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fashionablyiconic · 3 years

Note

It’s… probably not in good taste to post that last one right now (the one that looks like a dementor), consider Kabul just fell to the Taliban

I believe you are referring to the Balenciaga collection? Likely look 1 for that collection.

ok.

I don't know how long this has been sitting in my inbox. I queue and shuffle my posts and I'm not online all the time (hence the queuing) but given the information in the ask I can guess this was sent to me between the 13th and the 16th of August. And when queuing posts, I actually do that through WeHeartIt (I know I need a better system) so i don’t always see my tumblr, specifically this one. Which is also why this response may have been delayed. I apologize for the delay in my response...and that this response will probably be long but I've been flitting between two different responses to this ask so I'm leaving it open to a discussion here. I honestly am unsure how to proceed.

Before we go farther, obviously I didn't hand select this look to be posted in tune with current events in the world. I think I queued up the collection about two weeks ago. It was shuffled and queued and then I went offline to begin my work week. I do not know the order of posts I only knowhow many days my blog will post and what collections I will be featuring. The posting of that image was not intentional nor was it to drum up any publicity or ruckus.

This Balenciaga collection had its debut on June 6th 2021 (my posting has been incredibly delayed) and follows the vision of Demna Gvasalia, creative director of Balenciaga. Gvasalia's focus has been about technology and "deep fakes", and has gotten really into the use of veils, masks, and coverings in his design. He has created the motif of "clones" who wear similar headpieces, creating unified and artificial aesthetics. Often the use of covering the face assists in his creation of "digital clones" in a world where "We no longer decipher between unedited and altered, genuine and counterfeit, tangible and conceptual, fact and fiction, fake and deepfake. Technology creates alternate realities and identities, a world of digital clones.” (his words exactly). My interpretation of this motif is that in our digital world the use of anonymity is not only valuable but almost necessary...so how not wear Balenciaga to hide when so much of our lives, information, and identity is connected to the internet. That's why Gvasaslia opens with "the one that looks like a dementor".

Kabul has fallen to the Taliban, an religious and military organization that has had a presence of at least some kind in Afghanistan since the 1990s. Most commonly known for their government control in 1996-2001, where one of the most notable uses of their power was to enforce mandatory burqa for women and restrict female autonomy to the point where they weren't permitted to leave their households alone. The Taliban ALSO has a history of censorship and destroying art and even ancient and historic monuments like the Buddhas of Bamiyan. More recently, as in the past few days, there are reports of Taliban covering advertisements featuring women and specific art.

I will just quickly note that I believe a mandated dress code, specifically for women, is abhorrent. That goes both ways with mandatory head coverings like in Iran and Taliban-run regions AS WELL AS the banning of head coverings like in France and Quebec. Women should wear what they feel represents their identity without fear persecutions. The enforcement and/or banning of certain kinds of dress are two sides of the same coin that is policing women’s bodies and autonomy.

So I have a question and this is a genuine topic of discussion not just me being a smartass.

My question is this: With the acknowledgment of current events, do I remove the image due to it’s CURRENT associations and disregard the original artistic intent OR do I leave the image up regardless of all associations and connections, be it emotional or critical, simply due to the fact that the initial intent of the image (or rather the garment) stands independently on its own?

I can argue both sides here. On one hand I recognize that in light of the events going on in Afghanistan there may be quite an emotional reaction illicted from the image in question and that is not necessarily always a good thing. I can’t help but remind myself that I have needed to make spaces for myself that avoid certain content in the past (most recently with TikTok) for this blog. On the other hand, however, Demna Gvasalia’s intention with the garment and the rest of the collection appears to be completely unrelated from anything close to the resurgence of the Taliban. In fact, it also seems like a form of censorship in favour of an unrelated issue.

Personally, I quite like the look. With Gvasalia’s intention in mind, it reminds me of wanting complete anonymity in aspects of my life that I don’t get to enjoy (like at my job where people see me and regularly connect with me in a way that means that sometimes I get the “why do you look familiar” question outside of my work. I work in retail). It feels haunting yet not weighed down.

Anyway, I’m feeling very conflicted and if you have opinions, I’m open to hearing them because I’m very split right now on the matter. Thank you for the ask and I apologize if it took me a minute to respond...also I’m sorry this post was a bit of a mammoth but I wanted to think about it because it was such a loaded subject. Images and words have power.

Here’s some ways you can provide support to the people in Afghanistan if you are able to, if there’s other places or ways to support PLEASE let me know.

The Federation of Anarchism Era

Islamic Relief Canada

Women for Women International

(Edit: fixed some grammar and spelling. That’s dyslexia for you)

#asks #long post

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canyouhearthelight · 4 years

Text

The Miys, Ch. 105

I’ve managed to get slightly ahead on these, so: A belated thank you to @littleshydragon, @dark-chocolat-cupcake, @overusedblur, and @allegrochicken for all the love I have seen blowing up my notes recently (I’m queuing this on Aug 25, even if it won’t post until Sept 8).

Also, to the 30 new followers who I have somehow acquired: Welcome! Ask box is always open, and I don’t get nearly enough of them. I love to interact with y’all, so don’t be afraid to ask me every little question you think of as you read. Anon is on if you feel you need that.

Other than that, thanks for this chapter goes out to @baelpenrose for beta reading. Also @quantumizedinsanity, @charlylimph-blog, @wildforestferret, @creakingcryptid, for the characters you gave me to play with in chapters like this.

Later that same ‘day’, I was forcefully reminded of Noah’s observation regarding human communication. Things were generally calm, and an impromptu family meal-snack-thing was happening in my quarters. Antoine had been over to visit, as he seemed to be making up for lost time caused by infiltrating Jokul’s accidental cult. Zach and Hannah were over, as well, so when dinner time rolled around, I just threw together some small po-boy sandwiches and banh mi for us to snack on while we kept visiting, rather than making a full meal.

Hey, I was allowed lazy days, too.

As it happened sometimes, conversation turned to things we either did or didn’t miss from Before. Tonight was very firmly in the ‘do not miss’ category.

“Plagues started by dumb experiments,” Maverick pointed out, smirking.

Catching on, Conor swatted him playfully. “I said I was sorry about that! And Else is an alright person, turns out.”

Snorting, Hannah covered her face with one hand. “Tell that to Nixe.”

“Her new tail is gorgeous,” I gushed. “If I got reparations like that, I’d at least consider forgiving someone.”

“For almost killing you?”

“It was an accident,” I brushed the comment off, reminded of explaining that gesture to Noah. “Besides, there are a lot of other things I genuinely don’t miss.”

“Aunt Flo,” Hannah intoned seriously.

“Tyche and I already did that one, so it’s not admissible,” I admonished. “But spoiled food? Do not miss.”

Zach shuddered. “Hell, that’s not even from Before. I don’t miss that at all.”

Antoine lifted his coffee in a mock-toast. “To all the people we lost to antibiotics.” After a few confused looks banded around the room, I laughed and waved at him to clarify. Rolling his eyes dramatically, he sighed. “Bread mold. This is why people died in the After of antibiotic allergies: they didn’t know it was derived from bread mold.”

“Dude, that’s dark,” Zach whispered.

Clearing his throat, Conor soldiered on. “I never lived through one, but wildfires were pretty bad, yeah?”

Nodding seriously, Maverick - who had lived on the western coast of NorthAm - added “Yeah, fuck THOSE things. Australia had it worse, but still.”

Raising her hand and waving it, Hannah started making eager noises to ask for her turn. “Absolutely idiotic job requirements, am I right?” Nods abounded, and she took the opportunity to vent the spleen I hadn’t even guessed her to possess. “The number of jobs I didn’t get because I didn’t have a degree were absurd. I don’t even know why they even required them, for some! I’m sure most of you had that happen.”

I kept my silence, but Conor was right behind her. “A Master’s in Engineering, to be a foreman. You’re babysitting a bunch of knuckleheads pounding rebar and pouring concrete! And they’ve had a decade of learning to do it right, I would’ve just been there to make sure it was compliant. And they wanted a Master’s for that!”

Hannah took a sip of her drink and nodded eagerly. “That’s what I’m talking about! There was a job I qualified for that was basically a glorified secretary… They wanted a four-year degree and paid peanuts. Absurd. But I was unemployed for way more of my life than I should have been, because I didn’t have that piece of paper.”

Idly, Zach stared at his drink. Like me, he had one of said-degrees, so this was something of a conversation we couldn’t really take part in. “I wonder how many Councillors we would have if those kind of requirements were put in place here.” Arching an eyebrow, he glanced up at me and inclined his head knowingly.

“Well,” I exhaled. “It depends. If they asked for a Master’s degree of any kind, I wouldn’t be a Councillor.” A thought struck me. “Hey - “

“No, Sophia, you cannot recommend that as a way to retire from the Council,” Antoine scolded with a laugh. “You would be grandfathered in with everyone else.”

The laughter broke the serious tone that had descended, and led to everyone speculating jovially, starting with Conor. “Well, we know Grey would still be a Councillor in that case - they admitted they had a PhD when Else was still getting sorted, rather than an MD.”

“Pretty sure Eino has a Master’s, at least,” Zach pointed.

Maverick shook his head, firmly disagreeing. “Doctorate in Education. I saw it on his wall. Don’t sell that one short.”

“So that’s two.” Hannah leaned forward eagerly. “Conor, what about Huynh?”

“Masters in Engineering,” he confirmed ruefully. “But he’s no PhD.”

“Pranav,” Zach interjected. “Post grad in robotics. Even worked on some of the Padrugoi mission stuff, early on.”

A respectful murmur filled the room, accompanied by appropriately impressed nods. Maverick had to actually shake the starstruck look out of his eyes before he could speak. “So that’s three PhDs, one Master’s, and a Bachelor’s on the Council. Not bad, honestly.”

Antoine cleared his throat politely. “Grey actually has two doctorates, if I am recalling correctly.”

I shook my head firmly. “Three. Biochemistry, genetics, and molecular chemistry.”

With a low whistle, Conor shook his head. “So, we have a clear leader as far as ‘most degrees on the Council’. Would Eino or Pranav be second, though?”

An argument erupted, and when it looked like Zach was about to say something, I shook my head. I knew the same thing he was about to point out, as a by-blow of fixing some of Derek’s more… enthusiastic shenanigans, but I wanted to see if anyone would figure it out or even question it. A solid half-hour later, Tyche arrived and scooped up a mini-sandwich before she even registered the conversation/argument taking place.

