#that is when we would truly be lost

[hylianane]

Breathing into a paperbag thinking about the possibility of Elbaf digging the conflict from Water 7 back up again and maybe exploring some long-term repercussions of Luffy and Usopp’s fight that not even they themselves were aware of and and and and and-

LISTEN. the Water 7 Saga absolutely rewired the way I understood the crew and how each member views themselves and the roles they play. And it’s been some time since the Strawhat’s exploration of the New World has allowed them to really take time and consider themselves and each other like that again.

And Elbaf just sounds (MUAH) like such a wonderful opportunity to do exactly that, it sounds perfect, primarily in the way it ties all the way back to the Strawhat’s early days on the Grand Line. And when you look at the presence of the Giant Pirates in Little Garden and Enies Lobby, what they share is that both times the Giants Served the purpose mirroring the conflicts between the crewmates and highlighting the importance of loyalty and comradery. Shit writes itself. Come on Elbaf don’t let me down. Come on Usopp I know you can hit us with another world shattering arc just take the stage love.

#remember when Dorry and Brogy’s story served to introduce us to Zoro and Sanji’s rivalry #by showing that even though they fight constantly theyd break if they lost each other and deep down they are still crew #and now we have an unresolved death pact looming over the two of them #Remember when Kashi and Oimo taught Usopp that the cost of loyalty can b great and harrowing but it is beyond rewarding for the right perso #just when he was doubting wether he was truly strong enough to stand at Luffy’s side or at all capable of the bravery needed to be a pirate #and now he’s going to have to look these friends and allies in the eye and be the one to show them all that his decision to remain- #-a Strawhat has brought him #when asked to look at his journey so far and ask himself if he’s truly reached his ideals will he be able to smile wide and say yes? #or will the seeds of doubt and anxiety start planting themselves in his heart again? #hell you know what would be rlly cool for me. If throughout this arc EVERYONE began losing themselves to their own doubts BUT him #Like okay okay thats an exaggeration but do you get what I mean? #Usopp staying calm and collecting and making tough calls and getting back up again all without realizing- #-that he’s truly acting like the Captain he always wanted to be #thatd be so good. god i hope this upcoming arc hits harder than crack #one piece #elbaf #usopp #monkey d. luffy #strawhat pirates

[ichthyorelationships]

ideas: i didn't really think of him being underwater but they deserve to have drama by crying there too so i just think you could say something about the composition being denser than water or w/e. proteins

i'm always like good thing he didn't try to exit asap via swimming in ciao alberto But What If He Did lol. just swim Somewhere else along the coast, maybe panic about [money??] & whether somehow this ruins school for luca, whether he can get in touch w/o it being On Sight b/w him & all marcovaldos, consider just kind of trying out other places, traveling after all...fascinating considering the other povs on the issue like: now there's the paguros to sympathize w/a kid vanishing, luca however in a somewhat more novel position there, giulia's throwback to alberto being a bit perplexing lmao, kind of thinking the best massimo could do is have a prewritten letter for luca to give to alberto If Possible, conveying something like i know you didn't set my livelihood on fire on purpose but even if you did i'd want you to stay. and luca in a position to do all of "maybe give the island fun facts so someone can check if he's there" & "wait & hope alberto can/does get in touch" & "have a lot of feelings"....not even the context of what this drawing is about necessarily, just tacking it on here anyways. ahead of time i went "heh now i Know they're gonna have it get little Real here b/c it's really about alberto wanting the security of feeling he can 'earn' a sustained relationship" then the short cleared & i was lying completely dead on the pavement

