im crying im crying im crying I ABSOLUTELY ADORE IT PLS @ CAROLINE WHY ARE U SO TALENT

ALRIGHT ALRIGHT ALRIGHT LOOK AT THIS BULLSHIT FUCKIG I THINK ABOUT THIS FIC EVERY SINGLE DAY WHEN I WAKE UP FUCKING LOOK ' You see her hair dripping down her head and spinning out over the seats in the back and lighting them on fire. You see her pale skin and electric veins as she puts her hand out the window and tries to catch the sky and stuff it up her sleeve. You hear her voice, “Just drive James, you’ll know where we’re going when we get there.”

REALLY I AM NOT FUCKIGN Okay CALL AN AMBULANCE CALL IT NOW I AM UNWELL I AM SICK I AM DYING FUK ME RITE UP

i am fully convinced this is the greatest thing thats ever been written.like. How. the. FUCK. tbh i want this paragraph ENTIRELY TATTOOED ON MY ASS I AM ZCRYING @ CAROLINE YOU HAVE THE MOST BEAUTIFUL BRAIN AND I AM SO VERY GLAD THAT IT EXISTS

i will not go into depth abt yelling about ur fics bc tbh i think u Know but I JUST WANNA SAY 'oh darling i have coloured blood (that i stole from you)' is the most iconic piece of literature to this day ever the and i zcri all the time because you are a goddamn bloody genius and you shine in colours beyond my comprehension and i love you so so so incredibly much

MY LOVE IS SO FUCKING TALENTED I AM YELLING I AM YELLING I AM YELLING

DOESN'T EAT FRIED SPERM

writes the BEST emails in history

UR SO LOVELY U GIVE ME SO MANY BEAUTIFUL SPELLING ERRORS FOR ME TO WHOLEHEARTEDLY ENJOY I AM GIGGLING *GIGGLES* IT BRINGS ME SO MUCH JOY WHEN U FUCK THINGS UP

tbh it is how fried chair came to life like it was actually in one of your first fanmails to me u said that two years ago and to this day it remains the Most Iconic Thing Ever

STRONG SUPPORTER OF WEETBIX

LOVES WEETBIX

FOUGHT TIGERS AND LIONS FOR HER FAMILY AND WAS SAVED BY WEETBIX AND WEETBIX ALONE

ACTUALLY HAD A THING CALLED ‘WEETBIX DISCOURSE’ ON HER BLOG LIKE IT WAS ACTUALLY A THING THAT HAPPENED A REAL THING THAT OCCURED AND WAS PASSIONATELY ARGUED ABOUT AND I HAVE SEEN THINGS THAT CANNOT BE UNSEEN

RIGHTFULLY SO BC WEETBIX >>>>> JONAH GRIGGS I AM SORRY IT IS THE RULES

FUCK THE H8RS

like ??? is hilarious af QUEEN OF HUMOUR AND MAKING ME SNORT MY GODDAMN CHOCLATE MILK LIKE CAN U NOT BE SO EXCEPTIONAL U HO HAVE SOME CONSIDERATION U LIL BITCH but YES a++ top notch QUALITY storytelling skills in both fic writing and tequila struggles I APPRECIATE IT TO DEATH

ok ok ok also the most beautiful person ever??? LIKE ???????????????? BITCH WHAT THE FUCK ??????????????????????????????????????????????? WHO ALLOWED U

THE MOST PERFECT HAIR. ur hair is like waves of a golden ocean cascading from ur hEAD AND IT IS SO MAGICALLY FITTING B/C U R AN ETHEREAL BEING AND THE FACT THAT U HAVE AN ENTIRE WILD SEA RAGING ON UR HEAD JUST PROVES TO ME THAT U ARE A GOD AMONG MORTALS. UR HAIR IS SO PRETTY OK OK OKAY FUCK ME UP. STRAIGHT UP GORGEOUS. SO SOFT TOO AND SO SHINY AND IT FITS U SO WELL I AM FOREVER SCREAMING

THE MOST ANGEL FACE. GOATYS FACE LOOKS LIKE GOD OR WHOEVER THE FUCK WAS RESPONSIBLE CARVED IT OUT OF ROSE PETALS AND MARBLE LIKE. IT. IS. TRULY. THE MOST GORGEOUS THING ur face is softer than clouds tbh AND UR SMILE SAVES MY LIFE ITS BRIGHTER THAN THE ENTIRE UNIVERSE CONDENSED AND SOMETIMES WHEN I SEE UR SELFIES I HAVE TO GO GET LASER EYE SURGERY BECAUSE I HAVE BEEN B L I N D E D

