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lemonjoonah · 5 years

Text

The Shoulder on Which You Cry (M)

Pairings: Jungkook x Reader, Namjoon x Reader, Mention of Yoongi x Reader Word Count: 11K Rating: M Genre: Romance, Drama, Hometown AU, Fluff, Angst Warnings: Drinking, Smut Scenes (Unprotected Sex, Fingering, Slight Amount of Thigh Riding)

Summary: After moving away from your hometown five years ago, you’ve struggled on every return. Each trip back being made out of haste due to an unfortunate event in your life. Namjoon has always been there to help you through those moments. But when he can’t be there to support you during your current trip home, Jungkook offers to stay by your side and be the comfort you need.

A/N: Definitely not the typically genre I write in but I thought I would give it a shot, I would love to hear your feedback! I came up this story after listening to Intro: Persona for the first time (it’s been in my head for a couple months now), using the line, ‘I just wanna give you all the shoulders when you cry,’ as my inspiration.

...

“Fuck,” you mutter repeatedly as you grip the narrow armrest next to you. The women sitting beside you throws you a disgruntled look, prompting you to whisper an apology as turbulence continues to rattle the plane.

Flying is by no means your favourite pastime. You knew that it would become an issue when you moved away. You’re almost thankful that your career goals have kept you chained to your desk instead of enduring this torture on a more frequent basis. Now your trips home have become few and far between, returning only when it was absolutely necessary.

This place was once filled with such good memories holidays, birthdays, graduations. But now in the past five years it seems like you’ve only returned for unfortunate circumstances events like, the divorce of your parents, your father’s car accident, or the death of your grandmother. Leaving your hometown to become a grim retreat. You’ve come to fear this town and all that it represents, but there’s always been one bright spot in the form of Kim Namjoon.

...

You slowly shove the last box of your father’s into the back of the truck. That’s it, there’s nothing left between them, what’s his is his and what’s hers is hers. When you first heard the news you wondered what could have gone wrong, why did it have to escalate to this? If you had been home could you have seen the warning signs? Could you have urged them to seek help and work things out?

Your father claps you on the back thanking you for your help before starting the engine and driving off. Leaving you alone in the driveway. Your mother had gone to stay with her sister while your father removed his belongings. You have no desire to reenter the empty house just yet, the emotions of the day are still too raw. At least in the yard with the warm breeze on your face and the cicadas buzzing your world feels a little more full. After the physical and mental toll of the move you take a rest in the shade of a tree, closing your eyes for just a moment.

“You know most people find somewhere comfortable to nap. A bed, a chair, but no you prefer the ground outside.” Namjoon hovers over you with his soothing tone.

“Most people didn’t spend the day lifting heavy boxes,” You groan back at him. “Who called you to say I was here?”

“Your mother.”

“Of course she did...” It’s no secret, she’s had always tried to push you and Namjoon into a deeper relationship than your current friendship. She thought he would convince you to stay, that he might keep you here when you had made a new life elsewhere. Even now she hopes he will bring you back, and at times like this you worry that she might be right.

Namjoon sits down next to you on the grass, pulling the blades of greenery between his fingers. “Was that everything?”

“Yep, he is officially moved out.” You struggle to keep your tone even.

“And how are you doing with all of this?” He asks cautiously as if the question might inflict even greater pain.

“Fine.” You mutter looking down at the ground

“Liar,” Namjoon scoffs back.

“What? It’s not like I’m the one getting divorced, why should it matter?” You retort your tone falling to a whisper as you reach the end of your rational.

“Because this affects you too. You’re allowed to be upset.”

“Not as much as it affects them.” You remain focused on the ground trying to fight the emotions he brings to the surface.

Namjoon lifts your chin to focus his sights on you and your reaction, “Really? You should tell that to the tears in your eyes.” He shifts closer to you under the tree letting your head rest on his shoulder and your tears fall upon his shirt.

...

