#so he deffinately fucked around a little bit just to see what would happen at certain points

[fandomdumpsterfires]

Henry's had enough brain damage for a few hundred cycles

#batim #bendy and the ink machine #henry stein #sammy lawrence #ok but. real talk. #henry's 100% memorized everything about the loop after the first 100 or so runs #so he deffinately fucked around a little bit just to see what would happen at certain points

[waywardonesfilms]

Hey guys, some destiel brainrot for yall

Dean finds a way into the empty to find cas but finds more than he bargained for

The empty

Dean heard the stories. Cas told him what it was like when he had been here. But it was entirely different experiencing it yourself

He was surrounded by blackness. One shade of black. There was no difference between the floor and the surroundings.

The floor was hard, but made no sound when stepped on.

The silence was deafening. There was no sounds, no footsteps to break his silence, only the sound of his own pulse and the sharp breaths he was sucking in.

His ears roared despite the lack of noise, finding it hard to hear his own thoughts.

He spoke

Bad choice

"... Cas?"

His voice was deafening, echoing through the empty, warping his tone, taunting him. He blocked his ears, but his voice taunted him inside head, castiels name over and over again, yelling at him, screaming at him. His brain shut down, only hearing his name. He collapsed, shaking, rocking on the ground.

The sounds evetually subsided, until there was only small whispers of the name. Dean got up, deciding prayer was probably the best way to talk to cas.

He looked around him in all directions. Everywhere looked the same, so he walked forward. Hopefully it was the right way.

As he moved deeper into the empty, it started changing. It was no longer black silence. There was castiels voice, whispering accusations at him.

"you didn't care about me"

"you didn't even try to save me"

"you let me down"

Dean ignored them, still pushing forward.

Then it got worse.

He was walking, in the same straight line he had started on (how big was this place?) when he found himself looking at the rufus's summer house.

He was standing there, with other people who were blurry. All he could see was him and cas.

Dean remebered this.

Cas was crazy. Dean was angry at him.

"nobody cares that your broken, cas!" he heard himself say, echoing slightly. He looked over to cas's face. He looked hurt. Really hurt.

Guilt overtook dean's body. He turned from the scene, and walked in another direction.

He was met by another scene.

It was the bunker table, where cas was sitting on a chair, wearing a sweater, a smile plastered on his newly human face.

Dean deffinately knew what this was. He tired to turn away, but everywhere he looked, he could see it happening.

'He' walked up to cas, who looked up at him hopefully.

"you can't stay cas"

Cas's face made the same hurt expression.

Dean turned wway from it again. How many of these was he gonna have to endure?

He kept walking, seeing all the times he had hurt cas, yelled at cas, hurt his feelings, castiels voice getting louder and louder.

"YOU WERE NEVER GRATEFUL"

"I DID EVERYTHING FOR YOU AND YOU GAVE ME NOTHING"

"I SHOULD HAVE LEFT YOU IN HELL"

"I LOVED YOU DEAN"

Time was meaningless. He couldn't tell whether he had been there years, months or minutes. It didn't matter. He was stuck in this endless torture. Looking for cas, only to be confronted with everyway he had hurt him.

Maybe he shouldn't find him.

Maybe he was better off without him.

At this thought, he fell down on his knees and sat there, giving up. Cas didn't want to be found. He hated dean. Why would he want to go with dean? All dean ever did was hurt him. And betary him. And fuck his life up.

Another scene lit up in front of him. Dean didn't even look up, expecting it to be the same ones he had seen a thousand times.

Except this time it wasn't.

Dean looked up after the silence was to long. His heart froze, breath catching in his throat, tears threatening to spill over.

The scene showed the bunker, but his time it was the dungeon.

Cas's eyes shone. His face also shone. With pure happiness.

"I love you"

Dean mirrored the face he was making in the scene in front of him. He watched cas get taken by the empty.

The scene faded and he was alone again.

He put his face in his hands, hearing a whimper escape him.

He let go.

He cried.

He baweld, tears after tears after tears, hating himself. Why didn't he tell him. Why didn't he just man up and tell him he loved him.

