Could you make a Quaritch ticklish fic with his son Spider, please?
I've never gotten a request before! I hope you enjoy:
“Hey, Quaritch, look at this!”
Quaritch looked up from where he was washing his sweat-soaked tank top in a small stream at the sound of Spider’s voice. It took him a moment to spot him crouched among a bunch of oversized ferns, with something cradled in his hands. He couldn’t tell exactly what it was from his position. When Spider saw he had his attention, he very, very slowly stood and walked over to Quaritch with his mysterious prize hidden in his arms.
Alarm bells immediately went off in Quaritch’s head and his ears twitched up in alarm. Spider never did anything “very, very slowly,” so there had to be a reason for it. The shit eating grin on his face gave Quaritch the sneaking suspicion that whatever the reason was, he wasn’t going to like it.
Quaritch went back to cleaning his top and hoped Spider would get bored and leave him alone, but he had no such luck. To his dismay, Spider marched right up to him and gently displayed his hands with a soft, “ta da!”
“Ugh!” Quaritch didn’t bother trying to hide his disgust at the sight of the hideous little creature in Spider’s hands: it looked like the nightmarish offspring of a scorpion and a hornet, and it was about the size of a small dog. Coarse, wiry hair covered its spindly legs, and a wicked-looking stinger hovered mere centimeters above the unprotected skin of Spider’s palm. Quaritch’s ears flattened back in revulsion. Why such a beast would ever need to exist was beyond him. God, he hated this damn planet.
Spider snickered at his reaction. “You like it?”
“No! What the hell even is that? Why are you holding it?” Quaritch leaned away from Spider warily. He wouldn’t put it past the kid to try and throw it at him for shits and giggles. “Put that thing back where you found it before it stings you for Christ’s sake!”
“The Na’vi call it kalwey. Humans call it tarantula-wasp.” Spider explained, calmly letting the little nightmare crawl over his arms.
“If this is your way of asking for a pet, the answer is no.”
“Kalwey isn’t a pet. It’s a game!”
Quaritch stared balefully down at Spider and his new “friend.” He didn’t even want to ask. In the end, he didn’t need to ask because Spider continued explaining anyway.
“So, kalwey have a venom for hunting their prey. It’s harmless to Na’vi and humans, but it sure stings a lot. The Omaticaya have a game where you take turns holding the kalwey to prove you can stay calm under pressure, ‘cause the kalwey is easily startled, but it won’t sting as long as you keep your cool, see?” Sure enough, Spider stayed relaxed and the kalwey crawled up and down his arms without threatening to sting. It even crawled all the way up to his head and onto the plexiglass of his exopack. The damned thing was so big Quaritch couldn’t even see Spider’s face behind it, but he didn’t need to see to know he was still grinning like an idiot.
“Well, that’s great, kid. I’m so glad you were raised by people who think this is a good past-time.” He responded dryly.
“Wanna play with me?”
“No.”
“Aww, why not?” Spider whined while the kalwey migrated to the top of his head. It must’ve thought his dreadlocks were a good place to nest, because it folded up its legs and sat there like the world’s ugliest hat.
“Because this is ridiculous. Put it back.”
“What’s the matter? You scared?”
“I said, put it back.”
“You know, Jake is, like, really good at this game. It’s probably impossible to beat him…”
The mention of Sully instantly made Quaritch narrow his eyes. He stared Spider down for a long minute. Then, he heaved a heavy sigh and stuck out one hand. “Fine. Give me the damn bug.”
“Ha!” Spider crowed victoriously before gently removing the kalwey from its perch on his head and placing it into Quaritch’s palm.
Quaritch grimaced at the feel of its hairy little feet digging into his skin. Then, to his horror, it started crawling up his arm. He held his arm away from his body, hoping to discourage the creature from getting closer to him, but he had no such luck. It scuttled over the eagle tattoo and reached his shoulder, putting it uncomfortably close to his face. He realized he should’ve put his tank top back on before agreeing to play this ridiculous game, but it was too late to do anything about it now. All he could do was watch as the creature inched closer to his unprotected torso.
“Spider…”
“Just relax! The rule is that you have to let the kalwey go where it wants.” Explained Spider, who looked like he was enjoying Quaritch’s discomfort immensely.
Quaritch was about to tell Spider to take the damned thing off of him before it reached his neck, but then Spider said with a smug little smirk, “don’t tell me you’re scared?”
