julieloves074

[julieloves074]

I'm yours (Alex Walter x Reader)

Summary: When Jackie comes to town your best friend, and childhood crush, Alex Walter falls head over heels leaving you left behind but when you attend Will's wedding with someone something changes...

Warnings: Swearing, kissing, heartbreak

Words: 6.1k

(Not my GIF :))

The day Jackie arrived in town was an interesting one to say the least. The Walter house was a second home to me all my life, growing up at the ranch next door meant I grew up chasing around the fields with the Walter kids.

It was during dinner at theirs, Walter games night, that Katherine announced her dearest friend had passed away in a car accident and her daughter was going to move in with them. The reactions around the table were mixed, but mostly everyone was just shocked. Over the next months there were whispers and chatter, but I was not prepared for what it would be like when she arrived.

“Morning,” Katherine says when I walked through the front door, her and George were putting on their shoes and jackets.

“Off to get Jackie?” I asked already knowing the answer, I was curious about her, it would be nice to have another girl around.

“Yeah, are you staying around for dinner tonight? It’ll be nice for Jackie to have another girl around today I reckon,” Katherine asked, quite literally reading my mind.

“That would be nice thank you,” I answered, and George let out a laugh opening the door, Katherine gave him an inquisitive look, one brow raised.

“I thought we were past asking each other stuff like that Y/n practically lives here,” Katherine and I looked at each other and burst into a giggle, he wasn’t wrong.

“Alright well we better be off, Alex is in the living room with Issac playing some kind of video game,” Katherine announced grabbing her coat and leaning over to kiss the top of my head.

I muttered back a thanks and headed deeper in the Walter house and to no surprise I found my best friend exactly where Katherine said.

“Y/n hey!” Alex examined practically jumping out of his seat

“Dude! Dude the game- we’ve nearly-” Issac stood with the remote but quickly slumped back down into his seat as the television made a noise to signify the end of the game, “What the hell Alex, that was the closest we’ve ever gotten!” he continued to complain.

“Y/n’s here,” Alex simply pointed out, that Goofy smile on his face, all his teeth showing in his grin.

“Yeah, yeah Y/n’s here,” Issac mocked rolling his eyes at his cousin but giving me a smile and a fist bump as he walked past.

Soon enough Alex and I found ourselves laying around on the sofa with snacks and a random film on. I suggested we head outside, I wanted to work on my tan but he said him and Cole argued again and he was out there with some of the other Walter siblings. I tried not to roll my eyes, I know these boys love and care for each other so why make it so difficult.

“Your parents out of town again?” he sat up to look at me, I reluctantly tuned my head away from the tv and put down the popcorn bowl on the coffee table.

“Uh yeah, they’ve got another showcase a couple towns over, won’t be longer than three days,” I answered, mom and dad were well known by their refined tastes, before I was born they started being judges in all kinds of food showcases all around the country, it all slowed down after I was born but they were still offered lots of positions and sometimes they just couldn’t say no.

“You’re more than welcome to crash here,” Alex said, some of his smile seemed to crumble a little. It’s not that my parents weren’t good parents we just weren’t as close as the Walters and that was that. Plus, I have school, even if I wanted to travel with them when they did it wasn’t always possible.

“Hey, I need to look after Daisy,” I said with a smile, my golden retriever could not sleep unless she’s  in one of our beds, “Plus everyone else is still there,” I said confidently kicking his leg to brighten his mood. Mom and dad offer a program where you can come live on the ranch and help with the work for a small wage and all accommodation provided, people who want to travel jump at the opportunity all the time, we have a waitlist, it’s nice being able to meet people from all around the world.

“You know I’m always here for you right?” He asked all serious, hand reaching out to touch mine, I gave him a smile and his hand a squeeze and pulled him into a hug. It felt different somehow these last couple of weeks. I’ve liked Alex, like liked Alex for as long as I could remember and recently it started feeling like maybe he liked me too.

“I know, I’m here for you too,” I whisper back.

“We’re back!” George’s voice announced to the house, Alex stayed sitting on the sofa, but I walked up to the doorway.

“Jackie this is Y/n, Y/n Jackie,” Katherine said with a bright smile. I gave the girl a smile, she looked exactly as I expected she would, beautifully luscious hair and clothes with a scarily perfect posture.

“Hi,” I said reaching out my hand,” I live next door but half the time I swear I spend more time here,” I laugh, and a smile appears on her face, and she shakes my hand.

“Oh, and this is Alex,” Katherine says as we walk past the living room, my eyes go to him like muscle memory, but his don’t even glance my way, he’s looking at her. I feel something then near my heart, a new kind of pain, but I put on a brave smile.

“Theres still two bags in the car would you mind getting them?” George asked Alex who shook himself slightly out of his trance. He stood quickly and headed towards the front door.

Unsure what to do with myself, this was a new feeling, I followed Katherine and Jackie to the kitchen, she poured us some lemonade when her phone started to ring, and she excused herself. From what I gathered she was being called for a job, Katherine was incredibly hard working and did not get half the recognition she deserved.

She apologised and said she was needed for an animal emergency. The job of showing Jackie around was passed onto me and Will who had just walked through the door and introduced himself.

We headed outside and finally I was blessed with the rays of sunshine dancing on my skin, the weather was truly magnificent. Will continued pointing everyone out to Jackie and I looked at each of the Walters outside in turn, I really was lucky to be surrounded by these people, and Jackie would soon know that she ended up with the most loving people in the world.

“Who’s that?” she whispered to me when a certain blonde, very dramatically, flipped back his hair and climbed out of the pool. I shook my head turning to see her practically gaping at him and let out a giggle.

“That’s Cole, the big flirt of the town,” I explained, her eyes never left him.

“Do you want to introduce yourself?” Will asked, he was too busy answering Parker’s question to hear Jackie and I.

Cole sat back on one of the lounge chairs brushing his hair back with one hand, the other already resting under his head. He opened his eyes ever so slightly to look in our direction, “She’ll figure it out,” he said in that teasing Cole voice.

“Told ya,” I continued, and Jackie laughed, I looped my arm through hers, ‘I’ll show you to your room then,”

“And Cole and I will start brining up your belongings right?” Will commanded more than questioned, Cole let out a groan but got up.

After a few minutes Alex had bought up Jackie’s other two bags and started helping Cole bring up her boxes of stuff which there seemed to be a lot of. I sat there with Jackie helping her unpack her suitcases and giving her some insight into town and the school. I had to watch both the Walter brothers try to make her laugh and shine their beautiful eyes at her each time they interchangeably came up.

“So, are you related to the Walters or?” She asked when Alex left after dropping off another box, I couldn’t help but let out an audible laugh.

“Oh no, no, I’ve grown up next door so basically know them since we were all in diapers, but no not related” I explained and she nodded, placing some stationary precisely on her desk, “So if you ever needany blackmail let me know,” I whispered and we laughed together. Katherine was right, I hope I was making this easier for her.

Katherine arrived back in time for dinner, George prepared a barbeque, Alex and I set up some tables outside and bought paper plates. It almost seemed like any other dinner apart from the fact that Alex spent almost all of it staring or talking to Jackie. He wasn’t the only one though. Cole. This was my new reality I realised and start bracing myself mentally.

Even with the family’s insistence I left right after dinner with the excuse that I had some last minute homework I needed to finish for tomorrow’s English class. It had been a long day, and I just needed some space to process and breathe.

I was almost to the gate when Alex ran up to me, “Hey you alright?” he asked walking alongside me, I nodded and told him that I still needed to finish reading that one short story, which was true, and before he could tell me to just read his copy hear I asked him a question.

“What do you think of Jackie?”

“She’s, uh, she seems really nice,” he almost seemed a little flushed, “I’m excited to get to know here, I think she’ll like it here,” he said, “What about you? You guys seemed to get cozy gossiping away”

“She seems lovely, this obviously isn’t easy for her, it’ll be nice to have a girl my age around the ranch,” I said honestly, things were going to be different now, so I just had to learn to roll with it and make the best of it, even though I see exactly how this is going to play out, I need to gossip with Danny about it, see if he agrees.

***

It’s been just over two weeks since Jackie has arrived at the ranch, and so far things have been pretty normal, if not better. We hung out every day, I showed her around school, we avoided Erin together and I introduced her to Tara and Skylar, but her and I got close quickly.

I had to finish my group project with my science class mates and it was the worst experience of my life, they were all absolutely useless, as much as we aren’t really fond of each other I’d hope they’d be able to put those feelings aside just to finish this project but no, they like to make things difficult. Now I wanted nothing more than to flop on Alex’s bed with some ice-cream and complain about it for half hour whilst he tried and is mostly successful in making me laugh.

My plan was not going to go quite as I wanted though, I walk through the farm’s beautiful, wooden gates only to hear Alex and Jackie talking. At first I reminded myself to not think anything of it, they too were starting to become good friends, which was good- so why did it hurt hearing her laugh that enchanting, contagious laugh from inside the barn that contained the loft. Kid’s heaven as we liked to call it. Alex and I called it our getaway when we needed to talk about something serious, it was also a non-judgement zone.

I approached the barn cautiously in hopes of not being spotted, this wasn’t spying it was- information gathering to make the best possible choices going forward. Who am I kidding this was stupid, I needed to walk away or make myself obvious. Running a hand through my hair I turned to walk towards the house, maybe Katherine was around.

“Spying are we y/n/n?” Cole asked, causing me to jump slightly, one of my hands landing on my chest.

“Jesus Cole I’d like to live to my thirties- at least,” I let out wacking him on the arm, he let out a laugh, one too similar yet so different from Alex’s, yet his knowing glance didn’t change, “No I was not spying I just didn’t want to interrupt,” I said defensively brushing past him.

“Whatever you say…” he started, managing to get perfectly in step with me, “Suppose I don’t need to tell you then,” he continued to tease. I kept my sight ahead of me, lips pursing together, running my tongue over my front teeth, I would not give him the satisfaction.

Cole found out about my little thing for Alex from Erin, her and I used to be best friends before she became ‘popular’ she used the information to get Cole’s attention in the first place, but this didn’t mean I needed to give Cole the power now.

We kept walking towards the house in silence, it was eating away at me and my lack of patience. I let out a huff as we got onto the porch, “What were you going to tell me?” I asked reluctantly.

“Oh how I could bully you right now,” he clasped his hands together mischievously and I turned away from him to go into the house, “Okay, okay,” he said grabbing hold of my arm and pulling me back towards him, we both leaned over the railing.

“He likes her doesn’t he?” I asked even though I already knew the answer, I could see Cole nodding his head in the corner of my eye. Damn how quickly Alex Walter fell.

I turned to face him; he kept looking out at the fields.

“You like her too,” I said in a whisper, it was a realisation I hadn’t meant to voice out loud. He sucked in a deep breath.

“I mean I don’t really know her, she just moved her but-”

“You feel like you’ve known each other forever? There’s just something fascinating about her that you can’t let that little flame of hope give out?” I asked, completely monotone, I related too much to what I was saying.

“Wow we’re saddos,” he laughed nudging me to the side.

“Yeah we really are,” I said, leaning against the railing again.

“But you don’t want to hurt him do you? We don’t need a repeat of the Paige situation,” he tensed up at my words, even though Alex is my best friend all of the Walter kids are my friends and they’re all family. I know Cole didn’t know about Paige and everything was blown out of proportion. But the fact that it was all a miscommunication but we were still suffering the consequences now and we did not need another destructive wave.

“Come on lets crash their little moment,” he said changing the subject, refusing to talk about it, the normal playfulness of his voice gone. I sighed and nodded, we headed towards the barn in perfect time to see Alex brushing Jackie’s hair out her face.

“Uh-um” Cole’s voice beamed into the mostly empty building, both of them turned to us and stepped apart.

“Oh y/n I have to show you this new board game Jackie and I bought in an antique shop the other day,” he came towards me, turning around to smile at Jackie once more, “Don’t forget the book, it’ll be nice to talk to someone who actually likes the Hobbit,” he said playfully turning to me, “Unlike some who don’t appreciate the art,” he continued.

That comment should not have hurt as much as it did, it was a light-hearted joke but it felt like it was leaving a gap in my heart causing my heart rate to increase.

“I’ll see you in a bit Jackie,” I said with as much of a smile as I could muster, she nodded back, clearly not wanting to be left alone with Cole after the whole bleach situation, and the good friend part of my didn’t want to leave her stranded, but Cole is a good guy- for the most part- and he deserves a chance to apologise for his sometimes stupid behaviour.

Alex started to describe the game excitedly as we headed towards the house, we were walking up the stairs when a voice called from behind us.

“Hey, Alex, Y/n hold up! I’ll come play with you!” Jackie shouted jogging to come meet us, and that’s how I ended up playing a board game with the two of them subtly flirting for two hours before finally having a chance to excuse myself.

***

Mom and dad have never gone away over a holiday before, but this thanksgiving I was left all alone in our house. Or more accurately I was being left with the Walters. This was a different kind of travel though. My grandmother from my dad’s side was getting continuously worse but they didn’t want to interrupt my holidays and wanted to keep me in a routine, so they asked me to stay and took Daisy with them.

I had slept at the Walter house last night, Jackie and I fell asleep on the sofa watching Lemonade Mouth, I knew Jackie was dreading today and did not want to cook so I promised I’d cover for her and cook a plate in her honour instead while she went on her food delivery rounds. Little did she know her uncle Richard was coming to the dinner.

I wasn’t supposed to know either but I had accidently walked in when Katherine was on the phone to him and she did a little excited dance move when I assumed he agreed. I think this will be good for her, seeing a familiar face. Getting her to come back to the house for dinner without revealing the surprise was going to be harder.

I thanked Katherine for grabbing the supplies for some bacon-topped green bean casserole, mom’s favourite recipe and stepped into my chef era in the kitchen. My side dish can be eaten cold or heated up so I decided to cook before everyone else piled into the kitchen.

Singing along to one of my playlists I moved around the kitchen like it was my dance floor, I’m not a fantastic cook, but I’m not the worst so I just tried to make it fun whilst stimulating my short attention span.

I heard footsteps and a voice, not a great one, joining in. I smiled and looked up from the cutting board to see Alex dancing awkwardly around the kitchen island.

“Oh I love this song,” he enthused coming towards me, I tried to move away and resist, but he took the knife out of my hand cautiously and pulled me closer, both his hands in mine and we rushed around the kitchen singing our favourite song. I should have known the second this tune came on it would act as a whistle to the Walter boy.

He twirled me around five or six times causing me to get a little dizzy, we giggled like five year olds without a care in the world. Unfortunately, as the song came to end so did our moment. We stood there for a couple moments trying to catch our breaths. I couldn’t help but gleam.

One look at Alex’s red, out of breath face and I burst into laughter again.

“Stop it! Come on stop  it I need to breath,” he managed to get out between attempted breaths and laughter.

“Well, I didn’t know you were such a confident dancer Walter,” I said winking at him. He smacked my arm walking around to put some bacon in his mouth, “Leave it alone or we’ll have none for later,” I chided playfully.

“More of a confident dancer than a confident cook,” he said and I couldn’t agree with him more, “Thankfully mom has let me get away with just making the mash this year,” and we all thanked her for it.

“Do you remember that time you were trying to cook some chicken and somehow managed to get it spilt half over the floor and the rest drowning under the undercooked cheese sauce and almost gave both of us food poisoning?” I asked chucking a green bean into my mouth. He covered his eyes with his hands and sighed at the memory.

“How many times can I apologise for that? Also come on I was like twelve, how much can a twelve year old boy know about cooking?!” He asked running a hand down his face.

“Well, I’d assume more than that, your mom and dad are incredible cooks,” I said, then got interrupted when the phone on the counter started playing a happy tune, it wasn’t mine.

Alex picked up his phone to look at the caller before turning back to me, “Give me a sec just gotta answer this,” he said before sitting down and speaking into the phone. I run my hand over my nose and returned back to my station and cutting up the bacon into smaller slices, every now and then looking up to Alex, watching the smile that takes over his whole face, trying to guess who was on the other side of the phone even though deep down I think I already knew.

“Yes Jackie I’ll make sure to remind you about that later, okay bye,” he said followed by a laughter. My suspicions were confirmed and all of a sudden there was nothing more interesting in the room other than my cutting board, I was nearly done then I could get out of here for a couple of hours. If Jackie could so could I, especially considering I didn’t actually live here.

“I’m going to talk to her today, I’m going to tell her how I feel,” Alex announced bravely.

My hands stopped in motion, and I looked up at him, not quite sure I heard him right, “ You’re going to do what? Do you really think that’s the right thing to do? I mean especially now at thanksgiving when she’s missing her family and-” I started but cut myself off before I could ruin Jackie’s surprise for anyone else.

“Things have been going really well y/n, I thought you’d be happier for me if I’m honest,” a bit of his smile faded and I looked back down at my cutting board, throwing the rest of the bacon into my casserole.

“I just meant you guys live together, let’s say things go south, what happens then?”

“Why do you always have to be so negative about this, every time I talk to you about Jackie you get like this,” he was hurt, I could tell by the slightly change in his tone.

“I’m being realistic, you’ve got to think about the rest of the family as well,” I defended myself turning around to wash up everything I used I wanted to add you’ve got to think about me, how after all this time, when we too acted like that can you didn’t see me too.

He huffed and then just as his steps came closer they got further way, and with each beat my heart sunk further and further.

I spent the dinner watching him watch her, watching Cole watch her, and the whole debacle with her uncle go down and Erin sat two seats down from me- what was happening? How quickly do things go so out of control. He wouldn’t even spare me a glance, all of a sudden I felt invisible at the Walter table, which now I suppose that could happen effortlessly with purely the number of us.

We all sat in the living room later that evening, after Jackie decided she was going to stay, playing card games and laughing along to some general knowledge game show where people were barely ever right because the questions were so bizarre. Jackie left after a little while claiming she just needed some time to process this whole day.

What hurt was the way Alex followed her up a few minutes later like a lost puppy. I knew where he was going, what he was going to do and say, it was making me feel physically sick. Like someone was squashing both my stomach and my heart at the same time. I went to get some water. I took a few deep breaths while standing at the sink, but I still felt like I couldn’t breathe so I went out towards the barn. I sat on the fence and looked out onto the ranch, not allowing myself to look back at the house.

That wasn’t the worst of it though. I thought it couldn’t get worse, more painful, but never say never. Jackie called me up to her room later, I’m staying the night at the Walter’s for two more nights until my parents got back. Hearing her explain what happened in detail was much, much worse than sitting on the fence outside and imagining how it played out.

She sounded so excited talking about how they kissed and how he gave her this whole cute proclamation, she didn’t realise that every word, every description she gave me pushed a knife a little deeper into my heart. He took her to our spot where when the sun starts going down it shimmers perfectly between two tall trees. I nodded along and tried my best to feign excitement, but I couldn’t tell how good of a job I was doing, she was too caught up in her giddiness to notice if I was doing a shit job.

I knew it could be worse though I told myself, this whole explanation could be coming out of Alex’s mouth, and if it did I think I would actually, physically be sick. I couldn’t see him right now or talk to him. I needed to not be at the Walter house for a couple of days so I could avoid the incoming PDA.

I told Katherine one of the volunteers ended up coming back early after the holiday and that I offered to go spend the evening with them, so they weren’t alone, she wasn’t too thrilled about the idea but she let me go, I think she sensed my urgency but didn’t want to press. I think she probably knew more about what was at play here than we realised.

***

Over the next couple of weeks, the sight of Jackie and Alex became imprinted in my mind. I didn’t avoid either of them, but I didn’t go out my way to spend time with them either, mostly because they were always together and always touching, but it’s not like they showed much of an effort to reach out to me either. I knew of course that they were in the honeymoon stage, but I also knew the best way to stop breaking my heart was to limit contact.

When I realised that this thing was going to be a thing for a while I started reaching out to my other peers more, hanging out with new people in the time I used to spend with the Walter’s and Jackie. Turns out one guy from my science group was actually quite nice, and he wasn’t bad looking. No matter what he was not Alex but I could see myself being happy with Seb. We talked, called, and hung out more and more until we officially started dating, he agreed to attend the oldest Walter brother’s wedding with me which was kind of him since he didn’t really know any of them very well. I think that was why I was drawn to him; he was outside this bubble and I desperately wanted to get out too.

 “Aren’t you excited? You love the Walters,” Seb asked as we walked through the big wooden gate. My arm was looped through his. I took a deep breath and smiled, it was genuine, I was excited that Will and Hayley were finally doing what was going to make them happy and that we all got to be here to celebrate with them, in the place that we all love. Mom and dad already joined the Walter’s earlier to help set up.

We were met with the twins by the entrance to the field, and for today the wedding venue, many guests were already sitting down, Nathan sat on the other side of the gate tuning his guitar, I’m so glad they let him do this, it’ll be a memory he’ll hold for the rest of his life.

“You look beautiful,” Danny said as we got into conversation, Seb was seemingly finding many common subjects for them to talk about but my mind was distracted as I tried to stop myself from looking around and looking for him. Blue was my colour he’s said it himself many times before, maybe he’ll give me a compliment too, like he used to.

“Looking good Jackie,” Danny said as she came our way, mom said she basically planned this whole event by herself.

“You look great Jackie,” I added with a smile, she also wore a beautiful baby blue dress with a shoulder cover, her style choices never missed and whoever came up with the colour scheme should be given a bonus.

“You too Y/n, feels like I barely see you now a days, but we’re seated together so we’ll have the chance to catch up,” she smiled and reached out to hold me hand, “come on lets sit down we’re going to start in a minute”.  I called Seb and we went to sit down.

“Hi y/n you look lovely, Seb,” Alex came up to us to sit next to Jackie, we’ve talked here and there, and god did I miss him and his goofy smile. He put his arm around Jackie and we all talked a little, Seb’s hand landed on my knee and whilst usually it was quite nice right now it felt suffocating, like I was in a prison of my own making.

The actual wedding ceremony was beautiful, they both looked great and you could just tell by the glimmer in their eyes that they’re so in love. Everything was going smoothly until Cole’s speech, he didn’t do anything wrong, he was honest and spoke from the heart, whether I could believe entirely that it was just about Hayley and Will I wasn’t sure but who else but us kids would be able to tell.

It was during the speech that Alex started getting fidgety, I wanted to reach out and hold his hand, run my thumb over his skin soothing him  but I couldn’t, Jackie wasn’t helping much either, staring at Cole as if he’s some kind of god, eyes almost watering as he spoke.

Seb put his arm around me and I learned into him, my head on his shoulder eyes closed. When I opened them back up after Cole finished Alex was looking directly at me. I gave him a smile, but he looked away quickly.

 I regretted complimenting the flowers as soon as Nathan explained their meaning and Jackie’s and Cole’s eyes found each other like magnets again, but when I looked to Alex his eyes were once again on me, he put his arm around Jackie and whispered something in her ear, she nodded but her eyes were cautious, unsure.

The dancing began soon after, Seb quickly asked if I wanted to dance sensing the awkward atmosphere at the table, he wasn’t so good with dealing with awkward bless him. Jackie and Alex didn’t take long to join us, they danced closer together whispering in each other’s ears, his hand ran up and down her arm.

I couldn’t watch any longer, “I’m sorry, I need to just take a second,” I hurried out of Seb’s, who now looked very confused, arms and towards the house. I could hear him faintly asking if he wanted me to come but I couldn’t answer, I grabbed onto my chest trying to get myself to breathe normally. I hope my exit wasn’t as dramatic on the larger scale as it felt.

The downstairs bathroom was girl heaven in this house, the one place where all you could smell was some kind of flowers, every surface was constantly clean and it was a clear zone from the Walter boys.

“Y/n/n,” a voice asked followed by a series of knocks, I would know that secret pattern anyway, I wiped my nose again, I wanted to tell him to go away, I didn’t need him seeing me like this, pitying me. “Come on Y/n can we talk?”, after a few seconds he still stood there, waiting, “I know I’m idiot, please,” this time I could clearly hear the desperation in his voice.

