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pennys-th0ughts · 5 years

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Loser... 🥀

A long sigh came out of my mouth like some kind of relieving sensation that had been trapped deep inside my chest for so long, but I didn’t feel any relief, only frustration. I picked up the three balls lying on the floor, gathered the rest of my stuff inside my duffel bag and got out of the big tent hearing the mocking laughter at my back. “You will never be good enough as a clown” someone said, “¡your parents must be ashamed of you!”, “¡Go back to the stinky hole you came out of!” and the insults kept on coming until I finally got out.

I looked around searching for a quiet place to put myself together. Once I spotted it I headed there and sat down on the edge of an empty wagon belonging to the circus I just finished performing one of my complex acts just to be rejected, as had happened in the previous one. It was my fifth try and I still had no luck finding a circus that wanted to hire me. The owners kept telling me that I was too old to be a clown and they wouldn’t take the risk of hiring someone of my age or they would just say I lacked experience. So many lame excuses…

The day had been long and tiring and the heat was overwhelming. The summer season was at its highest peak and some days the temperatures were barely tolerable. The key to survive such weary time of the year was to remain away from the sun and stay hydrated, and one of those things was becoming the hardest to get.

A couple or guards began to look at me in a uncomfortable way so I left that place and ended up catching my breath sitting under a tree. I was enjoying its cool shadows when a thin hand landed on my left shoulder. I sighed and didn’t dare to find out which body that small and delicate hand belonged to but since it seemed not to belong to one of the guards, I finally raised my eyes trying to avoid the rays of the sun. The other hand offered me some fresh water and also an apple.

Moved by such kind gesture I saw myself forced to stand up and thank to whoever was being benevolent enough to offer me such things, but both hands didn’t allow me to, instead, this mysterious person knelt by my side.

– You must be tired – the smooth and calm voice said-. Please, don’t bother yourself in standing up. ¿May I?

The young lady pointed an empty space next to me, I nodded and moved a bit to make some more space so she could take a sit and shelter herself from the sun. We spent some minutes in silence whilst I took some sips of the fresh liquid and later bit the sweet fruit. In the meantime, I could sense her staring at me as if was some kind of peculiar creature, like the most the circus would hid behind its red curtains. I devoured the apple in a couple of bites and then I realized how embarrassing that must have looked like. She just chuckled.

– I must apologize – I used the back of my sleeve to clean up my chin-. I was starving, to be honest…

She raised both hands to let me know it was okay and laughed amused. The innocence of her waysput a smile on my face instantly. Her smile was as bright and warm as the sun and her manners were as fine as the ones of a princess. We stayed under the shadows talking and laughing about so many mundane things until the sunset gave its lasts breaths and the purple blueish tones began to paint the night sky. The laughter she ripped off from my lips was so plenty that my eyes watered many times washing part of my make-up.

The little lightbulbs surrounding the big tent began to light one by one bringing some light to the vast territory the circus occupied. The people belonging to it started to walk to their tents to get some rest from another long hot day. I realized that that painful moment to say goodbye had come and I would need to leave before the owner of the circus could tell I was spending my time with his daughter. The less I wanted was to get her into trouble so I stood up and got ready to leave but she grabbed my hand and almost dragged me towards her tent in some kind of stealth mode. We successfully avoided a couple of guards, a handful of jugglers and some lion tamers who were taking those exotic animals back to their cages. The excitement of hiding from the circus owner in his daughter tent was the most thrilling experience I had in many years since the last one when I was around ten years old which consisted in the fruit stealing from the neighbor’s tree.

That night my heart was beating exactly in the same erratic and fast way it did that day but there was something different now and the company made it a lot more interesting.

– You have never told me your name… – I point that out in a very curious tone of voice.

– ¡Oh, you are right! – She said looking notoriously embarrassed-. My name is Elizabeth but everyone here calls me Liz.

– Delighted to meet you, Liz – I kissed her knuckles and introduced myself as well-. I'm Robert Gray but you can call me Bob.

The mystery was solved and I was even more interested about discover more about this girl so I began to cherish every minute of our conversations. I took a last peek outside the tent to make sure nobody had seen us and once I felt reassured I turned around with a confident smile on my face. Liz poured some water in a metallic bowl and wet a piece of cloth.

– Have a sit – she invited me-. I will help you remove the make-up.

– That’s really not necessary, Liz… – I tried to avoid her selflessness help but it was in vain.

