#she makes me feellike i need to be put down | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

paradoxolotl · 3 years

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Can I get some Amelia? :> I feellike all my asks to you get eaten by tumblr or something cuz I never see them :( since like a long time ago

I’m behind on my asks. I’ve got some doodle requests, some song recs, one or two WIP asks, and a few AFTG asks/prompts sitting in there still.

Have another chunk from chapter one, immediately after Neil and Andrew cross paths. Some violence going on/their pasts if you look.

Neil was trying to pull up Aaron’s contact while keeping the man in his vision. He stiffened when Neil took a step closer, so he stopped and held up his hands. “This is all one big misunderstanding; your kid came up to us. I wasn’t trying to kidnap her, I just didn’t want her running off.”

The man risked a glance down at his daughter, who was glaring at Neil. A nudge got her to look up, and she gave him a quick nod. The man returned to doing his best to kill Neil with just his gaze. “Didn’t anyone ever teach you not to touch someone without permission?” He growled.

Neil winced, “I’m sorry about that. But look, this is going to sound crazy, but I think I know your brother.”

If Neil thought the man was still before, he was frozen now. It was hard to tell, but he may have grown a few shades paler as well. “Fuck off,” he said, before turning and starting to walk away.

“Wait!” Neil called, running to cut them off while staying out of arm's reach. He could already feel his jaw beginning to bruise. “He’s coming back, please-“

Quicker than Neil thought someone his size could be, the man stepped forward and drove his fist into Neil’s gut. For the second time since this mess happened, Neil found himself on the ground. By the time Neil got back to his feet, the man and his daughter were almost lost to the crowd. At least being used to people treating him as a punching-bag made him quick to recover..

“Fuck,” Neil said.

He spotted Aaron making his way through the crowd, a staff member trailing him.

“Fuck,” Neil said again, this time with feeling.

Catching Aaron’s eye, he made a giant swooping gesture that probably made him look insane before taking off again. Ignoring Aaron’s shout, Neil weaved through bodies, looking for a flash of pale blond. Just as he was convinced that he had lost them, he broke through the crowd and saw the pair making their way across the parking lot.

“Hey, HEY!” Neil called, chasing after them.

This time, he stopped a good few feet away. Idly, he thought his team would be proud of him for learning from his mistakes. Neil was fairly certain that the man would actually murder him if he got too close, child present or not.

“What do you want?” He put himself between his daughter and Neil, his entire body screaming back off.

Neil felt his temper flare. “I’ve been trying to tell you!” He snapped. “If you would just wait, I could explain!”

The man was silent for a moment. Then, “You have twenty seconds.”

“Seriously?”

“Fifteen.”

Fuck he was serious. “I think I know your brother,” Neil blurted out again, hoping Aaron had followed him. It would be so much easier if he could just show them.

The man made a buzzer sound. “Sorry, you lost my interest. Follow us again and I will kill you.”

Neil opened his mouth to protest when he heard a familiar voice behind him, and he sagged in relief.

“Neil, you fucking asshole! The fuck are you doing?” Aaron rounded the car they were hidden behind, out of breath and glaring. “You can’t just take off like-“

“Look!” Neil cut him off, pointing at the man and his daughter.

Aaron glanced over and did a double take, his face falling slack. “What the fuck,” he breathed.

Neil felt a smug smile creep across his face, and he turned to look at the man. He was staring at Aaron with a blank face, but his grip on his daughter had tightened. She was looking between the two of them with large, concerned eyes, her hands fisted in her dad’s shirt.

“Do I have your interest now?” Neil asked him.

It snapped the man’s eyes back to Neil, but only for a moment. He and Aaron couldn’t seem to stop looking at each other, although Neil couldn’t really blame them. It wasn’t every day you met your doppelgänger.

“I-“ Aaron started before cutting himself off. “Is this a joke?”

The man fished out a pair of keys and passed them to his daughter. “Go wait in the car.”

“But dad-“

“Chick, I need you to wait in the car for me.”

She looked like she wanted to argue more but took the keys with a pout and walked over to an older car a few places down before climbing into the backseat. The three of them stood in a tense silence for a few moments, both Aaron and the man having yet to look away from each other.

Neil, having never being very good at keeping quiet, cleared his throat. “Well, this is weird.”

Aaron gave him an exasperated look, but finally seemed to get his brain working again. He shook himself slightly before holding out his hand. “I’m-I’m Aaron.”

The man eyed his hand but didn’t take it. “Andrew,” he offered after a moment.

Aaron’s hand hung in the air a moment longer before falling back down to his side. “Is this some sort of Parent Trap thing?” He asked, sounding on the edge of hysterical.

“I do not know what that is,” Andrew said.

Aaron shoved his hands in his pockets and pulled them out to cross his arms immediately after. “Parent Trap, like the movie? Where the mom raises one kid and the dad the other?”

Andrew gave a single slow blink. “No.”

“Well, something had to have happened, right? I mean, you look just like me.”

Neil caught Andrew swallow. “You’re not adopted.” He didn’t say it like a question, more like an observation. Neil had a very bad feeling, a rattling in the back of his head. He tried to get Aaron’s attention, but he seemed to have forgotten Neil’s very existence.

“What? No, of course I’m not. My mom raised me.”

“She kept you.” Andrew’s face didn’t change, but his voice had fallen completely flat. His gaze flicked briefly over to his car.

“Aaron,” Neil tried to no avail.

“What do you mean she kept me?”

Andrew eyed Aaron and Neil before rolling his shoulders back and holding out his hand. “Give me your phone.”

Aaron’s hand went to his pocket, covering his phone. “What? Why?”

The look Andrew gave him was somehow both utterly bored and could cut to the bone at the same time. “I am not going to spell it out for you.”