Whirling to face me, she pointed at the rest of the room and glared at me disdainfully. “Seriously? How long has this been going on?”

“Forty five minutes?” I admitted sheepishly. “Maybe an hour if you include the ‘what we don’t miss’ portion of the conversation. But ‘degrees on the Council’ has been at least forty five minutes.”

“And you said fuck all?”

I shrugged. “I know it’s not me who has the most or even second most. I have the least formal education of any Councillor.”

Tyche pinched the bridge of her nose and blew out a long breath. “Okay, everyone. What do you know so far?”

Without hesitation, Maverick rattled it off. “Grey has three doctorates, Eino has one and a Master’s, it turns out. Pranav has one doctorate and a Bachelor’s. Huynh has a Master’s, and Sophia has a Bachelor’s.”

“And the Councillor you have left out?” she interrogated wearily, while Zach and I tried to restrain our laughter.

“Xiomara?” he asked, face scrunched in confusion. “She was career military, but I don’t know if she has any degrees. Maybe a Bachelor’s?”

Tyche shook her head, glaring again when I started gasping for breath. “Wrong. And you know what? Soph knew this, so I’m going to make her tell all of you. Like she should have. From the beginning.”

“Hey!” I cried, still giggling. “I was giving them a whole other 5 minutes before I broke the news. I just wanted to see if they would even question their reasoning.” Antoine’s eyes got wide, sending me into another giggling fit. “None of you even mentioned the idea of Xiomara having any degree,” I gasped, almost in hysterics. “Mav was in the military, so I get that he just assumed she was busy as fuck, but… et tu, everyone?”

Hannah’s head turned slowly to stare down Zach. In self defense, he held up both hands with one pointing at me. “She told me not to say anything.”

I nodded. “Yeah, I did!”

Carefully, Conor slowly asked the question that was on everyone else’s minds. “Sophie? What’s so funny?”

Tears were pouring down my face at this point - not because I thought the situation was funny, because it wasn’t. Not really. I was hysterical because I was so caught off guard that we still brought something like this with us. “I don’t know the real reason why nobody considered Xiomara, and I’m scared to ask at this point. I’m hoping it’s because she looks tough as hell and like the kind of person who would beat up highly educated people rather than be one.” Wiping a tear from my face, I glanced at Tyche. Her jaw was tight, clearly thinking the same things I was. “But the fact that she is the only other woman on the Council, that hurts, honestly.”

I took a few deep breaths to compose myself. “The fact is, Xiomara has five degrees. Five. Along with her military career. Tyche and I have to know this, since we handle staffing.” Counting on my fingers, I started ticking them off. “Two doctorates, one in international law and one in experimental economics - as in, yes, the calorie economy was her idea. A Master’s in military history, along with two Bachelor’s degrees: one in experimental chemistry and one in nuclear physics.” Shaking my head, I glanced at the shocked and guilty expressions in the room. “It isn’t three PhDs, but damn, y’all. The woman has five degrees!”

“How did she do that, and a military career, so young?” Maverick asked, his tone nothing but awed.

Antoine looked confused at the question. “My friend, how old do you think Xiomara is?”

He shrugged. “Sophie’s age? So, thirtyish?”

Conor poked him. “Mav. You know how old Sophie is.”

Maverick rolled his eyes. “Fine. So maybe forty? The whole healing stuff messes with me, I’ll be honest.”

Smiling, I cut him some slack. “Xiomara is just over ten years older than me,” I clarified.

Hannah’s eyes widened, and Zach looked like he had been punched in the gut. “So hot-scary-lady is fifty?” After Tyche and I nodded, he shook his head. “That’s still super-impressive for fifty. For seventy, even!” Zach shook his head. “Grey, I could understand. They seem like the type to just live for education, you know? But, Xio? I’ve known for a year and I still get dizzy thinking about it.”

“It does explain why she’s so intimidating,” Conor pointed out. When I opened my mouth to scold him, he held up one hand. “No! No. Doctorates have to be argued and defended, right? Plus one of those is in law. And she balanced a military career on top of all that. If I accomplished all that, people would look at me with respect and expect me to be a direct, take-no-prisoners kind of person.” He glanced at Antoine, who winced and nodded in confirmation.

“She isn’t though,” I complained. “She’s a leader.”

“Definitely not ruthless, but she is intimidating to the general population,” Hannah pointed out gently. “That’s part of what Jokul was talking about, right? The Ark, as a whole, doesn’t get to see her get excited over her favorite foods, or pictures of baby pandas, or…. Cherries? Is it cherries she’s crazy for?”

“Pomegranate,” I corrected, begrudgingly.

“Pomegranate,” Hannah asserted. “They don’t get to see that. They get to see ‘hot-scary-lady who lays down the law’. Not ‘Xiomara who gets googly eyed when Parvati Fletcher wears that one violet shirt’.”

“Or hates plantains,” Tyche pointed out. “Which never made sense to me, because fried plantains are basically dessert with dinner.”

I started to giggle a bit. “It makes even less sense when you’ve seen her order coffee.” Tyche groaned, but more confused looks bounded about the room. Full out laughing, I explained. “She… she puts… maybe three ounces of coffee? Not espresso, just regular coffee… with what looks like a gallon - “ I snorted so hard it hurt my nose, but couldn’t stop. “Of milk! And sugar! Oh gods, she must put a cup of sugar in her coffee, I swear!”

Hannah and Zach exchanged glances, as did Conor and Maverick. Within seconds, the entire room erupted in laughter. “That?” Conor gasped. “That is hilarious….”

“I...I always thought… she took her coffee blacker than sin….” Zach wheezed. “And baby pandas?”

Sobering suddenly, I straightened and glared at the entire room. “OI!” I shouted. “Baby pandas are fucking cute, and if you don’t think so, you aren’t human, and I will ask Noah to do genetic testing to prove that.”

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#the miys #science fiction #humans are weird #found family #humans are space orcs #earth is space australia #aliens #apocalypse #found family tropes #hfy #humans are awesome #humans are space fae

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dumbchickwrites · 4 years

Text

office affairs -- part 3

Pairing: CEO!Sam Wilson x Reader

Summary: Sam is the CEO of the Red Wing PR agency where Reader has been working for the past two years. Problem is, they both think one hates the other. However, when their friends set them up on a blind date, they’ll realise that it was all a big misunderstanding.

Warnings: language, Reader is a bit thirsty.

Words: 2.6k

A/N: This series is part of @marvelmaree‘s birthday challenge. You can find the masterlist on my blog and hers!

A/N 2: Guys. I’m so so sorry you had to wait this long. You see, all the updates for this fic were queued. But the gag is, they were queued for next month. How did that happen, I don’t know. But every thing is back to normal now and you should expect a new part everyday (or two days, when I want to create ~ suspense ~). Again, I apologise. I hope you enjoy!

It’s Friday night.

If you weren’t nervous this morning, you sure are now. Why though? It’s not like you haven’t been on a date before. Yes, it’s been a while, but you’re pretty sure you can handle a couple of hours of soft flirting. Not to mention the free dinner.

“Everything’s gonna be fine, relax,” Noelle says for the thirteenth time.

She gives your shoulders a brief squeeze before her hands go back to undoing the flexi-rods in your hair. You agreed that she would style your hair while you’d do your makeup. When you stated that you’d go for your usual soft makeup look, Noelle and the girls encouraged you to step out of your comfort zone a bit. That’s why you went for a – still soft—pink smokey eye paired with a nude lipstick.

After Noelle is done fluffing up your curls, you get dressed in a midi skirt and your favourite dusty pink cashmere sweater. Under your breath, you pray that you won’t spill anything on it.

Once you’re dressed and all your jewellery is on, you get to the living room where Mimi and Noelle are watching TV to show them the result.

“Okay, how do I look?” you ask with a little twirl for good measure.

“Woah, you look like a princess!” Mimi exclaims, looking up at you with stars in her eyes.

“Aw, thanks Mimi!”

“I say you look like you’re gonna order dessert twice,” Noelle says, before taking a sip of her tea.

Your jaw drops. “Noelle!”

Your sister only laughs in response and you roll your eyes playfully. She’s always making this type of jokes in front of Michelle then blames you when the same jokes come out of the little girl’s mouth at totally random and inappropriate times; like that time at a family gathering when everyone was setting up your aunt’s backyard to play dodgeball and Mimi joked that your cousin Samir would be the first person to “take that D”. The memory alone of the silence that followed makes you want to burst out laughing.

Noelle winks at you before you make your way to the foyer to put your coat on.

“Don’t forget to text us when you get to the restaurant!”

“I won’t!”

With that, you’re out the door.

The cab ride to the restaurant seems long, but since you’re lost in your thoughts for most of it, you get there soon enough.

The doorman opens the door to the establishment for you with a polite smile and you thank him with a nod. However, the hostess isn’t that polite. The way she talks to you is a bit rude, and for a minute you wonder if she’s a bitter Becky who’s about to give you a hard time but she just happens to have a stick stuck up her ass.

Instead of the main dining room, she leads you through a dimly lit corridor.

“The rest of your party is already here,” she says. “A waiter will be along in a few moments.”

With a forced smile, she slides the wooden door open and closes it behind you.

You can’t help but let your jaw drop at the sight of the man in front of you.

On the other side of the room, Sam Wilson returns your surprised stare right back at you.

Oh Lord. I will kill them. All three of them. I’ll tell Mimi her mom drowned in the Hudson.

The two of you stare at each other for what seems like hours, unsure of what to say. Your mind goes back to this morning, how you embarrassed yourself, how you shamelessly checked him out.

Speaking of checking him out, he looks absolutely delicious. He swapped this morning’s tan suit for a black suit and a burgundy turtleneck. You’ve seen him in turtlenecks before but this time feels different. Maybe Noelle was right. You might just have two desserts tonight.

“I –”

“You look—”

You both chuckle at the rather awkward situation.

“I’m sorry, you first,” Mr Wilson smiles.

“Actually… I don’t even know what I was gonna say,” you chuckle nervously.

“Well, I was gonna say that you look gorgeous. May I take your coat?”

A smile finds its way on your lips. He’s being nice. “Oh, um, sure.” Sam helps you slide the coat off your shoulders. “I think you look very handsome as well.”

It’s Mr. Wilson’s turn to smile again. He pulls a chair for you and you thank him as you sit.

“I can’t believe they set us up like this,” he chuckles, avoiding your eyes.

