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dangopango00 · 4 months

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COLLEGE BAND AU HEADCANONS

Legato x gn reader

It was pretty rude of me to just randomly put an au fic without explanation so heres the explanation bye still self indulgent; always will be i fear

more utc

- OK FIRST ABOUT HIM. He works for knives still but in this au his job is to cause vash suffering by 😭😭… outselling him??? Ridonkulous ik but go with it

- Knives wants him to outsell vash so vash realizes that art and human creativity is obsolete and instead help him run his tech/AI company that also focuses on helping global warming (humans suck they should die. robots go!)

- Hes apart of a band to rival Vash’s and ofc its the Gung Ho Guns; he hired them to play for him

- Tbh i think their genre isnt set in stone bc theyre purely doing this to outsell vash so I think theyd keep the core of it rock or indie but it has a lot of shifting gears, doing wtv gets the most traction

- Legato is the bassist but he knows keyboard if their keyboardist is absent

- I think legato writes most of the songs himself (to impress knives ofc this is still HIS mission afterall) and gets a lil sad and defensive if it flops LMFAO even if its just his first album; considering how Knives talked down on music Legato thought it’d be somewhat easy

- It DEFINITELY took him a while to write things that had some semblance of humanity in it tbh he had to have either another less emotionally stunted member write it or a ghost writer but he did still practice writing in his spare time since he had nothing better to do

- NOW ABOUT YALL. Ur roommates in a college dorm; if it were up to him he’d have an apartment but knives wanted him to keep an eye on vash and vash lives on campus

- He only has like one or two official rules as roommates but if ur pissing him off with sth thats not on the list he WILL let u lnow LOL

- The only rules established off rip are:

1. MYOB

2. Do not touch him (no tolerance rule if u touch him without permission he WILL be out of there asap even if its a lot of trouble and will probably even idk push u or sth ignore u forever, hope and pray on ur downfall idk its hard to translate his violent tendencies to modern society without getting him arrested ok)

- You often eat together when he isnt busy tbh usually in silence but its ok its comfortable silence (to him at least)

- Ok im gonna try to say this in the least creepy way possible but like. He likes to observe you for inspiration HEAR ME OUT. Just seeing u go about ur day and since hes always in first person POV seeing someone else just… live gives him immense inspiration on what to write

- He also gets inspo from other artists and heres where u come in hehe. You are a solo artist who doesn’t show your face and your speaking voice is pretty much completely different from ur singing voice (Not like insanely different but if you heard the two separately you wouldnt really connect the dots unless ur one of those people who connect voices easily + depending on ur genre u could be using a completely different tone of voice than usual)

- Your genre is a little similar to Legato’s in the fact that although you keep your core component (Love theme IMO but hey i dont make the rules yes i doo) you change around the other moving parts such as the instruments or wtv so he listens to your music often though he never really thought it would be you; just never really thought about the possibility

- Im not gonna say hes like obsessed with your artist persona or anything but he does (as much as he would rather khs than admit it since according to Knives music is the bane of this world) greatly enjoy your music and often finds himself getting your songs stuck in his head

- Hes def a gatekeeper i mean this is the guy who can name every song in ur discography (Not saying much though since you dont post too often)

- ANYWAY u have no idea this is going on since hes prone to just listening to music in his headphones rather than showing you or blasting it for the world to hear so ur relationship is developing as normal roommates

- You often get him stuff from the college snack shack and in return he often gives u whatever he doesnt want from the dining hall (that sounds crappy but its usually good stuff like ur fave fruit or cheese and crackers or sth)

- After u become a bit closer going on trips together becomes common not like vacation but like a little drive to a department store or him taking you with him to practice/performances

- SPEAKING OF PRACTICE U work part time at a coffee shop and it has a practice room which is where he usually brings his band it sounds random but I’ve encountered a coffee place like this before ok

- Killing two birds with one stone, he gets to see you on his way in and out and he gets a quiet place to practice + Vash often brings his band here too so ig killing two birds and one afterthought with one stone

- Other GHGs (NOT greenhouse gasses. Gung ho guns) think that ur another one of his groupies probably 💀 he def has tons i fear

- He def writes songs about you or rather than about you, references how u make him feel but he is in denial and thinks feelings are embarrassing so hes just like no they just gave me inspiration

- Its ok though the only one he has to justify himself to is himself bc hes like. The only one who knows its about u since his songs are never rlly about romance and in the rare cases that they are its very subtle

