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skellymom · 2 months

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"I'M YOUR MAN"

Hunter x Jedi Fem Reader Supporting Character. SMUTTY++

Background: This one shot starts out very similar to my "Hunt and Peck" one shot. However, it's not just a Force Sensitive, but an actual Jedi. And, his Batchmates aren't in on the shenanigans. This is the VERY dirty version of "Hunt and Peck" but Hunter goes "solo".

I wanted to write a smutty fic from INSIDE Hunter's head space. We hardly ever really know what's going on in there. Well, now you do!

Word Count: 2.1K

WARNING: Male masturbation, oral sex, genital sex, spit kink, swearing kink, dirty word kink, praise kink, names of various sexual positions, bodily fluids, lots of dirty nasty sexy stuff. Lots of it. Very LEMONY content!

The Batch finished up their latest mission, picking up a new passenger along the way. Y/N was a Jedi hitching a ride to a planet they would be passing on the way to Kamino. She would only be staying a few standard days on the Marauder, and the crew made sure she had a comfortable stay.

Within two days Hunter was smitten. He usually kept his infatuations to himself as best he could...ESPECIALLY with female Jedi. But...well, this one was different...and difficult to ignore. Of course, he still engaged with her politely and respectfully. Being a Sergeant and host on this transport, he kept some distance.

Y/N was attractive. Not conventionally, as he wouldn’t consider himself attracted to just ANY pretty face. But she had that...thing. An essence? Something that just took him out at the knees. It was elusive...

...and she smelled SO GOOD. Hell, even when she was sweaty, dirty, just got woke up in the morning...heady scent of her body odor with the slightest tang of her sex...

Hunter shifted in the pilot’s seat. His armor codpiece felt tight. Dammit, he NEEDED to stop getting distracted. He was supposed to be sitting watch on the ship.

Technically Echo was to stand this shift. However, he was under the weather and now lying down like the rest of his brothers.

Hunter could hear Crosshair breathing, Echo’s ticking mechanical heart, and smell Tech’s drool...as he slept face down with mouth open. Wreckers' snores were like a power tool, until his sleep apnea kicked in. Hunter would count the seconds unconsciously holding his own breath too...until Wrecker finally inhaled.

Hunter inhaled deeply just thinking about it...

...until Y/N sighed in her sleep. The sound brought his attention back to the heat and tightness in his groin. Hunter’s cock was now becoming painful with an intense pressure against his codpiece.

Oh STARS! How did the other Clones deal with this??? Commander Bly following Aayla Secura around while she exposed all that beautiful blue skin. Or Deepa Billoba with her pretty braids and deep scarlet lips...

...then there was his first crush: Shaak Ti. A tall stunning Togruta with her long montrals and head tails.

DANK FERRICK! Y/N did look at him a lot and smiled. He could sense her body reacting to him MUCH differently than his brothers. The thrumming of her presence on his senses. Something he guessed was her Force sensitivity. It would tickle his nerve endings and make him shiver...in a VERY good way. Was Y/N flirting with the Force? Hunter wasn’t exactly sure. Was that even ALLOWED?

Hunter ripped the codpiece off and tossed it onto the Marauder’s dash. His girthy engorged cock staining through his blacks...and leaving a wet spot.

These Jedi women are going to be the death of me!

Who was he kidding...WOMEN drove him crazy!!!

The last thing Hunter wanted was to cause any trouble...especially with a Jedi.

He had to take care of this situation...and put IT to “rest” ...NOW.

Walking back to the refresher wasn’t an option. He didn’t want to wake anyone, and he was supposed to be on watch.

Listening again, Hunter could perceive everyone was asleep and accounted for. He slid down comfortably in the pilot’s chair. Noting that Tech left one of his hand rags for mechanical maintenance hanging up in the cockpit, Hunter grabbed it for clean up later.

Looking around and listening one last time, Hunter gently rolled down his blacks and released his cock. Its meaty girthiness sprung up at attention. Uncut and big enough to satisfy, but not so large as to be painful. Poor Wrecker...Hunter thought fleetingly. So big he must hold back constantly to not injure. Gotta be stressful. People would give Hunter shit for being the smallest of the group. Heh, average ain’t bad. Especially since he exceeded at technique.

What was the saying on Kamino? Yeah...It’s not the size of the ship, but the motion of the ocean.

The head of his penis peeked out from the uncut foreskin. Hunter smoothed his thumb through the large drop of precum and rubbed gentle circles on the top of his cock. He shivered from the sensation but held back a gentle moan. He needed to be extra quiet. Keeping his mouth shut, Hunter also regulated his breathing.

Next, he cupped his cock in hand and gently but firmly pulled back his foreskin. Then he gave his shaft a few good pumps.

... A very feminine scent wafted from the pallet Y/N was sleeping on the bunk room floor. She must have been having a hell of a dream...as Hunter could smell her wet arousal. To her credit, she was extremely quiet.

The smell drove him crazy. More precum leaked from his cock.

Hunter closed his eyes and imagined what it would be like to bury his face in Y/N’s pussy. He inhaled her scent and pictured himself licking and sucking her clit. How she would look from that point of view. Staring up over her mons pubis to see her writhe and sweat. Hair messed, face and chest flushed as he teased her to orgasm over and over again. Screaming his name, asking for more.

FUCK, he LOVED EATING PUSSY! LOVED watching his lovers lose themselves in ecstasy. Loved when they praised his talent for the job.

And, if they wanted to be fingered while he dined, he happily obliged. Gently of course...unless she insisted on it being rough. He followed directions very well and kept the channels of communication open. How many fingers? How’s that feel? You like how I’m fingering you? Tell me. I wanna hear you tell me. Yeah...whatever you want. I’m your man. Mmmm...You’re so FUCKING beautiful!

Pumping his cock, occasionally coming up to rub the leaking precum across his head and frenulum with his thumb. The mental image fueling his desire and the tingling of his penis.

Hunter also LOVED breasts. Big, small, he serviced them all. Lick them, kiss, twist, cup. But, he wasn’t in a hurry. No, Hunter wanted to appreciate the other parts of his lover's body and work his way there.

Nibbling Y/N’s thighs, tender kisses on her stomach. Women worry too much about their bellies. Who the fuck made them feel so insecure? Hunter wasn’t gonna get mad. He didn’t have time for that. Bring that belly here and let me worship it. The asshole that made you feel bad about that part of your body isn’t here...I AM. Look me right in the eyes. Yeah, hold that eye contact. Listen to me. I’m gonna make your body SING tonight. I wanna make you feel desirable...’cause you are. Now, grab my hair if you feel ya gotta hold on tight!

Pumped his wet cock a bit more...

AND ASSES! All sizes. Firm and jiggly...flat and flabby...

Fuck the guy who told you your ass wasn’t pretty. Probably the same dipshit who razzed you about your other body parts.

I’m here to tell ya: Your body parts make my cock wanna give you a standing ovation. I’ll happily kiss ANYTHING on your body, if it’ll get you off. Even the stuff you might be worried is too nasty and dirty. I’ll be as clean as you request or dirty as ya care to ask for.

Hunter needed to stay on track. All the blood was rushing to his lower extremities, making him a bit punch drunk. His eyes were half closed with horniness.

And he needed a bit more lubrication. Hunter leaned over his swollen member and spit on it delicately. The extra slide felt amazing.

Oh yeah...Hunter was getting ahead of himself. In his mind Y/N requested he kiss and suckle her breasts. In his mind, she moaned and raked at his back. Mmmmhmm...I wanna hear you. Tell me how much you like this. He moved up to lavish her neck with kisses, grinding his slippery member through her sex. The sound was loud and wet. Smells sooo good. Whispering in her ear, pressing his nose against her cheek You feel so good! FUCK...Hunter shivered, his cock twitching with anticipation.

Are you ready for me? Yeah? Gonna take my time, okay? I’m in no hurry...unless you WANT me to fuck you hard and put you away wet? I aim to please. So swollen and hard right now...could grab you around the legs, hoist ya up, and nail ya silly. Missionary? Doggie style? Cowgirl? Reverse Cowgirl? Vertical or Horizonal, I’m strong enough to get ya there.

No? Ok. Just give me the word. And I’ll take it nice...and easy.

Hunter slowed down the momentum on his cock. Stroking gently to prolong his arousal and not cum too soon.

What about me, you say? Heh...REALLY enjoying my time with you. I’m a man of variety. Whatever you want, I’m along for...ahem...the ride. However long it takes.

You wanna suck my cock? Well...chuckles...I won’t say NO to a good blow. Just ask you tease me a bit. He imagined the wet softness of Y/N’s mouth on his member. Swirling her tongue over his head, shaft...

...her hand firmly gripping his balls and he gripped them now...

...pumping his cock...gathering momentum.

Wanna blow my seed in your cunt, while I’m holding you. Full body skin on skin contact while I’m inside you. My uncut foreskin rubbing your pink jellybean clit while my cock caresses your G-spot. Bonus if I get to taste your mouth while you moan into mine.

Hunter lifted his pelvis off the seat, bracing his legs and abdomen...adding pressure to his core and the root of his sex. He slid his cock back and forth through his wet hand, gritting his teeth, and sweating.