He screamed at the void surrounding him, expecting echoes, but nothing happened it was just his voice.

His hands fell from his face.

He stopped crying and screaming and took a deep breath.

"I love you to" he whispered. He lay on the floor, to tired to cry.

A small ball appeared, faintly glowing with a soft golden light.

It hovered for a few seconds before dancing its way over to dean's shaking figure.

It hovered next to dean for a few seconds, before growing to the size of a small building, a tangle of light made of eyes, wings and claws.

Dean still lay on the ground, eyes covered, oblivious to what was happening.

"dean?"  dean heard in his head. It was castiels voice.

Dean stood up immediately, and froze, looking up at the creature in front of him.

It couldn't be

It was

"cas?" he asked.

"dean" cas repeated,

Dean took in the mess of light in front of him, in awe.

"is this your true form?" he gasped out, moving forward a little

"yes it is" cas sounded ashamed "I am sorry if it scares you"

"you don't scare me cas" dean beamed up at him "your beautiful cas" and dean wasn't lying. He was beautiful.

The light above him seemed to ripple and move in a way that could only be described as joyful

"really" castiels voice was full of hope and happiness. It was adorable

"hell yeah man, your beautiful to me no matter what" dean blushed and stepped forward, stroking one of the ligh ribbons. It glowed and rippled in response.

It seemed to hesitate before wrapping itself around dean and holding him, filling him with warmth.

Dean audibly gasped, loving the sensation. He had only just realised how cold he was before "you're so freaking warm dude"

Castiel ignored him "dean, what are you doing here" he asked, sounding angry.

"I'm here to save you, obviously" dean's scoffed and continued to stroke the light holding him.

"I was at peace with my descision dean" cas huffed

"yeah, well I wasn't" dean looked straight into the closest eye he could find "and I wasn't done with you" he took a deep breath "we need to talk man"

"I heard you before dean" castiels voice dripped with bittersweet happiness "there's no need for us to converse on the matter"

"so you know?" dean asked, his heart palpitatimg in his chest

"yes dean, I know" the light gripped him tighter

Dean let out the breah he hadn't realised he was holding "well, if it wasn't for your current state, I would kiss ya" he shakily laughed.

The light stopped moving. The light around his waist moved to drape over his shoulders instead, lighting up with blinding light

"cas?" dean asked before the light started to change shape. The wings, talons and yeyes strayed shrinking, imploding into themselves. Slowly, the shape of a man formed. The light draped around his shoulders turned into arms.

A fresh, trench-coated castiel stood in front of dean, arms draped around his shoulders.

Cas opened his mouth to speak but dean leaned forward and wrapped his arms aroind his waist, closing the distance between their lips.

Cas kissed back instantly, hungry and full of unspoken words that were to difficult and complicated to articulate. Before dean could deepen the kiss, cas drew back "guess you weren't lying about that kiss" his breath tickled dean's lips, no longer speaking in dean's mind.

Dean laughed and leant forward again but cas pushed him back a bit

"dean, I know what the empty does to people. Whatever happened, whatever you saw..." cas smiled a little "I love you. You don't need to feel guilty anymore" cas held his neck tighter "and I already know you're sorry"

"I am sorry... And I love you to" dean repeated.

Cas leant in this time but paused, right before their lips touched.

"how are you planning to get me out of here" cas asked, concerned

"well, I kinda sent a prayer up to the jack almighty and when I send him the signal, he will pull both our asses out" dean beamed

Cas smiled "for once, an idea that could actually work"

"damn right it's gonna work" dean laughed "but I'm not gonna send the signal just yet"

"why not?" cas tilted his head adorably

Dean's voice dropped and he leant into cas, lips almost touching "we still got some catching up to do"

...

#supernatural #castiel #dean winchester #destiel #destiel fic #destiel fanfic #destiel ficlet #deancas #Destiel kiss #Destiel first kiss #15×18 #spn 15x20

[shuskas-story-book]

Leave it to the Bees

Based off the song "Let it Go" by James Bay.

