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coffeeshib · 8 months

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I'm so sorry to hear that you've gotten negative comments on your stories, especially the ones where Kara struggles. I find it somewhat baffling considering she's the main protagonist of the show and literally the way she is because of those struggles both what she's been through and ongoing. How can you love SC and not like both characters and want to read about both of them as individuals?!

Like the best kind of stories for me are the ones that acknowledge both of their struggles and the very different ways they've dealt with them. If you look at Kara's history, the fact that she's lost her entire world (multiple times!), been stuck in basically torture for years in the Phantom Zone, again, multiple times, and not allow her to have struggles and flaws to have to process?! It's kind of cray. It would be the most unrealistic thing for her not to have any issues whatsoever.

I do hope you'll at some point get back to writing SC but I totally get if you don't. I'll support you and your creative endeavours regardless.

By the way, I recently came across "Eat the rich" by ThornedRose44 that reminded me of this. Basically it's about Kara's struggles with guilt and Lena's patience with it. It's a wonderful read and reminded me of this, that we very rarely get to read about Kara's struggles. I'm faulty of that as well, I tend to gravitate toward the fluff rather than angstyness, I tend to need to pick times when I can handle reading them. But I want to read about both of them, not just one or the other having stuff to deal with.

Anyway, I join others in being upset on your behalf, you're like my fev author and it makes me sad that someone takes their issues on someone who just wants to share their creative work with others.

it's okay i'm over the negative stuff!! i'll definitely get back to sc someday absolutely. also thank you for the fic rec, judging by your description that's the certified good soup stuff!! if i ever get back in the sc reading mood i'll check it out, i'm a big fan of thornedrose's works! 🫶

#also you're not at fault at all you keep reading what you like broski 😌 you aren't out there chewing kara out for the smallest things!!#& yeah you're absolutely right you hit all the points about kara there. you get herr #honestly i could care less about what people think of kara but when they involve me with the hatred it's like. 🤨#we are not the same i don't hate one half of the ship this is a no anti kara zone lmao #thanks broski i appreciate your words!!! you're one of my fav readers/fandom friends 🥹 you're so nice to me & you just get sc fr #hope you're having a lovely day 🫶🫶#asks #elisa

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feiquacker · 10 months

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Counting Freckles (on ao3)

Summery: Ava counting Bea's frekles with a tiny hint of hurt

"What are you doing?" Bea whispers when she notices Ava's lips move. Not that she has a reason to be staring at them in the first place.

"Counting your freckles" Ava breathes out - reaching over to grab Bea's chin and steady her face "Stop moving you'll make me lose count." she mutters eyes not leaving her cheeks.

"That's ridiculous." Bea smiles shaking her head - a beat - she bites her lip only to fail and ask "What number are you on?" eyes searching for Ava's while trying so hard not to get lost in them.

"Thirty seven... Thirty-eight, thirty-nine, forty.... Forty-two." she stops - letting her thumb linger a little too long over Bea's chin before she reaches out and gently touches a spot on Bea's left cheek, "This one is my favorite." she whispers.

"Why?" Bea finds herself asking - she never thought about what her favorite freckle was - hell she hates the fact she had freckles. Her mother would always say they looked like disgusting moles grown all across her face adding to the ugliness.

"It looks like a little heart." Ava answers - sending yet another shiver down Bea's spine because how can a human being be so cute??

"Oke" she manages to squeak out - hoping that Ava can't tell how hot Beatrice's face flushes and how nothing can make her look away from Ava’s eyes.

"What's your favorite?" Ava asks - MOVING CLOSER. Sorry ma'am but have you ever heard of peRSoNaL sPaCe??

"Uh." she finds herself stumbling over her words - searching for anything to light up in her stupid useless brain "I don't have one." she mutters. Breaking the eye contact.

Damn this is embarrassing. Why is Ava’s pure existence making her _shy_??