I opened the door and leaned to sit back down on the side of the bath. I didn’t want to meet his eyes. He reached out for my arms and lifted me up, my gaze still on the floor. I wasn’t expecting him to pull me into the biggest embrace of my life. I frozen for a second unable to move, but I melted into the hug, my hands sound their way around his neck and he pulled me closer.

“I’m so sorry Y/n I’ve been an idiot, who didn’t know what good he had until he lost it,” he pulled away just enough to see my face, “and now I’ve made you cry, wow I really am the worst,” I chuckled at this.

“I ended things with Jackie, I think we were both pretending that we worked because we were both scared,” he said with contemplation.

“Scared of what?” I asked but it came out as a whisper.

He looked between both of my eyes, his hands unravelled from around me to secure a place on my face. We were so close I could feel his breath on me.

“To do this,” he whispered back and closed the gap between us, his lips met mine, my hands went to his waist and he pulled me closer and closer. When he pulled away it seemed like I was in some starstruck haze, we’d kissed before at some party playing spin the bottle but that was nothing compared to this.

“Will you forgive me? Can we start this over?” He asked hopefully. I wanted to immediately jump into his arms and kiss him again but then there was Jackie and Seb.

“What about Jackie?” I asked weakly.

“I think we both know her and Cole have had this connection from the beginning it, but I was her safe option, just like she was mine and Seb is yours, my god I couldn’t watch any time his hands came anywhere near you, knowing that should have been me, it could have been me all along,” he said and this time I went on my tip toes, arms around his neck and kissed him like I’ve never been kissed before. Now I would just have to figure out a way to tell Seb.

“Don’t think you’re completely off the hook for ditching me for a girl,” I said walking out of the bathroom with a glance over my shoulder.

“Oh no I know I’ve got to work for it, but where are you going I want to kiss you, I need to kiss you come back!” he called trailing behind me.

“I need to talk to Seb,” I said solemnly, though I’ve got to admit a wedding is the worst place for all of this to work out. Seb was very understanding, I think he could tell what was coming from miles away but wanted to give me the benefit of the doubt. We hugged one last time and he went over to talk to Danny and some of the others.

Jackie started walking towards the barn, Cole must have ran away too, I chuckled to myself, she turned around for a second meeting my eye. She gave me a bright smile and put up both her thumbs up at me, I put a thumbs up back, and that was how I knew we were okay.

“So you want to dance?” Alex asked pulling my attention back to him. I agreed but only if it was proper dancing not whatever weird arm tugging thing he was doing with Jackie.

And so we danced the night away, all of us kids being the last ones left out in the night. We sat around and talked, played board games in one of the tents till morning, it was finally like everything was in place.

I leaned my head on Alex’s shoulders as everyone started heading to bed. Now everything was in place.

MASTERLIST

#alex walter #alex walter x reader #my life with the walter boys #mlwtwb #romance #cole walter x reader #netflix

[julieloves074]

Requests for ‘My life with the Walter Boys’ open :))

Only probably going to write for Cole & Alex though

One fic already up 🥰

#cole walter #cole walter x reader #alex walter #alex walter x reader #netflix #my life with the walter boys #mlwtwb

[julieloves074]

I want you (Cole Walter x reader)

Summary: When the storm hits the ranch and most of the family is at Will's evening party Y/n and Cole are left to talk in the candle light, which could end either beautifully or tragically as they navigate whatever is happening between them.

Warnings: Death, kissing, swearing

Words: 4.27k

(Not my Gif :) )

“I still can’t believe that I let you take me to that party” I said to Cole as he pulled out candles from the top drawer in the living room.

“I can’t believe that you came,” he turned to me briefly, his eyes beautiful even in the shade of this storm and little light, he turned back to the draw, “I’m glad you were there,” he said, quieter this time, I couldn’t help the ghost of a smile that started to lift the corner of my lips.

“Apart from the fact that I vomited on you right?” I tried to defuse the energy that was building up here with a laugh.

“Eh, could have been worse,” he started and turned around to face me again holding two candles, “Alright this is all of them now,”. We took a couple each and laid them around the kitchen and the living room.

“Can you pass me the lighter from the kitchen?” Cole called from the other room, I picked it out from the ‘anything and everything’ draw that every family has in their house and walked to the other room.

The darkness made it hard to see, but the outline of his frame was as clear as day, it felt as if I knew his frame well enough to find him anywhere.

“Thanks,” he reached for the lighter and our hands touch. As cliché as in every book I’ve ever read and every romcom I’ve ever watched. His hands weren’t soft or rough they were the perfect medium, he’s helped George on the farm since he was young and played football but there was still a compassionate side to him, one that he didn’t like to show.

His thumb brushed over my hand, he looked down briefly and I knew I should pull my hand free and step away, knowing the feelings Alex had for me. Even though he knows I don’t share the same feelings back I would still feel wrong to do this with his brother. Then Cole’s eyes came up to meet mine and he opened his mouth to speak but nothing came out.

“If you want to start lighting up the candles, I’m just going to check the kids are asleep,” I explained rushing towards the stairs with one last gentle smile. That was another good reminder, everyone else may be at some fancy party but we were still looking after the younger Walter siblings.

Just as I had expected they were all still asleep tucked away just how Katherine had settled them down. The Walter’s slept hard, nothing wakes them up, not even a ranging storm with killer winds apparently.

After checking up on all of them I head towards the stairs again, but something catches my eye as I go to lower my foot onto the first step. A little packaged box on a dresser in Cole and Danny’s room. I tear my eyes away from it and take the first step. Yet just as quickly as I looked away, I looked back to the little brown box with the blue bow.

I stepped lightly to avoid any squeaky board; the box was sat there surrounded with a mix of both the boy’s stuff. I raised my brows in confusion, I knew I shouldn’t be doing this, that I was invading their privacy, but the inquisitiveness got the best of me. If it’s Danny’s, I’m sure he wouldn’t mind anyway.

From the handwriting on the note at the top I could immediately tell that it wasn’t Danny’s, his handwriting much neater, almost cursive, which I still found impressive. It just said my name, I opened the folded piece of paper and had to read over the short note a couple of times before it registered.

‘It’s both a blessing and a curse to feel everything so deeply’

My mom’s favorite quote staring right at me. The quote I told Cole that day when…

***

We had just finished our shift at the cider stand, Will and Alex had already packed everything up into the van. Alex was less than impressed by the fact that Cole decided to come out of his depression cocoon to come and help and help he did. He auctioned himself away for an afternoon and helped us raise over double of the money we needed for the new auditorium.

“You fancy a little detour?” He asked, looking away from the road momentarily with a half smirk my way, I shook my head but a light smile still found its way onto my lips.

“What are you thinking?” I asked, I couldn’t disguise that I was curious, getting to know Cole was hard. Some days he was rays of sunshine and an open book other days, most days, he shut himself out, hiding behind a carless façade. I was guilty of the fact that I wanted him to sweep me away for a while into his own world.

“It’ll have to be a surprise,” he said, the smile still there when he looked bacl onto the road, I may have not been here long yet but I knew the second he took a different turn. We drove through some more woodlands until we came to a clearing, the sky absolutely clear.

When I stepped out of the car a fresh breeze flushed against my skin, it was refreshing.

“So… what do you think?” he says walking ahead of me. I followed not too far behind looking around taking in the surroundings. The river flowed surrounded by more trees and low rocks.

“It’s really beautiful here,”

“Alright come on then!” He shouted louder as he started to run towards the river

“Cole where are you going!” I called back, stood still watching him.

“Well we can’t go home now!” He turned around momentarily, gesturing me over with his hands. I shook my head and shut the car door, following behind him, my hair flowing in the wind beneath my hat.

When I finally caught up the sound of the gushing river was clearer and there he stood on some rocks, his back to me, jacket on the ground. He reached down to grab something, I stepped onto the same rock, more cautiously than him.

“There, for you,” he pushed the flower he was holding out towards me. I eyed him cautiously, his teasing side coming out, “Come on, I’m being nice,” his head tilted slightly.

I gave in reaching for the purple flower, he pulled it back a little with a laugh and I shook my head slightly, he pushed it my way again but lets me take it this time. In the exact same moment, he steals the hat off my head.

“Hey!” I shouted going to reach for it, he moves away, flaunting the hat in different directions, taunting me with it, “This is not fair,” I claimed moving towards him away. He’s laughing and I’m laughing, and it feels like a weight lifted off my chest.

I stop for a second, Cole stops too a moment later, that cheeky smile playing his lips. In that moment of calm I reached for the hat and his coat that was now next to my feet.

“Hey that wasn’t part of the rules!” He called coming after me this time, I’ve suddenly gained the confidence that I won’t fall into the water.

“Oh sorry, didn’t realize there were any rules,” I answered in the same tone, I moved another couple of steps and turned to start running onto the grass. Cole’s arms found their way around me as he tried for the jacket. I turned my head to face him, our faces centimeters apart. He pulled me closer laughing into the back of my neck.

“Okay okay, draw?” He asked his breath still on the back of my neck

“Deal,” I said taking a step forward as his grip eased, his hands followed the shape of my waist until the comforting touch was gone. He took the jacket and laid it out on the rock, laying down on half of it. I sat down next to him on the jacket as well.

“Do you feel any better now?” He asked after a moment of silence, my eyes focused on the river. The last couple of days have been rough, not only was I feeling homesick for New York, it had also officially been six months since the accident. It was all overwhelming, especially with Erin giving me a hard time.

I let out a breath before answering, “Yeah, thanks for this,” I said turning to look at him, he smiled and nodded, his arms followed behind his head. Whilst I knew a part of him took me here to make me feel better, I knew it was so that he could get away for himself too. We weren’t running from reality exactly, but taking a break.

“You know what my mom used to say?” I said laying down beside him, he turned on his side, leaning his head against his arm so he was looking down at me, “she always said that it’s both a blessing and a curse to feel everything so deeply,” I put a hand over my brows to guard them from the sun, and so I could see his face, hoping he understood what I was saying, I was here if he needed to talk. No matter how much he was hiding behind his persona I knew that he cared.

He nodded and laid back down, taking a deep breath. It didn’t feel like we were there for that long with the sun glimmering on our faces, it wasn’t until a call from Katherine came through that I realized that we’d been here for well over an hour.

“We should probably get back, mom does not like it when we don’t make it home for dinner,” he said getting up and offering me his hand. I squinted my eyes but reached for the help, of course he pulled back his hands ever so slightly. I shooed him away and went to get up myself.

“I’m not falling for that again,” I laughed.

“Oh come on I’m sorry,” he pulled that face where his eyes were the center of the universe it was truly quite mesmerizing. I reached my hand out again grabbing his jacket in the other and passing it to him. I walked a few steps ahead and he put it around my shoulders and we walked back to the car.

***

Underneath all the tissue paper there lays the small, beautiful music box that Parker accidentally knocked over; it was no longer smashed to pieces. I opened it and immediately the little figurine inside started to swirl around and a low song started to play.

I could feel the tears beginning to build in my eyes, my lips shaking. I closed the box and pulled it close to myself, arms around it tightly. The quote was right, these feelings were a blessing and a curse. They made me feel happy and good but on the other hand I feel like I’m betraying one for another.

“So, Y/n are you going to make me this famous hot chocolate of yours?” Cole says from the bottom of the stairs, I push the music box back into the little packages and press the note back at the top laying it back in the exact spot it was before. My heart beating twice as violently as it was before. I try even harder not to make a sound leaving his room.

“Coming!” I whisper-yelled back, in the kitchen now lit up by about a dozen candles it was clear how dark it was outside, I was glad that we managed to clear everything from the yard into the barns before the rain started.

“I’ve got everything prepped,” he said proudly and in the little candlelight it was as if I was seeing his face people for the first time. In the silence, no distractions, and his smile protruding through even the worst of the weather.

“If you take a picture, it’ll last longer,” he retorted, and I looked away with a scoff.

“Yeah, you wish, I guess I didn’t realize how bad it was outside until now,”

“It’ll be alright, it’s predicted to be a minor storm, the ranch has survived much worse. There was this really bad one once when I was about eight. I genuinely thought the wind was going to rip out the foundations of the house, or the rain was going to break through the roof and drown us,” he laughed to himself, pushing the two mugs towards me alongside the chocolate power, milk, vanilla and some other ingredients I asked for.

“I imagine how that could be scary for an eight year old,” I reassure working my magic with my ingredients.

“Don’t worry I’ll keep you safe tonight,” the teasing in his voice clear, he took a step towards me his face beside mine but I focus on the coco powder. It just feels like every time we could be having a moment, something vulnerable and real he disconnects. He’s said he’s a flirt and maybe that’s just that- but then what about the note and my music box?

“Haha you’re just so funny, are you just trying to hide the fact that you’re still scared?” I retort, keeping my composure, pushing his face away with one of my hands, he takes a step back and laughs shaking his head.

“Whatever makes you feel better New York,” he comments watching me heat up the milk.

He holds both our mugs as we make our way into the living room, it’s even prettier in here, he’s started the fire and lit up all the candles around it. I can’t help but give him a smile, there’s a spot perfect for the two of us.

“Go on try it,” I prod after we sit down, he looks down in the mug first and smells it, “I’m not trying to poison you if that’s what you think,”

“Alex would like it if you were,” he laughs lifting the mug to his lip, he takes a big sip and licks the whipped cream off of his top lip.

“Don’t say stuff like that, you guys may fight but you’re brothers it’s bound to happen, but you care for each other and I know he would protect you with all he’s got,” I assure him, he doesn’t say anything back to this, he avoids the subject like the plague even when he’s the one who brings it up.

“This-,” he says instead, looking down at the mug in his hand again, I couldn’t read his face if I tried, one of his brows raises for a split second as if he’s trying to organize all his thoughts about the chocolate. I know that it’s good but, in this moment, I’m metaphorically sat on the edge of my seat, eager to know his thoughts. “Is amazing, sweet and spicy at the same time, who the hell came up with this?”

The second those words come out of his mouth I feel myself beginning to be able to breathe again, the tension in my shoulders dissipates and I reach for my mug, “I did tell you, have some more confidence in me Cole,” I announce proudly and take a sip of the angelic drink.

His eyes watched me, I could feel his stare everywhere on my body, as if he was actually trailing his fingers over my skin.

I put the mug down, half gone already, Cole let out some sort of laugh and shifted closer to me, his hand reached towards my face, and I was frozen. My eyes watching his and his watching mine. Almost automatically my body and face shifted towards him. A smirk quired up on one side of his mouth. He brushed his thumb across my top lip.

“You had a bit of… whipped cream,” he said moving back just enough to show me, he licked it off his finger. Were either of us to move even slightly we could break the distance between us.

I’m scared. Sat here with him like this feels like a fever dream, like any second a sudden move could shatter this illusion, because this couldn’t be real, any second he’s going to pull back with some sort of snarky comment, and I’ll look like a fool.

But he wasn’t moving, and neither was I.

“I saw the music box, you fixed it,” I whispered into the space between us, my voice sounding as though it could break any moment.

“Nothing is ever too broken to be fixed, that’s something else your mom used to say right?” he whispered back, the shadows of the candles and the fire danced across his face.

“I hope you know how much that means to me. Thank you.” I was raw and honest, even with the things between us left unsaid, for the better, he deserved this, “For the music box, for my mom’s quotes, for letting me see the glimpses of the real you,” with each word my heartbeat sped up.

“I would do anything for you if you let me,” He murmured as if speaking any louder would smash this fragile thing happening around us right now. The tip of his finger grazes across my cheekbone, his eyes follow the line. I never feel his touch, just the ghost of it, sending shivers through my body that I try my best to keep from showing.

I scan his face, every beautiful angle and feature that makes him perfect, just the way he is.

I want to. I want to let him in so badly, to let him know every corner of my heart, I want to be fully immersed in whatever this is we’re building here, for him to have me, for me to have him but all that comes out is, “I want to,” because the foundations were building here are rocky and not stable.

His gaze shifts from my one eye to the other then to my lips and again.

“But you can’t because of…” he lets out so quietly I almost miss it

“I don’t have any feelings for him Cole,” there was a shift in his expression at my words, a guilty smile, “but he’s your brother, he’s one of my closest friends and he lives here too, this isn’t just about us, there’s your family,” I argue, but my excuses are sounding weak even to myself.

He moved closer, his knee touching mine, his breath warm.

Without further thought I laced my arms around his neck, running my fingers from the sides to the back pulling him close. A simple kiss, which did not last long enough. It was short, controlled. I pulled back realizing what I had just done. Maybe we just needed it out of our systems.

Still no words were exchanged, we just looked at each other. I knew I needed to move, to get up and out of the room but when his hand found its way to my forearm and pulled me towards him, I just gave in.

His hands explored my neck, cheeks and hair as the kiss became more passionate. I could feel my cheeks glowing a bright red, thankful it would be too hard to see in this light. Finally, he settled them on either side of my face whilst one of my hands found its place on his neck, the other exploring the honey-blonde hair on the nape of his neck.

I don’t know how long we were kissing but when he pulled away to look at me I knew it hadn’t been long enough. Both our chests heaving, me certain that my heart was about to give out. It felt so right I couldn’t let this slip away from me.

I grabbed onto his neck and pulled him towards me again. The kiss wasn’t rough, but it was filled by a burning need. All those months of the back and forth, the uncertain, the toying around the subject and now finally. Finally, I got to feel what this burning passion meant. What I’ve never felt with anyone else.

His hand one hand travelled to my neck, his thumb brushing comfortingly, his other pulling me towards him, I don’t know how much closer we could get until he was pulling me onto him. My legs on either side of his body. Chest to chest. Only clothes between us.

“Cole,” I whispered when his mouth travelled down my jaw to my neck kissing every inch of exposed skin. He paused cautiously, checking with his eyes that I was okay, that he wasn’t taking it too far. I nodded entangling my hand in locks, the hot chocolate long forgotten.

It was a euphoric feeling until my heart stopped when we heard the door open. I pushed off his lap and he helped me up.

“Hey, are you guys alright the lights aren’t-” Alex stopped when he made it to the doorframe to the living room, his eyes quickly found mine, then Cole’s, he hadn’t seen anything, no one would know, but even just seeing us here together, surrounded by candles could give anyone the impression.

“The storm blew out the electric box,” I said, my walls building right back up, keeping this eye contact while I could see the hurt in his eyes was more painful than I could have imagined but I couldn’t look away, then he’d know something had in fact happened. The light came back on with a click in the hallway.

“It’s because of the storm, what happened?” George asked walking into the living room, Katherine beside him, she gave me a weak smile.

“I’m going to check up on the kids, you guys make sure all the candles are blown out, let’s not start any fires tonight,” she added a cheerful tone and a chuckle but the still the tension in the room could probably be cut with a knife. Whether she meant literally or metaphorically I agreed with her, I did not want anything to explode between these two Walter boys.

“She managed to get it to work for a few minutes, but it gave out again, we thought it would be safer to leave the box alone,” Cole confirmed to his dad who nodded in agreement. I didn’t look at Cole as he volunteered to help his dad with the candles in the kitchen.

I thought Alex would say something when we were left alone. It looked like he really wanted to say something, but he just shook his head slightly and ran upstairs. I bit into my bottom lip and closed my eyes. It’s not like I hadn’t told him that I didn’t feel the same way, still the guilt washed over like a destructive wave. I took a deep breath and after a second started to blow out the candles before heading up to my bedroom.

***

I tossed and turned every few minutes in my bed for what felt like hours. I heard someone come out of their room half an hour ago, I assumed it was one of the Walter’s going to the toilet, but the person went downstairs, and was yet to come back up. Something in me knew it was Cole, he probably couldn’t sleep like me.

After another few restless minutes, I let out a huff and sat up in bed. All of the emotions were still buzzing and brewing inside my body. I threw my comforter off me and put on a hoodie and some outdoor slippers. Before I knew it, I was tip-toeing my way downstairs hoping I was doing a better job than whoever had gone down before me.

Walking out the front door I could see the beginning of the sunrise, at what looked like the other end of the world, out there in the fields the first sights of amber and yellow were rising out of the grass in the horizon.

I spotted Cole immediately sitting on the railing looking out at the view. The ranch was truly a magnificent sight, it was breathtaking, how could anyone not fall in love with this place just seeing this.

I stepped on one of the weaker wooden panels which let out a single sound, Cole looked around instantly, but the smile that shone on his face mere hours ago was not there now.

“I won’t break my brother’s heart ever again” he starts solemnly, “But I can’t not want you, how could I not?” he looked at me, the tears in my eyes are again threatening to spill. He hopped down and walked over to me. Nothing more said.

He wrapped his arms around me and pulled me close, laying his head on top of mine. I laced my arms around his torse, holding him tightly in the quiet of the post-storm, looking out at sunrise like it was a painting in a gallery to be looked at for hours.

“Your mom was right when she said it’s a blessing and a curse to feel so deeply” he whispered into my hair and I just tightened my hold on him. She was always right, and hell did I wish she was here now to tell me what I can do to make this all stop hurting.

What’s happened can’t be taken back now, the consequences long-term are yet to be seen and I suppose I’ll just have to take it day by day. Navigate this chaos of events and feelings. Hoping that it’ll all work out.

MASTER LIST

#cole walter x reader #cole walter #my life with the walter boys #mlwtwb #alex walter #jackie howard #netflix #danncy walter #cole x reader

[julieloves074]

Everything (Conrad Fisher x Y/n)

Summary: Y/n had won the battle against cancer at the age of ten but no one expected it to come back. When the truth comes to light the perfect summer crashes down around them. Especially for Conrad, Y/n is his love, his life, his everything

Warnings: Cancer, sadness, swearing, angst 

Words: 7.4K

(Not my GIF :))

Summer in Cousins was the one time of year I felt truly free, nothing really mattered there. Then again, everything mattered there. Belly liked to say nothing existed outside of summer, all the other seasons were just a pass by for it, and I couldn’t argue with her.

This was exactly why I wanted one last perfect summer. Mom told me that I wasn’t being fair, that this was going to be worse for everyone but wasn’t I allowed to be selfish? For once? I knew she couldn’t see it the way I did. I wanted Belly to have her first summer of real fun without having to worry about me. I wanted to see Jeremiah and Steven act stupid all summer without feeling like they needed to slow down for me. I wanted to see Conrad to be happy for one more summer, with me.

And everything was going so well, for the most part. Just like any other summer there was drama: Belly with her new friend Cam Cameron and Jeremiah, Steven with Taylor and Shaila but it was our kid problems, nothing more than that until tonight.

“Y/n you are not allowed to go!” My mother shouted as I made my way downstairs at eight o’clock.

“Stop babying me for God’s sake! I’m telling you I feel fine, I’ll be back in a couple of hours!” I screamed back, I just wanted to go to a party with my friends, I knew I had limits now and that I had to be careful. Still, I couldn’t stay locked in forever.

“Y/n you are getting weaker, are you trying to give your father and I a heart attack?” she asked, her voice still raised but there was a falter, it made me turn right around on my heel. There she was, standing on the top step with tears in her eyes. I could feel my own gloss over. I took a deep breath and looked up in an attempt to stop any tears falling, I was only wearing waterproof mascara but still-

“You’re our little girl and we just want to protect you,” Mom said, face flooded now, lowering to sit on the top stair, she was getting more tired now too.

“Mom I’m eighteen, I don’t know if I will make it through chemo this time and I can’t let it make me live in fear. I won’t let it make me hide around my room if this is my last summer,” I said with urgency and plea.

“It’s going to be a long program Y/n, and it’s going to take lots of strength, both physical and emotional but don’t you dare say you are not going to make it. You will beat it. We just don’t want you to get overwhelmed,” Dad’s voice echoed gently as he came out of our kitchen and pulled me into a hug.

“I know-” I paused looking between both of them, my cardigan in one hand and phone in my other, “I’ve signed up for the program and I will fight this cancer again but there’s nothing I can do now but wait around until the first round of chemo begins again, and who knows what I’ll be able to do after it?” I asked, I didn’t know whether I would live, and if I did how long I’d be weak, I didn’t want to miss out on these teenage years.

I felt dad brush his hand down my arm with a sigh, he looked up to mom who shook her head and couldn’t lift her gaze.

