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#sranje
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ti si najlepša slučajnost koja se nekome može desiti
a desila si se meni
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sranye · 22 days
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nakon ovogodišnjih izbora ću ozbiljno počet razmišljat o odlasku iz Hrvatske. izbori nisu jedini problem ovdje, nego što sam jebeno nezaposlena na duži period i nedamise. sretna sam ako odbijenicu dobijem, a ne priliku. dakle apsolutno ništa više me ne veže uz ovu državu i grad, osim moje obitelji. eto, živjeli vi meni i sretni bili. 🫶🏻
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kradljivac-kostiju · 10 months
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jebale te reklame da te jebale u pičku materinu više nek mi se luka kovač kurca napuši jebo ti pas mater
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howils · 2 years
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my stupid senior thesis does not mean shit to me and i dont care if it's bad i just need to get it over with. amen
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glasseater-3000 · 10 days
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pa jebo vas hdz
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paintalyx · 6 months
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sajam knjiga u srbiji i ja gledam koje ću glupe rečnike da kupim za svoj glupi posao da mogu da priuštim da se obrazujem na svom glupom fakultetu
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megastricivan · 1 year
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KOD UROLOGA
-Marvooo! Marvo, gdje si do sade? – ljutito poviče Tunjo na Mirtu. -Evo me Tunjo iz štale, taman završila posao. Što? – smireno priupita. -Pa trebao bih ići kod doktora da mi pregleda prostatu. Nješto me jako boli kad pišam, napinjem se jako i dugo, brate traje i po deset minuta. -Pa ajde Tunjo, ako imaš zakazano. Jesi štogod doručkovao Tunjice? – umilno ga upita. -Jesam, is, ja gladan ni u…
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randomshyperson · 1 year
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Wanda Maximoff Needs a Hug - Chapter One
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Summary: Since joining the team, Wanda Maximoff has captured all of your attention, even if she has no idea about this. In a six-part story, you'll do your best to give her everything she needs and maybe she never thought she deserved it. Along the way, you two might end up realizing you were in love with each other the whole time.
Warnings: (+18), Friends to lovers, smut in the last few chapters, slow burn, conversations about self-love and individual worth, mentions of anxiety, past trauma, avengers being a family, canon-fix, a lot of magic. Words: 3.484k.
General Masterlist || Series Masterlist || AO3 || Wattpad
--//--
Chapter One - Wanda Maximoff needs a friend
You had a cold.
It was unusual, given your abilities, so it made sense that you insisted that the Avengers do not change the mission schedule because of this, and consequently made you more vulnerable on a mission that should have been easy.
The result was that you now had a cold and a bullet mark on your waist. Everyone was extremely worried, but you assured them that you were fine and that none of them needed to worry about someone literally unshakable, and this alone explained why you had a high fever all by yourself in a tower.
Well, all alone was not correct. There was another avenger, the new recruit, who was not yet on the mission list, and well, she was the one who found you stumbling around in the kitchen at dawn.
Wanda was sure that you hated her. It was a very forward first impression, of course, but she couldn't help but assume that you had some sort of problem with her by the way you behaved around her. Because of this, even though you were sick, she hesitated to approach you.
"Are you okay?"
You hum, forcing a laugh and ignoring all the pain that was spreading throughout your body like needles. "Of course. I just wanted to get something to eat." It was not your intention to be harsh, but the response made Wanda lower her gaze.
"Right." She murmured, her gaze watching your clumsy movements as you moved to get some water. "Are you sure you...?"
But her question was interrupted by your momentary loss of consciousness. 
There was something else about Wanda that she hated - her powers. And you couldn't understand why, since that scarlet energy was warm and prickly on your skin and sure was more comfortable than slamming against the counter or the kitchen floor. Her magic held you upright, and suddenly there were soft hands on your face. "Y/N! Hey! sranje (shit)! You're burning up with fever." You heard her words loosely, not having the strength to resist even a little being carried to the couch in the living room.
