#terrifying how obsessed Yu can be and how murderous he can be | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

sweetestlamb · 3 years

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Mostrami Amore.

Summary: Cha-young tries to move on from a certain mafia boss.

Author’s Note: Thank for to everyone who sent in prompts for Chayenzo, it resulted in this mess. I don’t have much to say, I considered making this into a multi- chaptered story but honestly I don’t have time for another ongoing story so if this seems rushed it was a little, I wrote it in one go today. Hope you enjoy this, I stuck in some of my favorite crack ship because I am weak and obsessed. Happy reading!

p.s takes place after final episode but han seo lives because this is my world and I get to play God.

Another postcard.

Their delivery becomes sporadic and she’s embarrassed at the giddiness that washes over her each time a new square is sent miles across a wide stretch of ocean, the view on the card most likely lackluster in comparison to the true rendering of Malta. She has spent many hours on her laptop searching for images of the small paradisiac island, yearning to see what he sees and feel just a tad bit closer to him. Most of her life has been spent in solitude with only her work acquaintances filling the void at times, so she expected herself to be more equipped to deal with his disappearance and subsequent absence. But nothing prepares her for those moments at the coffee shop, when she finds herself smiling across a table only to realize there is no miniature espresso cup in the hand of a very dangerous Italian Korean mafia member grinning back at her.

The smile melts off her face and she swallows the bitter cool sludge in her cup, the beverage tasting exactly as he had described it without him there.

Nights are the hardest, loneliness coils around her like a snake.

There was never any other fate for them, she knew that when Vincenzo murdered all their enemies this was their only real outcome. He would always be a fugitive on the run and she an accomplice if he were captured and questioned, it was in both of their best interests if he vanished from the face of the planet. But knowing that does nothing to qualm the ever present feeling of isolation that clings to her skin as she sits alone on her couch, downing makgeolli at a vicious pace. Trying to wash his taste from her mouth, that kiss on loop in her mind and the phantom grip of his hand on her neck.

It’s those treacherous nights without the plaza members that have become a second family to her and Han Seo following her like the lost puppy he is calling her “Noona” so freely and frequently until she forgets her own name, that she allows herself to feel exactly what she’s feelings.

Heartbroken.

Desperate.

Lonely.

Rage.

The last one she hides like a dirty secret in the closet of her heart, she knew what she was signing up for. She has no legitimate reason to be angry, or so she tries to reason with herself. But. This was the same man who had bypassed the security of one of the richest men in Korea and ultimately killed him without leaving a trace. She had watched him do despicable things, blackmailing, threatening, seducing, and murdering others as he saw fit and yet, he hadn’t used any of those dastardly ways to see her. That chance meeting at the art gallery had been the last she had seen of him, Then a few weeks later another postcard with the same message she had boldly uttered at the airport, it feels insufficient after having him in her arms again. She knew in that moment that they would never be enough again. She hadn’t even argued when Mr. Nam claimed he would leave this one on his table instead, she merely nodded and walked away to peruse the new sexual assault case she has taken recently.

It gets harder and harder to hear Han Seo regaling the wonders of his “hyung”, her anger boiling deep below the surface like magma waiting to explode and transform into something tangible and destructive.

“He told me that he has a room for me too. I wonder when he’ll let us visit.”

She nods absently, staring out the window at the sunlight twinkling in through the blinds but then his words register and the gears in her head churn before running the sentence back through to carefully process them.

“He---what? You spoke to Vincenzo?”

The human puppy pouts his lips before tilting his head and dealing a hard blow to her ego and her heart, “Yeah, he sends me letters. I got so scared the first time! He said the letter would self-destruct after I read it and I really thought that was true and I dived across the room to escape but I bumped my head on the table and then...”

He sent Han Seo letters.

She had received the same fucking postcard for months on end with the same message she had said to him, and he had time to write Han Seo letters. He hadn’t sent her even one in the time he had been gone.

“That fucking bastard!” She explodes interrupting Han Seo’s recount of his near death experience and he looks wide- eyed and taken back by her outburst, she almost soothes him before another wave of anger rushes through her veins. She had accepted the bare minimum because she thought this was all he could give her but it seemed she was being too naïve. He was Vincenzo Cassano after all, he could make anything happen. She had seen it with her own two eyes. If he wasn’t reaching out to her maybe that was a message and she was too blind to see it.

“Noona? Are you okay?” Han Seo looks absolutely terrified, eyes huge and quivering. She doesn’t bother answering, grabbing her cup of lukewarm coffee and stomping out of the office ignoring Mr. Nam’s calls behind her. She’s tired of being an idiot.

She throws herself into forgetting him, the same way he seems to have forgotten her despite his words to her that fateful night on the stairs.

I thought about you everyday.

Actions speak louder than words and she is done accepting his crumbs. She has never needed anyone, had even accepted when her own father wanted nothing to do with her; she has basically been prepping for this moment her entire life.

So she goes shopping with Miri, buying gadgets that she has no idea how to use but that the other girl makes sound like things that she definitely needs such as a new home security system, her break in still fresh in her mind. She grins at the pretty smile on the other girl’s round face as she explains the specification of the machines around them and she can see why Han Seo has such a huge crush on the girl, the pretty blush that blossoms on the other girl’s cheek after stating the fact out loud is adorable and she pinches said cheek much to her chagrin.

“You should worry about your own love life.” Miri teases but the words sting like acid on her skin and she turns away to hide the grimace on her face, but she’s not fast enough and the other girl catches her wrist halting her movement.

“What? What’s wrong? Did something happen to Mr. Cassano?” Miri whispers the last part, looking around to make sure that nobody overhears them.

She forces herself to stifle her emotions, trapping them in the back of her mind refusing to let him have this kind of affect on her.

“I wouldn’t know.” She tries for a emotionless tone but even she can hear the bitterness in her own voice and Miri’s eyes fill with pity and it makes her sick to her stomach, “Don’t. I am going to be fine. Let’s just go.”

They don’t utter single word in the car ride home.

After that it becomes painfully obvious that everyone in the plaza thinks something is wrong with her and are teaming up to make her feel better. It’s the packed lunches that keep showing up on her desk without fail, her clothes being steamed and pressed for free, the way that they won’t allow her to be alone and there are countless spontaneous family game nights all ending with her drunk and being carried home.

Tonight Mr. Tak is the unlucky volunteer, dragging her limp body in her father’s house and she thinks of all the times that they drank here together and a certain person was the one hauling her body to bed complaining and grumbling but that distractingly fond smile on his face that he only ever seemed to shoot her way. Her heart thumped loudly as he loomed over her and leaned in close, getting her hopes up only to brush her hair behind her ears and softly tell her, “Go to sleep now,” and she had never been obedient all her teachers could testify to that but when he looked at her like that she was powerless to do anything else but listen.

“I miss him.” The traitorous words fall from her lips and vanish into the inky darkness of the night.

A deep sigh from the left of her, “We know.”

She feels vulnerable, the worst thing about having a weakness is other’s noticing too. She hates how weak she feels.

“I am going to forget him.”

The body supporting most of her weight tenses under her arm and she waits for his response, they all love Vincenzo- he had become their unexpected hero and leader in many ways. They would always take his side, she knows that.

“If that’s what you need to do to be happy. Then, do it. Loving a man like Vincenzo isn’t easy.”

She turns to look at him in genuine shock.

“What? You thought I would tell you to keep waiting with no end in sight? You should know by now, you mean a lot to us too. Your happiness is important to us too, we’re a family.”

“But we’re the Cassano family,” she challenges unable to accept that they could love her without Vincenzo attached, but Mr. Tak shrugs at the clarification, “We can be the Hong Family too.”

She feels her eyes swimming.

“I should go inside.”

She feels sober and more awake than ever, she stays up all night twirling the long strands of her hair in between her fingers.

Thinking.

Variety is the spice of life.

She doesn’t know where she’s heard that but it’s those sage words that are the catalyst for her spontaneous decision.

“Same as always? Silky with some body?” Her stylist peers into her eyes through the wide mirror and she hears herself say, “No I want a cut and some color.” Yu-jin raises one pretty tweezed brow but nods after a moment’s pause, “Okay. How short are you thinking?”

And that’s how she starts her day with long thick hair that grazes her lower back and ends it with a short bob that tickles her neck. It feels like a weight has been lifted from her shoulder, metaphorically and literally and she loves the face that she sees in the mirror, her eyes looking brighter than they have in months. She feels more alive, like a snake shedding its skin and becoming a newer and fresher version of itself.

“Your hair?” That becomes the running theme for her day, shocked gaping mouths and hands reaching out for the hair that was once there. She merely smirks at their palpable surprise, especially Seol-jin who doesn’t recognize her from behind.

“I haven’t seen a pretty lady like you aro--Oh Ms. Hong! I’m so sorry I didn’t recognize you, I am so sorry please excuse me!” The interpretative dancer bolts away leaving her to watch him bemused, she skips to Jipuragi with a pep in her step laughing loudly when Mr. Nam drops his coffee upon seeing her and the brown liquid goes flying and douses him in a sticky hot mess.

It’s an entertaining day to say the least.

Moments later when he’s finished cleaning himself up and changing into the cheetah print track suit that he insisted to keeping in the office, he mentions that a new postcard has arrived. She nods at the information, looking at her laptop and it’s only seconds later that she finally looks up and sees that he’s waiting for her response. She doesn’t have one.

Forcing a tight smile on her face she replies, “Oh that’s great. Just put it with the others.”

He does.

But she can feel his eyes on her, his concern heavy and tangible in the air.

She pretends not to notice and keeps clicking away on her laptop, only glancing over at the card once or twice. But it’s only out of habit.

Nothing more.

She starts going on dates with random men. Men she meets in coffee shops, on the streets, in bars, hell one time even the bookstore. She never meets the same man twice and they never get what they want but it does make her feel desirable and that’s all she’s looking for.

“Where are you going?” Han Seo asks her curiously, Miri by his side as she struts out the plaza new perfume on her skin.

“On a date. I’ll see you both later.” They both gape at her and can only watch with wide eyes as she sashays away, heels clicking with every step.

Word spreads like wildfire and no one takes it harder than Mr. An, who calls her a “jezebel” and cries at the front of the law firm for hours, she has to step over him to go get lunch shaking him off when he latches on to her ankles.

The others just look at her with sad eyes, filled with both understanding and disappointment.

Much to her surprise the lunch boxes keep coming and her clothes are still pressed and starched to perfection though.

She also starts taking self defense classes, Korea is much more dangerous than she had first suspected and she has to be able to protect herself because nobody is coming to save her. Not anymore.

It becomes a great outlet for her built up anger and her instructor praises her for being a fast learner. She grins and nods before flipping him and twisting his arm around his own neck in a modified sleeper hold. When he taps on her arm she squeezes tighter instead of letting go and he goes limp for a moment before she comes back to herself and releases him hastily with a quick apology, “Sorry!”

He rubs his neck, panting for air and she feels guilty, there's a tinge of that but most of all she feels powerful, more so than she has for a long time.

It’s crazy but she finds herself asking him for drinks after class and even crazier is that he agrees even with her marks still there on his skin, the area bruised and red. He looks at her like she’s challenge that he wants to conquer, she lets him believe that’s possible. It’s only a bit of fun anyway, she has no plans for anything serious.

Drinks turn into a drunken cab ride home with his hand on her thigh, hot through the thin material of her tights and they don’t feel right- too small and not rough enough but she’s moving on and she has no time to reminisce.

There hasn’t even been a postcard lately. Message, loud and clear.

When she shoves the keys into her door, he’s glued to her body leaving wet kisses on the long column of her neck and she tries to suppress the nausea that swims in her stomach, everything feels wrong and she hates herself for feeling that way. Why shouldn’t she fuck whoever she wants? He is probably doing the same thing, everyday on his beautiful private island. Kissing women that aren’t her and whispering dirty Italian words into their ears as he rocks back and forth, nary a thought of that Korean woman he knew once upon a time.

Fuck him.

She rocks back into the purposeful grind of the hips behind her, feeling the hardness that digs into the soft flesh of her ass and finally the door opens and they both tumble in haphazardly and he thrusts a hand under her loose shirt fingering at her breasts before a dark figure moves far too quickly in her peripheral and she hears her date cry out in pain.

She almost faints at the familiar sight of the one person she never expected to see, the hard glint of his cold eyes as he twists the same hand that had just been fondling her chest. The grip looks painful, the wrist contorted in an unnatural manner.

“What the fuck? You have a boyfriend?!” Her instructor cries out, voice high pitched falling to his knees as Vincenzo kicks his feet out from under him.

She rolls her eyes, of course he would come now when she is trying (and failing) to get over him.

Vindictively she answers the question, ‘No.”

But that makes Vincenzo twist the wrist in his grip even tighter and she can see the bones breaking so she takes pity on the poor man, he didn’t sign up for a murderous mafia leader after all.

“Just let him go. You have no right to do any of this.”

He doesn’t listen right away and absently she wonders if she’ll need to test out her new moves on him, it would be satisfying to deck him square in the face. She dreams of that as often as she dreams of their reunion. Her feelings are...complicated to say the least.

Then with a grunt, he throws the other man away like he’s trash and growls out, “Get out of here before I kill you.”

She tries not be get turned on by that. But it’s a hard sell, her body already getting revved up. He’s telling the truth.

The man wastes no time, jumping to his feet and bolting out the door without one backwards glance. Asshole, he was really just leaving her with a clearly unstable and dangerous man.

