#someone come get me before I scream

[hangmanshoney]

Is it just me, or does this particular chicago wednesday feel like an utter shit show and it’s not even over yet?!

Like i literally feel like I’m watching the entire one Chicago universe implode before my eyes and the writers expect us to be happy about it or at least just move past it & keep watching?!

From that unbearably cruel fire ending to seeing jay turn into the one thing he’s always hated & said he wouldn’t become right before they write him out - I literally cannot think straight besides the sheer heartbroken anger fuelling me rn.

My brain is freaking scrambled and I honestly cannot see how these decisions are gonna get them anything but a loss in fanbase?!

MAKE. IT. MAKE. SENSE.

#one chicago spoilers #chicago fire #chicago fire spoilers #chicago pd #chicago pd spoilers #evan hawkins #jay halstead #hawkami #upstead #I am beyond heartbroken #feel like someone has physically gutted me #like two of my faves in one night ARE YOY JOKING?! #you expect me to keep watching?! #I cannot see getting past this now #someone come get me before I scream

[inoreuct]

thinking about zoro being the crew's main protector.

it’s quite literally his role amongst the straw hats; luffy's captain, usopp's their sniper, sanji cooks, nami navigates, chopper's their doctor, franky's their shipwright, jinbei's their helmsman and brook's their musician but zoro? zoro's their swordsman. zoro’s their guardian. his job is to be the first line of defense and protect everybody else so they can focus on doing their own thing and sure, none of them really need protecting— but they don't have to worry about defending themselves, either, because whoever they can't or don't want to handle zoro will finish up (if he hasn't gotten to them first).

like imagine a bunch of idiots cornering one of the crew (bad idea.) and picking nami because she's the woman without a devil fruit, as opposed to robin (BAD idea.). they've got her surrounded in the dead end of an alleyway and have somehow neutralised her clima-tact and she’s not worried, she’s not.

but against twelve men and with her weapon essentially now just a regular staff, she might be panicking. just a little. she’s gotten a couple of them good enough that they’re down for the count before a chain wrapped around her ankle trips her. it pulls at enough memories, faded but never forgotten, to bring up a sickening wave of fear and anger— and nami decides that she’s had enough of the bullshit.

she takes a deep breath and screams. “ZORO!”

the silence afterwards is deafening. the wind shifts, gently lifting the pieces of hair stuck to her sweaty face, and the men laugh uneasily. one of them yanks hard on the chain and she spits at him, heels scrabbling against the dusty ground even as he starts reeling her in like a fish on a hook. “he can’t hear you, little missy,” he snickers, grin widening the longer nobody shows up.

it’s still on his face when his head slides right off his neck.

blood sprays right before his body crumples like a doll. it takes a second for the others to realise and then the screaming starts— none of them get any farther than three steps before zoro’s cutting them down, swift swings of his sword and almost surgically precise slices rendering them incapacitated if not plain dead.

“sorry i’m late, witch.” the swordsman’s breathing hard, gore dripping off his blades even as he arcs one down and snaps the chain off nami’s leg with a growl. “did they hurt you?”

“no. no, i’m fine,” nami breathes, her smile quivering just a little— not because she’s shaken, no. because she’s pissed.

zoro’s voice is gruff as always, but his hands are careful if not outright gentle as he kneels to inspect her ankle before pulling her to her feet. “stay close,” he mutters, making sure that she’s nodded before cutting them a path through the fray. they bump into chopper next, and the doctor’s out cold over zoro’s shoulder in his regular form by the time sanji joins them to guard their flank. nami’s taken to just using her clima-tact as a bat for now, and it’s admittedly efficient.

she knew zoro would come. he always does. for all that they bicker and snip at each other, zoro has always protected his crew— even when said crew was just three people on what could barely be called a boat. he’d fought for her at arlong park and he fights for her now, his sword slicing over her head at an enemy she can’t see as she ducks low to jam her staff into another’s stomach.

