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serenxanthe · 1 month

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After Ziost, a SWTOR Story

Part 5 (Chapters 10 - 12): The Final Part - In which Theron makes a decision.

Part 1 is here.

Part 2 is here.

Part 3 is here.

Part 4 is here.

Chapter 10

Theron didn’t get in a taxi back outside Satele’s place, it’s not like he had anywhere he needed to be, let alone wanted to be. He wandered the streets aimlessly for what seemed like days, but was probably only a few hours.

The pain in his feet from the unaccustomed amount of walking he’d done brought Theron back out of himself and he looked around. Somehow he was standing outside Seren’s apartment, their apartment for a short amount of time almost four years ago.

He knew she’d bought it from the original landlord a couple of years ago, and they’d talked about spending some quality time here together, for old time’s sake, but somehow they’d never found the time to do so. Now they never would. Theron hesitated then tried the old code they’d used back then. Somehow he was unsurprised when it worked, and the door slid open.

“Welcome home, Theron Shan.” the automated security system intoned, responding to his bioscan, and Theron suppressed a sob. Gritting his teeth to prevent tears, Theron walked around the apartment. Seren had kept the decor pretty much the same as he remembered, but it seemed like she’d added more bits and pieces, what looked like momentos from her travels around the galaxy, and some beautiful art.

He sat down on the sofa in the sitting room, trying to remember the evenings they’d spent together here, happy; enjoying each other’s company, wrapped up in each other and the all-encompassing excitement and passion of a new relationship.

Against his will, Theron’s mind drifted to the last night he’d spent on this sofa. Alone, drunk, unaccountably angry with Seren for absolutely no good reason, before he’d abandoned her without a word to head off-planet in pursuit of Zho, his old Master. The first of many times he’d sabotaged their relationship, only to be subsequently forgiven.

He’d told his father, just that afternoon, although it felt like a lifetime ago, that he’d do better at showing Seren how much he loved her. Now he never would.

Theron couldn’t stay on that sofa any longer and he got up and went into the bedroom, hoping he’d be able to focus on the good memories better in there. He looked around, it was pretty much as he remembered, bar the tasteful planetary memorabilia.

Something else was new on Seren’s bedside table. He looked more closely, there were two holo pictures in expensive looking frames.

He picked one up; it was a copy of the picture the guy with the cam had taken of them during their date at Skytower. She must have gone back to purchase the file at some point. He hadn’t known. He looked at it. They looked great; dressed up in their best clothes, so young, so shiny; but what really stood out was how happy they looked, how in love. And he had already loved her then, even though it was years before he admitted that to himself, let alone her.

The other holo picture was, wait, was that Taris of all places? They were cuddled together in an empty refugee tent, one of the moments they’d snatched together during his pursuit of Master Zho and Seren’s of the Imperial spymaster Watcher One.

He remembered now; Seren had been showing him her new probe droid, BX-23, Theron laughing at her, jokingly accusing her of picking tech on the basis that it came in her favourite colour of green. Seren had got it, or ‘him’ as she insisted on calling the droid, to take a still of them cuddling on a camp bed, clothes and faces grubby from the swampy mud of Taris, but still smiling. He’d never seen the result, but at some point Seren must have had the file converted to a holo picture and framed.

Theron confronted an uncomfortable possibility. Had Seren really loved him more than he loved her, like Jace had implied? He’d thought they were on the same page all along, but… Theron thought about all the times he’d seen Seren swallow her words, or pretend that she hadn’t seen the negative reaction on his face to any mention of too much commitment, too much intensity of feeling. He’d been grateful that she understood and regulated her own responses, he thought, disgusted with himself.

Had it taken her… death for him to realise that she was the centre of his galaxy? Not the Republic, not the SIS; her. His beloved.

Theron kicked his boots off, shrugged out of his jacket, and lay down on what had been his side of the bed. Still clutching the holo picture of them on Taris, he grabbed Seren’s pillow and curled into it. He didn’t expect for one moment that he’d be able to sleep, but somehow he slept almost instantly; his body worn out by shock and grief.