“I know, I’m sorry honey, but you know that if anything happens you call us right away, no matt-“ she began, standing up, but I cut her off.

“No matter where I am, no matter what I’m doing and there will be no questions asked,” I finished off for her, she smiled weakly and started making her way down to dad and I.

“Or you call for medical help first depending on what’s happening,” she informed me, at this point she’s said this to me so many times that I have the words tattooed inside my brain.

“I love you guys,” I said as they both squeeze me tightly just before a car horn sounds outside.

“Tell Connie we said hi and ask him to tell his mom we’ll bring that extra table for the barbeque party tomorrow when we come over for dinner,” Mom relayed to me as I slipped on my shoes.

“I will do,” I said quickly opening the door to slide out. I saw him first, Conrad Fisher, sat behind the wheel, his contagious smile and beautifully messy hair. Then I saw them, Belly, Jeremiah and Steven sat in the back all looking at Belly’s phone who sat in the middle, they were all laughing. I couldn’t believe the summer was nearly at it’s end and I got to spend it these wonderful, and slightly annoying, people.

“Omg Y/n you have to see this video Tylor filmed! This girl just found out her boyfriend was cheating on her with her best friend so both she and the best friend chucked milkshakes at him! I’m so glad Taylor filmed this!” Belly exclaimed the second I opened the car door, pushing from up from her seat and shoving the phone in my face, I didn’t even get time to look before she leaned back and sat down muttering “Damn, Harry is not gonna have fun at school this year,”.

We all broke into a laughter, I turned to Connie who had his eyes on me since the moment I got in the car, I started relaying my parent’s message about the chairs and he leant over to kiss me.

“Okay we get it, you guys are in love but we have a party to get to!” Jeremiah exclaimed grabbing on my headrest to lean his body forwards into our space. I let out a laugh pulling away from Conrad.

“I love you,” he mouthed to me, I did the same back before he turned to his focus to the car and reversing in my driveway. The journey to the house party, I didn’t even know who was hosting this one, was filled with laughter and teasing to the point that Belly had actual tears running down her face.

“I am so glad you made me invest into waterproof mascara Y/n!” Belly said running her fingers under her eyes wiping away the tears. I loved having Belly around, another girl was great to have around, her being like a little sister to me. Even though it came with both its ups and downs of siblings like all the clothes she would ‘borrow’ and never give back, but she’s a good kid.

The party is looking well underway when we arrive, there’s flashing, changing lights to be seen through the windows and the music is echoing down the street. Some new trending song is blasting as we walk through the door. Belly quickly runs off to meet some friends she made at the country club, Jere was dragged away by some good looking guy whom he looked more than friendly with leaving me, Connie and Steven to head to the drinks table.

“Are you actually gonna drink with us tonight Y/n/n?” Steven asked leaning a cup in my direction. I really wanted to, I couldn’t express to anyone how much I wanted to fully let loose, drink away my worries for the night. But I couldn’t.

“Nah I’m good,” I tried to play it off cool, but he started play arguing with me.

“Alright let it go Steven,” Con said after a minutes, I lay my hand on his arm in a silent thanks.

“Okay well I’ll leave you loser to it I’ve just spotted Shayla coming in,” he announced already walking backwards to the beautiful girl.

“Are you alright?” Con’s voice pulled me away from the vision of Steven wrapping his arms around her shoulders, he had whispered something in her ear which made her erupt into this blooming, true laugh, they made each other so happy.

“What? Oh, yeah, I’m fine,” I said, pulling on a big smile, it wasn’t exactly a lie. I felt fine, more than fine standing here with him right next to me.

“It’s just you’ve not been wanting to drink, and not to pin you as an alcoholic or anything,” he defends quickly, “But you’re usually first to call shots,” he laughs pulling me closer as some guys come to the drinks table, it still swells my heart, his little tics of jealously and protection.

“I told you, it’s been really bad for my skin recently and I am not sacrificing this,” I reassured pointing to my face, “Plus it’s kind of funny being sober and watching everyone else make fools of themselves,”

“Can’t argue that,” he says, we settle into a comfortable silence, Con wasn’t drinking tonight he was nominated DD, so the two of us had to entertain ourselves sober. We weren’t standing around for too long when Getaway Car by Taylor Swift came on and I dragged him to the little makeshift dance floor in the living room.

We sang to each other as he led our little dance twirling me around every once in a while. Loads of the girls including Belly joined us screaming along to the bridge.

“God you’re perfect you know that? I think I’ll be crazy about you forever,” Con half shouted over the last chorus and I just shook him off with a gentle shove

“I love you,” I said pulling him into a massive hug. The second the song ended we noticed Jere and Steven stood in the doorway calling Con over, some kid was doing flip tricks on the trampoline and in their words ‘It was so sick! He’ll probably actually be sick if he doesn’t take a break!’

Connie was hesitant to leave me for a second, but I pushed him to the boys, they deserved his time as much as I did. I turned to the girls, and we danced to whatever song came on next, and the next and the next. By the fourth or fifth song I started to feel lightheaded.

“I’m just gonna find a bathroom real quick,” I shouted over to Belly tapping her shoulder, someone had turned the music up. She nodded and gave me a thumbs up before tipping the rest of her vodka lemonade in her mouth.

The bathroom downstairs had too long of a cue so I headed for the stairs in the entryway. Was someone turning up the music again or was it just the sound echoing in my head? I held onto the railing, but my legs were starting to feel heavier with each step. I had just managed to reach the landing, I wasn’t sure which door led to the bathroom, so I ambled to the closest door, it was a bedroom. A double bed in the center surrounded by deep blue wallpaper. It felt as though I was in the ocean somewhere, drifting away.

The bed frame was not giving me much support, I lowered myself to the ground, there was a small thud as I hid the wooden panels. I don’t think I let out a sound but before I knew it someone was rushing into the room.

“Y/n what’s going on?” the voice asked, I looked up but my sight was hazy, “Y/n?” the voice repeated, it was Steven taking a few careful steps towards me.

“It’s nothing, I’m fine just a little tired, I think I overheated a little downstairs I should have been drinking more water,” I said attempting to shoo him away with my hands, but in reality, I didn’t want him to leave, I wasn’t sure if I’d be able to get up without him.

“Y/n you’ve been off all summer so cut the bullshit, since when do we lie to each other?” he asked coming closer, his honestly sounded sober.

“My,” I start and feel something bubbling within me, I cried for an hour when I was diagnosed again, then I told myself I wasn’t allowed to again until after summer, I was allowed to be happy and excited for the summer without thinking about- “My cancers back Steven, and I-”

“I’m sorry you what?” Steven asked cutting me off, as if an animated character his jaw actually dropped, he was kneeling next to me in seconds, pulling me into a hug. I shut my eyes wishing that I had left earlier or taken a night off and rested like mom had suggested, “Conrad! Get in here,” Steven shouted repeatedly brushing a hand through my hair.

“What? Y/n? What happened? Steven what happened?” Conrad asked manically flinging himself to meet his body to mine, “Are you okay?” He asked again as he got no answer to his first lot of questions. He brushed his hand down my arm.

“I’m so sorry,” I let out with a sob, shaking my head from side to side, I saw Belly run in confused with Jeremiah behind her. Others seemed to be crowding at the door but Jere quickly shut it firmly, announcing “Nothing to see here! Go grab some alcohol and make out or whatever,” before turning his attention back to me.

Now this was truly my worst nightmare, they were all looking at me, apart from Steven who had curled up and looked at the floor next to me.

“I’m sorry that I ruined our last summer together,” I said

“Y/n what are you talking about, what happened?” Belly asked brushing some hair out of my face.

“It’s back and I- I don’t think it’ll go away this time,” I whisper as if saying it out loud would mean that it was true, that I was hurting everyone around me once again.

“What’s back?” Jere asks nonchalantly at first before a realization hits him “You don’t mean-” at this Belly burst into a wail.

I looked up at Conrad, he was just staring at me, I couldn’t read his reaction at all. I brushed my hands up and down his arms, it was as if he was frozen it time. I needed him to say something, just that action was wearing me out.

“Come on let’s get you home,” Jere said, his eyes red, he was trying to be a voice of reason, be the one who doesn’t break down so he can support the rest of us. When had he become this grown up? “This isn’t a place for a conversation like this,”.

I can’t quite place what emotion was flowing through me as I was basically carried out of the house with one arm around Con the other around Steven. The whole thing seemed in slow motion to me, all the faces in the crowd of my friends and drunk strangers. How many of them realize what’s actually happening and how many of them simply thought I’d gotten hysterically drunk?

The ride back to my house was quiet other than Belly’s phone call to my mom and then Susannah and Laurel letting them know where they were all going. I was ushered into bed by mom and listened to the heartbroken whispers downstairs in the living room under my bedroom.

Mom and Belly were crying, and dad was trying to calm them down. Conrad was adamant to stay with me whilst dad offered to drive everyone else home as they’d all been drinking. When the front door shut, I heard the footsteps that shuffled upstairs.

“Connie,” I said as he walked into my room, his expression filled with sorrow and with the limited lighting of my bedside lamp I could swear he too had tears rolling from his eyes and down his beautiful face.

“You’re okay, you’re going to get better,” he said repeating in quiet whispers, whether he was trying to convince me or himself I was not sure but I let him. I pulled up my duvet and moved slightly to give him space.

He touched my hair, my face, my arms gliding his fingers as if I was made of porcelain. The first time I was diagnosed and fighting cancer I was 10 and whilst everyone was gentle with me then now it felt like a different kind of touch. A mixture of so much love and pain that I would do- give anything to make him better.

“I love you, so so much,” I whispered, pulling one of his arms around me, I wanted to feel him, all of him here in this house, our summer place. I was surprised he hadn’t run, when Con got overwhelmed he always ran, hiding was his protection. If I did anything in my life, helping Connie learn a better way to cope, or to start to was the best thing that I did.

“Don’t say it like that,” he whispered back, his eyes were closed tight shut.

“Like what?” I asked cautiously, somehow, I knew what he was going to say, I brushed my fingers through his soft hair, his pre-summer haircut was always my favorite. It wasn’t too long, not too short, just enough to outline his face and perfectly highlight his eyes.

“Like it’s one of the last times you’ll ever say it,” his voice cracked and I kept running my fingers through his locks, soothing him. It’s funny how I’m the one who this has happened to yet I’m the one who’s been reassuring everyone that everything happens for a reason. Maybe it was because I’d lived enough to know what the purest of happiness was and that I’d experienced honest love even though some never do.

“I love you. I love you. I love you,” I kept repeating as if I was counting stars up in the sky or the little sheep jumping over the fence in hopes of falling asleep. I’d said it so much my mouth had started running dry but if that was the price for having this boy, this kind, loving boy in my arms until my end I’d pay it over and over and more.

Unfortunately, the underlying sour mood was carried into the next morning, when I woke up to the glimpse of summer that danced in through the half open curtain Conrad was still asleep. He usually looked peaceful when he slept but this morning even in his most fragile states his brows were creased and his breathing was heavy and uneven. I watched him, when we get back to Boston nothing will ever be the same, and we only have a week left here in Cousins.

I untangled from his arms. I tended to have more strength in the morning but today I gripped onto the white wooden rail as I ambled downstairs and into the kitchen. Walking past the living room I noticed figures asleep on the couch. I smiled to myself when I saw Jeremiah and the Conklin siblings, they never left last night.

The clock hit seven when I walked into the kitchen, mom sat there with her kindle in hand, cup of coffee in front of her, but she stared unfocused at the device The lines under her eyes were darker than last night, she looked exhausted. Dad was at the kitchen counter prepping some eggs, bacon and sausages, the good old English Breakfast. He too looked as though he hadn’t slept.

“Morning sweetheart,” mom said looking up, her whole expression changed from worry to love, and though she tried to hide it the worry was still there, rooted deeply in her skin. I took a step towards her and she rushed out of her chair to grab me into a tight embrace.

A thousand things I wanted to say sat there pooling in my head because I simply couldn’t get them out.

“Your dad went out last night to get some more breakfast supplies, we’re feeding some unexpected- but most welcome mouths this morning,” she conveyed and I just nodded, my head resting in her neck, “I’ve called Princeton this morning and explained the situation, they said depending on how long the treatment is going to take they may move your enrollment to next year just so you don’t fall too far behind,” mom explained and I watched my dad’s feet shuffle towards us. College was the last thing on my mind, everyone here was.

“We also called the hospital and they’ve decided to start your sessions earlier,” dad said, this forced me to pull back.

“What do you mean?” I asked frantically, “We’ve had the date set for the day after we get back! How can I start my treatment earlier if we’ll still be here?” I questioned.

“We’ll be heading back to Boston tomorrow Y/n” mom conveyed, I took another step back. No! I needed this last week here with these people.

“But we agreed-” I tried to reason, to argue.

“I know sweetheart, but your health is more important to us, the doctors were already weary of letting you have the whole summer here anyway,” dad leaned against the kitchen counter with one hand and the other travelled to his forehead, an attempt to brush the physical signs of fear and worry away.

“We’re your parents Y/n, we just want what’s best,” mom reassured, and I knew they were right, they usually tended to be but that didn’t mean I had to be happy about it.

“The moms have organized a day full of fun and the celebratory barbeque dinner tonight,” Belly, who was now leaning against the doorframe between the living room and the kitchen, said.

“We’re all leaving tomorrow Y/n, we’re going to be there with you every step of the way,” Jeremiah said, his stunning ocean eyes expressing the purest admiration, his one hand was around Belly’s waist. A side of my mouth twisted up in a sly smile. I had predicted this years ago, Con owed me fifty bucks now.  

“Oh my- come here the both of you right now,” I demanded, I took a few steps towards them but they did most of the work.

“I want in too!” Steven, voice all groggy and half asleep, demanded as he jogged towards us. We stood there hugging for longer than we ever have, it was nice and warm.

We all sat around the table playing a round of uno as dad started to make breakfast, mom offered to help to give us the space, she knew we got far too competitive when it came to this game.

I had two cards left, the least out of all when Jeremiah spoke up from next to me, “Connie isn’t taking it well, he went outside at around three in the morning and he just sobbed, I thought you needed to know” his eyes with sympathetic and glossed over.

“I just don’t want him to shut everyone out now,” I said knowing that the boy had a thing for bottling up his emotions until they finally explode. He stayed last night but who knew which was his mood would sway today.

“He’s going to be around, he’ll be here for you, we all will,” Jeremiah reassured.

The day went by faster than anyone wanted, Conrad came down perfectly in time for breakfast, he pulled a chair to sit next to me. Just like his usual self he wanted to be near me, touching me at all times, whether it was his shoulder brushing mine, a hand on thigh or his head on my shoulder. After breakfast we when back to Susannah’s house and sat on their private stretch of beach. Then we competed in a murder mystery game that us kids created when we were twelve. It was actually pretty intriguing even for the moms and dad.

“I can’t believe you kept stored away for six years mom,” Jere said to which Susannah replied with a knowing motherly smile and pulled another clue card.

Then we went to the pier, had ice cream and I absolutely crushed everyone at the arcade games winning most of the challenges, the great showdown occurred yet again even though Laurel banned it all those years ago. Then we headed back for dinner at the beach house, Jere and Steven operated the grill, we all sat around talking and I managed enough energy to play a quick round of water polo in the newly upgraded heated pool.

Through the whole day Conrad was never more than a few feet away from me. He managed to upkeep a smile most of the time, but when he thought I couldn’t see it faltered. I always knew he was a good one.

At around eleven mom and dad headed back home whilst the rest of us cuddled up on the couches to watch some romcom on Netflix. About halfway through Belly decided she wanted popcorn, so we took a pause and Susannah said she wanted to brush my hair. She loved doing both mine and Belly’s hair, we were her honorary daughters so of course I let her. One of the many things I love about her is that no matter the weather, or what was going on she was a ray of sunshine. I don’t mean that she was always happy, but she always held out hope and guided everyone to the other side of any storm cloud.

After the movie had finished and we got a good hour into the titanic most of us were dozing off, Susannah started shooing everyone off to bed. She too went upstairs leaving Conrad and I sat on the sofa. I looked at him as soon as the whole floor was clear. My eyes asked the quiet question, begged the questions.

“Are you sure? Do you feel like you have enough strength?” he asked, and I smiled, my brain scanned through images of this boy as we grew up, side by side and through all of it he stayed true just like his mom.

“What have we been doing for the past four hours if not sitting and laying around?” I asked lifting my brows in a giggle.

He shook his head slightly and half a smirk managed to make it onto his face, “It’s been a long busy day, that’s all I’m saying,” he defended himself.

“I know, but I’m fine I promise, let’s go!” I encouraged lifting from the couch and pulling him up by his arm. It didn’t take much convincing, when he stood, he gave me a long, slow kiss before resting his arm around my shoulder. We fit together perfectly like two pieces of a puzzle finally put together.

We walked down the sandy path towards their private part of the beach, nudging each other and giggling just like the night Conrad first kissed me, just like the night he had asked me to be his girlfriend. Most, if not all our important milestones happened here at the beach house.

“Do you know what?” He asked breaking the silence, even just the sound of his voice was enough to press my body and mind into total peace but also force my heart to beat at an ungodly speed, still after being together for two and a half years.

“What?”

“One day, the day we get married, I’ll scoop you up like this,” he pauses turning to me, I look at him confused for a second as he coddles me in his arms like a princess, I let out a giggle, “and I’ll carry you into this house,” he pointed to the summer house, “then I’ll carry you out back and all the way to the beach and kiss you until the sun goes down and the moon hangs up high in the sky like tonight and never let you go,” he whispered into my ear as we neared the beach.

“Connie,” I began but he shushed me

“I know, I know you don’t like planning that far ahead, but this is non-negotiable, you said we’re allowed one non-negotiable each. You have yours and I have mine,” he said in a manner of fact way, I just laughed and leaned up to kiss him.

“You do know, I know that was all a ruse so that I didn’t have to walk,” I said and he just smiled, “You’re amazing and I love you but please put me down,” I asked, not because I didn’t love to be treated like a princess but because I felt good and I wanted to experience this with him in the way it’s always meant to be.

When we got onto the open part of the beach it was much windier, Con took off his coat leaving him in his jumper and wrapped it around my arms. We listened to the song of the water and watched the waves.

“I can’t believe how lucky I am,” he announced into the night, he’s sat half leaning on his legs.

“Why’s that?” I asked, there were so many things both of us had to be thankful for.

“That I met you, that I have you, that you chose me and let me hold and love you, I think I’m the luckiest man on the planet,” he says, his gaze drifting to the stars above us. Not a single cloud in the sky tonight.

“Do you know what I think is lucky?” I asked laying my head on his shoulder, my eyes getting tired now.

He finally turns to me and smiles, “What?”

“That we both live in Boston,” I said and he shook his head, clearly not what he was expecting. But it was true, our grandparents met at the Cousin’s country club years ago, our grandmothers were friends which then meant our moms were friends, they went to collage together, it was both of their dreams to live in Boston so they moved out there together not expecting to both live in that city for so long but I was so thankful they did because that meant that I got the Fisher boys and Susannah all year round.

It was around the time that we could see the first shades of yellow and orange of the sun that we decided to head back, his sheets were cold but his arms around me were more than enough to keep me warm in the breezy summer night.

The next day mom and dad came round for breakfast, it was a feast ranging from cereal and toast to pancakes with fresh fruits and muffins which Jere and Belly had gone for a morning run for. Just as fast as the breakfast had disappeared, we were all packing up and getting ready to leave.

As I watched the scenery leaving Cousins, I felt guilty that everyone was cutting their trip short, no matter how much they tried to reassure me that it was okay and that they didn’t mind. Still Laurel, Belly and Steven had agreed to say in Susannah’s house in Boston for the week which meant we still got to have that time together before everything went back into motion in September.

*✭˚･ﾟ✧*･ﾟ*✭˚･ﾟ✧*･ﾟ*

It was a week after the Conklin’s left that I was told I would be better off shaving off my hair now with it being earlier in the process in order to avoid more emotional highs later on which could affect the medication.

I’d agreed on the terms that Susannah would be the one to do it, together we supported and acted for a hair donation charity which turned hair into wigs for children with cancer, so that’s exactly where my hair was headed.

It was a Friday night, which is always Pizza night, whether ordered in or homemade, one week at our house one week at the Fisher’s. It was that night that I was going to shave all the hair off, the thought wasn’t as scary as I remember it being from the first time around, but I would miss it.

I sit with a towel around my shoulders looking at myself in the mirror of the master bathroom, the boys were both sat in there with my mom, Belly was facetiming us and Susannah stood behind me with the scissors, this was harder for her than for me.

Mom held my hand and dad stood in the doorway with a tight smile. Susannah had braided my hair into two braids and after a nervous laughter and whispering ‘I love you’ she cut the first one, the snip of the scissors was loud in my ears as she worked through the thick of one braid. A breath escaped my lips and quickly enough we were on the second braid. Now Conrad held onto my other hand, the corners of his eyes creasing. And then the other was gone too.

In a way it felt like a weight was lifted off me, I mean it literally had been, my head felt lighter, and I was left with uneven scraps all over my head.

“Hey I dig the short hair!” Jeremiah says hand extended to fist bump me, I  felt obliged saying, “Now we know I could steal your hairstyle and still be cooler than you,” I remarked and he pulled a smirk.

“Listen up Y/n/n at least my cut isn’t so uneven,” he laughs

“Well, mine’s about to be more smooth than yours, what you gonna do?” I play intimidated as mom placed my braids into the zip lock bag ready to be posted.

“Some little girl or boy is going to be really happy when they receive that hair you know that Y/n” Susannah said squeezing my shoulders after plugging in the razor. This time I closed my eyes and squeezed Connie’s hand tighter.

When half my head was done, I felt a bit of a breeze but I didn’t want to open my eyes yet, I’ve said many times that hair wasn’t a determining factor in my life but at the end of the day it was a part of me.

“All done,” Susannah said and I could hear a fragile smile in her words, I nodded with my own smile.

Then after a second the sound of the razor when off again and my eyes shot open, before I could stop it I saw Connie’s soft, brown hair falling from his head. He has run a strip right in the middle of his hair.

I leaped out of the stool. But it was too fast, everything around me started spinning slightly and my knees had gone weak. I grabbed the counter in front of me and both mom and Jeremiah leaned forward for support.

“I’m okay,” I say after a second, I closed my eyes and steadied myself, what was actually a matter of a minute felt like hours, but then I was stood again with another reminder: slow.

“Connie what were you thinking?” I asked incredulously and he was just shaking his head smiling, a glimpse of tears in his eyes.

“I’m in this with you, I told you I would be here every step of the way and I will,” he stood right in front of me, his deep blue eyes staring right into my soul, how had I been so lucky to have been granted the love of this boy and everyone else in this room. I pulled him into a tight embrace, retaining his warmth, his touch.

Jere jerked taking the turned off razor out of his brother’s hand and worked it through his own hair. This time everyone gasped, Jeremiah loved his hair.

“Never have I ever thought I’d see that happen. Jere, you obsess over your hair, you love it!” Belly expressed through the phone, now Steven was leaning over her shoulder.

“Yo- you lot are brave!” he exclaimed with laughter; this was how he processed grief. He made jokes and laughed because otherwise it was much too bare, I didn’t blame him, in fact I found it comforting.

“I love my hair but you mean much more Y/n” Jere announced turning back to me and I couldn’t help but let the tears roll down my face now, pulling Jere to join the hug. He will be exactly the one for Belly, he’ll treat her well. I was sure of it.

Now it was my turn to sit on the edge of the tub, Susannah’s arm around me as we watched both her boys get their heads shaved by my mom.

“Well now we’re all gonna look like weirdos every time we leave the house,” I laughed looking at dad.

“And we’re gonna look like some cult parents who forced their kids to shave their heads,” he added back laughing

“I mean we could shave yours too David,” Susannah added, “Then we’ll confuse the narrative,”

“Only if your hair is next,” he challenged and I squeezed Suze’s hand, I would never let anyone come near her beautiful, golden hair.

