#so things would be p different anyway

[blaithnne]

I’m literally fine I don’t care its not even that big of a deal it’s whatever who’s Hilda

#me watching the entire trailer: right but what does this mean for Lauren #I think I’m gonna end up making her story a whole much more canon divergent au if I wanna keep it the same lol #I’ll only be 4 chapters into Plenism when it comes out tho so #i can always do a quick rewrite I suppose? #I’ve kept things as vauge as possible but it does rely on Hilda being johannas biological kid born via a regular pregnancy #the time the dad left would have to be altered anyway if he had left after Hilda was brown #cause the whole premise of the what if au is ‘what if the show was written with lauren in mind from the start’ #so things would be p different anyway #ANYWAYS #hilda #hilda the series #netflix hilda #hilda netflix #Hilda spoilers #Hilda season 3 spoilers #Hilda (Hilda) #Hilda johanna #Johanna hilda #Hilda david #David hilda #Hilda frida #frida hilda #Hilda twig #twig hilda #raven Hilda #Hilda raven #the great raven #aunt astrid Hilda #Hilda aunt astrid #aunt Astrid

[stuckinapril]

I’m happy for the little life I built for myself

#there’s a lot of ways to go #i am nowhere NEAR the dream life I really want to attain #or the dream person I want to be #but high school me #hell even freshman in college me #would GAWK at the life I have so deliberately made happen. #the solid network of friends I have #the confidence I’m slowly but surely growing into #the discipline I’m harvesting bit by bit. i do not claim perfection but I am 100% improving #I’m just happy idk! i don’t compare myself at all now bc I know I’m on the right track #especially compared to where I was like 5 years ago. such a different mind state from now #and no one can take that away from me #there’s a lot more to go. a lot more. but I thought I’d pause and be intentionally grateful for what has been accomplished #bc it actually puts things into perspective to look at the past rather than just look to the present. it creates contentment #i get so caught up being hard on myself for not accomplishing certain things yet #that I forget I pulled myself out of such a deep rut by the skin of my teeth #and that’s important to keep in mind even as you progress to your goals #anyway <333 happy content in my own lane etc etc #p

[tradingjack]

having fun with colors for once :P

thanks @creepycoffins for the awesome dtiys :D

#creepycoffinsdtiys #trigun #millions knives #vash the stampede #i haven't drawn nearly enough knives. posted him even less #him and vash are so fun to draw :P ik they have the same face but it's like. fun to experiment with how different i can make them look yk #also admittedly. did most of this at work during downtime so if it looks funky..... my bad #the lighting isn't the greatest aight?? it's night shift and there's no windows but they do dim the lights #i did do the limited coloring i did at home lol. wasnt gon bring more art supplies to work #trying to get back into the swing of things with my drawing. i got myself a huion display for my birthday this year! #on top of my traditional i wanna do more animated stuff #primarily animated bc honestly i don't really wanna learn digital painting or whatever. im not interested in that and i like my harsh style #i'd also like to do more original work. i think last year was literally just trigun fanart lmfaoo #we'll see how things turn out ig #i'm not really holding myself to doing anything bc i don't see that turning out well. i am applying myself to more fan projects at the leas #tho those i'm applying more as a writer lmfao #well anyway. enough about me. i actually really like the drawing this was based off of! i didn't include the full body designs #and tbh vash's design is almost entirely cut out just cuz how the pose worked out :( #so i would highly suggest checking out the original art by the person i tagged! #and their other art's pretty banging as well :D

[13thdoodle]

bunch of Phantasy AU doodles n wip from earlier this year

Basically I just found out this year that ball-jointed dolls actually have strings in them and not just... magically attached by the ball joints themselves? And 31 in this AU is a ball jointed doll that were made out of Danny's energy so here we are :3c

I've been watching a lot of doll customization since earlier this year and found out from dollightful's video that no they are all connected by elastic strings inside so that's where the idea came from

...i was looking on google to find a good example to put here and clearly I'm not exactly paying attention to how the main body strings are actually.. pinned to?

the video I've been watching the most is dollightful n moonlight jewel and they have their bjd usually only to the bottom of the doll head instead of all the way to the top on the skull pin like the diagram above

Which is why 31 has his strings all connected to the 'heart' in the middle instead of the head kasjdnkasjnd

But yeah uhhh specifics aside...

