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fantastic-rambles · 1 year

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Fandom: Sk8 the Infinity

Characters: Ainosuke Shindo (Adam), Tadashi Kikuchi, Kaoru Sakurayashiki, Carla, Kojiro Nanjo (referenced)

Warnings: Past (physical) abuse, burns/scars, hurt/comfort

Word Count: 4.5k

Summary: In which Kaoru gets a glimpse of Adam's relationship with Tadashi. Not entirely of his own volition.

"Master, you have an incoming call from Ainosuke Shindo."

Adam? What did he want? Kaoru contemplated it for a moment before deciding, "Put it through, Carla."

"Ah, Kaoru! You still have the tattoo machine from when you did Kojiro, right?" Adam's voice was obnoxiously bright and cheerful, and Kaoru's confusion deepened.

"Yes. Why?"

"Excellent! I'll be there soon!"

"What? Wait—"

"Ainosuke Shindo has ended the call."

"Call him back!"

Kaoru stared at his assistant, his mind whirling. What the fuck did Adam want? His tattoo machine, clearly, but what would he even do with it? Get a tattoo? Ainosuke fucking Shindo, the darling of the political world?

Impossible.

"I cannot reach Ainosuke Shindo. Would you like me to try again?"

"No."

"Understood. Is there anything else I can do for you, Master?"

"No."

There was no point in trying again when it was quite clear that Adam didn't intend to pick up. He seemed to be as infuriating as ever, and Kaoru dropped his head into his hands. Had anything really changed since they were kids? Adam had always selfishly decided something while dragging others—including Kaoru—into his pace by the pure power of his skill and charisma. Things weren't much different now, either: everyone at "S" looked up to him, even after everything that had happened… and even Kaoru couldn't bring himself to hate Adam when he probably had the most right to.

He still had no idea what had happened in the years that Adam had been away, only that it had changed Adam. But he was back now, thanks to Langa, and thanks to Kaoru's own efforts in no small part. He'd encouraged Langa to skate in the hopes that a former snowboarder might somehow draw Adam out, and the boy had exceeded his expectations. And although Kaoru was glad of it, he'd forgotten how exhausting it could be to deal with Adam.

Still, there was nothing that he could do right now except wait to see what Adam wanted, so he leaned back in his chair, waiting for the familiar chime that announced the arrival of visitors.

"Master—"

"I've got it. Thank you, Carla," Kaoru interrupted, getting to his feet. After smoothing down his kimono, he headed to the front of his shop, putting on his business face. Adam was there, of course, along with his own assistant, whose own expression was unreadable. Adam, on the other hand, was beaming.

"Kaoru! How have you been?"

"I've been fine. But why do you need a tattoo machine?" Kaoru replied shortly, unable to suppress his curiosity.

"Well, I need a tattoo machine, but I'd also appreciate your artistic expertise. Perhaps if we could move somewhere more private?"

Although he had some misgivings, Kaoru led the two men to his office. Adam didn't hesitate to sit down in the client's chair while his secretary took up a position behind him, quiet and unobtrusive. But Kaoru's eyebrows rose slightly when the politician reached backwards and the other man took his hand.

"You've never formally met, have you?" Adam asked, his tone conversational. "This is Tadashi. He's the man who's made me everything I am."

There was a hint of something in his voice that made Kaoru frown, but he felt like he vaguely recognized the man. Back when they'd hung out together in high school, a slightly older boy would sometimes come to fetch Adam when it was getting late. He'd never spoken to any of them, simply showing up like a ghost and waiting quietly until Adam noticed him… and then Adam had often apologized to the other two before leaving with him. Kaoru felt fairly confident in saying that Tadashi was probably that boy, but before he could ask, Adam continued to speak.

"Go ahead and show Kaoru, Tadashi."

"Please excuse me." Tadashi was a soft-spoken man, well-mannered and polite—which was unexpected, given what his employer was like—but Kaoru only grew more confused as he took off his jacket, folding it neatly over the back of Adam's chair, before starting to unbutton his shirt.

"Adam?" The gorilla was bad enough, but what was Kaoru supposed to do about a man he didn't really know undressing in his office?

"You'll see in a moment," Adam reassured him, which was anything but reassuring. But since Tadashi hadn't even paused during their brief exchange, Kaoru resigned himself to dealing with another exhibitionist.