– Don’t be so modest, Bob – she insisted-. Besides, if you keep wearing it, it might spoil your skin.

I sat on the little bench and she placed the bowl on a table almost of the same size next to me, and carefully, she began removing the paint of my face. When she finally finished she stared at me for some long minutes as if she was admiring the very uncommon features of my face. She brushed my ginger hair backwards and fixed her blue eyes with mine. Then a painful memory came to my mind when the soft tip of her index finger followed the irregular line of one of my scars. Instinctively my hand grabbed her wrist by impulse but without any intentions to hurt her. When I realized what I just did it was a bit too late.

– I'm afraid to ask but – she hesitated- ¿how you did get these?

I lowered my eyes until I had the dusty floor in front of me; I took a deep breath and told Liz the story about those peculiar scars. In the meantime people outside their tents were getting ready for the typical midnight feast in which many of them would eat and drink until early hours of the morning and probably sleep big part of the day to get rid of the hangover. Those would be precious hours to share with Liz and I was looking forward to prolong our talk. She made me feel like I was at home and for some reason the need of being with her was becoming imperative. Liz didn’t care about my aspect without the make-up and her interest in me since the beginning was touching. She gently caressed my forehead and the scar that made its way over my eyebrow and ended up in my cheek. She made me close my eyes and, out of the blue, she sat down on my lap. A little smirk curved my lips whilst Liz kept stroking my hair backwards making the experience even more intense with the perfume her skin was letting go. The scent was delicate and yet it was all over the place as if the aroma was coming from a bucket of just trimmed flowers. Then I felt them. At first the feeling was suffocating but warm, soft and finally passionate. Elizabeth had the tastier lips I could have ever kissed and her possessive way of seducing me was delicious.

– Liz – I made my best to talk her out of it, that what she was trying to get wouldn’t probably end well- if your father catches us red handed he will definitely throw me inside the lion’scage.

– He won’t – she shut me up placing her finger on my lips-. He would have gotten drunk enough by the time we have left.

I blinked several times, uncredulous but mostly dumbfounded. Leaving the circus with the owner’s daughter was definitely a very bad idea that would mean a certain death for me and a severe punishment for her. I shook my head in denial; I had to do something about it and fast.

– I will be forever doomed to steal you from your father’s hands and I will happily live with it but ¿can we reconsider the possibility that your father will haunt us just to make our lives miserable?

Liz remained some minutes in silence probably having second thoughts about my words. I knew what she wanted from the moment she suggested to leave the circus, but leaving in that way will only cost us more than we could bear, so we carefully thought and planned our escaping way starting that very night. We still had a few hours ahead so we would take our time to do whatever we wanted to do.

Her hands were soft as cotton as all the skin wrapping her little but harmonious body whilst the curves of her breasts and waist were almost perfectly shaped like the silhouette of a glass cup. She was out of her usual vestments and the light of the fire was bathing her smooth skin in red and gold tones. As the flames were dancing making the whole room dance at their compass, Liz started her own choreography taking off in each turn a piece of clothing. The lines of her back seemed to resemble the dunes of a vast dessert whilst her long black hair, shinny and silky, was like the oriental night sky. She took possession of my mouth again but this time I could feel she was more than certain of she was doing so I let her go over me without any restrictions. It had been long time since the last time I was with a woman and Liz was beyond attractive to deny her charms.

The night went by wonderfully like some kind of mixture between a romantic novel and an adventure tale. After making love for almost two wild hours we decided to soothe our appetite, for food this time, so we ate richly and drink a delicious sweet wine, as for dessert we tasted some fresh fruits and a strange pudding with a filling I have never ate before. Once our bodies were satisfied in many ways, we fall asleep. Liz wrapped her thin arm around my chest and hid her face in the hollow of my neck. To feel the peacefulness of her breathing tickling my skin was all I needed to dive into an intoxicating sleep.

Rooster’s badly tuned song woke me up from a very pleasant dream just in time to avoid prying eyes. I gently shook Liz’s shoulder to wake her up. She got dressed and helped me to put my make-up back only this time she painted my face in a very different but interesting way which I liked more. She made the lines that crossed my eyes vertically longer and connected them with the corners of my lips, so the new design ended up looking like a big “U” shaped smile starting in my forehead and finishing in my mouth. I borrowed some clothes from her wardrobe and put them on, maybe that would help me avoid the guards on my way out of her chambers.

