#she deeply deeply hates being misunderstood or having her words/actions be twisted so she’s like pulling her hair out rn lmao | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

baekberrie · 5 years

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✨w o n d e r s - bbh✨

✨Romance, angst, fluff, Doctor/Hospital AU

✨Baekhyun x Reader

✨One-shot

Arms leaning on the windowsill, an extremely soft and gentle breeze caressed your cheeks, proceeding to rustle nicely through the strands of your hair. Outside, the sun shone ever so brightly, it's vitalizing light gave any trees and plants a more vibrant and lively color. The scenery reflected limpidly on your blank and lifeless eyes.

You had never once in your life thought that you'd be here, in a hospital room, feeling obnoxiously jealous of everyone and anything that was outside these four walls. Compared to your location, there was life outside, no matter where you looked, you'd be met with a different color splashing into the palette of your life. That reality could never compare to the white box you were living in, the white sheets of your hospital bed couldn't even equal to the slightly tickly but soft feel of the healthy, green grass under your skin.

It pained you to think that there was a chance that you'd never get a taste of the fresh scent of nature or more, get to run your fingers across the beige walls of your longed home, tears welled at the corner of your eyes when you wondered whether you'd really never get to step back inside your own house. Teeth dug into your lip, what would it become of you if you were to stay in your room and breath disinfectant for the rest of your life?

The strongest part of you surrendered to this dull destiny that consisted of different nurses and the same doctor coming into your room every day to give you your meals and daily check-ups. But the calm and accepting part of you was slowly starting to suppress under an exploding frustration, the roots intertwining around of your heart were starting to catch fire, burning all of your humble self into ashes, until there was none of it left. While the four white walls consumed you, you felt yourself become more and more of the same, dull material of your depression.

Leaning away from the windowsill, you let your back sink into the clothed mattress, a sigh leaving automatically your lips as if you had been straining yourself by just watching the world outside. It exasperated you. Your medical condition was making you become a whole different person, or at least, that was what it felt like. You had never been so tired, so lifeless. Hence, you remembered yourself as a cheerful person whos favorite thing was to make your friends laugh and smile. But you had no energy left in your bones, there was no will power left inside of you, all you did was sitting, wrapped in those white sheets. It was like someone had ripped a plant off the ground and accidentally gotten the root along too, giving it no chance to ever grow back again. Empty. You felt empty.

You had always thought that it wouldn't be worth it to try to make things different. It wasn't like things were going to get better anyways. People said that smiling would, in the end, heal your hurt soul, and for a while, you believed that. Seeing others give you back that sweet smile of yours, it did help you. It made your heart bloom all over again as if there would be a flower growing out of the snow. You couldn't deny it. And yet, when your conditions started to worsen, the smiles on their faces started to look forced, hurt, sad, until they were nothing but a brokenhearted frown. When things had looked like that, there had no longer been a single muscle in your body that wanted to curl your lips into another forced smile, for that would cut you even deeper.

Letting go of your many thoughts, you brought your gaze around the room, not that you would find anything new, but somehow, those bottled feelings of exasperation and loneliness started to develop into a will of change, a strong, strong urge to do something different, it wouldn't matter whether it'd be bad, wrong or right, you had to do something, and now. For some reason, your eyes landed on a bottle of soap placed next to the water tap. You lifted a cocky brow at the sudden thought that had just passed your mind but didn't refuse it. In a swift movement, your hands had already swung the cover off your legs and your knees were bending over the bed, feet dangling slightly while you lowered them to the ground.

A fresh chill ran down your spine when your toes curled against the cold floor. Your weak ankles wobbled ever so slightly when you dragged yourself over to the sink and successfully grabbed the bottle of soap, your back hung over the metal counter while heavy breaths were escaping your parted lips and you couldn't help but need to take a break even though you had strained yourself so minimally.

After catching your breath you moved on to stand a few centimeters away from the door, casually screwing up the cap of the soap. Without a second thought, you turned the bottle upside down, letting the clear fluid fall onto the gray floor, watching its way of expanding intensely. Then you placed the bottle back on the sink and proceeded back to your bed, the heavy respiration of yours never leaving you until a good amount of minutes. You questioned your actions a few times, it was definitely a bad thing. You shrugged, well, what's done is done.

Half an hour passed quickly thanks to your deep thoughts and imaginations, and by that time you heard how the knob to your door twisted, it was probably a nurse, you were sure of it. You could see the brown, curly head peek from the door as the woman was on her way to step inside. The way her foot flew in the air as soon as she had entered your room surprised you, your eyes grew big with bewilderment. You had totally forgotten about the soap that you had poured on the ground.

The nurse let out a scream of helplessness as she while flinging her arms tried to avoid the fall. Her other leg made a very odd movement that managed to save her and in a miraculous way she regained her balance. Her legs were wide apart in a half crunched position while her hair had gone wildly into every direction. You filled your cheeks with air in order to stop the laugh from erupting from the deepest of your throat. The thought that this happening had probably taken away ten years of her life made you want to burst into laughter. You knew that you had just done something very childish and disrespectful, in fact, on one side you felt guilty for having done that to someone innocent. But at the same time, it felt almost good... Or better, refreshing to have done something naughty, something that you weren't supposed to do. It filled you with a sense of thrill that you couldn't help but love and long more from.

It was something that you hadn't felt for such a long while. It was wrong and mean, but it had given you something more. It had made you feel slightly more alive.

The nurse's face grew fire red within seconds and you saw it written on her face that she wanted to leave. Her eyes grew teary and in hasty movements, she attempted to leave, but not before falling dumbly on her butt. Picking up herself quickly, she slammed the door behind her.

You wondered if she had even understood that it had been your mischevious doing.

✨✨✨

For some reason, you found doing bad things slightly addictive and enjoyable, the first time you pulled a prank on a nurse, you had never expected it to be so fun, neither had you expected yourself to do it again. It had been a very spontaneous thing, but now, you couldn't just help the urge to cause some trouble in that lifeless room of yours. Frankly, you had had enough of the constant seriousness that other people had in your presence, you absolutely hated it.

That's how it started to become a bad habit. Pulling pranks on your nurses and doctor, making them trip or asking them to do the absolute oddest things for your entertainment. You hadn't expected them to do whatever you asked since you had always made sure to ask the most ridiculous things. And yet, you always got what you wanted. It was fun. Though, after only a week, your fun was to be stopped when you got a call from your mother.

She was furious. To say that she scared you was an understatement. Your mother was with no doubt a beautiful, strong and respectable woman, and for that reason, also very scary when needed. The way she had almost turned you deaf when you first pressed the speaker against your ear made you imagine that she had probably heard about all the dumb scenarios you had been pulling on the hospital staff that took care of you. Bracing yourself for the strong hit you let your mother rant about how bad of a person you were being. A little did you thank God that she hadn't been able to come and scold you physically.

"You are despicable! These people are not there to play around! Every day they humbly take care of you and your scarce health and how do you repay them!? With this!?" She paused to take a deep breath, starting her next sentence in a calmer voice, yet you could hear the disappointment dripping from her next words.

"This is not what I taught you, Y/n. I am deeply disappointed that you are humiliating these persons after everything they are doing for you. I hope you think about your actions and remember what respect is." Her words were deep and they cut you inside. You felt frustrated although you had no right to. You knew damn well that you were doing a mistake, that now, there was no nurse or doctor left for you because all of them had been scared off. With such behavior like yours, anyone refused to come. You had brought this upon yourself.

Yes, yes, yes! Your mother was right, she was right about everything she said. And yet you couldn't help but feel the fire of anger erupt within your chest, violent and untamable as if you hadn't deserved to be scolded. For some reason, you felt neglected and misunderstood. She hadn't even asked you the reason behind your actions, she hadn't asked about how you were doing, so she wouldn't understand you, right?!

Nobody did.

Small crystal tears welled in your waterline, a lump forming in your throat as you did your best to not let out the loud sob threatening to erupt from your lips.

You just wanted to live, why didn't anyone try to understand that?

All of a sudden, you heard the doorknob twist, the sudden noises sent your heart into a painful jump, your trembling hands immediately flying to your slightly red eyes, drying them from any possible tear.

Your heartbeat was still racing, crashing violently against your ribs while you watched an unfamiliar man walk inside your hospital room. His pure white gown flew ever so gently behind him as he made his way next to the bed where you were lying in. His silk-like hair was just so outstandingly beautiful, every strand catching the rays of the sun as his bangs fell softly in a half on his forehead. His eyes: soft, almond-shaped chocolate orbs staring onto his informatic papers, giving you a view of the beautiful way that his long eyelashes kissed his cheeks, casting a long shadow on his face in the orange afternoon sun. Skin as fair as moonlight, lips velvet-like peachy cushions.

The young man had done nothing but walk in and had already radiated an aura to which your body had felt drawn to like a magnet. Your gaze wouldn't waver from his beautiful features no matter how much you wanted to, admiring every little detail against your will. Even the way his milky and long fingers wrote something quick on the papers looked so elegant and astonishing. But when he raised his gaze and met yours, you realized how those things weren't anything on how every star of the night sky resided within his eyes, for a mere second you felt as if you had been stargazing.