----

Those ball jointed dolls made me think of 31, and then thinking about the clones in Phantasy AU and like.. the logistic of it

for 31, the idea is that during the circus gothica arc for this AU, Danny actually got kidnapped all the whole way into another universe/plane in which he met Valeska (Enn's oc) who unalive what his face the circus leader n break Danny's hypnosis

and now that Danny is essentially stuck in a whole other plane/realm/or sth he just following Valeska hoping she'll help him find his way back.

In one such trip, Danny got kidnapped (again) by another group/cult who wanted to use his power/energy as a gate keeper to the ghost zone to make their own gate keeper so they can open portals to ghost zones and maybe other realms too

31 is part of the experiments. He's a doll made with part of Danny's energy as his core.

And then it's.. uhh.. sth sth Valeska finally found out where they kept Danny and devour everyone there safe from Danny n 31 who helped him escape so now the three of them travel together~

The last pict is me thinking about clones and kingdom hearts :tm: so dramatic about Danny being the soul separated from the main body and 31 a clone made from part of the soul too and all that Not sure where I'm going with that but it do sound cool

And there's also Danielle but I'm not exactly sure.. how she would fit in? but it would be interesting if she was made from Danny's body somehow

so 31 made from part of teh soul and Dani from part of the body sounds poetic somehow

#13thdoodle #dp phantasy au #dp fantasy au #dp 31 #if u noticed that I've been putting some read more lately #it's bc one of the school project is to document all your progresses in a doc including all ur research and fails and what not #and basically i'm trying to make it into a habit by doing it here too #like.. no harm done i think in putting up what inspired me and where ideas came from #n what rambling about things #yall follow me here so i assume ur interested a lil bit about me rambling my ideas n such #i put them under readmore specifically bc I know how long I can go on #and like the main thing about documentation is to be transparent about it #u learn from ur failures n ur successes n this is one way to track them #if u fcked up figure out where how and why and what u can learn from it n then improve from said fail so yea anyway #but yea i been trying to keep things short n clean so it look nice before #but i got a p good grade for documenting everything last tri so now I'm well actually I DO have a lot to say about things #so heree i am #am i gonna be more active tho that would be a whole different topic all together bc ha ha capstone qwq

[sysig]

Let’s put it all on the line, see who’s victorious (Patreon)

#Doodles #Just Desserts #Villainsona #IRL vent stuff in the tags be warned #I've mentioned offhand that Kaiein is inspired by various sources but overall mostly on one person #And I've been very low contact with that person for years now - but I'm going to meet with them in the near future #I'm nervous as you can imagine haha #But I'd like it infinitely more to have to change Kaiein than to have him reinforced so I'm trying to feel hopeful as well #Either way I'm prepared. Either I get to do some rewriting or I have a very well-worn established outlet #Haha - it's a bit funny actually since there's no one-to-one translation but there is a kind of asymmetrical equivalence going on here #I pretty much never include my family in my sonas' stories - which is double funny since I love being an older sibling so much lol #That aspect rarely makes it into my sonas! I guess I feel like it's not my place to make characters for my loved ones lol #But IRL they're my support system <3 I'm in good hands and I trust them to have my back with what I need to face #And Charm has her wings! The Staff! She has something to rely on that make her more capable and confident! #It's not The Same Thing but it's how it feels ♥ The power of love and friendship!! It makes me stronger!! #And that's what makes the difference between Charm as a villain and a Hero :) #I used her TVAU outfit here - or one of the temps anyway :P - but honestly this is probably how S2 would go down hehe <3 #You're no match for Charm when she knows she's loved!! She'll fight you to full defeat! #I wonder how he'd react #Guess I'll find out real soon #Wish me luck

[avi-on-jumblr]

sometimes i think back to my grade 7 self who took like 2 political compass quizzes that aligned me with like. fucking noam chomsky. whom i had never heard of before that moment. and how i went around for like half a year going "oh yeah i'm basically exactly like him politically" and saying i was an anarcho-communist because i thought that meant "like, uh, everyone gets equal things and it's all nice and happy and good and stuff".

anyways i think back and cry.