Oh. And here you thought every thing was going well. Okay, maybe not well, but you know, you were getting there. But he just had to ruin it. Why even compliment you if he’s going to spit in your face a second later?

Suddenly, the air in the room feels tight around you and you want to leave, get some fresh air and go home.

“You don’t have to stay, you know,” you almost whisper.

“What?”

“This must be incredibly uncomfortable for you.”

“It is.”

It’s like being slapped in the face by a frozen hand. A giant ice cream hand that leaves sticky residue all over your face. You weren’t ready for him to just flat out admit it. You hoped he would be more subtle about it.

You frown, anger, shame and frustration starting to bubble up inside you.

“In this case, I certainly won’t be the one to keep you,” you say as you stand up.

Making sure to keep your chin up, you get to the coat rack near the door in three long strides, ready to get out of here.

“Woah, wait a minute.”

Mr. Wilson’s hand grabs your wrist, giving it a gentle tug to get you to turn around. When you do so, a frown is still painted on your features.

“I don’t think we understand each other here,” he says.

“Don’t we? I mean, it’s pretty clear to me that you don’t want to spend the rest of the night with a woman who’s one, your employee, and two, someone you’re annoyed by. So please, just let me go and save the last ounce of dignity I still have in me.”

“… You think I’m annoyed by you?”

“Are you gonna make me say it again? Is this a joke to you?”

“No, of course not!” he sighs. “I just—Why would you think that?”

“Well, you’ve never held eye contact with me for more than one second, we’ve never said more than a couple sentences to each other and every time I walk in a room, you immediately get out like I have the—the plague or something!”

He stares at you for a couple of minutes, searching your face for… you don’t even know what, but you refuse to cower under his gaze if that’s what he wants.

“I apologise for my behaviour. I realise now how horrible I’ve been… I get nervous when I’m around you ‘cause I’m scared I’ll make a fool of myself.”

He what?

“You what?”

What in the name of the Lord is happening here? Are you losing your mind? Are you having a stroke? Can you still feel the left side of your body?

He gets nervous when he’s around you? Why?

“Because I like you,” he says, and you realise you thought that last bit our loud. “I’ve liked you since the first day you walked in the office.”

You blink up at him.

There’s no way any of this is real.

“I thought you hated me this whole time,” you whisper.

“I thought you hated me this whole time.”

“But… you’re my boss! Why didn’t you say anything?”

A slight shrug. “It didn’t affect your performance at work or your relationship with your colleagues.”

“Oh…”

You don’t know what to say or do, so you take a few seconds to just process everything he just said. It all makes a bit more sense now, you have to admit. But two years? You’re not that intimidating. Not at all, actually. A small part of you feels like you should apologise for your little outburst as well.

“I’m sorry for, you know, the little outburst. I was a bit rude there.”

“Don’t worry about it. Tell you what. How about, we introduce ourselves again, enjoy this free meal and be ourselves? We’re not co-workers tonight. We’re just two people enjoying their first date. Deal?”

You nod, a grin already on your lips.

“Okay. I’m Sam,” he extends his hand for you to shake. “It’s great to meet you. You look lovely.”

You giggle like a schoolgirl in front of her crush and introduce yourself as well. “You look lovely too.”

“Shall we?”

“Let’s.”

Dinner is excellent. Not only the food, but Sam as well. Turns out Maria and Natasha were right, he is a great guy. He’s the kind of person who totally gets you wrapped in whatever story he’s telling, like the one where he and his friends Steve and James once stole a car in Germany. You love every second you spend with him.

“You said you have a niece, right?”

The topic moved on family once Sam told you that his youngest sister recently became a mom.

“Yes, Michelle. She’s eight.”

“What is she like?”

“It’s gonna sound cliché but, she’s one of a kind. Very smart, kind, and surprisingly good at keeping secrets,” you say.

You can’t help but beam as you talk about Michelle, and if Sam notices, he doesn’t say anything. You tell him about how she likes cars and dinosaurs but also princesses and Bratz dolls, how blue crêpes and pizza are her favourite foods and what it’s like to live with your sister and your niece.

“I’m sorry, I’m sucking up all the air in the room,” you chuckle.

“You’re fine. I like listening to you.”

You take a sip of wine to hide your smile.

“What about your family? What are your sisters like?”

“It depends. They’re both dragons and angels.” You chuckle at that. “But they’ve always had my back and I’m very grateful for them. I couldn’t be where I am today without them.”

“It sounds like you guys are close.”

“We are,” he nods. “Our parents wanted us to know and live by the true meaning of the word ‘family’, and I think it’s the strongest thing ever, you know? And it’s not always about blood ties. Random people you meet along the way can become family as well.”

“I’ll drink to that.”

The two of you fall into a comfortable silence, eating the contents of your plates, forgotten in the heat of your conversations.

“What are you thinking about?”

“Nothing, just—” you shrug. “I feel good right now. With you. This is nice.”

Sam sets his knife down and his hand comes to cover yours on the table. Without a word, you flip your hand so you can lace your fingers with his. You both smile at each other, butterflies dancing in your belly.

You almost curse yourself. It’s too soon for that. But at the same time, why not let go for a moment?

Your friends were right, you needed this. And it looks like Sam did too.

After dessert, you stay at the restaurant for another hour, chatting around a bottle of wine, before the hostess comes around to tell you they’ll be closing house soon. You want to say something about hospitality and customers, but you decide against it. Your heart is too full right now for you to even be bothered by her.

You and Sam stand, ready to put your coats on and leave.

“So…” you break the silence. “What happens now?” you ask, almost shyly.

“Well, we go outside, we get my car from the valet,” Sam takes your hands in his. “And because my mama raised a gentleman, I’m gonna drive you back to your place. I’ll text you when I get home, tell you about what a nice time I had. Then, I’ll give you some space for the rest of the weekend, until Monday morning when you’ll find fifty roses on your desk.”

You giggle. “Why fifty?”

“One for each time I wanted to kiss you tonight,” he whispers, his forehead against yours.

Your breath hitches at his words. Here it is. It’s not like you don’t want to kiss him – you do, but there’s something inside you that tells you that this isn’t just a one time thing. You already miss him and he’s not even gone yet.

Yeah… I’m in trouble, you think.

“Sam…”

“Hm?”

“Kiss me. Please.”

It’s a slow kiss, almost timid. You let him take control as he tests the waters, taking his time to taste your lips, still sweet from the wine. When his tongue slides against your bottom lip, you let him in, and you can’t help but let out a quiet moan as his tongue brushes against yours. He pulls you closer, his arms around your waist.

You break the kiss at the same time, gazing into each other’s eyes as you catch your breath.

“That was…”

“Yeah. It was.”

“No, for the last time, I’ll tell you everything at brunch.”

“But I’m your sister!” Noelle almost whines, standing in the doorway of your bedroom. “I should get exclusive info.”

You throw a slipper at her that she easily dodges.

The ride home was calm. You and Sam sat in a comfortable silence the entire time as he drove through the city, the radio softly humming. More than once, you wanted to grab the hand resting on his thigh and just hold it, but you controlled yourself. You didn’t want to seem needy.

“Then you shouldn’t have teamed up with Nat and Maria. Now you guys are in the same boat,” you give her a sweet smile and she narrows her eyes at you.

“Okay fine. But if he texts you—”

As if on cue, your phone lights up with a notification. Noelle looks at you, then your phone and makes a beeline for it by jumping on your bed. Wrong move, because you’re closer to it. You grab it before she even lands on the mattress.

“You really thought you did something, huh?”

She shrugs. “At least I tried. What does he say?”

“Girl, how do you even now it’s him?!”

“I didn’t. Until you told me,” she says, a mischievous smile on her face. She looks like the model in the new Versace campaign… Loki is his name? Anyways.

You roll your eyes and finally unlock the phone, Noelle’s eyes still on you like a hawk.

Unknown: I already miss your laugh.

A giggle finds its way past your lips.

“Girlll, look at youuu!” Noelle pokes your ribs.

“How old are you?” you try your best to sound annoyed but the grin on your lips simply won’t disappear.

“When will you understand that it doesn’t matter how old I am, I will never be too old to tease my little sister?”

You shake your head at her antics and get back to your phone. You save his number immediately.

You: Well aren’t you a sweet talker…

Sam: That I am.

Sam: Seriously though, I had a great time tonight.

You: Me too. I know it’s very early but how does a second date sound?

Sam: Wait that’s my line!

Sam: Sounds great. I can’t wait to see you again.

You’re searching for the right reply when his next text appears with a soft sound. And your heart flutters.

Sam: And to kiss you again.

Yeah… I’m in real trouble.

#maree's29thbirthdaybash #sam wilson x reader #sam wilson imagine #sam wilson fanfiction #sam wilson x black reader

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voiceofduality · 3 years

Text

oh hi.

name / alias: draco age: 25

my character is: friendly / approachable / difficult to talk to / unapproachable — Enid is the friendliest of them, my other ocs... well, it depends. Gunna and Sirius are less sociable or tend to do worse in social environments, and Fallahan is good at those but can be just as difficult to handle. i prefer: plotting relationships & dynamics before we write / building the relationship as we write / i like both — I’m fine with plotting things beforehand, but I prefer it after our muses have already interacted. I’ve worked a lot with assuming bonds and relationships, and even creating verses to get our muses in a specific dynamic. i ship: easily / if there’s chemistry / only if plotted / never — If our muses seem compatible, there’s a high chance I already ship them. I won’t force a ship on anybody ofc, but for anyone interested, you should know adore romance. my character is: easy to ship with / difficult to ship with / completely unavailable to ship with — I enjoy fluff but it’s not my favorite genre, so expect me to always have a tendency towards complicated relationships, ranging from slow burn to straight-up toxic, to unrequited. In this case, Enid is a romantic but she’s shy and insecure, Fallahan is... not the best partner you can get, Gunna is a handful, and Sirius is aro but open to non-romantic relationships. the easiest way to write with me is: through threads / through memes / both — I adore memes and, as I said, I’m fine with assuming relationships, of all sorts! Romance requires a bit more of work, but they could be friends, travel partners, enemies, maybe exes! i am: comfortable with talking ooc / uncomfortable with talking ooc — I’m..........slow, though. Sorry about that. i prefer to talk ooc over: tumblr ims / other im system (discord) i respond: quickly / slowly / rarely / as soon as i’m able — There’s a reason why I specified that this blog might or might not run on a queu i prefer: short threads / multi para threads / novella threads — Depends on the thread. If there’s a lot going on and I��m very invested in a particular interaction, I tend to go for longer replies unconsciously. No need to match length however! i am: not okay with aus / happy to write my character in an au i prefer writing: angst / fluff / smut / romance / friendship / horror / action / all of the previous options — I’m definitely not great at action, especially in English, but I wouldn’t mind trying, just for the sake of practice. As for smut, I enjoy writing short drabbles as replies to asks, because intimacy is a favorite topic of mine, but I admit it’s been a looong time since the last time I actually rped smut. Could be done with a partner I’m comfortable with. i am: okay with nsfw topics / not okay with nsfw topics / okay with some nsfw topics i am: okay with being tagged in random starters / not okay with being tagged in random starters / okay with random asks / not okay with random asks i am: okay with multiple memes being sent / not okay with multiple memes being sent topics to avoid writing: the basics, plus the two things i would be okay with appearing in a character’s backstory but never writing myself, which would be r*pe and child ab*se. ‘Okay’ as in exploring trauma and healing from the safe place of a narrator, not as in reveling in suffering for shock and character ‘development’

#ooc #.mun #long post

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atc74 · 5 years

Text

Thinking of You

Square(s) Filled: Artist Au for @spnfluffbingo2019 (I am taking some creative liberty here as both characters are written as songwriters, therefore...artist)

Warnings: Breakup, mentions of Jensen being a playboy, angst, fluff

Summary: Y/N feels the need to make it on her own without Jensen’s name to help her career, but he’s still always there, with her.

