#technically the woman in my education and what we do in the dark are bi probably

[sendme-2hell]

The lesbian college professor holy trinity

#actually would love more books about lesbian professors #also that’s a terrible way to describe these three books but I’m just kidding #loved all three though! #they never learn #what we do in the dark #my education #technically the woman in my education and what we do in the dark are bi probably

[therealvinelle]

I agree that Aro definitely is not straight, but if he is gay and not bi, why window shop for a wife? If he wanted a partner for some reason, why not find a male one? It was a different era, yes, but are vampires really homophobic?

So, for this meta, we’ll have to get historical. Before we do, keep in mind that while I know Ancient Greece better than most, having studied it (introductory level classes only, mind), I don’t know it well enough to be any kind of authority on the matter. History, more than any other discipline I can think of, is not respected as an academic field, and people with poor to no understanding of historical hermeneutics will make very bold assumptions that they then have too poor understanding of history to realize are bullshit. This is a disclaimer because I don’t want to join in on the chorus of authoritative-sounding people on the internet with no verifiable credentials who spout things about history that are then taken to be gospel truth by readers because the author made it sound good.

More, I say this because your question is asking me to explain the morality and social norms surrounding a character from 14th century BC Greece. And this man would not, for the record have been Ancient Greek, he would have been Mycenaean Greek. Very quick history lesson: Mycenaean Greece was a flourishing society that suffered a downfall, Greek civilization fell into its very own dark ages, until around 800 BC when Greeks began forming what would become the Ancient Greece we know and love. This in turn means that I can’t very well read up on the marital and sexual norms of Ancient Greece when I’m researching for Aro, because he was five hundred years old already when Ancient Greece became a thing.

And your question concerns cultural history. And for that we’re going to have to look at how we know the things we know about history. How history is studied.

Historians have two kinds of sources: archeological findings and written records. (I’m aware that oral tradition, like the one carried by the Aborigine people, isn’t technically one of these, but to my understanding it’ll be treated to similar analysis as written records, which leaves us with the two types of sources standing strong.) These sources are analyzed, and we apply various theories and models onto them to make sense of the context they were written in. The more sources we have, the more we can refine or eliminate these theories or models.

More, history is an ever evolving field. There are movements and schools of thought that influence how history is written (marxism in history, that is, history as a class struggle, was heavy in the 60′s and I think until the 80′s), which means that how a certain culture will be perceived today is not the way it was perceived a few decades ago, nor will it be perceived the same way a few decades in the future.

You see why I am daunted by you asking me to give you an answer about sexual and marital norms for a guy who lived 3000 years ago, and I hope you’ll understand why I feel this word vomit is necessary.

Now, the danger with Mycenaean Greece is that it’s a society it’s easy to feel we know a lot about, because it was the precursor to Ancient Greece, and we know a lot about the latter. But, first of, the reason why we know as much as we do about the Ancient Greeks is the Romans. The Greeks wrote about their history, their philosophy, their government, and they wrote plays and told stories. However, that was two thousand years ago and their writings would have been lost to the sands of time if the Romans hadn’t idolized and sought to emulate their society. This meant preserving their written records. This tradition was carried on by the Christians, in part because Hellenistic philosophy was incorporated into Christian philosophy. We have neo-platonism to thank for Christian asceticism, the “mind over matter” cornerstone.

What I’m getting at with all of this is that we know the insane amount about Ancient Greece that we do because of some very unique circumstances, and so we can make very sophisticated theories about what the Hellenistic world was like. It’s still detective work, but not Pepe Silvia type of detective work. This is not the case for Mycenaean Greece. We know a comparative lot about Mycenaean Greece, considering how long ago it was, but there is very much we don’t know.

With Mycenaean Greece, we are dealing with a lot more uncertainty. We haven’t deciphered one of their two writing styles, and a lot of the text we do have is very fragmentary. Coming up with detailed societal models for Mycenaean Greece, and for the 14th century BC specifically, is... well I don’t know enough about what this society left behind to know what historians have to work with, but I imagine they have their work cut out.