Wanda used her powers to lay you down, and you only blinked away the fever when cold towels were placed on your head.
"Maybe you should see a doctor." She suggests clearly concerned, but you giggle.
"They wouldn't know how to treat a god."
Wanda snorts softly. "Is that what you refer to yourself as? So presumptuous." She teases, and you smile with your eyes closed, the attempt to shrug makes you whimper in pain and brings a worried expression to her. "I'll call Thor, maybe he'll..."
"I'll be fine, Wanda." You interrupt her, with difficulty, bringing a hand up to her wrist that holds the towel against your neck. "It's just a cold. I haven't caught one of those since childhood, that's probably why I'm so miserable." You explain, and Wanda gives you a small smile.
You struggle to stay conscious with the high fever, and Wanda takes advantage of these moments to call Natasha.
"She's burning up with fever, Nat. I don't know what to do, is there any medicine in this place?"
The widow sighs on the other end of the line. "Damn, I swear she is the most stubborn person I know. I think there's something in Bruce's lab, made for her. Look up her name."
"Thanks. Good luck on the mission. Come back safe." The widow smiled affectionately, saving the teasing about Wanda's gentleness for another moment before muttering her goodbyes.
Wanda gave one last check on your figure - your face covered by a wet towel as you grumbled in pain - before leaving the room. She didn't linger long in the lab, and also took some aspirin from Tony's cabinet. 
But when Wanda tried to make you take the meds, you pushed her hand away.
"Oh, oh, what's that?" She rolled her eyes impatiently at your question.
"This is to ease your fever and pain. You need-"
"I'm not taking any pills." You retort seriously, and when she sees almost the panic in your eyes, Wanda hesitates. 
"It's just aspirin..."
You force yourself to sit up, complaining a little. "I don't use medicine. Leave me alone to die."
She chuckles incredulously. "That's so dramatic for a god." She teases, but you pout. Wanda thinks it's unfair that you look so adorable.
"I don't need medicine." You insist. "I just need a good night's sleep and food. I'll be brand new."
But once you got back on your feet, your body failed you again. Wanda sighed in a complaint, scarlet magic working on instinct and keeping you from falling to the floor before bringing you back to the couch.
"I'll get blankets for you." She mutters to your delirious figure, before leaving the room.
When she returns, you have taken the aspirin she left on the table, and it makes her smile slightly.
"Here, dorogoy." She says as she covers you, and you blink tired eyes at her.
"That's sweet." You say, to which Wanda mumbles confusedly, "The nickname. Natasha taught me Russian, you know."
Wanda can feel her face heat up, but she manages to laugh it off. "Sorry." She murmurs, and it's your turn to look at her with confusion.
"For what?"
Wanda sighs lightly. "I shouldn't...I don't know. You and I, we're not really... close." She tries to put it into words, it's a bad job, and maybe that's why you're so indignant.
"What? What are you talking about?"
Wanda huffs impatiently, feeling her face warm up even more. "You don’t need to be nice about it, I know you're not exactly a fan of me." She blurts out then. "I understand. It took everyone a while to trust me after Ultron."
You ignore the pain to sit up straight, gesturing in denial. "Wanda, that's ridiculous. I think you're the coolest Avenger here! Excluding Nat of course, otherwise, she will break my face." You declare, and she widens her eyes in surprise.
"What...? Really?" She asks unsurely, and you give her a reassuring smile.
"Where did you get the idea that I didn't like you?" 
"B-because you're always tormenting me! And you're so...direct..."
"Yeah, I'm sincere!" You retort with a laugh. "I'm sorry if I... come off as too abrupt for you. I don't have a very good social cue. War veterans don't care much for it, and Tony, well, deserves to hear some raw truths. I'll try to be sweeter with you. And well, about tormenting? You're too easy. And I do that with all my friends."
Wanda giggles nervously, twiddling her fingers. "Do you see me as a friend?"
