#sorry for the rant im just so mad. so mad at that past semester and that supervisor | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

cvtqr · 3 years

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we only have 15 minutes, sugar

pairings; eren jaeger x reader

content warning; mentions of past jean x reader, oral sex, masturbation, recording, manhandling?

february 19th

you always found eren jaeger attractive, especially tonight at this party. his long hair thrown up into a messy bun, his white shirt with water split on it - making it see through. god you were about to start counting his abs. but who you were really here for? jean. you guys weren’t in a relationship or anything, just friends who liked to help eachother. it started off when you guys would go to eachother for advice or he would find himself in your dorm room ranting to you. just helping eachother with little problems of course. that doesn’t mean sucking his dick was that much of a stretch from it, right?

anyways jean was in a frat house, along side eren. they were throwing a party, and somehow jean convinced you to stop by. you didn’t know if you were regretting it or not. jean was no where to be seen so you just sat yourself on the kitchen counter drinking some punch you found in a bowl. you were admiring eren from a far, remembering all the bad things jean had said about him. how he just annoys the living shit out of him. but god, how attractive he was. you could’ve sworn you looked down at your phone for not even a minute when you heard someone clear their voice right in front of you. you looked up to be met with eren.

“uh hi?”

“hey hey! erm- y/n. we had physics last semester together. eren, eren yeager.”

yeah, i already know your name

“oh hi!”

“my friend reiner over there says he knows ‘ya too. wanna come play truth or dare with us in the backyard hm?”

slipping your phone into the pocket of your shorts, you jumped off the counter, centimeters away from eren.

he let out a low chuckle, placing his hands on the counter, trapping you inbetween the granite and himself. he looked you right in the eye before reaching one of his hands back to grab a chip in the bowl behind where you were sitting. your breathing shakened a bit and you rolled your eyes at him, looking down.

he let out another chuckle before grabbing your chin and tilting it up, forcing you to look at him. “no need to roll your eyes sugar. if you were expectin-wanting something else, just say it. i’m not a mind reader baby.” he gave you a little wink before letting you go and backing up.

“i erm- i gotta pee i’ll meet you guys outside.”

he gave you a small head pat before running towards the back door.

right when you turned around to head to the bathroom you crashed right into jean, stumbling back a bit.

“oh hey jean!”

he sent you a blunt hey and started walking to the back door with an annoyed look on his face.

tch, what’s his problem.

your little bathroom excuse wasn’t actually an exuse, the amount of punch you were drinking finally caught up to you. right after you sat down your two best friends since birth, sasha and connie came bursting through the door, hysterically cracking up.

“YOO IM TRYING TO PISS.”

ignoring your comment they both collapsed onto the counter laughing their asses off.

you lightly smacked sasha on the back of her head, since she was the laughing the closest to you. “i swear if one of you idiots don’t tell me what the problem is-”

“YOUR BOYFRIENDS ARE OUTSITE FIGHTING OVER YOU-” connie said between laughs practically screaming.

“my who?”

“JEAN AND EREN. I-I ASKED FLOCH WHY THEY WERE FIGHTING AND THEY SAID IT WAS BECAUSE OF YOU AND HOW JEAN IS ALWAYS TALKING ABOUT HOW YOU ARE SO GOOD AT SU-”

“GOD SASHA YOU DONT HAVE TO TELL HER THAT PART”

“CAN YOU GUYS STOP SCREAMING!”

“SORRY, sorry y/n. apparently jean saw you and eren in the kitchen and well, tried beating eren up.”

letting out a sigh you pulled up your pants and ran out of the bathroom.

running outside you found jean knocked out in the arms of marco and eren standing up, wiping some blood out of the corner of his mouth while winking at you. walking right up to him you slapped him right across the face.

he let out a deep, long chuckle.

“i need to talk to you.”

“lead the way sugar.”

you grabbed his arm and pulled him inside while feeling every single pair of eyes on you.

“where’s your room.”

“if you wanted to get me in bed you could’ve just asked baby.”

god can anyone be that full of themselves

“no - no. i don-”

“i’m just joking sugar. follow me.”

he grabbed your hand and led you up into his room, closing the door behind him.

“what the hell was that all about.”

“for the record he started it. he got jealous for no reason and i wasn’t going to let him use me and his rag doll. and you shouldn’t be with someone like jean anyway. you should hear the way he brags about you being his bitch whenever the house is hanging out.” eren plopped down onto his bed

with that you didn’t know who to be mad at this point. he patted his lap signaling you to come over and sit on it. ignoring him you rolled your eyes and sat down next to him, causing him to chuckle again.

“you should clean your wounds that looks pretty deep on your cheek. and take a shower you smell like dirt and grass.”

he got up and headed over to his bathroom door. leaning on the door frame he turned back around.

“only if you stay.”

“hmph, i’ll think about it.”

