#so im really focused on getting this going asap

[froglemonade]

Postcards we will be selling to raise money for our local homeless friends to survive the winter. Sales will be in person only. You can contribute by helping out the homeless people in your area!

Had a lot of fun drawing these! Will post them individually as well.

#original #illustration #finished art #original art #direct action #punk #idk do i tag this other stuff? at this point i dont know how to tag on tumblr for recognisability #cant wait to get these printed... if all goes well we can start selling them on thursday #came up with the whole fundraiser idea a few days ago and im really rushing into it bc the weather is getting coldddd #and im super worried about all the people on the streets #so im really focused on getting this going asap #i really hope it goes well. we shall see!!

[politemenacephd]

Arachnophilia: (Part Twenty-Eight)

Drider!Miguel O'Hara x Reader (+18)

Chapter Masterlist 🕷️

Content/CW: Angst time baby

Notes: I'M BACK HI IM SORRY! Update to the surrogate tomorrow, and I'll be doing more shorts soon and hopefully more art. Love you all xoxoo Word count: 5547

The medical bay was silent, spare for a single pair of shoes tapping down the broad, white, sterile hallway. A nurse was hurrying herself on an errand; she’d been told that someone had been brought in from upstairs and needed an IV ASAP, and so she was carrying all of her equipment through the bay on a little sterile tray. Others might have been nervous at such an abrupt call, but she was just glad to be getting some practice in.

Miguel had enforced such rigid protections for his members that they barely saw anyone to treat, and it was making her attempt to get into practical experiences rather difficult. The pay was good, but she was hardly more than a glorified dispenser of aspirin at this point.

But now they apparently had someone to treat, and so she was trying her best to speedwalk and not run. She’d even written the hospital room door on her hand she was in such a hurry.

‘Room… 43…’ she murmured to herself, before coming to an abrupt skid as she realized she’d almost accidentally passed that exact room in her excitement.

She stopped, double-checked the note on her hand, and with a final pleased huff she pushed the room door aside.

‘Hi! I’m just bringing in—’

The nurse flinched and squealed, nearly throwing the metal tray into the air.

Before her was an enormous 9ft spider, one with the torso of a man attached, slumbering on top of a hospital bed that he’d promptly crushed beneath his weight. On his right was a man who looked nigh identical to him, if a little smaller, sporting an extremely sour expression, and on his left was a short tan man with a goofy grin and, of course, you.

You, Gabriel, and Miguel made instant eye contact with the nurse, focusing in on her with unblinking eyes.

‘Ah… y-you—’ She started to stammer, only for you to interrupt.

‘HEY! Hey, you’ve got the uh—is that going to be big enough?’ you blurted, rushing to check the IV. You held up the bag and compared it to Mig’s giant body, noting the way his abdomen slowly rose and fell as he breathed. It looked minuscule compared to him, more like a little sweet wrapper than an IV. The nurse remained rather shellshocked and refused to move, even as you began grabbing at her stuff with ungloved hands.

‘Ey, it uh- it looks kinda small, doesn’t it?’ Gabriel murmured. He was trying to act casually, but his eyes kept moving back over to the silent, stoically stiff Miguel standing in the corner of the room, his eyes fixed on the floor. Miguel didn’t respond.

‘Yeah… I guess we still haven’t updated everything to, accommodate for his size. Oh, Miggy…’ You put the bag back and gently started stroking his hair as he slept. Even in his sleep, he twitched in response to your touch.

The nurse wrinkled her nose in mild disturbance at the sight, but Gabriel leaned closer.

‘So, you uh… You two’ he said, his fingers going up and awkwardly crossing over as he gestured towards you and Mig intermittently. You turned your head just a little to see what he was implying before quickly turning back to Mig.

‘Yeah. Yeah, we uh- we’re, dating, I guess you could say. He says we’re mates’ you mumbled, still too focused on Mig to really think about your reply. Gabriel grunted in response.

‘Huh. So the big spider thing—’

‘Doesn’t bother me’ you murmured back. ‘He’s— It wasn’t his fault, that his body looks this way, and it’s not really that big a deal. He’s a really… A really beautiful person. Inside and out.’

‘You don’t have to tell me that’ Gabriel said with a wry smile, his lips tilting upward even as his brows knotted. For the first time then, you turned and looked at him properly.

‘… Right. You’re his, brother’ you repeated slowly. Gabriel’s smile widened a little. He looked so different to Miguel, sat with his knees up and his arms rested on them so casually, but you could see some of his traits in there. The eyes, the lips. They probably looked ever so similar as kids.

‘Um… You—’ You opened your mouth to speak but faltered, unable to find the proper words. You had so many questions, but you were torn between that and the need to take care of Miguel until he recovered from the venom.

‘Look, uh- I’ll go see if they have a bigger one of the IV bags’ you said, your voice garbled with worry. You rose up to head out only to feel resistance on your wrist, tugging you to a halt. You turned to see that both Gabriel and Miguel had attempted to stop you, and now the two were looking at each other.

‘I’ll… I’ll go’ Miguel grunted, abruptly releasing your wrist. You could see him avoiding everyone’s gaze at this point.

‘No! No, I’ll go’ Gabriel insisted, gently tugging your wrist in sharp contrast to his variant brother. ‘This is all my fault, so—’

‘Estupido. It’s not your fault’ Miguel said. He sounded exhausted, you thought. ‘It’s my fault, so I’ll fix it.’

‘I mean, it might be easier if both of us look, right?’ Gabriel continued to press the idea as he glanced between everyone in the room for agreement, even the slumbering paralyzed Mig. You noticed Miguel getting more and more tense as the man continued babbling and begging to be of use.

‘We can find it quicker, and… If we find it quicker, we can help fix Miguelito quicker, and, I mean if they’re his partner they should stay with him, right? So—’

‘Okay! Okay, we’ll both go look.’ Miguel’s sharp voice cut Gabriel off mid-sentence, betraying a small crack in his tone he clearly had been trying to hide. You opted to just step back, letting them go ahead. You could tell Miguel was tense, and for once you didn’t want to push his buttons.

‘Okay. You guys come back soon’ you murmured, and with a nod to both you returned to Mig’s side. He stirred in his sleep, snuffling his beautiful nose against the broken bed, and it took all your strength to not just bury yourself against him.

You heard the men leaving by their heavy footsteps on the cold hospital floor, closely followed by the nurse as she rushed to avoid the giant spider whom you continued to cradle against your lap. Soon all you could hear was the beep of the monitor and the snoring in his throat,

‘Mi amor’ you whispered once alone, right against his temple. ‘My beautiful Miggy…’

Back in the corridor, Miguel was in agony. It was a turmoil he thought he’d pushed away, a pain he thought he’d escaped. He’d tried consciously to avoid Gabriel as they took Mig to the hospital bay, but… He also couldn’t seem to stay away.

His version of Gabriel had passed years ago, and he’d done everything he thought he was meant to do. He’d screamed, and he’d cried, and he’d clawed at himself and he’d locked everyone out, only to crawl back after suppressing every little thing he could.

He’d come to terms with it. He’d come to terms with his brother’s absence. But now, he was here again.

Beside him was the smiling ghost of a man he’d unconditionally loved. A zombie, an empty husk, who he didn’t know how to view as a real person. The human mind, no matter how evolved, was not built to handle this kind of mourning. No one could ever be taught how to brace for the reality of seeing their loved one alive again, only for them to not remember you exist, to have never known you existed.

Gabriel stayed silent as they walked, but every so often he’d mutter something or stumble into Miguel’s side, reminding him of the man’s presence. Miguel felt the agony build until it felt like he was wading through mud.

Without a word, Miguel pushed into the storage area and began searching for anything larger that might suit Mig. It’d taken a backseat to his feelings over Gabriel being here, but, he also couldn’t deny the guilt he felt over Mig being paralyzed.

He knew he’d be okay, but the way Mig had stepped out to drag him to safety, after all he’d done… it haunted him just as much. He hadn’t just covered your body, or Gabriel’s body, he’d covered *his* body too, despite knowing he’d survive his own venom.

‘Estupido’ Miguel murmured under his breath as he searched. What was that man’s deal?

‘Hm? Did you say something?’

Miguel froze as Gabriel peered around the drawers at him. ‘Did ya say something?’ he asked. Miguel scowled.

‘No’ he grunted, before turning away. Gabriel felt his brows sink a little, but, he did go back to searching as well.

They ended up searching for nearly 10 minutes in silence, until Gabriel just couldn’t take it anymore. He turned and glanced at Miguel across the room, only to find that he’d gone still. He wasn’t even really searching anymore. How long he’d been like that, Gabriel couldn’t tell.

‘Ey, uh… Miguel?’

Miguel didn’t even respond to the sound of his name being called. He was disassociating too hard at this point. Gabriel’s voice still hurt him every time he heard it. It triggered the most painful memories, things he never wanted to dwell on, things that crept up on him in his most lonely moments, and yet there was inherent joy to them too.

His brother's stupid smiling face, dragging him by the hand across the park near their house during the peak of summer, promising him that he’d found something cool he wanted to show him. He remembered cicadas, and the heat making the sky wavy, and Gabriel wanting to run regardless of how exhausted he looked. He smiled the whole damn way.