they’ve moved closer to their ship when they find jinbei, then robin, then usopp, then brook and franky, and then zoro’s yelling luff, time to go! and their captain’s launching them all back onto the Sunny with a gleeful cackle that makes nami wheeze a laugh as they land in a mildly painful pile of limbs. somebody’s elbow digs into her ribs and she’s pretty sure that’s sanji’s bony kneecap pressed into her lower back. the swordsman swears as he sets about trying to pry them all apart and luffy seems to be actively fighting him, based on how his cursing’s getting more and more colourful.

behind them, their enemies burn, sliced to pieces. they debrief in the galley and zoro refuses to come away from the door until nami drags him by the ear and sanji threatens to personally shove dessert down his throat. they both know it’s because zoro’s still guarding them from a threat that doesn’t exist anymore.

they know he pretends not to care as much as he does. they know he keeps his words blunt and his swords sharp, but zoro lets luffy hang off him, unfazed, and makes a marginal effort to stick to nami’s budget even when he’s getting booze, and he eats his dessert. every last bit. he lets usopp fire moving targets to slice through so they can both practice. he keeps collateral damage when sparring with sanji to a minimum. he stitches whoever needs it up himself when chopper’s a little too tired.

and when his crew calls, he answers.

(now with a part from nami’s pov!)

#idk what this is #it was SUPPOSED to be a much angstier scene with nami getting borderline tortured before she cracks and screams for help #and zoro comes in swords blazing in full demon mode because how fucking dare. how dare someone touch his nakama #but i’ll spare you guys the pain (unless yall actually want me to write it lmao) #but also i love!! romance dawn trio!! #one piece #roronoa zoro #zoro #one piece zoro #strawhat pirates #straw hat pirates #mugiwara crew #nami and zoro are textbook wlw mlm solidarity but also #their friendship is something so special to me

[oatbugs]

oh my god ! haha . anyway a bit buzzed perhaps. anyway here's what happened on the date

#at some point i took the earrings off. the metal clanging was screaming their name too loud and it #was 6 knives to the throat and he confirmed it so. here's the kicker. you can be taught a lot and you can have their hands on your thighs #and you can kiss them but even if they pray even if they tell you about the bible looking into you like really they lost what they believed #in a pennsylvania countryside catholic schools with a protestant family since joining the london school of economics #even if they pray for you to stay the whole way even though their hair was softer than hers you think of her and he thinks of someone else #and be tells you none of it will make sense. they smile and they say what a shame you might miss the train but they hold onto you #the entirety of you - like a religion or a polite insistence or something to keep. #you learned they were used to losing everyone they felt bound to love. they said they got really good at letting go. you were told #you think he's being epistemologically #irresponsible and he tells you he carries a massive task. he tells you the responsibility is monumental #and he feels responsible for defining responsibility. he shows you songs and his poetry. my eyes feel on fire. #she doesnt know this. this is marylebone. the next station is edgeware road. everyone here looks happy and high and clear of the doors. #he says tell me when you get to the station and very especially tell me if you don't. the next station is paddington. please mind the gap #between the train and the platform. you say this to him. he says i minds the gap between you and i. i mind it so much that i need you to #come back. he says this because you kissed him briefly but you kissed him well. she says you're a good kisser but he says you have him #stunned. he asks you who decides the truth. he tells you you decide the truth without his mouth. you're fast enough to make it there before #the wheels do. this world is lit by glass and light and people with a pact to fall in love with the abstractions more than each other. #he tells you to be committed to your various intangible loves more than anyone. you both have to be. they love each other anyway. #i was supposed to find a persian poetry book with her on our fourth date except she was hours late. i found it with him. he didnt give up #he should be perfect and i should really like him.

[justsomeoneunordinary]

I cannot believe that for such a gay-ass website not enough people in this fandom are into Tsume!!!

How's everyone thirsting for twink-ass Kakashi from the same series Inuzuka "She would bully me until I cried and I'd thank her for it" Tsume???

She's wild, she's loud, she's mean, she's a single mother, she's so fucking hot, she has a big mean one-eyed wolfdog companion, she's feral, she has sharp teeth, she's rough helloooo if that's not mommy material right there then Idk what is!!!