I’ll do EVERYTHING in my power to take you over the edge ONE more time before I do. I got the stamina to fuck, suck, and caress you all night if it’s what you request of me. Over and over again.

I’m YOUR MAN.

As Hunter came, a very sudden and explosive scream erupted from the bunk room!

Hunter let go of his scrotum and slapped a hand over his mouth to hold back his violent moans. An intense, warm orgasm shot through his body. Hunter came SO HARD it hit the ceiling of the Marauder’s cockpit with an audible THUMP! A climax so sudden and strong, he shook and was unable to stand.

The bunk room erupted in chaos. Wrecker had fallen off the top bunk from sheer terror. Tech started awake and flung his datapad across the room...hitting Crosshair in the head. Only Echo remained unscathed as he slipped unaided by his prosthetics from the bottom bunk to the Jedi’s pallet on the floor.

He put his one intact arm around the Jedi. “Ma’am, are you ok?”

She, sweating, flushed, and breathing heavily, “Oh...” stammered, “A dream.”

“Sounded like a NIGHTMARE!” Wrecker recovered from his fall.

The Jedi laughed nervously.

Tech finally found his goggles amongst the bedcovers, slapped them on, and ran to the refresher. “I’ll retrieve a glass of water for our guest.”

Crosshair rubbed the goose egg developing on his forehead. “Bring a bacta patch while you’re in there too!”

“Where the HELL is HUNTER???” Echo thundered.

On command Hunter slid into the bunk room. “What happened? Must have fallen asleep on watch!”

Echo turned to Hunter “Our Guest gave us quite a scare.” He looked puzzled as Hunter NEVER fell asleep on watch. “Due to a dream.”

Tech ran in and handed the Jedi a full canteen of water and a small towelette for her sweaty brow.

“Thank you, Tech.” She dabbed herself and sipped from the canteen...purposely keeping her eyes averted from the Sergeant.

“Bacta patch?” Crosshair growled at Tech.

“I ONLY have two hands, Crosshair!” Tech sassed his way back to the refresher.

“Looking a little FLUSHED too, Hunter. Sure you’re FEELING well? Crosshair sneered.

Hunter was just about to tell Crosshair to shut his pie hole when the Jedi interrupted. “I... think I’m ready to go back to sleep.”

“Alright.” Echo got back into his bunk. “You need ANYTHING, we’re right here.”

“I’m feeling better now.” She sighed. "Thank you Echo."

Wrecker leaned down and handed Lula to Y/N. “Lula will help you sleep the rest of the night.”

“Thank you, Wrecker.”

Crosshair sneered at Hunter who turned to go back to his watch station.

Tech unpeeled the bacta patch and slapped it over Crosshair’s pie hole, then turned out the lights.

Next morning the Marauder landed at the Jedi’s destination. She thanked The Batch and descended the gangplank. Sergeant Hunter was the last to say goodbye and salute her.

“I must thank you, btw.” She blushed demurely and smiled.

Hunter looked confused and glanced to see where his Batchmates were at. They had already retreated into the ship, preparing to leave the planet.

“Uh...for what?”

“For being...MY MAN... last night.”

Hunter blushed crimson red... speechless but had SO MANY questions.

“I know what you’re thinking Sergeant. Jedi CAN have...relations. They just can’t be possessive attachments. And... technically we never physically touched...”

She winked and walked away towards her destination.

And that was how Hunter was literally mind-fucked by a Jedi.

PLEASE like, comment, and/or REBLOG!

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snicketstrange · 3 years

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The secret meeting at Hospital H

THH ... How intriguing this book is for theorists like me. We have a library with a lot of information. We have the revelation about the SB theft. And we have the information that a person loved by Lemony died in a terrible fire on afternoon. Or at least that's what Lemony believed at the time he wrote THH.

Let me reignite the flames of one of asoue's main controversies a little, and I would say one of the most important: Is Lemony Snicket a reliable narrator?

Well, surprisingly we have Daniel Handler's confirmation that Lemony is not a reliable narrator. This is very important information from the author himself.

However, this leaves theorists with more problems than solutions. If Lemony is unreliable, does that mean he lies on purpose? And before I think the answer to that is yes or no, I can say that the most sensible answer (without making an assessment of the text itself, but of the statement) is that it is not necessarily so.

Let me cite an example of Brazilian literature in a book called Dom Casmurro. The narrator is the main character. He categorically states that his wife betrayed him. It provides evidence that for it sufficient, but an attentive reader will soon realize that the evidence presented are not conclusive, and all can be explained as misunderstandings. But the question is: did she betray him or not? The answer is that it can not be sure, and that was what the author wanted. To this day people argue about it, and no one has achieved a definitive answer, despite the statister's statements. The narrator is unreliable, not because he wants to fool the reader, but because he makes statements that they simply are not necessarily true even though he believing them.

Now let's think about Lemony Snicket. The main argument that serves as evidence that Lemony is an unreliable narrator is that he sometimes contradicts himself. After all, either Beatrice died one morning, or she died one afternoon, or she didn't even die. Either Kit Snicket died on the island during the time when the Buadelaires children were there, or she was alive at the time of the publication of the books. But if we take into account the evidence that Lemony spent years writing his books, there is a possibility that these contradictions are caused by Lemony's access to new information, which led him to complete other things as he published his books. The fact that he contradicts himself only underscores the value he gave to the truth: when he himself realized that he had been wrong in some detail, he was not ashamed to clarify some details. We can say that, based on this logic, when Lemony wrote THH, he believed that Beatrice had died on a different occasion from the fire in her house. Although this statement itself cannot be substantiated, due to the unreliable nature of the narrator (who may be mistaken again regarding Beatrice's death) it does mean that Lemony had access to information that made him believe that Beatrice survived the fire from her house.

(Of course the credibility of these possible information can also be contested). Still, it's good to ask ourselves, "Why did Lemony change his mind?"

We can say that there are two canonical moments that can indicate the reasons why Lemony changed her opinion. One of these reasons I have always defended, and I will not dwell here: The masquerade ball at which Lemony was captured took place after the publication of TRR. And TRR was published years after the main events described in asoue. Whether Beatrice was actually there or not is a good question, after all it may have been a scheme to attract and capture Lemony.(better than a costume party to disguise yourself as someone else).

But still we have proof that Lemony believed that Beatrice could have survived for many years after the fire at her house.

But, while he was writing THH, he believed that Beatrice had died at some point after that, at some time when a suspicious typewriter was involved (as indicated in the three-part art that describes what happened to Beatrice).

The other and canonical evidence is the list of patients in the form of anagrams contained in THH. I always believed that the names on this list were fourth wall breaks. As Dante said, it would be unlikely that a great disaster in Vfd make several people involved with VFD go to the same hospital at the same time. This convinced me at the time. But then, Roxy222 , in a game, created a more interesting theory. The list of patients containing Lemony Snicket Anagrams, Beatrice Baudelaire, Daniel Handler, Lisa Brown and others should not in fact be a list of true patients. According to Roxy, VFD must have marked some secret meeting at the hospital that day, and the list of patients would actually be a list of people present for that meeting.

It makes a lot of sense. Hospital H had a library linked to VFD. Information related to VFD arrived in physical media, which indicates that someone personally took it there. Due to the confidential nature of these messages (not even Hal could read them in detail) it is to be expected that the messengers were people connected to VFD or animals connected to VFD. It is not difficult to imagine the hospital as a meeting place.

Second, there would be no reason for Count Olaf to simply write all those anagrams there. It is quite possible that when he went to write Violet Baudelaire's anagram he simply came across a list of anagrams with names of his enemies. He easily deduced that his enemies were around. Although he did not deduce the names of each one, it was easy to see that those were anagrams of someone from VFD, and so he deduced that it could be some of his enemies. This certainly served as an additional motivation for Olaf to start a fire in that hospital.

Third, there is my theory about how Lemony knew about events in detail, including secret Baudelaire meetings. Klaus and Sunny decoded their sister's anagram in a room where only the two of them were. Klaus disregarded anagrams that could not have been Violet's. However, Lemony knows the names of these anagrams. Although Klaus has an incredible memory, I think it is unlikely that he would write these names in the island book, on which Lemony based a good part of his writings according to my theory. That list must have been destroyed in the fire. So the information about the contents of the other names on the list must be something that Lemony Snicket himself already knew. This is evidence that he was indeed there, that day, and that is why his name was there, in the form of an anagram, on that list.

This is evidence that Lemony did believe that Beatrice had survived her house fire when he published TRR. (Although he started writing TBB before the fire at Hospital H, although he probably published it years later, as indicated in TBBRE).

