#sorry anon i progressively got more and more frustrated obviously none of it was directed at you ajsjdjfkg T-T | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

bonjour-rainycity · 3 years

Text

Imagine: Being friends with Alice and asking Carlisle for help on your chemistry homework

Characters: Cullen family, female reader

Rating: G

Word count: 2120

Warnings: None

Request by anon: Wait, omg I’m so happy I found a blog that’s updated recently and I’m definitely gonna ✨stalk✨ your blog and read all your writing after hw but if you’re still doing requests, I thought of something that I would just love to see written. And this could be short or something, y’know? It can be whatever you want it to be, but what if the reader is somewhat friends with the Cullens? Reader (maybe like 20 years old?) is invited to their house one weekend after bumping into Alice and becoming friends and from passing conversation, reader knows that Carlisle is a doctor so she asks him if he could help her with her organic chemistry hw cause she’s studying to be a med student?

A/n Wow I’m so sorry this took me so long! It’s such a cute request and I loved writing it! Thanks for sending it in and for being patient with me :)

Shoot.

Mentally, I groan, stopping my progress towards my car.

I still have chem homework.

I fiddle with the keys in my hand, contemplating. You could go home…lay in bed…maybe with a pint of ice cream…and pass out in a stress and sugar-induced coma.

Oh, how tempting.

But then I remind myself of why I’m putting myself through the hell that is a STEM degree, and turn on my heel, heading back to campus. I know I won’t get any work done if I go home, so the library it is! Thank goodness it’s open twenty-four hours, because it’s creeping up to eleven and I don’t have the heart to return to one of the academic buildings.

Seeing as it’s Friday night, the library isn’t crowded. Still, I push past all the tables on the first floor and head up to my favorite spot on the second. Settling in at my favorite partially secluded table, I pull out my organic chemistry textbook, pop in my earbuds, and get to work.

{***}

A small, pale hand skims over the table near my book, and I look up with a start.

Alice Cullen stands by my desk, clutching a set of books that look too heavy for her thin arms, but she seems to be managing fine. She and I met during the first week of classes, and have been tentative friends ever since. We don’t see much of each other, given our varying degree programs, but she always greets me with a friendly smile and an offer to join her to study. I pull out my headphones, and give her a tired smile. “Hey, how’s it going?”

“Good!” She smiles excitedly, somehow keeping her energy levels at—I check the time on my phone—1:12 am! “Have you been here for long?”

I shrug, feeling the weight of the late hour on my shoulders. “Since around eleven. I was going home but then I forgot I have o-chem homework. I don’t think it should be taking me this long, but I’m struggling. Thankfully only half of it is due in the morning. The rest isn’t due until after the weekend.”

Alice peers over to look at my book and the problems I work through in my notebook. “Oh, those do look hard. But you know, my dad is a doctor, and he probably knows this stuff like the back of his hand. He’d be more than happy to help you.”

I blanch. An invitation to the Cullen’s house? And free help on o-chem homework?

But then I remember my manners. “Oh, thank you, but I couldn’t—”

“Please,” she squeaks, balancing her books in one arm and using the other to retrieve her phone. “We’d be happy to have you over! I’ll let my family know. Does tomorrow around lunchtime work?”

“Uh,” I swallow, not sure I’m believing my ears. “That works great, thank you! I can bring the food?”

She shakes her head, waving off the offer. “Don’t worry about it—Mom loves to cook and will be excited to really use the kitchen. Oh! And there’s this new series my sisters and I have been dying to watch. It’s called Broadchurch. Have you heard of it? Maybe we can start it and see if it’s any good!”

I nod dumbly, too tired and relieved for the help to refuse again. “That sounds fun! Thank you.”

“Of course,” she smiles, shrugging like it’s nothing. “What are friends for?”

My smile softens. She considers us friends. “Do you want to walk out together? It’s pretty late.”

She beams and waits while I collect my stuff.

{***}

I pull up to the front of the massive house.

Alice is waiting for me on the porch. She waves excitedly, and I notice her fiancé standing near the door, looking uncomfortable. I stifle a chuckle. It’s well-known that Jasper, introvert in every sense of the word, fell hard for Alice who is the embodiment of an extravert. I wave, grabbing my backpack and stepping out of the car.

“Welcome,” Alice practically shouts. Jasper gives me a polite nod.

I smile at the two of them, calling out my hello’s and climbing the stairs to the porch. The second Jasper opens the door, I’m greeted by the warm smile of Esme Cullen.

“Hello, Y/n, welcome to our home! We are so happy to have you here.” She extends a warm smile, one I can’t help but return immediately.

Alice leads us straight to the living room, where two of her adoptive siblings, Emmett and Rosalie, lounge. Rosalie sketches something I can’t see, and Emmett yells loudly at the TV, losing at a video game.