Namjoon has always been there for you as a friend since you were young. Living just across the street for most of your life, helping you whether your problem be a skinned knee or a difficult test. Even as your feelings for your town grown dim, he refuses to give in, he is that one light which refuses to fade.

When your father had been hurt car wreck, Namjoon was by your side from the second your flight had landed. He stayed at the hospital with you until visiting hours were over and then proceeded to make sure you got home safe. There were tears then too when you realized there was nothing you could do. But Namjoon didn’t shy away, he came in and held you close.

You’ve lost count of how many shirts of his you’ve ruined with mascara. You haven’t been back for two years since your last trip, your grandmother's funeral. He had been the one to take you in then, with all of your family at your house there was little place for you to stay, so Namjoon graciously offered up his spare room.

...

After the funeral you both take a seat on the sofa, the light of the day slowly fading outside. His house is beautiful and comfortable but it’s so large just for him, despite the warmth of the wooden furnishings it feels somewhat cold and empty. However for him this home is a step in the direction of the dream that he’s always told you of, the hope that one day he would have a family. One that he could grow with in this town that he loves.

His arm crosses around your shoulders as a movie plays on the screen in front of you. You tuck into his chest and close your eyes when the strain becomes too much.

His fingers comb through your hair with a soothing touch pulling the strands from you face. Its when his lips touch the top of you head you open your eyes to look up at him.

“Namjoon?”

He looks down at you with a conflicted expression before closing the gap between you. His lips take yours in a desperate fashion. Your mind starts to swim with the possibilities of what could be. The clothes discarded on the floor of his bedroom. Your back pushed into the mattress as Namjoon hovers over you. His eyes meeting yours as he presses himself between your legs.

You gasp at the thought encouraging him to pull you closer, his hands coming to rest on your cheek and lower back locking you in place on top of him. You can’t deny your feelings for him, those have always been very apparent and without question. The problem rests with the cost of staying together. The life you’ve created far away, the one you’ve worked so hard to build, it would all be gone. The thought of staying in this town has never held joy for you, and it’s only gotten worse as you’ve parted. As much as you want to stay with Namjoon, you can’t remain here.

You push away from him. Trying to find a way to explain yourself, when Namjoon opens the discussion for you. “Ask me to go back with you.”

“W-what?” Your breath catches from the shock of his offer.

“Ask me to be with you and I will. I’ll leave this life behind and follow you.”

The selfish side of you is so overwhelmed, so eager to accept his proposal. Screaming at you to say the words he’s requesting of you. But you can’t do it, not with the man who’s always been so supportive of you.

“You’d never ask me to stay, please don’t expect me to ask that of you. It wouldn’t be right Namjoon, you wouldn’t be happy there, just like I wouldn’t be happy here.”

“Do you love me?” His crestfallen face begs the question of you, as if asking for a reason to discard his dream.

The simple ‘yes’ rests on the tip of your tongue but you refuse to let it out. “You have to stay,” Your voice cracks but you hold firm, knowing you would never forgive yourself if you took this dream away from him. You know he’ll find someone who wants this life as much as he does.

...

As the airport comes into view below, you begin to dread the landing, and the arrival home. You’ll cry on this trip too there’s no doubt about it, but this time Namjoon won’t be able to offer his shoulder in comfort.

The customs agent leads with the question you dread most on every return. “What’s the reason for your visit?”

Your throat immediately tightens at the thought, you swallow before spitting out the words, “A wedding...”

Namjoon’s wedding... he called you a month ago to issue the invitation. He wouldn’t take no for an answer, he had already bought your plane ticket and was sending you the information. He confessed that he had a favour to ask of you when he sees you, but you didn’t care at the time the majority of what he said didn’t register with you after the words ‘I’m getting married’.

You knew he was dating someone but he didn’t go into details. That part of his life is rarely shared with you since the exchange after your grandmother's funeral. You should have been prepared for this, it’s what you wanted for him, you know that you did the right thing, but it still hurts so much.

