#the guys who work outside for a living

[68spidey]

We deserve more scruffy manly hairy trans men. Hairy as fuck. Moustaches and beards. Arm hair abundant. Big eyebrows that grow in a little funny. Big muscles, lithe muscles, growing muscles. Acne scarring. Hairlines that change and look a little weird for a while. Trans men who take charge and take names. Lumberjacks and cowboys and warriors and all the things I wish I could see myself in.

Gotta do everything myself, huh.

#who me? draw trans men? in THIS economy? you betcha #where is it!! #where!!! #not art #transgender #sleepy drunk thoughts #so tired of only seeing twink uwu trans boi rep #like goddamn #you do you but why is that ALL i see? #why do i see trans male character headcanons and they're always CONVENIENTLY skinny little white boys? #geeze #where are my trans guys with moustaches and plaid with acne scarring and lean strong muscles?? #with jeans and boots? #boots WITHOUT the fur (this time) #the guys who work outside for a living #wrangle cows #fight demons in trees #man that sounds like dean winchester actually #i can't escape my roots apparently lol

[densewentz]

decided to start using a cricket ambient noise in my room all the time hoping it'll make the actual crickets think there are already many horrible crickets in my room so they'll stop coming in here to ruin my life

#i have a major major cricket fear #and am apparently the only person on earth who also has a fucking #cricket spawn point or something IN MY ROOM #and bathroom #because for years now they keep showing up in my sink and my bathtub and my desk and my bED CRAWLING ON ME AT NIGHT #like bad enough i had spider hole in my wall and had spiders braiding my hair in the evenings #but now crickets are falling on my face from my walls and shit #and my brother doesn't even live in the room next to me anymore to come get the little fuckers and wing them back outside so i have to do i #through the high pitched wailing and the hyperventilating #one lived in my bathroom sink for like 4 days because i couldnt work up the nerve to catch him in a cup #there are so many crickets you guys #personal #dense rants

[crescentfool]

with the year coming to a close, i hope that anyone who's reflecting about how the year went remembers to be kind and fair to themselves with how you evaluate the year as a whole.

i think there are definitely times when life throws things that are... Not So Great at you. whether if it's some external circumstance that surprised you, or maybe your mentality wasn't at it's best. i wish for anyone who's encountered those kinds of challenges to be able to triumph over them and be able to say that they got through it.

heck, it might still be a work in progress even though you've kept chipping away at it, and that's ok! the results will show themselves eventually as you work through it! and i hope that we can all remember to be patient with ourselves as we go through these processes (learning, healing, etc.), because damn, it can be frustrating when you feel like you're "not there yet."

knowing that life can be rough at times, i think it's unfair to yourself (and others) to discount and downplay any progress you've made this year- whether if it's something that you did for the first time, or maybe you came to a new understanding and insight that you didn't have in the previous year.

it's not to say that you should undermine the validity of your experience with hardship, but to take the time to remind yourself what makes life worth living. to recall what moments were the most satisfying to you- and use it to strengthen your resolve for the next year and beyond. no amount of hardship will ever take away from the fact that you deserve to have hope that things will get better.

i hope that looking back on the year, you don't leave out the things you cherish. that you can remember the good that came this year. whether if the small victories are things like meeting someone new, trying something out for the first time, or making some strides in a long-term project/obligation...!

i wish everyone a happy new year! may it be prosperous, and that your life can move in a direction that's close to what you want out of life. you're all going to do great! remember to congratulate yourself for what you did well! despite everything, you're still here, and that's wonderful. never forget that!