“Beat it, Emmett,” Alice chirps, dancing over and taking the controller from his hands. “We’re going to watch Broadchurch.”

Putting his frustration at the game aside, Emmett grins, standing and ruffling Alice’s hair. “Alright, I was getting my ass kicked anyway. Hey, Y/n, good to see you again.”

I return his greeting, familiar with Emmett from an intro to theatre class we had together last semester. The image of his interpretation of Juliet for our final project comes to mind, and I have to stifle a laugh. Emmett goes to leave the room, pulling Jasper with him.

“Send Bella down, would you,” Alice calls after them, already settling on the couch. “Rose, you know Y/n, right?”

Rosalie looks up from her sketching. She smiles briefly at me, then returns to her task. I sit awkwardly next to Alice, waiting for Bella so we can start the show.

“There aren’t many women in STEM.”

My head shoots up, wide eyes turning in Rosalie’s direction. She doesn’t look up from her work, but I know she’s addressing me—Alice is studying fashion merchandising and design.

“Y-yeah,” I stammer. Alice’s older sister is just so intimidating. Well-spoken, obviously intelligent, tall, prettier than anyone I’ve ever met, and top of her law class. She’s not exactly warm either, like her mother or sister—even now, there’s a cold bite to her tone. But the edges of her lips quirk up, and I can tell she’s being nice.

“Don’t let the guys push you around. What you’re doing is important, and you’re probably smarter than them. What do you want to do with your degree?”

The answer, always on my heart and mind, is automatic. “I want to be a doctor. So, med school is next.”

She nods once. “Good.”

And apparently that’s the end of our conversation.

I try to hide my smile by rummaging around in my backpack for my water bottle. It’s nice to feel supported.

Bella comes gliding down the stairs and twists into the living room, folding herself easily onto the love seat. She greets me, and then tosses me the throw over the back of her couch. Alice nods as if forgetting something, then reaches into a basket hidden between our couch and Rosalie’s chair and produces three more blankets, throwing two to her sisters and keeping one for herself. She shoots me a grin as each of us, even the serious Rosalie, snuggles up.

Alice stands, turning off the lights and then wraps back in her blanket and scoots near me on the couch. “I hope this is good!” With a grin, she opens Netflix and plays the first episode.

{***}

Broadchurch does not disappoint. Before I know it, we’re halfway through the second episode, eyes glued to the screen. Bella, who was definitely reading a book under her blanket at the start, has put it to the side, leaning forward and watching the show intently.

The front door creaks, then clicks closed, and Alice smiles, pressing pause on the remote. “Dad’s home.”

Before long, the famed local doctor comes in to say hi to the girls and to greet me. He’s just as welcoming as his wife!

“Alice told me you are having trouble with some organic chemistry homework?”

I nod, hoping it’s not too much to ask for his help. “I got a good start on some of the problems last night, but I keep messing up. I’m not really sure where I’m going wrong—there’s no answer key so I can’t work backwards through the problems.”

He nods, casually resting his hands in the pocket of his slacks. “I remember o-chem homework quite well.” He grins conspiratorially. “It is the bane of many a med student’s existence. Why don’t you girls finish up your episode and then join Esme and me in the kitchen for lunch? I can take a look at your homework if you like.”

Relief washes over me. “That would be great, thank you so much.”

He smiles warmly. “Of course. Now, if you all will excuse me….” With a twinkle in his eye, he leaves us to rejoin his wife.

This family is so nice! I wonder why they get so much flack at school?

Alice resumes the episode, and soon my musings are washed away as I try to piece together the mystery of the murder before the detectives can.

{***}

Esme is a wonderful cook. Carlisle sings her praises but doesn’t fix a plate for himself, saying he ate plenty as she was cooking. We all sit down at the table, though I’m the only one who eats in earnest — Bella claims to be filled up on snacks, Rose says she’s on a diet, and Alice takes a small helping for herself, every now and then poking the chicken in mild disgust. I don’t see what the problem is, the food is fantastic!

Carlisle sits down next to me, and I slide my textbook and notebook in his direction. He smiles, looking almost nostalgic. “I remember these. The good news is, as a doctor, you won’t be doing much of this in day-to-day life, if at all. But it is important for some courses you will take in medical school, so it’s best to master the concepts now. See, on number nineteen, you start the problem correctly, but get lost once you have to balance the equation to continue. Instead of waiting until the middle to balance, I would do that first, that way, you have a solid base before moving on to solve the rest of the problem.”

I nod, peering over at the paper intently. I hadn’t tried that strategy before.

