#tbh idk how well this fits the prompt but i tried lmao

[babyjakes]

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event | whumptember 2022

prompt | afraid of the dark

pairing | boyfriend!curtis everett x reader

warnings | curtis and reader are dating but idk if they'd call each other boyfriend/girlfriend?, no real context as to how curtis and reader got off the train/found a place to live, reader is younger than curtis (she can't remember life before the train), SOFT!SOFT!SOFT!curtis i love him i adore him he is everything to me :'-))), me not really remembering snowpiercer that well lmao :^)

word count | 705

an | wow! i was struggling to find where to fit curtis into the list of prompts but tbh i think this worked out really well! i kind of love this little piece, it felt like i got to be artistic with it and i love that, i love writing stuff that blurs the lines between traditional storytelling and loose poetry <333 hope you guys enjoy!

As hard as you tried, you could never get used to it.

After living what felt like your whole life trapped in a noisy train car, adorned with dim but durable box lights chained to the ceiling that ran twenty-four hours a day, seven days a week, one might think that finally having the peace of silence and darkness would be a luxury. But as you lay in your shared queen-sized bed, blinking up at the pitch-black ceiling, nothing within you felt at ease.

Tossing and turning amongst the tangled sheets, you tried over and over to close your eyes, tried your very best to turn off your racing mind and embrace the void before you, but as the minutes dragged on you could only feel yourself growing more and more restless. Tears prickled at your eyes as you turned again, this time to face back towards the other warm body settled in under the covers beside you. When his voice broke the silence to murmur your name, your heart nearly leapt right out of your chest. "Y/n."

Breath catching in your throat, you froze for a moment, cool droplets making their way sideways down your cheek. "C-Curtis, I-"

"Baby. Come here." His voice was low, steady. And as all your anxious thoughts swirled violently inside of you, you couldn't help but be drawn to that sense of stability, that rock.

Shuffling over, you let out a small sigh of relief as your body melted into his. He turned you gently to have your back pressed up against his front, wrapping his strong arms around you as you settled into his embrace. You could smell the faint remains of the expired drugstore soap the two of you had found on him, the almost familiar scent surprisingly comforting in a world that all felt so desolate and foreign. It almost smelled like something your father would have used, almost smelled like something from home.

"Pretty girl," Curtis breathed into your hair as he ran gentle fingers over your side, "what's on your mind?"

Tucking a little further into him, you admitted aloud what felt so peculiar, so counterintuitive. "The quiet, th-the dark, Curtis. I can't stand it. It feels..."

"Like you're lost. Completely lost, alone," he finished your sentence for you.

Letting out another breath, something deep inside of you was put to rest. He understood; he could put it into words better than yourself. "Lost, alone," you confirmed. "I hate it."

"Mhmm," he hummed knowingly, hand trailing up to brush back your hair from your face. "But I'm right here, sweetheart," he reminded you, tightening his hold around you so that as much as he could, he was encompassing you. Surrounding you, keeping you safe in every way you might need it. "We'll figure out something for light. Tomorrow, that's the first thing we'll do," he promised, the slow motion of his hand over your hair gradually easing all tightness in your muscles.

"But the quiet..."

"Let me sing to you," he offered, and for some reason, the suggestion only brought tears back into the corners of your eyes. "I'm no good, but at least it'll be something. And someday, I'm gonna find a way to give you real music. Like those discs and records you always heard about back on the train." Nodding, you knew what he was talking about: some of the tailenders you had known were old enough to remember life before the end of the world, where apparently entire orchestras and symphonies could all be listened to from tiny machines that ran on electricity. The only music you could remember yourself was singing, and the rare occasion that the higher-ups would audition folks on instruments to go play for the more fortunate cars.

"A music box," Curtis's voice broke your train of thought as you both grew closer and closer to a warm, deep slumber. "I'll make one for you- I'll figure out how. Any song you want, y/n. Any song you can remember. You'll never have to sleep in silence again." And as you finally drifted off to sleep, you found comfort in one fact that you could be certain of: Curtis was a man of his word.

#eun's writing #whumptember 2022 #curtis everett #curtis everett fanfiction #curtis everett x reader #curtis everett x y/n #curtis everett fluff #curtis everett angst #hurt/comfort #curtis everett blurb #curtis everett drabble #curtis everett headcanon #curtis everett imagine #curtis everett one shot #snowpiercer #snowpiercer fanfiction #chris evans #chris evans fanfiction

[south-park-meta]

Bunny w/ Mamihlapinatapei if you like that, otherwise Style?

I don't like Bunny tbh but it's fine, there aren't many pairings I hate too much to try writing! (I included Style too though because I'm a simple person).

Mamihlapinatapei - The look between two people in which each loves the other but is too afraid to make the first move.

"I know now that you won't remember, the next time you see it. I just need you to believe me, before we...start anything."

"I believe you," Butters says immediately. He considers, then says, "Y'know, I think we all die a little. It's the comin' back that matters."

Kenny's always been good at reading people. Stan's good at it, too. It's one of the defense mechanisms that they've picked up together but separately. Kenny learned it as part of conflict resolution; it's important to read the mood at home, to decide if he and his siblings should leave the room or if it'd be better to just flick on the TV. If he had to guess, he'd say that Stan got good at reading people at home, too. Neither Stan nor Shelly have ever been hit by their parents-- Kenny doesn't think they were spanked as kids, never mind gotten in a fist fight the way Kevin did sometimes with his dad. But violence isn't the only thing that does it. Stan knows if someone's safe to drive with or if they're going to weave between lanes. He knows the exact way to play babysitter to draw someone back from a nutty scheme. He knows how to mold himself to seem like less trouble to make things easier, when it matters.

Their experiences are different but the same, when it comes to picking up those little hints of a person. The cues that most people don't have reason to learn.

Kenny notices the shift, when Stan and Kyle fall in love with each other. He's always figured they'd end up together, once they figured their own shit out. Over junior year the way they look at each other changes-- not overnight, but not slowly, either, like it's shifting with the seasons. He actually thinks they're together when Stan starts talking about prom.

Except then Stan asks if he wants to skip it to play video games.

Kenny furrows his brows. "Is this a 'Poor Kenny' thing?"

"What do you mean?"

"I mean," Kenny says. Then he stops for a moment to consider which way to take it. His guess is that Stan's feeling sorry for him, because prom's kind of expensive if you do it right. Even doing it a little wrong is more expensive than what Kenny has. It's a hard thing to traverse, though, because if he's honest he likes it when his friends recognize the difference in what they all have to spend. The pop he's drinking is one Stan bought him. But there's a difference in wanting to tag along to McDonald's and maybe, every now and then, letting his friends order a happy meal for him, and wanting his friends to skip out on milestone moments just to play video games. "How come you and Kyle aren't going together?"

"We could," Stan agrees, holding his bottle of Fanta by the neck and spinning it in a lazy circle. Kenny knows he gets the glass ones instead of plastic because it makes him think of beer bottles. It's hard to tell if that scratches an itch or tickles at it. "But we'd just be hanging around, anyway. Same shit, different place."

"Or you could, you know, dance?"

Stan stops spinning his bottle. "With Kyle?" he asks.

He sounds so baffled that Kenny's actually almost surprised they don't need an extra step of 'With who?'

Which makes Kenny baffled, too. "Why not with Kyle?"

"Because we're not dating?"

"Is that a question?" Kenny asks. And before Stan can answer he says, "I thought you were. Finally." It seems like something they'd forget to tell him just because they've been half-dating for so long.He still can't stop himself from making snide comments when they box him out now and again, but when it comes to this--he hadn't even been offended, thinking they'd forgotten.

"Well. We're not."

"So ask him."

"Why would I do that?"

"Why the fuck wouldn't you do that?" Kenny demands. "I love you, Stan, but you're really stupid sometimes."

"Hey," Stan says, but he doesn't sound very offended.

"I know you love him."

"Okay," Stan says, "I love him."

Kenny waits a beat, but Stan doesn't keep going, which is a little maddening. "And he loves you."

"Not like that."

"Yes like that."

Kenny can tell he's not telling Stan anything he doesn't already know, the way he frowns and looks away.

"Why don't you ask Butters, then?" Stan snaps, peevish, looking at his feet. "If you're so smart. He'd go with you."

"Because," Kenny says.

Stan huffs through his nose and opens his eyes a little wider in a way that says, See? And man, maybe Kenny's a hypocrite, but Stan is a smug hypocrite, which is definitely more annoying.

