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prettyboykatsuki · 11 months

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WON'T YOU LEND ME YOUR FAITH? | R. ITOSHI

❁ tags ; fem!reader (reader dresses femininely + is referred to as a girl / with she/her pronouns), reader is shorter than rin , strangers to friends to lovers, fluff, getting together, rin is soo teenage boy (and makes some annoying teen-boy comments), slow-burn, making out is as suggestive as this gets, stereotypical shoujo romance, usage of honorifics, coming of age

❁ wc ; 21.4k (insane. most insane thing ive ever seen)

❁ a/n ; i'm genuinely appalled by the length of this fic. how did that happen. what in the world. this fic is truly just. every single shoujou manga trope crammed into one okay. my silly little self indulgent romance !!!!

also this fic is sfw + takes place in their third of hs so im not gonna say mdni that's silly. however if you're a minor please do not follow me i post heinous dark content and this fic is a fluke in the timeline dskffjkfd

❁ synopsis ; the love story of a sensitive, stoic soccer player and an eccentric wannabe journalist

or that time you confess to itoshi rin, knowing he'll reject you, and asking to befriend him in spite of it.

“I like you,”

A breeze of wind passes.

“What?”

You confess to Itoshi Rin at the start of the Spring semester. On the school rooftop with your head down. Bent at a near ninety degrees as you hold out what looks like a love letter.

For a minute, he can’t do anything more than stare. He’s received countless confessions in highschool. Half of which he rejected immediately, not even stopping to hear the full extent of their feelings. Why would he? The lukewarm ideas of first love had never been of interest. Even before his fight with Sae, Rin was always focused on his goals.

After his second year of high school was spent in Bluelock, Rin has only returned for his third. He promised his parents he’d graduate properly, and Bluelock was off-season until Ego could fully prepare for the next stages.

And a lot has changed since then. But some parts of him, namely his feelings towards the idea of conventional relationships, haven't changed at all.

It’s only been a little less than three weeks since school had started, and by now he’s received more confessions than he can really remember. All of which he’s rejected coldly, and blankly, because Itoshi Rin has never been in the business of coddling anyone. Most of those girls he’s never even met. Knows nothing about them because they’re first or second years he’d never even spoken to.

Rin, however, does know you. You’ve been in his class in all 3 years of his highschool, and he’s seen you around more than once. You’re in the newspaper club, which he remembers because you covered their winning match back when Rin was a first year. He wouldn’t call you friends, but you’ve spoken to each other enough that he can remember your name with a little effort.

He also remembers you being sort of annoying. You’re one of those loud and earnest types that he can’t stand.

A year ago, Rin would’ve denied knowing you at all. But now that things with Sae have cleared up just a little - he’s not inclined to take his anger out on you. He knows you. Not well, but enough.

And if his reputation precedes him at all, then you know Rin too. You know that he’s never once gone out with a single girl in his 3 years of highschool and that most of the guys in all three grades consider him an arrogant jerk. You know that he mostly plays soccer alone during breaks and that he only really hangs out with one person.

Which means you must know that he doesn’t harbor any feelings for you. And that he’s going to reject your confession without thinking twice about it.

In the first place, he was just curious if you were stupid enough to do it. If you really called him up here for a roof-top confession. The fact that you were is what’s stifling him. Your words are familiar. He’s heard them so many times. But it’s baffling. It’s ridiculous.

You lift your head to face him. You’re still smiling, though there’s something more there that he can’t understand. He doesn’t do well with people like you begin with. He finds himself backing away when you jog up closer towards him.

He’s taller than you, he notices. You pick your head up to look at him and smile, toothy and at ease. You hold the letter up again and shove it towards him, though you don’t seem like you’re expecting him to take it. He stares at you.

“I like you,” You repeat, smooth and bubbly. He frowns.

“I don’t like you.”

He has expectations for this part. Normally he receives a saddened look like a dog whose tail he stepped on or a fit of crying (sometimes genuine, sometimes with the intent of guilt.) Sometimes he gets an awkward smile trying to seem unbothered by the whole situation.

You don’t falter though. You don’t even flinch at the words, cold as ice and steely. It throws him off.

“I know,” You say back, prying the letter away from him. You turn the other way, walking towards the metal grates and for a minute Rin wonders if you’re going to do something drastic. You don’t though, instead sticking your the paper in the air “That’s why I have a proposal,”

He stares, absolutely dumbfounded. You turn again towards him.

“I want to get to know you. And keep confessing to you,” You say first, and Rin immediately goes to reject you until you put your hands up “And I want you to keep rejecting me.”

He’s baffled. Really.

“What?”

“So I can gradually lose my feelings for you. Nothing that different on your end, honestly..”

It sounds annoying. It really does. If it were anyone else, under any other circumstance he would scoff and tell them to deal with their own shitty feelings alone just like everyone else. But there’s no hidden intention there. Rin’s always been good at sniffing that out. Your words are pure as can be.

Frustratingly simple and twice as sincere, no matter how confusing the whole thing is.

“Why should I?”

“We can be friends,” You reply like it’s the best deal he could ask for. “Isn’t that enough? Not like you really have any right now.”

He scoffs bitterly albeit he can’t counter you.

“Friendship is lukewarm. I don’t care about any of that stuff,”

“Lukewarm? Really? Then..think of it like I’ll be your shield. You hate when people socialize with you right? I’ll help you deal with it.”

That doesn’t sound too bad actually. On top of that, he’s kind of curious what your deal is. He rolls his eyes at you, turning to face the other way.

“Do whatever you want. It’s not like it matters.”

His response makes you beam. He hears you shout from the otherside of the yard, followed by the sound of your footsteps noisily thudding against the concrete as you try to catch up with him. He walks faster than you just to spite you for earlier, but he hears your last words through a huff of breath.

“Jeez, you’re fast. I’ll see you at lunch, be prepared!”

Somehow, he feels like he’s crossed paths with something he shouldn’t’ve.

You keep up with your end of the deal with Rin to the best of your ability.

The upsides of your arrangement is that the usual annoyances Rin has to deal with have decreased significantly in the time you’ve been hanging around him. You’re very good at using your speech to sway conversations one way or the other without upsetting the other party.

Normally, Rin’s rejections for different things leave a bitter taste in the air. He’s never been good at mincing his words for anyone and while it doesn’t affect him - the strange stares and whispers he gets are a little annoying to deal with. People always take his disinterest personally. Rin has always hated that. He was probably a little gentler about the denial before but still.

While other people are too stupid to pay it any mind, you’re clever at turning the tides your way. You always manage to completely divert their questions without making them feel uncomfortable. Rin has tried, many times, to actually break down how you’re doing it. He doesn’t think he’d ever be able to replicate it, no matter how much he studies you.

He’s reluctant to admit it, but really, your presence has significantly lowered the number of obstacles in his daily life and made him overall, less irritable.

Instead of many annoying things, there’s only you. Which is tolerable in comparison.

You also expect him to uphold his end of the deal. For the most part, this has just meant you inserting yourself into his usual activities. It started out small enough, mostly just you sitting with him during lunch. It draws too much attention to eat in the classroom so you both fuck off to the roof.

(You often joke about how romantic it is, reminiscing on your rejected first love with as much melodrama as you can muster.

Rin never laughs about it to your face, but he admits it’s funny. Your stupidity is mildly amusing, at least )

There, you eat lunch together. Rin learns you make yourself colorful bentos from time to time- though some days are much less elaborate than others. You like to unwind that way, your designated and nightly me-time. You work part-time, and you take care of your neighbors kids by helping them every morning and night.

Rin doesn’t ask you for more, not willing to deliberately show interest.

But you notice his curiosity for better or for worse and explain that she, the woman next door, used to make you dinner back when your parents were too busy. You have an older brother who's nearly twelve years your senior so you were alone for most of your childhood. She had children late, but they feel like your little siblings. So you help them in the mornings and in the evenings when you have time.

Rin learns you, funnily enough, have a sense of obligation towards other people that he can’t fully comprehend. He forgot there were people like that. In an environment like Bluelock that is so dead set on fostering ego, it’s easy to forget something so simple.

You haven’t confessed to him again since that time. Not like he’s expecting it, but given your personality he wonders why. He thought it’d be more of a daily occurence, something like a bit you did. But you never do. Even when at times, it’s so heavy in the atmosphere even he can tell you want too.

Admittedly, Rin wonders a lot more about you than he cares to. He wonders why you spend so much time with him when you have plenty of other friends who seem to cherish you. He wonders why you care so much about the dying club you're in. He wonders if this, in some strange way, stems from some kind of obligation.

He wonders, sometimes, what about him you could even like. It’s probably something stupid. You’d probably think long and hard before going on to say that you like him because he’s handsome or cool. Something shallow and meaningless.

He tells himself that when he starts thinking about it again.

Rin gets roped into cleaning the classroom with you.

He’s used to being paired with other people. But he’s never had to do with you before, even in the years prior. Or maybe he did. He doesn’t recall much of his first year.

Still, now that it’s already mid-May, Rin has never been on cleaning duty with you. He’s conscious of the sound of your name these days. It’s not something he’s happy about.

It’s a simple affair. Just 15 or 20 minutes. Nothing to talk about. Not really.

But, today you’re alone with him. Alone in an empty classroom with light pouring through the windows and reflecting off of the wooden desks. You’re busying yourself with wiping down the chalkboard, humming quietly. Rin has the broom and dust pan, slowly working himself towards the front of the room.

It’s mostly quiet. Just your humming. The soft thud of a dust pan, a gentle brush of the bristle.

Rin feels a crick in his neck, half-way done with the task at hand. He stares at you, off in the front. In your own little world as you fix everything up diligently without turning your head to look up at him even once.

The nape of your neck is visible from the way you’re standing. There’s a chain there. Do you wear a necklace under your uniform? He can see the slope of your shoulders. The light reflects on you.

It stops him dead in his tracks. All he can hear is the quiet. The soft humming of your voice. The thud of the dust pan, the woosh of an eraser. The gentle bristle of a broom. The sound of his own heartbeat, a little louder than it was a minute ago.

He shakes his head. He goes back to sweeping.

“Why do you look like that?”

You look depressed. For Rin, this expression on you is unusual. You do look sad sometimes. Somber, occasionally but the look you have on your face right now is down right harrowing. You’re staring blankly out into the open, sitting in the usual spot the two of you have lunch at. But you’ve hardly touched your food and your favorite juicebox (a lunchtime staple) doesn’t have a straw in it yet.

It’s freaking him out, quite frankly. He stares at you, waving a hand in front of your face until you click back into reality. You jump in your skin at the sight of him before taking a deep breath once you’ve realized who’s in front of you.

“Oh. It’s just you. Sorry,” You say, immediately going for your juice. See? “What did you say?”

He sighs, sitting down next to you with his own lunch. Nothing special, something his mom likes to pack when he’s at home - though he doesn’t often take it. He opens up his own tin, taking chopsticks out attached from the top.

“I asked why you looked like that.”

“Like what?”

“Like someone just died.”

You look at him morbidly, clasping your hands and leaning forward with your elbows on your knees.

“My midterm grades,” You say solemnly, voice wavering ever so slightly “They’re detestable. A shame to my bloodline.”

Rin looks at you plainly.

“Aren’t you an idiot to begin with?”

“Hey! I’ll have you know I’m average. Super average. But I scored even lower than usual and I’m concerned. I need to do well on the next one and on my entrance exams.”

Oh, right. Rin forgot since he has no plans to take any.

“Do you know what you want to do for college?” He asks, mostly out of obligation.

“I want to study journalism.” There’s a wispiness to your way of speaking. It gives the air a sentimental feel. “There’s a private university with a good program I want to get into but they’re kind of tough. So I have to focus and do well,”

“What subject are you struggling with?”

You deflate all over again.

“Chemistry and Classical Japanese,”

Rin does well in both subjects. He thinks it over, and decides he can consider this payback. That’s all it is. He’s never liked owing people for favors and while you say this much is enough - Rin can rest assured about your little deal if he’s actually been of use to you in return. He remains impassive as he takes a sip of water.

“Do you want me to help you study?”

You turn to him immediately, suddenly full of life. He doesn’t like the gleam in your eyes, an immediate regret settling in as he stares at you, eyes full of disdain. You don’t hesitate grabbing his hand, putting it to your forehead and bowing deeply as you face him. You’re like a fly that keeps buzzing around him.

“Are you serious? Really? Forreal? Do you mean it?”

“If you keep being a dipshit I’m going to take it back,”

You pull away, hands folded in your lap, going stone faced.

“I would be very grateful,” You say, hands clasped in front of your face. He rolls his eyes.

“Don’t get the wrong idea,” He says bluntly, staring out into space “I just don’t want to owe you any favors.”

This you laugh at, leaning back on the wall behind you - with your legs stretched out.

“Don’t worry,” You reply, self-assured. “Somehow, you asking me to study with you so innocently really cements it in that you don’t have a shred of affection for me.”

Something in him stirs. He ignores it.

“Never in a million years.”

You laugh light-heartedly.

“You’re so cold to me, Itoshi-kun.”

“You still call me that.” He grimaces. You stare at him confused.

“How else would I call you?”

“When you use my last name it reminds me of my brother,”

“...Are you implying I should use your first name?”

Oh. Shit. That is what he sort of said, isn’t it?

“No,” He denies, somehow unable to come up with anything worthwhile “Don’t address me at all.”

“Eh? But that’s impossible? I can try but,”

Only an idiot like you would think to actually try. He shakes his head. It’s no good after all.

“Shut up,” He decides, because there’s not anything else he can think to say “We can study at the library.”

You’re quick to reject the proposal.

“We have to pick somewhere else. Like a cafe or something,” You say, not looking at him. You have your phone pulled up now, looking for places nearby. He’s lost again.

“What? Why? Isn’t it easier if it’s at school?”

You glance over at him wide-eyed, before suddenly smiling. It’s a knowing smile, almost like you feel sorry for him. He wants to ask why you look like that. It’s weirdly guarded and he hates that from you. He stares at you, trying to will you to explain yourself. You’re good at reading his thoughts, frustratingly enough, so he’s not accustomed to asking.

Which means your lack of answer is deliberate, and even with the pressure he’s putting on you, you don’t budge.

“Trust me on this one,” You voice light and airy. “It’s better if we find somewhere away from school, too. There’s still some time to look, so no rush.”

He lets it go because he doesn’t have any other choice. Lunch passes and you talk like everything's normal.

The question lingers in the back of his mind.

Rin spends most of his time between classes watching soccer. If he has some free time on his day off, he’ll look for a new movie to watch. There’s a new foreign film coming out from a director who he really likes and he’s just finished watching the trailer.

Thirsty, with nothing to do - he stands to his feet and briefly surveys the classroom. He wants a drink and there’s a vending machine down the hallway with a sports drink that tastes like..something.

His airpods are close to being dead so there’s no music as he makes his way. He’s not a fan of being forced to listen to the chatter of the general populace so it’s not that hard to ignore.

It catches his attention when he hears your name in passing before turning the corner of the hall. It stops him dead in his tracks, something tense left in the syllables after . He doesn’t know why he stopped, not exactly. He figured it’d be annoying if his presence caused a ruckus.

He’s used to people talking about you, though they usually describe you as a busybody. The Senpai who’s everywhere. A hand in every jar, or something like that. But there’s a tone to that, mild amusement - never malice, that Rin is more than accustomed to.

This is not that, he notices. He leans on the wall and listens. A group of girls. Some of the voices he recognizes. They’re from the third year classroom down the hall.

“It’s like, I don’t know,” Eto-san, he thinks. She’s come up to him before, more times than he can really count on one hand. Rin knows the type. Kind but not really. To the point it’s hard for anyone to call her out on it. “It’s weird how much she hangs around him. She’s not a bad girl or anything,”

The addition makes Rin’s eye twitch. Yeah. He’s very familiar with this type. He keeps listening. Another voice, but he has no idea who this one is.

“Really? But Senpai is pretty kind to me,”

“Mm, I guess so. I just wonder if it makes Itoshi-kun uncomfortable, you know? With pushy people like that, it doesn’t matter how blunt you are. I just worry about him a bit.”

If it wasn’t so annoying to listen in, Rin would laugh. He’s never understood girls. Especially not highschool ones. He doesn’t pay attention to that kind of social hierarchical shit to begin with, only forced to acknowledge it because other people do. None of it matters to him.

He does think back to what you said a week ago, about finding a place away from school to study. It clicks. You probably know they talk about you like this. Or you could surmise this outcome. Rin should expect that level of awareness from you. Sincere. Always attuned to everyone. Of course this is something you know but he doesn’t.

Why didn’t you tell him? That’s annoying. It’s nothing he couldn’t deal with knowing. He would’ve got it if you explained it earlier.

“Oh wow, you really care about him Eto-san,”

There’s a soft chuckle that makes Rin annoyed. Is he supposed to feel grateful? They’ve barely spoken to each other.

“It’s not like that. It must be hard since he missed second year, that’s all.”

With that, Rin decides to turn the corner.

He’s a little pleased at the reaction. How everyone goes into complete silence when he arrives. He spares her a glance as he moves towards the vending machines, clicking in the buttons. A generic sports drink comes tumbling out of the bottom, and Rin grabs it with deliberate slowness - drawing out the unease.

Eto-san gives him a blank stare before suddenly looking cheerful. She seems a little panicked, quickly trying to make conversation with him. The words don’t reach his ears as he stares down at her expressionlessly.

“Are you done?” He says, ice-cold. She stutters at that. Rin suppresses a smile.

“Oh, uhm, yeah. Sorry, were you busy?”

“Yeah,” He says back, completely apathetic.

He doesn’t plan on saying anymore in the first place. The little victories count.

It does feel like some kind of magic when he hears your voice from the other end of the hallway. You’re practically shouting it, and following is the sound of the hall monitors telling you off for running as you barrel toward him full speed. He can hear the thud of your sneakers all the way till they skid to a stop.

You’re out of breath, bent over your knees and messy as you put a hand up. Most times, he would be embarrassed. He’d even tell you off for being such an idiot. Right now, he finds the corners of his lips upturned as he stares at you from where you stand.

“Oh, hey guys. Sorry, I had some business with this guy. Oh, Fujita-chan, your hair is cute today! I like how it looks up on you,” You say, to the girl who was calling you kind just a minute ago “I hope he wasn’t too cruel to you. He’s actually afraid of women, it’s a generational curse. Every night he turns into a frog and—”

You shuffle in front him, arms stretched out like a shield. He sticks his leg out and kicks your shin. You yelp in pain.

“What the hell are you talking about? Shut up.”

“Ow, you strong bastard. You’re a soccer player, please be more conscious of your kicks. What if you shattered my shin? I know you’re loaded but it’s the principle of the thing, you know—”

“Stop talking or I’ll kick you a second time.”

You go silent immediately.

“Forgive me, Itoshi-sama. I’ve strayed from the path of righteousness. Alas, the people need you.” You say, turning around.

“Speak clearly.”

“Homeroom teacher wanted to double check with you about after graduation plans and told me to go get you.”

“Why you?”

“I was already walking around for the newspaper club.”

He nods, not needing any more explanation.

“H-hey, aren’t you acting too friendly with him?”

So she decided to speak. This makes you falter, just a little, and Rin detests the look of self-satisfaction on her face. He speaks this time. It’s not like he can’t fight any of his own battles.

“It’s fine,” He says, not bothering to think about it. He looks at you, as you stare back at him where he stands, wide-eyed. Idiot. “I don’t mind.”

You grin at him. Big and rounded and stupid, with all of your teeth like you’re giddy. If the hallway monitor wasn’t up your ass, he figures you’d be skipping about now. You usher him into the hall, back where he came from, waving them off.

“Be seeing you guys, then! Bye!”

And you’re off. It’s quiet until you’re both completely out of ear-shot. Before he can go any further you stand in front of him, hands behind your back with a dumb look on your face. He already knows what you’re going to say.

“Hey. I really like you a lot. Just now… my heart was fluttering. I thought I was hallucinating,”

“You’re a moron,”

“Ahhh, what should I do? I’m all hot under the collar. Is this what it’s like being a maiden in love? It’s great.”

“How can you say that knowing I’ve already rejected you?”

“It’s because you’ve rejected me, I can say that.”

And Rin doesn't really get it. He’s not sure he ever will.

But you seem happy enough. He decides against prying.

Somehow, you’ve ended up at Rin’s house.

He doesn’t know how it happened. Really.

He mentioned to his mother off-handedly that he needed to help someone study. He should’ve lied about it then, but coming off of running drills makes him pretty stupid. He uses most of his brain power when he trains. So in an altered state of mind due to dehydration, hunger and general exhaustion - he answered honestly instead of lying.

You’re helping someone study? Yes, they’re from my class.

Is it a boy or a girl? A girl. We’re friends.

You can’t study at the library? She doesn’t want to, so we’re trying to find somewhere else.

Why not invite her here, if her parents are okay with it? Her parent’s don’t really pay enough attention to be bothered.