Carlisle takes out a pen, and begins scratching out an equation. Then, he grins, shaking his head, and crosses it out, starting again in much neater handwriting. “Forgive my penmanship. Though, if you decide to continue and become a practicing doctor, your handwriting will soon be indecipherable, too.”

From across the table, Rosalie snorts, and I can’t help but laugh along. It seems almost a rite of passage for a doctor to have horrendous handwriting.

In clearer script, Carlisle continues working out the problem, then slides the paper over for me to see. He explains what he did at each step, and I nod along, trying to commit as much of it to memory as possible. He works out another problem in the same way, then asks me to try on my own. I smile tentatively as I go, hesitant to accept that I actually know how to do the problem now.

But I do.

It takes concentration to work through the steps, but I can, which is a far cry from where I was last night. Carlisle waves off my thanks, saying I just needed to try a different approach, but I had it within me all along. I bring up another section I had issues with—structures of the elements—and Carlisle teaches me a better strategy for memorizing a few and then figuring out the rest. By the time Esme and Bella have put the food away, my homework is done—in a fourth of the time it would have taken me struggling through it on my own.

“Seriously, Dr. Cullen, thank you so much.”

He smiles pleasantly, handing me back my textbook. “Of course. If you need help again, just come on over. I know the girls love having the company, and my wife and I enjoyed the opportunity to meet you as well.”

Esme appears behind her husband, laying her hands affectionately on his shoulders. “Absolutely, Y/n. Please come over any time.”

I pack up my homework and thank them once again for lunch and for the help. Alice darts to my side, grinning. “Ready to finish the episode?”

I feel so much lighter now that my homework is done, and I don’t feel guilty at all for spending time with my new friends. In fact, I may even indulge in that ice cream when I get home.

“Absolutely.”

A/n Thanks for reading! If you have a moment, here’s the link to my masterlist :)

#twilight #twilight renaissance #platonic twilight #carlisle cullen #alice cullen #jasper cullen #emmett cullen #rosalie cullen #esme cullen #bella cullen #twilight imagine #carlisle imagine #alice imagine

144 notes · View notes

howtosingit · 3 years

Note

Hi! Sorry for bothering, just wanna hear your thoughts about all this fuss FOX is apparently making over Gwyneth/Owen storyline. I mean, the synopsis says Gwen arrived in Austin to visit her son following the injuries he sustained at the end of last season. But what do we see in promos? Owen and Gwyneth hooked up... and now FOX is promoting the hell out of it. I get it, they’re two big stars in this show and it’d be logical to explore their own dynamic, but I really do wanna see a solid mother/son relationship between Gwen and TK. I’ve seen none of it in the promos so far, but rather a dozen of different takes of Owen and Gwyneth being intimate. And now Lisa Edelstein is doing a bunch of interviews promoting the show, and the only thing she’s talking about is her relationship with Owen/Rob Lowe, which is annoying af because I thought the point was to finally introduce TK’s mother and focus on her relationship with her son who had been through some really hard times last season. *sigh* Sorry for all of this tho, I’m just frustrated :(

Oh, Anon, I’m sorry that you’re frustrated! I’ve been there, recently actually, and it’s never a fun feeling. And I totally see where your frustration is coming from, I do!

Lots of thoughts about TV marketing strategies under the cut so I’m not clogging up everyone’s dashboard...

Listen, Marketing is just... it’s weird. It relies on trends, taking the pulse of the audience, deciding what content might give the show the most bang for its buck. It’s all numbers and well-discussed talking points and narratives; it’s literally a whole complex system.

And I think the really important thing to remember is that the people who market a TV show are NOT the same people who write a TV show. I work in the entertainment industry (regional theatre, not Hollywood TV, but I’m sure there are similarities) and a marketing strategy for a show is not developed by the director and actors and production team creating that show. It’s all headed by the artistic director of the theatre, sure, but directives for a marketing strategy are based on a large number of things, and not all of them have to do with the actual content of the show that’s being marketed. And that’s weird, yes, but it’s the nature of the beast.

So, yes. The promos have been very Owen/Gwen heavy, and interviews with Rob and Lisa have been the same, but that’s a marketing narrative, not necessarily the narrative for the season. Do I wish we were seeing more Gwen and TK? Of course I do. Do I think us not seeing it means that it’s not going to happen? Absolutely not. I think it’s there, we’re just not being teased with it because it’s not the best use of precious promo time.

Obviously, when they sat down to market this season, they picked some major topics to focus on... One is Tommy Vega/Gina Torres (though not as much as I was expecting), one is Rob Lowe being Rob Lowe, one is TK and Carlos (though we got that a little later, quite possibly because we were raising hell about it), and the last one is Owen and Gwen. I think, in an attempt to clarify things for the audience, they’ve stayed in those lanes and tried not to really mix things up. They’ve kept TK pretty firmly attached to Carlos for a few promos now (I’m not complaining, but I don’t think that’s going to be true for all of his plot lines in these episodes), and they’ve kept Gwen attached to Owen. It’s all about simplifying things for the general audience.