Why that memory, Miguel didn’t know, but he held it like a babe in his arms. He let it wash over him.

‘What do you think of this one?’ Gabriel said, ignoring Miguel’s silence. He held up a huge IV bag, one nearly the size of his torso, letting out a grunt of a laugh as he did so. He was always covering up his nervousness with laughter. ‘It’s pretty big, right? Is it big ENOUGH though? Or TOO big?’ he continued to mumble.

Slowly, Miguel closed his eyes.

‘… How do I mourn you, hermanito?’ Miguel blurted, his voice openly cracking as it filled the empty air.

Gabriel stayed where he was, his arms bundled with items. He could have said something, anything, to ease the tension, but for once he kept his lips shut. He stayed still and he listened.

‘How do you mourn someone properly, in a multiverse?’ Miguel continued, talking more to himself than to Gabriel at this point. ‘When you lose someone… You pick up a picture, to ease the pain, to remind yourself they existed, and to pretend that they’re still here. But, ultimately, you have to come to terms with the fact that they’re gone, right?’

‘Ah… r-right’ Gabriel replied slowly. Miguel clenched his fist around an empty IV bag, watching the air deflate, hiding that it was just an excuse to cover the soft break in his voice.

‘I see your face… everywhere’ he choked, a barely discernible crack in his tone. ‘I watch you living, and my brain convinces me that it's you, that it's him, mi hermanito. And I stop mourning, because you’re alive. But… But it’s not, him. You’re not him. And I have to remember that, every time…’

Finally his voice broke audibly, and Gabriel felt his heart sink. The larger man was bent over as if he’d been kicked in the gut, and yet he remained utterly still.

‘I have to keep mourning you, over and over and over. I keep… mourning, him. How do I accept someone’s dead when they’re in front of me?’ Miguel asked no one in particular. ‘How do I mourn the—’

Miguel froze as a hand suddenly came down and clapped him on the back. He turned to find Gabriel holding him from behind, the fool gently tucked in against his hunched, muscular back. His head was turned to the side but Miguel could just about see his eyes.

‘I uh- I think I understand’ he said gently. Miguel held his breath.

‘You’re my brother from another universe, right? And… The version of me, here, he’s uh… dead.’

He said it so calmly, so matter-of-factly. It broke something in Miguel, especially as he continued to hold him close.

‘Yeah,’ he said, sounding utterly broken. ‘Yeah…’

‘I mean… I’m just glad to know, that even in another universe, you still cared about me’ Gabriel said softly. ‘I mean you almost tricked me into thinking you were my Miguelito, so, you gotta be decently similar. And…’

He paused and looked up again, his soft brown eyes darting over Miguel’s face. ‘Hey, if your Gabriel was anything like me? If I’m a good enough dupe to make you feel better, then… He cared about you a lot, hermano. He knew. Even at the end.’

Miguel went stiff as he spoke. He refused to crack, refused to break. Not here. Not now.

‘You’re still my hermano’ Gabriel said gently. Miguel scowled, his face twisted as if furious, only to feel one tear slide down his cheek. He immediately wiped it away.

‘You’re…. you’re, still…’ Miguel tried to speak only to falter. No. He couldn’t say, you’re still mi hermanito. It wasn’t good for him. He internally pushed it all down and let out a deep, tired sigh.

‘That- bag will do fine’ Miguel said slowly, pointing to the one in his hands. Gabriel glanced down at it to hide his disappointment that Miguel seemed to want to drop the subject, but regardless, he nodded.

‘Sure. Let’s head back then.’

…

Back in the room, you were almost asleep on Mig’s side. You’d been up all night now waiting for him to wake, and with the boys gone it’d been easy to slip into your own exhaustion.

It was while your eyes were closed that Mig finally stirred awake. He was utterly exhausted, his eyes barely capable of staying open, but something compelled him to move. Your scent. The warm smell of his mate, someone whose hormone signature was ingrained and etched into his mind.

His sweet arañita…

‘Mm… mi tesoro’ he murmured softly with eyes still closed. In his head he was back in bed at the nest, curled up with your body beside him. He was savoring the warmth, the simplicity of holding his precious person to his heart. ‘Mi tesoro…’

His words woke you from your own sleep, stirring you right awake. You jumped up so fast that you almost fell. ‘Shit- ah, Mig? Mig?!’ Your hands flew to his furry abdomen, gripping handfuls of his fur to gently shake him awake. ‘Mig?!’

Mig grunted and forced his eyes open as he realized this wasn’t part of a dream. His big red eyes blinked once, twice, three times, slowly focusing in on the familiar sight of your face. ‘Mi… mi tesoro?’ he murmured, a slightly dorky smile creeping onto his chiseled, gruff face. ‘Mi tesoro—’

Your face grew clearer, clearer, until it hit him all at once. He remembered. His mind was filled with memories of you as he leaped through the portal, of his body instinctively rushing to cover your body from harm, to shield you even when he had no idea what was going into his own skin.

He remembered the relief, even through the pain, feeling your body under his own, and he remembered…

‘Mi amor.’

He whispered the words now in mild horror, realizing he’d said them out loud without thinking. You stared back with burning cheeks, feeling like your whole body was on fire. You knew all he’d want to do was address that whole fiasco, but right now, you had more on your mind.

‘Oh thank GOD you’re awake’ you cried, immediately flinging your arms around his waist. You squeezed Mig with all your might, feeling his hard abs press and squish into your cheek as his pectorals heaved above your head. You refused to let go for anything or anyone.

‘I… arañita? What- What happened?’ Mig asked in a stilted voice.

‘The um- uh, the security system, it tried to paralyze Gabriel. You jumped to shield everyone from it hitting’ you said, deliberately leaving out Mig’s sudden confession from the rundown. Mig felt a little relieved at that, and yet, part of him also yearned for you to acknowledge it.

But, when you didn’t, he just nodded. ‘Ah- is that what those needles were?’ he murmured. He glanced down at himself then, at his enormous body crushing the hospital bed to pieces, now sitting in a strange and sterile room. His fur bristled.

‘Hmm… Ey, thank god. I was—’

‘You really jumped not knowing what they were?’ you asked in shock. ‘You- were you willing to just… Take a deadly hit right there?’

Mig, to your horror, just nodded. He even shrugged. ‘That is my job. I am your mate. I am the bigger one. I throw myself in front, and—’

‘No! No, Mig you- your life is not forfeit for mine’ you stammered in horror. He remained aloof, his big red eyes unbothered by the idea, much to your continued horror.

‘Why not?’ he murmured, seemingly confused. ‘It is my instinct. It is my duty. To protect you.’

‘Miggy I would much, MUCH rather you saved yourself than risk it for me, I wouldn’t—’

‘But I would’ Mig repeated, gently putting a finger to your lips. He looked so serene in contrast to your emotional turmoil. ‘I would. Happily. Mi tesoro… Eres el alma de mi vida. Mi pequeño.’

‘You… idiot’ you croaked, your face getting a little wavery as your lips quivered against his clawed finger. ‘Don’t… You’re worth a million more to me alive than dead. I… I need you.’

Mig’s eyes softened from their aloofness as he saw the earnestness in your eyes. He lowered his finger, watching as you gripped it between your hands and let your forehead fall against his. He even bent to match your height, nestling his nose and cheek against your own. Like cats greeting each other, you rubbed and nestled your faces together in that silent room.

You felt his rough cheekbones on your forehead, your jaw, and his sharp, thick nose brushing against your own. His lips brushed yours intermittently, and each brush made you shudder. His breath was so warm, so soft, so sweet.

It took a while for you to speak again.

‘I… Miggy, you… You said, before you were paralyzed—’

‘Don’t say it.’

His soft, husky voice drew you to a staggered halt. Your eyes fluttered open and met his, nose to nose and forehead to forehead. His parted lips panted his hot breath into your mouth.

Slowly his hand came up to your chin, holding it in place. His abdomen bristled a little harder. His eyes began to close, and so did yours. You leaned in to kiss him.

‘I—’

The two of you were interrupted then as Miguel and Gabriel finally came back inside, their hands throwing the door open at nearly the same time. You awkwardly withdrew from the kiss and brushed yourself off.

‘HERMANO!’

Without thinking Gabriel dropped the IV equipment and ran forward, grasping Mig by the face. With the spider's legs folded his brother could see him eye to eye, and immediately he began squishing his cheeks together, forcing the man’s confused lips to pout.

‘Mi hermano, ¿Estás despierto?’ Gabriel stammered.

‘I am- making eye contact with you, brother’ Mig said back, his words garbled by his pouted lips. ‘I am awake, yes.’

‘Oh… Oh, yeah! Good to see you didn’t forget Spanish when you got turned into a spider’ Gabriel cheerily replied.

Mig’s brows furrowed further, even while still trapped in his brother's hands. ‘I- do spiders innately lack the capacity to speak Spanish?’ he murmured back. ‘Apparently not!’ Gabriel cried in response, his own face ripped into a wide grin, and for the first time Mig slowly began to smile back.

‘You… You, hermanito, you have not changed’ he said sadly. Gabriel shrugged almost awkwardly. ‘Ah, not compared to you, no. You changed a LOT. But you are still mi Miguelito.’

