#so im even more anxious

[thatisnotamistakewellbemaking]

.

#personal #rant #having anxiety around school is so fucking frustrating #an assignment i thought i had submitted didn’t actually go through so it got marked as missing and late #im not sure if ill be able to get any points for it #and it was worth a lot of points #and now i can’t do my other schoolwork that’s due today because im about to have a panic attack #so im even more anxious #this sucks so much #i hate it

[lucabyte]

Hmmm just gonna spit this headcanon out in text post form since A. I don't think I could exposit it well enough in image form and B. It's not actually textually/thematically substantiated and I don't like actually staking my stuff on just vibes alone*

But anyway. I'd say it's pretty evident that all the islanders forgot their names, right? King obviously. Because why the hell else would he do that, but also Siffrin No Middle Names No Last Name.

They're 'pretty sure' they've 'always' been 'Just Siffrin' 'as long as they can remember'. It's a pretty cruel twist of the knife to say that they don't even get to keep their birth name as a memento, which is why I'm saying as such.

My utterly unsubstantiated claim is I think it'd be cute to say that Sisyphus *is* the name Siffrin initially picked, assuming the myth of King Sisyphus is recontextualised as idk, just a play or something in the setting. But I like the idea of Siffrin going 'oh shit 🫵 he's just like me fr' at a tortured fictional character long before the irony kicks in.

As for how Sisyphus -> Siffrin. I think that chronic mumbler and emotional doormat Sif just did not correct people who misheard the name during their time travelling, and went through enough places with incompatible phonologies (pronounceable sounds in the language) without ever really writing it down that it just got kinda. Changed until it was unrecognisable, and Siffrin just went with it until the earlier pronunciations slipped out of their swiss-cheese brain. And they just kinda don't remember any of that.

Also, something something the horrid realisation that Siffrin also named themselves after a King. Just not as blatantly.

*(though I think there's something here about Siffrin, a guy from a belief system that seems to thoroughly disincentivise autonomy and self-motivated choice continuously having their hand forced to make changes/choices they don't want but have no choice but to... It's not solid enough to really back this up tbh, but it informs it.)

Anyway.

#theres also something one of my french-speaker friends said about siffrin's official pronounciation being the feminine way to pronounce -in? #which i dont know enough about to really corroborate and theyre busyyyy and havent started the game yet so i cant really ask #im sure someone else has already voiced this easy-to-come-up-with headcanon anyway but just in case nobody has i decided to post it #isat #isat spoilers #in stars and time #isat siffrin #isat loop #i also personally picture sif (and loop especially) being more hostile to the concept of changing themselves after The Encounter #both of them being big grudge-holders and that 'want' to control your own destiny being clearly against how they interpret the universe #as for whether they should be so hostile? probably not! but they appear to be anxious in fear of some kind of divine retribution should #they like. ever even dare to Want. and uh. well. that certainly went well for Loop. not sure they'd be gung-ho to do it again #so Loop being able to go 'oh well it wasn't my REAL name' as a salve for having to make a new identity AGAIN.... #while sif is explicitly clinging to it as an anchor for Who They Are If Nothing Else.. they can upset each other and also mirabelle i think #lucabytetalks

[daftpatience]

one thing I have learned about being poor is that you cannot for a moment stop thinking about it

#theres no peace #every little thing reminds me we are poor #seeing friends having electricity wifi heat food gas. it all costs money. and bills and fees and charges happen all the damn time #im constantly worried that i am measing up somehow or im not keeping track of my finances properly #the person handling our disability assistance application keeps coming back with question after question about my job #and i have so much doubt and fear that ive made some mistake in my answers that will disqualify us from support #and theres this sick backwards stupid thing where applying for and being on disability support is discouraging me from trying to make money #because the more i make the less likely we'll get support but i need to make money to live #its just fucked. and once we're on support i have to make monthly reports of my income so ill feel like im explaining myself all the fuckin #time #cus the system isnt built in a way that makes sense for self employed ppl who have business expenses to account for #sorry for the ranting i cant sleep #truly truly i think poverty is making me a worse persin #more anxious more resentful more jealous more miserable more spiteful #i have so little and there is so little i can do to help it #i want things in a more desparate and even childish way than i used to eant things #spend a lot more time fantasizing about magically having expendable income #not to mention the constant exponential guilt that comes from asking for help or recieving help. its guilt i need to unlearn but i feel it

[moeblob]

I am really tired of a situation rn.

