#sunnfish.hzsr

[sunnnfish]

oh my GOD where do I begin. Uhhhmmm. Okay. So Love & Passion is a chapter is the Sasaki and Miyano: First Years novel. Every chapter in that book is from a different characters perspective, and Love & Passion is from Tashiro’s POV. It is mostly about tashiros first year of high school and his joining of the ping pong club. Here look at the cover illustration

Going under a cut now due to exceeding length.

So like. There’s like. A Lot. Certifiably. Especially if you’re a tashiro enthusiast like me. Phenomenal characterization and narration that is usually very fun and lighthearted and tashiro-esque!

Gonzaburo Tashiro, first-year. At the moment, I’m facing an insurmountable barrier.

^ First lines of the chapter. He’s continuously very silly and like. Dramatic narrator. Yknow.

And such a personality lends itself to awfully poignant lines of crippling sincerity and simplicity that make me bawl my eyes out.

I don’t get it. What happened to the loneliness?

But of course tashiro doesn’t exist in a void to we have our delightful cast of his dear friends and acquaintances! Middle school bestie shirahama, who gets him into This Whole Mess (I’ll get to that later). Dearest Hanzawa Masato, who he makes various umh. Comments about.

“Game, set!” announced the referee, a second-year.

Man, he sounds so cool saying that.

…

As I stood there, drooping mentally and physically, I was approached by the guy who had refereed our match—the club’s vice president, Hanzawa.

And last but CERTAINLY not least. Dearest dearest previous president of the ping pong club!!!!

There he is. The saulty little binch on the right.

And if you’re wondering why we call him that. Well. He’s never given a name. Ha ha! But he has such a presence. The way he speaks and moves and looks feels so intentionally intense and like. designed. He’s so on purpose. Makes me wonder if we’ll ever get a spinoff of hanzawa masato[GETS SHOT] ha ha sorry who said that. Anyways

Dearest previous president (prev pres for short) and hanzawa torment poor tashiro. Endlessly. From the moment he joined the club—which was kind of an accident (he and shirahama joined just to check it out but eventually wanted to quit, but to quit you had to win a ping pong match. Shirahama won his match against a newbie easy peasy. Tashiro got matched up against the president of the club himself. Obviously couldn’t win and thus forced to join the club permanently)—from the moment he joined the club, prev pres and hanzawa are like. All over him. Obsessed with him. He tries to skip practice but both of them come drag him out of him classroom to come practice.

But despite his desire to not really be there, he takes club so seriously. He’s so sincere about it. He knows everyone else there is really passionate about ping pong so he cant let himself be the odd man out and rain on everyone’s parade. And this paradox—being so avoidant of the club but coming to care about it and bond with other members—really catches the eye of dearest prev pres.

“I thought Tashiro’d be spoiling for a fight, but he isn’t. That’s what makes him a genius worthy of my inner circle. Remember that, Hanzawa, ‘cause when I graduate, you’re gonna be the next club president.”

“Yes, sir.”

“And I think that guy might be a good successor to you!”

Dearest tashiro overhears this and promptly realizes the two freaks he’s met will not let him out of this. Ever. But he tells himself he’ll decline the offer. Surely they’ll find “someone more appropriate. Someone more serious about the club, maybe.”

And this is what like. Gets to the heart of this chapter. Love & Passion. AND REALLY QUICK touching on the fact that all the other chapters are named in ways that refer to specific characters. They’re all in pairs, and the chapter cover art reflects that too. She & Kuresawa. Miyano & Kuresawa. Sasaki & Miyano. Senior & Junior. SO IT MAKES YOU THINK. Who is love and who is passion. Anyways Tashiro meets and knows these various people around him and they’re all so passionate about what they do and what they like. Shirahama ends up joining the basketball club and gets really into it. Miyano and kuresawa are passionate about their books and clubs. Hanzawa and previous president are passionate about ping pong. Tashiro is passionate about… ? he doesn’t really know.

We so rarely know what other people’s passions are.

“Are you into anything, Tashiro?” Ms. Toyoda asked, and I flinched.

“Uh, me? I dunno. I guess I hadn’t really thought about it.” I racked my brain for anything I might be passionate about, but nothing came to mind.”