As Gabriel moved backward and released Mig’s face, the spider's smile faded. He realized then the full gravity of their reunion, the fact that this even was a reunion at all, after so, so many years.

‘Gabriel, I—’

‘Oye. Ah, you, hey.’

You jumped as you realized Miguel was gently pointing his finger at you, rudely poking about an inch from your face. He darted his eyes to the other side of the room. ‘You uh- could you help me set up his IV bag? I think the nurse is um, too… scared, to come back’ Miguel said slowly.

At first, you were about to argue, but then you realized why he was prodding you. He was trying to get you to leave so Mig and Miguel could discuss things with a little more privacy.

‘Oh… Oh! Right, right, yeah. Friggin’ nurse. Ah- I’ll be right back, Miggy’ you quickly replied, giving Mig a kiss on the cheek before rising to your feet. You hurried off with Miguel to the corner of the room where you pulled a curtain, pretending that was any kind of real privacy as you tried to figure out how an IV bag worked for as long as possible.

Mig opened his mouth to stop you but he quickly picked up on your plan as well. His raised hands lowered, and he slowly, painfully, turned to face his estranged brother. Gabriel met him with a grin.

‘I can’t believe I found you’ he murmured, almost like he was whispering in a dream. Mig’s brows went up and his face sank.

‘You… Gabriel, it- it’s been, nearly a decade since—’

‘I never stopped looking!’

Mig paused again, surprised by Gabriel’s intensity as he cried those four simple words. They echoed around the empty room, lingering over the two siblings.

‘Never’ Gabriel insisted with a soft choke. ‘Never, Miguelito.’

‘You—cannot, call me that anymore’ Mig murmured in response, his abdomen shifting back and forth on the broken hospital bed. He was unsure how to deal with the flood of emotions that caused him. ‘I am 9ft tall, Gabriel.’

To his surprise, Gabriel spluttered with laughter at his response. ‘You- Miguelito, I called you that when you were 6ft at fifteen years old. I don’t care how big you get.’

Mig darted his eyes, trying his best to keep his gaze stuck to the wall, but he couldn’t help it. He kept returning to Gabriel’s quiet, dorky smile, and he kept feeling his own lips slowly twitching upwards too.

‘You… You- yes, I suppose you have always been, a fool’ Mig said slowly.

‘What happened, Miguel?’ Gabriel asked, his smile slowly drifting away to be replaced with a decade of heartache. Mig’s eyes darkened.

‘… Gabriel, that…’ He paused and huffed softly, searching for the strength to do this. ‘I… I was caught up at Alchemax. I wanted to blow the whistle on their gene-spicing experiments, t-they were using my work to hurt people, and- they tried to drug me, to keep me in line. I attempted to use the gene-splicing machine I created to free myself, only… They knew. They knew, and they used it against me.’

He gestured vaguely at his body. ‘And now, I’m—’

‘No! No, no, not that’ Gabriel suddenly interjected, causing Miguel to frown a little.

‘No… but, that is what—’

‘No! I… I figured out what happened to you Mig, I followed up all the clues at the old building. What I meant, was… Why did you never reach out?

Mig’s abdomen sank at those words. He stammered, unsure of how to explain. ‘I… I’m a monster, Gabriel’ he murmured, the only thing he could think to say. The words tumbled from his mouth like stones, heavy and painful to express. ‘I’m a monster. I—’

‘No, you’re not’ Gabriel insisted, curtly cutting his brother off. Mig floundered with confusion at his reply.

‘I’m a monster! I- I HURT people, Gabriel, I—’

‘I don’t care.’

‘Of course you care!’ Mig whined, unable to muster the strength to truly cry out. ‘Of course, you care, I-I could have hurt you, you—’

‘I don’t. I don’t’ Gabriel repeated, again, and again, and again. ‘Nothing could ever change this. You’re my brother.’

Miguel felt his breathing getting faster, harder, almost desperate. ‘I’m not- I’m not, a- I’m not, him, I’m—’

‘You’re my brother, Miguelito. You’re my brother.’

Those simple words, spoken right from the heart as Gabriel faced him head-on, broke Mig’s resolve at last. His lip quivered, and the two men into a sudden embrace, holding each other tightly. Miguel squeezed the life out of the smaller man as Gabriel choked, but he made no attempt to push him off.

‘I’m glad you never stopped looking’ Mig blurted with a soft sob. ‘I’m so glad.’

Gabriel’s eyes sank behind Miguel’s back.

‘I… I do have a confession though’ he said, slowly shifting out of Mig’s grip with a soft, repeated tap to his shoulder. Mig reluctantly let him go.

‘You… what do you mean, hermanito?’ he murmured. Gabriel pursed his lips. He looked almost guilty, at least from the outside, but for what Mig couldn’t tell.

Without a word, Gabriel slowly held up a picture he had tucked inside his jeans pocket. It was old and crinkled, and as Mig hesitantly took it he was forced to unfold it bit by bit.

Mig’s breath hitched. It was a picture of a child. A little girl with Gabriel’s eyes and hair, smiling toothlessly at the camera. The spider felt his whole heart drop. ‘This… this is—’

‘Micaela’ Gabriel said softly. Mig felt that word etched into his mind, that soft name with the little accent on the ‘c’. He let out a stuttered whimper.

‘Mic… Micaela?’ he repeated back. Gabriel pursed his lips a little.

‘I never stopped looking, Miguel’ he murmured. ‘I just, thought… I’d keep you close, this way. Because I never knew if he’d be successful. But I never stopped.’

Mig’s face twisted, his brows knotting as he glanced back down at the little picture in his clawed hands. He hadn’t realized they were shaking. He blinked, hard, only to see a small see-through tear hit the crumpled paper. ‘She- your, offspring, she is…’

‘She’s only two’ Gabriel whispered. Mig’s eyes softened. He saw that baby and wondered if she had Gabriel’s voice, his laugh, or if she had her own little laugh. He wondered if she laughed a lot. He wondered if she was angry like he had been as a child, or small and sweet like Gabriel had been.

His niece. His little niece.

Mig went to make another comment, complimenting her eyes, only to notice that Gabriel wasn’t smiling anymore. He slowly turned from the picture to face him.

‘She’s…. sick. And I’m not smart enough to help her.’

Gabriel spoke the words slowly, and the room went silent. Behind the curtain you and Miguel had locked eyes over the IV bag, having been unwillingly listening this entire time. You were horrified for the two men, while Miguel was on the verge of tears. He looked utterly miserable at this revelation, almost too shocked to move or speak.

‘Gabriel…’ Mig murmured, clearly also in shock. ‘You—’

‘You were always the science nerd between the two of us’ Gabriel teased, letting out a slightly teary laugh. ‘Right? I swear, I didn’t just go looking for you to help, but… I do. She’s got a really rare disorder that they don’t know how to fix in our universe. With Alchemax dead, all that research is gone, and… I need you, back in my life. I went searching because I need your help to heal her.’

Mig slowly lowered the little picture in his hands, his eyes moving from it to Gabriel.

‘You… You want, my help?’ he asked slowly.

‘I NEED your help, Miguelito’ Gabriel insisted. He reached out and put Miguel’s hand over his heart, holding it tight to his chest. ‘I need it. She’s my world, Mig. I need your help.’

Mig’s face softened. ‘I… I, want to help, I just—’

‘We’ll help!’

The two brothers spun to see that Miguel had kicked the adjoining curtain covering himself and you to the ground, creating a violent clattering noise to accompany his cry.

He was heaving, his eyes wildly red and his face even redder, his chest heaving with each deep and shaky breath.

‘Ah- Miguel you—’

‘We’ll help!’ Miguel repeated, cutting Mig off. ‘You can have the whole damn society at your hands, a-all of my tech, all my research, it—’

‘Miguel, are you sure?’ Mig asked. He was clearly hopeful in tone, something you quickly picked up, and when Miguel furiously nodded, he seemed to sigh with relief.

‘Yes. I’m sure’ Miguel insisted again. He stormed over and looked at Gabriel with a forced stiff lip.

‘I will help you’ he repeated. He was forcing himself to look at Gabriel so he didn’t see the little picture in Mig’s rough, clawed hands, knowing the sight would break him beyond what he could take. He just focused in on Gabriel’s relieved, teary, beaming face, and knew that that was enough.

‘Thank you’ Gabriel rasped, his throat wet and tight from emotion. ‘Thank you…’

The group took a moment just to relax, to settle, as Gabriel wiped his eyes and Mig wiped his, and Miguel tried to focus on anything but that picture. Luckily Gabriel stepped over to take it away after a minute or two, tucking it back into his jeans where he kept it beside his wallet.

As you stepped over Gabriel happened to glance down, noticing the horribly made IV set up in your hands. He snorted, wiping his eyes as he laughed. ‘Oh, you did a terrible job of that.’

Your eyes darted from his face to the bag and back. ‘I… I did?’

‘Oh, yeah. Micaela needs one right now, I know how to do ‘em off by heart’ he said, sounding strangely cheery and nonchalant. You slowly got an idea.

‘Oh, um- could you, help me do this properly then?’ you asked, gingerly holding the bag out for him to see. He gave it one quick runover before giving it a thumbs up.