The main takeaway is that they can’t market the show to the fanbase. We’re here, and they expect us to remain committed, to tune in no matter what, so they can’t spend millions of dollars on us - basically, we don’t cost that much to keep around 😅 they have to focus on new viewers, and selling the show to general audiences that just tune into Fox for whatever reason.

A big draw for that audience is Owen and Gwen, as well as Rob and Lisa. They have a history (The West Wing), there’s an exciting narrative already built into their working relationship. They’re both Fox alums (him from The Grinder, her from House), so they’re easily recognizable by the mainstays of the Fox audience. Building on those narratives takes less work and therefore less money, so it’s not surprising that they’ve picked that play. (It’s also why it’s not surprising that there’s so much Rob Lowe in the promos, as much as I really don’t care for it.)

I’ve talked a lot about the marketing for this show and how it can be misleading, and I encourage you to go back to season 1′s promos and see if they were really representative of the show that we ended up getting. I’m not sure that they were (though I was not in the fandom then, so I wasn’t consuming every piece of news and footage that we got like I do now). We might not be seeing a lot of TK and Gwen, but I am fully confident that we’ll be seeing their relationship on the show when it finally does come. I’m not saying it will be a ton of content, but we’ll get some.

Lisa Edelstein might not be talking about TK a lot, but that’s because she’s been given talking points to cover in interviews, and again, the marketing strategy is all about Owen and Gwen. Every time you see an actor do press for a show, know that they are not saying whatever they want to say; they are given a script for interviews the same way they are given a script for episodes. It’s all part of the deal.

And hey, just remember! The season isn’t even fully written yet. They’ve only filmed 5 episodes. I’m sure they’ve only written like, 7 or 8. It’s still a work in progress, and things can still change. The footage that we’re seeing is probably mostly from the first 3-4 episodes, so it’s really not representative of the whole of season 2. It’s really just the easily digestible plots that will appeal to the most people.

Don’t lose hope that you’ll still get the content that you want! It might not be everything that you hoped for, but I think as long as you remain realistic, you’ll be pretty happy!

#911 lone star #ls spoilers #ls speculation #wow this was... a lot #I'm so sorry anon #I too was getting really upset when we were getting all the rob lowe promos a month ago #so I understand your frustration about not seeing what you want to see #but remember that we're not seeing the whole story here #we're seeing what they've chosen for us to see #and THEY are not writers - THEY are marketing strategists #their jobs are very specific #marketing for a show does not always represent the show itself #it's crazy but it's true #also take this as a fan who has observed a lot of TV in his life #I do not work for Fox and can confirm nothing about season 2 #anonymous #asks

16 notes · View notes

bigskydreaming · 4 years

Note

I think i have adhd, my family doesn't believe me. They really support me, but they don't want to notice all the symptoms, i think because they think it'll be worst...

That sucks anon, and I’m sorry to hear that! I want to first caution you that I am ultimately just a random stranger on the internet and you should always back up or verify elsewhere advice you get that way before proceeding just on someone like me’s say-so.

But if you were looking just for ideas on where maybe to go from here….am I assuming correctly from your context that you’re still a minor or in school? If so, is there any kind of guidance counselor that you feel or would feel comfortable expressing this to, to ask their opinion on how to go about having a productive conversation about this topic with your family?

That would be my first suggestion, IMO….always seek out someone you can interact with face to face who specializes in helping with this very kind of thing (or whatever the problem may be). In order to get somewhere productive with anything like this, its really really ideal that you find someone to bounce thoughts off of who knows you personally, face to face, or can get to know you that way…that you also feel comfortable enough with that you’re not likely to give them misleading or half-answers to questions that are only helpful if they’re answered fully and accurately….and above all, you feel SAFE with them.

I can not stress that last part enough. Your safety in anything sensitive is paramount, and its really hard to make the most out of any situation if you don’t feel comfortable and secure with whomever is helping you through it. And something like this is a situation that really ultimately benefits the most from someone who can interact with you real time, in real space.

But back to your specific situation, since you said you do feel safe and supported by your family, which is really great and puts you in a really good position to find a positive resolution to this that you’re happy with….if its not a matter of being scared to approach them about this, but just having trouble coming across as credible….

Ultimately I think the best thing to do is just….keep trying to have this conversation. Try not to get too frustrated with them for not responding the way you really want or ultimately need them to, and when one approach doesn’t work….try again.