“I think we’ve shaved enough heads for one day,” mom announces pulling the razor momentarily from Jere’s head, “Remember we have that dinner reservation in like two hours and I’d like to get changed from these sweats and t-shirt,” she goes back to Jere’s hair but before she’s able to make any progress she turns back around again, “Actually that’s a lie I could live in this outfit for the rest of my life I’m just not sure the people at the restaurant would appreciate it,” she says and every in the room laughs.

*✭˚･ﾟ✧*･ﾟ*✭˚･ﾟ✧*･ﾟ*

The hospital room I’d been in for the past week and a half has become a familiar sight, considering that I’ve only left it to go to other similar looking rooms in the hospital. I look at the clock, its five in the afternoon, I must have fallen asleep again. The November chill was visible outside by the frost on the other side of the glass.

On the other side of the room behind the wall I hear mom talking to someone, dad has gone to work for the day, they’ve started switching days, so I can only guess it’s Susannah or the boys.

“It’s been getting worse,” her voice quivers and a part of me wishes I could mute her out, still be asleep. I know the truth, a part of me has known it since I found out the cancer came back those couple of weeks before we departed for Cousins that summer, I wasn’t going to get better.

“There must be something they can do,” another voice said, this time my body hauled me up a little. Conrad. I’ve been letting him visit me, he wanted to be here all the time but I asked Susannah to pace him. He was here this morning. It was meant to be one visit a day.

I know that makes me sound horrible, and it makes my own heart shatter piece by piece but it wasn’t because I didn’t love him or because I didn’t want him to be here. I knew there would be a time where he would have to move on, life would continue and he has such a bright future ahead of him, so many people to meet and experiences to be had. In my head if the distancing started now maybe it would be easier for him, even still the image of him with any other girl made me feel sick.

“Is she awake?” Is what I hear when I break out of thought.

“She wasn’t when I left to get changed and grab some food, but it’s been a couple of hours so she should be waking up soon if you want to go in,” mom said and I silently battled with the thought of pretending to still be asleep.

Before I had the time to make the choice the door was opening and then Conrad’s and my eyes met and he was coming to sit next to my bed, quickly pulling his hand into mine.

He bought a bag of games with him, we started with some card games, then snake and ladders, then four in a row and so on for a couple of hours. I was glad he came for the second time today.

“What?” He asked, I was staring at him but it wasn’t like he wasn’t staring back

“No nothing, just wondering how I managed to score such a hot boyfriend,” I say fanning myself with one hand, “And he’s a teddybear and sweetheart.” I added and watched him cringe at my words.

“I’m the one who should be asking how I managed to get a girlfriend as stunning and kindhearted as you,” he said but I just rolled my eyes. As much as we did this over the top thing as a joke we both knew we meant the words.

We talked and talked that night, he held my hand through it all. I didn’t realize how late it was but mom had come to sit in the corner of the room, she’d been having trouble sleeping recently but she’d managed to snooze off.

“I love you so much Connie, I’m thankful for you everyday, never ever change,” I whispered holding back a sob, he was half asleep on his chair next to my bed too.

“I love you too,” he said leaning up to kiss me gently. Then Connie and I whispered to each other until I too was fading away into sleep.

*✭˚･ﾟ✧*･ﾟ*✭˚･ﾟ✧*･ﾟ*

Conrad’s POV:

I never thought I’d be stood here, looking at all these people and her picture in front of a casket. I took that photo the day I asked her to be my girlfriend on Cousins beach, all her teeth were shining pearly white and her hair was blowing in the wind framing her face like a masterpiece statue or a goddess.

“I think you all know that Y/n meant more to me than anything and anyone in my life, alongside my family. We grew up with each other. We were there for each other in the good and bad times even before we were together romantically. She is- was- one of the most integral pieces of the puzzle of our lives. I think I can speak on behalf of our families,” I pause, tears rolling down my face, and a sob building up in my throat, “I don’t know how I will be able to go day by day without seeing her, hearing her voice and her passion. She inspired me more than anyone and I will love her until the day I die and even further into whatever comes after death, I will do everything in my power to make sure all her goals for the many charities and organizations are complete, I will build a new charity in her name, I will make sure she gets the remembrance she deserves, because- because more than anyone I know she deserved all happiness and love. She will be missed more than I could ever have the words to express” I finished and turned to the casket, “Please don’t leave me, come back to me,” I whispered.

There was more I wanted to say, I could speak about her for days and nights on end, about how wonderful and bubbly and kind she was and yet I couldn’t. These faces in the crowd, some knew her better than others but no one like our little families, Belly, Jere and Steven were all sat next to each other crying. Mom was holding her arms around Y/n’s mom and dad as they stared at me, thankful for my words.  

I broke into tears too, leaning onto the stand in front of me for support. Mom rushed towards me now, holding me close and helping me down to the seats. There I sat numb, tears flowing as the pastor finished the ceremony after which we all filed out and watched her get lowered into her grave. It read ‘Y/n L/n. Daughter, friend, love. An inspiration to all’

I can’t believe it’s been two weeks since I was holding her hand the night she passed. Two weeks since I’ve lost my everything.

Masterlist

#The Summer I Turned Pretty #the summer i turned pretty imagine #the summer i turned pretty x reader #TSITP #tsitp x you #tsitp fanfic #tsitp imagine #conrad fisher #conrad fisher imagine #conrad fisher x reader #conrad fisher x y/n #conrad fisher x you #Jeremiah Fisher #jeremiah fisher x reader #jeremiah fisher x y/n #jeremiah fisher x you #tsitp jeremiah

[julieloves074]

✨UPCOMING WORKS ✨

Always you (Conrad Fisher x Y/N)Requested: yes 💓

Summary: Conrad brings Aubrey to Cousins Beach without as little as telling Y/n, everything she thought they shared crumbled down in front of her eyes. Trying to navigate the situation confessions are made and hearts a broke.

Everything (Conrad Fisher x Y/N)Requested: yes 💓

Summary: Y/n had won the battle against cancer at the age of ten but no one expected it to come back. When the truth comes to light the perfect summer crashes down around them. Especially for Conrad, Y/n is his love, his life, his everything

Save the House(Conrad Fisher x Y/N)Requested: No

Summary: When Conrad goes off grid everyone breaks into panic, with important exams coming up Jere and Y/n hunt him down and through heartache and determination search for a way to save the beach house Susannah had left them

Which ones are you most excited for? 👀

Requests are open (may take a while for me to get round 😌🥰)

#conrad fisher #conrad fisher imagine #conrad fisher x reader #conrad fisher x y/n #conrad fisher x you #jeremiah fisher #jeremiah fisher x reader #jeremiah fisher x y/n #jeremiah fisher x you #the summer i turned pretty #tsitp x reader #tsitp jeremiah #tsitp imagine #the summer i turned pretty x you #the summer i turned pretty x reader #the summer i turned pretty imagine #tsitp x you #tsitp #tsitp fanfic

[julieloves074]

Missing pt.2 (Conrad Fisher x Y/n))

Author’s note <3 Finally after a whole year I’m responding to the frquently request of a part 2! I cried wiritng this, anyway thank you for liking my work hope you enjoy!

Summary: Part 2 to ‘Missing’ following the events at the night of the ball, everyone is trying to handle the consequences of this summer, will everyone be able to navigate what comes next?

Warnings: Swearing, sadness, pain, cancer, anxiety 

Words: 5.2k

(Not my Gif :))

“Are you alright?” Austin asked when I finally turned to him, the music had stopped completely but the cheers continued on. I swallowed down and opened my mouth to speak, blinking rapidly. I couldn’t speak.

Abruptly I tore myself away from his hold, it was making it hard to breathe. Panicking, looking around, no had seemed to notice my suddenly frantic behavior. The moms were busy whispering to each other no doubt about Conrad’s step up. In that moment I remember something- Jeramiah. I look in his direction, tears welling up in his eyes but with the intensifying beating of my heart and Austin’s pestering which my head had zoned out I couldn’t focus.

“Excuse me,” I said a little too loudly, startling the buzzing around me. All eyes on me. I lifted the front of my dress and rushed through the closest doors, Austin called my name and tried to rush after me, the last thing I heard was my mom’s voice “Don’t Austin, just give her a minute,”.

I wasn’t sure where my destination was, just out of that room and far, far away from both Conrad and Austin. How could I have been that stupid. I led poor Austin on thinking, hoping that I could ignore the pain and feelings that Conrad ignited in me- I was wrong.

I ended up sitting in one of the dead end hallways on a little brown couch, unsure of how much time I’d wasted fiddling around with my fingers.

“Y/n are you okay?” If I tried hard enough, I could image it was Conrad, kneeling in front of me reaching for my hand with my eyes closed it was the easier option, a game of pretend, but I had to swallow the pill.

“Jere, could you just give me a minute-” I started deciding to ignore reality a little longer, hiding my smudged face behind my hands.

“Y/n- come on we’re past that,” he came closer sitting down next to me, I could feel his arm reaching up as if he to lay it across my shoulders, but my body tensed so he pulled away. “Hey,” he began turning to me and laying his hands on my wrist to reveal my face, “Do you want to get out of here?” the teary expression from mere minutes ago gone and the childish smile back again. I laughed sniffling, a small guilty smile ending up on my face. He knew why I was upset and I was more than glad he chose to let it slip.

“We can go to the pier, play the arcade games and eat ice cream until we get sick!” He exclaimed, jumping up and attempting to pull me with him, he was managed and we ended up face to face.

“Ok,” I said after taking a deep breath, “Yeah, let’s go” I said cautiously, damn the consequences.

He looked back at me unsure, surprised, as if he didn’t expect me to actually agree but he quickly caught himself and his endearing Fisher smile returned, “I’ve left my keys in the boys changing room, meet me by the Jeep in 10” he said before rushing off.

The thing I most admired about Jeremiah was that he made everything easy, or made it seem that way at least, with him you could just get lost. I watched as he disappeared around the corner and let out a sigh, enough I told myself putting back on my heels which I threw across the hall through my wails. Enough being sappy and crying over a boy, I was better than this.

If not fully change I needed to get the running makeup off my face, so I too made my way down the corridor going the opposite way to Jere, turning right, making my way to the girls dressing room, hoping that everyone was still in the ballroom.

My hopes were fulfilled as I creaked open the door to the changing room to find it as empty as the corridors on my journey here. I took a deep breath coming to where I was sat earlier taking out three makeup wipes and rushing them over my face. Soon enough the black mascara streaks were gone and my lips were a shade lighter. It was when I yanked the last bobby pin from my hair that I heard a voice echoing outside, surely Jeremiah would just wait by the car, even so, it hadn’t even been ten minutes yet.

I dropped the wipes into the bin and flung my bag over my shoulder, the closer I got to the door the louder the voice became, it too was heading closer to me.

“Y/n/n!” it sounded, and I halted frantically searching for a place to hide in the room, you could argue there was many choices but with the poof of the white dress it seemed like more of a challenge. I tip toed towards one of the wardrobe but as I gripped onto the handle the door to the room was pressed open.

“There you are- the moms are worried sick, they couldn’t find you-” he started, and I physically felt my stomach drop, moving my hand over it as if I could keep it in place, my tongue ran over my lips and I could feel the prick of tears in my eyes. What was happening to me.

“Conrad not now” I said firmly, I couldn’t remember the last time I called him by his full name, that itself felt like a slap across the face. I couldn’t quite figure out what emotion he was masking under the stoic expression. But in that second, I realized that he had slipped away from me this summer, I used to be able to read him like an open book- but now?

“Why have you got your bag? Where are you going?” He asked noticing my overflowing bag slung over my shoulder, I shifted my stance and laid a protective hand over my bag. I didn’t answer, choosing the door instead.

He took hold of my upper arm as I tried to brush past him, his skin was calloused but his touch was soft, sending electric shocks through my limbs, forcing me to stop, I looked right into his ocean blue eyes. I would not crumble under Conrad Fisher. I was not one of those girls he led on and trashed.

“I’m leaving Conrad. Let go off me,” I demanded but didn’t move from my spot

“Where are you going? Everyone is waiting worried sick in the ballroom” he said the last word with clear distaste, even now after dropping everything to become Belly’s prince charming he was shaming the event.

“Jeremiah and I are leaving, we’ve both realized that the people we trusted most weren’t on the same page as us so what was the point?” I asked, my voice getting increasingly quiet as I spoke.

“You can’t leave, you’ll disappoint the moms, how will this look on your fancy college applications, if Paige mentions causing such a havoc in the middle of the event, have you thought about what my mom will think- say?” He asked with such hurt that I could almost believe he cared for me enough to stop me from leaving.

“I guess I’m quitting being a sheep” I said, it forced him to take half a step back, his hand still on my arm, I echoed his words from earlier on in the summer.

“Are you serious right now? Is that what this is about?” he looked confused and appalled

“No you dick this is about you and the way you’ve been behaving this summer, you’ve changed Conrad but you’ve been too up your own ass to see it. To see the way you’ve treated everyone around you, pushing away everyone that cares for you, everyone that loves you!” I conveyed sternly, my voice slightly raised, his hand fell from me now and the absence of warmth was clear. I hadn’t meant that last part to slip out of my lips, but he didn’t seem too affected by what was essentially a confession of love from me.

“We’re not kids anymore Y/n it’s time to grow up” he said after a moment looking to his feet, I bit the corner of my bottom lip and nodded, he couldn’t even look at me.

“You’re right, it’s time to grow up and see people for who they really are,” I tried to stop my lips from quivering, “I don’t know what’s happened to you but clearly we’ve reached this point for a reason- tell my mom I’m sorry and that I’m out with Jeremiah,” I said harshly turning around and walking out of the door.

“Since I’ve seem to become some messenger of yours what should I relay to perfect Austin?” he said in a mock tone, faking a deep bow now in the hallway. As he lifted back up I slapped him clean across the face- the sound echoing though the long hallway.

“Fuck you! I don’t want anything to do with you ever again Conrad Fisher” I had to say his full name, for my brain to register what was happening here. That was that. He touched his palm to his face and I turned the corner, I would be lying if I said I didn’t turn around before turning yet another corner because I did. Still, all I saw was the empty darkness. This was it, he didn’t come after me.

When I stepped outside the chilly, night breeze brought me back to life, a couple deep breaths calmed me down. I walked to the car moving my hands around in the wind to just feel alive, everything was still in a haze. Jeremiah still hadn’t made it back to the car, so I dropped my bag down and leaned against the red jeep pulling out my phone flipping through Instagram at the stories and videos people were already posting from the night.

I didn’t stop- I couldn’t stop until I heard someone approach, “Finally Jere, jeez what took you so long?” I said before looking up, but it wasn’t the younger Fisher boy that I was met with- it was Susannah.

“Here you are,” her sweet, melodical voice said approaching and standing next to me, my gaze flushed away, I didn’t need to look at her, I didn’t want to. Susannah didn’t need to see the pain and embarrassment on my face, in my eyes.

“I’m sorry I ruined this day, I know how much it meant to you and I-” the words flushed out and the tears started dripping, “I didn’t want to let you down, I couldn’t just pretend for another hour or two that I- that I- that I’m happy and perfect,” I whispered, though in the empty parking lot it still felt too loud.

I felt Susannah’s arm settle around my shoulder, her other hand lifting my face up to look at her, she was wearing a cautious smile, uncertainty glinting in her eyes. She knew what this was about, of course she did.

“You have done nothing wrong, you have not disappointed me- quite frankly I’m not sure you ever could,” she giggled unironically, “You’re my little Y/n” she squeezed me a little tighter saying that, “My little girl, the second baby” she continued cooing me.

“Is it always going to hurt like this?” I asked burying my head back into her shoulder, she brushed through my hair and sighed gently. So much for summer love I thought to myself.

“Well, you never forget your first love, a sweet spot they say, but it’ll get easier honey,” she assured me and swayed side to side with me still in her arms.

“He kissed me earlier this summer,” I said, not sure why, not sure what I expected her to reply. A simple ‘oh’ made it past her lips. I know he’s her son so she automatically rests on his side but I needed to tell someone, the secret of it was like an anchor dragging me and my tiny ship down to the bottom, the confession itself eased the weight.

“I don’t know what to tell you, I suppose sometimes our mother instincts are off,” she said into space more than to me, my brows furrowed, “I was sure Connie was smitten with you, that I would get to see you in a white dress with him by your side,” her words started getting slower and I could feel her stiffen in the embrace.

I pulled away slightly, an inkling of what she was actually saying- this wasn’t just about the ball.

“Susannah- no you, you don’t mean?” I started, she looked away from me, “It’s come back?” I whispered, as if I said it any louder it would be true. She scrunched her brows running her finger under her eye wiping a tear. She nodded. My heart stopped.

Now a river was pouring out of my eyes, my lips curled and I let out an actual wail. My body was no longer mine, I felt myself lowering to the floor without permission whispering ‘no no no’ over and over. How could I have been so blind? How did this get past me?

“Y/n/n” she whispered lowering herself to be on my level, I was rushing my head from side to side. This wasn’t happening, not now. Not again. Not ever. “I wanted one last perfect summer, just to see all the children grow and blossom, and you and Belly in your white dresses with my boys the way it was always meant to be,” she cried stroking my hair, I should be the one comforting her not the other way around. “I couldn’t have asked for more, look at you! My mini me growing up into a talented, stunning young lady whom I hope will agree to- eventually- take over at least some of my charities,” she said her voice becoming a little higher at the end.

---

I don’t remember much of what happened after that and on the way home, Susannah and I cried outside for what felt like forever before mom came shouting for Susannah about the boys, there was an argument brewing. By the time we reached the hall Conrad and Jeremiah were rolling around on the floor fighting, everyone gathering around them, gasping, a few trying to intervene.

Susannah exclaimed with tears in eyes “Stop it! Stop it right now! Both of you!”

Upon closer examination Jeremiah’s eyes too were glinting with tears again, he must have found out, he wouldn’t have missed the dance otherwise, he wouldn’t have wanted to run away so suddenly, now I understood too and wanted nothing more than run and pretend this isn’t happening. Mom held me tightly as our little lot gathered our belongings and exited the hall- the commotion we just caused.

Austin tried to get to me, talk to me but my dad kept him away, from me and from all of us- the boy was so confused, how had we let everything turn out like this. He messaged and called hundreds of times but I couldn’t look at mu phone even now curled up in mom’s arms on our couch, still trying to make sense of the news.

“But she was better, she was healthy again, this isn’t fair,” I argued with who knows what, God? The universe?

“I know baby, we’re all hurting” mom brushed my hair, she had known the whole time, right now I didn’t have the strength in me to be angry, I need her.

“She’s going to get better, isn’t she?” I asked desperately trying to hold onto something- anything, but her silence didn’t make me feel better.

The phone rang when the tears started to slow, dad had been the one to get up from our huddle to answer it, he nodded along to whatever the person was saying and an inkling of a smile inched up onto his face. How could he even so much as think of smiling right now- unless.

“Susannah and Laurel have started cooking late night dinner, everyone is getting changed and ready to sit together at the table,” he announced and I wanted to shake my head, how could I sit at a table with her, the woman I owe pretty much my whole life and love to  and the other kids. Who were we trying to kid here?

So just like Susannah wanted we sat around the dinner table in the Fisher summer house, laughing, eating and breathing in the summer like she had wanted. Nothing was ever going to be the same and now looking around the table I couldn’t help but wanting to cry again- these were the people I loved most in the world and we were all here together, and I just wanted to cherish and live in this moment for as long as I could if not stay in it forever- is that how Susannah felt? Just wanting to be surrounded by the people she loved most in the place she loved most?

Then my eyes landed on Conrad who was already looking at me. A knowing passed through me. He had known, of course he’d known, no one knew Susannah as well as him no matter how much they wanted to. He was already looking at me, I didn’t want to argue, not right now when all these moments together were fleeting, there was a chance we would never be here altogether again, so I gave him a small smile. I’d be civil, for Susannah.

Maybe she was right, and her mom instincts were wrong this one time, I too always believed and hoped that Conrad and I would end up together but maybe that wasn’t meant to be. Right now I had more important things to worry about. I looked from him to the woman sat next to him: Susannah Fisher, a goddess who glowed even in the darkest of settings, she was beaming making jokes and pulling silly faces, I would forever look up to her for her incredible kindness and strength, if I could have half her bravery and strength, I would be okay, I would be okay for her.

---

Mom and dad headed back to our house after dinner because mom was starting to feel sick, but I stuck around, cuddled up to Susannah on the couch while some movie played on Netflix, Belly was on my other side with her mom beside her. The boys were on the other side of Susannah too keeping up the brave faces though tears stained their cheeks too.

It was around two in the morning when Laurel told Conrad to help take Susannah into her makeshift room, the guest room downstairs which she adopted as her own due to lack of strength to head upstairs. After tucking her in Laurel, Belly, Jere and Steven headed upstairs and it was just me and Conrad left. I didn’t look at him or say anything making my way towards the kitchen. My throat felt like a desert.

“For all it’s worth I’m sorry,” he said following behind me, stopping a few feet from me.

I shrugged my shoulders slightly and shook my head from side to side, running my hand over my forehead, “I don’t know what you want me to say Conrad?” I said genuinely taking another sip of my water before turning around, the house was silent.

“I fucked everything up this summer, I know I have,” he stopped waiting for me to speak, but what could I say? I stared at him, uncertainty in both our eyes, we’ve muddled the line between us and I’m not sure where to step next, “I did the opposite of what she wanted this summer to be, I drank every day, didn’t give her enough of my time, I was horrific person and an even worse son. And I’m sorry for what pain I’ve caused you” he whispered, his hand landing on the counter as if he needed something to support his whole body weight. My fingers ached to reach out, but I just looked down.

All I wanted him to say now was that it was meant to be us dancing together tonight, that if he could he would give everything to go back in time and change this summer, this night. Still all that came was silence.

“Do you want to know what the worst part is Connie?” I asked, my voice cracking at the nickname, looking up from the ground to him, the corner of my mouth curled in an attempt to stop the tears that have already started to fall.

“I once believed that this,” I motioned between us unable to say the word, “That this would be it, us against anything and everything thrown our way but I suppose I should have listened to my mom, she told me not to get attached especially to something we know we could never have,”. Mom was different to Susannah in that sense. While Susannah lived in a colorful world full of hope and blissful ignorance my mom felt reality a little more and as much as she too believed that I was destined for one of the Fisher boys she warned me that the matters of the heart were complicated whilst Susannah pushed me away into a dreamful, clueless boat of love.

It was clear he had nothing to say on the matter so I broached the only other subject I could discuss with him, “You knew,” I stated the fact.

“I found out that day you went shopping, mom left her phone and some number kept ringing her, it was the hospital asking for confirmation whether she was sure she didn’t want to sign up for some new round of chemo,” his voice cracked, “It was then that something had- I don’t know, switched in me. It was always us against the world, and mom knew that, she knew you were the only girl I would ever have eyes for. But you two are so close, every time I looked at you I saw my mom and her smile knowing she was right. But you- you are too much like her, both the ray of sunshine whatever room you walk into, both the voice of love and reason and I couldn’t- I couldn’t face you without the reminder of her, that I’m losing her” he looked up, “I could no longer picture watching you walk down the aisle to meet me because she isn’t going to be there for it, I could no longer imagine our summers together here throughout life without her growing old and watching us grow into adults here- I couldn’t”

“Why didn’t you tell me?” I asked weakly, my voice just above a whisper, taking a step towards him, small but a step either way.

“I- I don’t know” a tear rolled down his cheek, eyes fluttering shut for a moment, “I felt that if I said it out loud it would mean it was real,” his voice cracked, in parallel with it a more pieces shattered in my heart for all of us.

“We could have dealt with this together, you know that,” I assured but my voice was weak too

He lifted his hand as if to bash it against the beautiful, luxurious counter but stopping himself just before his skin made contact,

“I made a mess, I’m a mess, I always manage to fuck everything up!” he created fists with his hands again, the skin tightening. He hurt himself and everyone around him in what was likely everyone’s last summer together, but this was bigger than the both of us, this was about Susannah.

He lowered himself to the ground, his red eyed shutting tight, I followed him down, my back against the opposite cabinets and pulled him towards me. He hung onto my middle as though as I was the anchor keeping him still- like he’d never let go.