After a short taxi ride you check into the same hotel where the wedding is to take place. Choosing to stay alone rather than reside at your mother’s, where you would be barraged with her constant comments on how it should have been you standing beside him all dressed in white.

...

It’s a large affair, the ceremony and reception rolled into one event, and you are seated at a round table with many of Namjoon’s friends. You recognize several faces from long ago but much to your embarrassment you’ve forgotten many of their names. You sneak a glance at your neighbours place card before greeting them. In anticipation you do the same for the empty seat beside you, reading ‘Jungkook’... yours and Namjoon’s neighbour from when you were kids and one of your oldest friends.

You smile as you recall the scrawny doe eyed child who used to follow Namjoon everywhere like a fawn following a parent. Even though there’s only a few years between them, Jungkook still looked up to his elder with great admiration and in return Namjoon always cared for him like a younger sibling. You remember how you were both eager for Namjoon’s attention as kids. As you grew your dynamic didn’t change much, even when you and Namjoon briefly dated in high school he was a constant third wheel.

You haven’t seen or spoken to him in years, not since you moved away. You tried to keep in contact but it would seem that distance and time had gotten in the way. It’s a shock when a sturdy man, with wavy hair, takes the seat next to you. “Noona, it’s been a while!”

You choke on your water. Finding it difficult to see the boy you used to know in the man sitting next to you. “Jungkook?”

He smiles and you relax, it’s definitely him, you would recognize his bowing smile anywhere. But finding it attached to such a built figure is unexpected and slightly intimidating.

“It’s good to see you,” you return the smile. “How have you been?”

“Good, can’t complain business is going well. How about you, how’s life abroad?”

“Busy, I’m just lucky I was able to make it make it back for this.”

As the ceremony starts the chatter dwindles. Namjoon looks dashing in a three-piece suit and his bride statuesque in white. There’s a brief moment of tears from her which Namjoon promptly wipes away as he had done for you so many times. You’re stunned when you see her reaching to his face, knowing full well that Namjoon would rather bury his than put them out on display, but there they are rolling down his cheeks.

“That’s the first time I’ve seen him cry...” You whisper as you watch the couple. All those years he had been the one to give you strength when needed and yet he’s never shown his own weakness. They might be tears of happiness today, but they are still hers to wipe away. She’ll be there for him in ways you never could, she’ll be his strength.

Out of the corner of your eye you see Jungkook glance over to take in your comment, but he doesn’t press you for any further explanation.

You sit in silence for the rest of the ceremony and throughout the dinner. A mixture of happiness and longing as you watch the new couple take their seats. Friends step up to the microphone telling stories of how they met and moments that you had missed. Wrenching further emotional reactions from you as the speakers recount the love between the newlywed pair.

As the cake is served the table begins to empty and disperse giving you the freedom to leave your seat without rudeness. Jungkook had already slipped away several minutes before when a few of the bridesmaids began to hang around the table.

The door to the garden is open prompting you to grab your glass of champagne and steal a moment of fresh air.

Passing the rows of fairy lights you spot in the far corner a table between the hedges, hidden away from the others, with only one other occupant, the missing Jungkook.

“Can I sit here?” You ask nodding to the seat next to him.

He looks up from his phone with his wide eyes and nods. He shifts in his seat sitting up straighter before looking back down at his phone.

You glance over to see him on twitch watching an Overwatch match. Your happy to see that he hasn’t changed entirely over the years apart.

The door to the event room opens to a gaggle of young women. Jungkook’s head jerks up as they call out his name, but not out of acknowledgement, judging from his expression it’s more so a panic of being found.

You snicker into your glass as you watch him slink back down in his seat hiding from his admirers. He gives you a pleading look as to not reveal his location. You nod and smile back to him, his fear breaks into relief. Once they retreat back inside you begin to pester him regarding his suitors. “Still afraid of girls Jungkook? That’s quite the following you have there.”

“I’m not afraid of girls! They want to drag me back in there, you know I don’t like crowds.”