‘Mm! Yeah. I can do that. Come on, new uh- sibling in law, I suppose’ he said, that soft charm leaking through as he led you off to get yet another IV bag to try and set up for poor Mig, who at this point really didn’t even need one.

Mig and Miguel faced each other then, as you and Gabriel moved away to talk.

They said so much without speaking a word. Perhaps too much.

Miguel felt his eyes getting tearing, despite his clenched jaw wrung tight to keep them at bay. Mig felt the same. They made the same stoic, painfully tight expression at each other as they forced the pain back.

‘I miss him so much’ Miguel whispered, and that was all he could get out, the most honest words in his heart said to the only other person in the multiverse who would understand.

Mig’s brows went up and his lip shook just once.

‘I know.’

Without thinking the two men fell together. Miguel let his forehead fall onto Mig’s shoulder as the larger version of himself rested his cheek on his hair, and they stayed like that for a good minute or so of silence.

At that moment, they both finally felt understood. Despite their animosity, their anger, and their strange rivalry, they both understood.

‘You’re a good person, uh… Mig’ Miguel said, finally using his variant's nickname. It was the first acknowledgment he’d made that he was a person, a different person to him, and not just a painful reflection. ‘You are.’

Mig bristled and rustled his abdomen. He was fighting his territorial urges, his instincts, just to hold the other man, but he refused to back down. He wanted this. ‘You are, also, a…. well. You, want to be a good person, Miguel’ Mig replied gently. ‘And I believe you can be.’ Link to next part

#miguel o'hara x reader #miguel o'hara #miguel o'hara fanfiction #miguel x reader #miguel o'hara x you #spider man 2099 #smut #arachnophilia #miguel o'hara smut #drider #monster human relationship #gabriel o'hara #miguel o'hara au

[transmechanicus]

Hi! I'm honestly excited that tumblr recommended me a good blog for once. It's nice to see other trans ppl living their best life out here.

Anyway, I hope you don't mind a question, but I'm currently an undergrad and really interested in grad school. idk how applicable your experience would be since im a comp sci student, but what's it like in grad school? how accepting has it been of trans people for you? do you have any recommendations on what to do to increase the chance of getting in?

p.s. idk a ton about biochemistry or genetics, but i have a friend who's super into it (he's also planning on going to grad school for it lol), and I love hearing him talk about it. so I'm also curious as to what you're doing :o

Grad school is broken up into phases in my experience, which is dependent on institution and major. For me, year one is classes and rotations, the latter of which is 7 week trials in a lab of interest to get a feel for their work and the lab social and mentor environ. Classes generally compose discussing research techniques and recent publications, and test you on your ability to read research literature and understand it as well as propose follow up investigations. Year two is finishing classes and starting work on your thesis projects, as well as completing preliminary exams, which for biochem are written (grant proposal) and oral (ppt presentation of grant proposal). Year two has less classes than year one and your actual lab work dominates most of your time. Year 3, 4, and 5 are basically spent having a full time job as a senior lab researcher where you are expected to learn your local field well enough to come up with an idea and pursue it to discover or demonstrate something novel in the form of your thesis, as well as publish at least one paper on your work in the meantime.

My institution has not had any issues with trans ppl in my experience. I came out to my lab in Oct of 2023, and gradually to my classmates and the wider program over the following months. Administrative staff and professors have been very on the ball with my pronouns and chosen name, and our program recently got a new professor who is also a trans woman. I won't say which institution to reduce the amount i dox myself, but safe to say I'm content in regards to my treatment as a transgender person.

Getting into grad school usually requires demonstrated undergraduate research or a gap period of research employment after undergrad. I did some undergraduate work (though not strictly in my field) and a year of relevant employment after undergrad. 3 months into said employment I applied for grad school lol which was a little earlier than usually advised bc i hadn't been there long. (My post-bac PI was very demanding and restrictive so I wanted out ASAP). The main things grad schools are looking for is are you able to talk about research you're doing now, what research you want to do, and why you've chosen their institution. They want you to demonstrate you have an interest in researching topics they have professors willing to support, and also that you have the problem solving and data analysis skills to adequately perform research work and operate semi-independently. Having undergraduate or post-bac research that you can explain in detail why you did certain things, what the motivation is, what the goal is, etc is how you prove your worth to grad recruiters (who are usually professors looking for students).

My work is specifically focused on the use of short synthetic peptides to sense the activity of kinases, which regulate pathways in the human body related to growth, division, and apoptosis. When kinases are disregulated it causes various diseases, but it's hard to test drugs for many of these kinases bc there aren't effective monitors for their activity that don't get a lot of false positives due to overlapping signal pathways. The use of synthetic peptides with certain sequences gets around that issue of false positives, and they can be modified to provide information about how effectively a kinase is binding and interacting with the peptide, which would change under exposure to effective inhibitor drugs for those kinases. TL;DR I make little bits of protein to bind other broken proteins and tell me when they're turned on so other ppl can design drugs to turn them off.

Pls let me know if you have any further questions, I apologize that I don't know any comp-sci majors so this might be wildly inaccurate in some regards. XD

#my stuff #asks

[deesi-academia]

i know youre not a studyblr but as a senior can you please give any suggestions on managing 12th boards and competitive exams (im a jee aspirant but i still wanna know how you managed it all) hope its not a bother!

hiii sure!! feel free to reach out whenever, im happy to help <33

okay so. what i suggest you do (assuming you'll be starting 11th this year):

1. Enter 11th std. Don't get intimidated by others. Stay focused on understanding the concepts of all chapters, school exams toh derivations and formulas rattkar bhi ho jayenge. Clear concepts now rather than saving it for 'later'.

2. Practice all PYQs and whatever questions you get for maths. You can only do maths with practice × 100000. It's honestly quite tough, or it's too lengthy.

3. Fully strengthen the 'easier chapters' NOW. Own the knowledge like you made the concept.

4. Enter 12th. Let go of 11th from april-september and fully finish 12th std as soon as possible. Cover all concepts (I believe physics in 12th is relatively easier) and learn all formulas by your midterm exam time at school.

5. USE YOUR SUMMER VACATIONS WELL. COVER ALL BACKLOGS THEN AND THERE. (I regret procrastinating soo much 😭)

6. Just revise 12th entirely and focus on PYQs during October.

7. Nov-Dec go through 11th std again thoroughly, don't take too much stress for preboard cause hopefully you've prepared for 12th strong enough already. Don't take preboard marks to heart!!

8. January, do only and only JEE PYQs and cover whatever backlogs you have. Physics formulas must be learn to the heart. Understand organic chemistry basics very very well, cause it will help predict complex product formations too even if you don't remember the actual reaction!! Maths again, only practice or God can save you 💀 (I'm sorry I'm really scared of maths so maybe this is a biased reply!)

9. Now you'll have board practicals likely in Jan end or Feb only, just make sure your file is complete and you know the basic procedure of experiments. Don't stress too much about viva, usually your own teachers will help you through it!! Focus on practicals as it helps with conceptual JEE Qs too!!

10. Now simply focus on learning derivations and long answer type questions for upcoming boards. You've done enough for JEE and it's time to strength subjective answers. Focus only on cbse board PYQs and again, don't stress too much. Be confident you've worked so hard!!

11. Now the April attempt. Again start focusing on 11th at least 2 weeks before your JEE date. Revise 11th very well.

12. Lastly, solve sample papers only. During the last 3 days I recommend not studying. Only sample papers. With full syllabus. No chapter-wise or topic-wise. But yes if you still don't have concepts cleared, definitely do that asap. Still try to be fully prepared 3 days before the actual exam!!

That's all <33 I made it as detailed as possible for anyone to refer to. Set a goal and follow through guys!! I know it's super hard and yeah 11th mein vo feeling nahi aati, but trust me, if you can push yourself hard in 11th, you won't have to worry too much for the April attempt for sureeee.

All the best <33

#note: this is coming from someone still waiting for april attempt #but yes since its just 3 weeks left ive started revising 11th #maths honestly i just try to strengthen the easy chapters #at least i wont lose marks here FOR SURE #i dont focus on tough maths chapters at all. #asks #dee #answers #desiblr #jee #cbse

[dani-ya-dig]

THE ABIGAIL VIDEO!!! I HAVEN’T TALKED ABT MY WIFE!

Ok so like chronological order bc I have listened to the audio like a million times at this point lmao. And I WILL talk abt it bc everyone needs to be obsessed with this channel like I am it’s SO GOOD GUYS PLS I SWEAR!!! Kk

Glenwood’s magic is doing its thing, and I’m really glad that plot point keeps getting brought up. Like ofc right now most of us are definitely more focused on the romance between Abby, Wielder, and Rose (which same. Love my ladies) but also like HELLO??? Abigail, a nonwielder, was the first person to really think there was something behind how strange glenwood was! And she is actively trying to investigate it (with Wielder and maybe Rose), and now she has even more resources for that!!! Like I just love that Miss Castle is making sure we don’t forget abt this bc I think abt it all the time.