#i literally did not know a single one of chomsky's policy positions on anything whatsoever #i just saw the quiz results and made it my personality #awful awful #anyways i see a lot of similarities between my 11-year-old self and many many many sections of the internet #who have the most insane and idiotic takes on politics and i/p #namely “omg violent revolution is great and it would solve things so everyone could live in peace after teehee i took an online quiz” #the difference is. i was 11 and fucking know better now. #avi posts

[flowering-darkness]

hi ari i do have a question - how do u imagine the giratina wings would work .. like would they be solid .. trying to imagine lunadri cuddling with the wings in the way

Hello friend!!! Thank you very much for this question ^-^ (I apologise for how long my answer ended up becoming ;w;)

To answer your questions/comments succinctly:

The wings work a bit weirdly because they're to do with the original Giratina, which I'm saying was Reborn-Shiny because so is the Arceus (I think). ..Don't ask me how she got tied up with it in the first place.

They are more spectral than properly solid, but you can still feel them (putting your hand through them will make it feel numb though, and it also feels weird to Adriana, so perhaps don't do that). They look more solid when she's in a New World.

We can work around them! It basically just means Luna can't hug Adriana from behind without needing to take them into account, but.. everything else is theoretically on the table. So, I like to think that works out ^-^

Okay, now for my actual initial very long-winded response to this.

Hmm.. I will admit that I hadn’t considered this. I think it would make sense if Adriana’s wings were at least somewhat non-solid, in that, like.. most things can pass through them, but with some resistance, to the point that you can probably push something through them quite easily, but if you just sort of threw something at them then it would probably just lose too much momentum and fall. Adriana will feel it if something goes into or through her wings, though (at least after they become fully apparent, which happens after the Giratina quest in postgame. Specifically:

Only Anna is able to see Adriana's wings to begin with, similarly to the other traits she perceives others as having (like Taka's own wings or Cain's pitch-black eyes), and Adriana cannot see or sense them whatsoever. However, Anna never properly specifies what they actually look like, just insists that she has them.

After becoming void-kissed (so, after the Glass Workstation), Adri starts very vaguely being able to sense her wings occasionally, and they also start sometimes appearing in glimpses in her shadow. Other than that, no-one else can see or sense them, though Luna definitely does her best to accommodate them from here on out, regardless. It still isn't clear what type of wings they are. (Note that it's after becoming void-kissed that Adriana starts being able to perceive others as Anna does, so this means that this occurs with the exception of herself.)

Whenever she is confronting Umbral Trainers or Anomalies, Adriana becomes more aware of the presence of her wings, but is generally too caught up with what is going on in the moment to properly dwell on it like she wants to - and most New World areas are so shadowy that she can't really tell if they're constantly there in her shadow or not.

The moment her wings finally become visible and tangible to everyone is the same moment in which Anna starts mistaking her for a doll of Lin's - after she catches the original, Reborn-Shiny, Giratina that Zina sealed beneath Byxbysion. A comparison of this false perception versus the new truth is given below:

From this point onwards (which.. admittedly isn't that much more of the story, but still), Adriana's wings are spectral in the normal world, but fully-formed and solid whenever she's in a New World space. This is going to be my explanation for why they appeared solid during those old grand finale renders I made ages ago, but fade out on her other sprites and renders.)

