hi 🫶🏻 i was thinking maybe you could write spencer x reader inspired by taylor's I look in people's windows? for the plot it could be something like they were really close friends and reader was obviously in love with him but then he met meave and distanced himself from her, or maybe that he blames the reader for meave's death and is avoiding her, idk, whichever you prefer!!
i love your works, you're so good at writing!!
When the Swallows Come Again - S.R
a/n: hi my lovely you just know me tooooooo well. a swiftie plot line you ask? i am at your service
no but fr thank u so so sooo much for requesting i love YOU! 🫶🏼
masterlist
pairings: spencer reid x gn!reader (im pretty sure pls correct me if i added any use of pronouns)
summary: spencer blames you for maeves death…or so you thought
warnings: angst! (happy endings, yes ik im feeling gracious), talk of death, blood, guns, usual criminal minds stuff
wc: 2.5k
The asphalt beneath your boots felt gritty, the sound muffled by the thick blanket of snow. With one hand, you tried to guard your face from the snowflakes that seemed determined to kiss your skin. They might seem pretty from inside, but out here, they were just another reminder of your inadequate clothing against the biting cold.
The first rays of the sun began to stretch across the concrete, painting long shadows in its wake. Although you could have found your way in the pitch black if needed. Most places were still closed, but you knew that a coffee shop you used to love would be open. It wasn't your top choice, mainly because of the fact that you might bump into--
Him.
You knew it was him before you even saw his face, the hairs on your arm standing at attention as you stopped dead in front of the window.
It was Spencer, unmistakable even from a distance, his distinctive curls made into a celestial crown by the cafe's soft light. Your heart stumbled, plummeting down to your shoelaces. A thousand emotions crashed around you, a vortex happening to quick to untangle. These were feeling you had buried down, far deeper than six feet, hoping they'd never resurface. But that, you realized, was just wishful thinking.
You watched from behind the glass, feeling like a stranger to the world that Spencer now inhabited--a world where you once had a seat at his table. Now, you were the outsider, the unwanted observer. The sound of his laughter, which once was a comforting sound, now seeped through the door's crack, a mocking reminder of a severed tie. Your friendship was one that had bloomed like the first flowers of spring.
But flowers wither, and seasons change.
With Spencer out of your life, a subtle death crept over you, eroding you piece by piece. It was a death characterized by the loud allegations, the quiet of words left unsaid, and a friendship that had crumbled because he blamed you for Maeve's death.
Not just blamed, he hated you.
He hated you because you had tried to save Maeve, but you just weren't quick enough, because you couldn't beat the onset of gunfire, because you went in instead of him. You knew the cost: if he went in, he wouldn't have come back out. You didn't regret that choice. He's alive and breathing, and that's worth any cost--even if it means he never spoke to you again.
But there he stood, living and breathing--just as you intended, and suddenly your body seemed to malfunction. Your feet might as well have been part of the pavement, the snowflakes assaulting your face just as Maeve's blood did that day. Your heart threatened to burst, racing with a ferocity that set your veins on fire. You were scorching alive, and it was 17 degrees.
In the aftermath, Spencer had taken himself off the grid, locked himself in his apartment, and you didn't take it to heart because his withdrawal was all- encompassing. He was avoiding everyone. But then he came back, and it was as if you alone were invisible to him. You tried, with every fiber of your being, to bridge to gap, for him to let you be his best friend again, but your attempts were met with biting remarks and thinly veiled jabs.
It was exhausting. But he was grieving so you felt like he deserved a pass. He had been through so much, more than anyone on the team. Surely, if anyone deserved a pass, it was him. However, even the most generous pass has an expiration date, and six months of disregard made it challenging to keep validating the same worn-out ticket.
So, you submitted your transfer papers to the narcotics unit. You wanted to say a proper goodbye, but you weren't sure he'd care. So, you didn't. You waited until the office was empty, then disappeared without a trace.
But it didn't hardly matter that you weren't physically around him because you found yourself searching for signs of him in everything you did.