Chapter 11

The trilling of his communicator woke Theron at 6am. Probably Satele or Jace calling to check he was ‘safe’, he thought. His head was pounding like he’d drunk a bottle of whisky last night, even though he hadn’t touched a drop in days.

Theron rolled off the bed and headed into the kitchen, hoping there was still caf making equipment and supplies here. There was a huge shiny top of the range caf machine and Theron sighed in relief. But wait, it wasn’t the one that had been here when the apartment had been leased. Seren didn’t drink caf, but she must have bought it… the realisation sent another stab of intense pain to his heart; she’d bought it for him, in anticipation of him finding the time to stay here with her. Because gods forbid I’d bother to make the time, right? he berated himself bitterly.

His communicator was still trilling, why wouldn’t they just leave him alone? He gave in and answered it. Theron was astonished to see Director Trant standing there, looking harassed.

“Shan, I need you in the office straight away this morning.” Trant said without preamble, or even a greeting.

“What?” Theron said, “What do you mean?”

Trant sighed impatiently. “Obviously you’re reinstated, Theron.” he told him. “We need every agent working round the clock to counter this new threat, and Saresh agreed you’ve been punished enough now for Ziost and the Sixth Line.”

He’d been reinstated? Just like that. Theron didn’t know how he’d expected to feel hearing the news he’d been hoping for, plotting to achieve, for the past two months, but it wasn’t this. He felt nothing. “Sure, Director.” he said, “I’ll be in soon.”

The Director snorted, “By soon, you’d better not mean two hours later this time, Theron!” Marcus suddenly realised what he’d said; having spotted where Theron was standing, properly looked at the expression on his face.

“I’m sorry about Seren.” Marcus told Theron with genuine, if belated, sympathy. “I know she meant a lot to you.”

The blank expression on Theron’s face was instantly replaced by one of anger. “She meant a lot to me? My girlfriend of years, the only person I’ve ever loved, meant a lot to me?

Trant held his hand out to Theron in apology, “Theron I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to imply…”

Theron interrupted him angrily, “She meant, she means, everything to me, Director. Everything. In fact, yeah, you know what? Screw your job, I don’t care. I resign.”

Trant felt a flash of anger himself. “If that’s really true, Theron, why weren’t you on that flagship too? Why did you spend the last two months here on Coruscant begging for your job back instead of out in wild space with her?”

Theron’s face had gone white with shock, but Marcus didn’t relent. “If you need to tell yourself that she meant literally everything to you, that you don’t care about your job at all, to make yourself feel better, less guilty, then fine; whatever. But do it in your own time, and in the meantime get into the office like I said. The SIS, and the Republic, need you.”

Theron said nothing, just cut the call and switched off his communicator. He could feel a call coming in via his implants. Trant again. He bit down to sever the connection.

Theron spent the morning wandering the streets and back alleys of Coruscant again. He didn’t have a plan, a destination in mind, but the exercise, and the endless need for caution traversing the dangerous gang lands in parts of Coruscant at least provided some sort of distraction from his misery. Was he looking for a fight? For an excuse to take his rage, his grief, out on some lowlife? Theron considered; maybe.

Suddenly, another notification came through on Theron’s implants. The Defender was seeking permission to land at the Jedi dock here on Coruscant.

Of course! The journey back to the core from wild space was long. If they’d been travelling through hyperspace this whole time, they’d have been unable to use comms. Maybe Seren was on board! Maybe it hadn’t been her voice ordering the evacuation just before the ship was destroyed, this Corporal barely knew her after all! Theron stuck out his hand and hailed one of the taxis whizzing past overhead and headed to the spaceport to meet the Defender.

Please let her be on board. Theron begged desperately inside his own head. Please. I’ll do anything. I’ll never leave her side again. Ever.

Chapter 12

The Defender’s crew was disembarking as Theron arrived at the landing pad. He couldn’t see Seren. Maybe she’s still inside? He reasoned desperately to himself. He knew, he knew, that that wasn’t true, but he wanted to cling on to that last desperate glimmer of hope for a few more moments.