As the man's chest was revealed, Kaoru couldn't help noticing that he looked extremely fit. He wasn't a wall of muscle like Kojiro, but what he had was clearly defined without any hint of softness. That was right: he recognized Tadashi now. Or, as he was called at "S," Snake. He'd been one of the capmen there, and Kaoru hadn't paid him much attention until he showed up to compete in Adam's tournament and beaten Adam's qualifying time. But he'd always been wearing that eponymous cap that hid his face, so Kaoru had never gotten a good look at him until now.

But when Tadashi pulled off his shirt and turned around, Kaoru's eyes widened in shock.

The first thing he noticed were thick black lines drawn on the pale skin, outlining a rough facsimile of a tree trunk with branches extending from it. But at the ends of the branches was rough, mottled skin. It was heavily scarred from what looked like years of damage: some of the small, circular marks were starting to fade, while others had the shiny, pink appearance of new skin.

"This is…"

"A mistake," Adam interrupted smoothly. "But disregard that. What we need help with is the design of the tree. Everything I try is too solid, so as I mentioned, we'd like your expertise."

Kaoru's mind was still reeling as he stared at Tadashi's back while Adam pulled out an alcohol wipe and began erasing the dark marks. How could he disregard it? How had it even happened? There was no regularity or pattern to the damage, but the definition of parts of it suggested it hadn't all been part of one accident. Rather, it looked more like it had happened multiple times, new injuries laid over old ones…

A horrible possibility presented itself to him as Adam held a marker out to him. How many times had he seen those fingers curled around a cigarette?

"Adam, please tell me you didn't do this." There was a plea in Kaoru's voice despite his efforts to restrain his feelings, and his heart sank as Adam stared back at him flatly. It was the same expression he'd had when he was refusing to skate with him or Kojiro, an emotionless mask that Kaoru couldn't penetrate.

"Alright. I didn't do it."

"Adam—"

"Sakurayashiki-san."

Kaoru's gaze shifted to Tadashi, who had turned around again to face them. At first glance, his expression didn't seem to have changed from the moment he'd arrived with his employer, but there was a firm determination in his eyes now, as well as a slight tightness around his mouth.

"I'm alright. Will you please do this for us?"

"No. Not unless one of you explains what the fuck is going on to my satisfaction."

He was shaken. A part of him had always refused to believe that Adam had changed after America, had thought that the boy he'd known was still in there, somewhere, under the flamboyant costume and the theatrics. After his abruptly aborted race with the man, he'd been forced to accept that he was wrong.

But even so, he could have never imagined his friend ever doing something like this.

Scarlet eyes bored into him, and then Adam stood up.

"I apologize for wasting your time. Tadashi, let's go."

But as he moved to walk around the desk, Tadashi's hand reached out to clasp his wrist, arresting his movement. Kaoru watched as the two men stared at each other, feeling the tension rise in the room. And then the soft voice spoke again.

"He deserves an explanation, Ainosuke."

They continued to stare at each other for another long minute before Adam dropped back into the chair with a huff.

"Do what you want, then."

Tadashi shrugged his shirt back on before turning to look at Kaoru. Frankly, the calligrapher wasn't sure what either of them could say that would get him to agree to be a part of… whatever this was.

"Please, sit down. This may take a while."

Kaoru fell heavily into his own chair, his usual grace forgotten. Entirely bemused, he watched Tadashi lay a hand on Adam's shoulder, seeming to draw out some of the younger man's tension. If Adam had done this, how could Tadashi still be with him? Even at "S," Adam had gone too far, but this? This was something else entirely.

"I made a mistake when I was young. When all of you were still in high school," Tadashi began to explain, his voice soft and steady. "And my actions hurt Ai—Adam—badly. It was largely my fault that he was sent to America, and after he came back, I refused to skate with him, which led to his rampage."

"But that's your own prerogative. You aren't obliged to do anything you don't want to. Well, unless it's in your job description," Kaoru protested, but Tadashi was shaking his head.

"That wasn't it. I thought that I was doing it for his sake. For the sake of his future, I didn't think that he should be skating, so I tried to stop him. But I only made things worse. Sometimes, this was the only thing that I could do to ease his pain."

"Letting him abuse you."

Kaoru saw Adam flinch at his statement, but Tadashi simply stared at him flatly.

"Yes. I allowed him to punish me as he saw fit."

"Do you even hear what you're saying?"

Tadashi sighed.

"I never said it was a good idea. But we're okay now. So we want to do this so we can move on from our past. Will you help us?"