It’s probably quite a strange sensation, both to Adriana and to someone else if they stuck their hand through them; I quite like the idea of anything that goes into or through the wings feeling very numb, rather than necessarily hurting or anything. They feel more solid, and the sensation is more intense, as you move closer to the part of her back where they look like they emanate from. I like to think the wings are solid enough (to Adriana at least) that she tries to take them into account when moving around, but also intangible enough that nothing can really affect them, necessarily - so, like, you couldn't grab them and use them to pull her towards you or anything, and she would also be able to put her back against a wall without too much issue (it might just feel odd to her). They also don't interfere with her clothing, thankfully. Such are the conveniences of spectral energy.

So, with all that said.. I do think that Adri’s wings would need to be taken into account to at least some extent when cuddling with Luna. However, it is not as much of a big consideration as it could be, simply because the two of us are already used to considering things when we cuddle, like making sure we don’t scrunch up our skirts for example. Adriana can also curl her wings fairly freely after they become fully apparent, so that helps, and they aren't that big to begin with (smaller than the ones Anna sees Taka as having, certainly), so that also helps. For example, I like to think that she would be able to lift them both so that Luna is underneath them, if we were both on our sides ^-^

Sorry for going on such a tangent there, oops ;w; I hope that this is still alright as an answer for you, friend! Thank you so much again for sending this in, it really means a lot~

#I think it could alternatively be interesting if the wings were only present when adriana’s pokémon are present or something #like how some pokémon (marshadow/xerneas/etc.) have in-battle and out-of-battle formes that are cosmetically different #as that would be a decent explanation for why they aren't on her overworld sprites but are on her VS and trainer sprites =P #plus I think it would be fun to sort of.. see her out in town somewhere and not think she seems like too overpowered of a trainer #and then you make it through charous hall. and the champion's busy. so you get to face the shadow champion. don't worry it still counts #and all of a sudden as the battle begins she gains a presence you would expect from a powerful champion but had yet to sense from *her*- #and you suddenly spot these spectral *legendary* wings behind her. which.. were always there? surely? yet only *now* do you *see* them #that sort of vibe perhaps~ where it's not really clear whether or not they *are* there all the time or not #anyway sorry that was a tangent #heart of the void #selfshipping #love: dark dreamer (luna) #..vaguely #selfship: void‑kissed (luna/adriana) #and most prominently (because I *keep finding things to say about her apparently*) #self‑insert: soul‑touched (adriana) #of a city reborn (pokémon reborn) #out of the inbox #selfship asks #clara tag! #info posts #i tried to work on this about four separate times today #but because i had such bad signal it just kept deleting the progress i made #so.. now that i'm back home it can hopefully sort itself out

[casinoquartet]

i am SO TRIED of writing essays why can't they just let me write about block people

#insert me complaining here . why cant they just let me write about pre s4 ash and red being perfect for the noir trope #like. listen to me . their whole 'i dont trust you' dynamic they had in s3 and the power dynamics would work So well in noir themes #maybe im just nostalgic for s3 but like !! man noir would be such a great way to explore those concepts in a gritty way #but like #with the addition of character development and forced proximity #like. the aesthetic of s3 while incorporating a bit of s4 in there . in a sense #i do have an idea but idk if i could do it justice since i suck at writing. violent/dark things #it always ends up more Horror and abstract so </3 #but i am sure Someone out there might wanna hear it #<- this is ask bait btw . send me asks i love asks #anyways #its late rn and i wrote like 4 essays #and i am sleepy !!!!! #and this is what you get when i am sleepy . long tags #im probs gonna hit the sack now but . yeah i just think it would be interesting #bc i see s3 swagdoons in a different realm/space as s4 swagdoons #so :p #yea!!!

