Can you imagine Jonathan Jr growing up only hearing and reading about his father and what he did from his mother and his uncles, and wishing he had met him? And likely can't even visit his grave. (It's another reason why I'm glad he survived, he grew up without a father, and with the way that he wrote about Hawkins he longed for one, but his child doesn't have to.)
Of course I can imagine it. Are you asking me to write it because I might run out of steam.
I might... opt to call him Nathaniel... because the name means the exact same thing, but I don't have to add another Jonathan to my list of darling boys.
You don't need the body to have a tombstone in England, but I imagine it would be one hell of a revelation if you're a child and you find out your father isn't even buried where you've been visiting all this time. Though, they could exhume his body later if they had to bury Jonathan in Transylvania. It feels very morbid to say this, but they could just dig him up and put him in the right spot.
Jonathan's orphan status is why I couldn't rightly have Jonathan grandly say like Quincey that he's happy to die for Mina's sake. Because that's not how the death played out. Dracula could have been killed with no other casualties, but he wasn't. As orphans, Jonathan and Mina are both very intimate with the concept of death and the truth that there's no real honour or sacrifice to it, it just happens.
Jonathan Harker didn't want to die and leave his wife so needlessly, he didn't want his child to grow up without a father. He was scared to die, he had only very recently come into his own as an adult. That's no age to throw your life away.
But that doesn't make a good story. Nathan's uncles talk over that part. They spin stories about what a brave and legendary man Nathan's father was, and his mother doesn't know how to tell them Jonathan wouldn't want that. They make the man seem so much older, so much more masculine and legendary. They make his death into a Greek tragedy.
Nathan only finds out that his father was twenty-one when he died when he's eighteen.
"That's younger than even you were," he meekly remarks.
"Yes," his mother replies.
"I didn't know that was possible."
Then again, his mother had always told him things about his father that he thought were impossible. That the two of them would often share clothes in their youth, that the man ceased cutting his hair after the castle and let it grow past his shoulders, that he nearly hunted down an evil vampire dressed in only one of Mina's... one of their nightgowns... That he was always more beautiful than he was handsome, and he'd be proud of the young man Nathan had grown up to be.
When he's finally allowed to read the manuscript, he cries and cries and cries. Everything makes sense then. Reading his father's promise not to let his mother go into the darkness alone reassures him that his bullies were always wrong when they mocked him by saying his father was a cowardly scoundrel who just ran off.
Mina tells him secrets that were never written down, that not even his uncles and grandpa know, and he fights not to become disillusioned with men in the process of learning. No matter how much he loves them, he knows they might be less eager about praising his father if they knew everything.
At some point, he gets it in his mind to interview every person he can find who ever met his father.
A lot of lawyers, some workers from moving companies... many of them only have so much to say about him. What a kind young man he was, and a great man to depend on for drinks!
Looking through his father's things, he finds a receipt for that knife he'd inherited from him. He thought it had been a family heirloom...
The shop owner smiles bittersweetly when he hears the news that Mr. Harker is dead. No wonder he never paid a visit after that grand journey he went on... he'd hoped the young man had simply forgotten.
"Tell me he did it," Mr. Singh requests. "Tell me he killed that bastard."
"He did," Nathan tells him, "right before he died."
The man grins, though melancholy lingers in his expression. Just then, his face lights up-- "No one has told you about that knife, have they?"
The old lady and her husband at the Golden Krone Hotel are retired, but the woman's eyes light up with recognition when she's greeted by such a familiar face. She kisses him on the forehead and tells him he looks just like a boy she once met. He tears up and shows her the rosary that she had given that boy. She teaches him how to pray with it.
The Sisters at the Hospital of St. Joseph and Ste. Mary fawn over the boy as they had his father. He doesn't care for it. Sister Agatha refuses to tell him anything he hadn't already known. "Those secrets are between him and God," she says. It's not fair.
When he finally returns home, his mother asks if he found what he wanted. He wants to tell her no out of bitterness, frustrated with all the money wasted buying drinks for coworkers who only barely knew his father and the secrets the nuns kept to themselves, but he thinks of the lessons in prayer he received from Mr. Singh and that old landlady and changes his mind. Perhaps he has learned all he can now.
He resolves to find out all the rest when he finally meets his father... someday.
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K, y’all. Can we talk about the abandonment issues Uzi may have?
(The info I’m about to share is just my thoughts on all this. I could be right on some parts, and I could be wrong. Again, I’m just sharing what I think based on stuff we’ve seen from the series. Anyways.)
What inspired me to make this was this very moment right here.
“Are you like, gonna leave me?”
You can tell by her voice that she was scared. Scared that the only friend she’s ever had, the only friend that she’s made her whole life was going to leave her, and it certainly didn’t help that N and V got along well with the other students. Doing some activities together, having fun, playing around and stuff.
I think seeing this, this was the starting point of that fear in this episode. (I’m a little certain that in general, this may go back as early as the first episode, but I’ll talk about that in a bit.)