“Nice try you were totally afraid of me growing up. You were worried that I would steal Namjoon away from you.”

“I wasn’t afraid of you...” He nurses what’s left of his beer in sadness, probably realizing he’ll have to go in if he wants to get more.

You get up from your seat and extend a hand for his glass to take it in. “Another drink?”

His eyes brighten and a grin returns to his face, “Please...th-thank you Noona.”

You chuckle as he continues to call you with such familiarity, despite having been apart for so long.

“Is it okay... that I still you that?”

“Yeah, I’ll be right back.”

...

You hand him a full glass and take your seat once again under the dim glow of the lights.

“So what do you do now?”

“I have a repair shop,” Jungkook mutters quietly.

“Really? How did you get into that?” Hearing that Jungkook actually owns his own business comes a surprise.

“Opened it together with a friend of mine. I never thought it would get as big as it has though...”

“That’s great if it is, I’m sure you’re parents must be proud,” You smile back at him confidently.

“They are...” Eyes look down to the ground. “I think they’re holding out for something like this though.” He tilts his head in the direction of the ballroom.

“I know what you mean.” You scoff as you take a sip of your champagne.

He starts to ask about you own life, but with the sound of the door you pause your answer to warn him, “Looks like your club is going to be making another round for you.” You watch as he winces at the inevitable, “Why don’t you just go home? Everything seems to be winding down.”

“My ride is in there, dancing the night away I’m sure.”

“I have a room,” You blurt out much to your own surprise, slightly bewildered by your own offer. Maybe it’s because you don’t want to be alone, or maybe you took pity on the shy man next to you, but you stick with it despite your own confusion. “I have my computer to stream, full mini bar...” You laugh in spite of yourself, what you definitely did not expect is for him to take you up so adamantly.

“Yes! Get me out of here please.”

While Jungkook practically dashes in and through the ballroom for the exit, you pause to take one last look at the glowing couple surrounded by their family. Namjoon had given you so much throughout the years the least you could do for him in this moment was be happy for him. You lock eyes and give him a bright smile not wishing to intrude on this moment of his before slipping quietly out the door.

Jungkook waits for you in front of the elevator. Finally seeing him in the full light of the lobby is a staggering sight, the suit neatly trimmed against his built form, you find the fabric taut against his chest and thighs. His lips pull back giving you a view of his clenched teeth as he stares around clearly hoping not to be spotted.

“Are you sure there’s nothing else wrong? You honestly look like you’re avoiding more than just a group of giggling girls.”

Jungkook nods, “You haven’t meet Hoseok or Jimin, if they find me no doubt they’ll physically drag me out. Which is why I want this damn elevator to hurry up!” He pushes the already lit elevator button several times for good measure.

The second that the door cracks open he grabs your arm and pulls you in with him. A loud sigh breaks from him as they close.

You give him a smile in sympathy remembering how he used to cling to you or Namjoon in social situations like this.

You unlock the room, and head in grabbing the ice bucket before stepping out again. “Go ahead make yourself comfortable I’ll be back in a second.”

His level of comfortable is far more relaxed than you had anticipated. Your old friend had no problem stripping down to his undershirt and pants, while making himself at home on your bed.

You avert your eyes when you reenter and open the mini fridge finding several small bottles of liquor.

You hand him a strong drink over ice laughing at how he cringes with the first sip. “You don’t have to drink if you don’t want to.”

“No it’s okay it just takes me a bit to get used to it.”

“It’s funny to think, but last time I saw you you weren’t even drinking age... I can’t believe it’s been five years.”

“Do you miss it here?” He asks with a slight worry, looking into his glass, “After being gone so long do you find yourself wanting to come back?”

“No, not really, not anymore. Don’t get me wrong I still miss people but with each trip home I feel more and more like I’m a stranger to this place. There used to be some comfort here for me, but it’s a bit more complicated now...” You can’t help but be saddened by the thought.