I need her to transform Mei's legs into jelly with a single smirk and leave bite marks all over her decolleté, need her to get drunk with Tsunade and make out messily afterward, tasting nothing but the liquor on the other's tongue, need her to realize with one look that Mikoto never had the pleasure of experiencing an orgasm and decide to finger her right in front of Fugaku, to show him how it's properly done

hhhhfhrhrhfhrhfhrhfhhhhrrrr come onnnn guys, I need more of Tsume, why's everyone sleeping on her fuckkkk

#inuzuka tsume #<- tagging her even tho she has not enough fans who'd go into her tag to look for her #but maybe. just maybe someone's just as thirsty as me and will see this and get me #also y'know what. fuck it i'll also tag #naruto #look at my post fandom!! i am right!!! #also i did actually go into her tag and queue'd up some arts i hadn't seen before #found only 5... screaming crying throwing up #y'all in for a treat once they come out tho

[arklay]

DIANA x ALBERT WESKER / template.

#mine. #pair: ewskers #oc: diana #click for better quality ♡ #posting this before i start changing more things lmao but yes i went nuts and made my own psd from scratch... don't look at me #changed ages to birth years cause of how much time passes in the story!! and also gives cheeky fc for you hehe runs away #the checkboxes make me scream like he almost had a clean sweep it's so funny. and he could've had one more i'm not even joking. cause their #first kiss was technically both of them... like idk how to explain this but they were already standing close then diana moved even closer #and was tracing his jaw and such and they were just lingering while holding eye contact but he was the one who actually closed the distance #so i mean... yeah. she was just about to and he beat her to it!! but diana made the move to get them into that position in the first place #is what i mean. i just couldn't give him more it was already too hilarious lmao #can't tell if i like the lil icons but i can't doodle so peace and love on planet earth but yes i'm happy with how this came out hehe #clueless levels are cause they are clowns <3 i have a lot of thoughts about all that but yes they both take hints in some aspects but i #think they both have trouble telling if they are genuine or not or if they are misreading the situation or whether something is romantic or #not (unless ofc it's over the top and ridiculous. ahem. excella. cough. explodes her with my mind) but yeah hit him with the tism so he's #learnt how to read people very well as he's gotten older but i think when it comes to actual just genuine like wanting to get to know #someone and not just someone wanting to get in his pants he seconds guesses it a lot. and diana's all stems from being rattled by her past #experiences oughguhh and i mean her not actually having experienced proper feelings for someone until him lmao but she's got trust issues #also there were so many tropes i could use (thank you to bestie elliot for helping me finds names of things) but i had to do i got you a #drawer specifically because that moment has such a special place in my heart!! like i need to finish the wip where i talk about that cause #it makes me so silly i'm not even joking #anyway omg i hope the mentions work because doing this on the legacy editor after copying the html for beta one because the image just #didn't want to work in the beta image for some reason rip

[cuntylittlesalmon]

i’m finding it really hard to take more media discourse seriously right now because a lot of it tends to be hinder by emotional fragility. the “if something make me feel this type of way (namely the escapist, or the horny) it is inherently above criticism, and any attempts to critique (even if said critique is coming from a place of endearment) is an attack on my morality” stuff.