“We need to talk.” Vincenzo squeezes out between clenched teeth, and her blood runs cold but she stares him dead in the eyes tired of this game they’ve been playing, if he’s here to end things she wants to know.

“Okay. Then talk.”

She looks insanely beautiful, with her hair cropped so short bringing his eyes to the tantalizing length of her neck. His eyes close in on a spot of moisture on her neck, he feels his blood boiling imagining that bastard touching any part of her. She’s glaring right back at him, her chest rising and falling and he can’t help but check her out, it’s been months since he saw her in person the photo of her doing aerial yoga above his bed couldn’t compare to the tempest that is Cha-young in real life.

The flat plane of her belly is on display under the white crop top loosely stretched across her chest which leads down to her slim hips and legs wrapped in white spandex, leaving very little to the imagination not that he hasn’t imagined her in far less many, many times. Too many times to count. Spilling across the silk adorning his king sized bed with only her name on his lips.

She looks fucking hot.

That makes it even more frustrating because he can still clearly see that bastard wrapped around her like a snake and his hands going up her shirt---he has to take a deep breath before he breaks something. Or chases that asshole to break his face.

There’s so much he wants to say to her, so much he owes her.

I missed you.

I love you.

Come with me.

“Who the hell was that?” He says this instead then watches her eyes glint over into nothing but pure murderous rage. Wrong move. But he couldn’t help it, green eyed raged taking away his decision making abilities.

“That’s all you have to say? Get out.”

He wasn’t expecting rose petals and trumpets when he returned but he definitely wasn’t expecting this, her cold glare or another man in his spot. He thought she would wait for him, just as he had done for her.

“Are you serious right now?” He counters, flabbergasted.

“Deadly. Get out.”

He clenches his fist, and then stomps out. Turning back but only to watch the door slam in his face.

What the hell.

It had only taken a letter from Han Seo to get him on boat that would take him to an open field and hours later he was soaring through the skies on a hot air balloon, on his way back to Korea. It was insane and he barely had time to explain to his family but Luca nodded at him like this was the only choice and told him that he would take care of everything, and he trusted those words more than he had ever trusted anything in his life.

“Vai a prendere la tua donna( go get your woman).”

He had nodded, gruffly patting the other man on his shoulder before hopping over into the waiting boat.

But he wasn’t so certain anymore that Cha-young was his.

She seems different. Colder almost, she leaves whenever I mention your name and she goes on dates now. I think she’s moving on hyung, what are you going to do?

Those words had been the scariest thing he had never seen. Scarier than every gun that had ever been pointed at his head. He thought what they had was something special, something that could stand the test of time and distance. He stared at the huge pile of letters on his bedside, all addressed to her. He had written one everyday since they had been separated, but each time he was too much of a coward to send it. In those letters he could say things that he could never say to her face, things like how much he ached without her by his side and how her smile was the only thing that kept him going. In those letters he could regal the ways he loved her, and how deeply she had been branded into his soul, every atom of his body belonged to her and her alone. He would kill for her, die for her, anything she needed or merely wanted he would provide it, all she needed to do was ask.

He could only share those feelings in the letters.

He walks for hours, until he ends up at his old apartment the familiar door greeting him and he sticks his hand in his pocket before he remembers that he gave the key away, with a sigh he starts to walk away before the door creaks open and he hears a voice he hasn’t heard in months.

“Hyung!”

A warmth spreads across his back as a solid weight almost knocks him off his feet. He reaches one arm around his body, awkwardly slapping the face that is pressing into his collar.

“You really chose to stay here.”

He feels the nod on his shoulder, “Of course. It made me feel closer to you hyung, I missed you.”

He grunts in response, before turning around and tugging the younger man into a real hug. He had missed the annoying little leech too, he had missed everyone.

They are still in each other’s embrace for a moment before Han Seo pulls away, sympathy etched deep on his face.

“She wasn’t happy to see you.”

“There was someone else there.” He hates the words even as they leave his mouth and Han Seo winces, looking pained for him before tugging him into the small apartment. Everything is just like he left it. He looks around in awe.

“I’m sorry hyung. What are you going to do?”

That’s the golden question, he pondered it all the way here and he’s no closer to knowing the answer to that. Usually she is the one that makes the move, she has always been the brave one between them. He back steps and says things he doesn’t mean and she sees through him and smashes down all his walls. That’s how this has always worked.

“I don’t know. Maybe I should just leave her alone. Let her be happy.”

A loud scoff reaches his ears, “Sure. Is that why you sailed across sharked infested waters and trusted a hot air balloon company run my former thugs?”

He smarts at the sarcastic reply and glares before flicking the cheeky brat on his nose, "I liked you better when you were stupid you know. Now you're a little smart ass."

The younger man looks even more youthful as he grins back at him, rubbing at his nose before shrugging. "I learned from the best."

He has no rebuttal for that so he tries to flick him again, giving chase when he darts off.

It feels good to be home.

He warns Han Seo not to tell anyone that he's here least they give away his location.

So he's not surprised the next day to find the cavalry at his doorstep hands filled to the brim with containers of food. There are tears, mostly from Mr. Nam who won't stop screaming his name and pinching his cheeks to see if he's real and Mr. An who wraps around him like a koala despite his very detailed threats. It's all chaos and so familiar that his heart aches but her absence is like a hole in his chest. Nobody mentions her but they all keep looking at the door, so it's obvious that she was invited but chose not to come.

Because she didn't want to see him.

"You're here to win her back right?" He doesn't know who even utters the words but when he glances up they are all looking at him expectantly.

He didn't know that was what he was indeed here for thought that she would happily welcome him back and they could pick up where they left off but she's made it clear that this won't be the case. This will be the most important fight of his life.

"Yes. I'm here for Cha-young."

He gets enthusiastic thumbs up and a loud giggle from the Yeon-Jin and Cheol-Wook’s adorable baby, her little hands too uncoordinated to do a thumbs up but she waves excitedly feeding off the energy around her.

He wonders how Cha-young would look with a baby in her arms, their baby it's a dangerous thought. But one that he can't get out of his mind once he thinks it.

They stay until midnight, forcing him to eat and drink too much soju until he passes out to dreams filled with a round Cha-young, belly swollen and protruding from her body.

It doesn't take much to learn her schedule(Mr. Nam hands him a laminated copy) and he has to put on a disguise but he enters the shop seconds after her, hearing her order that god awful sewer water she's so fond of.

"An espresso for me." He leans in too close, almost brushing her shoulder and she jolts at the sound of his voice, turning to stare at him as if she's a mirage.

"You're still here?" She whispers and then shakes her head and looks away as if she's hadn't meant to say the words aloud.

It hurts him that she thought he would leave without telling her but he can't blame her, he has been anything but consistent. Instead of answering, he leans forward to hand his credit card to the cashier who glances between them suspiciously before accepting the card.

Their orders are ready in seconds and he follows her as she walks to their table, butterflies in his stomach at the familiar sight.

She turns to him with a glare, "It's just the only available table."

He moves to pull out her chair and she starts at him tight lipped before sitting down. She's in a tight black suit today, two long slits on the side of her pants going all the way up to her thighs. He gulps down his drink to get rid of the drool pooling in his mouth.

"You're upset with me."

She stares at him like he's the biggest idiot on the planet, it's not a look he receives often but she's always the outlier in his otherwise organized life.

"Astute observation." She quips back, sucking loudly at her coffee.

"Why?"

He considered how to go about breeching this subject and in the end had decided on going straight to the source, he had been under the impression that this was working for them.

Her face morphs into a person he hasn't seen for a long time, the Cha-young that would berate him and make him angry enough to curse in Italian.

"Do you think this little of me?"

He's completely lost, "What do you mean? What did I do that was so wrong? Wrong enough for you to cheat on me!" He's panting now, his voice has gotten loud enough to catch people's attention he can feel them watching their table, nosy and invested.

"Cheat on you?"

Cold as ice, her voice is. It almost makes him shiver.

"How could I possibly cheat on you? We're not together. You send me the same postcard with the same message every few months. I have no idea what you're doing in Malta, who you're with. You can't even be bothered to send me a letter, do you think this is a relationship? You think it's enough to pop up like this every once in a blue moon? You've told me nothing about how you feel about me but I'm supposed to be satisfied with whatever you throw my way?"

If he wasn't sitting down his legs would have already given out he's certain about that. Her voice is deadly quiet each word landing and chipping away at his confidence.

"I'm doing the best I can! You knew it would be like this after everything was over, why are you blaming me now? How about you, I don't know how you feel either!"

"I love you! Anyone with eyes can see that, I told you that at the airport too. And again when I took a bullet for you, you didn't think that meant I loved you? I was willing to die for you."

Shit.

It's not at all how he expected them to confess their love for each other, it's hard to believe the words that are coming out of her mouth as she bares her teeth at him.

"So why are you doing this? Why are there other men?"

Why aren't I enough? He wants to say but he's scared of her answer, terrified that she'll say that she can't do this anymore. That he just isn’t enough anymore.

She stares at him long and hard.

Waiting for something. But he doesn't know what.

"You haven't changed at all. You're still a coward, I'm not interested in guessing anymore. I’m done playing this game.”

She stands up and walks away, leaving her unfinished coffee on the table.

Unwanted just like him.

She doesn't see him for days and she accepts that her words had done their damage, she had cried until she fell asleep that night. Waking up with swollen red eyes that no amount of concealer would save but thankfully no one commented on her state.

She goes through her day on autopilot and before she knows it she's back home, ready to face her night alone again. She pushes the door open, half praying he'll be waiting for her but her hopes shattered when she turns on the lights and finds no one.

"It's better this way." She lies to herself, pouring herself an obscene glass of soju. She's going to need plenty of alcohol to get through this pain.

Her head is woozy and heavy when she hears a sound, suddenly alert she stills in her chair before rushing over to get a frying pan walking on the tips of her toes she prowls closer to the clicking sound, finding herself at the window peering at a long lost friend. Placing the frying pan on her window sill she pry opens the window, screeching when the audacious bird flies inside landing on her table as if he belongs there.

"Hey Inzaghi! Get your dirty bird feet off my table!"

He looks at her nonchalantly, making himself comfortable on said table and she sighs before shutting the window and drunkenly swaying over to him.

"What are you even doing there? Do you want to be my bird now, I won't be a very good owner. I won't remember to feed you. I barely remember to feed myself."

Despite being a bird he finds a way to roll his eyes at her before standing up and only then does she notice something on his leg. She looks at him cautiously before moving closer and untying the paper on his leg, the pigeon barely reacts before flying over to her couch. She sighs in annoyance, she's going to have to clean everything after this bird leaves.

She unwinds the string holding the paper together, unrolling the paper scroll. There is a message written inside: the rooftop. 9 pm.

Glancing at her clock the time shines at her.

7:34pm.

"This could be a trap."

It very much could be, she has enemies now. It was a small price to pay for taking down Babel but she's always looking over her shoulders now, so this note could easily be someone luring her to hurt her or get back at Vincenzo.

Inzaghi coos loudly at her as if he can hear her thoughts. This time he finds a way to look exasperated.

She stumbles off to her room.

She needs time to think.

"So she told you that she loved you and you didn't say it back?"

"I was shocked. She was growling at me and looked ready to kill me at the same time." He reasons back, trying to show his hyung his point of view. The younger man doesn't look even a little bit convinced by his logic.

"Okay and? That sounds perfectly normal for you too. You should have shot someone and wrote it back in their blood on the table."

He recoils in disgust at the suggestion, "What the hell is wrong with you? Are you actually insane, why the fuck would I do that?"

Han Seo stares deadpan in return.

He puts up a hand trying to stop whatever response he has, "Don't say it."

It doesn't work.

"Pig's blood. Don't forget I saw it all, I've never seen Ms. Hong look so excited before. You're both crazy."

Well, that had been different. It was an old tradition, she simply had an appreciation for the classics.

"And I bet you're defending her right now in your mind. Noona is just like you, that's why you're made for each other. She's the gasoline to your fire."

"You know that would just make an even larger fire right?"

"Yes. I'm smart now remember? I know what I said."

He sighs falling into the comfortable familiarity of the couch, a spring digging into his thigh.

"Why didn't you say it back?" His stills at the barely whispered question, his chest constricting as he recalls the passionate confession. He had frozen, like he'd always known she was the brave one between them. Always doing the unexpected and the time was no different, her words had knocked him off his feet.

"Because I was scared."

Han Seo huffs at his honesty. He doesn't know where the words are coming from but he's tired of keeping it all in.

"Because if anything happens to her it'll break me, I thought it would be better if I kept her at a distance. I thought this was enough. I thought this would be easier. When I think about her I want to drop everything and just be with her and that...was too dangerous. I had to keep my distance."

There's a pregnant pause, just the sound of their breathing filling the void.

"Was it?"

"What?"

"Easier. Is this better? Enough?"

He thinks about Cha-young getting married to a faceless man, exchanging vows and sealing it with a kiss, happy and in love on their honeymoon wanton moans and screams from their room, learning that they're having a baby and her round and glowing with someone else's child smiling brightly as she rubs her belly and it's too much. He wants to smash it all into little pieces.

"No. It's not enough. I need her, without her nothing is enough."

"That's what you should have said to her. Don't glare at me I'm right, but I have an idea. I saw it in an American cartoon."

And that's how he lets his younger brother convince him to send a note to Cha-young using Inzaghi, the pigeon had shown up one night and he'd been so happy he almost kissed the bird.