You quickly sent the thought away, not liking the way your strong feelings of anger had suddenly died down in his presence.

"Is it Miss Trouble Maker we have here?" The man asked although it sounded more like a statement. On his lips played a sweet and friendly smile that you didn't want to give into, his honey voice was just as alluring.

"And who may you be?" Instead of returning his smile, you answered with a grumble and a frown on your face, though, he didn't seem to care about it that much as he dragged a chair next to him so that he could sit closer to you.

"Oh, of course, I'm your new doctor, Byun Baekhyun. Nice to meet you." He introduced himself professionally, offering you his hand to shake. You hesitated for a second, but looking at his beautiful hand you couldn't help but place your slender one in his, just to see if his skin was a smooth and velvety as it seemed to be from afar.

"Why would I need a new doctor?" You questioned, unfamiliar with the current situation as you hadn't been informed about anything.

Doctor Byun flashed another kind smile, though, you caught the glimpse of mischievousness in his eyes as he spoke his next sentence.

"As you may have noticed my dear, you've to say the least, scared or pranked away every one willing to take care of you. But quite not everyone, because I am sitting here." He finished off with a soul healing chuckle that you'd love to replay in your head.

"However, you may not expect me to give in to your little doings, Miss Trouble maker," Baekhyun warned without letting his friendly voice waver at the same time as he offered you a beautiful smile. You felt as if he had just mocked you, and since you had the pride to defend, you turned your face to stare at anything but him. "Whatever." You muttered under your breath, not being able to to find any retort that could break his professional behavior. The doctor nodded contently as he placed his agenda and other seemingly important papers on a desk that he had a nurse bring him, on it laid various medical tools organized neatly just for this occasion.

As if his every movement was one of the most beautiful and mesmerizing dances you'd ever seen, one of those that would put you under a dreamlike spell, you couldn't stop yourself when your eyes gazed at him gently grabbing the stethoscope around his neck to place it in his ears. His eyes met yours from under his lashes and you felt heat paint your cheeks into a deep, scarlet red when you realized that you'd have to lift your shirt for him.

"You may lift your shirt, miss." The sentence was firm and short, and yet, he spoke it with such a velvety voice that you felt your hands stop at the hem of your shirt. You had no reason to feel so conscious, the young man wasn't even eyeing you, he was a doctor, he probably saw millions of different backs every day because of his job. Shaking the silly and shy feeling away, you gave him exposure to your back and chest.

Baekhyun placed the stethoscope mildly on your back, although the metal was ice cold on your skin, though, the thing that gave you shivers was the tiny hint of his warm fingertips meeting your body now and then. Your heart was racing like never before, for some inexplicable reason, and the most embarrassing fact was that he could hear all of it. The doctor removed the stethoscope from his ears and hung it back around his neck after hearing your heartbeat from different angles of your back and chest. So serious, you thought. His eyebrows met each other on his forehead in a concentrated frown as he wrote down the results of your health.

"Your heart seems to be in high spirits today, however, as your past documents recommend aswell, you should strain yourself the less you can, alright?" Heat radiated from your cheeks at the hidden teasing in his words, and yet again, you couldn't find it in you to say anything against him, so you just nodded quietly.

"Perfect, then, today's check-up is over, I'll see you later," Baekhyun announced while gathering his things in his arms as the same nurse from before hurried inside to get the rollable desk she'd bought in for the doctor. Before heading outside he sent you a radiant smile that would easily make the sun look it had no shine, and you remained mesmerized for the hundredth time that day. A part of you tried to convince yourself that you were annoyed at him, while deep down, the words "I'll see you later," made your heartthrob excitedly inside of your chest. You hoped he would true to his words.

✨✨✨

6 PM, the usual color of the sky was now fading behind the sun set's luminous orange and hot pink brushstrokes that melted into the soft, soft clouds. The sun was peeking ever so slightly on the line of the horizon, you started it calmly while thinking that perhaps, these past few days with the new doctor hadn't been bad at all. You quite enjoyed his company even though it would mostly be for short moments. It made you think that perhaps, there weren't only bad things to happen in this painful living of yours.

To your surprise, the door opened and the person who had just been in your thoughts appeared from behind it, it was your dinner time, rightfully so, he brought with him the last meal of your day. You guessed how this was one of the last things on his schedule, judging from the way his hair was messed up in a way that screamed 'I had a long day.' The wrinkles on his blue suit told you he hadn't been sitting down for a second the whole day. Your teeth dug deeply into your lower lip to try to suppress away the smile that would give away the fact that you were happy to have him there.

Baekhyun placed the tray with your food on the table by your bed gently, yet you could see the hurry in his movements as well as the small crystals of sweat forming on his temples.

"There you go, have a good meal." He said shortly before he had even finished pronouncing the words, he had already turned around to leave. Yet you surprised yourself by grabbing the hem of his gown, making him halt in his steps. Baekhyun gazed at you with a slightly confused expression. For a moment your mind turned blank and the blood in your body heated up, threatening to reach your cheeks. However, you successfully covered the nervousness up by innocently cocking your head to the side.

"Do you still have much left on your schedule?" Somehow, the words seemed to strike some sort of realization in Baekhyun and he proceeded to turn his body to your direction, scratching slightly his nape.

"Ah no, I've been in a hurry the whole day, I guess it ended up getting to me." He admitted tiredly, the fading light of the sun enhanced his exhausted features. You didn't know where the courage came from, but you suddenly felt a sudden confidence buzz within your veins as you asked him: "Then, why don't you have a seat?" Baekhyun seemed a little bewildered by your offer but that surprised disappeared soon as his eyes softened sweetly and his lips curled into a gentle smile.

"I guess it wouldn't hurt." He accepted, dragging the usual chair he'd always use on his check-ups with you next to your bed, facing the big window and immediately getting lost in the colorful painting that was the evening sky, falling into a peaceful silence. From the corner of your eye, you stole a glance at his profile, only to feel your breath hitch away at the beauty of the way that the sky's colors reflected on his perfect and milky skin, you were mesmerized, his long eyelashes glittered in the light and his relaxed expression set a relief to your chest that you had never expected to ever feel.

"I heard that you pulled another prank today." Baekhyun broke the silence and simultaneously woke you up from the infinite daze he had pulled you in. Now, he was looking at you instead, the intensity in his gaze made you feel minuscule in your seat and the slight disappointment mixed with anger visible in his expression made you feel embarrassed and ashamed like never before. Your hands clamped together in your lap while teeth dug nervously into your lip, your hair was like a curtain that gently covered your troubled expression. For some reason, you'd never care whenever someone scolded you about your bad doings, but when Baekhyun brought up the topic you'd always wish he'd just go away, you wished he wouldn't have to see your face washed with shame.

Your sweaty hand clasped around your forearm as you turned your head in his opposite direction, murmuring lowly under your breath, "Yeah. What about it?"

He frowned at the sudden cold shoulder that you were giving him but didn't take it personally. A sigh left his lips as he faced you with his body and although you were still refusing to answer his gaze, he kept looking at you, as if he was trying to figure you out, your reasons, or simply understand what went through your head. Even if you weren't looking at him, you felt his gaze burn into your skin, heat gathered on your pale cheeks as you felt completely immobile in your spot, afraid to turn and look at him, afraid to have your heart explode, to have it turn into something new. Baekhyun's eyes softened upon your stubbornness.

"What makes you act like that? Your condition is poor, why would you use such important energy to do something unnecessary?" Within his velvet-like voice danced sincere emotions of confusion and frustration, like he couldn't understand why you would do such things no matter how hard he tried. Like he hated seeing a patient become self-destructive.

A strong part of you refused to open up, but there was something even bigger within you that wanted him to comfort you, a will to get closer to the young man that pushed your lips open until delicate, hurt feelings manifested through your voice.

The sun had by now gone down, leaving as a light source only the pearl white moonlight, your meal laid untouched where Baekhyun had placed it.

"I- I, It's like I'm dead, every day, although I breathe, although I eat and drink, I'm dead. I'm alive, but I am not living. And...And I just tired of it? Okay?" The more you spoke, the more your of your bottled up feelings spilled out and Baekhyun watched you carefully, taking in every expression, every word that you spoke, and movement that you made and treasured them.

"Pranking others, I know it's bad and that I could easily not waste that energy. I'm probably going to come off as silly but... When I do it, at least people don't look at me as if I'm a dying person, they look at me as if I am something more, even though it's not in a good way, even though they're thinking I'm no more than a brat, those hateful glances, they give me way more life and thrill to see them again, than a painful expression of someone I know, that they're pitying me." Your voice trembled along with your words, it wasn't easy to say this, a little were you ashamed of your doings and you were afraid that your reasons were going to make you look like a fool in front of Baekhyun.

Unexpectedly, you felt a pair of soft fingertips wrap ever so gently around yours, followed by a warm palm covering now your whole hand. Your eyes flew to Baekhyun's as you watched him in pure surprise. Something bloomed in your chest, you didn't know what, but you knew that in that dark pit that was inside of you was suddenly enlightened by a little seed of hope that had with his touch bloomed into a beautiful flower, it's beautiful, soft petals tickled your chest and butterflies fluttered their wings inside your belly.

