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luckycheesefoodie321 · 5 years

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I’m about to unleash a LONG review of HTTYD3: The Hidden World RIDDLED with spoilers sooooo... (this is probably trash, it’s been several days since i started this so idk the flow and my thought process was a mess but i better post this now before i forget)

Spoiler free review: 9/10, I did cry, personally felt it was on par with HTTYD2 butttt I like it in a different way to HTTYD2... the animation? ferguckin’ gorgeous, there are fracking LEVELS to the beauty of the Hidden World (the actual place and the movie)...and Astrid’s hair??? mmmm yeah goals

OK SPOILERS UNDER THE CUT (and it looooong yall)

Ok so time to explain the 1/10:

the flow wasn’t as smooth?? as it could have been... it all made sense why things happened and where the motivations came from but...the transitions from sequence to sequence seemed...a little disjointed??? there were parts (maybe it was because i had a kid with me so I got distracted in like two parts) where I was like “oh wait something is happening?? oh wait no yeah I get it sure...so it took me second to realise how one scene got to the other (but again that might’ve been because i was distracted.)...and as a result of the slightly jarred flow, the pace seemed a little disrupted??? maybe it’s just me wanting more, but it felt like things could’ve been a bit...meatier??

also, this was a very Hiccup and Toothless film (I mean obviously, and this isn’t necessarily a bad thing, and I intend to discuss how great it is later), and so it sorta left little fulfilment or finality for the side characters...they all had their moments sure, and somewhat of an end, but i feel like just a minute here and there more to give them a more satisfying character ending would’ve been nice...

NOW ONTO THE 9/10, and since we’re here already, let’s talk side characters

OUR DRAGON SQUAD

Tuffnut finally got a chance to shine for more than a second of screentime, and while he remained the comedic relief he’s always been (in the films, haven’t seen the shows or short films), it was fun to see him branch out and engage with Hiccup directly...the continuous through-line of him and his beard and trying to impart wisdom on Hiccup was great... Ruffnut also got some solid screentime and she finally made her choice of man (when really she didn’t have any for reasons I will explain later) and “accepted” Fishlegs...but idk didn’t care about that, her scene when she was “captured” by Grimmel was fantastic...Kristen Wiig delivered perfectly from intonation to comedic timing, loved her work!

Snotlout...I literally had to pause a few seconds just now after typing his name bc *sigh*...we all know Snotlout’s has mild braggadocio...he spitting words with no follow through...annnd that doesn’t much change??? He’s still trying to front and compete with Hiccup and then Eret, and that was originally his charm point...but I would’ve liked to see him find validation in himself rather than an intentional compliment from Valka...and speaking of Valka??? Snotlout just latching onto the closest woman likkkkeeee Snotlout calm down you’re like 40 years younger than her??? maybe not 40 but point is Valka is a badass dragon momma who really isn’t going your way...I just wanted Snotlout to have his moment...

Fishlegs...yeah he was all dragon daddy carrying his baby Gronkle around and also enjoying his baby Gronkle and that big dragon’s friendship...also Ruffnut has claimed him...bc Snotlout is chasing Valka...so there’s no real option for her (she moved on from Eret and her self-confidence is kinda dope)

HOMIE ADULTS

Eret, son of Eret...I wanted more of him...he just hanging around making passing comments and being the knowledgeable other about Grimmel...and then he had a little something something implied with Gobber??? they had some scenes that had me side-eyeing hardcore... Gobber basically has the same relationship he had with Stoick, but with Hiccup...general calling him out, questioning his lack of planning...just sorta done with everything...true sassy queen...and also yeah him and Eret??? suss

Valka, my queen, my dragon wizard lord who floats through the clouds... maintains her badassery and voice of wisdom role but again steps back to make way for Hiccup and Toothless...and she encouraged Snotlout, for which I am not down...like sure support him but ugh you know he’s into you so just...just...no

MAIN CHARACTERS

Grimmel...definitely a more fleshed out villain than the Red Death and Drago...not necessarily a complex villain, but he was a lot smarter and impacted Hiccup in a way the other two didn’t...rather than using blood and fire to cut to Hiccup’s core, he lured Toothless away and forced Hiccup into a sobering reality that he and Toothless can’t always be together...that said, his “death” was kinda lame...could’ve had more of a bang than probably drowning

The Light Fury was used in an interesting way...she’d already been captured and was used as bait, not just stumbled upon in the wilderness as I had assumed from the trailers...I enjoyed how she was so clearly a wild dragon...from the way she responded to Toothless and his attempts at flirting, spurred him to tap into his true potential and abilities that Valka had alluded to in HTTYD2, to how she always trying to get him to come away into the sky and away from the humans...that said I love how she gradually warmed up to Hiccup...not in the way Toothless did, but in a way where you knew she acknowledged that Hiccup was someone who was important to Toothless, and had no desire to harm her or other dragons and the fact she was the one who saved both Toothless and Hiccup at the end was great...