"Fuck you," Kenny says.

"Fuck you, too," Stan says. They sit in silence for a moment and Stan takes another drink of Fanta. Another moment of silence and he says, "You should ask him, though, for real."

Maybe Kenny should, for real. Stan still doesn't like Butters much after all these years--Butters doesn't like Stan much, either-- so Kenny knows it's nothing Stan would suggest if he didn't think it was something that would make Kenny happier. "If I do, you have to talk to Kyle."

"Sure thing, Ken," Stan says. He's still got smug in his tone, like he's agreeing because he knows this is a bet he won't lose.

And it's still kind of annoying, mostly for the 'Ken' that Stan rarely uses except to be condescending, but only for about half a second. Stan can get up his own ass sometimes around Kenny for the same reason Kenny knows he can be petty, bitchy, around Stan. Kenny knows he can't claim a spot at the Super Best Friends table, but they've been regular best friends since they were three. They know each other's entire humanities, even the ugly bits. It's good sometimes, to have a place for the ugly.

They shoot the shit a while longer and then part ways. Stan takes both their empty bottles to recycle them.

Kenny goes over to Butters' house afterwards. He tells himself it's for Stan and Kyle's sake, or at least to force Stan to admit he doesn't have the guts, but he knows well enough he's using them as an excuse. He knocks on the door and waits.

"Kenny!" Butters greets him, bright-eyed. It's really hard to take someone looking at him like that. Like he's the only good thing in all of South Park.

"Hi," Kenny says. "Can I come in?"

"I'll come out," Butters says. "Your shoes are kinda muddy. Y'know my parents would throw a fit."

Kenny doesn't look down at his shoes. It's true, and he doesn't really mind Butters saying so. Even if he does think he could wipe his shoes clean enough.

They take a walk down to Stark's pond. Butters takes his hand halfway there. Kenny slows his pace to make sure it lasts a little longer just in case Butters wants to skip rocks. He doesn't let go, though, once they get there. They sit there holding hands and looking at the water.

"I need to tell you something. Then I need to ask you something," Kenny tells the water.

"Mm, all right," Butters says. His tone stays pitched up, chipper, but Kenny can hear the anxiety stretched underneath, like a safety net waiting to catch someone's fall. "Shoot."

"Well," Kenny says, deciding to back track a bit, because he doesn't like that anxiety. There are too many kids in South Park that have it sitting dormant under their voices, and he likes it least of all on Butters. "I want to ask you to prom. But I need to tell you something first."

The tension slides out at that and Butters smiles wide. "You're doing it all backwards, then, ain't'cha?"

"I do a lot of things backwards," Kenny says, "But you'll go with me? If I ask."

"Sure, I will!"

That doesn't surprise him, for the same reason he knows Stan won't be surprised if he asks Kyle-- or Kyle, if he asks Stan. "I need to tell you," Kenny starts again, "That I die a lot."

Butters tips his head. He looks at Kenny, eyes asking him to continue.

"I know it sounds crazy," Kenny says, "But you've seen me die. You've all seen me die. I used to die every day. And then I came back, and you'd all forget." He pauses as he stares at the lake. There are concessions he's learned he has to make, since the frustrated years of his childhood spent killing himself over and over again, intentionally and not. "I know now that you won't remember, the next time you see it. I just need you to believe me, before we...start anything."

"I believe you," Butters says immediately. He considers, then says, "Y'know, I think we all die a little. It's the comin' back that matters."

"Yeah?" Kenny knows Butters doesn't mean the physical, the way he does, but he also knows that Butters knows he does mean the physical.

"Yeah. I feel it, when part of me dies. Why, there's been times-- there's been times I figure enough of it's gone and died, that I ought to just end it all!" He's not just talking about Reality, and Kenny knows that, too. He's talking about the bits and pieces that have been killed by his parents, by the other students, by South Park as a whole. "But you come back to life. And if you work real hard at it, you come back stronger than before. It gets better...You said it doesn't happen every day anymore, didn't'cha?"

Kenny nods his head. He's a little surprised, that Butters had caught that with his saying it 'used to' be every day.

"Well, maybe someday it won't be happening at all, anymore. Maybe you're coming back stronger and stronger and it won't keep getting you. Not until it's supposed to."

"I'd like that," Kenny says, smiling.

"I'd like to go to prom with you," Butters says.

Kenny nods very fast. He wants, at that moment, more than just prom. He wants every life and every death with Butters. He wants them to go, hand-in-hand the way they are now, and face as many deaths and revivals as they have left in them, together.

#South Park #sp bunny #sp style #stan marsh #kenny mccormick #butters stotch #kyle broflovski #tbh idk how well this fits the prompt but i tried lmao

[4dtk]

NCT DREAM: s/o likes using expletives/sounds while doing mundane tasks

anon: “hello! Can i ask an nct dream reaction to their s/o making lil sounds. I have a habit of making sounds when moving, for example when i scoot over to someone i’ll make a sound like “chukuchuku” and when i jump off a couch i’ll say “pong!” or “weee!” tysm!!” hi anon!!! so glad you decided to request! haven’t written for nct dream for a hot minute so i hope it’s okay!!

i used a lot of laugh/laughter/smile in this one LOL SORRY ABOUT THAT ;; i’ll put it under a cut bc it’s really long!

→ MARK honestly i think mark would just giggle. definitely. that man’s giggle machine never runs out wtf. anyway, without fail he usually breaks into giggles at the sounds that you make. when he becomes used to it, he’ll just smile to himself and continues to do what he’s doing, knowing that you heard his noise of mild amusement. mark’s made it clear that he loves it, but sometimes he laughs a lot that you’re conscious of it. when you do get insecure about it he doesn’t hesitate to let you know that it’s one of his favourite quirks of you!!! i also can honestly see him taking inspiration from ur sounds to include as adlibs to his songs ngl LMAO. 

“yo… can you say that again?” mark says enthusiastically, bringing in his portable recording mic so he could take down your unique sound. you roll your eyes with a smile, pushing out a few more sounds that mimicked the one before the click on mic goes off. your jaw drops, “you didn’t tell me you were already recording!” that prompted you to smack him, causing the endless fit of a laugh-fest you always caught yourself in when you’re with mark.

→ RENJUN fond smile fond smile fond smile!!! renjun loves it when you exclaim out when you leave the couch or have to manoeuvre around something to get somewhere. he likes showing affection to you no matter where you phrase you exclaim, although it’s not that showy. if you happen to do your sound at the dining table some of the members will know for sure that renjun will take your hand under the table or wear a lovesick smile that all of them know too well. renjun has the sweetest words for days too looooord, only if you’re alone tho and wants to know more about your habit and how it came to be??? if that make sense!

the familiar grasp of his hand doesn’t faze you, shooting the man a sheepish smile over the table as you feel his thumb graze over your skin. “renjun, bro, i’m happy for you and all, but i think they can’t eat if their dominant hand is being held,” you hear haechan call out, making the table erupt into light laughter. renjun ignores him but fails to ignore the blush on his cheeks, threatening hyuck with a raised hand as a joke. he doesn’t care about the others, though, when he sees the wide smile on your face and feels the squeeze of his hand in yours.

→ JENO you know how he like has that “hhmnnnmh?” sound. idk how to explain it but the thing that he always does whenever one of the dream members do or say some weird shit. yea he’d do that. the first few times were out of genuine confusion, but as jeno became more used to your sounds and exclamations, he hummed out mostly as a reply to it. the atmosphere would go silent a little as he stares at you with his big, deer-caught-in-the-headlight eyes, and he holds that stare with you for a good 15 seconds LOL. def challenges you by wiggling his head around and then ending up tackling you to the couch or bed. if you’re sitting at a table the most he’d do is to probably land a kiss on your face after teasing you. mans just looking for an excuse to kiss you tbh.

“hhm?” jeno perks up to look to you, head tilted at an angle as you move closer to him at the dining table. his feigned surprise expression switches into a smile as he inches closer to you, ignoring your protests until there’s no more space left. jeno lets out a raspy laugh, lips coming into contact with your temple as the playful nature subsides.