[kuiinncedes]

we had a beautiful, magic love there (sad beautiful tragic - taylor swift)

#klaine #kurt hummel #blaine anderson #glee #i continue to do the same shit lol 🤪 #idk how to do anything else soooo #hey why is it so fucking annoying to put these pictures in order lmfaooo thanks tumblr #omfg WHY was that so stupid i'm not asking that much of u i just want the pic i drag over to go after the pics i already have djshgslkglmao #Pretend these r good quality k 😌 #also my crooked ass letters lol #yeah i could've like used a font i just realized that would've been very easy lol but i already had the design :P #i've been posting them in batches of 10 on instagram (so i've only posted one so far lmao) but so far for this group #this one is the only one that's like interesting bc it's different XD #the other ones are so similar in terms of like format lowkey especially my last two for begin again and moment i knew #i was short on ideas lmaoo so at least this one was somewhat creative XD #i feel like i did some different stuff with putting this together too so that was fun lol 🤪 #if only i could do more things that would make it better lmao Anyway #pretend they're actually gifs XD #ignore the absolute shit quality of the youtube screenshots <3 #anywayyyyfdgjkfdl :D #i dont tag my stuff but i've been doing so many of these i rly probably should lmao oh well idk eventually lol

[beatcroc]

Oh yeah I watched the digital circus thing. It was alright

#decent enough and has potential but solidly filed under 'not my thing' #pretty much what i expected in that se se dhdhdb #found a couple of interesting points to poke at for Theory Stuff and foreshadowing or w/e #but ultimately i think it laid waaaaaay too many of its cards on the table from the get-go #like i dont doubt that there will still be more to it but they kind of tossed multiple big-plot-relevant feeling things together #right at the start and they feel like they're kinda counterproductive to have this early #or like where i would expect it to go off the rails it feels like theres a few weird elements that would hold it in place #not that that's necessarily bad. just again the place where its at rn isn't my thing lol #BUT also there was one thing i was just like. oh my god why are you telling me how this works right now #you literally could have just vaguely implied it from any choice like 6 different angles and left it at that #or even just not brought it up at all and saved it for a later reveal. there was already plenty going on...... #there was already foreshadowing for it baked in so its a little bland to do that and then full reveal like. 2 min later #anyway i digress. if it gets its full season and ppl start talking about it again in some years I'll still pick back up on it :p #bweeeaaahh #there IS a place this could go that would make me very invested [recursion] but i don't think its actually gonna go there

[fideidefenswhore]

"She had found it difficult to make the transition from a mistress with the upper hand to the submissive wife that Henry, a conventional husband, now expected her to be, and her tantrums sorely tried him, driving him to seek solace in other beds"

Interesting quote and a common sentiment, so let’s unpack this:

we know henry also had mistresses while married to c/oa, but...

w/eir et al insist she was the perfect wife, that she never argued with him (the latter of which is not even true, we have contemporary observation otherwise, even before the GM, but accepting the premise for the sake of argument)

so... was it in response to ' tantrums' or was it just henry and a pattern already established?

bcus in the very limited way they acknowledge her upset (which is generally just limited to the elevation of his mistress' son)

the infidelity is offensive but not the central point of the anger, not enough to risk loss of influence to fight against it 

it is not written about as a 'tantrum' (nor should it be, i’m merely pointing out the double standard), it is the noble, righteous purpose of her wanting to preserve her rights and that of her daughter

these incidents don’t receive the same treatment even though their context is similar, bcus...at least two of henry's mistresses while he was married to anne were supporters of her opponent (mary, also a threat to her daughter’s status)

so... was it 'tantrums' or was she also not going down without a fight because she viewed them as risking her and elizabeth's security ?

but it doesn't get the same treatment.

and the anne hastings thing with catherine does seem more personal but i digress , it is definitely not spoken of as a 'tantrum' either (nor should it be, again, i’m just pointing out the different language that tends to be used, and the blame cast upon anne & not her predecessor)

what i find really gross here is the implication and double negative inherent within

henry would not have taken mistresses while married to anne if she had more submissive, calmer

dignified even

but catherine was the perfect wife and model of queenly dignity and never said a harsh word to or against him

so... interesting to imply to avoid this she should have been 'more like catherine ' (again, whatever that means) when...it also happened to catherine?

we have a disrespectful comment but no actual record (altho it was a very short space of time) of henry taking mistresses while married to jane s/eymour

but no one says shit like coa should have been more like JS

yet i have seen people argue JS was emulating catherine and that's why he didn't cheat on her..... while forgetting he did cheat on catherine??