15 minutes later eren walked out of the bathroom. you were no where to be found. he did know that he’d get back to you one day, considering you left your phone number on a gum wrapper in place of where you were sitting.

february 26

friday strolled around as quick as ever. this week you talked to eren a few times. he texted you on sunday night to have a good week. sicne he was being nice you replied with a “you too:’)”

after that he texted you yesterday afternoon asking if you wanted to come to another party. you never responded, and now it’s friday, 2:05. you just finished all your classes, and you’d be lying if you said you had anything else to do. well except for the pile of homework you usually wait until sunday to do.

sighing you texted him back saying you already had plans and wouldn’t be able to make it. after that you decided to take a short nap. what you thought would be a short nap turned into you sleeping until 6:30. you figured you should get up and get some dinner. you decided to grub hub some taco bell and eat it in the dinning hall. after getting your food you sat down in the corner of the room. it was pretty empty since it was pretty late for dinner.

“ouch, i’m offended.”

you turned around at the familiar voice

“even jean could convince you to come out but i get some lame exuse.”

“it, it wasn’t an exuse. i do have plans.”

“yeah with yourself.” he pulled over a nearby chair and sat next to you.

“i ditched the party, it was pretty boring.”

“so you came to bother me?” you said while still stuffing your face with your food

“yeah pretty much, you wanna hangout?”

“i mean do i really have a choice?”

he leaned over and grabbed one of your nachos, shoving it in his face.

“no not really sugar.”

rolling your eyes you threw out your garbage and led him to your dorm room. since it wasn't that far of a walk, neither of you said anything on the way there. he just simply followed you.

once you got into your room you shut the door behind you.

“if you’re sitting on my bed then shoes off.”

“demanding” he said while slipping his shoes off and plopping onto your bed

“soo..” he said as you sat down next to him.

“wanna watch a movie or something? i see you have a tv in here.”

“sure, let me just fix my blankets so get up.”

he nodded and chuckled, getting up. you pulled down your comforter so there was room to get in, and threw all your blankets into the corner before grabbing your remote and slipping into your bed.

“is this an invitation to come lay with you under your blankets.”

“shut the light.” you said while pressing power on the remote.

the last thing you remember from that night was cracking up with eren over some stupid movie the two of you put on. before you knew it you woke up with a tight grip around your waist. you look over to see eren, still sound asleep. he was so pretty. you figured the two of you just fell asleep while watching movies yesterday. moments like these you were grateful your roommate was on back at home for family issues.

you tried slipping out of his grip before he pulled you back in and groaned. he was still sleeping so you figured you weren't getting up anytime soon, so you closed your eyes and drifted off back to sleep. you woke up about two hours later to find no eren, but a note.

forgot i have to work on a project with floch. i had fun last night, lets do it again soon :)

you were in a good mood the rest of the day.

may 15

its almost been four months since you've met eren. you also cut off your contact with jean. he was a good fuck while it lasted. over the last four months you and eren got closer than ever. hanging out almost everyday, going to parties together, falling asleep cuddling every weekend, you name it. yet again, friday came around. instead of cuddling, you and eren decided to go to a party at some sorority house.

three hours later you were sitting in a circle with a bunch of people you recognized / were friends with. you were all playing a game of truth or dare, cracking up at each other. everyone’s secrets were coming out and people were doing some crazy things. and the list of things we had to do on campus was piling up. for example, connie has to pull a prank on professor ackerman during class on monday. until it was sasha’s time to ask you.

“hmmm. OH Y?N! truth or dare babes!”

you really had to think this one over. sasha had the power of exposing every single one of your secrets if you picked truth, but she's also kind of crazy so who knows what she would dare you to do. after a small debate in your head you went with dare.

“i pick dare.”

“alright! hmmMMM. i dare you to go into an empty room with eren for 15 minutes.”

you felt the heat rush up to your cheeks when you stood up and stretched your arm out for eren to grab.

you both left the living room and headed up to a room while hearing the small, faint giggles from your friends.

entering the room eren shut and locked the door behind the two of you.

“so.. what do you wanna do?”

“hmm. we only have 15 minutes, sugar.”

this is it. the moment you've been waiting for. you had eren right in front of you. just go up and kiss him already!

as you slowly walked up closer to him. he flipped the both of you, pinning you up against the wall.

“let me see if you taste as sweet as I've imagined, sugar. pleaseee you don't even want to know the amount of times I've fisted myself to the mere thought of it.”

you gave him a nod and that was all he needed to pull you off the wall and push you down onto the bed. pulling up your skirt and pulling down your panties, he grimly smirked.

“don't you dare cum without my permission.” was all he said before going between your legs and flicking his tongue onto your clit. your breathing quickly became heavy and irregular before he shoved two fingers, palm deep into your cunt.

“ahh~ f-fuck eren-” you blurted out while starting to move under his touch, slightly bucking your hips up.

that was until you felt a strong pair of hands hold your hips down.

“stop moving or i’ll stop.” he hissed out before going back down on you, eating you out more forcefully than before, brining you right to your climax.

“f-fuck eren i need to cum- please let me cum. pleaseee~”

“no.” he said while pulling his fingers out of you.

“the only place you’re cummin’ is on my cock. you hear me?”

you wiped away the slight tears forming in the corners of your eye while nodding.