#luca 2021 #pixar luca #alberto scorfano #love when like ''yeah ofc you Could guess approx what would happen; b/c of The Themes & things following them'' #but then like of course it still manages to Surprise. feels apt when like ppl doing some savvy media analysis can Guess along w/the film #like oh we're gonna fight here we might have our secret revealed here yep. then get caught off guard by alberto but 110% surprised by luca #even as ofc it all makes sense & is cohesive w/those Themes that have been unfolding; not just breaking w/the material to Surprise us #but still unpredictable. the whole movie being so vignettey (god bless. i live) allowing for a lot of that too like just Stuff Can Happen #someone can guess alberto's dad is not in the picture really but you could think oh he's been killed by humans. No lol... #or massimo lost an arm to sea monsters. but no. oh my god & this is how i realize i didn't draw alberto's arm scar hang on lol #okay there it is. here we go gays (me turning in for some rest at 8:15 am) #oh i read this picture book in the internet archive abt like A Parent Expressing Unconditional Love via conversation w/a child. hang on #''even if i did something awful'' by barbara shook hazen; i did think of it here. let me obtain a quote for effect... #[but what if i did something really truly awful?] [like what?] [like playing ball in the living room after you told me not to & breaking #the vase daddy gave you for your birthday even if i didn't mean to & it was an accident? would you still love me then?] #[i love you so much i'd love you if you Did mean to & it wasn't an accident. / but i might also be mad & yell things like 'i've told you a #thousand times!' & 'this is the last straw!' & 'i've had it with your disobeying!' & send you to your room with no dessert... / ...& cry a #little & pick up the pieces.] [i'll help.] [but i still love you no matter what; no matter how mad; no matter how awful. & i always will.] #so long as it's commitment to Actual support which; massimo already On That even before realizing like oh bereft And you're of the sea.....

[bonebabbles]

im curious, do you think there is any good way to portray a redemption by death? like, can a character truly be made a better person by dying? or is it just an all-around bad trope? i vaguely saw what the authors were trying to do with tom and sandgorse's situations, but they just sucked too bad and gave it the absolute wrong effect imo

I think there's a way to make anything work! So I won't say "NO NEVER." But personally, I have a big bone to pick with it so I avoid it

A redemption death doesn't give the character time to meaningfully change, imo, or truly make up for their actions. That all has to come before the death itself. And even the very idea of giving your life up to "redeem yourself" just... sits uncomfortably with me.

Dying never makes a person better. It just kills them. A person who's dead is not changing nor growing.

So Tom and Sandgorse... what their deaths are supposed to do is re-frame everything they did before that point. With no apology on Sandgorse's end for how badly he hurt his son or wasn't there for his mate, he was a good enough person to die for someone else and thus must be forgiven. Tom thrashes two women and they both die because of him, but he was still willing to heroically throw his life down for his child, and so he is 'worthy' of being avenged and honored.

No growth. No change. No acknowledgement. The death is supposed to add sympathy to them, while there's no actual reckoning of how they hurt their victims. Not even a real consequence. "Their intentions were good, and this is proven through the ultimate sacrifice." As if that changes anything. It doesn't.

I think if there's an decent example of a redemption death in warriors, it's Bluestar's. I still have problems with how it believes Stone and Misty have to "forgive her" for some reason, REALLY don't like the fact that this series has always equated redemption and forgiveness... but that aside? Just focusing on Firestar, ThunderClan, and Bluestar?

I think what makes the moment so strong is that it is a moment of clarity through her cruelty arc. We saw the heroic person she was at the start of TPB. We know that her actions are coming from anger, spite, and paranoia. That is never shown as a thing to be excused. But while she's wrapped up in her own misery, Fireheart is being the leader she isn't.

And her last life is a return to form, spending it the way she is supposed to, as a leader, and as his mentor.

Her arc could never be about 'growth' because... she WAS a great leader. She WAS selfless, long ago. Her redemption death is a return to that, and a plot necessity. Bluestar and Firestar cannot both exist.

But, anyway, it's generally a trope I'm not fond of. I think that nearly anything can work in the right context, but I think it's so situational that I personally avoid it when possible.

#And plus... #THIS is very personal taste #but it's so unkind. #I don't really like writing or reading deeply unkind fiction #I believe strongly in the idea that the most important step you take is the next one #There's nothing a person can't come back from and it's never too late to be better. To stop hurting people #I think that love and kindness are actually their own rewards #When a character redeems themselves through death that's it. they never have to face the consequences of their actions #burned bridges and distrust. Loss of power or control. Toxic environments of their own creation #Being a miserable person HURTS #and I think 'deserving' can be a bit of a loaded word #(not that im not guilty of using it myself) #the better way to think about flawed characters is-- *would* they ever truly change? #Would they *want* to? Would they ever be able to properly introspect? #Would they be *capable* of listening to an outside perspective? #and for clear sky I feel that answer is a STRONG no. To all of those. And I think that's shown clearly in the post 'redemption' narrative #redemption isn't about feeling Very Guilty about what you did. It's not about suffering. You aren't better because you're in pain #If we were FORCED to go through a Clear Sky Redemption I wish so badly that he lost his power #because he clearly can't handle it #actual consequences for his actions #but anyway #I ramble in the tags once more