Kira suddenly turned and spotted him, probably having sensed him through the Force, he realised, and her face tightened, red-rimmed eyes narrowing as she regarded him. She nudged Doc, the first time Theron had ever seen her touch the man. He and the rest of the crew turned to regard Theron, none of them speaking.

Kira broke the silence, “Come to get your ship? That was fast.”

Her voice was harsh with suppressed rage, and her words made no sense to Theron.

Kira must have seen the confusion in his face, as she continued, “You’re the sole beneficiary of her will. Didn’t you know?” She suddenly swept into a low exaggerated bow, “Welcome to your new ship, your lordship, I’m sorry we didn’t have time to clean the floors.” Her grief made her usual sardonic sarcasm excoriatingly vicious.

Theron physically flinched when he understood what she was telling him. He unconsciously stepped back, holding up his hands in denial. “I don’t want her ship Kira, I want…” he swallowed then continued shakily, “Are you… sure? I mean, did you see..?”

“No we didn’t see, but if you think we didn’t go back to check, didn’t look for her? How fucking… dare you?” Kira broke off and looked away, blinking back tears.

Theron was visibly close to tears himself, but Doc had no sympathy for him, given how he’d treated Seren after Ziost. “Still…” he drawled, “at least now you’ll be able to focus on your job.”

Theron swallowed a gasp of shock at the horrible truth of Doc’s jibe, but unfortunately for him, Doc wasn’t finished yet.

“At least you’ll be able to keep working for the SIS rather than joining Seren to raise your child on the Defender.” Doc said.

Theron was unable to formulate a thought, let alone a response, for several moments.

“A child?” he eventually said angrily, “What child? Seren’s not… she wasn’t pregnant, she would have told me. And why the hells would she confide in you anyway?”

“She didn’t confide in me, genius! I’m her… I was her doctor.” Doc told Theron.

“She did confide in me, Theron, and it’s true.” Kira’s tone of voice was calmer and more even now, but it certainly wasn’t kind. “That’s why she asked you to join her on the Defender, not so you could be her sidekick.”

Theron flinched again at the reminder of what he’d said to Seren, how he’d spoken to her.

“And thanks for the insight into your level of respect for the rest of us who did decide to join her crew, I guess.” finished Kira.

Theron’s head was swimming with shock, he hardly heard Kira’s jibe. “But why didn’t she tell me?” he said forlornly.

Kira gave a short bitter laugh, then said, “You know what else she confided in me about Theron? How she felt having to beg her boyfriend to show the tiniest bit of care that she almost died on Ziost, the tiniest bit of affection. You couldn’t even be bothered to stick around on Carrick Station long enough to go for a quick drink with her! When was she supposed to tell you? And how do you think that conversation would have gone, anyway?”

Kira shook her head and spoke into Theron’s silence, “You know what? Doc’s right, Seren being gone is going to work out better for you. For your career. Now, unless you want the ship, I think you should go. There’s nothing for you here, and we’re needed for a meeting at the Senate.”

Theron looked at Seren’s crew, her ‘sidekicks’ as he’d so dismissively put it; Kira and Doc visibly grieving, Scourge and Rusk staring at him with impassive stoicism, and turned to leave. As he did so he heard a mournful series of beeps from T7. The astromech wheeled over to him, and somehow Theron somehow found himself crouching down to the droid and patting him comfortingly, blinking back tears.

“T7 go with spy. T7 rejoin SIS. T7 + spy = find who killed Jedi.”

Theron looked up questioningly at Kira.

She shrugged, “T7 is his own droid as far as I’m concerned, and like I told you, he’s your property now; everything is.”

Minutes later, Theron found himself in a taxi, T7 at his side. He took a deep breath, switched on his communicator, programmed in Director Trant’s frequency, and hit connect. He would find out who had killed Seren, and then he’d make them pay.

#swtor #theron shan #swtor jedi knight #swtor oc #my ocs #my writing #fanfic #star wars the old republic #angst #established couple #kira carsen #Doc kimble #T7

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