Eridan smiled over at the Asian male next to him, miss-matched eyes smiling back over the table back to his own odd violet ones. He couldn't help the small quirk to his lips as the waitress came over and sat down a set of drinks for the boys to enjoy, Sollux taking his drink and taking a drink with a soft little 'ah' afterwards. "Tho..... Friday night, and I'm already theeing a bunch of Thirtth jutht waltzing into the bar." he commented with a smirk as another male walked into the bar, his tie undone and a 5 o'clock shadow highlighting his jawline.

Eridan couldn't help the soft giggle that escaped him with a nod, reaching out and taking his own drink with a curious sniff at the strawberry filled liquid. "Sol...what did you order for me again?" he asked, head tilting to the side as he took the straw between his lips and tasting it with a shocked little hum. Eridan hadn't expected it to be so good, his boyfriend having been bad about ordering a strong drink and not warning him about the bitters or the high alcohol content of the drink in question.

Sollux smiled a bit and watched eridan over the edge of his sunglasses with a curious gaze. "It'th called a midthummernight dream. Got'th vodka, two Ruthian alchoholth, and a thit ton of thtrawberrieth" he explained. Eridan nodded and looked to the pink drink in his hand again. "Well for once, it tastes amazin and I'm glad I let you choose my drink" he replied with a small hum in his throat.

"And what, pray tell, did you choose for yourself?" he asked, folding his fingers together and resting his dimpled chin upon them. Sollux blinked and looked at the amber liquid in his glass. "uhh....I think it'th called a 'headleth horthman?" he asked himself, head cocking to the side slightly as he took another sip and nodded "yea. think that'th what it'th called. But anywayth, we have a lot to talk about." Sollux cooed, resting his chin in the palm of one bony hand as the other reached out to carefully rub against Eridan's arm.

The Ampora arched a brow and watched the computer calloused fingers as they trailed over his pale skin. "Oh? and what would we need to talk about Sol? Did I do something wrong to one of your builds?" he asked, unfolding the well manicured fingers and moving them to hold his lovers. "Or....is it the fact that were moving in together?" he asked with a small smile, head tilting to the side.

Sollux couldnt help but snort softly and nod. "of courthe it'th the move Danny. Jutht think, we'll be in our own plathe. Cronuth can fuck off, Tuna wont be able to barge in on our cuddle thethionth......or....anything elthe" he teased with a wink that caused Eridan to blush dark. That inuendo had happened more than once to the duo and had ended in a very embarrassing conversation with Psiimon over what was not allowed in his house.......again.

"W-well....I still say that wasn't our fault. He should know not to barge into his big brother's room....Mituna is 13 now after all!" he huffed softly as Sollux just laughed and shook his head. "Yea yea yea. But you know my dad'th thuper protective of Tuna" he hummed, moving his hand to rub a thumb over Eridan's knuckles.

The conversation slowly trailed off between the two as they finished their drinks off, Eridan still being a lightweight even after Cronus and his military drinking habits dragged the younger along for the ride. Sollux wound up taking the keys away from his lover and hooking an arm around him in order to help walk the short distance to their taxi.

Time passed very differently for them during times like this, soft kisses and gentle touches that had them both calm and comforted as they fell asleep in one another's arms. They were still tangled up with one another, light dancing across sleeping limbs when they're woken up by a hyperactive little brother. Mituna was more than excited to see Eridan again, almost pulling the Ampora from his still sleeping lovers arms in an attempt to get someone to play a video game with him.

Sollux wound up being woken up and games played as breakfast was made and plated. Eridan couldn't help but think of how cute it would be to have their own little family like this. He sat his chin on a palm and watched the two brothers bicker over the fact that Mituna did not, in fact, need half a bottle of syrup for his stack of 5 pancakes with a smile on his face. "You two are so cute together like that you know?" he mentioned softly, a loving look on his features that had Sollux blushing a bit and Mituna puffing up his cheeks with a defiant little 'nuh uh!'.