I didn’t know what was going to happen after tonight, between us, between the families or to Susannah but right now it felt right to be here with Conrad, holding onto each other like stranded souls on a raft mid ocean. My head lay on top of his and he drew patterns on my arms with his fingers.

“Connie” I dared to whisper eventually, he stirred slightly lifting his head, “You need to go to bed, I need to go to bed. We need to make these last few days count and we can’t do that sore from the floor and exhausted,” I said and his hold on me tightened slightly.

Still after a moment, he loosened his hold and stood up holding onto my hand, slowly heading in the direction of the stairs, I realized where he was trying to go so I leaned away from his touch.

“Con no I can’t, you know that, too much has happened,” I couldn’t slip into this, what about Belly? I thought. She loved him too. And I couldn’t stop imagining the way they looked into each other’s eyes earlier, there was something there, I’m not sure what but I couldn’t ignore that it happened.

His eyes begged me but I didn’t budge, his raspy voice started as he took on the first step, “I don’t want to be alone tonight,” he conveyed but I shook my head. He needed me but I didn’t want him to need me, I wanted him to want me. I was willing to wait, when I started things with Austin this summer I thought I could move on but now I realize I couldn’t- that I would wait for this boy who gave me the moon and the stars no matter how long it took.

“Connie we all need time, to process everything that’s happened in the last twelve hours, we need to clear our heads.” He nodded solemnly, “We both need sleep” I sighed gently, it was one of relief that the day had come to an end, I stepped away to head to the back door.

“Wait-” Con whispered, I turned back to him still at the bottom of the stairs, “Can I give you something?” he asked and I looked at him confused raising a brow, gesturing for him to continue, “I was meant to give this to you at the start of summer but I was too much of a coward, can you meet me at the beach in five minutes,” I was about to decline, tell him we’d have tomorrow but he pleaded, the tears that were building up in his eyes making them glisten like little diamonds.

I nodded without a word and made my way to our secluded area of the beach behind the houses, the wait for Conrad to come out felt longer than it actually was, I watched the calm waves flutter on the water surface, the moon residing, observing its own reflection in the water. The night was quiet. There were no parties heard, no loud music or shouting just the calming song of the sea and soon enough Conrad’s long strides.

His hands were in the pockets of his jean shorts and my interest was piqued, whatever did he want to give me? And why was it so important that he had to do it tonight and at three in the morning.

He came to a stop in front of me, the light wind whispered into his hair slightly making it dance in the moonlight, “Before you jump to conclusions or freak out just let me finish okay?” He asked, and he meant it, his voice carried such conviction and trust. In a way his demeanor made me calm but on the other hand it made me freak out against his wishes.

We stood just facing each other for a minute before he lowered to the ground onto one knee, inside my brain everything started shouting and screaming at me to panic, freak out. He was not seriously proposing to me right now- I was doing my best to remain calm on the outside but he must have seen the fear in my eyes.

“No I’m not proposing to you calm down,” he said, smiling up at me, I relaxed a little but his words didn’t change the fact that he was in kneeling in front of me, “This is not how I wanted this to go but I suppose now it means so much more than it would have if we had gone to the pier that day in the beginning of summer” he continued taking out a small black box out of his trouser pocket.

“I bought this ring two years, the day we’d gotten back from our little camping trip and I drove you home, on the way back to Boston something in me told to stop at this little shopping center and so I did, that was when I spotted this,” he opened the box to a beautiful ring with a gorgeous little sun and moon crystal in the center, like a yin and yang symbol. “That moment I asked myself ‘what are you doing Conrad? You love this girl don’t lose her’ so I bought the ring and kept until this summer- I suppose I should get to the point, this ring is a promise that I will be a better man, for myself, for you and for our families. This is a promise that no matter what- I’m here and will love and wait for you for the rest of my days and that one day we will get married and vacation in Cousins with our families and our kids,” he was spilling out all these words and yet I’d never heard anything more beautiful, then he paused for a moment, “And if you decide this is not what you want then at least you’ll have a pretty ring that will stand as a reminder of our summers and your childhood, no one has to know what the ring is for or what it means, I just want, no need you to have this to know that I’m not completely lost after this summer, because Y/n you are the lighthouse that will guide my ship to shore in the worst of storms,” he finished and without thought I leaned my hand forward, he placed the ring on my ring finger on my right hand and I smiled as he stood up brining me into an embrace. It would be our secret

I wasn’t going to rush into anything, there was lots to figure out and Susannah was the top priority, but this was a sign of hope. I didn’t know what was going to happen from here on out but right now in this moment I felt hope that everything was going to work out, through pain and tears we would all get through to the other side together.

Susannah always believed from the moment my mom found out she was pregnant that I was going to be destined for one of her boys, and then just a little over a year later when Laurel got pregnant too Suze said that she was also destined for one of her boys. Now here I was standing wondering whether she could ever imagine the winding roads all our stories have taken us on and what we still had to overcome. Now I stood here unsure and lost but at least I was with the people I loved most, no longer missing any other pieces.

MASTERLIST

Those who asked to be tagged: @gillybear17 @nani-2305 @bitchjerksammy @fangirlfree @queenanababy @conradfisherismine @daphnen21 @drikawinchester @imasimp48 @loveisforonlythebrave @historygeekqueen @colbysbrocks @peoplestuff3-blog @americanstarlette @urfavepersonme

#conrad fisher #conrad fisher imagine #conrad fisher x reader #conrad fisher x y/n #conrad fisher x you #Jeremiah Fisher #jeremiah fisher x reader #jeremiah fisher x y/n #jeremiah fisher x you #The Summer I Turned Pretty #TSITP #the summer i turned pretty imagine #the summer i turned pretty x reader #the summer i turned pretty x you #tsitp x you #tsitp fanfic #tsitp imagine #tsitp x reader

[julieloves074]

🖤 Hi! Just here to say I’m now taking Wednesday show requests 🖤

I can write for Tyler, Xavier, Enid, Wednesday

I don’t write smut sorry!

#wednesday #thing addams #tyler galpin #tyler galpin x reader #xavier thorpe #xavier thorpe x reader #enid x reader #enid sinclair #wednesday x reader #addams family #Wednesday Netflix

[julieloves074]

When will your new fics be coming out ?

Hi!

My newest piece 'Missing' (Conrad Fisher x Y/n) is out now!

Summary: Conrad’s rejection to the Deb ball turned out not to be the hardest punch Y/n had to experience this summer, being forced to watch him show up for Belly was much worse

Click here to read :)

#conrad fisher #conrad fisher imagine #conrad fisher x reader #conrad fisher x y/n #conrad fisher x you #jeremiah fisher #jeremiah fisher x reader #jeremiah fisher x y/n #jeremiah fisher x you #the summer i turned pretty #the summer i turned pretty x you #the summer i turned pretty x reader #the summer i turned pretty imagine #tsitp jeremiah #tsitp x reader #tsitp imagine #tsitp fanfic #tsitp x you #tsitp

[julieloves074]

Missing (Conrad Fisher x Y/n)

Summary: Conrad’s rejection to the Deb ball turned out not to be the hardest punch Y/n had to experience this summer, being forced to watch him show up for Belly was much worse

Warnings: swearing, drinking, kissing, sadness, pain, anxiety 

Words: 9.8k

(Not my Gif :))

I knew mom was waiting for this moment since I was a little girl, in a way I was excited for it too, especially considering that I was going to be doing it with one of my best friends. Growing up during the summers next door to the Fisher’s and consequently the Conklins was the best thing that could have happened to me. These summers are my whole life, nothing outside them matters, it’s all a pass by, all the count down to summer.

This year I knew would be different, starting with the fact I was going to be a deb, I knew what the Fisher boys’ thought about the whole ordeal but I also knew how Susannah felt about it so I wasn’t worried. I knew I’d have Belly on my side too because she accepted Susannah’s pleas after a little persuasive work from me. It was a little strange to me because Belly is a year younger (16 years old ) than Jere but I also know Susannah knows how to pull some strings, able to get us to do this together.

The Fisher’s and my home may as well have been intertwined, everyone was always in and out of both, doors always open. This wasn’t just something our mom’s implicated though, my mom would always play with Susannah and Laurel when they came to the house when they were smaller as well, these were the kinds of traditions I wanted when I was older, this one specifically I wanted to upkeep.

We’ve been back in Cousins for three days now and everything has slotted right back into place. “Morning Y/n” Susannah said as I ambled through the back door into their kitchen, bright smile on my face, I searched the room for him. The boy that I had been hopelessly in love with since I can remember, also known as one of my best friends: Conrad Fisher.

“How are you feeling about your book party tomorrow Laur?” I asked turning to the women at the table.

“Well I asked Susannah and your mother not to make a big deal of it, but as always they never listen, so as ready as I can be?” she answered in a questioning manner. I knew what Susannah and my mom were preparing for weeks on the build up to this book release, Laurel deserved something big and exciting after all this stuff with the divorce and Susannah’s race against cancer over the last two year.

The two blonde women were not helping themselves though, Suze and mom sat beside Laurel like giddy little school girls, they’re always like this when they’re together, they forget about the whole world around them. In a way they’re like us kids.

“Well Grace and I thought you deserved it!” Susannah said pointedly before taking another sip of coffee and shooting my mom another few nods.

“What about you honey, are you ready for some Deb shopping today?” Laurel asked, more than ready to change the subject of the conversation, “Belly’s just upstairs getting some last bits ready,” she continues.

“You guys know I can never say no to a shopping trip,” I say, the end coming out high pitched, and the three women laughed along with me, but it was Susannah who never left my sight, she could look into anyone’s soul and figure out everything that’s going on with as much as a simple look.

“Jere and Steven left for work already but Con’s upstairs,” she says with a subtle nod, one side of her lips perked up too, mom and Laurel went back to their conversation so I gave Suze a small smile and she only winked back in response.

I jog up the stairs and hear the Belly shuffle around in her room, but decide to walk past her door, ending up a few doors further, from which behind the strums of a guitar fill my ears. I don’t knock just open the door enough to pop my head in.

“Morning Connie,” I say, his head snaps immediately to me and a smirk appears on half of his face, these half smiles run in their family, his an exact reflection of the one Susannah agave me moments  ago.

“Are you planning on being a flying head or are you gonna come in Y/n?” he says shaking his head, Con hates when you don’t knock on his door, or wait for an answer before coming in, but he should know we’re past that point now.

“You wanna hit up the pier in a bit?” he asks putting the guitar down next to him, he never wanted to play in front of anyone, not even me, but I knew he could play well, so sometimes it made me go mental in my head about the fact that he was so stubborn.

“How about surfing tomorrow morning? I have to go shopping with Bells and the mom’s today,” I say moving my hand up to push his hair out his face, usually he gets a haircut before the summer, never really short but just enough to make it stay out his eyes- I wonder what made him leave it this summer.

“Ah yes for the,” he switched to a posh voice, “Debutante Ball,” he laughed at himself and I pushed him down onto the bed shaking my head.

“It’s really not that funny,” I say, hiding the irritation in my voice, I knew he disliked these things, they were very stuck in the old ways but I explained it to him so many times, it was something nice for the mom’s and also looked pretty damn good on college applications.

“Come on little sheep, you have to admit it’s a little stupid,” he says, lifting his arm for my assistance, I smack it away with a playful huff, his smile widens and he moves the guitar off the bed before grabbing me and pulling me to lie down next to him. His face centimetres away from mine, we’ve been close like this before, in this exact position during many movie nights but the air tasted different now.

“I’m down for tomorrow, as long as you’re still good for the party tonight? Jere’s being dd,” he mused, brushing some hair out of my face, “so we can finally get hammered together!”

“Not sure we’ll wake up for surfing tomorrow,” I shook my head and turned my face away from him, all of a sudden the eye contact too much.

“It’s fine I’ll wake you up and you know it,” the confidence in his voice made the butterflies in my stomach expand. Conrad was a morning person through and through, no matter how much he drinks, how late he goes to bed or more recently (which I hate) how high he gets he will be awake at seven sharp, if not earlier.

“One of your traits that I don’t particularly love,” I muffle and stretched my arms out, letting out a laugh getting comfy on his bed, I could lie here with him like this for days.

“Shut up Y/n/n you love me for it too,” he says confidently once again, and again he wasn’t wrong but I couldn’t give him that satisfaction, so I scoffed and shook my head instead, “So you’re there tonight right? You’re not gonna stay in with the moms and watch Leonardo DiCaprio movies?” he pulled the puppy eyes and tugged at me to look at them, fingers splayed over my cheek.

“Don’t ever attack DiCaprio again,” I point my finger at him as if I was scolding a little child.

“My sincerest apologies, Leo is great, now say you’re coming,” he pushed, I give him another shove and agree. There was no question about it, I was going to go no matter what, I was not about to miss this party plus he was right the last few parties last year we couldn’t drink tigether because we were switching as designated driver, last year Jeremiah found his love of some new drink and drunk even when he was meant to be driving, it drove us insane.

“You know I’m there Fisher,” I say confidently this time, pushing to sit up.

Con grabbed my arm, “You sure you have to go? I’m sure my mom can find you some clothes,” he whined but I just shook my head. Just looking at him made my heart melt, the way I could easily fall into his arms now, confess this feeling, kiss him, if not for…

“Y/N! Get your butt down here right now we’re leaving!!!!” Belly screamed from downstairs. Belly, one of my childhood best friends, the only other girl in our little families, also had a huge, fat crush on Conrad Fisher, from the minute she knew what the word meant, and from before then I assume.

“See you later Sheep,” Con gave me a wave and a smirk before reaching for his guitar.

“Call me sheep one more time Fisher and you can send out new best friend applications,” I said jokingly, brows lifting accusatorily, he lifts his hands up in defence and laughs, I just stick my tongue out at him and head downstairs, when I arrive I painfully tried to think about anything but Belly’s sad face knowing I was with Con again. Part of my tried to not care, I mean what did she expect, we were friends before she was even born, well I was a baby and he was one year old but still.

Shopping took up a lot than even Belly and I anticipated, so by the time we got back the moms decided we should order pizza for dinner knowing that we wanted to go to a party and they had a long list of films to be watched tonight.

Following our normal regime Steven, Jere and Belly set out the table and after dinner me and Con were left to clean up, the moms insisted on helping us but we ushered them away, mainly because this was usually the only time Con and I would have alone. Yet now he wasn’t excited about explaining some new theory or gossiping about something that happened at a party in Boston. Today we walked around the table grabbing plates in silence, tip toeing around each other.

Confusion fused through my skin in my nerves, he was fine earlier, “You want to talk about it?” I asked trying to sound optimistic, staring at him in hopes of meeting his beautiful, ocean eyes- they were never as bright as Jeremiah’s but they were much deeper, like a hidden world at the deepest point in the ocean, I could never get tired of exploring them.

“What?” he asked looking up confused, rushing a hand through his hair, like waking up from some kind of trans.

“You wanna talk about?” I asked again this time more cautiously.

“Nothing to talk about,” this time he’s more defensive, looking back at the table grabbing the last few things and walking over to the dishwasher. I question prodding the subject further, but something tells me I don’t want to know what’s bothering him.

“I’ll finish up here you probably have to get ready,” he puts on a fake stretched out smile, that doesn’t suit him at all, but doesn’t look up from the dishwasher.

“Are you sure? I’m more than happy to help, we always do this together” I express, hoping, praying that he’ll ask me to stay but of course he doesn’t.

“I just want to get to the party, I don’t want to wait,” he mumbles, I don’t pick apart what he means, whether he’s throwing an insult at me taking long to get ready or whether the only thing that can cure his sudden sour mood is a drink. Either way I set myself ten minutes to get ready just in case it was the first thing- I didn’t need to but I want to prove him wrong.

All in all, I was downstairs ready to go before he was, bearing in mind that he came upstairs a few minutes after me. Con didn’t say anything to me after that, he just got behind the wheel offering to drive there since Jere was driving home afterwards. Jere and Steven quickly run to get in the back, Belly and I pace normally to the car. Slowing down even further when we spot the seat in the front, I think we both had an unspoken hope that this situation wouldn’t happen. I meet her hopefully eyes with dread, we pause for a second.

I think to let her sit in the front but a small part of me feels a sting of jealously so I’m about to take a step towards the front seat before my focus is torn away by Con’s voice “Belly get in the front,” he says patting the seat next to him. All of a sudden a sharp shock passes through my heart, to say I’m taken aback was an understatement, I lifted my head, gifted her a smile and got in the back.

I spent the drive awkwardly stuck between listening to two conversations, now I was the one needing a drink. We never usually had this problem, when Con drove to parties I was always in the front because Belly was too young to go with us, this was new and I didn’t like it one bit.

I headed to the drinks table the second we arrived leaving everyone else behind. I tip the shot of vodka down my throat and pour another right after ready for another pulse of burn.

“Slow down girl or you won’t even be able to hit up the dancefloor with us!” Nicole announced pulling me into a quick side hug, followed by Shayla.

“Stop, no because I need to drown everything out,” I say in an exaggerated way.

“Well in that case, I guess we’re all getting blackout drunk tonight,” Shayla said in her beautiful accent that I would never get over, “A sister never leaves a sister behind,” she raised a shot.

“I love you guys- seriously,” I say flashing them with a thankful look, joining my hands in a pretend prayer, then take a shot alongside them. I’ve known these two as long as the kids from our two houses, I keep in contact with them year round and they’re never not ones for a good time, in all fairness every year we become closer. Right now I’m thankful to my mom for forcing me to make friends outside of the Fishers’ and Conklins’.

Just because Conrad was ignoring me doesn’t mean I wasn’t going to have fun tonight. So that’s what I did, we had a few rounds of shots, then made some drinks so we could go dance, after the two hour mark hit I really thought Con was going to look for me so we could have that drink together he really wanted, but nothing. So, we had another round of shots before Shayla asked, “So what’s up? What are we trying to forget?” I just brush it off knowing that Nicole also thought she had something going on with Con.

“I’m trying to forget remember?” I ask lifting another shot and taking it straight, Nicole excuses herself to go to the toilet, Shayla uses this as an opportunity to grab me and rush outside to the back and question me further.

“Is this about Conrad?” the interrogation begins.

“No, he’s just in some kind of mood suddenly and we were meant to be getting hammered tonight so I’m just doing it without him,” I explain.

Shayla swallows down whatever she wants to say next, but then perks up again with a concerned face, how she’s so composed looking after all those drinks I could never tell but I’m sure as hell slurring my words, “You should tell Nicole nothing’s going to happen between them,” she said but that wasn’t what I was expecting, it pulled me to a stop, I blinked a few times to get a clearer look at Shayla.

“I’m in no place to do that,” I argue

“She’s your friend and your guys’ (Fisher’s and yours), families are practically one big family so I think she deserves to know that you like him, and that he definitely likes you back so she won’t have him,” Shayla explains in a hushed tone.

Shayla knew I liked him before I even told her, one weekend when we were fifteen her parents had to go to England for some emergency meeting so Shayla stayed with us for three days, those days we learnt a lot about each other including the fact that she had an eye for Steven Conklin but said she refused to make a move until he got his life a bit more together- and she pried out that I liked Conrad.

“He does not like me back,” I say with finality, “We’ve talked about this, and right about now I’m in need and dire want of another drink so whether you’re coming with me or not-” I say with a cheeky smile and start walking back towards the glass doors.

Shayla rolls her eyes and walks behind me, “Just think about the Nicole thing, we’ll talk about it when you’re sober,” she says before taking a shot, her eye darting to one of the couches in the front room. My eyes follow hers to spot Con and Belly sat really close to each other, sipping their drinks and whispering to each other in the admittedly loud room.

“Is that why you’re so determined he doesn’t like you?” Shayla semi-whispered into my ear, without as much as thinking about it I nod.

“They get closer year by year, I’m losing him like the grains of sand in an hourglass,”

“I forget you become a poet when you’re drunk,”

“I think he likes her back he’s just too…” I search for the word but fail to find it, “Too Conrad to say it,” I express taking a shot

“You guys have always been attached at the hip when we see you though!” she expressed grabbing passionately onto my arm.

“It’s because Belly was never allowed to go out with us,” I point out, “She’s different this year, everything seems different,” I start to ponder everything.

Shayla quickly realises I’m about to give an analogy on growing up and changing so she pushes another shot into my hand and says “You were right tonight is about forgetting!” we twisted our arms around each other and turned to the dance floor, Nicole was gone for quite a while, we assumed she’d gone to hook up with someone.

Taylor Swift’s ‘Better Than Revenge’ comes on and me and Shay decide to scream it at the top of our lungs while gripping onto each other and jumping around the front room, right in front of Con and Belly- not intentionally (but I was glad it happened) rather because that’s where everyone else was dancing.

It wasn’t for another hour and a half of drinking, dancing and belting out songs that we were interrupted by a tall figure, “Hey Y/n can I steal you for a drink,” the figure asks. I don’t need to look up from Shayla to know who it is.

“Uh a bit busy right now, really getting into ‘abcdefu’ by Gayle maybe later,” I shout over the music, exaggerating the ‘fu’ then breaking out into the chorus of the song, it’s a bit uncomfortable singing in front of him because I love his mom so the ‘fuck you and your mom’ line doesn’t sit right with me. Still he doesn’t move away, I try to ignore him but then the song ends and I’m praying for another one I know well enough to where I can use it as an excuse.

Just as if the universe hates me the next song is kind of dead and Shayla says she might pee herself if she doesn’t get to a bathroom right about now. I curse her for it, not quite sure if she was being honest or not.

“Come on let’s grab a drink outside,” he says laying his hand on my arm and pulling me towards the drinks table, I let him pour me some drink before pulling me out to the front, most people sat in the back so it was somewhat peaceful on this side of the house, he sat down on the swing but I stood beside it leaning against the wall.

“Wow not even going to come sit next to me I see how it is,” he says, usually this was the key to make me sit down but drunk Y/n was stubborn as hell, probably more than him, “Ow wow come on what is with you?” he runs a frustrated hand through his hair.

“Well I was having a fun time dancing with Shayla and you’ve made me come sit outside in the dead silence,” I comment looking out into the street filled with cars, spotting Jere’s jeep with no problem, still perfectly fine right ahead on the opposite side of the road.

“Thought we were drinking together tonight?” he asks

“Yeah me too,” My voice quick, sassy, snappy

“You’re the one who practically ran out of the car,” he accused turning his whole body my way

“You were ignoring me- and don’t act like you didn’t have company,” I say

“Fucks sake Y/n, you’re being jealous of Belly right now? Seriously?” he laughed and it boiled my skin over again.

“I’m not jealous I was having a good time,” I shrug taking a chug

“It’s her first party, she was hoping for someone who she knows to be there with her at least in the beginning,” he explained running a hand over his forehead, some guilt did flood my brain, I forgot that Belly has always stayed with the moms to the point where she didn’t really know anyone outside the circle. On the other hand in this state I couldn’t be bothered to use my brain- or well couldn’t focus on anything for too long or the fuzz started to ache.

“Come sit down and give me this deserved drink together,” I push off the wall at his words but then Jeremiah bursts through the front door with Belly and Steven in the middle of them, drunk out of his mind.

“There’s cops on the way, we need to get out!” he quickly announced I let out an annoyed huff and went for another chug of my drink, the bottom containing the most alcohol I pulled a face and threw the red cup on the floor. Attempting to stay up while walking down the stairs but failed quickly, Con grabs onto my arm and hooks it around his shoulder- I try to push him off but give up realising I’d rather avoid getting any drunk bruises this early into the summer.

“I think at least you’ve completed our goal- somewhat,” he laughs helping me into the back seat getting in beside me, Steven on my other side. Belly sits with Jere in the front. When we arrive the front room lights are still on but as we walk in we realise that all the moms have fallen asleep on the couch. Everyone’s getting their shoes off and heads upstairs but I head straight to the back doors.

Seeing the beach and ocean felt like a nice idea at two in the morning.

“Where are you going?” Con asks from behind me as I pull open the doors. I turn around and flash him a smile, that’s answer enough, the beach’s been our escape for years, “I’ll go with you,” I hear faintly from behind me as I run towards the beach.