"How will he know where Cha Young lives?" He asks skeptical even as he ties the note to the birds leg.

"I showed him a picture of her house. According to the cartoon, birds just know.”

He stares at the younger man, wondering why he's listening to this ridiculous plan.

"This is stupid. I should just text her, Inzaghi is never going to deliver this. He's just a regular pigeon."

"This is more romantic." He answers matter of fact.

"How is a pigeon delivering a message in anyway romantic?" He challenges already knowing from the shit eating grin he won’t like the response.

"The same way pig blood was." The brat counters and he doesn't get a chance to respond before Han Seo picks Inzaghi up and throws him out the window, "In the name of love!" He only barely stops himself from bashing his head into the wall, the younger man has to wrestle him to the ground.

It's stupid. They did all of this for nothing the cool breeze makes him pull his coat tighter around his body, exposed to the weather on the open space of the rooftop.

He checks his watch, 9:48.

She's not coming and the worst part is that he doesn't know if it's because that damn bird never delivered his message or if it's because she really doesn't want anything to do with him. The burden of not knowing hurts more than anything.

Expelling the air in his lungs he walks back to the single door that leads off the roof, twisting the doorknob in his hand and pulling it open.

Meeting the shocked face of one Cha-young.

They both just stare at each other before he speaks, "You came."

He can't believe it. Inzaghi had actually delivered the note, somehow the pigeon had found her house and she was here. He almost pinches himself to see if he'd passed out on the roof and this was just a dream.

"I didn't know Inzaghi was a carrier pigeon." She futilely tries to change the subject and he takes a step back, gathering the tattered pieces of his courage. The same courage that had propelled him to kiss her all those months ago on the stairs.

"I'm so happy you're here. I waited for you."

She stares at him like he has two heads before blushing, and avoiding his eyes.

"Come with me." He extends his hands and tries not to be too hurt when she bypasses it and steps around him instead.

At least she was here.

With a quick swipe of his hand he sends the message to his accomplices.

Now.

The lights come on, fairy lights decorating the roof top in a heavenly glow. She spins around in wonder, eyes nearly as bright she's so beautiful it's almost painful to look at her.

Then the music starts.

The soft notes filling the space.

When I walk down a road I don't know well....

She looks around in wonder, staring back at him she can’t believe what’s happening.

Then the letters start falling from the sky, all the letters he had written to her alone and missing her thousands of miles away. His plaza family smiles down at him, throwing letters from a higher building.

Cha-young stares up at the sky in surprise, hundreds of letters landing all around her.

It had taken a few days for Luca to send them all over and then another day to get the guts to do this, there was no turning back now. He had never willingly made himself vulnerable to anyone else, but according to Han Seo it was the only way he was going to win her back.

“She just wants to know that you love her too. Show her.”

He watches anxiously as she picks up a letter, stroking lightly at her own name on the front looking at him with stunned wet eyes.

“You wrote me a letter.” Her voice is revere and awe that he doesn’t deserve, not after everything he has put her through in the sake of protecting himself but he’s too elated to see her looking at him like that again, like he’s someone important to her.

“182. For each day we were apart. I told you I thought about you everyday, and every time I did I wrote you a letter.”

She stares at the letter in her hand, gently ripping it open and devouring the words on the page. Nerves shoot up and down his body as he watches her read his most private thoughts about her, her expressive face for once empty of emotions as she silently reads the letter.

He waits.

Breathless and terrified.

“Why didn’t you ever send them? They were mine so why did you keep them?” He hears an edge in her voice that makes him wonder if she’s only talking about the letters.

“Cha-young, I don’t think you understand.”

She breathes out loudly, stomping over to him until they are inches apart and he has no choice but to look into the deep pool of her eyes.

“I don’t! I don’t understand anything, I thought you had found someone else in Malta and the postcards were just your way of being nice. I thought you didn’t feel the same way I did, you were sending Han Seo letters but you wouldn’t do the same for me. What was I supposed to think? Why didn’t you try to help me understand, you were gone for six months!”

There’s so much wrong with everything she said, how could he find anyone else when his heart beats for her? How could he forget her when everything he did reminded him of her, he saw her every night in his dreams. But he doesn’t make the same mistake this time, he says what’s important.

“I feel the same way. I love you Cha-young. I thought this was better for you, that this could be enough. But I was wrong, I missed you every minute of every--”

“Come home with me.”

He stops, stares, gapes and then stares some more.

“What? I wasn’t finished confessing though.” Actually offended that she interrupted his planned speech. He was about to recite one of his favorite Italian love poems for her and then ask her to dance.

She rolls her eyes dragging him towards the door, “Don’t you think we’ve wasted enough time? It’s been six months and you have been here for too long, you have to go soon.”

She’s right, he has a flight in two days for an identity he borrowed for his escape.

“Listen to her, just go back to her place and have a good night!” That sounds like Cheol-Wook and then they all erupt into applause and start cheering and hollering, chanting their names and then to his embarrassment they start chanting, “Go have sex! Go have sex!” complete with the monks banging on their drums and he doesn’t think he will ever live down this moment, especially when he sees Miri capturing it on the new video camera he had gifted her.

He flips them off as an eager Cha-young pulls him away their laughter following them all the way.

The car ride is too long on the way over and she wonders how quickly she can undress them both as soon as they reach, there is simply no time to waste.

But once they get to the doorstep he suddenly freezes, tugging her backwards into his chest.

“This looks familiar doesn’t it?” His voice is dark and smoky and she immediately knows what he’s referring to, and she refuses to give him any reaction.

“Are you seriously doing this right now?”

“You let someone else touch you. Here.” He runs a hand up her neck, briefly squeezing, “And here,” she gasps at his hands suddenly on her breast, squeezing harshly at the tender flesh.

“So what are you going to do about it?” She knows that she’s playing with fire, but that is their foundation. She has never aimed to cool him off or tone him down, she sees the dark side inside of him and loves it, encourages it and feeds on it herself allowing it to bring her darkness out too.

He kicks the door open, shoving her side and she delights at the rough treatment. She hopes that she is filled with his bruises tomorrow.

She doesn’t wait for his next move, pulling her shirt up and over her head before tugging off her skirt leaving herself in a barely there lace panties and a matching lace bra that is translucent, her nipples peeking through the sheer material. He stares at her transfixed, his hunger evident in his eyes and in the tent forming in his tight dress pants.

“Take those off.” She commands and he smirks before obeying, peeling the pants off his thighs standing in his button down shirt and tight boxer briefs that leave nothing to her imagination, every delicious inch of him visible. She steps forward bringing their bodies in contact, before thrusting her hand inside the opening of his briefs. He feels hard and smooth, liquid pooling at the tip and she twists her hand collecting it to ease her slow strokes up and down. His voice hitches as she fingers his balls and without warning she tugs his boxers off, leaving him bare to her eyes.

Mesmerized by the unencumbered sight of him, she drops to her knees using her hand to guide him to her eagerly waiting mouth.

His flavor explodes on her tongue and she swallows more, grabbing his hips to drag him deeper into her mouth until she can feel him in her throat, but even after her eyes start to burn and she feels herself choking she doesn’t stop, bobbing up and down hungrily, sloppy wet sounds filling the room in a filthy symphony. At first he lets her control the movement, pliant in her hands but as she increases her speed and suction he starts groaning and huffing loudly and then she feels his hand on the back of her hand, keeping her in place and when she looks up at him he looks wrecked. Eyes dazed and his face red and flushed, she ingrains that image in her mind, for when he’s gone and all she has are her toys.

She stares back defiantly before he draws himself out of her mouth, a single line of spit connecting them and then he thrusts back into her mouth roughly and she opens her mouth wider to accept the abuse, loving every second of it even as a her throat aches. He sets a frantic pace, his balls slamming against her chin and she doesn’t realize at first that his grunts have transformed into words, too much blood rushing to her head.

“Mine. Mine, nobody can---ah fuck! Nobody can see you like this. Only me. You’re mine.”

He fucks her mouth like it’s his to use and do what he pleases, and she’s wetter than she’s ever been listening to him claim her verbally and with the wet push of his dick in her mouth.

She starts grinding on the floor like a cat in heat and without preamble he grabs her under her armpits and lifts her like she weighs nothing, his dick sliding free from her hot mouth, “I want to make you scream.” He says this like a declaration of love and she throws herself at him, kissing the words off his lips. His tongue swirls in her mouth and she wonders if he can taste himself in her. It makes her hotter and she grinds her barely covered pussy onto his naked length, groaning at the friction even though the thin layer separating them.

He tosses her onto the bed and she doesn’t even remember them walking, his tongue and his wondering fingers had completely distracted her.

She lays sprawled across the bed as he stares at her, like she’s feast he can’t wait to devour.

“Nobody has been in here.” She doesn’t know if he’s asking a question or making a statement, but she feels that his jealousy is real. Seeing her with someone else had done something to him, guilt washes over her. If she had seen him with someone else she would have lost her mind too.

“Nobody. I never brought anyone home before, that guy was a mistake. I was just hurt and missing you. I’m sorry.”

He had abandoned her for six months and she didn’t owe him anything but his pain is her pain and they are stronger now, everything has been said.

“Good.”

Then he rips her panties away and buries his face between her legs, prying her wide open with his hands and lapping at her with his searing hot tongue. Immediately he has his wish and she screams, loud enough to fill the entire room.

“Already screaming amore? It’s going to be a long night, I want to make you hoarse.”

She doesn’t get a moment to respond before he’s back to licking and sucking at her most sacred part, fingers deep inside her as he thrusts and strokes alongside his tongue, his fingers and tongue moving in tandem and she tries to stifle the scream but a particularly deep fuck makes the sound erupt from her throat and her head feels dizzy from the overwhelming sensation.

He has boundless energy it seems, as time drags by and she feels her body tightening up as he systemically destroys her, he never takes a break or pauses, slurping up all the liquid that drips from her and the sounds of him swallowing are beyond erotic. When a hand runs up her stomach and squeezes at a bouncing breast she can’t contain her moans of pleasure, crying out as his fingers pinching the tight bud of her nipple.

“Please.”

He coos in her, “So pretty when you beg.” Then he sticks his tongue as far as it can go and she hears the rush of blood in her head as her body shakes apart and her release gushes from her body, twitching when he laps it all up her oversensitive body recoiling from the overstimulation.

She has never come like that before, most men have never put in the work necessary to make her come and she wasn’t one to fake it so her experiences with sex with someone else were few and far in between.

This feels like nirvana.

“You still with me amore?” The bastard looks so smug, looming above her naked arms on the side of her head, and she had no idea when he took his shirt off.

“I can’t feel like my legs.”

He chuckles loudly at the statement, grinning growing wider.

“Well I can assure you that they’re still there and they will look great wrapped around my waist.”

Raising to his challenge, although her body is still buzzing she wraps her legs around his waist, they feel like jelly but she finds the strength to follow through with her movement.

“I was right they do look great.”

“Well this would look great in me.” She counters, grabbing at his thick ruddy red dick jutting from his body and he rocks into her hand before knocking her hand away and taking himself in his hand.

“Do we need a condom?” He asks her, looking like he is ready to stop at nay minute if she tells him that they do.

“No.”

She has been on birth control since she was a teen and there’s been no one for her since she met him, and she trusts that it’s been the same for him.

“Thank goodness, I want to feel everything.” He barely finishes his sentence before he’s easing into her, slow and steady. She lets him continue for a moment before she tightens her legs around his waist and pulls him in roughly, as deep as she can get him in this position. “Fuck, you’re so impatient.”

“Shut up and fuck me already.”

He grumbles at her calling her bossy, but she sighs when he draws out and slams back in with a quick snap of his hips.

“Yes just like that!”

He takes direction very well, repeating the motion until the bed starts to creak from their movements, he pistons in and out of her gone all semblance of gentle or slow, they have teetered into a speed that can only be defined as “break neck” and she feels her body sliding up the mattress as he pounds into her over and over again, she latches onto his neck eager to leave a branding mark on him and he groans at the suction, grinding harder into her and gripping her ass to force her to meet his vicious thrusts.

Absently she feels him peeling her bra from her body, the only remaining item of clothing that has survived their coupling and she knows exactly when he sees the scar. The grotesque knitting of skin that had left a permanent scar on her shoulder, she almost covers it up but when she peels her eyes open he is staring at her mesmerized.

“Don’t look.”

He leans down to kiss it, the softest more precious kiss she has ever received in her life.

He peppers more kisses all over, then strokes at it with a single finger.

“I should have realized, this was your confession. I was an idiot. I will never be that stupid again, I love you so much. I would do anything for you. Anything.”

He puts her legs on her shoulder, nearly bending her in half before resuming his thrusts but they are less frenzied now, it feels like lovemaking. Her eyes prickle when he kisses her scar with every downward thrust, whispering, “Beautiful, so beautiful. Every inch of you.”

She cries out.

With every thrust he kisses her scar, making her feel lightheaded and naked.

When he moves them into a new position, her back to his front giving him better access to her scar, she loses herself as he whispers sweet nothings into her ears and litters the spot with warm kisses.

She falls off the edge with his lips on her scar and him deep inside her, warm bursts filling her up before leaking out onto the bed sheets.

“Today’s our last day.”

Waking up next to him is torture, she tries not to ingrain that in her mind but it’s too late it’s already there. He blinks away the sleep in his eyes at her words and then nods solemnly in agreement.

“Yes for this visit. But I’ll always come back for you.”

She smiles brightly, “Don’t keep me waiting for too long.”