You chuckle again, raising an eyebrow at her. "And how else would I see you?" You tease suggestively, and she feels her face warm. You chuckle at her shyness. "See, too easy."
She huffs, pushing you away gently, and grimaces apologetically at the grunt of pain you let out. But you laugh it off, assuring her that you're fine. 
"Now that we've made it clear that we're friends, can you put on something for us to watch? I've been dying to invite myself over to watch sitcoms with you but you've been avoiding me..."
Wanda blushes at the attention and clears her throat. "You could have joined me whenever you wanted. I wouldn't mind...I would have enjoyed the company. Vision does that sometimes."
You grimace softly. "That nosy old can."
She chuckles confusedly. "What's your problem with Vision?"
You make a grumpy face. Adorable, Wanda would say.
"He's annoying, that's all." You say. "I don't trust machines. You wouldn't trust them either if you had been raised by one."
Wanda bites her lip hesitantly. Everything she knows about your past-all the Hydra experiments and your unusual childhood with what was once Dr. Arnim Zola - came from reports and television. You were more than Captain America or the Winter Soldier ever were. You were the Hydra's Angel of Steel. Unyielding, unstoppable, and immortal.
The last part, Wanda wasn't sure was true. Especially since you are burning up with a fever on the couch.
"Vision is not like Hydra. He's not like anyone I know really." Wanda comments, but your grimace increases and she doesn't understand why.
"Okay, I get that you and he are super friends." You sneer, and she laughs, shaking her head.
"I wouldn't say that." She mumbles suddenly half sad, looking down at her lap. "I wouldn't...I wouldn't say I have any friends."
You frown immediately. "What, but what about the Avengers?"
She chuckles humorlessly, looking at you with a certain irony. "We're co-workers, Y/N. We barely know each other, and I'm only here because I literally don't have a home country anymore. I think it's all more out of convenience, or pity."
"It's not pity." You insist by shrugging. "You're young, but you're no innocent child. No one feels sorry for someone as strong as you. It would even be disrespectful. I think everyone is kind of grateful and relieved that you fight with us and not against us."
Wanda stands thoughtfully over your words, an indecipherable expression on her face. You haven't lied, you really are sincere. She appreciates that. You shudder briefly, the fever still lingering.
"I think you need friends, Wanda." You murmur then, half drowsy. Wanda thinks it's the medication. "I would be your friend if you wanted me."
She smiles warmly. "I would love that." She murmurs, and you smile with your eyes closed. But you struggle to stay awake, and your hand searches for Wanda's on the couch.
"Keep me company. Put something on the TV, to entertain you."
"You're kind of bossy, aren't you?" She teases, and you chuckle lightly, feeling exhaustion catch up with you. But Wanda only releases your hand when she's sure you're completely asleep.
–//–
When you wake up, it is morning. 
And you know that Wanda has slept on the couch next to you from the blankets and pillows. There is a sitcom paused on the living room television, and the smell of food invades your senses all at once, effectively waking you up.
"Good morning, Wanda." You greet her in a gruff tone, in a half yawn, and she would have been startled if she didn't have telepathy and couldn't feel you awake from the first second.
She turns her face away from the stove and smiles at you. "Good morning, Y/N. How are you feeling?"
You shrug, moving closer to see what she was cooking. "Better, I guess. A little sore still." You murmur, leaning over her to spy the pan. "Hmm, that looks good. And it smells wonderful." You rest your chin on her shoulder. "So does the food." 
Wanda drops her spoon in shock, completely flushed, and you burst into laughter, stepping away at once to get juice from the refrigerator while muttering "too easy."
Her face remains hot for a good ten minutes. You pay no mind to it and thank her for the food when it is ready.
"I think I'll go back to sleep, my head is hurting."  You comment, and Wanda nods.
"Take more meds, they help with the fever." She instructs, but you grumble. She raises an eyebrow. "Please?"
That makes you smile. "Since you asked so nicely." You tease, grabbing the medicine box her magic brought to you. Wanda twitches her nose and hesitates softly before asking.