- When, if ever, he feels ready for touch he frames it like hes doing u a favor lmao “I will allow you to (blank)” he is tbh

Random Misc:

- Hes majoring in Ecology or Conservation Biology prob minoring in sth like computer science (his entire life surrounds Knives what did u expect)

- Sleeps in his daytime clothes and ur always like ???? Esp bc he wears jeans often… U two went to the department store one time and u convinced him to let u buy him pajamas so he could wash the day clothes overnight

- Hes a big ass fan of vinyls and cds and just physical ways of owning things like music or games but wont admit to himself he likes it its just for the aesthetic ok even though he has a record and cd player

- Wants to cut ur hair and feels like its one of the most intimate things u could do without having to touch too much (forever subscribed to knives cut his hair hc)

- If u have a lot of accessories and generally just a lot of stuff he gets annoyed if it isnt properly organized and will organize it for u wnv hes having writers block

- If ur an artist he has u make his merch designs n stuff 😍😍 he pays very generously he rlly dgaf abt money tbh + Knives sponsoring him

A/N: irrelevant but idk whether to imagine him as tristamp or trigun design like both are so good but Ok im done yapping ty

#legato x you #legato bluesummers x reader #legato x reader #legato trigun #trigun band au #trigun modern au #trigun college au #trigun stampede #trigun #legato bluesummers #ridiculous men x reader lol #sobbing (literal)#legato and i should kiss #deranged men #yapping

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yayninjabob · 4 years

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Author Commentary

Ramblings from Yay Ninja Bob about her monstrous creation~

Besides working on my fic, I personally try to journal every day, and I realized that a lot of my journaling has become me pretty much rambling about the process of writing this damn fic lol. So I thought I'd share some of that for those who may want to know more behind my chapters from my author's perspective.

It's certainly not everything I can say, but it is a lot haha..

Chapter 1 - Thirteen

Behind the title:

Well, when I first began writing VillainR, I hadn't planned on having chapter titles at all. Mainly because coming up with chapter titles (or titles for stories in general) has always been something I struggle with personally. Anywho after I decided I wanted to challenge myself with chapter titles, I went back and named chapter 1 "Thirteen." Why? Well, it is the PpG's thirteenth birthday, of course there is that. VillainR as a whole is many things, but one major thing is it is a coming of age story for Buttercup/Joey/Jojo, as well as a story of self-discovery. There's a few important ages I wanted to cover and 13 is around the age where many kids start to "develop" and being a super-powered kid, Buttercup finally begins to develop her own "special power" at this age. I wanted this "growing pain" to be the catalyst for the events of Part One. So, I gave the chapter the title of "Thirteen" to try to highlight the significance of that age for Buttercup. The self-discovery made at this age is that special power (although they are unaware of it at this point). It's considered an unlucky number, and as it turns out, it is an unlucky year for our main character.

During the writing process:

First draft was written on Halloween night 2019 and pretty much all of it was completely scrapped haha.

I started writing it in first person, like the original Villain, in Buttercup's POV. I kept the events but approached it again in third person and liked it so much better that way. One major thing I wanted to improve on with the rewrite was character development which is pretty hard to achieve when writing in a limited POV of a character who eventually loses sight of much around them. I debated briefly on maybe doing alternating POVs between Blossom, Bubbles and Buttercup, but then I felt like it would still exclude a lot for other major characters like Mojo and Princess. I could add them too but I thought alternating too many POVs would be overwhelmingly difficult (for me as the author for sure but I imagine for the reader too) Third person seemed to be the best way to handle everything and really my only challenge with that was tweaking the whole "unreliable narrator" trope which I will be honest is my favorite trope ever. It is a challenge to try to recreate the same effect in third person, but I decided that a close third person was the best way to 1) tell a broader story and 2) still set limits on the reader's perspective, and control when and how I drop information and attempt to recreate a similar experience in an entirely new way I've never tried before heh. (I guess I will spend more time on this on my notes for Chapter 6)

Second draft I scribbled out in another few days with this new approach. It began at the start of the carnival and ended where it ends. Simultaneously I was reworking my overall outline for the fic and began to narrow down all the characters I wanted to be my key players for this epic. Once my outline was expanded to include everyone, I added the scene with Mojo and Him. For me, that's when I was like "Ayyy it's all coming together 👍👍" haha.

Another thing I wanted to improve on was setting and world-building. So final draft I decided to include some "history" behind Townsville and that's when I worked out the final draft.