“Namjoon hyung, you and he-”

You look to Jungkook with a slight dampness in your eyes willing it to stay in place and not let it cascade down your cheeks. He notices your grief and switches to a more pressing question.

“Noona... do you still have feelings for him?”

You give a slow pained nod, “Please don’t say anything, and don’t tell him that I was upset. It’s foolish really, it never would have worked between us. His life is here, it’s what he’s always wanted, but I wanted to leave, I had other goals.”

He nods in understanding, “How bad is it?”

“Pretty bad, definitely more than one should care for a married man...” You hate every word of your confession. You chose this and yet here you are grieving. A tear falls and you are sick of it, you’re sick of crying over things you can’t change. “Fuck I’m sorry.”

Jungkook’s hand comes to rest on your knee, rubbing circles with his thumb, and lingering far longer than you expected him too. “No it’s okay, I’m surprised you came if you still feel this way.”

“Namjoon was very insistent. I think he thought he was being kind. I figured it would be best to support him.” You hesitate before asking the next question, “Do you know her well? Will she... is she a good fit for him?”

“I do, and I think so. They seem very happy when they’re together.” He pauses and looks to you, “I was surprised when he let you go though, I thought he really cared for you too.”

“No I told him to stay. I could never ask him to come with me.”

“Then he should have gone off his own accord,” Jungkook reasons.

“That’s sweet of you to say,” you chuckle lightly, “but our dreams were both bigger than each other. It was time to let go.”

“But you haven’t let go yet.”

“No... I haven’t.”

“And why is that?” He prods.

“He’s been one of the few people I really connect with, someone who enjoys being with me even when I'm an emotional wreck. I’m doubtful that I’ll find that again...” You give the easier answer failing to mention the fear that’s been holding you back. The fear of finding someone, of falling too deep and the pain that follows when it inevitably comes time to part. You worry that if you let go of Namjoon someone else will fill that void and the cycle would repeat.

You’ve had one night stands and hookups, but nothing beyond that. The longest connection you’ve had with someone is with a man by the name of Yoongi, but that’s purely for physical relief. He’s very upfront about a no strings attached arrangement, and it works for your purposes too.

“You’ll find someone,” Jungkook states confidently.

“And how do you know that?”

“Why do you think I’m here?”

“To avoid your fan base...” You can’t help but snort at him.

But he only rolls his eyes. “Because I’ve enjoyed your company tonight.”

“That’s not what I’m talking about.”

“Yes it is Noona! I haven’t seen you in years and yet you still feel comfortable to be around. Do you see me running away from you?”

Jungkook’s hand trails up your leg as if to make a point. “Just because it didn’t work out with Namjoon doesn’t mean you can’t find someone else. It doesn’t mean you can’t be happy.”

You’re enjoying his company far too much. The warmth of his fingers on your skin. You should never have invited him up here. He is far too tempting and dangerous of a rebound. “You should go, I’m sure there all finished by now.”

“Why? Because you’d rather wallow away in your pain alone? Stop punishing yourself, you came here to be supportive, you did nothing wrong. You’re allowed to be upset.” Hearing Jungkook speak the words that Namjoon had said before hits you hard, leaving you defenceless as he continues, “What if I want to stay? Are you going to push me away? I didn’t just come up here to hide out Noona. I wanted to make sure that you were okay, you’re awful at hiding your grief and I wanted to see if there was anything I could do to make you feel better.”

He moves in closer placing a hand on your upper chest and softly pushes you down pinning you beneath him. “Look me in the eye and tell me you want me to leave. Tell me you’d be happier if I left you alone tonight.”

How can someone who seems so innocent be so commanding. His legs are strong on either side of your thighs. One hand now holds him off the mattress while the other tilts your chin. His eyes search yours looking for the honest answer. “Tell me what you want.”

“Please stay...” You whisper, ashamed by your need.

He obliges locking your arms behind his neck and lifting you off the bed pulling the sheets back before climbing under the blankets with you. Joining him under the covers adds an unexpected level of intimacy for such a sudden affair. The warm weight of his body presses you down into the mattress as he nuzzles your neck.