Eridan laughed softly and shook his head. "Sorry. I guess I'm just holding on to that old dream of having a family. Deffinately something we dont need right now," he cooed, looking up to Sollux who rubbed the back of his head nervously. "heh....uh...yea Danny.....That'th thomething that can wait a few yearth to make thure were actually ready" he agreed softly, both of the older boys jumping when something shattered over near the sink.

Mituna was standing there, hands over his mouth, eyes wide, and one of Sollux's favorite mugs in pieces on the floor. The poor boy looked like he was about to burst into tears when Sollux knelt down to pick up the largest piece with a sigh. "well....tho much for that one" he muttered, head shaking a bit.

"I-I'm th-th-thorry Th-Thollux!" Mituna sobbed softly, backing away against the cabinet as Sollux frowned. " Woah woah, hey.....Tuna no come on. Let it go. Thith broke, jutht let it be. It'th no ithue tho jutht keep being happy little you and I'll be normal grumpy me. It'th jutht a mug, and like everything elthe that breakth, we'll leave it to the beeth." he stated with a smile, collecting the broken shards before stacking it in a pile and sitting it in a bin dubbed 'for bee houses'.

"thee? Nothing wrong. They'll love that blue color" he continued, Mituna nodding along with the fear of broken glass long behind him."Yea! I'll be me and you be you! We can make bee houtheth later!" he rattled off, the older boys easily falling in behind his enthusiasm for the day.

****************************************************

Time passed quickly, the apartment being gotten and their shared world slowly coming together. But things seemed to sour at the drop of a hat once Sollux started doing computer repairs from home more and more. Things seemed to jump back and forth from throwing clothes on the floor at the end of the night, to slamming doors and the two of them sleeping in separate rooms almost nightly.

Sollux had brought home something from his dad's house, just trying to bring some home cooking back into their lives and give a bit of color to the drab grey things had gotten to. Of course, shit hit the fan pretty quickly when the wrong things were said and a fight ensued. in the end, they were sitting at different ends of the dining table so they could eat. Eridan had his head in his hands and Sollux had his nose in his phone to try and just keep his mind off the fight they just had.

Eridan spoke up first, voice shaky as he tried to keep from crying. "Sollux.....if this is it...if these fights are all we're living for......why do we insist on doing this anymore?" he asked softly, sniffling lightly as he turned his eyes up to his lover. "I used to recognize myself but now I feel like I'm just a husk of who I used to be" he continued, jumping a bit when Sollux pushed his chair back with a snarl.

"Well it'th funny how our reflectionth fucking changed now ithnt it? Thinthe we're becoming thomething elthe, I'll jutht leave you here for a while." he growled, storming off to the room. Eridan moved in after him, watching the thin bee lover packing a backpack with tear filled eyes. "S-Sollux.....No come on.....I-I didn't mean it like that, please just let it go!" he begged softly.

"No Eridan!" Sollux snapped, turning to the other with a snarl. "Jutht let it be. You can thtay here and be you. I'm going home, thpending time with tuna, and I'll be me. Everything here ith fuckin broke tho leave it to the beeth alright?! " he snapped, slamming the door to the apartment after pushing his way past his lover and out into the hallway.

By the time he made his way to the lobby the storm outside had finally come to a head, rain pouring down and making it quite hard to see even if you had headlights on. Sollux stood in the lobby for a moment, pausing himself to just think about the situation for a few moments before he heard Eridan's voice call out from the elevator. "I'm not fucking dealing with thith!" he growled to himself, glaring back at Eridan as he pushed through the doors and out into the pelting rain.

Things happened too quickly to really realize what transpired, A bike rider rushing by, a driver going too fast on a slick road, and the crunch of bone and glass before everything just froze around Eridan. Sollux was laying in the middle of the road, a terrified teen getting out of her car with a terrified scream as the rain started to soak her and the male she hit through to the bone. Eridan's blood ran ice cold as he shook his head and ran out into the storm screaming Sollux's name. trying to get some form of reaction from his lover.

*************************************************

"He's not going to wake up for quite a while Mr. Ampora. Please, make yourself comfortable and dont touch any of the wiring near him. " the doctor stated softly, patting Eridan's shoulder with a broad, gentle hand. The smaller male nodded, puffy red eyes locked on the sleeping form of his one and only.