This chapter definitely had the most trial and error during the writing process than any other chapter other than 5 so far.

Inspirations:

Townsville world-building/history - much of it is inspired by the city I grew up in (for the most part) which is Los Angeles. I mean it has all the sort of settings we've seen in the show which are all pretty diverse right? Townville had to have a diverse cityscape ranging from a busy downtown setting to quite suburbs to upperclass mansions, beaches, an island, forests, etc. Well I knew LA had all that and so I tried to re-imagine Townsville as basically an alternate universe LA lol. Monster Isle, I based on research I did on Catalina Island. I imagined the Utonium household was in a middle class neighborhood like Pasadena- close to the heart of LA but still a relatively "calmer" part of the city. Morbucks Manor would be in the Hills like Beverly Hills. Downtown was the heart of the city like Downtown LA. I debated briefly whether or not to have the Gangreen Gang be from an area modeled after South Central or East LA, but eventually I went with East LA because TBH I am just more familiar with it since that's where my mom's side is from and where I grew up early on in life. PLUS East LA actually has a pretty big punk scene so that fit the story too with Ace being in a punk band and all that.

1998 PpG Show References:

"Oh my gosh they have giant Bunny-Bunny's at the prize tent!"

(Super Zeroes)

Pop Culture References:

(OK most of my pop culture refs are just punk references lets be honest lol. Why Punk?? - because it is rebellion and rebellion is the heart of this fic)

The Clash - OK in original Villain I established that this was Buttercup's favorite band so I HAD to have that back for the redux. Here's all the refs I crammed into chapter 1 lol:

"Oh, Man! It's so hard to choose, like, I love literally everything by them. But I gotta say it's a tie probably between their first album and London Calling."

"Hell yeah. Jimmy Jazz is my jam."

youtube

"You know, my band does a cover of White Riot," Ace continued to talk music with the teenager as he lit his cigarette and took a deep drag. He held the smoke in his lungs as he continued, "Only we call our version Green Riot."

youtube

Blondie:

The one artist Buttercup had introduced Robin to that she instantly obsessed over was Blondie.

(Some) Symbolism:

- Blossom is 5'9" and Buttercup is 5'8" - Buttercup is always falling one step behind Blossom.

- Bumper Car scene - has some foreshadowing and well...

Blossom sat behind the wheel of a red bumper car at the opposite end of the metal floored rink. Buttercup crossed her arms in protest, "No way. I'm driving." she demanded.

Blossom also crossed her arms from where she sat behind the metal wheel. "So you can just rampage and crash into everybody here? No way." She fastened her seat belt with a quick snap and placed her hands firmly on the steering wheel again.

"Ugh. That's the whole point of bumper cars! It's to bump the other cars! You're supposed to try and bump everyone before the times up!"

"You always take it too far, Buttercup. I'm driving, so get in." The redhead grasped the steering wheel in her hands firmly, and refused to move.

And...

"You drive like an old lady," Buttercup shook her head in disbelief as her sister managed to avoid yet another collision.

"Well, that's your opinion," she shrugged off the insult, "Personally, I think it takes just as much skill to avoid every single car in here, as it does to hit every single car," she smiled at her sister.

And finally a brief allusion to the OG Villain lol...

"Blossom!" Buttercup shouted louder so she could get her sister's attention. She pointed at the fast approaching purple car that zoomed towards them from their right side. Behind the wheel of that car was Bubbles who wore a rather determined look on her face as Robin cheered for her.

Blossom saw, but by then it was too late. Bubbles and Robin's car slammed into Buttercup and Blossom's car at full force, spinning Buttercup and Blossom's car into the wall of the arena. The loud buzz which signified the end of the ride then sounded.

- the roller coaster is Buttercup's ideal carnival attraction; it's got the thrills, twists, turns, ups and downs. And makes Bubbles sick.

- the Ferris Wheel is Blossom's ideal carnival attraction; it's a staple of any fair, grand and big, overlooks everything, and traditionally romantic

YNB's favorite scene:

Personally, I loved writing the whole exchange between Buttercup and Blossom in the car. Establishing their rivalry, Buttercup's jealousy over Blossom's special power and heroism, Blossom's projection of her own insecurities, their differences, and their commonality.

Final thoughts on the chapter:

I was pretty satisfied with how it turned out but I did wait to post it until I had a decent headstart on chapter 2. I was pretty nervous about whether or not I could stay personally committed to writing this fic so I just wanted to make sure I was really feeling it first, lol. It had been so long since I'd written fanfic so I just needed to be sure.