Later in the chapter he participates in a ping pong tournament and its like. He’s like the rush of it all and cheering for him teammates and stuff but. He doesn’t cry like everyone else when he loses.

Still, when I saw players from other school practically weeping when they lost, I couldn’t help wondering: What made them so different from me? I didn’t have the passion within me to cry when I lost.

Maybe that’s what real passion looks like. What did I have, then?

…

But something held me back, a sense that ‘passion’ was reserved for something you really, truly loved. Something you couldn’t replace, couldn’t even dream of giving up.

Ping-pong isn’t exactly the hill I would die on. But then again…

And he kinda goes through this arc where its like. Im not passionate about this like everyone else. But it has given me a goal to work towards.

And amidst all that We also get into what tashiro gets up to outside of school. Namely, he frequents a bath house where hes become the grandchild of all the old people that also frequent the place. And he also practices ping pong with his new grandpas, because he totally doesnt care about ping pong. He just. Wants to win. So he can beat the president and leave. Yeah thats it.

But he never does get around to beating the president before he has to graduate. Queue the moment that makes me the most insane

“So you’re never coming back, President?” I said.

“I ain’t President anymore.”

“Not the point! I haven’t beat you yet…” I clenched my fists, a yawning, lonely feeling of loss opening within me.

“Ahh. You mean the thing about getting to quit if you win? The next president’ll keep that promise. Dont’ you worry.”

“What?”

I don’t get it. What happened to the loneliness?

The new president—in other words, Hanzawa.

This like. Special relationship hes had with the president. This game of cat and mouse remains unfulfilled. And he feels loss and he feels lonely about it. But at the same time he can renew that relationship with Hanzawa. And it suddenly doesn’t feel so lonely anymore. And its the simplicity and bluntness of this whole exchange is what really sells it—tashiro is not particularly eloquent. He’s brash and blunt but extremely observant. And thats reflected in his chapters. He recognizes the ways other people interact with the world and their expressions and language. And its so like. Factual to him. It is the way it is. And that observancy is applied to himself too. This feels lonely. Oh. This doesn’t feel lonely anymore. But he doesnt necessarily have the self-reflection to understand why he feels certain things. Anyways.

And amidst all THAT theres these few moments where he gets this really weird adjacency to queerness. Like. If i had a nickel for every moment he asked about queer people, id have two nickels. Which isn’t a lot but its strange it happened twice.

First one:

Miyano’s hobby was man-on-man romance comics. I sometimes wondered about that (like, even though he’s a guy?),

Second one, where hes relaxing in the bathhouse common area and is listening to the old ladies talk about yuri.

Finally, I asked, “What’s yuri?”

“You don’t know? It’s stories of love between girls!”

“Huh, Haven’t heard of that one before…” I guess Ms. Toyoda and her friends had been into reading that sort of thing many years ago, and now their interest was being rekindled thanks to their grandchildren. “I didn’t realize women liked stories about girl-on-girl love, too…”

And its like. ITS NOT MUCH I KNOW. But it really is so weird it happened twice. Why did author Hachijo Kotoko do this. What does it mean. AND THEN IT ALL COMES BACK TO THE TITLE. Love & Passion.

I may not have that burning love that Miyano or Ms. Toyoda have, I thought.

Like. Specifically calling out the love miyano and Ms. Toyoda have. For queer stories. It sits so strange with me. Oddly meaningful but i dont know what it means.

Anyways. There’s also a really good shirahama and tashiro moment that i could get into but. I wont. Yet.

Anyways again. All that writing and i feel like i haven’t even touched on everything. Did not talk nearly enough about hanzawa’s presence but like. It’s very specific and hard to explain. But i also have an incessant desire to just quote like the entire chapter. So just go try to read it if you can. I unfortunately don’t know of any sources online but who knows. The book also has a second tashiro pov chapter so like. Cannot recommend it enough. I love tashiro gonzaburou so so much. He’s everything to me. Peace and love on planet tashiro.

#sasaki to miyano #tashiro gonzaburou #sasaki and miyano: first years #sasaki and miyano #Love & Passion #sunnfish.hzsr #sunnfish.txt #sunnfish.ask

[sunnnfish]

Thinks about how hanzawa masato is actually very easily flustered. Like. He can talk about romance and give advice all day but the moment he actually sees two people in love it’s over for him. He sees people hold hands and is like YOU DO THAT IN PUBLIC ??? He’s so. Private. And so weird. That he can’t fathom public displays of affection. Or any displays of affection.