#lizzy speaks #hello everyone. i know that there are *checks calendar* still 20 days left of december and 2023 #but i've had a lot of strong emotions and feelings i've had to sort through as i've been thinking about how 2023 went for me #so a lot of what i've written here comes from the perspective of someone in their early 20s #it's like... a crash and burn from when you were a teenager thinking that you know everything #and realizing how big the world is and how many responsibilities there are #all while a feeling of overwhelm looms over as you try to sift your way through the world and adjust your understanding of it #for me i've definitely had an underlying thought that 'you should have your shit together by now why aren't you there yet' #and it's! not motivating! at all! to think that way. and it's made me more than ever want to be a friend to myself. to extend a patient- #kind voice to myself that reminds me that others are also trying to navigate these feelings and to accept that i'm not going to have an- #instantaneous understanding of how one goes about adulthood. and neither will they. even if they look 'put together.' #like... these people have also undergone similar stresses and along the way figured out how to navigate through that space #and personally i've found peace in knowing that there are people who are older than me. trusting that they've dealt with these things too i #some shape or form and that them living... being here.. is proof that we shall be fine in the end and that we will move past what plagues- #our mind. there's definitely been some... anger i've had this year that. school didnt teach me these things or skills!! i was so mad lol #but hey if we are little guys who are living on planet earth for the first time we shouldn't condemn ourselves to an unrealistic standard- #of going through life and being able to instantly do everything 'correctly' and know how everything works #i'm still working on improving that patience... and also trying to put in the work to understand these things. #in the midst of a very tough week for me i was tempted to say that 'nothing happened this year it was not productive' #but then i was like. that's. objectively not true if you just look at other things. also theres worth in life outside of 'productivity' #...i think i passed 20 tags at this point. but like. my favorite thing about 2023 was meeting so many cool awesome people! #who would've known that funny lil squid game could bring so many connections and friendships i cherish! #thank you so much! for being a part of my life and changing me for the better! for giving me many fond memories! #and i'm very grateful to anyone who supported me and my art this year... for sticking around even though i wished i could do more #it means the world to me knowing that there's proof that i exist and have touched someone's life in a positive way! thank you! truly! #ANYWAY. happy early new year. i hope everyone can nourish a friend in their head that extends acceptance and patience to themselves #as we try and make sense of the world together. there will be things that we don't understand yet! but one day we will! and it'll be like #wow! look how far i came! i'm okay! i'm alive! yipee! thank you for reading this post i made to get my feelings out! have a nice day!

[onebizarrekai]

there's an entire temple dedicated to the maintenance of the seasons in holodrum and protecting the rod of seasons and its four spirits. meanwhile nayru is just keeping the harp of ages in her basement

#legend of zelda #random stuff #oracle of seasons #oracle of ages #I'm replaying the oracle games right now #humans could make a temple dedicated to the easily understood cycle of seasons (which are kind of supernatural in this game) #time is only understood by the hippie singer who lives in the woods and is important enough to have a triforce barrier protecting her home #dude. oracle of ages is so much more grim than seasons #people in ages are like 'my husband left to go work on the evil tower. I'm never going to see him again' #a city got destroyed by an eruption in ages and you need to go back in time to save it #some kid got turned to stone and his grandma won't leave his side #meanwhile in seasons sure a city got flooded because of icecaps melting but everyone is ok. nobody needed to evacuate #there is silly music playing in the bg. and a legendary diver guy who lives there #despite the little girl with no parents to speak of stranded at the entrance eternally blowing bubbles because she can't swim #and the fact that there's a monster fortress right outside town preventing anyone from evacuating #I mean. despite the flooding the game makes it seem like the city was always 90% water

[lesbiansanemi]

Still thinking about the conversation I had with my roommate’s bf like two weeks ago where he said he was scared of furries but also didn’t even know enough about furries to know they were called furries I had to figure out wtf he was talking about. The urge to become a full blown furry now. Despite having all the makings of a furry I for some reason have never ended up enthusiastically becoming one despite my best efforts. Well. With spite as my motivator here we are. Where are the furry artists, I’m commissioning both my tentative ideas for my fursonas. I’m inviting all my friends who are furries over and we’re gonna work on making fursuits. I will also make this a hostile living situation for you AND I will get the added bonus of doing fun furry stuff

#during the same conversation he very heavily insinuated he thought I was a cringey weirdo in the most derogatory sense #by making fun of most of my hobbies and calling ppl who liked them cringey weirdos #but then going ‘oh! oh no! I don’t mean you though you’re fine you’re like Normal 😀’ #so. you know. #anyways last night I walked in the door from work #and the entire apartment smelled like weed and there was a dog barking at me and he was watching tv SO loud #🙃🙃🙃 sensory overload immediately in main part of apartment so I hid in bedroom all night #I’m also irritated cuz I’ve had convos with my roommate about weed FOREVER ago #literally my one ask was if he was gonna smoke he do it outside so the apartment doesn’t smell like it #idc if you smoke and you are free to do edibles/dabs/whatever inside just pls don’t smoke joints #I hate the smell and it’s bad for the animals #so why is it 🙃🙃🙃 all of a sudden happening again as this guy moves in 🙃🙃🙃 #anyways about to become a revenge furry and also suuuuuper fucking cringey just to bother/embarrass him #esp cuz he said he wants to have friends over all the time which I’m also FUDJDJSJSKSK about #but sure! invite friends over! #I’m gonna sit in the living room with my giant easel and draw furries and listen loudly to vocaloid while they’re here 🥰 #I’m gonna have a great time! you won’t tho lmao #kaz rambles