When I outlined everything I estimated the chapter length to be around 6-7k words... And I was surprised that it was double that at about 12k. Which was wild because on my outline each opening chapter for Part 1, 2 and 3 were supposed to be shorter and more like preludes to everything else. Well, I guess they ARE shorter chapters but STILL definitely longer than any chapter I used to write for my multichaptered stories. At the time I thought "Ok obviously my writing has changed but surely I wont go much longer than 12k for future chapters...." Hurr hurr.

Personally, I was pretty proud of myself for spending so much time on it and rewriting it over and over and all that. In the past, TBH whatever was my first draft was pretty much also my last draft haha. I cranked out a chapter in one sitting usually and edited it mayyyybeee lol. I just wanted to get it posted so I could move on and get to that next point in the story. But I suppose now that I'm older and a bit more self aware, I realize a lot of my own anxieties manifest a lot in my writing though and I can recognize it in my old works like the OG Villain where I JUST WANNA GET TO WHAT I WANT TO WRITE RIGHT NOW OK?? I forced myself to slow the hell down this time, take it one scene at a time, and when things felt off I took breaks, slept on it for a few days and came back with new approaches or ideas. And so far that's how I continue to work on it.

Also, CHVRCHES. I listened to a ton of that band while working on this chapter especially.

#villainr #ppg fanfic #yayninjabob #behindthescenes #writing process #chapter 1 #let me know if you guys like this kinda stuff and I'll continue for the other chapters #commentary #author stuff

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thyandrawrites · 4 years

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HI THY!!! >:3c >:3c >:3c FOR THE FANFIC ASK MEME: 1, 3, 12, 13, 14, 19, & 25!! 💜💕❤️

Hey :’D Fancy seeing you here pfffff

1. favorite fic you wrote this year

My baby. My unruly child. The fic I spent countless nights losing sleep over (either because I was writing, plotting, or stressing about it XD). Butterfly Effect. Writing this fic is both a joy and an agony, but it has been so rewarding so far. The fact that it was such a challenging first longfic project made me improve on a lot of fronts, and tbh the fact that I managed to make a name for myself amongst certain cool dbhwks writers I admire thanks to it continues to blow my mind every day

3. Favorite line/scene you wrote this year

mmh there are a lot of scenes from BE I could list here since BE is basically one of my most self-indulgent projects XD But the one I anticipated the most, and had a blast writing, was hands down the Dabi - Hawks - Endeavor confrontation in chapter 7. I live for big, dramatic scenes full of emotional conflict.

It was tough to put it down on paper, I’ll admit, but definitely worth the challenge in the end.

Also, if you allow me to be salty on main for a second, it was sooooo satisfying to write a big “fuck you” moment to e slur, lmao

12. favorite character to write about this year

Dabi is definitely my fave to write and also the one whose pov comes muuuuch easier to me, but somehow I always end up narrating fics from Hawks’ pov instead. So I’m gonna answer Hawks because despite how much fun I have with Dabi’s lines and with his thick little head, writing Hawks has been a process of learning what makes him tick. I basically relearned his character while writing him, while exploring his thoughts and letting him act and dictate the direction of the plot. He’s still a challenge to me sometimes, but that’s okay because I love him so much

13. favorite writing song/artist/album of this year

this is a tough question for me because I don’t really put on music while I’m writing. I find it distracting. I usually just put on rainymood full volume to drown out all the sounds and concentrate on the words, because that helps me get into the zone. But I definitely have dozens of dabi/hawks/todofam and dabihawks songs that have inspired me to write. Some of them were used as soundtrack for BE. A lot more were left out. If I were to do a selection of my top 5 favourites... mmmmhh I def listened to all of these before writing certain chapters to get in the right mood:

Twenty one pilots - trapdoor

Bring me the horizon - in the dark

Set it off - wolf in sheep’s clothing

Radical face - let the river in

Amanda Palmer & The Grand Theft Orchestra - Trout Heart Replica

14. a fic you didn’t expect to write

answered here!