Another day went by and Liz and I were keeping our love adventure out of the circus thus behind the curtains. I have never felt so excited before and the feeling itself was captivating. I was looking forward to see her every time the circus closed its doors and everyone went to sleep just to discover our naked bodies once more, swim in the lake or eat delicious evening meals at the candlelight. Tonight we had planned to leave and spend some hours at the quarries and enjoy the night and its sparkling stars.

– The moon light is so bright tonight – Liz pointed that out looking up the sky as if she was a little girl looking at some marvelous treasure.

I took her hand and guided her towards the shore of the lake. The temperature of the water was nice and it was an unspoken invitation to get into it. We looked at each other in complicity and ready to throw each other to the lake but we didn’t, we just took our shoes off and got our feet into it to avoid ending in a water fight. The songs of the crickets, the hoot of the owls and the wind whispering all around us was making of that brief moment something worthy to live for.

– Moon looks like a tiny firefly compared to you…

Careless words got out of my mouth like a bunch of wild horses and by the time I realized what I just said, it was too late. I shut my eyes tightly feeling my cheeks going beetroot in no time, but the night was allowing me to stay low key regarding my feelings. Liz accidentally put her hand on mine and I immediately hold on to it as if it was a life jacket to what she only gave me her most shy but tender smile.

– You turned to be a very sweet man, Bob – Liz hold my hand back-. And I really like you…

– Liz – I unintentionally interrupted her, fearing that her final words would probably be painful for me since I was sensing some kind of hesitation in her voice- I know we barely know each other from few days ago but I have really wanting to tell you something…

Her blue eyes began sparkling under the pale light of the moon and my heart started racing like a steaming machine out of control. I got my hand inside my pocket and took a little box out of it; I opened it trying really hard to keep my shaking hands at bay so she didn’t notice how nervous I was. Once the shiny red stone caught her attention I felt confident enough to say the big words.

– ¿Would you marry me, Liz?

Judging by how hard she was squeezing my hand I could tell she had been caught totally by surprise and her reaction gave me hope. She took the small object out of the box and looked at it full of excitement and perplexity and started nodding until she finally said yes. My heart was pounding inside my chest like a giant old bell, not leaving more space for any other feeling but joy. Her face was distorted because a big smile that kept making the moon to look even smaller. We sealed our union with a long kiss and agreed to leave next day at night. We both knew that Elizabeth’s father won’t allow us to leave and less knowing that her daughter was planning to run away with a loser.

I have never had more than five dollars in my pocket and a clear destination where to head to but this time, this time was so different, I was carrying something with more value I could ever imagine and I had, for the first time in a long time, a crystal clear idea where to go. For the first time in my life I was certain about my future and happy to meet the person I was going to share it with. I might still be a loser with nothing to lose or maybe I'm just a lover with everything to live for...

Image: credits to the owner

#penny's thoughts #pennywise #short story

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fiti-vation · 6 years

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Hi! I wanna run a marathon sometime this year, but I'm currently an unfit blob. Do you think it's possible or am I being unrealistic? I know nothing about running. Thanks!

Hi dear,

Sorry for the late reply, I hope you’re doing well.

Since, I don’t know what your current fitness level, this will be a general answer to your question.

The marathon is a difficult distance to master, no matter if you’re a bucket-list runner whose only goal is to cross the finish line, or if you’re a competitive runner on the hunt for a personal best. Even the most seasoned marathoners have no idea what their marathon times will be. Think about it-setting a finish time is a little like picking the winning lottery numbers because there are so many variables that can affect your performance: wind, rain, cold, heat, humidity, etc. Everything-from an ache in your calf to a hotspot on your foot to that cup of water you missed at the last fluid station-is heightened when you cover 26.2 miles on foot, but that’s part of the lure of the marathon. If it were easy, the accomplishment wouldn’t be as coveted.

It is definitely possible to run a marathon as long as you not scared of getting out of your comfort zone. If you stay in your comfort zone, you’re not going to do anything special. A comfort zone is a beautiful place, but nothing ever grows there. Running challenges, you.

The key to running a strong first marathon is to remember the three “P’s”: Preparedness, Patience and Perseverance.

Preparedness: Mental toughness

As I have discussed in previous posts the first step to any fitness goals is mental wellbeing. Those who’ve been following me for years know that I am a huge advocate of mental discipline. Most of us think that it is our body that will get the job done when it fact it is our mind. If you’re not right mentally you will never perform well physically. Mental Toughness is really what will get you to the finish line. The body achieves what the mind believes!