Baekhyun's eyes reflected the night sky and its millions of sparkling suns and you felt yourself fall deep into his determined orbs.

"Then I will help you live again, I promise. Besides, you need to try and stop cause trouble. I will let you do anything you want, is it going outside, or receive certain meals, I will let it happen, but you have to cooperate with me, what do you say?

His intense gaze never moved from your now eyes that trembled with small diamonds of tears that crystalized into your eyelashes.

You weren't sad. Those had been a pair of words that nobody had ever spoken to you. And the way they gave your heart life again, it could never be compared to what pranking gave to you.

"Okay." You breathed, and for the first time in years, you felt something that wasn't the smell of disinfectant, but a refreshing scent of wood and musk together with roses, that filled your senses and seeped into your skin together with the warmth of his hand upon yours.

✨✨✨

After that late-night talk with Baekhyun by the moonlight, pranking and causing trouble had quickly lost the appetizing feel that it gave you, what had caused it was a little thought that you liked to bury within the deepest corners of your mind, however, no matter how much you tried to ignore it, it would always bubble up and you couldn't stop that.

You didn't want him to see you as a childish trouble maker.

Nevertheless, you still hadn't completely let go of of the bad habits, such as disobeying and doing things that weren't the best for your health. Originally, you weren't allowed to step outside of your own, the poor condition that your bones were in didn't permit you to walk that far. However, you had started to feel way more energetic than you had ever done in a few years, and you felt like a small walk in the hospital's garden wouldn't lead to you dying, so it should be fine; you thought. Although you continuously tried to deny it, you knew that this sudden strength in you had come thanks to a certain doctor stepping into your life, stirring up within you a certain curiosity, a reason to continue waking up the mornings, to experience the daily check-ups that you had secretly started to long for so much every day.

With his soft voice and gentle smiles, with his way of talking to you familiarly, as if he'd known you longer than you had. The first meet had been very professional, however, through the weeks he kept coming closer, deeper into your mind and without knowing you had almost given away any burden and thought that weight on your chest. It had been stronger than you, his way of listening so intently, his way of always having something relieving to say, something to make your heart feel lighter, made you want to tell him everything about you, just so that his lips could continue speaking words solely dedicated to you and your blooming heart.

Feeling the fresh afternoon wind caress your delicate strawberry red cheeks spread a wide smile on your lips as you inhaled deeply the cool air into your lungs, you let your gaze wander on the immense sky, loving the way it was starting to slowly turn into a soft pink.

A sudden clearing of throat interrupted your peaceful thoughts and you felt your heart almost jump out of your chest when you realized that your little escapade had just been busted, for a second you felt as if your feet had been glued onto the ground, body iced and rigid, until the person behind you spoke: "What in the world are you doing out here?" Your shoulders visibly relaxed at the familiar voice and you weren't afraid to face your doctor you were pretty happy to get to see him, on the other hand, he didn't seem happy to see you here himself. Baekhyun was standing just a few meters behind you with his arms crossed over his chest. His heavy breathing and flushed cheeks told you that he had been running, looking for you. Eyebrows met each other into a frown on his forehead and he looked, to say the least, agitated.

In a matter of seconds, he had already started walking closer, the anger radiated from every inch of his body with his hands balled into tight fists, and not to mention the loud and intimidating steps he was taking towards you.

"You!" He started but eventually cut himself off, as if he didn't know where to start his scolding. Although he was angry, you couldn't help but love the sweet flutter in your heart that tickled your chest from inside, the intense gaze that his worried eyes had locked you in, you loved it all, but what he was going to say next, those were words that you were going to love even more.

"You weren't in your room and I got so worried and scared, where in the world have you been?! I've searched through the whole hospital like an- like I don't know what! We're going back this instant little Lady." At the end of his speech, Baekhyun had with great forced grabbed your hand to take you back to the hospital room, however, before he had been able to take a step you had already tugged your arm back, causing him to stop in his tracks and look at you with wonder and frustration.

"I was hoping I could go to the rooftop...Well, it wouldn't be bad if you tagged along too...Obviously." You murmured, the shy words brushing over your lips in a whisper, and Baekhyun couldn't help but let his heart soften at the view. He sighed defeated as he changed direction to where you had asked.

"Y/n, I know I said I would let you step out of the hospital but you know you have to be with a nurse during those times! What if something happened to you? I don't want to know what it would be of you if your condition suddenly worsened when I or someone with knowledge wouldn't be around, do you understand how dangerous it is for you to go alone? I am saying this for your well being. Why can't you just do what I tell you?" Baekhyun sounded more than just exasperated, tired of telling you the same things over and over again. You knew as well as Baekhyun how things could go if you strained yourself too much, your tachycardia wasn't a joke. You felt a tiny flash of guilt bite at your chest when you realized the seriousness of your actions, slowly having fear consuming you too, it grew bigger by every second without you being able to stop it.

"I am sorry, Doctor Byun. I won't do that again." By the time, the two of you had already reached the rooftop. Baekhyun was facing you with his back as he looked at the enlightened miniatures of the city visible from behind the railing, but your words made him turn around. You didn't dare to look at him in the eyes, there were millions of thoughts running as fast as ever through your mind, telling you that you were such an immature person for not taking your illness seriously. That Baekhyun would never accept someone who doesn't know how to value their own life after he's been doing everything to make them better. Your right hand was tightly clasped on your left forearm as you cast your eyes anywhere but at him.

"I've been careless and I am really sorry, please don't be mad at me Doctor Byun."

"Hey, hey," His voice came from above your head, his shadow cast upon you as he spoke with a tone that you had never heard him use with you before. His voice was thin and careful, a delicate whisper to make sure that he wouldn't hurt your fragile feelings. His warm hand spread on your shoulder before disappearing, just to a second later, land on your soft hair.

"I don't scold you every day because I like being mad at you or because I want you to feel bad about yourself. But because I want you to realize that your life is important and there are are a lot of people who worry about you. I included. And if you do those things like sneak out, you will make me and many other people worried" All you could do was a nod at his words, he looked content with the simple answer as he graced you with a reassuring smile, one of those radiating smiles that showed his pearly white teeth, one of those smiles that felt fresher than the crisp morning breeze. The smile that made your breath hitch inside of your throat.

"Come watch the scenery, it's really outstanding today." Baekhyun encouraged you to stand next to him by the railing, in fact, he couldn't be more right. The orange sun was disappearing behind the eventful city who had dancing lights anywhere you'd look, its tiny shape resembled the starts of the sky from where you were watching.

"Doctor Byun?"

"Yeah?"

"Do you have something in your life that makes you do things that are unlike you?" It was a sudden question, but all the thinking about your actions, about how much you had changed by doing these bad things in the span of a few days, it made you wonder if Baekhyun also had something in his life that made him different. He remained silent for a good moment before answering, his gaze attached to the view that reflected so clearly in his glass orbs.

"I guess I do, in its way, it does affect me." He finally said, the answer was so distant and abstract that you couldn't hold it when you asked him about it.

"Really? In what way?" Baekhyun's lips curled into a slightly painful, yet sweet smile.

"Well you know, there is something very important in my life right now, something that I want to face, though, its sole thought is taking away all of my courage, really, like never before. I've never felt so vulnerable in front of a situation my whole life." A little laugh followed his words, it was the most insecure laugh you had ever heard and although you couldn't be happier that he had just opened up to you, you couldn't help but worry about the slight pain that flashed through his eyes when he spoke about it. You couldn't accept all the insecurity that had radiated from him, Baekhyun that in your eyes was someone so worthy of anything he'd desire, him who was so kind and caring, him who was an angel. You couldn't stand to watch him lose to his self-doubt.

"Doctor Byun!" You called, gaining his gaze that had been on the scenery until now. His startled, worried orbs trembled when he snapped his face into your direction. Your index finger pointed at him as you felt determination buzz like electricity through your blood, through your veins, blue and red flames suddenly flashing in your deep oceans.

Look at me.

Hear me out, listen carefully.

Look at me,

watch me sparkle with life.

"Doctor Byun, you're not allowed to make that face! Do you hear me?" You made sure to yell out the words, although he would've heard you perfectly even if you hadn't, that wasn't the point. You didn't want him to only hear them, you wanted them to shake his heart.

"I believe that all of us has to at one point face the thing that will change our whole life, our world. It's okay to be scared, it's normal to be. We all love it when things don't change, because we're afraid of it, of developing. However, you shouldn't let your insecurities bring you down Doctor Byun, I won't forgive it if you do that. You've done so many amazing things! You've healed people, you've saved lives, you've saved mine...You made me live again, and if you don't value how amazing you are, then you're being a fool! Even if you're scared, you will face it, and you will succeed, I'm sure." Your words seemed to soften a spot inside of his heart as he gave you a heartbroken smile.

"How are you so sure?" His voice broke the slightest while he let the disbelieving words roll off his tongue, however, it wouldn't lessen the burning blaze that had erupted within you. You took a big step towards him.