Astrid, once again, is the only one (aside from Valka, and apparently Eret) with any real sense, both common and fighting...she’s kept to her roots as a skilled fighter in her own right, as opposed to the others relying heavily on their dragons...her chemistry with Hiccup continued to be adorable and flirtatious and pure and wholesome and with all the mad banter...her being so firm against being married so quickly bouncing off Hiccup’s clearly apparent willingness to tie the knot was an adorable under-plot...her character was probably the most consistent of all the characters imo...and she got a fulfilling ending...plus once again, her hair, ESPECIALLY IN THE WEDDING SCENE WAS SO FRIGGEN GORGEOUS AND BEATS ALL ANIMATED HAIR EVER

And now the boys of the hour, Hiccup and Toothless

This was a Hiccup and Toothless film. No side story about his mom and dad, no arbitrary villain just there to cause conflict. This was a film about two best friends in an increasingly complicated world realising that in order to tackle that world? They’d have to separate. It’s the same feeling as realising that the people you grew up with or the friends you made in school won’t be able to stay by your side anymore. You each have a path to take and it’s not one that can be shared...maybe run parallel at times but not the whole way. This is what our boys had to face.

I love love LOVED that there were sooo many parallels to the first movie...ugh to have that footage so I can count and display all the moments that just brought you back to all the charm and things you fell in love with in the first movie, but with more meaning, more stories to tell...it’s like when I saw Miley Cyrus sing The Climb again many many years after the Hannah Montana movie...there was suddenly more depth to her performance...this was the vibe I got..and it was obviously intentional in bringing so many parallels to the first movie...bringing the story full circle and all that, and of course it culminated in the most perfect moment, the moment that started us all on this journey...

BUT IN THE MOTHERFRACKING REVERSE!!! this was the moment that let those tears slip...I had gone in expecting to cry, but had far and away found myself having more fun and slowly accepting that maybe...maybe I wouldn’t cry in this movie...we got to the big goodbye, and I embodied my inner Jake Peralta and was like cool cool cool no tears yet, I can make it through and then BAM! they did the reverse hand touch and tears were spilled, and my friends were just watching me with unbridled glee in the dark as I got emotional...I’d been watching with increasing suspicion as moment after moment echoed the first movie, but somehow I didn’t realise they would do the reverse hand thing...maybe it’s because the hand thing had been embedded in every moment that Hiccup and the dragon riders encountered new dragons that I did not expect he would ever have to do it to Toothless again?? but in reverse???? because he was letting GO?!?!?!?!?! god it hit me hard...

But then a downside: they started to overuse it in the prologue-y sorta bit with the kids and meeting Toothless again...liiikkkeeee we already had that major impactful, emotional moment...why overuse it??? i would’ve much rathered they just gazed at each other for a bit before Toothless suddenly gives his signature toothless grin...or he swoops in and grabs Hiccup by the pegleg into the air, freaks everyone out, only to do the upside down grin thing- that would’ve been great...I mean they had that moment with the Light Fury but I wouldn’t have minded if they used that one again...

my mind is wandering and this probs doesn’t make any sense at this point sooo: the separation thing! good they established the over-reliance on the dragons and Hiccup’s thinking he can’t do well without Toothless, and Astrid, my QUEEN, coming in and telling him what’s what...and also not marrying him until he was more certain of himself because she knew if he wasn’t ready to face the world alone, he wasn’t ready to face the world with her (at least that’s my interpretation and again idk where I’m going with this thought process)...also love that Hiccup was lowkey jealous of the Light Fury...also also glad she never got a name...keeps her wild, as she should be...

I think this was definitely an incredible ending to an incredible trilogy of films...maybe not Toy Story perfect, but it was full of heart and emotion and continuously brought you back to all the wonder of the first film. Literally, there were so many parallels to the first film it was insane...while I talked about disjointed flow earlier, this incorporation of these callbacks was so well embedded, becoming just a natural proceeding of events...