#fe three houses #felix hugo fraldarius #me using felix on my angy days because he is my angersona? you bet! #anyway if you want to try to get someones money or something bc you hurt your own car banging into mine #can you try to be a bit more timely with it buddy come on you hit me on feb29 ! #why am i getting your insurance company calling me today ! #also i would like to point out i didnt do it and neither of us were hurt and i filed a claim with my own insurance comp #and also filed a police report bc he didnt even suggest calling the cops to the scene #so like yeah hey man maybe you and your insurance company can move a lil faster or smth #literally everything that happened the day of is - according to my dad - an intimidation tactic #i look like im 15 and he probably thinks he can take advantage of a new driver but ya know! tough luck! #im just really tired and stressed over multiple things not negative so getting this on top of it was like #bro .................... anyway my phone didnt pick up for some reason so i called back and then nothing got resolved #cause the person who actually called me wasnt around to connect the line to from the guy who answered #idk man just its a lot despite my v minimal energy #got a job interview on monday tho ! and then also next week is an eye exam #and you might be thinking isnt that a good thing to get your eyes checked? you are correct but i am horrified #there are two body parts that give me absolute anxiety and eyes are one of them #and i know my eye sight is declining and im just v anxious #its fine im going to be fine i just have to be anxious about it

[heartfelt-messenger-studios]

So this is out of place, but I really love Red Dead 2 and Western stuff in general! I looked through my sketches and found this draft of a mini comic I made with Arthur and Gavin’s Friend. I know Gavin’s Friend is not found in Valentine but I thought it would be funny if when Lenny and Arthur went out drinking that he could be found outside the bar haha

#heart art #rdr2 #red dead redemption #fanart #sketches #arthur morgan #im posting this for me bc im anxious about sharing stuff in general but even more so when its not my quote un quote usual stuff

[bi-demon-ium]

a hug from nicholas benedict would solve all my problems actually

#NONE OF THEM BUT MAYBE THIS ANXIOUS HORRIBLE FEELING WOULD GO AWAY #like literally a physical feeling in my chest my heart is twisting and crawling up my throat i wanna throw up #im making my own post so im not fucking with the notes of that other one even more but honestly i think i have an old one i could have just #eh it's fine not the point. the point is. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA #i would also love a hug from trent or ted (not full naming for tag reasons) #just imagined that and i wnat to literally cry <3

[bunnihearted]

lately i've been finding it so so hard to be positive and hopeful. and it's making me so bitter and hateful. i hate it but i dont know what to do about it

#idk it's just all too much to deal w #i have sm pains and physical discomforts. money issues. stress bc my avpd is making school very hard for me to finish #i have suicidal thoughts and really bad anxiety every single day. i've basically begged the mental health care system for help for 7 months #like i've kept contacting them and asking them but they havent done anything at all for me. i dont even get to see anyone and talk #i just dont know what to do or how to handle it #im so stressed abt the future. i have to finish school but then choose smth so i can go to school/get a degree & get a job #im holding my mom down and back and i need to find a way to kove out from her and support myself #i have no friends to meet or hangout with and destress with etc etc and im really feeling the lack of it #idk the list just goes on and on and on #nothing is working and idk how to fix it. but also i know that me and only me have to find a way bc there is no help #i struggle bc of my avpd and mental health but there is no treatment for me to get. they just dont wanna give me *any* help at all #im just so frustrated. and every day is the same. everyday is full of some physical pain anxiety stress worries suicidal thoughts etc etc #i cant break free idk how!!!! my life is so fkn boring and pathetic and miserable #i never get to relax bc all of a sudden last year i got extremely noise sensitive. and it's never quiet anywhere in this city #anyway yeah i could just keep going. and like now im feeling anxious bc my tooth is aching :(( #it -everything- never stops or lets up or relents. and it makes me wanna die even more. #so... idk im just incapable of being hopeful abt anything and that's really killing me idk

[roachemoji]

#bo posting #croutons #but also this is a #vent #i need tbis cat to let me sleep through tge night just ince #im so tired and im waking up just #exhausted emotionally #im so anxious still #im terrified and catastrophizing #forcing myself not to isolate even though ever fiber of my being is screaming at me to #convinced that no one believes or understands the extent of how bad things r rn #and that bc no one believes me #everything i do is seen as.... purposeful #or personal #convinced theres nothing i could say or do that would accurately describe how i feel #and more convinced i already need to know what would help before i can ask for it #and since i dont know i cant ask for help #🫠

[vurelly]

how would you be befriended..,,asking for a friend sdkhjfgfkdhg

i am a social vampire, i just need you to invite me into a conversation that's it i will take it from there

#vu asks #i am an anxious ambivert #i loveloveloOOOOOOVE talking to new people and making friends #but i am so anxious that the person i want to speak with doesn't want to speak with me or ill come off too strong #so unless i get a sudden burst of confidence i will just stare longingly forever at the people i want to be friends with #which DOES sometimes happen it's just rare #just be prepared ive been told im a lot of personality and even more volume

[orcelito]

I think smth that gets me about the way a lot of the fandom woobifies Vash is that like... so many of them erase his anger? They make him a soft and sweet doormat who never gets angry Ever, and that's just objectively not true, EVEN IF we're just talking about tristamp Vash. He's definitely softer spoken in tristamp than the other versions, but we still see him get angry!! We see him Yell!!! And these people ignore that!