"Because you did with me. You took me, a person who had just given up on living, and shook up the desire to continue waking up day after day. I was a lost cause before you came, but here I am, on my own feet and using all of my precious energy to tell you that tomorrow you will go to whatever you are supposed to face, and you will come back with a victory in your hands. I who have lost every hope is now believing in you, so you should too. There's no way someone like you can't make it." Your chest heaved visibly as breaths left your lips quickly one after another, sweat drops sliding slowly down your chin as you spoke out your heart out to the man in front of you. Baekhyun looked shaken and taken aback by your sudden burst, he hadn't seen that coming. But before you knew it, his eyes had become crescent, shining moons and a hearty laugh bubbled from the deepest of his chest.

"Whaat, what is this all about? You act like a delinquent, but you're actually a little angel." His hand landed once again on the crown of your hand, caressing your hair, a movement in which you felt an enormous amount of affection radiate from. A touch that had caused your heart to blissfully tremble with fully bloomed feelings of love. You couldn't help the little squeeze in your chest when the doctor scrunched up his nose in the most adorable way ever before curling his mouth upwards.

"Thank you," He then spoke under his breath as he let his hand slid down your head, only for it to fall next to his side. When he met your eyes, the pained expression that had been shading his features was now gone, replaced by a delicate and fragile smile, "Thank you Y/n, a part of me won't admit it, but I really needed those words." Your feelings couldn't be expressed in any other way than through the brightest smile that was curling on your lips, in fact; the brightest smile you had ever mustered, just for him, just so that his heart would feel as light as yours when he'd be in your presence.

"Of course-" Way through your response you felt your breath suddenly hitch inside your throat as a sharp pain took place in your head, feeling your ankles struggle to hold up the weight of your body. With the world spinning violently for short seconds that felt like painfully slow minutes, not knowing whether your heart was stopping or throbbing by the fear. Your mind completely lost the grasp around what was happening. You felt two strong hands take hold of your shoulders before you could fall, the moment his hands came in contact with you it felt as if everything started falling right into place again. Your arms automatically circled around his shoulders as your chest heaved heavily, startling breaths, fingers clutching his gown into fists, the sensation of falling creeping up your legs all over again.

"Hey, hey, It's alright so let's calm down." Baekhyun's voice came as a murmur in your ear as he caressed ever so gently your back, the warmth of his fingertips trespassing the texture of your shirt, his soft movements had a calming effect on your frantic heart. Baekhyun's lips were parted as he breathed slowly and loudly for you to follow, and bit by bit you were able to steady your breath to the rhythm of his. Although you were able to quickly gather yourself back together, the seriousness of the situation started to kick in for you, and you felt your insides squirm by the fear, strong anxiety suddenly engulfing your heart like fingers clenching around it until it throbbed. Baekhyun was just about to ease your hold around him but on reflex, your hold tightened before you could think through your actions. In his embrace, there wasn't a single bit of you that didn't feel safe, with his comforting hands running comfortingly down your back, with his fresh scent that put your mind to ease. The thought about having to let go, to have your legs almost give out again, it scared you

"Y/n." Baekhyun called, "We need to get you inside, come on, I will support you." He encouraged, knowing that if you'd stay outside and strained yourself, even more, the situation might turn into something worse than a sudden moment of unconsiousness. Your trembling grip made him feel fearful and worried himself, but he had to suppress it deep down, for you. His arms slowly left your shoulders and in a swift moment, the panic was already taking over you, wide and teary eyes following frantically his movements while your hands clung harder onto him for desperate safeness.

"No please, please don't let go of me, I'm going to fall-" Your voice felt like thick syrup in your throat as it struggled to come out, although your feet were standing fine on the ground, the fear of your body falling under them, just for your legs to never work again, you couldn't even find it in yourself to imagine what your life would become like if it were to happen to you.

Baekhyun's hands cupped your cheeks, bringing your confused orbs to stare into his own.

"Look at me now, breathe," He ordered, voice steady and loud so that he could reach you through the panicked state you were trapped into, you did as he said. "I'm going to get you back to your room, so don't worry, you're not going to fall. You're perfectly fine, you just need rest, okay?" The touch of his warm palms spread on each side of your face made it easier for you to reason, and so, with heavy breaths still escaping your lips, you nodded.

With a stronghold of your shoulders, he brought you back to your hospital room, where you were destined to rest for longer than you'd ever wish.

✨✨✨

Morning made itself present through the sun rays that shone so warmly through the curtains, the soft singing of the birds tingled your ears pleasingly. Hours had already past since you had woke up and your usual breakfast laid untouched on the table next to your bed. The only thing you had managed to force down your throat had been the steaming hot black currant tea they'd always serve you. Lately, the appetite you had in the morning was nowhere in you and you felt your strength leave you bit by bit, day by day, to the point where eating breakfast was almost too much of an effort. It was almost a physical feeling when the energy fell through the crack of your hands like sand. Your arms felt weak and so did the rest of your body. It had been almost two weeks since the time on the rooftop, although Baekhyun had said that you were going to be fine, your condition worsened in the blink of an eye. A part of you wondered whether your time was starting to reach its end, but you didn't want that to happen, you didn't want to believe a fear that wasn't a possibility for you just yet, however, the thought was bound to cross your mind.

At the usual time of the day, the doorknob twisted and a rather, unusually happy, Baekhyun peeked behind it, his crescent moons shining as you'd never seen them do before. After closing the door behind him, he sang you a good morning and sat in front of you where he'd always do.

You hated how everything around you became more and more beautiful, more lively, while anything you had left in you seeped out as if it was being sucked out of your soul, leaving you pale and strengthless. Specially Baekhyun, who's smile became more radiant day by day, making you feel alive yet more distant from him than ever. As if he'd be the epitome of life and you the death.

"Did something great happen? You look like you're in an excellent mood today, doctor Byun." You questioned not being able to stop your smile upon seeing his beam that reached his ears. Baekhyun was always cheerful, but to see him in such high spirits today, it had to be because of something. You hadn't imagined that his smile could've gotten wider, but it did at the question that you shot him. He was shining so brightly, so beautifully so, that he looked younger today. It was as if the sun was locked up in his smile, and every time his lips would curl, you felt your heart bloom blissfully.

"Yeah, something really great happened, and honestly, I owe it to you," Baekhyun admit as he grabbed the stethoscope and placed the earplugs in his ears. "If wasn't for what you told me on the rooftop, I probably would never have found the courage to do what I did."

"I'm glad I could help." You smiled sincerely, from the earnest of your heart.

Baekhyun gestured for you to lift your shirt, however, you gave him a troubled smile, knowing that with the little strength you found yourself with, the shirt would be up tomorrow.

Heat rose up to your cheeks as your eyelashes cast a sweet shadow down the apples of your cheeks, "Could you help me with that?" You asked shyly, not knowing where to put your gaze since looking at him felt too bold. Baekhyun's eyes widened with a slight surprise, yet, he was fast to react and gently grasped the hem of your shirt, lifting it ever so slowly, the soft fabric tickled on your skin when it barely flickered your back, though it was nothing compared to the cold ring of Baekhyun's stethoscope and the shudders it sent down your spine.

"Are you going to tell me what that big smile was all about?" You reminded him playfully while he casually moved the ring to different spots on your back to get a good hear of your heartbeat.

"Right!" He chuckled but quickly cleared his throat, as if what he was about to say was indeed something very big and important for him, for his life.

"I proposed to my girlfriend, and she graced me with a yes. The reason I was so afraid to do it was because we've been in a bad period, however, what you told me helped me see through that and I could finally ask her to make me the happiest man. Well, I feel like I've been floating on cloud nine ever since."

Proposed?

What?

For a whole moment you forgot how to breathe, your throat suddenly going dry as a lump closed up any room for air. The sharp pain that pierced your heart wasn't comparable to anything but bullets burning through your flesh.

You wondered if he heard the crack that broke your heart through that stethoscope of his, you wondered if he had never seen the love for him that your eyes carried whenever you'd look at him.

Somehow, you managed to make the choked up cry that left your throat sound more or less like a laugh, stretching your lips into that smile that he deserved to receive, even if hurt you more than you could have ever imagined, even if you had no will in you to even congratulate him. He deserved it, he was the most amazing person you knew, he was the person you loved. And he deserved to feel loved like he was now.

"That... That is fantastic! I am so happy for you Doctor Byun," You smiled as brightly as you could when you faced him only to have confusion fill you when you saw that Baekhyun wasn't returning the smile, not anymore, he couldn't just do that when there were tears running down your cheeks, tears that you hadn't even noticed had been gathering in your eyes.

"Y/n why are you-"

"Oh my, It's nothing, I'm just really touched and happy for you, Doctor, I wish you a happy continuation." Your hands flew immediately to your now tear-stained cheeks, wiping away the drops that wouldn't stop falling.

It's a lie.

It's not nothing. I'm dying inside.

You didn't know if what you said was believable or if you had been able to hide the pain from your face when those sorrowful tears were everything he could see. You wondered if he saw through you, you wondered if the fact that you were crying hurt him. Because if it did, that would have been another reason for your heart to keep falling apart as it was doing.

Baekhyun put aside the stethoscope on the table and dragged the chair slightly closer to your bed, the action made you anxious.