If you’re just getting into running, the first obstacle to overcome will be yourself. Getting through the first couple of months will be the most difficult because most people’s brains aren’t hardwired to have exercise every day. But sticking with it and exercising every day, after a couple of months your brain will be reprogrammed to expect you to get out and exercise every day. After that, it’s much easier to make the time and find motivation to go for a run or walk.

Having once weighted 220 pounds myself and suffered from class 2 obesity, I can attest that the first couple of months are horrible. You’ll probably see very little in the way of results and you’ll wonder why the hell you are bothering. You’ll get tired and you’ll get sick of it and you might lose your motivation. Just remember that it will get easier at the end of those first couple of months. While you’re establishing that routine, it’s really important to be kind to yourself. Don’t look at the scales, don’t worry about your times, don’t focus on running a marathon. Just focus on establishing a regular fitness routine. Commit to exercising every day regardless of what the outcome is over those first three months let’s say. That’s all! Just as you can’t start with a 250-lb deadlift, you can’t jump into training at an 8-minute mile. If you want to make it past a week of training you have to mentally and physically slow down.

While working on your mental toughness, also take this time to find yourself as a runner. Do you prefer training indoors or outdoors? It’s a lot easier to jump off a treadmill vs. running outdoors where giving up means you’ll still have to walk home. Are you a team player or a soloist? Find a running buddy who is just a little bit faster than you to keep you challenged, otherwise work on an awesome playlist to keep you pumped throughout your run. And find your solemate-stop by a running store to analyze your gait and find the proper sneaker (turns out the stability, cushioning shoe I splurged on would help ease shin splits for my overpronating feet).

To conclude here, I would also recommend that you start mastering the power of visualization. On several nights before going to bed, or first thing in the morning, visualize yourself crossing the finish line as the clock shows a new personal best. Before the 2004 Olympic Marathon Trials, where Wells placed seventh, she replayed positive mental images before falling asleep at night. “I knew the course we would be running, and I’d see myself out on it running well,” she says. “There’s a hill in the 25th mile, and I’d say to myself, ‘Okay, get up that hill, and then run strong to the finish.’”

Personally, I utilize self-talk and positive thinking. Self-talk is all about encouraging yourself, especially when things are starting to get tough. If I am hurting during a race, I tell myself that the other runners are probably hurting just as bad, if not more. When it comes to positive thinking, I think it is a good technique to use in running and in life. Even when things are not going well, there is a better day tomorrow. But you have to work for a better day, not just hope for one.

Mental limits will hinder you far behind physical limits will. Trust your training, trust your body.

Preparedness: Fitness Assessment

Before you start running you should start your new training cycle by assessing your current level of fitness. Many coaches have their runners complete a detailed self-assessment of their strengths and weaknesses as a runner, what types of runs they do and don’t enjoy, as well as previous PRs and reactions to training cycles. Look back at your training log to help complete your own self-assessment.

Preparedness: Training/Recovery

After that you’ve assessed your fitness level

choose a plan based on your fitness level

. Focused running is more important than long useless mileage. Longer endurance events need more aerobic work than shorter events. The key is to not overtrain. Make sure you are logging workouts to assess your volume week-by-week, month-by-month and year-by-year.

Your training plan should gradually build weekly mileage and the distance of the long runs. This slow-but-steady buildup allows you to get stronger and go longer, without getting hurt or burned out. Some days you’ll want to add more miles, but it’s best to stick to the plan.

Each week, you should do a long run to develop the endurance you’ll need to cover the race distance. On these runs, focus on covering the mileage for the day, and forget about pace. Take walk breaks to stay energized throughout.

There are a bunch of running schedules you can find online (like the ones from Hal Higdon, for example), but accept the fact that it’s OK to modify based on your ability and schedule, and set realistic, achievable goals in terms of mileage and pace. I have included one below.

Keep the training fun: mix it up with different length runs and a variety of speeds.

Build up gradually to a long run of more than 20 miles but less than 24, preferably over several months of a crescendo, adding two to three miles per week to the distance.

If you don’t have time to build up gradually, work in “brick” sessions where you run long on two sequential days so that the total is a marathon and your legs and mind know what it is like to run tired.