He still wanted to say no. This whole situation was just entirely fucked up: Adam sitting there as if this had nothing to do with him, Tadashi speaking as though what had happened was entirely reasonable. Kaoru had known that Adam was different, even in high school, but this wasn't just different. It was insane.

"Why don't you just leave them alone?" he suggested. "The scars will disappear eventually, so there's no need to get a tattoo just to try to disguise them. And after they disappear, you'll just have a bare tree. Unless you're planning to add to it after that? But tattooing scar tissue isn't a good idea: it doesn't hold ink well and can end up running and smearing."

"I won't let them disappear."

"Excuse me?" Kaoru's eyes snapped to Adam. But Adam only returned his gaze, his own eyes narrowing.

"Tadashi's mine, and that's the proof of it. Nobody else will touch him when he's like that. Why would I let it disappear?"

"Then what the fuck is the point of this? I thought you were trying to fix your fuck-up."

"Were you not listening to him? We're trying to move on."

"How is this moving on if you're just going to keep doing this?"

"Adam. Sakurayashiki-san. Please." The calm voice interrupted their argument, and both of Tadashi's hands were on Adam's shoulders, his arms straining slightly to keep his employer seated. Kaoru realized that he'd risen out of his own chair to yell at Adam, but who could stay calm in this situation? They had both acknowledged that whatever they had in the past was abusive, but Adam intended to continue?

"Sakurayashiki-san. It means something different now," Tadashi insisted.

"Oh? And what the fuck is that?"

"Love."

Kaoru laughed at Adam's answer, his voice harsh and bitter.

"Love? You don't know the meaning of the word."

For all that he called himself the Matador of Love, Adam was like a child when it came to matters of romance, engaging in showy gestures that mimicked love but certainly didn't have any true feelings behind them. If Kaoru had realized that sooner, he could have saved himself a good deal of heartbreak. And a trip to the hospital.

"Perhaps not, but Tadashi is teaching me." Adam reached up to lay a hand on Tadashi's as he looked up at the older man. There was something softer in his expression that Kaoru had never seen before, and he felt his heart clench. It was stupid, he knew. He had Kojiro, who was far better for him than Adam ever could be. But what did this man have that he didn't? "He's taught me that love doesn't need to hurt. And there are forms of it that can, but only if we're both okay with it."

“And what about your ‘Love Hug’ and ‘Full-Swing Kiss’?”

Adam looked over at Kaoru, his expression stern.

“That’s another matter. I’m sorry for what I did to you, and I won’t be pulling those tricks on people who can’t handle them anymore, but everyone at ‘S’ accepts the risks involved to skate there. I have never forced anyone to skate with me.”

That was true, Kaoru had to admit grudgingly. As enthusiastic as he had clearly been about skating with Langa, Langa had been the one who made the decision to do so along every step of the way. But was it really fair to say that, when Adam had been on the level of a god? Everyone looked up to him and wanted the chance to race against him, even knowing that they would lose, because it was Adam. People would do all sorts of crazy things to get their idol’s attention: he knew that as both Kaoru Sakurayashiki and Cherry Blossom.

“Sakurayashiki-san. Please help us. We both want this.”

Kaoru sighed, falling back down into his chair and dropping his head into his hands.

“10,000 yen for the design. If you want me to do the tattoo, too, 25,000 per hour.”

If he treated it as a business transaction, he could distance himself from their insanity. Perhaps his prices were a bit steep, but Adam could afford it, and if they went anywhere else to get it done, they’d have to deal with even more intrusive questions. That was probably why they’d come to Kaoru in the first place.

“Excellent!” Adam reached into his jacket to pull out his wallet, extracting a crisp bill and laying it down on his desk. Then Kaoru pulled a few sheets of paper over to him, starting to sketch out ideas. Something like a back tattoo needed to be large and bold, especially for a man. He prepared a few samples before turning them around and pushing them across the desk. Both Adam and Tadashi leaned forward to examine them, and Adam finally touched a finger to the one he’d prepared with a trunk that twisted around itself like a rope before looking up at his secretary.

“Perhaps this one?”

Tadashi nodded, and Adam pushed it back over toward Kaoru.

“Could you add a snake here, in the curve? Nothing too large or obvious. And I’d like an apple on one of the branches. Just one.”

Kaoru made the changes before offering it to the two men again, repeating the process a few times until they were satisfied, before leaning back in his chair and watching them thoughtfully.

“So I assume that you want me to ink it, as well?”

“If you don’t mind.”

He did, but if he was going to be paid handsomely for it, then it didn’t matter.

