#so I've been sleeping awful

[corbinite]

Anyone else struck with an overwhelming sense of dissatisfaction?

#mine #personal #I'm still extremely fatigued from covid #and so i end up getting no exercise which means ibend up restless when it's time to go to bed #so I've been sleeping awful #and also I'm wondering if i need to look for a new job #it's just a mess and i keep getting promised more than is delivered #but as soon as my manager finds his new job i get a promotion #so i think I'm gonna ride it out and get a uear of experience as manager before putting that on my resume for somewhere else #it'll suck but at least be bearable #our asses aren't ridden at this job like a lot of other places will #in between customers if we don't have a list i can just fuck off to the back and play on my steamdeck lol #so i am lucky in a lot of ways #just not really compensated and we're horribly understaffed so there's no room for vacations or sick days without the store falling apart #and there's just so much pettiness from the owner and between stores #we realized recently that other stores might be faking item transfers on stuff they're under on in order to move the error to us #lile were finding items pop into our system that have been discontinued for years and just recently disappeared from another store's system #amd they definitely didn't actually have the item beforehand so that would have heen an error for them #so the error disappeared for them at the same time it appeared for us #v sus

[amelia-yap]

AUEGH

#ruby rose #rwby #obligatory tiny distressed ruby #my art #HELLO I HAVE OFFICALLY FINISHED YET AGAIN ANOTHER ONE OF MY SEMESTERS #and holy shit it was the most awful by far #i felt like absolute shit the entire sem and was behind in literally all of my classes #it was so shit that i actually skipped a class because of the stress of being behind on work. which i had never done before. #i am a criminal now lmao i feel so bad #also a little mad at myself because i know i could've done better. i've been doing the bare minimum and cutting corners #which was very noticeable lol #im gonna actually split my upcoming semester this time my ass and health cannot do this anymore #BUT ANYWAY I FINISHED MY SEMESTER RAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH #COUGHS OUT BLOOD AND SINKS BACK INTO EARTH'S CORE AND EVAPORATES #IM DONE!!! #also my eyes are really red now for some reason #probably from the lack of sleep or the long hours staring at my bloody laptop idk #probably both #yeah i should go sleep now lol bye #ranting in the tags because i don't know how to talk like a normal person lmao #sorry if you read all this nonsense jkdhkfsdhfkhd #but i should be more active around here again!

[static-radio-ao3]

regulus getting scolded the morning after hooking up with his ex? embarrassing. regulus getting scolded the morning after hooking up with his ex by barty? infinitely worse.

#wanted to write a part two to the messy exes microfic but i am so tired #bc i've been going to sleep so late and it's genuinely been making me feel awful #so just tossing this out here for now but i might do it later this week.... maybe.... as a reward for finishing uni work #n e ways.... sleeping now...... bye bye #mil mumbles

[forestofsprites]

sometimes, life is truly dreadful. just really, really awful! but then there are FRIENDS, and STORIES, and with them, the suggestion that perhaps the bleak may not be so daunting, nor so lonely, as previously thought!!

#you'll have to bear w me on this one it's bordering cheesy I know #i'm in quite the predicament health wise and running on very very limited sleep #but the ethos is there #life can be sooo super awful ! just not great stuff ! and then there are FRIENDS #and STORIES #and NATURE #and it doesn't assuage All Of This #but in the absolute horrors and fears of life's varying predicaments- there is no comfort like it #the past week I've just been wrapping myself up in stories and fiction and the well wishes of my friends #I am BARELY staying out of hospital atm so things will genuinely get a bit quiet here while I simply . well yknow #live and such #love u all #wishing us delightful spring days #3 #<3 #thoughts

[hamartia-grander]

Starting to slowly realise I'm really not doing well mentally and it's. concerning. I feel like I should take a break from tumblr bc it takes some of what little energy I have but it's also my source of joy with friends so idk what to do, like I'd miss y'all more than I'd feel good about being away. But if you notice me talking less/not responding in days it's bc I just cannot. I leave your message notifs up so I don't forget tho <3

#Personal #Feeling dreadful bc so many friends have shared with me things they wrote that I SO GENUINELY AM EXCITED TO READ #I've just had literally no time nor energy for ANYTHING I enjoy in like a month #And I'm also literally not sleeping. I'm either not sleeping or I have recurring nightmares that wake me up. It's god-awful #Therapy isn't helping either cause atp I already know everything they're advising me about it's just not working #Nothing's changed either which ofc makes me feel worse. No meds changed no habits changed nothing crazy happened #I'm just suddenly worse than I've been in years which is Not Good #I feel awful for not being able to read my friends' things if I could let y'all see my mind you'd know I want to read what you write so bad #I just can't right now. I'm sorry #Not to mention work and school have been especially more demanding recently and I literally get home after 8 every single night #Don't even eat dinner til past 10pm #Doing hw until 3am etc etc #It's like high-school all over again but I'm an adult with more responsibilities than ever

[cinnamon-phrog]

I feel too sick to sleep right now, everything's' too cold or too hot and I can't even breathe without thinking I'm gonna throw up

#it's because i've been drinking diluted juice #i swear the shit they put in that makes me delirious with fever #ughhhh so sick wish a nice big strong mechanoid could help me rn :( real shame #gonna drink water till the middle of the night. there goes my plans for a better nights' sleep :< #i do genuinely feel awful and i have been feeling so for a while and it's all my own doing. not eating healthy. stressing out and barely- #-sleeping. i have stretch marks from losing weight and circles under my eyes. everything's fuzzy. i keep forgetting basic things. #i'm worried about my future. i'm too disabled to function with a job but not disabled 'enough' just because i can speak 'clearly' #i've got no irl friends or family to fall back on. i can only travel so far and i get meltdowns far easier now #months ago i was treated like a pet. now i'm an adult before i ever got to be a child. #i want to be held. be loved without even having to say a word to each other. not even by an f//o but by someone who'll be willing to love m #but all i am now is sick and hungry and hot and cold and tired and awake. #i can't imagine how much worse it is for other people though. i've seen awful images and they're not even a taste of how terrible it is #i worry i won't be able to afford food in the future. or have a stable flat or apartment. that social services will let me down again #this year was meant to be a break but i'm constantly worrying about the time i become 18. my autism and lack of any social life- #will impact me and i'll be fucked over easier than ever. and that happens often #college brought me panic attacks where i'd physically harm myself till i got migraines in front of people and they didn't bat an eye #i could be kicking and screaming and begging for help but they'll just ignore me or infantilise me

[shima-draws]

Really wish I could fight the schmuck who invented allergies with my bare hands

#Seasonal allergies suck ASS. #Usually it's not too bad but like. Our air conditioning has been out for like 3 days now #And it's not getting fixed til Monday #So I've had to sleep with my windows open bc otherwise I'd ROAST like a pig in my room #(Which is upstairs. Where ALLLL the heat in the house travels to) #But bc I've had to sleep with my windows open. ALL the pollen keeps blowing in #So I'll wake up with my eyes streaming and my nose streaming and EVERYTHING just. Awful #I could close the window. But then I'd cook. But my allergies are SO bad. But it's hot. But I literally cannot breathe through my own snot. #HATE IT HERE #I hate summer. I HAAAATE summer so much #I can't wait for fall and winter.....snow please come back..... #Shima speaks #I'm so angry bc I've been stuffy and congested all day. And I've taken at least 3 allergy pills #Still dying btw! Still dying. Very much suffering rn

[lostinthewoodsomewhere]

In addition to my previous Zane and Alice Post, I did the clock puzzle in the AWE DLC today, and thought it was super interesting that these are the colours the room goes when you pull the light switch!! I had already settled on this colour scheme before seeing this, so it really stood out to me!!

Might have to make a longer post on this, especially the use of Blue and Red... many thoughts!!!

Also I just really liked these screenshots. Pretty game is pretty :)

#remedy control #alan wake 2 #awe dlc #remedy control spoilers #Control AWE DLC Spoilers #I'm having feelings! I've been stuck doing a lit review and I want to analyse!! I also cant sleep so what else am I supposed to do???

[snailtrain]

Success!!!

I get to pick up a scrip for my (very needed) medications after work today ♥♥♥♥ soon I shall be Revived and have actual energy to devote to things, outside of the exhausted manic spikes I've been able to muster up.

#chispeaks #chronic health tag #so so sO SO SO happy about this #i've been sleeping an awful lot and riddled with pain and headache and migraine so we're doing bad folks

[stardustedknuckles]

It's been so long since I've had to exist within a group of people consistently over many days and damn, I nearly forgot I was autistic. I found out yesterday that though I get along with almost everyone at work, most of my coworkers thought I was a huge bitch who hated everyone for a little bit (and one still does, which is how this whole thing came up at all). I was bewildered like. No I'm very often dizzy or in a bit of pain and I'm very focused on taking care of the dogs but I'm not - I don't dislike any of you? I've never been mad at you, you guys thought I was mad?? Just an alarming disconnect between the way I see myself and the way I come off to others. I have never once gotten the hang of behaving like a regular person, but it appears that time has taken me from "generally silly person with an offbeat sense of humor who doesn't take things seriously" to "stoic hardass who doesn't like you and thinks you're stupid also." I did not authorize this change. It's throwing me for a loop. I feel like I'm 6 again being told to stop talking over people's heads because I just learned a new big word and I wanted to use and share it. I like assholes with a heart of gold in media. I don't want to be one??

#Like I've essentially been locked alone in a room for three years almost four due to the pandemic #And before that my big job was working in a warehouse where we mostly worked separately #But I remember the times we did socialize I fit in #But I also remember my coworkers were all nerds and that helped #Like idk I feel like I've been sleeping for years and woke up to being a different person #I know it's been hard for me to manage migraines and such (though it's getting easier or I'm just in a good proud period) #But damn #Everyone I've talked to at work figured out pretty quickly that I really can be fun to talk to #But this one girl is avoiding me and I think it's because I was stressed on Thanksgiving day #And probably went from an unknown to a definite asshole in her mind #So I need to talk to her but having it explained to me last night like #'I told her it's not anything personal and you're just kind of like that with everyone' and I was like #Fuck! Am I awful to interact with initially?? Or worse - always until you adapt?

[kyouka-supremacy]

Hey! Your new header scared them shit outta me! I love it, 10/10!

Omg thank you!!!!! That was kinda the goal in a way eheh. Mission accomplished!!

#I was going for something that was unsettling without being downright triggering so I hope that worked #In the end I think it turned out pretty well!!! I mean the coloring someone kindly offered to do is GORGEUS I still admire it in awe #But I'm also happy with how the background turned out!! #Thank you again sweetie 💞💞 #people asks me stuff #sweet asks #I'm still working on November's theme... I cleaned the picture I intend to use like. In May. #But I was intentioned to animate some of it and I still haven't gotten anything done about it... #I've been so busy recently. I need sleep

[babycharmander]

the entire situation with the way people are treating welcome home’s creator is like. the most discouraging thing i have ever seen. like. if this is the way artists and writers are treated then what’s the point of posting anything.

the creator seems to be having a breakdown now and there are still people looking at that and saying “lol well screw you, it’s the internet, your creations are now mine!!!”

i... i don’t know what to do anymore.

#negative nonsense #i'm sorry I'll probably delete this later #i've been feeling so awful for the past several hours #i've always had anxieties about posting my own original stuff #but like they've been getting so much worse #i probably just need to sleep

[feluka]

i'm going to be embarrassingly open about something very personal right now: as stupid as this sounds, the finale of GOS2 has entirely reverted me to the moment in my life when i was a bright-eyed lovestruck teenager who put *all* my plans and hopes and dreams for a better future for myself into one relationship, and then got horrifically dumped in a way that made me feel entirely worthless as a person for a long, long time

#like suddenly i can feel it like it was yesterday that it happened to me and i just feel something awful in the pit of my stomach #and want to curl up and sleep and not talk to anyone for at least several months #which is a sign of good fiction when it makes you project THAT STRONGLY onto a character. it means they did something right #but good god it doesn't stop it from hurting OWWWWWWWWW #god i swore i's try to keep the gomens posting to a minimum because #i know the dash is about to become intolerable for people who don't care about it because so many people are talking about it #but at this point i would say. if you find this annoying i really wouldn't fault you for unfollowing! #bec i feel like i've just gone on an entire spiritual journey in one night and i'm only going to get more annoying about it lol #gos2 spoilers #also im pretty sure she won't see this considering she's never been on tumblr (or any social media really) #but if she somehow does: hi! i'm still damaged! no hard feelings tho!

[scarletcomet]

scrolling through instagram and it's making me want to die

#i know instagram doesn't represent ppls real lives #but that doesnt change the fact that i don't have many friends who care about me #and almost everyone my year is graduating and celebrating #i am so fucking lonely. i don't think any of my school friends miss me #24 days self-harm free but i might say fuck it and relapse tonight #why though? i guess i just need some way to express how im feeling inside. or maybe it's to punish myself or because im feeling worthless #it's been over a year now since i first reached out to professionals for help for this depressive episode #over a year and im still as lost as ever. i know im doing so much better than i was but i still feel so awful every single day #i feel like i still need to be doing a lot better before i can go back to school #i feel so stuck and hopeless. i know I've made so much progress but i don't feel as if ill be able to make anymore progress #i feel like I've hit a wall and ive tried everything #my therapist told me to just keep eating sleeping and getting movement in everyday and be patient #ive been going on walks every day for like 2 weeks now and i dont feel any difference #seeing my psychiatrist wednesday and im hoping she will have an idea of what to do #i hope it's not just slightly adjusting my meds or even just trying a different antidepressant (not many left i haven't tried) #i also worry that im not bad enough for more intensive treatments like ECT or ketamine #if she tells me that i just need more therapy or another group i might just fucking end it #idk like i kinda feel like im fine and there's nothing wrong with me but at the same time i always am feeling so fucking depressed #i have had so much improvement but honestly part of me wishes i was still actively suicidal #idk what to do

[brown-little-robin]

~

#ok I haven't been talking about hunter x hunter much online compared to how much I've been ThinkingTM about it #hxh has consumed my waking hours #...and my sleeping ones too tbh #SIMPLYYYY I have so many thoughts about it. and I can feel myself gaining writing insights as I watch and read it #Gon fascinates me. so does Killua #and the antagonists are WAY too lovable #some of my friendos called me out the other day for latching onto the clown character and listen. listen. I have no defense #hisoka is awful but he's My Type Of Character in a lot of ways unfortunately. absolutely incorrigible. performative. sly #OKAY off to class for REAL now #hunterxhunterblogging

[extemporary-username]

Looking up while brushing my teeth

It's me in the mirror

Hadn't seen him in a while

Welcome back, me

#I've been so giddy lately #actually no clue what giddy means but it feels like a nice word #im literally trembling with stress sometimes and school is killing me #but i wake up in the morning. take a shower. brush my teeth and get nice NICE comfy clothes #and i make breakfast and make my bed #and feed gato and help mom and start the day on time #and enjoy speaking in class and proposing stuff #and every day i have to have lunch in a hurry so i can come home and feed gato and brush my teeth and go back to class #and its awful but i still do it cause i love gato #and i spend some time with friends and maybe i eat a little dessert cause i deserve it #and i do my homework and have dinner and organize the house a bit #and brush my teeth. play with gato. put on pajamas #maybe text some friends and read some fanfics #and i go to sleep and i sleep well even if gato wakes me up at 2am #and im just #living #and i wake up the next day and realize. i couldn't have done this a year ago #and every day i wake up is amazing cause i got so close to giving up #im very glad im still alive #love mom and gato and this small corner of the internet and my friends #and i love myself #couldn't have done this without me #god im crying aksjdjdjdjsk #lukkas rambling nonsense #They said 'TrAnsiTiOniNg DoEsnT CuRE dePreSsIon' #AND IT DOESN'T but GOD DOES IT HELP