^ch 42.5

Chewing through my arm. “I might have just seen something that shocked me more than anything else in my entire school career.” It’s sasaki brushing Miyano’s hair away from his eyes with the fondest expression. What do you MEEEAAANNN hanzawa masato. Anyways. Don’t have the capacity to extrapolate anything else from this. Peace and love on planet earth.

#interacting with thoughts of aranarumei post about tashiro falling on him and pushing his bangs away from his eyes etc etc #haaaahhh… #hanzawa masato #sasaki to miyano #hanzawa to tashiro #sunnfish.hzsr #sunnfish.txt

[sunnnfish]

having tashiro gender thoughts. the way he doesnt crossdress in that first year is because hes got crazy leg hair. not like No im a boy. or I dont want to. he's candidate at all in the first place after miyano because they're both "tiny" and would look the best (also opinion of shirahama. won't get into that. hey shirahama you think miyano and tashiro would be cute if they were girls...? sorry) Miyano, firm in his masculinity, is angry for the both of them. yeah hes got a complex about it but you'd think tashiro could resist a little more. he doesnt think hed make a good girl because of the leg hair. this flimsy barrier of "masculinity" hey tashiro what would you think if you shaved it. would you make a good girl then? would that remove your inhibitions? or would you find something else. are you scared of what you could discover if transformed into a girl? sit in the chair why dont you. flimsy barrier, a hairs width thick, between you and girlhood, supposedly. Gon-chan, a girl name accepted so easily, so comfortably. resist a little more! youve said before Miyano may be cute, but hes definitely a boy. are you definitely a boy? do you even care at all. nah, i cant make a good girl. ive got craaazzyyy leg hair. Shave it! Hell no! switch the flip.

#i am also normal about tashiro being “tiny” his first year #and then growing to be like pretty damn tall. really normal #slightly referencing an article about a trans girl. called something like. im trans and ill never come out of the closet. or something #has a bit about if there were a chair you could sit in a flip a switch and you'd change genders. she'd take it #but the reality of having to come out and like physically and socially transition after living as a boy for so long. #too much work too much stress. not as easy as sitting in that chair and flipping that switch #anywayyysss #sunnfish.hzsr #hanzawa to tashiro #tashiro gonzaburou #sasaki to miyano

[sunnnfish]

god. his little grandma glasses.... i know she created him but by GOD does harusono shou so get him. makes the wildest choice like GRANDMA CHAIN GLASSES and it makes COMPLETE SENSE. HE WOULD SO DO THAT. WOULD SO HAVE THOSE. also like. has he needed glasses this whole time. was it an age development thing. did he used to wear contacts. harusono shou PLEASE ANSWER MY CALLS

#realizing i can make posts for everyone instead of just being insane to my friends #i can be insane to everyone on tumblr #hanzawa masato #if anyone wants to know where this is from you can just ask ^_^ #sunnfish.hzsr #sunnfish.ssmy #sasaki to miyano

[sunnnfish]

Hi everybody. Life changing discoveries in the sasamiya community I’ve found hanzawas sister. Not sure how many people have noticed this before I feel like someone’s surely noticed this before but there she fucking is. Peace and love on planet earth

#sasaki to miyano #sasaki and miyano #hanzawa masato #sunnfish.ssmy #sunnfish.hzsr

[sunnnfish]

Interesting/silly hanzawa things upon a light rereading

#I think about the implications of things often #hanzawa likes milk tea? tashiro knows hanzawa likes milk tea? #one pertinent to the SM chart. you know #hanzawa likes history :] #hanzawa told tashiro to not dye his hair again ? #haaaahhhh the implications #hanzawa masato #hanzawa to tashiro #sasaki to miyano #sunnfish.hzsr

[sunnnfish]

really seriously so insane I Mean Normal. ive GOT to get my shirashiro thoughts TOGETHER!!!! also feeding my delusion that since we cant see tashiro's roots here im fully believing he keeps it completely bleached now that hes out of high school. could very well be covered by the headband but i can dream. also the fact hes out drinking(?) with shirahama Nobody here even knows about my fabiniku shirashiro au. Dont worry about it. and theres also whoever hes talking to すればいいじゃ something like "just go for it" his deadpan almost annoyed look and shirahama looking away. sighs longingly im going to be so sick.praying to god we get to see more tashiro in this adult au.....