#esp when it relies on misogyny…….. #like attempting to create a new category of fiction is fine #it happens all the time. but when people tell you that creating That Specific Subgenre is futile & a defanging of the baked-in nature of #The Genre and you hit back with ‘but it’s WOMEN’S fiction!!!’ that is just misogyny #and the original critique was not commentary on your moral politics #however #you’re reaction is now that you have made it such #anyway. i saw a thread on ‘cozy horror’ and i wanted to scream #you are just describing GOTHIC. you are describing DOMESTIC. #these are things that already exist. and attempting to craft something new (and fucking vague as hell) out of it #on the basis of it being ‘by women for women’ (as comforting fiction should inherently be. no terrible bitchy women here no sir! /s) #is fucking futile. and misogynistic. #and this is coming from someone who regularly enjoys romance novels #i UNDERSTAND the desire for soft and escapist fiction #however when people find the politics in them & the discourses surrounding lacking….you can’t get in your feels about it #a lot of this reminds me of the rwrb discourse. it’s the poster child for escapist fiction. it also has some of the most milquetoast #liberalized politics. #like in your escapist fiction palestine is still being violently colonized? AND your find that jokes about that are acceptable? #before cmq removed the line there were tons and tons of these ‘escapist fiction’ readers in their feelings about being told that their book #baby had piss poor politics. are you incapable of seeing flaws in your favorite pieces of fiction? #i’m positive i could pull this into the fandomization of media consumption + the idea of media as identity but it’s dinner time #and i’m hungry :) #anw. sorry the tag essay for anyone who got this far 💀 #i have chronic can’t shut up disease #i would normally rant to my gf but she’s napping 🥺 and i don’t want to disturb her rn

[rocknrollsalad]

i cannot believe how well my most recent fic is doing on ao3. like, it has the best stats of anything on my account now and it's not even been there a week. I'm flabbergasted. I'm very confused. I'm also over the moon.

#and if one of you mother fuckers comes and reminds me #that it's because i wrote the popular trope of HoH steve #i will come to your house and scream outside your bedroom window #for a week #i KNOW #objectively i know #but sometimes my stupid goblin brain wants ten whole minutes of thinking that MAYBE - just maybe - the writing was good #before i get reminded it has nothing to do with that #and is just a popular trope #this went off the rails in the tags #i'm sorry #it's just every time i try to celebrate this #someone has to say it's because of the HoH steve thing #and it hurts every time #so please don't #i'm trying to be kind to myself #and it's not helping #anyway!! hollllllllllllllllllllllly shiiiiiit so many people are reading it!

[soldier-poet-king]

Apparently tumblr hates my concert photos and keeps eating my posts with my tag essays so HERE U GET MY CONCERTPOSTING TAGS SEPARATE and I'll try the photos again after BC if I type this one more time on my phone to lose it I'll scream

#franposting #ANYWAY. 3rd times the charm. lets see how much of my stream of consciousness i can remember #made eye contact with JD and shared a smile and that is the closest i will ever come to expressing my gratitude #for his work has saved my life and my soul over and over and over again #a boon and a comfort. and knowing that someone else has gone before? had felt it? understood it? and learned to live again #i want to live again. #absolutely broke my voice on this year #smthn about a room full of ppl screaming there will be feasting and dancing in jerusalem next year #??? nothing will ever replicate that. nothing will fill my soul the same way ever again #they played a good mix of new stuff and old classic concert bangers #ans ALSO stuff not usually in concert rotation (it froze me) #AND some stuff that i rlly just love. like hebrews 1140 my beloved.and some new force galesburg #ugh. just. so good. i was worried about being a weirdo loner #but the atmosphere was generally chill. more than half the ppl looked like gays at brunch chronically on tumblr ppl #so at least i wasnt worried about being The Most Awkward or getting murdered #also the opener was a nb southerner ans i dont do country usually #but there were. some bops #and they were hilarious in conversation #and just! smthn about loving your culture even if it doesnt love you #and you can reclaim it and enjoy it and the bigots dont get a monopoly on it #it meant a lot even tho im not from Tennessee obvs. #also the religious dynamic. the judas references. the line about glimpsing god thru the curtain. the fervour hunger metaphor #ugh. soooo good. thank u adeem the artist #anyway. i will find a setlist tmrw #i am too fuckin tired rn. got home at nearly 1am. thank GOD i took tmrw off work #tmg

[buriesitsteeth]

I was having a good day today for the first time since like…august and then someone said something and I’ve spiralled into anxiety grip ‘imworriedimworriedimworriedimworried’ brain and I’ve spoiled my night fr