Avoid injury and illness by monitoring your body and addressing niggles when they are merely warning signs. Massage, ice, cross-training, a strong core, proper rest and recovery, shoes that match your running form and aren’t overly worn, a healthy diet, and a smart training schedule will all help in that quest.

Use ice baths to recover after longer runs and avoid massages before the big event-but feel free to make an appointment now for a few days after the race (a sports massage one or two days after the event could help speed up recovery).

Make Smart Adjustments to Your Training Plan The most difficult aspect of a bad workout is deciding how to proceed once you know it’s not your day. The two best options: slow the pace, and if that doesn’t work, stop the workout entirely. When you’re struggling this much to hit times for a workout, it’s better to regroup, put the workout behind you, and just move forward with the training. It’s important that you do not try to make up a workout the next day. This throws off the balance of the training program.

Note that when training for a marathon do not only focus on cardio. Don’t skimp on the strength training! It’s so important for injury prevention and goes a long way to help with both speed and endurance. Learning proper glute activation for any hills on the course will allow you to expend far less energy than if you were powering through with your calves, while lateral movements will help strengthen your hip and knee stabilizer muscles.

Preparedness: Nutrition/Eat well

In order to run your best, it’s important to have a balanced diet. About half your daily calories should come from carbohydrates, like whole grains, fruits, and vegetables. About a quarter of your calories should come from lean protein, like dairy, lean meats, beans, and legumes. The remainder should come from heart-healthy fats like olive oil and avocados. I would recommend that you read about the science of carb loading.

PRACTICE EATING ON THE RUN: You’ll need to refuel every 30 to 45 minutes during the race, so on your long runs, experiment with different brands and flavors of sports drinks, gels, and chews to find out which one sits best in your stomach. Be sure to try out the brand and flavor that will be offered at the race.

Plan out your hydration and nutrition strategy to get you comfortable through the entire distance. Find out what electrolyte drink they’ll have on the course and make sure it works for you. If not, find a solution, such as carrying your own or using salt tabs.

According to the latest science, the best way to fuel your body through a marathon is to drink enough fluid to keep your thirst consistently under control, and to consume at least 60 grams of carbohydrates per hour. There is more than one way to fulfill these recommendations. The specific way that’s best for you depends on how your body responds to nutrition intake while running.

Preparedness: Stay committed to your goal

No matter how big or small your goal-whether it’s losing 5 or 50 pounds, walking a mile or running your first marathon-making change requires planning and S.M.A.R.T. goal setting.

Specific - target a specific area for improvement.

Measurable - quantify or at least suggest an indicator of progress.

Assignable - specify who will do it.

Realistic - state what results can realistically be achieved, given available resources.

Time-related - specify when the result(s) can be achieved.

Be SMART is an acronym championed by everyone from the University of Virginia to MIT to Fortune 500 companies for how to set actionable goals. Objectives should be Specific, Measurable, Accountable, Realistic and have a Timeframe. Specific goals will keep you accountable. “Lose weight” is too vague. “Lose 15 pounds in six months” gives you much more direction and allows you to have a way to measure your progress.

Be consistentOnce you’ve set your goal, you need to come up with a plan that emphasizes consistent effort. The idea of goal-setting is to challenge yourself each time you set out to work toward your larger goal. Setting up smaller, intermediate check points will help you track your progress and keep you motivated to work out on a regular basis. Remember: slow and steady wins the race. Small wins equate to big results. When people set out to run a marathon, they don’t immediately run 26.2 miles. They increase their mileage every week. Channel that same mentality as you set up a plan that allows you to realistically achieve your goal.

Patience:

Above everything else - nutrition, training programs, sneakers, etc. - being patient is the most important quality to possess. Running is an extremely humbling sport that breaks even the best runners. If you are patient and give yourself time to adjust to a routine and to build on the previous week’s work, then you will be able to accomplish your goals in due time.

Running your first marathon is all about conquering the distance, not beating the clock. It’s a way to establish your marathon fitness, which you can continue to build on and improve in future races.

Perseverance:

As a final word, I’d like to say here that running is not just about fitness and competition; it’s about changing our lives. Most of us run because it makes us feel significant, powerful, and in control, not just because we want to compete. When people who have never had a sense of accomplishment before suddenly gain it, it transforms every aspect of their lives. They become increasingly fearless. People always realize they can do more when they first do something at all. Confidence grows, and with it, so does vision.

I hope this was helpful.Cheers, Steph :)

#me #FAQ #fitblr #Fitblog #marathon #running

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