More, I haven’t studied this at all, which means that any attempt on my end to research this would be stumbling around in the dark.

One example: the Illiad and the Odyssey, while composed around the 8th century BC, were set in the early 12th century BC, which is nearly Aro’s time period. The Illiad depicts a homoerotic relationship between Patroclus and Achilles, and both works depict a lot of matrimonies, so I wish I could use it as a source. However, not only would this time gap alone make these sources questionable, but there’s also the matter of the Illiad and the Odyssey being transmitted orally, from bard to bard. Changes were made over the years. For example, the technology described in the Illiad is from several eras, as the warriors will be using bronze weaponry in one book and then switch to iron in the next. This game of telephone is what happens when a story is transmitted orally from person to person. So, while it’s tempting to use these works as a sort of reference point, the possibility, likelihood even, that the bards made adjustments to keep the old story entertaining for their contemporary audience is strong.

For this reason, I can’t give you any kind of historically correct analysis on what the marital or sexual mores would have been like in Aro’s time. Even if the knowledge is out there, I don’t have it.

But I can say this, spouses have for the longest time been partners. Men and women got married, even in the gay, gay, Ancient Greece, not just to have children but because they complemented each other, they were partners. Men needs wives, and women needs husbands. And a partner was canonically exactly what Aro was looking for, feelings had nothing to do with it:

After Caius and Marcus had found their romantic attachments, Aro decided to find his own, although rather than finding his other half in another vampire Aro decided to create his own instead. Aro had a certain type of woman in mind and he found what he was looking for in Sulpicia. He successfully courted her and she came to fall in love with him.

As for vampires being homophobic, I think that is for another post about what culture they bring with them into their new life. But to be brief I’ll say that while the individual vampire can be homophobic, there can be no homophobia at an institutional level because vampires have no institutions. And it’s the institutional homophobia that gets ya. It’s what the whole fight for gay rights has been about: secure legislation against discrimination and that protects gay people. (The right to marry and protection from employees firing LGBT employees comes to mind as examples of this.)

So, no one could force Aro to marry a woman. 

And I’d go into a rant here about how the prospect of gay marriage, of even identifying as homosexual (the labels homosexual, bisexual, and heterosexual are very new and, to my recollection, were born off of the Western psychiatric discipline as men who slept with other men were diagnosed with homosexuality. I imagine a man from the Antiquity would be confused at the notion that just because he likes to sleep with dudes he shouldn’t get married to a woman), was unthinkable up until very recently, but I just made this obscenely long rant about how I can’t really make these kinds of guesses, so I’m not gonna.

I think being married to a woman and then banging hot dudes who came along suited Aro just fine.

Also, I can’t believe I’m doing this, but - I’m going to encourage history asks. Because this fandom has a bit of a history problem, as a lot of the characters are from different time periods and many feel unsatisfied with the way Meyer handled that. I am by no means a historian, but I know several of the historical periods the characters of Twilight are from well enough to make educated guesses.

So, hit me with your worst.

#WHEW #aro #sulpicia #aro/sulpicia #history #twilight renaissance #twilight meta #twilight #this is very long and I'm tired so I didn't proofread #GERONIMO as they say #hope there are no embarrassing mistakes #also yes I know I just made a pretentious ass of myself #but i'm writing twilight meta on tumblr so i left my dignity behind long ago #doktrajediscovery #ask

[sicilitude]

FULL NAME:   Viola Lucia Benedetta Messina NICKNAME(S):  Vi, Vivi, some of the neighbor kids call her auntie Vi AGE:  2800-something. She lost track the second time the calendar changed on her.  BIRTHDAY:  She insists that she doesn’t have one.  SPECIES:  immortal representation of a particular Mediterranean island’s sense of self 