He waited for the doctor to leave him alone to move over and sit next to Sollux's bed with a sniffle. His hand reached out to carefully settle into Sol's, a sob escaping him as his normally warm fingers felt ice cold against the Ampora's.

"This feels so wrong Sol....y-your way too cold" he whispered aloud, tears already welling in his eyes and falling over his cheeks. "God.....There's no force on earth that could make this feel right......" he whimpered, laying his head down on the white sheets of the bed and squeezing Sol's fingers tightly.

"C-come on.......Just....I'm letting the fight go. You're right a-and I'm not being responsible enough with what I've been spending lately...W-we've been pushing this problem uphill and not taking a chance to really.....really talk it through" he whimpered softly, mostly just rambling on to himself in the silence. "I guess it just.....got too heavy to hold tonight and look at what we let happen.....what I let happen" he whispered to himself, head lifting so he could see his lovers face as a tear fell down his cheek. "I think it's time to let our words slide......please....forgive me"

*******************************************

A few months after the wreck, Eridan was settled in his old room, snuggled up next to Sollux as they looked through a thick picture book. "Oh, remember when we went to Alternia beach? That was the best date I think we've ever had" he said, both boys laughing a bit. "Yea....It wath a fun date...Thtill think we thould have left Tuna at home for that one though. We could have gone through and done the turtle thnorkling" Sol purred at his little lover as he stretched out and closed the book.

Cronus came by the room and knocked on the frame of the open door, offering a small smile. "Hey Danny-boy.....Feel like going up to Star Touch Point with me tonight? We can go watch the star shower together like old times....you can even bring Sollux if you want" he offered, the look on his face growing even sadder as Eridan looked up at Sol with a smile. "Yea.....We would love to come watch the shower with you Cro....I'll grab my bag and shoes and we'll meet you out there!" he chirped, sitting up and stretching before reaching over to grab his shoes and socks.

They all piled into Cronus's old pickup, the military boy making sure things were tuned up before the drive to their secluded 'brother zone' as they had called it in their youth. They made it right around nightfall and the two younger boys were quick to abandon Cronus at the car to run up to the top of the hill with cheerful laughter. Cro just shook his head with a soft chuckle and let them go ahead

Time seemed to stand still once they made it up overlooking the town in the distance. Sollux smiled and moved over in front of Eridan before waving his hand to the bag. "Tho ED......you ready to let it go?" he asked softly, Eridan's smile faltering a bit "I-I dont know what you mean Sol....Let what go?" he questioned, Sol shaking his head. "Come on ED....Danny.....jutht....let it be"

Eridan started shaking his head a bit "N-no....Sollux I.....Please dont make me do this" he begged softly, Sollux just smiling sadly and tilting his head to the side. "Why not tonight?.....It'th our anniverthary after all. Why don't you be you for tonight. I'll be me jutht like old timeth" He offered, taking a few steps backwards. "Everything broke Danny....."

"NO! Sollux please don't make me do this! Please y-you made it out of the hospital, y-youve been weak but you made it.....please!" he whimpered, head shaking as tears started welling in his eyes. "Eridan pleathe....leave it to the beeth for a while....let them take your worrieth and tearth" Sollux whispered softly, Eridan letting his hand reach down into his courier bag to pull out a silver and gold container.

It was a pretty little thing, Bees etched into the metal and accentuated with gold leaf over the silver of the body and Sollux's name etched into the base gorgeously. "No.....please....I'm not ready to let you go" Eridan whispered, turning his eyes out over the cliffed edge of the hill that separated him from where Sollux was floating over thin air. "Eridan...Let my atheth fall here.....You've held on for tho long....."

"Sollux.....I dont want to let you go! I love you....Please just.....J-Just come back please!" Eridan begged, soft sobs wracking his chest as Sollux shook his head. "No Eridan.....You need to forget m-" He was cut off by Eridans loud sob "NO! NO NO NO.....no....."