“that's a good little girl.” eren said while smirking

he swiftly grabbed you and flipped you over onto all fours, while shoving your face into the mattress. your first reaction was to perk your ass up for him.

“well someones eager aren't they.” was all he said before pulling down his pants just enough for his fully hard cock to spring out. he could've came just to the feeling of eating you out.

he leaned down into your ear while whispering, “as sweet as sugar.” he started jacking off while still leaning down, before quickly cumming all over your ass.

did he just?

he pulled up his pants before getting up and heading up towards the door.

“well sugar, looks like our time is almost up. we should get back to the ga-” he was cut off by you running up to him and clinging right onto his shirt. practically crying you were blurting out small no’s.

“f-fuck the game, er - eren please just fuck me.” you were so desperate to the point where you were choking on your words.

“aw, i’m sorry baby i didn't mean to make you cry.” he said while stroking your hair and patting your head. “come suck me off in my car and maybe if you do a good job i'll take ya home and fuck you, yeah?

may 18

sitting in your first class of the morning you were bored out of your mind. getting some lecture from professor ackerman after connie drew all over his desk.

that was until you got a snapchat notification from eren. opening it you were oh so grateful you had your headphones in. it was a video of eren cumming all over his laptop with a video of him shoving his cock oh so deep into your pretty little cunt.

with the caption of missin’ the taste, sugar :’(

you’d be sure to pay him a visit during your lunch break.

#attack on titan #aot #attack on titan fic #attack on titan x reader #aot smut #aot fic #aot x reader #snk #snk x reader #snk smut #eren jaeger #eren yaegar #eren smut #eren x reder #eren jaeger x reader #eren jaeger smut #eren yaeger x reader #eren yaeger smut

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kittehkwrites-backup · 3 years

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Like I Want You

“Sometimes I wish you knew”- GIVEON, 'LIKE I WANT YOU'(2019)

Summary: Trevante has had feelings for you since you guys started hanging out practically every weekend. He always choked up when he wanted to express his feelings to you and he didn't know how much more he could take of you basically forgetting about him to hang out with some new guy.

Warnings: Alcohol consumption, college!Trevante and cluelessness from reader and Trevante.

This bout to be a long one.🥴🥴

Sometimes I wish you knew But I disguise the truth

Trevante watched you from across the booth as the dude that came over with his group of lackeys to smooth talk you into giving his number.

The way he watched as the guy managed to get a google from you made him turn his head down and focus on his drink in front of him. Playing with the straw and moving the ice around as if it was the most interesting thing in the word in hopes of distracting himself from telling the dude to leave but then you’d be mad at him since you looked so happy.

“You ok T?” You asked noticing his silence after the guy, whose name was Jordan, managed to lodge himself closer to you and convinced you to handover your number.

“Yea I’m good. I was just gonna get a refill. Y’all want anything” he said placing a small smile on his face, as he addressed your group of friends, mainly.

I say I'm happy but I'm still stuck on us, mm-mm-mm

“We good homie.” The lame said from next you. Answering for you as you fixed your mouth to say you’d go along with your friend. He didn’t know why that annoyed him but the fact that he got called “homie” by a punk like him made him turn up his face.

Your friends caught it before you did, letting out little laughs at his face. He quickly masked it, turning around to head to the counter at the game themed restaurant.

He heard you laughing again and his shoulders tensed knowing that you weren’t laughing at him anymore and he was just in the background like usual because of his timid ness to even say anything to you.

He thought about the times when he was so sure that you had feelings for him but he couldn’t detect any feelings whenever he heard about someone else making the moves he wanted to make on you.

Hands in his pocket, he heard the person behind the counter call next and placed his refill order whilst he tried to not let the dark feeling of you eventually leaving him behind for someone else before he even got the chance to confess how he felt.

Does your mind play this game too? Think 'bout me and you

It wasn’t like you could know how he felt but it shouldn't have been so hard for you to see the way he’d treat you versus the other women in your friendship group. You just decided to pass it off as him compensating for the time away from each other or him not wanting to make you feel like an add on in the somewhat paired off meet ups you all partook in every so often.

I guess I'll just pretend until it all makes sense, hm-mm-hm, hmm-hmm There would be times that he would go days without talking to you because of studies or to recharge his social battery but he always made sure to text you to let you know he was alright or else he’d be on the receiving end of your annoyance once he’d see you again.

That’s what did it for him.

You cared like know one else did. Yea you said that you did it with everyone but it wasn’t the same as him. If he needed you or you need him then guess where each of you would be?

He couldn’t let that go and he wanted to make sure that you felt that same sense of stability in your bondings.

He’d just pretend that it didn’t matter when those check ins became less and less over the coming weeks, chalking it up to the impending term assessments and shows.

See you face to face, I'm thinking 'bout the days we used to be

He noticed, along with your friends, that you weren’t making it to the study groups you’d all have. You weren’t coming to as many of the chill meet ups either and it was starting to bother them so they asked if he heard from you much these days either.

It hadn’t been until your art show that you noticed how distant you were being and you gave your friends an apology.