19. any new fics to start next year

I get new ideas every day as you might’ve noticed by now, but they rarely stick XD Maybe I’ll write that unwind AU I joked about a couple of days ago... Or maybe that funeral fic inspired by Enn’s song rec? Who knows, certainly not me lmao

There’s another project I would love to get my hands on. It will likely end up being another multichaptered fic tho, so I’ve been holding it off till now in fear of it overtaking everything else. Basically I wanna write an AU in which Touya did leave the family, but only in order to get his life together, be indipendent and financially stable enough to eventually come back and successfully snatch Shouto’s custody from their dad. The fic would then detail the process of two estranged siblings relearning each other, and learning how to trust each other. Dbhwks is an established relationship in this fic

But knowing me it’d end up in another character study and I don’t have time for those XD Gosh I swore I would write something easy and lighthearted after finishing BE, damn it

Maybe I’ll finally write a fake dating AU instead since I’ve wanted to write one since I subscribed to ao3 in 2015 rip

25. a fic you read this year you would recommend everyone read

Just one? Nah, let’s say I’m allowed to rec at least 5. One is not enough ;; So, in no particular order:

Lines Crossed by DrAphra

Lol excuse me if yours is the first to come to mind but I’m still SHOOK at that MAGNIFICENT Dabi vs E slur fight. Amongst other things. And before you say anything, I would’ve recc’ed it to everyone even if you hadn’t been the person to send the ask XD I was already planning on doing a ff spolight section on my blog and me being too writer blocked to gift you a fic on your b-day was entirely the reason behind it, so XD

i will love you without any strings attached by vitane

this!! fic!! hits!! all!! my!! favourite!! tropes!! at once!!!!! Yes starting from fake dating because I’m predictable like that XD

Face to Face by ohmytheon

todofam reunion fics always make me sob like a baby and this one hit me on all the right spots

Sometimes We Fall in the Dark by timetoboldlygo

I know you dislike krbk so don’t bother clicking this one XD Damn, this fic made me feel things. And it’s basically one of the best characterizations of Kirishima I’ve read in a looong while.

Build Me a Funeral Pyre by Vhaenya

vhae is one of the authors I discovered thanks to ctabb, and thank god for discord because I was truly missing out. They made me cry since. chapter. fucking. one.

Bonuses:

decision height by blueskiddoo, Dragon Head, Snake Tail by Lycaonpictus7 & Starlight by glitteringeva are basically fandom classics by now, but those authors right there are two of my major inspirations so I gotta list them. All those fics hit one of my major weaknesses: well done character studies. Amongst my major inspirations should also sit Juurensha’s you’re not the wind beneath my wings (but you are the fire that keeps me warm). it wasn’t published in 2019 but I’m gonna list it anyway, tho it’s another fandom classic that everyone and their mom now (should) know and with good reason, man

#ali replies #ask meme #look at me word-vomiting #uuh why is this reply so long #sorry #draphrawrites

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doorsclosingslowly · 7 years

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Literally ALL OF THEM for Riches and Wonders.

THX!!!!!!!! I’m going to do this in chunks. it got kinda long, sorry!

1: Whatinspired you to write the fic this way?

Riches and Wonders is reallya Savage character study in the end. When I started writing Runaways, back whenit was a one-shot, the point was more that I wanted to figure out a way inwhich Maul was going to survive, and didn’t he have that brother with theedgelord name? TCW still isn’t my favourite interpretation of Maul even if it’s funny, but Ilove Savage so much I can’t really diss it anymore

Writing it from Savage’s POVwas because I liked that framing better, and then the story became about hisjourney because I decided writing about near-misses and calling it “Thank Youbut Your Princess is in Another Castle” was funny. So while it was empatheticto Savage’s perspective and I was starting to figure out his narrative voice,it wasn’t really as deeply in his head as it could have been. (Which does work.“There were no words for a long time.It’s good that there weren’t.” Savage in Princess is incredibly depressedand Talzin’s mind-controlled tool, and he becomes more lively after he gets tointeract with someone who thinks of him as a person again.)

(Side note: The way I figure the mind control works btw is that it’sbasically a strong compulsion to obey, not a reshaping of his mind or anything,and he acts the way he does because he’s terrified, depressive, hurt, andthrown into a completely new world so he’s also pretty confused, and when he’snot completely numb, he’s keeping himself together by the skin of his teeth andthe ways he’s learned how to cope as a nightbrother. Which ends up reinforcingthe obedience. And makes him hide his emotions apart from the ones people wantfrom him (rage) because he must be Strong. The goals aren’t his own, but it’shis mind trying to fulfil them: he’s trying to do what Talzin orders withoutreally knowing why but that’s mostly what he’d have done anyway so he doesn’teven think it’s weird. The compulsion can be triggered by the Sisters or brokenlike in canon or when he thinks, I just CAN’T letMaul die like Feral in Princess. I amsoft and the idea that Talzin’s ritual destroyed the person he was is way toosad for me to write tbh. And also makes characterization really really hard)

That more shallowunderstanding I used to have in Princess obviously doesn’t cut it, if I’mwriting an eight-part series about them. So from Curses onwards I thought a lotabout what each of the brothers is getting out of this relationship, the waythey affect each other, and the way it’s both a train wreck and mutuallysupportive. (Your Love Alone is pretty much the condensed version of thatthought process.)