"What's your problem with pills?" You lick your lips, taken aback by the question. She swallows dryly. "Sorry, I'm being nosy."
"No, don't worry about it." You say quickly, smiling at her. "It's just that Zola used to keep a strict pill diet with me. No real food, you know? I was a weapon, a soldier, not a person to them. I don't like the feel of swallowing pills, it reminds me of... those days."
Wanda reaches out for your wrist, stroking the skin lightly. "I'm really sorry, Y/N." She says, and you nod. She feels the need to confess something, too, and murmurs, "I don't like needles these days. Because of Hydra. Before, I couldn't wait to turn eighteen and get tattoos. But now, just the thought of piercing my skin reminds me of their tests, and I just-"
You interrupt her monologue by raising her hands to the height of your face. Her breath hitches as you kiss her palms, staring into her eyes.
"They took a lot of things from us, but we got something powerful in return." You murmur, kissing her left palm again. "I'm really sorry for all the pain they caused you, Wanda. But this here is a beautiful thing about you now."
She knows you are talking about her magic, and she feels her ears chatting fire like her cheeks. Her instinctive action is to retract her hands, but you firm your grip gently. "I don't see it as a blessing." She mutters, avoiding your eyes. "I just... hurt people."
You interlace your fingers, and Wanda swallows dryly, looking down. You don't look away from her. "Hurting others is what they taught us, but we are more than that. You need to trust that you can be more. I see that you are already."
"I'm not sure about that." She confesses in a soft snort, but you don't shy away, holding your hands together.
"It's okay, I can show you." You assure her with a soft smile. "That's what friends are for, right?"
She relishes the possibility of not being alone anymore but somehow feels that her smile is almost forced. She doesn't understand what bothers her. It's nice to have friends.
You let go of her hands suddenly, because you both hear the sound of the quinjet outside the Compound. 
Offering a farewell wink, you leave the room to go rest as you promised, and Wanda is left to explain about the sketchy of a slumber party in the living room to a curious black widow that came back from a mission.
–//–
You feel better in a day or two and are annoyingly charming when you brag about your quick recovery to the team. Wanda doesn't back down and jokes around about seeing you whimpering in pain on the couch, eliciting a few laughs from the other members.
You do not mind - You are happier to see her comfortable and friendly with the rest of the team to care about the teasing.
Wanda's training is different from yours, her powers are more unstable, and she lacks confidence in using them. And since you are the stronger member to take the damage, you offer to practice together.
"That's not a good idea. I don't want to hurt you." She declares with training gloves and an unsure expression as you appear in the outer courtyard, dismissing Natasha with a nod as if the whole story has already been talked over between you two.
You chuckle indignantly. "That's quite unlikely, darling. Relax, take a deep breath, and bring it all on. I want to see how much power you hold back."
Wanda looks at Nat unsure, but the widow shrugs, nodding in encouragement and taking a few steps back to stay out of range. Good thing you guys are on the outside.
"Come on, Wanda. I trust you." You say looking into her eyes, a few feet in front of her, waiting for the impact.
She swallows dryly, trembling hands raised toward you. "That's a terrible idea." She murmurs again, though she throws a small blast against your chest. It makes you chuckle.
"It tickles." You comment smugly. "Come on, Maximoff. You can do better than that. Again."
She sighs and tries. It's bigger, but still, you don't get out of place. And to irritate her, on your next attempt, you hold the energy ball with one hand. 
"You call this an attack, princess? I'm almost disappointed." Wanda knows that you are just trying to get to her, and you are succeeding because the next one is strong enough to shake the yard and make curious Avengers leave the building to watch the training.
You, however, just adjust your feet on the ground. Her power has hit you hard, and your eyes are the same color as her magic.
"Damn, that was... better." You praise with a breathless laugh, and Wanda swallows dryly, adjusting her position. You let her magic flow through your body until you are controlling it in your hand as well. "If I give it back, would it hurt you?"
"I don't think so."