NATIONALITY: Legally Italian, but she insists on Sicilian. This is in opposition to the laundry list of nationalities she’s had in the past, and that’s not even including ethnicity  GENDER:  woman  PREFERRED PRONOUN(S):  she/her ORIENTATION:  Bi, technically with a historic tendency towards women RELIGION:  Roman Catholic, previously Muslim, Greek Catholic, and various assorted kinds of Pagan  OCCUPATION:  Orange Farmer  STATUS:  a bit unstable, but it’s fine. She can handle it  FANDOM:  I, don’t know if h*talia counts? It’s been so long and I’m apparently so far removed from like, basic assumptions about what nations are, what they do, what their biology is, etc.  FACE CLAIM: she doesn’t really have one. I’ve used Sophia Lauren and Simonetta Stefanelli (for a younger Vi), but I’m haunted by a few paintings of a Neapolitan girl by John Singer Sargent and I just can’t get over them, and can’t find someone with the same energy 

                RELATIONSHIPS:

PARENTS:  her mother is Ancient Greece, and she doesn’t know her father. She’s suspected Phoenicia and Carthage but her mother never told her. All she knows for certain is that Rome, in fact, is not her real dad.  SIBLINGS: Obviously this can get a little wishy-washy depending on who I’m working with in an RP context, but by default, Vi’s half-siblings (that she’s aware of, at least) are Byzantium, Hellenistic Egypt, the Vatican, and the Greek City States. She marries into/winds up being step siblings with South Italy and Lombardy. Technically, this makes Venice and modern Greece her nephews, modern Egypt and the rest of North Italy her great-nephews/nieces/etc, and slap a big ole question mark on the rest of Europe bc Rome adopted a lot of kids but also, as previously stated, he’s not her real dad. The list gets more complicated if (like she suspects) Phoenicia or Carthage happened to be her real dad, in which case we start to pull in certain bits of North Africa and the Middle East and here is where my woes begin 

SIGNIFICANT OTHER(S):  she’s had a few human lovers who really stuck with her, namely her first husband and a very lovely girl from 1500. The two nations of note include my HRE (it didn’t go very well tho) and ofc the lovely  @arancioamore  CHILDREN: she’s had a few human children in the past through various arrangements, but no immortal ones. She has adopted @coruscato‘s NYC too, and adores her rich son   ENEMIES:  ah. Hah. Ah-hahahahahaahhhhhhhhhh, listen. Even if they (the norse, the normans, the french, the spanish, the UK, the other Italians, the US, the Mediterranean, the Russians, certain Germans, etc, etc) don’t remember that they use to have a beef, she does, she remembers, and she probably hasn’t really gotten over it yet. She’s pretty good at ignoring it and putting off confrontation. Would she call any of them her enemies? Not out loud. Would she plot to humiliate them at a bake sale or wittily put them down? Probably.  As for humans, currently, she’s in a feud with one of her thick-headed neighbors. Neither of them remember why, and mostly they just compete for the love of their other neighbors, but he absolutely counts. And she’s got a thing against the water company. 

               PHYSICAL TRAITS:

EYE COLOR(S): dark brown, almost black  HAIR COLOR(S): brown-black HEIGHT:  5′3″ BODY BUILD:  stout, stocky, like one of tolkien’s dwarves.  NOTABLE PHYSICAL TRAITS:  she’s missing her left pinkie and part of her ring finger. On her face, her eyes are notable for how wide and dark they are, 

            PHOBIAS AND DISEASES:

PHOBIA(S):  the open sea, claustrophobia, aerophobia, Equinophobia,  Catagelophobia  MENTAL DISEASE(S):   I’m not really prepped to diagnose her with anything, but she’s got trauma, and some anxiety from it.  PHYSICAL DISEASE(S):  not really. She gets a bit of a stiff back some days, and sometimes she gets a stuffy nose in the winter, but she’s pretty sturdy. 

                  PERSONALITY:

USUAL MOOD/EXPRESSION: She tends to be fairly cheery and welcoming, isn’t afraid of teasing, and leans quite heavily on her pride and domesticity. 