I know being ADHD that kind of trial and error thinking isn’t the easiest thing in the world to commit to, so if you truly do have ADHD like you suspect, it might be that you have trouble committing to that exact kind of approach and that’s the problem…..and so my advice there is just take a step back, breathe, and try your best to lower your stress and anxiety about this matter, because those things only exacerbate ADHD, just in my personal experience. Don’t put too much pressure on yourself to resolve this as fast as possible, even if (understandably) you really want to see progress on this sooner rather than later. As long as you’re in a safe, supportive environment….you have time.

Your situation may not be as ideal as you’d like it to be, compared to if you got your parents convinced to help you get tested and find a possible diagnoses and from their, potentially either medication or behavior/mindset tricks and skills aimed at helping ADHD individuals compensate for the ways our brains work even when medication isn’t viable….

But from the sounds of it, your situation also isn’t one where time sensitivity is actively worsening or threatening to worsen your situation. If I’m wrong about that, let me know, as a lot of this doesn’t apply then, or isn’t the best train of thought….but if I’ve assumed correctly there, the best thing you can do for yourself is cut yourself a bit of a break. Commit to not abandoning this and still seeking ways to convince your family to hear you out the way you feel you’re not being heard, currently…..but don’t put too much pressure on yourself to get that accomplished immediately or according to any kind of arbitrary deadline. You don’t need to give yourself more reasons to stress. You need to find yourself more room to breathe.

So even if your thought patterns make it hard to sit down and have a conversation with your family that’s as productive as you want it to be, or where you make your case as strongly as you feel you’ve made it to yourself…..the second you allow yourself TIME to work towards those goals without putting pressure on yourself to achieve them NOW NOW NOW…..you’ll be doing yourself a world of good.

If you have trouble saying everything you want to say in a conversation and tend to be hard on yourself afterwards as you only then remember things you wanted to say but forgot to….just remember its not too late just because you didn’t say them in the previous conversation….you can still say them in the next one you have. Also, try planning ahead. Don’t try and do too much at one time, just whenever you’re fairly relaxed, have nothing else weighing on you, and you’re thinking about this, jot down what you want to say for as long as your brain cooperates and you’re getting out the words the way you want them to get out…..and then when they stop flowing….just give yourself permission to stop.

You were still productive. You still accomplished something. You didn’t figure out everything you want to cover all in one sitting, but you don’t need to. Put your notes aside until the next time you find yourself in a similar spot of free time and cooperative headspace, start naturally thinking about this again….and pull out that piece of paper or open up that file, don’t even try reading or going over the whole thing….just refresh yourself on the last couple things you put down to help synch up your thoughts then with your thoughts now….and right down whatever comes to you as something you want to say while you’re thinking of it now.

Its okay if you write the same things twice or repeat yourself. You can always just delete one of them later when you review everything you wrote down before you try and have the actual conversation with your family. And its okay if its slow going. Its better to be thorough than to be fast, as long as urgency isn’t a factor, and instead of focusing on not getting as much done as you wanted to get done in a sitting, focus on the fact that you productively made progress, actual steps, closer towards getting you to where you want to be. That’s all that matters, ultimately. Once you reach your end goal and get results you’re happy and satisfied with one way or another, its not going to matter how you went about getting there or how long it took you.

In matters like this, the end goal, the destination, is really what matters most, and so don’t stress so much about what the road getting there looks like, so long as you can keep making steps forward, in whatever amounts and however often you can without wearing yourself out…and eventually, you’ll get there. Momentum isn’t important. Just that you keep going, period, and you keep moving in the right direction.

And as for convincing your family specifically…..obviously there’s specific things about yourself and your ways of thinking that make you suspect you might be ADHD….write down what those are. However works for you without also putting too much unnecessary stress or pressure on yourself, google ADHD symptoms, signs, find official sources online that say things about ADHD that coincide with the things about yourself you think match these specifics. Write down those links or print things out, have them with you when you ask your family to sit down and have a conversation about this.

Prepare ahead of time a list of examples of your own behavior or mannerisms that you feel match up to certain ADHD tendencies. If any of them are things your family probably has noticed about you or seen happen, all the better, because you can point them to something they already have a mental image of, connect that to a source saying this might be a sign of ADHD, and then ideally, link it back to something you’ve thought about that makes clear to them why you feel this is something you need to see addressed, and how you might benefit from getting diagnosed and seeing this addressed one way or another.

The more you can manage to prepare and gather together ahead of time, before you bring this up with them next, the more this is likely IMO to convey how important this conversation is to you and how seriously you’re taking this….and that, more than anything, is what’s likely to make them sit up and take notice, and hopefully get them to match your energy in ways that make you feel like you’re being heard now and they’re taking this and taking you seriously.

