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julieloves074 · 2 years

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Your Dance (Jeremiah Fisher x Y/n)

Summary: A Debutante Ball isn’t exactly what Y/n had in plac this summer but in the end she got to dacne with her Prince Charming

Warnings: Swearing, kissing, cancer, death, drinking, angst, fluff, sadness, happy ending

Words: 15K

(Not my GIF :) )

My mom died of cancer I was very little, when I was 5, and my dad was nowhere to be found, thankfully aunt Laurel was more than welcoming to me. She treated me like one of her own, I lived with her and my two cousins which also meant I got to spend every summer at Cousins beach with the Fishers.

“Hey let me control the music for once!” Belly screamed in the back of the car, Steven and I had finally found a few songs we both liked so we kept the cord from her and I think Laur was thankful.

“When you have your own car we’ll talk” Steven said proudly.

“This isn’t even your car, it’s mom’s” she answered back and I burst into a laugh, she wasn’t wrong, we all just used Laurel’s car.

“Whatever, whenever you pass your driving test then we’ll talk” he adapted his sentence and this time no one could argue his case.

Bells didn’t try for the aux chord after that, we weren’t far from the summer house anyway. It was already in the air though, the smell of the ocean, the noise of the seagulls, and then finally: the house.

My heart jumped an extra few times whenever that house came into view, the only place I ever felt like I belonged but also the house where sometimes feeling like an outsider was inevitable. I pushed the second thought aside when I saw the blonde curly haired boy that sat on the front stairs. The door behind him wide open, he has been waiting for us just like he does every year. Conrad used to too, but he was being really off with everyone recently.

Him and I were always close, just like Belly and Jeremiah, that’s just the way it was, we told each other secrets no one else knew. Why? I don’t know it just kind of always clicked, but as the years passed by he distanced himself, and all I could do was respect his wishes. That’s when Jeremiah and I started to hang out a lot more, the summer his mom got sick was hard on everyone but I think Jere found a rock in me since that’s how I lost my mom too.

“They’re here!” I could hear Jere shout as Seven parked, I was first out of the door, he ran towards me like a mad man, his arms flew around me and he lifted me up into a spin.

“Finally you’re here!” He said into my hair which made me hold onto him tighter, I’m sure he had meant ‘us’ plural, the Conklins, but who said I couldn’t pretend that was meant for me and only me?

When he put me down I couldn’t help but look into his ocean blue eyes, and his now muscular body, he did say he was going to the gym but I wasn’t expecting this level of commitment. When his eyes met mine his lips pulled into a smirk, not that I was looking at his lips, I just noticed it in the corner of my eyes.

The charm was disenchanted when Belly jogged towards us and Jere ran to give her a bear hug.

“Look who’s all grown up?” He admired her with a huge smile, I guess that was true, I saw Belly every day, so she still looked the same to me as she always has but thinking back on last summer she really has flourished.

“Y/n my love come give me a hug!” That kind, carefree voice pulled me out of my thoughts, I walked in her direction fast, she wore another of her stunning sundresses, and her iconic sunglasses in her hair.

“Susannah! How have you been?” I asked, her fingers brushing down my hair,

“I’ve been missing you! I’m still upset that you didn’t come see us last month” she expressed. I was supposed to come visit Susannah in Boston last month to work on a charity event that was taking place this summer but one of my exams was moved to that week, I would have missed it but it equated to twenty-five of my grade for the year.

“I know, I was so angry when they moved the exam later, but I’m sure we’ll have plenty of time to talk about all that stuff now that we’re here” I hugged her back.

“Beck get your ass over here and give me a hug!” Laurel called out from somewhere behind me. I wasn’t ready to let Susannah go- not yet.

“I do have a surprise for you later” she whispered in my ear before letting me go, her smile bright and I can’t shake off the sparkle in her eye. I nodded and grinned back at her.

Conrad had come out now too, “Y/n hey you alright?” He asked giving me a quick hug before jogging over to Steven.

After all our introductions, the moms went inside and it was time…

“BELLY FLOP!” Steven screamed and they all chased Belly, finally Conrad managed to grab onto her, they carried her all the way to the pool. I’ve always left them to it, even though they didn’t start doing this until she turned 6, on my second summer at Cousins it still felt like it wasn’t really my place.

I didn’t let that ruin the mood though, I followed shortly throwing my phone onto one of the lounge chairs, and rushing over to the pool side, I watched Belly pull Conrad in. Then I had an idea, the two other boys didn’t notice me behind them so I rushed into them and tackled them, “Welcome Summer!” I yelled, all of us ending in the pool laughing.

Steven poked his head out chocking out some water.

“Breathe Steven, we’re not dragging you to the bonfire in a hospital bed” I laughed, Jere came up from under the water, pushing his curls back with his hands, a cheeky grin covering half his face.

“Y/n/n come here right now,” he chucked coming towards me.

“I don’t think I want to!” I laughed going to turn away.

“Y/N RUN!” Belly shouted to me, I did as she said trying to push my way through the water to the other side of the pool, he swam after me though, grabbing me by my legs and dragging me down, I yelped before resurfacing.

“Payback,” he said and I splashed him with water, “Wow this how you treat me on your first day here, where has the attitude come from huh?” he was being sarcastic so I just rolled my eyes at him, “See I thought you’d run into my arms and beg me to kiss you now that I’ve got my new bod,”

“Don’t say bod ever again,” I cringed at his choice of wording.

“Whatever I know you’re madly in love with me anyway,” he said just brushing me off, I had to stop myself before I continued, my heart and head were in a conflict. My heart blocked out my logical thinking- I wanted nothing more than to kiss him then and there and yet my head knew this was just Jeremiah Fisher, biggest flirt of Cousins Beach.

“Whatever, you’ve got to accept that not everyone is obsessed with you Jere” I said finally, pretending not to care.

“Aw no, come on turn that frown upside down as mom says,” he smiles moving towards me again, using his fingers to lift the corner of my mouth into a smile, his eyes on my lips, my eyes scanning his whole face. “There much better, that’s what I like see,” then he looked back up to my eyes and I couldn’t help but smile for real, how could I not? It was Jeremiah. I don’t know how I wasn’t blushing like crazy.

“This summer is going to be so good,” he said swimming away from me slowly on his back, looking up as if he was imagining all the things that were going to happen, this is when I realised that everyone had gone back inside, I could see them all in the kitchen.

“Summers here are always good,” I replied making my way to the edge, splashing some more water on my face, hopefully cooling myself down.

“Yeah it’s my favourite time of the year,”

“Because you get to spend with meeeeee?” I asked sarcastically.

“Well I was going to say because the moms are too busy to pay attention to me so I get away with pretty much everything but-” he said swimming over.

I opened my mouth, fake offence hanging wide, “Huh- I see how it is Fisher,” I turned away getting out the pool.

“Hey-!” He got out behind me and jogged towards me laying an arm around my shoulder, “You know I’m kidding right?”.

I looked up to him, “You should be glad I like Susannah otherwise I would beat your ass,” I say confidently,

He chuckles and frows his brows, “Even if you didn’t like my mom- which is impossible- you would still beat my ass and she would probably cheer you on, she loves you more than any of us I swear to God,” I laughed back, it was true I did love her and she would be my number one supporter, I remember when we had a fake fighting competition in the living rooms one of the days when I was ten. She was cheering for her sons but when I came onto our DIY rink it was my name she called.

We walked like that towards the house, when we got to the glass doors Jere was about to step in before Laurel stopped him, “You’re not walking like that into your mother’s house you’re not, the floor’s have just been cleaned!” she expressed with a stern face.

“Could you possibly be able to get us towels then?” He pulled a puppy face, curling his lips and batting his eyelashes, he was so childish, but it was so cute even Laur couldn’t resist him- or it was because she really cared about these floors. Now that I’m thinking about it was probably the latter.

He didn’t take his arm away until my aunt passed us towels, then Suze rushed us to get changed for dinner, his room was right next to mine on one side of the corridor, on the other side of mine was Con’s and next to his was Steven’s, poor Belly had her room on the mom’s side of the house.

I didn’t put on anything fancy, just something nice enough for dinner and comfortable enough for the bonfire afterwards.

At the dinner table we all had our set seats, always have, Con and Susannah were at the heads of the table, I sat next to Susannah with Jere opposite me, Belly next to me across from Steven and Laurel sat next to her.

“So, I have a little bit of a surprise for the girls,” Susannah announces a little into the meal, Belly and I immediately turn towards her.

“No Beck how many times have I got to tell you- you don’t have to keep getting them anything-” Laurel expressed.

“Ow stop it- stop it! Don’t be silly,” she said getting up and going to open one of the draws, pulling out two small envelopes. My brows furrows together and a nervous smile snook it’s way onto my face. Belly looked beyond excited.

“Here you go,” she said handing Belly her’s first then mine. My eyes my Jere’s for a second in a questioning manner he just shrugged. By the time I managed to look back down at my envelope Belly had torn into hers and her eyes were sparkling.

“Wow Susannah this-” she started, then I looked down at the note. This was an invitation to be debutante at this year’s debutante ball, I took a deep breath before meeting a few eyes around the table, the last ones I focused on were Susannah’s- she looked so hopeful. Don’t get me wrong I loved a good chance to get dressed up and party but being a deb?

Susannah must have seen the seen the cogs turning in my head because she said, “Please at least consider it… for me?” Her voice pleading.

“Beck those things are expensive I’m not sure-” Laurel started before getting cut off.

“Like I said I this is on me don’t let Laurel sway your decisions, have a sleep on it and then we can talk at breakfast,” she announced confidently, it was going to be as she said it, no one dared to interfere with her.

“Please tell me you’re not actually considering this Deb ball thing,” Jere laughed on the way to the bonfire, Con was the designated driver for the night but I wanted to talk there, it was a beautiful night, the air wasn’t too stuffy and the stars were gleaming tonight. I wanted to take it all in, the sight, the smell, the feeling of the gentle breeze on my skin, naturally Jeremiah volunteered to go with me, the moms would not let me go alone.

“Why not?” My voice turned a little defensive, I didn’t turn to look at him, during the summer I was a lot more laid back then during everyday life, I would almost be one of the guys but I did like some girly things too which Jere seems to forget.

“You’re not like them, dressing up in those ridiculous dresses to impress some crowds,” he brushed the whole idea off.

I didn’t want to argue with him on the first night so I let it slide, I wasn’t sure what I was going to do but seeing Susannah’s excitement and hope was enough to convince me to do just about anything. I changed the topic of the conversation.

We arrived at the party fast, time flies when you walk and talk, Con and Steven were already there, and… Belly? She was sat next to some guy with dark curly hair, I don’t want to interrupt because she looked like she was having fun so I looked at my phone, I was going to message her but I saw a message waiting for me:

I’m at the party, please don’t get mad and tell mom! I’m just catching up with a friend and not drinking!!!! Ok love you!!!!

I laughed at the text and Jere looked over my shoulder to read it. “Laurel is going to kill her when she gets back, she doesn’t even know Belly’s here,” he explained.

“Yeah and then I’ll get in trouble for not telling her,” I continued the train of thought, he shook his head.

“Don’t be a party pooper, look she’s fine! Plus Con will probs have his hawk eyes on her like he always does and if something goes wrong- which it won’t- we blame it on Steven,” he laughed taking my hand and leading me into the heart of the party.

“Deal,” I said making my way to get some drinks, Jere was already getting in some conversation with a group of girls and I did not want to witness anymore of Gigi’s desperate flirting, like that boy has hooked up with more than half of the people our age in Cousins, if he wanted to get with her he would have done it by now. Then I felt a bit of a stab in my stomach, I don’t know whether that was meant for her or myself. I can’t recall when I started feeling this for Jere I mean he was just my best friend but I knew I had to shut the feeling down.

“You look stunning,” someone said, I turned to my left, it was Noah, at first I turned around thinking he was speaking to someone else, “Yes I meant you Y/n” he laughed and then pulled me into a hug. Noah was quite a close friend of Con’s so I knew him quite well, he had even kissed me once in a game of spin the bottle. Then last year we went out a few times because I couldn’t handle Jeremiah going out with different girls all the time. It made me feel horrible though, like I was using Noah. He was a lovely boy, he deserved to have everything with a girl, so we didn’t speak much after the summer.

“Thank you Noah, you don’t look too bad yourself- how have you been?” I asked taking him all in, he had grown a little taller, probably Con’s height, and his hair had grown out to a perfect length, and he had abs… he wasn’t wearing a shirt which was pretty distracting but I worked hard to keep my eyes trained on his face.

“Yeah I’ve been good, it’s great to see you- I’ve missed you over the year,” he said, I wasn’t sure whether he as just saying that for the sake of it but he sounded sincere enough, “I still wonder why you wanted to cut stuff off so abruptly last summer,” he said picking up his own drink, “Was there someone else?” he didn’t seem angry or annoyed just genuinely interested.

My throat dried up a little and for a second I wasn’t sure what white lie to use, “I just wasn’t sure what I wanted, summer was ending and we both have lives outside of Cousins if you know what I mean,” I ran my hand through my hair making it fall back onto my face, framing around my eyes, a certain blonde with blue eyes appearing in the forefront of my mind.

“Do you wanna like sit down, catch up a bit?” he asked pointing towards the sand a little closer to the water, I turned to Jeremiah automatically, he had his arm around two girls and he was smiling biting his bottom lip, his eyes on the girl’s to the left lips, with my best happy face I nodded to Noah.

We talked for what felt like hours, and we just kept drinking, taking turns to go get more for the both of us, it was Noah’s turn when I looked at my phone it had just hit midnight, brushing the hair out my face again I scanned the crowd finding Belly easily still sitting talking to that boy, wearing a hoodie that I’ve never seen before, Con was sat with a girl who was wearing a red cap but his eyes escaped to look at Bells every few seconds, they’re both oblivious twats. Then there was Jere slow dancing with a short haired brunette, keeping her close and cozy. I would have stared at them forever if Noah hadn’t brought me back to reality.

“This is nice huh? Listen I’m going to be honest, I want to give us another go, maybe if you’d be up for it? I only live an hour and a bit away from your actual house and I can always drive if we wanted to make us work,” his eyes lit up when they met mine, I’m unsure whether it was because the moon had found the perfect place or because he was hopeful I’d say yes.

I wasn’t expecting that to come out of tonight, It would be so easy to fall back into this routine, letting my heart race for the Fisher boy but escaping to Noah when the heartache became too big to carry anymore. That would mean I was using him and that wouldn’t be fair on him, unless I finally got over my silly little crush on Jere, which by the looks of it I really needed to.

I stared out into the water, there was small waves hitting the sand, the reflection of the moon was gleaming in the night sky, “Hey,” he said resting his fingers on my chin and making me look towards him, “if you don’t want to just say, but I just needed to get it off my chest, we could just try it, if you’re still not feeling it in a few days then we can stop,”

I opened my mouth to say something when I heard gasps behind me, naturally I strained to look at what had happened- there I was Belly on the floor and Conrad aiming his fists at some guy’s face, I flashed my eyes back to Noah.

“Sorry,” I said before standing up and running towards Belly, some girl from the country club helped me lift my cousin up from the sand. In no time Jere and Steven were over pulling Conrad away from the other guy, it was the weird man from the gas station. Steven put his arm around Belly while Jere led Con towards the car. This night was getting worse by the minute. I pointed the middle finger to that guy and began walking towards the car.

It was a few moments before I felt someone walking behind me, it was Noah.

“Look Noah right now is not a good time,” I tried to say, keeping a polite smile.

“I know, I’m just trying to make sure you’re okay, I know you tend to put everything that goes wrong on your shoulders but this isn’t on you,” he said, it brought a small smile to my face, he really did remember, maybe he did care.

“Thank you, but really I’m fine,”

“Okay, I’ll walk you to the car,” he reassured me, I was half thankful we were parked a few minutes walk away but I still didn’t feel quite safe walking there by myself in the dark so I just nodded to him and let him talk about a project he was doing over the summer. I could image myself with him, he was nice and not bad looking if I squinted and tried enough there could possibly be something there.

A lot faster than I thought the Fisher’s red jeep appeared in my sight, “The car is looking a bit full,” Noah said sheepishly, Conrad was in the back laying across the seats, his head on Steven’s shoulder, “I can always give you a ride,” he suggested and all of a sudden it didn’t seem like such a bad idea, everyone in the jeep seemed tense and I didn’t want to add that to my headache.

I was considering my answer when Jere spotted us, he had just gotten out the car, “I was just coming to get you, I didn’t know where we lost you,” his smile fell a little when he spotted Noah, “Hey Noah man! How you been? Thanks for walking Y/n to the car,” he said quickly putting an arm around me, I could tell he didn’t want to continue the conversation much longer.

“Hey- yeah it’s good to see you too it’s been a while huh? Yeah I didn’t want her to walk alone since you guys rushed off,” I could hear a sip of accusation in his voice, he knew how Jeremiah was, he was a caring boy but at the end of the day he was still a boy only thinking about having fun and nothing else.

“Yeah anyway,” Jere brushed him off pulling me closer towards me, “Ok lets get in the car Y/n”

“Jere-”

“Please get in the car,” he had a finality in his tone that I didn’t know he possessed, I didn’t appreciate him telling me what to do but I knew that Belly was waiting for me in there, everyone in that car was ready to get back to the summer house.

“It was good seeing you again Y/n/n” Noah started and the curly haired blonde frowned a bit at his use of the nickname, only close people ever used it, “Text me when you get home, andwhen you’ve thought about what I said,” he continued and stood stuck in place watching me go towards the car, he didn’t move until he saw that I was sat there with my belt on.

We all got yelled at when we got back into the house, Laurel was sat on the porch with her glass of wine, shaking her head as we pulled into the drive, but the anger in her face rose even more when she saw Belly and then Conrad.

“Belly are insane? Getting in what- some king of fight?” she started, firstly making eye contact with each of us before settling on Belly.

“It wasn’t her it was me,” Con’s voice rose in the air, Laurel’s eyes shifted to him immediately.

“You’re supposed to be the oldest Conrad I’m less than impressed with you tonight, with all of you in fact, you should be glad all of you are fine and alive who would have known what could have happened tonight. Everyone into bed now, we will talk about this in the morning,” her voice was stern. We all started heading inside.

“Y/n/n wait up for a second,” she said so I stopped in my tracks, she waited until everyone else was inside before she spoke up again.

“Let’s sit down for a minute huh? Just you and me,” Laurel said while taking her seat on the porch, I took a deep breath before lowering myself to the ground hoping she wasn’t going to comment on the stink of alcohol on me, suddenly I regretted drinking as much as I did. I look up to Laur, I always have and not just because she took me in but because she was a strong-willed but loving woman, her self-control and level headedness was something I wanted to achieve- I hated to disappoint her.

“Look I know that I haven’t always been able to provide everything for you, especially in the recent years with my divorce with your uncle, it’s just been pretty much me supporting you three growing monsters,” I chucked at her endearment, she didn’t look at me, she chose the drive instead.

I interrupt her before she continues, even though I know she hates when anyone does that, “You’ve done and are doing more than anyone could ever ask of you,” I say, have I acted ungrateful? “You’ve treated me like one of your own children and given me so much love- I don’t need anything more,” I reassure her, this time she does look at me, tears in the corners of her eyes, I want to know what has sparked this conversation.

She pulls my hands into her and places them into her lap, she rushes her fingers over mine, soothing me or maybe herself, “Oh Y/n I love you, you are growing into such a lovely young lady,” she said.

“I love you too, so much- and I only have you to thank, really, and well Susannah as well,” I add pulling a big smile, she pulls me in for a quick hug before getting back to her pervious position.

“Yes about that, I wanted to talk to you about the Debutante ball-”

“I know, I won’t do it, I just felt awful rejecting the invitation at the table when Susannah looked so excited, I know we don’t have the money, and that she offered to pay but-” I started ranting and this is when Laurel’s smile grew bigger than I had ever seen her since her divorce, apart from when she saw Susannah.

“I know I always say you shouldn’t rely on others for well, financial aid but I think it would make Susannah really happy if she had you and Belly do this, or even just one of you, so if you’re up I will be your number one supporter, and well-” she started and then looked back out into space. The silence wasn’t awkward but I hated to see my aunt struggle to say something, this happened so rarely, “I know your mom always wanted you to be a debutante, Amy was always into all that girly stuff,” she explained and I gave her hand a squeeze.

We didn’t talk about my mom often, Laurel’s last memories of her sister were sour especially that she nearly lost Susannah to cancer too.

“Ok lets get inside it’s really late we should both get some sleep,” she said wiping under her eyes, pretending that she wasn’t uspet, I knew better than to prod the matter, instead I took a deep breath before standing up and changing the topic, I told her I saw Noah and she wiggled her eyebrows at me.

She came to my room for a few minutes while I explained what he said to me at the bonfire, she asked, “Well are you going to give him another chance? He really was a lovely boy and from what he said tonight its clear that he genuinely likes you,” but I couldn’t reply, she was right that Noah was almost perfect and his parents too but I couldn’t lie to her when the person my heart beat for was in the room behind the wall. After this she went to her room too, and I laid there with all my windows open and the fan on looking at the ceiling wondering what to do, it was only the first day of the summer and I was already confused. The very thing I didn’t want to be.

.·:*¨༺ ༻¨*:·.

I got greeted with ‘good mornings’ as I walked into the kitchen the next morning, everyone seemed to already be mulling around, Susannah and Laurel were drinking their coffees at the table, Belly on the opposite side looking through some magazine. Con was laying on the couch in the other front room while Jeremiah and Steven were working on the magic hangover soup.

I was feeling better than I expected after last night’s fiasco, Con’s fight sobered me up real quick, that’s when the emotions and events of last night started to flood in.

“Morning everyone,” I said sitting at the table, before I could say anything else I had a bowl of cereal and a drink placed in front of me. I didn’t need to turn around to know who had placed it there, he kissed the top of my head, “There you go sleepyhead,” Jere said walking back over to Steven. I couldn’t pull the smirk off of my face and I said “thanks” not that he heard it anyway.

“Susannah,” I started, her whole face lit up and she faced me with that beautiful smile of hers, “I have decided to be a Debutante this year,” her mouth opened wide I swear I could even hear as small gasp, she was out of her chair and pulling her arms around me in no time at all.

“Ah! This is so exciting! I’m so glad- we’re going to have so much fun! We have to shop and find you an escort! This is going to be wonderful!” she exclaimed, I looked towards Laurel who smiled too and gave me a supporting nod.

“Actually I have decided that I wanted to be a deb too,” Belly announced though she sounded unsure in her decision. This went from an expensive deal to a really expensive deal, I was sure that Belly would decide against it, that was one of the main reasons I agreed, so Susannah would have at least one of us but I just couldn’t let her pay for both of us.

“That’s amazing!” I exclaimed, I was happy for her truly, I was just going to have to tell Susnnah in private that I changed my mind or make up some other reason for backing out, even though a part of me actually really wanted to do it.

“Well, what a fantastic way to start the morning! So who’s going to be Y/n’s escort and who Belly’s?” Suze asked with much enthusiasm.

“I went last year!” Con announced, I remember the way me, Belly and Laurel looked through all the pictures Susannah sent to us after the ordeal last year, Belly flushed at each one while I laughted at how uncomfortable he looked in most of them.

“And I swore off balls!” Jere announced from behind me, I couldn’t turn to look at him, I wanted him to be my escort and he just crushed that, not that it mattered because I wasn’t going to do it anymore anyway.

“Steven?” Suze asked as a last resort.

He chuckled before answering, “I’m escorting someone else,” at this we all gasped and Jeremiah burst into a fit of laughter.

“Let me guess you let Shayla tangle you into this business,” he laughed.

“Who’s Shayla?” Laurel asked.

“Maybe she did, but who am I to say no to a pretty girl I like?” he asked pulling a ‘I’m a winner here’ face before walking out of the kitchen.

“Well it seems like all the Conklins are going to be involved this year, you Fisher boys have something to look up to,” Suze said.

“It doesn’t matter anyway because I’m planning on finding my own date,” Belly said standing up, dropping the magazine onto the table and heading upstairs. She was probably going to ask that guy from the bonfire last night.

“We’re off to thee country club, our first shift boys!” Jere announced sipping some more of his coffee, I couldn’t get my eyes off him, his aura intoxicating like a drug.

“Yeah bro!” Steven ran over and fist bumped Jere, “We’re gonna be so rich this summer!” he exclaimed grabbing the car keys off of the kitchen island.

“Don’t worry Y/n/n we’ll do something when I get back so don’t get too sad,” he messed up my hair by rushing his hand through it, an annoyed expression played out on my face.

“I was actually looking forward to some peace and quiet,” I said nonchalantly, he feigned shock and hurt, I burst into a laugher and closed my eyes in the progress.

“Yeah whatever, I finish at four so be ready by then,” he explained before kissing the top of my head, I felt my body go stiff at the motion, but it didn’t look like anyone else noticed thankfully. He’s done it before, that and pushing my hair behind my ears were his favourite hobbies during the summer, and probably to whatever girl he’s got at home for the rest of the year. But I didn’t want to think about that particularly.

“I’m going surfing,” Con announced dropping his now empty glass into the dishwasher and rushing up the stairs. And so all the boys from the summer house disappeared, it was much quieter without them. I was going to take a job up this summer too but Laurel seemed adamant that I should just take the time to enjoy myself this summer, next year I’ll be busy applying collages.

“Looks like it’s just us girls today then,” Susannah said before taking another sip of her drink and smiling at Laurel and I.

Quick footsteps rush downstairs we all turn our heads when Belly rushes in, wearing some of the new clothes she got specifically for this summer, to impress Conrad I thought, but he was going surfing and she was just going to be spending the day with us…

“Actually I’m meeting Cam today so it’ll just be you three, ok love youuuuu but I’ve got to go! I’ll message see you later!” she ran out the back door and grabbed her bike before any of us as much as moved a muscle.

“Who’s Cam?” Laurel asked confused, running her fingers over her forehead.

“A new boyyyyyy?” Suze asked leaning across the table towards me, Laur’s eyes followed to me too.

I chuckled grabbing my bowl and lifting up from my seat, “She met his last night at the bonfire- or well she actually met him at that Latin convention a few years ago for the first time or something, that’s what she told my yesterday anyway”

“Aww our Belly is growing up, do you think she’ll ask him to the dance?” Suze asked with hopeful eyes.

My aunt’s eyes tried their best to not travel in my direction, she had been sure, as had I, that Belly would decide against being a debutant. I wasn’t about to let any of this upset me, I put on a smile, I was excited for her. I pulled my eyes back to Susannah “Maybe!”

“Right let’s go shopping! We can pick some things out for Belly when we get there too,”

“She’s going to hate that,” I said with a devilish grin.

“As much as I love her growing into a beautiful young lady and finding a summer romance she still just blew us off for the boy, we are better company I can assure! So it’s her own fault,” she exclaimed also getting up and putting her mug in the dishwasher, “Well come on we don’t have all day!”

“Except that we do Susannah,” I pointed out

“Yes but not for waiting around! For shopping, come on!” she grabbed onto my arm and pulled me towards the door, grabbing hold of her sunhat and purse.

.·:*¨༺ ༻¨*:·.

We had been walking around the town for two hours when we stopped at a little café to grab some cold smoothies.

“I can’t believe we haven’t found anything you like yet! You looked gorgeous in so many things!” Susannah exclaimed sipping out of her straw, removing her iconic sunglasses.

That wasn’t exactly true I had loved a few bits and pieces that we found but things we picked out for Belly also had nice price tags, I had seen them but Laurel has not- thankfully- though she will probably make me relay them to her later.

“I’m just going to use the restroom before we continue,” Laurel excuses herself rushing to a nearby public toilet, I took this as a good time to talk to Susannah. I turn to her quickly opening my mouth to speak, but before I can she grabs my hand and stands up.

“Lets go!” she giggled jogging from the table, I quickly manage to grab my phone before we’re rushing off.

“But where are we going?” I ask laughing.

“To try on dresses of course!”

“But what about Aunt Laurel?” I ask frantically.

“She’ll find us- live a little!” she exclaimed, I took a deep breath and let out a full laugh as she pulled me behind her.

We were both out of breath when we arrive at a fancy looking shop, most of the dresses in the windows look like wedding dresses, they are all so beautiful. After a second of a breather she pulled my hand towards the entrance.

“Susannah before we go in we should really talk about something,” I say cautiously.

“We have plenty of time to talk, time to try on dresses is what we’re losing right now, Jere said he wanted to take you out at four so time is passing!” she exclaimed.

“Since when do you let the boys dictate your time?” I ask with a sly grin.

“I don’t usually but” she took a short pause, looking for her next words, “It’s summer,” she said.

We walked around, Suze was suggesting lots of dresses, when she noticed my pattern of ‘no’s and weary looks she started picking out dresses without waiting for my opinion, one of the workers came over. She greeted Susannah with a kind smile, Suze really does know everyone in Cousins Beach, and with no surprise everyone loves her.

“Here let me help you with these,” the young woman said and started to carry the dresses into one of the changing rooms. Susannah followed behind her, and I was behind her.

“Susannah I really appreciate this but we need to talk before I try these on,” I really didn’t want to try any of them on for the fear that I really would fall in love with one of them and that would just add to the little panful vein of jealously that ran through me.

“Y/n just go put one on Laurel is on her way to the shop now, we can surprise her with one!” she exclaimed, again before I could argue the shop assistant guided me to the changing room.

I felt stiff and uncomfortable in the first dress, by the time I had stepped out my aunt was sat in the seat next to Susannah, I was expecting to see some kind of angry expression but all I could see was a sad smile.

“No I can already see from the way that you’re walking that it’s not the one. Next!” the blonde exclaimed, I couldn’t help but smile at her. And so I did as she asked and went to put on the next one, and then the next and then the next. After about nine dresses I was exhausted.

“Laurel would you be a gem and go find out about their hat colour palettes?” Susannah asked her best friend, but I could see from the expression behind her eyes that there was some other motive, when my aunt disappeared Susannah stood up, I opened the changing room door to show her there were no other dresses.

“Is now the time to talk?” I asked with a hint of, not annoyance, but tired eagerness.

“No not yet, I saw this dress two years ago and asked them to store it away for a small fee, I remember that summer you had left earlier for some reason and I had come in here just looking around and it was centre of the shop of a mannequin. The second I saw it I thought of you, my little, well not so little anymore Y/n/n. It would mean I lot to me if you would try it on” her voice had turned so sincere, I couldn’t believe it, she didn’t actually have something put away for me… and she paid to have it put away, here was to hoping that Belly would like it.

A different worker, this one with short coppery hair brought out a black bag, her teeth shined a perfect white as she placed the bag in the changing room. She said she’d assist me as the back of the dress was a bit of ‘guess where this piece of material goes’ game.

Even as I was sliding the material on this one felt different to all the other dresses, maybe it was a placebo effect because of what Susannah had told me? I tried to shake the giddy feeling off. When the worker was done helping me out she said she’d announce me to Susannah.

I took a deep breath as the lady said my name, Suze started cheering and I stepped out onto the platform, the blonde looked like she was about to faint, or cry, or scream I couldn’t quite tell which and it was making me anxious.

“Turn around dear,” she encouraged standing up, for a second I couldn’t believe it was myself I was looking at, “You look beautiful,” she smiled, I closed my eyes and turned back around, Susannah looked a little taken aback.

“This is one of the most beautiful and luxurious things I’ve ever worn, or even laid my eyes on,” the dress material was quite simple but there was delicate lace details, and the back of the dress was open with thin criss-cross details where I definitely would have put my arms if not the assistant’s help.

“I knew you would love it! I will let you in on a little secret, it’s a newer model of my debutante dress, the one I wore was the designer’s first dress and this one was her last,” she looked reminiscent...

“But I need to speak to you about something important, and before you say now is not the time I really need to say it,” I let the words rush out of my mouth like a tsunami claiming land as its own, Susannah sat back down, I sat beside her. She looked concerned now, she nodded me to go on.

“Susannah I love you with all my heart and more and you know that,” I start.

“Yes,” She replied.

“And I would do everything in my power to make you happy and proud, but I can’t let you pay my way though this debutante ordeal.”

“Y/n I already said I was more than willing to pay for you and you had agreed, this is nothing, there is no price on seeing my girl in a white dress…” there was a pause before she continued in a hurry “alongside other beautiful, maturing young women,” she argued grabbing a hold of my hand.

“I know, and I will never be thankful enough that you see me in this kind of light, really, but I know you haven’t given back the invitations yet so you can give in Belly’s and we can just misplace mine, we’ve spent some pretty coins today on just outfits for Belly and that’s not even with her white dress, which I’m sure is not cheap.” Susannah let go of my hand I could feel my heart break to pieces, “Plus I think Belly would love this dress,”.

“This is not Belly’s dress,” she then took a deep breath whilst standing up, all of a sudden I felt like a nine year old again getting the ‘I’m not angry I’m just disappointed’ talk from Laurel and Susannah alongside Conrad and Jeremiah for breaking one of Susannah’s favourite glass vases. I stood up too, trying to eliminate that pesky feeling. She ran her delicate fingers over her forehead and exhaled another sigh.

Right then Laurel walked in, “What’s going on here?” she asked before realising what conversation must have just occurred.

“We are just getting ready to leave, I’m not feeling very well, I’m sure we can come back in tomorrow or the day after, maybe Belly will grant us some time of day too. Sandra could please have the dress put back for me I will be in contact with you in the next few days,” she gave a semi-convincing smile before rushing outside, Laurel followed behind her.

The ride home was painfully quiet, Susannah’s previous excitement was completely gone now, I felt horrible, it was all because of me, now I really wish I did take that summer job then maybe I could have scraped enough to pay for the clothes and the dress and make it to the ball like Cinderella. When we arrived back at the summer house it had just hit about four, both Susannah and I excused ourself to our rooms.

I fell onto my bed, I wanted to sink under the covers and disappear. I had been in bed for no longer than 20 minutes when my door was pushed widely open and footsteps came closer to my bed.

“Not now Belly,” I announced not looking up. Except it wasn’t Belly, when my duvet was ripped from my head it was Jeremiah who smiled at me.

“Good afternoon to you too sleephead!” he said grabbing onto my arm trying to lift me, when I wasn’t budging he sat down and brushed my hair out my face, “Aw no what happened?”

“I’ve just got a headache,”

“Well get rid of it because we’re going swimming! Plus I found this awesome spot the other day where we can have a picnic with all the good snacks I brought on the way home,” he smiled expectantly. Even though I disappointed Susannah today there was no way I couldn’t give in for Jere, at least I could take my mind off of everything else.

When he had said we’re going swimming I assumed the pool, but he had meant the lake, we took out a canoe, there was no one else on the lake, it was still the early days of summer so everyone was still settling in. It was all peaceful until Jere decided to start swaying the canoe back and forth really fast.

“Jere you’re going to tip us over,”

“That’s the plan, whoever gets back on the canoe first wins!” he announces before jumping out and flipping it over. I squeal the water freezing even under the boiling sun, I rushed to the canoe which he had already flipped over and shoved him out the way, holding tight onto the wood kicking my feet.

Jere splashed water into my face and managed to get in first, cheering in a triumphant noise. He stood up, what a fool, I stared shaking the canoe under him and he couldn’t find his balance, all I had to do was lean the wood upwards slightly and he was back in the water. This time I knew payback was coming so I started swimming further away from him. His legs and arms longer than mine, and stronger-he caught up with me fast. Picking me up bridal style, we hit the part of the lake where he was stood comfortably on the ground, water up to his neck. His muscles felt toned under my finger tips and I tried my best to keep my eyes focused on his face but the tingling in my stomach was a swarm of butterflies. He held me bridal style and gave his signature smirk before chucking himself backwards with me still in his arms, I held tight onto his neck.

While all this was happening we didn’t quite realise how far into the lake the canoe had drifted, “That’s your fault!” I announced splashing him again, when he let me go.

“No wayyyy! It was you who toppled me over and then left!” he splashed back before grabbing my arm and pulling me closer to him. Just because. He simply likes when I’m near- he admitted that to me over one of our late night calls, he had a little bit to drink but that’s when he’s the most honest. I never asked him about it again though- I couldn’t risk that being some drunk slur, instead I let myself drift towards him in every room, and allow him to pull me closer.

“Should have grabbed the canoe before chasing me then!” I said and he just shook his head before diving under, I look around for him but couldn’t see him until… Suddenly I was in the air on his shoulders, his hands on my thighs, I looked down at him, brushing his hair out his face. A tingly feeling in the bottom of my stomach.

“Last person to the canoe has to drive home!” he shouted before throwing me off. He knew I hated driving after swimming. He let me win of course. He didn’t mind driving plus he’d never let me do anything I hated… not really, unless it was actually necessary.

When the sun started to set we got back onto the bank, tied the canoe back onto the car and sat down on a blanket, pulling out some snacks and drinks out the mini fridge. The wind decided to be a pain in the ass this evening. I had only worn my shorts and a tank top which I was now regretting wearing.

Jere must have seen me shiver because he threw his grey hoodie at me, I took it with a quiet thanks, he did this a lot. So we sat and talked and talked and talked. We had finished all the food but it was too peaceful to ruin. We both ended up laying down eventually looking up at the colourful sky, there was shades of pinks, oranges and yellows.

“Hey Jere,” I said after a few minutes of quiet, he turned his face to look at me, “Did you- I mean, will you be my escort at the Deb ball?” my voice shaky, I knew I wasn’t going to go but I just wanted to know, if I was doing it would my asking him be enough to break his ‘no balls’ oath.

His face scrunched up and he let out a laugh, “Sorry I actually thought you were being serious for second!” he exclaimed sitting up.

I felt as though I had been punched in the stomach. Now I wish I hadn’t asked. He took a pause after I sat up, I was so tangled up in the hit that I forgot to laugh, to give into his joke.

“You were being serious?” he asked quickly, looking back onto the lake, “Y/n/n listen… I uh,”

“No it’s fine it was a stupid question, I’m not doing it anyway I just wanted to prank you!” I said in a lifting tone but I think he could see right through me, it felt as though he could see all under my skin, “We should get back though or Laurel might kill us, Belly’s friend Cam’s coming for that movie marathon tonight right?” I said with a smile, keeping the tone of my voice even.

He looked distracted when he replied, “Uh, yeah, yeah you’re right,” he replied.

We packed everything up quickly, we played music in the car as if nothing happened, but the tension still slightly hung in the air, we didn’t talk much. When we arrived everyone was already in the living room.

“Just in time!” Susannah said when we walked in, I met Steven’s eyes which lit up when he saw Jere. I said hello to everyone and excused myself to get changed, Jere followed behind me, on the way up the stairs I removed his jumper and went to pass it back to him, “Thank for this,” I said again but he didn’t take it.

“You can keep it I’ve got plenty,” he assured me with a smile. This he has never done, he always let my wear his hoodies whenever I want even here at home but never let me keep any. Maybe he feels guilty- I hated that.

We were halfway through the second movie, the moms sat together on one couch, Cam and Belly on the other squished up on side so I could sit on the other. Jere and Steven on the floor. Conrad left after the first movie, my intuition told me it had something to do with the cuddling pair next to me. My eyes were distracted from the movies too. Every so often travelling to a certain curly haired blonde. I sighed and got up, moving towards the kitchen. Susannah entered after me.

“Y/n/n dear,” she said sitting down next to me, I took a sip of water before looking towards her.

“What is it?” I asked with a smile.

“I can see right through that sad smile and you know it!” she whispered and took my hand, “I know you said that you didn’t want to be a debutante because of the expenses, but if it wasn’t because of that, and lets say it was due to a little ignorant blonde curly haired Fisher boy, don’t let him put you off. You’ve done plenty of things that would make you a wonderful debutante and think about how well it would look on collage applications,” I went to stop her but she pulled the ‘let me finish’ face, so I did, “You deserve this, a reward, you’re beautiful with a good heart, you have to live a little, every boy in cousins will want to be your escort,” she said with a smile, the smile that tugged at all my heart strings.

I could only nod at her, tears building up in the corners of my eyes, she pulled me into an embrace, I’ve been working so hard my whole life, trying so hard to give back for the amazing family I have, to make them proud, and my mom too and sometimes it still felt as though it wasn’t enough.

“Thank you Susannah,” that was for everything she had done for me not just the deb thing or today.

“Alright no need to be sad anymore, I’ll be taking Belly’s acceptance in the morning so let me know what you want to do then, just think that the dress will always be yours, now lets get back in there ok?” she smiled holding out her arms which I gladly fell.

I gave Susannah my acceptance response in the morning, I had agreed with her that I would pay back at least some of the money when I come stay with her in February to work on a series of charity events. She shook hands with me on it and embraced me, making me smile.

.·:*¨༺ ༻¨*:·.

Few weeks had passed and whilst Jeremiah and I had found our center again I found myself spending more time with Noah than my best friend, and today he was coming over for dinner, during which Susannah had encouraged me to ask him to be my escort as dance lessons were beginning tomorrow. He was the obvious choice as we were seeing each other, and yet I was wary, it’s not like I even wanted Jere to be my escort anymore- even if he changed his mind. A Lie. I changed my outfit for the forth time before making my way downstairs.

Noah and I usually hung out around town, at the beach or his house. Not that I didn’t want to be at the summer house, I just didn’t want to see Jeremiah when I was with Noah, nervous about how I’d react and moreover how he would. He’d probably be nonchalant as he had been every time someone brought Noah up, or the few times we’d all hung out as a group.

The table was set, Taylor- who had come to visit for a few days- was sat at the table next to Belly, Steven sat next to her. Conrad was helping his mom bring some last bits before taking a seat at one side of the table opposite her. Jeremiah was sat opposite me, the seat next to mine empty and the one next to it was taken by Laurel.

“I’m so glad you did decide to invite Noah tonight,” Susannah announced taking her seat with a smile. I gave a weak one back as a reply. I didn’t really want to invite him but after days of pleas I couldn’t come up with anymore excuses, plus I needed to ask him to be my escort- Jeremiah had rejected the idea- and Noah would be hurt if I didn’t ask him. Things were good between us. Stable. Not adventurous like Jere and I were but it was good. It was ok.

“Yeah we’re all so glad to see him!” Jere said not meeting my eyes across the table, sarcasm dripping from him like paint off a brush.

“Are you asking him to be your escort tonight?” Belly asked and Taylor wiggled her brows at me, I felt my cheeks blush and I ran my finger through my hair. Belly had already asked Cam to be her escort a few days ago, she was updating me on all her Conrad gossip but I didn’t comment- they needed to figure it out themsleves.

“Yeah, I’ll take him for a walk to the beach after dinner, it’s simple but-”

“It’s a you thing and that’s what he’ll appreciate,” Susannah said, and just as she did the doorbell rang.

“Speaking of the devil,” Connie said, shuffling to get up, before he was fully stood I shot up from my chair and sped walk towards the door, I could hear him teasing me.

I twisted the key and opened the door, there he was, he leant down to give me a quick peck and I begged to feel something- anything! Still there was nothing, I felt as though I was kissing a mere friend, weirdly. He laid his hand of my lower back as I led him through to the dinning room.

Everyone greeted him with warm smiles and everyone quickly settled for food.

“So what are you planning to take at college?” Laurel asked and I wanted to shoot her dagger eyes, this really wasn’t the time for an interview.

“Uh so I’m currently deciding between medicine and law, but learning towards medicine, my aunt’s a doctor and she’d always been a huge inspiration of mine, she saved a little boy at the scene of an accident, when the ambulance arrived they said he wouldn’t have made it if she wasn’t there,” the candour in his voice giving him such sincerity.

“That’s amazing,” Susannah said taking a sip of her drink, I stopped, looking at Jeremiah rolling his eyes across the table- I tried my best to ignore him but at some point Noah started noticing the little stupid reactions too and I suddenly felt embarrassed of the blonde’s actions. If I hadn’t known better I would have said that Jeremiah was jealous but that couldn’t have been the case.

At his twentieth eyeroll I’d had enough, I took a deep breath and turned to Noah, “Hey did you want to take a walk down onto the beach?” I put on my biggest smile hoping he’d understand I wanted to leave.

He laid his hand on my thigh and his eyes looked clearly at me, he was reading my face and for a minute too long because Jere’s eyes followed Noah’s hand placement, “Yeah I’d like that,”

“Great let me just change into some leggings,” I said quickly getting up, getting away from Noah’s hand contact. It wasn’t cold so I didn’t really have to change but I needed a break from him- and Jeremiah.

I was half way up the stairs when I heard a voice say, “I’m just going to run to the toilet really fast,” I paused just to be greeted with the Blonde that decided to show his attitude tonight. At this I sped up my journey up.

“Y/n let me talk to you really quick,” he whispered following me.

“Later Jere I want to get to the beach before it gets too late,” I close my door behind me, searching through one of my draws when he barges in behind me, I scoff, he knows I hate when people come in without knocking.

“Ow come on please,” he begged, when I turned around he was showing his puppy eyes, lips pouting. This time I rolled my eyes, finding my leggings in my draw.

“After that show downstairs? No. We can talk when I get back,” I said more assured this time.

“Y/n/n come onnnnn,” he said grabbing my arms and pulling me towards him, I could smell some alcohol on him, had he been drinking before dinner?

I didn’t have the energy to pull out of his grip, “What do you need Fisher?” I huffed, I didn’t like calling him by his surname and he didn’t seem to like it either, it wasn’t personal enough, the sad expression on his face made me regret it even more.

“Don’t ask him to be your escort,” he stated simply, I took a double take before moving some hair out of my face.

“Why not?” I asked furrowing my brows, he just shrugged and looked down, “I need someone to go with, I asked you Jeremiah and you said no,” I reminded him and he took a deep breath as if the memory stung him, “Was there anything else you needed?” I asked quietly, it was so unlike him to be this unresponsive, it’s unnerving.

He shook his head but didn’t move, we just looked at each other, “Are you coming?” Noah’s voice echoed from downstairs, it brought me back to reality. Yet I didn’t want to be brought back into it not when I could have stayed and looked into Jeremiah’s eyes for a little longer.

“Yeah!” I shouted quickly, rushing to the bathroom. Jere was already downstairs at the table when I came down. We had been at the beach for about an hour before I asked Noah- his reaction was polar opposite to Jere’s and that felt more like a stab to the chest than my best friend’s rejection. Noah’s smile extended bigger than I thought possible, he lifted me into an embrace and swung me around like Jere had the day we arrived. When he put me down he answered, “Yes! Of course yes! I would be honoured,” he exclaimed.

The kitchen was empty upon our return, Noah kissed me goodbye by the front door and I watched as he drove out the driveway, an uneasy weight on my chest. I brushed my hand through my hair and made my way upstairs. Tomorrow was the first dance rehearsal and I need energy- at least that was my excuse to not watch a film with Susannah and Laurel.

.·:*¨༺ ༻¨*:·.

Another two weeks had passed and the ball was becoming closer and closer which consequently meant so was the end of the summer. It was a strange feeling, it was the same feeling every year. These last three months we spent here were going to become just that, a few months spent here. I brushed the throught off as we were getting ready to leave for another party, this one was at Trevor’s house a couple of roads down.

Noah wasn’t going to be there, he was going with is parents to some convention a town over but he told me that I should go, that I shouldn’t miss out on the fun on his account. Jere was the one to convince me, he said there was going to be a bounce house and I had been suggesting we get one at a party for years.

There was an array of drinks all around the house, most people were already intoxicated when we arrived, not that any of us minded, that’s what made it all so much more entertaining. I was devastated to find out that there was no bounce house though.

“I had to get you out of the house somehow! You never come out to parties with us anymore unless Noah’s there,” he said with puppy eyes hanging onto my arm.

“I’ve been to very single party held this year,” I confront him, all the kids went to all the parties so naturally Noah did too, he had loads of friends here as well.

“Yeah whatever, but you’ve been neglecting partying with you best friend,” he argued.

“Jere whenever we went to parties together you ditched me for a hook-up,” I said raising my eyebrows, digging the knife deeper into my own heart, but I needed to say it because it was true, I needed to keep reminding myself.

“When have I done that?” he asked.

“Last year, at pretty much all the parties,” I said picking up a can of fruit beer.

“Yeah because you were too busy with Noah to see me,” he contradicted, but that wasn’t true, not exactly, Noah spoke to me for the first time when Jere ditched me for a hook up and I was stood like a loner because Con didn’t want to come to the party and Belly was too young (Steven was ill at time, in bed with summer fever). This happened another three times before I decided enough was enough. I had a perfectly perfect boy here, so I wouldn’t let Jere be the reason I hung out with him. I started dipping parties with Noah before Jere could tell me he was going, this way hurt less.

“Whatever, no matter what I say you’ll argue, I just want to have some fun,” I said taking a swing of a shot before walking over to where everyone was dancing. I think I ended up drinking too much because Jere and I ended up back on our private part of the beach behind the house. I had his hoodie on and his arms was around me and we just sat watching the waves in the night.

I was always more vulnerable when drunk, so when he Jere look at me, it felt like he was looking at me for the first time- properly. His eyes went to my lips and then back to my eyes. And then again.

“Jere-” I tried to put some power into my voice but it came out as a pathetic whisper, his hand travelled to the side of my face, brushing my cheek. Not saying a thing.

Suddenly I was feeling hot, and the air around us was warmer than before, the jumper suffocating me. He was inching towards me and I couldn’t push myself to stop him. I didn’t want this to happen like this, under the influence, I had to admit to myself that I wanted to him. But I wanted him sober, when he was actually in control of his actions.

“Jere” I tried again but he didn’t stop, I could feel his breath on my lips when my phone started ringing, he moved back slightly, his hand still on my cheek, I pulled my phone out the pocket of his jumper. It was Noah. This made Jeremiah moved completely away, the loss of warmth made me feel unsafe, alone against the world.

I hovered my thumb of the red ‘decline’ button, but then took a deep breath, I needed to be rational we weren’t eleven year olds anymore, now actions had real consequences. So without as much as a look towards Jere I answered.

“Hello,” I said, my voice still shaky, Jere turned to me, his eyes hurt, “Yeah no I’m fine, yes I’m home, we’re sat out back now, all of us just chilling, ok, yes I will do ok. Ok I’ll see you tomorrow. Bye.” I said before putting the phone back into my pocket. Now there was a silence.

“Jeremiah,” I started, my voice a whisper once again, he looked at me, looking a little sobered up, “Be my escort to the Deb ball?” before he could reply I rambled, “I know what you were about to do, and I’m not saying I don’t want to- in fact I do, and have wanted to for well… years but not like this. I asked you earlier at the start of summer, you had all of me and rejected me. And if you don’t want me then at least let me be with someone who does,” I announced not breaking the eye contacting for a second.

“It’s not that I don’t want to be your escort, or even about this stupid dance,” I tried not to wince at him calling something that means a lot to me stupid… “Listen I’m drunk and… and I’m glad the phone called what I almost did was a mistake, I just wanted to kiss someone but I didn’t want to ditch you and prove you right,” he said brushing a hand through his hair.

I just nodded, lips pushed together to not let myself fall apart. When saying those words he seemed sober enough. He didn’t want me, or this. Now I actually had my answer.

“Ok, well I’m glad we’ve got that out the way, and that you think so low of me that you were going to kiss me for the mere want to kiss someone, anyone,” I said getting up, I wasn’t annoyed that he rejected me. You can’t control your feelings, I was just angry that he had such little respect for me.

“Stop being such a baby about it Y/n it’s summer, I just want to live a little,” he said laying back on his arms, looking up at me with a grin.

“You’re right, summer’s all fun and no consequences, or at least no thoughts about consequences, sorry that we’re not all just living in your world,”

“I’m not saying it’s my world,”

“It never is,”

“Whatever Y/n you always argue when things aren’t your way, but you don’t see that your way is always the good way,”

“Like I said I’m glad we’re got everything in the air now, you’re a dick,” I said, ripping hid jumper off and throwing it at him and then walked off, I considered calling Noah and asking him to come to the house but I knew that wasn’t fair on him. Jeremiah didn’t follow when I left. When I got home I took all of his hoodies from my room and threw them on his bed, then I went to sleep.

.·:*¨༺ ༻¨*:·.

I was wearing the white dress, my white dress, my hair braided intricately into a bun with a small tiara nestled right in the centre, I couldn’t actually believe this was happening, with Belly by my side and Shayla on the other side. The one thing that couldn’t be more wrong was the fact that my best friend was still angry at me, in fairness I was still angry at him.

“Do you think Cam and I will stay in contact after the summer?” A nervous Belly asked from beside me, I haven’t seen her this stressed since the time she failed her third math test in a row and her teacher called Laurel.

“Do you want to stay in contact with him?” I ask lifting my brows.

Her lips curled together and she looked to the ground quickly before answering, “He’s a lovely boy and I’ve really had a good summer with him but- I don’t know how to put it- it’s just, he’s, he’s not-”

“He’s not Conrad?” I finished the sentence, her cheeks glowing a powdery pink, she let out a little sigh.

“It’s not like he’ll ever actually look at me like that anyway,” her smile became sad.

I was about to argue with her, how could she not see that she made his smile that much brighter, everyone looked over at the door when a frantic knocking came from outside.

“I need to talk to Y/n…” all the girls’ eyes looked to me, I swallowed down, “Now would be ideal,” the voice continued, I looked at Belly.

“Speak of the devil” I whispered with an uneasy smile, before rushing toward the door and opening it the smallest bit to make sure the other girls don’t get seen.

“What is it Conrad?” I ask frantically, he doesn’t answer for a second, he looks me up and down.

“You look beautiful Y/n” he says before he returns to reality looking frantic again.

“Thank you Connie but what is so urgent that…”

“Yes! Right- So our lovely Cam Cameron,” the moment he says that boy’s name my heart stops, what’s happened now?- “fell over on the whaling boat and broke his leg a few hours ago, he’s in hospital, his phone somewhere in the ocean...” he exclaims and the mouth falls opens. This has to be some kind of joke. Poor Belly. She must be frantic that he’s not answering her texts, and she’s not told any of us...

“You’re kidding right?” I ask, he wouldn’t joke about something like this, about something this important I know he wouldn’t.

“I wish I was, Laurel and mom don’t know, what are we going to do?”

“You know what has to be done,” I say digging my eyes into his, he shakes his head at first.

“No- she doesn’t want to see me, moreover for me to be her escort,” he whispers because there are definitely some debutante’s listening from the other side of the door.

“Are you insane! Will you two get a grip, she’s so in love with you and you know this! She’s looked up to you her whole life. And- and you look at her like she up the moon and the stars in the sky! There you go it’s all out in the open, you’re going to be her escort! Done and sorted!” I whisper-shouted, he was a bit taken aback but a smile was cracking under his worry, “I won’t tell her so she doesn’t get stressed out, but just be there, show up,” I chide him and he nods.

“Thank you Y/n, you’re amazing thank you so much,” he pulled me into a hug, I let out a relieved sigh.

“We’ve got this,” I say, but I don’t know if I’m reassuring Con or myself.

“I hope you get a grip too though, and Jere,” he announced still in a whisper

I pull away from him with shock in my eyes, “What do you mean?”

“You know what I mean you idiot, he loves you, has for years he just doesn’t think he’s enough for you,”

“I told him he was everything I needed at the beginning of summer Con, but he chose hook ups and parties so maybe I’m not enough for him, and that’s ok,” I tell him-

“Y/n he didn’t know what he was doing, he’s not that smart as you’ve noticed” he exclaimed trying to make me feel better so I put on my biggest smile.

“I asked him to be my escort, twice, once in the beginning and once a few days ago, and if he couldn’t commit to a few stupid dances maybe it’ll be better if we don’t try to commit to anything more huh?” I ask rhetorically, he look like he wants to argue but I continue, “Listen Con, I’m a straightforward person ok, we don’t lie to each other, I don’t know where the tide will take me next” or in other words I don’t know if I’ll ever be back in Cousins because this was never my place, not like theirs anyway, “but I know what I want, and I’m done fighting for this so please let’s move on from this and- and just have this one night altogether again. Please,” I said, tears prickling the corners of my eyes, he wraps me in a hug again before we hear the girls shouting my name, it was almost time.

Coming back into the room I have all the eyes on me again, all the girls asking what he wanted, but the only eyes I paid any attention to were Belly’s, she looked so hopeful, I just went up to her and hugged her, tonight one of he biggest birthday wishes was going to come true.

“It’s time!” Gigi exclaimed and all the girls followed her to rush out the door, Belly grabs a hold of my hand but I tell her I need to touch up some lip gloss before I leave, and that’s how get left alone in the dressing room. I look in the mirror and smile. Actually, genuinely smile for the first time in days. I wasn’t going to let anything ruin this moment, hopefully I would sort things out with Jere tonight or before we leave then I will feel complete.

I was last on the list for my name to be called out, while I was listening to all the other girls getting called out I couldn’t be more proud of each and every single one of those girls, we had be through a lot together this summer, they all deserve this moment.

Then there’s two people in front of my Gigi who was about to be announced and then Belly who turned around and looked like she has just seen a ghost.

“Cam broke his leg this afternoon so Connie’s stepping in?” my tone was more like a question and I gave her an ‘I’m sorry’ smile and even under her horror her eyes are sparkling, “He wanted to be the one to do this anyway,” I reassure her. She smiles at me and then turns to smile Con, they send each other an awkward little wave and my heart swells for them.

For a second I close my eyes and imagine it is Jeremiah who is waiting behind Conrad for me, I even let myself smile, hoping, praying that by some miracle when I opened them he would be there.

He wasn’t.

Of course.

Noah was.

Another deep breath, that was becoming a theme tonight, and a big exhale. And so Belly was gone, then I was eye to eye with Noah, he smiled and waved but I could only smile, tempted to just run away and hide but I wasn’t doing this for myself it was for Susannah.

“Now we have Y/n Conklin,” said the announcer, followed by a bunch of charity work I have completed and my hopes for college. I was walking out, I spot Susannah then Laurel and then him. Taylor Swift’s ‘Love Story’ playing in my head the second my eyes meet his. His smile is weak but its there. The only spot left was right in front of our table, of course it was.

First was the boy’s dance, it was amazing Steven really went for it and Conrad who learned it in 10 minutes was shockingly impressive, Belly who was stood next to me clapped wildly. Then everything broke off for drinks and snacks.

Susannah runs over to me and pulls me into a hug, then Belly and Conrad. Noah stays on my arms and greets Laurel and Suze too, they compliment us and show their excitement about the boys’ dance.

“Yeah yeah good job boys, come on bring it in!” Jere exclaimed giving Steven and Con bear hugs, then complimenting Belly and turning to me, “Can we talk?” he asked stopping in front of me and pointing towards the doors. I could feel Noah’s hold on my tightening.

“Uh- yeah sure,” I removed my hand from his grip and gave him a reassuring smile, “I’ll be back in a sec ok? Get us some drinks?” Noah’s frown turned back to a smile real quick.

The cold air is nice of my skin, it feels like I’m breathing normally again.

“You look beautiful,” Jere says turning towards me, his back to the ball room, I want to smile but I can’t.

“And you couldn’t have said that inside?” I asked, I wasn’t prodding him or trying to be annoying I just didn’t want to argue.

“I’m sorry.” He announced and shakes his head, “I wish I could hit some magic ‘re-do’ button and let this summer play out again,” he continued.

“We’ve all been there, wondering whether if we did something differently the outcome would change, but like I like to say-”

“Don’t say everything happens for a reason-”

I give him a sympathetic smile, in that moment I mourn would could have been between us, “That magic button doesn’t exist,”

He steps closer and puts his hands on the sides of my face, “I know, but second chances exist, and well third…” I put all my effort into not leaning into his touch, “Give me a chance, I- Y/n I love you, and you can’t say anything to make me change my mind. I should have been the fucking one up there with you, I’ll never forgive myself for not being there for you, I was scared shitless that I would mess up, hurt you- that would affect both our families and-” his eyes have a tint of red in them.

“I know Jere, I love you too, you know that,” I put my hands on his wrists, “You will always have a piece of my heart, right here,” I say taking one of his hands and laying it on my chest.

“Let me have this dance, let me prove to you-”

“Jere I’m here with Noah, and he’s invited me to meet his parents when we get back, he’s been here all of last summer, planning all year on how he was going to win me back this summer and try harder when I was the one who pushed him away… for you,”

“I know, I know I was dick,”

“I can’t keep rereading the same story because the ending isn’t going to change Jere,” I say with finality and head back into the ball room, wiping the underneath of my eyes begging that my makeup hasn’t smudged.

Though I’m in for another dig when I enter, Noah looks less than impressed as I walk over to him, I looked for Susannah or Laurel or Belly for an escape but none of them are in my visual ground. Great.

“I can’t do this. I’m not doing it again,” he announces, I know exactly what he means but I act dumb- what else could I do?

“What do you mean? Do what again?” I ask frantically, he’s edging towards the exit.

“I can’t talk in here,” he says and I take a look around a few eyes have darted at us, I was so sick of everyone sticking their noses in my business. He rushes outside, I grab my dress and follow behind him, this time the hit of chilly air doesn’t make me better, it makes me feel sick.

“Last year you left me because you couldn’t get over Jeremiah, over the ‘what if?’ about him, I had to respect that. But he hurt you, left you in the dirt, I forgave that, because- because I really, really liked you,”

“Liked?”

“Liked, I can’t be with someone who doesn’t want to be with me, who’s heart belongs to an undeserving boy,” that’s when it hit me, Noah could insult me and the beat of my heart all that he wanted but he did not have a right to insult him.

“Don’t call him an underserving boy, this is on me, not on him,”

“Why can’t you just give him up! He doesn’t treat you right! He won’t, I’ve ripped out my heart and laid it on a silver platter for you, made plans for the future,”

“Noah-”

“No, fuck this shit, and fuck him for stringing you along, and fuck you, for letting him,” that was the last thing he said before getting in his car and driving off. I deserve it a part of me thought.

But another part of was freaking out because he couldn’t even do this last dance with me, I wanted nothing more than to kneel down and sob but the dress was too nice… and expensive for me to do that. So I lifted my head high once again that night and walked back into the room but Susannah knew, the minute I came to the table. She knew exactly what happened. Before I even made it to the table all the Debs were lining up ready to dance with their partners, I don’t get in line with them I continue moving towards the table Belly meets my eyes Conrad is nowhere to be seen, I shrug my shoulders, some part of me couldn’t believe he was about to fuck up again and not show.

That’s when the Fisher brothers rushed through the door, Con pushed Jere towards the table before getting in line with Belly. I was sat now watching Jeremiah approach quick footed. He stood in front of me.

“Will you do me the honour?” He asks holding out his hands, Susannah gasps and it looks like her eyes are about to swell with tears, “This doesn’t have to change our conversation from earlier,” he reassured me. I’m thankful he doesn’t say it ‘doesn’t change’ instead he said it ‘doesn’t have to change’ giving me the option to give him the chance after this.

I tell myself I’m taking his hand and his offer because I didn’t want to stand out, to look like a Deb who had to sit out because her date dumped her. As we get into line a thought shoots through me… “But you don’t know the dance!” I whisper to him.

He glances back at me with those clear sky eyes, and that smile that put me at ease with such little effort, “Con just taught it to me, hence being a tiny bit late for Belly,” I want to laugh, to say more to him, to not miss out on anymore time that we have left but the song starts and were in the dance.

His hand moves over my arms and joins with my gloved hands, even through them I feel the rush of electricity from his touch, then he spins me and his fingers run along the open back of my dress, it sent shivers through me. Every time we were face to face our eyes didn’t leave each other, just like our hands, and when he dipped me down at the end of the song I wanted nothing more than for him to kiss me, but he wouldn’t do it, because I said no to him.

The clapping and the cheers bring me back to reality and him too is seems in the way that he lifts me back up, everyone breaks back out into chatter, we stand there for a moment his hands still on my arms, his hold firm willing me to not leave his side.

“I’m so, so glad that it was me,” he whispered, as if speaking aloud would end this moment, my eyes shift between his eyes and his lips, his Adam’s apple bobbed as he swallowed, “Are you?”.

I don’t know what compelled me to do it there and then but I did it. My hands, almost like muscle memory, rushed to the back of his neck and pulled him down to me, my lips met his. His hands travelled to the sides of my face, then my neck and then my arms and then my waist, bringing me closer and closer.

I realise quickly where we are, pulling away fixing myself up a little, rushing a hand through his hair, “This was always your dance Jeremiah, you know that,”

He leaned down to peck my lips again, and I giggled into the kiss. His hand landed on the low of my back as he guided me back to the giddy table, of which I have no doubt, the participants have watched me kiss Jeremiah Fisher. Susannah stood up to hug me, then said she needs photos. She rushed all of us to the photo wall, it was just some blue silky fabric pinned to the wall, but it was everything it needed to be and more.

She made us take individual photos, then in our pairs, then all together, then her boys, then us Conklins, then the girls and then all the boys. Then Conrad and I had a special request for a photo. After half an hour of hogging the photo spot I’m pretty sure we had a photo of every combination.

Before I knew it we were all back home eating dinner and laughing in the around the table, then playing some silly card game I kept losing at but that didn’t matter because Jere would be beside me pulling adorable faces and trying to tickle me when I tried to sabotage his win.

I wanted it to be like this always, all of us, together.

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