#I’m just exhausted of existing this way #I’ve asked for advice and everyone tells me I need therapy or a doctor or something but I can’t make myself book an appointment #I need someone to *care* enough to help me do it but there’s no one who’s bothered and that just fucks me up more #*more #I physically can’t ask for help. I fill out the web form and then delete it before I send it. I start the conversation and then cant explain #how I feel or what help I need or I downplay it or joke my way out of it #and none of it is on purpose I just can’t ask for help #never have been able to #even when I was at school if I didn’t understand something I’d just…sit there and not understand instead of asking for help #idk I just #it’s like barriers come down in my brain that say NO SHARING NO #if I’m mid convo trying to talk about my feelings my tongue physically cannot handle the words #it feels like it swells up or something and I can’t get the words out or make the noise to talk and it sucks #I do agree yes talking therapy might be good for me but again like #where do I go? How do I find the right person to listen who will hear me out? how do I afford it? why would anyone want to listen to me? #thorn screams into the void

[carrotpiss]

🐰🧡🐻

#in stark contrast to most of my personal posts this is about me being happy and gay #because i need to just get it out my system bc otherwise i am just going to grab a friend by the shoulders and scream (in joy) in their face #i am dating someone and its really really nice and sweet and cute and like nothing ive ever experienced before #and instead its like every tiny little dream about this kind of thing ive managed to hold onto despite every experience otherwise and ahhhh #the lack of focus on just sex or sex appeal is so nice its like there but as a side thing so its nice and i dont feel like an object #i feel like a human person with thoughts and feelings and interests outside if that and feel safe in that and feel safe that everything wont #just be discarded if i dont want to do that like i feel like boundaries and stuff are an option! without jeopardising everything #and el likes me as much as i like them and wants and sees and communicates that they want something long term and ahhhhhhhh #i just want to cry like holy shit this is everything ive ever wondered about like i have spent so long wondering what this feeling would #actually feel like and its so good and so indescribable and ahhhhhhh #waking up on monday night and seeing them in my bed and cuddling me was just so nice i felt wanted i felt... loved #this all seems so out of left field still i still feel like i just never saw it coming but its so welxome and nice and ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh #my pessimism is still there but its less loud now its more learning to accept this may not be perfect forever but letting me enjoy the now #crouch speaks #it feels so nice to not be scared and to feel secure and ahhh #also it made me laugh El remembered me hitting on then at the Dgoals release show making them blush lol #i only remember the time i hit on them later at the groles show so its funny i pretty much used the same line twice and it still worked #i cant wait to see them again i cant wait to hold hands in public again i cant wait to be idiots who keep blushing too hard and accidentally #kissing eachother on the nose instead of the mouth because we are stupid and gay and pathetic about it hahaha #just ahhhh i could gush forever how perfect the 2!!! dates weve been on were and the fact they want more and more and ahhhhh #this is so lame i know i just haven't experienced anything remotely like this before and its just... wild #like wow holy shit what on earth i have been so increasingly miserablely depressed and insecure from the shea stuff last year and then this #just absolutely removed all of that i actually feel like a human person again with value

[forbodium]

had a nightmare where my dad and i were stalked by the ghost of a serial killer called "bonny john" aubrey

#did we die? not sure. debatable. #i'm like dad all the locals are saying that bonny john's coming out tonight. we should leave #and he's like ok [does everything so it takes the longest time possible] #all the lights on the street we're walking on go out at once. he sees no reason to get to the van any faster #the van starts by itself before we even get there. he's like welp hop in #nope we're going to this house to try and ask for help. the van starts making unnatural sounds when we cross the street. #there's definitely a figure back there. i think it has a chef's knife. #nobody's answering the door. we go around to the back yard just to put more distance between us #and suddenly the brightest lights are shining out the back windows. there's a man standing at the corner of the house. #someone is screaming. or roaring. the windows shatter. there's a paper-white face in front of me. #the only thing i remember after that is watching a cat jump out of a broken window and run off into the night #so yeah i probably died but idk #bonny john also had his own folk song. i heard it on a record player in an old thrift store where somebody told me to watch out for him #i can't remember the tune or anything but it was a good song #cornelis appears nonetheless!