I did a lot of research, especially about maladaptivecoping responses to abuse (focusing on compliance and avoidance w/r/t Savage,because he’s so… quiet before the rage explodes) and it fit with thecharacterization I had in Princess and with TCW. (They’re incredibly maladaptivenow that he’s run away, but self-soothing and advance compliance andpsychological withdrawal are what might have kept him alive as a nightbrother.)

Also I watched his episodes a lot and got upset a lot.Apart from Monster the show’s POV isn’t that sympathetic but trying tounderstand what he’s thinking in every scene… oh boy.

A big part of the characterization ended up justgrowing from lines I put into Princess because I thought they were fun orsounded right. So, “He imaginessurprising Her, conjures up Her proud face when he reports that he has foundMaul, and then discards the thought. It’s never been him She was interested in.Once She sees Maul, She will never look at him again. He thinks he should feelwistful. He is relieved.” becomes this idea that Savage is usually veryaware of how he’s supposed to be reacting, of who he is supposed to be, but he often doesn’t measure up. Everysituation contains the emotions he shouldfeel, and the ones he does feel. Atthe same time, his reactions are pretty reasonable and the expectations he’sinternalized are just… not.

Also, the daydreaming which Savage does in Princess (“He entertains himself with guessing thebusiness his brother does” etc) has increased exponentially. Partly it’sbecause Savage actually knows Maul now, so he can be reminded of his brother byrandom stuff. Partly it’s because I’m really into “This made me think of you”as a bit of show-don’t-tell affection. Partly it’s because Maul is his wholeworld now. Partly it’s that Savage would totally stick Maul’s report cards tothe fridge if he had the chance, or pass around his album of Feral baby photosto everyone who doesn’t run away fast enough. He would talk to a random woman in a bar about how cool he thinks Maulis.

Ultimately, I think it’s pretty fortunate that I gotso derailed into focusing on Savage. The inciting What If of Runaways is “Whatif Talzin wanted Maul back 15 years earlier” obviously but the actualcounterfactual I’m writing is more like, “What if Savage was much moresuccessful in the tug-of-war of defining their relationship?” Which isconnected to the fact that they’re in a very different place to canon when theymeet, and that they have the luxury of spending (mostly) unobserved years assmall-time criminals and not as parties in the Clone Wars.

From Princess on but also in the parts I haven’twritten yet, Savage’s decisions drive a massive part of their story. He decidesto run away with Maul, after all.

Which is funny, because he doesn’t think of himself asa person with agency, and obviously most people he interacts with think of himas a tool (Talzin) or a monster or an apprentice who should do what Maul saysbecause they are Sith and that’s how life works. They really don’t think of himas making choices either. There’s a lot of ‘minor’ decisions where he goesalong with little or no protest until suddenly there’s something he can’t bearanymore, and then he just acts. Thereis no leadup because it’s been simmering under the surface, just as feelingsand never vocalized. Like in the show, haha. Mostly silent obedience obedience obedience CHOKE DOOKU & VENTRESS!!!It makes him look like an irrational person from the outside (or a “mindlessbeast” blah blah blah, hate that), but I don’t think that’s it. To deliberatehis decision would have required him to be a more verbal thinker, but mostly: toactually believe he has a choice.