The sand feels amazing under my bare feet so much so that I lift hands widely into the air and scream into the universe “WOOOOOO!” before turning around and running my hands through my hair, the rush of the night waves better than any music, Con laughs watching me.

I fall back onto the sand, sitting comfortably looking up at the sky full of stars, “I love the beach at night, it’s so much better than in the day,” I announce to no one particularly, apart from the fact that Con is right next to me now.

I turn to face him, his gaze at my face is so intense, in this light his eyes seem almost as dark as a blackhole, he brushes some hair out of my face, her fingers lingering there for a moment, I swallow down and look at his lips by accident and back to his eyes, biting into my bottom lip from embarrassment at how oblivious that made me look. His thumb fell down to my lips, he freed my bottom lip from my teeth.

“Conrad,” I whisper into his hand, he closes his eyes and his lips part, he moves forwards slightly to where I can feel his breath on me. I push forwards, nose to nose, breathing heavily, he’s the one to give the final push, bringing his lips to mine.

As if created to do just this my hands rush to his hair. His other hand places hold onto my hip squeezing it comfortably. It feels warm and amazing and comfortable. The butterflies in my stomach freed from their cage for the first time, running wild and free in my stomach, my hands, my lips. He pulls away fast, retracting his hands back to himself, I brush my hair behind my ears and run my hands over my face which was no doubt red as roses.

“Lets head back,” he says getting up, I assume it’s because he doesn’t want to do this drunk, the thought of this happening again makes me more sober, I jump up and follow him. He doesn’t speak, maybe he’s too busy thinking about what the hell just happened. He walks me to my back door and watches as I lock the door before leaving for his own house. As I take off my makeup the smile doesn’t disappear off my face, it does though when I retch before heading to bed, falling asleep in an instant, replaying the last few events over in my mind.

----

The next I wake up to the smell of pancakes, I take a deep breath in through my nose, the sweetness filling my body up whole. As I lay there with my eyes closed smiling, ready for my favourite breakfast a reminder of yesterday comes to me, the same smile clouded my face- for a very different reason though. Last night I kissed Conrad Fisher, last night Conrad Fisher kissed me. It was all like a fever dream.

Pulling my phone off the bedside table I notice the time, it was twenty to ten in the morning, this was late for me. Not that I was expecting there to be some huge love confession as a text from Con but there was nothing, not even a silly ‘good morning’. Maybe he was still asleep, though that would be rare, being a morning bird like myself.

“Y/n! Wake up honey!” I can hear my mom from downstairs.

“I am mom! I’ll be down in a sec!” I reply, brushing the lack of message on my phone and throw on some shorts and a cropped top before rushing down for a warm breakfast.

“This is delicious as always mom, how was the film night?” I asked eagerly hoping she wouldn’t ask me about last night, I hadn’t decided yet what I wanted to tell her.

“It was really good honey, you know I love eating with you but I’ve got to rush off- there’s still some things Susannah and I have to set up for Laurel’s book signing tonight,” she kissed my forehead grabbing the car keys and rushing out the back door through to the garden next door.

After I cleaned up I followed in her steps and made my way to the Fisher’s, which I would have done earlier but again… pancakes.

“Heyyyy Y/n!” Jeremiah shouts up from the pool where him and Belly are throwing around a beach ball “You coming in for a morning swim?” he asks with a grin taking a step towards Belly, my eyes narrowed the tiniest amount but I quickly shook it off.

“No- um I’m actually looking for you brother?” I say in a question tone, Jere’s brows furrow and he looks to Belly who simply shrugs.

“He left early this morning, none of us were even awake yet,” his tone apologetic, I stood there for another moment thinking of whether he’d told me he had anything going on today, I must have zoned out because when I come back into conscious I witness Jere being more touchy than usual with the younger Conklin, hands on her hips and all.

I don’t say anything more, they were clearly lost in some their own little world. Had something happened between last summer and now between these two- because last time I checked the dark haired girl was in deep for the older Fisher brother, I mean I was not about to complain if she decided that Jeremiah was actually the one for her.

Steven had also snook out in the morning according to Laurel, except they knew where he were, he asked Shayla if he could take her to see the sunrise this morning, he’d found an amazing spot near the end of last summer, where you could see the perfect glow of the oranges and yellows as the day began. How Shayla could be bothered to wake up that early especially after all those drinks last night I would never know.

So now it was just Laurel left in the house, I offered to bake something with her while talking about new book releases, it didn’t feel right to leave her all by herself on her day. After that we sat in the front room just talking, it was nice, Laurel and I hasn’t had a time to catch up like this, just the two of us, in a while.

Conrad didn’t come home for hours, to the point where I had to excuse myself and head home to get ready for the event, I offered to stay and get ready with Laurel so that I could catch Con when he’d come in but she said she’d be fine and  that she’d see me at the bookstore. I complied with a smile but let out a sigh of disappointment down my throat.

I put on a new red dress that mom and I found in an “side of the highway” shopping centre in the literal middle of nowhere, I curled my hair and put on some mascara- nothing much, we were in Cousins Beach after all and here everyone walked with surfing, beach wave hair and clear faces sun burned.

Mom came home just in time to get changed and drive us to the event. All of the other kids were already there when we arrived, I said hi to the owner before making spotting Conrad around the corner smiling at something, at first I thought it was at a book he was holding. I started coming up with every possible question about the book I could ask to get a normal conversation flowing- all of a sudden I didn’t know how to talk to one of my best friends.

Then I rounded the corner and saw Belly standing next to him telling something which consisted of her flailing her hands around animatedly, laughing and smiling. I strained my ear only to overhear “No that second song you played me on the guitar earlier was so much better than the other one”. My arms dropped dead at my sides- he played on his guitar for Belly, after refusing to play for me for years.

“Hey Y/n!” A voice called behind me before I could figure out what to say to the people in front of me.

“Hi Austin,” I said tying with all my might to give some enthusiasm, yet I could hear that I was failing miserably. Austin was lovely, black midnight hair, pearly white teeth and a golden smile but there was something about him. The poor boy didn’t seem to get a hint, for the last three summers he’s tried asking me out and I’ve been avoiding him. Not to be mean but I just don’t have it in my heart to wound his. Don’t get me wrong he’s hot and has the personality of an angel with a sprinkle of spice for flavour and adventure but he wasn’t- he wasn’t Conrad.

“How have you been?” he asked reaching out to touch my arm, I pulled away absentmindedly making it look as though I was fixing up my hair.

“I’ve been busy, you know all these extra after school clubs and voluntary events,” I said.

“Yeah you did mention over message back in… what was it… like March,” the point he was making was awkward but the way he said it was exactly the opposite, he was always optimistic and for some reason it was just too much for me. That started him off on a long rant- what he said was a ‘catch-up’ for all the missed texts- which didn’t stop until Susannah tapped a little teaspoon on her glass of champagne. I thanked the gods and Susannah in my head. This was my chance for an escape, so I took it.

“This is to my best friend and another of her wonderful achievements, Laurel you are a wonder so please enjoy this and here’s to your current book and the next one!” she announced picking her glass up, everyone within the small store followed, and everyone drank. I scanned the busy room again, this time to find Conrad sitting on the couch, drink in one hand phone in the other.

Belly, Jere and Steven were trying to pile as many books on Steven’s head as possible so I took this chance too. Sitting down next to Con I looked straight ahead.

“Hey,” I let out after a second of silence.

“Hi,” he said back.

“What were you up to today I came looking for you,” I started giving a second of space for him to say something but nothing came out so I continued “You know for our surfing session,”. He didn’t as much as look up from his phone.

“Hey can I ask you something?” I said into the awkward space between us.

“Shoot,” he murmured.

“I um- don’t know if this is coming out of nowhere or whether I’m totally overthinking this but I was wondering whether um-“ for some unknown reason, which I hated, I couldn’t get my words out with Con today, everything felt thrown of its axis within our little bubble, “Would you wanna be my escort for the Deb ball?” I got the words out quietly turning my whole body to face him.

He looked up startled at my question, “Y/n-”

“I mean I know you said you were never going to one of those but I figured that after we kissed last night that maybe you’d do it for me?” it all fell out of my mouth like vomit.

Conrad’s eyes opened wider, his mouth slightly ajar as if he was just spoiled for an upcoming movie, “We should talk outside,” he murmured getting up, at this I started to worry. The air was getting chilly now and I didn’t bring a jacket, Con was wearing one of his zip-up jackets pulling it closer as we stood in front of the window to the bookstore.

“I’m not going to be your escort to the ball, I said I was never going to go to one of those and I meant it-”

“You went with Nicole last year,” my voice perked up.

“Yeah because my mom forced me, I was the only one who knew the waltz, I’m not being a sheep” he argued somewhat defensively now.

“Ok that’s fine,” I say even though it’s not fine, another insult to my face “I just assumed that because we kissed last night you’d do it for me,”

“I don’t remember that, I was so fucked in the head drunk,” he interrupted

“What-” my brows furrowed in confusion and my throat felt like a desert all of a sudden so I shook my head, trying to clear my memory of the event, “You always remember everything when you drink, you said it yourself,” I challenge

“Well what do you want me to say?- Sorry,” his voice half-bothered looking anywhere but my eyes.

“No, what do you mean- I” I didn’t know what to say to him, my heart felt like it was made out of glass, like it was thrown angrily onto the kitchen floor in the middle of a fight, smashed into pieces so small that they couldn’t even be put back together with the world’s strongest glue.

“It didn’t mean anything, I’m not going to the stupid, sheep deb ball with you, I don’t know what else you want me to say,” he said in a final tone and finally looked at me, his eyes showing no emotion, it made me feel small and stupid. I was never one to foolishly believe in something so quickly and easily, but that kiss last night- I was sure it had meant something.

I couldn’t open my mouth to respond, even if I could I wouldn’t be sure what to say, I just shrunk beneath his gaze until I felt like I was in drowning in the concrete. Con turned around and made his way back inside, through the window I could see him pouring himself a drink and making his way to a hidden away corner of the store.

It wasn’t until he was completely out of my sight that I felt like I could breathe. What had just happened, this had to be a fever dream. Another strong breeze danced by pulling a shiver from my body. I made my way back inside, poured myself a drink and stood in the middle of the store. Everything foreign all of a sudden I didn’t know where to place myself, who to talk to.

Susannah always believed from the moment my mom found out she was pregnant that I was going to be destined for one of her boys, now I’m standing in the middle of the our only book store in town wondering whether she knew how wrong she was, or maybe if this is some cruel obstacle in the road.

----

After that night Con and I didn’t speak to each other very much, he didn’t try to reach out and I didn’t know how to speak to him without feeling a stab of pain and confusion and embarrassment. He’d be normal when our families were together, but there was never a moment when we were alone, if he could feel that’s what was going to happen he would evacuate the situation. It made me feel sick, ugly, like some kind of disease he was scared of catching.

By the time another party came around, literally like three days later I was drinking to my broken heart’s content, so wrapped up in Conrad’s rejection that I gave in and danced with Austin which quickly turned into drinking with Austin and sneaking outside with Austin. I thought he would try to kiss me, we sat on the person’s swing, my legs over his, his one hand on my thigh but he didn’t try.

He talked, about himself and asked questions about me, but I didn’t want to talk so I leaned my body towards his, hands to the back of his neck pulling him towards me like a siren enchanting a sailor but he pulled away. The rejection feeling a little too much like Con’s a few days ago- like salt in a fresh wound, I pulled away, my feet hitting the solid ground, arms on my knees, head in my hands- maybe it was about me.

“Hey, hey, hey-“ Austin said pulling my hands away from my face, moving closer to me, looking right into my eyes, then my lips and back to my eyes, “I want this- I want you, but not like this, not when you’re drunk. I don’t know what’s changed so that you finally gave me some time of day but if it’s just because you’re drunk I don’t want to kiss you like that,” he explained, his thumb soothing my hands.

This made me feel even worse, he was right I was just trying to get someone’s attention, to prove to myself that I wasn’t disgusting, that I could be liked and he was an easy target since he already liked me. Tears started falling down my face, I was embarrassed and hurt and drunk and my period was not helping my hormones, I told Austin I wasn’t feeling well and that I was going to go home. He offered to drive me home, “No you stay and have fun, don’t cut it short on my account,” I argued but he brushed me off, “You and your wellbeing is so much more important to me,” he expressed.

I was convinced I was about to throw up, why did he have to be so nice. I walked through the house looking for Jere, telling him that I was going home, he looked concerned and said he’d take me and come back for the others but I told him I had a way home and he gave me a reassuring smile, the whole time I felt eyes on me, I turned around and there was Con whispering to Belly. It was so loud I practically had to shout to talk to Jere but the thought of his breath on her ear was unpleasant, he wasn’t looking at me, neither was she. My unconscious was trying to torture me too.

The next morning I hoped I could forget about my stupidity from the night before but Austin rocked up at my door with my favourite drink and good muffins, I thanked him and we ate and drank out back near the pool. After this we started talking and hanging out more and more, but every free moment I still had someone else on my mind. When the time came for the dancing lessons for the deb ball I had no other choice, I brushed Fisher out of my mind (that’s a lie- I just tried to ignore the ache) and asked Austin to be my escort that was when he kissed me for the first time and I felt absolutely nothing. I didn’t say a word I just pressed a smile onto my face.

At the first rehearsal I spotted Jere coming in with Belly, that’s when they confirmed my suspicion, while Jere was catching up with Austin, Belly gave me a wrap up of the last few weeks including the steamy make out in the pool. This really made me realise I wasn’t very present in the Fisher household these last few weeks, I distanced from my friends, spent more time with Austin, hiding, pretending.

I gave Jere a nod and a smile he had mentioned to me about these feelings he was having for Belly last year, he said he wasn’t sure what they were and whether he would want to go there but now looking at his smile it was so obvious that he was in love with her.

---

It was the moment that I was dreading, waking up the morning of the ball. Mom was feeling the exact opposite rushing into my room at the ripe time of seven in the morning, I was already awake, the nerves didn’t let me sleep but I just wanted to stay hidden under the covers for the whole day.

“Come on honey, you need to get up, you’ve been waiting for this moment all summer,” she said, I peeked my head from under my covers and a smile spread over her face, she gestured a plate towards me “Your favourite,” she said before I reached out for. As quickly as she came in she was gone again. Usually, mom was pretty good at spotting when something was wrong but she was so wrapped up in Susannah and Laurel this summer that my summer life falling apart slipped passed her like august.

To this day Conrad and I still hadn’t talked properly, we shared small talk and he gave a few weak smile from across the room when the families were together, still seeing him made me ache. I didn’t drive with them to parties, Austin took me, not that I went to very many anymore I couldn’t face seeing Conrad make out with random girls in the corners of the room.

My phone buzzed on my side table, “Good morning bestie, today’s the big day- your white dress ready?” the text message from Belly read, we were still fairly alright, but she never once questioned why I stopped coming over so often, she didn’t make an effort either.

‘You’re making it sound as if we’re getting married,’ I replied shoving a load of pancake into my mouth, the syrup melting some of my distress.

‘Omg true, who knows maybe one day we’ll have a double wedding’ she wrote and then a few seconds later another text came through ‘Actually never mind neither of us want to share a special day like that haha,’ I didn’t answer her back just mulled around in bed for another half hour before finally getting up and packing up everything I needed to take to the Country Club today.

I thought it was silly we had to get there so early, I dressed in something good enough just in time for Austin to text me that he was waiting outside. When we arrived Paige was rushing us around with a rehearsal call out and pointed out who was sat where, Jeremiah never once took his eyes of Belly, at one point she tripped over Shayla’s foot when we were getting into the lines for the dance and the whole room burst into laughter- even Paige broke into something of a smile.

After three hours of this and that she had us gather and sit on the mini stage, Belly came to the sit next to me, Austin on my other side laying his arm around my shoulders, it felt imprisoning, I felt trapped with no way of escape. I took a deep breath in and closed my eyes as Paige started speaking.

“Well um, this has been a time of ups and downs ladies, but I am proud to say that I’ve had somewhat of a pleasant time getting to know each one of you, building on your strengths and turning your weaknesses into something to work on, you’re the best lot I’ve had in a few years” she starts and Belly turns to whisper into my ear.

“Nicole would not be happy to hear that,” she whispered with a giggle, Nicole was doing some workshop thing for her future university this morning so she wouldn’t be here until this evening, but the other older sisters clapped and laughted, I opened my eyes when Paige continued.

“So I say this with honesty, I may never break into huge grins or laughter but this was a pleasure, I will miss you all dearly so make me proud tonight, but most of all make yourself proud, you are all bright young women,” she finished giving us a little clap.

“What about us?!” Jeremiah asked with an appalled expression, this did bring out a small laugh in the Deb organiser.

“Yes Jeremiah how could I forget, you gentlemen have been fairly good partners, apart from the time Jeremiah decided he was tried of ballroom dancing and decided to get to know Alexa,” she gave him the side eye and everyone laughed again, I just felt Austin pull me closer at this. Like vines with pricks wrapping around my throat like a snake.

“Excuse me,” I said louder than I intended and rushed out the room, Austin tried to go after me but I head Jere say “Give her a minute, Belly will go,” before I was out the door.

Only when I was out in the fresh air could I breathe, what was happening to me? I never had problems like this, the feeling of a balloon blowing up slowly in my chest, taking over every edge of space- no space to breathe- and I can’t do anything about it. This build up, until- until. Then nothing.

I rubbed me fists over my eyes taking deep breaths in and out.

“Y/n,” the voice was gentle, and with my eyes closed I could almost pretend it was Conrad, laying a soft touch on my shoulder, my brows furrowed, I hoped it was my mom coming to my rescue but when I opened my eyes with was Shayla stood over me, “Let’s talk, we’ll drive to get coffee come on,” she suggests, tugging gently on my arm.

“We’re not meant to leave the property,” I say back, she brushes me off.

“Y/n you’ve not really been around lately,” her tone pleading and then I couldn’t stop it, the tears dropping, “Oh come on sweetie, I’m here,” she said wrapping her arms around me, running her hands down my hair.

After a few minutes we made it to her car, I rubbed the tears away and started explaining everything starting with the end of that stupid party where everything fell apart. Shayla just listened, exactly what I needed, what I didn’t realise I needed. She gave tips of advice when she felt was right and gave nudges of encouragement too.

By the time we got back to the Country club the girls were already getting ready, some already had their hair done, some their makeup but it was fine because we still had plenty of time. Belly gave me a looking asking ‘are you okay?’ and I just gave her a nod.

After we finished our makeup I did Shayla’s hair, curling up the end of her ponytail, then she twisted and turned mine into a beautiful bun near the nape of my neck. Time flew by before I knew it, soon enough I was changed into my dress and it felt a million miles away from this morning, but at the same time as though I was still laying in bed mere minutes ago.

There was a knock on the door and Paige’s voice came through, “Do you ladies want a group picture in the vanity room? We’re starting in a few minutes,” she communicated. Gigi excitedly opened the door and we had a little photoshoot even convincing to get Paige in a few on a timer.

“Now, let’s go,” she said ushering us out, Shayla and I at the end, she reached for my hand and gave it a tight squeeze, shooting a smile in my direction and giving me a nod.

“You’re beautiful, inside and out,” I whispered.

“You’re amazing too Y/n, now let’s kill this thing,” I nodded and meagre minutes later were stood in a line on the girl’s side of the stage’s wings. Belly’s in front of me, her name about to be called, and all of a sudden a feeling of pride and butterflies fulfils me, I was making my mum proud, and Laurel and Susannah, but most importantly myself, no matter how rough and isolating this summer felt I got through it.

Before I knew it Belly was walking out meeting Jeremiah who didn’t take his eyes off her, it made a piece of my heart melt. Then there was Austin, waiting to meet my eye, he gave me a reassuring smile and nod, I looked away waiting for Paige to announce us.

“Y/n L/n,” she called and then started listing my plans for collage and the charity events I’ve participated in, I walked out, not looking at Austin once, my sight searching for my mom. I spotted her to the left at our table, Susannah right next to her, then there was him. Conrad Fisher. I pleaded with my eyes to look away, even if only to Laurel who sat on the other side of him or to my dad who sat next to Belly’s. Con didn’t meet my eyes he was looking straight at Belly and Jeremiah and that’s when it hit me. It was Belly. It was always going to be Belly.

I was fine until I felt Austin’s tug on my arm, Paige was about to announce Shayla and Steven. After those two we were allowed to just wander around, greet everyone, my mom had a hold on me before I could blink, she had tears in her eyes.

“You’re growing up Y/n/n,” she said in panic, “You’re still my baby though,” she turned to my dad, “Are we getting old Michael, am I getting old?” she overexaggerated.

“No honey you still look fine like wine,” he complimented, I wanted to gag, how they were still so in love I didn’t know. Dad come to Cousins for the last two weeks of summer like he always did after a week trip with his old college buddies, it was nice having him here for again.

“Oh Austin don’t you just look gorgeous too!” mom exclaimed going to give him a hug too, my parents became very fond of Austin very quickly though dad did seem to express some confusion, I had been talking to and about the Fisher boys all year but after a barbeque with Austin and his parents he was sold.

“You’re a good young man Austin, I can’t wait to see your dance now, Jeremiah tried to teach me some of the moves yesterday,” he explained, Austin laughed while my dad tried to impersonate Jeremiah and I visibly face palm.

“Ok, ok, ok my turn to hug my adoptive daughter,” Susannah announced, mom and dad step away and quickly I’m in her embrace smiling into her shoulder, “You look beautiful sweetie, and even though you’re not here with a Fisher boy like I expected,” she paused awkwardly, hanging onto her last few words, “You have a wonderful time, you’ll have to invite Austin and his parents to our last night barbeque tomorrow,” she said excitedly.

“Susannah- I don’t-” I start but she flashes her puppy eyes first to me, then to Austin stood next to me.

“We’ll be there,” he said with a smile and guilty eyes looking to me.

“Fantastic!” Susannah exclaimed before turning to discuss details with my parents. Laurel hugs me then Belly’s dad makes sure to give me some motivational comment, Conrad give me something of a smile and a quick side hug which I don’t have the strength in my arms to reciprocate, when it comes to him I lose all control.

After everyone takes their seats again Austin whispers in my ear “I do love you parents,” he said.

“They love you too, actually they have obsessions with you,” I laugh.

“And now it’s time for a very special dance,” Paige announces over the microphone, everyone turns to her with excitement, “No not the dance where your little girls become young women, the boys have prepared something first,” she says and now everyone seemed even more excited.

The music come on and all the boys make their way onto the dance floor in beat, Shayla and I stand hand in hand, Belly on my other side and we watch, laughing, we were not allowed to see this dance before today, it was meant to be a ‘treat’ for us girls but Jeremiah was so excited that he practically showed us most of the dance moves already. Though now that it was all happening together before our eyes I couldn’t deny that it was actually pretty good.

Conrad’s eyes were stuck on his brother, I wouldn’t call the emotion jealousy but there was something there, he only just broke away to look at his phone, that’s where his sight stayed for the rest of the dance and into the conversation that broke out on our table afterwards. Shayla came rushing to the table saying that we needed to get more photos, which mom and Susannah were more than happy to take, I had some with Belly, then Austin and some of the other girls.

After a few minutes of taking pictures Paige was back on the microphone announcing that the main event was about to begin. The introductory music began to play, every was making their way to their place in lines Belly was stood looking around the whole room, searching.

“Has anyone seen Jeremiah?” She asked, looking desperately at me then Shayla, we both shook our heads, how did we not notice him slip away. Belly awkwardly played around with her glove before facing our table, was she going to sit out of the dance?

That was when it happened, Conrad stood up, it was as if time had stopped, he was making his way towards her, reaching for her hand. I felt the phantom pain in my palm as if it was me he was touching, I tried not to wince at the cold sensation.

Then we’re dancing, Austin’s body heat all over my space but my eyes don’t leave Belly and Conrad. Jeremiah is going to be pissed, as if on command in the corner of my eye I see him walk in, his jaw drops subtly as he watches the same scene unfold in front of him.