→ HAECHAN the first time you do it, he lets out a dramatic gasp: hand to his mouth, jaw dropped etc. he’s a drama mama but you brush it off with a shove to his shoulder. hyuck def matches your energy like jaemin does but it’s mostly at the expense of his usual whines and pouts. you do it one time and the man does it ten times over. in no time he’s already cuddled up way too close to you with an arm around your waist and his head snuggled into your neck. he loves it when you say your phrases bc then he can exclaim something on his part like “very cute! but i’m cuter!” and you’d have to smack him or something. he dissolves into a fit of giggles along with the usual teasing, but other than that he likes communicate his fondness of your habit through physical touch.

moving around the project you had just bought wasn’t difficult but you couldn’t help the phrase that came naturally each time. “can you make that sound too when you’re riding-“ you don’t waste any time to land a mild slap on his forearm, gaining a laugh from your boyfriend who casually stated it during your movie night. your glare speaks tons, but haechan doesn’t care as he’s all smiles into your hair before continuing the movie. you, too, relax, knowing it was all fun banter that made your time with him all the more enjoyable.

→ JAEMIN oh my god jaem would match your energy 100%, even if the energy isn’t that high as he usually portrays himself in nct videos. with you, he’s a bit more reserved and kept to himself, but he likes it and you like it, too. when you’re moving past someone and make a noise he echoes you in the same manner you said it. and then the smile that comes after? omg 10/10!! beautiful smile!! jaemin just melts at your silly habit and the widest smile spreads across his face tbh. if you’re saying it while you’re alone with him i can see him just laughing and giggling at the words you manage to exclaim, cooing over how cute you are in his arms. jaem best boy

the ring of jaemin’s laughter fills your ears as your butt scoots closer to him, engaging him in the same fun sounds that you frequently make. jaemin repeats it in an exaggerated way, shooting you the biggest grin before pecking your forehead, “ah… why are you so cute (y/n)…” you easily nuzzle into his embrace, relishing in the warmth of his natural body heat and the arm around your waist.

→ CHENLE would counter your sound with a weird sound of his own. i know jaemin makes weird sounds but this man is on a whole other level PLSS. if you’re feeling playful you would reply and this feud of some sort would just continue until one of the other members ask you two to shut up, which would of course result in chenle’s recognisable dolphin laugh. even if you’re a little tired, i feel like the energy would still be up a little, so expect some prodding at your cheek or sides and kiss attacks from the mans. he would definitely coo, but not in the cheesy, cutesy way jaemin would. chenle has a more teasing and outgoing nature to him. it’s relentless and you’d have to stop him at some point but he’s making you laugh and having such a good time so you admire him instead.

the shrill sound fills your ears, responding to your phrase with one of his own. when you reply, he does it too, which prompts you to sigh in resignation at his endless energy. chenle catches on, but doesn’t press on further, instead entertaining you by giving you endless pecks on your forehead, your nose, your cheeks, your lips. you name it. the laugh he had, now, was more muted, liking the way your sounds of mixed protest and joy meant the opposite, “hey stop! baobei, you’re messing up my hair!”

→ JISUNG the poor boy would jump a little, but he finds himself being able to connect your actions to the sound you would make. i think the only time he would be really started was if you exclaimed a new phrase or if the action itself takes him off guard. like almost colliding with him in a hallway or popping up behind the fridge. jisung would have the littlest hint of a smile on his face, although he tries not to show it that much. i feel like he also would chuckle to himself quietly. he likes the quirk a lot that he finds himself thinking about it from time to time and even picking it up for fun one day. it felt so natural to do it that he just started to do it, too. maybe not as often as you do though! he usually cringes at it tho LMAO he doesn’t know how you make it sound so endearing. his reaction would be also just be a moment of “omg that was so cute, i love them so much”

as you land on the sofa with a sound spilling from your lips, you don’t miss jisung’s flinch at your appearance. “that one’s new,” his eyes are wide, but it eventually melts into a smile. he naturally leans back as he accepts the defeat shown on the television screen, but you don’t miss a beat to snatch the controller from him, going ahead to play the game in his stead. as you curl up by his side, you quickly beat your boyfriend at the level as his arm curls around your torso cautiously. jisung can only smile in the moment, finding that it was reaching his ears when you tease him again about the easy level.

#nct #nct scenarios #nct imagines #nct fluff #nct angst #nct smut #nct x reader #nct x you #nct reactions #nct dream #nct dream scenarios #nct dream imagines #nct dream fluff #nct dream angst #nct dream soft hours #nct soft hours #nct blurbs #nct headcanons #nct dream headcanons #nct dream x reader #nct mark #nct jaemin #nct jeno #nct jisung #nct haechan #nct chenle #nct renjun #mark scenarios #jaemin scenarios #jeno scenarios

[simluvbot]

Sunghoon as your boyfriend

a/n: as usual with these bf headcanons, im sorry it was so messy TT also thank you so so much for over 100 followers !! <33

open to read <3

tbh it got to a point where literally everyone but you two knew that you were crushing on each other..

Sunghoon can very oblivious sometimes, and so can you

Sunghoon can very oblivious sometimes, and so can you

tbh it was literally until jake had to spell out to sunghoon how he obviously had a crush on you which is what prompted him to actively make moves on you (lmao)

And, sooner or later, you both ended up dating :D

Sunghoon is be pretty awkward early on in the relationship so it’s just so so precious ):

so every small moment of skinship between you both has butterflies instantly swarming in your stomachs and your cheeks heating up like crazy ):

And sunghoon will think about it for ages in his bed later at nighttime, replaying the moment you took his hand in yours and interlocked your fingers with his

He’d think about how soft your hands felt in his hold and how fuzzy the feeling made him feel, and sunghoon isn’t one to freak out easily but gee the butterflies you made him feel (he will never tell you about that though)

Many late night dates!

I say this for literally every enhypen member but to me this concept just fits so well with all of them

Sunghoon likes going on late night walks with you in private (and safe!) parks where he knows that you two will be completely alone

He loves walking around with you for hours, chatting away about random weird topics and sharing shy eye contact with each other

Or he will also like to lay down on the grass with you, backs on the plush ground and stargazing together 💔

He’ll admire your side profile and smile at your awed expression as you stare up at the stars, thinking about how pretty you look under the moonlight

But then when you turn to face him he’ll look away and pretend he was never looking in the first place🙄

To me sunghoon seems the type to silently appreciate you and the small moments he shares with you.

You could be sitting across from him eating messily while ranting about your day and he’ll simply nod, barely listening and instead watching the way your moth moves and how prettily your lips create shapes as you talk

Or you could be simply doing nothing at all, instead laying on the sofa on your phone and he’ll look up from his own now and then, quietly reflecting and feeling thankful for how you’re in his life

):

In public he is very much the silent observer! but not in a creepy way, it’s all loving of course, especially since hoon has said before that he’s not the best with expressing his words and feelings

So he instead shows his love and appreciation to you through small acts of service and gifts!

It’s small things that he does for you, such as tying your shoelaces for you, pulling you onto his other side when you’re asking along a busy road so he is the one one the road side instead or buying what he knows is your favourite snack to surprise you with!

I think that he will also ask jay for tips on what to cook for you hehe. He likes to surprise you and pls I just see him standing wearing an apron as he tries to follow the recipe jay gave him so he can make you your favourite food for you to eat the next day )):

Many cafe dates!!

Have you seen that picture of him sipping from a drink as he sits at a cafe table?? yeAH WELL

takes you out to his favourite cafes all the time 😁😁

going on the lookout for best cafés on your dates is YOUR THING i see it

Sunghoon honestly treasures you so much and although he doesn’t express it in words often, he really thinks about you a lot ): so many little things remind him of you its ridiculous. 

he’ll see something and go like “oh!” which confuses the other members but its just because he saw something that made him think of you lol

He is comfortable enough with you to be vulnerable in front of you!

At first when you both started dating he was reallyyyy shy since he is an introvert.. but ofc soon the ice boy melted and he eventually became so much more comfy around you :D

so yes park sunghoon does share a lot of his weird thoughts and personality with you lmao

but its just bc he trusts you and knows that you wont judge him ):<

Takes you on ice skating dates where he teaches you how to skate

Will come up with a simple routine with you

I’m gonna cry I’m gonna pass out I can’t take this I’m tearing up TAKE MY PHONE AWAY FROM NE AT THIS

he will come up with ): simple ice skating routines with you ): where he spins you around and holds both your hands steadily as he skates backward and guides you forward, making breathless eye contact while he rests his forehead against yours, smiling softly

🧍🏻‍♀️🧍🏻‍♀️🧍🏻‍♀️🧍🏻‍♀️🧍🏻‍♀️

although when you do end up falling he laughs 🙄 he is so rude i stg

but he then helps you back up of course, holding your gloved hands in his softly since they took the most impact of ur fall 

he’ll massage them gently in his, concerned and telling you to be more careful next time and showing you how to regain your balance when you feel yourself slipping.