                       MISC:

SKILLS:  most domestic things, like cooking, baking, running a household, sewing, mending, embroidery, etc. She’s quite good with domesticated animals (except for horses and Goat, but he’s an exception to a lot of things), and she’s quite good at getting herself out of trouble.  HOBBIES:   teasing and fussing over her family members, quilting, going for nice walks with her dogs, that sort of thing ANIMAL:  she has her big ol mastiff, her little hound, a handful of barn cats that she keeps an eye on, and Goat. 

                       STATS:

COMPASSION:  8/10 EMPATHY: 9 /10 CREATIVITY:  7/10 MENTAL FLEXIBILITY:  8/10 PASSION/MOTIVATION:  6/10 EDUCATION:  2/10 STAMINA:  7/10 PHYSICAL STRENGTH:  6/10 BATTLE SKILL:  2/10 INITIATIVE:  2/10 RESTRAINT:  1/10 AGILITY:  3/10 STRATEGY:  8/10 TEAMWORK:  5/10

tagged by: @gebrochener-adler thank you <3  tagging: @ehrendame @starspanglcd @stadslichten @arancioamore @coruscato forrrrrr Sean? Or whoever you’re in the mood for 

#ooc: out of coffee #headcanons

[deluminatorillustrator]

Omg what do you headcannon the babies as?? I love your banner and your comic (recognized your style immediately) and all your work!!

Thank you!!! That’s so sweet and I’m so glad my art is recognizable!!!

Okay so when you say the babies, I assume you mean the HP kids in my Pride piece? Lemme know if not in another ask and I’ll answer that one too, but I have a LOT of lgbt+ hp headcanons, so here we go:

-Harry is bisexual, and he realized in fourth/fifth year when maybe he was jealous of Cedric and Cho for more than one reason? -Ron’s also bi, (bi bros!) and had a MAJOR crush on Krum until his crush started dating the love of his life and he got super jealous, lol-Hermione’s demisexual and biromantic. I like to think she knew early on because she was educated about these things-Luna is polyamorous and pansexual! She prefers girls but she loves too much to be monogamous and I think she’s dating Ginny and Neville :)-Ginny! Is! A! Trans! Lesbian! She’s been dating Luna for years and she realized she didn’t like boys after that disastrous time with Harry lol-Neville is asexual! Not sure what I think of him romantically yet but he’s dating Luna okay-DRACO’S GAY… HE IS VERY, VERY GAY. And in love with Harry

Other LGBT/HP headcanons:-Fred was gay, he dated Lee Jordan for a long time-Charlie is asexual & aromatic-All Veela are genderfluid and become more masc/femme/androgynous depending on the preference of whoever they’re trying to woo-a lot of the Weasleys are not straight i just can’t make up my mind yet on who identifies as what-Minerva??? A lesbian. Married a muggle woman.-Madam Hooch??? Also a lesbian-Madam Pomfrey and Madam Pince are married-wow that’s a lot of lesbian teachers what a nice place to be educated-Flitwick is the teacher sponsor of the “Witches, Wizards and Wix for Magic LGBT+ Rights!” Club at Hogwarts, started post war -Sirius was gay, Remus was bi, they were in love, but everyone knows that already-technically canon but Dumbledore was gay and in love with Grindelwald. Personally i think the only reason he didn’t talk about it was because he didn’t want anyone to know he was in love with a dark lord but I’m sure the teachers and the Order all knew. …@jkr why’d you do this to me? Why didn’t u let him be gay openly?? Whatever

There are much fewer white cis straights in the Harry Potter series than were cast in the movies if you ask me. 🤷🏻‍♂️

#answered asks #Harry Potter #hp #anonymous #lgbtqia #lgbt+

[reblogthiscrapkay]

a tolkien-proof character meme: 1. Haleth 2. Caranthir 3. Prince Imrahil (of Dol Amroth, not the other one)

Haleth

1-3 things I enjoy about them1. That she was really the only female leader in Beleraind. There wasn’t another female ruler until Tar- Ancalime hundreds of years later. And she was so important the Haladin became known as the House Of Haleth.2. The fact that she was independent and wouldn’t take handouts but the Haladin overall were really open to outsiders (they let the Druedain run with them when everyone else thought they were weird).3. Her personal guard of women warriors.