Promised to come to the next night out when they planned it. They were happy with that response, silencing their quails but he couldn’t help but notice the way you’d stare at your phone when a new notification came in and your smile would slim ever so slightly.

But I can't make a scene, but I can't make it seem He saw it happen again as they came to show their support to your art display and brought as many people out to show their love for your work and the many others who had their works showing in the showroom.

He watched as you’d walk around and talk to the people who wanted to know about your choices in your work.

He’d see how you went from talking and smiling. Glowing. That’s it. You were glowing, beaming with happiness and the positive response to your work that you spent so much time on and everyone was feeding off of that energy you possessed.

He noticed how the glow dimmed once the lame from weeks past made his way over to you and looking at your works before shrugging his shoulders and his mouth moving before you tried covering the hurt by nodding your head and looking around the room until you spotted him and let a smile out before excising yourself from the dark eyes peering down on you by the dude

Tre couldn’t bother to remember his name much less learn it the initial time he crossed paths with him and his lames at the restaurant. He just watch as you approached him with a brighter smile on your face and that light coming back once you reached over to him.

Like I want you

She has the most beautiful smile and the way she gets jittery when she’s talking about something she’s passionate about? That shits so cute. He thought, nodding along to the way you explained why you decided to use certain materials over others and how you were able to get some materials because you knew someone who had managed to offer you some additional supplies.

He knew it was because you were just that charming and inviting once you let that smile grace your face.

It’s what got him to come over to you on the first day of the college semester from years past.

“So what do you think?” You asked. Your beautiful eyes locked in on his face, watching for any signs of disgust or annoyance at your long winded rant.

He got lost in your features before gazing in your eyes and smiled at you. “It’s beautiful Princess. You did a fantastic job and I’m proud of you.” He said draping his arm over your shoulders and pulling you into a warm hug that you needed and couldn’t help but melt into.

“Thanks T. means a lot” he tightened his hold on you once he felt you weren’t letting go anytime soon, thinking about how he wanted you to be his but had to back off until he felt there was a sign to tell you.

Even if it's true

A table set for two

You both agreed to have a chill movie night at his place off campus, but you hadn’t responded to his texts a few hours before hand when he was checking if you were still on for tonight.

You got me waitin' but you ain't comin' through

He tried calling and each time it went to voicemail.

Try to stay patient but gotta face the truth, mm-mm-mm

He was trying to keep up his positive attitude and thought you just got caught up at the studio and you’d be over soon.

But when the clock hit 11:00, he packed up the snacks his took out and the blankets for when you got cold.

He sent you a text saying goodnight and made the slow trek back to his lonely room after turning off the lights and making sure that he locked up everything.

He heard the chime of his phone from a text from you with the one word, ‘Sorry.’ in the text bubble.

He wanted to be angry but he put that on himself when he thought that you’d make the time for each other when you told him about the loser taking you out and making it up to you for his behaviour at your show when your friend asked what happened over lunch during the week.

He picked up his phone to respond but responded with the ‘👌🏾’ emoji. Turning off his phone for the night, he tried to get some sleep but he couldn’t achieve that until the hours of early morning.

But I can't make a scene, but I can't make it seem

Why is it so hard to figure out?

Trevante tried to find out what happened the following days only to be met with radio silence on your end.

He did get how you could go from making plans to ghosting him. It just didn't make any sense. So when your friends all agreed to meet up for a games night at their house, you couldn't help but make it your mission to go once he saw your name and emoji in the groupchat when it all went down.

If she thinks this can run, boy does she have another thing coming. He thought as he placed his phone down and focused on completing his reading for class later on in the week.

I need you every day, believe me when I say it

The day to meet up approached a lot slower than he thought. or atleasts that's how it seemed to him as he stood outside of your mutual friends, Cameron and Danielle, place where the gathering was taking place.

"Hey man!" Came the booming voice of his fellow athlete. Embracing eachother in a dap and massive grins on their faces at seeing eachother after so long outside of training due to overlapping schedules.

"Hey what's good? Y'all already start? Im sorry for getting here so late. Got caught up at the library and had to make a stop at mine for this" Trevante quickly rattled out before holding a fantastic sized bottle of alcohol for the night's consumption.

"Aye! That's what i like to see." Cameron said taking the bottle in and moving out of the doorway to let trevante in.

He placed the bottle on the island as they both walked in and he waited for trevante to put his jacket on the hook by the door before continuing to lead him into the living space which would be the main area for the activities whilst stopping short to speak up to his friend.

'Aye, Tre. Just a heads up but Y/N's here and i know you said you guys havent spoke in a couple weeks bu-

"Nah its good Cam. Don't worry about it alright? I was just being sensitive when i brought it up. I mean it aint like she's my girl" Trevante said letting out a forced chuckle that went unnoticed by Cameron as their other friends called for them to enter the room to start the games.

Lke I want you

There you were and there he was.

He tried to play it off the whole night but he, along with your other friends, could feel the tension in the air as the only seat left was across from you.

He'd look at you and turn away before you looked up at him and turned away.