#asoue theory #beatrice baudelaire #Lemony Snicket #dom casmurro #a series of unfortunate events #asoue

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virtualfindingsdocumented · 5 years

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Psss

Just so anyone who doesn’t know can know, there is a post with links for all 13 ASOUE books + TUA + TBL + the four main ATWQ books

I also have files for all these books in Brazilian Portuguese (TBL is a fan translation, TUA is split in four docs and is missing some formatting but it is readable), and I can share them in private if anyone wants them

The Snicket wiki has the full text of The Dismal Dinner, a short pre-TBB story that is sometimes considered as canon

Youtube has the audiobooks for the main ASOUE books

This site also has downloads for the audiobooks of the main ASOUE and ATWQ books

I have a couple of PDFs from LS’s old sites that have no new information but are also interesting, though they are easy to find (ex. here is 13 Shocking Secrets You'll Wish You Never Knew About Lemony Snicket from the wiki). I also have files for the movie and all the extras with the available audios from my DVD (I think English, Portuguese and Spanish), including the version with LS’s audio commentary which is the best thing ever and I can find a way to share privately if anyone wants it. Youtube has most if not all the extras and the movie is easy to find too. Some dubbed versions are also on youtube. I don’t know if the original audio version is there but you can rent it with that paid thing youtube does. It also has some non-professional recordings of The Dark (which is not a Snicketverse book but I super recommend it) with illustrations there, it was how I read (listened) it.

The notes from TBB Rare Edition were also all shared online and while I don’t have the link I remember they were pretty easy to find, and I have the text too if you can’t find them.

Saying this because I fully believe you don’t need to have seen All The Things to be a fan (I personally haven’t yet, and I like seeing All The Things), but I also don’t want anyone here wishing to see one or another thing and not having access to it. Being a fan of stuff that is not always available in my country is something I have done for a long time and I know how frustrating it is. Yes, I do believe that you should acquire things legally when you can but I know people have different realities and what could be easy for someone to have access to by legitimate means may not be for someone else. This list is by no means complete, I just put together the links I have at hand and information about things I remember seeing. If you need help finding something in particular and I have the time I can help you, including stuff not in English (I am probably limited to romance languages tho, as I can understand at least a minimum of them). Also if you just want information on the contents of something I have seen (ie. you watched the show and want to know how some scene happens in the books), feel free to ask and I will do my best.

I want you all to be able to know and see all the things you want to know and see here, and so do most if not all other blogs out there because this fandom is just amazing like this.

#from the volunteer #important

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skellymom · 2 months

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"Bring Me To My Knees" PART 1

Crosshair/Hunter x Reader Non Gendered SMUT++

Dividers by the talented: @saradika and @4ngelic-wh1spers

Background: Reader and Crosshair are separated from the group during the rescue of Omega and Tech from Mt Tantiss. Two broken people trying to get by in the galaxy. Then two broken people finally dealing with what happened to their group.

Word Count: 2.3K

Warning: Star Wars Canon violence, angst, sadness, crying, guilt, stuff blowing up, swearing, kissing, intercourse, heavy petting, hair pulling kink, smutty/lemony content, lovers triangle with Hunter and Crosshair.

FOR CLARITY, THERE IS A HUNTER FLASHBACK SMUT SCENE IN THIS CHAPTER. THE CROSSHAIR SMUT SCENE IS IN CHAPTER 2. Broke this up in 2 chapters because I just couldn't stop writing...and 4K might be too much for one sitting.

*YES! I know Mesh'la is Mando'a speak for beautiful. However, I personally think it sounds pretty sexy when someone uses it while going to Pound Town. I like it better than baby, honey, girl, boy, lover, whatever. My personal kink. If you aren't caught up, there's a whole Tumblr discussion about if the Clones would even use this language. PLEASE just let me have this one word. Thanks.

I purposely wrote the reader in this fic to be of no specific gender. Tried to carefully craft the sexual scenes to accommodate either gender/non gendered/trans/genderfluid/non-binary. Everyone has hills, valleys, sexual organs, nipples, and erogenous zones. I wrote them into the story, but it's up to you dear reader to put your imagination to work. Hope I have done a good enough job that you can enjoy yourself with Hunter and Crosshair without breaking immersion!

Explosions and blaster fire filled the air as you, Phee Genoa, and The Batch escaped Mt Tantiss. Wrecker led the charge, firing away and punching imps. Phee behind him with a group of prisoners she freed from the facility. Hunter, his arm around Tech who was barely able to walk, blaster out firing. You and Omega supported Crosshair bringing up the rear of the group.

The Empire attempted to lock down the facility, engaging all doors on every level. Hunter got Tech past them as they started to close.

He turned with Tech in tow to shout, “Y/N, Omega, bring Crosshair! Hurry!!!”

You and Omega would never make it with the slow progress Cross was making. Grabbing Omega and with a healthy heft, you slid her across the highly polished flooring. She barely exited past the threshold just as the doors closed.

The last thing you and Crosshair saw was Omega loudly protesting while Hunter grabbed the back of her tunic to yank her out of the way. And the look of total panic on Hunter’s face.

“Leave me.” Crosshair weakly slumped against the steel hallway wall.

“SHUT UP! Too late for that!!!” You grabbed Cross’ arm and attempted to pull him up.

He refused to move. You were warned he might be difficult.

“GET UP NOW YOU FUCKING MOP!!!” Viciously kicking his upper thigh in heated frustration.

That got his attention. Crosshair’s head flicked up. Anger in his eyes.

You grabbed the front of his tunic with both hands, hefting him up, spitting with rage “I’M NOT DYING HERE! GET UP YOU UNGRATEFUL ASSHOLE!!!”

He managed to stand with his arm around your shoulders. Pulling your blaster. “How do we get out of here?”

“How should I know? Been locked up all this time.”

“KRIFF! Knew I threw the wrong person under the door!!!”

“Didn’t ask YOU to save me.”

You gritted your teeth and shot the control panel to the door the rest of The Batch disappeared through. The doors managed to only open a few feet. You literally stuffed Crosshair into the gap. His protests were muted by the sound of screams and explosions. He got stuck halfway through, then you put a foot in his ass and pushed. He popped through falling into a crouch on the floor.

“You’re INSANE!”

“YES! KEEP MOVING!!!”

Running up to Cross, you grabbed the back of his tunic and pulled him to his feet. Both of you ran across the hangar bay. The Marauder and Phee’s ship were gone. You weren’t upset, they HAD to leave in a hurry. It was total chaos.

You both made a beeline for the first empty Imperial ship available. Entering, you slid into the pilot’s seat and put up the gangplank. Then commenced firing on every non-friendly that approached. Some of the other Imperial ships got caught in the crossfire, exploding dramatically. Crosshair buckled himself into the co-pilot's chair.

As your ship left the hangar, two fighters followed in hot pursuit. You kept the craft low and entered the thick forest, shooting down trees in your path. Crosshair held onto his seat white knuckled.

“You’re going to get us killed!”

“Got any better ideas, Fly Boy? We’re sitting ducks out in the open.”

He shut up and held on.

One ship pulled away from pursuit.

The other followed. You kept firing, making a path to evade your pursuer.

He didn’t last long. One tree you felled, dragged another with it as you passed. It caught its wing, flinging the ship to the forest floor, exploding brightly behind you.

Pulling the craft up out of the forest, you ascended...

...where the other Imperial fighter sat waiting!

Close enough to see its pilot in the cockpit, waiting to open fire.

The end of the line. Crosshair inhaled sharply.

The ship exploded suddenly. And your craft flew through the fiery remains.

“Didn’t think I’d leave you?” Hunter’s voice came over the comm.

You nearly burst into tears of joy. “Oh, THANK STARS!”

“Let’s get out of here! Echo’s sending jump coordinates...” You immediately heard blaster fire over their comm. The transmission broke up.

“HUNTER???”

Static. “...ing to...GO! Can you hea...” More static. Comm went dead. Nothing.

“HUNTER! HUNTER...COME IN!!! CAN YOU HEAR ME???”

Crosshair shot you a horrified glance.

The little bit you could discern, your Sergeant’s orders were to leave the planet immediately. What if they needed help? You couldn’t leave HIM...them behind!

You brought the ship around and could see a craft trailing fire and smoke behind it. Looked to be the Havoc Marauder making its way off world. Several Imperial fighters were gaining on it. Kicking your ship into gear and taking off in their direction. You picked off two and allowed the Marauder to make the jump to hyperspace.

The last ship circled round.

Panicking, locking up, “Where did they go? I don’t have coordinates!”

Crosshair’s terse voice came from the co-pilot's seat, “Pick ANY! We don’t have time!!!”

“But...we...”

“DO IT or we die!” Dark eyes bore into your skull. “I’LL DO IT!!! You make the jump!” He furiously typed something into the craft’s dash.

“Jump...NOW!!!”

The Imperial fighter on your tail, firing.

You sat frozen. Your hand a lead weight on the jump lever.

“DAMMIT!” Crosshair slammed his hand on top of yours, shoving the lever over. The black star-studded sky elongated; bright blue light burst through the windscreen.

You sat staring through the windscreen of the ship, blue blurs whizzing past.

“Y/N?”

A hand suddenly on your shoulder.

“WHAT!” You jumped and snapped upright.

“You...went away for a while...”

Staring at Crosshair’s unreadable expression.

“We’ll find them. Take some time, though.”

Nodding, you relaxed back in the seat. “Yeah, gonna take some doing.”

Handing the soup bowl to Crosshair, he sulked...and refused to eat...again.

“You NEED to eat.”

He sneered.

“Don’t make me regret getting you out of that facility.”