I’m coming back to this review after several days so idk where I was going with this soooo just gonna wrap this up:

ASTRID’S WEDDING HAIR WAS GOALS. THE END.

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fallingfromdepression · 3 years

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2/25/2021

it is with a heavy heart that i fucking announce that i legit may be getting the lowest grades i’ll ever get in grad school and since quarantine started this quarter.

i have 3 courses this quarter: a practicuum and 2 regular courses, and bro i am doing so bad in those 2 courses. i just checked my pset and exam grades for course 1, and bro. the website shows the grade distribution and i am consistently on the lower range, if not the lowest score (the average grade for the first pset was 95. my score was 66. i’m p sure /i/ was the only one who brought the range down that low). course 2 has a participation grade and i legit have not spoken up in the public class once the entire quarter so far, and the rest of the quarter will be us working on our group project individually. i mean i’ll try to speak up in the last class session but idk what to ask or say during the guest speaker.

the practicuum class is also lol, today we were sort of reviewing the quarter and they were like ‘oh haha we’ve all individually worked so hard on this project’ and i’m like lmao i did so much less work compared to everyone else ... i mean i did do some work but i feel like everyone else def pulled their weight.

anyway i have two assignments due on saturday and monday and i have not started either of them despite doing very badly in my 2 regular courses. someone in my practicuum group was like ‘yeah i haven’t started the assignment’ but she’s been doing the most work out of everyone in the group and ik she has shit to do outside of school too. i don’t even have any excuse for why i haven’t been putting work into my classes, i haven’t done much on the job search for post-grad nor have i sent that email to my professional mentor that i was supposed to send last week -- we were supposed to have our monthly meeting but i deadass just never scheduled it.

putting the rest of this post under a cut bc i’m kind of ashamed of what i’ll discuss next and don’t want it just out very publicly and easy for consumption (you gotta click to read my shame)

what have i been doing the last few months ... i’ve legit done nothing towards investing in my future. i’ve just been focused on drawing fandom stuff and scrolling mindlessly through social media. which isn’t shit i should be investing as significant time as i have into at my age and at this point in my life. i’m going to be entering my final quarter of grad school and schooling in general and i feel like i just got worse. i feel like i can’t even blame it on being at home and with fam when i’d prefer to be alone, bc i was also like this when i was living alone last year -- procrastinating like hell but at least distracted by having to physically go places and shit.

i have no motivation to do well in my classes or invest in my future. i think it’s partially bc i’ve managed to get through grad school and the last 2 yrs without any major failure or consequence which is a bad mindset to have, to just live life knowing that i can scrape by. i’m not even excelling without brain power, i’m legit just managing to crawl weakly across the finish lines in a much less efficient way than everyone else.

i feel like at this point i’m just waiting for school to be over and to enter adult life but there won’t be any adult life to enter if i don’t invest time into job search and app right now, and improving my grades and gpa. i only have one quarter left, so it’s basically impossible to salvage everything but i suppose i should at least make an attempt to do well so at least i can finish in a satisfactory way.

i mean i should also make attempts to finish out this quarter with more effort now that i am consciously aware of how shitty of a situation i’m in... man just thinking abt all the work i need to do i.e. cramming learning all this shit i should have learned/known into the next few weeks ... i seriously need to begin weaning myself off of twitter and fandom and etc bc at this point it is seriously wrecking my productivity and life ... i have done it before (not permanently but def for a sizable period of time) so i know i can do it ... my immediate thought of doing that was “well what am i going to do with my time then” and to that i respond “FUCKING WORK THEN ??? INVESTMENT IN YOUR ACTUAL LIFE AND FUTURE?”

i’ve been considering a side hustle of art but i need to invest in my main hustle first. and also i need to develop a healthier relationship with social media and also improve my mental health before i invest more in my art. man i really need to set my life priorities and forget everything else for now. i feel like every few months i go through this same epiphany of how deep of a hole i’ve dug myself into and resolve to start climbing up but i never really do it. but actual, post-schooling life is starting to knock at the door and i can’t push it off this time

#diary #school 2021

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friedpotat0 · 5 years

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its funny because the people that should care about you dont, and the people that shouldnt be bothered to care about you just waste their time over you.