[keeps-ache]

little soup cans are some of the neatest things we have, wish there were more soup-can-like things in this world

#just me hi #though canopeners need to stop being deadly weapons to some degree before that hfhs #'they're not deadly tho ?' well usually yes. but did you know that they can age Badly? i did not! #and the one I was using was dulled to an extent that it would Skip over a part of the can #(nearly the same spot every time lol) and when I thought I'd managed to fool it and had only #the tiniest bit of metal between me and some beans (pretty sure it was beans) I thought #'ohh I'll just pull up the can lid :)' Well the lid snapped off completely towards and Into my hand #and I had a bean-can wound on my pinky for about a week or so. I do not know how long it's been lol #//but soup cans are pretty cool I feel like they're kinda underappreciated !! #you can just have Soup ? Whenever ??? and it's Normal !! wow :D #sure making soup is pretty great. but that's a process man. and we're not even associates #[<- 'a process I am (not) intimate with'] #like there is a little can of menudo in the pantry rn - medunito they call it isn't that just !! - and it's just there. it can be made in #like 10 minutes. is this Not the best thing ever ! ? #//I've also gotta figure out this sleeping thing that I've got going on (everybody has it going on) #I was maybe half a week into actually have a consistent thing going but the night I stopped was bc I am a sucker of a storyteller and we #were up til about. I think 4-6 a.m. #that's on me yes. my siblings vs. my desire to tell stories and rubber willpower hfbdh #a deadly match truly #and also I lost my snoopy watch (RIP snoopy watch you will be missed (I can't find it send help Waough)) and that was the only clock I had #in this room so now if I wanna know the time I have to go the living room - which is like a whole dang thing lemme tell you about it #/first I've gotta get up - easiest thing by far - and get to the door - assuming I don't get KO'd by my siblings' belongings on the floor - #get to the door. the door Is broken to some extent. opening it means a loud THDPD noise is sent throughout the entire house lol. and you #have to yank on the thing to get it open - so double effort there - and then you step out into the hallwayish area where you can then enter #the living room - oh so easy! but No! you then have to either turn on the kitchen lights and wake everyone with their door open or sleeping #in the living room for whatever reason Orrr you have to clamber over chairs pots perhaps a cat if you've got real bad luck that night to ge #up nice n personal to the clock so you can read the dang thing and see it's 11:23. which is like nothing so you stay up Anyway and do not #check the clock again because not only was that a hassle but also you released every creature that was in the room with you (that's a lot o #noise). but Yea the clock situation is ongoing hfbsh #'why don't you get a clock' that would be much too easy loll :) (last one disappeared and we keep forgetting lol) //ran out of tag space so

[todayisafridaynight]

every day i mourn my wife (edo period mack) who was lost to the war ('''''unnecessary fanservice''''')

#snap chats #i was playing y3 last night and of course.. i remembered him.... #fym unnecessary fanservice IN THE FANSERVICE GAME ? #yokoyama i generally respect your rigidness against fanservice i truly do i love it and so with all due respect Bro ??? #WE LET ZHAO AND MABUCHI AND JOON-GI IN THIS BITCH but not our boy.. #and listen OF COURSE i love zhao and joon-gi. mabuchi's there too ig. #but photo mode tutorial with mack.... for a time period where cameras are generally still a new thing... #i never used photo mode tbh but i would have for mack HE WAS SO DRIPPED OUT TOO #im not saying i wouldve picked mack over miss tatsu and/or bacchus. but if we binned bacchus i wouldntve minded #LIKE BACCHUS IS A VIBE but mack has a bigger place in my heart.. sorry king... #i gotta go sob into my eggs remembering what we lost brb #i have class in an hour and i dont wanna go but i never wanna go. then when i get there im always like 'oh this isnt bad :)' #this is one of my shorter classes too.. ok bye im gonna remember mack and miss him #maybe ill start another run of y3..