Something interesting about them based on tenuous circumstantial evidenceI think Haleth specifically didn’t want to get married because she was cautious of the fact that a man might reduce her power. I also think she was barren as a result of a wound and so the idea of marrying never made sense. Instead she raised her nephew like her son.I know a lot of people headcanon her as a lesbian and I totally get why but I always saw her as kind of bi and demisexual. Like, she had sex with a man and then a woman and both times thought, “that was fine but whatever.” She doesn’t fall in love easily at all. But I also headcanon her as Caranthir’s secret wife so yeah.

A question I have about themHow did she convince Thingol to let the Haladin stay on his lands. He hates everyone. What did she even SAYA random relevant line I likeAny line about her honestly.My preferred version, if there is more than one version of their story (or part of their story)There aren’t different versions as far as I know but I think I do have a tedency to age her down in my mind. I think she’s supposed to lose her father and brother when she’s in her forties but I alays age her down to anywhere in the 23-35 range.Favorite relationship(s)With Caranthir, either platonic or not. I like how they learned a lot from each other and Caranthir became more tolerant of Men as a result (although this did bite him in the butt later). I like how they seemed to form a real alliance. I like how they are both very stubborn and strong leaders. In a non-platonic sense, I like the idea of them marrying in secret and then having limited contact after she leaves Thargelion because they both know their relationship is doomed anyway because she will die. I like the idea of Caranthir telling people he’s married but never getting into specifics about how she was a human. I like the idea that they were able to sort of feel each other’s thoughts from far away because of the bond so they never really left each other in a way.How would they react to Tom BombadilCuriousity. First she’d want to know if he was friend or foe and be ready to fight but then she’d just want to know what he is and why he’s here. She’d probably offer to let him roll with her crew and then become disinterested when he says no.Optional: Something about them that I think people forgetI already included a bunch of these before so I’ll go broader. I think people forget that the Dunlendings are descended from the Haladin. This is actually really importat to be especially because of the fact that the Dunlendings are portrayed in LOTR as the aggressors against Rohan when from their perspecive Rohan stole their land. This is made even more interesting when you consider that the Dunlendings are often portrayed as people of color (usually kind of hispanic looking). As a result I think of the Haladin as people of color too (in canon they are described as having dark hair and eyes and being shorter than the Beorians or Hadorians).

Caranthir

1-3 things I enjoy about them1. His capacity to learn and change his opinions about others. He shows so much personal growth for a Feanorian. Possibly the most. He might be the only one who becomes an actively better person.2. The fact that he is really independent compared to his brothers. He ruled his land entirely alone and showed very little interest in the Oath.3. The fact that he’s the only person in Beleraind who seems to know how to run an economy.

Something interesting about them based on tenuous circumstantial evidenceI have tons of these.I imagine that he likes the finer things in life but is not excessive or flashy. He’ll spend money on good food but his home and clothing are very elegent and understated. He also wears darker colors which I kind of base on his insular, independent-ness.I imagine he was trained in smithing but that he was not very technically skilled. Specifically I think aside from Curufin that Maedhros and Caranthir got the most smith training (Maglor’s early musical talent excused him from it and Celegorm kept fucking off to hunt). I think Maedhros had expert percision and could made superior weaponry but he had no creativity or innovation to truely make him Feanor’s heir. Caranthir was the opposite: sloppy execusion but very creative. I imagine he made things for the Haladin (specifically a crown type thing for Haleth).He was closer with his mother. She seemed to have some slight foresight (i.e. let one of the twins stay) and that Caranthir was the one who inheirted it. This made him a little weird as a kid and made him closer with his mom especially after Feanor directed his attention to Curufin. She was more appreciative of his logical and mathmatical skills than Feanor who prioritizes the ability to invent over the ability to know.Caranthir’s famous anger is not always of the “throw things across the room” variety. It is often quiet and judgemental.