"Why not?" and Bea's chin lifts. A gentle thumb hesitantly brushing across her cheek. And for a short moment Beatrice could swear to the gods above that Ava bit down on her lip and made her voice lower.

Is god really pulling all his strings to test her - going lengths even Lucifer wouldn't??

Maybe being god's toughest soldier came with greater consequences than she thought she would have to face.

"I never really liked them." she rasps out. Oh, yes Beatrice. Make it weird now. That's what you tell your best friend who is also the most beautiful person in the world and also the person that is single-handedly changing your entire life.

"But they are beautiful Bea." AND AVA SHIFT EVEN CLOSER. OH MY GOD. WHY HAVE YOU FORSAKEN ME? WHY HAVE YOU MADE ME THIS WAY?

If Beatrice manages to get into heaven despite all the sinning she has down and is quite literally doing right now she will kick that fucker so hard off the face of the earth - for making her suffer and suffer with every given day.

Who gave him the right to just spawn this angelic being and call it a day as if he didn't just create Beatrice's downfall in form of a beautiful, breathtaking brilliant human-being?

"You are beautiful. Why can't you see that?" Ava asks, grabbing Bea's hand and drawing little circles around her knuckles.

"I-" she really didn't want to make this about herself. She wasn't ready to say all of those things running on repeat in her head out loud. Not to Ava. Not to the sweetest, most beautiful and quite frankly the strongest person alive. Or - resurrected. Same thing.

"How can I - when being blessed with your existence?" she asks and Ava looks up from their intertwined hands, eyes a little wide - continuing to play around with Bea's fingers.

There's silence and for a short second, she thinks she fucked up. She thinks she jinxed it and failed. She can already feel the regret crawl up her throat and the guilt and shame that will follow before she falls asleep. There is no running for the truth. She can try to deny it, but it never helps in the long run. Only makes things worse.

"Then you probably haven't seen yourself." Ava smiles and Bea can breathe again - filling her lungs with fresh air because maybe she didn't destroy their relationship entirely

"I know for a fact that angles exist but if I didn't - then you might be the closest thing to an angel someone could imagine. Including your cute as fuck freckles." she murmurs looking down at their intertwined hands again.

And there's silence. Beatrice doesn't really know what to do or say. "Language." is everything that comes out. But there's a smile on her face and she doesn't really mean it

Is she supposed to say thank you? Ava clearly doesn't know what she was talking about. If she knew Bea deep down, she would probably leave and not even turn back. But would she? It's Ava. The equivalent of a golden retriever.

Ava doesn't seem like she has something to say either - focused on their hands and fiddling around with them - tracing over the scars on Bea's fingers and counting the freckles on them.

"I can feel you thinking you know." she says after some time - jolting Bea out of her thoughts.

"Hm?"

"Stop thinking." Ava repeats and Beatrice doesn't know what to answer so she turns to lay on her back staring at the ceiling - letting her hand stay in Ava’s. It is soothing - she likes that.

"I know you don't believe me." Ava starts "And I know you can't just throw away years of emotional repression. And I know I can't take the voices in your head and make them stop." she says and sHuFFles cLosEr until her head in laying on Beatrice's shOuLdeR "But I will repeat it every single day until you believe me."

Beatrice stays quiet - thankful that the tear that drops is on the other side of her face.

"You are beautiful Beatrice. And you are strong and elegant and perfect just the way you are. I know you deprive yourself of any kind of affection or love but you are worthy of love and affection without having a reason. I know that. You showed me." and she reaches over to turn Bea's face - to make her look at her "Let me love you when you can't love yourself." gentle fingers brush over cheek, and then cradle her head, curling around her neck as their foreheads press together.

And.

She wants to believe her - so so hard - she would do anything to make herself believe what Ava just said. But crying in front of the halo bearer isn't another burden she wants to throw at Ava.

Shuffling to get out of Ava's grasp she finds herself getting pulled further into her best friend's embrace.

A silent plea hangs unsaid in the air when Ava wraps her hand around Bea's wrist and waits a second for a response.