And Savage can’tbelieve that he has any agency anymore. If he is capable of disobeying orders– well, why didn’t he disobey the order to kill Feral? Being a tool sucks, buthis destiny has always been controlled by the Nightsisters anyway. Not being atool – having the power to stop Feral’s death, and killing him regardless…

(This is an absolutetangent but anyway. So I read this Savage/Asajj fic that was enthusiasticdubcon aka ‘they both know he isn’t allowed to disobey her and therefore he can’tactually consent to sex but he’s really into it and after he’s brought to theSisters and before the ritual, he initiates the encounter and it’s his POV which is the only way dubcon can work’, and it was prettyinteresting especially with the woman-centered framing of sex (engulfingetc) but anyway, I had the most horrifying thought right now: Asajj is stillgoing to use Savage’s body to kill his brother. This is probably the mostpsychologically wrecking version of what happens in Monster ever. In theRunaways ‘verse version of what happens, the story Savage tells himself isthis: He has no capability of disobeying at all anymore, so ultimately he isjust the tool that killed Feral. Still traumatizing, but… What do you tell yourselfwhen you ‘willingly’ sleep with the person who ordered you to kill yourbrother? Can you still make yourself believe you didn’t make the choice to kill him? Like it obviously doesn’t makehim any more culpable at all but it would feel So Bad.)

Wow sorry, this is really rambly and way too long. Tosummarize… What inspired me to write this fic this way was that I’m writing apretty long story about how Maul and Savage very slowly help each other, oftenin ways that seem strange or even slightly unhealthy on the surface or involve murder.My mental picture of Maul was much clearer, and that would have been doingSavage a massive disservice. So I watched Clone Wars a lot. And cried.

2: Whatscene did you first put down?

The rape scene, or, well,the ‘Thinking about Maul’s eating habits to mentally cope with being rapedbecause Savage thinks this is something he has to endure and not something heshould and could escape’ scene. I still think it fits with what I’m going for really well tbh, andboth the ‘externally controlled body’ part (less of a magical metaphor here) andthe ‘ignoring his agency’ part and the nightbrothers as essentially breedingslaves part are such major aspects of Savage’s backstory, or I wouldn’t havewritten this scene. When I said that the fic was way out of my comfort zone, Idefinitely meant it. But Savage’s issues with agency are a major part of him, and I thought the take worked and it’s probably why I wasso stubborn in trying to finish Riches even though six months is a fucking longtime.

3: What’syour favorite line of narration?

There is a tongue inSavage’s mouth again, lightly tracing the back seams of his teeth and thensquirming against Savage’s tongue, like the bitten-off tail end of a massiveearthworm, only much less delightful—andMaul doesn’t like rancor flavored with kur-seeds and peppers. He made themost entertaining face on tasting that dish for the first time, and when hestumbled on his unsteady new leg to the fresher to spit it out, Savage onlystarted to feel bad for laughing when he didn’t come out for half an hour. Hewas too entertained to even think about his failure then, even though he cookedit, the meal he’s come to think of as the most comforting comfort food, in thedoomed hope that it would help Maul feel better and stronger after his injury.

It feels wrong to mock him,now that he’s had a while to think it over. Maul’s soft palate is the fault ofthe human who raised him. Besides, Savage should be grateful: There issomething soft left in his brother. Every time Maul hates the meals that Savagelovingly prepares for him, he should be glowing with pride and relief, becausethere is something Maul doesn’t like, and he’s learned to tell Savage about it.

Savage doesn’t know what itwas that he did, but that doesn’t make it any less his greatest triumph: Thefirst day that Maul looked at him, still tied up and after a month of stoicallyforcing down whatever Savage held up to his mouth, and spat the spicedchew-fish back in his face.

“This tastes like shit,”Maul said, then.

It’s one of Savage’shappiest memories, and it’s not like Maul is really wrong about the taste of rancor, anyway.

Savage thinks about theimportance of Maul being able to say “No.” in a moment where he himself (believesthat he) has no choice. The fact that Maul feels comfortable enough to refusethings is something he sees as a major breakthrough in their relationship,because it means that Maul is beginning to trust that Savage isn’t going toreact like Sidious. Savage doesn’t consciously connect it to his own situation.He doesn’t really think about the difference between the things he wants forMaul (and Feral) and what he has accepted for himself.

Also, he’s redefiningsomething that looks like a dick move (Maul insulting Savage’s cooking skills) intoa show of trust and a sign of affection, which I always like.

(Maul won’t try roe today, after all. They’ll slit a few fish bellies,but Savage’s picked the wrong season, and none of them carry young. He will trya piece of raw fish in the end—after much cajoling, which Savage will figurehe’s entitled to, after Maul left the shallow waters with his heavy prostheticand pretended to drown, and then pulled his frantic brother under. Twice.Predictably, Maul will declare that raw fish is disgusting.

He’ll still be complaining about the aftertaste when farmer M’lee makesthe incredibly unwise and terminal decision to check on his fish in theevening.)