When you pulled on your socks, memories of his mismatching habit surfaced, and the way he'd cheekily taunt you for your staunch preference for matching white ones. When you went to the grocery store, you'd unintentionally wander to the aisle with the dark chocolate almonds, his favorite.
Every time a swallow flitted across your path, you were reminded of him. "Swallows return to the same place every year, but not the same partner," he had once explained.
The thought always stuck to you, like gum on the sole of your shoe, because now it was a poignant parallel to your own stupid, fractured bond. Connections were never meant to endure. You knew that now.
It was too late to reverse course when he spun around, catching you red-handed. Your mouth flapped open, a fish out of water, as you willed your feet to moved forward. The need for coffee paled in the comparison to the need to leave. But his reflexes outmatched yours, and the door swung open before you could make an escape.
He said nothing, just stared, and you came to a near-instant stop, narrowly avoiding a collision. The frosty air of your breath fogged the space between you, briefly distorting your view of him, softening his edges into the Spencer you once knew.
Now that he was within arm's reach, you could discern the finer aspects of his face. He looked good, tired, but good. He always looked good, but time had sculpted his features into something more profound. His hair had grown out, curling at the ends, and a stubble now sketched the contours of his face.
"Hey."
Had you not been so captivated by the shape of his mouth, the faint sound would have been swallowed by the buzzing in your ears.
"Hey," you whispered, but even that was too much for your shaky voice, breaking mid-greeting and leaving you exposed before him. "I'm sorry, I had no idea you'd be here. Um, I should probably just--"
You maneuvered around him, pushing down the vomit of words rising in your throat, consciously fighting the impulse to catalog every line of his face, cognizant of the fact that it might just be the last time you'd see him.
His hand clasped your wrist, and you were suddenly you were the newest member of the BAU again, rubbing elbows with the boy genius, telling him all your secrets with the exception of one. How madly in love you were with him. Were? Are? Past tense? Present tense? You tried not to think about it.
You were frozen in time—not solely from the physical restraint but from the searing sensation of his touch, a feeling you hadn't known in ages, as if igniting your skin through your sleeve.
"Wait, please," he pleaded, the desperation is his voice anchoring you to the spot. You turned back to face him, finding your faces nearly touching. You shifted, intending to create space, but his grip on your arm didn't drop, so you didn't move. "How have you been?"
The question threw you off guard, and it filled your stomach with an irrepressible swarm of butterflies, a feeling so alive against the biting cold that stung at your nose.
Your fingertips were going numb.
"I'm okay, you?" A complete lie.
You racked your brain for the last time you felt okay. Perhaps it was before Spencer had started talking with Maeve. You didn't even know about it at first, that might have been the worst part. He was your best friend, and he had omitted such a significant detail of his life from you.
He just started to distance himself, forging a gap between the two of you that seemed to rival the expanse of the Grand Canyon. Perhaps it was an overstatement, but as the events unfolded, the comparison felt justified.
The change began imperceptibly, almost cruelly gradual. You would have preferred a quick yank of the Band-Aid, but it was a prolonged, painful peeling. The first sign was him not jumping at the chance to be partnered on cases like he usually did. Then, it progressed to him choosing seats away from you on the jet, and finally, it escalated to him leaving the room all together when you were in it.
It was an achy feeling, an all-consuming soreness that infiltrated every inch of your being. You didn't understand, didn't know what you did wrong. It wasn't long after this you found out about Maeve.
And then, as if fate had dealt its cruelest hand, she died, and suddenly it was your fault. You became the villain in his eyes, condemned for your hesitance, and because you refused to let him die. Maybe it could be seen as selfish, but without him, you would be nothing.
Yet here you were living without him all the same.
His inspection was more thorough than you were ready for. It stirred an urge within you to shrink away, to sprint into the anonymity of the dark streets, but your feet remained rooted to the spot.
"I've been better," he admitted, eyes shining with something you couldn't quite place.
"Oh," you begam, the syllable suspended in the frigid air, but before your thoughts could coalesce into words, Spencer cut through the silence.