Abby knowing her mom was gonna get on her ass about buying shelves from Amazon rather than thrifting some >

Abigail apologizing every time she swears in the voicemail >>>>>

Also I wonder how far away Abby lives from her family now? She obviously misses them a whole lot regardless of how far away they are, but it makes me wonder if they are just like the next state over, or if this is an across the country situation. (Aka, Dani is desperately trying to figure out where Glenwood would be geographically so I can get more info). I think Rose mentioned something about her flying??? Unless I made that up. But if I didn’t that would mean her family is likely too far for Abby to be able to warrant driving there.

Abby telling her mom about her channel even if she doesn’t fully understand makes me wanna cry. ITS SO CUTE GUYS I SWEAR!!! imagining Abby sending pics of her streaming setup to her mom is fucking adorable and if you don’t see it idk what to tell you.

Also the audible cringe in Abby’s voice as she prepares herself for the knowledge that she would have to deal with everyone asking why she didn’t being a date to the wedding. So Harper coded lmao.

Maybe not a plus one… but a plus two???

“And they’re…. hah mom they’re really cool” IM GONNA FUCKING SCREAM!!! THE WAY HER VOICE WENT ALL SOFT IM COSBSOXSBHDKDKCJC GOD IM SO GAY HOLY SHIT

“Please don’t play this for Sammy, when he comes back home, please Ma…” makes me giggle so hard because yeah, that sums up what having older siblings is like exactly, if you slip up once they will NEVER let it go

It makes me so fucking happy to hear Abby going all soft talking about how she had made a home in Glenwood, and how she feels safe with Wielder and Rose. Especially after she has dealt with not feeling like she fits in and, no doubt, bullying for most stages of her life. I’m just really happy to see the silly little gay people talking in my headphones get to be happy.

I NEED WIELDER AND ROSE TO MEET ABBY’S FAMILY ASAP! I know that they would both just be so overwhelmed with love from Abby’s (most likely) massive family. Rose especially would be so flustered from all the attention and love, having not come from a home that gave that love freely and unconditionally. It would probably be so refreshing for her. I KNOW Abby’s mom is gonna be feeding all of them well, too!

OMG IMAGINE!! Abby’s mom doing the usual embarrassing family stuff like pulling out baby pictures, and telling embarrassing stories, and Abigail obviously red in the face but still taking it on the chin until her mom pulls out the voicemail that Abigail had sent her when she first moved to Glenwood and all of them lose their shit in very different ways. Abigail is embarrassed beyond belief, Rose is also flustered from the “going at it” bit, and Wielder can’t stop laughing hysterically.

UGH ITS A NEED! YOU DONT UNDERSTAND!!!

#castle audios #castleaudios #castle audios Abigail #castle audios Abby #castleaudios Abby #castleaudios Abigail #castleaudios library trio #castle audios library trio

[cryptid-catnip]

Yan!Kanaya x ng!reader + Collar - “Don’t you dare take it off, I want everyone to know you’re mine.”. Please? Thanks to advance!

sure! i love kanaya :3

Yan!Kanaya x GN!Collared!Reader - "Dont You Dare Take It Off I Want Everyone To Know Youre Mine

-- grimAuxiliatrix [GA] began trolling yourTrolltag [YT] --

GA: Hello GA: I Apologize For Messaging You At This Inconvenient Hour Of Sunlight YT: No it's cool YT: If you start messaging me at noon it's probably something important YT: What is it GA: I Need You To Come To My Hive GA: Theres Something I Need To Show You YT: Yeah okay YT: It'll take a while but I'll be there YT: After all it takes seven hours to get to your hive by train YT: But yeah YT: I'll be there asap GA: Thank you -- grimAuxiliatrix [GA] ceased trolling yourTrolltag [YT] --

Okay, better get ready to get to Kanaya's. You pack an extra set of clothes and get ready to get there tomorrow. It seems pretty important, so you put on a thick hoodie to protect from the sun. After all, if you get to the train at night, it'll be day when you get to Kanaya's place, and the sun is even worse near her hive. You start wondering what she wants to tell you about. Maybe it's about that game that Aradia found, and they learned something about it. You and your friends were going to play it in a couple weeks, and you were cautiously excited. Although, it was probably just something personal. Not that that's a bad thing, after all, what are friends for? You grab your backpack with an extra set of clothes in case it's something serious. You leave your hive, trying your best to not let the sun burn you.

You get to the train station, and the ride is relatively uneventful. You make some friendly conversation (or as friendly as it can be on Alternia) and by the time you get there, the two moons have risen. You get off of the train, and you walk to Kanaya's hive. You enter her hive, and she immediately greets you. "Hello Y/N How Are You", she said, and you could realize that she had been waiting for you for a while. "Hi Kanaya," you said, "How are you? What is it?" She nearly instantly responded to you. "Well Y/N Theres Something I Need To Show You". "Okay Kanaya, what is it?" "Just Follow Me Upstairs" "Okay then Kanaya, is it a dress or something?" "Sort Of I Guess" "Okay, I always love the clothes you make. I'm happy to try out whatever you have for me." Kanaya started smiling, and grabbed your hand. "Oh Thats Great Im So Happy" She walked up the stairs, and was grinning from ear to ear. Her fangs were visible, and she was even blushing a little, her cheeks filling with a jade hue. "Hey, Kanaya, are you okay? You're blushing a little." "I Am", she quickly said, looking embarrassed, and started blushing even harder. She quickly focused herself, and took a few deep breaths. You finished walking up the stairs and got to Kanaya's room. "Okay Let Me Show You What I Made", she said. She opened a drawer in her desk, and retrieved what appeared to be a gift package. She put it your hands, and asked you to open it. "Its A Present For You", she said. Now it was your turn to start blushing. "Aw, thank you Kanaya! That's really kind of you." Kanaya starting blushing again. "You're Welcome Y/N Now Please Open The Present" "Okay Kanaya, if you insist." You could barely ruminate on the kind gesture before you opened it, and it was... a collar? "Um, what is this for?", you asked, more than a little embarrassed. "Its For You Dear" she said, smiling deeply. "Its So I Can Show Everyone That Youre Mine Thats Why I Have My Sign On It". She started walking towards you, and put the collar on you. It was... surprisingly comfortable? "I Made It As Comfortable As I Could For You". She then kissed you. "Does That Show You How I Feel About You" she said. "Yeah, I guess so". "Now When You Leave Keep It On That Way You Can Show Everyone That Youre Mine".

#kanaya #homestuck kanaya #kanaya maryam #hs kanaya #homestuck #yandere #yandere writing #yandere x reader #female yandere #hs yandere #yandere hs #yandere homestuck #yandere homestuck x reader

[dangopango00]

COLLEGE BAND AU HEADCANONS

Legato x gn reader

It was pretty rude of me to just randomly put an au fic without explanation so heres the explanation bye still self indulgent; always will be i fear

more utc

- OK FIRST ABOUT HIM. He works for knives still but in this au his job is to cause vash suffering by 😭😭… outselling him??? Ridonkulous ik but go with it

- Knives wants him to outsell vash so vash realizes that art and human creativity is obsolete and instead help him run his tech/AI company that also focuses on helping global warming (humans suck they should die. robots go!)

- Hes apart of a band to rival Vash’s and ofc its the Gung Ho Guns; he hired them to play for him

- Tbh i think their genre isnt set in stone bc theyre purely doing this to outsell vash so I think theyd keep the core of it rock or indie but it has a lot of shifting gears, doing wtv gets the most traction

- Legato is the bassist but he knows keyboard if their keyboardist is absent

- I think legato writes most of the songs himself (to impress knives ofc this is still HIS mission afterall) and gets a lil sad and defensive if it flops LMFAO even if its just his first album; considering how Knives talked down on music Legato thought it’d be somewhat easy

- It DEFINITELY took him a while to write things that had some semblance of humanity in it tbh he had to have either another less emotionally stunted member write it or a ghost writer but he did still practice writing in his spare time since he had nothing better to do

- NOW ABOUT YALL. Ur roommates in a college dorm; if it were up to him he’d have an apartment but knives wanted him to keep an eye on vash and vash lives on campus

- He only has like one or two official rules as roommates but if ur pissing him off with sth thats not on the list he WILL let u lnow LOL

- The only rules established off rip are:

1. MYOB

2. Do not touch him (no tolerance rule if u touch him without permission he WILL be out of there asap even if its a lot of trouble and will probably even idk push u or sth ignore u forever, hope and pray on ur downfall idk its hard to translate his violent tendencies to modern society without getting him arrested ok)

- You often eat together when he isnt busy tbh usually in silence but its ok its comfortable silence (to him at least)

- Ok im gonna try to say this in the least creepy way possible but like. He likes to observe you for inspiration HEAR ME OUT. Just seeing u go about ur day and since hes always in first person POV seeing someone else just… live gives him immense inspiration on what to write

- He also gets inspo from other artists and heres where u come in hehe. You are a solo artist who doesn’t show your face and your speaking voice is pretty much completely different from ur singing voice (Not like insanely different but if you heard the two separately you wouldnt really connect the dots unless ur one of those people who connect voices easily + depending on ur genre u could be using a completely different tone of voice than usual)