[cluescorner]

Some people: Kaeya’s bio father is an abusive monster who abandoned his son in order to achieve his own selfish goals. He is an evil man who deserves everything awful that might happen to him. 

Other people: Kaeya’s bio father did the right thing and leaving Kaeya in Mondstadt was the only way to give him a halfway-decent life. He is a better father than he is given credit for and should not be as hated as he is. 

Me: Kaeya’s bio father is integral to the general ‘war is hell and bad choices can reverberate across time’ thing that Genshin seems to be going for. He made unethical choices, but mostly because the ONLY OPTIONS HE HAD WERE UNETHICAL. If our understanding of the Alberich’s role in Khaenri’ah is accurate, General Alberich (my name for him until stated otherwise) was suddenly in charge of a hopeless and dead kingdom which begged to be saved. Assuming that there was a reason Kaeya specifically was chosen for this mission, General Alberich was forced into a position where he needed to choose between the lives/future of every Khaenri’an vs the life and future of his young son. Abandoning either is an awful thing to do and a horrible decision, but the bad decisions of Celestia and Rhinedottir have led to a scenario where General Alberich can only make bad decisions. In the end, he chose to prioritize his people and made his young son into a spy. We do not know the process for this, but knowing how much Hoyoverse loves to torment people (especially Khaenri’ans) we can assume that this process was horrific for Kaeya and could definitely be considered abuse. General Alberich is effectively making his son into a child soldier for a war that the majority of people never wanted or asked for, and one Kaeya was likely far too young to understand. At least, until he was forced to grow up far too quickly in order to fulfill his duty. General Alberich likely loathed everything about what was happening and even in his last moments with his son he asks for forgiveness. He knows that what he is doing is wrong, but to turn back now is to both abandon his subjects and make everything that happened to Kaeya in order to turn him into a child spy be for nothing. So yeah, General Alberich is a terrible person who made horrible choices. But war and the bad actions of others have created a situation where he has nothing BUT horrible choices and where being a terrible person is the only thing he can be. And that’s without considering how the curse/abyssal corruption could impact the scenario. 

#idk #I just think that Kaeya's father is kinda an Asgore situation #where the only decisions he could possibly make were awful and unethical ones but choosing neither would create an even worse outcome #also I want to clarify that both of the other interpretations that I parroted before giving my own thoughts are valid #because we are working with such limited information and yeah no shit people are gonna have differing thoughts #people have differing beliefs and perspectives on things which are CANONICALLY CONFIRMED to be clear situations with lots of info about it #so of course people are going to go in like 80 different directions with his character #BECAUSE WE HAVE NEXT TO NOTHING TO GO OFF OF #and basically every interpretation of him I've seen is pretty reasonable #Like yeah man's son is a child spy who was abandoned in a far away country for the purpose of being a spy for Khaenri'ah's interests #thinking that he was an abusive asshole isn't exactly unreasonable #nor is it unreasonable to believe that he was actually a decent man who left his son in Mondstadt as the 'only hope' of Khaenri'ah #because he just wanted Kaeya to live on and have a life outside of the Abyss #and Kaeya was mistaken when he thought he was simply being left behind as a pawn #Genshin is no stranger to unreliable narrators and this wouldn't be the first time a character story wildly mischaracterizes something #so like...both of those interpretations are valid #and pretty fair ones as well #But I think that it really is like an Asgore situation where yeah this guy sucks and he is an awful person who made so many bad choices #But also was left with nothing BUT bad choices through war and grief and other factors that were genuinely outside of his control #Sacrifice your son's childhood and happiness by forcing him to be a child spy and abandoning him in the middle of a deadly storm #or let your people (including yourself) rot away into nothingness while facing a fate worse than death while they all but scream to be saved #there are no good options #kaeya's father #don't take this too seriously I just really liked Undertale when I was younger and I'm getting Asgore vibes from General Alberich

[crowcryptid]

Stuck at a red light and I could count 16 cranes all making new condos and apartments. Maybe a few of them are offices but they looked like apartments.