And try and keep in mind, if you’re having trouble convincing them to believe you as you said…..don’t jump to assuming the worst at any point if you don’t have to. Don’t assume it means they don’t take you seriously or don’t respect your opinion….remember that your parents and family are human too, and none of us are infallible, and we all have things we have preconceived opinions on. If for some reason your parents are seeming particularly resistant to the idea you might be ADHD….there could be a million different explanations for what’s going on in their heads that’s making them resistant, and its very likely that most of them don’t even have anything to do with you.

They’ve been around a lot longer than you no matter how old you are, lol, which means they have both a lot more experiences and a lot more things influencing them towards whatever beliefs they already have about this subject, before you even bring it up.

If worst comes to worst, it might be worth a try to shift gears and stop trying to convince them to believe you at all. Instead just focus on expressing to them that right or wrong, this is something you feel very strongly about and is very implanted in your head, and if nothing else, getting tested and an official diagnosis could suggest that you may not be ADHD or there might be another explanation for the things that made you suspect that, and being diagnosed in this direction could still be to your benefit, as it might open up more avenues for you to explore.

I don’t think this would be lying to them or misleading to them as long as you’re open….even though you’re convinced you’re right and a diagnosis will bear this out….there’s nothing dishonest about you simply expressing that regardless of whether anyone actually believes you’re right, you strongly believe this is something you need explored, and that’s worth attention in and of itself. As long as you feel supported and safe as you talk this through with them, that suggests that the basic matter of how important this is to you….that’s going to be important to them as well. If they care about the fact that right or wrong, you care very strongly about this….that can be more than enough!

They don’t need to believe you yet themselves, just to believe that it matters to you to see this explored, even if its to have your own belief refuted and given alternative explanations. I know its frustrating to be sure you’re right and can’t get anyone else on board with that - believe me, I do - but just keep in mind your ultimate goals! The successful outcome for you isn’t getting your family to believe you’re right, specifically….its getting your family to believe this is important enough to you to be worth exploring, no matter what the end outcome is. It’ll be frustrating to feel like they might just be humoring you, but as long as that’s still advancing you towards your ultimate goal of getting answers for yourself….you’re still being productive, you’re still getting closer to your goal.

It doesn’t cost you anything but pride to accept that they don’t need to fully believe or agree with you to at least cooperate with you in taking things to where you feel this conversation needs to lead. It might suck, but again, just keep your eye on your ultimate goal and what you feel you stand to gain from that. I think in the longrun, looking back in hindsight, any pride it costs to feel like your parents weren’t totally convinced by you and needed an official diagnosis to concede you’re right……like, that’s still nothing compared to the relief and improvement to your mental health and quality of life that you could potentially get from actual answers to your questions about yourself and why you do or don’t do certain things.

Find your specific goal, focus on what you hope to gain from it, and just….keep your eye on that at all times as you move forward, and don’t sweat the small stuff along the way. In the end, once you get where you wanted to go, its all gonna be small stuff in comparison….you likely won’t even remember the specifics of how you felt at various stages along the way, and even if you do, it won’t matter compared to you feeling good about where you are by then, and how you’ve benefited from reaching that point.

I hope there’s something helpful for your specific situation somewhere in all that, and again, don’t just take my word for it, back up or even challenge anything and everything here with other POVs on this. Explore what makes the most sense to you, what feels the most actionable to you, and what is ultimately the most comfortable for you. And again, above all else, just prioritize feeling as safe and secure and supported as possible through all of this. Don’t underestimate the power of having a family you feel is actually supportive of you. As far as anyone I’ve ever met goes, people generally don’t feel confident about saying their family is supportive unless there’s reasons they actually feel that to be true.

Oh, lots of people might generically express they’re sure their family loves them, just on general principle, like, of course they do, that’s what families do, right?

*Shrugs* Regardless, you said you feel supported by them, and that was your word choice, and in my experience that tends to mean something. You wouldn’t have led with a word that specific if you didn’t have something in mind making you feel that was an accurate one word description of them…..so focus on whatever it is about your family that makes you feel that way, makes you feel that’s true, and just…..remember not to forget that at any point through all of this, even when you’re most frustrated or feel furthest from getting where you want to be.

But don’t underestimate the power of having a family who genuinely just wants what’s best for you - and in that specific context, don’t forget there’s a potential avenue to explore if you decide its enough that you convince them to believe this is really important to you, that you really need their support on THIS specifically, even if just to settle yourself and get peace of mind one way or another. Don’t make it about convincing them you’re right, if that’s not what it actually has to be about, to get the end results you’re most trying to reach. All of that can come later…..just focus on getting them on the same page as you in feeling this is worth exploring.