"Come on Danny.....don't make thith harder on yourthelf. Let me go.....Jutht....Let me be" he continued, slowly stepping forward to kneel where Eridan had fallen to his knees, clutching the urn to his chest. "Why don't you go live your life.....Go be you.....and I can be me" Sol whispered, Eridan not looking at him anymore as he carefully opened the locked top to the urn and pulled a bit of ash out to cradle in his hand.

As he carefully let the ash sift through his fingers Sollux smiled again, leaning over and hugging his love tightly. "Thank you Eridan......I love you......Thank you for setting me free" he whispered, pulling back and pressing a soft kiss to Eridan's forehead for a final lingering bit of warmth on the Ampora's skin as he faded away in the soft breeze that carried his ashes down over a large field of flowers.

Cronus waited a bit longer after hearing Eridan stop screaming no before moving up to kneel beside his little brother and rest a large hand over the smaller boy's back. "hey.....He's still here.....look, he even sent a little friend to say hello" he offered, a small bee buzzing softly as it landed on Eridan's hand for just a fleeting moment before continuing off towards its hive for the night.

For the first time in four months, Eridan didn't feel that deep stab of guilt in his heart. Instead he felt the light breeze around him, the warmth of his brother's hand, and more importantly, the soft kiss of the night as the first of the stars began to shoot through the night sky.

#eridan ampora #eridan #Erisol #sollux #Sollux Captor #homestuck #tw major character death #mental trauma #cronus #cronus ampora #emotional trauma #relationship issues

[dragon-winging-stylized-suc-blog]

What happens when you crossover digimon, jojo’s bizarre adventure, and a dystopian horror fic and shitpost it all? P1

It was only when I woke up in the middle of the night in a cold sweat, like how i wake up in the mornings only in the middle of the night, that I realized what was going on while i slept.  Looking over at my computer, which i normally spend my days writing shitty fanfictions on wasn’t off like I’d left it every night and found it every morning.  It was on, and not just on, but completely on fire too.  Not the monitor, the tower was on fire.  I brushed that off though, because I’m a shitty writer who doesn’t like his stories dealing with heavy themes of loss and soul searching for a new place to live, so the fire is now retroactively being changed to a pinkish-grey fire that looked vaguely like it contained an egg.  Now, being one for completely spontaneous inciting actions to his own stories, I was keen to get up and put on my goofy 4 layers of clothes so I looked like some sort of final fantasy jojo’s bizarre adventure double reject who stole from both costume departments.

When fully dressed after about twenty minutes, I took my long shaggy hair and put it in a pony tail to avoid it catching fire (thinking nothing of my nigh-impossible outfit’s 15 different flamable materials) and reached deep into the 30 or so cubic inches of total fire and pulled out an egg.  But not just any egg.  A deus ex machina digi-egg that probably contained a digimon.  Why did I think it contained a digimon?  Because when I checked my other hand that wasn’t containing the egg, i found what looked like a digivice.  Now, being a huge fucking weeb I had like 20 of these around my room but this wasn’t one of my 20 or so collectable digivices.  It was more of a shitty wooden knock-off digivice.

But that’s when I realized, that this story needs a three act structure and having all of these events happen in a completely vague ‘room’ that’s mine wouldn’t make much sense so i backpedaled my writing to retroactively include a description of my room.  There was a big wall of mirrors made by me coincidentally having a big dresser covered in mirrors given to me and my closet having mirrors for doors leadi ng to me having a total of a metric shit load of reflection in my day to day life leading to me having an extremely intense feeling of self deprication and internal reflection on my actions and their driving emotions.

Those mirrors aren’t the only thing of note, however, as I have a bed that literally takes up 2/3rds of the rest of the room.  Aside from it is a thin pipe of room that my desk connects to my dresser covered in mirrors in.  On the opposite side of this corridor is my doorway.  I don’t have any light besides that of my computer monitor, which is fine because there’s not much to navigate as far as finding my way out of the one straight path in the entire room.  As for the computer, which has since grabbing the egg extinguished itself, it’s just a store bought shitty computer that can’t even run the sims.  I don’t know how i manage to enjoy playing on it, but I’ve played enough tower defense games to know their ins and outs perfectly.