“Of course not!” Quartich snapped, mentally resigning himself to letting the kalwey have free reign of his body until Spider got bored of the game. He had a pretty short attention span. Hopefully, this would get old for him soon.
To Quaritch’s relief, when the kalwey reached his collarbone, it didn’t crawl up onto his neck, but instead went down onto his chest. Then, Quaritch found himself wishing it had crawled onto his neck when it reached his sides. Eight tiny, prickly feet dug into his striped blue skin as it crawled up and down.
Quaritch pressed his lips together in a tight line. His tail twitched and his chest started to shake. He prayed the little monster would move down onto his legs, which were protected by his pants, but unfortunately, it seemed to like skittering over his belly and his sides. Quaritch jammed his fist against his lips as his shoulders started to shake even harder.
Spider’s impish grin faded as he watched Quaritch shake. “Uh… are you okay?”
“Take it— take it off.” Quaritch wheezed through clenched teeth.
“What?”
“I said, ta– ake it off,” he repeated, his voice strained.
“Why? What’s wrong?”
“Spider—” he snapped in irritation, and suddenly, he couldn’t hold it in anymore. A small laugh escaped him that made his belly shake. “Aha, ha!”
Spider recoiled in surprise. It was the first time he’d ever heard him laugh. He probably hadn’t even thought Quaritch could laugh.
Unfortunately, the way Quaritch’s body shook from struggling to hold in his laughter upset the kalwey. It let out a warning hiss at having its exploration disturbed, and raised its wicked stinger menacingly.
“Spider, now!” Quaritch barked between strained laughs.
Right before the creature could sting him, Spider snapped out of his surprise and smacked it off his body so fast it didn’t have time to strike. Once the kalwey was gone, all the laughs Quaritch had been holding back finally escaped him.
“Ha, ha, ha— oh, hell!” He wheezed out a deep belly laugh before quickly sobering up into a scowl.
Spider stared up at him in confusion. “Quaritch?”
“Don’t ever ask me to do something like that again. That’s an order.” He snapped. His skin itched with the memory of little feet scampering over his skin.
“Wait a minute…” Spider began slowly. The confused look on his face was quickly giving way to something much more mischievous. It was a look Quaritch definitely didn’t like. “Are you ticklish?”
“No, I am not ticklish.” Quaritch glowered down at Spider, whose grin was growing wider by the second.
“Yuh-huh, you totally are!”
“I’m not a child, Spider. Of course I’m not ticklish. Now, come on, let’s get back to the rest of the squad.” Quaritch grabbed his wet tank top and quickly turned to leave, hoping if he changed the subject fast enough Spider would forget about the whole affair.
He didn’t make it five steps before a small set of hands dug into his sensitive sides. It startled him so much that he let out a small squeal of a laugh— a sound so unmanly it was downright shameful. The embarrassing little giggle was quickly drowned out by Spider bursting into laughter.
“Holy shit, you are ticklish! Ha!” He guffawed.
“You little—!” With a growl of embarrassment, Quaritch whipped around to scowl at him. He couldn’t believe Spider actually had the audacity to tickle him. Fucking tickle him. Quaritch was a colonel for Christ’s sake, not one of his little Na’vi friends to play around with.
While Spider continued to laugh at his expense, Quaritch scrambled to come up with the appropriate reaction to his behavior. If one of his subordinates had ever dared to tickle him, he would’ve had them court martialed faster than they could say Jack Robinson. But Spider wasn’t one of his subordinates. He couldn’t exactly court martial a teenager with no rank. Technically, Spider was a prisoner of war, but no POW would ever be in a position to mess with a colonel. Besides, Quaritch didn’t really want to treat him like a POW. At a loss for how to discipline him for his insubordination, all he could do was continue to glare at him disapprovingly while he howled with mean-spirited laughter.
“Alright, that’s enough. Shut up and come back to camp with me.” Quaritch ordered. He hoped the warning tone in his voice would be enough to make Spider forget this ever happened, but Spider either didn’t notice or didn’t care that he was on thin ice.
“Oh my god, the big bad Colonel Quaritch is ticklish! Who knew this was your weakness all along?” Spider snickered.