"Are you eating enough? Y/n, you look so tired, tell me, have you been sleeping well?" The topic was completely set aside with this, and the fact that all of the attention had been set on you made you feel humbled, you didn't know how to act.

"I've been feeling too tired to eat, and the nights are painful. I have aches and I can't sleep." You decided that you would only act and speak honestly, there wasn't much for you to do. Baekhyun looked mortified by your words as if the fact that you were suffering hurt him too. His eyes wandered over your features, taking in the signs of your pains, the pale skin, the dark rings under your eyes.

"If you don't eat, your condition won't improve, I know it's hard for you, but you have to keep taking care of yourself, you have to fight."

"I'll help you through it. I have your back."

His kindness was like a weak plaster on the broken parts of your heart, they healed your pain caused by his very words. But the fact that you hadn't been the one who got to treasure his heart, it made it fall apart all over again. It was as if the plaster had never been there.

I love you.

Being in love is beautiful.

But then why is it tearing my heart and soul apart?

You gave me life, you made me bloom.

Now I feel like I'm no more than a withering rose. My petals are falling.

If I don't have you, I have nothing left.

✨✨✨

five hours had already passed from the daily check-up with Baekhyun, the sky outside was starting to darken, and all you had been able to do was curl into a ball under the covers while the guilt ate you up alive. Your heart was throbbing painfully while for the hundredth time cussed yourself. How could you have started crying in front of him after he told you such beautiful news? He must have felt horrible. Making him feel bad had been the last thing you had wanted to do, and there you were, nailing it perfectly. A hopeful part of you wished that it hadn't been obvious, that your heart had broken into pieces. You hoped that Baekhyun wasn't smart enough to figure out the real reason behind your tears.

You eyed Baekhyun's stethoscope that he had left on the table by mistake, the past situation hadn't been the easiest to deal with, you'd understand if his thoughts also got scattered. With his many patients that he had to take care of, plus you who randomly starts crying in his face. It had never crossed your mind before- how much Baekhyun must have upon his shoulders, the health of hundredth of people, the care for his loved ones, the problems with his fiancé. Only at that moment, you realized how much of an egoist you were. Up until now, you had done nothing but care about your feelings, your love for Baekhyun, the way Baekhyun made you feel, more than Baekhyun himself. You realized that you probably didn't deserve his heart, that whoever was holding onto it, that person was more worthy than you and probably loved by Baekhyun for a reason.

A shaky sigh escaped your lips as you decided that you would do something better than to sulk in bed. In the least painful way you could find, you sat up from your laying position and let your legs fall from the side of the bed, your feet met directly with the fabric of the soft slippers, a rush of cold air gushed over your thighs when your fragile hands pried the covers away. Grabbing the stethoscope from the table, you made your way to the door. It had taken you five great hours to realize it, but probably, if you loved Baekhyun as much as you implied you did, then you owed him an apology for your tears. If you loved him, if this killing pain that stabbed your chest at the thought of having lost him before you had even been able to have him, if it was truly about love, then you should have remembered that love is not only about yourself, it's about both of you. It's about giving, indeed, what had you ever given him apart from an encouraging speech? Nothing yet.

So perhaps, it was time for you to start giving him your feelings, your smiles, and your heart. Although he loved someone else, he was the one who made you feel like your heart was still beating, like there was still blood running through your veins. He deserved your support.

With small and unsteady steps, you made your way through the now rather dark corridor of the hospital. It was in the early night, in other words, it was past every patient's bedtime. The only sources of light were the occasional emergency lamps by the doors as you squinted your eyes to make out anything in the little light that you found yourself with. There was a chance that by now, your doctor had indeed already headed home, but you figured it would be okay even if you just put what he had forgotten on his desk. The stethoscope dangled loosely between your fingertips. You had no idea of how long you had been wandering and slight dizziness was starting to tingle in your head. Nevertheless, you forced yourself to ignore the unpleasant feeling for you were positive that you had almost reached your destination. The corridor you were walking through was way more enlightened, semi-opened staff rooms from where warm lights peeked from the door opening, the soft murmurs hearable from where you were standing gave you relief in the heart. Although you had gone through those corridors so many times, the darkness of the night never failed to make them look as unsettling as ever.

Baekhyun's chuckle echoed from the walls of his staff room and the sound left you with a soft expression on your face, knowing that he was having a great time although he was probably exhausted after a long day made you genuinely happy for his sake.

A groan pushed through your lips when the dizziness from before turned into a penetrating pain that reached your vision, blurring anything that you had been able to see, any sound, including Baekhyun's comforting voice, the fact made the air disappear from your lungs as you with desperate movements tried to find the wall with your hands, however, before you knew it, the floor vanished from under your feet while all you could see was pitch black. Your heart crashed violently against your ribs in pure fear. All you could feel was your body slump together on the ground while you tried to take control of the situation and started inhaling deeply, slowly making your vision turn from black to smudged colors- until every shape and light fell into place again. Your heart was still drumming loudly in your ears as you looked around only to feel extremely comforted to see the same corridor as a minute ago.

Placing your hands on either body you tried to push yourself up again, it was being harder than you had thought, with a frustrated frown you tried giving a stronger push with your elbows, but your legs just wouldn't budge. Cold sweat started forming on your skin, dripping down your chin as you felt your arms tremble in weakness.

"Come on," You hissed at yourself, gripping your thighs for support only to have your heart stop beating completely inside of your chest before falling within the deepest pit of your stomach.

No this couldn't be happening to you.

Your lips quivered as tears glassed your view while you traced your shaking hand up from your thigh down to your ankle. Breaths were leaving your lips in panicked puffs the farther you slid your hands over your skin.

Nothing, you felt nothing.

"No," You cried, forcefully grabbing your thighs, digging your nails deep within your skin, hoping that your legs would magically start working again, wishing that you would feel the pain of your fingers pressing on your flesh.

"Please! Stand up, damn it!" You yelled, forgetting about the place you were in, hands balling into fists as you started directing them with all your force on your lower body, watching your legs get punched by your fists with wide, crazy eyes, not feeling a single thing. Salty tears prickled down onto your hospital gown as you couldn't stop the frustrated shriek that erupted from the deepest of your throat, echoing against the dark walls.

"Why aren't you working," You sobbed under your breath, losing strength in your arms, but continued to smash them against your thighs. Doctors were rushing out of their staff rooms, worried murmurs taking over the silence that was there before you screamed.

Baekhyun who had recognized the voice of the scream had been the first one to sprint out of his office, seeing you just a few meters away, throwing your hands at your legs made him feel confused as much as he felt a wave of worry crash into him, the intensity of the feeling made his heartthrob painfully into his chest and before he knew it, his feet had already moved on to where you were. As fast as he could he precipitated himself in front of you, knees bumping into yours as he forcefully grabbed your wrists to stop you from hurting yourself any further.

"Hey, what's wrong? What's going on?" Baekhyun hadn't been able to help himself when his questions came out as yells, but your mind was in a daze, nothing that was happening around you seemed to make sense, it was all an entire blur. The sounds were distant noises that you couldn't make out. The only thing you could think about was to continue taking the gasps for air before it would completely disappear from your lungs.

"Please, calm down-" Baekhyun tried although he knew that it would be futile, nevertheless, he continued trying to get you back to your senses, he wouldn't just give up on you like that, he had never seen it coming but seeing you in such a vulnerable state, with tears of fear that streamed down your pale cheeks and your lips gasping for air, it broke his heart and he would never forgive himself if he wouldn't be the one to take care of you. Whatever was wrong he was going to fix it.

Baekhyun's hands found your cheeks, his palms embracing the coolness of your skin, your face fitting perfectly in his delicate hold. His fingertips sent small waves of warmth down your body and you could feel your heartbeat starting to calm down, the white noise of your name being called suddenly started to become clearer. Your eyes blinked a few times before finally focusing on the man in front of you. Baekhyun's eyes were filled with worry and fear, it took you a while to realize that it was him who had been calling for you all of this time, that it was his hands that held you ever so gently as if you were as frail as the petals of a little flower.

"Doctor Byun-" You breathed out, feeling an enormous relief wash over you, your heart swelled at the view of his angelic face, as if his sole presence was your only salvation. Before you were to say another word, you found yourself facing his very chest as his slightly trembling arms held you tightly. You heard him sigh in relief, the warm air of his breath fanned the skin of your neck. There were too many thoughts, feelings swirling around your head, but Baekhyun's embrace was too comforting to try and sort out your thoughts, it was too warm to not give into. And so you let yourself succumb to his warmth and relaxed against his body, all the exhaustion caused by your actions was starting to get to you, your eyes slowly closing as you let slumber take over.

✨✨✨

Just like the past mornings, you found yourself staring tiredly up at the ceiling, eyelids heavy that longed for nothing but unlimited hours of sleep. But your body was restless, there were just too many scars that kept you awake. Although they were invisible, they still hurt, and the pain was stronger than what it used to be. The clock on the wall ticked almost seven in the morning and you sighed at the thought of another day spent in your hospital bed. It was hard to accept, but your legs weren't functioning as they did once. While you could not feel a single thing in them, many hours of your days were spent staring at your legs, desperately trying to remember what it felt like to feel them, to have them carry you anywhere.