my parents dont know that i cry myself to sleep nearly every night, that i cry on the ride home, or that i wrote a suicide note and plan with full intention to kill myself before 2:30 on tuesday 10/29, they have no idea i think about my own death often or that i plan on killing myself before i turn 30, or how my body shakes every second of the day because everything is distracting or making me immensely nervous. they dont know im frustrated or irritated or that every little thing annoys the fuck out of me or how my paranoia is so bad i always perpetually feel like the entire world is against me, they dont know ive been seeing the counselor since high school and that the psychiatrist bluntly told me i have severe depression with bipolar 2 and prescribed me lamitrogine even though i really disagree with the diagnosis and wished they listened to my concerns about anxiety instead.

people dont know these things bc i dont tell them and i dont want anyone to worry about me. im pretty good at hiding things bc ive been dealing with bad thoughts my whole life. but relentlessly i choose to believe in optimism because i believe in Allah and he is slowly guiding me through this hellscape. i hate crying in front of people, and i especially dont like have any attention on me ever (unless im playing the guitar, then shut up). i dont like being selfish and self absorbed. and i hate dwelling on the past.

its funny when ur own family has absolutely no idea whats going on because when you did tell them, when u were 14, about the suicidal thoughts and anxiety, they yelled at you and called u attention seeking, so u never told them about the weight loss or the scars or the suicide attempts. its so funny that the people that should care about you dont, and really just prize you as a trophy rather than a human being with thoughts and feelings.

instead the counselor, my research supervisor, hell my fucking advisor has more concern over me than my own family and (certain) close “friends” ever will have in their lives. it means a lot to me that im finally getting some love and attention that ive always needed, but never realized it.

its funny how things get so distorted in your mind. you accomplish so much yet you feel like you did so little. i am so fatigued all the time, i already feel old, my skin is so dry and my body is so frail, my back aches endlessly, my lips are chapped and falling off, your feet always hurt, your hands are always cold, my mind is so worn. my nails are so brittle at this point and breaking at the edges. my skin is so fucked up id like to rip it off at this point.

its so weird to me i wrote a whole suicide plan and suicide note and released it with every intention that i will kill myself before the end of the week but yet i am still here, very much alive and (arguably) healthy. with full intention to finish this semester. why? what happened there? and yet i still find myself looking back at that plan constantly with tears running down my face. i have a lot of tears.

i wanted to kill myself since i was very very young. i remember when my mom would scream at me that she wishes i was dead and that i was her burden, nearly every day, and i would go to sleep crying praying to god he would kill me in my sleep. i would suffocate myself when i was 6 just to try to end it all. i barely had any friends growing up and if i did i saw them briefly in school or once every three months at some gathering. rarely did i leave the house or ever get involved in the community, except for the sports my dad would force me into. i had little social interaction, and not many adults in my life to look up to other than my mom. i never felt like her daughter, i felt like i was some sister of hers. i never had a loving maternal figure in my life, save for a few teachers i have had, god bless them. now she only loves me because i can do things for her. when she hit me she didnt love me. when she screamed at me every day she didnt love me. when she told me to kill myself she didnt do that out of love. she doeesnt remember any of these things and claimed i made it up. i feel like im in hell. she had a hard life, to be fair...but i would raise my daughter differently. i would prefer to stay away from the word “burden” when referring to my children.

i have a good life and ill never dispute that ever. i was born with a lot of privilege. so why am i like this? who knows. you feel like your whole life was stolen from you and that you missed so many oppurtunities that you could have taken but every bone in your body screamed “no”. its bittersweet knowing that i am finally getting help but where was this help 6 years ago? how much more could i have accomplished if i had people in my life supporting me? and that i only receive this support recently? i only had two adult figures in my life and they were both my parents, my mom being very emotianally abusive and self centered with the maturity of a 6 year old, and my distant father who barely made any effort to listen to me, both who denies any sign of mental illness or health defects of any sort when the signs were clear.

why are my parents so concerned about my marriage when they should really be concerned about me?

I feel so emotionally stunted, as if i am still 15 years old, becasuse i am finally allowed to leave my damn house. what a life i have lived, so uneventful. never allowed to leave or wear what you want, say what you want, do what you want, because you are a muslim girl. fun is banned in islam, and in my family, apparently. no sense of humor, style, color, everything is so bland and monotonous it makes you want to scream. no passion, no motivation, just the same robotic shit for 20 years. why would i want to live a life like this i ask myself? for the rest of my fucking life? id rather die. at least in hell i can do what i want.