Looking around after settling into my chair with my new egg and digivice i was a bit confused as to what to do.  I couldn’t really very well just run outside and start a grand adventure anywhere with my new digipal as he’s still an egg and i have work in the morning, my job consisting of cracking eggs for the world’s largest resteraunt chain “EggDonnie’s ™.”  A megacorporation  that could be seen as an evil force in the world if not for the fact that there’s really nothing evil they do except pay their shitty employees poor wages.  And at that, I love my job so I have no reason to even oppose them.

That being said, it’s also the middle of the night so I just sat in place, a little peckish and hungry and slightly groggy from just having woken up from my bed moments ago.  So i did what I always do when I don’t know what to do with myself, I went soul searching in my car.  Stepping up out of my room i snuck through the rest of my apartment, past my sleeping room mates with wooden digivice and egg in hand, and crept out the door like normal to dance lightly down the stairs to my car.  When I finally got inside it I sat the egg in the cup holder and digivice  up  under the radio in the resting spot I normally set my phone when i had it plugged in.  Snapping happily to attention I snuggled the keys into their postion and flicked my car on.  Only...when it snapped to life it didn’t purr like normal, instead roaring to life with a passionate gust of flames enveloping the outside.  Of course i was horrified that the vehicle might be damage or i might be trapped in with the flames.

Luckily what seemed to be the case wasn’t that at all, as when the flames died down almost immediately and i stepped out  my car’s outside had changed.  It now had a wooden frame with smooth edges and a sleek go-kart look to it with wood engravings all over the body.  It matched the digi-vice.  Astounding, my car was now less functional as a car and now more prone to catching on fire.  Nothing could possibly out-strip this as the shittiest design idea ever.  However unfunctional it was, though, the inside was still the same so I just climbed in and prayed that the digivice wouldn’t light me on fire next.

Luckily, when I started putting gas in to back out and get it rolling out of the apartment complex it was soundly NOT exploding into a gushing pillar of fumes and fire.  Instead it rolled smoother than before, not shaking and sputtering like the shitty beater it was climbing the hill.  As I rounded the corner out of the complex’s parking area and started down the road I started to pick up speed a lot faster than I’d realized.  Quickly I’d blown right over the 15mph speed limit all the way up to 18mph, a federal crime likely to be found potential to lead to a death penalty.

Luckily it seemed like there weren’t any cops around.  However, the local town sheriff had caught me, and though more lenient he still had to pull me over.  So when I saw his blinking lights in my rearview I of course pulled to the side of the road, just under a street lamp so he could get a good look at me and I could get a good look at him.  He pulled up behind me a few feet back and took a moment before stepping out and marching up to my car.

Luckily, he seemed slightly inebriated, just a so much as to not question if I was (which I definitely was, my extremely convoluted outfit of course including an alcohol hat).  So he just started up a conversation calmly while pulling his pen and paper out to take notes of my  actions,

“Now sonny boy, do you have any clue how fast you were going?  Like in the slightest.”  Which I replied to calmly and simply,

“Yeah officer, what’s it to your fat ass?”

“Oh you know, just thought you might like to know you were a whole 3.4 miles per hour over the limit.  That’s a corporate offense equal to threatening to kill the President of The Egg-pire of EggDonnie’s ™” Which left me a little flustered.   I was certainly not going 3.4 over.  3.1 maybe but until you hit the 3.3 mph over you’re not committing a martial crime.  So of course I tried to hash things out with him more simply,

“Oh, I’m sorry officer, I must’ve gotten distracted by the fact my car is currently made of wood.”

“Ah, yeah, being made of wood does  mean you’re more aerodynamic.  Harder to keep yourself slowed down I suppose.  I’ll let you off with a warning on that.”

“Thank you She-” “But for your other infringement.” “Other infringement?” “Yes, of course.  You have to have noticed, you started four of the previous full paragraphs with the word ‘Luckily’, that’s a job reassignment offence.  As judge, jury, executioner, and potential clean up crew I’m afraid I’d probably put that down in the system if you had put one more.adjacent paragraph starting with that word.”