Here’s that fear she shows after investigating a little bit in the cabin, watching her closest friend get along and interacting with her classmates, despite having been a literal killing machine. And to add salt to the wound, he did so in such a short time. Something that she herself has never really accomplished the whole time she’s been in school.
Some jealousy may also be shown because of this, as she was talking to V, who was also doing well interacting with her classmates.
“Just.. so glad you guys fit right in. Suuuper cool.”
As we all know, Uzi certainly isn’t the most popular girl in school (which btw… relatable imo). In fact, Rebecca had said that she was “super unpopular” when she (well, the top half of her anyways, hehe) reunited with a few drones, whom I’m assuming are her friends.
Uzi doesn’t fit in. She’s like an outcast to her classmates. The “freak” of the bunch. She stands out from the rest of them.
“… You freak us out.”
“But mostly bite me!”
(I’m sorry, I wanted to include that second part here, whether it was relevant or not pfbt. Anyways.)
And it’s not just her classmates that practically outcasted her. Hell, her own father left her to be murdered by the same kind of drone that took away his wife (well, technically, the same kind of drone that struck her with nanite acid, leading to him putting her out of her misery, according to himself from the pilot, but anyways). Now, he may have been too terrified to take action and save his own daughter, possibly reliving the trauma of what happened to Nori. He probably couldn’t fathom having to do the same thing he did to his wife to Uzi. But it still does not justify leaving her, his own daughter, for dead. That is a really shitty dad move there, Khan.
(Or I could be overthinking on that part, and Khan could just be a really shitty father, but anyways)
The way Uzi may have taken it, was that he prioritized his precious doors over her. Having put up more doors to keep himself, and everyone else in the bunker, safe from drones like N. She wasn’t important enough to be saved at the moment she needed him most. Her father- the one who’s supposed to have her back, no matter what happened, the one who’s supposed to protect her whenever things go from bad to worse- had left her to be killed by a murder drone. (Possibly, I’m just spitballin here)
Once this happened, Uzi now has no one she can really trust to stick with her, no one she can rely on for support. She has no friends, barely has family; her father isn’t much like a father to her at all, let’s be honest.
(I would say Thad is the only one she kinda had, but if I remember correctly, they barely knew each other to be considered close friends in the pilot. The only reason Thad knew Uzi (or knew of Uzi) was because she’s Khan’s daughter. That was it.)
(Another thing I wanna add is how neglectful as a father Khan has been, even before the pilot. Hell, the posters that we see can speak volumes of how their relationship is. Not to mention he’s never really spent much (if any) quality time with her, too busy focusing on his obsession with doors.)
(One more thing to add: remember when Uzi told Thad one of the reasons she made her sick as hell railgun was to earn her father’s respect? …That’s just another point I wanna make about the infamous Doorman and how well he’s raised his daughter.) :)
So yeah, Uzi never really had anyone close to her in her life, meaning that she didn’t have anyone to trust, either.
Until this goober shows up.
(Or more like, he was about to kill her until she blew his head off, but that’s not the point.)
Of course, we all know they didn’t become best friends right away. Because he’s a disassembly drone, and she’s a worker drone, and… yeah.
If it wasn’t for Khan backing away from the fight and closing the door on Uzi, Uzi probably would’ve been dead right then and there. N probably would’ve killed her and everyone else without much of a second thought. However!
Considering how he told Uzi about V and J, he didn’t have the best relationship with either of them. (his crush on V seemed one-sided, at least in that flashback where V’s character was introduced? And J just straight up insulting him while stepping on him, and talking about how she’d kill him if she were allowed to.) He didn’t seem to have anyone to consider a friend either, at least mutually. For the longest time, it was just N, V, and J, doing their jobs, working together on killing the worker drones and such.
Then, what Uzi said to him about how the company treats the drones had created some doubts. N never questioned JCJenson and their motives until Uzi came along. And because of that, he almost died via a virus put in by J.
Then, after Uzi saves him from dying, and after they both stop V and J from killing the worker drones, N still stood by her side. N has never given her a reason not to trust him after that. He’s been with her the whole time after Uzi banished herself, and he’s never left her like the other drones have.
I’m thinking, after Uzi had banished herself from the colony, N could have left her on her own, he could’ve refused to let her go with him and V back to the landing pod, but he didn’t. (Not only because Uzi had encouraged him to look at the bigger picture, so to speak, but it also would’ve been out of character for N of all people (or robots in this case lol) to just deny her of joining the squad. He’s such a goddamn softy, let’s be real here.)
(Also, I wanna point out that from N’s perspective, she was the one who encouraged him to become an “angsty, rebellious disassembly drone” in the first place. If it wasn’t for her, he would never even question why they’re killing worker drones to begin with (other than to consume the oil for survival, of course). If it wasn’t for her, he’d still be out murdering. She was the one who respected him more than V or J ever did combined. (Well, in V’s case, this would be after her memories became messed up anyways. She did seem to like him when they were worker drones themselves.))
So yeah, this whole time, N has been the only one Uzi had ever really had throughout the series. N has been the only one that didn’t treat her like a freak, nor had insulted or threatened her in any way (lookin at you, V!). And most importantly, he was the only one that never left her at all. He stood by her side, he had her back, and she had his, and they stuck together, especially through the scary stuff.