“aha like you will even need to use that technique anyways y/n because your ice prince will save you from falling.”

sighs. anyways

Whenever he catches you staring at him (which is 99% of the time when you’re with him because well, duh), he will the hELL out of you lmao

He teases you pretty often anyways

“If you’re just going to continue staring at me this whole time then just take a photo instead y/n, it lasts longer you know 😐.”

“I know I’m handsome y/n. Instead of making it so obvious with your googly eyes then don’t be afraid to say it too. I don’t bite 🙂👎.”

Is so proud of himself whenever he gets you flustered at his comments because as much as it embarrasses you, what he says is true </3 and you don’t deny it

But then when YOU tell him how attractive he is in a teasing way it’s HIM that starts blushing LMFAO

“The view is so pretty.” You said, sighing out as you stood next to sunghoon on the top floor balcony.

“Yeah, Seoul is so beautiful.” Your boyfriend commented, nodding as he looked down at the blinking lights from down below.

Frowning, you tilted your head as you stared at him. “Oh, I wasn’t  talking about that.”

Looking up, sunghoon looked at you in confusion. “What do you mean then?”

“I meant the view is so pretty. You’re the view.”

Gets so flustered PLSJDKSJS he looked away from you and ignored you for the next 5 minutes while he tried to compose himself and pretend like he was not affected by what you said

You simply laughed at how red his ears had become and how he ignored your teasing remarks indifferently when he was actually dying inside at what you said

Or other times when you compliment him he will be really smug about it too lmao

He values your opinion, even if it’s something about the new jacket he wore and how it looks nice on him

You bet he will wear that jacket 372837 more files after that and uploaded it on Twitter for engenes too (;

All because you complimented him once

It gets to the point where jay and jungwon tease him about why he is constantly wearing the same thing every day and whether it’s something to do with you LMAO

boy gets so shy 😭😭😭

Sunghoon likes it when you run your hands though his hair ): especially at the back of his head where you tug at his strange gently, especially since his hair is pretty long rn

It’s so soothing to him to feel your nails gently rake through his mullet and massage his scalp, it instantly makes his eyes shut and sleepiness take over.

I feel like sunghoon isn’t that big on cuddles? But when you both sleep together he always pulls you in closer to him subconsciously ):

Head pats from sunghoon ✔️

Kisses with sunghoon!

When you both first started dating you had to initiate everything and he would get so flustered after

But after you had been dating sunghoon for a while and you kiss, he’ll do this thing where he looks at you with lidded eyes and stares at your lips and he kNOWS how good he looks when he does that

Such a tease..

Will cup the back of your neck and bring you in

his hands gently roam around your waist or place themselves onto your back to hold you close to him

Kisses with sunghoon are usually pretty slow and can last a while, so you’re always left feeling breathless when you finally pull apart

Nibbles your lips to tease you hehe

He doesn’t really give you short kisses apart from when he’s feeling bursts of happiness and really excited about something! Or when he wants to thank you

Also Hoon likes to also keep your scrunchie on his wrist if you wear any

Idk, he just likes it [:

Hoon also likes to take many pretty photos with you too, it’s so aesthetic TT

Kisses your forehead whenever he says bye to you on his way to complete his schedule for the day 🥺

Shows Jake and jay pictures of you all the time lol

The 02z definitely don’t miss the blush on his cheeks whenever he tells them about how cute you are 🙄

Sunghoon cutest bf ): he doesn’t reall like to show affection for you in front of other people but when y’all are alone?

Phew, the boy might be an ice prince but whenever he is around you.. let’s say that perhaps you seem to melt him a lil bit (:

#enhypenwriters #enhypen headcanons #enhypen sunghoon #enhypen scenarios #sunghoon headcannons #sunghoon imagines #enhypen reactions #enhypen requests #kpop imagines #kpop headcanons #enhypen imagines

[unproduciblesmackdown]

another prompt saga

April 8th: Talk about friendship. How important are friends to you? Do you find it hard to make and maintain friendships? Are your friends generally supportive? Is there anything about having friends that confuses you?

another big question for me to go on plenty of tangents lol

well i haven't often had friends Really, there's like, being amicable with classmates, being friends with people While We're At School Together, being friendly acquaintances lmfao, or like, the occasional "yeah ig we're sort of friends, not exactly very close tho" lol and then rarely where yeah i'd call someone a close friend, although naturally, it's not like i completely discount those other, less close relationships. and, even more so, not like overall i'm like "oh friendship? yeah that's pretty frivolous and unimportant and it's just something mildly entertaining vs the Real Shit & True Emotional Support & Love of your biological family and romantic soulmate" lol, Friends Are Important and it's entirely serious 2 me

also natch i Do find it hard to make and maintain friendships lol. goes back to like, preschool and being around a bunch of age peers regularly for the first time, where my "best friend" defaulted to this one person who sought out interacting with me when i was otherwise doing my own thing during preschool recess, and i was pretty enthused about getting invited to a bday party one kid invited a bunch of us to, because that was like, a Friend thing, and a fun social thing, and i was included.....that i Do remember just feeling like, socially, everyone else was playing a game i didn't know the rules to and so couldn't expect to participate and, furthermore, i ought to stay out of the way of whatever everyone else was doing, where i Did often choose to do stuff by myself, but it's like, you know, the way "autistic" is even used figuratively (which. i have a lot of disdain for) because it's like oh the defining thing really is that telltale "doesn't want to interact with other people or form relationships, probably because also they have no feelings / normal and intrinsic qualities of Humanity" but it's like, if you pay any attention or god forbid ask autistic people about their own experiences, sure everyone has their own varying social approach and anyone might not always be raring to be the center of the party or Not want to do their own thing, but it's not that oh all autistic people aren't interested in social connection, but that like even when you are a small child it's like, oh all these other kids are interacting in this way that isn't really my social style and that shuts me out, and/or attempting to interact with people results in this even subtle, quiet rejection / exclusion that can be picked up on. i wasn't making friends and was often keeping to myself / keeping my head down as it were, but it wasn't because i didn't want to have friends or socialize. my mom was insistent i was a Shy Child lmao and i'd always argue that i wasn't Really, without further explanation though lmao, but it's like, again that i felt that sort of emergent exclusion, and there wasn't any space to interact much on my terms at all, and like, yeah i often stayed quiet / didn't want to mingle with other kids / if i was in a Situation i wanted to know the How To of navigating it / what to expect

being friends with people at school was fine, except the drawbacks of stuff like "we're only interacting at school, rarely hanging out outside of that" & "someone in the same grade is in a diff class in elementary school so we just never see each other now" & "for some reason that 2nd grade teacher made a whole giant Example out of me and a friend, god forbid, not paying attention or whatever the fuck, so now i feel like we can't interact at all anymore" & "changing schools entirely between elementary / middle / college" & "not being in school" lmao similar to work friends too, we're At Work, might not see each other outside of that, might change jobs & stop seeing each other, & still overall rare, b/c the Preschool Experience never Really stopped imo, had different versions of it even into college and like, being at jobs with other adults lmao, socializing is still Like That, came up with the Je Ne Hate Quoi where like, people kind of just Know to exclude you / consider you an exception to whatever other social stuff is going on.