A question I have about themThis is so dumb but I want to know if you can swim in the black lake. Is it dangerous. What lives in it.A random relevant line I likeThe one where he goes off on Angrod.My preferred version, if there is more than one version of their story (or part of their story)Well in the History Of Middle Earth it said Caranthir had a wife but there was absolutely no information given about her. It’s Haleth. Fight me.Favorite relationship(s)See everything I wrote above under “Haleth.”How would they react to Tom BombadilHe’d try to trade with him.Optional: Something about them that I think people forgetHe constantly gets thrown in with Celegorm and Curufin as a set but Caranthir has virtually nothing in common with them. Celegorm is an attempted rapist and kidnapper and Curufin is his dumbass accomplice. The strongest connection Caranthir has to them was that the three of them died during the Second Kinslaying.

Prince Imrahil(This is going to be hard since I remember very little about him)

1-3 things I enjoy about them1. That he carried Faramir back to Minas Tirith after he nearly died AND that he noticed that Eowyn wasn’t dead yet. They kind of owe him.2. He was pretty much third in line to the throne of Gondor after Aragorn and Faramir.3… . that he’s from Dol Amroth and I would want to live there if I was in Middle Earth. Wait, am I misremembering this or was Imrahil the one who told Legolas about the sea and Legolas knew he wasn’t supposed to go there because then he’d never want to return to the forest but Imrahil made it sound so great that Legolas basically messed up his life. Not sure.

Something interesting about them based on tenuous circumstantial evidenceThis is definitely coming from fanfiction but I feel like Imrahil was a cool uncle. I imagine that he and Faramir had a close relationship specifically because of the way that Denethor kind of ignored him and because I always imagined that Faramir reminded Imrahil more of Finduilas than Boromir did.I imagine all his kids are really educated because he made this a specific priority for them. 

A question I have about themI kind of wonder how he gets along with Eomer since his daughter married him and I view Rohan culture and Gondor culture as being different enough that marriages between the two can be awkward.A random relevant line I likeThat line about how they are nuts for attacking the Black Gate with so few soldiers.My preferred version, if there is more than one version of their story (or part of their story)As far as I know, this is all we got.Favorite relationship(s)Well we don’t see much in the story so I’m going with Imrahil and Faramir.How would they react to Tom BombadilHe’d be very respectful and polite and not badger him with questions.Optional: Something about them that I think people forgetThat his army were called Swan Knights and I’m guessing they had some pretty silly uniforms.

#internet quiz #personal #tolkien #the silmarillion #lord of the rings #haleth #caranthir #imrahil #vengefulnoob

[andro-boi]

I still don’t understand the difference between being bisexual and Pansexual?? I feel like the definitions described on your Instagram defined the same thing? I’m still very confused

Look I don’t blame you, it can be v confusing but also because we have all been taught to believe a certain stereotypes so accepting a whole new different system of knowledge can be just down right fucking confusing. However I really do applaud you for tryna get to the bottom of this confusion for your own education rather than brush it off like most people <3

Okay so what the fuck does it mean to be BISEXUAL

“Bisexual means you’re attracted to people of both genders yeah?”

Not Exactly my friend,

Gender isn’t a binary, meaning that people don’t fall into the categories of “Men” or “Woman” that we were all taught growing up. 

Look the oldies got some shit right but they got a lotta things wrong. There is new information being discovered every day. Like they thought homosexuality was a mental illness 50 years ago. 

#NonBinary is a word that describes people who don’t exclusively identify as either a woman or a man. #NonBinary people could also identify as Bigender, Genderfluid, or Agender, just to name a few terms. So, in saying that when people say “Both Genders” its a misnomer. 