"Why did you leave?"
Your brows pinched together, your mouth agape as a singular heartbeat was lost--and then several more. "You can't be serious."
He looked confused. "What? No, Hotch never really told us your reasoning."
The taste of a bitter laugh lingered at the edge of your lips. "Spencer, we don't need to do this whole act, okay? We don't have to pretend that I left for any reason other than you."
"Because of me?" His hands glided upward, pausing on your shoulder, and you loathed the part of you that wanted to lean into him. "What are you talking about?"
"Are you kidding?" The words tumbled out, blinking away the tears of frustration that threatened to spill. "Spencer, I'm not stupid. I know you hate me. I know you blame me for what happened with Maeve. And I get it, you were grieving, and you had every right to be mad, and I just couldn't work there anymore."
"That's the most absurd thing I've ever heard," he cut in, his tone was sharp, yet somehow not unkind. "God, I don't hate you. I could never hate you."
"How can you stand there and say that?" you countered, your voice hurt and incredulous as you took a step away, the cold seeping into your bones and setting your teeth on edge. "You treated me like I was nothing, Spencer."
"Here," Spencer said, handing you his jacket. "You should know, prolonged exposure to cold weather can actually weaken your immune system."
"Oh," you said, slightly startled, feeling the warmth take hold in your cheeks. You rubbed your nose before pulling the jacket over your shoulders. It smelled just like him.
"I don't hate you, you know that, right?" Spencer's voice was soft, like he was whispering even though you were the only two on the street. "I'm sorry if I made you feel insignificant. You're far from it. You could never be nothing. But I was mad, and I let that get the better of me."
"But I tried, Spencer," you choked out, voice wavering, emotion thick in your throat. "I tried to save her. Maybe if I had more training, more experience... I know you wish I had let you be there instead, but I couldn't risk it, not with what I knew. And now our friendship is ruined and I--,"
"Hey, whoa, slow down," Spencer interjected, cupping your cheeks, thumbs brushing away tears you hadn't even noticed. "You think I blame you? Oh, my god, no, sweetheart. I was angry, yes, but it was because you were willing to step in front of a gun."
"You don't blame me?"
"Of course I don't," he breathed out as if he couldn't believe this is what you thought. "I'm so sorry for giving you that impression. It was never my intention."
Your emotions bubbled over into a sound that was half-laugh, half-sob. "I really missed you."
Spencer's heart seemed to shatter than mend in an instant as he drew you against him. "Can I kiss you?"
Giggles spilled out through chattering teeth, punctuating the air as a wide smile graced your lips. "You want to kiss me?"
"I want to kiss you."
The idea almost seemed to sweet to be true.
"Okay."
He kissed you, and with each snowflake that settled into your hair, Spencer drew you in closer. In a way that you had only dreamed of. The biting cold was there, but it paled in comparison to the blaze that was now ignited through your body.
It was perfect, everything you had imagined and more--real, warm, and grounding.
He pulled away slowly, blinking the same speed, snowflakes dusting his lashes like delicate frost.
“I know I’ve been… difficult,” he said, his voice rough, his breath wanting your frozen cheek at the same time.
You pressed a hand to his chest. “Spencer, you don’t have to explain.”
A moment passed, as if he were thinking about your offer, then his gaze found yours, piercing and profound, as if the solid ground you stood on was suddenly fragile.
“But I need to,” he said, the raw need in his voice pulling your straight back into the orbit of his words. “I was angry, yes, you almost got yourself killed. But I pushed you away because it was far easier than facing the fear that I might lose you too.”
The beats of your heart echoed loudly—thump, thump—in its bony cage as your fingers curled tightly into his shirt.
“Every time I looked at you, I saw what I could have lost, and that fucking terrified me.”
Spencer cussed, this wasn’t unusual, but the intensity behind it made you frown. His words, so honest, seemed pull you in, invading his personal space in an effort to get rid of yours.
“You’re not going to lose me.”