and then like, the difficulties even when socializing / interactions Are happening, where like, it's always funny like. i'm very Verbose / Chatty and very opinionated but like, this will surprise people, that i Talk actually and have a ton of takes, b/c i was keeping to myself / not sharing that with them and so it's like well, that must of course be the realest version of me, no way i was filtering myself, i just must have Not Wanted to talk, and/or had nothing to say & hence no thoughts or feelings i might wanna share lol, of course....and tbh like, it sure Can be true that i don't wanna talk lmao like. i wanna talk About Stuff that isn't really "personal" generally, which can be like, yeah i wanna talk about this book, or about birds, or about this trivia topic, or whatever, whereas idk so much how to do like small talk about your day or otherwise share Casual things about Yourself, like, idk, being aware my interests are things about Myself but also aware that it's Weird / wasn't the kind of stuff you were supposed to talk about, and i felt that things about my life were otherwise Not The Right Stuff, or too boring (never hanging out, not doing much except being at home reading / doing shit by myself or w/siblings) or too Unfun (able to pick up the sense that At Home Shittiness was a private matter lol......) and it'd be like, idk what to say, things about myself don't seem to fit..........but also it can be that i do not enjoy the Vibe of an interaction lmfaoooo like, i truly do not want to talk to you people. like that i can sometimes vibe with someone inebriated people better lmfao because then, idk, they have some sense of humor and can muster some enthusiasm for anything, but also i'm not really a fan of knowing that someone isn't sober lmfao like. ppl will be like "omg were you drunk" like no, that was just my personality, whereas i am not Heartened to know other ppl Will have to have been drunk to get on my level, for example, don't understand when people cannot muster being even a little silly. it's goofaround hours. but then you have like, being around a bunch of cishet people when they're drunk, and their humor is as nonexistent and boring as ever but they're even louder / more insistent about it, nightmare. and, yknow, just people talking and i'm like "i'm not interested in this at all, whether re: conversational Style or Subject, i would not want to participate" and times when it's like. i know if i was gonna chime in with what i Would say you would not be able to handle me here lmfaoooo so. i truly would prefer examining the wall and thinking about my own shit or texting with someone i do like talking with

but that yknow, in groups / conversations i would be at least someone interested in, i can still be like, idk, Hesitant To Talk b/c of all the instances you've been taught like oh you're socializing Wrong and everyone hated that, sorta like the post about making a comment about salsa that brings the gc to a halt and you're wondering how you fucked up and if salsa killed someone's parents and forgot or whatever, i've been Disheartened re: hanging out when it's like, well, nice to be included, but i'm a friendship third wheel here, not being included in the entire convo and nobody misses it, there's been instances where it's like, two people talking, i chime in, i am completely ignored multiple times, this is frustrating lmao. or there's been times i've tried to put myself out there in a way, like yeah sure i'll hang out with this group, but also i'm anxious and it's like, if people are doing homework i'm also bringing this thing i'm working on as this parallel task, only to find out down the line like people then regarded you as a joke or something b/c it was Rude or Wrong when you know, actually that was you reading some weird shit that didn't exist into the situation, and just like, idk it's wild how people will have like "graciously" declined to express something to your face, and you either can pick up on shit at the time but not be able to say anything which just reads to people like "oh they didn't notice this / that means you can push it a little further next time even" or like, figure out later that something that seemed positive or decent actually ft. people not liking you / not wanting to include you Yet Again, and as a bonus you're left with you know, having to always worry about if people Seemingly being amicable & accepting is actually them wishing you weren't there or solidifying some Interpretations of you that they're then gonna Talk About or Act On behind the scenes, like, beautiful thank you, always very touching, so glad you were so Considerate of someone's feelings and Nice about this where it just ends up being this whole letdown / feeling like even more of a rejection if there was this weird like stringing along lmao like. can allistic people be normal for five minutes

anyways and tied to that sort of, it's also like, simultaneously Cagey About Things and always worried about like, i could tell this person this thing and maybe it'd be Incorrect for the interaction and they won't care, whether because it's too mundane and boring a thing about you or because it's too #Real, i think i glimpsed something a month or so ago about like "do other autistic people have trouble where like, you can be friends with someone a long time but not get particular Close to them" or whatever lol, where like, well i have to hold everyone at arm's length and often Then Some because there's just matter of fact stuff about me that i nonetheless think i can't or shouldn't share, if i talked about something it might be out of the blue b/c i just was hardly confiding in people about it, or it's boring, or it's like, i don't actually feel like i'm close enough with this person that saying this isn't gonna be like "whoa overshare!! i just feel awkward & weird!" lmfao like. there were people i hung out with in person the year i lived out of my car and i did not mention this at all to them / kept it a secret b/c it's like, not out of like ohh this is a secret b/c No One Can Know, some people Could know lmao (shoutout to the person i Did confide in about these problems and who talked with me at what must've been like 3am in that timezone when i was like "well the rich people around here made sure to get cops to harass an unhoused person, e.g. me, would you believe it, it sucked" lmfao) it's that i knew idk, it would be pointless, they'd just feel weird about it and switch into that "for some reason, this is being Nice" where everyone will go into full Putting On A Front mode to be Polite like, that really sucks actually lmao could you Not. but it's like, idk, all this stuff where it's like "this thing about me / my life would be too Boring or too Awkward or Depressing or Etc Etc" turns out to be isolating / alienating b/c like, of course it would be. and idk nobody i ever made friends with in person i was Confiding in, not a ton of them re: me either, because you know. being cagey and wary, on top of like ohhh this person is Standoffish if they're hesitant to interact with people generally or do their own thing or i don't think they're socializing Right / have incorrectly inferred their feelings/motivations/intentions or whatever

and furthermore on that lmao it's also like, again, while i'm Verbose & Opinionated people will think i'm quiet & have no takes to provide because it's also like, even when it comes to stuff i sure feel i Could talk freely about, it's like, if i have a different opinion here will that just be a conversational Interruption ruining things for the real participants, probably nobody wants to hear me talk about this Subject, probably nobody wants to / would let me talk about it at much length without interrupting, even Online lmao i can be just going all out in terms of [how much i can talk about something] and while people can be Into that at that time it's like, people aren't into that beyond that one back and forth on one day, shoutout when people do enjoy the extensive discussing and/or have patience for it other times lol.

then supposing i Am talking to people lmao it's like, idk i'm an acquired taste or what have you, like, on top of the Talking A Ton it's like, the being opinionated and argumentative and sometimes pedantic or whatever on top of being irritable, could stand to be a bit more patient lmao, The Hater Friend to use the figure of speech lmao i have hardly been in a Group to be The [Any] Friend lol, also if my sense of humor doesn't fit it's like well how am i supposed to be silly, if being sometimes Enthused doesn't fit, again kinda an issue......have described myself as A Bit Much, humorously, but already not doing that as Much b/c it's like, i think i'm still too much like considering other people's opinions too "objective" here when like, first of all that's never accurate lmao, second of all i can easily forget that idk, i can at least in theory expect people to just regularly Like me and Enjoy interacting with me lol so. an acquired taste few can sample..........like hey even if other people don't vibe with me, it can just as much be the case that i'm not vibing with other people, don't worry lmao. and yknow, kinda parallel to Masking to seem acceptable in any casual social situation it's like, if i feel i'm suppressing my whole personality here / putting up a front / like i have to Get Through what should be a friendly interaction rather than be able to enjoy it myself, it's not exactly that rewarding. and plenty of times it's like, i like to be around people, but it can be strangers, i don't feel like "oh i wanna go out to eat / see a movie / go to this event, but if i can't get any friends to go, guess i can't!" like get out of the way i'm readily doing shit alone, it can even feel Better that way if otherwise it's like, now this occasion is about performing peak Agreeability for this other person/people, and like, not like i have ever been like "yes i have people i can readily ask to hang out and they'll be like Ya" anyways lol so. used to operating solo, where you can't be like "aha this is because this person has no Human Interest in Human Connection" when it's like. well it was never all up to me was it

well and so also it helped when i was 14 and able to be Online consistently, vs at home lmao. time for online friendship, which i don't think is like, oh that's not Real, like what sorry have you never known about people who have Remote friendships before, phones & letters & telegrams and also [nowadays when many ppl are Remote even if they usually lived near enough to hang out with] where it's like, you have this different format for socializing that can sure play out differently than Real Time, In Person interactions, and ever since i'll be posting mostly to myself lmfao but able to thusly talk about Interests and like, people will come along who want to talk more about it, then we do. i suppose also it can sure help that i'll draw (and Only draw, lol) for said interests, although tbh i think most of the time it's the extensive text posts that do it? really and great litmus test or whatever lmfao like, well already this person must not hate the verbosity. and then you can end up vibing with these people further, or not, but it's like, again, there's this chance for From The Start like, oh this person Likes that i have this niche interest, they like &/or don't mind talking A Lot about it lmao, vs in person introductions where that can sure happen but it's like, that's gonna be chance & spontaneous, whereas ppl might have the opportunity to Seek Out this interaction / content of yours......even online though, i'm still like, not as inclined to reach out or make the first interaction move or whatever lmao so. and then it's like, people make galaxy brain remarks like "ohh people who are very Online don't have friends, irl, they aren't Personable, irl," like yes congratulations i'm autistic and i don't have many In Person friends generally, sometimes maybe not any, don't really know where people think they'll land their argument here. like, follow it through, are you just calling people losers. is it "social media makes peopel Not social" like nobody is Doing Anything when they're online or everyone is embracing strangers and having heart to hearts every weekday morning with whoever is nearby if only they weren't on twitter? plus the fact that like, if i don't have access to people i interact with online, that doesn't like, force me to become neurotypical so that i then have a thriving in person social circle, it just means i'm more isolated? meanwhile, turns out it helps a lot if it's like, yeah i can Expect to interact with people