[hollow-prey]

LOVE LETTERS!!!!!!!!!! WITH JULIAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I COMBUST AT THE MERE THOUGHT OF IT

#ellie rambles #fortune favored #AAAHHHHHH #some context: I love writing on paper for any reason at all #but I know writing and mailing physical letters to people is kind of a lost art now #because obviously email and text make it a lot easier to reach someone a lot faster #BUT. I love to think of writing letters back and forth with some of my f/os #the sheer romance of it! talking about what we're up to and how much we miss each other! #slipping small gifts into the envelopes! and that sweet fuzzy intimacy of seeing words in their handwriting written just for you #and writing to Julian would be so much fun ooouuugghh 🥺 #the thought truly makes me so soft. I wanna get love letters from the handsome plague doctor #I want him to write about how much he wants to kiss me when he gets home

[pepprs]

#to translate this post: someone liked this post i made (on the upper left) on AUGUST 28 having a moment of self awareness that i was running #away from my whole life and not moving or learni ng to drive or anything. it is now march 8. it has been almost 7 months. and i have made #basically zero progress. and there is nothing stopping me but me. i could read the drivers manual and whatever whenever i want. but i am not #doing anything. and i don’t know how to get myself to start. #purrs #i know it’s a cop out excuse but i truly do think it’s covid. i think being in lockdown for a year and a half made me just let go of any #sense of progress. made me scared to take steps forward. and i mean i did bc i lived on campus for a while after that but it’s like.. EVERY #part of my life is stagnant rn it seems. and it’s not just me it’s my siblings too. we’re all getting older but none of us is trying to move #out or gain our independence in any way and my brother isn’t even looking for jobs even though he needs one. we’re all just getting older #but we’ve lost (or maybe had knocked out of us by covid and our mom being so strict) any sense of moving ipward and spreading our wings. #forgotten we have wings at all. and ive done important things like going on a house tour or traveling with my besties (<3). but i have only #made it to page 8 of the drivers manual and i truly do not want to read the rest of it. i have only been on one house tour and im longing to #move out but how much am i really because i can’t bring myself to schedule another tour and start searching for a new home in earnest. #i just come home every day UTTERLY exhausted and spend all my free time trying to process or rest. and im not making room for myself to use #my wings. and it’s truly terrible. why are we all okay with living like this. my younger self would be HORRIFIED if she saw how much i had a #atrophied since graduating and moving back home. my brighton self would be HORRIFIED. i told myself i wouldn’t and then it’s exactly what i #did. and ik im being harsh and ive spread my wings in some important ways during this time but… these are so obvious. such low hanging #fruit in some ways. bc any 16 year old can take this test and pass it so why can’t i at 24? why won’t i let myself? dont i want a nice cozy #home i make my own where i can eat what i want and sleep when i want and have control over sounds? then why am i not running for it? #delete later #i am wasting my youth i am wasting my youth i am wasting my youth 🤑🤑🤑🤑🤑🤑🤑 my one precious life 😃😃😃😃😃😃😃😃 #also LMFAOOOOO the next tag on that aug 28 post was that i need to get a new campus id card… guess who hasn’t done that either ♥️

[septembersghost]

me watching any piece of media ever made: how can i make the thesis here about the wondrous, fulfilling, frightening, destroying, restorative, glimmering thrall of, and tragic inevitability of grief within, any and every form of love?

elvis (2022): *very first thing we hear* oh, let our love survive... *later*: love song i've known since childhood used in a dark, ominous way and a desperately tender one: some things are meant to be. take my hand, take my whole life too, for i can't help falling in love... *later still*: it was love. *last*: i need your love...

ah. okay. so you just made my job too easy. i don't even have to search for it. thank you. guess i'll go insane.