The sun was shining now, casting golden rays over the snow and Spencer’s face, framing him just as he was in your mind.
“Then let’s not waste anymore time.”
You love him. Present.
For a second you thought Spencer might be wrong because maybe, just maybe, swallows could return to the same place, and the same partner after all.
taglist: @hotchhner @khxna @readergf
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i’m addicted to ur hop stuff omg!! no one writes hop fluff like u do 🥺🥺 could u do smth like a slow morning w hop!! ft el if u feel like it xx
“Why are you still in bed?”
You stir at the question, but are quickly settled by a hand on your back so much bigger than your own. “I don’t want to wake her up.”
“You say sleeping the morning away is a waste of time.”
“I let you sleep in all the time.” The big hand rubs a circle into your back. It takes you a few moments to orientate yourself without moving. Your face is in someone’s lap, your arm hugging strong thighs. “She’s still not used to staying up that late to watch Miami Vice.”
“Twenty three hours isn’t late.”
“Eleven o’clock is late for people who work all day, El. Can you keep the noise down until she wakes up by herself?”
“You’re with her.”
“I mean when she wakes herself up. No intervention.”
“Okay. Do you want me to make breakfast?”
Hopper’s smile is audible. “Yeah, kid, okay. You can make breakfast. Don’t burn yourself on the toaster, okay? You remember? It gets hot all over.”
“Hot all over,” El repeats.
Quiet is restored for a while. You sleep some more, dozing on a loving lap, likely dribbling a patch into pants. The big hand never stops moving, not once to what you can tell, scrubbing circles into your skin until you feel numb to his touch, almost ticklish. It makes you squirm.
“About time.”
“What’s about time?” you mumble, forcing your face further into his leg.
“You’ve been sleeping for hours.”
Your head tips back, intent on meeting his eyes and proving you’re not the slovenly creature he seems to think you are, but your eyelids are heavy and he’s warm in your arms. “Good morning,” you say affectionately.
Hopper can pretend to be as much of a hard ass as he likes, he hears your scratchy morning voice in tandem with your saccharine greeting and obviously melts. Even half-asleep, you can sense it, and as his arms slide under your arms and he leans back against his pillows, you force yourself to open your eyes and see his chuffed smile.
He’s grinning like he won something, hugging you to his chest.
“Good morning,” he says quietly.
You press your face to his front.
“I heard El,” you say.
“She’s making breakfast.”
You’d been worried about staying the night because El’s still young, and Hopper’s bedroom is just a section of the cabin’s living room; if she needs to pee at night or if she wakes up before you, she is forcefully presented with an adult relationship. Which isn’t to say you’d risk being inappropriate with Hopper somewhere she could see, it just means that intimacy comes in all shapes and sizes, and El is unfamiliar with so much of it, and, more importantly, Hopper’s her dad. She hasn’t had to share him before.
But El’s loving, and she hasn’t minded you being here. She doesn’t falter when she comes upon you and Hop tangled together in the morning, she just asks for toast or tells Hop he needs to come and open a window for her.
She brings breakfast for you all on a tray and sits on the end of Hopper’s bed. It’s a frankly audacious amount of undercooked waffles and toast, a maple syrup bottle sticky from abuse laying side down with the knives and forks.
“Thanks, baby,” Hopper says quietly. “This is perfect.”
“Why do you guys hug so much?” she asks, spearing a waffle with her fork.
You, having pulled yourself from Hopper’s lap just long enough to come around, don’t have the wits to answer. Hopper clearly hopes you will, and deliberates for a long time before he says, “It’s comforting.”
“Like you’re upset?” she asks.
“Nope. Just, it makes me feel better to– to make sure she feels happy.”
You yawn. “It’s like making breakfast, honey. You made everyone breakfast and now we’re all looked after. You feel good because we appreciate you for doing it, and we feel good because somebody did something nice for us.” You yawn again, your jaw clicking formidably.
El likes this answer, eating the majority of her portion before she talks again. “Thanks for staying up to watch Miami Vice,” she says. “Mike says it’s a waste of time.”