Filled me with a new sense of dread

#I’m just. head in hands. you guys have no idea. I’ve been here my whole life and it has never been this horrible here. traffic. #there was definitely more than 16 that’s just what I was able to see #Yes just keep building luxury apartments and making an already horribly planned out and overcrowded city even more crowded 👍 #if this shit was actually planned out it wouldn’t be so bad #but it was not. intended. to have this many people. #what I want to know is who the fuck is actually living in them #yeah we got a lot of people from high wage states working remotely here in the past 3 years #but surely it can’t be THAT MANY????? #like. this is a city with no industry outside of money laundering and being a servant to rich ppl and tourists #wages are in the dirt here. even with a degree most jobs will refuse to pay a living wage #you will make more in pretty much any other state fl wages are abysmal #who is renting these #edit: I should mention that building more housing is not a bad thing it’s just that. these aren’t for normal people. these are for the rich #the regular ppl are getting absolutely eaten alive here. I would know I’m one of them. #and the roads just can’t support this many people. my commute has gotten 10-15 mins longer #just this year. distance hasn’t changed. there’s just that many more cars

[pumpking64]

.

#Jesus fucking Christ #why do some people just. not see the mess they’re making and acknowledge that it’s their responsibility to clean up after themselves?? #like. you throw your shoes in the entrance exactly where people walk. you let shared loafers stand outside for several hours #you cook the most simple dinner that one time you cook (mind you the other people have equal shares of making food) #and yet you don’t even manage to clean up after neither the cooking NOR taking the food off the table into the fridge so it doesn’t turn bad #you keep on taking the most easy solution that fits you the best without thinking about others. in a space where we all are exhausted #and I’m so done with it for now tbh. how lazy to not care about the bare necessities for others. how rude to admit to it #AND on top of this. you’ll tell stuff about your country that’s *objectively horrifying* and then add on to that that you love your country #it’s just. so many things. are so so so much of what I’d avoid in a person. a few things is fine. no one’s perfect. but damn there’s a limit #SORRY to anyone who’s read this far but I just. had to get it out #this guy is the one I’m working the closest with these two and a half weeks. hes still a kid kind of. I’m not gonna be mean to him #but damn. my patience. is being tested #AHHH I might delete this tbh. I don’t like showing this side of myself. I don’t want to spread this kind of negativity #I’m just so very frustrated. how a human person can come to this place and be here for SO LONG already #and still not have learnt the basics of living and working together #own post #oh. and all the triggering of intrusive thoughts is not helping your case buddy #(which you can’t really know about so it’s kinda fair but also it’s for bad hygiene stuff mostly and that’s. I mean…..)

[autism-corner]

i love seeing trans people in public its so awesome to get joy from knowing the fact that we exist <3

#ofc dont judge strangers etcetc but. #even if they hypothethically are cis #i still in my mind get to acknowledge that were here! living!! #tbh knowing i can give someone (someone so much like me despite it all) that same feeling of love.... #by just. being here? being in public? walking around or working or anything really? #it genuinely makes me want to live. survive. make it. grow up. #i dont know if id be here without the prospect of being visibly queer to others like me. #its such a unifying factor to me and i love every bit of it so much.... #yayyyay <3 #sillyposting #guy is healed from his depression week ig =w=b #going outside helps!! who fucking knew!! #augh..... #god tonight theres a carnifex performance but im not going...... #ive got too much going on saterday (10+ hours work at a hardcore party.)(ill be garderobe ill be fine but still =3=) #warderobe* whatever #tumblr app sucks shit let me edit my tags T-T

[timeisacephalopod]

Why do right wingers go on and ON about "father's in the home" when fathers are basically useless in the home? Like every year I see posts that go around about "dad finding out about what I got for Christmas" and it's like if fathers are so uninvolved they don't even know what Christmas gifts their kids are getting I don't think them being gone does much?? Like of course there's good and bad parents of all genders, but traditional gender roles- which the aforementioned right wingers ascribe to- mean men do jack fucking squat in the house OR anything with their kids so what the hell do right wingers think men are doing that's so important in the home if it's none of the childrearing or house work??