There is none except Beatrice's tears building up - watering her view - the familiar feeling of eyes burning and a snivel making its way to her throat.

"Bea..." is all Ava says before she gently coaches Bea's head to her chest - pulling her into an embrace - enveloping herself around Beatrice.

For some reason it feels nothing like the books taught her it would feel like.

Their limbs fall into place like fitting puzzle pieces and Bea hides her head right under Ava’s chin, just in time for the halo-bearer to not see the tears slide down her cheeks.

Her cheeks burn and for a few moments she just wants the earth to open up and swallow her alive.

It's too much. And she needs air - and she needs something cold to hold onto, like a sink or a table.

But for the first time in her life she feels safe. And she doesn't want to let go - gripping onto the pullover Ava is wearing. Breathing in the all too familiar vanilla perfume Ava practically bathes in. It grounds her - the hand in her hair calming her even more.

"I am so sorry." she hears Ava whisper, and a cold hand rests on the small of her back, giving her a much-needed point to focus on.

She is the one who should apologise, for smearing snot all over Ava's pullover, and for overreacting, and for crying on her and for so many other reasons that Ava will deny the need of an apology before it has even exited her mouth.

"For your pain." she whispers, but Beatrice can only mutter a wet "Hhm."

The hand that was playing with her hair now sliding down to bury itself in Bea's scalp and gently scratch.

...And it feels safe. She feels safe. Doesn't resist the little kiss on her hair, doesn't try to leave again. There are hands touching her and she doesn't flinch away.

It's overwhelming, too many hands, too soft, too much warmth. But it also feels like what she imagines being embraced by an angel would feel like.

"You are holding me like a baby right now." she mumbles around the snot in her nose. Tucking her head further under Ava's chin because a little Ava-hair tickles her neck.

"You deserve to be held like a baby." Ava whispers, drawing a little star on the small of Beatrice's back.

There is silence again. Beatrice nearly thinks Ava is asleep. And she wants to get up and clean up, dry the scratchy tears off her face and maybe also off Ava's neck. But she fears Ava won't want to hold her again and somehow it seems like the worst thing that could ever happen.

As selfish as it is, Beatrice can deal with the guilt some other day.

"Ava," her best friend just hums "Thank you." she murmurs.

A beat.

"Bea-" there is something in her voice that makes Bea's stomach twist. In a good way of course, not a medically concerning one "Anytime."

And she doesn't know what to say. Settles on following Ava's calming breaths.

"I didn't get to count all your freckles." Ava huffs softly, Beatrice can only chuckle wetly against the warm skin her cheek is pressed into, "You can count them tomorrow, Darling." it slips. Before she can panic, Ava makes a little happy noise that is so goddamn cUtE Beatrice could melt through the floor and it still wouldn't be enough.

"Comfy?"

Beatrice just nods, "Good night BooBoo."

The tears are slowly drying, still there but barely. She snivels. God this shouldn't feel so good should it?

"Good night Ava."

There's a little grumble, "Call me Darling."

And Beatrice sighs, a little smile forming on her face as she whispers "Good night Darling."

As if Ava's little content squeak isn't enough to end her, she also drops a little kiss on Beatrice's head and Beatrice hopes so hard that God isn't watching right now. Or that it's so dark He misses the blush creep up her neck.

Fingers curling around the side of her neck and the palm flattening on the small of her back she grips onto the silky pullover Ava is wearing. Soft snores and vanilla perfume lulling her to sleep.

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Everyone else: hope u had fun reading! :D

Beta read by @shy-forceghost and @oneandonlyollie . I love u very much thank you. Have this as a present :D

#Broski Freedle and Ollie I love you thanks for beta reading <333 #sister beatrice #ava silva #Sister Beatrice/Ava Silva #Set in Switzerland #warrior nun #warrior nun saved #Set during season 2 #hurt!bea agenda #hurt!bea server #hurt bea #my writing #writing #one shot

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