i hate being in my skin. sometimes i hate being in my body too. i am forced to wear mutliple layers of thick makeup every single fucking day for 12-16 hours straight because my skin is that fucking terrible and ugly. i cant imagine being naturally beatiful and having clear skin and then boasting about it, on top of that. its so infuriating. i am so ugly. no one can convince me otherwise. i feel so trapped so trapped no one even knows. no one will ever really understand. i dont expect them to. i want to do so much but i can only do so little. im too frail and weak to do anything. im always so tired, and sad, to make things worse. i wish i had so much potential but i dont. im dead already on the inside, like a rotted tree. what hope is there left.

sometimes i want to leave my hometown without telling anyone and never come back. that would be fun. then i can finally have the freedom i want and the ability to actually explore my life like i should. then i can finally choose my own path to the future. but i am confined in my own mind, in my own house, in my own family, in my own city. fuck this.

now i look ahead to a hopefully brighter future. progress and healing is very slow and gradual. the only growth i should focus on is myself. for the sake of myself. and for the sake of God. i will make it i have to keep saying it, speak it into existence, because if i dont, ill wither away.

#personal #definitely deleting this later #please dont message me or contact me im fine #i just needed to rant #people dont rlly know the tea #im not shading anyone just upset that things r this way

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literatemermaid · 6 years

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I was looking through my calendar bc procrastination and because I write literally everything down (thanks shitty brain), I realized that exactly a year ago today I met my last S/O. One year ago today I was fresh out of high school, had recently moved states, cut ties with my highschool boyfriend (once and for all) and had started working graveyard at a local grocery store because honestly I didn’t have anything else going on for me at the time. I was incredibly lonely and slowly (slower than I thought possible) spiraling into a depression. I never saw the sun, I had no friends, I was too afraid to meet anyone from the internet (seemingly my only option at that point, thanks again shitty brain), and I didn’t have the motivation to try to get my ass into college, which was the only thing I was supposed to be working towards. It was at this time that I met my ex, someone who, quite frankly, turned out to be an unhealthy, manipulative, drug addict that sucked me into a vortex of bad habits, self doubt, and anxiety for roughly six months. I was desperate for attention and i very kindly told all the red flags to go fuck themselves. I was lonely and I wanted to believe the best in her.

Being with her was rough. It brought me to lows I never thought I could feel. I had panic attacks in the freezers at work so bad my knuckles bled and the muscles in my face froze. The highs were amazing though. When we did communicate, and when she was in a good mood, it was like we were speaking from the same brain, always on the same page (plus, she bought me flowers on our first date). Maybe these things shouldn't balance each other out but brain chemicals are weird sometimes.

Because of this, I had over the course of our time together made myself believe that her bad habits were endearing, that her spirals meant that she was trying to get better, and that her refusal to take her medication was simply a bump in the road. She told me things and I took them at face value. I believed her misgivings, and her pleas for second chances. It came to a point at which, when addressing the clusterfuck of feelings I was given to deal with on any given day, i would convince myself that I had every mental disorder in the book rather than place the blame on her. And looking back, I realize she encouraged it. What had started in a noble crusade for my mental well being (which does need some untangling) had turned into a push for me to self diagnose myself with anything and everything that made it seem like I was the problem. I refused to see a pattern in her behavior though now, with every day I inch farther away, it becomes increasingly obvious that every move was intentional. Even her first ‘I love you’ was saved for a time in which she needed to get me back on her side: like a card game I didn’t know we were playing.

This only scratches the surface of our toxic entanglement but the point of all this, aside from generally wanting to scream into the void, is that I wanted to share with people that might be dealing with this now because it’s fucking hard, and I’m still dealing with it. I’ll admit, I was luckier than many. Lucky that she left on her own, lucky that it was only six months, lucky that she lived an hour away from me, lucky that I did not give up what few friends I had made when she attempted to guilt me away from them. But there is no winner in abuse and because of the relatively quiet, slow way in which she began to control me, I’ve found it hard to call it what it is. I had no stories of psychological abuse to compare myself to, to make it seem real or valid. I still find it hard to call it what it is. I ask myself, how can someone that’s come from an abusive relationship abuse me. How can someone that struggles with their own mental health and seemed genuinely interested in helping me with mine abuse me. How can someone that tried so hard to get me to see that my relationship before her was toxic abuse me. How can someone who was so appalled that anyone could treat me in the way that my ex did, do the same. How is it that someone who never laid a hand on me, caused so much damage. These are impossible questions to answer. These are questions that make me feel like it’s my fault. That maybe she was right. Maybe I am crazy.