And btw, apologies if you’re not a minor, which you very well might not be. I figured it was safer just to assume that and approach this question from that specific context. I think all of this applies pretty equally no matter what age you are, I just wanted to make sure I didn’t leave out or overlook any angle that might specifically affect the situation in the case of a minor or a teenager still under legal age.

And again, just to reiterate the most important part of all of this:

I AM NOT AN EXPERT OR AN AUTHORITY. PLEASE DO NOT TREAT MY WORD OR OPINION ON THIS AS BEING EQUIVALENT TO THAT OF AN EXPERT OR PROFESSIONAL ON THESE MATTERS.

I’m just a random older guy on the internet who is glad to be of any help he can, but wants to make sure that you not only stay safe and comfortable as you go about this with the people in your day to day life….but ALSO that nobody gets in the habit of getting too comfortable with just trusting the word of any random tumblr user in terms of specific advice…especially with family matters or matters of health or mental health.

I’m honored you value my words enough to approach me about this and I hope my response treated this with the responsibility it deserves, but please always make a habit of running any advice you get from social media past a couple different sources. And don’t just look for repeats of what’s already been said….look for contrary opinions, challenge what someone told you to see if that knocks any holes in it….and decide what to believe based on what holds up best under the scrutiny YOU apply and YOU believe is more relevant to your situation.

Ultimately its your life, you have to live with wherever any advice you take leads, so the most relevant advice is still always going to be the advice that you personally trust the most….because that’s ultimately the only way you’re going to be able to take comfort with whatever else happens at that point, knowing that you at least did your due diligence, challenged the advice before acting on it, and went with the advice that you felt was strongest or prepared you best.

And I also just want to express to you and any other followers in general…..I do try and be as genuine as possible on here, and I do genuinely just want the best for anyone who sends me an ask like this….but I don’t want to encourage it and also I don’t want to discourage it.

By that I mean, I don’t want to say don’t ask me for personal advice ever…..because if something is weighing on you that you need someone’s opinion on and you honestly can’t think of anyone else you trust more to give you an answer you think will help….then I’d rather you ask me or someone else online than just not ask anyone at all. Because I know for a fact that not everyone does have people in their day to day life that they can trust with sensitive questions, and everyone needs some help or insight or even just a sounding board on occasion. Better you ask someone at all, rather than just shove it down and remain bothered by it, with no outlet.

BUT. BUT BUT BUT.

At the same time, please ALWAYS keep in mind when asking personal advice of a stranger on the internet….no matter how genuine we come across as, we are still ultimately strangers on the internet. That doesn’t necessarily mean the advice you get won’t be helpful or is automatically untrustworthy….it just means….consider whatever advice you get PURELY on its own merits. Look at simply in terms of what was actually said, and how that compares to other things you’ve read and heard, and how it might or might not apply or benefit your situation. Wherever and whenever possible, remove the tumblr user giving the advice from the equation….don’t make them and your overall impression of them relevant to how much weight you give to the advice. Don’t follow advice you ultimately don’t feel comfortable with just BECAUSE its a big name or popular tumblr user who said it.

Treat the advice as if you just found it written on a piece of paper that just appeared on the sidewalk in front of you, with no idea who left it for you or what their intentions in doing so might be…..and just weigh the words themselves. Where the advice you found online came from shouldn’t influence how much weight you give that advice UNLESS it came from someone or somewhere online that you can VERIFY as an ACTUAL expert or authority on the specific subject the advice is intended to address.

If the advice you get is solid, it should be able to stand on its own under scrutiny, regardless of who said it. If the advice seems flimsy or causes doubts for you at ANY point, to ANY degree…..seek additional advice and viewpoints elsewhere. Get a second, third, fourth opinion if need be. Compare and contrast, seek as many viewpoints as you can devote time to looking for.

And above all, guys, please stay safe. Keep in mind that however trustworthy I come across as to you, I’m glad for that, but just as a general habit and good practice (especially the younger you are yourself)….always keep in mind I’m a fair bit older than the average users on here, and that neither makes me an automatic expert or authority on anything, nor should it make me your first choice to discuss sensitive matters with. I would prefer anyone who does feel a need to seek my advice with questions like this….please stay anonymous, keep your privacy secure, and ask your question in ways that the answer will be helpful to you even without me ever knowing who you are. Keep this practice in mind with all adults you interact with on a personal level here.

There’s no reason for me or any tumblr user my age to need to carry on a private conversation with unpublished private asks back and forth on personal matters about your private life, if you’re anywhere under twenty. Not only am I likely not to answer those (because even a follow up anon question that sounds similar is likely to be from the URL I’ve already seen you use), they’d make me personally uncomfortable and set a precedent I don’t want to encourage, and for your own safety, I don’t think its a good idea to get too comfortable interacting with any older adult blogger in privacy, or approaching them privately. Same goes for direct messaging.