Pairing: Jensen x Reader, featuring Christian Kane

Word Count: 1570 (with lyrics)

Written for: @spnfluffbingo2019

Beta’d by: @amanda-teaches, I love you girl!

A/N: I’ve been listening to a lot of Christian Kane lately. Like A LOT, so here is another fic inspired by his song, Thinking of You, which he performed on the show Leverage. I use a local LA station and radio personality as a setting for a portion of the story.

** As a reminder, this is a work of fiction and should be regarded as such. No harm is intended toward the actor(s) or their families.

Like Jensen’s scent? Buy it here from @scentsfromthebunker!

Jensen stared at the headline of the daily paper over his morning coffee: “Heartbreaker Jensen Ackles leaves another girl in the dust as his music career picks up speed.” It’s been on his mind for days, but he finally made the call.

“Chris, man I need your help,” Jensen pleaded with his longtime friend.

“The infamous Jensen Ackles needs my help?” Christian Kane marveled.

“Infamous, really?” Jensen scoffed.

“Would you prefer notorious, nefarious, scandalous?” Christian was laughing hard on the other end of the phone. It was no secret in their younger days, they all had plenty of women throwing themselves at the pair, but Jensen never found the right fit. The world just assumed he was a playboy, and he did nothing to prove them wrong.

“She dumped me, Chris. I was ready to give her everything and she dropped me like a hot potato. Said she needed to focus on her career and wanted to make a name for herself on her own,” Jensen sniffed.

Kane sat up a little straighter, phone still in hand. “I’ve had your back for twenty years buddy, I ain’t about to say no now. What do you need?”

“I’ve got a writer’s showcase next weekend. I’ve got an idea, but I need your help,” Jensen explained his idea to Christian and they agreed to meet the next day.

~*~

Y/N Y/L/N had been performing show after show in little rinky dink clubs and county fairs. Her debut single was climbing the charts, but she felt like she was losing a part of herself in the process. Maybe the hardest part was having to sing that song every other night for the last three weeks. A song she wrote with Jensen. A song she had recorded and Jensen provided harmony on. A song that spoke about their love.

Now, what did she have? A hit single with her ex-boyfriend. How’s that for irony? She broke up with him because she wanted to make it on her own. Her own talent, her own name. And, it’s the song they co-wrote while they were together that was pushing her toward the top. She read the headline one more time as her tour bus rolled to the next town and her tears fell, staining the newsprint.

The entire world thought he kicked her to the curb but it was all her doing. It had been three weeks and she hadn’t seen or heard from him since she walked out on him. But she would have to see him next weekend at the showcase. They were expected to perform for everyone. She didn’t know how she could look him in the face now. Making it on her own? It was still him pushing her to chase her dreams like he always had. She wouldn’t be where she was if it wasn’t for him.

~*~

“Hey Los Angeles! I’m Christine Martindale and you’re listening to KKGO, Go Country 105 and have we got a show for you today!” Christine opened her broadcast for the day. “Tomorrow is the Ivories and Strings Songwriters showcase and we have a few of the songwriters in the station today to give all of us sneak peeks into their new music.”

Queuing up the next song in the lineup, Christine hit a couple buttons on the board in front of her before looking to her producer. “Who do we have first, Rudy?”

“We’ve got Y/N Y/L/N, Jensen Ackles with Christian Kane, and Steve Carlson all in the building today. Who do you want first?”

“Seriously? What is wrong with the booking agents? They booked both of them to be on with me today?” She rolled her eyes at Rudy through the glass. “Let’s go with Ackles and Kane first. I’ve loved him since he was on Days of Our Lives and Christian was on Angel!”

“Welcome back LA. That was Kane Brown with Short Skirt Weather and, speaking of Kane, I’ve got Jensen Ackles and Christian Kane here in the studio with me today. We’ll be hearing from Y/N Y/L/N and Steve Carlson both a bit later, but gentlemen, welcome!” Christine smiled brightly at both Jensen and Christian sitting across from her with their guitars. “Jensen, now that Supernatural is winding down, we understand you’ve been working on some music. What can you tell us about your newest project?”

“Hey, Christine. Well, yeah, after fifteen years of playing the same character, who to be honest, will always be a part of me, I decided it was time to delve a little deeper into something that I’ve always loved to do. I have been working with Steve Carlson and Jason Manns on a new album of original material,” Jensen chuckled a bit, clearing his throat. “And Chris tagged along with me today to debut my newest song which he co-wrote with me.”

“Well, I am excited. Christian, it’s always good to see you. Let’s hear it!” The announcer flipped off her microphone and watched as the singers readied themselves. The soft strums of their guitars filled the studio before Jensen started singing.

Well I know they say all good things

Must come to some kind of ending

We were so damn good, I guess we never stood a chance

Go and find what you've been missin'

When that highways tired a listenin'

You'll see I'm not that easy to forget

Jensen closed his eyes as he sang, his voice filled with emotion. He opened them to meet Christian’s as he joined him on the chorus.

And when a new moon shines through your window

Or you hear a sad song on the radio

And you don't know why but you just start to cry

Or you’re driving round on a sunny day

And outta nowhere comes the pouring rain

And a memory hits you right out of the blue

That's just me

Thinking of you

The constant commotion inside the radio station seemed to cease and all ears were tuned to the overhead speakers broadcasting Christine’s midday show and the singers in studio. Y/N looked up from her phone and froze when she heard a familiar voice coming from above.

I'm not gonna try to stop you

Duddn’t mean that I don't want too

If I know you, you've already made up your mind

To go on and go if you’re leaving

Put a million miles between us

But you’ll still feel me like I'm right there at your side

Tears filled her eyes as she listened to his soulful voice as he sang the words that she knew must have been painful for him to write.

And when a new moon shines through your window

Or you hear a sad song on the radio

And you don't know why but you just start to cry

Or you’re driving round on a sunny day

And outta nowhere comes the pouring rain

And a memory hits you right out of the blue

That's just me

Thinking of you

And I'm thinkin' about the road you’re on

I'm thinkin' about you coming home

I'm wondering if you got your radio on

Y/N jumped to her feet and threw open the door to the green room. She rushed down the hall toward the studios, searching frantically through the windows for any sign of the ball cap and ginger beard she had yearned for since the day she walked out of his life. And, there he was, in the last window on her left. Her body skidded to a stop, but her heart and mind were racing with anticipation and jittery nerves as she met his emerald gaze through the glass as he sang.

And when you find your way to another town

And someone tries to lay ya down

And a feelin' hits you right out of the blue

It’s me thinking of you

That's just me

Thinking of you.

Jensen finished the last chord and dropped his guitar as he rose from the stool. He hurried from the inner studio and wrenched open the outer door. “Y/N…” Her name fell from his lips as it had a thousand times before, as a tear slipped down his face.

“I’m sorry, Jensen. You were right. Every town. Every song, the sun, even the rain. It was all you. It’s always been you. You’ve been there every step of the way, even after I turned my back on us. I was so wrong to think I needed to do this on my own. What good are the victories if I don’t have you to share them with?” Y/N professed.

Fresh tears fell once more from her red rimmed eyes as he took a step forward and brushed his thumb across her cheek. “I never stopped thinking about you.”

“I think about you every day and how stupid I was to leave. It’s not worth it if I can’t share it with you,” she cried, her hand covering his, still cupping her face. “I don’t want to share it with anyone else.”

“Good,” he sighed, pulling her into his warm and certain embrace. “‘Cause I’m pretty sure we just wrote a hit song about you and I’d hate to have to celebrate that without you.”

“I’m not going anywhere. We’ll celebrate all the number ones together,” she whispered.

“It doesn’t matter anymore. This is my greatest hit, right here.”

The Whole Enchilada: @iwantthedean @dolphincliffs @mrswhozeewhatsis @meganwinchester1999 @cherrycokegirls1 @closetspngirl @roxyspearing @flamencodiva @blacktithe7 @sis-tafics @just-another-busyfangirl @evansrogerskitten @amanda-teaches @hannahindie @wotinspntarnation @winchesterprincessbride @winecatsandpizza @kickingitwithkirk @wi-deangirl77 @hobby27 @mogaruke @gh0stgurl @paintrider13-blog @hunterscabin @alleiradayne @idreamofplaid

The Dean’s List / Jensen’s Jamboree: @jerkbitchidjitassbutt @dean-winchesters-bacon @maddiepants @adoptdontshoppets @mtngirlforever

#spnfluffbingo2019 #Jensen Ackles #jensen ackles fanfiction #jensen x reader #jensen ackles x reader #jensen flangst #jensen fluff

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toumakibangs · 6 years

Text

Everything about you

SERVICE NOTE: Here we are with the last prompts of the TouMaki Month! I’m so very sorry for the delay, but I went long with writing because of work issues and after that I’ve been without internet for a while (still am, technically)! If you’re reading this, it means that he last fics have been queued and they’re being uploaded as we speak: a post every two hours, from 3pm to 5am, CEST time. My advice is to check the blog if you don’t want to miss any, because if you’re going to browse the tags (‘toumaki month 2018’ and ‘toumaki’), Tumblr will only show you three posts per blog.