Luckily that was the last offense and he hadn’t thought to check and see my digi-

“God damn it son, I said four now that’s five.” “Fuck.”  I mumbled, expressing a small bit of discomfort as the sheriff caught me.

“Now you’re deffinately going to have to be fired and assinged a new job.”  And with that he turned and stumbled drunkenly back to his car, his own alcohol-drink-hat starting to really get to him.  Typing into his Egg-Phone he put into the system that I was to be reassigned.  It popped up immediately on my phone that i’d been transfered to Development and Testing for new products related to Ham.  Everyone knows the Ham market is dying and so the job only pays a meesily $7.50 an hour, something I couldn’t hope to come close to living on.  Of course I was a little upset but wasn’t about to talk back to the officer.  So, I waited there for him to get good and settled back into his car and drive off.

Luckily in his drunken confusion he didn’t drive up past me he turned the wrong way and plunged his car down the hillside next to the road and smacked its front end into the woodlands next to the apartment complex I’d just came from.  So, with that out of the way I no longer had any direct character to character interactions to worry about and just started on my way to do what it was i left the house to do in the first place, get some eggs to eat.  

And where would I get these eggs?  At my now ex-job at EggDonnie’s™ I was sure to enjoy my meal.  So I swung down the streets at the tight pace i should have kept before.  Even though i was still hugging the top end of the speed limit i wound up at the store in a little under 3 hours, which was good pace for a quick mid-night snack.  As I rolled into the drive thru I found myself just far enough back that I couldn’t quite make out the menu items and had to go entirely off of memory trying to order something.  Of course, that’d be normally pretty easy since I tend to just order a gross of half over easy half sunny side up eggs, split down the middle.  That was a bit out of my price range now, though...so i hung back and just go a small egg-tortilla filled with egg and seasoned with cheesegg shake from the can and three toasted raviolis.

It was an oldie but a goodie, a traditional dish if you will.  The only problem, the new window boy we’d hi- I mean they’d hired- recently wasn’t trained that well so it took him a moment before he sluggishly grumbled back out through the coms,

”Uuuuuh...yeah, is that egg tortilla full of egg whites or egg yolks?”

“Egg scrambles, you ament.”

“Woah, no needa get harsh, dude.   I’m just askin’ a question.  Now is that gonna be on whole wheat or-” I cut him off before he even continued with the twelve other options, knowing the stoner’s extended speach would take ages.

“It’s on shell-mixed over hard roll.  Just like on the sign.” “Ahhhh, ok man.  That’s cool, heheh…” He chuckled from the other side of the intercom, clearly taking his time to tap in the ingredients.

“And remember the shaken parm-egg-sian powder on top.  That’s very key.” “A-hahah-hhhlright maaan…” He stammered out, clearly enammered with himself as he took a drag from his blunt i could see up ahead streaming out of the window.  Then he finally gathered himself after another short bit of presumably either sluggish typing or more weed smoking,”Yeah, pull up ahead when the other cars move and we’ll get your food out to ya.” At this point I was almost livid, so when i drove up to the window I peered in, the cloud of gas spraying out as the door opened to reveal the slovenly old man inside, a clear relic from a time when stoners were a creature of the land.

He gave me a rickety hand, outstretched for my money.  I looked at it with a partial look of disgust and confusion before commenting,”Old man, you got any idea how long its been since I’ve seen actual money.  Just put it on my card.” “A’ight, man.”  He casually replied, holding his hand out for it instead.  So, i reached down into my pocket, pulling out my sick Youga Hey-yo card, Twin Long Ds.  And when I presented it to him, my car lit up.  Only this time, it wasn’t getting turnt into a wooden car, this time it was just intense lighting.  Lighting eminating from my cup holder.  There, right next to my Diet Dr Kelp.  The Egg Began glowing, presenting its first transformation.  It looked like Crazy Dia-[Copy Written], only very small with absurdly long arms.  

Twin Long Diamonds.

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