All I've got in this framework is a paycheque and these days women work so men wouldn't even be contributing something women DON'T, so I have no idea what these people think men are doing that it's so irreplaceable that being gone is damaging to children when by all means under their ideas of gender and family men are less than useless to their family. Women do all that work (and barring that, DAUGHTERS do more parental work than fathers so them being gone does what, exactly, except maybe rid the family of an overgrown child? Men who actually contribute are the ones families would be damaged without, not traditional men who probably don't even know how to do their own laundry OR cook or have any life skills because women have done everything for them their whole lives so???)

#winters ramblings #'no fathers in the home is what leads to gangs!' they cry while they do nothing with their kids make their wives do all the housework #and theur DAUGHTERS parent more often than THEY do. TELL ME what use you are in the house Giant Man Baby #tell me what thing you do thats of the Utmost Importance that being done causes irreversible damage to your kids #surely you being THERE isnt causing them damage right? RIGHT???? because this brand of dude being HOME #sounds worse than this brand of dude being GONE because these dudes and the women who marry them are HORRIBLE tyrants #who deserve each other but sure shit DONT deserve the kids they have then force into their lifestyle then abuse all their lives #like serioualy what the FUCK do they think men are doing thats so important in the home when their own beliefs state men do SQUAT #in the home??? do tou seriously think your PRESENCE is what does it?? pretty grandiose sense of self there huh #assuming just EXISTING beside your kids lives means youre literally holding everything together lmao like no #your wife does all that and if she isnt your KIDS do it buddy you dont do fuck all to consider yourself that important i dont get this #like literally men in traditional gender shit dont do ANYTHING outside of a job amd getting waited in hand amd foot #do you think having a personal slave you occasionally fuck is what makes you this important?? #i mean the mormins say yes so hard they think a billion wives gives you a better planet in the afterlife but like come on #at least ATTEMPT to have common sense when recruiting to your nonsense beliefs #then turn around and claim GAY PEOPLE are recruiting people to their 'lifestyle' like that isnt LITERALLY THE DESCRIPTION OF MISSIONARY WORK #gays arent CHRISTIANS guys. (some are but they arent recruiting to GAYNESS even if they may try to convert you religious wise- #although i suspect a great many WOULDNT do that on account of the history between the church and gay people #so probably they just are gay and love jesus but still yall get it)

[grinchwrapsupreme]

i'm not saying this to make any sort of point but as someone who works in canadian theatre, the wga strike is going to have an interesting effect on live entertainment too, like i know multiple people who have lost their jobs or will lose their jobs soon because so much american television is produced here and obviously the iatse union is standing with the wga which it should and i also know that when film crew are out of work like this they often turn to theatre because it's a different local of the same union (and a lot of them started in theatre) and they wind up pushing permits out of work because film crew are usually members which means they get first dibs on all calls even if they don't have much live entertainment experience and even though attitudes in theatre and film are VERY different. And i really really hope the wga gets everything they want, they deserve that and more, but i also hope it happens quickly before young iatse permits get priced out of this city and we get into into another situation like the one right after the pandemic

#when the pandemic hit and live entertainment pretty much died for a few years #most established theatre iatse guys moved into film so when theatre started up again there was this huge crisis #and iatse was so desperate for permits they were literally advertising for them on facebook and weren't requiring advocates or anything #which is a massive fucking deal and also how i got my permit #but it also means theres a ton of experienced film iatse members who aren't averse to jumping ship to a familiar field #and all those new permits who found their opening in that crisis are now in danger of being out of work #in the most expensive city in the country #and as someone who works at a theatre that's labelled a learning theatre by the union (we get all the green permits) #it's going to be very interesting to see what happens next #fortunately we don't pay as well as many of the other venues in the city #but we're more likely to offer steady work #so film guys who want cash will take the jobs at the high paying venues doing dailies and weeklies #and the ones who just want to keep busy will wind up here #i have two very good friends who work for the film union #one decided to take a vacation during the strike (good for her) and the other was let go from star trek and intends to go back to theatre #but knowing the attitude of the well established members and people who got used to film there are going to be Problems #so depending on how long the strike lasts this could actually have some serious ramifications for a lot of people outside of the wga #again i'm not trying to make any sort of point here just getting my thoughts in order in the wake of all these tumblr posts about the strik