Then when you consider 98 Vash and ESPECIALLY trimax Vash. Bro is genuinely furious like Any time he is dealing with #Situations. He gets angry. He yells. And he's genuinely tempted to kill people in anger (as we see with Monev).

It's just plain mischaracterization when people make him so soft and sweet and Never Angry. And we all know exactly why people characterize him like this.

#speculation nation #it's bc so many ppl r just not normal about trans people lol #like man i love the widespread trans vash headcanons but Man the weird characterizations it often brings... #it is. vexing. my perpetual curse. i will always be annoyed by it. #sometimes i think about when i started writing 3gun fic w stampede vash and i had him Angry in even the first chapter #and i was so anxious about it being mischaracterization bc so many people write him so soft #then i looked back at canon and i was like. '.... no this IS in character. he WOULD be angry. what are YOU guys doing?' #and now with my manga fic i am just continuously writing him angry bc he IS. he is SO angry. #and so tired and so sad etc etc like theres more to it and all but like #you cant take the anger out of vash. it's an important part of who he is. #that 100% justified anger at his life and circumstances and Everything #he is not a doormat. stop writing him like one. im begging you.

[koishua]

Y'ALL I PASSED THE EXAM WTH I DID IT OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD Y'ALL I CAN'T BELIEVE IT OH MY FREAKING GOODNESS MY HANDS ARE SHAKIBG RN

#tp #MY DREAM UNI I CANNOT EVEN IM SO SO HAPPY #but also terrified bc there are only 600 places available and a little more people passed so there's gonna be a lottery im freaking tf out #we'll see the rankings on monday im so anxious but also so jopeful #IN FIVE MONTHS I'LL BE STUDYING THERE OUT OF COUNTRY I CAN'T BELIEVE IT #i mean hopefully i'll get picked in the lottery i didnt study that hard to leave it all up to luck but oh well i'll just pray more

[mxwhore]

finally moving my moola to the savings account my dad opened for me when i was born in which he proceeded to deposit 15 bucks for college and then nothing ever again

#unironically thank you dad. opening shit makes me nervous #also im anxious af doing this PAYPAL DONT STEAL MY MONEH #wanting to thank you all cuz even though this isnt a lot by cost of life standards #i couldve NEVER save up as much as i did this year without you guys in particular #thank you SO MUCH for supporting my art!! hoping to make more more more

[skitskatdacat63]

Speaking of ocs, I have no idea why I deleted this drawing off here. I think I hated it when I finished it, and now I looked back on it and I'm like, this is pretty okay??

#also I hate how you guys have literally sent asks for my oc game(thanks!!!!) #but i still feel this weird 'oh god im being so annoying' ickyness #will i never be freed from the prison which is my own head #im like ah i need to draw ocs more :) its comforting #and then i start drawing them more #and my brain starts clawing itself abt having not drawn any fanart in a bit #tbf i dont really have good ideas for either 😭😭 #but thank you guys for supporting my recent endeavors :) #even if i still feel anxious abt it. all your asks have made me feel very soft <3 #but yah idk i try to engrain in myself: my blog i do what i want #and then i still get insecure abt being annoying. but you guys dont care :) so i need to stop caring #idk i think people could literally yell at me that im not being annoying and id still have to go lay in the dark + #and have an entire self monolog to myself abt how im a plague upon this world #catie.art.

[lavenoon]

Can I ask for a preference for the DCA boys? Sun/Moon/ Eclipse. And if there is a specific AU version you fancy?

Oh, sure!

For the preferences I'm uh. Between Sun/Moon I refuse to choose? I see them as a set, Do Not Separate, and it feels unfair to choose between them. I'm very enthusiastic about healthy sleep, and own unholy amounts of glitter glue and other craft supplies, so it really just works out for a match. I love Eclipse too! Though I see him as separate*, not as intrinsically linked into the set, and given that Sun and Moon are the "originals" they win out over Eclipse**!

*Depends on the interpretation, of course, but if left to my own devices

**This, too, depends on the interpretation, as I've been known to simp for the Police Chief and perhaps a teeny tiny bit the Bounty Hunter in @naffeclipse's Syzygy in Dedication/ Sleuth Jesters

In regards to AU preferences that's already one point then, though uh. I've kind of made half a brand out of being entirely insane over also Naff's Cryptid Sightings Sun/Moon/Eclipse - all three just one being in this one, and big dangerous cryptid soft for one human is simply too much of a weakness.