Cross sighed heavily and took the bowl. He STILL wasn't eating, just staring into it. This man was driving you insane...if you didn’t kill him first.

“It’s actually pretty good for a ration packet. Provided you eat it while still warm.”

“Why are you bothering?”

ON YOUR LAST NERVE.

“Why did YOU bother pushing us into hyperspace...if you want to suffer and die so badly?”

Silence.

Suddenly you had the urge to slap the damned bowl out of his hand. “REALLY??? Let your skinny ass STARVE! Ungrateful son-of-a...kriffing...GAH! FUCK!!!”

Your sudden anger sparked something.

Crosshair slowly smirked.

“Knock it off and DRINK YOUR FUCKING SOUP!” Getting up, stalking off, mumbling angrily to yourself...hoping the tiny food galley didn’t have any knives.

Checking up later, you found the bowl empty. Cross slumped in the chair; eyes closed.

To anyone else, it would look like he was napping. You knew better.

You picked up the bowl to take it back to the galley.

“My compliments to the chef.”

You rolled your eyes.

“I meant it.”

“Whatever.”

Cross opened his eyes, aiming for an argument. “It’s a compliment. Take it or leave it.”

“I don’t trust you.”

An unexpectedly hurt expression flickered across his face. “This isn’t about the soup, is it?”

“No genius. I was warned you’re a constant shit stirrer.”

“Well, Hunter was never my biggest fan.”

“It wasn’t Hunter.”

This seemed to surprise Crosshair.

“Echo...he’s a bit of a shit stirrer himself. Takes one to know one.”

Cross raised an eyebrow.

“Oh...and Wrecker thinks you take yourself too seriously. I think his actual words were...he needs to unclench his butt cheeks.”

Raised the other eyebrow.

“But Wrecker was incorrect.”

“Oh?”

“As far as I can tell, you DON’T have an ass.”

Crosshair leaned forward, slight smirk around the edges of his mouth.

“Been looking...have you?”

“I think most people would say you’re just a torso with legs...Toothpick.”

He genuinely smiled at the new nickname.

“More soup?”

“Yes more, Soup.”

Nights were difficult and Crosshair struggled to sleep through. Awakening to hear him working through a nightmare. Sometimes he would mutter, groan, and thrash about, eventually snoring again. This happened several times a night. Other times he would awaken, panting and sweating, trying to remember he was no longer imprisoned on Mt Tantiss.

At first, he turned down your attempts to soothe him. That didn’t last long. It became a habit of you sitting next to his bunk on the metal floor, talking him through it. Eventually, you just crawled into bed and laid there next to him. It was certainly more comfortable than that damned hard floor.

Crosshair’s breathing settled into a regular rhythm. Stars, it was warm and cozy in this bunk. The idea of walking across that cold decking to your own bunk just seemed depressing. Five more minutes and you’d get up.

That didn’t happen. Two minutes in and you passed out cold.

youtube

(You like a song to go with the scene? Please check out this song. It "literally" FUCKS!!!)

"Mmhmmm...”

The deep bass of Hunter’s groan making you wetter as his hard cock slid in and out of you.

“Ohh...fuu...mmm...” Words were difficult when he kissed your neck like this. Whispering sweet things in your ear while gently fucking your brains out.

Laying on your sides, facing each other. One leg thrown over his hips, both of your hands deep in his curls. Grasping them with ferocity. The pain brought him pleasure...

Hunter slid his hand down your back to firmly grip your buttocks and picked up the rhythm of his thrusts.

“Kriff...can’t wait to do this...with you...in our home...all...the...fucking...time...” The last four words he spoke with each luscious stroke of his member.

“Huuunter...” Your eyes rolled back into your head.

“Got...a nice...little planet...just...for us...”

Heat and intensity rising in you.

“You...want...that...too...?”

...sliding in...

You gasp...” Yes...”

“Yeah?” Cajoling you with that sexy fucking voice.

...sliding out...

“YES...”

...sliding in...

“Tell me, Mesh’la.” He’s shuddering.

Your back arches “YES!!!”

Hunter reaches out and caresses your face...

...and you awake with a start. Crosshair had an expression like he’d been caught with his hand in the cookie jar. Pulling back his hand suddenly.

“Wu-what???” He stammered.

Trying to shake off your sleepy arousal...slurring. “Did...YOU jus’ touch...Mah face?”

“WHY are YOU still in my bunk?”

The dream-feeling melting away...your brain having to process the waking world...

“...because...your nightmares... I’m the dumbass...who makes sure you sleep.”

Silence. Crosshair studying your face.

“You’re welcome.”

“Well, I’m NOT having one NOW.”

“Ships cold during the night. Ain’t going nowhere.” You rolled over, giving him your back. Maybe...you could pick that dream back up?

“Fine. You can stay if YOU stop moaning Hunter’s name when you spoon ME!”

You rolled back over shocked.

“Yes, you did.”

“What else did I say...or do?”

Crosshair grinned like he knew too much and rolled over without answering.

Weeks passed as you and Crosshair bickered your way slowly through the galaxy. The Empire tamped down tightly on most of the planets in the system. The Outer Rim while wildly dangerous, seemed mostly untouched and safest.

You both did side jobs to keep yourselves fed while trying comm channels and leaving messages with close contacts about the rest of The Batch’s whereabouts.

Everything seemed to lead to a dead end. Like they just disappeared.

In your heart of hearts, you knew Hunter would NEVER stop looking for you both...even if Cross had his doubts.

The open-air market on some back water Outer Rim moon provided a distraction. The textile stand caught your eye. Beautiful scarves...you picked up a jet black one with fine silver metallic strands running through it.

"Good choice. It compliments your hair." The elderly shop keep stepped from behind a long quilt hanging behind the counter.

"Marv! Are you flirting again?" An older woman approached clearly teasing her husband.

"Now why would I do that when I have you, my sweet Meiloorun? Besides, here's their partner now."

Cross sauntered up to the counter, amused at the comment.

"Hello honey" He teased.

You rolled your eyes, ignoring his "greeting." "Toothpick, what do you think of this scarf?"

"Hmm, not really my style." Cross reached down to pull another scarf from under the pile. "Now this one..."

It was rusty red with fine intermittent broken off-white stripes dispersed through it. Crosshair draped it around his neck. "What do you think?"

The blood drained from your face.

"No..." You dropped the scarf and hurried away from the stand.

Cross caught up to you a few moments later...still wearing that damned scarf.

“Soup!”

You kept walking, angry...and hurt.

"Care to explain?"

Stopping and grabbing the fabric in your fist. "That's HIS scarf...NOT YOURS!

Cross softened. Not a trace of snark on his face. "You WERE in love with Hunter."

"We are STILL in a relationship, Crosshair! Just because Hunter and I are apart doesn't mean that ended."

Crosshair stared into your eyes with such an intensity...it was difficult to keep eye contact.

"So...I complicate those feelings." It wasn't a question. He didn't need to ask.

You noticed his eyes changed from brown to grey in this perfect light. The light of the sun starting to set on this backwater moon. Almost the same color as his brother's eyes.

You sighed deeply, letting go of the scarf. Your hand dropping to rest, open palmed on Crosshair's chest.

He stepped closer, placing his warm hand over yours.

“We’ll find them.”

“How? We’ve been looking...”

He squeezed your hand. “Marv and Mel...they’re a front for The Rebellion. Gathering intel and recruiting volunteers to fight the Empire.”

You looked up at Crosshair with renewed hope.

“They know where we can find Rex. He’ll be able to help us.”

You nodded. So many thoughts going through your head.

Cross took the scarf off and slid it over your head, to rest around your shoulders.

“C’mon Soup, there’s a place around here with those Space Cakes you like. My treat.”

He led the way hugging you closely.

PLEASE like, comment, and/or REBLOG!

To read Part 2:

https://www.tumblr.com/skellymom/744276448825769984/bring-me-to-my-knees-part-2?source=share

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skellymom · 2 months

Text

UNTITLED FIC SMUT SNIPPET

CROSSHAIR x READER NON GENDER

YES! I'm teasing you!!! Especially @haybellewrites

Warning: Slight smutty McSmutterson action. Nothing too graphic, but definite Crosshair smut! NO MINORS!

Word Count: 185

THE EDIBLE TOLD ME TO DO EEET!!!

The grief was too much for you both.

Lying in bed at night...the uncertainty and rising arousal making sleep elusive. Two people alone in the vastness of space, on a dark, silent ship. The distance between you palpable.

“Are...you awake?” he furtively asked with hushed tones in the dark.

“Umhmm.” Intrigued as to why he asked.

Silence.

You lay there in the dark waiting for an answer.

More silence...

...then Crosshairs hand gently smoothing away the hair from your temple.

You immediately embrace him tightly.

He falters for just a beat. Body frozen for what seems like an eternity. Would this scare him away?

Then you feel his arms encircle you, lips upon your cheek...kissing down to your lips.

Unable to hold back any further, you turn your head to meet his lips to yours.

Mouths opening to breathe into the well of one another. Sliding upon each other passionately. Breaths furiously taken in between long heated kisses.

Then parting quickly to pull the clothing from each other's body. Almost ripping the cloth away from bare skin. Occasional moans of longing for skin-to-skin contact....