U R SO UNCONSIDERATE TO MY FRAGILE HEALTH HOW DARE YOU

SO. GODDAMN GORGEOUS SLAY MY ENTIRE LIFE I BEG U ID PAY U TO SIT ON ME WITH UR HUGE BONES AND SLOWLY CRUSH ME INTO AN ENDLESS DEATH I HAVE $4 LEFT OVER FROM MY LIFE SAVINGS DO IT BAE

has the best taste in music omg WHAT A BLESSING WE LIKE THE SAME SONGS AND IT ACTUALLY KIND OF SCARES ME B/C IT FEELS LIKE WE ARE THE SAME PERSON AND THIS DOES NOT HELP MY CONSTANT STATE OF EXISTENTIAL CRISIS

HAS THE BEST TASTE IN BOOKS and adores skam as much as i do AND LOVES CHRIS/EVA AS MUCH AS IDO AND WROTE A FIC FOR THEM AND THE SNIPPET FROM IT ????? MY SOUL. GONE.

so tol and will never stop accusing me of being smol but listen up aight. imma FUCK YOU UP. REAL GOOD. ONE DAY. WHEN I CAN AFFORD TO BUY A LADDER. UNTIL THEN SLEEP WITH ONE EYE OPEN BINCH BC I AM COMING TO GET U

and is also the smartiest smart to ever smart LOOK AT MY U GO WITH UR EXCELLENCE ENDORSEMENT when i buy that ladder I WILL CLIMB IT AND HOVER AROUND UR HEAD LOTS SO I CAN ABSORB UR POWERS AND ALSO BREATHE THE FRESH AIR UP THERE WHICH IS NOT AVAILABLE TO GROUNDED PEASANTS SUCH AS ME

AND IS THE BEST COOKIE THE LOVE OF MY LIFE LIKE IF THIS ISNT ENOUGH TO CONVINCE ANYONE THAT CAROLINE IS BEYOND EXCEPTIONAL FOR OUR GALAXY THEN THEY CAN FUCK OFF PLS OK

like honestly,,, MY LOVE I COULD GO ON FOR YEARS AND YEARS AND CENTURIES UNTIL MY TEETH FALL OUT AND I GROW SENILE WITH MY LOVE BUT THE POINT OF THIS HOT STEAMING LAME MESS IS THAT I LOVE YOU TO BLOODY PIECES UR SO F U C K I N G INCREDIBLE I AM SO GLAD I MET YOU AND THAT YOU TAlk TO ME AND WE EMAIL EACH OTHER AND I AM BLESSED THAT YOU EVEN THINK OF ME AND THAT FREID CHAIR LOVES ME AND THAT U R MY GOAT BC UR MY ONLY GOAT AND UR THE BEST ONE THERE IS NO SHADE @ ALL OTHER GOATS BUT LIKE. IM SORRY I CANNOT TELL A LIE

IT IS THE COLD HARD TRUTH.

and like??? i did a /search/deadgwen ON @jiilys BC I WANTED TO LOOK AT ALL OUR OLD STUFFS FROM 2015 and I Regret it I Regret it So Much theres a selfie from like when i was 14 and an idiot still on Ur blog and I look like an actual tragedy I Want to Die we have known each other for so long its RIDICULOUS UR STILL AS AMAZING AS U WERE BACK THEN AND I AM MORE OR LESS CURED OF MY CONDITION OF BEING AN EMBARASSING DIPSHIT AND ITS CRAZY HOW MUCH YOUNGER WE WERE THEN LIKE UM WTF BUT UR STILL AS BEAUTIFUL AND 9384930X TIMES MORE AND I STILL LOVE U BC UR PERFECT AS EVER AND THAT IS WHAT MATTERS

NOW. I WAS GONNA MAKE YOU A PRESENT LIKE I REALLY DID BAE I TRIED SO MUCH SHIT ITS HORRIBLE BC LIKE ??? I WANTED TO MAKE YOU A PRESENTATION ON UR GOAT SUPERIORTY LIKE I DID LAST YEAR EXCEPT Like i am a fucking asshole™(COPYRIGHT JONAH GRIGGS THE MAN TEH MYTH THE LEGEND) who cannot do shit FOR SHIT it turned out so Awful and i cANNOT GRAPHIC BABE I TRIED TO MAKE YOU THIS EDIT AND THEN I REALIZED IT WAS Bad AND FOUGHT MYSELF FOR SIX HOURS AND I CANNOT WRITE AND YOU DESERVE ALL THE GIFTS EVER BUT I AM TRULY AWFUL