The twist of the doorknob resounded loudly in the walls of your room, breaking the silence. Knowing it was another breakfast that you had no intention of forcing down your throat, you didn't bother to acknowledge whoever was serving it. Oddly enough, once the nurse had placed the meal at its usual place, you heard their footsteps coming closer over to your bed. With a frown on your face, you were to be surprised when two familiar eyes looked down on you from above.

"Doctor...?" As soon as you spoke, the confused tone in your voice made him chuckle sweetly.

"Good morning miss," He sang cheerily, you wondered where he could find that liveliness this early in the morning. "Guss who's feeding you breakfast?" Baekhyun said as he settled himself on a chair next to your bed, you gave him two raised brows as you sat up into a position that would give you the possibility to see him better.

"Feed?" You mumbled in confusion, Baekhyun only gave you a playful smile and stabbed a piece of scrambled eggs on the plate, directing it in your direction. You gently pushed his hand away, nuh huh, you thought.

"Don't be picky, this is good for you, besides, you haven't been eating well for a long time, it's time to fix that bad habit, little lady." Baekhyun stubbornly insisted and shoved the fork into your mouth before you could protest in any way. Your cheeks heated up while you forced yourself to chew and eventually swallow.

"Doctor Byun... It's a bit embarrassing." You murmured under your breath, feeling how your cheeks became even warmer, Baekhyun watched your cheeks become apple red and he softened at the view, placing the fork back next to the plate, proceeding to look at you deep in the eyes. His dark orbs held within them a pleading, they were begging you to give in to his words.

"Then, will you please eat?" You could hear it that he begged this because he wanted you to get better, his velvet-like voice and shimmering stars in his night sky-like eyes were enough for you to say yes against your will, you didn't want to see him look at you with desperate worry ever again. Ever since that time, you had promised yourself to worry Baekhyun as little as you could. So although eating was a hard effort, you gave into the look on his face and placed another fork of eggs in your mouth. A grateful smile tugged at his peachy lips, his eyes crinkling into crescent moons as he from that day assisted you into every meal of the day, to make sure that you wouldn't miss any chance for nutrition.

✨✨✨

A grin was plastered on your face and your heartbeat felt stronger than it had ever been, it was just eight in the morning and you would never have expected it but these past months, you had continuously found yourself waking up in the best of moods, and there hadn't been anything that could ruin it. You were proud of yourself as you had now, thanks to Baekhyun's help and efforts, started to make eating healthily a habit. Truly, you couldn't believe that you had ever resented eating in such a strong way, it made you feel stronger and full of energies, only now you could understand why Baekhyun had made such a big fuss about it. You were thankful to him for never giving up on you although you weren't easy to deal with. Now you didn't need your doctor to watch you eat anymore, because you had learned to be good to yourself, and did your best to become healthier.

For ten minutes straight you hadn't been able to do anything but steal glances at the clock, wondering when Baekhyun would be coming for his daily check-up, he was unexpectedly late, which he usually never was. The thought of seeing him made your heartbeat fasten in such a sweet way that you were sure your heart was pumping honey and sugar instead of blood. In other words, you couldn't wait to see his smile direct at you, brightening your day as the sun would never be able to do.

Half an hour past your check-up time the door finally opened, your smile immediately made its way on your face all over again, and a giddy feeling took over your chest, excitement buzzing through your body like electricity. However, your smile quickly died down at the view. Your doctor who would always present himself in a bright beam seemed to be long gone, to say the least, it felt as if there was a rainy cloud upon his head. In a second, your hopes for a nice day were suddenly crushed by the depressing aura that surrounded him. When you eyed the state he was in, your eyebrows met each other in the middle of your face upon seeing how his hair was uncombed into an untameable mess, his eyes blank yet dark and swollen, his orbs that always used to contain stars within them were now just a black, lifeless pit. His skin seemed no longer milky and smooth but lifeless and pale. Fingers tightened around your heart.

No words were exchanged as he quietly went to his seat and you speechlessly watched him.

Was that even the same person the came to feed you breakfast just a couple of weeks ago?

Your heart broke at the feeling of his ice-cold fingertips gracing your back as he moved the stethoscope over your back. The beaten condition that he had stepped in your room made you feel as if his mind was somewhere distant, somewhere you'd never be allowed to reach, he was unreachable. You wanted no more than to ask him what was wrong, but a part of you feared that the tiniest word would be able to break him.

Once he was done, he started writing down the results on his papers.

"You seem to be doing very well, your health is improving greatly day by day, keep it up." Baekhyun then announced as he placed the papers on his lap to look up at you, finally, you thought. After his monotonous words, he offered you a smile, which made your heart sink deep within your stomach, you could see how much he was forcing himself to stretch his lips upwards and Baekhyun himself was probably aware of the fact that it was never going to seem genuine, in fact it lasted a mere second since he realized how it looked more like a frown. You couldn't understand what was going on, what was going through his mind at that very moment, what was he thinking now that he adverted his gaze elsewhere? It was evident how he tried to avoid any eye contact, as if everything he was hiding would against his will, unravel with one gaze.

"Doc-" Before you could say anything, Baekhyun cleared his throat as he stood up, making himself ready to take his leave.

"Then, that's it for today." Those were his last words before turning around- but before he could take another step further from you, you had already grabbed the hem of his white gown and tugged it towards yourself, not giving him any choice but to halt in his tracks. Baekhyun continued facing you with his back as he waited for you to speak your mind. Teeth dug deeply into your lip until you felt the slight taste of metal spread on your tongue. He wanted to leave. But it wasn't because of you, you could sense that, that he didn't want to see anyone, that maybe work was the last place he wanted to find himself in, because he couldn't heal people if he was the one who needed healing- but his life couldn't give him that privilege.

"Doctor Byun." You called, voiced laced with determination and firmness to let him know that he couldn't run away this time. When you saw that he didn't budge at your voice, you let your eyes slid down his slumped shoulders, all the way to his tight fists. Without thinking twice you released his gown from your grip and proceeded to gently trace his hand with your fingertips while you with a soft murmur asked; "What's wrong?"

Your words faded into the heavy silence as Baekhyun didn't give you any sign of answering and an unbearable tension pressed on both of your chests, making you uneasy, nevertheless, you didn't give and patiently waited for him to feel ready and speak. After a minute a deep sigh tumbled from his lips, his fist loosened and you released the breath that you didn't know you had been holding when his fingers lightly twirled around yours.

"Maybe we could take this another time? There are many things I have to think about. Thank you for caring, and worrying over me...Y/n." It would be a lie if you said that you didn't feel slightly disappointed and rejected by his words, as if he didn't want to confide in you, as if you wouldn't understand. But you told yourself to be patient and wait for him. Deep down, you knew that Baekhyun trusted you, in the end, everyone had their ways of getting themselves together...And you couldn't expect Baekhyun to tell you everything right away- when he probably wasn't sure about what he was feeling himself.

You had no idea of how to respond other than a simple nod, that he for that matter couldn't see, so you just let your hand slid off his, placing it back in your lap. His hand closed back into the fist and he didn't spare you another glance before walking with heavy and lifeless steps out of your room, leaving you with thousands of sharp strings cutting through your heart.

What were you supposed to do to heal him?

You didn't want to be a simple plaster on his heart, you wanted to take care of him, to with care bandage his scars and comfort him until his heart's content.

Days passed and Baekhyun would always arrive more lifeless than the day before, that it pained you to see him like was an understatement, hence, every sad expression on his face was like a scar on your skin, you hated seeing him in such a weak state, but you hated not being able to do anything to help him even more. During the past few weeks, you had tried asking him

Baekhyun was currently writing down your results of a check-up while you secretly let your eyes wander around his every feature, taking in every sign of defeat on his face. Strong emotions started to suddenly surge inside of you and although you tried to suppress it, they were just too strong to be ignored. The frustration, the anger toward whoever had sucked his soul out of his body. Your nails dug deeply into your palms the more you watched the weak hold his delicate fingers had around his pen as he wrote, and before you had been able to sort your feelings out you had already grabbed Baekhyun's hand to stop him from whatever he was doing.

The doctor's face came immediately into your view as he stared at you with bewildered and confused eyes. There was a stubborn expression on your features, almost intimidating as you pierced your gaze through his. Baekhyun's lips parted as he tried to say something in the odd situation, though, no sound came out so he closed them again, not being able to look away from your magnetic stare.

"Doctor Byun." You started, "Seriously, What is wrong? I really hate to sound this forcing, but if you think that I'm going to sit just one more week and watch you end up like a zombie, then you're so wrong." You were tired of it, of sensing his heart crumbling into the smallest of pieces. It didn't seem like anyone was giving him any sort of comfort, judging by how quiet and reserved he had become, perhaps it was he who rejected any kind of help. Still, at the moment, you couldn't care less about the fact he didn't want anyone's help, because even if he'd reject your help in that instant, you wouldn't let him out of this room without making it clear that you cared for him and that if nobody was ever going to take that spot in his life, then, you would become his rock.