Misnomer: a wrong or inaccurate use of a name or term.

“Yeah well how come men and women always existed but #NonBinary people only existing now huh dad!“

Ha thats where you wrong family. #NonBinary people have been acknoledged by the LGBTQIA Community for many decades. In fact in a 1990 Bisexual Manifesto (Yes I know, A BISEXUAL MANIFESTO in the 1990s) acknoledged that Non Binary people Exist. Also if you look into a lot of cultures of the world you will realise that Non Binary and Trans People have always existed. 

“Aight then, are bisexual people only attracted to men and women, and not nonbinary people?”  

Nope, not necessarily.

Bisexuality means different things to different people.

To some people, it means attraction to two or more genders, or multiple genders.

To others, it means attraction to people of the same gender and people who are another gender.

Some bisexual people might only be attracted to men and women and not nonbinary people, but that’s not every bisexual person’s experience.

“Okay then what does PANSEXUAL mean?”

The prefix “pan-” means “all.” Similarly, pansexuality means that you’re attracted to people of all genders.

This includes people who don’t identify with any gender (agender).

Many pansexual people describe themselves as being attracted to people based on personality, not gender.

Important Note:  pansexual doesn’t mean you’re attracted to all people.

For example, heterosexual men aren’t attracted to all women, and vice versa.

It simply means that they find themselves attracted to people of all sorts of gender categories.

“Lol it sounds like you just said the same thing twice dad - whats the fucking difference tho?“

Bisexual means attracted to multiple genders, and pansexual means attracted to all genders. 

These are different because “multiple” isn’t the same thing as “all.”

Let’s say you ask your friends what their favorite colors are.

One friend might say, “Actually, I like more than one color!” Another friend might say, “I like all colors.”

Now, the first friend might like all colors, but they might not. They might not like khaki or beige. Perhaps they like pastels but not dark colors.

This is because “all colors” is, by definition, more than one. 

However, “more than one” isn’t technically all.

Some people feel that pansexual falls into the category of bisexual because bisexual is a broad term that means more than one — but it isn’t the same thing, because “all” isn’t the same as “multiple.”

“Why is the Bisexual VS Pansexual Distinction so controversial? “

The controversy around this distinction often stems from a place of misunderstanding and lack of education. 

Some people assume that bisexual people are erasing nonbinary people. They assume the word bisexual implies that there are only two genders.

Other people assume that pansexual is a word invented solely because bisexual people are misunderstood and assumed to exclude nonbinary people.

The truth is that both orientations are valid in their own right.

Many bisexual communities do acknowledge nonbinary people — in fact, many nonbinary people identify as bisexual. Additionally, many pansexual people know that the definition of bisexual can include nonbinary people.

Again, bisexuality and pansexuality don’t mean exactly the same thing, and it’s completely valid to identify as either (or both!).

“What if you’re attracted to one gender way more than another? am i still bi or pansexual?“

Yes! You can still be bisexual or pansexual if you find yourself more attracted to one gender than others.

In fact, surveys and studies show that many bisexual and pansexual people have a preference. This doesn’t make your orientation any less valid.

“Can you be attracted to different genders in different ways...“

Yes. You might find yourself sexually attracted to one gender and romantically attracted to another gender. This is called “mixed orientation” or “cross orientation.”

For example, you could be bisexual but homoromantic — meaning you’re sexually attracted to people of multiple genders, but you’re only romantically attracted to people who are the same gender as you.

We been talking about bisexuality and pansexuality — that is, sexual orientations.

However, there are different romantic orientations, including:

Aromantic. You experience little to no romantic attraction to anyone, regardless of gender.

Biromantic. You’re romantically attracted to people of two or more genders.

Panromantic. You’re romantically attracted to people of all genders.

Greyromantic. You experience romantic attraction infrequently.

Demiromantic. You experience romantic attraction infrequently, and when you do it’s only after developing a strong emotional connection to someone.