#tashiro gonzaburou #sasaki to miyano #im NORMAL!!!!!! #siiigggghhhhh #sunnfish.hzsr #sunnfish.ssmy

[sunnnfish]

Forced myself to be normal for like 3 hours to do homework now im done. Time for the self indulgent hanzawa masato (sasaki to miyano) - teru minamoto (toilet bound hanako kun) comparison post. And what is this website if not for self indulgent blogging.

Surface level they both have that smile that doesn’t reach your eyes constant expression. In a very same sinister and mysterious way. I should get pictures

Also surface level they have very eccentric personal clothes they wear outside of their school uniforms. Both are top of the class and the golden perfect child who puts everything on their own shoulders in an effort to never burden anyone else. They make an effort to appear normal to everyone around them.

Narratively also serve quite similar purposes— the way they are introduced is very slowly. Teru is shown as this distant princely character and is slowly revealed to be an actual recurring character with far more depth and connection. He serves as a rather morally gray mentor figure with much more power and knowledge and internal world than he lets on. Hanzawa was introduced as a faceless disciplinary committee president, slowly being revealed to be a recurring important character with far more depth and connection. He serves as a mysterious mentor figure with much more going on than he lets on.

They both have rather .. contradictory moments. Riddled with impossibilities etc etc. like. That persistent smile and kind outward persona belies more ugly and complex emotions.

They both have an… odd relationship with a fellow club member in which said member perceives them as antagonistic but a friend nonetheless. Said friend also has moments of recognizing that there is much more going on underneath the surface.

+ gay siblings and a complicated relationship with love and a complicated relationship with siblings

#worlds collide #I am making the sasamiya and tbhk fandoms hold hands #come with me #that hanzawa picture I feel doesn’t do him justice but I’m too lazy to find a better one rn #hanzawa masato #Teru minamoto #sasaki to miyano #toilet bound hanako kun #tbhk #jshk #sunnfish.tbhk #sunnfish.jshk #sunnfish.hzsr

[sunnnfish]

WAITWAITWAITEAITWAITWAITWAIT

Hanzawa. Hanzawas psychic damage at kagihiras antics early in the timeline. “But I’m worried about my friend…” “seems like a life of nothing but worry, mom” “I’m worried you two will face those kinds of problems if you get together. That’s all.” “Worried after realizing Hirano’s been kind of a pushover since getting an underclassman of his own.” SORRY. DO YOU SEE. PLEASE UNDERSTAND. HANZAWA MASATO YOU COMPLEX BITCH.

#HES NOT HOMOPHOBIC HES JUST SCAAARRREEDD #ALSO LIKE. CHARACTER GROWTH AND DEVELOPMENT… #10000 WORDS OF MASATO LORE…. #christ. #yeah was rereading kagihira and came upon this page and had an epiphany #sunnfish.txt #sunnfish.hzsr #hanzawa masato #Hirano to Kagiura #hanzawa to tashiro

[sunnnfish]

Also I love him and all of their friendship isms they’re so sillyyyyyyy…. The best friends…..

#I desperately need to know what the original Japanese was here #Hirano to kagiura #sunnfish.kghr #sunnfish.hzsr

[sunnnfish]

Sometimes I have to reacquaint myself with canon hanzawa masato facts. The masato who loves giving romance advice to his friends but hates when his brother brings it up. Who isn’t homophobic, just very scared. Who is jealous of Kagi’s close, lively family. Who is embarrassed by the nickname his family calls him and is easily flustered by public displays of affection. Who is incredibly nosy. And incredibly busy. (he says he likes it). Who is a menace to his underclassmen. Who is easily amused and quick to laugh but always tries (and fails) to hold it in. Who dyes his hair darker just to seem more like a Good Kid. Who probably has at least 6 piercings in his left ear. Haaaahhhh…..