#jsut copy pasted this from my groupchat #im lazy but have thoughts #im using anachronistic language but im lazy and i don't feel like fixing it...cope :p #anyway obviously the common thread here is henry #was his infidelity symptomatic? was it only him responding to circumstances? would he not have done so if henry nyp had survived? #would he have gone cold turkey on other women had jane s/eymour survived; had anne lived and had a son? #these are all things i see speculated a lot but it was just his pattern and it was accepted for the time and he had the world at his feet #most would take advantage of those circumstances but it seems more like results of henry's personality and entitlement than specific #reaction to things that angered or offended him or even retaliation for them as is oft suggested......... #his own physician described him as 'overly fond of women' #it's not like. a big mystery to be unraveled. yk? #tl; dr even if this comparison were true and had merit #anne's 'tantrums' and scolds vs catherine eternal calm demeanour and placid kindness #doesn't seem like it made a damn lick of difference wrt henry's fidelity and eventual (altho with vastly different results) #*infidelity #eventual... disclaiming of each marriage #*it doesn't #so...what even is the point we're trying to make here lol #what do people think they are Saying when they say this #it is a quasi-profound statement/ assessment at best

[ahbutimavillain]

Only bean could have the power to not only get me interested in a dnd style game but also to consider finding people to do dnd with irl

#will I actually do that? #my social anxiety says HELLA #NAH #but still #I feel like realistically if I wasn’t so conditioned at this stage to thing dnd is fucking weird #(it’s ??? really not any weirder than anything else lmao) #I would probably have enjoyed it if I’d gotten into it ages ago #anyway I’m just waiting to transfer games from my ps5 to external #so I have room for MORE GAMES #I’m gonna give the cyberpunk trial another go since I have ps+ @ whatever level lets u do trials #honesty idek what tier I have anymore bc it was like a deal to upgrade at one point and yeah idk #but I’m p sure it’s gonna run me like $130 come January for renewal and that’s a p steep jump from #the $99 I paid when I first got it :/ #these companies really #out here bending us over w/these subscriptions and tiers etc etc #also I think I should cancel my Nintendo one bc I don’t ever play acnh and that’s the only reason I had it #so I could travel to different islands… #I should really look into what subscriptions I’m paying for at this point #it’s a problem

[kellerybird]

aurelia asking gale to cast reduce so she can eat a strawberry the size of an apple

or asking him to cast enlarge to make the strawberry apple-sized

#rink plays baldur's gate #this is definitely not because i want to eat a giant strawberry #also idek what the size limitations would be #bg3 #how small can you make things #aurelia is p short compared to everyone anyway but the idea of her being pocket-sized is so funny to me #i know as a druid she can wild shape but that's different

[trainingdummyrabbit]

ouhhhg. why r we all here. jsust to suffer. every day i shuffle things around in my silly aus

#lies facedown on th floor. tha horrors adn tragedies etc etc. #piktalk #um. tagbomb warning; iam going to talk A Lot. #i barely Actually talk abt this au but they haunt me on the daily. basicaly. #its my house. so listen. sits down. tokiswap susa. #i keep tossiing around like two different concepts for her and both work in some ways and dont in others #and also the whole Shes Been P Much The Same For Ages So Switching Now Is Kinda Messy #BASICALY. as she is now shes beast-aligned and Maybe close ties w imnosuke. #pros: VERY strong character as she is; she just kinda showed up and wrote herself. she is so silly. #cons: making sense of roleswapping imnosuke in. god its been so hard. #bc hes the Only one of the gang thatd shift That Far without bein a 1 to 1 #or if i Dont put ino there; id have to find out Where #while Also figuring out why susa is Like That(tm) #the Other option is sound-aligning her which is /also/ really fun #pros: she is so silly. got good potential themes going And an extra link to ten who wouldnt have had one before #cons: This Is A Different Person. like similar Enough but different Enough. would make some things harder and or possibly impossible #like i COULD shuffle it so things line up better but man. Man!!! what a mess. orz #but also. shes already like. A Person. like she is not a product of the roleswap-- her role is a product of Her. its so odd. #. anyway i realize ive never actually talked Openly abt them before so consider this an invitation im feeling brave. JSNFKJ