Wait, what is he saying?

Rin doesn’t know how it happened. Really. Really. He tried pretty hard to reject his mothers advances about the situation but he’s never been one to upset her. The whole thing with Sae really tore her up so they both had a silent agreement to try and get along at home. And since Rin is still living at home for now, he tries harder to listen to her. Even so, he wasn’t planning on yielding for this one.

Rin is not immune to his mothers guilt. A long lecture about how her only sons never cared about anything but soccer and how she’s worried she’s never going to have grandchildren later, he finally gave in and gave you a call at his dinner table.

He was hoping you would come through and reject the offer. Say something stupid about how that’s dangerous territory for a young girl in love and let his mom down gently. He forgot about your whole thing about responsibility and being a nice girl who gets along well with adults.

And now, the door is ringing and Rin knows he’s going to open it to you. He mostly blames himself for not thinking ahead.

Rin opens the door on a Saturday afternoon and the first thing he thinks is that you’re not wearing your uniform.

You look…different. It’s weird. Your hair is styled in an unusual way, tied with something like ribbon. You’re wearing something flowy and loose but the neck is a little rounder than usual. There’s a necklace there, a heart-pendant with a chain. You have in...earrings.

Rin thinks vaguely that you look…something. He doesn’t know. But in his vision you’re like a troublesome and amorphous blob that yammers on about nothing. And right now you look…not like that.

“You’re dressed up.” Are the first words to come out of his mouth. You blink at him owlishly.

“Oh. Yeah. I wanted to make a good impression on your mom so I tried not to look sloppy.” You say sheepishly. He leans against the doorframe.

“She doesn’t care about stuff like that.”

“Well I do, okay? Now, can I come in?”

“The white slippers are for you.”

He steps aside and lets you in. You have perfect manners. He probably should’ve expected that. You take your shoes off neatly and place them on the rack the same way, slipping your feet into the slippers provided. Rin just watches, eyes tracing the curve of your neck.

“Where’s your mom?” You ask.

“In the kitchen making dinner. You’re staying for dinner right?”

You blink at him, surprised.

“I mean it’s not like I can’t.”

“She’d be upset if you didn’t.” He says noncommittally before walking you down to the kitchen.

His mother is right where he expects. He stands in the corner as you shuffle in watching on. She turns around to look at you, wiping her hands on her apron.

“Oh, my, you must be Rin’s friend? Such a lovely girl. Welcome! Welcome.”

To this, you bow your head as deep as it can go. The air around you feels serious. Rin scoffs internally. There’s a strange feeling in his chest that he can’t describe, seeing you bowing in front of his mom. An itch he can’t reach, locked tight around his ribs.

You give his mother your name first and she smiles like she’s absolutely delighted just hearing it.

“Thank you for having me. I brought some fruit with me as a gift, I hope that’s alright.”

His mom shoots him a look that Rin deflects by turning away, opening the plastic bag you’ve handed to her.

“Oh my! Aren’t these expensive fruits? Please thank your parents for me!”

“Oh no, don’t worry about that. I work part-time, so I paid for them myself. It was the least I could do. I’m grateful for the tutoring.”

You tense up, realizing that might’ve been an awkward thing to say. It isn’t. Even if it was, Rin’s mother has always been soft-hearted. His dad tells him they’re a lot alike but Rin doesn’t see it. Whatever it may be, Rin’s mom is too doting and too sociable to let you feel bad. Right now she seems emotional, an expression between empathy and pride. She reaches for you like it’s the most natural thing in the world, patting your head gently.

“How diligent. Thank you, then, for the fruit.”

Rin can’t see your face but it’s easy to picture.

“Of course. And pardon the intrusion! And uhm, thank you for having me for dinner.”

Clumsy. Rin thinks you’re clumsy. A flickering light. His mom laughs brightly and tells you not to worry. She leans in closer like she’s whispering but Rin can hear her loud and clear.

“Rin can be very brash but he’s a good boy, so thank you for being kind to him.”

He feels embarrassed. Even readies himself to intervene.

“He is very kind to me.”

Wait. What?

His mom smiles even brighter, and mouths something like ‘take care of her’ when you’re not looking. He wants to stop it before it starts. You’re not dating. You’re hardly even friends, you’re just here to study. Rin almost wants to shout it, but he’s stuck. Before he can do any of that, you’re turning around and smiling like you haven’t said anything strange.

What do you mean he’s kind to you? When his whole thing is rejecting you mercilessly? Being cruel?

What kind of person would ever describe him as kind?

He can’t find the words he wants to say, so he takes you to his room in silence.

You both make it to Rin’s room in one piece.

You’ve been studying now for about an hour. Given your personality, Rin was expecting more of a fuss. He thought you’d make some comment about being in a boys room and then fight off the actual studying like the plague.

Much to his surprise, you started studying with him right away. Rin tries his best to tutor you, though he does make fun of you in the process. But you’re a try-hard all the same, stopping only to ask questions and get clarification occasionally.

You’ve been focused that whole time, miraculously enough. Rin studies too, but only a bit, after deciding to study some recent matches instead.

( Every now and again, he’ll glance at you. Just to see if you’re stuck or still working. Each time, he gets caught up on the fact you’re not in your uniform and has to tear his eyes away. )

After a bout of silence, you yawn out loud, quietly shutting your workbook.

“I’ve finished all my practice problems for today,” You announce, before deciding to lay down on his floor “I’m beat.”

“I thought you were gonna give up before you started.” Rin admits. You frown at him.

“I was serious about needing tutoring. Thanks for all your help.”

“I already told you it’s fine. Is there anything else? Finals are next week.”

You shake your head.

“Mm, I don’t think so. One of the guys from the newspaper club helped me with math so I’ll be okay.”

…Huh?

“From the newspaper club?”

“Huh? Yeah. Murata-senpai. We’re in the same year. He’s a few months older so he insists on making me call him Senpai.”

“And he helped you with math?”

“Yeah. He was a delinquent like, all of first year but he really cleaned up his act. He’s actually really gentle.”

Rin frowns at that.

“Do people usually describe delinquents as gentle?”

You make a noise of indignance from where you’re laid on his floor.

“Hey. Murata-senpai is really nice, okay? And he is gentle, so I won’t tolerate your usual judginess.”

Rin rolls his eyes.

“How’d you even meet him?”

“Uh…I wanted to write a column about him, basically. He was helping in the garden last year and I kinda…stalked him. It sounds worse than it is. I just wanted to know what made him change.”

“So stalking people is pretty typical for you.”

You sit up and gape at him. Rin suppresses a laugh.

“Anyways. I eventually flagged him down for an interview. Apparently, he had a real scare with his granny getting sick and decided he needed to cut the shit. He’s a good guy. He joined the newspaper club after the interview,”

“After the interview…?”

You nod, leaning forward with your elbows on the table in front of you.

“Uh-huh. Said he was interested because of my passion or something. He’s been really nice to me ever since and helps me with all of the ideas I have.” You soften as you talk about it. Rin feels an ugly emotion in his chest “I’m worried about what will happen to the club after graduation, but Senpai is always encouraging me to make the most out of the time we still have. So I’m really thankful for him. That’s why you have to be nice.”

Rin is super annoyed. He doesn’t know why he’s so annoyed but he is. How do you not realize this guy likes you? He doesn’t know why he’s opening his mouth to tell you what’s so obvious. It’s not like it really matters. Rin doesn’t like you in the first place, so if he informs you that your beloved Murata-senpai has feelings for you - it’s no big deal.

In fact it might be better for everyone if you realize. He’s just frustrated by how clueless you can be sometimes.

“He’s interested in you,” Rin says, against his better judgment. It feels like the words are welling up in his throat “Your senpai or whatever.”

You blink at him stupidly. He wonders if you’re wearing mascara.

“Huh? I doubt that somehow. Senpai is kind to me but I think he sees me like a little sister.”

He scoffs at you.

“You would think that. Most guys aren’t just nice to girls they don’t like.”

“Not everyone is like you, yanno.” You say back without thinking twice. That’s not the point this time, he wants to say. And he’s right for this one. Anyone else with half of a brain would realize. You’re just… you. Which means you’re absolutely unaware of things pertaining to you. It’s the only reason he can think you’d deny something so obvious.

The only reason you could come to the house of a boy you liked just to study.

“Shut up. I’m saying this because you’re too much of a dumbass to put it together on your own. The guy definitely likes you.”

“I didn’t know you were a love guru,” You say sarcastically, sticking your tongue out at him. Childish. Annoying “It doesn’t matter if he does.”

“Why wouldn’t it matter?”

You give him an incredulous look.

“Unfortunately my heart is captured by an aloof sportsman.”

He doesn’t know why he feels relieved when you say that. He feels his heart all the way in his throat like he’s going to throw it up, even though his expression remains impassive.

“You already know I don’t like you, though. It’s a good opportunity, isn’t it? Don’t a lot of people move on that way.”

You shake your head.

“I’m not that sort of wishy-washy woman.” You reply, huffing your chest up and trying to ease the tension. You stop to shake your head, a small smile on your face. “You wouldn’t get it even if I explained.”

“It’s annoying when you do that,” Rin voices, not bothering to cut it any other way “You did that with the girls at school too. I’m never gonna get it if you don’t bother explaining it to me.”

You soften at this, then whisper.

“...Why do you care?” But it’s not said with any malice. It’s not said sadly either. Just curious. He freezes, but doesn’t let it show. He wants to ask himself the same question.

“I don’t. It’s just,” And he scoffs, not looking at your face “It’s a pain.”

You hum, not expecting more of an answer.

“I want to treasure my own feelings towards you,” You say, and something in Rin feels like it’s being set on fire. “It’s not just about having a boyfriend. If it was, then I’d consider Senpai's feelings.”

“...So it’s about me, specifically?”

“Yeah,” You say without offering any more explanation than that “It is. I like you.”

The words but why, linger in the air. You seem to be feeling merciful, as you lean back on your palms and stare up at his ceiling. You wear your heart outside of your body, more often than not. And he thinks that part of you is so hard to get used to.

“You’re really awkward. And aloof. And you don’t have any friends.”

“Is this some kind of revenge or…?”

“But. You’re also sensitive. The more I know you, the more I think you’re kind and well-meaning. You uh, remind me of a cat.”

He blinks.

“A cat?”

“A cat. Sometimes they want their own space. And sometimes they knock your water off your desk for fun. Plus they only really care about people in their own circle,”

“Again, is this—”

“Let me finish, jeez. They’re solitary creatures. But like when they accept you, they get comfortable. An’ nice . And they look out for you in their own way. To me you’re a lot like that.”

You give him a smile so warm it makes his back hot. So loud and so vibrant like it burst out of him at any minute.

“I’ve uh, always been interested in you. I watched you play in Bluelock too. I kept thinking to myself, there’s something about you. I want to know more, even if it’s just a little. Stuff like that.” You talk so quietly yet it’s all Rin can hear. All Rin can see in his vision is you. All Rin can think about is you. “I’ve always been interested in other peoples stories. So I thought, what a waste it would be, to throw away that feeling because of something like love or like. I thought, ‘What's your story, Itoshi Rin?’”

Rin doesn’t know what to say so he chooses to say nothing.

“When I confessed, I knew you would never like me. Because that’s just the sort of person everyone says you are. Still, what a waste, right? You miss all the shots you don’t take or whatever. So, I wanted to get to know you. I guess.”

“I don’t get it. I get what you’re like but it still doesn’t make any sense. There’s nothing special to know, is there?”

“Feeling that is special, don’t you think? That’s a special reason to me.”

He doesn’t follow. You laugh lightly.

“If I never became interested in Murata-senpai’s story, I would’ve never been his friend. If I gave up on trying to know you, just because you didn’t return to my one-sided feelings, then I would’ve never gotten to know you either. Don’t you think that’s a waste?”

Rin doesn’t know. He’s never really cared about it. He’s rejected so many confessions and never once thought enough about any of them in any depth. That part of you is foreign. He can chalk it up to a difference in character. He can’t understand wanting to know someone just because.

(Or maybe he can. He just hasn’t until now. Until this very moment, suspended in time. Where he wants to know what things make you the way you are.)

Some small, dark part of him wants to ask why. Over and over until his throat feels raw - long enough to understand it. Even as he grips onto that desire so tight, with such bruising force, the words sit in his mouth. They taste like iron. They taste like a bitten tongue. If you’ve watched him all this time, then you know. Being chosen. He’s never been confident in that. Rin wants to ask, why him?

What’s so special? Enough to keep talking to him? Enough to do any of this? Is getting to know people is always this difficult, he wonders. Does it always feel uncomfortable to be in proximity with someone?

In the end, he can’t bring himself to ask. He can’t even bear to examine it in himself, the sense of dread washing over him like sickness. He’s nauseous. And this time, there’s a residue of tension he’s finding increasingly difficult to ignore.

You come through again. He wonders if you can read his mind just like you do with all the nobodies at school.

“Rin-kun,” You say, your voice like the summer heat. “Getting to know you makes me feel like my feelings aren’t a waste. I’m happy getting to know you. I want to treasure that.”

What happens when you run out of things to know? The question is too heavy. He settles on a different one. He wants to understand it more. Just to put himself at ease.

“Isn’t being in the same room with someone who rejected you uncomfortable?”

“Maybe. But there’s a clear line for me and you, so it’s cool. In like, ten years, maybe someone will interview me about you. As your classmate and stuff. And I’ll go - ‘He’s actually a really nice guy. I actually had a crush on him.’ If I can say that, without being regretful, then that’ll be enough for me.”

“That’ll be enough for you? Really?”

“Really.”

“You’re so weird.” He says, unsure of what else he could possibly say. You giggle, and lay back down on his floor.

“I knew you’d say that.”

Summer comes.

It doesn’t occur to Rin how often he sees you in school until it all comes to a halt. He has your number, and you text him often - about unimportant and trivial shit that you think of. In that way, it doesn’t even really feel like you’ve separated.

But the sudden absence of your chattering in his life makes everything feel especially quiet. Summer is a boring time for Rin. It’s mostly the same. Practicing and playing and studying. On the few occasions he’s been out, it’s because some of the other Bluelock members are gathering and refuse to let him know even a breath of peace.

He’s seen Sae now, though they never really talk about anything. Sort of just look at each other and exchange enough words that their mom doesn’t cry before going back to their room. Sae will be gone before school starts back up again, so Rin isn’t all that worried about it.

It occurs to Rin for the first time that this summer will be the last of his highschool days. He’s never been sentimental about stuff like that - so he figures you’re to blame for these sudden thoughts.

Your summer has been a lot busier than his. He should probably expect this from you by now, but your surprisingly youthful social life always shocks him. You’ve been working part-time as usual. In that time though, you’ve also been to the beach and been on an overnight trip to Osaka with your newspaper club.

(Rin wasn’t happy to hear about this. He was relieved to know it was with a teacher and that you roomed with a girl. But still, not exactly his favorite of anecdotes for the summer.)

You’ve invited Rin more than once to come hang out with you, but he’s basically always declined. The group setting is troublesome, but being alone with you feels even worse somehow. It wouldn’t be a date, obviously, but it would be something. Something deliberate.

Rin doesn’t know if he can come see you in good faith for such a reason.

It’s another day spent doing his usual. Being technical, it’s a rest day, which means he’s only allowed to stretch. He has done his basics. Studied, messed around with his ball, responded to a barrage of texts from Bachira and Isagi. He played games for a while, checking out a new horror game before deciding it’d be best not to get too sucked in so he has something to play next time.

After all that, during a mid-August day while Rin sits on his couch and watches T.V., he receives a facetime call from you for the very first time. At first, he just lets it ring. But when it keeps ringing - he figures your persistence is going to continue unless he replies.

He looks around. No one's home, so he doesn’t need to go to his room. He swipes, and the call connects. The screen shows him, propped up against something with a full shot of your room. You’re turned away from the camera. Rin just stares.

“Oh, shit - did you actually pick up?”

“Should I hang up.”

“No! No, I just wasn’t expecting you. Don’t hang up. I need a guy's opinion.”

“What? What for?”

“I got in a fight with my brother about a dress I bought,” You say, exasperated, and Rin is surprised because you hardly see him. “I know he’s probably looking out for me but I don’t think we talk enough for him to be telling me how to dress.”

“He’s older than you, right? Maybe you should listen to him.”

“You’re the last person I want to hear that from. Either way, I’m not a kid. I’m already 18 and I’m going to college. It’s a cute dress! I feel like it’s fine.”

“So..why’d you call me again?”

“I’m gonna try it on and show you. Murata-senpai is busy.”

“You shouldn’t do that to a guy who likes you.” Rin deadpans. You laugh.

“Shut up. I really need an opinion. I wanted to wear it to go out today so if it’s actually too provocative then I have to change my outfit.”

“Where are you even going?”

“My friend needs to get a concealer, so probably the mall or something. After that I’ll go buy some stationary.”

“Alone? What about your friend?”

“She’s gonna go see her boyfriend.”

“Why can’t you just go with them? Or ask them to go with you”

“And third wheel? I’m good. I just need some stationary and then I’ll be home. Easy peasy. Anyway, what’s with the interrogation?”

“It’s not interrogation.” He insists. You’re offscreen so Rin can’t see you, but he can hear the sound of a zipper echo in the speakers. He’s also sure you’re rolling your eyes.

When you come on camera, the dress of the hour is on display. Rin’s first thought is to tell you to take it off. It is too provocative to him. The front is fine as is, but it’s nearly backless and it’s cut too high on your thighs. He’s never seen so much of your skin. Maybe that’s a given, since he didn’t go to the beach with you either.

You give him a quick spin, before patting the front down. You say something, but the words don’t register. It feels like his brain is full of cotton or something.

“So? Too much? I mean it’s backless but like. I don’t know, it’s kind of loose? And the sleeves are long. Neckline isn’t that bad, either.”

Rin just says what he thinks “You shouldn’t go out alone wearing it.”

You frown at him.

“That’s not helpful, Rin-kun.”

“It’s…fine. What time does your friend have to go?”

“Probably right after we’re done.”

He sighs.

“Tell her to go with her boyfriend early. I’ll come with you to get your stationary.”

“Wait, what? Did I hear that right? You’re coming to get me? After I’ve been hounding you to hang out? What’s with the change of heart?”

“I don’t have anything to do since it’s a rest day. You need stuff and I don’t think you should be out alone. Don’t read into it.”

“Kinda hard not too but I’m not gonna complain. Are you coming right now?”

“Yeah. Send me your address.”

Rin has no idea what impulse has brought him here.

That’s not entirely true. What brought him to your apartment towards the end of summer is impulse. He acted on nothing but impulse.

Rin, for better or for worse, finds that you’re clueless about yourself. The fact you were going to call Murata-senpai is already bothering him enough. That, along with the fact you wore the dress and didn’t think it was too short is troubling. It’s not that Rin wants to tell you what not to wear. He doesn’t have the right but you did ask.

Anyway, it’s a lot less agitating if you’re being accompanied while wearing it. Going alone in something like that, even if it’s the middle of summer, would be stupid.

Rin doesn’t make it a habit of worrying about the outfits of girls he doesn’t know. He does know you though. He thinks you’d be really annoying if something happened and you got upset about it. So, all he’s doing is preventing that outcome. It’s nothing more than that.

He knocks on your door as he shakes the thoughts out of his head, and he’s greeted by a man in his late twenties. It dawns on Rin that this is your brother. He really didn’t think this through.

Your brother is an imposing person. He’s a head taller than Rin with a gruff voice and a scar on his cheek. Rin stares at him blankly.

“Who are you?”

“Itoshi Rin. I’m here for—”

“Nii-san, tell Rin-kun to come inside and sit! I’m not done getting ready.”

Your brother glares at him.

“Who’s he? Your boyfriend? Is that why—”

You come stumbling out of your room, half-dressed and Rin immediately averts his eyes. This is the most uncomfortable experience of his life.

“He’s not my boyfriend. He already rejected me, so we’re just friends. Stop fussing and let him in, it’s hot out.”

“He rejected you?”

Rin should just leave.

“I already knew he was going to. Now move,”

Rin doesn’t enjoy being involved in your sibling quarrel. Suddenly, he feels a twinge of regret about some old Bluelock memories. He understands it now more than ever, gaining a little empathy.

Your brother moves out of the way. You’re standing in the hall, with a single stocking on and powder on your face he’s pretty sure is meant to be brushed. You grin at him.

“Sorry! I won’t be long, promise. You got here faster than I thought you would.”

Rin can feel a pair of eyes in the back of his skull.

“Uh. Yeah. I took the bus so it was quick.”

“It might be uncomfortable here. Do you wanna sit in my room instead? It’s colder but it’s kind of a mess—”

“He can sit here.” Your brother insists. Rin is never leaving his house again. You frown.

“Didn’t I already tell you we’re not dating? He’s not even interested in me, it’s not like anything is gonna happen.”