[kateis-cakeis]

Every day since watching Episode 6 has been thinks about the kiss thinks about the kiss thinks about the kiss thinks about this kiss

thinks about the music, the line deliveries, the way it all hurts, the shaky breaths, the quivering lips, the setting of expressions as realisation dawns, the kiss, the kiss, the kiss

#good omens #good omens 2 #i know no one from this fandom can but can someone please come and save me :P #ineffable husbands #man what a pair what a scene what a moment #oh my god it's just so beautifully heartbreaking and it gives me so much inspiration for future writing ideas #It's just everything to me it's perfect it's messy it hurts oh god it hurts *them* #and yet it forced so much emotion onto me that during the kiss i was expressionless completely blank #and as soon as the credits rolled i was like haha wtf wtf wtf wtf #and proceeded to rant loudly and just get it all out because aaaaah screams #it's just an amazing like moment for a show - the way it just ends like that entirely focused on them entirely dedicated to their breakup #so yeah thinks about the kiss because ive been watching that kiss and staring like oh my god #god like the way Crowley grips and clings - the way Aziraphale doesn't know what to do with his hands but does eventually press them agains #Crowley's back and they shake but he does it and he presses in before flailing again and aaaah there's so much emotion there #so much! heartbreak! aaaaaaaaah

[theres-whump-in-that-nebula]

I’m a musician and I recognize the need for practice BUT JESUS FUCKING CHRIST DOES EVERYONE IN THIS HOUSE HAVE TO PRACTICE THEIR INSTRUMENTS AT EVERY HOUR OF THE DAY

I’m trying to get shit done and the constant noise is sucking the life out of me. The man finished the whole upstairs himself for his instruments and didn’t even think of soundproofing for recording purposes. I haven’t even found a place yet and I’m already looking at soundproofing.

#All my instruments are quiet. No I don’t want to plug my kalimba in for everyone including the neighbors to hear. #I don’t use your amplifiers for a reason. #Yes I have earplugs; but one can only use earplugs for so long before they start falling out from the slick of five hours of earwax buildup #and the stupid fucking clock going TICKTOCTICKTOCK I’m going to shoot myself through both eardrums #If I go in my bedroom for any amount of time I get a concerned “What’s wrong? You don’t want to see me anymore. You hate me now? Ahaha.” #“Come out and see us” #And the bedroom is situated directly under the pedal steel guitar so if he’s playing it I can hear the ceiling creak and groan above me #Every time someone tells me “Oh you’re so lucky to live in a house with so much music” I want to SCREAM #It would be one thing if it were just an acoustic guitar for two—three hours a day… you have to understand: #This man is up there sometimes with full backing tracks being played through subwoofers ALL DAY AND NIGHT #the same songs over and over and over again for YEARS with month-long spurts of creativity where he goes up there all day #I’m not being mean; I’m being overstimulated and driven to insanity #This is one of the reasons I’m moving out; but the overstimulation is hindering me from doing what I need to do to move out #This house #This fucking house #It’s a sensory nightmare #vent tw

[brightokyolights]

Absolutely nothing else like seeing someone else actually agree and validate your feelings about a popular book/character 🙏🙏🙏🙏😭😭😭😭

#genuinely felt like i was maybe mental and had read something completely different from everyone else #this is about the m*llion kisses in your lifetime book #before anyone screams. i read it without knowing anything about it and because it was in the library. which. mortified. #anyways dhsbdjsgfjd #ignoring all the s*xual *ssault :) and bullying :) and general shitness. the book was just fucking borimg as hell #the most bland characters and storyline ive ever encountered #but its so popular!! not to mention it has a whole fucking series for each of the dudes DOUBLY boring and underwheing brothers. its sickeni #but yeah i watched a vid where someone basically just said that the dude was weird and boring too and it made my heart sing like Thank You #le text post #second book that i wasnt going to mentiom because i think this one is definitely more popular and generally accepted #like it isnt just the romance book community if you get me #but while im here i might as fucking well #anyways. uprooted. was so looking forward to it. again not knowing anything going in #and it was decent but the romance?? was so unnecessary and honestly sort of ruined the book for me? also the plot of the book felt #So stretched out and then in the LAST chapter you get all this info dumped like what the hell #it just had so much potential #anyways yet again i watched a vid and the person basically said the same thing and again i was like. Thank You #thanks for coming to my TED talk