(M’lee’s daughter will inherit the roe farm. It will lie empty, andsuccumb to rot. She’ll never set another foot on Talasea, not after thathorrifying morning when she comes back from a friend’s wedding to find herfather missing and then dismembered and burned in the peaceful grass.

She’ll die on Coruscant ten years later, destitute and still trying tobring justice.)

Also this one, because I just think it really works the way I wanted it to? It punctures the cocoon of Savage’s POVwhere only Maul really matters. I don’t get to be compassionate to anybody else usually because of Runaways’ tight perspective but I think it’s important to remember the victims

4: What’syour favorite line of dialogue?

This is really hard. It’sprobably this part

Instead of meditating,though, Maul stands up again. He looks at Savage for a long second, paces,picks up the blanket from Savage’s bed, and then he sits down in the corner ofhis floor-nest. He pushes the mismatched pillow-wall on the other side further awaywith a few kicks. Then he orders, “Come here.”

Savage does.

“Sit down,” Maul says.

Savage does, carefully,stepping over the pillow-wall. When he sits, the floor is cool through Maul’sblankets, and hard as well. He scowls. He’s been telling Maul that it can’t becomfortable for a while now, but he’s always been informed that it’s adequate.For lack of actual knowledge—maybe the thick fabric he’d forced on Maul wasenough, even if it didn’t seem like it—he believed him. Now, though…

“This isn’t good for yourback. You need a proper bed.”

“A mattress is superfluous,”Maul says.

“You refused to have ablanket for two months,” Savage reminds him. “And now look at your nest…” Heruns his hand over the wall of pillows to his left, still standing sturdydespite Maul’s show of carelessness in pushing it aside. “See? You can change.”

You can grow to like beds, Savage almostsays, but the words bite into his throat and refuse to come out.

He pats the floor blanketagain, instead.

“You’re deflecting,” Maulsays, mercilessly. “I felt your terror. What happened?”

The start of their BigConversation, where they’re basically talking about nothing at all, even thoughboth Maul and Savage obviously know what just happened. I like things that are very lowkey.

Savage’s instinct is to beMaul’s big brother and his caretaker, even when he’s really out of it. Focusingon Maul (what they are going to do when they meet, making sure they meet,whatever Maul looks like he needs now) is also one of his more effective copingmechanisms, and he’s been doing it the whole time really. He has chased Maulthrough all of Princess, he’s been doing whatever Maul wants during Curses. Unmasked doesn’t really count because it was originally part of Riches It’salso what he’s doing in the flashback at the beginning of Riches, feeding Feralso he doesn’t have to be so afraid of the Sisters coming. He has never reallythought about what is being done to him. Well, Maul isn’t letting him run awayanymore.

It also kinda punctures someof Savage’s ‘I am the big brother and know what your life should have been like’airs. Savage’s been trying to coax Maul into accepting his own vision of whatlife should be like, including making him eat what Savage thinks he should eatand sleeping the way Savage thinks he should sleep, instead of the way Maul’sused to live. Fair play, the way Maul was raised was terrible. But Savage’s lifewasn’t great either, and now, Maul being raised a nightbrother doesn’t lookthat attractive anymore.

(Also it says something about Savage’s decision-makingprocess I think. There’s a kind of reversal of the model thought process, the ‘rational’ ideal… The most consequential decisionbased on his feeling that Maul deserves better than a nightbrother slave’slife, Savage takes right in the beginning. Not bringing him back to Talzin. Twoyears later, Savage is still struggling with that idea though, see also: “Savage cannot think back far enough toreach a world empty of this truth, but he remembers too that Maul wasn’t raiseda nightbrother (for the blink of a second and for the first time, it feels likea mercy), and so the words will have to stumble out.” because he’s neververbalized his reasons for not bringing Maul to Dathomir or integrated theminto his worldview. They aren’t thoughts he knows how to think, but thatdoesn’t mean they don’t influence his actions.)

I also like the space pigeondialogue a lot haha If I didn’t I’d have cut it, because it’s probably definitelyToo Obvious

5: Whatpart was hardest to write?

Going by what I left off until the end, it’s the barscene from the point when Keeu shows up. Because a) I don’t recognise flirtingin real life, so how am I going to write it and b) I knew that if it didn’tmake sense, the whole ending of the fic wouldn’t make sense.

That’s not the bit I re-wrote about a million times,though. That’s Maul and Savage’s conversation about Dathomiri society and theSith code

#sl-walker #dimtraces makes things #runaways 'verse

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