It took another moment of hesitation before Aaron handed over his phone, shifting uncomfortably. Andrew only had it for a minute before giving it back, and when Neil glanced at the screen he saw a new contact for Andrew Doe.

#aftg #all for the game #the foxhole court #the raven king #the kings men #andrew minyard #neil josten #aaron minyard #aftg fanfiction #aftg fic wip #para's fics #ask about my wips

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rebelxnation-blog1 · 7 years

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This is MY story and no one can tell it for me bye

I do not love them. I do not care about them, I don’t care about their struggles, their feelings or their success. I don’t care if they die, those are funerals I won’t attend.

Why you ask?

Because they don’t care about me. They don’t love me. They think so little of me. They don’t believe in me, they don’t encourage me, hell, they don’t even speak to me, and I’m supposed to care about them and call them family? Hell to the no. I’ve disowned them. They’re not my family. The only person I call my family is my son.

One thing my narcissistic mother is good at is controlling how other people view me and that’s the main reason why my entire family (Mainly her side) feels the way they do toward me. She tells lies, fabrications, and takes drastic measures to ensure that she is the one portrayed as the victim, and me as bad, crazy, unstable, the initiator, everything that she is. In my case, I’m the scapegoat, my father is an enabler, and my brother was, and more or less still is the golden child.

It took me a really long time to understand my situation. It’s not me, or anything I did wrong but rather that my mother is a covert narcissist and heavily abused me (& still does), mentally, emotionally, and psychologically since I was a very young age. I never knew who I was or what I wanted out of life, I was too busy buried in my depression, sadness, and anxiety feeling like something was wrong with me but I didn’t know what. I didn’t care about anything and I felt like I had no purpose in life. I felt like I did not matter. I tried to seek the love I lacked at home through sex. Then began drug addiction - I finally could feel something good, something fun (temporary). I was trying to make sense of everything that was going on. I had no sense of self. I struggled to fit in in social situations because it’s obvious to the outside world that there’s something off about a child's personality and appearance after having been raised by a narcissistic parent

The most common thing my mom did/does was provoke me. It’s a tactic narcissists use to make you feellike you’re the crazy one. She would provoke me to the point that I would lose my cool so she could ground me, blame me for everything, and use it as an excuse to say that it’s all my fault I’m not allowed to do anything. She wanted me to suffer and always refused to let me do anything that she doesn’t get to do. She had no real logic. She wants me to suffer like she does. I have so many examples of times that this happened but it’s painful to look back on. The stories she will tell you are mostly fabricated.

She doesn’t care about my feelings, she’s proved that time and time again. When I am down, stressed out, angry, or anxious, she will use it as a perfect opportunity to attack me. She doesn’t care when I cry, she doesn’t care when I cut myself, she doesn’t care when I’m angry. She doesn’t care when I’m so overwhelmed by life and everything that I just need a break from taking care of my son. No that’s when she comes at me the hardest. It’s hard to explain because sometimes my brain can’t even grasp what’s happening at the time or the tactics she using against me. It’s a psychological mind fuck. I could give you plenty of examples of times she’s kicked me when I'm already down, but I’m not trying to put so much out there knowing nothing I say will convince any of my family of the truth.

I’m not here saying that I was a perfect daughter who did everything I was supposed to, quite the opposite. The point is, I can admit to everything I’ve done wrong and I grew out of those things but she will always point the finger at someone else and never admit to ANY of her faults. & the majority of things she accuses me of aren’t true of me but are actually true of her (lazy, selfish, hypocritical, to name a few).

She has no empathy, and she doesn’t care what I think or have to say. When I talk to her 85% of the time she outright ignores me as if I’m not even in the room. Like I didn’t just open my mouth and speak to her. When I ask her for her opinion about something (I’ve learned never to ask her for an opinion) she makes a rude comment or remark in an attempt to upset me. Every time I buy something she bitches at me and tells me its a waste of money. When I cook her dinner which is damn near every weeknight, she is so picky about what I can do. “You’re making too many fancy dinners,” “Too many crock pot dinners,” “you’re not cooking dinner enough,” “That doesn’t sound good make something else,” “We just had spaghetti,” “ugh.” Like really? There is no pleasing her and she bitches just to bitch. If the tables were turned and I bitched about something she cooks she would tell me to shut up and eat what I’m served or to make my own dinner, or just don’t eat then. She’s never happy for my success. She’s not happy that I’m doing so well in school, and nothing I do is ever enough. Even if I did everything, it still wouldn’t be enough. I know because I’ve done that and it’s been proven. Anytime I point the truth out to her she runs away from it. Literally, leaves the room and goes and hides in her room.

People might want to argue things like, “She lets you live with her,” or “she bought you a car.” and not exactly. Let’s say that my father had died, she would have never even considered taking me in when I was pregnant. I’d be in Michigan to fend for myself and my son. The sole reason I came back is that my dad actually loves me and cares about me. He makes the majority of the money and ultimately he calls the shots.

I’m sick of people thinking they know anything about me or what I’ve been through, especially my family. I mean really, I’ve done nothing to them to make them feel the way they do about me, it's mostly because my mom smeared my name to the point that they think I'm this awful person and they can’t even say different because actions speak louder than words.

My. Mother. Is. A. Covert. Narcissist.

This is a fact.

I was and still am being abused.

This is also a fact.

Do I care if you believe me or not?

No.

It’s bad enough to have endured all of this abuse so I’m not trying to have it thrown in my face that they don’t believe me. I’m trying to get through it. I have to raise myself all over again because I was raised so shitty. I feel like that plays a huge part in why I’m so far behind. Even though there’s no set timeline, I wish I were better off than I am right now.

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