#if you need the short explanation #joanna newsom: a little shade of grief comes in when love is its most real version. #then it contains death inside of it and then that death contains love inside of it. #i want to write so much but 99% of you are not here for this and think i have well and truly lost it and that's fair #what's so funny is it's exactly what happened with moulin rouge two decades ago #christian: a story about a time; a story about a place; a story about the people. #but above all things: a story about love. a love that will live forever. #younger me: thank you. guess i'll go insane! #and it predates that considerably. i have countless examples. it's so funny HOW predictable i am and have been since the age of about seven #okay i have to go to bed i'm destroying my body with sleep deprivation 😭 i'll be back for more derangement later #elvis #i was a dreamer #sail on silver girl; sail on by #it starts as OUR love because it's already telling us it's shared. we're a part of this now #and then can't help falling is like: do we find what we love or does it find us? is this fate or could one thing have been different #if one thing had been different would everything be different today #does it matter even though it's already done? (yes) if you reach out your hand to the sense of that love how does it affect your life? #(and on a personal level for me: you heard but you didn't listen carefully enough. the door was always open) #i'll be coming home. *wait* for me. #then the conclusion is it's love it was always love. but from the person who doesn't even understand that #so we have to take it to heart differently. time goes by so slowly and TIME CAN DO SO MUCH. are you still mine? #time transforms and time provides distance but time can also give clarity #and then it's an entreaty and a prayer: i need your *love*. i *need* your love. godspeed your love to me. #it's never not needed and it's never not valuable and it's never not new and it's never not fate and grief and light and spirit. #you can run and run and always land back home. you can hurt and triumph and break and always find your love. even if it's yours alone. #it's yours baby and no one can take it away from you #put me in the heart locket i'm done

[odetolovers]

shaking crying screaming

#get u a girlfriend who wants to get someone to recreate your old childhood stuffie that u lost #and wants to get u ur old favourite childhood book that u lost #bc she knows that ur childhood wasnt great but those parts were and wants to give them back to u #im seriously. dying every second every minute every day i have never experienced a love as kind and thoughtful and good as this #and i am truly obsessed with her she is everything i cd have ever wanted and more #i feel so lucky i cannawt believe this is real life sometimes i stg. SORRY im being extremely sappy but it’s just soooo #i was not looking for this love it just Happened TM and it makes everything else it took me to get here worth it #me when i am so very devoted and i would do anything to make her happy and i know she’d do the same #i Adore her. i cant even conceptualise how much i love her what the hell man #and not just bc of how she loves me but bc of who she is #ive never met someone more unflinchingly honest but kind and loving and fawking hilarious #and capable and self aware and such a beautiful person inside & out #i love her in all her humanness and i love her with everything in me If im honest. #i knew from before we even got together that i was going to marry her and that feeling hasnt changed #me when i spill my guts on tumblr i am treating it like a diary not a social media site. oop #WHATEVER IM HAPPY AND IN LOVE AND DEVOTED AND !!!!!!!!!!!!! #anyway. #valentina talks #my lover #EDIT IM ENDING IT ALL SHE FOUND MY OMD STUFFIE AND BOUGHT UT IM CRYING SHAKIFNGBSUING THROWIFNUOP AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

[shivvroys]

not liking the barbie movie i understand, but not liking it bc twitter told you it would be some genre breaking subversive commentary on feminism and gender norms is wild like i’m so serious

the plastic movie about the plastic toy made plastic superficial bite-sized quips about beauty standards and the female experience? oh why i’d never thought

i know most of it also comes from ppl seeing Greta Gerwig’s name and expecting the movie to be like some of her previous projects but babes sometimes ppl just choose to work on shit for funsies and THAT IS KENOUGH!!

#barbie movie #barbie spoilers #like of course it’s shit that only ten year olds would find deep??? it’s about a toy? #same goes for ppl being disappointed in oppenheimer?? WE HAVE TRULY LOST THE PLOT #like when memes make it out of the internet the whole thing goes rancid

[bookwyrminspiration]

Do you think Sophie will need to have her abilities reset again? They do it whenever her abilities aren’t working correctly, and she can’t mimic even though polyglots are supposed to be able to do that naturally (I think) so it makes sense that they’d reset her abilities again (unless Sophie refuses. Which she might do because it’s so much pain and she almost died last time and what would they even need mimicking for??)