Anyway, at 7am CEST time we’ll upload a recap post featuring ALL the entries to the Month, so you can browse them more easily (I’m also saving the final Goodbyes and Thank You-s for then).

My apologies again for the wobbly schedule and I hope you’ll enjoy these last fireworks!

Prompt: Mash up between “A taunt, with one eyebrow raised and a grin bubbling at your lips“ and “I bet I could give you and orgasm without anyone noticing”

Jules’ Notes: A reunion, two idiots in love.

Toudou doesn’t joke when he calls him mean every now and then, but Makishima is many things.

He’s a great cyclist, as he demonstrated during the Inter-High and, really, all through high-school, obliterating every obstacle on his road and shutting the large mouth of every person that critiqued his climbing technique in the only way that counted: winning all the races that he managed, without deviating ever once from his style.

He’s a good rival, one that always keeps you on your toes and pushes you to be better, because not only you don’t want to lose to him, you also don’t want to look bad in front of him. He’s the reason Toudou got so strong in the first place, because Makishima kept biting at his heels and challenging to break yet another record, because he was getting there himself. They’ve been at each other’s throat since the first race, but in a respectful way, which is not something most cyclists of their circuit can claim.

He’s a friend, cherished and irreplaceable: a rock Toudou has held on to every time he needed support, being it in the form of reassurance or sassy answers, or angry remarks. He doesn’t pretend that other people validate their dynamics, he’s just fine knowing they have one, that apparently works wonders for both of them. They have fun, together – and they trust each other. They’ve hung out together lots of times, after races or just because, visiting places and enjoying each other company. They’ve also spent many hours talking on the phone in hushed tones and under their respective covers, sharing secrets, fears and dreams.

He’s his significant other, which pretty much sums up all of the above and adds another layer to the relationship, which is the physical one. He likes Makishima’s white skin and moles, his lanky limbs, his untameable hair, his jutting bones. He loves his blue eyes and thin lips. He’s always liked to play the romantic and saying that the platonic side of a relationship necessarily trumps over the physical one, but now that he’s tasted the satisfaction that comes with sating the thirst that Makishima himself rekindled in him somewhen along their second year of high-school, Toudou isn’t so final about it anymore. He loves Makishima for many, many reasons – but he’s not sure he could cross the sexual side of their relationship out of the equation anymore. Luckily, they’re extremely compatible in this regard too.

The night they meet after dinner at the Tochigi Inter-High, Toudou is reminded about all the things that Makishima is: his technique is madder than he remembers, proof that Makishima has been training hard too, and he’s also managing to be a menace while riding a borrowed bike (same as Toudou, but Makishima has always needed a slightly different frame and is therefore more penalized by the exchange), which represents a feat in itself. His taunts and lopsided grins fuel Toudou just as much as his pace; they provoke each other with words and shameless, idiotic displays of skill that send thrills through their testosterone-driven bodies and pump them until they’re screaming each other’s names 50 metres from the top of the hill and there’s nothing on their minds except crossing that goddamn line before that asshole; they go up and down and they’re tied at every even turn, and it’s the most in shape and the most motivated Toudou has ever felt in a long time. They get to talk, even if Onoda is watching them, even if they’re short of breath and completely enraptured by their climbs, and it feels like home: he talks about university, the inn, the good cycling places he has visited with his new team over the year, Makishima tells him about school and projects, contest he’d like to participate in, his work within his brother’s brand, holidays – all things they’re already addressed or talked or texted about, but it’s so much different (so much better) to hear them from Makishima himself, in his croaky voice, complete with wide gestures. They already have plans for later, but the initial idea was that they would have been alone during their races too, which is why Onoda’s presence kind of threw Toudou slightly off-balance: it’s not that he doesn’t like the kid, because he does, and as he promised to Makishima, he’s done a very good job of looking out for him in the past few months; he’s also partial to the way the kid looks up to Makishima, so much that he does indeed give them space and lets them have their own little reunion without a fuss – it’s touching, but it’s not exactly the scenario he was expecting: that involved jumping Makishima’s bones as soon as they could stop their bike and not letting him go until both of their lips got too swollen to even talk. For starters.

He’s pretty sure the feeling is mutual, because as they sit near the vending machine on top of the hill and Toudou makes a point of taking a step back and give Onoda some needed and well-deserved alone time with his mentor, Makishima flashes him a smile. It’s not their private smile, the one that in Toudou’s opinion can melt frozen hearts and make flowers bloom, but it’s not the eerie grin that makes children cry either. Onoda talks, and Makishima gives him his undivided attention, eyes soft and open – but every now and then he glances at Toudou and raises a brow at him, to which Toudou answers in kind. It’s a silent conversation that Makishima ends pulling up the left corner of his lips in a grin that threatens to break the moment Toudou beams back (he just can’t control himself), a laugh bubbling up from Makishima’s chest and making his thin smile tremble. Toudou hears the I LOVE YOU so loud and clear that Makishima could have just shouted it. He hopes to have been just as explicit, so far.

Perhaps he has, because the moment they reunite after having sent Glasses to sleep Makishima does indeed forego any bike or small talk and pushes him against a wall, arms around his shoulders and legs finding their way in between his – it’s urgent and somehow ferocious, but Toudou can relate to the desperate transport with which Makishima clings to him, so he finds the whole exchange intense and, if you want to push it, dramatic, more than aggressive.

Makishima cups his face and kisses his jaw, Toudou finds it hard to let go of his hair, especially when Makishima nips at his bottom lip and pants into his mouth.

- I’d do it right here, but this is Japan and you get to call the shots.

Toudou sucks on his tongue, brain whirring in the effort of finding a reasonable solution.

- No public sex. Glasses’s home but I can’t say the same for some of my rookies.

- They’re not your rookies anymore.

- Bullshit, I have a reputation to maintain.

They kiss long and hard, to the point that Toudou feels like a drowning man.

- Sneak me into your room, Jinpachi.

He hums.

- The only mattress I’ve been able to find is in a hole of a room crammed in between the ones reserved for the school. What about yours?

- What about me?

- You haven’t booked a room?

- Why should I have? I’ve got you.

Infuriating, impossible, irresistible Makishima.

- You’ll have to be very quiet, then, because I won’t be responsible for disrupting the sleeping schedule of my former team and jeopardize their chances at victory.

- I bet I could give you and orgasm without anyone noticing.

Toudou sneaks an arm around his waist and presses their bodies flush, chuckling against Makishima’s lips.

- Bring it on, Maki-chan.

#toumaki month 2018 #submission #toumaki #julesdrenages

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my-mystic-messenger · 7 years

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Break-up and make-up

I am sorry I was gone so long. Frankly, there is really no excuse for it. I was tired, worn out and not really interested in Mystic Messenger anymore. With the lack of content I'm still not super duper excited, but I just need to write again and keep this blog alive other than queued posts. I don't promise regular updates, because I hate making promises I'm not sure I can keep, but I should be back on track to some extend. Anyway, I mashed these two requests together, since they are hella similar. I changed them both up a bit so I don't write the same shit seven times over. Hope you enjoy @zyxfgd and @angel0sh and of course everyone else!

♬Zen♬

Zen still vividly remembered the day he broke up with you. Frankly, it had been one of the hardest days in his life. He'd loved you with all his heart but after three years of being together it didn't take a genius to see that your relationship had been crumbling. Once his acting career had set off Zen was gone more often than he was at home and he could tell it bothered you. In all honesty it bothered him as well, but this was his dream come true and he just couldn't give it up, not even for you. Whenever he was home it felt strangely tense and awkward, more like two strangers living together than a couple. The two of you just seemed to drift further apart with every day spent away from one another to the point where when you actually saw each other, you had close to nothing to talk about. Zen apologized a million times and you always told him it was fine, that you supported him, but he knew better. You'd come to resent his job and he couldn't blame you.

Then he met her, his co-star for his newest franchise. She was beautiful and talented with the same dreams and aspirations. It didn't help that his management told him to not deny the dating rumors that began circulating in favor of publicity. He could tell it tore you apart to read the headlines and it tore him apart as well, because they were true. Zen did look at her in ways that he hadn't looked at you in weeks if not moths and while he hadn't done anything about it, Zen couldn't deny he wanted to.

The next time he came home he told you the two of you were over. You were devastated, crying and never once meeting his eye. He assured you that you could stay, keep the apartment you'd shared for years until you found something of your own again. You declined, not answering when he asked where you would go instead. He'd watched you pack your belongings, sobbing as quietly as humanly possible so he wouldn't hear and leave. Only when the door clicked shut behind you did he cry as well.

Needless to say, Zen was miserable. It didn't work out with that woman and he dropped out of his former agency, fed up that the lies he had to tell ruined all the good in his life. It was a year later that he saw you again. He'd been cast for a new movie, something he was really excited about. The scrips was new and refreshing and Zen couldn't wait to get to work. That was until he entered the room with all the higher ups only to see you sitting next to the director, talking in hushed voices.

As it turned out, you'd made it big as a screenplay writer. In fact so big, that you'd even had your hand in the casting choices for that particular moment. Apparently you'd explicitly requested for him, stating that the script had been written with Zen in mind. The entire reading Zen felt your eyes on him, embarrassed enough he almost didn't approach you in private after. Luckily he did. Before you could even say a word he apologized to you until his breath ran out.

You only smiled, reaching out to caress his cheek. “You always run into things head first, Zen. I think this year apart might have taught you to think before acting.” By God it had. Zen beamed at you then, tears streaming down his face as he wrapped his arms around you. He held you close, face buried in his neck as he promised he never let you go, never neglect you again. You chuckled, explaining that by becoming a screenwriter, you'd made sure of that yourself. Zen was forever in awe with your intelligence and loyalty.

★Yoosung★

Yoosung bloomed up quickly. With a boost to his confidence and someone by his side that allowed him to take care of them while at the same time taking care of him and the youngest RFA member grew from a boy to a man is what seemed like no time at all. Your help, however little you always told yourself you did, seemed to have made quite the difference. People noticed the positive changes in his life, yet it turned out to have negative consequences for you.

Once Yoosung started to actually attend his classes at University frequently and do more than sit, stare into space and wallow, he met a lot of new people of which many were females. Females who had noticed his new confidence and strength as well as how cute he could be, sweet and sensitive. They weren't shy of showing their affection – however inappropriate considering that he was in a relationship with you – and soon their behaviour started to bear fruits.