“Mike’s a waste of time,” Hopper says, not quite without heat.
“I like Miami Vice,” you say, trying to bat crumbs off of the sheets before Hopper notices them.
Hopper grabs your hand. He’s laughing already, tugging you toward him, muttering, “God, you’re so messy,” as you lean in to be kissed on the cheek.
“Not that messy,” you say, making eye contact with El hopefully.
“Super messy,” she says.
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holaaa!! (dr rant + just an appreciation post)
(TW SLIGHT HINT TO GROOMING)
soo i’m shifting soon and i decided that im going to make my first album when i get there (LIKE START JT, DUDE. START IT. IM SO EXCITED) there’s going to b an ep i’m going to finalize when i get there and it will be released on the 26th of the month i get there (as it is kinda a diss on a MAN who was 26 when we dated… i was a minor still.)
i’m also gonna make a family tree because i’m really bored (and i also kinda js wanna see all my siblings yk? im gonna draw them all soon bc like AUGH AJAJDKDJ I MISS THEM!!!)
omgz i’m so excited dude!!
(appreciation below!!)
also i saw billie eilish in my dream last night. one of the funniest and sweetest people i know 😭 SHARK WAS ALSO IN THAT DREAM HES SO SWEET ‼️‼️ god i wish i could hug them today, just right now. yall don’t understand how much billie and finneas have been through together, and im so proud of how far they made it. i love you both, and although you won’t see this post in this reality, i know you will when we r together :DDD u guys make me so happy, so inspired, and just a better person overall. also huge thank you to billie in helping me with directing my music videos and being featured in one of my favorite songs — ripple effect. thank you finneas for just 😭 for keeping her alive, giving her a passion, and being so protective and supportive of her.
i’m so excited to b friends w both of them n js talk to them daily — it’s so fun.
i’m also super duper excited to meet one of my closest friends — nile — in person finally!!!! it’s been like 3 years of shifting together, and i know she’s excited too. i know she’s reading this, btw so i love u sm nile and thank u for being such a great and perfect friend throughout this whole journey. i truly don’t think i would still be kicking without you. i owe you the world, and i know you’re going to be blessed with many MANY things in the coming months, and the years following will be some of your best, but that’s only a taste of what is truly to come.
i’m so proud of you, and i’m also so round of everyone that has been clinging onto shifting even though it hurts. i’m always here for you. i love you all so so much. i want the best for you, and i know you’re going to get it. i’m always here to help in ANY way i can. ask me anything, i promise you i will answer with the wisdom God and the universe has given me!!
i cannot express my gratitude to my father, loki, enough. i don’t know how to even put it into words. he’s been there at my hardest, he’s been there at my best. i don’t think i would actually even be this far without him either. he’s one of the silliest and sweetest people ive ever met. i can’t believe he’s my FATHER you guys!! ITS SO COOL AUGHH
i also have so many people here i need to thank, there’s more that i can think of right now but just know i love and appreciate every one of you guys.
staring with @smellofemale!! you were such a sign when i met you. i don’t think i’ve met a christian shifter — you’re the only one i still talk to if i have! im just so so sooo blessed to have met you. i don’t know what to say, dude! i love you so much. you’re so sweet, so kind, and so inspiring. i love you!
@eneablack although you’re one of my newest friends, you’re another really really inspirational one. you’re so open about your struggles with shifting, even though you’ve had success time and time again. it shows me and many others how shifting sometimes is a hard thing to get used too, even with successes under your belt!
@daisys-reality! if you don’t know them, FOLLOW IMMEDIATELY PLEASE OMGGJAJSN she gives some of the best and most accurate readings i could ever ask for. also her drs (specifically her mermaid one) have inspired me so much!!
@kanachaka UR AO COOL BRO I JS LOVE SEEING UR POSTS AJSJDKDJD
@kazylynn i love u sm!! u rlly show me i can be an inspiration to others, and that’s something i’ve hoped for all my life. i want to be a good, helpful person — and i love you for showing me i can be.