- Your genre is a little similar to Legato’s in the fact that although you keep your core component (Love theme IMO but hey i dont make the rules yes i doo) you change around the other moving parts such as the instruments or wtv so he listens to your music often though he never really thought it would be you; just never really thought about the possibility

- Im not gonna say hes like obsessed with your artist persona or anything but he does (as much as he would rather khs than admit it since according to Knives music is the bane of this world) greatly enjoy your music and often finds himself getting your songs stuck in his head

- Hes def a gatekeeper i mean this is the guy who can name every song in ur discography (Not saying much though since you dont post too often)

- ANYWAY u have no idea this is going on since hes prone to just listening to music in his headphones rather than showing you or blasting it for the world to hear so ur relationship is developing as normal roommates

- You often get him stuff from the college snack shack and in return he often gives u whatever he doesnt want from the dining hall (that sounds crappy but its usually good stuff like ur fave fruit or cheese and crackers or sth)

- After u become a bit closer going on trips together becomes common not like vacation but like a little drive to a department store or him taking you with him to practice/performances

- SPEAKING OF PRACTICE U work part time at a coffee shop and it has a practice room which is where he usually brings his band it sounds random but I’ve encountered a coffee place like this before ok

- Killing two birds with one stone, he gets to see you on his way in and out and he gets a quiet place to practice + Vash often brings his band here too so ig killing two birds and one afterthought with one stone

- Other GHGs (NOT greenhouse gasses. Gung ho guns) think that ur another one of his groupies probably 💀 he def has tons i fear

- He def writes songs about you or rather than about you, references how u make him feel but he is in denial and thinks feelings are embarrassing so hes just like no they just gave me inspiration

- Its ok though the only one he has to justify himself to is himself bc hes like. The only one who knows its about u since his songs are never rlly about romance and in the rare cases that they are its very subtle

- When, if ever, he feels ready for touch he frames it like hes doing u a favor lmao “I will allow you to (blank)” he is tbh

Random Misc:

- Hes majoring in Ecology or Conservation Biology prob minoring in sth like computer science (his entire life surrounds Knives what did u expect)

- Sleeps in his daytime clothes and ur always like ???? Esp bc he wears jeans often… U two went to the department store one time and u convinced him to let u buy him pajamas so he could wash the day clothes overnight

- Hes a big ass fan of vinyls and cds and just physical ways of owning things like music or games but wont admit to himself he likes it its just for the aesthetic ok even though he has a record and cd player

- Wants to cut ur hair and feels like its one of the most intimate things u could do without having to touch too much (forever subscribed to knives cut his hair hc)

- If u have a lot of accessories and generally just a lot of stuff he gets annoyed if it isnt properly organized and will organize it for u wnv hes having writers block

- If ur an artist he has u make his merch designs n stuff 😍😍 he pays very generously he rlly dgaf abt money tbh + Knives sponsoring him

A/N: irrelevant but idk whether to imagine him as tristamp or trigun design like both are so good but Ok im done yapping ty

#legato x you #legato bluesummers x reader #legato x reader #legato trigun #trigun band au #trigun modern au #trigun college au #trigun stampede #trigun #legato bluesummers #ridiculous men x reader lol #sobbing (literal) #legato and i should kiss #deranged men #yapping

[ovaryacted]

HIII I hope you’re having an amazing day, I’d like to ask 9, 15, and 27 if that’s alright🙏

ALSO IM SO SORRY FOR REFOLLOWING, i accidentally unfollowed when i tried to click the ask😞

Hello leonfucker3000, it is a pleasure to finally have you in my inbox, big fan. Also, I fucking love your username LMAOOO, real af. I hope you're having a good day too! 🫶

writer ask game

9. Current WIP

My current WIP is Ch. 2 of Story of Us and it is a pain in my ass. I already finished it a while ago, but considering it was so long and I wasn't all that satisfied with it, I decided to look at it again after a couple of days of not focusing on it too much. That way, I can edit it with a clear set of eyes and hopefully make it more to my liking.

15. How do you deal with writer’s block?

I don't. Just kidding, but I treat writer's block like I treat anything else when I'm unhappy. I acknowledge my feelings, take a note of it, and pour my energy into something else in the meantime until I get some of that creative spark to return. I've learned the hard way that you can't force yourself out of writer's block or burn-out, it just doesn't work that way, believe me I've tried. The best thing you can do for yourself is do things that you enjoy, and to be patient with your creative energy. Sometimes, things just don't click, other times they do and you find yourself in the middle of an explosive epsiode of creativity where your mind is going a mile a minute. Sometimes you're lucky, sometimes you're not, and that's okay because the creative process is not linear. Good things simply take time, and when you want to get out of writer's block or any creative block for that matter, your mind will tell you once you're ready. As simple as that.

27. Favourite line/scene

I don't know if this question is specifically asking like a favorite line/scene from my writing or from media that I have consumed, so I'm answering both for fun. Hands down, it has to be that scene in S2 of Bridgerton where Kate starts off by saying "I'm leaving for India" and Anthony goes "That is not far enough" and that speech plays rent free in my head. When I first watched that scene after not really caring for S1, I was so into it, like wow, this is what you call quality TV! Drama! Yearning! Mutual pining!!! GIVE IT TO ME!

And as for a favorite line of mine in MY work, probably from Restless, one of my favorite pieces to date cause who doesn't love sub Leon with a mommy kink?

“You want to cum inside me? Fill mommy’s pussy up?”, he nodded dumbly at you, growing pussywhipped at your words and thrusting up into you harder to match your pace.

Yeah. I did my big one...need to write some more sub Leon with a mommy kink ASAP!

#ovaryacted asks #writer ask game

[rouge-variant]

hello how would Levi help reader who is going through a depressive episode. I think im in one, i really cant see the light at the end of the tunnel and every day i just feel worse and worse mentally. If you dont want to do this ask, i understand. Thank you

Oh no!! Not good! Hopefully this will help keep you going. Listen up everyone, even if you didn't request this but, I am always going to be here to talk to! I know its weird opening up to a stranger about topics like mental health and the likes but I've been in a very dark place before too. I have not been in the same position as you since things are always changing and there will be things that I can't understand like you do but I can sympathize with you. Feel free to DM me and we can chat, or I can write things to help. And I will respond to you ASAP! ...As long as I'm not sleeping or without wifi 😗. So now then, thank you for your request, I wish you well on your journey through your struggle and I know you have the strength to over come any challenge, and I hope you enjoy!!

Levi Comforting his S/O through a Depression Episode, Headcanons:

Trigger Warning: Talks of mental health struggles but I don't go into detail. There are mentions of trouble eating, lack of energy and I do mention self-harming but the description is as basic as possible. Please keep this in mind while you read.

Levi has been in a dark place himself so he knows the signs if when you are struggling. Whether you have been through this or not, he's going to help you through this every single time.

Due to his cleaning habits, he isn't the type of person to let you hide away in your room while your fighting this. This man will shower with you, if you don't have the energy to do very much. He'll join you and gently wash your hair and body. But he does it in a timely manner so that you can spend more energy on focusing on something to distract your mind. If you do have enough energy, he will run a bath for you. Using your favourite salts or bubble bath scents or bath bombs. Chances are if your using bubbles baths or bath bombs, he won't join you because they make him uncomfortable. But that doesn't mean he won't scrub you up from outside of the tub. Afterwards, he'll read to you, talk to you about anything or even just sit in silence with you and hold your hands adding forehead kisses occasionally.

Food is also important. Depending on if you tend to eat more than normal, he's ok with it. He will make sure that you're not just eating junk foods all the time because it can make you feel worse. He would do some research and find foods that not only taste good but also help keep your body full of energy. This doesn't mean that he won't occasionally cook or buy some of your comfort foods. If you under eat, this is when he'll start worrying more because he knows that your body won't be able to keep up and you could end up getting physically sick as well. Levi would encourage you to try and eat more but not force you to eat until you feel sick. Just try your best, that's all he wants.

Work. School. If either are impacting your mental state, he will tell you to take a break. Struggling with your mental health is no different from struggling with your physical health. He will make sure to remind you of that because there are people out there who will force you into thinking otherwise. Listen to Levi, he knows his crap.

Levi will not force you to talk. He knows that sometimes it makes you feel worse when people are pushing you to spill things that you don't want to talk about. He will only ever do that if he thinks that you have become threat to yourself. In that case, he is holding you tightly with his arms trapping you into his loving embrace, fearing that if he let's you go then you might never return to him. He will never think less of you for asking to talk or asking for help. He will praise you. This is a big step forward in healing and Levi would be so proud of you.

Levi will be there for every moment in your healing journey. He loves you more than anything. He knows that life is a precious thing and if you ever think differently he will point out every reason why your wrong. If you wanted to leave, who would cuddle up to him in the night and steal his body heat? Who will bug him about constantly cleaning the house? Who will help Connie and Sasha with their pranks? Exactly. If you ever think of using yourself as a way to cope with the pain, then he will insist you do it to him instead. He's already covered in physical and emotional scars and he doesn't want you to be either. Levi will never let you go through this alone.

When you finally pull through, Levi will be standing there with you beaming with pride. The world tried to destroy you but you fought back and showed not just him, your friends, and your family how resilient you are. You also showed and proved to yourself what a fighter you are. And that's something that he will always help you to remember and remind you about if you ever need it. You make Levi so proud every day and wants to remind you how much he loves you and how proud he is of you.