“It’s the principle of it.” Yeah. Definitely siblings.

“Whatever. If you make him uncomfortable, I’m gonna yell at you. Rin-kun, sorry. Do you need anything? Juice? Water?”

Your hospitality throws him off. You’re different at home.

“Uh. No. I’m okay.”

“Okay, then I’ll hurry and get dressed. Nii-san, please be civil.”

With that, you flounce back up to your room. Your brother is staring hard in Rin’s direction. He’s not intimidated. It’s just… so awkward it’s kind of unbearable for him. What do people usually do in this situation? Rin’s not exactly the sociable type.

“She confessed to you?”

Rin is startled.

“Uh. Yeah. In April.”

“And you’re friends?”

“She asked to be friends.”

Your brother looks distressed.

“I don’t understand that girl at all.”

Rin doesn't either.

“What’s she like in school?”

Rin stares. Oh. He’s that kind of older brother.

“Uh. Busy. She’s in the newspaper club so she’s always doing something. She has a lot of friends and gets along with our class.”

“I see…that’s good. I’m always worried about her. Our family has always been busy and I moved out when I was 18 so… we don’t see much of each other. She doesn’t talk about herself that much either.”

Rin nods absently. What circle of hell is this?

“She probably thinks I’m just being overprotective,” Bullseye “But I just worry she grew up too fast.”

Rin thinks if he were a different kind of guy, now would be the time he gives your older brother an encouraging heart to heart. The script is there. It’s just not how he honestly feels. Rin doesn’t take pleasure in defending you. But it’s hypocritical and a little ridiculous to hear it from him.

Some of it is leftover resentment from Sae. The rest is knowing you.

You did grow up too fast. From what he knows about teenage girls, they’re supposed to be…meaner. More hysterical. More inconsiderate. Less responsible and more in the moment. Messy. All teenagers are, really.

For all the ways you are clumsy and ridiculous, sometimes Rin thinks you’re too off-puttingly mature. It wouldn’t kill you to be more selfish. To be just a little less self-reliant. It’s not normal is it? To be so grateful for things you’re owed. It bothers him. Always has.

Rin knows what the script is. But it bothers him.

“If you know that then you don’t really have any right to intervene,” Rin says bluntly. “Suddenly acting protective and considerate when she grew up on her own is just going to feel stifling. Aren’t you just trying to make yourself feel better?”

He looks surprised by his answer. Hurt too.

“I guess that’s right,”

He frowns.

“If you actually care, just be honest. She’s not the type of person to turn someone away on a grudge.”

Before Rin can feel embarrassed about what he’s said, you come stumbling down the steps all dressed up. Your brother gives you a look.

“Do you need any money?”

You look at him confused then shake your head no.

“Okay. Stay safe and have fun.”

He turns to leave. You watch him go. Rin puts his hands in his pockets like he’s trying to wipe himself of it.

“Weird… anyways. Ready to go?”

“Yeah.”

Your outing goes well.

Outing. Not a date. No matter how many times people mistake you two for being on a date today - it was nothing more than an outing.

You start with stationary for the upcoming term, then you drag Rin to the mall because you need some more clothes. After that, you go into a bookstore to pick up some manga. Rin has fun there because he gets to pick out some new releases and you bond mutually over your tastes. Rin learns both like thrillers. You spend a lot of time together, reading over his shoulder.

It’s not a date. But it wasn’t bad. He’s so used to talking to you that the entire situation doesn’t feel uncomfortable at all. You’re funnier than he’s usually willing to give you credit for. Doing all that, plus train rides, makes it so you’re not home until sundown. You, however, refuse to end the night without having some kind of treat. After a lot of begging Rin to cheat on his meal plan, the two of you get ice-cream and you drag Rin to a local playground. Apparently you bring your neighbors' kids here sometimes.

Now he’s here. Sitting on swings with ice-cream and it is still not a date. Rin has no opinions on the day but you’re practically bursting at the seams with happiness. The dress you’re wearing is hiking up on your thigh from how you’re sitting. He was right to accompany you, by the way. The amount of creeps he’s had to stare down today alone is outright disgusting.

Rin takes a spoonful of ice-cream and lets it melt in his mouth. You let your feet hit the mulch beneath you as you lick the ice-cream carefully - trying desperately not to let it spill on your hand. He watches on in amusement. After you finally get a handle on it, you give him a small look.

“I had fun today,” You say sentimentally. Rin feels his stomach tie in knots “Thank you.”

He frowns.

“Gross. Stop that.”

“Aw, c’mon. You’re so edgy. Just admit you had fun! You had a fantastic and whimsical time.”

He gives you an unimpressed stare.

“Really? Nothing? You’re not feeling the flames of youthful joy in your loins at all?”

“Describing it like that is disgusting.”

“So you admit you know what it is.”

Rin wants to smile. Fuck, he hates you.

“...It wasn’t bad.”

You grin. You’re so annoying.

“Ladies and gents, we got an ‘it wasn’t bad’ from the ever soulless Itoshi Rin!”

Stupid. So stupid.

“It was more tolerable than hanging out with some of my other dipshit friends.”

You clasp a hand over your mouth dramatically.

“Oh…Oh wow… Do you want to try proposing next? The set-up is there. Perfect ambience.”

His face cracks into a begrudging smile.

“You’re insufferable.”

You suddenly go quiet. When Rin looks at you, you’re stunned

“Why’re you being weird?”

“No, sorry, I was just thinking I really like you,” You say, like it’s the easiest and most natural thing in the world “I’ve never seen you smile before. It’s nice.”

“...Your ability to say cringy shit like that so easily is astounding to me.”

“I don’t want to hear this from the guy who unironically uses lukewarm,” You say, biting into your ice-cream cone. Rin blushes. “Besides, nothing wrong with being cringe when you’re in love.”

“Freak.”

You give him a thumbs up.

“One of a kind.”

There’s a beat of silence. It’s comfortable. Rin eats his too, probably a little slower than he has to. Summer feels heavy in the air.

“You weren’t always like..an edgelord, right?”

Rin stares at you, perplexed by how sudden the question is.

“Where’d you hear that from?”

“Your mom after dinner. You already went upstairs. Said you had a nasty fight with your brother.”

He doesn’t say anything, posture stiffening at the mention of Sae.

“It’s not your business.”

“Hey. No need for the attitude. I’m curious as your number one fan.” You say, trying to back off as much as possible. Like he’s some kind of feral cat you’re trying to calm. “Don’t be mad, okay? You don’t have to talk about it.”

You try your best to be soothing and Rin softens

He is angry. Not at you. Not really. The mention of Sae just does that to him. And if anyone else even thought to bring it up - he’d probably tell them to go fuck themselves with nothing but bitter hatred.

With you, there’s not any of that. There’s a lingering sense of hesitance - an internal conflict, but not anger. Rin’s never enjoyed opening his heart to anyone.

Even so, he feels compelled to tell you, so he does.

“My brothers a dick,” Resentment seeps into his words “He came back from overseas and then basically insulted me for a minute straight. We were always meant to play soccer together but he went through something. He changed. We never talked about it,”

“What? He insulted you for no reason? That’s so weird. Did you always have a bad relationship?”

Rin sits with himself quietly.

“I don’t know if we have one now. We were close as kids. At least.”

“And he just… came back and started being an asshole to you? Seriously?”

Rin nods. There’s not much else to the story. Rin’s tried hard not to think about the situation itself. He only uses the feelings that stayed behind to make him better. To give him a reason to play - it’s motivation and nothing more. If he starts to view it too much like what it is, betrayal, he’s afraid everything inside of him will collapse.

“There’s probably more to it than that,” You conclude thoughtfully. Rin thinks the same “But still. You’re his baby brother. Even if he’s going through something…”

Rin scoffs “You sound like you’re worried about him.” It comes out more petulantly than he expects

“Not really. Not as much as I’m worried about you,” You counter, giving him a small smile. Rin feels his heart leap into his throat “I just figure, you know, maybe thinking about it like that would help. You were close right? Your mom said he used to dote on you,”

Rin nods. He feels his chest swell and tighten.

“Then…I bet it sucked. I bet it was hard. Or at least, it must’ve been lonely to go through that,” You say, frown deepening “Such a sudden change would be hard for anyone to deal with, I think. It’s okay if you feel like it’s unfair. His reasons aside.”

You sigh, suddenly, covering your hands with your face.

“What?” Rin asks. You shake your head.

“You poor thing. I wanna hug you to death you know. A good squeeze. I’m trying to refrain.” You say, stomping your feet just slightly. He feels a flush crawl up his neck, turning his head to look away.

“...It’s not like I’m stopping you.”

He doesn’t have the courage to look at you. Not as he says it, or after to steal a glance of what face you're making. Instead, he hears the metal of the chain and feels the warmth of your body. It’s a tight hug. You’re standing and he’s sitting, your arms around his neck, his face directly against your chest. He widens his eyes. He wants to yell at you for being a defenseless idiot, but the feeling of being hugged so tightly washes the words away. You’re soft…and warm. He’s never been hugged by someone who isn’t his mom or brother before, and he can’t remember the last time either thing happened to him. You pat his head.

Do you touch people like this often? So casually? Or is he special because you like him, he wants to ask. He wants to ask but doesn’t want to know the answer, pushing the feeling down as deep as he can make it go. He wraps his arms around you loosely, above your waist trying to be respectful.

But he leans into the warmth. Like it’s something that happens once in a lifetime.

“Hey, Rin.” You say, soft. He can feel the warmth of your breath against his hair.

“Hn.”

“I hope you kick your brother's ass in soccer.”

You sound teary. Weirdly, it makes Rin feel better.

“Yeah.”

School starts up again during September.

The autumn season welcomes warm colors, fallen leaves and the sort of cool weather that puts the summer uniforms back up on the hangers. Rin is listening to music when he spots you waiting for him at the gate, waving your hand at him. He has half a mind to ignore you, you’re so embarrassing.

But before he can pretend not to see, you’re jogging over to him. He has to stand so you don’t end up bumping into him. You walk like you were born backwards, two left feet with such little awareness of your surroundings it stresses Rin out.

He gives you a blank stare as you smile, securing your bag to your shoulder.

“Look what the cat dragged in,” You say warmly. Rin pauses to look at you. You look different somehow. Lately you always do, Rin wonders if you’ve picked up some weird shape-shifting in your time apart “Are you excited for the new semester, hm? Hmm?”

He keeps walking and you fall in step with him. You try but he’s too fast, so he slows just a little. He clicks his teeth, shaking his head, eyes taking in the view of the building in front him.

“Why would I be excited?”

You shrug.

“Because winter break is close? Because there’s fun leaves outside? Because it’s your birthday in 6 days?”

He stops dead in his tracks.

“What the hell? Why do you know that?”

“Your mom told me.” You say, skipping along happily to school like you didn’t just say something insane. His frown deepens.

“You have my moms number? You talk to my mom?”

“She loves me,” You say casually, turning only to look at him and stick your tongue out “And she’s nice. Get over it.”

With this, you rush into the building faster, giggling as you leave. Rin, frustrated, stomps after you.

Your time together at lunch continues into fall. It’s the third day of the term, September 6th and you’re sitting by his side. The two of you eat in casual silence now, falling into a regular routine. There’s something about the whole ordeal that makes Rin feel a little funny.

Friendship, as it stands, is still a lukewarm idea to him. But sprawled out next to you in a comfortable quiet isn’t the worst thing. The weather is cool enough to be nice and the daylight lasts for just the right amount of time to see sunset when he treks back home from practicing shooting into the net.

That kind of sentimental viewing of his surroundings is a bad habit he’s picked up from you. He can’t seem to shake it off. He’s tried at least, but Rin has been stopping to look at everything nowadays. The sun, the trees, the cars passing. Everything passes right by his life, slowly.

Eventually, eventually this whole thing will cease. You’ll never see Rin again and he’ll never see you - and you’ll part your separate ways. Thinking about that feels so stifling. But he figures since that’s the case, there’s probably not any harm in letting the time pass like this. As long as he’s still improving.

Your voice doesn’t catch him off-guard anymore, no matter how loud it is after a long bout of silence. You stuff something into your mouth, a tomato he thinks.

“Rin-kun,” You start, tilting your head to one-side “Are you doing anything for your birthday?”

“No.” He answers immediately because he never does. He hasn’t done much since Sae left home and now that he’s a third year and about to be 18, there’s even less of a desire to pull together a party and celebrate.

“What? Boo. That’s so lame.”

“Don’t be so childish.”

“I’m older than you, you dummy,” You say with such automation that Rin doesn’t even get the chance to process “You’re not even gonna have cake? Nothing?”

“My mom might but I don’t have any plans.”

“Your mom is so nice.”

“Stop.”

You frown at him but don’t say any more. You look like you have something on your mind. Probably something stupid, but Rin can’t help but wonder what’s making your brow crease so intensely.

“What?” He snips. You flick your eyes to him and shake your head.

“I just think it’s a waste,” You say simply, that tone of fondness seeping into it that Rin can’t get used to. “It’s such a big number, you know? A little cake and some show tunes or something would suffice.”

Rin scoffs.

“I don’t care about it. It’s pointless to me. Lukewarm” He says, before noticing your genuine sadness. He sighs a little to himself “Stop looking like a depressed mutt.”

“I’m not a dog.”

“I guess dogs are more well-trained.’

“Hey. Hey, what the hell do you mean by that?”

He ignores you.

“Anyway, stop worrying about it.”

You pout.

“Easier said than done.”.

Rin’s morning routine has been the exact same for two years.

He starts by opening the window, to let fresh air and sunlight come in through the glass. He feels like his room gets stale overnight and it wakes him up to taste the sun in the back of his mouth. He takes a deep breath of it, clearing out his lungs and blinking his eyes open.

After that he stretches. He unfurls a Bluelock brand yoga mat onto his carpeted floor and gets to his usual cycle. It’s integral for an athlete to keep their muscles stretched, functioning like a well-oiled machine. He has it down pat. He starts from the bottom up, stretching his legs and working up to his arms and shoulders. His legs always come first since he’s a striker, always focusing on the mobility of his calves and foot before he stretches out his thigh.

His core, then his chest and arms. When he’s done with all that - he practices yoga for fifteen minutes. Again with mobility but this time full body, like making sure each of his limbs work with each other without any stops. He’ll sit back down after those minutes are up to meditate for another fifteen - clear his mind of absolutely anything stuck in it. It’s the most peace he gets on any given day.

At the end, he sits with his feelings. Carefully, he undoes the wrapped clothed box around his heart and stares at it as it sits in his lap. Beating and raw and melancholy blue - so full of sadness and anger like it could burst at any minute. Revisiting his sadness and rage is a necessity. Sometimes it feels like only sadness. Only monochrome.

(He wonders if a day will come where that part of his routine is changed. If ever, he’ll unwrap his own heart only to see it pink or golden yellow or even a softer shade of red. He wonders if the colors ever change, or if time will fade them.)

All of this happens before he even brushes his teeth. The rest of his morning routine is keeping his room neat. He folds the comforter on his bed, puts any dirty clothes away, and gets dressed. He doesn’t really style his hair - it’s so pin straight after washing he normally just has to brush it to keep it nice.

After that he has breakfast, and checks through his bag. On days he has school he goes to school and comes back to practice. If he’s home alone - he picks one of many other things to do. He tends to practice closer to evening, taking a shower before he goes to sleep.

On the morning of Rin’s 18th birthday, he’s only really acutely aware of the date. His morning starts the exact same as it has everyday for nearly two years. Nothing to make him feel particularly different. When he looks in the mirror, he still sees his brother's face and when he looks at his heart it’s still a steely, melancholy blue.

When he comes down stairs, though - there’s a pair of shoes he doesn’t recognize. And there’s a humming traveling down the hall and always the way up towards him that he knows quite well.

He thinks, for a minute, he might still be dreaming. Why you would be in his house on a Saturday morning makes absolutely no sense otherwise.

He slips his feet into his gray slippers and treks into the living room, only to find you in view of the open kitchen. There’s a balloon attached to flowers and a spread of fruits on the table. Orange juice in a cold glass. You with his moms borrowed apron, humming contentedly as you bend over the stove.

Rin doesn’t know what the feeling is. He doesn’t know if he’s irritated or not. Just that it’s so overwhelming to see you in his kitchen, marching to the beat of your own drum like you always do.

“What the hell are you doing in my house?”

You startle when you hear his voice, whipping around to face him. Dramatically putting a hand on your chest - you shoot him an unfriendly glare.

“Well hello to you too.”

“Answer my question.” He demands. You click your teeth.

“Well, obviously I’m making breakfast. We’re celebrating your birthday.”

“Without telling me.”

You snap your fingers before giving him finger guns “Precisely. Genius deduction, Itoshi-sama.”

“What the fuck. Where are my parents.”

“They’re out on a day-trip! It’s a Saturday. They’ll be back here on Sunday afternoon. Read the note.”

“What were you gonna do if I had last minute plans?”

“You don’t though?” You say like knowing that is so obvious. He knows you asked but still “I guess I’d turn around and make my own breakfast. Give you your gift at school or something.”

“Why are you here?” He asks a little softer this time. With a little more emotion, just a touch. He never expects anyone to make a fuss about his birthday.

Rin doesn’t really ask for much. Certainly wouldn’t ask for this on his own accord. That’s a vain thing to do, right?

It occurs to Rin that this is the kind of birthday you do for someone you like. Someone you love. You’re always confessing your feelings to him. You only say it when you’re sure. It wasn’t like Rin didn’t know you had feelings for him, because the point of it all had been for you to try and get rid of them. Or honor them, or deal with them in whatever way you saw fit. Rin had agreed on a whim to help you with that. Your friendship had started with the very notion that you liked Itoshi Rin and he didn’t like you back. It’s not some secret.

When the light pours in through the windows and hits your back and for the first time - Rin understands what the fuss is about being in love is. He’s sure that this strange, grotesque warmth is the aftermath of being liked. He always thought it’d feel more simple. That he’d remain unmoved in the face of it because he was different.

It’s not like he’s unloved. He’s sure his parents love him. His brother did too. Still does, Rin thinks.

But it’s the first time someone has made their feelings so clear to him. Someone who isn’t supposed to love or like him. And even Rin, chronically apathetic, can’t bring himself to ignore the weight of knowing that. He stares at you, dumbstruck.

You’re still turned to him. There’s a cool tumbler of iced-coffee sitting on the counter that you sip, head tilted to one side.

“Well, I don’t know,” You start, a hand on your hip “It just felt like too much of a waste to do nothing on your birthday. But you’re not the kind of guy who likes big celebrations. So I thought maybe just hanging out would be more your speed.”

Rin swallows. “Seriously?”

“Seriously.”

“Bold thing to assume.”

You frown back.

“Well, I was gonna invite Isagi-kun—“

“Isagi? How do you know Isagi?”

“He saw me leaving your house ‘cause he was gonna visit. After we talked he followed me on Instagram. Anyway, I was gonna invite him and Bachira and all four of us could go to a movie,” You explain as you sigh and go back to the stove “But he said you’d probably just want to hang out with me.”

“…And he didn’t say anything else?”

“Well he asked if we were dating so I just told him the truth. Really nice guy, by the way.”

Rin’s going to hound Isagi next time they practice together.

“So. Now you’re here… doing what exactly?”

“Making you breakfast. I’ll make you ochazuke for lunch later. Haven’t decided on dinner, I thought I’d ask when you woke up. Your mom said you liked traditional breakfast but I didn’t think I’d be done by the time you woke up so there’s fruit.”

Sure enough, when Rin walks over to the other side of the table - there’s a half done spread of breakfast on the table. All the dining ware is set up neatly, the table arranged so well he feels guilty for not helping.

“You didn’t have to do all this for me.” Rin tsks, a frown on his expression as he stands next to you. He watches you pour egg into a square pan, slowly evening out the layers.

“I wanted to,” You reply, not thinking twice about it. “I enjoy cooking for people. It’s fun. I normally just do it to feed myself, so it’s nice to share.”

He closes his eyes.

“Thanks.”

He’s afraid to look over at you, the excitement radiating off of you. It makes him uncomfortable that something so simple could make you so happy.

“Can you repeat that?”

“Don’t start.”

“Rin-chan,” You coo, immediately making him so embarrassed he wants to hit you “You’re so docile today.”

“I’m gonna kill you.” He says, hitting your shoulder as light as he can.

“Woah…how romantic. Dying on the day you were born? Jeez. I’m swooning.”

He looks at you blankly.

“Stop being gross. Where did you even get that from?”

“Too many things to count,” You say with a snap. He shakes his head.

“Is there anything I can help with?”

“How diligent. It’s fine! It’s your birthday, right? Sit. Eat some fruit. Pick out what you wanna do. I rented some games and there’s some movies I had in mind too. Make your agenda. “

Rin laughs to himself, lightly.

“Isn’t that supposed to be your job?”

“Don’t be stingy! I’m already making breakfast.”

Rin rolls his eyes.

“Yeah. Whatever.”

You end up back in Rin’s room.

After a healthy discussion about what he would like to do - Rin landed on wanting to do both. He picked out a copy of Resident Evil to play until after lunch and then decided to binge a bunch of movies after.

You even agree to accompany him while he practices. There’s 24 hours in a day and the plans are nothing more than vague suggestions - but deep down, it makes Rin kind of…well whatever. It’s not a bad plan.

Currently, you’re sitting at the foot of Rin’s bed with your hands tight around the controller of his PS4. Rin feels a little bad for you. While you do okay with horror movies, the immersion of horror games seems to frighten you enough that your eyes are glued onto the screen. As such, Rin is trying his best not to startle you as you lean forward every so slightly. The leg of your pants is pushed up just barely. You’re dressed cozy, so it’s funny seeing your head shrink into your hoodie.

“Why the fuck would you set it hardcore if this BOTH of our first times playing,” You whine, turning yourself into the next room carefully on screen “I’m scared.”

“You’re such a wuss,” He scoffs, leaning back from where he’s sitting next to you on his bed. “We’re never gonna make any progress like this.”

You stomp your feet and Rin resists the urge to laugh.

“Shut up, it’s scary.”

He nudges your shoulder with his knee.

“Stop complaining. You got to pick the character and I got to pick the difficulty.”

“I deserve to lust after Leon after the shit I’m getting put through,”

Rin scoffs at your declaration. The irritation is softened when you walk into the backroom faced with a zombie - a short scream leaving your lips as you mash buttons and use your gun to kill it quickly. You manage to dodge as much damage as you can, obviously trying not to waste limited resources. Even so it takes damn near 7 bullets. Despite your cowardice, you’re pretty good at the game.

You loot the room for any possible supplies then leave. You turn the corner of the isle, a zombie filled gas station awaiting you. You manage to save bullets and stun the one closest to you before getting your shit completely rocked - quick to duck out. The first cut scene of the game comes next where you meet the other main character Claire. You gasp like you’ve been running, shoving the controller towards Rin.

“Your turn. Move, I wanna sit on your bed.”

“Why?”

“Cause it’s a weekend and I have a right to be lazy. Shoo. On the floor.”

“You’re getting way too comfortable in my house on my birthday.”

Rin, does, go sit on the floor where you were. Mostly because it’s a better position to play the game in. At least it has minimal back support. The cut scene plays in the background, nothing difficult as the main characters go to the next area - the police station and the technical start of the game. Rin hasn’t played the remake, but he did longingly watch some playthroughs while he was in Bluelock during its release.

He had never mentioned it to you, so he was shocked you knew enough about it to bring it over. He likes survival horror and he was always wanting to play it.

“Me and your mom are best friends so I practically live here anyways. Also shut-up and look.”

He does shut up, too invested in the story to be annoyed. The main characters get separated and Leon ends up in the streets.

For whatever reason, he’s conscious about proximity. Your knee next to his shoulder. You’re close enough to touch him casually and he’s wondering…hoping to know if you’re naive enough to do it without thinking. It feels like a stroke of luck, or maybe a form of mind-reading when you reach for his hair with your fingers. He wonders if you’re doing it on purpose. He thinks he should tell you to stop.

But when you ask “Is this okay?”

He can’t find the strength in himself to do it. He focuses on the scene in front of him, weaving through the cars to shake off a horde of zombies. Rin grabs the controls, immediately turning around to try and stun a group of zombies before turning into the gate so he can head to the station.

His heart is racing and his eyes almost feel cross from how much he’s focusing but it’s not exactly the game. The game isn’t even that scary, as much as it’s gory he thinks.

“I don’t care but,” He says through a breath, trying to sound like he means it and that he’s not so conscious of the way your pinky lingers on his nape “when’d you get so touchy?”

“I like touching you.” You reply, twirling a strand of hair around your fingers “Your hair is so silky and nice. I felt when I gave you a hug that one time and I kept thinking about it.”

Rin wants to say “Do you think about me that much?” but the words don’t come out how he wants.

“Do you touch everyone like this?”

You’re silent for a minute. It takes patience, effort - not to turn his head to see the look on your face. Though he probably knows it. He thinks he just wants affirmation from you.

“...No. Not really. I just like you.”

There’s a beat of silence - a pause designated for his rejection, the promise he made to you so many months ago. He knows what the script is. And he’s said it many times before. Not in a million years, right?

But he can’t bring himself to say it this time, so he doesn’t.

“Yeah. I know.”

___

Before Rin knows it, the day is coming to a close.

The entirety of it you spend together, with you faithfully stuck to him and without Rin feeling entirely suffocated. He isn’t sure why it’s so easy with you. Normally this much socialization would render him exhausted. Irritable at best and angry at worst. But he’s not. In fact even after his entire workout routine, he felt fine listening to you ramble. He didn’t need complete silence, but even when there were lulls and dips - it didn’t feel uncomfortable.

You didn’t get far in Resident Evil 2. Rin decides to cut it short since it’d definitely take a lot longer than all the time you had and there were movies he wanted to watch. When you whine about not being able to finish - he quietly told you to just come over next time and play it with him then.

He waited a year, so he can wait a little longer. Your face lit up idiotically, giddy with delight at the promise of next time. As promised, ochazuke was for lunch and after 30 minutes of digestion - he put it out of his mind as he did his daily drills. You joined him, insisting that you’d be fine doing nothing. Sat on the field with a book the entire time even though it was cold, tossing him his things whenever he took a break - smiling each time he talked to you.

(“You know you don’t actually need to stay with me the entire day.” He reminds you of this as he brings a bottle of water to lips, sweat dripping down the side of his head even in the cool weather. You turn your head up at him.

“When else am I gonna get to stick by your side all day? This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.”

“You’re so good at being annoying it’s impressive,” He says, dropping his water bottle back down “Aren’t you bored?”

“Huh? No way. I have my fun book to keep me company and on top of that I get to see you play in the flesh.”

Oh, yeah. You mentioned watching him when he was in Bluelock. “Well, it’s not like a match. But I’m not gonna keep asking, so whatever.”

“Yes, yes - I understand. Now go, shoo.”)

Even though Rin practiced for his usually long amount of hours, you sat with him diligently - even stopping to cheer him on when you needed a break from reading or studying or whatever else you were doing.

Upon returning, he went to shower and you went to warm up in the kitchen. After he was redressed and clean, he joined you downstairs to order take-out and have dinner.

Finally, it’s after dinner and you’ve banished Rin to his room while you set something up downstairs. He’s mostly scrolling twitter, watching soccer highlights from the accounts he follows. He’s just about comfortable when you finally call him back down, which irritates him enough to click his teeth but not enough to bring it up to you.

After a long day, when Rin finally comes back down stairs, walking down into the hall and back into the living room - he can’t help but be surprised at the change in scenery. All the lights have been turned low, and everything looks different. You’ve taken to decorating a wall of his living room after some rearranging. A white sheet hanging up with something, and a plethora of fairy lights in stripes going down it in a nice pattern.

There’s a banner and it looks hand-made. It spells out happy birthday, rin in neat, thick blue letters on cut-out white shapes, attached along the back wall. On the table in front, there’s some decoration along with nice paper plates and plastic cutlery and a cake in the middle that’s nicer than he’s expecting.

You beam at him as he walks in. And you’re stupid enough to be wearing a birthday hat, giving him jazz hands as he enters.

“Happy birthday!”

On paper, Rin thinks it’s been something of a boring birthday. He did what he normally would do on a day off but you cooked for him twice. He spent most of it with you, even though it was a lot of nothing. A lot of being together like you were roommates or something. Maybe that's why he’s so reluctant to admit that this is making him feel something.

That the silly theatrics feel meaningful. It is thoughtful, isn’t it? Rin doesn’t think anyone in his entire life has done anything this thoughtful for him. Birthdays are birthdays, and they’ve never really been especially meaningful. He didn’t see the point in just celebrating the day of someone's birth. Certainly, he doesn’t think he’d have it in himself to do something like this for another person.

Rin stares at you. Wearing a stupid birthday hat and the most gleeful, idiotic smile he’s ever seen. All of this for a guy who’s rejected you, but you seem to cherish so much anyways. Apathetic and ungraceful as he is and always will be - he’s so overwhelmed he doesn’t know what to do. What a strange, unrecognizable feeling welling up inside of him. And not even one feeling, but so many so tangled with each other - he can’t see anything straight. His eyes aren’t drawn to the candlelight, or the moon, or the cake.

It’s like a sense of tunnel vision. Where all Rin can really look at is you. It’s happened before. How can anyone be like this, he wonders. Are there people born into the world so unselfishly? And if they are, why would he ever cross paths with them? How could someone so easy to love have any business loving him, in the first place?

Rin won’t ever understand you. He accepts that. He’ll never be able to understand this kind of person. Someone who shines even brighter than the sun.

But he’s not so stupid to not understand himself. He’s unable to say the words he’d promised to you all the way in April. Rin doesn’t like to lie.

He would be lying, that is, if you told him just one more time that you liked him. He’d be lying if it told you it’ll never happen. He’d be lying if he said he doesn’t like you. And it’s not just because you like him, because that never mattered to him in the first place.

Some people are made to be adored. Born special and bright like everything should revolve around them. Perhaps that kind of thing is only afforded to people without ego. With heart and character and charisma.

It doesn’t matter. What a stupid thing to realize on his birthday of all days.

“Rin-kun?”

He blinks.

“Where’d you hide all of this?”

You laugh at him, bubbly and delighted.

“I brought it in a tote and kept it in the kitchen. Mostly stuff from my house, and your mom helped with the cake and stuff. It’s nice right? I did a good job, no?”

Ah. He’s fucked.

“It looks okay.”

You frown, huffing and puffing “Just okay? C’mon, don’t be stingy.”

“Doesn’t begging for compliments defeat the purpose of them.”

“Not to me,”

Your frown deepens and Rin is starting to feel the rose colored glasses set in.

“It’s nice. It’s good.”

“So you like it? You’re happy? Delighted, even? Absolutely overjoyed by-”

“Cut it out or I’m going to send you home.”

“No,” You whine, tugging on his sleeves like you’re worried he really will “I want cake.”

“Then let’s cut the cake?”

“We can’t,” You put your arms up in a cross and Rin gives you a look of confusion. “I promised I’d get a good picture of you.”

“What? Promised who?”

“Your parents, mostly. But also, you should post on your Instagram a little more, no? You’re basically a famous player already, you should have the courtesy to feed your fans.”

Before he can do anything to protest, you usher Rin to sit on the other side of the table before you back with his phone. He stares at you but you only look at him expectantly. Still, he unlocks it and hands it to you. He gives you an irritated sigh (though he isn’t really irritated).

“This is stupid.”

“It’s a good thing to capture memories, you dummy. Now smile,” You say, holding up the camera after some angling “Or don’t. The people do love a good scowl.”

That makes him want to smile. He’s awkward in the photos but he does stay still for them, trying his best not to look ridiculous. You take a few, then pause to come up to the table and light the candles in front of him. He hears the camera shutter one more time before you look up at him over the edge.

“Ready to blow out your candles?”

“I guess.”

Before Rin can do anything about it, he listens to you sing happy birthday - poorly with too much enthusiasm. You’re tone deaf and passionate all at the same time - singing each word with a dramatic flair until you’re on the final word. You can’t clap because you’re recording but you do cheer as he burns the candles out. Once it’s over you stop recording, looking down and swiping through the pictures.

“They turned out good. You should post them.”

“...You’re done taking them?”

You tilt your head to one side.

“Yeah?”

“We didn’t get any together.”

Your eyes widen like he said something shocking.

“...You wanna take them together?”

He scoffs.

“We spent the whole day together.”

You flush, suddenly embarrassed and god.

“I just wasn’t expecting you to want that. I mean we’re friends but-”

“Shut up. And come here.”

So you do, phone still in hand as you mess with your appearance.

“Do you want to take it or do you want me to?”

“Oh, uh lemme just-” You go through a bunch of filters and find one before handing it to him, a nervous expression “You take it cause your arm is longer and you’re taller.”

Rin just nods. Takes the phone from you, and lets you pose a little before he takes the photo. He hands it back to you so you can see, and watches your eyes light up as you stare at it. Stupid.

“It came out nice.” You say. You save it onto his phone before handing it back to him. “Send it to me later?”

“Yeah.”

You give him another grin and Rin takes his phone from you, going through the pictures as he opens up Instagram. He guess it wouldn’t hurt to post. You leave his side, saying something about cutting the cake. But he isn’t looking, really.

He drafts a post as he waits for you. He likes the picture you took together best and decides to put it second. He never has any idea on how to caption these which is why he doesn’t want to post it in the first place. He glances at you, then sighs internally.

itoshirin._ posted for the first time in a while. posted 7 mins ago. liked by isagi_yoichi, bachiraaaaa, and others. itoshirin._ ; 09.09.2002. thanks for everything, stupid. isagi_yoichi commented: no way you’re getting a girlfriend before me. life is so unfair and cruel. isagi_yoichi commented: oh happy birthday btw bachiraaaaa commented: RIN-CHAN !!!! HAPPY BIRTHDAY ٩(◕‿◕｡)۶ official_itoshisae: happy birthday. itoshirinsnumberonefan: WHO IS THAT?? yo_hiori: happy birthday!

“Rin, I cut the cake!”

He puts his phone on DND before taking a plate of cake from your hand.

The clock strikes two, and you’re still at Rin’s place.

After a long binge of horror movies, you’re both comfortably in each other's space - only inches away, talking about nothing. The movie ended a little over half an hour ago.

He’s still doing just that, listening to you chatter away next to his ear. The room is completely dark minus the soft glow of the T.V. which gives just enough light for Rin to gaze at your face. Your eyes are wide and sparkly, still, even though it seems like the tiredness is getting to you too.

Neither of you wants to stop talking. You’ve started discussing manga - particularly Rin's favorite manga.

“Ciguatera was interesting,” You say, hugging one of his pillows close to your chest. “I wasn’t sure what to expect.”

“I’m shocked you read it. Seriously. I thought you would’ve forgotten the minute after I told you.”

“Well, yeah. You recommended it, so obviously I wanted to at least try,” You say with a breathless laugh, turning over to face him. You’re facing each other, he realizes a second too late “You’re such a boy, by the way. Weekly young magazine? Really.”

“Shut up.” He says, with no real bite to his words “What were you expecting?”

“Dunno. Didn’t think you were interested in romance of all things. Especially cause Ogino’s kind of a loser.”

“There was other stuff in it.” He points out. You chuckle.

“Yeah. Way raunchier and darker than I thought. But it was mostly about romance. So, I was surprised to say the last.”

“What,” Rin starts, partially offended by the implication “Do you think I'm a soulless machine or something?”

“Well no,” You frown, shaking your head as you stare at him “But you’ve rejected every confession you’ve ever gotten, even from some of the prettiest girls in our entire grade. So I didn’t think you had any interest in that kinda thing.”

He scoffs.”You’re stupid.”

“You tell me all the time,” You point your fingers and place them under your chin. “Why did you reject them, by the way? Just trying to focus on soccer?”

He feels flush, explaining. Turning his gaze to the ceiling, he sighs.

“None of those people actually had feelings for me. It wasn’t meaningful in any way.”

“And you want it to be meaningful?”

“There’s no point being in a relationship with someone I don’t like and barely know. And who doesn’t really care to get to know me. I’m busy enough with soccer, and I don’t have time to entertain lukewarm relationships like that.”

“What an unexpectedly sentimental reason. How soft of you Rin-kun.”

“Shut up.”

There’s a pause of thoughtful silence where you hum and lay flat on your back, reaching your hand up towards the ceilings. Rin can’t do much more than look.

“You know. How I said I’ve been watching you since you were in Bluelock?”

“Yeah.”

“Y’know. I always thought you looked really sad back then. I might’ve been reading too much into it but,” You smile, corners of your lips upturned while you giggle “It’s like…weirdly relieving to see you like this.”

“Like what?”

“You’re like…just a boy,” You say wispy and delighted “A normal boy who reads shitty raunchy magazines and thinks about love. It’s comforting somehow. Makes me feel special. I really like you. A little more every day, it feels like.”

Another beat of silence. He thinks you can sense the hesitance of his rejection. There’s such a tangible shift in the atmosphere. If Rin stretches his hand out to touch it, he thinks he’d push through an impossible barrier and keep falling in it forever. He thinks it would swallow him.

He isn’t sure what it is. If it’s an act of bravery, or a sudden uptick in adrenaline, or if the exhaustion of a long day is finally starting to hit. Maybe it’s just these feelings that keep overwhelming him that make his body move. Something outside of his mind, nestled in his ribs, that has him inching closer to you.

He flips until he’s hovering over you. Your eyes widen and you stare at him. He stares back, like he almost can’t believe himself.

“Rin-kun?”

And he freezes. The confidence dissipates as soon as he finds it but now he’s above you, on top of you. You’re messy and flush from the day. Your mascara is smudged and your lipgloss is gone - leaving a faint sheen on your mouth that matches your skin. Your hoodie is rumpled around the shoulders - one of the sleeves pulled to your elbows. Rin really gets a look at you. Cognizant of the fact he spent all day with you. That’s why you look worn and sleepy and so unbelievably cute. So cute it annoys him. Irritates him half to death.

You open your mouth again, only to close it. It almost feels like he can hear your heart. Or maybe it’s his. It’s hard to know the difference.

“Is this a n-new kind of bullying?” You joke, trying to ease the tension. He frowns at you.

“Does it seem like I’m joking?”

Your eyes widen and you turn away. Rin wants to make you look.

“Well no but…” And you squirm a little “what are you doing?”

He doesn’t know, either.

“I don’t know.” He admits, and you laugh a little breathless and the tension is so thick Rin can’t swallow around it “I want to kiss you.” He blurts out. Awkward and uncharismatic and clumsy.

A bout of silence.

“...Am I going insane? Did you just say you want to kiss me?”

“I did.”

More silence.

“Why? Wouldn’t that make me your first kiss?”

“It would.”

“And isn’t that like… reserved for your special someone?”

“It is.”

“Rin-kun,” You breathe out, blinking in disbelief “Do you even know what you’re saying?”

“I do.”

You’re a little more serious this time. You put your hand on his shoulder. He feels like the Earth is gonna fall from under his feet.

“Stop messing with me.”

“I’m not.”

You frown.

“Do you really want to kiss me?”

“Yeah,” He can’t think “I do.”

You reach up for him. You’re more experienced with this kind of thing and it shows as you cup the nape of his neck. He doesn’t finch. He doesn’t look away from you either, as your thumb brushes under his eyes - the both of you so wrapped up in each other nothing matters. Rin would stay in this forever, if someone gave him the option.

“W-we have to talk about this afterwards, okay?”

“Okay.”

“I’m serious, Itoshi Rin. Because you can’t just—”

Your palm cups his cheek and he rubs against it instinctively. He sees your eyes widen and you swallow - a frown still etched into your features.

“I know. I’m sorry.”

Your voice goes as soft as a whisper.

“You’re so unfair.”

He almost laughs.

“Please kiss me.” He asks, so silently it almost goes unheard but he knows you hear it because your lips press into a thin line before you’re pulling Rin down towards you. Your lips are soft. And warm. And they taste faintly like whip-cream and the slight sour of strawberries and your hands are so gentle. Somehow he feels at ease even though he feels like he’s going to implode on himself from nerves.

Just a little deeper before you pull away and stare at him. Rin looks back, eyes jumping from your lips up to your eyes and back down to your lips. You open your mouth to say something. Mumbling his given name only for him to cut you off with another kiss, a little deeper this time. The way it shuts you up is so cute it almost makes him angry. How it muffles your words, tapers off into a noise of surprise and ends up just back at a kiss.

He’s never felt like this kind of thing was a viable option. Itoshi Rin is an antisocial, angry, and apathetic soccer protege and he has no time in the world for anything lukewarm. He’s rejected every confession he’s ever received in his life and always thought of relationships as something far off and disconnected to him in his entirety.

Perpetually unloveable but maybe not in such an angsty, vulnerable way. Like a law of the universe. A truth, like thinking of him, means to postulate that he is that way. A prerequisite to understanding him.

Rin doesn’t like things that are half-ass. Perhaps, part of the reason he likes you so much is because you’ve proved him wrong in such an utterly defeating way. The fact your very existence is by and large, the antithesis of this truth.

Itoshi Rin is not only loveable, but he is capable of loving. There is evidence of it, right underneath him now - with soft lashes and wet eyes and the brightest smile that could ever exist.

And it’s haunting for more reasons than one. But he likes how unyielding the revelation is. You’re worried he’ll want to avoid it, and he does. But he doesn’t think he could forever, even if he tried.

He’s confident if he made the attempt, you’d come barreling towards him once more. With all the confidence in the world. It makes him want to at least try to face it.

Which is why he’s kissing you a second, third, and fourth time. Which is why he’s looking at you in between, wide blue eyes transfixed on every part of your face. He’s trying to face what daunts him most, not like but love and the difference is more important as the days pass.

You pull away, finally - put a hand on his chest and stare.

“Rin-kun,” You whisper, uncertain of yourself which he hates. “I like you. I really like you.” And again, a little softer “And I want you to like me too,” Like that had been the biggest secret of all. Something you’d never told anyone, even once.

Rin can’t imagine it. Have you been holding in something like this all this time? He only realized a couple hours ago and it already feels like he’s going to rip apart at the seams.

“I do. I do like you.”

“Really? Forreal? Seriously? You’re not pulling my leg? Yanking my chain?”

He knocks his forehead against yours.

“Be quiet. How can you be this stupid in the middle of getting confessed to?”

You pout. Pout at him, all whiny. God.

“It doesn’t feel real to me.”

He laughs humorlessly. “It’s all a dream. You’ll forget it all in the morning.”

“Stop being mean to me.”

He has to be. If he’s not you’re going to see right through him.

“No,” He says instead “Stop being so ridiculous first.”

“An impossible ask to the world's most ridiculous girl.”

He smiles a little.

“That’s a good name for you. I’ll change your contact.”

“Nooo,” You say again, this time pulling him down for a hug. His eyes widened. And he’s unfair? “Be nice to your girlfriend.”

He doesn’t have anything to say to that. It flusters him too, admittedly. Before he can think of a counter, you yawn big and wide. Rin is still on top of you and neither of you have brushed your teeth. He was planning on putting you up in the guest room, but currently you’re clinging to him half-away. And he has no such plans of telling you to move.

“I’m so tired.”

Rin feels like he’s going to pass out, He mumbles.

“You can sleep.”

“Want you to sleep too.”

Rin closes his eyes. He couldn’t refuse even if he wanted to. You’ll have to talk about it in the morning.

“Okay.”

“Rin? Where’s your frie—oh!”

Rin stirs the minute his mom enters the room. It only takes him a minute to regain consciousness and by the time he’s awake - he’s already regretting not locking his door.

He continues to pretend to be asleep. He thinks you still are because you’re comfortably slotted in his arms. Rin is so embarrassed he wants to die. He hears his mom gasp, and then quietly shouts for his father to come to his room.

“What are you—oh.”

Rin is going to have the worst morning of his life whenever they leave. He remains still. He hears the shutter of a camera and grits his teeth all the way in the back of his jaw.

“Oh this will make a great wedding photo.”

His dad laughs a little to himself, ushering his mother out of the room “Don’t get carried away,”

When the door finally clicks, Rin opens his eyes and lets out a breath of relief. Much to his shock, he also feels you stir. His eyes widen when you turn to him, your face painted in utter mortification before you bury it in your hands. He stares at you as you groan, kicking your feet.

“Oh god I’m going to cry. How am I going to face her? Oh my god”

Rin scoffs a little at your dramatics. It calms him down in a strange way “She’s not gonna say anything to you. She’s probably only going to bully me about it.”

“I’ve forsaken you, mother-in-law”

Rin nudges your ribs, blush crawling up his face.

“Shut up.”

Up until three weeks ago, Rin didn’t take issue with the way you interacted at school.

You two have a pretty strict policy about it. Though you’re in the same class and you chat occasionally in the halls - you tend to avoid Rin where you can. Originally, this made sense. For the sake of his comfort and yours, the best choice was sneaking to the roof together to eat where you could remain mostly undisturbed.

As such, Rin has never been particularly consciousness of your presence in the classroom. For starters, you’re always somewhere. A busybody of the highest pedigree and always running errands - even if Rin were to try to talk to you he can only really find you 20 percent of the time. Secondly, unlike Rin, you have a handful of friends surrounding you. Rin has interacted with them very briefly but you (seemingly for his sake) try not to force him out of his comfort zone too much by making you all sit together. The most Rin has gotten from them is a single knowing smirk or glance.

And lastly, before three weeks ago, it would’ve been a big problem if people started getting onto either of you about a relationship that didn’t exist. That would've been all around awkward and uncomfortable and maybe would’ve deterred your future endeavors with other guys.

That was when you and Itoshi Rin were in fact not dating.

Three weeks into your relationship and nothing much has changed, though nowadays you come over to his house on weekends where you can. You’ve even been on one date after his dad (of all people) hounded him about never taking you on a proper one.

You text the same as you did before, and you call Rin a little more often. Usually for the purposes of rambling so much you tucker yourself out and fall asleep.

But at school, Rin only really sees you for the spare minutes of lunch and not much more than that. He’s never really thought about it before. It was never enough of an issue to warrant his intervention.

It’s not like he cares, okay?

But he’s more aware of it, now - frustratingly enough. You really don’t see each other often enough in school and you have many more guy friends than he had ever considered before. Every time he catches you and Murata-senpai trekking down the hall he feels his blood pressure rise.

You and Rin have both decided, though. Despite his posting of you, neither of you have confirmed the relationship. Rin is immune to the prying and you’re good at dodging it altogether. This is the agreement.

It is therefore very irrational of him to be thinking of speaking up at this current moment in time.

Despite your mutual decision to keep things as private as possible, Rin has heard nothing but gossip about the situation for weeks. Outside of the usual, direct kind of prying - there’s whispers and stares and all sorts of other things. Rin doesn’t care about it. He’s used to it, it’s part of the gig and the neo-egoist league made him near immune.

It’s all the things directed at you that make him seethe. Misplaced jealousy and the disappointed remarks of guys in class that make him feel like his blood pressure is rising. The latter is what’s making him most irritated now. How fucking long are these idiots going to talk about this?

“Dude, you had like three years to confess,” Some idiot, who’s name Rin doesn’t know is still yapping “If she’s actually dating Mr.Popular then it’s on you for fucking yourself over.”

The other idiot in question groans, and Rin forces his face to remain impassive as he listens. He tries to stop listening. More than once, actually. But they just keep going.

“I didn’t think he’d actually do it dude. Like there’s no way, right? He rejected every single girl who ever confessed to him. I thought she was safe. And now my highschool love is forever ruined.”

Like he ever stood a chance. How ridiculous.

Another one of the goons speaks up “Dunno. Neither of them have said anything right? You miss all of the shots you don’t take.”

“Are you saying I should just confess to her anyway? She got posted on his Instagram dude.”

A smirk appears on Extra Three’s face “No confirmation means fair game. Stop being pussy and do it.”

“You think I stand a chance against that dude?”

Rin can feel all three pairs' eyes hit him at once.

“Nah. Not a chance. But you could always wait till she’s all heartbroken and comfort her, right? Hook, line, and sinker.”

“I hear when girls are heartbroken they’re like way more likely to let you—”

With that, Rin stands to his feet. He’s seething. It’s ridiculous. It’s stupid. He should definitely just leave to go cool his head but he’s so fucking angry it’s hard to sit still and he has no other way of dealing with his feelings. So he walks towards the table slowly, eyes darkened and just barely holding it in

He knows this is a bad idea. He can feel the whole classroom look at him as he slams his hand down on the desk. But he doesn’t care. He’ll deal with it later.

“You’d be fucking lucky if my girlfriend ever looked your way.”

As soon as Rin says it, there's a thud at the door-way of the classroom. When he looks up you’re there with your eyes widened. Rin just looks back, impassive and immune to the sudden uproar of whispers.

He only clicks his teeth when you grab him by the sleeve of his uniform - cracking a small smile as he hears the faint words “Just give up dude.” as he leaves.

Up on the roof top, you’re shaking Rin by the shoulders - visibly distressed.

“Hey! What the hell was that?”

“What.” He offers, not willing to budge on the situation. In the first place he’s a little irritated by all of it. And he’s a little irritated by how much you’ve been enforcing the no-talking rule. Right now, it really feels like he can’t take it anymore.

You frown deeply, distress only growing as the time passes in uncomfortable silence. Rin doesn’t want to be civil about it. About it and about you and about those idiots.

“We had an agreement!” You say, grabbing him by the front of his shirt, though it’s weak. He stares down at you.

“So what?”

“Rin, we talked about this. Don’t be like this.”

“Like what.”

“Pissy and weird. You’re being weird and I don’t like it. It’s making me sad.”

“How am I being—”

Before Rin can proceed with his sentence, he catches a glimpse of your face in the midst of his tantrum. Sad like a puppy who got its tail stepped on and about ready to cry, he immediately seals his mouth in fear of making it worse.

“Why are you doing that?” He spits.

“Doing what?”

“Being all sad and pathetic. Does it really bother you that much if people know we’re dating?”

“It’s not like that.” You assure.

“Then what is it?” Rin prods, frustrated but not wanting to make things worse “Why is it such a big deal?”

There’s a bout of silence before you sigh.

“Rin, you’re a huge soccer player. The people you’re dating and stuff - it’s a big deal,”

Rin cuts you off.

“That’s what you were worried about? My career?”

“Well, yeah.”

“You’re stupid.”

“Hey! I’m seriously worried about it and then you go and—”

He gives you a frown. He forgets all too often you’re like this. He’s used to your silly and unserious way of talking, so it slips his mind that you’re actually a massively responsible person. You probably have a point about it, thinking of the consequences of your relationship through hell and back. With a detached sense of rationality - Rin can recognize that you’re probably thinking about more things than this. Otherwise it wouldn’t be so touchy of a subject.

Nothing’s changed on paper, but everything will eventually. It’s something to think about, admittedly.

Honestly Rin doesn’t care what strangers think. He’s blunt and unfriendly. Always has been, and will continue to be through the majority of his career he’s absolutely sure. Even outside of Bluelock, he has almost no regard for the opinions of other people and what concerns them. Maybe it’s irresponsible, but Rin isn’t playing soccer for the approval of the populace and nothing will ever change that.

“If I thought that was something I should worry about, we wouldn’t be dating.”

You look up at him.

“You should be worried about it.” You emphasize.

“I’m not. I don’t care what any of those people think.”

“Then why’d you go and say something?”

Rin seethes.

“They deserved it.”

Your hand reaches for his cheek. He pauses and takes a deep breath, staring at you. He leans into your touch instinctively, frustration eased by the sensation. You stare back.

“Okay. We’ll announce it officially later, then.”

“Do we even need to do that? If you tell three people, half of our grade’ll find out anyway.”

“Are you saying my friends gossip?”

He doesn’t reply to that. You pout at him and Rin fights the urge to kiss you. There’s a beat of silence as you give him a hug - the two of you on the same roof you always are. Rin doesn’t mind it, wrapping his arms loosely around your waist.

“You know, it’s gonna get busy for me soon.” You mumble. So this is what else you were worrying about. “And for you. I have my entrance exam and the school is in Tokyo. And you’re gonna go back to Bluelock and—”

“It’ll be fine.”

“I’m worried about it anyways.”

“About what?”

“I’ll see you less. What if you stop liking me randomly and I can’t even hunt you down about it?”

Rin huffs “You’re insane enough to find me,” He drops his chin on your shoulder “Plus you talk to my mom.”

“You’re gonna be so busy.”

“I’ll come see you when I’m not.”

“And you’re going to be surrounded by the human equivalent of siren women someday soon.”

“I don’t care about that.”

“But you might.”

“I haven’t in eighteen years, you moron.”

“I’m gonna miss you all the time.” You say, sniffly and Rin is so struck with a feeling of affection he almost falls “I already miss you all the time.”

He squeezes you a little tighter “It’ll be fine.”

“For you.”

Rin furrows his brow, pulling back to stare at you.

“Not for me,” Because Rin can begrudgingly admit he will miss you worse than this “Just in general. It’ll be fine. You almost made it a year without me.”

“But now I’m with you,” You reply easily, and softly and oh-so in love Rin wants to turn away “And I’m so happy and I want it be like this for a long time,”

“Just a long time? Not something stupid like a blossoming eternity?”

“I thought I’d scare you.”

“You did that in April.” He points out flatly. You hit him lightly but smile anyway.

“It’s a problem how much I like you.”

Rin likes you just as much. You’re probably too much of an idiot to realize and won’t for a long while. He takes a little comfort in, strangely.

“It’ll be fine. I’ll come see you.” He says again, because it’s the only thing he can think to say. He believes in it thoroughly. If Rin were a better, more candidly vulnerable person he thinks now he’d give the loving boyfriend speech. He almost wants to half-assedly try but can’t bring himself to get past the awkwardness. He hugs you tighter because it’s all he’s capable of, and hopes he can will it into you. The sincerity of his words, he wants so badly for them to reach you “Stop worrying so much.”

“Rin-kun,” You start, then pause to look up at him. His breath hitches “Rin. I love you. Really.”

He feels like he’s gonna be sick as he stares at you, eyes widened. You look the same as you always do. Unexpectant, terribly sincere, with your heart on your sleeve. The more Rin knows you, the more he thinks it can’t be easy to be so vulnerable all the time.

So you do it for him, and only him. And Rin is always going to be intolerable. Frustrating and impatient. But he wants to do it for you too, where he can. Rin wants you to know it’ll be fine because the fact that you’re standing here now is nothing short of a miracle. Nothing comes out right.

“Yeah.” He says, but he can’t get the rest of words out. And you laugh, and peek up at him through your lashes.

“And you love me too, don’t you?”

Rin grits his teeth. He wants to say no.

“I guess.”

“And we’re going to be just fine.” You repeat, hugging him tight. Rin hugs you back. He wants to say thank you. He wants to kiss you stupid and make fun of you at the same time. He wants you so much and so often he’s sure he’s lost his fucking mind.

But he agrees with you, at least. He nods. He holds you. He doesn’t like to lie, so he looks at you instead.

“Yeah. It’s gonna be fine.”

EPILOGUE ;

In Rin’s defense, he’s not trying to listen in on the conversions of your underclassmen.

For starters, the club door is cracked up and Rin only has one airpod fully charged. Secondly, it’s not like they’re being quiet. Rin’s pretty sure anyone with decent enough hearing could hear them from down the hall. Given that it’s the newspaper club, he’s sure that the conversation isn’t usually this interesting.

It’s just when he catches wind of your name while you’re nowhere to be found, he finds himself eavesdropping just a little. He leans back into the chair he’s sitting in, face tucked into his black mask and hat pulled neatly over his head.

“Guys, I’ve decided I’m going to confess to Boss no matter what.”

He must mean you. Rin often hears how some of the people in the club affectionately add danchou to the end of your name. Rin scoffs a little at the kids' confidence. It reminds him a little of highschool. Rin really think you’re at more of a risk than he is. Being a celebrity makes him naturally unattainable - more of a fixture than a person.

Everytime someone confesses to you though it’s sincere. From knowing you. And he gets it but it doesn’t keep him from scoffing and turning his nose up.

“It’d be a good idea to give up while you’re ahead.” Says another unnamed voice.

“Yeah Nakao-san. Do you even know who Senpai's boyfriend is?”

“N-no. But it doesn’t matter. Through the powerful of love I’ll—”

Before Rin gets a chance to listen anymore, he hears your voice call out for him. He snaps his head up to look at you. You’re dressed so professionally it’s hard to recognize you like that. Your hair is cut neat and styled professionally and you’re dressed in business casual. He’s relieved he brought shoes for you to change into.

You run up to him anyway, and Rin stands up to make sure you don’t stumble as you throw your arms around his neck. You’re closer in height with your heels on so he doesn’t have to bend down much at all to kiss you. He pulls down his mask quickly.

“Rin-tan, you’re here.” You say with a soft, breathless giggle “I missed youuu.”

“Missed you too,” He says, an arm squeezed around your waist “I have shoes for you in the car,”

You gasp, rubbing your cheek against his affectionately.

“You’re the best in the world. My feet are so sore.”

“Did the interview go well?” Rin asks. You pull away, moving your hair away from your eyes before nodding.

“Uh-huh. The women's rugby team captain is super chill and she interviews great so it went smoothly. I just need to drop the transcript off and then we can leave,” You say holding his hand. He squeezes your palms “Do you want to meet them? You don’t have to but a lot of them ask about you.”

Normally Rin would say no. But he’s feeling a little petty today, after all.

“Sure.”

You beam, your hand in his as you nudge the door open. The room goes silent, a bout of excited cheering following at your return. He’s relieved to see you’re still so well loved, a little reluctant to let go of your hand.

“Senpai, you’re back.”

“Yup, yup. I have the transcript and recording on this USB. Watch it and draft the article up tonight. When I come in tomorrow, we’ll go through editing and get it out by Monday.” You say, hand on hip before remembering his presence. You grab him and Rin follows “Oh, and guys - this is my boyfriend! Rin Itoshi.”

Most of them seem to know. Rin can sense the admiration but it’s respectful. He can tell that everyone is professionals in the field. Rin likes that. He bows politely.

“Nice to meet everyone,”

“Nice to meet you too, Itoshi-san.”

“Danchou…you’re dating Rin Itoshi…the famous soccer player Rin Itoshi?”

You giggle, looping your arm in Rin’s. He laughs internally. It’s the same kid who wanted to confess to you.

“Uh-huh. We’re highschool sweethearts! And today is our very special date night so don’t contact me for any reason until tomorrow morning at least. I’ll see you guys later.”

“Bye, senpai.”

“Have fun on your date.”

With that, you turn the corner and leave the room - immediately beginning to ramble about your day. Rin half-listens. He only pays complete attention when he hears your kouhais talking from down the hall.

“Told you to give up, dude.”

“Rin. Are you paying attention?”

He chuckles to himself.

“Yeah. Sorry.”

❁ a/n ; hello!! me again. first of alll, if you read through this whole fic, thank you so much. second of all i want to discuss a few things about this fic.

im usually pretty keen on localization for my fics where possible because i think it makes for a smoother reader experience - however the usage of honorifics was important to the atmosphere for this one so i'll hope it wasn't too awkward to read.

secondly, im nervous about rins characterization for this one so i hope it was alright. apologies for any errors its 5am and im soo tired.

this fic was mostly meant as an exploration of how i think rin would really benefit from being with someone eccentric and bubbly. the core of their relationship is that reader is an overall emotionally intelligent and honest person and how that has a huge influence on rin so i hope that growth came thru. once again thanks for reading and i hope u enjoyed. rbs and tags always appreciated!

#itoshi rin x reader #itoshi rin fluff #bllk x reader #bllk fluff #writing tag #rin x reader #rin fluff #my brother in christ... how did this happen.

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satuguro · 1 year

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✧*ೃ࿐ TONGUES & TEETH

[ ACT IV: THE VALKYRIE'S FALL]

xavier thorpe x valkyrie! reader

#SYNOPSIS— you really shouldn't work at a coffee shop, enid forces you on a shopping spree, and xavier finally snaps.

#CONTAINS— enemies to fwb (kind of) to lovers, slowburn, academic rivals, intimidating and flawed reader, familial issues (will be mentioned in this part), gore, blood, death, aged up characters (everyone is 18 except for eugene), sexual content (in some other parts)

#AUTHORSNOTE— it's official— this series is gonna be a slowburn. thank you for the continuous support !

ACT I, ACT II, ACT III, ACT IV, ACT V, ACT VI

you learned quite quickly that maybe you weren't as good as talking to people as you thought.

you weren't particularly social; your sisters taught you to keep to yourself. as a kid, you often played alone. any friends you made in your multiple foster homes were oftentimes temporary. you always ended up running away in the end, and you were always found at the same location.

1297 brook street.

you were always out on the porch of the old house, slamming your fists into the door as you screamed for the owner of the house to open it. you screamed at them to look at you, to face what she feared most, and you were always, always pulled away from that damned house and put in another foster home. the cycle continued for years.

so no, you weren't the best with speaking to others. not without the occasional snarky comment. but as you worked at the weathervane, reluctantly walking up to a group of normie boys, you found yourself trying to be civil. not only to xavier (who you had been ignoring since you both started), but to the customers.

emphasis on trying.

"what can i get you?" you asked the group with a forced smile, clicking your pen against your notepad.

"i'll get a latte," one of the boys chirped, and you nodded as you wrote it down, listening to the rest of their orders.

"that kid's from nevermore, right?" one of the boys asked, nodding over to xavier. you followed his nod to where xavier stood, giving a few girls their orders. he was talking to them casually, a small smile gracing his face after one of the girls complimented him.

"what's it to you?" you asked, turning your attention back to the needy highschooler. you were only a little bit surprised that they could easily tell who was an outcast and who wasn't, but you assumed it was because xavier had gone to nevermore much longer than you had. this was your first year, after all.

"nevermore kids have always been fuckin' weird," the boy stated factually.

you almost wanted to laugh. you put on an apron and some casual clothes, and suddenly you weren't an outcast. they must've deemed you as 'normal' enough to fit in with them— how pathetic.

"oh, really?" you chose to entertain him for a little longer, pretending to be really into his 'cool' take. but there was that familiar glint in your eye that showed just how irked you were. "how else would you describe them?"

"kooky, dangerous, fuckin' crazy," the guy and his friends snickered, nudging each other as though they were suddenly stand up comedians, "trust me. it's a good thing that after today they'll go back to their creepy-ass castle and stay there."

you hummed in faux agreement, opening your mouth to finally tell them of your fib, before the guy continued.

"you should stay away from them. especially him," he nodded at xavier. "hang out with us instead," he looked you up and down as though you were a piece of meat.

your fake smile immediately fell at that comment, the hand holding your pen gripping it tighter as you stood back up. you took a step closer to the normie, fully ready to beat him to a pulp, before a hand grabbed your shoulder and turned you around immediately.

"what the hell, thorpe?" you hissed, feeling his hands on your shoulders as he quite literally steered you away from them. he let you to where tyler— wednesday's friend that xavier obviously disliked —stood behind the cafe bar.

"what happened now?" tyler asked, obviously concerned as he looked at the group of boys sitting in the booth. they were all talking amongst themselves, their eyes set on you and xavier.

wordlessly, you shoved the notepad with their orders towards tyler, refusing to look at xavier as he scolded you.

"you were about to beat him up, and while he did have it coming, this isn't the right place for that." xavier leaned on the cafe bar, eyes still warily set on you. "are you even listening?"

"i don't have to look at you to be listening," you snapped, taking one of the boys' orders from tyler.

"you two just never stop arguing do you," tyler commented as he pulled another espresso shot and poured it into a mug. he turned around to finish the drink. as per usual, xavier ignored him.

you observed the latte for a second before you leaned over it, letting a huge glob of spit plop into the mug.

"you've got to be kidding," xavier groaned, and you sent him an innocent smile as you took the next order from tyler. luckily for you, tyler was too preoccupied with making drinks to notice that you spat in the next mug. and the next. and the next— you spat in every single one of their mugs.

you reached for a tray and began placing the mugs on it, avoiding xavier's eyes as you said, "they were saying shit about nevermore—"

xavier's eyebrows furrowed, "people say shit all the time—"

"and about you," you finished. you picked up the mugs and looked at him, your expression unreadable. you turned to walk to the boys, your fakest smile gracing your face yet again as you passed out the mugs. "here you go, boys."

"bet you actually are one of those nevermore freaks," the same guy who had been flirting with you said as he took his mug. he took a sip from it, one that you watched sadistically. you reached over to place a mug in front of his other friend, only for his hand to come up and grab your arm— the one with your tattoo on it. "i bet this is some cult shit, isn't it?"

and with that, you set the mugs down on the table and punched him in the nose. the strength of your punch knocked his head back against the seat of the booth, making everyone turn their heads your way. there was a sickening crack that echoed in the air the second your knuckles collided with his face.

"you broke my nose!" the boy yelled, holding his profusely bleeding nose with a handful of napkins.

"never touch me again." you huffed angrily, brushing off your bloodied knuckleson your apron as you turned to his friends, who were frantically checking to see if he was okay. "enjoy your coffee," you said through gritted teeth, talking back to where xavier and tyler stood.

"okay, maybe i should teach you how to make drinks," tyler motioned for you to come to the other side of the bar, concern evident on his face.

"they had it coming that time," xavier muttered to you as you passed him.

a small, proud smile graced your face at that.

most of the day continued in relative peace, the only problems being the constant bickering between you and xavier. you could tell that you both were wearing tyler out by the hour. he only ever really conversed with you, for his attempts to talk to xavier were quickly ignored. you observed how they acted around each other; it was as though tyler kept trying to get along with him while xavier just couldn't care less.

it was like they had history.

the sight of a familiar pigtailed girl made you look to the side of the cafe bar, a small chuckle of amusement escaping your lips. xavier and wednesday walked up to the cafe bar; xavier's mood seemed to lighten up significantly.

"lovesick fool," you muttered under your breath as they approached, before looking at wednesday confusedly. you placed your arms on the counter and leaned forward. "that happened to pilgrim world?"

"i deserted my post with what little sanity i have left." wednesday peered at your bruised hand for a second, eyes snapping back up to meets yours. "did you beat someone up?"

"she broke some normie's nose," xavier explained, copying your actions as he leaned on the counter. he managed a shadow of a smile as he looked at wednesday, asking, "do you want coffee? i think y/n finally learned how to make something edible."

"i'm sure you know all about edible things, wouldn't you," you grumbled under your breath, making xavier send you a warning glare.

"i'm actually here for tyler."

xavier's lighthearted smile fell at that, the psychic not even trying to hide his obvious discontent. "i told you he was bad news."

you raised a brow at xavier, your previous observation of xavier's immediate dislike of tyler only confirmed by his words. "why is that?" you asked curiously, ignoring wednesday's look.

she didn't seem to agree with xavier's words.

"you told me twice. but who i speak to is my business." wednesday stated, turning to ring the cafe's bell.

xavier's jaw clenched as his eyes trailed down, jealousy overcoming him as he allowed wednesday to talk to who she actually came to the cafe for.

tyler came out from the back, an immediate smile making its way onto his face at the sight of the dreary girl. "you rang?" he asked, making xavier scoff and walk the other way to join you behind the counter.

"you're both horrible," you said matter-of-factly as you cleaned the espresso machine absentmindedly. for someone who was so keen and in touch with her senses, wednesday was completely blind to the fact that the two boys were fawning over her. that, or she just didn't care— you were guessing that it was the latter.

"shut up," xavier grumbled as he walked past you. "don't even start on the thing you always say—"

"what, about just telling her how you feel?" you rolled your eyes, hearing the familiar ding of the door as wednesday made her leave. "i'm giving you sold advice," you took your rag and walked to the sink where xavier was washing some mugs, "and you just keep ignoring it,"

"i don't need advice for this. especially not from a past hookup."

"what, does that matter?" you narrowed your eyes at him as you placed your rag next to the sink.

"and that shit you pulled at the poe cup?" xavier glared at you, his cheeks burning red, "you can't not act like the shit we did that one night was a one time thing when you pulled that on me."

"why are we even talking about this?" you groaned, pinching the bridge of your nose. "it worked. my team won. i was just fucking with you, thorpe."

"right." xavier continued washing the mugs, refusing to look at you as he did. he didn't like you romantically — he didn't think he did, at least.

he was sure it was just enamor. you were attractive and had a certain beauty to you had left him finding himself drawing you time and time again. but your obvious dislike of him was something that couldn't be ignored— especially your avoidance of anything that showed attachment. it wasn't like he was blind. he could see that you constantly kept yourself guarded even when you didn't believe you were. you could be surrounded by enid and wednesday, the two people he was sure that you were friends with, but you wouldn't tell them anything about yourself that wasn't about your long record of trouble or something about school.

wednesday talked about her brother and mother sometimes. enid mentioned her brothers almost daily, especially to xavier; she missed them, but they were a constant reminder that she hadn't wolfed out yet. the most anyone knew about you that wasn't remotely violent was that you was that you liked pottery.

he only eavesdropped a couple times, but it only confirmed his conclusion; in reality, wednesday and enid knew nothing about you. no one did.

"are you going to the dance, y/n?"

you shook your head as you sat stiffly next to xavier in botany. it was an unfortunate accident, honestly; you were late to class one time and you had to sit next to him out of all the people. botany wasn;t you strong suit; you had the opposite of a green thumb. "it's not really my thing. besides— i didn't get asked."

“never took you as someone who wouldn’t ask first,” xavier commented as he leaned down to get his sketchbook. he let out a groan as he grabbed it before placing it on your shared table.

you only shrugged in response, placing your chin on the palm of your hand. absentmindedly, you watched him, asking "what'd you do?"

"i tweaked my back while fencing."

"pay more attention to stretching, then." you narrowed your eyes at some claw marks on his neck. his collar didn't completely cover up the entirety of the wound, making the three claw marks visible under it.

"the orchid produces a pheromone that mimics a female insect.." ms. thornhill explained in the background, but you were too focused on his marks to pay full attention.

"where'd that come from?" you asked, nodding at his neck.

xavier huffed in annoyance, focusing on thornhill ahead of him as he responded. "those images i drew of the monster. my abilities made it come to life and it attacked me."

you didn't seem entirely convinced, but you nodded anyway.

"luring the males in," thornhill continued to move her hands passionately as she spoke, "now, once the plant is pollinated, what do the male insects get in exchange?"

"nada. just like all the guys at the rave'n," bianca said with an amused smile, all the students laughing at her joke.

"okay, okay," thornhill calmed all of you down with her hands and a smile, "i know you're all excited about saturday, which is why i haven't assigned any homework." she paused as sounds of agreement echoed through her conservatory, "but i do still need volunteers for the decorating committee."

hands shot up from around the crowd, your head still boredly on your palm as you observed them.

"anyone interested, come and see me up here."

"you're not gonna volunteer?" xavier asked you teasingly, a smirk gracing his face. "with you being able to fly, i'm sure you can help put some of the disco balls up." he only seemed half serious about his words, but guessing by his teasing tone, he was probably just messing with you. "there's even a dj— mc blood suckaz."

"they have ladders," you replied blankly. "and i'd rather not listen to whatever soundcloud rapper they hired to dj."

xavier chuckled softly to himself at that, watching you begin to pack up your things. he hesitated for a moment as he turned the words he was about to say in his head. but nonetheless, he said them anyway. "it'd be more tolerable if you invited someone. loosen up a little— god knows you need it."

"what's that supposed to mean? aren't you a prude?"

"you're a lot more prudish than me," xavier said in faux seriousness, putting his sketchpad in his bag and standing up. he swung his bag over his shoulder. "but i'm serious— haven't you thought about just asking someone?"

"no. i'd rather fight a war than go," you stated dryly, throwing your own bag over your own shoulder.

dances weren't your thing. a part of you always wanted to be asked to go to a dance— it was nice to be wanted sometimes —but you knew that it would be an overall bad idea. going to the dance was one of the many things that could risk you getting attached to another. and with a humanoid monster running around in the neighboring woods, you didn't want to get attached only to bring their soul up to heaven.

xavier walked away from you, leaving you standing near your desk. you sighed as you readied yourself to leave, only for a hand to come and tap your shoulder.

you turned around, being met with wednesday with thing on her shoulder. "did you see those scratches?" she asked you dryly, and you only nodded, motioning for her to follow you as you walked.

"he said he got it from those drawings he has of the monster— y'know, the one i told you about." you shrugged as you grabbed the straps of your backpack. "i'm not entirely convinced."

"neither am i. is that why we're following him?" wednesday looked further down ahead of the both of you, xavier's tied hair visible over many of the students.

"he always disappears after botany," you sent her a lopsided smile, "aren't you even a least bit curious?"

"i suppose."

the two of you followed xavier into the woods to where an abandoned building was. fortunately, both you and wednesday were knowledgeable in sneaking enough to remain undetected by the artist. your feet were light against the fallen leaves, barely making any loud noises as you came to a stop near the building. xavier slipped into it, disappearing for a few minutes before he came out again with a sketchbook in his hand.

your eyes followed him as he left. you waited for a minute before you and wednesday walked to the building. you opened the door, murmuring, "idiot doesn't even keep it locked," before you walked inside with wednesday close in tow.

xavier had seemingly turned the old building into a studio. the room was littered with art supplies ranging from charcoal, to pencils, to paint. easels were set up further down the room, all of them works in progreess. wednesday pulled down the switch to the light, and finally, you were able to see the images clearly.

almost every single piece of art had the monster on them. its eyes were huge as it stared at you from beyond the paper. its teeth were as sharp as you remember, and you found yourself reminiscing the way it felt when you kicked it away from rowan's dying body.

"every artist needs their muse," you murmured, peering up at the images.

wednesday picked up a few torn pages from xavier's book. "is this what you meant?" she asked you, and you looked over her shoulder and nodded. they were the pages you saw in xavier's book. one of the pages showed the monster in what seemed to be a spiral cave. wednesday immediately folded the pages and shoved them into her backpack. "let's go."

you walked out after wednesday, shutting the door gently behind you. wednesday had already walked back into the woods, and you turned, ready to follow her, only to hear footsteps right behind you.

"y/n?" xavier's voice called out, making you freeze as you turned around.

"thorpe." you responded in greeting, fists clenching and unclenching. oh, how you wished to be in wednesday's position, walking halfway down the woods without having to deal with being caught. "hi."

"hi— what're you doing?" xavier asked you, shoving his hands into his pockets. he looked at you suspiciously, but you forced yourself to play a cool front as you nodded at the studio.

"nothing. i just saw you walk over here; what is this place?" who were you kidding? you had snooped through the entire thing already; you knew exactly what it was. but you had to change the subject.

"it's kind of my private art studio," xavier said, turning to look at the studio before focusing on you again. "after i fixed it and clear it out, weems let me use it."

"that's nice of her. can i look inside?" you asked with a tilt of your head, eyes almost hopeful.

"it's a mess in there. maybe some other time." xavier shook his head. "but why were you looking for me?"

nervousness thrummed through your body as you searched your brain for an excuse. you cleared your throat, leaning back on the balls of your feet. "i wanted to ask about thornhill's homework."

"she didn't give us homework," xavier frowned. "remember?"

oh, you were so fucked. you swallowed thickly, racking your brain for another excuse.

but there was a smile tugging at the corners of xavier's lips. you watched him as he took a step towards you, humming as he pretended to think. "is this about a specific dance on saturday? what did you say again?"

"stop."

"'i'd rather fight a war than go,'" xavier mocked your tone of voice, making you groan. even in a situation like this, he was still so infuriating. but xavier looked like he was having a blast, his cheshire smile only growing. "well, go on. i'm listening."

you sent him a deadpan look. "are you really going to make me say it?"

"oh, absolutely," he was practically ecstatic at this point, seeing you so reluctant to ask the question. xavier grinned at you as you looked away from him.

a weary sigh escaped your lips as you muttered the question quietly.

"say it again?" xavier said, his smile so wide that his dimples were starting to show. he loved seeing you like this; it was so uncharacteristic of you to be so nervous when asking such a simple question. usually, you lacked any kind of filter and said what you wanted. but to see you roll the words in your mouth in preparation of saying it again; the sadistic part in him loved it.

"would you—" you let out a sharp exhale as you stuttered, forcing yourself to look directly into xavier's eyes. "would you think about going to the rave'n dance.."

xavier's eyes drifted up as he pretended to ponder your upcoming question. but the smug smirk on his face remained, which only made you all the more angry that you were in this position in the first place.

"would you go to the rave'n with me?" you forced out through gritted teeth, a sigh of relief escaping you.

xavier chuckled in amusement before nodding. "how kind of you for asking. i'd love to go to the dance with you, y/n. i thought you'd never ask."

"you only want to go because i asked you first."

"yeah, but it was completely worth it," xavier laughed, making you roll your eyes and turn away from him. with that, you walked away, fully ready to tell wednesday of your predicament.

you returned to your room, face burning red as you shut the door behind you and announced to your roommates blankly, "i'm going to the rave'n with xavier."

wdenesday almost wanted to laugh.

"oh my god— y/n odinsdottir is going to the rave'n?" enid squealed, jumping out of her bed to grab you by the shoulders. you only let her, standing stiffly as she shook you.

"how did you get yourself into that predicament?" wednesday asked flatly, looking up from her desk to look at you.

"he arrived after you left the studio," you grumbled, ignoring enid's squeal. "i had to come up with something to not seem suspicious."

"stick close to him. it'll give us a chance to have more intel," wednesday stated, making you shrug.

you weren't one to use people for information, but with the abundance in murders in the woods and the fact that you didn't want to go to the dance inthe first place, you couldn't help but agree. besides; the quicker you got the monster, the less lives would be lost. "sure, why not."

"you know that you need?" enid asked, clapping her hands together in realization.

"revenge."

"a dress!"

you shifted uncomfortably at the idea. but enid was right; you had no dresses. you liked them, sure, but you haven't worn one in ages. the idea of it was kind of nerve-racking. you sighed, officially giving up as you nodded. "you're right, i do."

"wednesday— you and thing have to come along with us! we need opinions!" enid practically skipped over to her bag, throwing it over her shoulder.

"you already know that the answer is no. why are you even asking?" wednesday said drearily, watching the overly ecstatic girl practically jump around the room.

"because y/n will be miserable trying out all those dresses!" enid said casually, sending you a quick apologetic smile. "sorry, y/n."

you could only sigh in exasperation. "it's the thought that counts. i guess."

"i suppose i wouldn't mind seeing y/n in some misery." wednesday stood up abruptly, thing climbing onto her shoulder. "i'll come along."

"oh my god, this is like a girl's day!" enid hooked her arms under wednesday's, practically dragging her over to you. "i can't believe that excuse actually made you want to go."

you didn't know what to expect when enid dragged you to a store called 'hawte kewture.' the obvious lack of care for spelling and punctuation already made you cringe inwardly; you weren't even inside yet.

"isn't this exciting?" enid asked, grinning wildly, "our first roomie shopping spree! the dance committee's suggesting all white to match the theme, but that's not gonna fly with us."

"i'd literally rather do anything but worry about a dress for a dance i don't want to go to," you grumbled, your grumpiness doing nothing to deter enid's positivity.

"i have more pressing matters to attend to." with that, wednesday left, not even listening to enid's complain of, 'but we were bonding!'

"she has a lot to deal with, i guess," you mumbled, slightly envious as enid pulled you into the shop after yoko, divina, and their friend. the shop was as bright as it was on the outside, and while you could certainly see its appeal for someone like enid, it just wasn't your taste. the entire area was full of pastel colors, and while their dress collection was wide, you were sure that you really had to look for a dress you'd like.

"y/n. i heard you asked xavier to the dance," yoko said as you and enid walked up to her. her arm was around divina, and she sent you a fanged smile.

"i did," you said though gritted teeth. curse nevermore students and their huge tendency to gossip. "i really hate how gossip spreads that quickly."

"i mean, it was kind of weird news to hear," enid said as you all walked to a rack. her hands began to look through the dresses that hung on the clothesrack as she continued, "you and xavier have been at each other's throats since the moment you two met. and the fact that you asked him!" enid laughed to herself, "i've never been more proud!"

"thanks. i think." you absentmindedly looked through the dresses. all of them weren't your style, and you only looked on boredly as you swiped through each one.

for an hour, you watched the others find their dresses. each of them would try their options on and do a faux catwalk for you out of the changing room, only to be fired down by your opinions. you tried to be as honest as possible— they did ask you to, after all —and you guessed that this was a fitting scenario to be brutally honest.

enid did have to tell you to lower the ante on the brutally part.

but as you sat there on the sofa chair the employees had kindly provided for you, you found yourself close to giving up. that is, until your eyes landed on a dress on a mannequin.

it was a golden, nearly off the shoulder dress that flowed down beautifully. its shoulders were cut out, but the arm sleeves were cut open to reveal a silky cloth that fell all the way down. there was a loosely tied silk belt around the waist, and a deeper gold thread acted as an intricate design in the middle of the dress. you walked up and observed it closer, looking at the back of the dress. it dipped enough to show off your back tattoo.

"this dress would be perfect, y/n!" enid said excitedly as she came up behind you. "it's the perfect shade of gold and won't stand in too much, and screams 'look at me!' you should try it on."

"so where are we putting the murder board?" you asked wednesday as you hung your dress up in your closet. the pitter patter of thing's fingers came your way, and you looked down and managed a small smile. "it's nice, right? i got it yesterday."

"it's very fitting," thing signed in response. "are you excited?"

"gods, no." you laughed, brushing off some dust from the dress. "i'd rather be anywhere but there."

you were just looking at it as an excuse to dress up and look pretty. it was also an excuse to gain more information out of xavier; there was something up with him, you had to admit that.

there was nothing else going on besides that.

"we're keeping at eugene's beekeeping quarters." wednesday held the board in her hands, glancing into your closet. "i see you actually found something to wear. was the process as miserable as enid said it would be?"

"it was the only dress i tried on. the others were revolting." you picked up the photos from wednesday's bed, along with a small box of tacks.

truthfully, you hadn't gone out to eugene's beekeeping quarters ever since you arrived at nevermore. you talked to eugene occasionally— you found it interesting that he could casually control bees as though they were nothing, and his personality was a little quirky, but you didn't mind. he was just a kid.

"y/n! you finally came out here," eugene said with a bright smile, fixing the scarf wrapped around his neck.

"just here to help wednesday with the murder board," you said with a shrug, managing a small smile. "how's the honey?"

"here!" eugene handed you a small mason jar full of honey. "i know you ran out the last time i gave you some, so i got you a bigger batch!"

"thank you," you said sincerely, a rare, genuine smile making its way onto your face at his kindness. you had told him previously that you liked to mix honey in with your tea on gloomy days, and now you had an endless supply of honey.

"i assume this is the creature that's been rampaging the woods?" eugene asked, pointing towards one of xavier's art pieces.

"you've heard about it before?" wednesday asked.

"just rumors. i'm banned from bug hunting until further notice," eugene turned to you, his toothy grin wide as he continued, "i heard you kicked it!"

"i did," you squinted at the photos of all the victims. you could almost feel the pain they were in; your abilities only allowed you to bring souls that were under a war, or someone who died in a fight. the victims of the monsters were unsuspecting. there was no war when they were killed; they were killed for fun.

but because you were technically an an angel, you could easily feel the anguish they experienced prior to their deaths. almost none of them had any idea that they would be killed so quickly and so brutally. they died in confusion and shock.

"mr. fitts claimed that a bear was on the loose, but i knew it was a lie— it didn't match their hibernation schedules." eugene's eyes raised when he remembered something, and he turned around to bring out another mason jar of honey. "speaking of monsters with sharp claws, could you give this to your roomie?" he handed it to wednesday, who only looked at it blankly. "i hear she's still sans date for the rave'n."

"eugene," wednesday said in a warning tone. you hid your chuckles behind a quick cough.

"i know the chances of her asking me are next to zero, but i don't care!" the poor boy was so optimistic that you had to fully turn your attention to the murder board to stop yourself from letting him down easily.

maybe you were getting a hang of not being too brutally honest.

"i'll continue to put myself out there until enid finally.. sees me," eugene sighed a lovesick sigh.

"and if she never does?" wednesday asked judgementally, a hint of jealousy in her tone. how unusual was it that the usual stone cold wednesday seemed only mildly perturbed that a kid wanted to ask enid out?"

"i'm playing the long game," eugene responded confidently, making another chuckle leave your lips. "my moms say people will appreciate me when i'm older. they're probably just trying to make me feel better."

poor kid.

"i know you're going to the rave'n, y/n. how did you end up asking xavier?" eugene asked innocently, but you only groaned in response.

"gods, this again. i had to ask him because wednesday and i got caught investigating," your mood soured at the reminder of having to go to the dance with xavier. if he thought that you were dressing up for him, he was as stupid as you thought. "i have ulterior motives, though."

"that sucks, but at least you have a date!" eugene said with that usual nonstop optimism of his. "but wednesday, are you not going to the rave'n?"

"no. everything on this murder board is far more pressing than a school dance." wednesday crossed her arms over her chest as she gazed at xavier's art. "sketches are the closest thing i have to a lead to try and stop this thing."

"that spiral thing the monster's standing on," eugene said, squinting through his glasses. "i think i know where that is."

eugene led you both to a huge spiral cave, the dark void inside doing nothing to calm the goosebumps you received upon your arrival. the entire thing felt like it had horrible negative energy and the feeling of eyes watching you never ceased. hesitantly, you let your sword appear, the metal glinting in the soft sunlight. you gripped the familiar handle as you began to walk closer to the cave with the both of them behind you.

"don't worry, y/n! i'm sure we'll be able to help you if the monster is in here!" eugene chuckled nervously, following close behind your form.

"do you see anything?" wednesday asked you, but as you peered into the deep hole, you found nothing but darkness.

"no." you shook your head, "we'd have to go in if we wanted to find something."

"i can't go in there." eugene shook his head rapidly, stepping back from the cave. "i'm claustrophobic."

you were already going into the cave, your steps careful at the steep entrance and your head bowed low. wednesday looked at eugene. "if you hear us screaming bloody murder, i'm probably enjoying it. y/n, not so much." with that, the turned back to the cave and went after you.

eugene sighed before following closely behind wednesday.

the den of the cave was a lot wider and taller than its entrance. you looked down at the bones that were near your feet. you were thankful that they were deer bones.

eugene's flashlight landed on a pair of chains that hung on the wall of the cave. you reached forward with your sword and moved it. your sword went up to trace the scratched that were on the wall of the cave, your lips tugging into a frown. "these chains are strong, but not strong enough," you thought out loud.

"yahtzee." wednesday crouched down to pull a claw out of a crack in the cave. "this will be our concrete proof to the sheriff," she said to you.

that was how you found yourself at xavier's studio yet again, looking around xavier's trash bin. it was wednesday's plan, but you offered to go inside instead of her; you probably had more leeway. so while you were inside, wednesday was out in the bushes, and thing was keeping watch near the door.

one of your hands held a ziplock bag as you used a paintbrush to poke around his trash. a victorious smile tugged at your lips when you found a bloodied rag at the very bottom. "gotcha."

the sound of the door creaking made you quickly put the napkin in the ziplock bag and pocket it, your body turning away form the trash. you were face to face with xavier, who only seemed shocked that you were inside.

"the hell are you doing in here?" xaiver asked, obviously annoyed by your sudden entrance.

"are you sure that the monster's just been in your visions?" you asked him, looking at the huge canvases dedicated to one monster. "or are these self portraits?"

"you cannot be serious right now," xavier laughed bitterly, but you continued on, taking a step towards him.

"you saved wednesday's life once. the monster was attacking rowan when he was attacking wednesday— it practically saved her." your tone was becoming more accusatory by the second, your brows knotting together as the pieces began to fall into place.

"this is literally the painting that came to life and swiped at me," xavier nodded to a nearby canvas of an unfinished painting of the monster. "cmon, y/n. i've explained myself to you so many times—"

"and the lair in the woods?" you asked, cocking your head to the side. "from one of your sketchbooks. you drew the monster in its lair, thorpe."

xavier's face contorted into a pained expression. he wasn't sure what he expected from you; a part of him did think that your ask was genuine. it was all too complicated for him to explain— it was like he liked that you asked him but didn't at the same time. it was all too much of a mess to make any sense of it, but as he stood in front of you while you interrogated him, it suddenly all made sense.

"you were in here. god, of course," xavier laughed in disbelief, "when i caught you outside. you were just snooping around in here." he shook his head to himself, the overall disbelief being too much to comprehend. "you were just gonna use me, weren't you?"

"gods, no—"

"no, you were," xavier hissed, "what were you gonna go to the dance with me and ask me for more info? is that it, so that you and wednesday can prove i'm the monster? i've explained myself enough for you both to believe me."

"it's nothing personal, thorpe, jesus christ."

he chuckled darkly to himself, his voice raising as he said, "nothing is ever personal with you, y/n," he spat, the comment making your facade fall for a second. "no one knows anything genuine about you. your roommates barely know a thing about you because you're so fucking guarded all the time! do you even care about anyone or anything that isn't even remotely violent?"

you swallowed thickly, your mouth opening to defend yourself before xavier continued to speak.

"all you know is war."

he didn't understand.

"fuck you," you seethed, shoving past him as you made your way out of the studio. you walked towards where wednesday was hidden in the bushed, her expression blank as usual as you gave her the bloodied rag. without another word, you walked back to your dorm.

xavier's words echoed in your head as you walked, your throat feeling constricted as you swallowed thickly.

all you know is war.

"fucking stupid," you muttered under your breath, angry tears slipping out of your eyes that you harshly wiped.

in a way, you knew that xavier was right.

it wasn't like you could help it— you were quite literally an angel of war —but you also knew that that wasn't an excuse for it all. your second eldest sister, eir, was millennia years old, and yet she was the most peaceful out of your siblings. whenever a disagreement would break out, she was there to help. whenever brunhilde and your father, odin, fought, eir was the one who stepped in.

she was a peacemaker as much as she was wonderful at her job. you always heard stories about her from your sisters; she never fought a war that she had tried to previously avoid.

you wished you were like her.

you turned a different corridor from where your dorm was located, finding yourself standing in front of weem's office door. taking a deep breath, you knocked. weems' muffled, 'come in!' made you open the door.

"y/n." weems seemed as shocked as you to find you standing at her doorway. her eyesbrows were raised high above her forehead as you shut the door behind you and walked towards her briskly.

"i need you," you swallowed thickly again. gods, you hated crying. "i need you to burn those old documents. the ones about my foster homes."

"you and i both know that i can't do that, y/n." weems' voice was calm as she placed her hands on her desk, clasping them together. "are you alright, dear?"

"i'm fine," you forced out, sniffing harshly, "i just— please, just burn them. get rid of them. anything."

weems sighed, bringing out your folder. she brought out the forms from your orphanage, all paperclipped together neatly. in the front was a photo of you when you were younger; barely 7, with two missing teeth missing as you smiled at the polaroid camera.

"i cannot burn these forms, y/n."

"they have everything about me that i've moved on from," your words were so quick that they seemed to mold together. you were frantic at this point, yet you took a deep breath to calm yourself. "my sisters had those forms terminated because i wanted to forget that part of my life."

"you cannot easily forget 13 years of your life, y/n," weems said concernedly, "it will be a part of you for the rest of your life."

"i don't want it to be," you spat bitterly, eyes burning with tears again as you practically pleaded with her. "i've worked so hard to forget that part of my life, so please. burn them."

"i cannot do that, y/n." weems was firm with her decision, which only made you sniff again, harshly wiping your nose.

you left weems' office abruptly, your obviously turmoiled mind making you go to the archery range. it was dark outside now, but you still found yourself stretching your wings out and flying over jericho. the cold air whipped your face as you tried to ignore xavier's words that still repeated like a mantra in your head.

all you know is war.

you were flying for hours it seemed, too deep in your thoughts to force yourself to return to your dorm. but you had to admit that it was a beautiful night; the full moon was out tonight, and you heard the distant howling of wolves in the forest. the stars were shining as bright as ever over your head as you flew.

flying gave you peace.

the next morning, you begrudgingly approached wednesday and eugene, both in deep conversation about the monster in the quad.

"y/n— we're going to stake out the cave and identify the monster." eugene said, obviously much too excited to be doing something dangerous. "oh wait; i forgot you were going to the dance."

"not anymore," you stated dryly, hands holding onto the straps of your backpack. you glanced at eugene and wednesday and shook your head. "i'm not gonna explain." you looked over at xavier, who was working on his raven mural. he glanced at you only briefly before focusing on his mural again.

that night, you shoved on a black backless longsleeve as you got ready to stake out with eugene. you had to be ready in case anything happened; you brought your sharpest knives and packed snacks to keep yourself full of energy. you put on an black leather jacket over your clothes, turning to wednesday, who was also getting ready.

the jacket was your father's. it was one of the few things he had given you the last time he saw you.

a knock on the door made you turn your head, wednesday yelling, "coming eugene!" as she walked over.

"hey, did you grab any extra batteries for the flash—tyler." her voice died in her throat when she saw the barista standing at the doorway.

"tyler?" you peeked over the side of the door, eyebrows raising when you saw the boy's all-white getup and the corsage in his hands. "wednesday, i thought you weren't going to the dance," you said cautiously, sending the pigtailed girl a look.

"i got your invite," tyler stammered, holding up an envelope. "i'm guessing you had thing drop it in the tip jar?"

you snorted as you returned to packing your things, thing climbing up your bed as they made a sign that looked a lot like laughing. "it was you, wasn't it?" you asked amusedly, and thing nodded proudly.

"good guess." wednesday forced out, and you chuckled to yourself as their conversation died into the background.

"are you sure you're not going to the dance?" thing asked you, making you sigh as you shoved your flashlight into your backpack.

"i'm staying away from socializing for a while," you said in response, eyes cold as you finally zipped up your backpack. "it's prbably for the best."

"that sounds like the opposite of what you should do," thing signed.

"it's whatever. my sisters were right, anyway." the door shut on tyler as wednesday quickly walked to her closet, obviously bothered by thing's interference.

"genuine and sweet? how could you do this to me?" wednesday asked, fully betrayed by thing as she rummaged through her closet. "can you believe it, y/n? he actually believed i would write a sweet letter— how oblivious."

"truly." you glanced at thing as they pointed at a dress on wednesday's bed. it was a beautifully gothic dress, one that you were sure was made for wednesday, but you found yourself frowning. "are you not gonna stake out with eugene and i?"

"no, i can't. not after what thing pulled—"

"c'mon wednesday, just admit that you wanna go with tyler to the dance," you groaned, throwing your backpack over your back. "i'm gonna head out. don't do anything i wouldn't do."

the entire main entryway of nevermore was decked out for the rave'n. white cloth hung from the different entrances, and light up trees created a frame over doorways. people passed by you left and right, all dressed in complete white for the occasion.

you walked by bianca and xavier, xavier's eyes avoiding yours just as easily as you avoided his.

"where's wednesday?" eugene asked you as you walked down the steps. he was just as ready as you were, dressed in multiple layers and with his backpack practically bulging with what you knew were snacks.

"she decided to go to the dance. it'll just be us tonight," you said eugene, fixing the straps of your backpack. you watched his face fall, and you nudged him to try and lighten the mood. "it'll be okay. wednesday rarely willingly goes to events like the rave'n; she can sit this stake out out."

"it was her idea, though." eugene said sadly, following you as you walked out of the building.

you walked out into the woods with eugene, the night air cold against your face as you twirled a knife in your hand absentmindedly. thankfully, it seemed to be a pretty quiet night, as the only sounds were coming from the crickets and the wind.

"do you two really think that xavier is the mosnter?" eugene asked you as he pulled his second granola bar out of his backpack, opening it and taking a bite.

"he's a suspect. that's all." the cave came into view, and you crouched down near a nearby tree. "we can stay here." you made yourself comfortable as you leaned up against the tree, eugene sitting next to you.

he pulled out a recorder and began to talk into it. "eugene ottinger and—" he motioned for you to speak into it, and you sighed as you moved your head closer.

"y/n odinsdottir."

"2100 hours," eugene continued, "no movement at the cave. no sign of the target." the sound of a rather large grasshopper rang in his ears, and he smiled fondly. "although, i just heard a rare club-horned grasshopper."

you smiled softly to yourself as you listened to him. he reminded you a lot of the friends you made at your foster homes; all of them were bright and intelligent kids, all with their own specific interests that they never stopped talking about. when you were younger, you liked to listen to them. but depending on the house, they often lacked the freedom to speak so freely of their interests.

people weren't kind.

you both sat comfortably for nearly 2 hours, talking occasionally to each other. eugene was too busy snacking to talk most of the time, and when he did talk, he talked about bees and bugs. you swore you never met someone who could tell you the scientific name for practically every bug imaginable. sometimes, he even left your post to catch rare bugs.

"do you like, understand nordic?"

eugene's question made you snap out of your little bubble, your head turning away from the cave to glance at him.

"old norse, yeah," you replied, managing a tight lipped smile. "it's kind of automatic; comes with the whole valkyrie thing."

"that's so cool! i mean, i wish i could talk a whole other language. one some people might be able to understand, not just bees," eugene said casually. he had caught a bug moment before, and he was staring at it as he spoke.

your eyes drifted back to the cave, squinting as a car pulled up nearby it. you shushed eugene, your hand reaching for one of your knives.

"eugene ottinger and y/n odinsdottir. 22:42 hours." eugene whispered behind you as you grabbed some binoculars to look closer. usually you'd rely on your heightened eyesight, but you needed to gather as much evidence of the suspect as you could. "potential subject has arrived at location."

your brows knotted together as you watched the figure light something on fire and throw it into the cave. but suddenly, the figure's flashlight flashed towards you and eugene, the sudden brightness blinding you from seeing their face. but you felt like something was wrong, because right as the figure turned away and ran, you immediately turned around, your wings appearing to surround you and eugene.

the sound of an explosion made your ears ring, your arms wrapping around eugene tightly to keep him within the bubble of your wings. the fire was hot against your feathers as you waited for a second before letting eugene go. "we need to go. now."

eugene nodded frantically before the both of you ran back to nevermore. you let eugene run ahead of you, fearful that whoever was behind you would get to him first. you grabbed eugene, pulling him aside behind a tree. you raised your finger to your lips before whispering to him.

"i'm gonna carry you and fly out of here, got it?" you asked, and eugene could only nod quickly. your arms wrapped around eugene, ready to fly, until a pained groan left your lips.

long claws dug into your wings, staining the white of your wings red. the air was torn out of you as the monster lifted you up, your kicking doing nothing as you were lifted by the end of your wings.

you were horrified when you looked at eugene, who had a very faint golden glow around him.

when a glow was faint, that meant it was only up to the gods to decide whether or not he would survive.

"run!" you yelled at eugene, who quickly snapped out of his trance to run further towards nevermore.

you were held up in front of the monster, too far away from its body to make genuine damage. it was intelligent enough to know that it had to keep you from looking at it; being face to face with it would mean you could bring genuine damage. drops of your blood dropped onto the forest floor as the claws dug deeper into your back and your wings. you could feel the warm liquid seep down your back. you grabbed your made your sword appear, forcefully reaching behind you as you sliced the monster's arm.

but it did nothing to deter it. if anything, it only angered it more, its roar ringing wildly in your ears. it swatted your sword away with its free hand, making it land far away from you.

the monster used its free hand to grab your desperately flapping wings, taking one of them and bending them in half with a sickening crack.

and with that, you let out a bloodcurdling scream. it was as though someone had broken your spine and your leg all at once; the pain shot through your body like poison, and you found yourself sobbing as the pain seared you.

the monster reached for your other wing, which flapped twice as hard as you tried to escape its hold. but its claws were hooked into your skin and the roots of your wings, stopping you from fully escaping.

another scream left your lips as your other wing broke in half, the pain stabbing you yet again.

the wings, the only thing that ever gave you peace, were lifeless as the monster slammed you into the ground. the monster was smart enough to slam you back first into the cold ground, making you let out another scream as your clawed back and your broken wings harshly met the dirt.

your anguished screams echoed through the woods, reaching the ears of a running wednesday as she made her way down the forest. she had seen everything happen in her vision and was too panicked to tell others as she ran towards you and eugene.

but xavier was following behind her. he had lost sight of her ages ago, but your screams made his heart thump faster as he ran further into the woods.

eugene's cry for help made you try and sit up, a gut wrenching cry leaving your lips at the pain that shot harshly through your body. you couldn't get up— you were far too weak and losing far too much blood to fully raise your body.

"y/n?" xavier's yell made you try and sit up again, to no avail. your wings were limp on your back and too damaged to the point that you couldn't even fold them back into your back.

"xavier? xavier!" you yelled loudly, frantically looking around you. but all you saw were the tall trees and the darkness that surrounded you.

but xavier saw you before you saw him. you were on the ground, your wings bent horrifically around you as you tried to sit up again, a pained cry leaving your lips. you were able to get up, but the blood still seeped out of you like a leaking faucet.

"y/n, stop," xavier rushed towards you, trying to make you lay down, only for you to try and push him off with a bloodied hand. you didn't even ask why he was covered in what you saw was fake blood, the adrenaline making you too frantic as you shoved his hands away. "what happened?!"

"eugene. where's eugene?" you asked as xavier tried to make you stay seated. your eyes burned with tears as you looked around you for the kid, desperation in your tone as you shoved xavier again. "xavier, where's eugene?" your voice cracked as you put your hands on the forest floor and tried to put yourself up, only for xavier to stop you.

"y/n, you cannot get up. we need to get you help—"

"where's eugene?!" you snapped, tears shining as your eyes met xaviers. he swore that he never wanted to see you like that again; your voice breaking as you spoke, blood staining your face and nothing but desperation in your face.

"wednesday probably found him." xavier's eyes widened as you tried to stand up again. he put his hands on your shoulders. "can you just care about your health for one second?!"

"i can't," you cried out, shoving his hands off of your shoulders. yet again you tried to get up, but xavier put his hands on your shoulders and stopped you again. "i couldn't protect him," you cried, still trying to push xavier off of you. "stop stopping me xavier!"

"you did everything you could, y/n, please," xavier begged. he grabbed your head and held you to his chest as you sobbed. you tried to punch him away, your hits against his back and stomach still relatively strong. but you were too weak to fight anymore, your hands falling at your sides as you cried into his chest. tears dripped down xavier's eyes as he listened to your pain. he felt your arms slowly wrap around him, gripping his shirt in your hands.

"i couldn't protect him. he had the glow and i couldn't protect him," you sobbed, feeling xavier hold you tighter as you continued to cry. you felt his hand brush your hair down as you sobbed.

you sobbed for eugene, the kid you told yourself you would protect, now equally as mauled as you were. you sobbed for how weak you were against a monster; you should've done more. you sobbed for your wings, how they laid lifeless next to you as you cried like a child.

"i tried. i really tried," you whimpered.

in your mind, you should've tried harder. if you weren't so focused on making sure eugene was safe then you would've been able to save him.

"i know, y/n. i know." xavier swallowed thickly as his eyes drifted to your limp wings, lifeless on the forest ground. one of the bones was protruding out of your skin, blood dripping down the wound. your once pure white wings were stained crimson under the moonlight.

you turned your head to try and look at them, only for xavier to keep your head to his heaving chest. "don't." he said softly.

you tried to move them, but you couldn't feel anything but pain. "no, no, no," you tried to move them again, groaning in pain as you did, but they wouldn't move. "why can't they move? xavier, why can't they move—" you were frantic, and all xavier could do was hold you.

ACT V, ACT VI

#AUTHORSNOTE— xavier and the reader are so the neighborhood and arctic monkeys coded it's crazy. thank you for reading, and the next part will be out asap bc i'm excited to write it

#TAGLIST— @gamorxa @rayliz793 @cali-888 @targaryensswp @hopefulfuturenovelauthor @just-amess @maystecc @cmac-writes @ahnneyong @importantpuppyshark @mannstarkey @alienm0vie @carinacassiopeiae @simonsbluee @g3org1al33 @killmewithafanfic @nattheartless13 @astrynyx @idontknowwhattodo35 @addisonnie @wxnderingthoughts @r1dd1kulus @smol-book-nerd @555stargirl555 @wonderlandco @siriuslysmoking @skye231 @boomitsallie1 @southernraven @buckleylips @yunoguns @theprettytragic @levylovegood @slut4fictionalcharacters28

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defrosted69 · 1 year

Text

Only You

IVE Rei Fanfic

"Ahhh fucking colds.. Damn it.."

You annoyingly said as you were laying on bed doing absolutly nothing. You hated how you were feeling weak and sick that your time was wasted laying in bed instead of doing something productive. You sigh and stared at the ceiling of your room. You have nobody to look out but yourself as you were now living in your small apartment. There was nobody that could aid you up and you prefer it like that. You didn't want to be a bother to anyone else besides you were also at fault for being sick.

yesterday's rain was something and you didn't expect to rain that much so you brought no umbrella. Thinking you made the right decision, you obliviously went around the city without an umbrella. You were tasked to help send some fliers for your group project and you had to go around the city giving fliers to the people. Eventually, the weather caught up to you as a sudden downpour shocked everyone even you. Your fliers were soaked in the rain as you tried your best to look for a cover from the harsh rain but you couldn't find anything.

You eventually decided to head home and call it a day. You were soaking wet when you arrived at your dorm and felt so disgusted at yourself. You threw away your clothes in the washing bin and Immediately took a shower. You were waiting for the warm water to splash your face but nothing came. You turned the faucet over and over but no water came. At this point, you were frustrated that you had to boil water from the kitchen as that was your shower. That was a very wrong decision because while you waited for the water to boil. Your body began to shiver and soon you were already sneezing and coughing. You had thought that it was nothing but it eventually got worse after you took a shower. Your body become so sour and your back felt so heavy. You could feel your body warming up.

You eventually called over to your friend, Mina about your situation. Of course hearing your croaked voice immediately made her worry for you. You smiled hearing her worry for you as you joked around saying you were alright. Mina Myoui was your childhood friend and best friend since birth.

You practical share each other's stuff and secrets. You were her pillar and she was yours. Both of you were practically each other's safe place. But even though she wanted to aid you, She was very busy with her schedule and couldn't come to you even for tomorrow. But she promised you that she'll do something to help you.

A smile appeared on your face and thanked her. If there were someone you can count on, it will be her. But that was yesterday. Today was the worst day and you couldn't even move your body properly because of how sore it is. Your stomach was growling and you could feel your starving stomach hate you as small pain in your stomach was evident.

“Damn it! I need to make some noodles for me-"

CLICK

You heard your door open as this made you shocked. There was no other people who knows about your room password except yourself, parents and Mina. So it was strange that someone was able to enter your room so easily

"Ah Hello Jaeyoon Oppa. God you don't look so good."

A familiar face was seen coming over to you as you sigh and smiled at her.

"Rei. What are you doing here?"

"Nursing you duh? Can't you see?"

"What did Mina said to you."

Rei just chuckled and hummed her response. Rei was Mina's younger sister and she was 2 years younger than you. You would often see her whenever you visit Mina at her home. The first time you met her was in middle school. She was wearing an adorable uniform which you complimented the young Rei.

Even though you never thought much into it. That was the moment Rei fell in love with you/

Yes, Rei's first love was none other than her sister's best friend. Of course she was able to tell this to Mina around she started Highschool as Mina was shocked. Mina was smiling ear to ear knowing that her little sister likes you. I mean Mina practically knows that you were famous in school not because you were talented or anything but because you were nice to everyone.

You were always helping people that even your teachers appreciate you. Mina knows that you were a very kind person but you were oblivious when it comes to someone liking you. You have always though that they wanted to be friends with you as Mina could recall her frustration toward you.

Through the following years, Mina helped Rei in every possible way but you were either busy helping others or you were doing your own things. And when Mina though that all hope was lost, This opportunity appeared as she immediately contacted Rei about it. Rei was a bit hesitant at first considering its been years since she gave up that feeling long ago. She knows that even if she tries her hardest, you will only see her as a little sister of your best friend. But Mina promised her that this time will be different. So Rei decided to try for the last time. If it works, then maybe she can continue but if not. She can give up.

"Ah by the way Rei."

"Hai?"

"How's your debut going? You're agency isn't a scam right?"

Rei laughed softly as she makes Ramen for you which you loved the most. The smell of her cooking made you walk to the kitchen with your blanket covering you. Rei blushed seeing how adorable you looked.

"Awee you look so cute in that Oppa."

You groaned as you didn't like how Rei teased you but hearing her laugh was music to your ears.

"Anyway, to answer your question. No they are not a scam. They are a legit company."

"Ohhh so you're following your sister's path huh? That's good."

Rei smirked as she asked

"Well aren't you a bit worried about me?"

"Of course I'm worried about you. Why wouldn't I be?"

You said those words nonchalantly yet that made Rei super red as her heart raced so fast. She immediately turned her back on you not wanting to make eye contact with you.

"Do you know how scary a Kpop idol is right now? People in social media are ruthless. And I don't want you to face those criticism Because your so talented."

At this point, Rei was redder than a tomato as she quickly made the ramen and gave it you. Your eyes sparkled seeing her ramen as Rei sat opposite to you. She was a bit nervous because she wasn't that confident with her cooking skills. Yet when you took a bite of it, it was enough to close down 5 ramyeon shops nearby.

"Woah! This is so good! You make the best Ramen Rei!"

Your compliment made her shy as she looked down In embarrassment yet she was smiling ear to ear because of your words.

"Hey Rei. Have some."

You suddenly called Rei over as this surprised you.

"N-No it's okay Oppa-"

"Come on. The chef should taste her cooking."

Even though Rei wanted to decline, your chopsticks were already filled as her heart began to beat so loud. She got close to you as you gently feed her food. Rei's eyes only focused on you as you were smiling at her seeing her eat a lot of food. You were afraid that she might lose her weight and you didn't want to see that. Rei on the other hand shy looked away from you as she gulped her food down.

"I-It's good.."

"Told you... Wait hold on.."

"Wha-"

Your soft hands grabbed her cheeks as this action made her redder. Her eyes were wide as the moon as you wiped the excess noddles off her mouth.

"Geez Rei, you eat like a kid.”

You chuckled at her but Rei was silent. She was too mesmerized by what was happening that she didn't know what to do. So instead of talking, she just let you wipe the noddles away as every second felt like an hour for her and she didn't want this to end soon. But good things does come to an end. You removed your hands away from her cheeks as she immediately missed your warm hands around her cheeks. She felt a little sad that it ended so soon.

"There we go. All cleaned up."

Rei could only just sigh as both of you talked trough out and when you were finally sent to bed, Rei made sure to wipe your body first in order to calm your temperature down. Now it was the opposite as you were the one who's shying away. This made Rei laugh and tease you.

"Ohh is Oppa scared of water? Ewwww he'll stink."

You wanted to speak up but Rei shut you up as she washes your arms which made you shiver from the cold. You were expecting Rei to roughly wash your body but surprisingly, she was so gentle and relaxing that it almost made you asleep.

Once that was done she tucked you in bed as you felt like a little baby with her touch. It sounded a little embarrassing for you but you actually enjoyed Rei taking care of you. Even though she was younger than you, you felt like you were being taken care with love like how your mother took care of you.

"Feeling comfortable Oppa?"

You nodded your head at her as she smiled at you. She felt satisfied and proud of herself as you looked so comfortable on your bed. Her heart was beating loudly as your sweet smile was making her heart flutter.

"Say Rei."

"Hai"

"If you became a famous Idol someday. Will you forget about me?"

A simple question yet hard to answer. Some would say yes in a heartbeat but Rei Hesitated because she knows that becoming famous means all eyes will be on her. She didn't want to ruin the bond you and her built but she also didn't want to make you a stranger because of her fame. But will she forget about you?

Absolutely not, but will she sacrifice her fame for her love for you? That's a big asterisk for her.

"Oppa, why would I forget you? You're always with Mina Unnie anyway so there's no way I'll forget you."

She sweetly smiled at you as you smiled back.

"That's nice to hear."

Even though Rei said those words, she felt like she wouldn't see you much anymore. Mina knew that since Rei was gonna be a kpop idol, her time for meeting you will be lessened to the point both of you will have no time for each other. A bittersweet smile appear on her face as she stroke your hair gently.

She began to sing a lullaby as her angelic voice somehow made you feel relaxed and at calm. You might be able to understand the lyrics she was saying singing but hearing the emotion on her voice somehow made you feel sad. Her singing made you feel like she was trying to say something but couldn't figure it out.

As the song ended, sleep had already took over you as Rei smiled seeing you peace sleeping.

"I'm sorry Oppa... I probably won't see you again and this might be the last time we can see each other..."

She felt her tears forming in her eyes as she wiped them away not wanting to wake you up.

"So.. For the first and last time Oppa, I'll say this.."

She leaned towards your face as she smiled sweetly with a few tears forming in her eyes.

"Aishitemasu"

She gave your forehead one long peck to finally say what she felt towards you. This was the goodbye between her feelings as she ventures into a new chapter of her life. She gave you one longing look before leaving you completely asleep in your comfortable apartment.

TIMESKIP 2 YEARS LATER

Tired and being worn out physically and emotionally is normal for an adult like you as you laid your body on your bed not even changing your clothes. Hectic as it sounds, it was your daily life to work because without it there was no way you would have a roof above your head to stay at. Before you thought that being an adult and doing the stuff you wanted to do was fun but now, you wished that you never grew up and just stayed being a kid.

"Uh, I wanna vacation so bad...."

You wished upon yourself a good get away from the stress of life and just unwind for a bit. And your prayers were answered by a call from your co-worker.

"Hello?

"Yow, Jaehoon you still awake?

"I was about to knock myself out. Why?

"I need help...

"Why? Your wife kicked you out?

"Kinda, anyway I need help

"Fine, I'll be there...

You ended the call and decided to washup a little to wake yourself up. Maybe a few alcohol will make you forget about the stress even for a bit as you left your apartment and went to your friend. You were familiar with the street as you found him on his favorite stall, drinking alone. He waved a hand at you as you sat opposite to him.

"So what's your hold up?"

You asked him as you pour a drink on your small glass.

"Well, my girl thought I was cheating on her with our coworker. I was just helping her and now this."

"Wasn't that newbie kinda flirty with you?"

"No, I though she just was being nice."

You chuckled as you dranked your glass and filled it again.

"Anyway, how's your love life?"

You could only sigh as you recalled the many blind dates you went through. Most of the girls you met were all nice and preety but nobody just clicked with your personality. There was no chemistry with them as if they were very far away from you. What they like is different from what you like. You tried your best to match their best interest but it just want worth it.

"I can't even last 4 months in a relationship. I'm hopeless in that department."

Your friend looked at you with a sad expression as you dranked a whole bottle of soju.

"Come on, you're not. I'm sure there's someone for you."

You scoffed as a painful yet bitter memory flashed in your mind. You couldn't believe the day would come where you would recall her. The very first person you loved and the very first person that made realize how love can be painful. You finished one bottle which surprised your friend aa you ordered another one

"Well there was one girl, which I thought would last..."

He saw how devastated you look as he was all ears

"Finally going home"

Yunjin said as everyone sight a relief in their company car. Their day has been very busy and they barely had time to eat or breath.

"Aren't we gonna go to lotte world tomorrow unnie?"

Liz asked as Geul nodded her head at the younger one.

"Yup, maybe we can enjoy our time there while shooting."

Yunjin said as the car errupted in cheers. They needed some sort of getaway from the stressful schedule of an idol because their fame was really on the top. IVE was a success right from debut and was a success with their music too. They were charting and producing bangers after bangers and was got the kpop industry in their hands.

But success comes with stress and tight schedule which was bad for the health especially for them with all eyes on them. As their car drives them home, Rei looked over the window watching the night street of seoul. She was reminded by how japan night streets looks so familiar with seoul as a small smile appeared on her face. A faint memory suddenly popped into her head as she smiled shyly. Though this was noticed by Leeseo as she smirked.

"Rei Unnie, is smiling by herself."

Her voice alarmed everyone as Rei immediately blushed hearing the comment of Leeseo.

"Yah, you-"

"Oh my Rei, got a guy problem? I'm the love expert."

Yunjin said as Rei just covered her face in embarrassment.

"It's not-"

"Come on Rei, I know it's a guy problem when I see it."

Liz added as Rei couldn't do anything. She was cornered as Wonyoung just smiled happily seeing the chaos unfold.

"Could it be... You like a male idol?!"

Yunjin gasped as everyone widen their eyes. It was gonna be a big deal esport considering how famous their group was.

"No!!"

Rei's sudden raise in voice silenced everyone as even Rei was surprised by her sudden changed in voice.

"I-I'm sorry I didn't mean to scream like that."

Rei apologized immediately as her members accepted it. They too realized they might have gone over board with teasing her.

“Yeah we're sorry about that too But back to the topic. Who were you thinking about?"

As the atmosphere around them calmed down. Rei's blushed appeared once again as she her mind immediately went to you.

"I was just... Thinking about my... First love.. T-that's all."

Her members melted seeing how cute she was as they were intrigued to know more about her story.

"So. What's he like?"

"Umm.. Well.. He-"

Her eyes glimpsed at a familiar figure as her heart arched seeing that person.

"Manager-nim can we stop for a second?"

"Huh? Umm sure?"

Everyone was confused by Rei as her manager pulled over to a nearby stop by as Rei hurriedly open the door and runned back.

"Rei! Come back!"

Geul said as her members followed her running towards her as Rei didn't care if her face was seen on the street.

"There's no way... Please..."

Rei's thought was filled with sad thoughts as her legs finally stopped running. Her heart arched seeing how pitiful you looked. Until her eyes landed on the person aiding you.

"You... Get your hands off him."

Rei marched towards the girl as she successfully snatched you away from the girl.

"Rei-"

"Don't Rei me you scumbag!"

Her members finally caught up to her and was about to go to her when they hear her say

"DIDN'T YOU CAUSE ENOUGH DAMAGED TO HIM! WHAT MORE DO YOU WANT FROM HIM!! ISN'T BREAKING HIS HEART ENOUGH FOR YOU?!"

Giselle was silent as she knew that she was at fault. Rei hated her and probably even Mina at that. She knows how much damaged she cause and that guilt has been with her ever since then.

"Rei, It's not like that.."

"Then what?! Tell me!"

"Rei! Calm down."

Liz finally appeared infront of the girl as the rest of her members calmed Rei down. Yunjin went to Giselle and apologized on Rei's behalf.

"I'm so sorry Aeri Unnie."

"It's okay Yunjin. I understand Rei. What I did was unforgivable to her, to Jaeyoon and probably even to Mina...Can you please say this to Rei at least."

"Oh,uhhh of course."

"Please tell her I'm sorry."

Yunjin nodded as Giselle gave you and Rei one last look before she walked away from the scene.

"Wow, That's the first time I saw you legit angry."

Wonyoung said as Rei took in deep breaths before looking at you.

"Baka..."

You managed to open your eyes as what you were seeing were blurred and spinning pictures as this made you feel dizzy.

"Where... Am I..."

You said as this alarmed Rei as she immediately stared at you. You were confused at first as you couldn't see her at first.

"Oppa. It's me Rei, can you see?"

"R.. Rei?"

"Yes that's me-"

"The cute little sister of Mina? Of course I know you. You were very, very cute back then..."

You were spouting nonsense as your mind was in autopilot saying all what you remembered about Rei. Your sudden statement suprised everyone especially Rei who was red as a tomato. Yunjin and Geul were shocked by this as Liz and Leeseo both had a smirk on their faces.

"Yah, You're drunk Oppa. Come on. Let's go.”

"Where... Where we going Honey?"

The last word took everyone off aa Rei was frozen on her feet. Her face slowly turning red as she looked down in shame. she could feel the smriks and teasing stares her members were giving her as Rei thought

“This idiot...”

“Ughh..where am I-”

“So your finally awake huh?”

Rei’s familiar voice awoke you as you look to where the voice was coming from.

"R-Rei? How did I end up on your.. Bed?"

You found it comfortable how her bed engulfs your body making you sleepy once again.

Rei saw how your eyes were closing as she Couldn't help but chuckle at your cuteness.

"You're at our dorm Oppa. You were kinda wasted last night."

You gasped as you felt embarrassed by your action. It was embarrassing enough that you were drunk but for Rei to see your pathetic state only emberassed you further.

"Oh god what have I done.."

You covered your face with your hands covering your flustered face. Rei smiled softly as her hand touches yours as she wanted to see you closer.

You found it weird that Rei was shining infront of your eyes and was looking beautiful than ever.

"Oppa, why are you staring at me?"

She smiled brightly as you blushed and looked away avoiding her gaze.

"It's nothing.."

Rei chuckled sweetly as her lovely laugh sent a warm yet fuzzy feeling down your stomach making you feel happy.

"Oppa, you shouldn't be drinking a lot. You could have gotten into trouble if I didn't see you."

Rei clenched her fist in anger remembering seeing Giselle with you. Her blood bloid remembering how she broke you completely.

She still remembers how jealous she felt whenever you talk about Giselle with Mina and she wanted to just dissappear. But when news broke that they broke up, Rei was the happiest girl alive thinking she might finally have a chance with you but seeing you so devastate made her heart shatter into thousand pieces.

She promised herself that day that she will make sure that Giselle will never touch you again or even interact with you. And she did live out to that promise.

She made sure that Giselle has no opportunities to talk to you as Rei would go out of her way making sure she doesn't even breath the same air with you.

She though that by now, Giselle would give up on you yet seeing her close to you once again only provoked her even further.

"Sorry Rei, I just remembered Aeri all of a sudden then-"

"She what?"

"She appeared on the shop tired and broken I just. I can't bear seeing her hurt and all that."

"Oppa, do you still like her?"

Rei held your hands as her eyes stared into yours. She wasn't gonna hold back anymore, She wanted to know the truth. Now.

You saw your own reflection on her eyes and saw something that you once saw in the eyes of Giselle.

It was love.

"Rei, who's your first love?"

Rei was taken back by your sudden question as this time, she was the one feeling flustered.

"Wh-what do you mean?"

"Believe it or not my first love was your sister Mina."

She couldn't speak as she didn't expect this revelation that came out of nowhere.

"You liked Mina Unnie?"

A hint of sadness can be heard from her as you nodded your head.

"She was caring, always there for me, smiles brightly, makes me feel appriciated. Your sister have it all in what a girl I like."

"I-I see..."

Rei looked down as she didn't what to do. One part of her wanted to congratulate her older sister for being her crush first love. But one side also wanted to cry knowing that her older sister captivated you and she didn't.

It was painful enough that she lost to Giselle but hearing that her older sister was who he liked made it even sadder for her. She felt like there was no hope for her.

She did all she can in the game called love. She had enough bets to gamble and what did that result in? Failure and nothing in return. She lost more than what she can gain.

"Aeri made me feel those so when I found out that she was cheating on me, I was broken because I didn't expect that would happen to me. It was painful."

You held your fist holding back those painful memories to flood your thoughts.

"I thought I would never found it. I though my ideal girl was impossible to find. Yet.."

Rei's heart started to race faster as she saw how different his eyes looked compared to earlier. It was soft and dreamy, the look she dreamed of seeing from you.

"... I found it in you Rei."

Her cheeks flushed red.

Her heart raced so fast.

Her breathing stopped.

She felt like time stopped temporarily as both locked at each other's eyes.

"You were caring, you were almost with me looking out for me and cheering me whenever I feel down, your smile never lost it's warmth even after you achieved your dreams, and you make me proud seeing how far you have gotten."

"O-Oppa.."

"Rei, I'm sorry I didn't realize it sooner. I'm sorry. All I asked for was with me from the start. I-I'm not worthy for you anymore Rei-"

And just like that, Rei shut you up with her warm soft lips. It tasted like caramel. A sweer sensation that you will forever remember.

Fireworks blew off as Rei locked her lips with yours. Both of your hearts were contented with each other as both pulled apart leaving a blushing mess.

"Baka, Who said I don't deserve you? I deserve you more than you deserve me Oppa."

"But-"

"No but's. You don't need to down yourself anymore cause I will give you the love you deserve. The love that will keep you moving forward. The love that will make you smiling. The love that will make you remember the name Rei."

Rei poked your nose as you chuckled at her. You pulled her closer to you giving her a warm hug as Rei hugged you back.

There was no doubt about it. You were sure about your choice as she was sure about you.

You were each other's only love.

#IVE #fluff #kpop fanfic #rei naoi #rei ive #fanfic

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