#auuugh. riddled with impossibilities #other side of my brain: masato who appointed tashiro as the next club president #regular occurrence of thinking of Harusono shou’s 10000 words of hanzawa lore. sigh #hanzawa masato #hanzawa to tashiro #sunnfish.txt #sunnfish.ssmy #sunnfish.hzsr

[sunnnfish]

I think like a part of hanzashiro that is fundamental to me is that tashiro is also very. Not necessarily mysterious. But secretive? Like. He will avoid questions equally if not more often than hanzawa does. He is earnest and wears his heart on his sleeve but in a very confusing way. Please understand. It’s like. He’ll feel things you don’t expect him to, and you can see it on his face, if only for a second. Especially to masato. They are fundamentally very similar people. To me. They avoid and run away and put on a persona to come across a certain way. And anything that sees past it is scary. And they so easily see through each other. And that is so scary but so captivating. I do also think it’s not a very conscious decision for tashiro though. Like. Kind of guy who will tell himself he’s fine so much that even he believes it. Tells you the most fucked up thing to happen to him with a smile. Please understand.

#thinks about tashiro thinks about tashiro thinks about tashiro thinks about tashiro thinks about ta #thinking about tashiro (and like. every character ever) instead of doing my homework. 👍🏻 #procrastination 👍🏻 #anyways. #hanzawa to tashiro #hanzashiro #to the void #sunnfish.hzsr

[sunnnfish]

Yeah this image is still giving me psychic damage btw

#THIRD WHEEL ? #haaaahhhhhhhhh…. #to the void #hanzawa to tashiro #<- I GUESS ? #sunnfish.hzsr

[sunnnfish]

Hanzawa masato’s life is not sad. He has perfect grades, a put together family, close loving friends, a great track record and resume. He’s not too poor nor too rich, not too reserved nor too out there, and he’s in perfect of health as he can be. Compared to his friends and family he’s normal. No detrimental mental illness no unusual circumstances. Eccentricities aside, he’s the normal one, and hanzawa masato’s life is not sad.

Hanzawa masato knows everyone else’s problems. Why not add being a therapist on top of his many duties. Giver of advice, taker of none, no one knows Masato’s problems. He doesn’t have any—he’s normal of course. He doesn’t complain because there’s nothing to complain about. The pressure he feels from his mother isn’t a problem. His worries about his brothers isn’t a problem. His worries about his friends isn’t a problem. His constant duties and obligations isn’t a problem. That twisting feeling in his gut isn’t a problem. His inability to say no isn’t a problem. His uncertainty in the future isn’t a problem. His lack of anyone to confide in isn’t a problem. He’s a therapist now, he can counsel himself just fine. Not that he needs counseling.

#this has been in my drafts since aahhh March 12 #something something an exterior so perfectly cultivated hes not sure what’s left inside #thoughts about him I’ve had for a while #like. before-the-river a while #me? projecting onto hanzawa masato? more likely than you think #it tends to happen when societal and academic pressures get to me #world spins madly on. #hanzawa masato #sunnfish.hzsr

[sunnnfish]

every day i think about. the stage play. Sniffles and whimpers and cries all over the place. They’re everything to me

#all of these buried in the stage play Twitter #there’s so many #they’re so. perfect #hanzawa is particularly just so spot on #it’s incredible #to the void #sunnfish.txt #sunnfish.ssmy #sunnfish.hzsr #sasaki to miyano

[sunnnfish]

Can’t remember if something like this has been said before but there’s something in the way hanzawa and tashiro both endlessly smile. Hanzawas one of half amusement and half constantly feigning—god forbid he express any other genuine emotion. A real smile is rare, but everyone knows that. Tashiros one of constant optimism—he wears his heart on his sleeve so often it’s hard to believe any smile could be fake. But of course, when you build your personality around being happy-go-lucky, it’s hard to let anyone know when you’re anything but. Who’s to know when he’s genuinely upset; it’s easy to miss such a fake smile.

There’s just. Something in the way one is so obviously fake and the other so achingly real, and it becomes hard to tell when the fake becomes real and the real becomes fake.

#sorry just binged the hanzashiro fics on ao3 and am feeling especially weepy about them tonight #auuuugh haunted by hanzawa to tashiro lately #btw this is just a glimpse into my tashiro thoughts #built nearly entirely on headcanon and projection but yknow that’s how it goes #anyways #hanzawa to tashiro #sunnfish.hzsr #sunnfish.txt