*ZCRIES*

I KNOW IM LAME AND MY ONLY TALENT IS YELLING FOR HOURS ON END I WISH I COULD HAVE MADE YOU SOMETHING REALLY COOL BC ITS UR SEVENTEETH AND 17 IS THE BEST NUMBER AND UR LOVELY AND I LOVE YOU SO PLEASE FORGIVE ME BAE FOR BEING AN ACTUAL GARAGE ASSHOLE (COPYRIGHT JONAH GRIGGS THE EXPERIENCE) SHIT DICK 100% TERRIBLE DICKFLUTE OKAY I LOVE YOU AND I CAN NEVER IMAGINE WHAT I WOULD BE WITHOUT YOU IN MY LIFE AND I HOPE YOU HAVE A REALLY REALLY REALLY GOOD YEAR LIKE FUCK SHIT UP BAE UR GONNA BE IN YEAR 13 ITS ALL GONNA BE SO AWFUL AND WE WILL ALL DIE aND WERE SO O L D JESUS CHRIST IF HEART ATTACKS DONT TAKE US OUT NCEA LEVEL 3 WILL BUT I HOPE THIS WILL BE A SUPER GOOD YEAR FOR U IN REGARDS OF EVERYTHING BECAUSE U DESERVE IT U DESERVE IT U DESERVE IT I HOPE THINGS WILL LEAD UP TO U GETTING THAT APARTMENT IN NEW YORK AND ALL THE HIGH HEELS THAT U WILL WEAR AND ALL THE YELLOW FLOWERS THAT U WILL BUY AND UR CAREER AS A LIFECHANGING LITERARY GENIUS OK OK I LOVE YOU HAPPY BIRTHDAY BABE

ok ok ok but.

ONE MORE THING.

LISTEN.

THE FUCKING

*CLECNHES JAW*

REBLOG FIASCO

*FLINGS MY ASS INTO THE SUN*

WHEN IT IS GOOD AND DAYLIGHT. U HAVE UNTIL THEN. LIKE I KNOW THIS IS UR BIRTHDAY WISH AND I LOVE YOU BUT FUCK OFF HWO COULD YOU DO THIS TO ME I FUCKING TRUSTED YOU I FUCKING FUCK JUST FUCK YOU FUCKING DICK i will RIOT

OKAY BABE ITS MIDNIGHT AND ILL BE UP IN ABOUT SIX HOURS AND LIKE. ANYTHING. ANYTHING ELSE FOR UR BIRTHDAY WISH OK BABE IM GONNA FUCKING DIE THIS IS IT THIS THE END I WILL GO DOWN SWEARING PROFUSELY WITH A HIGH BLOOD PRESSURE AND U WILL BE WATCHING AND LAUGHI G ANF @OFFICALTALL FUCK YU FUCKDUCKUD CUDCKUD DNUSJNDJF FUCK U @GOATY FUCK. UFCN WHERE IS UR HOOF WHY ARE U NOT FEELIN THE TEMPERATURE ITS EBOLA ITS GOATBOLA I WONT MAKE IT UNTIL DAWN I WONT SEE THE SUNLIGHT GOATY I CANT *FAKE CRYING SOUNDS* I WILL DIE. IT WILL HAPPEN. AND I WANT IT TO BE KNOWN THAT U ARE THE BITCH THAT KILLED ME. *MORE FAKE ZCRYING SOUNDS* I MUST SEND MESSAGES TO ALL MY DEAREST KIND FRIENDS WHO HAVE NEVER FUCKED ME LIKE THIS ALRIGHT *FAKE COUGHING* TELL THEM THAT I *MORE FAKE COUGHOGN* LOVE THEM *THROWS KETCHUP PACKET EVERYWHERE WHILE UR NOT LOOKING AND BUSY BEING WORRIED ABOUT MY HEALTH* AND I WILL REMEMBER THEM EVEN IN DEATH

ANYWAY HERE IS MY WILL:

WHAT U GET:

nothing

u get nothing

bINCH

zero. zip. nada

0 potato 4 u

U CAN HAVE THE SALT FROM MY KITCHEN SO U WILL BE PERPETUALLY REMINDED OF MY LAST EMOTIONS TOWARDS THIS LIFE

maybe like the one half a potato that was randomly in my drIVEWAY THAT ONE TIME

M A Y B E

WHAT GOOD KIND LOVING FRIENDS, SUCH AS MILS AND FRIED CHAIR AND ELLIE AND OTHER ASSORTED PEOPLES WHICH I SHALL ADDRESS IN CLAUSE 4.20 OF THE TERMS AND CONDITIONS OF MY WILL, GET:

actually mils is a hoe and can choke but u r the evil here rn aND FOR THE PURPOSES OF THIS ARGUMENT WE WILL PRETEND THAT I LIKE MILS