and then still like, all the time it might be like i still can feel Confused as it were about How To Talk To People lmfao like. there's not much "Just Be Yourself" when being yourself has meant filtering yourself, actually, and being v self conscious about trying (and often failing) to appeal to other people (which, then if you do succeed, it's like oops this person likes me but if i've been putting up a front the whole time, not super Validating) and not exactly a ton of practice getting to do Otherwise, and it can again be like. is this too boring to talk about, or just somewhat arbitrarily like "oh i'd better Not talk / say whatever" for no real reason lmfao, i Can just get like. Real Time Chatty as it were, but it's difficult actually lmfao like i need a lot of momentum, and it's easy for that to be Not the case.......and just like, again that it's easy to forget you don't have to be in "nobody wants to hear you talk" mode, or think like, okay, i can't just say anything, i have to say something Good, aka of interest or funny or whatever lmao but then it's like well i guess i Can just say anything. don't much know how to do that tho

(also, sidenote from "wtf is thinking being friends w/someone online is faker than when you're friends with someone sort of from being in the same building every weekday, what is the conclusion of 'what a loser geek whatever if you care about connecting Online who can't be popular Offline'" where it's always funny when someone is also like "wow even in person Fandom is, like social media, something that only people who suck at socializing Normally are into" lmfao like. not very relevant b/c nobody wants to really be in a broader fanbase rather than find particular kindred spirits through it, and who actually wants to go to comic con or whatever, sounds like a nightmare, but it's still such a faux analytical perspective lmfao like, again, first of all, what's the Conclusion to your argument here? and secondly honestly like. all versions of Small Talk are kinda gonna be bullshit, even amongst say, nt people, there's nothing Universal, and people can certainly be inconsiderate / preclude any genuine connection via what they might consider to be this neutral part of the ritual, and yknow, i find it kinda exhausting like it's peak Time To Mask and then i'm hardly in the mood to Really talk further, like yknow what. idk i'd be annoyed if someone demanded i Correctly Complete some sort of fandom reference by way of greeting, but i'm also annoyed when someone demands i Correctly Complete whatever maneuvers you're supposed to do with a rhetorical "how are you :)" lmfao like. you're a cringe nerd in the rigid social ritual of pleasantries fandom)

anyways and uhh yeah i also yknow, hashtag alana beck, it's like, glad to pretend Friendly Acquaintances makes sense, i guess it can, but it's great when it's like, oh i Don't have to only expect to be really peripheral in people's lives, or to only be friends with people i don't feel like i vibe with That much or also talk to that much about anything, when i can definitely feel like Yes this person is a Friend, no "are they actually closer to an acquaintance at this point" disclaimers needed, again, taking it back to the fact that friendship sure is Significant to me and when i have it that's v important thanks

so it's like uhhhh yeah difficult to make friends, don't have general appeal or whatever lol, ppl aren't on my wavelength or i'm not on theirs, hard to talk to people even though it's not because i don't/can't talk plenty lmfao.......and re: being Supportive it's like well, i don't really tell people In Person i'm autistic but naturally if you follow me Online here i am talking about it lol, and not like anyone who already knew me & was friends with me was like "oh nvm don't like interacting with you now" and i also gotta mention the like Handshake Lgbtq lifehack, where plenty of times it can be like, oh if we vibe on That wavelength it can be easier to befriend people, and/or that people will at least be more like, amicable / supportive based on Knowing you're handshake on that lol. b/c really it's like, i'd also like to just be allowed to talk and/or simply be around people even if we are not Personal Friends, aka that you can expect to be treated decently with some basic respect / consideration and like you're generally allowed to exist and be present and interact with people where you're not only guaranteed to Not be punished / excluded for it if someone's your individual friend and allows you to be here, so. once again it's like, can allistic ppl be normal for 5 min

#still behind on this naturally lmao but when it's now 1am and i've chosen to do a whole essay #it's like whew time to make dark dinner for now #30daysofautismacceptance #2021

[kyluxtrashpit]

2019 Fic Recap

So I’ve done this for the past few years and I started doing it at the end of 2019 but never managed to finish it. I think between TROS and IRL and then I got really, really sick, I just haven’t had the chance to do so. But fuck it, I decided to finish it anyway even though it’s now 3 months late lmao. So anyway, a recap of my 2019 fics

Total wordcount: 96 419 words. Which is less than last year, but still not too shabby. I wish I could’ve banged something out to get it over 100k but eh, it just didn’t happen. I definitely have enough wip words and whatnot to get me over that bump, though

Tough Love, 6572 words, posted Jan 17

So this was an experimental one. As you all know, I’m pretty hard on the sub!Kylo/dom!Hux train. But I had a conversation with a friend and it turned into one of those ‘okay, I don’t like x dynamic because of a, b, and c. But is it possible to write x without those and make it into something I like?’ and as it turns out, yes, yes it was. Thus this fic happened and here we are. I still really like it and I have a lot of Feelings on this dynamic vs the one I usually write, but that’s an essay in and of itself lmao. It got some great feedback too, which was cool

Take My Breath Away, 1230 words, posted Feb 7

Ah yes, this one, which was based off a throwaway KOTOR ability but was an excuse for me to write Kylo getting stuffed from both ends with some asphyxiation thrown in. And also extremely rough sex + softer aftercare is a weakness of mine haha, so I just had to do it

Fix You, 1994 words, posted Feb 10

So this was my first piece for Bad Things Happen Bingo, which is an event I’m still planning to finish at some point lmao, and that I’ve had a lot of fun with so far. This fic was another that I tried for a more ‘classic’ feel with, though it’s a lot softer. The uncomfortable intimacy. The ‘feelings are happening but we won’t talk about them’. The shaky trust. All of that good stuff. I had fun with it

Keep Your Enemies Closer, 1657 words, posted Feb 24

Another for BTHB! I just love when Hux wins, okay. And I think this was one of those time periods where Kylo was doing all the winning in fics and I just. Needed something different lmao. Emperor Hux remains one my all time fave ideas and it’s still a shame canon never gave it to us. But I have the power to make it happen, so I did. Plus Kylo in a shock collar is always fun >:)

Indulgence, 17 357 works, completed Apr 19, first posted Mar 28

So! This was a continuation to my experiment from above and really it was just an excuse for lots of smut and pampering lmao. Much as I had thought I had said everything I wanted to say with Tough Love, apparently I had not, and this monstrosity formed. There may be a third, more serious piece to finish off the series this year, but I haven’t decided yet. Although, I have to admit, I’m still surprised how poorly this fic did feedback-wise, especially compared to its predecessor and considering it’s the more popular dynamic these days. Tbh some of my best smut is in this fic imo, but ah well, sometimes people just don’t like things and I suppose I have to accept that, even if I’m really, really proud of that thing

(Okay and the rest are behind a cut for length)

Best Served Bloody, 2666 words, posted Apr 29

Another BTHB and, again, not much deeper to it. Beating up Brendol is always fun though lmao. And when I was writing this, I really wanted Hux to be the one to strike at his father. A lot of pieces have Kylo doing it, which is great, but I wanted to do something a little different. I wanted Hux to have the power to save himself. It was fun to write in that way, as a powerful revenge fantasy

The Best, 6450 words, posted May 12

Ah, now this was a fun one lmao. It was born of a horny crack idea but I can’t do real crack, so it ended up as crack treated seriously. And really, I just wanted an excuse to have Kylo sucking dick. A lot of dick. All the dicks he can find lmao. Slutty Kylo fic remains my favourite pwp, so I gotta contribute to the cause, you know. It was a delight to write, though challenging cause it kept turning me on LMAO. Totally worth it though. It was one of the most fun this year for sure

Be My Outlet, 1003 words, posted May 23

There’s not really much of a story behind this one haha. I was horny and I wanted some classic, Not Nice Hux and hatefucking, thus this exists. Plus I miss Kylo getting choked and it’s rare these days to see stuff quite this rough. I also have a bit of a somnophilia thing, which this sort of fits in to. And I’m always a fan of messy, masochist Kylo. So yeah. Idk it’s smut lmao what else could we want? It’s just a short little pwp, but I had a lot of fun with it and it was nice to revisit the classic kylux days

Safe Harbour, 1616 words, posted Jun 13

This one was for kyluxomegaverse week and it was very fun. A/b/o is one of those tropes where I really, really like a lot of it, but there’s also some stuff that’s much less my cup of tea. So I don’t write a lot of it, even though there are aspects of it that I adore. Which this one includes a lot of lmao. I think the nesting is fucking adorable and I wanted to write something soft, so here we are. Plus omega!Kylo is just delightful. Also looking back on it now, this one did really well? Holy shit, I had no idea it was that popular!