"Get ready then." You ask, and she takes a deep breath, nodding in permission. You strike, returning her energy, and Wanda braces herself for pain, but it does not come. Her magic doesn't hurt her, even if it comes from you.  It makes you smile. "Lovely. Are you taking notes, Nat?"
The widow, who Wanda had forgotten was present having been so wrapped up in the training, rolls her eyes slightly. She has a tablet in hand. "Of course I am, boss." Ironizes Nat, making you laugh. 
"Wanda, your power doesn't hurt you. That's interesting because it could mean that it's not purely stone magic like mine or Vision's. If we get hit by our energies, we get hurt. Maybe your abilities are innate, and the stone just has awakened them. It's too early to tell, however."
Wanda shifts the weight of her feet, half uncertain of what to say. She is honestly, quite surprised that simple training provided such an important insight. Natasha whistles impressed.
"Sometimes I forget how smart you are, Y/N. It must be because you're a pain in the ass most of the time." Teases Romanoff, receiving a giggle and a middle finger.
"Fuck off! " You retort laughing before assuming a fighting stance again. "Wanda, how about you try to take me down now?"
She sighs, fists in the air. "You may be annoying, but I still don't want to hurt you." She taunts, managing to make Nat laugh and you let out a cute gasp of exclamation.
"See, Nat? She likes me." You scoff, and Wanda knows she's blushing, so she forces her magic against you, this time at your feet. You lose your balance, but only for half a second before you effectively absorb her spell. Wanda finds the scarlet color in your irises oddly attractive but pushes the thought away immediately. "No, no. Use the setting to your advantage, Maximoff. Knock me down, without bewitching me."
She sighs but looks down at the ground. Her next attack is on the ground, but just when she thinks you are going to fall, you float before using the rubble as steps and spin majestically in the air before falling in front of her, standing up.
Natasha rolls her eyes. "Show-off." She mutters, but You don't pay mind to her, giving Wanda's shoulder a gentle pat.
"Great move, Wands, but your response time is bad." You say. "I made all my way to you and you kept looking at me with that cute little face. You can't do that on the battlefield, yes?"
She blushes, but she giggles and pushes you away gently. She's not thinking about the nickname, and she's not thinking about the compliment, she's not. 
She tries to fight for real after that, following your instructions and ending up out of breath with her hands on her knee after almost three hours of training.
You are sitting on the floor now, as sweaty and out of breath as she is, but with a proud smile on your face that makes her stomach churn with anxiety.
"You're a talent, Maximoff." You compliment her sincerely. "We'll make you an Avenger yet."
"I'm already part of the team." She recalls stubbornly, only to see your expression twitch adorably. 
"You know my point."
"I think you're being a bit of a patronizer. Don't you agree Nat?" 
The widow hums in agreement immediately, only to torment you as Wanda is doing, both of them reveling in the almost desperate expression on her face.
"What? No, I'm not!" You defend yourself indignantly until you realize it's a joke. "Ha-ha, very funny. You two are hilarious. I'm here being a good teacher and you're making fun of me."
Wanda chuckles, dismantling your whole moody posture as she helps you stand with a tug and doesn't let go of your hand, face way too close for someone with an audience.
"Thanks for the help, detka. I really appreciate it." She thanks you by looking you in the eye, and you swallow dryly, nodding stupidly. All too aware of the proximity and Nat's presence with a teasing smile for the scene.
Wanda gives you a wink, muttering something about lunch before letting you go. You barely register her words, scolding yourself for noticing how pretty she looks in her training uniform.
Stupid thoughts, honestly.
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hotcat37 · 2 months
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Bojere and 46. for the 'write a kiss'!
some ESC Bojere for nostalgia's sake <3
46: out of jealousy
God Bojan wishes that was him. He watches with his jaw clenched at where someone from the Finnish delegation is oiling Jere's chest. Hands move to spread the oil all across smooth flesh, the rapper's pecs jiggling when the person's hand brushes against them. Bojan's mouth still waters despite his inner frustration. Where does he need to sign up to touch those tits himself?? He's sure he can do an adequate job at it.