The surprise in his eyes was replaced by loneliness and only you then you realized that it wasn't a doctor who was sitting in front of you, it was a lost, heartbroken boy.

With a soft sigh leaving your slightly chapped lips, you forced yourself to calm down, knowing that rage wasn't what he needed at the moment. But taking hold of your emotion was harder than you thought, today when he was giving you that look- there wasn't a single bit of your emotion that wanted to settle into place. Blood reached your cheeks when you had unconsciously cupped his cheeks with your palms, you could feel the heat radiate in front of your face when Baekhyun's glanced at your hands before returning his astonished eyes to yours. The fact that he didn't shrug you off made your heart surge with hope as you swallowed the lump inside of your throat, preparing yourself for your next words.

"Look, I know that you're a doctor and that your job to heal people is very important, however, that doesn't mean that you have no right for healing yourself. You know, I may be no doctor myself, but I can see it, I can see that your heart is broken, that you're suffering." The words rolled off your lips as soft murmurs that gently reached his heart as the pad of your thumb absentmindedly caressed the apple of his cheeks. "And maybe it makes no sense to you, but seeing you like this, it hurts. A lot, so I'm begging you, please, let me listen to your worries...Baekhyun." The fact that you had called him by his name had a strange effect on you, a wave of shyness crashing on you while all of sudden you couldn't bear to hold his gaze when you had said those words to him, those words that in one way or another gave out your feelings from him.

Baekhyun gently took ahold of your hands on his face and with a careful movement brought them down to his lap, not letting go of them. Teeth drilled down into your lip when Baekhyun's orbs became glossy and his Adam's apple bobbed as he gulped, trying to find his voice for what he was about to tell you. Hesitation was written all over him and you wished he wouldn't be so afraid to open up, at least not to you.

"My-" Baekhyun tried but the crack in his voice made him stop in his tracks, a hand combed frustratedly through his hair, not being able to get the words over his lips. This was probably one of the harders things Baekhyun was going through so you didn't push anymore and waited for him to feel ready. Then, he let his head hang low as he finally managed to speak a sentence.

"My fiancé," Baekhyun took a shaky breath amid his sentence while you tried to ignore the way that your heartbeat drummed crazily inside of your ears. "She left me...She said that she wasn't sure, that I wasn't the one after all." Your heart broke when he choked on his words as he sobbed under his breath once.

"She returned the ring and left, and now I literally don't know what to do with myself," By now, your hands weren't in his hold anymore, instead, he ran his own across his face, keeping them there to hide the few but sorrowful tears. "Because I still love her." Baekhyun cried and you had to bite your tongue to keep your tears from falling. Seeing his back shake as he let his emotions out hurt more than to know that you would never be able to use your legs, to know that his heart would have never been yours. His lips pressed into a thin line, trying to stop his cries, but once he had let them out there had been nothing to stop them. All of these sentiments, all of these tears, they had been piling up inside of him for way too long and now he was a mess. "Baekhyun," You called softly, hoping that he would show you his eyes, but you didn't take to heart when he stayed in his position. Not knowing where the sudden audacity and courage came from you let your love for him take over the strongest part of you and you didn't hesitate to gently guide his head to rest on your collarbone as you hugged him closer to you, you could tell he was surprised by the sudden noise that left his throat but you ignored it, hoping it that with these few actions you would be able to soothe his griefs. Baekhyun eventually shuffled a little closer with his chair so he could lay his head on your shoulder.

Your hands were rubbing his arm soothingly while you deeply thought about what he had told you and you felt a sudden swelling take place in your heart, you couldn't put a finger on what it was but it made you speak words that were like a kind blow of air on his wounds.

"You know, even if this is leaving you with an ugly scar, I believe that perhaps, this wasn't meant to be and that's why it turned out like this. I don't want to be the person who tells you that this person doesn't deserve you, that she should get lost, because the fact that she left you means that said no to an unhappy marriage for the both of you. I am angry that she realized it only after your proposal because now I am watching you and I can see that it's killing you inside. "

"However, even this, this whole situation that is making you feel like this, it happens with a reason, just like everything else. I think that not all the bad things in our life are to cancel from our memories, they shouldn't be looked down at just because they made us feel unpleasant. Every period of our life, sad or happy, it's there to make us realize things, to make us grow. They're just as important as the happy moments. I think we can learn so much from our pains and mistakes."

In a swift movement, Baekhyun had leaned away from your embrace, just to look at you with incredulity painting his features as he let out a breathy "Wow," followed by a little chuckle that signaled how silly and slightly embarrassed he felt after showing you his tears. "When did you become so wise?" He had been fighting the smile on his lips but gave up on it very quickly and accepted the fact that maybe it was time for him to try and move on.

"Just because I'm locked inside of this room it doesn't mean that I have no experience in life," You cocked a playful eyebrow, secretly so relieved and delighted that the tension from before was starting to dissolve in the light conversation. Finally, you could say that the sun was making its way through your curtains again when Baekhyun gave in to the temptation of a smile.

Of course, you were aware of the fact that just because he seemed to be fine now, it didn't mean that his sadness was completely gone, because it wasn't. You were sure that his heart still throbbed and that there were more tears to be spilled behind his eyelids. He needed time. But you took the right to feel proud because right now he could look happier, and that was because of you.

Baekhyun glanced at the watch wrapped on his wrist and had his eyes almost pop out when he saw the little amount of time left before his next appointment. In a pure hurry, he stood up from his seat- messily grabbing his papers and stethoscope, almost having everything falling on the floor. Before leaving, he turned to you and curled his lips into the heartbreaking smile that would never fail to make your heart melt into a puddle as you felt a delightful warmth spread within your chest.

"Thank you," His voice was softer than silk and his words so meaningful, so delicate, as beautiful as rose petals in your palms. Although they were two very common words, you felt something lit up within you the moment they brushed his lips- you've had similar feelings next to him before, as if your withered bosom had bloomed all over again, with wines and plants twirling around your heart, small flowers blossoming on its edges, the soft, soft petals tickling your chest ever so sweetly. Except, this time, the feeling was so much stronger, so intense that you for a moment lost the reason. You didn't know what you were doing when your hands suddenly removed the covers from your legs, jumping off the bed hurriedly, so that you could catch up with Baekhyun before he'd leave.

Your toes curled against the cold floor but anyway you dashed with all you had in yourself toward the person that was cluelessly holding onto your heart. You wondered how you could ever tell him that you loved him, you had told yourself so many times that you had these feelings towards him, however, at this moment it seemed so hard to let them past your lips, as much as you wanted to, it was more difficult than expected. You couldn't hold that sweet emotion all for yourself anymore, you needed to let him know as soon as possible.

As soon as you were close to him, your hands strongly grabbed his shoulders to stop him from leaving, when Baekhyun turned around to see you standing in front him with a determined expression on your face as you took in quick breaths, he looked bewildered and confused, to say the least, neither of the two of you had really been able to understand what was going on at the moment. It was as if you had been trapped into a slow trance. As if only you and he existed in that instant.

Would it be childish of you to press your lips against his?

Before you had been able to care about anything that passed through your head, your palms had already cupped his soft cheeks, fingers gently holding either side of his face, the texture of his skin was warm under your touch, you hadn't noticed that it was because the heat that had been forming on his cheeks, the blush traveled all the way to his ears. Your eyes fixed themselves on the lower part of his face as your grip on his face became the slightest tighter, your toes lifting from the ground so that your height could match his.

Your eyelids shut tightly and before you knew it- you had crashed your lips upon his that were slightly parted in shock. For a second the only thing you had been able to process was the sweet sweet taste that came off his lips, the soft breeze from the window that for a moment seemed to scent like roses as it gently rustled through your hair.

Now you know Baekhyun, now you know that I love you.

The low noise of your lips detaching resounded in the air as you slowly let your eyelids lift, the curve of your feet falling against the pavement again. Baekhyun was in the exact same position he had been before you kissed him, though, you hadn't thought that his eyes could have widened more than they had, but you were proved wrong when his shocked and confused orbs moved from your lips to your bottom continuously. Eventually, he let out an enormous gasp- his hand reaching to cover his mouth, as if it wouldn't matter how many times he'd inhale, the view in front of him would never stop making him breathless.

"Y/n-" Baekhyun gasped once again, completely astonished by how you were looking at the moment, however, you were confused, well you had just kissed him, but you were sure that wasn't a reason to why he looked like he was about to faint. His index finger pointed at your legs as if he couldn't believe his own eyes.

"You're- You're standing up!" The exclamation brought you back to reality and you brushed your fists in front of your eyes to make sure you weren't dreaming. You were standing on your legs just like you had been able to do weeks ago, the fact made your breath hitch inside of your throat as you with wide eyes lifted your toes slightly to confirm that this was really happening. Your feet moved just as they were supposed to and you felt a screech bubble from the deep of your throat while Baekhyun let out an incredulous, breathy laugh followed by a small 'no way,'

Suddenly you snapped your face into Baekhyun's direction, the both of you eyeing each other with a mix of shock and incredulity mirroring in each other's orbs.