After years of loneliness the young man adored the newfound attention he was receiving from so many people and when the day came you'd been silently dreading this whole time, you couldn't blame him. In fact, you were happy he broke up with you rather than deciding to stay and possibly cheat on you. He looked so ashamed too, staring at the floor while scratching the back of his head, cheeks rosy. You put on a smile, only allowing the tears once he was gone.

From that moment on the RFA parties became a little less homey and a little more awkward. Instead of holding them once a year, you held two parties to maximize the profits made in order to help more organizations. It was only those two occasions that you actually saw Yoosung anymore and every time it was with another girl on his arm while you came alone. You pretended not to care while averting your gaze but from the looks the other RFA members gave you, they could tell.

You'd stopped coming to the party a year ago, declining all offers of private festivities like celebrating Christmas together or such. In fact after years of working for and with the RFA, you'd moved on. You'd just announced that this would be your last RFA party, because your new job required you to work more and you simply didn't have the time anymore. Everyone wished you good luck on your future. Everyone but Yoosung who sat quietly and avoided your eyes.

It was a rainy day a couple of weeks later that you had a knock on your door. Confused you went to open it only to find Yoosung standing there, drenched to the bone with a bouquet of flowers in his hand that looked about as miserable as he did. You quickly ushered him inside and wrapped him in towels until he was at least somewhat dry. The two of you sat down on the couch, a long silence following until finally words just burst out of Yoosung.

He went on his knees before you, begging you for your forgiveness. Apparently you leaving RFA had reminded him just how much he missed you, how much he still needed you and how no one really compared to you. In all honesty, you thought about denying him, but the now dead flowers reminded you that he was sweet and sincere and despite it all, you still loved him. When you got back together, Yoosung was the one to happily announce it and rest assured, his eyes never strayed.

♨Jaehee♨

When Jaehee had proposed to hide your relationship, keep it private for the time being, you'd agreed. Not being able to tell anyone, however, not even the RFA, was hard to say the least. You'd hoped that Jaehee would eventually get over her fear of people finding out, but she seemed even more paranoid than ever. Especially at work, she would anxiously keep dodging relationship questions every time when one of your elderly regulars asked why two lovely ladies like you were still single. It hurt, but you lived with it. You loved Jaehee and respected her wish to remain in the closet, keep it down. Sadly, it wasn't the only thing that didn't work out in your relationship. While Jaehee used to blame Jumin for a lot of the stress she had at work, it turned out that she's contributed to it herself. Once your small café had started picking up, Jaehee constantly came up with new idea's to make it bigger and better, effectively drowning herself in work. You tried to support her, but the café had been her dream and not yours and instead of invigorating you often found work to be extremely draining. Especially when it started to take up more and more of the time that was supposed to be yours, supposed to be spent in calm and peace. Your dream was to be an author, but somewhere along the way you'd forgotten all about it, sacrificed it to make Jaehee's dream come true. Eventually everything piled up and then broke apart. The break-up wasn't loud or messy. In fact, it was as peaceful and polite as it could be. It was precisely that fact that started to drive Jaehee insane after the first month in solitude had passed. Everything had been too calm, too collected. It had been like some sort of contract being signed off and that's it. She hadn't even fought for you, despite the fact that you'd given up everything to make her happy. Jaehee hated herself for her repeated lack of bravery so she sought solace somewhere else; literature. Reading became a huge part of Jaehee's life. Books were her only link to you. When she read, a part of you – the most important part, your passion – remained. She started going to book conventions whenever she could, started supporting starting authors like she knew you would have done as well. One book after another was devoured and while Jaehee loved all the books, new or old, there was one specific author she's stumbled upon that she was eager to meet. They used a nom de plume so she didn't who it was, but their books made her feel all those emotions she thought lost and Jaehee loved it. They reminded her of the beauty of feelings that for so long she's pushed down and ignored. So one day, when she heard there was a book signing, Jaehee gathered all her books from that author and excitedly made her way to the book store. She couldn't wait to see the face behind those beautiful words. Little did she expect to see you. Jaehee hid in the back of the store, watched you beam and glow at people. You were polite and cheerful, happy to greet your fans and sign everything they gave you. She hadn't seen you in almost a year and even longer since she's seen you that happy. With a painful tug at her heart, Jaehee turned her back and left. She'd held you back from your dream before, selfishly chasing her own, and she would never do that to you again. Not when she owed you everything.

♛Jumin♛

You hadn't doubted Jumin's feelings for you once, as he'd never given you any reason to. In fact, you'd been the one to deny his proposal, reminding him that the both of you needed time to get to know one another and just to the idea of a relationship, especially Jumin. You just wanted to make sure he wasn't getting ahead of himself. You had agreed to moving in with him, however, as he'd made some good points as to how that might actually benefit your relationship.

For a couple of months it had been heavenly. Jumin still worked a lot and you found yourself alone a lot of the time, but you didn't mind. You used the time to take care of Elizabeth, plan the next RFA party – this time properly and not rushed – and of course enjoy the immense offer of entertainment Jumin's building had until finally Jumin came home and his every free second was once more devoted to solely you. You were completely and utterly happy.

That is when Mr. Chairman Han got tangled into the mix. While he'd been fine with the two of you dating, he did not fully support the idea of Jumin marrying you. He'd been happy seeing his son finally show any kind of interest in women, but he refused to agree to the two of you becoming more serious. In his eyes, however kind, you'd caused the drama with Sarah to some extend and weren't fit to be the wife of someone as important and public as Jumin.

For a while you remained together nevertheless, but you could tell it took a toll on Jumin. He worked even longer hours, attempting to carry some sort of weight in a twisted attempt to convince his father that you were good for him. He became tense again and closed off, often fighting with Mr. Chairman over your relationship. The two of you started talking less and you knew it was only a matter of time until things would fall apart. Jumin was suffering and it was killing you.

You were expecting it, but it hurt nevertheless when Jumin 'let you go' another week later. You didn't cry though, knowing full well that it hurt him more than he let on. You didn't want to make it harder on him. You packed your things and left the penthouse you'd shared for the past months, trying not to think about Jumin probably biting back tears, torn between his father's wished and his love for you. You also tried to stay normal and cheerful in the chat. It didn't always work

The two of you didn't see one another for almost an entire year until the next RFA party. You'd invited your cousin to come with you, so you had some sort of dance partner for the ball you'd planned. The festivities were great and you'd managed to gather almost a thousand people, yet you didn't feel festive at all, trying to avoid bumping into Jumin. Even now the idea just hurt too much. For the most part you succeeded, until the dancing began and someone interrupted you and your cousin.

Jumin looked tired and sad then, trying not to show how hurt he was at the idea of you having moved on. Somehow, it gave you hope. You introduced him to your cousin, watching Jumin visibly relax when he realized his error in judgement. Polite as ever, he asked for a dance and you couldn't deny him, not when you yearned to be in his arms. It felt good, having Jumin hold you like you were the most precious thing in the world.You danced through the night and when he asked you to marry him after the party was over, explaining that he loved you more than his reputation, you finally agreed.

☼Saeyoung/Seven☼

Saeyoung had hoped that once everything was taken care of – Mint Eye shut down, his agency destroyed – his fear for your safety would go away or at least ease up. He'd just dreamed of leaving that part of his life behind (finally) and live a peaceful life with you and his brother by his side. Sadly, reality had never been kind to Saeyoung and the young man wondered why he'd even allowed himself to dream of such things when he should have known better. Even with Mint Eye gone, there were still problems to be solved. For one Saeran was completely unstable after what Rika had done and so Saeyoung had to invest all his time and energy into fixing his brother, thereby having to put your relationship on hold. Once that was taken care of, however, there was still the tension in the RFA to be solved after Yoosung and Zen had decided to let Rika run free and once again, Saeyoung was the one having to solve things. It took a while to recreate peace within your slowly growing group – especially since the head had died in the process – but the work wad one, Saeran and Vanderwood had somehow miraculously integrated and everything seemed to be solved. Still, Saeyoungs mind could not find peace. There was something nagging at the back of his head, fear driving him to sleepless nights and insanity. He's sworn to be the logical one, the calculative one, and yet his emotions were getting the better of him. Many nights he watched you sleep, parts because he found you beautiful that way – peaceful and the most vulnerable – parts because his paranoia wouldn't allow him to sleep. What if Saeran had a relapse and tried to harm you? What if Rika came back and tried to kill you? What if Vanderwood got some lucrative offer and tried to get to him through you? What if his agency hadn't been fully destroyed after all and someone killed you in a revenge plot? Even the nights he miraculously did find sleep, Saeyoung spent them tossing and turning with worry only to wake up drenched in sweat, irritated and more worried than before. He knew it wasn't right, but Saeyoung started to keep his distance once more. No matter how much you reached out to him, how much you tried to get him to talk to you or accept help from someone else, he insisted he was fine and refused every helping hand offered to him. You stayed by his side for months, despite the constant cold shoulders and the irritated snapping. He could tell it was wearing you down - the circles under your eyes became bigger and you looked so sad all the time – but you just wouldn't leave him. Eventually he took matters into his own hands, breaking up with you and basically throwing you out of his place where you'd lived together for the past year. It tore him apart inside out, but at least you would be safe. Things became uncomfortable quiet in the place he used to call home. Even Saeran kept his distance, walking on egg shells and throwing him pitying glances. Saeyoung could tell that he missed you, almost as much as he missed you himself, but he never dared speak up and maybe it was for the better. Living without you was like living hell, but after all the things he'd done in life – he'd done to you – Saeyoung was quite sure this was a fair punishment.

☀Saeran☀

Being with Saeran was never easy to begin with. At first there were a hundred layers of trauma and fucked up to work through and once you'd miraculously dug your way to the core of everything, your relationship still wasn't what most people would call lovey-dovey, sweet or romantic. There was no honeymoon phase, rose-tinted glasses or even that peaceful comfort that most people describe experiencing after being in a relationship for a long time.

It was, however, a constant adventure. He left you breathless and intrigued, constantly on the edge of your seat. Compared to everyone else in the RFA, he didn't touch you with kid gloves. It was a ongoing battle of wits, snarking and barking at one another. Either one of you refused to back down until the tension build to the point it burst out of you in the strangest of ways. Most of the time it ended in rather angry sex with bruises and love bites covering both of your bodies.