If you feel like this, felt like this, or have someone in your life that has made you feel like this, I just really want to remind you that it is not your fault. You are not crazy. If you feel like this, it is real. It is impossible to believe at times but it is so important that in those times you just repeat and repeat. Make yourself sound like a broken record and remind yourself that you are so much more than you give yourself credit for. Take whatever arbitrary worth they assigned for you and double it, quadruple it, multiply it by one million because it will never compare to how much you’re actually worth. And I know this sounds like a load of cheese and hallmark bullshit but its true. I didn’t start to see it until I was able to step back but it is. And to top of this load of cheese with more cheese, I’ll say, It really does get better.

To skip all the technical stuff, since she left, I’ve helped my mom get a promotion and adopt two beautiful kittens, I got my first tattoo, I got my license, and as I’m typing this I’m finishing up my first semester at my top choice university. Things are stressful, life happens, and I am still affected every day by what she put me through, but seeing that date on my calendar- Realizing where I was a year ago today- where a year has gotten me- I recognize the progress I’ve made and I’m happy. and I just hope that anyone who identifies with any part of my story realizes that they’re not alone and one day you will be the one looking at that date on your calendar wondering where all the time went.

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fallingfromdepression · 4 years

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9/23/20

ugh just looked over my syllabi for my courses this quarter and i’m getting anxious ...

2 of my classes are presentation-heavy and i’ve been getting way more anxiety abt public speaking recently. it’s prob bc lately i just wing it instead of prepping which almost 100% the reason why my recent presentations have gone so bad. anyway it’s good bc i’ve been wanting to practice presentations more after those not-so-great presentations and thus voila practice opportunities but i’m just nervous thinking about having to do them.

just thinking about all the work i need to do ... i mean i’m less nervous about this than i am the presentation parts bc my anxiety about public speaking > my anxiety about having to sit down and do/grind work, but the last year or so i’ve been barely scraping by re: getting work done and in my last year of [redacted level of education] i need to get my work ethic back/scrabble together a work ethic so i can go into the future not a literal mess.

i’m nervous about this upcoming year because the last 2 years i’ve really fallen apart in terms of motivation and quality of work produced academically and i didn’t do any prep over the summer for this year. i mean that latter part is on me because even before the summer i was like ‘i need to spend the summer wisely’ and i didn’t. no reason to keep beating myself up over the past and past mistakes ... but i’m nervous because i don’t have a lot of professional experience or knowledge going into this year and i feel like such a disappointment. i have a phone call with someone who was assigned to me through my school’s professional mentor program to talk about my interests and i’m scared because i don’t really have professional/career interests but you can’t just SAY that. i do have some things i have some degree of interest in but i really don’t have much to show for myself if you look at my resume/what i do with my free time even if i do have those interests. i mean they’re supposed to be my mentor so i should just be honest (to a degree) but it just makes me feel bad thinking about how i am rn and how much i’ve fallen apart since a few years ago. that’s not positive thinking but honestly it’s the truth because i’ve made no attempt to fix my mental health and now it’s biting me in the ass for having left it alone for the past few years. i am tentatively planning to try to get therapy this quarter but it’s tiring to have to do all those intake appts to try to find the right therapist ... i wish i could just go with the first one (which i do have the option of bc i did an intake appt with a therapist at the beginning of last school yr) and just go but there’s the risk that it might turn out like my last therapist-counselor (that was admittedly chosen for me) aka not so hot/helpful.

on a somewhat related note but also different topic: planning to try to use this blog more this school year so i can collect my thoughts about everything both in general as i attempt to try to figure out my life again and for future me. lately i’ve just been using this blog as a collection of reblogs but i might try to move it back in the direction of diary posts and writing and keep reblogs to a minimum (the latter will be easier this time around bc i don’t really spend a lot of time on tumblr explore anymore). i /could/ move to another blog platform but tumblr is the easiest for me since i know my way around the tools and i already have everything set up here. i kind of want to change the username though tbh; i haven’t changed it since i made it in my sophomore year (?) of [redacted level of education]. i do like the name tbh and i kind of have an emotional attachment to it since i’ve had it for so long, but it also feels kind of sad bc it’s what i want to recover from and so it’s kind of weird to keep it around as a result.

#i keep redacting info but that's bc this is a public blog #namely i don't want a lot of identifying info out there #even though i guess it doesn't really matter if you know my age #i've said i'm in college before and recently so from that you should know how old i am lol #prob in future entries from now on i'll just say my edu level straight up then #diary #school 2020 #edit: ok in a recent original post i literally said what lvl of school i'm at rn. so my redactions are useless #i'm so pretentious. no one follows this blog to stalk me so

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