ANYWAY. REALLY GOOD THINGS I OWN

I HAVE SOME SOCKS I DONT WANT U GUYS CAN HAVE THEM

AND LIKE

MY DUVET

SEE GOATY THESE ARE THE KIND OF HEART TOUCHING POST DEATH GIFTS U MISS OUT ON WHEN U MURDER ME IN COLD BLOOD

ALSO NO TOUCHING MY MANGOES THAT I BOUGHT TWO DAYS AGO BECAUSE I STILL WANT TO EAT THEM AND IF ANYONE EVEN BREATHES IN THEIR GENERAL DIRECTION I WILL BEAT THEM UNCONSCIOUS WITH A TELEPHONE THIS IS A T H R E A T

I HOPE UR TAKING NOTES AND I HOPE U FEEL GOOD ABOUT BEING A 6′3 KILLER BECAUSE UR AN ASSHOLE ™LIKE UR ASSHOLIER™ THAN THE REAL ASSHOLE THAT IS JONAH GRIGGS™ THE LABEL™ (COPYRIGHT JONAH GRIGGS™ THE ANT MURDERING HOT PIECE OF ASS™) BUT I WILL DIE FOR U MY GOAT *strokes ur pretty face* BC IT IS UR BIRTHDAY WISH FOR ME TO SUFFER AND I LOVE YOU AND I WOULD DO ANYTHING FOR U THEREFORE . DESPITE THIS SICKNESS *FLAILS* I. WILL. BE. BRAVE. I WILL REBLOG THOSE TWENTY POSTS I WILL FLATLINE BY THE THIRD POST AND MY BLOOD WILL BE ON UR HANDS *CAREFULLY ARRANGES MY STUNT GOAT IN POSITION* AND I WILL BE YELLING CURSES AT YOU IN THE TAGS BUT I WILL DIE IN THE NAME OF HONOUR I WILL GO DOWN AS A GOAT NEVER HAS BEFORE

BUT LIKE !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I LOVE YOU AND I I LOVE YOU AND I LOVE YOU AND I LOVE YOU AND I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU SO SO SO SO SO SO SO MUCH YOU ARE ABSOLUTELY FANTASTIC I AM SO HAPPY U EXIST. HAVE THE BOMBEST ASS 17TH BIRTHDAY BABE I HOPE UR PARTY IS LIT AND HAVE FUN GETTING DRUNK AND HAVING ALL THE BANTS AND LAFFS AND ALSO I WILL SEND U THE AWAITED EMAIL IN A FEW HOURS WHEN MY INTERENT IS BACK ON BECAUSE IT IS A CONTINUATION OF THIS BULLSHIT WITH SOME STRUCTURED DISCUSSION AKA WHAT THE FUCK DO U HAVE AGAINST SMIRNOFF ICE how is it not HARDCORE enough for u IT IS LITERALLY FLAVOURED VODKA DOES IT NOT KNOCK OUT UR 6′3 ASS OR WHAT EXCUSE ME

ANYWAY IN CONCLUSION.

HAPPY. SEVENTEENTH. BIRTHDAY. MY. CHUM.

*BLOWS U A KISS*

*PUTS ON TWO FÜR COATS TO REMAIN UNDETECTED*

*STEALS ALL UR WEETBIX AND RUNS AWAY TO ALASKA NEVER TO BE SEEN AGAIN*

*still replies ur emails tho cuz i love u bitch y u do dis to me*

#I LOVE YOU SORRY THIS IS SO LONG BUT MY POINT STANDS #ALSO SORRY FOR THE SHITTINESS AND IF SOMETHING LOOKS WEIRD BC I EDITED IT SO MANY TIMES IT IS PORBABLY MOST DEFINITELY FUCKED UP SOMEHWERE #@ MYSELF I DONT TRUST U #fucshias #jiilys #I LOVE U BAE HAPPY BIRTHDAY HAPPY HAPY HAPPY BIRTHDAY #*SINGS* HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU #my BIG GOAT UR 17 NOW I AM ZCRYING RN I SWEAR I LOVE YOU HAPPY BIRTHDAY

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