PLEASE like, comment, and/or REBLOG!

@genericficerblog @thecoffeelorian @crosshairs-right-nut @fionajames @arctrooper69 @littlefeatherr @askyourfox @freesia-writes @spacemagicandlaserswords @marymunchkiin @loveinglymessedup @sverdgeir @dreamingthroughlifetonight @idoubleswearimawriter @iz-cause @itsyellow @lokigirlszendaya

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skellymom · 10 days

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NUDIE 99 - DARK & BROODY

Skellymom's half-assed attempt to make a fast, easy, and silly naked Hunter pic.

POSSIBLE GRAPHIC MATERIAL FOR SOME EYES. A THIRST TRAP FOR OTHERS. IT MIGHT RAISE YOUR HAIR. CLICK IF YOU DARE!!!

More under the cut....ooh la la...lol

(Credit for dividers from the talented: @cafekitsune and @4ngelic-wh1ispers)

I don't have the fancy tech, and used what I had. Merged actor Sonny Landham's (Billy Sole/Predator) body (one of the real humans Hunter was modeled after) with Hunter. Sorry...not sorry.

The edible told me to do it!

Btw, he's shocked you barged into the refresher without knocking!

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snicketstrange · 3 years

Text

Rereading The End Chapter 1:

Early on, the Baudelaires' story is compared to an onion. I think this is appropriate, and I have to say that I have always seen that this story has several complex layers. Although it was not the author's original plan, what he wrote and the way he wrote ended up making the story bigger and more complex than it appears to be in casual reading. I believe, however, that when writing TE, Daniel Handler had already realized this very well, that is, he had noticed the ASOUE effect and created admiration for it. And TE is a great tribute to the ASOUE effect, and a way to reinforce it. I think he finally did it intentionally. And the introduction just makes it very clear to the reader that he is doing it on purpose this time.

I want to take advantage and reinforce with this that TBL, which was written at the same time, has the same intention of the author in this regard. So, I think TBL and TE are more complex books than they appear to be and were created with that intention.

"Klaus, the middle sibling and the only boy, would have remembered useful facts from one of the thousands of books he had read" - this phrase serves to highlight Klaus's memory. I believe it is fundamental to the logic of ASOUE that children have the ability to remember the details of things. My theory is that the Baudelaires wrote the story from their point of view, and recorded it on that island. And Lemony found their record and relied on writing all of ASOUE's books. And that is why it is so evident since TBB that Lemony had access to the things that the Baudelaires thought and talked about in private. It is significant that Lemony demonstrates this ability only with the Baudelaires and not with any other character.

"Klaus had been writing down the details of the Baudelaires' situation in this dark blue notebook, including the fact that it was the Baudelaires, not Olaf, who had burned down the Hotel Denouement." This sentence is significant. This shows that Klaus was already determined to record the main events described in asoue from his point of view. He hadn't even stopped writing about the crime he committed. Lemony, the narrator, knows the contents of this book. I think it's easy to conclude that Lemony had access to the Baudelaires' writings, (either in this blue cover book or in another book). But most importantly, Lemony wrote about what the Baudelaires had written before. The on-the-spot research he did served to confirm what was in the Baudelaires' writings.

The consideration of the moral compass is really interesting and makes us think.

#asoue fanfic #snicketverse #a serie of unfortunate events chronology #a serie of unfortunate events #the end #klaus baudelaire #asoue theory #lemony snicket #daniel handler #asoue theories

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snicketstrange · 4 years

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What was the evidence on page 9 of the Snicket File

To answer that question, it is critical that you keep in mind that page 13 of the Snicket File does not refer to Quigley when talking about experts who now believe there may be a survivor of the fire. As I explained earlier, this phrase would not make sense in the case of Quigley, since Isadora and Ducan also survived the same fire, and that was public knowledge. The phrase does not say "one more survivor", only that there may be a survivor. The reason they think so is what is on page 9 of the Snicket File.

Due to the photos found on page 13, it is very likely that the fire that the page refers to is the fire at the Baudelaire mansion. The same page makes reference to the evidence found on page 9. Now I can say that I can better visualize what happened. I can say that there was a big misunderstanding caused by Lemony Snicket. To begin with, I believe that the survivor mentioned on page 13 is Lemony Snicket. After all, his photo (even though it's covered up) is there on page 13. But there's more evidence of that. During the main events of ASOUE, Kit Snicket and Jacques Snicket believed that Lemony Snicket was possibly dead. (Although they both knew he might be alive). Jacques consulted with Olivia about the possibility that Lemony is alive. And Kit Snicket (in LSTUA) wrote a letter to the cheesemakers in which she stated that she was trying to clear Lemony of the accusation of being an arsonist. In this same letter, Kit says he knows that Lemony may be dead. BH's letter to Lemony indicates that Lemony would be accused of the fire at the Baudelaire mansion. In other words, no one would accuse Lemony of setting fire to the Baudelaire mansion if the general public believed that at the time of this fire, Lemony was dead. So, who believe that Lemony is an arsonist and that Lemony is dead during Asoue's main events, believe that Lemony set fire to the Baudelaire mansion and died in the very fire he set. When experts analyzed the location of the fire, they deduced that only two people died in that fire. Then they came to believe that perhaps the arsonist could have survived. And for some reason, they believed the arsonist was Lemony Snicket.

Now let's think from Lemony Snicket's point of view. When the fire at the Baudelaire mansion started and Lemony discovered that the house was on fire, he sent Mr. BH there, according to LSTUA. Mr. BH had two goals: to identify if there were any survivors and to find something that could clear Lemony Snicket. In other words, during the fire at the Baudelaire mansion, Lemony Snicket already knew that he could be accused of setting that house on fire. How could Lemony know that he could be accused of starting that fire that was still going on? First, I want to clarify that Lemony was not at the Baudelaire mansion during the fire. In his personal notes in the book TBBRE, Lemony makes it clear that he does not know whether the Baudelaires actually received visitors that morning or not. However, Lemony wrote something important for this theory. In a note, Lemony states that the Baudelaires asked the children to go to the beach because they had urgent business. According to Lemony, these urgent deals were postponed indefinitely due to death. This phraseology together with all the evidence pointed out seems to indicate that these urgent matters would be dealt with by Lemony Snicket himself. Thus, I deduce the following: The contents of page 9 of the Snicket File were information, probably a letter and perhaps a telegram, indicating that Lemony Snicket was going to the Baudelaires' house at a certain time. The Baudelaires asked the children to go to the beach due to the fact that they did not want the children to be involved with VFD. Lemony, however, has a bad habit of being late. And that is what happened that day. While Lemony was late and prevented by some circumstance beyond his control to go personally to the Baudelaires' house, he learned of the start of the fire. He then asked Mr. BH to go there. He realized that he would be accused of that fire if the experts found the telegram or letter he sent and listed the time that Lemony said it would arrive with the time the fire started. And that is indeed what happened. After the fire, the experts found the letter or telegram. And they didn't find a third body. Hence the experts came to the following conclusion: Perhaps there is indeed a survivor of the fire, but his whereabouts are unknown. This phrase also indicates that experts know that there may be no survivors, and the fire was just an accident. That's what I believe at the moment. But I understand why experts need to consider the possibility of a survivor.

NOtes:

I might add that Jacques seems to have come to the conclusion that Lemony was indeed alive after his investigation. Olivia seems to know the reliable answer about Lemony being alive, (perhaps because she saw Lemony during the first crystal ball break, even though we don't know exactly when it happened). Anyway, Jacques seems to have died before he could tell Kit about Lemony's survival, because after the events recorded in THH, Kit still wasn't sure that Lemony was alive. On Jacques' investigation, he apparently concentrated (before he died) on innocuing Lemony. This seems to make sense when we think that part of the Snicket File was about the Snicket Fires, that is, an attempt by Kit and Jacques to clear Lemony of the accusation launched against Lemony that he had started fires (including the fire at the Baudelaire mansion). Probably the draft of the beginning of TBB was found by Jacques and sent to the records library in order to prove that Lemony Snicket was still alive, as he had information about the three Baudelaires after the fire started. Despite this, as I said, Snicket File is evidently not just about Snicket Fires. Olaf has reason to fear the Snicket File, because he believes there is information that could lead to his arrest. Quigley's statement coupled with Olaf's behavior makes me believe that the Snicket File was produced around the time of the salmon theft. At that moment there is evidence that the three Snickets fight together against Olaf's supporters. After that, (after Violet's birth), Olaf apparently behaved like a good boy, until the death of the Beatrices and Bertrand. Thus, the crimes to which the Snicket File may have records are from the time of events related to AA and Gregor.