"Carla, upload the image. Tadashi, please take off your shirt again," Kaoru instructed as he cast his gaze around the room while Carla chimed in the affirmative. They ought to do something to make him comfortable, right? For Kojiro, it hadn't really mattered since his tattoo was relatively small and he was a brute, but even just doing the outline for this would take a toll on both Tadashi and Kaoru. But his office wasn't designed for comfort.

"Perhaps a change of location?" Adam suggested. "I can pay for a hotel room or something more appropriate."

"That would probably work," Kaoru agreed, finding the dusty tattoo machine among his materials and placing it on his desk along with the extra kit of supplies he’d purchased after doing some research for Kojiro’s tattoo. After a moment’s consideration, he also dug out the projector he’d used when he was starting out with AI calligraphy: it was a fairly cheap piece of equipment, but he’d made it compatible with Carla, which was the important point. And then he pointed at Adam.

“You’re carrying these.”

“As you wish.”

Smirking, Adam checked each of the cases to make sure they were secure before picking them up. Tadashi had finished dressing and was already at the door, waiting patiently for the two men to follow him out to the car. Adam got into the back seat as usual, putting the tools down in the footwell, and Kaoru contemplated his decision for a moment before taking the passenger’s seat up front.

They didn't speak, though, as Tadashi drove to a nearby hotel and parked the car before politely requesting that they wait while he got them a room. But after he left, Kaoru turned around to face Adam.

"So. You love him."

"I think so," Adam replied, his expression unusually serious.

"Why him?"

"Why Kojiro? Tadashi just makes me feel whole. You've seen him: he's so steady. I need that in my life. He's been with me for a long time, too. He already knows everything about me, and he accepts all of it. I don't think there are many other people who can say something like that."

"That's right. He was the one who used to pick you up when we hung out sometimes, right? Did you love him back then, too?" Kaoru asked. But he could understand: why Kojiro indeed? Truthfully, his answer wouldn't be that much different than Adam's, though he'd never admit it out loud. And he saw Adam frown.

"Maybe. But I don't think I realized it back then, if I did. Things were… different, before."

Adam fell silent, and Kaoru thought that was the end of it until he spoke up again, softly.

"But I am sorry, Kaoru. You weren't the only one dreaming about the past. That was why I couldn't skate with you and Kojiro. I didn't want you guys to know how much I had changed. Skating was always the place that I could just be myself without any pretenses, so I couldn't pretend that everything was the way it had always been. But in the end, I hurt you."

Kaoru felt his throat tighten: he'd hoped for something like this for a long time, but he hadn't thought that it would actually happen. So he wasn't sure how to respond, either. Kojiro would probably call him an idiot (like he could talk), but Kaoru couldn't help feeling a little happy.

"Well, then you'll just have to work hard to make it up to us, won't you?" he replied brusquely. He was fortunately spared any more embarrassment when Tadashi returned to open Adam's door.

"Room 318," he announced, bending over to take some of the equipment, only to be brushed off by Adam.

"No, no, no, Tadashi. It's my job tonight. You just need to rest and enjoy yourself. Lead the way!"

Tadashi seemed to hesitate, but then he nodded, glancing at Kaoru as the calligrapher left the car as well. Together, the three of them headed in together, making their way to the room. Tadashi let them in with the key card he had, and Adam set everything down on the bed before flopping down onto it himself with a sigh.

"Come join me," he called out to the other two with a suggestive smile, and Kaoru sighed as he moved each of the cases to the table and opened them before going to the bathroom to wash his hands.

"Undress and lay down," he called out as he made his preparations, carefully patting his clean hands dry before returning to the bedroom to pull on a pair of disposable gloves and the sanitizing wipes. When he turned back around, Tadashi had obeyed his instructions and was lying on his stomach on the bed, Adam sitting beside him and holding his hand. Kaoru took a seat on the man's other side, carefully wiping down his back before glancing at Adam.

"There's nowhere to set Carla up here, so you'll have to hold her, at least while I'm inking the lines," he explained archly. "Carla, account for base instability and adjust as needed."

"Yes, Master."

"Yes, Master," Adam replied with a chuckle as he went to plug it in and hold it above Tadashi. The light flickered on, projecting a small version of the design onto the older man's back, and Adam stretched his arms higher, making Kaoru squint at him.

"Stay still," he snapped. "Carla, increase the image size."

The sketch started to fill up Tadashi's back, and Kaoru used his stylus to make adjustments to fit the scars better, moving branches and adding other ones to improve the design. His assistant made the appropriate changes instantly, and when he was finished, he glanced up at Adam.