[dirt-str1der]

Trans kiryu is a genuinely funny hc because like trans majima is like oohh angst ohh she has to fight to be accepted she has to deal with people making fun of her for being a man in a dress she has to take into account her position and social standing and kiryu is literally just kiryu forever because the universe loves him too much to ever force him into a situation unless its to go to prison in which case hes like yayyy i love jail yayy yayyy

#Yakzua loveblog #im just talking to myself you guys dont need to read anything #in fact dont read this im going to talk about transphobic nishiki again anyway #my transphobic nishiki hc is the most important one to me because. like we all need to have some transphobic people in our lives #i do think that nishiki calls him ‘kiryu’ even though theyre best friends forever because when nishiki will always accidentally say his #deadname instead of ‘kazuma’ even though i know that nishiki is literally the one who gave him the name kazuma to make fun of kiryu for #thinking hes a boy and it just kind of stuck but nishiki eventually stuck. with calling him kiryu because thats how he prefers to be called #they are bestfriends for a reason .... and nishiki is the only one kiryu will let be transphobic towards him because theyve known each other #for forever and he knows he means no harm by it like he will still hit him but nishiki takes it in stride because its their thing and its #never not funny to make kiryu annoyed like for anyone else its an uncrossable line but once a month nishiki will lead kiryu into the womens #section to shop for new clothes and kiryus like Somehow i always knew you wore womens jeans and nishikis like HEY !!!! #but as kids they were always very cute because theyre always together and you can never really tell whos following who because it seems like #theyre on the same wavelength until nishiki realises that life is so much easier when youre working smart so he went to work on his INT stat #while kiryu never stopped being a wild animal like hes literally some sort of monkey to me sorry for dehumanising him because of his autism #like i adore his ‘own little bubble’ way of life as long as he’s physically okay kiryus not going to complain about anything. like when he #said ‘i decide to do things based on whether i love it or hate it’ im like Yeah i bet you do. he sits outside the orphanage all day playing #with rocks until nishiki comes finds him then they both go outside to smash open windows with the rocks kiryu has gathered and kiryus in his #little skirt and he always uses it to carry things in you know how it is and he stopped going to school to be a bigger menace than everyone #anyway did i mention that the universe loves kiryu. especially his genes he was very lucky because he never had a big chest or nothing he #was always going to get tall and thick in the shoulders and beefy and when he cut his hair it just sealed the deal he passed with flying #colours like young children are indistinguishable by gender unless they have a big pink bow in their hair but kiryu radiated masculinity #from a young age and his aggressive way of life didnt help. well it helped a lot actually. a lot of people were scared of him and nishikis #like dont be scared of kiryu shes nice when you get to know her and everyones like ?? thats a girl ??? #in fact it made more sense for kiryu to be a boy at that point so he went to kazama and told him and kazama was like ok lets make it happen #like kiryu and nishiki are so special because there is nobody in the universe more transphobic to kiryu than his own brother but also nishik #was the one helping kiryu shop for boy clothes when he was clueless about it like hes not stupid but he really doesnt know about fashion and #he trusts nishiki to not make him look stupid and nishiki is of course like 😏 well well well youre having a girl moment arent you #nishiki is okay with kiryu being a guy because this means that now whenever kiryu hits him he can fight back without being misogynistic #okay im done talking my noodles are getting cold but kiryu as a kid would have been a veritable nightmare #oh yeah my trans beam extended to nishitani as well because just look at him. everybody majima wants to sex is trans

[bmpmp3]

(falls to the floor holding my head in my hands) i can't keep making all my ocs the same vaguely eastern european vaguely indo carribean mixed race guy i cant keep doing this

(looks up. eyes glowing red. levitating with unknown power) or can i..................................................