@babybearthepsychic a few months ago you gave me a free reading that was just so accurate and so real. i don’t know if i would still be on this spiritual journey without it, because i was at one of my hardest points then. i cannot believe how just truly accurate and kind you are. i love you so much, you’re doing amazing. i wish i could give you the biggest hug, and i could donate like a million dollars to u rn but i literally don’t have a job 😭
@zipperrants i don’t think i rlly need to explain this… dude i thought u we’re so cool even when u we’re js interacting with @maddies-chronicles and i rlly wanted to interact w u so bad but i was so so scared bro!! and thank u hale for giving me the opportunity to meet them!!
@accidentalshifter YOU DONT UNDERSTAND HOW MANY PEOPLE U REPRESENT IN THIS RESLITY — YOURE ONE OF THE FIRSR ADULT SHIFTERS I SAW ON HERR AND IM SO SO SO SO SOOO FUCKING HQPPY YOURE SO OPEN ABOUT IT! you’re just so free and it’s beautiful. i love you so much
and there are so many more but i just.. im gonna cry i love you all tooo much.. please know u all mean so much to me and i can’t wait to tell u so many stories when i get back, and help u guys shift. i am working so hard to post more, and i pray this post can help me become more active.
so so so much love, to everyone in this community, you’re so wonderful. may the gods bless you.
so much love, peace and joy
the abyss
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Hi! 🐑🐑 anon here! thanks so much for the sheep :)))
I’m typing on my phone rn so I can type much better. Thank you for the advice!!! So here’s my Argentina thing:
I go to school here (7th grade) and we have breaks betweeen every class!!! 5-15 minute breaks! It’s illegal to not have them! It’s amazing!
i get to choose my lunch every day! I choose, I buy, and I can eat almost anywhere! I always eat the same thing (caprese roll) cuz autism and vegetarianism
speaking of which, we can eat in any of the breaks! We decide! It’s awesome!!!
no dress code! No awful suffocating polo shirts! With the worst fabric made! Just whatever I want to wear! Every day!!!
if I can’t do something, I’m allowed to not do it! I don’t have to do gym! I can sit it out! Gym is rlly hard for me bcuz I remember one day in my life when I could run for more than a minute without doubling over gasping at the end. Also, I hate it.
Not school related things now:
everyone uses their hands to talk! So I don’t get weird looks for my stimming!!! It’s incredible!!!!!
this is a ginormous one for me: THEY ARE SO BLUNT HERE. They use body language, which I can read well, and they just say what they mean! It’s such a relief!!! I can trust them!!! I don’t have to try doubly hard to figure out what they’re saying!!!! ITS SO SO SO AWESOME!!!!
also: a down point is that the greeting is usually a hug. But for some reason, here, hugs are better! They give me tons of warning bcuz I know when they’re gonna do it so I can prepare! Everyone talks with their body and it’s so much easier to understand!
Back to school real quick, we address the teachers by first names!!! No titles that seem to just distance us from ppl supposed to help us!!!
yeah, there are asshoels, but mainly, people are so nice! But in a genuine way! Not in a stupid social cues way! They are genuinely happy to see you, and if they aren’t, you know! No passive aggressive, no sarcasm (I like sarcasm sometimes but it can be annoying), just actual words!!!
wveeyone gets accommodations! The gym thing, are you tired? Or did you break your hand? Whatever! You can sit out! Do you need to doodle in class? There’s no, “do you have a (professionally diagnosed) learning disability? No? Then no.” Just yes! Sure! I love your doodles! Can u draw something for me?
Anyway, that was a lot. I’m actually fascinated in this and obsessed so thx so much for letting me info dump in your inbox!!!! Hope it’s interesting! There’s more, which I’ll add later!
-🐑🐏
Hi 🐑🐑! That all sounds great! I'm glad you've had such a positive experience there ☺️ I wish I could have got out of gym, I always found it so difficult and my PE teachers could be pretty mean 😔
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