[eats-the-stars]

love the guy assigned to my case at the “help you get a job” program. i have exactly 2 modes. 1) procrastinating until the absolute last minute. And 2) guess I will complete months worth of work that is also due at the end of the year in exactly 3 days of non-stop effort. You can basically flip a coin as to which approach my brain will decide to take for any given task.

so yeah I have a job now. and my poor case manager dude is like “wait. no. that was so fast. it’s been one week. you did how many interviews? and you picked...this one. the one that is not like anything you have done before and also was not on the “jobs I think would work out for me” list that we made?”

and he was scrambling like “accommodations. training. oh god. um. do i need to talk to your employers?” and getting more anxious when I was like “no i think I have it covered.” like i am sorry bro but i know that my vibes in person are like “quiet forgetful autistic person who can pass for either a high school student or a grandma at any moment” and this does not inspire confidence, but I am actually pretty independent once someone gives me a little push to start a thing.

also...dude you have my job history. winter sports area general worker (concessions, ticket sales, renting ski/snowshoe equipment, managing cross-country trails, monitoring the tube hill, etc.). family restaurant hostess (basically every role in the place except a cook). person selling fireworks out of tent for all of July while also living in a smaller tent behind the shipping crate filled with things that go boom. call center customer service rep handling 4 different clients that range from crafts and home decor to incontinence products and super expensive furniture. freelance dog-sitting with clients ranging from “rich couple who wants me to let their elderly cockapoos out twice a day for $50 bucks a pop in a house with a basement theater” to “i’ll give you $10 a day to exercise and feed the 3 huskies in our small apartment also they can jump higher than you are tall and scream louder than you thought possible.” bro we added a whole “volunteer experience” section to my resume because I wrote grants and worked with an environmental group to restore native bluebirds to the community and volunteered at the community table and the animal shelter and the library. like i have done lots of things that are not really connected at all. someone says “hey do you think you could do this?” and I am suddenly living out of a tent for a month googling “what the fuck is a crossette?” i once ended up in Memphis for 2 months doing volunteer construction work in the aftermath of a hurricane because my cousin didn’t want to go alone and everyone was like “oh we know someone who goes with the flow so hard.”

so you better believe i told you “oh i don’t know, maybe a receptionist position would be nice” and then applied to every local job known to god and then a few extra and took the first one to say “cool can you start next week?” i know i did not give off “I will try anything at least once if you ask me fast and then go ‘great!’ before I can process what i agreed to” vibes while sitting in your office in my colorful leggings, grandma sweaters and animal hats while not making eye contact and talking about how lovely my nephew is and how much I enjoy quiet time alone and gardening and i struggle with a poor memory and navigating social interactions. but i know you proofread my resume my guy. you asked questions about all these things except the construction thing because i actually forgot to mention that actually which is good because then i might have had to mention the cult involvement that i wasn’t aware of until i was stuck on-site but it all worked out so no sweat. still, i am glad that he is concerned by my “out of the blue” spontaneity. it’s kind of his job to help people settle into jobs that they can handle, and I also know that I would realistically need more assistance from him if I wasn’t so good at adapting on the fly due to my bad habit of saying “sure, I can do that” to literally anything. also my new job is honestly pretty tame, so i am not sure what he is freaking out about. i should really not mention some of the other jobs i spontaneously applied for before accepting this one. like..my friend...i could be working in a bridal shop. i could be training to install and repair vending machines or decorating cakes or delivering medical equipment. i applied for a job that was literally “window production.” none of these are actually as wild as that time I spent 2 months with a religious cult doing manual labor and living out of an abandoned, half-destroyed school building because my cousin talked me into it. i had to watch a dramatic reenactment of the crucifixion of Jesus on my very first night that brought the whole gymnasium of strangers to wild, howling tears while I was awkwardly clapping my hands as my cousin sobbed incoherently into my shoulder. i once dog-sat a bluetick coonhound for 2 weeks in the dead of winter, and the snow if his yard was so high that he was able to jump the fence and book it down the street. i had to chase him through knee-high snow for over an hour before he stopped to sniff a bemused old lady long enough for me to catch him. i once had a customer at the restaurant rail at me for a good twenty minutes because she was absolutely sure that we did serve pineapple upside down cake and i was just withholding this dessert from her, specifically. the bar for “jobs I would apply for” is so low that I actually thought “well as long as nobody spits in my face, pukes on me consistently, or shanks me in the kidney again I could probably do anything.” although to be fair to my case manager i did not mention those things to him (except the pineapple upside down cake lady because I mention her all the time, i am still pissed off about that situation). also, my sister was actually the one to have a dog wake her up in the middle of the night only to puke directly into her mouth, but I watched it go down, so the psychic trauma of witnessing that still exists.