Even after the dances finishes they don’t move apart, they’re stood there like the only two people in the world, staring into each other’s eyes. A hand went to my heart, nails digging into my collarbone. It was one thing getting rejected about the dance- since he did say he wasn’t going to do it beforehand, but kissing me and now being here smiling at Belly like she was the only girl he ever had eyes for, after dancing with her felt like animals ripping at my heart, all trying to get a piece, shredding it apart. Why did he ever kiss me? It ruined everything I could have always lived in blissful ignorance.

Susannah always believed from the moment my mom found out she was pregnant that I was going to be destined for one of her boys, and then just a little over a year later when Laurel got pregnant too Suze said that she was also destined for one of her boys. Now I stand here wondering if she could have ever predicted that both the Fisher boys would fall in love with Belly and I would be the one watching, drowning in my own sorrow. Missing him.

After being frequently requested: Part Two

MASTERLIST

#conrad fisher #conrad fisher imagine #conrad fisher x reader #conrad fisher x y/n #conrad fisher x you #jeremiah fisher #jeremiah fisher x reader #jeremiah fisher x y/n #jeremiah fisher x you #the summer i turned pretty #the summer i turned pretty x you #the summer i turned pretty x reader #the summer i turned pretty imagine #tsitp jeremiah #tsitp x reader #tsitp imagine #tsitp fanfic

[julieloves074]

✨ UPCOMING WORKS ✨

Always you (Conrad Fisher x Y/N)Requested: yes 💓

Summary: Conrad brings Aubrey to Cousins Beach without as little as telling Y/n, everything she thought they shared crumbled down in front of her eyes. Trying to navigate the situation confessions are made and hearts a broke.

Missing (Conrad Fisher x Y/n) Requested: yes 💓

Summary: Conrad’s rejection to the Deb ball turned out not to be the hardest punch Y/n had to experience this summer, being forced to watch him show up for Belly was much worse

Pinky Promise (Jeremiah Fisher x Y/n) Requested: yes 💓

Summary: Jeremiah’s feelings become a muddle in front of his eyes but he has to come to a decision before he loses both of his girls. Y/n and Belly compete for his heart without knowing it

Which one are you most excited for? 👀🎉

#conrad fisher #conrad fisher imagine #conrad fisher x reader #conrad fisher x y/n #conrad fisher x you #jeremiah fisher #jeremiah fisher x reader #jeremiah fisher x y/n #jeremiah fisher x you #the summer i turned pretty #the summer i turned pretty x reader #the summer i turned pretty x you #tsitp x reader #tsitp x you #tsitp #tsitp imagine #the summer i turned pretty imagine

[julieloves074]

Anything For You (Jeremiah Fisher x Y/n)

Summary: After an eventful evening with supposed 'friends' Y/n, Belly and Taylor got left in a compromsing position. Thankfully Jeremiah is there to save the night and gets a realisation that changes everything.

Warnings: swearing, drinking, kissing

Words: 6.6k

(Not my GIF :) )

I walked down into the kitchen to meet everyone’s prying eyes and an overexcited Belly, literally jumping up and down eating a good muffin. I run over to her knocking us both backwards.

“Happy birthday Bellyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! Now we can be old together!” I exclaimed taking a bite of her muffin- she pulls it away with a huge grin, throwing the last bite into her mouth and hugging me back.

“Thank you Y/n! Ah I’m so glad I get to spend my birthday with you every year,” she nuzzled closer to me. I smiled unconsciously. Belly, Jeremiah and I are all the same age but she always acted younger, this year she really had huge glow up, not to be jealous but it’s making me slightly insecure…

Only now do I look around at everyone else in the kitchen, Jere is at the stove looking towards us with his ocean blue eyes and an indescribably ecstatic, beautiful smile, I had look away.

“Morning?” I say though it comes out more as a question, Susannah sits at the table with her iconic sunglasses tangled in her hair and another new magazine and coffee. Susannah and my mom are best friends, they met in Boston when Susannah first moved there, of course they’re not as close as her and Laurel but the three of them are inseparable when together.

“Your mom called earlier,” she said in that soft voice of hers, my mom came here with us every year but she recently managed to snag her dream position in a new publishing firm and couldn’t get the time off because what would that show about her commitment?

“Ah and I got up earlier to speak with her myself,” I say taking a deep breath, she was working crazy hours now, fixing up the firm she was busy from early morning to late nights I hadn’t had the chance to speak to her since we arrived.

“Oh Y/n, I’m sorry she had to run out extra early this morning, the painters are coming into the office but she’s had a last minute change of heart about the colours and they weren’t answering their phones,” she conveyed, I just put on a smile and nodded.

“So what are the plans for today then, apart from dinner and the party” I asked to change the topic, turning away from Suze and her all-knowing eyes of emotion reading.

“How could you forget?” Jere turned around to face me, taking the pan with eggs off the stove, “Taylor arrives today!” he exclaimed in fake mockery.

“Yes I completely forgot sorry!” I gave a guilty smile walking closer to him, covering up the fact that I was doing it by leaning on the counter, “You must be excited then Jeremy,” I annunciate his name, attempting to give my best ‘seducing’ Taylor voice. Everyone in the kitchen laughed including Belly. Jeremiah gave a sarcastic ‘haha’ before splitting the scrambled eggs between two plates.

“No… surely she still doesn’t call you that,” Suze laughed tipping her head backwards, the morning sunrise behind her making her out to be a goddess, I couldn’t help but smile.

“Trust me she does,” I start facing her then look at Jeremiah pointedly, “And this idiot loves her flirting,” I raise my brows and shake my head, a small pinching in my stomach. He pushes one of the plates my way, then grabs me by the belt loop in my shorts and pulls me towards him. Both arms around my neck, hugging me.

His head lands on my shoulder and I turn a little, his proximity and the heat of his breath on my ear making my heart faster by a few beats, “Ow come on Y/n you know my heart belongs to you and only you,” he announces, if only his proclamations were true. After years of this kind of flirting with my best friend I should be used to it, but my heart still feels every single one of these little comments.

“Yeah ok Jeremiah, eat up we have a crazy birthday party member to pick up,” I say but don’t move, he doesn’t either, I pick up some eggs on my fork and go to put them in my mouth before Jere moves forwards fast and eats the egg in front of my eyes. I open my mouth in shock and elbow him gently.

“Will you two get a room already?” A grumpy voice comments, Conrad walks into the kitchen with another one of his cranky expressions.

“Conrad watch what you’re saying,” Susannah announces and gives him an unimpressed look, Laurel looks like she wants to say something but decides to just watch the situation play out.

“Yeah sorry,” he said absentmindedly pouring himself a cup of coffee, I move from Jeremiah’s hold, part due to his brother’s comment and part to give Con an annoyed look that clearly says ‘Aren’t you forgetting something?’. Conrad just sighs and turns around taking a sip of coffee. Jeremiah takes a step forward and lays his head on my shoulder.

“Happy birthday Belly,” Conard says to towards the floor, “I’m going out-” he starts, Laurel opens her mouth to speak “I’m helping out Cleveland,” he finishes.

“No you’re not, not until we open presents and Belly blows out her candles,” Susannah’s voice is hard, rightfully so I thought, this was a tradition, one I thought we all enjoyed.

“I’m so glad you’re sharing your knowledge Connie but your mom’s right, lets have some family time,” she said with a smile and a nod, Con sighed and nodded still looking at the floor. He always listened to Laur, the way they speak with each other is open and honest- no bullshit, I admire that.

And so that’s what we do, Belly blows out the candles on her small chocolate cake, I take a video of us all singing to send to my mom and then we make our way into the front room, Jere lays his hand on my lower back guiding me.

We’re the last to get in I quickly run to take the last seat on the sofa and stick my tongue out to him while he shakes his head at me. Without saying anything he comes and kicks my legs apart to sit on the floor between them. No one looks at us- this kind of this is normal. I looked at Belly ready to watch her open the first gift when Jeremiah grabs a hold of my hand, laying it onto his fluffy hair. I sigh and he look up to me with an expectant grin. I run my fingers through his hair throughout the whole ordeal, his hair is soft and the way he leans his head against my right leg when I run my fingers near the back of his head my makes my heart practically explode.

I think I might be selfish to do it, I mean this means nothing to him but a lot to me, still I think he’s happy enough with what he gets out of it.

*✭˚･ﾟ✧*･ﾟ*✭˚･ﾟ✧*･ﾟ*

The atmosphere was still stuffy at the dinner, Taylor was doing her best to put every at ease but Conrad’s ‘I forgot to get Belly a present’ was not going down well, neither was his attitude. Belly was a bit upset too, something happened to the whaling boat Cam works on and he wouldn’t make dinner- he did promise to meet us at the party though. I was glad when the whole thing was over and we were getting ready to leave for Nicole’s party.

“Do you think me and Jeremy might finally hook up tonight?” Taylor laughed applying some mascara, I really had to try hard to not roll my eyes, instead I dug my teeth into my bottom lip. I like Taylor I really do, she’s confident and funny but sometimes I wonder how her and Belly even became friends… she could be a lot sometimes, but she is a good friend.

“His name is Jeremiah,” the words escape past my lips before I can stop them, Taylor doesn’t even turn at my comment, as if she didn’t hear it, but somehow I knew she was just ignoring it.

“Tay you might want to be careful, don’t go after Y/n’s man,” Belly laughs putting some of her makeup back into the bag on the dresser.

“Wait what-“ this got Taylor’s attention just fine, she turned sharply, one hand on her waist the other holding the mascara wand, “You didn’t tell you guys were together!!” she explained, but I couldn’t quite sense what her tone of voice was. If we were together- which we are not- I would be less than impressed with her lack of apologies for the merciless flirting.

I shook my head frantically, “We’re just best friends, stop trying to cause shit Belly,” I laughed throwing a pillow at her, she playfully rolls her eyes at me before throwing the pillow back. I knew about Belly’s crush on Conrad for years, she opened up to me about not long after it started, but I didn’t confess my feelings for the blonde until last year, I knew she knew, but I didn’t actually say the words out loud until last year when we were left home alone to eat ice cream and watch the titanic.

“So you like don’t mind if I make a move on him- or like if things get steamy?” she asked, one side of her mouth up in a sly smirk. At that specific moment I want to whack her with the pillow, she’s already been full flirt mode since the minute she got off that bus.

“Yeah whatever,” I said getting up off the bed, “But we should probably get going,” I say looking my phone, placing Susannah’s flower crown back on my head. I had managed to convince Belly that they make us look pretty and stand out, she didn’t believe my until Taylor confirmed.

“We look so hot!” Tay announced looking at the three of us in Belly’s mirror. I took a deep breath. This was going to be one hell of a night.

I was right of course, the trouble started as soon as we stepped out the door.

“We didn’t take this into consideration…” Conrad said looking at their red jeep as the girls and I approached. Jeremiah immediately reached for the strap of my small bag to pull me towards closer, balancing an elbow on my shoulder to lean on me.

“We won’t all fit into the car,” Steven said and I genuinely let out a laughter, reaching a hand to my forehead.

“We’re a bunch of dickheads how did we not think of this before?” I ask looking around at our little group.

“I did- Taylor and I were gonna be taken by Cam but now he’s meeting us there…” Belly explained, I whispered an ‘Ah’.

“It’s fine I’ll sit on Jere’s lap or something,” Taylor suggested with a full on smirk and I swear I heard Con and Steven laugh under their noses. Jeremiah unfolded his arm around my neck.

“All good I’m sure Y/n won’t mind, we usually have to end up this way when we party in Boston anyway, and I know you girl can’t ruin each other’s makeup and whatever, so what do you say best friend?” He looks towards me with a smile. I was fine with Taylor sitting on my lap as long as she was nowhere near Jeremiah’s but I know if I declined she would end up sitting on his and I couldn’t look at that. At the party at least I wouldn’t have to watch so I replied “Yeah no worries”.

It was true we did this all the time in Boston, it was much easier to find parking for one car rather than two, and we were always just missing the one seat. Taylor didn’t say anymore and avoided eye contact with me after this- I felt slightly bad as everyone piled into the car. Jeremiah and I were last, he sat down first in the back seat on the right and lifted his hands to guide me sitting down, his hands on my hips, I couldn’t meet his eyes, thankful for the darkness, so that the car full of people wouldn’t have to witness my beetroot red blush. I know we did this all the time but everything felt so much more intimate, personal in Cousins, at the Beach house.

When I was sat down Jere moved his hands onto my lap and laid his head on my shoulder, Belly and Taylor broke into a conversation next to us and Con and Steven were having their own in the front. Easily Jere and I fell into conversation too, his voice tickling my ear and me turning my head to reply to him. He was so close I could kiss him… I wanted to kiss him but I couldn’t. He didn’t want that, Taylor sure as hell didn’t want that and I couldn’t ruin our friendship- mine and Jeremiah’s that is.

The drive felt painfully longer than it should have, and when we arrived Taylor grabbed Belly by the hand and run off with her. Jere and I got out and followed Con and Steven into the house. Jere kept swaying to the side bumping into me on the path to the door, I pushed him back shaking my head and right before the we step in he turned to me.

“What’s wrong?” He asked, his face all of the sudden serious, his eyes mixture of worry and care.

“Huh? No- nothing’s wrong,” I said, attempting my best to sound reassured, in reality it was just a shitshow mixture of things all mixing in my head.

“Hey- I know my best friend Y/n Y/l/l more than I know myself,” he took hold of my hand, moving us out of the way of the door, “Talk to me,” eyes more pleading now, “If this is about Taylor-”

“Why would it be about her?” I interrupt fast, he’s a bit taken aback but doesn’t let go of my hand. He must know I’m jealous of her in some kind of stupid way.

“Because whenever she’s here she practically keeps Belly to herself, which is like totally not cool for you, because it’s understandable that you want to celebrate one of your closets friend’s birthday with her,” he explains still kind of confused by the relieved expression on my face- God I’m glad that boys are so stupid sometimes.

“Uh yeah, yeah, you know how she is though, it’s only a few days, I’ll be fine,” I assured running my other hand on his upper arm, giving a reassuring squeeze and a smile as I said the white lie.

“Hey look at it this way, we can sneak away just the two of us tomorrow,” he squeezed my other hand now, I nodded.

“Ok, now lets get partying!” he exclaimed starting to do some party moves, laying an arm around my shoulders and leading me into the loud house.

The party is like any other teenage Cousins party during the summer, except after watching Taylor flirt the shit out of Jere, Belly cuddle up with Cam and Steven sneaking away with Shayla I decided I needed more to drink… three turned to four really fast, then five, six, seven. Before I knew it I was drunk and balling my eyes out in a random kid’s bedroom on the third floor, away from prying eyes.

“Y/n?” A voice became clearer as it called my name repeatedly, I couldn’t answer though, it was as if I was in some bubble trans wiping tears from under my eyes every few minutes.

“Ow my God Y/n” it was Jeremiah, the second he saw me he rushed my way closing the door behind him, “What happened- are you okay?” he asked sitting down next to me, running his hands on both my arms, the touch making my next sob harsher. I covered my face with my hand.

“Come on it’ll be okay, I’m here,” he said and pulling me into a hug, tracing patterns on my back, letting me cry it out. As my breathing pattern slowly stated returning to normal, and the tears becoming further and farther in between he pulled away, not too much, if I wanted to reach for him again I easily could.

“I’m sorry,” I whispered shaking my head side to side looking at the floor, attempting another deep breath.

“No” he placed two fingers under my chin and lifted my face up to face him, “You don’t need to be sorry for expressing your emotions, now talk to me,”

I took a deep breath through my nose and let it come out through my mouth before I went to speak, “I guess, I miss my mom, this is the longest we’ve gone without talking, and I’m so happy and proud of her for this opportunity but she’s dreamed of this deb ball thing for years so I agreed to do it, now all I have is the money she’s invested into it- she’s not even here for it. She’s not here to help me pick out a dress, but I guess a part of me is glad she isn’t here cause- cause I don’t have an escort and the dance lessons begin tomorrow and I have literally no one to ask and-” I let my head fall backwards on the bed behind me,  brushing the tears from under my eyes, “And now Taylor’s here and I really don’t think she likes me and I just-”

“Y/n,” he whispered pulling me into another hug, running his hands through my hair as if he was strumming a delicate tune on a guitar, “I can’t even imagine how hard it must be not be in contact with you mom in these last few days apart from the few texts, especially since you two are so close, but hopefully she’ll be here for the deb ball,” he tried to sound confident, and my mom did promise she wouldn’t miss it but at this rate- when she doesn’t even have time to call- I was keeping my expectations low, “And don’t worry you’ve already got an escort,” he says into my shoulder, I force myself to not shiver at the air that rushes across my bare shoulder.

“Who?” my brows furrow as I pull away to meet his eyes.

“Me silly,” he says putting a smile back on, it’s contagious and he knows it, a smile works its way up to my face following suit.

“But you’ve sworn off of balls,” I tried to argue his comment.

“Yeah for everyone else, you’re Y/n, I’d do anything for you, all you had to do was ask,” he confirmed and I swallow, he doesn’t mean it in that way- surely? I wait a millisecond, thinking maybe he’ll lean in and kiss me, but the magic bursts after I don’t say or do anything- “You’re my best friend, unless you want to go with someone else?” he asks shifting his head to the side a little.

I shake my head and give him another small smile, I genuinely didn’t have anyone else to ask, even though I didn’t want Jere to do it out of pity- I knew he didn’t ever want to do one of these, I don’t hang out with any other boys, it’s always me and Jere and obviously Steven and Con but they have their own things going.

“You should get back to the party though, I’m sure Taylor’s looking for you,”

“She can keep looking I’m not going anywhere until I know you’re feeling any better,”

“I am, really Jere, I think I just needed to get those things off my chest,” I nodded alongside my words to sound more convincing, even though the images of him and Taylor dancing and making out crop up in my mind.

“Come on then,” he says standing up and reaching his hand out to me.

“No- I don’t think” I start

“Then you’re not better,” he says and goes to sit back down

“Jere I’ve had a few too many drinks tonight, I’m just gonna go sit in the car till you guys are done, I need a nap,” I say standing up all too fast, trying my hardest to not sway side to side.

“Ok I’ll come sit with you,” he proposes, “I’m not drinking tonight anyway” he reminded me, somehow between the walk down the two lots of stairs and the maze of people I managed to convince him he would be bored out of his mind because I would be sleeping so he gave in and stayed at the party.

The next thing I knew was when four people got into the car, Con and Taylor in the back, Steven and Jere in the front.

“Where’s Belly?” I asked still half asleep.

“Cam took her home like an hour ago, I’ll explain in a bit,” Jere’s voice said calmy from the front, even in this state I could sense the tension in the car. But it wasn’t until the next morning that I found out what else happened at the party. I didn’t question Jere further about whether he ended up making out with anyone, I couldn’t bear it and he didn’t mention anyone either.

*✭˚･ﾟ✧*･ﾟ*✭˚･ﾟ✧*･ﾟ*

I wasn’t sure about this, Nicole and the other girls were always more my friends than Belly’s (Due to mom taking me to the country club almost every day- whereas Susannah and Laurel didn’t go very often. My mom is one of the owners so she had to upkeep her reputation. It does make me wonder why we never just bought our own beach house but when she explained that it wasn’t so much about having a house but the people inside- it all made perfect sense plus she did put money into Suze’s house helping out with the upkeep throughout the year). And don’t get me wrong I’m not jealous of their friendship I’m just worried, after the charity tournament earlier Nicole didn’t look too impressed with Bells.

Belly won and rightfully so, she’s worked for this specific event for weeks, but she had to switch partners from Taylor to Cameron mere minutes into the game due to a fake injury which we had planned on the way there. What we didn’t plan is Belly getting so in her own head that she ended up switching Cam for Conrad which Nicole didn’t look too impressed about, especially following after Belly’s messy margarita secret spill at the 4th July Party.

When I told Jeremiah about the invite he was far from helpful, he pulled me into a sweaty hug (we had just finished the tournament and got second- no thanks to him!) and said “That’s fine, let Belly and Taylor go while we go out to the pier and celebrate!” he smiled, I just pushed his head away from me.

“I’m not sure about this,” Taylor voices my worries now in the present, I don’t say anything just follow the two girls down the dock, Nicole’s father’s boat appearing towards the end. I’d slept on the boat before, last year Nicole held a late birthday (which is still in the school year) party and my mom suggested I need to go, it was fun to be fair but it wasn’t as fun as I would of had with our family.

“It’ll be fine, you’ll see they’re nice, you said it yourself the other day,” Belly argued

“No I said I’d give them another chance,” Taylor corrected and I pulled out my phone to avoid anymore of this interaction. Checking if mom may have replied to my text about the fundraiser, she rarely misses Suze’s events like these. Still- nothing from her instead another text awaits my attention:

‘Missing you already- not too late to turn back around, your favourite ice cream awaits on the pier,’ the text said, I smiled to myself before replying  ‘Movie later?’ the reply was instant ‘Duhhhh- She’s The Man?’ my smile expands even more, one of my favourites, ‘Deal, see you in a bit’ I replied slipping my phone back into my pocket.

 “Heyyyyyyy!” we got greeted by everyone on the boat, walking on we got passed some fruity alcohol mixed drinks and sat in our bikini’s talking and panting each other’s nails- gossiping about our real lives outside of the summer.

“Omg I have an idea!” Gigi suggests when the sky fades from a pastel to a midnight, navy blue, Nicole turns to her with a smile, I make eye contact with her wearily.

“Are we thinking the same thing…” Nicole said leaning forwards.

“Never have I ever!” they shout at the same time, everyone squeals I just smile, in no teen ‘coming of age’ movie does this end well.

“But we drink every time we’ve done something too,” Nicole adds.

“Omg perfect” Shayla says, “I’ll start- never have I ever hooked up with someone in a bathroom” a few girls take sips including me- it was a rough night at a party last year after I saw Jere escape to a bedroom with some girl he’d just met.

A few rounds in everyone had at least one finger down apart from Belly so Taylor helped her out- “Never have I ever had a steamy make out in the pool with Cam Cameron,” she giggled as all the girl’s eyes immediately swished to Belly who blushed and took a sip of her drink, all the girls burst out into questions. This did turn out to be quite fun.

“Ok but… never have I ever made out with Jeremiah Fisher at the beach alone though,” she said and my mouth opens in shock ever so slightly- she did not just bring that up.

“I have in my dreams does that count?” Gigi announces lifting her drink, Nicole pushes her hand back down and gives her a warm smile, “No that doesn’t count, but it’s very specific- who has then?” she shifts her eyes back to Belly.

“Reveal yourself,” Gigi announced meeting each girl’s eyes, “Y/n it was you!” she read the guilt on my face. I didn’t answer simply sipping my drink and putting my hand out as to say that I will not be answering questions.

“You can’t just not- give me some details I need to live vicariously through you” Gigi whined.

“Is there something going on between you?” One of the girls asked suggestively lifting her brows up and down.

“And if you don’t explain we’ll just have to assume,” Gigi continued.

I sighed, “I see we chose blackmail today- it was nothing, we were both hella drunk after a party, I went down to the beach just to look at the stars or whatever poet shit I thought I was doing, Jere clearly had the same idea and it just kind of happened- it was stupid,” I said, suddenly the atmosphere slightly died down.

“Skinny dipping?” Nicole asked, most girls decided to go home it was quite late, still the next minute that’s what we were doing, Nicole, Gigi, Belly, Taylor and I down in the water splashing each other and joking around, swimming in tears of laughter.

“Right I need the toilet,” Gigi said and started swimming over to the small dock.

“Ok I’ll go with you, make sure you don’t get kidnapped or anything,” Nicole added.

“We’ll be back in a second ladies!” Gigi called, we waved them off and continued just swimming around. The moon was getting quite high up now and the coldness started to kick in after a short while.

“Where are they?” Taylor asked with an annoyed voice.

“I don’t think that matters- what time is it? We told Susannah we’d be back for eleven,” I said, Belly’s face slowly fell, she’d forgotten.  We swam back over to the deck.