My current assumption is leaning towards no. There's only so many times that you can have the same thing happen in a story before it really starts to drag and take away from everything else, and I think two times was the cap for ability resets.

A second one was possible because it was made distinct/more severe than the first one (targeting her heart on top of her head), so there'd need to be something added on top of those two to make it worth adding in a third reset. Even with that, I think we, as the audience, would have a sort of "really? again?" attitude towards it regardless of whatever that additional thing turned out to be. Unless it became a consistent thing in the story where she was routinely reset (which I don't think it will), two or three would be the cap, and I think in our particular story two is enough.

Additionally, I don't think polyglots necessarily are supposed to be perfect at mimicry. I think it's generally something associated with the ability and they're usually better at it, but the ability focuses on foreign languages instead. The surprise with Sophie was more that she was so horrendously bad at it, but it wasn't like a "polyglots should naturally be able to do this!" hence Lady Cadence accepting that that was something she'd have to work on Sophie with. She didn't seem to be too weirded out by bad mimicry, just disappointed she'd been pulled from her research.

There's also the matter of, like you said, Sophie potentially refusing! She refused to learn to mimic after Keefe mimicked her voice to steal the cache, so unless it becomes super important to the story and she has to come to terms with it, then I don't think she'd find it worth it to go through a whole ability reset just to be able to do something she doesn't even use or like.

One final add on I'd say is that personally, I'd prefer it if she stayed bad at it! Or at the very least not a natural. If it turned out she'd need another reset because she's supposed to naturally be great at mimicry as part of her altered genes and abilities, I think that would also get to be a little old. Like c'mon. She's already a super-powered telepath and inflictor with natural above-average skill in those areas on top of her other powers. I don't think she needs to also be great at mimicking. Characters having weaknesses and inabilities makes them more relatable and I'd be remorse to lose the mimicking, as small as it is.

So I don't think we'll have another reset! We've been there and done that twice. Any more, especially for something so small, would be annoying to read. Here's hoping for her sake that nothing else comes up that could excuse another reset and make her risk her life again!

#kotlc #keeper of the lost cities #quil's queries #nonsie #it's like at a certain point you can't top yourself. and shannon's already pulled out some of the big stops #she targeted sophies head and heart. those are the two places she's established as important. where would she go next? #'sophie we r gonna reset your thyroid and liver now' #perhaps going for like a full body every ability reset #but the thing is. when she resets her abilities they get more powerful and more op #and we don't need that again #it's about equal to gaining another ability #which is a whole other thing but also. has been done a lot #so with how open the story's been so far about the potential for her to have another I don't think they'd want to go for it in a reset form #because truly they are running low on the number of times she can manifest #if that makes sense #long post

[twistedsickopath]

visit my new tag #ellis's adventures in late capitalism customer service and predatory business practices for highly entertaining accounts of my experiences dealing with any kind of company's or government's wonderful treatment of their obviously very strongly valued customers and their very astronomically high quality offered services

#psalms #a new tag for any rant posts like the last one i just made or the one from a few weeks ago about the fun of cancelling a subscription #under the influence of current day late capitalism business management practices #truly makes me feel seen and cared for as a client i promise you #10/10 customer service would recommend if you want to have a laff at how hilariously atrocious someone is at doing their job #or at how fucking deluisonal companies and businesses can be when faced with even a little bit of notoriety #and dont even get me started about government offered services and how much i love having to get anything from them #quebec's gubbermint cant even make a website that doesnt look like it's still the year 2005 and whose menus make any kind of sense #like yall trying to find information about anything on a gov site is a lost cause both in the case of qc and canada #both official government sites couldn't be more confusing and disjointed and info couldn't be any harder to access if it was on purpose #their websites are so so so badly made that it's almost fucking hilarious #i have never felt frustration such as when we were working on my wife's immigration papers and had to find answers on the CIA's website #canadian immigration agency you know that cia not... you get it #maybe put some of those tax dollars you love allocating to military budgets à la con into making yourself an usable website you fucks #maybe with some of the money you're not actually fixing roads and schools and hospitals with you could hire a web developer #anyways #im v mad w the state of things tonite :) #ellis's adventures in late capitalism customer service and predatory business practices