"Good?"

"Perfect."

"Okay, stay there and don't move."

Returning to the table, he loaded the cartridge and the tip into the machine, plugging it in before changing his gloves. Since it had been years since he'd last done this, he practiced on the fake skin briefly before returning to the two men to start to work. With a steady hand, he began to ink the lines, concentrating on the task before him.

But after an hour, he leaned back with a sigh, shaking out his hand. He was perhaps a third of the way done, and he looked up at Adam with mild surprise. Compared to his work, holding a projector over his head for so long had to be much more tiring, but the man hadn't made a single complaint, despite his usual tendency for dramatics..

"You can put Carla down now: we could all use a break. And if you ever need to rest, Adam, you can say something," he pointed out. But Adam just smiled thinly.

"Don't worry. I've been well-disciplined."

Just as before, there was an edge to Adam's voice that Kaoru didn't understand.

"Well, you don't usually act it," he retorted, and he watched Adam smile slightly as he lay the projector down on the nightstand.

"Because you guys are special."

Kaoru wondered if Adam remembered that he'd said the same thing before, when they were younger. Maybe to the other man, it hadn't really meant anything, but Kaoru still remembered it. He remembered a great deal of things from their youth, and Kojiro often made fun of him for it, but he couldn't help it. Adam wasn't even looking at him anymore, though, simply tracing the scars that he'd made. Kaoru kept a sharp eye on his fingers, but they didn't touch the unmarked skin, so he didn't need to sanitize it again. After all, if he was going to do something, he was going to do it right.

"How do you feel so far, Tadashi?" he asked, and the man turned his head toward him, his expression unreadable. He didn't seem to be uncomfortable or in pain, in any case, which was probably the best that he could hope for.

"I'm fine. Thank you, Sakurayashiki-san."

"Of course you are," Adam cooed, stroking his assistant's hair. "You're always so good to me. Something like this is nothing, right?"

"But if you need a break, speak up, too," Kaoru instructed with a slight frown. Given what he'd seen and learned about the two of them, it seemed likely that Tadashi was handling this just fine, but he didn't know the man well enough to be certain. He’d noticed the older man tensing when he’d been working near the scars, but other than that, he’d seemed almost relaxed as Kaoru inked him. But it wasn't easy to change old habits, and their relationship was clearly quite complex.

Neither of them responded, though, and when Kaoru was ready again, he picked up the pen again, waiting for Adam to lift up the projector and for Carla to make the necessary adjustments to fit the work that had already been done before continuing. In the end, it took another two breaks and far more time than he’d been expecting to finish the outline, and he finally sat back with a sigh, reviewing his work with a critical eye.

It looked good, just like they had designed it, and the lines were mostly clean. There were a few spots near scar tissue that looked to have bled slightly, but that was only to be expected. And they wouldn’t be immediately noticeable once the coloring was done… though Kaoru suspected that nobody but Adam would ever see it, anyways, after it was finished.

“Alright. So you’ll want to get an antiseptic cream and apply it regularly until the skin’s healed,” he said, tugging off his gloves. “And if it hurts, you can take painkillers. We can check on it in about two weeks to see how it’s going and figure out when we’re going to start the coloring. I can’t do anything fancy, just solid colors, but it should work fine with the design. Though if you would prefer shading or such, you can find an actual professional.”

“I’m pleased with this arrangement. Tadashi, where’s your checkbook?”

“In the inner left pocket of my jacket.”

Adam nodded, patting Tadashi on the shoulder before he got off the bed, carrying the projector back to its case and securing it while Kaoru cleaned up his own materials. He watched his friend dig through Tadashi’s jacket until he found what he was looking for, along with a pen, and filled out a check before bringing it over to the bed for the man’s signature. Briefly, Kaoru scanned it when it was handed to him—100,000 for a few hours of work wasn’t bad at all—before tucking it away.

“Oh, and this too,” Adam added, pulling out his own wallet and taking out another 10,000 yen. “So you can get a ride back. After all, the room’s already paid for and I’m going to get my money’s worth.”

He was grinning, and Kaoru sighed.

“Just don’t overdo it. He needs to heal, remember?”

“I do. We’ll see you around, Kaoru.”

It was a clear dismissal, and Kaoru sighed as he left, his arms laden with his supplies. Perhaps he ought to head to Sia la Luce after he’d put it all away. Kojiro might enjoy listening to the story over drinks.

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