Them being caretakers is always a plus, because I love the trope of caretaker confronted with being taken care of, does not compute (literally, in their case) and also just. Animatronic existence and the conflict it creates (not necessarily fighting, but the surrounding circumstances in the world, misunderstandings, getting to know each other and growing closer while exploring and appreciating differences as well as similarities, and how these intertwine) is my favorite, though as long as it's human and non human interaction I'm going to be fascinated tbh. As a queer neurodiverse person accepting and cherishing differences, and taking the time to truly understand the other is simply my bread and butter

I suppose I should also say I like my own AU boys too? I mean, obviously, I created them! Though honestly, there are so many versions and interpretations of the boys and I'll eat them all up, I'm really bad at choosing, so I suppose the bottom line of all this is...

#answer let luce #eiffelfeller #my issue is I am slow to read and also easily get overwhelmed #so I am eternally distraught over the fact that I will never get to see/ read everything that would bring me joy #I am more hesitant to approach human/ humanized aus #and. dirty secret. vampire aus somehow do not get me. something about animatronic vamps just makes brain go ? and thats it #WHICH DOES NOT MEAN I THINK EITHER CATEGORY IS BAD AUS #these are very subjective; obviously; they're my preferences! #I'm not dunking on anyone or any specific au #just what I noticed towards what I gravitate #I don't even want that in the main post because I don't want anyone to feel personally addressed #can you see how I'm an anxious mess? #<- refuses to choose between two fictional characters because that would be unfair to one of them #moon is my icon simply because im the sleep wizard #but just because my brand isn't crafts doesnt mean i cant also relate to sun #im rambling. lets post this because i need to get lunch gfhdjs

[prettyboykatsuki]

In “HOW TO BE A DOG” (which I return to so so so often because it is so extremely beautifully, carefully written and I am in awe of your talent) does Gojo ever let her return to her career? How private is he about their relationship? Does she get to meet his side of the world?

i feel like i need to make an FAQ for htbad at some point because i get a lot of questions about this specific thing which i understand!! it doesn't bother me cause i get the curiosity but i left the end open so people could imagine whatever they like

in general gojo gives reader a lot of freedom(in a way) but he always tags a long with her. i don't know if he'd let reader keep working as a teacher forever (though i think its possible for a while), but since she can see curses i can see him forcing him to work w him at jujutsu high. she is very familiar with his side of the world as are his students and thats mostly because there gojo can parade her around with complete control and no one really questions it.

obviously no one knows that he is deeply insane and unhinged but a lot of people catch wind in the jujutsu world and sort of stand by. megumi + shoko are especially conscious but again, its not like they can't really do anything so they're nice to her in his place.

a lot of readers isolation comes from the fact she no longer has any real autonomy and she knows that. gojo will reward her for good behavior, so i think its possible for her to keep her job under the basis gojo doesn't think she'll try to go running her mouth etc but reader would def do just that given the chance. i think it'd take gojo some convincing that reader could behave but in all honesty i highly doubt she would want too

#return to sender #i think in readers case pretending things are normal is much more suffocating at a certain point than she could handle #shes very anxious and dependent so i dont know if its a matter of #would gojo let her #as much as its if she would have the energy to keep up the theatrics at school etc #its a lot easier for reader to assimilate completely into gojos life and her codependence becomes very complacent w that #readers attempts at escape are mostly so she doesn't go crazy #but in her daily life she doesn't like to even pretend that gojo is not a looming threat #she escapes and she acts out and she has her fits but thats mostly to keep her sanity in check #i think the cognitive dissonance and attempts of normalcy have the opposite effects on her which is intentional conditioning on gojos part #tldr im sure gojo could be convinced but i dont think reader dreams of going back in the first place after everything happens #gojo will always be there and theres no point in pretending otherwise #yandere cw #htbad.fic

[imabiscuitinthousandworlds]

crippling anxiety hours let's go

#a biscuit's rambles #theres a presentation due tomorrow we did Not prepare #and my partner is super anxious and the type to Need Perfect Grades #and she had a question and tried to call me several times and i saw too late and texted i was here now but then stupid whatsapp didnt tell #me when she called again so now i feel horrible #and honestly this presentation can go fuck itself i literally could not care less #im trying to do at least the tiniest minimum of Something for my friend but gosh. i do Not want to #just can't bloody get myself to do anything #doesn't help that i Know shell handle it because. she cant not without getting Way Too Stressed Out #i dont wanna leave her hanging with all the work like that but gosh im so tired #i just. cant. idk #on the bright side i did listen to a couple more tma episodes so thats something i suppose that was fun #........... i really need to do less stuff #i dont have a single free weekend for all of april and the beginning of may #goodbye emotional stability it was so nice to have known you even if for just a short while