They don’t leave the bed except to get breakfast and that ends with her laid across the kitchen table getting taken from behind after teasing him. He can’t seem to keep his hands off her new hair, twisting the short strands in his hands and yanking on them. She catches him looking at her heatedly more than once.

Then they wind up in the shower, trying to clean up and getting dirtier instead, his hands tight in her hair and around her waist as he hoists her up to pound her into the wall. Making up for lost time.

They get messages from their entire family, Vincenzo showing her a message from Han Seo asking if he’s going to be an uncle soon. She promises to embarrass him in front of Miri very, very soon.

Both pretend they don’t feel the day fading away, bringing them closer to their goodbye.

Tomorrow he will be gone again, but there’s no guessing now. She knows what she means to him now and that’s more than enough.

She wakes up to an empty bed and a ticket to Malta, the ball is in her court.

#vincenzo #chayenzo #smut #but you know with feelings #romance isn't dead #you can find it in strange places #like pig's blood #han seo has the best wingman #the mafia family

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paradife-loft · 4 years

Text

A Smattering of More TGCF Thoughts, Having Finished Book 3

*not exhaustive, because that would be way too much; but still apparently enough rambling to need a cut for length

EVERYTHING IS METAPHYSICAL WORLDBUILDING...... I don’t even know if I have a specific place I’d want to start with this, bc it’s all just deeply fascinating trying to tease out how it all works, but. mmmm delicious crunchy worldbuilding on what heavenly officials (of each court) and ghosts even are, and how spiritual power works! what exactly ascending is, and what role “fate” plays in that, and what even is fate really? what relationship does fate have to social standing in one’s mortal life?

this is my shit. I love to know how it all works. I will poke at all the things.

BLACK. WATER. XUAN. it is probably obvious by now that I am in massive hearteyes with He Xuan?? just. the dramatic flair! the extent of being SO wronged! intense murder aesthetic! d e d i c a t i o n. power and planning and being utterly terrifying as a trap closing in when the time comes - and an absolute Weirdo antisocial half-person Mess the rest of the time! “I am going to give you all these tests as opportunities to show that you see me, the person your successes came at the very literal physical cost of, and CARE to rectify that horrible injustice. show me that you give a fuck! show me that you’re not just stuck in your pampered myopic little heavenly heads!”

I am a little disturbed by how quickly I’ve built up a whole headcanon persona and POV for He Xuan already despite. not having finished the book yet. :’D what can I say though, intense capacity for violence, plus messy depression/depersonalisation badbrains, plus unstable identity and literally subsuming other beings into yourself, plus hella fucked up relationship with food... This Is Coming For Me Where I Live rn <33

(nom nom transmisogynists make a delicious crunchy snack~)

honestly it’s kind of like, the more intense my feelings & thoughts about a character are, the harder it is for me to really ramble properly about them without more specific prompts.... oops. but just know, I have many He Xuan thoughts. hot damn.

Yin Yu and Quan Yizhen ;____; god, I just have.... a lot of feelings about the way in which Status Issues Fuck Them Up. and about how Yin Yu ends up taking all this blame not because he’s A Bad Person, but also not because he’s Framed Horribly and Is Totally Innocent? he’s just very real, and imperfect, and his personal shortcomings combine with events to create a complete and utter clusterfuck :(

CORPSE RATS CORPSE RATS :D I am enjoying literally everything that’s eaten other spirits in this book honestly. delightfully fucked up favourite “taking on traits of a thing you consume” trope :D

Mount Tong’lu especially, but also just a certain amount of the aesthetic of this book in general, is once again Reminding Me Of Dark Souls. it’s the combo “gain more power by murdering other entities and consuming their souls” / “transformational Final Level specifically called a kiln” thing, I think.

so I guess it’s canon that the Supremes are a “mentally unstable obsessives only” club??? :’D I have a lot of feelings about much-younger-ghost!Hua Cheng just kind of. spending ten years alternately nerding out over trying to learn to read a dead language, and trying to... depict his devotion and somehow express/externalise the very story of who he even is into this empty underground series of caverns? trying to pound it into his head to, like, remember who he is and make SOME part of the world witness to what’s made him, even though (and because) he can’t actually open up about any of that to any other people?

like hmm, certainly I don’t think he’s losing it during the Mount Tong’lu experience as much as, say, certain other individuals might have (*cough*), because he’s not literally taking the essences of other beings into himself, just getting a power-up - but that alone, killing so much and experiencing that kind of metaphysical change, must already be kind of disorienting and weird? especially if you’re functionally alone the whole time?? which is to say, sure, the thousand gods and all the murals might have been a little bit of a monument to Hua Cheng being batshit crazypants for a while, but given the material circumstances of 10 years of isolation/ling nerding/murder, I really cannot blame him. (I would also rather not have other people, certainly not the object of my affection & obsession, get to see those things! that is entirely relatable, not sinister!)

(obligatory “what would a centuries-old sourdough starter from Mount Tong’lu be like“ joke....)

although. that said. I continue! to be not okay! with the extent of Literal Hero Worship happening in this relationship! “if you don’t have anything else to live for, then live for me!” like ok ok it is all very well and good that you said that as a dumbass naive teenage god, and clearly don’t believe in any such thing anymore, but. Hua Cheng! has not gotten over that! he is still very much in that headspace! “oh don’t worry my ashes are in a totally safe place bc if the place where I hid them was destroyed then I would have no reason to live either ~<3″ NO. NO BAD. EXTREMELY BAD, HUA CHENG SIT DOWN RIGHT THIS INSTANT UNTIL I FIND YOU SOMEONE TO TALK YOU THROUGH THIS SHIT.

I just. mmmmmmmnnn. I really enjoy how they interact with one another most of the time! I’m also just... not cool with the level of power disparity in terms of psychological vulnerability to one another, that seems pretty fundamentally baked into the dynamic :/

(it’s funny bc this is the opposite of the panic Mu Qing & Feng Xin were having over Hualian, oops)

actually while I’m being a whole-ass Downer about ships, I will also mention that I do Not get shipping those two..... like “excessive bickering” has never appealed to me in the first place but also. FX seems to genuinely think MQ is a bad person?? and doesn’t understand what his perspective is like in general? perhaps I am simply A Bit Sensitive to people misunderstanding someone and thinking they’re a bad person bc they’re not Nice And Cheerful And Personable, but. eugh, no thank you.

miscellaneous thoughts....

Ling Wen can honestly do as many murders as she feels like, I’m not too broken up about this ultimately :////

Xie Lian’s trauma response panic mode whenever he sees White No-Face! it’s upsetting!

White No-Face is not valid specifically for the reason that I wanted the next ghost king to come out of the kiln to add something cool to the Calamities’ color scheme >:( Give Me A Purple Ghost You Dumb Motherfucker >:(

(actually in part I make fun of him because I am otherwise also terrified of him! he is creepy and horrifying! he seems like substantially less of a Person and more like a Horrible Force of Nature than the other calamities!! also HE WAS LIVING IN THEIR HOUSE *screams*)

(you may notice there is approximately no book 2 content on here and that is.... largely bc I found book 2 very upsetting and unpleasant to read, as “overwhelming futility in the face of world affairs and mass suffering” is in fact my Least favourite emotion to have evoked in fiction. or in real life for that matter. “biological phenomenon wherein foreign entities grow in or on your body” is ALSO a least favourite thing in both fiction & real life too, funnily enough! not actually to the same extent as Futility Forever, but. no thank you.)

there’s definitely more I wanted to talk about at one point or another and then forgot, so, if there’s something you want to hear about in particular, ask me questions!

#James liveblogs books #hua cheng's ghostly down with cis bus

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marietiernas · 3 years

Text

Yu-Gi-Oh Dark Side of Dimensions liveblog

I just have so many thoughts and have to shout them somewhere.

Multi-verse is a thing? Cool.

Kaiba making eyes at the Millenium Puzzle. In space. I thought that thing fell into a pit at the end of the series?

Kaiba Corp, making Ancient Egyptian archeological digs unsafe since Kaiba lost his boyfr- arch rival.

Mokuba! Sweet baby! He cut his hair! And wears a suit!

Yugi! He hit puberty! He’s so tall now, sweet boy!

Joey still carries a duel disk?

Wait, Bakura is popular? When did that happen? What is he, a main character?

Tristan has parents? Also, congrats to Tea on the dance program. Who will kick Johnny Steps ass at DDR now?

Joey wants to be a Professional Duelist(tm). Isn’t he already ranked third in the world behind Kaiba and Yugi? Why isn’t he already making money off of this?

Also, you can apparently make money by professionally playing a children’s card game. Like, enough to live off of?

Aw, Yugi wants to create games! Is Duke Devlin still doing that or was Dungeon Dice Monsters his only thing?

Nobody is going to ask Bakura what he’s going to do? Talk about a fifth wheel. I’m starting to think he isn’t a main character.

I’m seven minutes in and I haven’t heard the 4Kids Yu-Gi-Oh theme. I am disappointed.

Don’t talk to the new kid in the corner. He’ll want to play a card game with you.

Ooooo, spoooooooky yellow eyes and weird hair means he’s important to the plot.

Awww, sweet boy is missing his emotional support Pharaoh.

So the puzzle did fall in a pit? And shattered?

Sure, Joey, just drop your bike and run away and don’t elaborate. Your bike totally won’t get stolen or anything.

WHAT ARE THESE BULLIES CHARACTER DESIGNS THANKS I HATE IT

‘How-to film on bullying?’ Really?

Parkour Joey to the rescue! Save the obviously a main character who’s getting bullied!

‘Meet me at the old factory tonight or else. Come alone.’ Or else what? What exactly do these bullies have on Aigami that would make him show up??

I like Aigami’s voice.

Ooooo, he’s trying real hard to be all mysterious and suspicious. He might as well have a neon sign that says ‘MAIN CHARACTER.’

I’m only ten minutes into this movie jesus

Hmm, how do we seem to know and not know this suspicious character? Oh well, it’s not convenient to the plot yet, let’s go get food instead!

Aigami went to the warehouse. Alone. Like a dumbass. Good thing he’s a main character.

The bullies set up dramatic lighting help im dying

Are these children planning a murder??? There are chains?? One of them has a pipe??

Also, what were they going to do if he didn’t show up? How long were they going to wait for him? They didn’t specify a time. What if someone else came by?

This lead bully is obsessed with filming the murder? Beat down? and I am uncomfy

The lead bully’s name is Scud? Poor kid.

Aigami’s laugh is 10/10, I enjoy soft evil boy laughter.

Aigami: You must vanish. Scud (looking terrified): You got a-a- WAND or something?

Aigami has a yellow tesseract, a fan club and a speech about how he’s going to make the world a better place again.

Oh shit he just thanos’d the bullies.

‘No, history is remembered.’ I AM HERE FOR THIS SHADE!

That’s five murders so far

I’m not even 15 minutes into this sweet lord

#yugioh #dark side of dimensions #yu gi oh #my thoughts #screaming into the void because this is my corner of the internet darn it

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ruwithmeguys · 5 years

Text

Just thinking things over (wrote this is about ten mins so sorry about how basic it is)

Let’s talk about Thea...

Now, if I were writing S7, I would have done this:

It all starts in S5. After being so thoroughly educated by Oliver in the morality of ‘tho shalt not kill’, Thea witnesses Oliver regress. ANd killing, And everything he preached against. Only he calls it PROGRESSION, because otherwise... how can he ever explain killing Dhark and Ra’s and all the others in any other way than referring to himself as a murderer?

Remember, he spent the season layering lies over the brutal truth: at the end of the day, he keeps returning to it: to violence and death and he makes mistakes, like the one he made with Felicity only he doesn’t know that it’s because there’s a piece of himself he’s terrified of sharing; most of all with the woman he loves.

And Thea - she doesn’t take to it well.

“After all your preaching, after telling me that I can’t give in to the blood lust when I was affected by the Lazarus waters, you go right ahead and do it for me. It’s like... you enjoy it or something. You destroyed your relationship with Felicity, you’re doing the same with your alter ego and now you’re pushing us all away - what the hell is wrong with you?”

This would happen somewhere between 5.09 and 5.19

She'd watch Oliver delude and destroy himself and be powerless to stop it and she’d think... what’s the point? What’s the point in fighting? It never gets them anywhere, he can lie and pretend but look at him: he’s miserable. He’s stopped sleeping. His eyes are black.

Only Oliver eventually does fight back after Prometheus tortures him, after Felicity saves his soul from self destruction. And while Thea’s so happy for him, she isn’t untouched by it all.

She’s disillusioned.

By herself, her brother, her parents, the world... no matter how much they fight, they don’t seem to get anywhere. They loose people or pieces of themselves. She STAYS in Star City this time, earning a place in the mayoral office. Keeping her eyes on Quentin and pretending she’s fine.

Sometime around 5.22, she’s approached by a man representing a corporation that specialises in endorsing the right person for mayor. The right calls for the city. The right way of living. A powerful financial backer and ally. She shut’s the door in his face... or she would have, only she’s watched her brother do everything alone and knows his choices suck. What if that happens again?

And... is it one rule for Oliver and another for her? Couldn’t she makes decisions without him?

The man throws her a bone: her parents were part of this group, pretentiously named the Ninth Circle... she take she card and pretends she’ll never consider it.

When Prometheus takes them to Lian Yu and the island blows, she doesn't end up in a coma: she IS a mess though. It takes months to heal and she’s frustratingly wheelchair bound, which allows her a great deal of empathy in how Felicity felt during S4. She tells Oliver this...

And she vents at him: how his choices hurt the woman he loves the most, how he pushed Thea away, how hypocritical he’d been and if only he hadn’t behaved the way they had, she’d have feeling in her left arm and she wouldn’t need surgery on her eye.

The rage is new. The truth of it is not.

They make up, but after Oliver's duties take their toll in S6 and he tries to be a good leader, mayor and family man, Thea takes her first steps into the Ninth Circle who make sure to carefully implant truths about her family and manipulative little pushes here and there.

Then Roy returns to her and they don’t leave. For the first time, she feels like it’s possible to have the happiness Oliver is so clearly having with Felicity and her anger and injustice starts to wane. She’s happy with Roy in those weeks... Until he’s killed by Diaz who aimed at her to hurt Oliver.

It’s the last straw.

It isn’t Diaz who gets’ Oliver taken out of the position of mayor.

It’s Thea.

With the Ninth Circle’s monetary backing and influence, she takes over. And she’s good. VERY. She makes changes in the city but they’re almost totalitarian and when Oliver confronts her, she explains.

He isn’t working.

He isn’t a deterrent.

He’s a virus.

He’s making things worse.

And she believes this pile of crap. The pile of crap is not without merit. But she’s being manipulative and he can see that, but he doesn’t understand who. Thea believes that the city needs to be controlled and that because he lost control, because he stepped away from the team, they all left him and now he’s vulnerable. Hes made everyone vulnerable.

Another person who blames him.

When he goes to jail, she’s stunned because that wasn’t her aim... when she sees that no one (excluding Felicity) is trying to fight for him, it solidifies her belief that the city is beyond saving. That it needs to be reformed. And she becomes obsessive with trying to figure out how and where it all went wrong...

Whilst Oliver is in jail, the circle reveal the truth about her parents and Emiko, the circle’s assassin. About the Gambit and how this really all started with the bombs.

She kills her half sister: it’s an accident, like when her father killed that man but they’d fought before hand.

She starts to hate herself. Oliver. Life. The city.

She keeps Emiko and their father’s additional affair a secret from Oliver, to keep him safe from it.

Before he’s released, she’s shown something; the circle reveal their real weapon: it’s a machine.

A time machine.

Throughout the first half of S7, Felicity has been bumping into a figure in black: it’s her future self.

In the future, Felicity Smoak has been trying to find a way to save her husband. In this version, Mia was never conceived. In the future, Felicity IS a villain, because she has to be. Oliver IS dead and Felicity spent years trying to find a way to reverse it and it isn’t like with Barry: it’s about balance. Without Oliver, everything starts to crumble. He’s the linchpin. They have to bring him back. She found a way. Only her tech was stolen and brought backwards in time: existing simultaneously in both time zones due to its dual nature.

So she infiltrates the circle to go back.

Thea starts to plan: she wants to go back to the day the bombs where shipped to the Gambit. She wants to change what happens that day. She wants to reverse everything.

But when they brought the machine back, their use of it was limited.

Cue several episodes of trying to make a present day, unknowing Felicity, get it to work properly.

Future Felicity tries to stop her by destroying her own creation, which she realises is part of the reason why Oliver is killed (because of Thea) and would, in effect, allow the horrible future.

She does.

But she’s killed for it,

Older Felicity dies in present day Oliver's arms. She tells him she’s sorry - that she became something he hates.

And he tells her-

“No matter who we become or how we change, you will always be the love of my life. Always and forever. Felicity... you’re my hero. You saved my life. You died saving my- I love you so much but this can’t happen. Not now, now ever. You can’t die. You can’t leave me here.”

And then he realises... he left her first. He died first and what he’s feeling for this version of her doesn’t compare to the years of loneliness she must have suffered.

Dying Felicity tells him about his sister and what he needs to do.

But her present self is in danger and he wants to go after her. She tells him not to but he just looks at her...

“If I lose Thea... I don’t what I’ll do. But if I lose you, i’m dead anyway. You think the future needs me? Well, there is no me without you.”

She sees her Oliver as she dies because time is relative and when observed, it creates it’s own space. Despite the changes in the present... she’s real. And her Oliver comes to take her.

Present Day Oliver rushes to the Ninth Circle’s hideout and saves his wife instead of going after Thea... and he tells Felicity that together or apart, they’re connected. He has to choose her and will continue to do so and that Thea would understand. To which Felicity replies, because how we feel is bigger than the universe.

But Thea’s been watching her brother and she’s been watching Felicity - seeing them both hurt again, betrayed by friends and having to watch the woman he loves die in her fifties - and she realises that she’s been wrong all along.

It was never about stopping the bombs. And it was never about the Ninth Circle.

It was about the Queen Family.

They need to die.

If it weren’t for them, Emiko’s mother wouldn’t have suffered. Felicity wouldn’t have suffered. Roy wouldn’t have died. Slade and Ra’s and Sara and everything- it’s because of Oliver. It’s because of her.

It’s because of their selfish parents.

It’s because of money and power and entitlement.

She uses the machine and she goes back in time. She tries to kill their parents, only Oliver goes back too.

They fight.

Eventually, bloodied, bruised and heartbroken, he gets her to realise; if she tries to change anything the future would alter... and he doesn't want it to.

Because he has Felicity.

The promise of her is worth everything he’s ever been through, including loosing everyone. Even if they went back and prevented Rebecca Merlyn’s death, thereby saving Tommy, it would destroy the rare love he’s been so lucky to find.

If she changes one thing, she changes everything.

“Even if we can save them all?”

“Even if.”

It’s teary and a climax to the years of pain and torment they’ve been through. Oliver would gladly go through it all over again because it meant meeting Felicity. He’d only change one thing.

“I regret not telling her how much I loved her sooner.”

But even changing that, might affect the future in worse ways.

But she’s not like him. Thea doesn’t feel the same.

She wants to die.

She feels like she killed Roy.

She wants her parents to have not made the choices they made.

But Oliver made an agreement with the Monitor: to bring balance, only the monitor wasn’t referring to Oliver. He was referring to Thea. She’s the negative influence. Thea has to die because if she doesn't, she’ll cause irreparable damage in the future. Damage that will take away the green arrow and overwatch.

OR... he could take her away to a place where she can be with Roy again. A place she can’t return from.

Oliver has to let her go forever. She’s alive but he’ll never see her again.

It’s a bittersweet end, but the Monitor gives him hope: he’s needed. His wife is needed. And she’s pregnant: the children they have together are already being anticipated by a universe that’s waiting for them to be born.

The season ends a few years onto the future; with Oliver having a picnic in a beautiful clearing in the middle of nowhere. His head is in Felicity’s lap.

His hand reaches up to touch her pregnant belly as she controls her company form the touchscreen in her grasp.

Their toddler is being chased about by Ben Turner and Diggle’s reminiscing with Oliver - sat on the grass with a beer - as Lyla walks towards them with hot food.

They celebrate a beautiful life.

But Oliver thinks about Thea... and then he looks up at his wife and the sadness fades.

They’ll be fine.

THAT’S MY TAKE.

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yyh-revival · 6 years

Note

Alot of people draw parallels between Kurama and Kurapika, Hiei and Killua, Yusuke and Gon, Kuwabara and Leorio But no one comments on how Karasu is this weird hybrid of Ilumi and Hisoka. ( Also Sensui and Chrollo)

Wish I could help you there, but I only saw I think two seasons? Maybe one season. *shrugs* I could never get into Hunter x Hunter. I have a few theories for why, I think, but it’s all super subjective. One of my friends is the exact opposite, obsessed with HxH and unable to enjoy Yu Yu Hakusho.

If you are a fan of HxH, I strongly advise you don’t read this. These are my personal opinions on why I cannot stand the show, not a detailed analysis of the show itself or objective view of its merit. Will be under cut.

Also I am sleep deprived and potentially tipsy so this will likely not be coherent. *finger guns*

Anyway, for me, HxH always felt… too on the nose? Too Naruto-like, in a way? Here, meet Gon, he’s a super nice and friendly dude, but oh no, he has a tragic past because his dad is missing… And now he wants to be just like his dad, who is missing, so why is he emulating a dude he doesn’t know? And here, meet Killua, he’s a psychopath and he’s like 10. Instead of getting this kid a therapist the older characters around him are going to encourage him to go kill people. Oh yes, these children are also murderers. Meet Kurapika, the Kurama of the group, who is also a bishie, is low-key scary, intelligent, caring, and also has a tragic past! Yay… And Leorio… I confess I don’t know shit about him. But he probably has a tragic past.

Okay, I am probably being too harsh on this show. I know it’s beloved by many people. But the constant pushing of “tragic!! So sad!!” and “child murder! Yay!” Is just not my cup of tea.

YYH did this way better, in my opinion. The tragedy is there, but it’s layered on slowly. Hiei, who arguably has one of the most tragic childhoods a shonen character ever experienced, doesn’t actually tell us what happened to him until the show is almost over. We get to learn who he is, what makes him tick, we get to love him, ponder about his past, get invested. Then we are given the sad. But HxH is like Naruto in the fact that it just shoves it into our face, as if to say, “hey, this character had a bad childhood, you should feel sorry for them and love them.” I just hate that.

And Gon… that friendly optimism is just… weird? He feels 2-d to me, not like a real child. Whereas the imperfect Yusuke acts exactly as you’d expect a child in his position to act. He has daddy issues because he never had a father. He has issues with authority because his mother was awful and he never felt safe or comforted by the adults around him. He gravitates towards male role models and at the same time rejects them. He respects only one authority, Genkai, because she is the first adult who taught him what he found useful. His kindness, his empathy, all that is earned. When Yusuke tells Genkai he cares about her, when he cries over her death, we believe it and we feel it, because we saw what he was like when he didn’t care, when he didn’t have an adult to turn to. It’s like a child that had been neglected all his life who was suddenly thrust into a foster home or an orphanage where one cranky lady is done with life, so she’s honest and raw and doesn’t throw platitudes into his face, and he respects that. He gravitates to it the same way 9th grade students do to the teacher who uses swear words in class and isn’t afraid to show the Romeo and Juliet movie that has the *gasp* boobie in it. His relationship with Genkai is realistic and earned, and genuine like crazy, and when he mourns her, the first and only adult he respected, loved, and felt safe with, we all mourn with him…

But Gon? I don’t know. He just put me off from the start. He doesn’t seem to have a reason for being so damn friendly. He doesn’t seem to act like a normal human being at all. He’s just this weird 2-d cartoon that tries to kill with kindness and be just like his missing dad instead of, ya know, doing the realistic thing and having a complicated relationship with him. Like, Yusuke doesn’t hate Atsuko. But he sure does blame her for lots of things. I can interject my own childhood here, because my feelings toward family are also complicated. I know the “missing parent” thing really well because my parents lived in a different county for half of my childhood, and I can tell you, while I understood why they did it, and loved them, and appreciated with all my heart the sacrifices they made… I still did, and still do, blame them for robbing me of a normal childhood. Of robbing me of a relationship with them. Of robbing me of that mother-daughter best friend dynamic, of being able to tell them all my secrets and feel like they’re part of my life and not just distant parental figures I respect and love the way the religious love and respect their gods. And Yusuke is the same. His relationships with all the adults in his life, even some of the other kids, are complicated and layered and realistic. He knows his mother had a raw dealing having him at what, 15? But he also blames her for not doing more… Hiei, how does he feel, knowing that his mother died, instead of leaving the Glacier Village during her pregnancy or right after birth to go look for him? How does he feel knowing she stayed there, and died there? It wasn’t her fault. She was heartbroken, she was exhausted from giving birth, and she was weak and scared and alone… it’s even implied she committed suicide. And if she did, don’t you think Hiei might still feel complicated about it? Don’t you think he might feel like she should have been stronger, for him, for this small child that didn’t deserve his fate? She should have lived and left the village and searched for him! She should have looked even if she knew he was dead, if nothing else then to bury him! That’s the sort of thoughts I bet once ran through his mind…

But Gon? Nothing. Just… love for mom and idealizing dad. It’s boring, unrealistic, and I hate it.

Killua, my friend’s favorite shonen character (if not favorite anime character) of all time is literally one of my least favorite, and the only character I might have liked, Kurapika, was clearly ripping off of Kurama, whip and all included. So I just could never finish the show.

As for the Karasu question, technically, he came first, so those other characters are based on him. But from what I did actually see of Hisoka… he’s like an evil pedo (right?? I heard something like that??) clown. That’s what he is. How is he threatening? This isn’t even a rhetorical question. Creepy, maybe. But I’d just feel slightly uneased by him and then call the police if he came near me. If Karasu had his eyes on me like he did on Kurama, I’d probably shit my pants, let’s be real.

Karasu was a sadist. He was thrilled by the “intimacy between murderer and victim.” And the scariest shit of all? You can sorta understand him. When you murder someone, you are the only person in the world to see what happens to them. You have complete control over that person. You are their god, deciding if they are worthy of life or death. It’s an urge you can theorize about, can talk about, can even understand to a degree. But Hisoka? He uh, wears clown clothes and chases Gon? Or something? He makes scary faces? Karasu doesn’t have to even show his face to be terrifying. He just has to talk about his hobbies and his beliefs. Hell, the moment she shows up you feel something is up. I saw Hisoka like, at least 10 times and I still don’t know shit bout him. Karasu had like, 3-4 speaking scenes and they all made him fucking scarier with each one. I felt like each scene with Hisoka added absolutely zero to the show. Not to mention how fucking slow it was…

I feel like having a character target your young protagonist and make creepy faces at them is just lazy. Dude is, and I know Naruto came after, but that’s the show I saw first and actually know a thing or two about (till whenever shippuden started). So dude is just like Orochimaru. Now I was never scared of that guy, I just thought he was a total creeper. To me, there were way scarier moments. Hell, even Gaara’s brother, when he like, trapped a guy inside a puppet and then blood dripped out? Was that him? Anyway, that moment was way freakier than anything Orochimaru did. Karasu’s like 3 scenes were way more psychologically scary than all of Orochimaru’s scenes put together. And I got the same vibe from Hisoka as Orochimaru. The, he’s creepy and these kids should definitely find an adult asap, and not “holy fuck that’s a mass kidnapper/rapist/torturer/murderer and holy hell I am fascinated and also terrified and holy shit Kurama run run run!”

*shrugs* Karasu is honestly probably the scariest villain in YYH, too. Only because he enjoys torture and murder, and he explains why. And the explanation makes fucking sense and its so terrifying that I can’t

and he also doesn’t look like a clown. That’s a major plus. I’m not and never will be scared of clowns. Like… its a clown. Its colorful and does weird shit. How is that scary? No, demonic looking motherfuckers with long ass ink black hair and eyes that glow purple with glee at the thought of ripping blood curling screams out of someone in front of a giant ass audience, and lamenting that they wish they could fucking keep him and I dont know fucking fuck his corpse is that what he meant cause holy fuck!??!

Anyway, Karasu gives me nightmares and I love him and I don’t care for HxH and I need sleep and love you all very much please don’t hate me for disliking this show I really did give it like, three separate chances. *shrugs*

- Mod Lola

#ask #anon #mod talk #analysis #please dont hate me #karasu #yusuke #mod needs to sleep and not answer asks #direct all anger toward sleepy mod #or tipsy mod #theyre both jerks #sober and rested mod is not responsible for them #hhd

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violetbeachpod · 6 years

Text

TRANSCRIPT: 14 - OTHER SIDE

listen here

ANGIE: I don’t know why I agreed to end this.

It feels wrong, like—almost—I don’t know. It feels immoral to just talk about what’s happening and not—not do anything. I mean. We’ve done things, we’ve—we’ve—

[sigh]

People are dead. Not us, not—anyone I’m still close to, uh, in the present moment. But people are dead. I’ve—I went out to get coffee this morning and I saw five bodies—not what killed them, but—five bodies. Some from here, some from the other place. And we’re getting used to it, just—a few weeks into this, and I’m used to it.

One of them taught music at Corelli when I was a kid. I dunno why she’s dead, like—she—

She influenced me so much, and, uh.

Shit.

So. Anyway. I decided, uh, fuck coffee, I’m gonna try and do something. I’m gonna stop the apocalypse. And if you’re hearing me, uh, I guess that I succeeded. Or that I’m dead. But if I failed and I lived, I’ll record a different thing with, uh, something more concrete. Doing it live seemed a bit more badass. So. Cool! You decide which happened; choose your own damn adventure. Also, side-note, those books were absolutely the best, do they make them for college students? Please say yes or, if not, start making them, please.

So. Anyway. I’m in town hall right now. It’s empty, save for a conference room—my dad was on town council, when I was a kid, I know my way around here.

It was—orbs of light that allow transport. I was talking to Robin about her new obsession, all of this—well. We know. Weird occult shit—and she mentioned that light was, uh, powerful. Not evil or good or whatever, she said, uh, don’t be reductive, Angie, haven’t you ever read a book, which proves that, hey, being into the occult and having your wife go missing doesn’t mean a person’s changed completely, huh?

But. Anyway. I’m looking for orbs of light, and I’m listening for static, because those are our two big clues, right? Because, uh. Well. None of us can—

Obviously, Elaine is on the other side.

[beat]

Wait, no, that implies she’s dead. No. She’s—she’s alive, Other Teresa made sure we knew that, but, uh. She’s in that other place. You know, uh.

It’s just—we’re in this whole place of—

There’s no right thing to do, and I hate it! I hate how it went from fun-monster-of-the-week style stuff to feeling like I have to save the universe. And I—I guess that’s where Elaine went wrong, trying to save the universe, but, uh, if we can’t do that, what can we do?

My hands keep shaking. I’m not sure why. I guess—I’m nervous, that’s why, Obvi, but—I’m not normally so shaky. I’m a pretty stable person. Physically, I mean. Not—like, stable’s a tricky word, but that’s not the subject of this paragraph, even.

I just—I’m scared.

Hot take, maybe lukewarm take, but it’s cathartic to say that out loud, that whole I’m scared. I don’t think I’ve said that since sophomore year of high school. I didn’t say it when I should have said it, back when I, uh. Left That One School, but I’m saying it now, and I mean it. I’m scared.

This place is so empty. I don’t know how to deal with it. I can’t stand—I can’t stand quiet, I gotta talk or else I feel like I’m dead. Is that melodramatic? Probably. But that’s me, so. At least I’m self-aware, right? At least, at least, at least.

It’s just—

Okay, so.

I’m scared, I’m scared, I’m scared. That’ll drown out the silence in a jiff, yeah? Yeah. It will. I tried to be, like, the ultimate epitome of punk rock for years, and here I am, just saying that I’m afraid, and! It feels fine. Love it. Unironically and wholly, I love it.

Oh!

I just saw someone walk by. I couldn’t hear footsteps, couldn’t see a shadow, but it certainly was someone, so that’s noteworthy! That’s—the meeting’s adjourned, or whatever, and. Well. Neat!

No one else has come out of the meeting yet. Just this one person. Woman, forties, tall, thin, pale, uh. Pencil skirt, suit jacket, high heels, you get the gist. Overly tight bun that’s giving me a secondhand headache, like it’s stretching her hair off of her skull. You know the type.

Okay, I’ll be back soon.

[static]

[whispered]

Okay, cool, so, uh. I did get noticed, and I am in a waiting room right now, waiting to be yelled at by a villain, which, in concept, rad, in execution, terrifying and I really might die, so, hey. I’m kind of living my worst life right now. And until now, I thought I was living my middlest life, so, uh, it’s kind of a bummer to realize that I’m a few tiers below that, I guess. Should I try and be jokey, right now? It feels inappropriate—it’s like laughing at a funeral, I guess, kinda normal but weird and frowned upon nonetheless.

It’s not my worst coping mechanism. I’ve done far worse in bad situations. One time I had an anxiety attack at Hershey Park and I just, uh. Stole one of those big-ass carnival game bears, plus the rings from said carnival game, and then I darted back to the car and just left. It was probably the most I ever ran, which, uh, is kinda sad. More than kinda. Very.

Please don’t rat me out to the theme park cops. I was, like, thirteen. They, uh. I haven’t returned to any theme parks since; I skipped a Glee trip in high school because I was afraid.

[a door creaks open]

Oop! Time to die, folks. See y’all on the other side for real this time. Or—

Okay. Here’s what we’re gonna do.

Oh, it’s—it’s my MP3 player. It’s—it’s in my bag, okay?

Hello, ma’am, it’s a pleasure to meet you.

[And we hear a new voice--well. Voices. One layered over the other, but with the same words. Clearly, something is Wrong, but, uh, who knows?]

WOMAN: Who are you? Why are you here?

ANGIE: Well, uh. My name is Angie, I’m—I’m a student at the university, a student activist, actually. And a musician. I have, uh two albums out, if you—no, you’re, you’re shaking your head, I get it. I just wanted to talk to whoever’s in charge, and I’m assuming that that’s you?

WOMAN: I’m sure you can guess.

ANGIE: Oh, wow, so—you’re his daughter, I’m assuming? Wow, I’m—I’m honored, ma’am, that’s very impressive. Well, uh, me and my friends, we’ve been—we’ve been concerned about the events of these last few weeks, uh. Can I call you Andrea? I heard from Mae, your, uh.

WOMAN: Of course you heard from her. She’s my niece. She’s no knowledge of the situation at hand. You know how young people are. Sure, I’m young people myself, but. Hardly.

ANGIE: She’s your—unimportant. I heard from your niece, I guess, that, uh. You don’t intend to hurt any of us, but you genuinely have been, and my friend Elaine is missing, now, and her wife’s really worried, so—

WOMAN: I don’t care about your nonsense. You—leave me. Now. You have no right to be in here, and I do not take well to special guest stars.

ANGIE: Yes, yeah, I get you, I got you, uh. Okay, so, I think I’m just gonna, uh. Hit the road, right, like—um. Can you maybe not banish people to the shadow realm, or whatever? Because, uh. Well. That’s sort of. A bit off, morally speaking. Also, uh—do you guys not have Yu-Gi-Oh over there? Or, like, 4kids? Okay, whatever, you just—

WOMAN: Are you making jokes right now, ma’am? You clearly don’t understand the gravity of the situation, do you?

ANGIE: I joke to cope, I’m sorry, I’m not trying to be—to be informal, or anything, I promise, I—I’m just afraid that you’re gonna kill me, maybe, kind of? So, uh. Please chill out.

WOMAN: Leave. Now. Or there’ll be hell to pay. I’m certain you’re aware of this much.

ANGIE: I mean—what are you?

Shit!

[click]

Okay. Okay, I’m back. I’m—I’m okay, I’m back, he, uh. Threw me out. I dunno if it caught any of that, but for lack of maybe being killed and murdered, I’m gonna assume yes, for now, so, uh. Cool. We’re all on the same page, hopefully. And if not, uh, I might not share out of fear of being killed and or murdered.

Okay, so. I think that my arm’s broken? But I’m also very much in shock. Y’know? So. Not really sure how to handle this situation. Does Uber still work? There’s only like, two drivers in town right now, but, uh. I don’t think I can bike back to campus.

So.

[beat]

No, no service.

Damn. Uh. So. I’m in the hall of town hall, trying not to panic, and there’s something in the corner of my eye that I just can’t place. How wild is that, folks? It’s pretty goddamn wild. No need for you to answer, I got you. I got my handle on that one. Can assure you, one hundred percent, that it is pretty goddamn wild right now.

Okay, so, uh. I’m gonna get up, and I’m gonna go. Gonna go back to my dorm, gonna take a nap, and, uh. Pray that this is all a dream. Like I’ve been doing for the past two weeks. You know how it is, right?

Hah. I’m—Uh.

Wow, that’s—

That’s one of the light things, isn’t it.

It’s coming towards me, it’s, uh. Like it’s beaconing me, almost, I wanna walk toward it and touch it, it—it’s doing the walking, though, it’s almost—almost human, but not quite. What a thing it is, huh?

I feel like I—

Look. Teresa survived it. Why can’t I? She’s definitely a little tougher than me, I’ll admit, but. I’m punk rock. And I can admit that I’m scared. Those two things combined mean that nothing can go wrong, right?

And, look, other than you guys—it’s not like folks’ll miss me. And you can still ask Other Teresa about how I’m doing, and—and I’m not gonna die! I’m gonna come back, I promise you, it’ll—I’ll fix everything, and then we can all be happy again, and the world will stop ending, and I won’t have to embarrass myself in front of Anderson Cooper ever again.

That’s a fun line, isn’t it? I’m just—I’m gonna keep recording. Gonna see how long this lasts. Uh.

Okay, let me text Teresa real quick, uh.

My recorder might be in city hall. Period. Not sure. Period. Please pick it up. Period. Be back soon. Period.

I love you. Period.

Heart emoji. Heart emoji. Heart emoji.

Send.

Okay. So, uh. Let’s see if this thing can survive dimensional travel! By this thing, I mean my body and my recorder, thanks. I’m all about entendres. You know me. Okay.

Once more into the breach, I guess. Is that the phrase?

[long static]

Okay. So. Here, uh. Here I am. I’m—I’m okay, I’m alive. And this thing is still on. And I didn’t lose any audi—

OW!

I just tried to dab. My arm is definitely, uh. Super, super broken. Because I’m a dumbass. Oh my God, why did I dab—

The room is empty. It’s—it’s the same room I was just in, but it’s got some different paintings on the walls, a different pattern of tile on the ground. A chandelier, instead of ceiling lights, which, admittedly, is super rad. Very daring choice, aesthetically speaking. And the room is empty. It’s just—completely and totally desolate. Acoustics aren’t so bad aloud, I dunno about recorded, but. It sounds nice to talk. Like—it’s different than it was a moment ago.

I’m sitting on a bench. It’s—cold. To the touch. Got cushions, uh—black ones. Which, again, commitment to an aesthetic. I respect it. Very high school production of the Addams Family, but, hey, it’s commitment.

Uh, shit. Shit.

I’m—the light is gone, which means that I have to find another way out, which means that I have to find a different way out, once all this is over. That should’ve been obvious, but, uh, I was looking out for some kind of good luck. I’m not lucky, usually.

I’m, uh. Here. I’m sitting on this bench, and I’m in another universe.

[laughs]

Holy shit, I’m in another universe. Oh my God, now—Okay, imagine when Teresa put it all together, when she got over here for the first time—she probably kicked her legs in the air like a little kid, so excited and—she’s so great when she’s excited, I—

Oh my God, what if I—what if I can’t see her again—

Oh my God, I made a mistake. I fucked up.

WOMAN: Hello, Miss Thompson. Imagine seeing you here. Can I see what’s in your hand?