With Dignity, 4475 words, posted Jul 1

This was the last for BTHB that I managed last year (and I still intend to finish my card eventually, it’s just been a rough go so far this year lmao). I’m actually very proud of this one because this is the exact sort of angst I love to write. I didn’t intend for it to be as heavy as it ended up being, but when I started looking up the mechanics of force-feeding and reading about the experience of it, the plan changed drastically because holy fuck. I had never thought of it as that much of a torture before. I also enjoy with Hux like, making the reader feel bad for him while also actively reminding them he’s awful and getting that perfect cognitive dissonance. So this was a great excuse to do exactly that. And I love how tough he is even in such circumstances. Despite the heavy subject matter, I had a blast with this one

Greener Grass, 3389 words, posted Jul 14

This one was originally a twitter thread that really got away from me lmao, so I edited it and put it on ao3 because I really liked it. I’ve always liked self-cest as a concept and I thought it’d be interesting for Kylo to interact with a version of himself that made some different choices. One that was happier. And then we see Kylo through Ben’s eyes, see what the dark side has wrought for him. And then, of course, some smut to pull it all together lmao. It was a really fun character study and I had a grand time with it

Subliminal, 5719 words, posted Aug 23

This one! Okay so I’m pretty sure I sent in a couple of khk prompts over the years that were basically this, but no one ever wrote them so I finally did it. I’m honestly surprised hypno kink isn’t actually used more in kylux, considering Hux is canonically in charge of the brainwashing program. So much potential. So I had to write it. I also went down quite a few rabbit holes in researching this (with mixed success lmao) and learned a whole lot about hypno kink in the process. I may have even acquired it as a fetish lmao. But anyway, this one’s a bit darker and it’s fun to write those every once in a while. I think I pulled it off well too

Ashes Among the Stars, 36634 words, posted Dec 1

Ah and my big bang this year! I had a blast with this one although it was quite the challenge. My first fandom was gundam so when I saw this prompt I was very intrigued and ended up getting it. This fic had a lot more world-building than I usually do, which was the primary challenge as I basically had to take aspects from both franchises and sew them together into a new world of its own. I think I did that rather successfully tbh. The plot gave me trouble too but also gave me some of my best eureka moments haha. My partner was also wonderful and made the experience that much better. I know crossovers don’t tend to perform as well, so I was expecting that, though I do wish some more people had given it a chance since I wrote it specifically so that no prior knowledge was needed. But alas, I’m still incredibly proud of it. It’s also my second longest fic ever!

Filthy, 5657 words, posted Dec 9

And here it is, the gangbang fic I’ve always wanted to exist lmao. I had wanted to write this one for a long time, but I could never figure out how to end it, what circumstances would lead to the gangbang. Then a convo with friends gave me the idea and boom, I could finally write it. This fic is just straight up smut and I fucking love it lmao. There needs to be more Kylo gangbang fics tbh

What have I learned?

Last year wasn’t as successful for writing as I’d hoped, given that I wrote less in 2019 than I did in 2018. But also a lot of things happened to me last year. I got a new role at work. My dad had a heart attack (he’s okay though). I had a pretty rough time with my mental health. And then there was the lead up to TROS and the frankly unnecessary amount of stress that caused me. So there was a lot going on and working against me, which is a large part of why I didn’t manage to write as much as I’d hoped I would, and there’s a lot in my folder that I started but just wasn’t able to finish before the end of the year. I worried for a while I was losing interest, but looking back, no, it was definitely the IRL shit lmao. That said, I’m also extremely happy with all of the pieces I did finish, regardless of how well they did. I’m proud of them and I loved writing them, even when it was difficult

One of my goals from last year was to write more, which I didn’t manage, and to get better at answering comments, which I think I did well on for the most part up until post-TROS lmao. I also wanted to do the big bang again (and I was hoping for a reverse, which it was!) and I did. And I also wanted to have fun and keep my confidence with my writing, which I think I was the most successful at. I feel really good about everything I made and I really enjoyed writing them, even if I didn’t manage to finish everything

Goals for 2020?

I think part of the reason I didn’t finish this post in 2019 is because of my TROS breakdown and subsequent stresses associated with it. Because I wasn’t sure what I wanted or what I was going to do. Sometimes I wanted to give up and find a new fandom/ship, other times I was sure I was over it and going to just do whatever the fuck I wanted, and then there was every emotion in between

Now, though, I’m sure I’m going to keep writing here. I haven’t managed much this year yet, but I can feel it coming back to me. I have a post-TROS fic I managed to solve a major problem with the other day. I also have renben as a new ship to excite me. And I still have a lot of wips and BTHB and various others I desperately want to do. Right now, I feel good about my writing and my interest in it is back to normal, which is great. So this year? I’m not going to set a hard goal. I’d love to write more than last year and maybe I will, but it’s okay if I don’t. I’d love to do another big bang this year, but I’m not going to kick myself if I can’t handle it when that time comes. I’d love to finish BTHB, but if it stretches into another year, who cares? My only goal is to just keep writing and keep enjoying it. I want to have fun with it. I want to be happy with whatever pieces I do manage to put out. I want to set aside time to read more fics from others, if I can. And I think all of those will really help with my mental health, which is starting to recover right now, and that’s what’s most important of all

Also thank you all for your patience with me. I know I’ve not been responsive, here or on twitter or to comments, but I am trying my best. It’s been a rough go and I don’t like to whine too much in my fandom spaces. I don’t know when or even if I’ll get back to normal, but I’m trying, and that’s what matters. I love every one of you on here <3

#kylux #I started this back in december #but then shit happened and I just never had a chance to finish it #but I thought about it yesterday and was like fuck it this is happening #but anyway I do love everything I wrote this year #so I'm not going to be sad that there was less of it than I hoped #I'm proud of what I've accomplished #and I'm going to hold onto that and that's all I want from 2020 writing wise: to be happy with what I did #it's not about the volume #it's about my own personal happiness with it #but anyway #my fic #shut up nerd

[advernia]

the world in her heart, her heart in his hands

assorted sidenotes for the fic i made in response to an anon-sent aesthetic prompt! oooh boy, i sure took long on this one lmao...... _(:3 」∠)_

prompt #7: steady notes coming from a guitar nearby, fireflies dancing around the clearing, two sleeping bags close together, and a bright full moon briefly covered by a cloud.

so the core idea i had when i saw that prompt got requested was based on jonah’s say i do! route: he says that one day, he wanted to go to the land of reason + see the place alice was born and raised. tbh idk how the prompt even led me to that, but the imagery vibes i got from the prompt hinted of something like freedom. or something like lovers secretly meeting in the woods, which i sort of went by.