#aot x reader #levi ackerman x y/n #levi x you #levi ackerman #aot x y/n #levi ackerman fluff #levi x reader #levi ackerman headcanons #Levi Ackerman comfort

[cringefaildiaz]

Concept that’s been floating around in my brain since I saw the guest cast:

Kameron & Connor involved in the disaster, baby survives but they don’t and Buck ends up with baby. Thoughts?

Honestly I don't see it happening for a few reasons, but that's not to say I wouldn't be down for it if it DID happen.

For one, this season has focused a lot on striking the balance between biological and non-biological family—we had Buck and Chim reconciling with their parents for their own well-being (or at least Chim; still not entirely sure what the resolution with Buck and his parents is) but at the same time, we had a whole episode really cementing Bobby in his role as Buck's chosen father figure. We've had Henren and their struggle with Denny's bio dad, ultimately culminating in them standing their ground as Denny's parents, but allowing Denny to explore that relationship because it's what he needs. With all that in mind, I think it would be a little bit off-theme for Buck to get Kameron and Connor's kid just because they died; they've really made it clear that Buck doesn't see this kid as his, and with the baby being very much theirs, I don't think the baby going to Buck makes much sense. Surely he would go to their next of kin, right? Unless of course there's something in 6x17 with Kameron where it's made clear that they've chosen Buck in the event of their deaths which would be a wild thing to do, but maybe also an interesting exploration of Eddie's will? Idk, seems like it'd be a lot to cram into 2 episodes, what with everything else going on. And then Buck would have a baby. Which would also be a lot for the show to deal with going forward. (don’t get me wrong, I want to get that man a baby asap. but im not sure the writers would agree with me)

The other thing is that it just feels....really dark for 911. Like orphaning a baby? Taking the opportunity to raise him away from the parents who wanted him so badly? I mean, lord knows there's been some dark plot lines on the show but ending the season on that would be....whew.

I do kind of love the idea that the pile up that causes the bridge collapse includes civilians that we've met over the course of this season. I saw someone else mention the disaster could start at the end of 6x17 and Marisol could be involved, and that's why she's in both episodes. Marisol (who's house Buck helped fix up) causes or is the first person injured in the pile up, injuring Chim (Buck's soon-to-be brother-in-law), Natalia (Buck's....girlfriend, maybe? Too soon to say), and Connor and Kameron (old friend and woman carrying a baby with his genetic material). Battle over his priorities ensues (save Kameron and the baby who's got half his DNA but leave them without Connor? Save his chosen family and the love of his sister's life? But if he does one or both he can't save his hot new death obsessed love interest? I mean, also exceptionally dark, but could turn out okay maybe? Idk, I'm very intrigued though.

send me your spec for the last two episodes of s6 (but don't be weird)

#i rewrote this twice because the first time i referred to the baby as 'it' #and then i rewrote it to use the singular they but I had to make it clear when I was referring to baby and when I was talking about K&C #and then i remembered they told us its a boy. good job beanie #update i had to rewrite it a third time because at first i didnt realize k&c were credited for 6x18 too. its a long cast list to be fair #let Natalia experiences death herself and lose interest in Buck and his experience lmao #911 fox #ask a bean

[findroleplay]

hello! my name is violet, im looking for 13+ roleplayers. i go by they/she and im in GMT!

Literacy: i tend to match my partner, but would prefer at least two paragraphs.

Fandom: IT (I can do chapter two, but I heavily prefer chapter one or just when they were kids / teens)

Pair: I don't mind any type of pair (mxm, for, mxf, nbxnb, nbxf, nbxm) but no ocs, please!

Characters: heavily looking for a Bill to go against my Richie, but don't mind an Eddie, Stan, Ben, whatever. Literally play anyone lol, im really looking to play Richie against Bill mainly though so if you can play him that'd be great

Ship: obviously, Bill x Richie, Richie x Eddie, Richie x anyone lmao

Triggers: i personally don't have any triggers so do what you want! do let me know of yours as i tend to depict Richie with an eating disorder (or a very mild case of one) and as a self-harmer.

Genres: I love angst, and I have a lot of angst plots in mind that focus specifically on Richie (one focuses on them both though). obviously there'll be a horror element, but im open to absolutely anything. for nsfw themes, i strictly play sub characters and make sure characters are of appropriate age.

Plot ideas: i have a couple, which i can send if you get in contact!

Where: heavily prefer discord, but i can rp practically anywhere that suits you.

and that's it! interact with this post if you're interested and i'll be sure to get back to you ASAP!

-

#it rp

[tinylittlecubby]

In this moment taking the exam i feel like shit and I want to sleep for 72 hours. I will update after exam. My goal: answer all of the multiple choice questions and leave asap

Edit 1: I should've I should've I should've I should've I should've. But also abi had to transfer because of fail son behaviour soooooooo

Edit 2: FFUUUCCKKK THERE ARE NO MULTIPLE CHOICE QUESTIONS FUCK

Edit 3: Okay i am definetely having this be my last lie and saying that the test was closed book because fuck

Edit 4: Okay I reeeaallllyyy need to talk in therapy with my occupational therapist about my hangups with education because this test is not that bad and i should be able to answer all of these questions and i WOULD be able to if I did the work appropriately and didnt fuck around because of a fear of having panic attacks(????? i genuinely do not know what it is like is educational trauma really a thing i have no clue)))) at least ive seen the full test now and know what to expect the next time i take it but damn yea this has been eye opening and im happy that i showed up and answered some of the questions and the fact that it was open book like i wouldve bodied this exam if i studied for it and handed in all of my assignments as well like FUCK!!!!! whatever whatever whatever like not whatever as in im not going to take it seriously but like whatever in the sense that what is done is done (the teacher even gave today to be the last day to hand in assignments and if i knew that much much earlier i wouldve definetely done that but no i didnt email the teacher or anything i just dropped everything out of my hands as usual) i guess fucking 4th time is the charm but i cant be hanging out with v as much as i do anymore and i need to be out of the house to get work done and that fucking guy needs to leave me alone at school and i need to be focused and go to every class and harass the teachers and study study study study and manage time better and get a proper amount of sleep every single night and never cram and TIME MANAGEMENT FOR THE LOVE OF FUCKING GAWD.

Edit 5: Okay so after some googling to waste time during this exam i have learned that the learning process is usually emotionally and mentally painful and that is normal. i also reinforced my hatred for late diagnosed adhd people and gifted kids, how are there so many gifted kids, if everyone is gifted no one is????????

Edit 6: Im so sleepy i feel like im going to pass out i cant wait until 7:30pm FUCK

#thoughts #i love you olivia but you really piss me off FUCK

[hekkoto]

Im aliveeeeee

Hi guys!

Welp, where to start it…. I had some unexpected absence in last times and Im super sorry for this. Im super sorry for no info or update; I wanna be honest – I had extremaly hard time, I suffered from extreme anxiety related to creating or being online, I was also on edge of mental breakdown. My physical health had some major decrease too, it was hell. I had a lot of dark thought in last months, especially lately. So I also wanna thank a lot my husband and my friends Jacek and Charles – you guys saved my life! Im super grateful for all the love and support everyone gives me online, Im sorry I was unable to be there and talk or smth. I really appreciate all of you, Im also super happy to have family and friends who support me or at least try to haha

Im aware I owe some arts and such to some people and I promise to try catch up with this asap. Im also very sorry for not letting anyone know I struggle and stuff will be delayed. I hope to have most of it done/posted before end of a year. My focus in upcoming days will be catching up on Patreon rewards and commission.

I know Im in not the best state right now; I let my mental illness take too much control over me lately. I was struggling a lot with being reckless, drinking, don’t caring too much of myself. I let past traumas devour me. I let myself detach from reality more far and far. Tho do I even know what reality is haha? But I try to take control back, with help of my husband. I will stop drinking for some time. I hate it, during holidays there is a lot of yummy alcohol but probably years of drinking while being heavily medicated take toll on my health haha

I have some comeback of those awful pains of my muscles and joints, I also was constantly sick in last weeks. Honestly idk what is wrong. Probably both my physical and mental illnesses play part here. But I hope to start feeling better soon. Being in pain for so so long is killing my mind. I just wanna escape pain. UPDATE: It got better, I have less muscles pains. Its also possible I suffer from endometriosis which might be huge reason for a lot of stuff – Im starting getting diagnosed in January

Thankfully because of support I had I was able to stay alive and keep fighting. I wanna be back. I don’t want to dive deeper into darkness of my mind. I know I need to create to stay sane, putting my darkness into arts is only way to free my mind from it. I missed you guys really really much

I hope now I was able to overcome my fears and anxiety enough to create again. I think focusing on art and creating is only way to go

I wanna have better time next year, really ;-; and I hope now Im back for real. Keep in mind cause of Holidays I wont be home all the time cause I go to see a lot of my family and friends, I hope I will be feeling ok after this >XD but I hope next year will be my big comeback, I miss creating and posting soooooo much aaaaaa