It was a vicious cycle and your friends noticed but the both of you were obvious to the actions of the other because you both didn't know how to come out and say that you wanted to talk to the other.

That is until a game of truth, dare or drink began and it forced out some revelations and confessions from the other.

The boisterous group of friends were getting rowdy at the secrets being let out and the ridiculous dares people were able to think of and dash out.

So far Tre and you were given simple enough truths and somewhat weak dares.

‘What’s the most embarrassing thing that’s happened to you?’

‘What’s the weirdest sex story you have?’

‘I dare you to go skinny dipping the next time we go to an away game’ That one got a drink cause Tre knew for a fact that he wasn’t going to embarrass himself if they got caught cause of the nosey people in the hotels.

“All right. All right! Now y’all are bout to be getting some serious shit” Came from Stacey, the social butterfly and peace-maker of the group.

“Yea. We been takin it easy on y’all.” Jacob added on. He was a chill guy but he could get into some mess if he wanted and manage to charm himself out of it.

“We ain’t tell y’all to do that though...But carry on.” Tre responded as he managed to speak over his read solo cup. A cocky smirk on his face and it made the girl across from him clench her thighs together at the way he replied.

It’s definitely the drinks. You said to yourself trying to pass it off but the buss you were feeling as well had you biting your lip at his every move or remark when it was his turn.

Or the way he would have that wide smile on his face before releasing his contagious laugh.

Damn him. You thought before your friends managed to pull you out of your thoughts and letting you know it’s your turn.

“So truth or dare Bunny Boo” You couldn’t help but laugh and roll your eyes at the nickname you got from your childhood friend that stuck with you to now.

”Truth” You said and giggled at her eye roll before hearing a ‘boo’ coming from around you.”Oh hush and ask me something” You said and laughed as they laughed at the look on your face.

Stacey watched as tre looked over to you before slightly stirring the liquid inside of his cup. She looked around and saw how the others looked at her to get the ball rolling you guys situation.

She cleared her throat. “ Tell us why you haven’t messaged tre in ages.” She said before fixing up on her position on the floor to lean closer to your sitting position on the couch.

”Uh-” You got caught off guard that this was what she asked.

”Hey it’s honestly fine guys. Leave it” You turned to Tre but he wasn’t looking at you, just at them and it made you deflate.

He couldn’t believe that they were basically starting the conversation for him but he didn’t want you to feel attacked. He knew what he was doing was gonna be seen as weak by his friends later but he didn’t want you to leave in a bad mood.

“Man. Y’all over there not talking and being awkward. This ain’t like you both and it’s freaking all of us out!” dragged Jordan once he rubbed his hands down his face and looked as if he was pleading.

“Speak or forever hold your peace girl but just know, you guys are always going to be around eachother so whatever the hell it is that happened, it needs to be talked about and it needs to be talked about now.” Stacey said and was met with agreement from your other buzzed friends.

“Uh-” You still didn’t know what to say and he wanted to know but he didn’t want you to be forced or so scared that you’d pass out, which is how you looked in that moment.

“Just go out back and talk. We just want to you guys to kiss and makeup already. This whole quiet game that’s going on between you isn’t normal.” Suggested your friends in a softer tone instead of the pleading tone used earlier.

You both choked at the mention of kissing and by the end of your friends spiel, you both looked at each other before Trevante got up and came over to your side and waited for you to make the move to the back after having watched you have an internal debate.

As you stood, you took a massive gulp and lead the way out.

It was quiet for a while before he spoke up.

“So what’s been going on girl?” He had that smile on his face and you couldn’t help but feel like shit for not messaging him at least once just to check up on him or let him know you were ok.

You looked at him. “what?” He asked. Chuckling and rubbing around his face before asking if something was there since you were looking so hard.

“ why aren’t you mad?” You asked looking at his face turn down.

“What do you mean? Why would I be mad?” He asked. He wasn’t sure what you thought of him but he couldn’t see himself being mad at you.

“I mean that you haven’t heard from me in how long, but here you are...” As you spoke, your voice threatened to crack that you cleared your throat after leaving it open.

“Here I am”

“Just being your usual great self huh?”

“Well I wouldn’t say great” he dragged off which caused you to laugh as he shrugged his shoulders playfully as he smiled after getting you to relax.

After a moment of some silence, you decided to finally say what happend. You didn’t want to keep much back from him any longer for your sanity and his unvoiced search for answers.

“I was scared.”- You started off, scaring him at the way you said it-”Scared that i’d do something that i had no business doing and i didn’t want to mess up our friendship.” You continued meekly under his dark eyes.

He wasn’t expecting to hear that but he needed to know and he was going to make you explain yourself, even if it meant he had to make you feel guilty to get a proper answer.

“You kind of messed that up when you ghosted me for weeks. You know i wouldn’t do some shit like that to you, Princess” You had been surprised he still called you by your nickname and not said your first name.

“so why the hell did you do it exactly?” He said his voice void of any lightness. Instead it was the tone he used when he was absolutely serious. That stern baritone mixed with his southern twang always did something to you and the countless other girls who decided to make it known about their attraction to him.

“I know you wouldn’t T. And that makes me feel even shittier because i’m sure if I had just told you what was scaring me, then we could’ve said our peace but at least hangout” He turned to you as you rambled.

“Tell me what it is because you’re tiptoeing and referring to whatever as ‘it’. What is ‘it’?

You looked up at him in that moment. The way the soft light from the small lights outside dusted over his dark features and the way his jaw clenched as he waited patiently for you made you consider doing what you wanted to those many nights ago when you were supposed to be at his for movie night.

Time to put on your big girl panties. You thought, deeply inhaling and straightening your back, bracing yourself for the impending rejection.

“I-I like you Tre. I like you so much that i got scared that if we were alone that I would make a complete fool of myself by developing stronger feels for someone that probably doesn’t feel the same about me.” He wanted to interrupt but you stopped him. -”Let me finish, please.”- You said and watched as he gulped.

“I mean, I know we would flirt playfully but i couldn’t kid myself any more by keeping up with whatever dynamic that we had going on. You know what I mean? I wasn’t trying to get caught up with my stupid feelings for you so i let that idiot take me out a few times, one of those times being the same night as our movie night but i thought that i could get over what i was feeling by going to someone else, which i know is wrong but i just didn’t know how to deal with being so close to you feeling the way I feel.”

He sat silently. You watched on edge as he breathed in.

“So you’re saying that you were scared of being rejected? By me?” He wanted to laugh at the stupidity that was you two but he forgot you had no clue like he had and you chose to run away whilst he chose to run towards.

He hadn’t realised he let out a snort and you wanted to die on the spot from embarrassment.

“See this is what i was afraid of.” - You sniffled- “I mean you’re an attractive guy with option and I noticed how you would tense up when I’m around or when we hug and it’s not until I crack a joke that you relax and it’s just stupid of me to think that you like me when you’re so nice to me, probably out of pity-” You quickly fired out at him.

Like I want you

He caught you off by grabbing your chin and pulling your lips to his as he sweetly attacked your lips before releasing his hold on your chin. That left you stunned and you couldn’t help but stutter out a ‘what the hell’ then looked at him.

Now was a better chance than ever. You just kissed her so surely it’d add up. He thought

“I have something to tell you.” He said.

Even if it's true

——————————————————————————

[ Updated 20th Feb. 2021 ]

Read the continuation, Streets

Hey y’all

What’d you think?🙂

Also I’ve literally just started watching LoveCraft County and let’s just say I have a new obsession and that will be noticed heavily in my next few imagines🥴

Don’t forget to share, like and/or leave a comment and let me know what you think. <3

Love y’all. Stay safe and remember to take time for yourself.

-K💜

#black reader #black!reader #imagine #kittehkwrites #trevante rhodes #trevante rhodes x reader #lyric prompts

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kakashisshadow · 6 years

Text

I don’t know why, but I always self sabotage near the end of something. I don’t know why. Whenever I feel the near of the end of a relationship or something more concrete like a semester I do something to fuck shit up.

The following will be just a general rant~

So a bitch is tired. Im tired. Im tired. Im tired. On top of that I feel sore, emotionally. Physically. Spiritually. And here’s the thing. I don’t know how to recover.

The fact of the matter is- this is the most normal my life has ever been except for the fact that someone near and dear to me, my mother, is dying. She’s not even dying normally, oh no. She is dying and she is simultaneously exceeding all expectations that any medical doctor has for her. And I can’t be away from her, it’s too depressing. It’s too strenuous. But I also can’t be near her all the time. I feel so fidgety. So up and down all the time and I just dont know where to put myself.

And damn.

Here comes the PTSD. Here comes the looming reminder that I won’t be graduating with my friends this semester. And the fact that no matter what I do- I can’t escape. Or at least it feels like I can’t so why not? Why not just throw it away again?

And damn, Im not sorry for reacting as any normal girl would after discovering that her PTSD was used as a gimmick. That “being able” to get me to have sex with you was somehow a trophy. But isn’t it funny? Isn’t it funny how I was never there? I mean you were clearly fucking me, but you could always tell the moment I zoned out. I wasn’t. I wasn’t there anymore. And I told you why. I told you, it’s not you- it’s just the flashbacks of past abuse. But still, I could never understand how it was you were comfortable continuing to fuck - to go in and out of a person who wasn’t there. I tried. I tried to ground myself during sex with you- by saying your name, by yelling ow, by grabbing your back- but it didn’t work. I tried to overcome my flashbacks. My depression. Because I felt you deserved better. Only to find out I was being used.

Like seriously, not even a piece of shit would do that. When you did what you did- my father was trying to kill me, physically beat me, my mother was sick- and you saw. Saw how I fought to work and do work well. Saw how I fought to be there for my friends. Saw how my rapist came back into my life just to taunt me. And THAT. Those were the beautiful factors that led you believe- this one. This is the one that Im going to use to cheat on my wife.

You were my friend. And you used me. The only reason you hurt so much to this day is because not only did I have 1 miscarriage during the course of our relationship but another that almost cost me my life. YOU ALMOST COST ME MY LIFE. FOR WHAT? SO YOU CAN CHEAT ON YOUR WIFE?

I had two lives inside me, growing, building and then suddenly give way. Tell me, how I was supposed to react. And still, you mocked me. Still you belittled me. Still, I found out that not only did you use me- but you decided to use the two lives lost as a gimmick. I swear if I ever find out youre using my children, even if theyre dead, as a gimmick- youll fucking wish you had killed yourself. Ill have you seen as you really are. You think youre a piece of shit but nah- even a piece of shit has worth. You? Don’t make me laugh.

What do I expect? You couldn’t respect your family. I can’t expect you to respect what would have been ours.

I would never want to hurt another person but damn you came close. The resources I have and the ability I have to make your life miserable- but did I do it? No. Because I don’t believe it that.

But best believe that my friends did a thing or two. Think of it this way, Im like the corpse bride and everytime someone new finds out what you did- they do something to make a pillar in your life collapse. And I am not responsible for their actions. Small repairable actions sure. They hold back because they know I might be the one to pay. You cost me: sleep, peace, happiness, time, effort, friendships, relationships and almost cost me my life.

Strangest thing? You tried to keep me around. Tried to make sure the door was held open. When I realized this I knew what had to happen. I had to say goodbye for good. You didn’t want that. Oh? You did, but you didnt because you had “hope.” Hope for what? You didnt know. I knew I had to close the door. For good. No way was having a toxic person like yourself good for my well being. I told you I needed to meet you in person. To say good bye for good. My plan? Was to give you an ultrasound of our 4 month son. You didn’t know this. I don’t think it would have changed anything if you did. I don’t think it would matter right now- when Im dealing with all the bullshit you left behind.

I sure hope Karma doesn’t exist for your sake.

Whoa, sorry. That came out. And im glad it did. It was liking throwing up a curse. And it feels great. I feel better now.

I work everyday to undo myself of this toxicity growing inside me. Until I realized no- this is a good boundary. If I hate a person who doesn’t respect life - then Im good. Like Im okay living with that. I don’t have to forgive. I have a right to be mad. Angry. Betrayed. Everything. I have a right to feel the way I feel.

#hella trigger warning #hella personal #TW sex #TW ptsd #TW abuse

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zzpopzz · 7 years

Photo

Really long rant about how I made Vanilla Twilight, I typed it at 2am so it’s kinda crappy and boring, just skip through this post.

So I'd been thinking about it for a long time now, even before finishing Vanilla Twilight that I'd talk about it if someone asked, well that never happened so I was just thinking that I'd let it go but that post is so important to me so well fuck it I'll just talk about it anyway. I did it completely on a wimp like how cool would it be if I make a lyricstuck for Toumaki like I'd be the first (if anyone did this before me im sorry). The first song I intended to do wasn't VT, it was a much shorter and easier song. I saw the music video first time after a while and the lyrics gave me some scenes to draw right away, like the tones, the atmosphere, the lyrics all fit them very well, made me wanted to draw something happy but sad. The ending for it was a happy one instead of a sad one like other songs I did (I didn't post the ending for any of them, just let the viewers decide what it's gonna be) I was very scared like what if it won't turn out ok and people gonna hate me for it or no one even gonna look at it. Also what I visualized are mostly illustrations with backgrounds, what I never done before so high chance it won't go anywhere. I thought well let's just see how far will I get and won't talk about it at all until I post it so at least I won't be all barks no bite. I was very traumatized that someone might know about what I did so I locked all the files when I shut down my PC in case someone hack into it lmao. I started with making a storyboard(kinda) for it, this is where I first got trouble because there was some part I didn't think of when I visualized what I'd draw at first ( 'I don't feel so alone' part mostly and some in between) and it's only at this point that I realized how many I'd have to draw (over 40 images total) and it's mind blowing for someone who rarely finish a painting like me at that time, that number is more than what I'd draw in a year. VT doesn't have choruses that meant I can't do tricks like repeat some panels (I don't like this anyway). I usually painted on small canvas before that but I wanna make sure I can fix things later and some idea I had was pretty big so I used 3000x5000px canvas then trimmed them down ( I didn't know how big it was and it's huge). The idea was to make a tumblr scroll-post like a lyricstuck (my favorites are by paperseverywhere and toastyhat/emptyfeet , they made really cool tutorials about these) so I tried to drew out compositions that would look good scrolling down panel by panel and have some connections between them (this didn't turn out so good in the end because I wasn't good lol) Since I was scared that people might point out that I draw something wrong, it took me almost a week or something searching for references (check my pinterest board) like the streets, sky, houses, roads, outfits, poses,... I was going to draw. I got some knowledge about bikes by this too, like I can tell the differences between road bike, mtb, touring bikes,... I also see and captured bunches of screenshots and reread ywpd trivia countless time to make sure I won't get anything wrong. If you take notice, every outfit Toumaki wear in there are all canon, from anime or promos. The first few panels was really exciting because I had never painted so many with backgrounds before, I was really happy when I almost finished the first verse even compared to the full 3:50 of the song it was only 20 seconds and I thought maybe I can pull this after all. The last panel was intended to be Makichan standing infront of his house looking at the sky but I wanted to show the sky at the end of the panel and that wouldn't work on scroll-down post so I had to leave it for later, I repainted this panel for about 3 times and finished it just 30' before posting. The first panel of the second verse wasn't turning out alright too because that was my first time doing a 3 points perspective drawing and the colors didn't turn out as I wanted either (my intention was a green/gold dawn scene). Things kinda worked well despite that until the scene when Toudou sits in his ink, gdi I didn't know why I was so caught up in that and painted every piece of that wooden floor, it took me almost a week but turned out better than I expected so I was ok with it. I was going to make sketchy paintings for all of the panel but I did too much details on that one so it gave me the impression that I'll have to do just as much for every others. Now I still had school to go and that semester my uni got me pretty crappy schedule that made me have to wait for classes at school frequently, I was frustrated because I didn't get to paint during that time and I might finish it too late (even though I didn't set a deadline) and when I got home I just spent so much time checking twitter and just can't pick myself up to draw and ended up feeling shitty about it. *Side story* I was so mad because I didn't get anything done and there's still more than half of the whole thing to do and the worst part is that I had no one that I can talk to because I didn't have any friend who ship Toumaki and I also don't want to publicly talk about what I was doing, I wanted to surprise people when I'm done, I didn't wanna give people the expectation then screw it up (I literally thought I'd drop a bomb not a grenade lmao) I can't remember how long was that shitty phase but I felt like it was so long, I barely finished verse 2 at that point. I was so mad at myself and my progress so I spent a few days to look at time management threads and this helped a lot, I changed my habits completely by this and I still apply those methods now, like I used to stay up til 3am to read fics (bless you writers you fueled me with your writings bless you all) then I switch to bed before 12 and get up early for a good start or reduce working time while increasing quality* After that I kinda got things together,I just went ahead with painting tho it's still kinda tiring, I had to work on 5 essays during this time too. At this point I was like screw all, I give no shit about what everyone thinks I'm just gonna finish this and get some good nap (I practiced power nap to get more focus time for painting but dude everyone wants a good long nap) 10 days before uploading I found out that there's a Toumaki day (I'm so sorry), I was going to posted on the first sunday of June (I did researched on which was the best time to post on social medias so I randomly picked a sunday) and Toumaki day is the last sunday of May, that meant I had 10 days left and 15 panels to paint! I was going to ignore that but I already made it big I should make it right too so I shit my pants going through those last panels. I purposely hiding Toudou's face till the last verse to emphasize the feelz and got so relieved that I finally got to paint him (I read some tags that some viewers got emotional at this part so I'm so glad it worked). The whole things was put under Makichan's perspective so I was so sick of painting him at that point, he showed up in every panel and I can't paint him ugly because he's beautiful (especially his hair, I spent shitload of time painting them). I can talk lots about why I picked to do so but that's headcanon shit and it's embarrassing so let's just skip that. The last day I had only 3 panels left and I was hell confident that I've got this and somehow spent the whole evening rewatch Toumaki pingpong ep (end me). Of course that didn't end well, I managed to finish those by midnight but I still had like 3 panels that needed repaint completely and all 43 needed retouch and edits. My plan was to post at 9am sunday (thats 9pm saturday est) so I had to get up at 5am and finish all that, I ended up cutting down 2 panels and simplified the instrumental panel (some tags said that was nice so I was at least relieved). Unlike other songs I did, the length of every line's quite different and the original sizes I did would make viewers have to scroll slower or faster at different parts. I didn't plan this beforehand and had to trim down some panels even the parts that I really liked and spent lots of time on. I also found out that people outside the homestuck fandom might not familiar with this type of post so I made a video too (I’m sorry I have zero skill in editing). After posting I was terrified of people's reactions or worse, there won't be any reaction so I turned everything off and went to sleep and woke up with an unimaginable number of notes I'd got, I set the target of 500 notes and I really didn't think that I'd get past that number like maybe 2-300 (well my other songs didnt even get 200), at the end I got 5000. I spent the next week reading and screencap tags given in reblogs, I put them on desktop and they're still my motivation til now. Vanilla Twilight is the thing I'm proud of the most even until now, when I've done other songs and projects that look somewhat better. If I have to recommend one thing on my blog I'd recommend it despite its' unskilled paneling, poor composition and muddy colors. It was the first time in my life that I'd put so much effort into something and went through such emotional roller coaster, the feelings I put into it was raw and the idea was very original compared to other songs, I improved and changed a lot during the 2 months I spent on it and never once regret doing it. ***Anyway, you sure have much free time to read it this far, here's a little game for you: I put random things in VT and HF like some characters/stuff from other series, my ocs,... (there wasn't anything purposeless in there even the logo on their cups or the bags they wear) just send me anything you find and I'll draw you something in return**

#toumaki #tweetdump #rant #poopask

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