#ASOUE #a series of unfortunate events #VFD #Lemony Snicket #asoue theory #asoue theories

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snicketstrange · 4 years

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What R was trying to say

I decided to return the letter from R to Lemony in LSTUA and re-analyze my conclusions. (Read Chapter 2 from LSTUA) To update you, I had deduced that this letter was written after the publication of TWW and before the publication of TMM. (Because R claims to have seen the arrival of what appears to be the original TMM manuscript, including the papers gum cited by Lemony in the letter to the editor regarding TMM). When you combine that with what is in chapter 9 of LSTUA, that Lemony received the invitation to the ball at which he ended up being captured after the publication of TRR in the ASOUE universe, it makes even more sense. I also deduced that most likely R's letter must have been written by R, due to the intimate details that only a private friend would know about Lemony. (Of course, there is the possibility that another close friend / enemy of Lemony's wrote the letter pretending to be R, but this is unlikely.) But still, I allow myself to think about the possibility that an enemy of Lemony is trying to deceive him. But I came to an impasse: if it was an enemy of Lemony trying to trick him into writing this letter, naturally the letter would contain some sort of strategy to harm Lemony in some way, maybe even scheduling a date with Lemony, or asking him to go to a certain place or act in some dangerous way. However, the letter contains only a request from R: "Study these photographs, my friend". This isn't dangerous at all, and I can't think of how an enemy of Lemony could possibly harm Lemony by asking Lemony to study some photographs. Lemony, in his personal notes, gave two possibilities for the meaning of the letter and the errors he noted in the letter. Either the author of the letter was not R (which I discarded for the reasons already explained) or R was trying to say something. (He still mentions the possibility that R is talking about another car, but I didn't find any logical sense in this hypothesis raised by Lemony.) So I deduce that R was trying to say something. However, she needed to be very subtle. Apparently there were arsonists disguised nearby as she wrote the letter. (We know this thanks to the insertion of the word "crickets" in the letter. According to Uncle Monty, crickets are trained to pass on information about the proximity of enemies that are likely to be disguised. (LSTUA chapter 10 page 167) Most likely R feared that the letter might fall into the wrong hands, or perhaps she was under the watch of an enemy who allowed her to write to Lemony, as long as she did not reveal any important information. In this case, when R purposely missed the car color, R would be inserting a Duress code. But now we have reached the point of drastic change in my point of view. Thanks to the chronology and content of the letter, I had defended the idea that Beatrice survived the fire in her house, and in the Masked Ball in which Lemony was captured (which happened a few years after the main events recorded in ASOUE) Beatrice was indeed over there. However, this conclusion did not please Hermes (a member of the staff of Dark Avennue 667 - Answering the wrong questions) for a simple and very logical reason. If Beatrice had survived, she would have looked for and found her own children, because Beatrice loved her children. I tried to deny Beatrice's love for her children, but the more I looked for sources the more I became convinced that Beatrice really loved her children. So, everything leads us to believe that Beatrice did indeed die on the day of her house fire. To try to reconcile this with that, many readers try to find ways to change the chronology, putting that ball to happen in the past, before the main events narrated in ASOUE, or during the main events recorded in ASOUE. This does not please me at all, because that is not what the evidence indicates. Others resort to the idea of Lemony published the books several times in his universe, although the only canonical republication in the ASOUE universe was TBB: The Rare Edition. And book after book has evidences that Lemony published ASOUE years after the main events recorded in it, despite having started writing at the time of the events is true. As I have already written, until the publication of LSTUA all the evidence pointed to this, in TSS and TGG we have some contradictory evidence of this, and in TE we have again evidence of this. It will be a pleasure to write about it again in the light of my new point of view. But what do I really think at the moment about what happened at the Masked Ball? At the moment, the most likely thing for me is that Lemony was deceived by some enemy. After the publication of TWW, this enemy made Lemony believe that Beatrice was alive. This enemy made Lemony believe that it would be a good idea to try to get to the Masked Ball, even though Lemony knew it would be dangerous. And this enemy's plan worked. Lemony was actually captured at that Ball, because he exposed himself unnecessarily. Strangely, I have evidence of this. Let's go to the description of the Ball in TAA chapter 11: "I was disguised as a bullfighter and slipped into the party while being pursued by the palace guards, who were disguised as scorpions. " Note that the palace guards were already waiting for Lemony, and having disguised himself as a bullfighter did not help him pass invisibly through the guards, even though it was a ball in which everyone was disguised. In other words, even though Lemony had informed him that he was going to attend the Ball using a Sebald code as shown in LSTUA chapter 9, the information that he would be at the ball was leaked. Or they already expected that it would appear, because they put a very appetizing cheese in the mousetrap. Someone pretending to be Beatrice. Let's continue: "Because I felt like a different person, I dared to approach a woman I had been forbidden to approach for the rest of my life. She was alone on the veranda ... and costumed as a dragonfly, with a glittering green mask and enormous silvery wings. " Note that this supposed Beatrice was wearing a mask. The obvious question is "could Lemony be sure that this woman was really Beatrice"? "As my pursuers scurried around the party, trying to guess which guest was me, I slipped out to the veranda and gave her the message I'd been trying to give her for fifteen long and lonely years." Beatrice, "I cried, just as the scorpions spotted me, "Count Olaf is--". Note that everything indicates that the time that the supposed Beatrice and Lemony spent together at that party were few moments. Lemony probably didn't even hear her voice. Now let's get back the letter from R to Lemony. Note some things that R tries to say to Lemony in a subtle way (LSTUA chapter 2): "Beatrice, OF COURSE, is far past complaining about lost possessions." About the children, R wrote: "Are they gone, TOO?" It gets mixed up in the middle of things that were also gone. But, with care, you could deduce that she was saying that Beatrice was indeed dead. Now, note R's request for Lemony to study the photos. She described the photos in a subtle way. 1- "The portrait of your sister and me". 2 - "The portrait we told everyone that it was your sister and me but it really wasn't". Why did R want Lemony to study these photos? I believe she wanted Lemony to get the following message: "Don't always believe in the identity that someone claims to have, since we ourselves have lied about our own identity several times already." 3 - The portrait of the Second Annual Codebreaking Picnic. What could that mean? This is simple: "You, Lemony, will have to figure out what information I'm trying to give you in a similar way to how we did it in these annual picnics, because I can't use any known VFD code, because our enemies know the same codes that us. " 4 and 5 - "Two images of our meeting room, the first empty, and the second with a solitary figure, waiting patiently for the seassion to begin in that enormous room of green wood. How content this young woman looks, isn't it? How content and so flammable. " Note that R does not say the name of this young woman. But evidently Lemony could recognize the person in the photo. R claims that the young woman is flammable. I believe that this is evidence that the young woman is really Beatrice. R is saying to Lemony: "Beatrice died in the fire at her house". But R needs to say it in a subtle way, so that enemies who are trying to trick Lemony can still use the trap of trying to attract Lemony through Beatrice's false survival story again. Ah, that helps us understand why Lemony was running away from someone named Beatrice Baudelaire on TBL. He feared being cheated again. Lemony's way of thinking is evident in the letter BB to LS # 1, in which Lemony indicates that she believes the author of the letter is an imposter, perhaps someone whose initial E.

#ASOUE #LSTUA #beatrice baudelaire #TBL #Lemony Snicket #lemony snicket the unauthorized autobiography #asoue theory

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snicketstrange · 5 years

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What is the explanation for a secret letter in TSS?

This is part 8 of the Strange Interpretation of Jean Lúcio from Brazil

To understand this text, it is necessary to read my previous texts.

Today we are going to talk about my interpretation of the secret letter found in TSS. The letter is as follows:

"My dear sister, I am taking a great risk in hiding a letter to you inside one of my books, but I am certain that even the most melancholy and well-read people in the world have found my account of the lives of the three Baudelaire children even more wretched than I had promised, and this book will stay on the shelves of libraries, utterly ignored, waiting for you to open it and find this message. As an additional precaution, I placed a warning that the rest of this chapter contains a description of the Baudelaires' miserable journey up the Vertical Flame Diversion, so anyone who has the courage to read such a description is probably brave enough to read my letter to you I have at last learned the whereabouts of the evidence that will exonerate me, a phrase which here means "prove to the authorities that it is Count Olaf, and not me, who has started so many fires." Your suggestion, so many years ago at that picnic, that a tea set would be a handy place to hide anything important and small in the event of a dark day, has turned out to be correct. (Incidentally, your other picnic suggestion, that a simple combination of sliced mango, black beans, and chopped celery mixed with black pepper, lime juice, and olive oil would make a delicious chilled salad also turned out to be correct.) I am on my way now to the Valley of Four Drafts, in order to continue my research on the Baudelaire case. I hope also to retrieve the aforementioned evidence at last. It is too late to restore my happiness, of course, but at least I can clear my name. From the site of V.F.D. I will head straight for the Hotel Denouement. I should arrive by - well, it would not be wise to type the date, but it should be easy for you to remember Beatrice 's birthday. Meet me at the hotel. Try to get us a room without ugly curtains. With all due respect, Lemony Snicket P.S. If you substitute the chopped celery with hearts of palm, it is equally delicious. "

Because of this letter many fans believe that Daniel Handler made chronological mistakes in ASOUE. The reason they think so is evident: in this letter Lemony Snicket states that he will meet with his sister at the Denouement Hotel. Lemony said the hotel was fully operational. However, in TRR and TAA, Lemony implies that several years have passed between the major events reported in the books, and the publication of the books themselves. However, the main events reported in the books happen in full in a maximum of 2 years. (To confirm this, just remember which books Klaus and Violet celebrated their birthdays.) The first of these two years is recorded from chapter 1 of TBB to chapter 13 of TE. At the end of chapter 13, the death of Kit Snicket is recorded. At the end of TPP, there is a fire that destroyed the Hotel Denouement. So how could this letter, which was written at the time of the publication of the book TSS, be considered with the recipient about the hotel Denouement still in full operation? And how could this letter be destined to Lemony's sister, since she died in a maximum of one year after the fire at the Baudelaire mansion?

In order to try to justify this apparent contradiction, some fans created the following theory: Lemony wrote ASOUE during the main events recorded on them, hence Lemony sent these originals to Kit. From there Kit sent Lemony back, Lemony revised the books and then, many years later, books have been published in their current format. Dante explained this theory to me recently. I will call this theory "The theory of writing ASOUE books shortly after the main events and publication in the final format many years after these events".

Frankly speaking, I do not like this theory at all, and I do not believe it. I respect it, of course, as a possibility. But I do not agree with the theory. Nor do I agree with the statement that Daniel Handler made chronological errors. If you have accompanied all my Threads, you know that I created the theory of the Great Hiatus, which is very logical and coherent from my point of view. The theory of the Great Hiatus results in the assurance that many years have passed between the events recorded in the books TMM until TE, and the publication of these books in Lemony's universe.

On the other hand, "The theory of writing ASOUE books shortly after the main events and publication in the final format many years after these events" leaves several points loose. And I'm going to list some of the loose spots here.

1 - In writing this letter, Lemony does not know the location of his "sister".

There is only one reason to hide a letter in a book that will be published in various parts of the world. Lemony explains: "this book will stay on the shelves of libraries, utterly ignored, waiting for you to open it and find this message." If Lemony knew where her "sister" is, he could send her a message by letter, using some code. But instead, Lemony expected his "sister" wherever she was, to buy a copy of the book and then get the message.

2 - In the secret letter printed in TSS, Lemony demonstrates that it intends that the letter be printed in what would become the final version of the book TSS.

Note these excerpts: "this book will stay on the shelves of libraries,"

"I am certain that even the most melancholy and well-read people in the world have found my account of the lives of the three Baudelaire children even more wretched than I had promised"

These excerpts show that Lemony was convinced that this book would be sent to various parts of the world. If he really did draft the book early, this letter was not sent in advance draft, but the letter was sent in the final version, where readers around the world would have access to that letter. Thus, the letter could only be referring to relevant events many years after the major events recorded in the book. So this letter does not help prove that Lemony wrote the books, sent them to Kit, and these were returned to him by Kit and then revised by Lemony to be published in the final version years later.

I am not saying that I do not believe that Lemony began to write what would one day become ASOUE a few months after the main events recorded in TBB. Or even some time before the events recorded in TBB. According to The UA pag. 177 and 178, before the Heimlich Hospital was destroyed, Lemony was already trying to write what would one day become the introduction of TBB. However, his plan was to write a story about his own life, the plan was not to write about Beatrice's children.

"" The writing theory of ASOUE books shortly after the main events and publication in the final format many years after these events "does not explain how Lemony knew the content of the particular dialogues of the Baudelaire siblings.

This theory depends on another theory that does not make sense to me either. I found out about this theory by reading some posts here. The theory says that Lemony was following the Baudelaire siblings, and listening to what they were talking about, which is why Lemony knows the contents of the dialogues. But that does not make sense.

Some places where the Baudelaire siblings only talked to each other were completely isolated, such as an elevator shaft, a caravan about to fall off a cliff, a trunk of a car, a jail cell or a submarine at the bottom of the ocean. Also, in TBB the rare edition, Lemony says that access to Count Olaf's house was hindered, so Lemony did not enter Olaf's house to be able to write TBB. Thus the dialogues that took place inside Olaf's house, as recorded in TBB, could not be heard by Lemony if he were following the Baudelaires siblings.

Another theory states that Lemony invented most of the dialogues. This theory I heard in my own country, which in case you do not know, is Brazil. The people who created this theory agree with me in stating that Lemony is an unreliable narrator. But I disagree that Lemony invented the dialogues because he assured himself in TUA that he would make an accurate record of what happened to the Baudelaire siblings.

(Personal note: It is interesting that these people believe that Lemony may have invented part of the main story, but they severely criticized me for believing that Lemony lied about Beatrice's death. They called me crazy several times. I do not force anyone to agree with me, but my theory is well grounded and deserves respect as any other well-founded theory. I promised myself that one day ASOUE fans from around the world would hear about my theory, and I thank J. and her friend F., N. his twin brother E. from Brazil and D. F. from 667 Dark Avennue very much for giving me support. And I thank SS for being my example, and for now he is evaluating my work.)

The more I think about it, the more I'm sure that Lemony read the book on the island, where the Baudelaire siblings recorded their dialogues, and the events they lived through. But for this to be so, Lemony must have written and published all the books of ASOUE after the Baudelaires siblings had left the island. If you accept this as fact, you will allow yourself to think of other possibilities to explain the secret letter in TSS. That's what I did. And I found the following possibilities.

1 - The true recipient of the letter is not Kit. Because Kit was already dead when the letter was written.

2 - Lemony can call other sister people besides Kit.

See the dictionary definition:

www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/sister

"Sister: a girl or woman regarded as a comrade."

A similar definition was used in THH chapter 3:

"I'm confused," Klaus said. "I always thought that brothers and sisters are people who share the same parents." "Not always, brother," the bearded man said. "Sometimes brothers and sisters are just people who are united for a common cause."

3 - Hotel Denouement was rebuilt during the many years that have passed since the first destruction of the Denouement hotel until the publication of the book TSS. And between the publication of TGG and TPP the Hotel Denouement was destroyed again.

If you have understood the Great Hiatus Theory, you must have noticed something important about how the ASOUE books were published in Lemony's universe. The natural consequence of the Great Hiatus theory is the need to accept that most of the ASOUE books were not published in a short time between one book and another in Lemony's universe.

ASOUE contains two stories that do not happen simultaneously. When Lemony Snicket narrated the main story, he told events of the past. But when Lemony recounted the events of his own life during the publication of the books, including how his research was conducted, Lemony was talking about events that occurred over many, many years.

According to Lemony, he devoted most of his life to the investigation of what happened to the Baudelaires.

Note the excerpt below TSS 10 Chapter 13:

"Even for an author like myself, who has devoted his entire life to investigating the mysteries that surround the Baudelaire case, there is still much I have been unable to discover."

Lemony spent several months of his life only to discover or confirm some details of the history of the Baudelaires.

In THH Chapter 4, Lemony states that he spent more than 9 months just to be reasonably certain that Hal was not a spy. In TSS Chapter 13, Lemony states that he investigated the whereabouts of the two white-faced women. He even searched for bones and took these bones to a specialist several times. Imagine how long it took Lemony to carry out the verifications of every detail of what is recorded in the main story of ASOUE! It is interesting that Lemony to write TSS spent a lot of time looking for the caravan where Violet and Klaus were and did not find the caravan.

The world in which Lemony is publishing his books undergoes great changes over time. For example, after the publication of TRR, Prufrock Prep closed. Valorous Farms Dairy was burned down. Mamba du Mal was killed.

So, all this leads me to believe that the Hotel Denouement was rebuilt over the period of many, many years that Lemony took by writing and publishing each of the books of ASOUE. Accepting this helps to understand that the letter is talking about another quest for another sugar blow at the Denouement hotel.

In addition, D. helped me by explaining to me a something about The Bad Beginning Rare Edition. The Author's Notes says:

p.2 The three Baudelaire children lived with their parents in an enormous mansion at the heart of a dirty and busy city, and occasionally their parents gave them permission to take a rickety trolley-the word “rickety”, you probably know, here means “unsteady” or “likely to collapse”-alone to the seashore…

P.2 - ... That the trolley has since collapsed, and its remains were recycled into the foundation of a hotel.

D. said to me: "At the time of publication, the hotel in question was widely assumed to be the Hotel Denouement; and indeed the idea of the last safe place remaining hidden from the fire-starting side of the schism simply by merit of having only been built recently made a lot of sense. But there's no suggestion in TPP that the Hotel Denoument is of recent construction; indeed, the existence of the underwater catalogue and the sheer quantity of evidence stored therein strongly implies that this is a location with extensive history."

Thanks D.!

However, between the day Lemony published TSS and the day he published TPP, the Hotel Denouement was destroyed again. Remember, "Daniel Handler doubles events to confuse you." The evidence that I have that the hotel has been rebuilt is as follows: Lemony states that he wrote ASOUE many years after the events in ASOUE, including the destruction of the Hotel Denouement. Still, when Lemony published TSS, he wrote a letter to a woman reserving a room at the Hotel Denouement, the only way to make sense of it, is to accept that the hotel has been rebuilt. There is other evidence:

You should remember the secret signal to tell one of the hotel managers that a VFD member is on the outside calling for him. Kit explained:

TPP chapter 3:

"Frank should be watching from one of the windows of the hotel, unless of course Ernest has intercepted my message and is watching instead. In any case, when you're ready to meet him, you can throw the rock into the pond, and he'll see the ripples and know you're on your way. "

Now notice what Lemony says:

"... even after months of research, and many sleepless nights, and many dreary afternoons spent in front of an enormous pond, throwing stones in the hopes that someone would notice the ripples I was making, I have no way of knowing if the Baudelaires should have been sad or relieved to see him go either. "

Lemony was at the hotel doing his research on the Baudelaire case. In the letter, he said he would go to the hotel and actually went there. When Lemony went there, he picked up some papers from some notepad at the reconstructed hotel desk. Lemony used these papers to write letters to his editor, which are printed at the end of TGG.

However, probably while writing TPP, the Hotel Denouement was again destroyed. Notice what Lemony said:

TPP Chapter 11:

"If you were to put this book down, and travel to the pond that now reflects nothing but a few burnt scraps of wood and the empty skies, and if you were to find the hidden passageway that leads to the underwater catalog that you have remained secret and safe for all these years, you could read an account of an interpretation of sausages that went horribly wrong. "

It is interesting that Lemony again makes a point of emphasizing that years have passed since the events narrated, and the moment in which he is writing history. Daniel Handler made that clear from TRR to TPP. At no point was there a change of plans in this regard. And by the time Lemony wrote Chapter 11 of TPP, the hotel was again destroyed. But the Secret Library was intact.

So briefly. From my point of view the best way to interpret the letter is as follows:

1 - Lemony is writing to someone else, not to Kit.

2 - The hotel Denouement has been rebuilt.

3 - Lemony arranged a meeting with the recipient of the letter, in the hotel where he would find the proof that would clear his name.

This proof is probably inside another sugar bowl. It's not the same sugar bowl Olaf had been looking for years before.

Who could be the other person to whom Lemony wrote this letter? Speaking frankly, all the evidence points to Beatrice. As explained in the last Thread, Beatrice remained alive for many years after the fire of her house. According to TSS chapter 6, Sunny recalled that her mother could prepare a salad exactly with the same ingredients as the recipient of the letter. Lemony states that the recipient of the letter could remember Beatrice's birthday. And Lemony asked the recipient of the letter to book a single room for himself and her. All this points to Beatrice as the recipient of the letter. But now think of a few more details: Lemony made a point of pointing out that Beatrice should arrive at the Denouement hotel before him. Lemony was probably throwing rocks at Pond to get Beatrice's attention. But he could not get her attention. Soon after, the hotel was burned down. Lemony had said that the evidence that would clear his name was in the hotel. But apparently the proof was from the secret library. The wrong question is, "Did someone who read that letter try to destroy the hotel again to destroy the evidence that would clear Lemony's name?" However, Count Olaf was already dead by then. So the other wrong question is: "Did the proof inside that sugar bowl indicate that someone else had started the fire at the Baudelaire mansion? Was this person doing everything for Lemony not to find out the truth? "I will talk about these my hypotheses in a future text.

But we have come to an important part of our research. There is strong evidence that Beatrice survived the fire at her house. There is strong evidence that Beatrice is the true recipient of the secret letter in TSS. But in addition, there is strong evidence that Lemony, in calling her sister Beatrice, was collaborating to conceal Beatrice's identity. There is evidence that Beatrice was pretending to be Kit, many years after Kit's death. Remember that Kit died on a deserted island where few witnesses witnessed her death. Few people in the world knew Kit was dead. So Beatrice took advantage of this to pretend to be Kit. Miss K's account of Prufrock Prep is evidence of this, as I have already explained. But in addition, in TGG, Lemony told a purposeful lie.

Lemony wrote in TGG chapter 10:

"As the hook-handed man circled the brig, it was as if the baudelaires were picking through the chef's salad, mostly of dreadful - and perhaps even poisonous - ingredients, trying desperately to find the one noble crouton that might save their sister, just I am, among the paragraphs, am picking through this salad in front of me, hoping that my waiter is more noble than wicked, and that my sister, Kit, might be saved by the small, herbed piece of toast I hope to retrieve from my bowl. "

Lemony states that Kit is alive and could be saved by him. Lemony is lying because Kit was dead long ago. He's protecting Beatrice's secret identity.

It is very important to understand this part of my theory. The sugar bowl that Lemony said he was picking up at the hotel while he was writing TSS is not the same thing Olaf had been looking for many years before. Do not forget: "Daniel Handler duplicates events to confuse you." In the next Thread we will answer the question: "What was in the sugar bowl that belonged to Esmé, according to the Strange Theory of Jean Lúcio from Brazil?" and "What has to be that Beatrice survived the fire with the contents of the sugar bowl? "

#asoue spoilers #asoue chronology #asoue theories #asoue #kit snicket #beatrice baudelaire #lemony snicket the unauthorized autobiography #lemony snicket #tss #sugar bowl #sugar bowl theory

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snicketstrange · 5 years

Text

Answering the right questions about the sugar bowl.

Foxy is a member of 667 Dark Avenue and after reading my theory about the sugar bowl, she asked me: “Why would Esme have originally had the TGU whistle to control, and how would she have procured that sugar bowl to begin with?”

The answer has to be about when the battle for the VFD animals took place. As you know, I defend the idea that there were some moments in the VFD story that were called Schism. Let’s highlight two of these moments.

(And for you to understand why she asked this, you’re going to need to read some of my theories.

Sugar Bowls Theory)

The Great Schism of VFD and the Schism of Olaf. The Great VFD Schism happened when Kit was 4 years old. This great Schism divided VFD between the incendiary side and the side that extinguished fires. The man with the beard but no hair and the woman with hair but no beard passed to the incendiary side at this time. They had a baby as an employee before the Great Schism, and according to Olaf, by the time of the events narrated in TSS, that baby should already be an adult if he were alive. I believed that the battle for animals had taken place at this time, but I was wrong. Beatrice and Bertrand became lion coaches according to TBB the Rare Edition. Beatrice and Bertrand simply had not yet been captured on the side that extinguished fires when the Great Schism occurred. So the lions stayed on the fire-extinguishing side when the Great Schism happened. According the woman with hair but no beard in TSS, when the Schism happened, the volunteers stayed with the snakes and the ravens, while the arsonists were left with two ferocious mammals: the lions and the eagles. Well, what schism was she talking about right now? She could only be talking about Olaf’s Schism, which began to occur at the time of the cancellation of Beatrice’s marriage to Lemony (certainly 20 years or more after the Great Schism). During this time, Beatrice and Bertrand became lion coaches. But Olaf’s Schism made Olaf capture some lions, and even kill one of the lions Beatrice or Bertrand trained. It was at this time that the battle for animals began. We know that the Snicket siblings fought for VFD salmon sometime after or shortly before the cancellation of Lemony’s marriage. Lemony must have participated of the fight by the salmon along with Kit and Jacques. A little before or a little after that, the meeting recorded in chapter 3 of The UA happened. In this chapter is quoted the secret of the sugar bowl (sugar bowl in the singular). At the time of the VFD meeting, the sugar bowl was already on the opposite side to Olaf. Lemony and Beatrice must have realized that Esmé was not a reliable person to keep the sugar bowl under her hands. So they stole the sugar bowl. Why did she have the sugar bowl? Why she had been called VFD to control the Great Unknown. According to the secret letter in TSS, due to an idea of Beatrice, VFD started using sugar bowls to keep important and secret things. (For you to understand it, you will need to read this theory.) The events recorded in ATWQ indicate that it was at the time that Lemony was 12 or 13 years old that he discovered the existence of marine animals of gigantic destructive power. These animals could be controlled by sounds. VFD already used sounds to control animals, using whistles to control eagles. Before returning the statuette that produced the sound that controlled the Great Unknown (he needed to keep the promise), Lemony provided the making of a whistle that produced the same sound. The existence of that beast had to be as secret as possible. VFD was already interested in that mystery, and sent Hector and Windershins to investigate the situation. But Lemony did not immediately reveal the existence of that Beast for VFD. He realized that this beast could be used to end evil, killing enemies selectively. It was the same idea as Micelium Medusoide. But without a complicator. For the Micelium Medusoide to kill enemies selectively, it was necessary first to find a cure, so that those whom Lemony and his supporters would deem worthy to remain alive when the Micelium was used did not end up dying. That is why Beatrice and Bertand wanted to build a tunnel to AA, because Micelium Medusoide and Micelium Medusoide healing were part of the same project. The fragmented plan that was taking place at the Denouement Hotel, involved luring enemies to kill them all at once. So the hotel was close to the sea. ( This part of the hotel was explained to me by a Brazilian volunteer who also publishes her English theories on Tumblr, em The Baffling Blog, @virtualfindingsdocumented , she has very good content about ASOUE). The sea beast would be summoned at the right time to selectively kill enemies. Of course, mushrooms could also be used. But it was necessary that the nobles there present had eaten of the cure. That’s why the strong root plant and the production of bitter apples was so important to VFD.

So, in short: Esmé received the sugar bowl with the whistle of Lemony, who later robbed it along with Beatrice. As the beast was an animal, this happened during the battle for animals that was at the time of Olaf’s Schism.

#asoue theory #asoue theories #atwq #sugar bowl #sugar bowl theory

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