#this has some of my favorite lines in the show PERIOD in it so. enjoy #transcripts #transcript #season 2 #angie

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recentanimenews · 3 years

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ESSAY: Dropping The Weights — How The Chunin Exams Define Naruto

Masashi Kishimoto’s Naruto is one of the defining series of both the '00s and the 2010s, the original manga spanning 15 years and the accompanying anime lasting a few years after. It is a touchstone franchise that was often compared by critics and even by some fans to Dragon Ball Z when it reached American soil on the Toonami programming block. Its story of Naruto Uzumaki’s quest to not only become Hokage but learn the secrets of his past are equal parts epic and empathetic. Naruto is relatable to anyone who has ever strived for success while feeling out of place. Heck, Naruto could be a stand-in for anime itself in the 2000s, capable of accomplishing great things, yet treated like a juvenile foreign “other” by mainstream media pundits.

And when you look back at Naruto’s early chapters and episodes, it’s obvious why fans were so quick to latch onto the series. The characters are funny, action-ready, and layered, each one striving for their own brand of ninja greatness and each one devoted to ideals that are desperately personal. As a setting, the Hidden Leaf Village rides the line between fantastical and approachable. The plot from the onset has many working gears, but nothing too overwhelming. Unlike some series that bog themselves down in copious, plodding exposition, Naruto has, well, stuff going on.

These strengths of the early parts of the series come to a head with the Chunin Exams, an arc that is not only known as one of the best in the entirety of Naruto, but also one of the best “tournament arcs” in the history of anime. The tournament arc is a lauded staple of the medium, and when done well, like in My Hero Academia’s Sports Festival or Yu Yu Hakusho’s Dark Tournament, they’re a series of memorable contests that accentuate the running themes of the show while also exemplifying the struggles of the beloved characters. However, when done poorly, they mostly seem like an excuse to just get everyone in the same arena, a “Get Out Of Character Development Free” card that can be played when the cast is too big to adequately balance.

Not only does the Chunin Exams manage to balance Naruto’s burgeoning league of characters, it thrives in the escalating counts and chaos. This is because of its disbursement of goals, a process that ensures that not only does every character have a common quest to conquer (reach the Chunin rank of being a ninja) but side achievements and inner victories. Thanks to Kishimoto’s deft hand, none of these ambitions usurp the others, and none of the characters come off as looking unimportant or especially weak. A side-effect of tournament arcs is often that they wreak havoc on the “power levels” and scales of the series, fixing the rank of characters due to their placement relative to the finals. The Chunin Exams, which starts as a series of tests and challenges and slowly advances to a proper tournament, never lets this happen.

It’s not enough that I just tell you this, so let’s explore these strengths in play with a look into the four most prominent participants of the Exams — Naruto, Sasuke, Sakura, and Rock Lee.

Naruto

Out of anyone, Naruto’s intentions are probably the most simple: He wants to become a Chunin because being a Chunin is another important stepping stone toward being Hokage. He has a rivalry with Sasuke, a tumultuous friendship with Sakura, and is eager to please his team leader Kakashi. He is the main character and the series is named after him, so he constantly teeters toward the precipice of “Everyone stop and pay attention to what Naruto is doing.” But the Chunin Exams doesn’t allow that. Rather, it delights in subverting it.

In the written portion of the exam, Naruto doesn’t answer any of the questions. Rather, he makes it clear that failing the test won’t block his ambitions. Along with maintaining a thematic thru-line that was established during the earlier Bell Test in which Team 7 didn’t technically win, but passed thanks to their devotion toward the betterment of each other, it establishes that Naruto is imperfect. He might seem “destined” for the role of Hokage, but the road will not be an easy one.

This continues with the Forest of Death, in which Naruto and Sasuke face Orochimaru, a villain whose power towers over all of them. Naruto is eager to fight and puts up a valiant effort, but is eventually rendered unconscious. Naruto being taken out allows for other characters to step in and gain the spotlight, but it also shows that this will not be a case of “New bad guy emerges, Naruto gets powerful and defeats new bad guy, repeat.”

The after-effects of this battle last into the actual tournament portion where Naruto puts up a poor showing in the preliminaries against Kiba until he literally farts out a victory. He trains with Jiraiya, mid-tournament, to cover some of the weaknesses he’s experienced thus far and he is eventually able to beat Neji using his improved skills. Naruto succeeds, not because he’s able to 100 percent all of the objectives of the exam, but rather because he works to cover his weaknesses.

Sasuke

Sasuke’s intention is to pass the Chunin Exams as well, but this goal is almost over-shadowed by the other things he has going on. His relationship with Naruto is evolving into a kind of troubling rivalry, and his various obsessions lead him to constantly cast a blind eye toward Sakura. He relates to Kakashi in ways that have yet to be fully explored and he harnesses a grudge against Rock Lee, whose strength angers and befuddles him. Meanwhile, he searches for his murderous brother Itachi and his arc involving Orochimaru is set to soon begin.

In short, Sasuke and Naruto are reversed heading into this arc. Sasuke actually cheats to answer the questions in the written exam, while Naruto passes through a kind of dramatic showcase of his morals. For Naruto, becoming Chunin and becoming Hokage IS the goal, and the rest is leading up to it. For Sasuke, gaining this kind of power is the lead-up to the revenge he aspires for.

Sasuke “copying” to progress in the exams comes into play again with his fight against Yoroi, as he is “inspired” by a move he saw Rock Lee use and delivers his own variation. And finally, in his match against Gaara, he unleashes the Chidori, a move he learned from Kakashi. All of these imitations don’t imply that Sasuke is any less of a warrior. Rather, they reveal the cracks in Sasuke’s own delusions (“I don’t need anybody! I can find my brother/beat Orochimaru/do all the cool ninja stuff I want all by myself!”), while hinting at his eventual reconciliation with his friends and the Hidden Leaf Village. Sasuke needs others just as much as they need him.

Sakura

Out of anyone, Sakura has the most complicated tie to the exams. Already, Sakura feels relegated to being a supporting player, both by the events of the story and by her own personality. Constantly second-guessing herself and others, she struggles to deliver on her own strengths. So the Chunin Exams don’t just test her abilities, but they also establish what her abilities even are.

First off, she answers all of the questions on the written test, and then, when Naruto and Sasuke become injured by Orochimaru, she’s quick to provide aid. However, she soon finds herself tangling with Kin of Team Dosu, who taunts her while grabbing her hair. It is here that Sakura surpasses her original conception of herself as she cuts her hair off and turns the tables on her opponent.

This kind of revelation of inner strength is on display again during Sakura’s fight with Ino, her rival. While lacking the big “power” moments of Rock Lee and Sasuke’s fights, it brings Sakura’s arc in this storyline full circle. She does not have the combative skill of Naruto or Sasuke, but she is a warrior nonetheless and her double KO with Ino illustrates her willingness to go the distance, just as her peers do.

In a way, Sakura has the most to gain from something strenuous like the Chunin Exams, which places emphasis on her skills as both a team player and a solo fighter. Naruto has made it clear that his success is outside of the bounds of what any formal examination can provide, and Sasuke has no personal ties to the rigors of the contest. But Sakura needs it, a structured push that ends up with an emotional breakthrough.

Rock Lee

If any character delivers the defining moment of the arc, it’s Rock Lee as he drops the weights in the fight against Gaara. It’s a moment that would go on the Mt. Rushmore of memorable Naruto moments if such a thing existed. And it epitomizes the theme that Rock Lee stands for: That, despite extremely human weaknesses, we’re capable of wonderful, awe-inspiring things.

Unlike the rest of the characters here, Rock Lee’s performance in the Chunin Exams is funneled toward one specific moment. Though he is able to compete with Sasuke, his time in the Forest of Death is fairly unremarkable, especially when compared to Gaara, who is the Naruto equivalent of a slasher movie character, easily dealing with anyone in his path. This contrast is built for a reason, and Rock Lee constantly wanting to prove himself matches nicely with Gaara’s feeling that he has nothing to prove.

The fact that Rock Lee’s Taijutsu stuns Gaara and that he nearly dies in his fight with the sand-controlling ninja is more important than any victory would’ve been. Like Sakura, Rock Lee is searching for a way to affirm his place in the world, but the way he does it calls into question the entire process of becoming a ninja. Is it wrong to push these children this way? How far is too far? Rock Lee’s inability to use any other Jutsu than Taijutsu brings all of these concerns down to earth and reverberates around the other characters. An integral part of Rock Lee’s arc is the sudden realization that the other ninjas aren’t just superpowered anime characters but teenagers trying to accomplish their dreams while grappling with terrifying, potentially deadly obstacles.

In short, the Chunin Exams doesn’t just provide a series of cool tests and match-ups, but it examines the importance of the main characters’ personal goals. It explores who they are, what they want, and why they want it. And in the end, it reveals that, for young ninja, triumph is secondary, the main mission, often, is to survive.

Daniel Dockery is a Senior Staff Writer for Crunchyroll. Follow him on Twitter!

Do you love writing? Do you love anime? If you have an idea for a features story, pitch it to Crunchyroll Features.

By: Daniel Dockery

#Anime #News #Latest in Anime News by Crunchyroll!

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survivormontenegro · 5 years

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Episode 10: “It’s Like Giving A Baby A Glock” - Mo

I’ve been tricked, I’ve been backstabbed and, quite possibly, bamboozled.

So like here’s the thing, the person I thought going into merge I could trust the least is apparently now my closest ally. That’s Julia. I thought everyone was on the same page of voting out Tom like oh we’re gucci. But fucking quick fake out, no such thing as Tom getting voted out. I literally started hysterically laughing because no one was answering me when I asked what happened on the call. Now I don’t know what to do but I’m still just gonna have fun.

youtube

operation vote alex was a success. i feel really really awful because he looked so upset, but he was just too powerful and couldn't stick around any longer ahh. in other news sleeping beauty tom is so funny, he almost self-voted himself out of the game I am truly screaming. i was determined this season to make up for the last time we played together and i think i got to do that ahh.

in other news... i need to go into hiding. i have done way too much in both of the last votes, and its really gonna start getting me some attention unless i really really go under the radar. me and jules are the only people who voted both ian and alex, and on call with jason i think its obvious to him now that us two are close eek!

i feel like mo is a good next vote, he is much more of an outsider than jones and is an easy vote which is what i need since im in such a highlighted position at the moment eek, i really think i'm gonna go like 8th or something, so we will see how that little pickle goes eek!

New Goal Bootlist: Mo > Jones > Jason > Julia > Mitch > Me/Caeleb/Jules/Benj/Tom F5, ahh I love everyone left way too much this is gonna become such a pickle when I don't wanna vote out like.... half the tribe EEK. lets just hope its all smooth sailing till i idol someone out eek.

i do not expect to make FTC, but I just wanna use my idol correctly before I go askljdfa. Also new jury rankings if I get booted 10th:

Jules > Jason > Benj > Caeleb > Mitch > Jones > Julia > Tom > Mo

Caeleb shot up my rankings for being open to a move, Jason would be a major underdog if he makes it to FTC, Jules is too woke and deserves votes, and Benj is playing a super smart game ha! We will see, but I sure do not expect to last much longer in this game KLASDFA

HELLO!!! This game has been chaos lately. Firstly Ian gets blindsided and I knew it would be a split vote but had no clue he was leaving wow... but then this round all the people who organised that got blindsided with the Alex vote hehe. I didn't vote him bc my vote was publicized by Ian even tho I didn't vote him smh but I fully knew about it and kinda helped with it even tho its mainly caelebs move

Alex was super nice I liked him but it was purely for game he was the biggest threat and we were almost certain he had durmitor idol so! Even with tom self voting it worked wowow so I guess jules also voted with ali/caeleb/mitch/Jason

I don't talk to Julia or mo but IM SO SAD ABT JONES I DONT KNOW IF SHE KNOWS I KNEW OR NOT BUT I LOVE HER AND HOPE SHE DONT HATE ME

But whew this merge has been so crazy and I love it. Im kinda becoming floaterish again but that's fine bc we see threats leave early like ian and alex so! this should work for a while... altho im terrified to even make the end cuz its a live finale tribal AHHHH but idk if I will make it there anyway we will see. prob not .

Current rankings (strategically)

1. Ali - MY KINGGGG FOREVER!!!! Best duo ever and I don't think anyone knows it... we have voted differently again so its like perfect cuz despite doing diff stuff we still tell each other everything. and I hope we find merge idol so we have 2 hehe

2. Caeleb - Omg we have been working together a lot more closely lately and I really like it hes fun to work with im so sad I voted him 2 rounds ago LOL but its ok since its going to well now! king

3. Mitch - Only person ive been on every tribe with, usually always on the same page w stuff

4. Jones - LOVE HER QUEEN! she would be like tied 1st for personal but so far we have voted diff both times at merge oops! but still wanna go far with her

5/6. Jules/Tom - Without really talking about strategy we were still on the same page. Tom aussie king. JULES FRIENDLY QUEEN!

7/8/9. Jason/Julia/Mo - I just don't know how to talk to them really lol but all nice . my fault cuz maybe im so inactive... love u guys still

IDK WHATS NEXT BUT I WANNA MAKE TOP 9 ATLEAST!! Single digits again yus

Ok ok after tending to my needy cat, taking a shower, and taking a short 6 hour nap that others may call sleep,,, I’m 60% in the right headspace to gather my thoughts I think.