It wasn't conventional and everyone in the RFA liked to remind you of said fact, but you loved it. It worked and it was yours and he whole world could have been tearing at the two of you and it still wouldn't have mattered to either. Your entire life people had viewed you as fragile and to some extend incompetent of holding your ow ground. Not Saeran. He offered you a phone and a mission and hasn't disappointed you since.

When Saeyoung's agency offered him to work for them as well, Saeran didn't hesitate to invite you along. He had difficulties with words like love and girlfriend, but he didn't doubt for a second that you were his partner in crime. He trusted you with his life and it made you feel more respected and loved than any chocolate or flowers could have. You accepted the offer without hesitation, ignoring all the warnings and pleadings of the other members. You should have listened...

It was about two years into your new work that a mission was assigned to the two of you, that neither of you were prepared for. For two years you'd had each others back, fought together, saved one another time and time again. You'd grown so cocky until that day you almost died. In fact, you did die, they just brought you back, although barely. After that, Saeran wasn't the same. He avoided you, got you kicked out of the agency and then disappeared altogether.

You never got the official breaking up, the last fight and the crying your eyes out. Without a trace or so much as a goodbye, Saeran was just gone. It tore you apart from the inside out in ways you hadn't anticipated. Only then did you realize how much he'd meant to you, how grave his impact had been on you and your life. You felt empty and without purpose. The RFA tried to cheer you up, but nothing helped with the aching. Not until you got the first message.

It was a cryptic little text from a phone you couldn't trace back. You knew it was Saeran and you knew that even if you couldn't see him, he was watching over you. The messages disappeared off your phone come next morning, they were rare and short, but they gave you the strength to move on. One year has passed since Saeran left you to fend for yourself. One year of cryptic messages you know mean more. One day you'll solve the puzzle. You'll solve it and find Saeran.

📷Jihyun/V📷

By the time you met the mysterious V, the man was a broken shell of what he used to be. You hadn't known him back then, before everything happened with Rika and Mint Eye, but you could tell from the way the other RFA members talked about him, the way he talked, that he'd once been a great, cheerful and loving man. Somehow, for a reason you couldn't quite name, you made it your mission to bring him back to his former glory, make him happy again. It took a lot of work, but V eventually started to trust you and let you in. He began talking to you about Rika and what had happened exactly, how much he'd suffered and you fell in love with him over and over again. You could tell it hurt him to relive the moments whenever he shared them with you, but V insisted that it helped him and you would have done anything for the man. It was why you eventually suggested therapy for him as well. God knows he needed it. Weeks turned into months which turned into years. Jihyun was much better now. Thanks to you and the RFA he'd gotten his eyes fixed and while it took him a while to get used to seeing again, let alone photographing, he'd started travelling again about half a year ago. Whenever he came home he showed you the most beautiful photographs, always telling you how much he'd loved to show you the real thing. It made your heart melt each and every single time. Frankly, you would have loved to travel with him, but you had work at home and you always reminded Jihyun that someone needed to keep the RFA at bay while he was gone. It always made him chuckle. The two of you had been dating for a while and yet it felt like you were already parents to six children. You were so excited for Jihyun to return so he could tell you all about his travels, but this time turned out to be different. This time he returned with Rika by his side. When he broke up with you that night you were surprised that you felt surprisingly little. In fact, you felt rather numb. You'd expected hurt, anger or even resentment, but instead you were overwhelmed by nothingness. Maybe it was because you'd always thought he'd take her back once she was alright again. You'd always feared that you were nothing but a substitute for Rika and because of that you'd been somewhat prepared for when he left the flat you shared to go with her. It wasn't until about a month later – a month without entering the chat or picking up the phone for anyone – that you opened the door to a sweating, distressed Jihyun. Despite everything you couldn't help but worry. Damn him, but you still loved the man. He exhaled when he saw you, a tear running down his cheek that he'd tried to blink away. Jihyun went on his knees, sagging before you like the life had been sucked right out of him. As it turned out, he'd been worried. He tried to contact you a myriad of times after leaving with Rika. He told you about how he'd gotten her to return to therapy where she hadn't been discharged like she'd told you, but fled. All he'd done, he'd done to protect you and from the tears streaming down his face as he apologized, you knew he was being honest. You were his first choice and before you knew it you joined him on the floor, hugging him so close as if you never planned to let him go.

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doihavetousemymomvoice-blog · 7 years

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The Guidelines

IMPORTANT

I might be super slow at times, but I'll always try not taking too long to reply. I'm not abandoning this blog ever, even if it sometimes looks like it.

General:

- mun is 24, so 18+ content is very likely to appear on this blog - nsfw will always be tagged nsfw - mun loves dark themes/threads, angst, but also fluff - multi ship and multi verse - crossover friendly & au friendly (yass) - caught up with SPN, spoilers will be tagged spn spoilers

Tracking the tag: doihavetousemymomvoice

This blog is not mutuals only! I’ll rp with you whether we follow each other or not. I usually follow everybody I’d like to rp with, so if I do follow you, this is your cue to come and say hi, because yes I do want to rp. You can always like starter calls, too.

Sometimes I use small font (mostly if you do or if it’s an icon thread), but you can rp however you want, so long as you know basic grammar.

On selectivity & activity

I will be selective at times. I spend most of my time with severe lack of sleep and bad headaches, so while I’m trying to queue efficiently and quickly enough for everybody to get replies regularly, I cannot always promise you’ll get replies right away. I am taking care of my mother and my beep of a father, so I’m stuck lurking a good portion of the day.

On organization

I have a tag system. You have a small navigation by clicking that link on the theme and a complete navigation by visiting the tags page from there. If you ever search for something, check my navigation. I tag everything I post/ reblog. I also sort threads into verses. v: the sheriff of crazy town ( mainverse ) for instance. Those are my verses, general verses to declare when the thread takes place and who/what Jody is.

On triggers

I do not have triggers per se, I’m good with most dark themes, with torture, dub-con etc. I will not rp anything Star Wars related, though. It’d be great if you tagged your Star Wars gifs/posts/etc. if you’re not an SW blog, so blacklist can keep it off my dash.

On smut & shipping

I’m going to be honest, I love shipping and smutting. It’s not a must-have, but I enjoy it. If that’s a problem for you, I’m sorry. I’m all up for best friend/ ally/ enemy threads, too.

I’m old enough to safely smut, but I will not smut with minors even if I am in Germany and you’re in a country where nobody cares. Or if you live on Mars where the sun always shines. Or if you live in my bed. Sorry. Since I post nsfw content, I’m always wary with following blogs with minor muns, too.

I ship with chemistry, no matter the gender, age, height, looks of other muses. The heart wants what the heart wants. Pre-established relationships are fine as well if we chitchat about it first.

On exclusivity & mains

I’m all for that. Both of it. Very much so ( because mun and muse tend to get a bit jealous). If the right person comes along, I’m all for giving Jody to their muse and only theirs. That means, if I decide we found THE Bobby, we will only ship with that Bobby and no other if the other mun agrees.

If we agree to be exclusive with each other and you ship with another Jody? Well, not nice.

If you want to be exclusive, tell me. I’ll probably scream happily and go and change my exclusives/main’s page right away. xD But keep in mind, I do expect regular communication between our muses.

I’m assigning mains, meaning that if mun and muse click with me and my man, your replies will be a bit quicker and less likely queued than others (unless we have more than 5 threads, then I might queue some after all to stay sane), which isn’t because one mun plays their muse better than another, but because I can reply better/quicker to people I talk to/know OOC.

On updates and threads

I update my tread tracker about once a month, sometimes I add threads right away, but not always. Every few months, I post an overall ‘Who owes me and whom do I owe threads’ list. I’ll tag you in it unless I had to drop our thread, I’ll link you to the thread(s), too. If you haven’t replied in several months, I’ll slip your thread onto my ‘archived’ list which I post occasionally, too. If there’s nothing in six months or longer, I’ll assume it dropped. I’m not saying I reply within a month to everything either, which is why you should feel free to do the same with my threads.

If you didn’t reply in a while, while I saw you actively rping on my dash, I will nicely boop you as I know many people don’t use my tracker despite it making things a lot easier, so I will boop and ask whether you saw it or not. That doesn’t mean I’m rushing at all and this is your permission to do the same!

On memes and opens and asks and opens

Yes. Always. Even old ones.

NOTE that if you reply to an open icon thread, I expect you to reply with an icon. If it’s a gif, I expect a gif. If it’s just text, then I want to keep it that way. If you fail to follow that rules, I’ll ignore your reply, maybe message you about it, maybe not.

On OCs

I do love them and I have a few of my own, BUT I’ll expect an about page to give me an idea on what they’re like and that your muse isn’t overpowered.

On the mun aka meeeee

Okay, so I’m 24 and I live in Germany. I study a mixed major of computer sciences, graphics design and journalism and I talk a lot once we’re past the awkward first five minutes. You can always boop me for my discord to chat or just IM me and we talk on there.

I do post ooc stuffs, sometimes rants, sometimes whining, so if that bothers you, just block my ooc tag: out of bull crap ( ooc ).

On credit

I make all icons myself. Most of the screencaps I use for Jody are mine, but if not, they’re from screencapped.net.

The theme isn't mine, but I made the background.

Thank you for reading this far.

#rules #cut will be removed soon #is for mobile nav #nvm

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survivorkvaloya · 7 years

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Episode #5: “I Didn't Come Back To Be A Stupid @$$” - Andreas

Not quite sure what to make of this tribe of 5 but I find in this one theirs no where to hide because I can almost guarantee Jackson is going to be a middle man between Danielle and I, and everyone knows that in this tribe I would be the one they send home. But luckily for me, I have Gage and Christine's students on my tribe so If I send them home it weakens them come merge, but following the murder of 3 returnees early on I can NOT have a repeat of Easter Island, so I need to get over my phobia of returnees.