#honestly i think my poor social skills get me into half of the situations in my life #because i agree to things before i process them because most people talk and talk too fast for me #so i spend the whole conversation trying to keep up also figure out what the hell we're talking about #and then at the end i turn to my sister and say 'so what was that about?' #and she says something like 'you signed up to sell fireworks out of a tent for all of july' and i just have to run with that #the other half of the situations just come from having relatives and family friends that actively seek out situations #but want to drag someone adaptable and chill along who will also not say 'that's literally insane. no' when asked #also i need less cousins who take the zombie apocalypse life tip of always bringing a slow runner with you to situations #like i am a small person ok. my legs are shorter. i can't help it that everyone else is sprinting around on their stilt-legs #also just like i like to take walks with my dad because the mosquitoes love his blood way better than mine #i have a history of 'first person to get stabbed in a situation' that is probably just due to being the weakest looking person in any group #and i don't really panic in emergencies. i don't really know why. maybe it's something to do with being autistic #but if someone is screaming in pain and writhing on the floor #or an alarm goes off #or a bus skids on the ice and smears a stranger across the sidewalk right in front of me #or if i get mugged in a coffee shop while i'm studying for exams #i don't really do the things that other people around me do in the same situation #i personally think that the bubble i exist in just runs slower than everyone else's #so they're all having their reactions and freaking out while i'm still like 'damn something sure is happening right now. #am i supposed to do anything about this?' #and then if the answer is: 'yeah you should probably calm down that guy on the floor. figure out why he's screaming. then call 911 maybe?' #then i'll just do that while other people are saying things like 'oh god what's happening?!' #like if i panicked every time i had a dog that i was responsible for make a stupid life decision in front of me #or had a cult member ask me. an atheist. if i felt like i connected with god at the emotional catharsis activity #or honestly even just every time i've ever been stabbed in the left kidney even tho that's only happened twice #then i don't know i would probably be doing a lot of panicking #maybe it's an energy thing. i feel like panicking requires more energy than i usually have access to

[jaejoongs-nipple-piercing]

Me going up to my old job even though I’ve been banned from the property:

I’m that B, I’m that b, gimme the cash

(Since they owe me unemployment benefits. I work there 10 years and get canned because of a made up ridiculous lie where IM THE VIOLENT ONE?!?)

#random #listening to songs on Spotify #I found them on YouTube in a video about songs for plotting revenge #which is what I plan on doing #you messed with the wrong woman this time #your 90+ year reign comes to an end now #I don’t get unemployment I’ll keep appealing until they give me the cash to shut me up #they have 2 choices: fork over the money now or give me more when I take you suckers to court #you can’t fire someone from their job and then also prevent them from getting unemployment benefits and another job #I’ve been blackballed or whatever before and I’m done #like they literally said things about how I’m a criminal? #really? that’s a far scream from the truth #they’re the criminals #and if I take that company to court which will eventually happen #all of their dirty little secrets are gonna start crawling out of the woodworks