Baekhyun seemed to be the one who got to his senses first as he took steps toward you, only to pull you into the embrace of his arms. Butterflies spread their wings inside of your belly when you realized that your face was pressed against Baekhyun's broad chest and your heartbeat resounded like loud drums in your ears. His faded scent of aftershave suddenly filling your senses, your mind becoming extremely aware of every part of his body that was touching yours, making you feel as if you were on fire.

"I don't know how this is possible, but you're back to normal and I feel like this is all I needed."

If your health was what could make Baekhyun feel more like himself again, then, you would make sure you'd heal completely.

✨✨✨

Your hands smothered any wrinkles from your beige skirt as you halted in front of the glass doors of the enormous building. You had been in this place so many times in your life, and yet, your legs were filled by a jittery feeling just like it was the first time ever. Your heart wouldn't stop fluttering in your chest and you tried your best to not bite down on your perfectly soft-pink colored lips. The soft breeze brushed kindly through your long and healthy locks that had grown to reach your waist.

It had been months since you had last been here and the view brought back to you an unstoppable nostalgia. In this building, you had experienced the worst, the weakest moments of your life- but also, the most beautiful and hopeful period of your existence and you couldn't wait to see the person who had made it possible for you.

Gulping down slowly you finally gathered your courage and walked towards the familiar doors, the heel of your sandals resounded loudly against the ground with every confident step that you took. You had left the hospital very abruptly, as soon as your parents had known that you had learned to stand up on your legs again, they hadn't been able to wait to see you. And before you had known it, you had already returned to your house, to sleep in your bed- among your family. Truthfully, you knew you should have felt like the happiest girl in the world, but you hadn't even resisted admitting that you missed the hospital and its monotonous room, you missed Baekhyun and his smiles, you missed watching the sunset by the window, and that made you feel like there was a hole in your chest.

In the span of a few days, you hadn't been able to even say goodbye to the man who had taken care of you the whole time. You had wanted to thank him, for everything he had done, but his absence hadn't made it possible for you. However, you had made it a promise to go see him again, once you had matured more from your experience, and so now, you were back; not as a young girl suffering by an illness, but as a confident lady.

The glassdoors moved easily when you pushed them open, your eyelids sparkled with the champagne-colored eyeshadow that you had applied that day as you blinked your eyes a few times, for a reason having expected the place to look different, though, everything looked like it did when you had left it. A wave of relief crashed upon you, finally, you moved on to search for the said man, hoping that he was still using the same room as his office.

The closer you came to your destination- the louder your heart resounded in your ears, the harder it crashed against your ribs. For a moment you contemplated turning around and taking this another time when you wouldn't feel this nervous. Though, deep down, you knew there wouldn't be another time because this nervous feeling would never leave you. You told yourself sternly to grow some balls, (although it was physically impossible) and do this. You had waited two whole months to come here and see the love of your life, you couldn't just run away when you were so close from meeting him.

You had probably spent a whole minute outside his office door, chickening away. You didn't know why you were suddenly so scared, and of what really? Baekhyun was the easiest person to be around and you knew that. Yet, the fact that you looked different, the fact that Baekhyun might be changed scared you the slightest.

A loud breath left your lips and hesitantly you lifted your hand towards the white door, beating your knuckles over it, not too hard- but still loudly enough for him to hear, if he was in there, obviously. The impatience within you was almost too much to handle if you waited for just another second outside that door you knew you'd run away, with a swift movement, you had already twisted the doorknob, sending the door wide open. You didn't have to look around too much to spot the person you had been searching for. He had halted in his steps as soon as you had appeared behind the door, he looked bewildered, almost not believing his own eyes when he saw you standing there at the entrance of his office, enlightened by the sunlight, looking like a dream.

Baekhyun's voice was breathy when he confusedly called your name, almost as if he thought that he was imagining you. You felt your chest flutter at the sound of his voice, you had always thought that your name had sounded more beautiful when he was the one to pronounce it.

"Doctor Byun, It's been a while," A smile was by now plastered on your face, all the nervousness was replaced by enormous happiness growing within you just by the sight of him and his lost orbs that still seemed to hold the night sky inside of them, of his full cheeks and pink lips, your heart swelled when you greeted him.

"No way is it really you?!" Baekhyun exclaimed with a melodious laugh following his sentence, indeed, he couldn't believe his eyes, but whether this was a dream or not, the smile that tugged on his lips- the delight that unraveled in his eyes when he saw you, was real, anyone could tell. Without wasting any more time, he dashed over to where you were, his eyes wandering all over your frame, taking in every inch of you in a manner that told you that he didn't really know where to start.

"Well if I'm not me then who else would be?" Your nose scrunched up slightly at your own words that made him chuckle breathily. "I guess I'm not hallucinating then,"

When his gaze finally fixed on yours, you parted your lips to say the words that were the main reason for your visit.

"When I got discharged, I didn't get the chance to thank you for everything you have done for me. Every moment you took care of me is truly precious and I truly treasure it, thank you for believing me and staying with me until I got better. And, I'm sorry for all the troubles I caused you, I was immature and well, a little bored, but I promise I matured." There was a soft smile on his face as he watched you with adoration and longing.

"Don't mention it," Baekhyun said, the words came out as a sweet little whisper at the same time as his index finger slightly brushed against yours before twirling around it, eventually threading the rest of your fingers together. "I should be the one to thank you," he didn't specify why, but you understood what he meant by that, you shook your head as to say that what you did for him wasn't nearly as meaningful as what he had.

Suddenly, he tugged the arm to the hand of yours that he was holding, making you stumble into his chest, his other hand rested lightly on your waist as he nustled his nose in your shampoo-scented hair. "I really missed you, my days were so quiet and empty without you. Not to mention that you have changed." Baekhyun's words were slightly muffled but you understood every single one of them as they made your blood pump twice as fast, this time, the smell of his aftershave that would usually calm down your senses, that would usually feel like a breath of fresh air did nothing but make your heart pick up its rate, this was really happening, Baekhyun that you hadn't seen in forever had actually hugged you.

"Changed?" You mumbled against his chest and you felt how it heaved against your cheek when he inhaled.

"You've always looked fine," He started, "Even though it's only been two months, it feels like you've grown a lot on your own. You have become a beautiful lady." The laugh that you let out probably hid the fact that he was making you very flustered with his sudden sweet words, perhaps his feelings for you were matching yours?

"You sound like my grandpa," You joked lightheartedly although, on the inside, you felt that you might explode if he'd say something so unhealthy for your heart.

"What else can I say when I expected to never see you again?" Baekhyun argued and you eased his hold around you so that you could look at him in the eyes.

"But I am here now, that is all it matters, no?" After a little staring contest he sighed with defeat, not really finding the necessity to argue with you, you were right, after all, the two of you had found each other again and that was all he could have ever asked for.

"You're right." He agreed, though, in the blink of an eye, the serious expression on his face was replaced by mischievousness, a glint of playfulness shone in his eyes and you felt your eyebrows lift at the completely new sight.

"Though, Miss Trouble Maker, I was hoping you'd give me the permission to take you on a date," Baekhyun spoke formally though the smirk on his lips told you he knew exactly what he had done to your heart when he asked for a date.

The blood rushed to your cheeks, tinting them with scarlet red- your tongue suddenly tying itself in your mouth. "Da-Date? With me?" You couldn't believe that he had just asked you out on such an intimate meeting, well, obviously you wanted to say yes, but for a reason the word wouldn' get past your lips, completely shocked by the situation.

"Yes with you little lady, we do have quite a lot to discuss," The hint he dropped you were very vague but for one reason or another, you caught on it really fast, remembering the time you had dashed from your bed to kiss him on his lips, (without his permission). If your cheeks could go any hotter, there'd be steaming coming out of them, teeth dug into your lips as you tried to forget the embarrassing memory.

"But- uuh, are you sure you want to go with me? Won't you be embarrassed? Or are you going to scold me for kissing you without permission, that's it, right? oh, uhm, I mean- Gosh- Why can't I shut u-" Your mouth was running unstoppably, you had never known that a single question could have destroyed your confident facade, turning you into a messy teenager who could barely speak a word in front of her crush.

Baekhyun released a little chuckle as he murmured: "Just say yes,"

To say you were surprised when Baekhyun silenced your infinite stuttering with his lips was an understatement, you were sure that your legs were slowly melting underneath you as his soft cushions molded ever so perfectly against your own, barely noticing the way his fingers spread across your jaw and neck. Within a few seconds, you were able to calm down, your hands raised in front of your chest, not knowing where to put them. Your eyes were shut tightly and Baekhyun proceeded to gently tug your lower lips with his before detaching for a mere second, only to lean in again to peck your lips.

"And that's a payback for the last time."

✨✨✨

first of all- *inhales tiredly after finally finishing to write this* Hi sweetheart! It feels like AGES since I posted a one-shot, doesn't it? This is honestly the longest thing I’ve ever written and I’ve worked so hard on this, I really hope it was great and that you guys enjoyed it! It’s more than 16k words, I hope it was worth your read!

I made you wait so long but It was probably worth it lolol, anyways! Please don't hesitate to tell me what you think about it, it's always appreciated and fun knowing how it made you feel!

Thank you for giving me a chance to write🍓💕💖🌸 // P

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