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MKAY COOL I COULDN"T HAVE ASKED FOR A BETTER SCENARIO IT'S LITERALLY 4 V 1 IS THIS HOW SANDRA AND VARNER FELT

~*~Tales From Reflection Island~*~ Hi. I'm pissed. I was so excited to finally win my first tribal immunity and FINALLY not have to worry about being voted out, but that was short lived. Brett, my flop ass mentor, was voted out on the other tribe almost unanimously. What the HECK. So my gay ass is shipped off to reflection island where I have to "reflect on what went wrong" or whatever. But it ain't my fault Brett is a flop! He was the mentor. He was supposed to know not to get voted out. AND THEN we have a tribe swap.... While I'm on reflection. You know what happened to the last person on reflection island during a tribe swap? They were voted out unanimously the same round they returned (rip Connor). So when I come back I'm gonna have some serious work to do. Going onto a tribe of 5 is scary in itself, not being there when the tribe is formed is even worse. the ONLY saving grace in this whole situation is the reflection ritual or whatever the heck its call. Bc I'm always doing #that and I PICKED AN URN WITH AN IDOL PIECE IN IT WOOOO. Now I have 2/3 pieces! This makes it so much easier to get that last piece and make an idol. And that could save my ass in this tricky situation. My plan once I come back is to victimize myself, talk to everyone, be so devastated by the loss of my mentor, act paranoid, and find that last piece. Wish me luck!

Im actually really frustrated right now, we could have easily won immunity but Lauren messed up very basic instructions and just completely fucked us over. Now we have to go to tribal. Lol 4th tribal out of 5 ugh. So anyways this tribal should be easy however we know how this game goes, the easy vote never happens. But none the less this allows me a valid reason to take Christine's student out which would have completely destroyed all her numbers which means shes 1 which isnt a huge threat. Im just worried about idols ,and tribal on my 200th day is ANNOYING. Anyways i need to go calm down phew. Old Andreas is coming out lmao

So jackson and I had a plan to throw the torch pass challenge and use lauren to get out andreas. funniest part: we didn't even have to throw because lauren posted at the wrong time and fucked it all up! I'm trying to make everyone hate her now so she feels like she has to vote with us. jackson was hesitant at first about voting andreas but he's warmed up to it. I hope he stays with the decision. I really think him and I can fight our way through this game.

i got my 2nd idol piece from fucking hell of looking through numbers! van who??

So I think I already did a confessional but oh well. This tribe swap isn't looking good for me. I ended up not getting the idol piece because Chelsea already got it so that was super annoying. BUUUUT. I got reward this time and Ryan ended up getting his 2nd idol piece from it. I'm happy bc that means we have 2/3 in our posession and I think that he's 100% loyal to me. He's said over and over that this is our idol and I truly believe that. We've been friends for so long that I doubt that he would be using an idol that we both found against me in any way. I'm trying to talk to everyone every day but it's hard when it's one world. I hate it so much fuck fkjdsn. Andreas is kinda annoying and very pushy when it comes to this game. He created an alliance with Jackson and I, which I don't think I'll stick too, to try and talk about the vote. From what I can tell at this point, the vote is going to be Andreas anyway. Although Lauren fucked up in the challenge, people are wanting to keep her around for a throwaway vote if we lost next time (which we are going to if we're going to be keeping the weak players anyway). I'm starting to get annoyed with not being in power. Chelsea is running around only talking game yet telling me that other people will inform me with the plan... I- There is no way that I'm gonna be able to get her out and if god forbid we went to tribal again, it would be Lauren. I'm thinking of teaming up with Lauren to vote out Chelsea if it came down to it, I don't know if that would be the right move but right now, I feel like she's running the game and I want to be the one that takes her off of the high horse that she's sitting on.

Hi I'm Jackson and this is my third confessional, just in time for the third generation of tribes. Ever since the swap, I've kind of had a heavy feeling in the pit of my stomach. Not because I was put on a tribe with people I can't work with - in fact, I've had good interactions with everyone on my new tribe in the past, and best of all, I'm reunited with my closest ally Chelsea. Instead, the feelings of dread come from the fact that a lot of power was given to the two of us to start making moves of our own, and it's scary to no longer be floating in the background, hiding behind our mentors. Still, Chelsea and I both feel like we can't shy away from the opportunity we've been given. So, we planned to throw the immunity challenge. I had two objectives in mind for this. The first was to allow Colin to join our tribe after his return from exile, as he's someone I really trust and I couldn't guarantee his safety if he went to another tribe. The second was to vote out Andreas, who I see as one of the smartest and most well connected players in the game. We were going to have Chelsea pretend her internet went out, which I'm honestly not 100% sure would've worked without attracting suspicion. But then Lauren decided to do what I think she does best: go inactive without explanation. Since she queued her post for the wrong time, our torch lighting was out of order from the get go, and we had no chance of winning unless Lauren came online at just the right time (which she didn't). So yeah, we lost, and I guess me and Chelsea got our way. Right off the bat Lauren was scrambling. She came to me and Chelsea for help, asking us to stay united as original Ersfjorden members, which normally I'd roll my eyes at because she's suspicious af to me but was happy to hear in this specific moment. With me, Chelsea, and Lauren, we have three, and can vote out Andreas like we planned (or, at least, like Chelsea pushed really hard to and I agreed only after talking to my mentor because I'm a weenie). Andreas was acting pretty jumpy too. I think he really doesn't want to get voted out on his 200th day of tumblr survivor, and yeah, I get that and I'm gonna feel real bad casting my vote. He really helped me get my footing on Ersfjorden 2, and we could've had a nice working relationship even though he probably would beat me at the end. Anyway, he came to me pushing hard to get Lauren voted out to keep the tribe strong, and I told him I was definitely on board. His worry was not that Danielle would flip on us (more on that later) but that Lauren would somehow make an idol with Chelsea, who I can tell he doesn't totally trust. Joke's on him - Colin has the idol piece that everyone thinks Lauren has, but I'm not gonna tell anyone. I tried to reassure him that Chelsea's on our side too, and I'm hoping his guard is down. Danielle is the wild card. Even though we could vote out Andreas without her (assuming Lauren isn't the fucking mastermind of the millennium), I wanted her to be in on this vote because I think she will stick with me postmerge. Ryan likes her, and I don't want to go against him (yet). So I told Danielle that Lauren was pushing for Andreas, and she seemed tentatively supportive of the idea to vote him out now with Lauren being the next to go if we lose again. She also sent me her reward, which was a clue to an idol piece hidden somewhere on the blog. Long story short, the URL involves a five digit code starting with a 7 and including no repeating digits. It's basically impossible to determine the URL from that (unless i've already gotten it right but someone got their first and the page was deleted?) without more info, and I don't think the hosts would give such a difficult riddle. So yeah I think she didn't send me the entire clue (she withheld some of the digit hints), which kind of annoys me because she's trying to gain my loyalty by supplying intel but she doesn't trust me enough to let me have a chance at finding it myself. Also I shared literally all the details about JD and Liam's shitty alliance on Ersfjorden2 that locked out her and her student, so I feel like I'm giving out more than I'm getting back. But anyway, though she says she's on board for the Andreas vote (making it 4-1 against him), I worry that she's concerned about my relationship with Chelsea. I also worry that she's closer to Andreas than she claimed (and than Ryan thought), and that she might have ratted me out to him. While it doesn't seem like there's a lot he could do if he did know we were targeting him, there's a slim chance he could try to pull Lauren over. In that case, it'd be either me or Chelsea going, and considering how many more limbs I've gone out on than usual this week, I'm not feeling super safe. So yeah, that's about it, so unless something changes in the hours before the vote tomorrow, this is it. I'll be voting for Andreas and hoping I didn't get duped.

Looks like everything is still good to go with the Andreas vote. Sorry bud! The ship has sailed ~

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Whelp, operation save Brett was a flop and I'm sad. But on the bright side I'm in love with this swap! It's nice to be reunited with Ryan and I'm glad QuilLynn is still with me. JD also seems really nice and then I haven't really talked to Nicholas yet. I'm glad we were able to win immunity but I'm kinda worried for Lauren. I feel like Jackson and Chelsea will help her but we'll see.

Going into tribal its been really quiet and that's been scaring me. No one is really talking to me besides Jackson but I could just be acting like a crazy person but who freaking knows. Hopefully this tribe votes out Lauren but maybe tonight, as my 200th night in TS will be my final. I hope not though, I don't wanna be a pre-merge flop.

Omg so the whole point of last vote was to get rid of Brett bc he is a bigger threat then jack and he would be more likely to be able to convince Lauren and Christine to flip. And of course we don't tell jack about the vote bc he really wanted Chelsea, but then of course he fucking ends up on my swapped tribe. I'm really happy I'm with Gage again bc he's definitely someone I trust and he's really nice, I'm also kinda glad to see lily And I'm hoping we can continue to work together. Jack ahhh I didn't tell him about the last vote so I don't think he trusts me anymore but he's nice. So that leaves Liam as the only person I hadn't met yet, I exchanged like 2 words with him and then he tells Ryan that he's talked to me the most? Like how is 2 lines a lot of conversation?? I mean I feel bad for him being super busy with 2 jobs and everything but he doesn't talk to me a lot and when we actually do talk it's always at 3 in the morning. So anyway last night Liam goes up to me and says hey I have an idea for if we ever have to go to tribal council, and he was talking about how me him and jack should work together and I agreed to it of course bc you should never really say no to alliances bc that's sketchy. I also found out that it was Liam and JD who created the majority alliance, like this boy seems kinda power hungry tbh. Anyway Kalfjorden looses immunity which is fine but I just hope it's not Chelsea, Andreas or Danielle. And then apparently Lauren has been super inactive and messed up on the challenge so it would make sense to vote her out and everyone seemed on board or whatever. But then in the all girls alliance, that I like the idea of but don't really feel comfortable with half the people in it, lily talks about how we gotta save Lauren. And at first I'm like wtf Lauren is cute and all but she's not the most active and I don't care about her that much. And Lily says that all the newbies are on board to vote together to vote out FUCKING ANDREAS. Like wtf I love Andreas?? And he's trying at this game unlike Lauren. And also lily goes oh yeah it'll be nice to vote out Andreas so that we can keep up student numbers like??? I'm a mentor??? I'm of course willing to work with students but not when they say they would like to vote out all the mentors lmao. I would tell Andreas but I won't bc I need to keep up my trust with lily especially since we're on a 5 person tribe where there's no room to hide. Anyway I could see if I could possibly talk to Jackson who I don't know well if he'd be willing to vote Lauren, ahh idk what I'm gonna do I hate this.

Im actually very concerned I may be going home tonight and part of me is thinking that perhaps i should throw my vote at Chelsea incase an idol is played. I don't see Christine letting Lauren go without a fight and I would be a great person in her eyes to take out pre-merge. Heading into this vote im super concerned, probably more then i've been in a while which is super scary. I didn't come back to be a stupid ass but its so freaking quiet, and I don't see Lauren going without a fight.

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