So going back to episode 4, that was the first time since they’ve met that they were really separated. And the one time they weren’t with each other, Uzi had taken her solver form for the first time, and had killed her own classmates as a result.
Had N been with her while she was investigating stuff, chances of Uzi taking her solver form happening probably would’ve been really low.
Hell, this whole thing probably happened because she was alone, because nobody was with her, and she didn’t want to be left alone again, and she was scared that she was going to be left alone again after seeing N interact with the other students!
TLDR: Uzi probably has abandonment issues, and was scared the only friend she has was going to leave her like everyone else had in her life.
I wanted to make a long rant about this because it’s been on my mind off and on for a while, especially after hearing Uzi’s voice when she asks N if he’s going to leave her (god that really hurts!), and as sucky as I am with words, I wanted to try anyways. Hope y’all enjoyed. 😁😅 (and now to end this on a lil lighter note, here’s an image of a robot huggy)
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so, you want to listen to redacted asmr
I'm sure several ppl saw the lovely flowchart by @starlitangels, which inspired me to make this lil graphic here because graphic design is my passion. I will let you know that this thing is huge, when making it I had to set my canvas to 15x8 inches.
Quality-wise, I have no idea what tumblr is going to do to this, so I also have a pdf of it on Google Drive. You will have to zoom in on that because 15x8 is far from a standard dimension and Drive has absolutely no idea what to do with it. The png is also on Drive if you so desire.
Obviously there are some changes to the diagram as a whole:
Marcus, Ivan, Regulus, Caelum, and Camelopardalis were integrated into the main chart.
Marcus turned into Project Meridian -- I wanted to break it out into Marcus and James, but ultimately decided not to for spacing (and the fact that I don't know either character very well).
Brachium was added to the chart.
The question flow of the chart for the human listeners (regardless of empowered status) was edited to group the following together: Unempowered, Vampires, Shifters, Dreamwalkers, Elementals, D(a)emons.
Since Project Meridian was included, but not broken down into characters, I compromised on the other big series.
^ Freelancer Season One and Freelancer Season Two were subsequently combined into D.A.M.N. for charting purposes, and are indicated by a small image of the Academy crest (crest? symbol?).
^ The Balance is indicated by a small Libra symbol (it... doesn't have its own symbol that I could find? I made the one in the bottom left, if anyone is interested in seeing it bigger I can post it separately. It's pretty cool I think). At the moment, Avior is not included in that since his videos are not on the playlist for this series, even if a decent chunk of us believe his story is connected.
Some of my own snark was inserted. Especially the line for the Vampire branch.
Anyway, I hope y'all enjoy this :-) I had a lot of fun making it. I don't really think it'd be very helpful for someone looking for a start in the channel beyond detailing the very basics of the characters and their listeners, but it was fun to make at least.
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WIP Wednesday Survey
Posting this for the @magireco-minibang fic I'm working on!
How did your story idea come to you?
The Visions™ I am burdened with as the prophet for TouNemu (that is to say it was part of the constant stream of AU and fic ideas that exists in my head). I picked this specific one for the minibang because it was supposedly the shortest of the ideas. I was incorrect
2. What’s been your favorite part to write so far?
Probably the lake catharsis or the later hurt/comfort section at the end of Chapter 6. Though honestly the start of Chapter 7 is an unexpectedly good slap in the face too, if a bit of a struggle (wrangling Nemu is harder than you may think, especially when The Big Trauma is screaming at her).
3. Do you have a character you really enjoy writing? Which one and why?
I cannot possibly pick between my two girls. It's been an experience though, writing a longfic from Nemu's pov (that is to say a lot more narration, and literary references, and way too much research on my part). This specific version of Nemu is extremely interesting in the way she's developed as she aged, since she had no one around while growing up. I could literally talk about Ib!Nemu and how her background (and even her being ace) affects everything for hours and I will talk about it if people want me to.
As much as I'm loving writing from her perspective though, Ib!Touka is an excellent mirror to her (obviously, I like paralleling and imitating canon, it's important that they Understand™ each other on a deeper level), and Ib!Touka specifically is going to be extremely fun to write in the later chapters because yall have never seen such an incredibly enthusiastic masochist and it's incredibly entertaining. I still snicker looking at the blood scene later in my outline.
4. What’s been the hardest part to write?
Ooof. Gray Hall's action scene possibly. Lots of things going on, had to keep track of what specific moves I could pull off and why, plus balancing out injuries, remembering Iroha exists, and it was the first big point of divergence from the game which I had to handle somewhat subtly without altering things too much. I say this, but in the game Ib and Garry hardly ever damage an exhibit while Nemu's (violence) body count is near the triple digits. Granted later scenes that required more research have also been, lengthy to write, if not what I'd call difficult.
5. What part are you most looking forward to writing?
Currently, most definitely the ballroom scene, I am howling and screaming to get to that one. Other than that, either of the two shrike scenes because they're tasty, and the finale. The finale is so good. Arson of course, it's an Ib AU, where would we be without setting something or someone on fire?
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