OKAY SO I SWEAR I FINISHED WRITING THE PROMPT (day zero!!!) EARLY (by my standards) LMAO.............. like, maybe a week after i got the ask or so? but then when i went about proofreading it i felt that it was... lacking??? i can’t explain it myself, but i didn’t wanna post it yet until i got that feeling cleared out - i tried revising + adding, but it didn’t help so i just started thinking about expanding the fic instead...

thinking about the scenes really took longer than i thought?!?!?! i wanted this request up early but i was stumped on what kind of scenes i wanted to see + how their lengths were gonna be.... plus i was thinking if i should go solely on narration + description........ or maybe more of dialogue...... then i jumped to holy shit what’s my timeline gonna be what cultural whatnot am i gonna emphasize and i think i fussed over those aspects rather than picturing the actual scenes LMAOOO.......................

great disclaimer: i have NEVER stepped into the uk..... or england + london for that matter ahahaha GET REKT tho i want to someday huehuehue....... i heavily relied my research on maps + history websites + train timetables to help me get through the touring parts so do forgive me if i messed up somewhere + butchered history haha..... i was thinking to make things vague, but since i’m always in for emphasizing the differences between cradle + land of reason, i decided to get a little technical with it......

i have to admit that i wrote most of the fic during breaks in work hELLA RAD........... i’m doing my job properly, i swear........ it’s just that when i already have a stable idea of what i want to happen, the scene becomes clearer in my mind. i wanted so! badly! to add scenes of jonah pronouncing words and looking at various things funny!!! jonah and his attempts to communicate with londoners!!! fussy jonah poking around a boutique, him being fascinated + studying displays of gun shops, or him accidentally offending the royal guard + constables LMAOOOOO but i couldn’t seem to write anything satisfactory involving those ideas........... ಥ_ಥ

back to the issue of timeline, i was picturing the london in this fic to be around the 1860s or smth.... but then i remembered that in edgar’s dramatic end letter, he mentions his fascination with electricity aka lightbulbs......... which were, like...... discovered early 1800s but only became common in 1882 ahahaha....... when i realized this i was already writing day 18 oOOPS so i just decided to go on and wing it I’M SORRY _(:3 」∠)_

on timeframe, i know that it’s very highly unlikely that jonah would take a vacation for two months. i bet the mere concept of a one-month vacation is enough to give him a heart attack LMAOOOO but let’s just say that red army told him to take his time in the land of reason, especially when they learn that jonah plans to formally meet alice’s parents. when he hears about this, lancelot tosses in the suggestion of proposing to alice while they’re in the land of reason, so that jonah can tell her parents about that too. jonah thinks it’s a fantastic idea..... so he decides to accept hot damn, a two month vacation!

whole route & lengths of stay (points streaked with red are mentioned within the fic minus nottingham whoops sorry):

london [16 days bc IT’S A BIG CITY LMAO (day 30 - 14). rides a morning train going to bristol on the 14th, arrives there midday.]

bristol [5 days (day 14 - 9). leaves bristol on the morning of the 9th to walk all the way to glastonbury, arrives there come late afternoon / evening.]

glastonbury [4 days (day 9 - 5). leaves midday of the 5th to walk their way to alice’s village, arrives there around sunset.]

alice’s village / ‘actual wonderland’ lmao [5 days (day 5 - 0). located somewhere in between bridgwater, taunton, and glastonbury. month 1 of vacation has ended.]

day log commentary!

thirty. arrival in the land of reason through falling - routes where alice does go back don’t feature her falling down london’s sky, so maybe she’s just... spit out from the hole????? idk haha so i altered it anyway!!!!! the landing scene was initially like this: jonah lands first, he catches alice in his arms, they banter a bit....... and then they suddenly remember the suitcase only for said object to fall right on jonah’s head LMAOOO....... it’s a cradle magical object that looks like a regular suitcase but will always be as light as a feather despite it’s contents + it has GREAT CAPACITY so jonah is actually okay!!!!!! i decided to scrap that scene concept though haha!

twenty-nine. does the hole to the land of reason only open around midnight or smth???? i’m sure it doesn’t, but i went with jonah + alice leaving cradle minutes before twelve o’clock, so when they arrive in london jonah gets to see the big ben signal midnight. is that planned on alice’s part? maybe. on another note, i’m assuming that a high-ranking officer + noble like jonah is definitely used to traveling to other countries so he’s definitely not one for homesickness, but i like the thought of him always feeling all sorts of uncomfortable on his first nights away from home - he doesn’t make a big deal about it bc he gets better three days in or so. idk, it just seems fitting for someone very particular like him.

twenty-seven. if luka’s hair is fucking dyed, my god (no wonder i found those light ends of his hair sorta funny), then here’s jonah excuse to adapt another hair color with the help of magic crystals LMAO - i always stick with a reality ensues standpoint, so his ikeman looks aside, i’m sure londoners would find jonah’s hair color (heck, maybe even his eye color) very unique. alice can’t deal with all that sudden attention lol but she somewhat proud that the man who has effortlessly captured the attention of the people of her world too is the man she proudly calls her lover ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

twenty-three. now that i think of it, what exactly does cradle mean when they say the land of reason? are they simply referring to the city of london, or earth as a whole??? most likely the latter, but i’m pretty sure no one except blanc (and possibly ray bc that globe in his room lol) know exactly how large the land of reason is. anyway, not gonna lie, i wanted jonah + alice talking about novels by maybe the likes of charles dickens, thomas hardy, george eliot or h.g. wells. heck, maybe jane austen and charlotte bronte too!!!! but i had to scrap that bc gaps in understanding cultural & historical references + use of language, figurative and non-figurative.... it’s a shame about the last two though - i’m sure jonah can somehow probably relate to the society depicted in their books since the red territory sounds like your typical breeding place of victorian era nobles lmao!!!!

eighteen. sometimes when people learn / gain a deeper understanding about new things, they have the urge to brag about said knowledge to others - of course jonah wants to show alice what he knows about her world so far haha! calling a train a mechanical beast tho lmao..... he refers to it that way, but i think it’s his target of fascination in london!!! noise and possibly environmental issues aside, it’s very convenient + efficient and can cater to all, but what he finds most impressive that it’s a man-made locomotive!!! that’s something worth incredible praise!!! ( ᐛ )و

fourteen. actual train ride!!! hmmm.... i think jonah only panics maybe a good thirty minutes in when the train starts moving??? alice tries to calm him down by pointing at the passing scenery out the window + idle chatter until jonah finally relaxes himself.... but then he starts to panic slightly again when alice suggests that they look around the train and he’s like: is that even remotely safe??? what about our baggages, can we leave them unattended??? hey, i saw you snicker - how dare you laugh at me!!!

nine. according to google, an estimate of a walk starting from bristol going to glastonbury is 8h 25min. that’s for the present time though - would’ve it been shorter or longer in the past??? idk, but definitely one’s pace during the walk affects the total time, lol. since railroads only started out around 1830s + i made alice a village girl, walking really is her way to go. pedestrianism was still a thing around the 19th century!!! her stamina in other routes tho lol (ﾟ⊿ﾟ)

six. here’s my self-indulgent thing of wanting to add a dance scene, pt. 1 LMAOOOO -   the steps in the scene aren’t really from a certain folk dance in england, much less from glastonbury itself... i did look up on england folk dances, but i couldn’t pick one that i wanted to incorporate into the scene so i went with describing some random steps on the top of my head _(:3 」∠)_ ..... maybe someday, i’ll write a proper one..... on another note though, i suppose jonah can adapt quickly to folk dances, but he may come off a bit stiff at first in line / column dances where there’s the switch of partners??? i mean, there are formal 19th century dances that have that same concept, but.... the finesse + personal boundaries are all there lmao -  he’s not against the casual intimacy + show of obvious joy in folk + common dances though, it’s just more of that he’s not used to the informality of it all, i think.

five. plot twist: alice does lead jonah to her home, the cottage on a hill like she always described, but what he doesn’t expect is when she solemnly says that she’d introduce him to her parents she leads him to the back of the hill and in the foot of the hill he finds himself staring at her parents’ gravestones as she’s smiling sadly with a bouquet of flowers in her hand OH WAIT WRONG GENRE WASN’T THIS SUPPOSED TO BE FLUFF LMAO - kidding aside, i do hope cybird catches onto the idea of a story event of chosen suitor going to the land of reason with alice to meet her parents or smth!!! they did do a travel event in the jp ver, after all.... but i’m not keeping my hopes up haha....... _(:3 」∠)_

zero. self-indulgent thing of wanting to add a dance scene, pt. 2 - tho it’s in the latter part along with the prompt lmao!!! hmmm, i’m pretty satisfied with how this one turned out tho i had a little problem arranging the first half - the rest i relatively left untouched even after i added the rest of the days to the fic. hopefully, does well as a nice end to the fic itself..... tbh, the thought of summer dress alice + casual shirt & pants jonah both barefoot & running around like children in moonlit woods (don’t do this in real life folks) made me smile a lot. give me more soft-and-not-so-tooth-rotting-fluff scenes, cybird

also!!! since the prompt involved a guitar, i had a certain track on repeat lmao - you can listen to it here, and it’s the second to the last track titled umibe ni yurete (swaying in the beach)! (ノ^∇^)

and that’s all that i’ve got today!!! thank you very much for reading + hope you’re staying safe & well wherever you are!!!!（｡≧◇≦）ﾉ

#rundown.txt #u know what else took me so long to decide on this fic #a title + summary LMAOOOO #i wanted the title to be something related to the prompt but.... so much for that orz #i usually have no problems making them up but #why was this a struGGLE LOLOL