#update

[crowscoffee]

day 3: today could have been better, work was okay, and i had my support group in the morning which was nice (i'm in an lgbtq specific support group and i love it), i wish i could have gotten more homework done tonight but i had a really hard time focusing on stuff once i got home. the stress of my house and some other personal family things is also messing with me. thankfully i'm not working monday but i still have a paper due sunday that i haven't started or chosen a topic for yet (it's a short paper so it should be fine i just need to get it done asap if i want to hang out with one of my best friends on sunday, plus i need to run errands tomorrow and my parents will probably want me to do extra work around the house and just ahhhhhh stress).

anyways here is to hoping tomorrow goes better. my friend sent me a super helpful guide about how they specifically slot their day using a google spreadsheet and set designated times to do things, i'm not sure if i could handle my life being that rigid but i think doing something like that could be helpful assuming i can get myself to stick to it haha. i've also tried to force myself to do chores/productive things before i slip into maladaptive daydreaming so im at least getting things done and being intentional if i do feel the urge to daydream, i've noticed my maladaptive daydreaming is definitely stress-triggered and also probably a coping mechanism for when my depression starts getting bad, which can tend to happen when i'm stressed and burned out, but also if i'm not getting anything done and i'm wasting my time then i also start to get depressed so it is just a viscous viscous cycle gah

right i am not going to spiral anymore i am going to listen to an audiobook for school and if i can get in bed before 1am that will at least be something

[nicekaylee]

july fucking 31st

it's 2 am

after the show i said fuck all of THIS

and went on a fucking vacation. and getting therapy

and it's been going pretty sick, therapy not started. but anyways thats a write up for another day. im just going to talk about something specific that happened today.. im so pissed, and heartbroken.

CONTEXT

in my past 3 years of wasting my life on this god damn album, someone i knew a bit lit up my life in the last year,2022. this girl. the way she dresses just opened up a new sense of inspiration for me that ive never had before. so i get to know her a bit more once we hang out, and then i get to know how similar our interest in things are. we talk on the phone, and it's really nice. i knew after my birthday that this girl was someone special to me. and even though she's inspiration, i wanted to know i wanted to be there to care for her and be a closer companion, especially after knowing her past history and how i feel like she may have not felt that. fast forward 10 fucking months and im no where closer. in fact, even further away. i bet this girl doesn't think about me at all. and i'm just confused cause she barely shows any emotion at all. like one of the hardest people to understand, yet im still so invested. but it's getting very one sided. I got very depressed after my birthday, and then super focused on my album so i had little social life.. if any at all. not one message of empathy from her.. a couple of times seeing her, but never alone.. but whatever that's not the real point of the story. that was all just context. THE REAL STORY

so it's july 2023 i can't look at her as a friend, cause i have too many feelings. we talk minimally but theres a group chat thats kinda our saving grace. and just recently, she started med school in galveston. fuck. during my vacation, i'm trying to enjoy my life more. ive always wanted to wait till after my album is done, where i feel like my life will be easier, but now a days im thinking.. fuck that. i'm tired of waiting to be in the right time of my life because i can't bottle these feelings any longer. like fr this shit is bothering me so much. i'm getting older and just wishing and having this crush with no substance makes no sense.

so i need to tell her asap.

i wanted to see her in galveston. somehow ended up into a group friend thing to visit her in galveston, then her mom shut that down.

because she is in the most complicated situation literally not meant for dating at all. no car, mom takes her everywhere, curfew as fuck,her mom doesnt even want her around guys, what the actual fuck. but fuck it, she makes time to hang out in houston..for like 2 hours.. but i appreciate it honestly i understand her life situation.

TODAY she pulls up to my friends house with her brother cause her moms a freak about her going out. it's another group hangout. how tf am i gonna tell her my feelings?? anyways,

i mention i went to galveston and she seems UPSET THAT I DIDNT TELL HER?? CAUSE SHE COULDA MADE A WAY TO SEE ME..

NOW SHE WANTS TO SEE ME? WTF. idk dude it's so hard to understand her. so that was some good insight. but it's the past so whatever..

we play mario party on the switch. finish and it's about time to go. i whip out a surprise bag with gifts i wanted to treat my 2 other friends and her with! snacks for one, a fork for another, and i got her these super cute pens. she seemed to like them! she then says i didn't have to get this cause she knows im broke. WTF. honestly, shit was funny. idc but then she starts talking to me or us about some more details of her school life. she seems to always looks at me more. like most of the time. i LOVE that, but i have no clue how basic that is for her. she tells me shes finally gonna start her dream cover band, which is sick, love to hear that. someone said i should do a cover band.. i made a face and was going to say i actually do plan on it--

THEN SHE FUCKING CUTS ME OFF. AND FUCKING SAYS I SHOULD MAKE CUTE JINGLES FOR MY GIRLFRIEND(S)?? LIKE HALLMARK CARDS w pretty messages and simple JINGLES?? .....WHAT THE FUCK...

im staring at her like about to fucking lose my mind... cause i want to do that FOR HER. i almost impulsivey confess everything i feel to her. but everyone was right around me, her brother too. and i didn't know if it would be bad for her brother to hear..and have him spread info to her mom ..which will fuck her over more. i didn't wanna do that. so i just calmed down and played dumb. she left and said it's gonna be a long time till she'll see us again. what the fuck. im so mad. my friends said i shoulda just told her right there.. but idk it was so much random pressure and i wanted to be courteous and not fuck her over..

but jesus fucking christ im so mad. or some other word to describe how riled up that got me. this woman needs to know how i feel. i actually dont give a fuck anymore. im a grown dude and that annoys me that this is all weird puzzle solving teenage shit. cause if she was hinting, fuck her so im going to galveston this wednesday. giving her A SPECIAL hallmark card with a beautiful art of her and a BEAUTIFUL SONG only for her. not for OTHER girlfriends.. FOR HER. she is the one i want to make these things for . she needs to know shes the one i care about. before some asshole gets to her in galveston. honestly i actually dont care. i just wanna make sure she knows how special she is to me. that'll give me peace of mind. and she says no, then honestly im okay. anyways im doing it. wednesday. cant bottle this in anymore. i really hope she lets me see her man. i just want to let her know how special she is to me. it'll hurt my heart knowing if i never did anything. and maybe she'll share something loving as well

maybe

[blogging-thots]

January 25 2023

So on January 14, my co worker (server) at China Buffet asked for my number but I didn’t give it to them bc I don’t like giving my phone number out so I got them to download Snapchat instead bc I rather txt there since that’s where I communicate with my friends the most on

Anyways, almost 2 weeks talking with them

They told me on that day that they liked me and I’m thinking “wtf lol okay and ?????” But yeah I don’t even act like anything at work. I just focus on my job and don’t really talk to the severs unless needed so I’m surprised I caught his interest

I did tell them multiple times that I have no interest in them and even if I did I wouldn’t want to be in a romantic relationship with them bc I’m so focused on school and nothing but that and that if I were to be in a relationship then it would be one sided bc I would lack so much interest since I’m a student like I already have so much on my shoulders that I can barely manage so relationships aren’t important

He knows I don’t like him like that and that I just see him as a friend / co worker but asked me to give him a chance to “pursue” me and I’m like okay why not lol

Probably the only interesting that will ever happen in my life lmao

He’s 12 years older than me LOL divorced and has an 8 yr old kid like omg but I guess we’ll see how this turns out LOL

The fact I posted a picture of a purse I thought was cute and he asked if I liked that purse and I said yeah it’s cute whatever and he ordered it asap like crazy bro crazyyyyyy AND I DID RECEIVE THE PURSE LIKE OMG CRAZY

and he was supposed to give me AirPods 3rd Gen the same day I got the purse but he forgot so hopefully this Saturday I’ll get them bc omg I want some AirPods lol PRAYING I GET THEM 🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏skskskskksksks

Apparently he ordered $100 worth of Korean ramen for me to try ????????? But we’ll see about that too 😂😂😂😂 and he cashed me $20 for BOBA asap too and I didn’t even asked for it like I was literally just talking about how I like boba 🧋 LMAO

And for some reason he had an idea that I was financially struggling probably bc the old manager told him and he offered to give me money so I don’t have to focus on working but rather focus on school and I said no bc they shit crazy like hello sir how can you offer someone that ?!!??!?!?!???!? If it was another female they WOULD ACTUALLY RUN YOUR MONEY UP AND YOU WOULD BE BROKE BROKE SIR LIKE YOU CANT ASK SOMEONE STRAIGHT UP LIKE THAT! SO I JUST WANNA SAY HOW LUCKY HE IS THAT IM NOT THAT TYPE OF PERSON TO RUN HIS MONEY UP LIKE THAT

I hope I have time to go buy boba 🧋 on Saturday and bring it to work bc I really craving boba 🧋 I also I have to get him one lol and he’s not picky so good thing !

But we’ll see how this goes never know what will happen with this friendly relationship

I just only hope for positivity and progress ! :))

I pray my school semester is well this year and I pass with all 80’s above and that I pass all my license so I don’t have to retake bc they cost $275 per section which money I don’t have so I pray 🙏 🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏

But I hope everything goes well as planned and that I graduate in August 2023 with dental assisting license and start working in dental office asap so I can make decent income and live a better life and at a better place 🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏❤️