#so I was forced to get creative

[datcravat]

pe ru so na

#MY ART #I SPENT FOREVER ON THIS #persona 3 #persona 3 reload #makoto yuki #okay so while it is super iconic I didn't want to draw someone with a gun to their head (love it in P3 love the symbolism #just dont want to explain it all to my mum or have non persona fans see it at my booth at comic con) #so I was forced to get creative #I hope this comes across #but I wanted to imply he just shot that bullet hole into the background that makes thanatos' eye #the bullet hole also sort of looks like a big glint of than's eye #those white parts on the white are than's hand curling around the MC #and I tried to make the colour scheme CYMK to symbolise how the MC is the wildcard #he is the blueprint and can make anything. #a lot of thought and effort went into this one. persona 3 baby!! hope you like it

[p4nishers]

one of the most important things terry pratchett has taught me is that it's okay to be angry. no one has ever said that to me before. he taught me that anger was an engine. that you can use that anger. that it goes hand in hand with love. he taught me to never underestimate my anger, because it's one of my strongest points. he taught me genuine anger was one of the world’s great creative forces. he taught me i shouldn't be fighting my anger, but what caused it. he himself said rage underlines everything he wrote. i never heard anger talked about so openly like that before and it's freeing, i suppose, to realize you are truly, truly not alone in your rage at the world. you never were.

#“Granny Weatherwax was often angry. She considered it one of her strong points. Genuine anger was one of the world’s great creative forces. #But you had to learn how to control it. That didn’t mean you let it trickle away. It meant you dammed it carefully #let it develop a working head let it drown whole valleys of the mind and then - just when the whole structure was about to collapse - #opened a tiny pipeline at the base and let the iron-hard stream of wrath power the turbines of revenge.“ #not a moment goes by that im not thinking of that quote #ill stop going on about anger and pterry i promise it's just that im angry all the time and he's the only thing that has helped so far and #you dont get over that sort of thing #gnu terry pratchett #discworld #terry pratchett

[mewtwo24]

I finally finished reading the fourth volume of svsss in full, and thing is--the first time through I only read the bingqiu content because I was ravenous for more of their happy ending.

Turns out that was a perilous mistake.

Because I started reading the airplane extras. And I swear to god. MXTX is trying to kill me

What do you MEAN demon lord Binghe was sitting on his big fucking throne. All stoic and forbidding. Surrounded by his demon generals who don't know shit about human courtship. Asking them what he should do, fully demoralized by constant rejections from sqq, only to have airplane tell him to act more pathetic and needy. Which is already hysterically funny and insane, UNTIL LBH'S RESPONSE IS THIS, KILLING ME INSTANTLY:

LUO BINGHE. WHY DOES HE SAY IT LIKE: "I already tried that, didn't work--nothing works :/ not mean, not maidenly, not housewife, not spicy, not capable disciple. Is doubling down on clingy really all it will take? What's a born hater with only one love in his life to do????"

The dichotomy of him sitting there like 'how can I reach the unfathomable depths of shizun's heart?' A HEART HE'S ALREADY WON OVER, MIND and then in the Holy Mausoleum solving the puzzle without blinking and being like 'oh yeah you just have to hit the acupoints, no sweat.' Literally the comedy writes itself I'm so--

How am I supposed to be normal about this. MXTX understands the juicy quintessential queer joy of a person with the world's power at their fingertips wishing only for love. Willing to do anything to earn that love, when unbeknownst to them it's already been freely given. Totally not screaming and yelling and clawing at the walls

And that's not even touching airplane's uproarious account of events. The way he's like 'lol what's next, lbh and sqq are best friends now? smfh' only to see lbh TACKLE SQQ LOVINGLY. FOR SQQ TO BE BASHFUL ABOUT IT BUT SO SO FOND OF THE LITTLE SCAMP. This when we've been experiencing sqq's constant inner monologue of 'I'm so cool and so dignified about my role, truly the epitome of propriety and poser-level fortitude.' Meanwhile, in their universe:

Airplane constantly flaming???? Sqq and lbh in his observations????? His absolute bewilderment and confusion????? Legendary. No notes every single second of this shit was hilarious.

Airplane's comment that sqq + older adolescent lbh traveling together was just watching a couple in their honeymoon phase. OR the fact that lbh is exceedingly petty and refuses to share their food in the wake of airplane's interruption of their time together, until sqq relents sheepishly and insists airplane eat what's left (ONLY AFTER PLACATING LBH WITH MORE FOOD FROM HIS PLATE, SOBBING)

Watching airplane salivate over Mobei-Jun and acting like that's totally normal behavior. Finding out mbj and airplane got together first. Finding out sqq encouraged airplane. LIKE THIS. WHILE HE IS STILL IN DENIAL ABOUT HIS OWN FEELINGS:

Mobei-jun clearly thinking their arrangement is a forever thing, heartbroken his human abandoned him with all the hapless fury of a scorned wife swept away by false promises of fidelity. Airplane writing demons to be the type to beat up their crush lovingly and still unable to connect the dots about mbj's feelings. Mbj letting him go and respecting his wishes, only relenting when there's indication airplane was poorly processing his own feelings and didn't actually want to leave. Mbj caring for him and listening to him as soon as airplane voices what he needs directly and with clarity. None of these gays are functional and it's everything to me

Unrelated, but I physically can't hold this information in anymore:

I'm still reeling from younger lbh having his sexual awakening from the image of sqq wrapped in the immortal binding cables. Condemn me as you like he was so, so real for that.

And no I will not be taking any comments about how luo bingge couldn't bear to see luo binghe cherished in ways he never got to have and all the haunting implications of that. I will also not be taking any comments about luo binghe's instinct to look for sqq in that alternate universe, only to be shaken to the very core to be unable to find his shizun anywhere. The unspeakable and latent horror of his relentless mind likely piecing together what happened, but unable to say it; to suspect what is true, and live with the harrowing confusion of his double's actions. To blame himself, to assume that he had let his anger get the better of him in that world and result in unspeakable folly...

I also refuse to talk about how heartrending it is to hear Tianlang-jun weakly say "In the end, I really can't bring myself to hate humans." The implication that the foolishness of that hope and bright-eyed fondness--the very thing that put him through such unspeakable agony--couldn't be beaten out of him entirely. To discover that his faith in Su Xiyan hadn't been misplaced, to the contrary: his beloved hadn't scorned him at all, but rather fought to the miserable end to protect the fruition of their genuine feelings of love when she couldn't protect tlj or herself.

How MXTX has sqq deliberately draw parallels between their situation and that of ygy+sj and tlj+sx; desperately wishing it might not be too late for them. The concept of breaking cycles of abuse and harm pervasive throughout the newly devised story, how it evolves for the better only when love takes the place of power, pride, and domination. How the moment sqq chooses vulnerability instead of saving face, the genre shifts to the so-called "cringe" girly genre where most if not every character is more fulfilled, more true to themselves. How the "male-oriented" former genre was aimlessly sensationalized and sexualized, how it was a sustained performance of aspirational toxic masculinity. How men objectify other men without end. All of the unspoken gendered implications that come with that.

Anyways. Going to go put my head in a sandbox and try to process everything I just witnessed because even a second reading is not enough to find a modicum of closure.

#svsss #bingqiu #moshang #i swear to god this series is just 'gay man who doesn't know shit inflicting his delusional reality on everyone else and inciting chaos' #and literally it's slapstick levels of hilarious every single time; mxtx never change #also i fully agree that we did not get NEARLY enough mobei-jun and sqh/airplane content #the amount of mental illness to mental illness communication going on there was astonishing #mobei-jun being afraid of his uncle and bringing sqh because that's the only person he trusts fully (WAILING NOISES) #sqh having a tantrum but running away because for the first time he was honest about his needs + his dissatisfaction with catering to other #how that reflects his narrative compulsions and how he felt forced to warp more creative story paths for the sake of survival as a writer #how sqq's restoration of much of his original intent--as well as mobei-jun's acceptance of his needs--helps airplane begin to heal #how his happiness begins; how just like sqq he wanders in such confusion and denial before he's forced to realize what truly matters to him #SHREK VOICE: STORIES HAVE. L A Y E R S #it feels like modern day shakespeare and when i say that i don't mean it in a hollow elevating sense i mean it more like #mxtx just hits that perfect balance of poignance but also hilarious concentric circles of botched communication and brainworms #okay but real talk for a minute? .........;-; #the way lbh constantly struggles with such a crushing feeling that he'll be abandoned over any little mishap/thing/problem #really hit me where it hurts??? if only because its so clearly an anxiety that stems from original goods' upbringing #the way it becomes even more heartrending when you think back to all the sect leaders clamoring that he should have been killed as an infan #that he should have been aborted as a fetus--insisting right in front of him that his birth was a mistake and a disgrace #over having demon blood in his veins. like my god that scene is so viscerally upsetting i struggle to read it #the way its so easy to see the demons as a manifestation of otherness in precipitated form #how both sqq and sqh are influenced by human rhetoric without evening meaning to--assuming the worst against their better judgment #how both sqq and sqh both struggle with their own otherness in different ways and only find solace when they begin to accept who they are #how their lovers (lbh and mbj respectively) both are willing to navigate those confusing waters with them #how both demons love them as they are--accept them as they are despite how difficult forgiveness of perceived betrayal is for them #ty mxtx for changing my brain chemistry #as i get older i have such a fondness for the messiness of thematic queer self-discovery and growth into self-acceptance #that and how youth can so easily be defined by perfectionistic self-harm and the violence of repression

[viperwhispered]

Rest

Guess what? I've got more Jamil x reader for y'all. You can also find this on ao3. No warnings, just 866 words of kinda fluffy(?) caretaking stuff with gender-neutral reader.

At this point, you know Jamil’s schedule almost as well as he does. So, when you have the chance, you head to Scarabia’s kitchen, hoping to spend some time with Jamil while he and the other students prepare dinner. 

However, when you enter, it takes you but a moment to notice Jamil’s uncharacteristic fumbling and the tired look in his eyes. The way Jamil’s chopping the vegetables has you worried about him cutting himself with that knife he’s usually so adept with, and it seems it’s only force of habit that’s keeping him on track.

You frown, and when your eyes meet Jamil’s, you can already see him put his guard up.

So he knows what state he is in, huh? And still, here he is.

It seems Jamil is reading your thoughts, all of him telling you drop it before any words are even said.

At least he still lets you lean in and give a quick kiss to his cheek in greeting.

“Hello love. Do you still have a lot on your agenda for today?” you ask, keeping your tone low for at least some semblance of privacy in the busy kitchen.

“Nothing I can’t handle,” is the response you get.

Of course.

It takes a little more pestering before Jamil actually answers your question. Your lips purse. That list is far too long to your liking.

You take a moment to think, juggling your own plans and to-do list against the urgency of the things Jamil mentioned.

“Will Kalim be eating from that?” you ask, pointing at the food Jamil is preparing.

“Yes.”

“Alright, I won’t be touching that one, then. I’ve gotta do a few things but I’ll be back when you’re done here.”

“Don’t,” Jamil says with a glare, clearly aware of what you’re thinking.

Yet even his disapproving look doesn’t have the usual weight behind it.

“Yes. I will,” you say firmly, even as your heart curls inwards with another bout of concern.

Really, when did he get so tired?

And how did you not notice it earlier?

You leave the kitchen before Jamil can protest further, hurrying through the dorm corridors to find Kalim.

Soon you have an enthusiastic – and concerned – supporter for your plans. You have Kalim point out a few reliable Scarabia students to help with a few of the most urgent matters Jamil mentioned – cleaning up the common areas, delivering some paperwork to Crowley, preparing some dorm-wide notices – while you see to Kalim getting his school supplies in order for the following day. You even recruit a couple of third years to help Kalim with his homework.

You’ll see to the rest tomorrow – after all, you do also have a boyfriend to look after.

Your conversation over dinner can hardly be called anything else than an argument – despite Kalim’s best attempts at acting as a moderating force between you two. It is very tempting to ask Kalim to tell Jamil to take the rest of the day off – it’s not like Jamil would be willing to openly disobey a direct order. Still, you really don’t need to remind Jamil of his position on top of everything else that you’re already doing more or less against his wishes.

Eventually, however, Jamil’s had a square meal, the most urgent things on his to-do list are being taken care of, and you’ve managed to drag him to his bed.

“I really wish you wouldn’t push yourself so hard,” you murmur, your arms wrapped tightly around Jamil. You’re telling yourself you really do just want to cuddle, to offer some respite to Jamil. Still, there might also be a part of you worried that if you were to let go, he’d just jump up and get back to working himself to the bone.

Yet, for all his protestations, just the fact that you’ve gotten Jamil to lay down with you speaks volumes of his current exhaustion.

“I can’t just leave my duties, albi. You know this.”

“Making yourself too indispensable, is what you’re doing,” you protest.

Oh, you know it’s not so simple. Not with his background, not with all the expectations and assumptions.

But sometimes you really wish it would be.

Jamil merely scoffs in response to your words.

Still, it is undeniable that he is slowly beginning to relax in your arms, slowly bringing his head closer to yours. His eyes are starting to flutter, too.

“I will still need to help Kalim with his homework, at the very least.”

You wonder who he is trying to convince more, you or himself.

“Amin and Khalil are helping him. They’re basically top of their classes, aren’t they? I’m sure they’ve got it.”

Still, Jamil frowns.

You sigh. He really is not letting go, is he?

“Do you want me to go supervise?” you ask.

And leave you, unsaid yet hanging there right after your words.

“Don’t,” Jamil eventually says, the word barely more than a breath.

It seems he has accepted his fate.

You softly caress Jamil’s hair, listening to his softening breathing.

And when you wake up, wholly unaware of having been lulled to sleep in the first place, it’s to the lightest of touches from Jamil’s fingers.

Tagging @diodellet @twstgo @crystallizsch @jamilvapologist @jamilsimpno69 as per request If you'd like to be tagged for any future works, let me know!

#twisted wonderland #jamil viper #twisted wonderland x reader #jamil viper x reader #woop it sure has been quite the burst of creative energy lately #especially since this has apparently been sitting in my drafts since last august #but now you have it #I certainly can’t promise to keep up with this rate of writing (in fact I can promise I won't) but hey let's enjoy it while it lasts #and yes I’m hopping on the “jamil using arabic terms of endearment” train #I’ve read so many fics doing that that at this point it feels more natural than english ngl #even if english would probably be more canonical #also is it a *good* way to go about it to just pretty much just force someone to rest like this? probably not #is it sometimes the only way to get stubborn people to stop for a bit? perhaps #and is it something I might do? #...possibly #also oh boy can you tell that I'm avoiding jamil's dialogue like the plague lately? #I really need to reread so much of his stuff to get a hang of his voice again #(also if you notice typos pls tell me because they always bug me) #(or other wonkiness because I'm not a native speaker and sometimes things just go silly) #anyways hope y'all enjoy!

[luciquel]

they discontinued 1899, but there's most likely going to be a second a third season of wednesday. i'm telling you, if it's not 'editable' for tiktok, it's automatically a flop. people don't want content that makes you think anymore, they want cool scenes they can slap an overplayed song and cheap filter over, so that their brains don't shortcut when it's presented with content not compressed into something easily digestible. god, i hate it here

#i am NOT saying that you shouldn't enjoy wednesday or that it shouldn't be renewed. i rlly don't care #what i AM saying is that from now on that's what we're mostly gonna get. generic series. quantity over quality #i hate it here so muuuuuch!!!! #we really doomed ourselves with fast and easy content huh. like i'm forced to watch stupid things bc stupid ppl refuse to train their #attention span. brb i'm gonna murder something #i have to be a hater about this okay? and i rlly don't care if u take it personally lol #but wednesday - although fun to watch - just does not compare to the mammoth of creativity that 1899 is #anyways. #wednesday #1899 #🥑; raquel talk

[izzy-hands]

gay pirates season is upon us! i haven’t changed my url in literal years, so tagging some mutuals under the cut 💜 still tracking #useravia

@yenvengerberg @anya-chalotra @ughmerlin @valdomarx @sebastians-stan @crowley-anthony @seance @walker-scobell @alinaastarkov @mcbride @stars-bean @machine-slays-dragons @edwards-teach @zombiesteve @withered-rose-with-thorns @dapandapod @a-kind-of-merry-war @justtheghostofnothing @samstree

#it's me! avia! #sorry for changing both the url and my icon at the same time #felt appropriate #i'm trying to force myself back into tumblr proper in order to distract myself from the absolute fucking horrorshow that is rl right now #being creative right now is hard as shit #but just making this little banner gave me a bit of a good feeling #so that's something i guess #gonna try getting back to giffing some pirates #avia rambles #love you all <3

[aithusarosekiller]

This is on my tiktok but I wanted to post it here too bc it's really been bugging me

The caption essentially said that if I see a characterisation I don't like (I used the example of big buff alpha remus) I just scroll because clearly the content was made for someone else and I'm not the target audience

#let people have different interpretations #let out of character fics exist #there's no one right way to write and view a character #if someone wants to throw out canon and write their own interpretation that is AMAZING #if someone wants to explore what one change (such as the black cousins being in an abusive household) could have on the story LET THEM #stop crushing the creativity of young teens because you can't have fun #marauders era #marauders #mwpp #feel kind of bad tagging this with all the fandom tags I'm sorry :/ I just wanted to get it out there #to show people who do write 'ooc' interpretations thay that is FINE #and most people are SO PROUD that you're able to explore and share that creativity with us #dldr #DON'T LIKE DON'T READ #remember that? #there's nothing wrong with liking canon characterisation but you don't have to be a dick about it #you don't have to force it onto everyone around you #they're allowed to make their own versions up #dead gay wizards #id feel so bad putting ship or character tags #bc that's not the content ppl on the tags wanna see so I won't

[solradguy]

I'm so grateful that the only GG fans that care about the light novels are the ones that can be normal about things because Lightning the Argent goes from the rawest scenes of carnage imaginable to Ky Kiske doing something mildly religious like offering a short, silent, prayer for someone that got mangled to death by WMD dragons, and I just know that, in the wrong hands, those brief religious moments would generate the most annoying goddamn memes you could ever imagine

#textpost #I have a mountain of beef with catholicism specifically and am negative percent religious #But the punchline to so many Ky jokes is just “ha ha catholic” like come onnnnn get creative #Religion on its own isn't bad. Look instead at how an individual interacts with it and judge from there #Untapped potential in how Ky's consistently depicted praying to Mary/an unspecified female saint for example #Actually... How come I've never seen anyone analyze that aspect of his belief? #His parents died when he was pretty young (iirc) so their influence couldn't've been too much of a contributing factor in that #Maybe he was closer to his mom in the brief time he had with his parent(s)? #Almost all of the Holy Order knights/members they've ever shown have been male too #So I wonder if maybe it's more like the calm/uncombative protective presence of a sacred woman is comforting to him? #It's definitely a stark contrast to the types of things he's generally exposed to in his daily life in any case #Another interesting contrast is how much Sol DOESN'T like religion #He's got some sarcastic lines about God and stuff even pre-Gearification. Wonder what the story with that is... #Anyway Ky only expressing his religion in private moments is interesting to me too #I can't think of an instance where he ever forced it on someone else or tried to explain something as happening just because God willed it #He's smart and logical and yet he still has this spiritual component... #Man is his character is complex. Studying this blond kid under a microscope...

[simgerale]

me after attempting to get back into sims and realizing i had a lot more to do than play the game

#hi everyone #I’m going around hugging you all #okay now that we are gathered here today #i will simply acknowledge that i have been gone for a very long time and then also acknowledge that maybe it was for the best #i relied on sims to be my only creative activity even if i tried to write a book at the same time #and also. i prioritized sims over real life responsibilities. that’s just a deadly combination lol #but I recently noticed I just replaced sims with Netflix. with YouTube. with anything that gave me quick dopamine #literally became addicted in a sense. still am but I’ve been cut cold turkey from most everything #I get off work and go. okay I’ve done the dishes and the laundry……..I could read or write or bake…. #I try to write and sometimes i get a good hour #then I read for a few hours and then get tired of it #and I made cookies Tuesday so I’m waiting for those to be gone before baking again #I’m just so pitiful that I feel BORED and don’t know what to do #so I said….. okay what if I do sims for an hour. #I downloaded some new cc Tuesday and tried to play yesterday #y’all ……………….. I can’t find the energy anymore to set up elaborate scenes and pose my sims and plan posts #I said wow… this is boring without my intervention and fake story #I said wow…….. all this for what? for tumblr? yes I created cool things and provided joy. but is that inherintly important compared to my #own joy? my own everyday activities I should be doing? #y’all I do not leave the house unless we got out to eat or shop or travel to our parents #.. I have little desire to. I’m trying to find that desire #but my husband is busy with grad school and work and I don’t want to do anything by myself #I’ve found myself in one heck of a slump #I didn’t want to be human for awhile. just had no desires no interests no ambitions #I was slacking off SO HARD at work. I just had no drive to do well #I’m still working on it. I’m still trying to get caught up. I’m still trying to force myself to move every day. #but I am struggling y’all. and I can tell you that sims… sims isn’t helping rn but I want it to so bad. I want to get back into it #I didn’t mean to disappear on everyone. I got married and then life got busy and then I fell into this hole of nothing #I didn’t even WANT to crawl my way out. but my husband has helped a lot. I feel like such a child!!!! #I reached max tags. 🙃 bye love you all. till next time

[camellcat]

thinking about angel!Liam just absolutely fucking decking demon!Theo

Liam is, at first, completely horrified, right? like, oh, dear heavens, he just punched someone! that's not very holy of him! ...but also, Theo is a demon... surely he's just... acting within his angelic duties... to thwart demon wiles... yeah...?

and Theo cannot decide whether to laugh his ass off because he just got an angel to punch someone or start panicking that maybe he's pushed Liam too far and he'll be discoperated or smth. which ofc he won't be bc Liam (as much as he loath to admit it) does not hate Theo, but they are not at the stage in which Theo is certain of that!!

but once Theo gets him back it (dreadfully, in Liam's opinion, and cruelly giddily in Theo's) becomes a Thing.

#oh yeah that's right Liam threw the first punch #Theo talked big game but never actually put his hands on the angel for fear of being smited(? smut? smitten.) #Liam? Liam tried very very hard to talk no game and then came out swinging (literally) #and Theo was absolutely overjoyed to take advantage of that #they both have caused their fair share of bloody noses #only one has to hide it and the other gets to revel in tempting an angel to such a petty violence #at first it starts off as Theo egging Liam into fights so he can sock the stupid angel #but when Liam starts getting attention from Upstairs after a few centuries of this back and forth they've got going on #Theo quickly tries to spin it into something positive for the both of them (thinking of 6x16. you are too. we all are) #forces him to realize he in fact does not want to lose his only... whatever Liam is to him #I think Liam would warm up to Theo first even if he will not say it #Liam fell first Theo fell harder blah blah blah such and such and the likes #being creative is exhausting sheeesh can someone make my au for me LOL #anyways this was another exercise in “I wanted to draw this but the drawing was refusing to happen so here it is in words instead” #thiam #theo raeken #liam dunbar #teen wolf #good omens #so sorry go people but I need to find this later and it IS a go crossover au so... I mean it counts... I think

[sailingsnow]

Clear picture frame artwork for FORCEBOOK 🍅🦊 [ force jiratchapong and book kasidet]

#forcebook #my artwork #getting creative #force jiratchapong #book kasidet #mine #i love them so much and this is how i show it #guncher #akktheo #topmew #a boss and a babe #only friends the series #enchanté series

[silphilis]

maybe id like forcemasc more if u guys were being cool about it but all i see is shtick like ‘im gonna make you my pretty princess boy put on these extremely revealing mini shorts. theyre for boys because they’re blue’ lady, i was gonna do that anyways but its not because i was having a masc moment, the fuck?

#force masc should be when you make them kill the spider. force masc is like encouraging me to get a job at the construction zone and #clicker training me to feel good every time i bridal carry you to the door because the ground was dirty. #alternatively we could play with toxic forcemasc where you berate and make fun of me for being weak every time i show my feelings #forcemasc cant be blue colored forcefem be more creative theres so much to work with here #start putting steroids in his oatmeal and convince him to dress like leon kennedy #i got another one im editing more tags. forcemasc cnc tell him boys cant be raped because they always want sex. #dont worry itll start to feel better when youve had a couple T shots in you < 3 #e

[carnivalcarriondiscarded]

nothing like a call from your mother to make that escapism feel extra sweet

#oops vent post Look Away Look Away i am once again bleeding all over my blog #ohhhhh boy am i gonna get Creatively Active tonight #we love to see my living situation crash and burn oh boy oh boy #i get three more months and then!!! back into the fire i go! #and the frying pan was just starting to get cozy.... #well! time to brush up on my masking and acting skills #absolutely unprompted #yknow it was actually funny #i went on a walk right after that call #and it felt like i was in a fucking movie. symbolism was ever #literally stood and stared at the 'no connection' street sign for a solid two minutes #feeling the Irony #then a black cat stopped and stared at me from down the road? #and a hummingbird flew over to look me in the eye?? #walked under an apple tree but every single apple was rotting??? #a fly decided to land on me for a split second and then flew away? felt Ominous #didnt see a raven though so thats a plus. or a minus. im not superstitious and i love ravens #plus side of being forced to move: i get to keep both of my cats and ill no longer be in this damn state. #negatives: living with my mom. her boyfriend. two dogs. in a state i strongly dislike. with no positive connections. in a basement. #its gonna be so fun! (sarcastic. lying. said through gritted teeth) #agh sorry sorry #once again treating tumblr like my personal diary #just. sigh. #well if i get a job right away and save up #maybe ill be able to find somewhere with roommates! #people my ageish! fellow queers perhaps! somewhere welcoming #where i can relax and feel Understood and perhaps even content with being alive #where i have room to not just force the love of existence but truly Feel it #i have hope! i have hope... i am miserable but one day! i may not be! #ive waited and survived this long! ill make it! i will fucking make it i swear to god

[gibbearish]

btw its interesting the way james tries to imply that like. well the videos that have plagiarism are the ones our dumb stupid annoying patrons requested about bad topics that didnt deserve to have the effort put in to covering them well so basically its fine. like obv thats interesting on its own but moreso the fact that he doesnt actually /say/ it, or like. give a list of the videos hes referring to, just says "those videos are very clear on which ones they were" i think as a nod meaning like "yknow the ones everyones talking about". unless what hes meaning is that like they put a note in certain videos saying "this video was requested by a patron, we here at james somertom incorporated do not espouse these views" which seems unlikely to me. idk methinks maybe it's because there is indeed a lot more than people think and with all the buzz he's not sure which ones have been discovered yet or not, so putting down a solid list that missed some would look like he was still hiding things whereas putting down a fully sourced list would be admitting to wayyyy more than anyone's found yet

#which is ironic too bc if he genuinely did want to prove he understood what he did wrong and that hed changed thatd be the way to do it #yknow like a full list of every single source including ones no one has found on their own or /can/ find anymore would a) be taking full #responsibility and b) make people less likely to always be like 'youre still hiding something' #which in turn makes me super think hes still hiding a lot of somethings #also cant go without stating that the 'request a video topic' thing was only for $100/month patrons after 3 months on that tier #like fucker these people gave you THREE HUNDRED DOLLARS AT LEAST and youre trying to blame it on them?????? #no one forced you to make 'let patrons pick video topics' a reward dude like. hello???????? #shit dude even hbombs highest tier ($10 for anyone wondering bc he doesnt see his audience as a money machine lmao) #just says you can vote in polls about future topics #like that makes complete sense to me as a version of this‚ the most dedicated audience members get a say in the future of the #channel while the creator still gets overall control of the direction #also 'patrons who gave me fuckloads of money asked me to make videos on topics i didnt like so i plagiarized those' is i think uhhh #worse than just 'i plagiarize everything without remorse' frankly? #like at least with the second youre just a general shitbag but the first where youre a shitbag specifically to the people #majorly financially supporting you rather than just like. be an adult and say 'hm i dont feel like that topic really works for the channel‚ #do you have any other ideas?' #or dare i say even perhaps yknow. doing what other youtubers do in similar situations and find ways to tie that subject #to what they usually talk about is just. wild #course that last one would take actual creativity and aint that just the crux of the issue #james somerton #or i say cannot go without stating i should say cannot go without restating kwnrkabdkwbrn

[thresholdbb]

Ok mustering up some courage to pattern this bad boy out

#I’ll give you one guess on this cosplay #I think they just modded the top of the jumpsuit so that’s my jumping off point because where else do you see those shoulder points #and boy do they love their mitered corners #I have half a plan #the last time I didn’t have a pattern it ended up waaaay too small and restrictive so we’ll see #did I even get the colors right idk #has the confidence recently taken a tumble yes can we do some bullshit to get through it maybe #force some creativity to stop the ruminating or something #melts into oblivion #cosplay

[dingoat]

[Ugh do you know how HARD this one was for me to figure out when we still have so much BETWEEN THEM to work out??? Have they told each other they love one another yet? Will they, would they? Anyway I did my best and it still hurt >.> ~750 words on the theme of pining for the impossible and a big big problem with bonded souls.]

You're Not Mine

She didn’t want to think about the time drawing to an end, she almost didn’t… want to keep progressing, knowing that every step forward she took in gaining control over her wild half also drew her a step closer to having to… leave.

She didn’t want to leave. She didn’t want to be apart. She wanted him to come with her even though she knew it was impossible, he never would, and yet she could not stay here forever, the thought of drawing out her return to the fox left her writhing with guilt. It wasn’t fair, it wasn’t fair, and yet all she could do was cling onto every moment she had  while it was still there for her to hold.

“Ahuska,” Thirteen’s voice was gently amused. “How about you not dig in those claws like you’re holding on for dear life.”

“Sorry, sorry-” she winced and pulled back her hands from around his waist, folding them self consciously against her chest only to have one of his strong, long-fingered hands wrap around hers and tug it gently back to his side.

She shivered, then sighed, and tucked her face under his chin. “It’s not fair,” she whispered, as she had countless times before.

He knew what she meant. He felt what she meant. And he softly sighed in kind, knowing he could no more lie to her than cut out his own tongue. “It isn’t,” he agreed, moving his hand to rub slow, comforting circles between her shoulderblades.

“I don’t want a life without you in it,” she murmured, her muzzle sleek and soft against his jawline.

And it hurt him, as it hurt her, and he was silent for a while as he tried to find the words that would help her understand why she yearned for the impossible. “Ahuska. I love you, but you’re not mine,” he whispered, but as sweet and earnest as his tone was, he couldn’t guard against the way her heart twisted to hear it.

“Why not, why not? Your heart is big enough for me as well, I know it, I know it…”

“Big enough for your love, maybe,” he said, his hand sliding to the back of her head, fingers weaving through her hair, hoping to soothe her before speaking further. Their hearts shared their melancholy, their wistfulness, their frustration at a galaxy that had pressed them together when they could not be. He tilted his head and kissed the bridge of her muzzle. “Your love, but not your hate.”

“What- what?” She gave her head a fierce little shake against his face. “I don’t hate you. I never hated you, you know I don’t blame you for the way anything happened…”

“Five,” Thirteen said, and the way she twisted against him, her response so deep and visceral that the revulsion echoed in his own heart, only made him more certain.

She hid her grimace by tucking her face between his neck and the cushion, but she could do nothing to keep her own feelings from him. “So what?  You’re not him.”

“But I love him,” Thirteen answered simply. “You have every right to hate him, and I would never ask you to change that, to forgive him for my sake.”

“So what’s…”

“I don’t blame you for your feelings. But I can’t stand to feel them for myself, and I’m sure you don’t appreciate sharing mine.”

She didn’t.

Opening her heart to him had been… oh, it had been everything, to know one another so perfectly, man and bothan and wolf and hawkbat, but she knew how carefully they skirted around the subject of Five. She didn’t want their bond tainted with an awareness of Thirteen’s love and loyalty for him…

And how could Thirteen go to him, with Ahuska’s seething aversion simmering in the back of his mind?

How could she do that to him?

“Don’t,” he whispered, feeling her on the verge of spiralling. “You’re bigger than the mess life made of you. You’ll be unstoppable one day, and you won’t need me.”

She shuddered, and closed her eyes as she tucked herself more closely against him. “But I want you.”

“And right now you have me,” he reminded her as he kissed her on the forehead. Please, gods. He fought to convince himself as strongly as he wished it for her. Let it be enough.

#swtor #swtor fic #imperial agent #and a lil force sensitive bothan #in the process of learning how to not murder people by accident #something something overcoming imperial conditioning #anyway I'm so grateful for all the asks folk sent #I have not had much at all by way of art energy this week #so it's nice to have something different to exercise creativity on #and mulling over the potential stories #helps get through the damp and dreary work days #I am #so very weary #XD #dingoat writes