The brunette knows he's staring and that he probably (definitely) has better things to do but Jere specifically invited him to watch his rehearsal and who the hell is Bojan to say no to that face? He can't. So he endures the psychological torture of watching someone else touching all over Jere's chest. When the Finn is finally oiled up, Bojan breathes a sigh of relief. Only to resume gritting his teeth when one of the pink dancers comes up to playfully smack the neon green menace on his pec. If it weren't for his annoyance the Slovene would've already popped a mega boner by now.
It is truly agonizing. Bojan lurks in the corner, like some punished child, forced to watch Jere twirl around a dancer. He knows it's not fair to be jealous of the way Jere holds her waist, how he glows with laughter, her hands on the space where the arms of the bolero dip.⁰
Ah. It's not like him to be so possessive. At least he thought so, until meeting this man who everyone wants a piece of. It's hard not to be jealous when everyone is always all over Jere. The charisma surrounding Käärijä is off the charts.
He almost considers leaving, embarrassed by his own feelings, not wanting to bring a potentially bad vibe to the obviously happy atmosphere. But just as Bojan's eyes search for an exit, Jere's loud voice startles him.
"Bojan!! Where you going?" The oblivious tone accompanying the question only frustrates Bojan further.
Perhaps it's the stress of the competition. Or the fact that Bojan hasn't gotten 8 hours of sleep last night. Or Jere's stupidly gorgeous eyes blinking up at him. Whatever the reason may be, the last of Bojan's impulse control slips just like that. He whips around, grabbing the sleeves of Jere's bolero, barely registering the squeak of surprise the Finn lets out. He silences the noise by pressing a chaste kiss against pouty lips.
The realization hits pretty much the moment Bojan has kissed him. He releases the older man, face starting to flush, knowing that he must look just as bewildered as Jere does. Sranje!
"I-I'm so-" Bojan stutters on his words for all of two seconds before Jere wraps his arms around his neck and pulls him close.
Jere's kiss lasts much longer, soft against Bojan's, smiling into it. The Slovene's hands immediately find the other man's waist. All the tension melts right out of him the moment he has Jere in his arms. When the rapper eventually pulls away, he grins up at Bojan, canines exposed.
"Jokerman jealous?" Jere teases, causing the brunette to pause. What the hell??
"How did you-"
"Oh! Song about to begin!" The Finn nonchalantly adjusts his bolero before patting Bojan's cheek. "Watch me."
Of course he's watching. There's no question about it. Bojan feels a little light-headed, leaning against the wall behind him for support. He can't suppress a starstruck smile when Jere turns his head one last time to blow him a kiss. So much for being oblivious.
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sanjala sam noćas
kako se slamam pred tobom
i urlam iz peta
kako ti govorim
da više ne mogu
sećam se tvojih očiju
mislim da nikada nisu bile tužnije
pred samo buđenje
pitala sam te
hoću li preživeti ovo
i tada sam dobila najtužniji pogled
jer znao si
ne mogu mrtva da umrem
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ekspresnivlakzapariz · 3 months
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'Vako nam je bolje, za promjene nemam volje Al' ne mogu vise ovako, ti mozes jos manje Trebamo nesto vise, ova veza je totalno sranje
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k4ban0s2 · 6 months
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kupilam sobie nowe te takie sposnie ze pizamowe na noc i wogole sranje, JAK TO FOWNO SIE PODWINIE W NOCY TO SIE ZAPEIRDOKE😤😤😤😤
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mishkakagehishka · 9 months
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Kad boysi ili torcidasi naprave neko sranje van drzave i onda si moran pokrivat facu kroz suze od sramote koji kurac
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fly-sky-high-09 · 7 months
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You ever have that one specific subconsciously stressed driven dream way too many times and just wake up from it unimpressed and annoyed like "yeah yeah isto sranje drugo pakovanje..."
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