Heteroromantic. You’re only romantically attracted to people of a different gender to you.

Homoromantic. You’re only romantically attracted to people who are the same gender as you.

Polyromantic. You’re romantically attracted to people of many — not all — genders.

“Does dating someone of a particular gender mean you’re straight?“

Hell to the fucking No. Let’s say a bisexual woman is in a relationship with a man. This doesn’t make her straight. Similarly, if she dates a woman, she doesn’t become a lesbian.

Unfortunately, many people think that bisexual and pansexual people need to “pick a side” — gay or straight. And when bisexual and pansexual people date someone publicly, it’s often assumed that they’re picking a side.

You aren’t defined by your partner’s gender.

The labels we choose to describe our orientation are only determined by ourselves and our experiences with attraction.

“Okay where the does the term #Queer come in?“

“Queer” is a sort of blanket term used to include all people who don’t identify as straight.

While it was previously used as a slur, it has been reclaimed by the LGBTQIA+ community. ( Funny little story, I had a friend of mine call me “Queer Fuck” during high school and ya guessed it, she hella gay now.  )

However, some people still feel uncomfortable with the word “queer” because it’s been used as a form of oppression.

It’s totally OK to use it instead of, or in addition to, another term.

Many people use “queer” because they aren’t sure how to describe their orientation, or because their orientation feels fluid and changes over time.

“How do I know which term fits me?“

There’s no test to determine whether you’re bisexual or pansexual (or another orientation entirely).

You can identify as whatever orientation fits you. Of course, figuring out what fits you might be tough.

To help you figure out your sexual orientation, you may ask yourself:

Is there any gender that I don’t ever feel attracted to?

Is there any gender — or group of genders — that I’m not sure if I’m attracted to?

What word feels best?

What community do I feel comfortable with?

Am I romantically attracted to the same people I’m sexually attracted to?

Remember, there isn’t a right or wrong answer. It’s about getting to know yourself better and figuring out what you like and prefer.

It’s also important to remember that it’s OK to identify with multiple terms — as well as change the way you describe your sexual orientation later on.

“Can you identify with one term then switch to another later on“

Yes! Identifying with a particular sexual orientation isn’t a lifelong binding contract. Like we don’t sell your soul to the devil for a membership lmao 

You might find that your sexual orientation and your capacity for attraction changes over time, or you might learn of another word that better describes your sexual orientation. Why? Because we’re human and we grow and change with time and just life. 

No matter the reason, you’re allowed to change the way you describe your orientation.

“What if neither of these terms feel right for me anymore?..“

That’s OK. Sexual orientation can change over time. That doesn’t mean it isn’t valid.

For example, it’s totally fine to identify as bisexual at one point in time and then as heterosexual later on.

A lot of people assume bisexuality is a “stepping-stone” to homosexuality, but this isn’t true.

Many people identify as bisexual their whole lives. If you do find that your sexuality shifts, don’t feel ashamed because it “fits” into someone else’s misconception of what bisexuality is.

You aren’t perpetuating a myth by being who you are; another person’s misinformed opinion isn’t your burden to carry.

“Okay.. but what if,. neither of these terms have ever felt right for me?“

Oh my sweet angel, There are many ways to identify. Beyond bisexual and pansexual, there are other words to describe your orientation, including:

Asexual. You experience little to no sexual attraction to anyone, regardless of gender.

Greysexual. You experience sexual attraction infrequently.

Demisexual. You experience sexual attraction infrequently, and when you do it’s only after developing a strong emotional connection to someone.

Heterosexual. You’re only sexually attracted to people of a different gender to you.

Homosexual. You’re only sexually attracted to people who are the same gender as you.

Polysexual. You’re sexually attracted to people of many — not all — genders.

This isn’t a comprehensive list of sexual orientations — more and more words are being coined to describe people’s unique experiences of sexual orientation.

Remember, you don’t have to use any word or label to describe your orientation that you don’t want to use.

How you choose to identify is entirely up to you!