[kingslayerstew]

when the. ww

(frothing at the mouth) huge spoilery ramble in tags

#gk #kikuposting #compensating for the lack of kirowilksofia official art and promo material #the EFFICIENCY in the way these two characters are introduced and fleshed out in tandem ooough #every time they interact we get revelations abt them and our perception of them as individuals and their relationship shifts #the toni hunt tells us theyre very familiar w eachother (tactically and personally) and seem to be on the same wavelength #the betrayal tells us abt their night in the trenches and how kiku seems to value that memory (by proxy their relationship) more than ipopt #their next meeting reveals kiku 1. is a spy 2. inconsiderate and self centered as hell 3. really really wants ipopte back at his side #and THEN we get the full flashback of what actually happened in mukden #cementing why this journey is so important to ipopte and his motive for the betrayal. exploring cultural identity and disconnect and regret #how kiku would have known but because of his guilt + avoidant coping mechanisms completely repressed this memory and romanticised it instea #so the memory of 'ariko tells me about how the death of his father (which i was involved in) left him lost and grieving' #becomes 'that night the two of us called out to eachother under the narrow sliver of the moon' #and when what truly happened finally resurfaces kiku realizes hes in the wrong #and the next time he meets ipopte and is rejected he finally understands and when he splits ways he tells him hell be waiting for him #lets go to a hot spring together sometime again T_T #AGHH its so good its so fun the amount of substance in this relationship w so little screentime between two minor characters #and how its used to flesh the two of them out #kiku as a character with realistic flaws aside from being dumb and how those flaws actually impact his relationship w someone he cares abt #ipopte who regrets distancing himself from his cultural id bcs of a desire to assimilate. his feelings resonated with me a lot #and i think its an experience many marginalized ppl can relate to but isnt often expressed in media #this long ass ramble didnt even cover half of my thoughts abt them #i need to know what noda was on when he wrote ch260-280 theyre so good I LOVE GOLDEN KAMUYYYYY

[noxtivagus]

i'll read more from now on again

#🌙.rambles #so much to just think about n i'm lost in my own lil world #tmrrw gna have to face reality again bcs of school :c but. yk lately this year i think i've already developed lots #this past week has been especially formative. #i crave n yearn.. intimacy so much. i want to just be free like that. bcs i'm safe in my own self n. too much to say but #i think it's lonely. being out a lot today made me realize that. all these barriers in communication is so.. lonely #i want to read so much more for so many reasons but here with what i've already laid out the first reason i'll say is #i want to understand others better i want to even further expand my own thinking n just learn so much more #n then.. goddamn i want to write too. write so much so i could #it hurts. it hurts so much i feel like i know n think n feel more than i should n the wisdom is breaking me apart i don't know how to put it #into words. maybe that's why i've been afraid to start new things despite my insatiable curiosity n passion. #afraid of how it'll fill me with even more & i'm not sure how i'd manage. i feel as though i understand life differently than most.. #most people around me at least. i see myself in musicians. artists. writers. #people who create once they've taken in much as well. people like me but.. it's been rather disturbing when i realize how most of them end #up like. n i wonder. i just wonder so much. n wish n dream that maybe i could end up differently. #i want so desperately to break out of the chains of reality of society of.. all those. idead that are taught to us n internalized ever since #we were born? i don't know how to write it and i don't think words could ever do it justice. but i want to truly be who i am at heart. #and yet being self-aware i suppose is confusing in such a bittersweet way. there's so much more that i do not know and cannot grasp #& then sometimes at the end of the day i just wonder n dream about if ever i would be more connected with reality. with this world. #regardless of how much one may put out to the world.. it'll never be understood or known in the same way as the one it originates from. #it's lonely. sad. but it makes what we can convey and relate with much more meaningful. n i'm so grateful for those things #n there's also just so much that relates to it n. yeah. is part of it like #the unconscious subconscious n conscious mind #for fuck's sake i want to learn so much it's overwhelming. psychoanalysis n neuroscience n #i want to learn more of others too. i want deep conversations. i want to read more books n listen to more music n just consume more n more #to learn more of the people who created them. everything around us is just so full of life n. it's so beautiful n so overwhelmingly painful. #my helplessness in doing more. i'm aware of why. n it just hurts. it hurts so much but i'm #glad at least that lately i've been more free. more myself. more self-aware n aware of the universe in general. n i look forward to #so much more. but.. yeah i still crave to be 'real' n part of this world in a more 'normal' way at times #i. have so much to write. but for now i'll return to reality with the this.. odd feeling in my chest. not enough too little too much. life