“Where are our clothes?” Taylor asks in a panic; I feel around the dock but can’t find them.

“It’s ten to eleven- what? They must be here somewhere,” Belly said nonchalantly, focused on her phone.

“Belly how are you not freaking out right now our clothes are gone,” I prod her arm, looking over her shoulder to see what on her phone has her so mesmerised.

“These bitches- I knew not to trust them!” Taylor grunts still looking for our clothes. My worst prediction has come to life, I knew there was no way for this night to end well in any capacity. Reading the text on Belly’s phone gave me the exact reason for the night’s downfall.

“For fucks sake Conrad- your timing is shit as usual!” I shout upwards to the sky, hoping the universe may somehow pass on my message.

“What?” Taylor jerks and swims over, shaking her head, she’s annoyed too.

“We need to get out of here,” Belly says.

“We have no way to get out, a: from the water cause we’ll be walking around naked, b: Jere dropped us here and Nicole’s mom was meant to take us back,” I remind the two girls. After a few minutes of deliberating we spot some kind of black mat and wrap ourselves with it before starting down the road.

“We’re not going to get back to the house until morning at this rate,” Belly announces a few minutes into the walk. She’s right it’s much harder to walk as a three wrapped up in some mat like a burrito

“Or we’re going to get murdered!” Taylor argues.

“That’s it I’m calling Jeremiah,” I say, they didn’t agree with me the first time I said it but this time I wasn’t going to listen to their opposes.

“Hello?” I hear the voice on the other side of the call say, there’s loud music and loads of people talking and singing. They were still at the party- that was a good sign, we weren’t going to get shit that we got home so late.

“Jere,” just saying his name in this situation was tying a knot in my throat, “I- we need you,” I whispered and that’s all it took I could hear him shuffling, he was asking a million questions but I just told him where we were and to come quick. While we waited we kept moving forwards.

A huge weight was lifted off my shoulder when I saw the lights of the car, then another came which made me a little confused but I quickly realised it was Conrad. Both the brothers rushed out their respective cars towards Con was holding a bag which he pushed in our direction.

“These are yours,” he said looking only into Belly’s eyes. There was a silence, Jere then meeting my eyes frantically.

“Right we’ll hold this while you guys get dressed,” Jere suggests and they turn around backwards to us holding the black mat while we quickly get changed facing the trees. The whole ordeal is awkward and I’m cold and shivering, teeth clattering against each other.

 “Here,” Jere says taking off his hoodie one handed and passing it to me.

“Thank you,” I mutter coming from behind the temporary barricade, Belly and Taylor are done quickly too, they boys place the mat on the side of the road. Hope the person who owns this doesn’t get too annoyed- or if it belonged to Nicole I hope she got into trouble for losing it.

“Bells, Taylor are you aright to go with Con, Y/n and I have one more stop,” he faced the girls, I didn’t say anything though I knew the last thing Belly wanted to do right now was get into Conrad’s car. The brothers must have argued again because they hadn’t exchanged a single word since they’d arrived.

“Yeah that’s fine,” Taylor announced, her eyes meeting mine before grabbing onto Belly’s hand and pulling her to Conrad’s car. We’re still stood there as they pull away. The second the lights from Con’s car disappear Jere grabs me into a tight hug.

“Are you okay now? What happened?” He asked pulling me even closer.

“I don’t really want to talk about, I think they thought it was a funny prank,” I shook my head so he ran one hand down my hair, whispering “ok” into my ear. After a moment he lands his hand on my lower back as he leads me to the passenger seat. And we hit the road, Jere jokes whenever a moment of silence comes by.

“So what’s our extra stop?” I ask, he turns to me with a grin.

“I did promise you ice cream,” he says and a smile takes over my lips too. We arrived at Moo’s the 24hour desert place and ordered two ice creams with toppings, eating them in one of the booths. Usually we sit opposite each other because it’s easier to talk but today Jere pulls me to sit next to him. He pushes his back against the wall facing me, his one leg against mine.

After our stop when we get home all the lights are already off.

“Movie?” he asks hopefully after I take off my shoes, as if automatically a yawn escapes my lips and I let out a caring sigh.

“I think I’d fall asleep five minutes into it,” I reply starting to head towards the kitchen. He catches me by the waist near the fridge, turning me around to face him, pulling me into his chest, I rest my chin on him to meet his eyes.

“I can’t let you go right now, so I guess you’ll just have to fall asleep five minutes into the movie,” he shrugs, how could I ever say no to him to his words, he’s usually touchy but since he picked me up he’s been hesitant to let his body leave mine.

“Jeremiah, what are you talking about?” I ask laughing, “I feel better now, I was just a bit shaken up,” I say.

“Well you might be better but I’m not, I was scared, I can’t let you leave my sight in case anything else happens,” he explains, I’m about to ask what could happen to me inside the beach house with so many people asleep in rooms next to each other upstairs but he’s pulling me onto the couch and I decide to be selfish. No- I wasn’t being selfish my best friend had the right to be worried about me and want to spend time together- that was my excuse for letting my feelings getting the better of me.

So we settled under a blanket and Jere put on ‘She’s the Man’ and like predicted Val wasn’t even pretending to be a boy yet and I was already floating off into dreamland. The last thing I felt was Jere pulling my body closer to his.

*✭˚･ﾟ✧*･ﾟ*✭˚･ﾟ✧*･ﾟ*

When I woke up Jeremiah wasn’t there and I wrapped my arms around myself to replace the warmth of his body, there were voices in the kitchen. I huffed and got up from the couch, my headache was not as bad as expected- the stolen clothes scenario sobered me up real quick last night. I walked in and everyone was already dressed, bathing suits, sundresses and shorts and tees

“Good morning,” I say in a groggy morning voice, “Why is everyone already dressed and ready?” I ask rubbing my eyes which are still half closed.

“We’ve got the Country Club day today,” Susannah enlightened me, I squished my facial features- I had forgotten.

“We’re leaving in an hour so it might be time to start getting ready,” Taylor said but I couldn’t quite figure out the emotion behind her words.

“Or you could just stay with me?” Laurel spoke up cheerfully

“You know Vanessa wouldn’t agree,” Suze said giving me a comforting smile, she’s right mom wouldn’t be happy if I didn’t go, I needed to be her representative and give the little small speech she wrote out for me in her name.

“Where’s Jere?” I asked automatically, this was our routine.

“He went out for a surf, didn’t even tell me,” Con announced pouring some more coffee into his mug.

“Right, I’m going to go get ready then,” I say and walk out as awkwardly as I walked in.

I put on my chai green bikini and a white dress over the top, throwing my hair into a fishtail braid, the first thing I was going to do at the country club was go for a swim.

Upon arrival I did exactly what I planned, jumped into the pool and swam a few laps, got a cold drink and started heading towards the changing rooms to get back into my dress for my speech but I’m stopped by voices in a somewhat hushed argument round the corner.

“You’re insane!” Jeremiah’s voice came out loud and clear, I could imagine him running a hand through his hair.

“It was joke chill Jeremiah” Nicole barked back

“How am I supposed to chill Nicole, that was so shitty of you,”

 “What’s got you all worked up?”

“What is wrong with you? Did you actually think about what you were doing?”

“It was harmless- they’re fine” Nicole’s voice came out followed by an annoyed sigh.

“If anything that happened to them- to her, to Y/n, god forbid there was some creep walking around, or some random driver picked her up-them up yesterday I wouldn’t have been able to forgive myself. If something had happened I would never forgive you, but I wouldn’t be able to live with myself that I wasn’t there to protect her from you and your pettiness, take it out on Conrad, leave Y/n out of it,” he commanded.

“This isn’t just about the prank is it?- It’s about Y/n as well?” she accuses, for a moment Jere doesn’t reply.

“I love her Nicole, I think she’s the love of my life, no- I know she is and I hate that I wasn’t there to protect her, you should have seen her, you’re no friend Nicole, no friend would ever do anything to put their friend in a state like the girls were last night,”

“Jere-”

“And you can forget about Conrad, he was also cleaning up the mess you created”

“Let’s not make a big deal”

“Fuck you Nicole,”

At this I walked around the corner, tears creating a glistening layer over my eyes. Nicole was staring right at me, Jeremiah turned around and I ran in to his arms, his grip was tight and comforting. I force my eyes shut fighting the tears.

“Thank you for saving me,” I whispered into his body. After a few seconds there’s a sound of feet walking away, Nicole had left, Conrad will never be able to look at her the same, not after she put us in danger like that- Belly like that. My body feels lighter when he holds me, like he lifts all the troubles off my shoulders, “Did you mean what you said to her?” I asked weakly, still holding onto him for dear life.

“I would do anything for you. I knew that I loved you for years but it hadn't hit me how easily I could have lost you without you ever knowing, without having been able to tell you that every day," he said.

"Jere-"

"Y/n I know we’re best friends, but I think we both know there’s more than that, and if you’re not ready to take it to the next stage that’s fine I will wait for you, because- because I love you so much and there’s no one else I could imagine myself with,” his hold tightens and my heart swells at every word.

I lean slightly away from his body, hands snaking onto his face, looking into his beautiful ocean eyes, leaning forwards I kiss him and it’s as though everything in the world seems to find its place, its balance, its centre.

Masterlist

#conrad fisher #conrad fisher imagine #conrad fisher x reader #conrad fisher x y/n #conrad fisher x you #jeremiah fisher #jeremiah fisher x reader #jeremiah fisher x y/n #jeremiah fisher x you #the summer i turned pretty #tsitp jeremiah #tsitp imagine #tsitp fanfic #tsitp x you #tsitp #tsitp x reader #the summer i turned pretty x you #the summer i turned pretty x reader #the summer i turned pretty imagine

[julieloves074]

I absolutely love your writing!!! I've been obsessed with TSITP lately and would absolutely die for another Jeremiah imagine!

Thank you so much lovely!! 💓💓I'm so glad you're enjoying my writing... really means the world!

And don't worry I'm currently working on a fic called...

Anything for you (Jeremiah Fisher x Y/n)

Summary: After an eventful evening with supposed 'friends' Y/n, Belly and Taylor get left in a compromising position. Thankfully Jeremiah is there to save the night and get a realisation that changes everything.

Should be out in the next few days 💓✨

#conrad fisher #conrad fisher imagine #conrad fisher x reader #conrad fisher x y/n #conrad fisher x you #jeremiah fisher #jeremiah fisher x reader #jeremiah fisher x y/n #jeremiah fisher x you #the summer i turned pretty #the summer i turned pretty x you #the summer i turned pretty x reader #the summer i turned pretty imagine #tsitp jeremiah #tsitp x reader #tsitp imagine #tsitp fanfic #tsitp #tsitp x you

[julieloves074]

Hi <3

Someone give me some ideas/requests for more tsitp fics 💓💓

Here is everything I’ve written up to date :)

Masterlist

#conrad fisher #conrad fisher imagine #conrad fisher x reader #conrad fisher x y/n #conrad fisher x you #jeremiah fisher #jeremiah fisher x reader #jeremiah fisher x y/n #jeremiah fisher x you #the summer i turned pretty #the summer i turned pretty x reader #the summer i turned pretty x you #tsitp #tsitp imagine #tsitp x reader #tsitp x you #the summer i turned pretty imagine

[julieloves074]

My Girl (Conrad Fisher x Y/N)

Summary: Jere takes Y/n to the Deb ball but Conrad can’t help but reminisce everything that has happened between them.

Warnings: Sad, sappy, drinking 

Words: 2.6k

(Not my GIF :) )

Conrad’s POV:

“Now I announce Y/n Conklin” the woman says and then lists some of the charity events she’d completed in the last few months and her plans for college, I zone out the second I see her step out from behind the curtain. She looks beautiful, no- that’s an understatement, my whole vocabulary seems to have dissipated, her smile simply set my whole brain on fire, my body ablaze. There was no word in that moment to describe her- or how I felt for her.

That was before I saw him, my brother, she hooked her arm through his. He looked handsome too, his eyes didn’t leave her even for the photos, she was looking towards the table though, I can’t help but crack a tight-lipped smile though I’m sure she’s looking at my mom and Belly who looked more than glad she was missing out on this experience.

The dress outlines her body perfectly it makes me regret this whole summer even more than I already do- a sick, guilty feeling building up in the bottom of my stomach. This summer was a composition of shit, arguments and deception. Most of this caused by me, and this time I think I actually lost her. I should have fought harder- now she chose Jere. And she looked happy with that choice.

“Doesn’t she simply look gorgeous, like a goddess?” mom whispered to me and all I could was nod, throat dry as a desert.

When all the couples were set out to mingle after the boy’s dance Y/n made her way to the table, she was showered with compliments and hugs, she even embraced me which didn’t help soothe the itch of my heart because her touch simply reminded me of the time I took her camping, it was me and Y/n and some of my friends from school. She was determined to come and she already knew most of my friends from her random facetimes. Still, she knew me better than the rest of them and was against sleeping in a tent by herself so we ended up sharing.

By the time we had arrived to our destination it was already getting dark, we heavily underestimated the walk and the fact that the location didn’t look the safest. When we all settled into bed after making some food on the fire it was about half eleven maybe twelve. The tent was a two-person so we had more than enough space to lay on our sides of the tent; no matter how much I didn’t want to. I was going to respect her space even when all my muscles were aching with the thought that she was within my reach. That if I only reached out I could run my fingers across her skin.

Everything was fine until around two in the morning, I wasn’t asleep yet, only lucidly, when I felt her shift closer, I immediately turned to look at her. She was looking pale.

“Did you hear that?” she asked sounding panicked.

“No- what did you hear?” I asked, we had all had a few drinks, her more than me but I didn’t think she’d start hearing voices.

“Footsteps.. maybe someone is coming to murder us! Or worse it’s some animal coming to eat us!” she whisper yelled at me. I couldn’t help but smile, she was just adorable. She thought an animal would be worse than a killer.

“Y/n/n I’m sure that’s just the rustle of the leaves, we’re in a forest in October,” I remind her.

“My god I forgot we’re in Halloween month… we did this to ourselves this is a horror film ready to happen!” she exclaimed, wrapping herself tighter in the blanket on top of her sleeping bag.

I don’t know what caused me to do what I did next, the half-sleepy state or the few drinks, or maybe a mix of both… But I said, “It’s ok, come here,” unzipping a side of my sleeping bag and motioning for her to come closer. I laid my hand around her waist and she curled into me more, I could feel her every heartbeat. I kissed the top of her head.

“Thank you,” she whispered into my chest, “I feel much safer now,” she sounded half asleep but I still took pride in her words.

The next morning I woke up to a slight weight on my chest, looking down the corner of my lips listed into a side grin, Y/n’s head was laying on my chest, arm slung across my chest, a smile playing on her lips, my arms were wrapped around her. I know I shouldn’t but I let myself run my fingers on her skin and pyjamas, tracing random patterns.

After a few minutes her voice whispered, “Morning,” she rubbed her eyes and looked up towards me, not moving from her space, “Sorry you’re comfy,” she said and like muscle memory this made my arms closer tighter around her. We laid like that until we heard other’s voices collecting outside. We were the last ones out, I didn’t want to ever leave that position. That day we took every opportunity to be close to each other. To touch each other, accidental hand touches, her jumping on my back, my arm around her shoulder.

We travelled to our next location and prepped for the night, there was a hope in my mind that maybe we’d end up like last night, but I quickly shut it down, I didn’t want to make her feel pressured and I didn’t want to give myself false hope. When we got in the tent to sleep we laid on opposite sides again- but not for long.

“You are much comfier than this pillow,” she chuckled trying to move it around.

I took a deep breath to control my excitement “Well I’m right here,” I announced and she was shuffling closer before I could even finish my sentence. That’s how we spent the six nights of our trip, wrapped in each other’s arms.

I’m brought back to the real moment when Jere comes to give me hug too, I swallow before patting him on the back and teasing him for his dance moves.

I stay quiet for most of the half an hour that we’re all sat around the table, but my heart begins to drum loudly, uncontrollably. The announcing woman calls all the pairs back onto the dance floor. The second Y/n/n and my brother are stood in line jealously hits like a punch in the gut, it should be me up there with her.

The dance begins but all I can focus on is the way her gloves fingers run around his neck, back and arms. Suddenly I’m brought back to one of the nights in my room, everyone was outside talking and drinking after the barbecue. I left to go upstairs with an excuse of a headache but in reality it was more of a heartache for mom. I needed to get my mind off of it, I was going to complete my routine, lie in bed and cry until I fell asleep, but before I could there was a gentle knocking on the door. I ignored it- hoping whoever it was would just leave, thinking it was Jere trying to drag me outside.

“Hey Connie it’s me,” a sweet voice announced, pushing the door open the tiniest bit, I could hear her step in and I assume she looked at the bed. I was close to not saying anything and letting her think I’m asleep but- it was Y/n/n I couldn’t lie to her.

I sat up a bit, “Hey, you ok?” I asked turning towards her.

She brushed some of her hair behind her ears and took another small step into my room, still close to the door, “I was just wondering whether I could come and sit with you a little while?” her voice quiet but hopeful. She always knew what to do, I can only assume that if it was anyone else they’d ask the typical “You ok?” “Come back downstairs” “Headache? Ok I’ll leave you to it,” but Y/n/n wasn’t anyone else.

“Yeah, yeah that’s fine, I’d like that,” I said, she closed the door and came to sit on the bed, looking around, she’s been in this room plenty of times before but I don’t question her sudden interest, her eyes return back to my guitar every few moments.

“Did you want me to teach you a few chords?” I asked, a shy smile on my face, she’s said to me many times she wanted me to teach her since I began playing but I always pushed the notion away, I don’t know what changed.

Her eyes lit up though and a huge smile unfolded on her face and that was enough, I would do anything for her. She jogs over to pick the instrument up and brings it back to the bed where I sat on top of the covers, at I sat beside her, but after fifteen difficult minutes of trying to teach her basic chords I was about ready to give up with verbal explications.

“Ok let me do this differently,” I say shifting slightly, “Is this ok?” I asked and she nodded, I sat behind her, extending my arms over hers and moving her fingers on the stringers with mine. Her hands soft like a feather and her laughter caused her whole body to push back against my chest. She was warm, her hair smelled like lilacs and honey. This wasn’t the first time we were this close to each other, but this time felt different.

“This is C, and this is G,” I went through a few chords with her, and it was better than before but when it came to her doing it by herself it was a different story.

“Maybe I’m not made for music,” she announced turning towards me and shrugging her shoulders, I open my mouth to reply but she kisses my cheek, “Thanks for always being patient with me Connie,” she starts and I want to thank her for being patient with me, “do you want to watch a movie?” she asked. How could I say no to her?

She placed the guitar back on the stand and grabbed one of my hoodies off of the drawer and put it on before getting back on the bed.

“In here- just the two of us?” I asked, not allowing the little shaking in my voice.

“Yeah why not, this way when we watch a romantic sad film Jere won’t laugh, and you won’t be put off watching them with me for the rest of the summer like last year,” she explained getting under the covers, I switched Netflix on and looked towards her expectantly.

She got comfy and we started watching the Titanic, by the time we got to the ending she was grabbing the material of my shirt and crying, I ran my hands up and down her back, trying to soothe her.

“There was space for both of them on that goddamn door!” she expressed.

“I know, I know, shhh,” I whispered.

By the middle of the second movie she was asleep, I don’t know how long afterwards I fell asleep but by the time I woke up she was sat straight reading something on her phone. My head was on her lap, and it was dark, dark outside, there was no chatter coming from outside the window and she was running her fingers through my hair. This was exactly what I needed to soothe the ache in my heart.

Back in reality the cheers and claps begin. Everyone at the table stands up and mom moves to whisper in my ear again, I’m dreading her next comment because I have a feeling I know exactly what she’s going to say, “You taught her to dance like that Connie,” she had a smile on her face. Was she trying to torture me tonight? Was this the consequence I have to endure for my stupidity?

Still, it was true, from when I taught her the basic moves years ago, Steven and Jere were playing videogames, Belly was doing puzzles with Laurel and Y/n had been trying to do the dance moves herself, I offered to help her out. From then on it became a tradition and mom loved it. We learned all different types of dances and she became more confident in herself and each different type.

Mom loved to watch us dance and would often put on songs and watch us, I never complained because it meant I could let my hands linger on her body and she let hers trace my form. Still, we were human and we’d trip over each other’s feet or get tired and frustrated just leaning on each other and laughing. That was the true music to my ears. This was our thing and it meant we were comfortable with each other, it made us much closer. We got quite good too because we got invited to perform at one of the fancy ‘wine nights’ at the country club. After all those years, we were meant for dancing together.

I shake my head back into the reality as she glides towards the table again. A light blush in her cheeks, her arm interloped with Jeremiah’s again, and she’s smiling. That wide toothy grin I have always had the pleasure to witness when we were alone. Not anymore. Another stab to the heart.

“Ah! You guys were amazing! I am so proud of you both!” Mom exclaimed getting out her seat to hug them both. I closed my eyes for a second, taking a deep breath. Only a few more minutes I thought to myself, then I can appropriately excuse myself.

“Thank you, though I couldn’t have done it without all those years of practise so I guess we should really congratulate coach Conrad,” Y/n answers back, Jere releases his arm from hers and wraps it around her shoulders, bringing her even closer. My whole body went numb. What made it even worse was that she called me by my name. She never called me Conrad, it was always Con, Connie, Fisher, never just Conrad. Even when she was mad or annoyed.

“Well we’ve got to go congratulate everyone else but we’ll be back when the food arrives,” Jere announces with a laugh as they walk away from the table. They’re a ‘we’ now, something her and I never were. Jeremiah may not have as many of Y/n’s firsts as I had, but he will have this.

Like I planned I excused myself to take a breather outside, sat on one of the porch chairs, the music from inside somewhere far away, blurred by my thoughts. I don’t look up when a figure approaches me and stars rubbing my back.

“Will it ever stop hurting mom?” I asked her, too afraid to look up.

“A love never goes away Connie, especially not a love like you two shared, if you ever truly love someone they will always hold a piece of your heart,” she said.

“I miss her,” I whisper, a tear in the corner of my eye.

“She’s right here, in that room with Jeremiah,” she confronts me.

“That’s what makes this all so much worse,” I comment, I didn’t know how she’d react to my comment- he’s her son too, she’s seen this summer unfold though- noticing things we never thought the mom’s saw, she laid her head on my shoulder.

I don’t know what happens next, how long they will be together, whether I will ever be able to look at her without all my organs crushing inside, knowing the way I hurt her. But all I know is that there was a time where she could have been, maybe she even was my girl.

 Masterlist

#conrad fisher #conrad fisher imagine #conrad fisher x reader #conrad fisher x y/n #conrad fisher x you #jeremiah fisher #jeremiah fisher x reader #jeremiah fisher x y/n #jeremiah fisher x you #the summer i turned pretty #the summer i turned pretty x you #the summer i turned pretty x reader #tsitp jeremiah #tsitp x reader #tsitp fanfic #tsitp x you

[julieloves074]

Happy birthday to myself! 🥳🥰

Also thank you all so much for 200+ followers! 💓💓

[julieloves074]

This is truly beautiful 💓

i love it when you read multiple works from a writer and you start being able to pick out the things that stick with them. like the themes they keep thinking about, that can’t be satisfied with just one poem or novel or story. or the motifs they like to reuse and recycle throughout their works like an extradiagetic thread. it’s like drawing a map through a writer’s collection of all the things that keep them up at night

#women writers #writersociety #writers and readers

[julieloves074]

Hi everyone! Just wanted to say comments and messages mean a lot to writers! Plus they motivate to keep writing!

I don’t know about other writers but I love when readers comment or message me just to talk about my work or anything really! Makes me less lonely haha

So feel free to comment on my posts or message me! 💓

#conrad fisher #conrad fisher imagine #conrad fisher x reader #conrad fisher x y/n #conrad fisher x you #jeremiah fisher #jeremiah fisher x reader #jeremiah fisher x y/n #jeremiah fisher x you #the summer i turned pretty #the summer i turned pretty x reader #the summer i turned pretty x you #tsitp #tsitp imagine #tsitp x reader #tsitp x you