[angelamontoo]

Listening to The Lodger again for the first time in a while(and man! I forgot how good petes performance is in it) and I got to thinking

When you guys listen to petes radio stuff do you still imagine him looking like Peter Lorre(I definitely do)

And as a bonus question for if you answered 'Yes' to the first, when you listen to Radio adaptions of Peters films, do you imagine him looking the exact same as he did in the film or slightly different?

#peter lorre #radio #the lodger #the avenger #man! this guys one of petes most genuinely unsettling characters to me #whoever voiced the newsie kid who announces the murder needs a slap on the back of the head though #why are you doing a shitty bronx accent kid?? this takes place in london you should be doing a shitty cockney accent ffs #but anyway ive been thinking about the second question cause I've noticed that pete plays all of his radio versions of character he already #played slightly differently than he portrayed them in the og film and it does kind of make me see them differently #in the radio version of c&p for example rods seems less dignified or sensitive to me #so i kind of see him as generally scragglier and a bit more gaunt #also maybe a bit older but thats more to do with when the radio version was recorded than anything #ik ive jokingly complained about cairo being turned into just some guy in the radio version of tmf #but i do kinda genuinely just imagine him looking like some dude in that version #still played by peter but with straight hair and either just a regular suit or like slacks and a button shirt #a bit like kismet or gino tbh #leyden i still see as more or less the same #i feel like of those three characters hes the least different in the radio version #hes less naive and reacts to things in general a bit more like how most people typically would #but idk he doesnt feel different enough for my mind to conjure up a radically different image of him #maybe radio show leyden wears normal ties more often idk

[cerealmonster15]

ougugugughghhh i get,,, so embarrassed when i try to be Earnest lol especially w/in the context of like fanart/fic like i LOVE when other people do it i LOVE reading earnest and vulnerable deep fics and seeing intense fanart etc etc etc. but then i do it i feel like i am Going To Be Killed LJFDKSLF SDJFLS

#yknow like??? if i do ANYTHING other than my funny ha ha sillies <-which i love btw. my fave thing to do ever #but if i try something Different i feel like im CRINGE for trying bc im not. good at it?? #or like im Trying Too Hard?? I GET SO EMBARRASSED #anyway i got jumpscared by a jami/azu i found from last year #and i mean /i/ like it but. i feel like i would die if i posted it #im p sure ididnt post that one i just sent it to my friend on discord #and then even that still made me Feel Embarrassed lol #SORRY GOD idk why im airing out so much internal feelings today lol #can i really blame it on the caffine. can i. god i really need to find a new therapist lol i cancelled the old one but #havent found a replacement yet jklfjsdl oopsie. but like how do u talk to a therapist about this shit anyway lol #i dont. WANT to tell them about tumblr thats EMBARRASSING #sorry this all boils down to im very insecure and always have been l o l #like it's FINE ill be FINE im just oughhghghghgh yknow? #i guess im better than i used to be bc. i post way more than i used to re:drawing and writing lol but #i do have fits of panic where im like #🧍‍♂️am i delusional. perhaps my mutuals/followers r just politely humoring me #and i am simply making A FOOL of myself #maybe!!!!!!!!!!! i dont know #not that i think anyones out to get me or anything i just hfhhhshhdhsghf #i lost track of what i was talking about #anyway shoutout to people who r nice sorry i have a hard time absorbing it lol thats a ME problem not anyone else