Last nights move was so good, I hated it Bc I wasn’t included in it but it was so good. But also seeing Alex literally on the verge of tears was NOT so good. That was actually depressing. Granted he WAS the biggest threat to win and he was on the verge of becoming an extremely controlling paranoid person - but dammit the combination of Mitch/Ali/Jason/Jules/Caeleb/Tom (to an extent) got us SO good.

BTW I can say with like 95% certainty that those were the 6 people involved w Alex going. It only makes sense to me that it would be? Ali/Mitch/Tom straight up TOLD me why they did what they did, Jason Bc why the fuck would he vote out Tom, Caeleb has expressed so much paranoia ab Alex that I’d be shocked if he wasn’t on board w it, and honestly Jules just hasn’t said anything ab anything and Alex went home w 5 votes, Benj and Julia voted Jason, Mo was VISIBLY shaken by Alex going, and I know I didn’t do it. So unless I’m missing someone in my process of elimination, those are the 6 people involved in the murder of Alexander Crooks.

Also on a couple unrelated notes - I’m thinking ab willing my vote cover to someone. I just don’t understand why I should be afraid of being exposed - I feel like I shouldn’t have anything to hide yk? Assuming I have to expose my vote I mean, hopefully I don’t! But ya

Also literally the round Before last round I think Caeleb actually exposed the plan to blindside Alex to me ? Like he was talking to me ab Tom and Ali wanting to get him out and then I approached Ali ab it and he was like no that’s not a thing BUT IT WAS A THING!! I think Alex was supposed to go last round, but Bc I confronted Ali ab it then it got pushed back??? Or it was legit just meant for this round smdmmdmd but um ya that’s might be the same plan?? So maybe I’ll expose Caeleb a bit hehehehe.

But honestly tho I think this could be really good for me in the sense that every single person thought of me as a duo w Alex - now I’m kind of a free agent who can do whatever the fuck I want!! Which is fun, the only true alliances I have w people now are just w benj and mo, which is cute and also I doubt anyone would target them anytime soon ? Tom seems like he’s still open to working w me, so are Ali and Mitch. Julia was also blindsided hardcore so maybe she’d be down to work out something too ? Right now I’m just holding out hope knowing for a fact that I CAN make this situation better. I’ve literally BEEN in this situation 2 times already?? I can do this! Just like Co-Star always tells me.

Wait just kidding on the Julia thing I can’t trust her either, I can only trust Jones at the moment.

So I found out from Benj that there was another split vote led by Alex. Last tribal he failed to tell me that they were going to vote out Ian instead of Jason. So this time around, when I found out that they were going to do the same thing to me again, I knew there was no going back with my new connection with Ali. The more I talked around with everyone the more the pieces started to align. Tom and Jason were targets so they would be easy to get involved. With me and Ali that's already 4. Mitch was going to be the fifth, and Jules as well if we felt like he wasn't going to go for it. I honestly wanted to vote Jules first tho, and I talked to Ali and Benj about that originally, but Ali had reservations as Jules is SUCH a flipper. AND THEN Julia voted so early, so I kinda went up to everyone in this new group and was like, "okay that was arrogant I think she's trying to be funny but thats enough for me to vote her," and Ali was way more into that so for a couple hours we had that going. BUT MITCH WAS NO WHERE TO BE SEEN. Like we had our four and we were ready but Mitch didn't come on line until like 40 min before tribal. And when he did he was like I'm voting Alex. I really didn't want to go for Alex right away because of a couple of reasons. One being that if he heard of this vote in anyyy way he might be able to get Jones to play her idol for him and that could destroy everything. SECONDLY, I knew that if we voted him then I was gonna have to do some SERIOUS damage control with Mo and Jones but if I had the opportunity to vote out Julia instead, I can go back to them and say that I knew I had to take the opportunity to be involved in the decisions but I didn't want it to be any of them. SOOO last 40 min I had to make a really big decision if I was gonna vote Alex or Tom and ultimately, I chose to vote out Alex. It just would put me in a better position.

I am so glad I did it to be honest. The moment I saw Alex's name five times I knew I made the right decision. I felt Happy and I felt Free. Alex was clearly using me as a failsafe, an easy first vote out once Me, Mo, Alex, Jones, Julia, Jules, and Ali were left. Now, this game is open up not just for me, but for everybody. I seriously think anyone can take control at this point. I don't need it to be me, I just need it to be someone who likes me. I think Jones is the most dangerous player right now, because of her idol. But I have kept that to myself, as well as her advantage, because while I might have to play the middle ground, I'm not a snitch.

Everyone is always so obsessed with being a hero or a villain. Going into Tumblr Survivor as a new player I really wanted to find out what type of player I was going to become. If I was gonna fit into one of those roles. I don't know what I am. I kinda feel like a villain because clearly that was a devious move, and I broke a strong alliance, but also I feel like I was a villain by default. I didn't necessarily want to be that player, I actually would've loved to have felt safe in that group. But trust has gotta go both ways, and if you show me two tribals in a row that you don't trust me to tell me the whole plan, I'm not gonna stick true with a group that sees me as expendable. So sure I was a villain, but it wasn't about vengeance or deceit or ill-will. It was to put this game back on a balance, and move me into a new spot that can work for me.

Okay, something I have learned about Survivor is that you have to put your Pride in Check. Tom is so nice to me, says a lot of things along the lines of "thanks for saving me," "you and I can go far in this," and such. And he told me he wasn't going to vote me in the first merge vote, and I think he believes that he fooled me. I know he voted me. He's literally the only person that would think voting me was the majority vote, except Ian and Jason. I wanna tell him that I know so badly so he doesn't think he's pulling one over me but I can't because I want him to think he can work with me, that I am in his pocket because he "stuck his neck out for me" or whatever.

Also ummm Mitch told me that Alex had a planned assassination on me for the last vote before merge. But he didn't tell me until after the Alex vote and said Jones was in on it. I know better than to trust what Mitch tells me for sure, so I don't think I will even go and fact check him on it. I honestly don't know how that would've helped Alex in the slightest so I don't know if its true, but also Alex likes to throw out my name as a "just in case" so god who knows. Regardless, I doubt I'll use this information for anything because it honestly doesn't matter going forward, other than that Mitch is a little bit of a snake.

hehe

So I won the reward challenge because I’m cool.

Have

Fucking clue

What to do with this

Like all three of the people voted Alex off without telling me about anything and I was in an alliance chat with all three of them (Ali & Jules in Space Jam, Caeleb in Durmitor Dominators) so like of course I was sad because that meant I was on the outs. Truth be told I kinda wish I didn’t win this because it’s like giving a baby a glock. Because I don’t know how to come out of this without people thinking I’m holding a grudge.

okay so mo won reward which is okay! I dont really wanna ask him to save me, because that will require making promises that I dont know if I'll be able to keep. I expect to be cursed this round.

touchy subjects is going to tank my game like CRAZY. I'm worried that Caeleb, Benj & Jules could all say they trust me most which is highkey terrifying, because if I win that it'll send red flags to all of them. I expect to win the shady game ones, about lying and flipping on alliances and stuff which is not as bad because I can just blame that on Space Jam which I told Caeleb about.

My big fear and this could just be ego-talking, like when I thought I was gonna win the lists challenge and then came second last but I'm so worried about getting the will win if they make it to the end category, thats... a death sentence in my opinion.

Wanna do like a quick update for each person too, just so I can look back when they all hate me at the end of the season:

Benj: my KING. He is such a legend, I love talking to me and do not think I would ever be able to vote for him, except at FTC! Wanna go super far with him, super super far!

Caeleb: Oh god I'm already realising the problem, which is that I love everyone. Caeleb I did not expect to get as close to, but he is so so fun to talk to! I'm really giving with him, and I think he is close to Benj too, so could be a good endgame person too. Will see on that one.

Jason: I love him! I for some reason convinced myself that he hated me during the swap, but I dont think... he does? he is SO smart and fun, I'd love to vote for him at an FTC. Ideally he needs to go before then, but I've lost Ian and Alex who were great shields so he acc probably needs to stick around.

Jones: Okay Jones is tough. Like... we stan becausee she is so much fun and I love talking to her. But talking game with her right now is tough because we have this weird poor communication and I'm conscious of not making empty promises when I want to see her go soon. I really like her on a personal, but I see either me voting her out or her voting me out.

Jules: what can I say except we stan. I talk to her and Benj the most by far, they are just consistently showing why we love them! I think they are such a threat, but I cant face the idea of voting them out eek! Wanna go super far with Jules because I LOVE THEM and they are a great friend and ally!

Julia: I messed up with Julia BAD. I should've told her about the Alex vote, I really think she would've been down, and it would've been so much better. Now she is upset and paranoid, and I feel so bad. I did her wrong and need to make it up to her, but I dont know if I will be able to eeek!

Mitch: he is so funny HDJDKDKD, like the way he talks is so funny. I've had a real rollercoaster relationship with him this season, but I could see some sort of alliance of me/Caeleb/Mitch/Benj coming together in the future! We will see ahh!

Mo: I've been quite harsh about Mo in confessionals this season but I feel like this vote gave him the kick he needs? Like he was playing it super safe and while it frustrates me seeing him say stuff like just keep me to F7 and such, he is, as always great to be around and a lotta fun!

Tom: Sleeping Beauty Tom. It's so funny to me that he stayed despite self-voting and sleeping. He is so much fun, I was determined to make up for our last game and I think I have ahh.

Summary is I wanna see Jones and Mo out next, then Mitch & Jason, then Julia leaving a F5 of Caeleb/ Me/ Benj/ Tom/ Jules? Thats the dream anyway ha!

Maybe I'm just paranoid but I feel like I've backstabbed/betrayed a good amount of people in this game and it's hard because sure they were moves that had to be made, but I hate being THAT PERSON. I don't know. Here's a confession Johnny, I'm trying but I'm bad at these.

So Mo said he was going to give me the reward tonight. He definitely doesn't talk to me as much and is much less excited and fun to talk to but I think I need to just accept that. The fact that he came up to me to tell me he's giving it to me, rather than me asking, makes me think he's telling the truth.

Plus I am being honest with him when I tell him that I don't want it to be him next. I hope he knows that.

Jones meanwhile has yet to say anything to me after last tribal. I finally messaged her last night, saying that I didn't mean anything towards her when I voted Alex. I hope she'll come around, but if not, then umm I kinda have no choice but to be wary of her and her idol and might have to do something about it. I don't want to though, I do wanna work with both her and Mo.

I actually think Julia is on my side. I can’t tell if she’s lying but she seemed upset because apparently no one talked to her about the plan to vote out Alex.

I'm bored at work. This tribal council is Odd as Hell. No one wants to throw out names, no one wants to seem too schemey, so everyone is just talking about being nervous and concerned. I honestly don't know who I want to go home because I think this vote is going to determine the course of this game post-Alex. I know I sure as hell don't want to come off as someone who is dictating the votes, so I'm trying to make it clear that I am willing to go with the flow with anyone who needs a vote rn.

I think there are people who have my back hopefully that will tell me if I need to be worried at least. Ali hopefully would, Tom *hopefully* would (but who knows hes sneaky), Mo was nice enough to give me the reward but um the Alex vote has changed him, I miss the old Mo. come back. Jones finally is talking to me again, but she's still trying to keep some secrets about the last couple of votes so I don't fully trust her. Benj hopefully would, but I was surprised he talks to Julia so much. Jason hopefully would, but now with Alex gone his game opens up tremendously. Julia would never tell me. Mitch wouldn't tell me unless it helped himself which I can't imagine happening. Jules probably wouldn't tell me because she's the easiest to convince into doing something no matter what Touchy Subjects said. She's literally flipped allegiances like every single vote ever. I hope I can survive tonight because I think this is going to be a pivotal vote and literally anyone can go home tonight (except Benj who has the sweet immunity).

HI um I think this game is broken? No one will say anything to anyone. Did I do this? Did I break this game? Or maybe we all did? Maybe Ali did maybe Jules did maybe Mitch did because us four are the middle people and we created an atmosphere where no one trusts anyone? or everyone trusts some people and none of that fits into a substantial person to vote?

I'm literally laughing rn. I am logging off. I am not going to focus on this game because literally every person just says "I don't want to throw a name out" "I haven't heard anything" "what have you heard" Like the gravity of this is crazy. This has gone on for HOURS. I don't know what to do so I am going to ignore my messages for like an hour and then reanalyze because Damn.

APPARENTLY NO ONES SAYING SHIT. But like part of me is like “Hm.... Yeah ok sure...” thinking it’s gonna be me. Because either everyone is lying to me or everyone’s genuinely confused.

okay i did a video confessionals that's uploading which has my thoughts from a couple of hours ago.

since then jules is pushing for mitch to go... but its so tough. mitch i think has my back, i just wanna vote mo and delay this war by a round. I just want someone like Mo or Jones gone, its getting tough. I'm playing the middle and am in a web of problems.

I have to have Jules back above all. Benj is safe, so I need to keep them safe. I need to get the vote on like Mo or someone, but Caeleb wants to vote Mitch or Jules too... ugh this is getting really messy and I'm worried and tired.

Idk if I sent this yet but

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At the moment rightnow it seems like it’s Jules or Mitch, right now I think,,,, the best way to vote is Mitch. I’m Trying to get everyone on the path for mitch because I think Jules is falling in the “I’m a big threat wah” category and I want that to keep growing,,, I just feel,, so awful.

Mitch if you’re reading this ily w my whole heart and I still wanna crash Drew’s library w you some day

i am... what we call in the business, trash. i upset mitch and deserve to be voted out for it. i'm snappin' hearts on my way to FTC LORD.

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