Anything like this, I am happy to help if I can and I’ll be honest about not being able to if I can’t….but any advice I can offer in situations like these will be just as relevant as a response to an anon ask published in public, as it would be in private. Just protect yourself and remove all identifying information you don’t feel safe seeing posted publicly even WITH you being anonymous…..and just ask whomever you’re seeking advice from on anon in a way that will help you even if they just answer in more general terms, directed to their blog audience as a whole.

Better safe than sorry, wherever possible. Your safety online is just as paramount as your safety in real life physical spaces. Above all else, always stick to spaces where you feel comfortable and secure, and like you have power and agency to protect yourself and remove yourself from any situation that makes you feel uncomfortable or anxious. Don’t make this a reason to feel you have to stay isolated and afraid to connect with others online at all - definitely not what I’m trying to say. Just….always keep in mind what you do or don’t know about another person, before deciding whether they’re the best person to entrust with various things you might want to tell them. Err on the side of caution.

Seek out peers in your own age group first, and ideally prioritize interacting with them first and foremost. Doesn’t mean you can’t have older friends….just….its okay to have different styles and different levels of friendship with different friends, relative to their different ages. Focus sharing your more age specific life experiences with other friends your own age. Just…all things in moderation, you know? You can certainly value the insight and words and friendship of someone much older than you, but don’t make them the be all and end all of your online social circles is all I’m saying. Have people you feel are at the same stage of life as you and going through the same kinds of things currently, who you can turn to or fall back on when you need to. Its important to keep people in your life that you feel are your clear peers in every way….who you don’t feel intimidated by to any degree because of them being older or more experienced or whatever. The most valuable friendships IMO are going to be the ones that not only can do the most for you, who give you what you’re seeking most in a friend or friendship…..but that at the same time, you have just as much to give them, offer them, in terms of what they’re looking for in a friend or friendship. Don’t ever underestimate the importance…the necessity…of feeling like an equal partner in a relationship rather than a junior partner. Its ideal to feel like you’re contributing as much to their life as you feel they contribute to yours. So you don’t feel dwarfed or overshadowed, and because its important to be aware of our own importance to other people. To feel that reassurance that we matter, we make a difference in someone else’s lives….that they are the richer for our friendship and we offer them something unique to our particular bond that they’re not going to get in the same way from any other friend.

Seek out and prioritize friends that make you feel like you’re worth as much to them as they feel they’re worth to you. And if you maybe feel this doesn’t characterize a friendship you have already, once you look at it in these terms….if this makes you uncomfortable once its in your awareness, that doesn’t mean there’s necessarily something inherently WRONG or BAD about that friendship or that friend….it could just be that you’ve realized that whatever that friendship is like now, maybe its not everything it COULD be. And if it bothers you to be aware of that discrepancy….there’s no reason you can’t try and change that to a dynamic you’re more comfortable with, as long as you make a point to keep their feelings and POV about all this in mind as well.

Anyway, I think I’ve wrung all possible blood out of this stone, lol, so that’s enough from me. Just….I get a lot of asks, but not usually ones as specific to individuals’ lives as this one is. So I don’t have a ton of precedence for this particular scenario, and I’m not saying that as a bad thing at all, anon, just FYI…..I just mean I didn’t want to answer this ask without also addressing the overall scenario and making sure I didn’t overlook or leave anything out.

Again, just one last time - I don’t want to in any way suggest or scare anyone into not seeking out advice or help or even just a conversation when they find themselves in need of help and have no one to turn to in their personal lives. If online acquaintances (I’m not talking online friends, mutuals, etc, those friendships are every bit as real and valid as offline friendships and I include these when I say “personal lives” and am talking about if for whatever reason they can’t help in the way you need either)…then yeah, absolutely reach out to anyone you feel can safely help you or give you a good starting point for actionable advice. I do not mean to encourage people to isolate themselves and NOT build bonds online just because its online.

I just mean….be safe, guys. And just….dot your t’s and cross your i’s, and don’t neglect to treat your personal safety and comfort as an absolute priority at all times. Its not just a matter of physical safety or overall mental health, its a self image thing….no one should fall into the habit of thinking that their safety and personal comfort doesn’t deserve to always be a priority, or that its ever something you should take for granted instead of always maintaining an awareness that the best place and way to challenge yourself, stretch yourself, grow, try new things, learn new things, experience new things….always, always, always comes from first and foremost, starting from a place of being safe and feeling confident in that safety. THEN do all of the rest, from that particular spot and state of mind, with it there as a fallback if stepping out of your comfort zone to any degree starts to make you feel actually unsafe.

1 note · View note