#sorry to be mixed on main again but im working on some rough draft ocs. i saw myself making the same dude again. i keep making him. #i know as a kid with a combination of the classic mixed kid feelings of alienation as well as being really really into cartoons #i vowed to myself that I SHALL make all the mixed race cartoon characters since i wasnt seeing much in the cartoons i loved #it was a little dire in like 2008 when i vowed this. its less dire now #maybe i can rest.....or maybe not...maybe its still more dire than i think............ #im in an interesting place rn living in a somewhat diverse area attending a pretty multicultural university so i got used to #kind of blending into the crowd but recently i was in an art history class. like one of the first i had been in person in years #(you know how it is) and outside of my vaguely ambiguous situation there was like one other non white person #and everyone else was white. and it became very apparent how white the class was very quickly because as art history students #race is kinda like. a big thing in visual culture studies HJKFKJLSDJD and like they meant well but it was getting a little dire because #so many of my white peers kept centering whiteness and white discomfort in like every discussion or brushing past the topic entirely #im biased because race is one of my main interests in art history but MAN i was like. oh god. i need to. intervene #gotta be more annoying about being mixed race in class. rolls up sleeves #gotta bring up every uncomfortable topic about representation and perception and power and dehumanization and intersectionality that i can #because no one else but me the other student of colour and the professors even think about it orz #sorry i know its obvious but sometimes it doesnt quite hit me that like. oh god. do white people really not think about any of this? #at all? unless its brought up? not even a little bit? i dunno its just kinda alien to me orz but i shall keep going #i shall continue on with my deep interest in orientalism within art history and its impacts we see daily #and also making the same guy in my funny little cartoons DJSKHJKSJFKD #(jkjkjk i dont JUST make that same vaguely beige guy. i also make a bunch of other guys. who are also mostly all multiracial too HGKJDHJFR) #(its what i do. its what i do)

[saturnsuv]

.

#okay besties it’s time for an insane personal post #so i downloaded a dating app bc i was bored and i didn’t actually expect to meet anyone but then i did meet this guy that i actually liked #and we’d been talking consistently every day for like a week #then we met up on campus and got starbucks and sat outside the library and talked #and then i sat in his lap and we made out for a while but that’s not important #anyway. everything seemed to have gone fine like there was no indication he wasn’t equally enjoying himseld #he made references to us seeing each other again in the future #and he’d even said ‘i don’t ghost people even if we don’t work out i’d still want us to be friends’ #so then i get home after we’ve spent like an hour making out #and he’s blocked me #now. the question here besties is that i know where i can find him #i know where his class will be tomorrow and when so i could in theory wait outside the classroom until he shows up and demand an explanatio #im aware this is insane. like i know i sound absolutely nuts #however i am tired of being nice and i would like to go apeshit #i’ve had it with guys who do this and also he’s fully aware that i live my life in the science building where his class will be #he did this knowing there’s a very high chance he will run into me #so like. so what if i make him run into me on purpose #i want to smash his kneecaps is that so wrong #sam speaks

[guhhhhhhhhhhh]

It's a 3 melatonin kind of night

#I'm sick and the 4th of July fireworks are popping off outside #nothin like the sound of distant explosions to keep you awake :))) #personal shite #literally both mad and glad that I got sick just in time for my 5 day weekend #on one hand I'm not going to be missing much work #but on the other hand I'd love to be missing work :( #they don't tell you this in school guys but loving you job and not wanting to work another day in your life are feeling that often coexist #actually who am I kidding that scentance does a disservice to half the professors I had in college #also the explosions just got not so distant and that comes with the beauties of living next to a city park :)))

[scorchedhearth]

trying to find canon stories or fanwork that touches upon guy's TBI is like walking through a baren wasteland. most barely acknowledge it, and when they do it's just a one-liner or for a joke which. You Know.

#i'd rather they dont talk about it at all instead of mocking it #to the few writers who did put work into writing good fics about it: i am kissing you on the mouth and with tongue thank u for ur service #it's this balance between valid reactions of other characters (wow this guy is a huge jerk get him away from me/i used to know a different #guy and this is painful for me to see him changed and trying to accept this new personaltiy + disabilities) vs guy's own thoughts (i just s #suffered a big injury that took off years of life + hard work i put in bettering myself and set me back on many skills i used to know which #is deeply unfair and hard/i now have to learn how to live with a new personality + deal with the fact that i am now angry erratic and have #trouble with cognitive functions which is outside of my control/dealing with other's expectations and prejudices against me and my injury) #+ the way some storylines treat this as a joke. oh guy is so dumb he doesn't know big words when its just deeply sad and upsetting that som #someone with diplomas and education lost those abilities due to something entirely not his fault