[quietblissxx]

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#the thing that really grinds me to dust is that i don't have anyone in my life anymore that i feel comfortable talking to about this shit #i have some really great friends but i know that anyone that met me in the past decade never got to see the person underneath my mask #like I'm not pretending to be someone else but i feel like I'm a glued together paper doll covering a lifetime of unprocessed trauma #and even my closest friends now didn't know me when i went through that. and so i feel divorced from talking about it #i feel like because they didn't know who i was and the shadows behind my many doors i can't be honest with them now about this clusterfuck #even the people that know the most only know a little bc i just don't know how to talk about it #i just don't think they would understand. and i can't stand to strip myself away from my defences. #i should give the people in my life a chance to help me but i just don't know how to #the person i want to talk to the most is the girl who hasn't been in my life for a decade. #but we held each other's hands through some of the worst moments of our lives and i hate that i lost what we had #In adolescence i had friendships that were effortlessly vulnerable. truly unabashedly honest. #the adult version of me is a tightly coiled construct. the version of me i can make palatable. #but the monsters under my skin are clawing out #personal #i can't talk to anyone so I'm talking to Tumblr

[onlygodknowsimgood]

When I was young, I never really understood my parents insistence to only use olive oil imported from Palestine. It took a long time and a great distance in a process that was neither cheap nor convenient. The oil came in old beat-up containers that did not look appealing to me at all. In my head, if they wanted to support distant family back home, they could just send them money and save us and them a big hassle. We could just use the nice looking olive oil containers from the nearby store. Yet, this was never an option in our household. The only olive oil we used at home was from Palestine.

‎As I grew up and started a student part-time job, I worked with olive oil a little. I knew all about olive oil imported from Spain, Italy, and other countries. I knew which ones were better and more expensive. I also learned to tell, based on the pungent taste, which ones were extra virgin. I was tempted to use my employee discount to bring home one of the fancy bottles and use at our kitchen. I could not get myself to do it, and I did not exactly know why. I felt like it would be disrespectful to my parents even if it didn’t make sense to me. It did not feel right. It was not an option.

‎After living in Palestine for a year during the olive picking season, something changed. The olive picking season in Palestine is holy.

‎Palestinians relate to the weather based on how it would benefit or harm the olives. There is well-known unspoken rule about treating olive trees with respect. There is a day off from work just to pick olives. On public transportation, it is not unusual to hear someone on the phone telling their friend to stop by for their share of this year’s olive oil stored in what used to be a Coca-Cola or a liquor bottle. A driver will stop in the middle of the way to give his brother- in- law a jar of olives that are so close to one another that they start to crush showing their insides.

‎In Nablus, the owner of the Nabulsi soap factory takes pride in how picky he is about getting his olive oil. He insists on filling a cup to let me smell how authentic it is and smirks as he sees my diasporic facial expressions transform in appreciation of its strong smell running through all of my brain cells.

‎I started noticing how olive oil is an essential part of so many dishes. “Palestinians drink more olive oil than water” I would jokingly say and they would laugh in agreement. Olive oil is truly an everyday ritual.

‎They fantasize about its color when it’s fresh and remind me that it starts to change as it reacts with oxygen over time. They dip their bread into olive oil, just like that and without any additions, and enjoy it more than the sweetest of all foods. I can guarantee that every lunch invitation (عزومة) I received during the olive-picking season was a chance for my hosts to share their olive oil using Msakhan (a traditional Palestinian dish).

‎I now have a deeper understanding of the psychology behind the burning of olive trees by Israeli soldiers and why farmers moan at the scene as if they lost a loved one.

‎Wherever you are, if it’s accessible to you, make sure your olive oil is Palestinian. Your ancestors would want that.

- Dima Seelawi

#palestine #olive trees #olive oil #فلسطين