Quaritch turned to stomp back to camp, and this time Spider barely waited for his back to turn before a sneaky little hand snaked towards his exposed side. Unfortunately for Spider, this time Quaritch was ready for him. Before he could tickle him again, Quaritch seized his wrist and pinned the giggling Spider to the ground.
“Let’s see how you like it!” Quaritch snapped before he dug his fingers into Spider’s sides just how he’d dug his hands into his. Nothing happened. He changed tactics and tried to get a reaction by lightly tickling his belly and then his armpits, but it didn’t work. Instead of helplessly laughing, Spider just smirked.
Quaritch sat back on his haunches, but kept a hand on Spider to keep him pinned. “You’re not ticklish.”
“Nope! Just you.” Despite being pinned to the ground by someone who could easily crush his ribcage, Spider didn’t look worried at all. In fact, he was grinning so wide he looked like the cheshire cat.
Quaritch’s ears twitched down in embarrassment. What the hell was he doing? He was squatting in the mud trying to tickle his captured translator like an idiot; he was making a fool of himself! When Spider had tried to tickle him again, he hadn’t thought it through, he’d just reacted, wrestling him to the ground on instinct. Why was this of all things his first instinct? This wasn’t any way to treat a subordinate, and it certainly wasn’t a way to treat a POW. If anything, this was— Quaritch’s tail flicked upwards as he realized where he’d seen this before. A hazy, half forgotten memory swam to the surface of his borrowed psyche: a much younger, much more human Miles Quaritch play-fighting with his father long, long before he’d ever even heard of a place called Pandora. With a jolt, Quaritch realized that Spider looked a lot less like a POW getting chewed out for messing with his captor, and a lot more like a young Miles smiling as he played with his dad.
Quaritch didn’t know how he felt about that.
Before he could make up his mind, a small hand snuck past his defenses and pinched his side, sending him into another fit of compulsive laughter. Spider crowed in delight at successfully tickling him again.
“Boy, if you don’t cut that out—!” Quaritch cried, but this time there was no venom in his tone. He let his inner turmoil go and let his instincts take over. Scooping Spider up into his arms, he put him in a headlock and rubbed his knuckles into his dreadlocked head.
“Hey, get off!” Spider protested as he tried to squirm out of his grip, but there was no real urgency to it.
This wasn’t the first time Quaritch had held Spider, but it was the first time he’d done so without Spider genuinely fighting to get away from him. Though Spider pushed back against his over-sized arms, his movements were playful and he laughed as he did it. It was nice, Quaritch realized. He liked the feeling of holding Spider and knowing he wasn’t scared; knowing he trusted Quaritch not to hurt him.
Once Spider started to tire from pushing against Quaritch’s much stronger arms, Quaritch swung him back onto his feet and let him go. “Alright, you little knucklehead. You’ve had your fun, but if you go trying to poke me again, I’m gonna throw you in the creek, you hear me?”
“Aye, aye, captain.” Spider replied with a sarcastic salute.
They started to walk back towards where the other recoms were setting up camp for the night. Before they were in ear shot, Spider shot Quaritch a sly grin. “So, does the rest of the squad know you’re ticklish?”
Quaritch lightly smacked his leg with his tail as he walked by. “Remember what I said about throwing you in the creek?”
Laughing, Spider threw up his hands in surrender. “Okay, okay. Your secret is safe with me, old man!”
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FEBESTIARY 2024
Throughout all of February, I did an art challenge I called Febestiary!
The idea is simple: make 5 diff picker wheels of different prompts based on various animal species, body types, biomes, art styles, and unique traits.
Then, smack 'em all together! This is the result of my month-long artistic pursuit :3
Oh also,
I waive all rights to these creature designs, and release them under the CC0 license. No rights reserved.
[ID: Eleven images, each showing a different original fantasy monster design, labeled Febestiary with the day, and a bullet point list of traits with a drawing.
Day 1: Cosmic Clam: Bivalve, asymetrical, cosmos, cool, herds, saber teeth, monogamous.
The cosmic clams are drawn flying through a starscale, with deep blue shells on one side and a spike for a tail, with soft pale flesh on the other side like an oyster.
Day 1: Mind Magma Money: primate, tripedal, lava beds, low effort, mind control, diurnal, scavenger.
The mind magma monkey has three legs and two arms, with dark fur striped with cream on the arms and legs and above the pink face. It holds a bone in one hand, with lines of green going from its head to the heads of stick figures with swirly eyes, showing they are brainwashed into doing the money's bidding, one of them offering it energy. The background is black rock and lava.
Day 2: Diplopoltus: Dolpocaulus, hexapedal, tir na nog, minimalist, strong smell, spectral, levitation.
The Diplopoltus is shown as a long, blue and white spectral creature with a curved head like a hammerhead shark, and six short legs with three toes. It has four clusters of whiskers on its head, and blank white eyes with slits for a nose. It floats over a fantastic blue field at night the stars covering the sky.
Day 2: David Bowfish: Walleye, bipedal, cosmos, low effort, telekenesis, supersonic roars, bright colors.
The David Blowfish is drawn as a bipedal fish standing on the surface of the moon. It has two fins on its back, one blue, one green, a dark green fin on its tail and matching duck-like feet, red legs and belly, and a body white on the face with a stripe of red around the eye, a thick black band in the center, and the end striped white and green. It telekinetically holds a walkie taklie and has its mouth open, calling into it.
Day 3: Voltacuda: Barracuda, hexapedal, digital, skeleton, venemous bite, scavenger, elemental kinesis.
The Voltacuda is drawn as the skeleton of a barracuda in a digital grid world, with cables sparking with blue electricity ectending from the head, tail, and fins.
Day 4: Digitulas: Tarantula, quadrupedal, nightmares, creepy, nocturnal, sexual dimorphism, hibernation.
There are two digitulas, shrouded behind hazy darkness making them very hard to see, with their six front eyes the easiest thing to see, white-ish with pupils that seem dark red. One is shorter and closer to the ground, the other is much taller, with long hair partially obscuring its eyes. Aside from vague outlines of spider-like limbs and bodies, nothing else can be seen clearly.
Day 5: Proffo Pelican: Pelican, hexapedal, jungles, cutesy, burrowing, eusocial, strong vision.
The Proffo pelican is drawn sitting, with a bird body that is mostly grey-tan, with darker brown on the head, belly, and tail. It has four dark webbed feet, a fan-shaped tail with a center white feather, and the others dark brown with an orange and red-shaped base. The belly is striped with dotted lines of white. Its wing is tan-grey with white tips, and folded. It has a long tall neck, with a yellow face, a round eye, and a pale orange beak that is red at the base, with a large, striped, red, orange, and pale orange pouch below the beak that is puffed up. Atop the head is a small swirl of white, and smaller white "whiskers" on the cheek. The eye has a white line like a cheetah trailing down.
Day 6: Flying Frankfarter: Canine, limbless, clouds, cool, clairvoyance, poison secretions, migration.
The Flying Frankfarter is drawn as a dark brown hotdot with the head of a dog wearing sunglasses, with yellow stripes along the back in loops, and the top of the head like mustard. It has no limbs except for a short fluffy tail. It farts out fire as it flies through the sky like a missile, with a compass in a thought bubble over its head to show it knows where it's going.
Day 7: Soaring Sea Sloth: Sloth, Aquatic, Islands, Ancient, undead, levitation, healing powers.
The Soaring Sea Sloth is drawn in a stylized form with a long head, two large paws or hands off to either side above and below, tipped with three long claws, a long body, and a tail that seems like backlegs used together, with three claw sets on either side. It has a row of dots along the neck and body, and two dots above each paw. The center of the body has five asymetrical partial rings around it like ribs. There is an overlay like smoke or an old map.
Day 8: Mantid Mast: Mantis, many-limbed, underworld, goofy, time travel, camoflage, immortality. The Mantis Mast is drawn as a swimming praying mantis with large cartoony eyes, and a body that is brown and shaped like a canoe, with the legs disguised as oars, ending in duck-like feet below the water. Semi-transparent swirls of ghosts perch on its back as they are ferried down the river, with one swimming besides it. The Mantid Mast has a watch around its neck like a collar or necklace.
Day 8: Cnitaurian: Cnidarian, centaurian, oceans, scary cute, elemental kinesis, chromatophores, strong vision. The Cnitaurian is drawn as a jelly-fish like creature that is partly transparent, with other parts lit up bright blue, red, purple, and yellow. It has a head like structure with two whit eyes, a shoulder structure like the bell of a jellyfish, and a lower body as another bell, appearing shaped like a centaur, with tentacles forming arms and legs. The inside shows all the connections of the tentacles, and small flecks of white like stars.
End ID.]
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