“Jungkook...”

“Yes Noona?” He asks in a soft voice.

“Would you... would you kiss me?” He pulls his head up to meet your eyes again and you begin to worry about what you had just requested, “don’t feel like you-”

Before you can finish your panicked thought his lips come down onto yours. His mouth moving with yours as his had palms your cheek. The faint taste of his beer and liquor eases into your mouth along with his tongue.

Your chest pushes back against his as you attempt to draw in deep breaths.

“What else do you want?” He mutters against you.

You fiddle to undo the zipper embedded the side of your dress desperate to feel his warm skin against yours. His fingers join in the attempt to pull it down lifting himself off you so the fabric can be pushed down your frame, with his fingers making sure to trail along the exposed skin as he does so.

He holds the seam of his own shirt and looks to you as if asking if it would be okay. You promptly nod, you had felt the definition muscles as he pressed against you but seeing them is a wonderful sight to behold.

He flips you over to your stomach, your face presses into the pillow, your lipstick no doubt staining the case.

With the clink of his belt behind you find yourself squirming between his thighs, excited by the thought of one less layer between you. While he takes off his pants you reach back to unlatch your bra sliding it off and free from beneath you.

He returns to his lowered position on top of you. His chest resting against your back is so warm, the weight extremely comforting. He kisses the top of your shoulder before moving back towards your neck. You feel almost smothered beneath him with the blanket trapping in the heat.

One of his hands caresses the length of your arm while the other wedges itself between your stomach and the bed. His cock pressed against the seat of your ass ready and willing but Jungkook places his attention elsewhere. He pushes your underwear to the side finding the sensitive nub and devoting a rhythm of shallow circles to the nerves.

He whispers in your ear “Do you just want me to hold you like this, or do you want more?”

You nod for more, your hand reaching back to feel for his shaft beneath the cotton of his underwear.

He moves to pull the concealed erection from the fabric of his boxers. Giving it a quick stroke before lining himself up with your entrance, pushing between your dampened folds with the head of his cock. You return grip the pillow as he plunges inside. A swear drops from his mouth along with a groan.

Your head arches back while a hand comes to grip the apex of your neck, with a commanding grip. Though he takes you from behind you’ve never felt anything so close, so intimate. The full rhythm of his thrust has you aching for more after a few minutes, causing your hips start to buck back into his crotch. “Noona if you keep doing that I’m not going to last.”

You moan as his fingers pick up speed in retaliation. You can feel yourself tighten around him as he draws you closer. There’s a pleading whine in your ear as Jungkook begs you to come for him. His fingers grip tighter on your throat making your head swim as you reach the peak and begin to quake from the tremor that surges through you.

You’re not sure how long he laid on top afterwards, or when he moved to his back tugging you into the nook of his arm. So lost in a daze you don’t care. It just feels good for once to fall asleep in someone else's arms, and to see him still there by the time morning comes around.

...

You slowly dress yourself as he smiles up to you from the bed. “How long before you go back?”

“A few days.” You explain, “I thought I would take some extra time to visit my family.”

“Give me your phone.” He holds out his large hand waiting.

You humour him knowing that even if he puts his number in you should probably keep your distance. You don’t want to give him any mixed signals that you might be looking for more.

...

The second you step into your mother’s house there’s a barrage of questions about the wedding. Who was there? How lavish was it? Did the couple look happy?

“I give it two years tops.” Your mother adds, “He’ll be single again before you know it.”

“Mom?! I’m not having this discussion. Namjoon is happy, he’s made his choice.”

“Sweetheart I’m just thinking about you,” She softens her tone but you still find it difficult to swallow.

Giving up on any civil conversation after an hour, you exit the house to take refuge in the garden. Seeing Namjoon’s childhood house across the street, and the tree in your own yard under which you both sat, is almost as painful as the topic you mother refuses drop.

Looking for a distraction you busy yourself with the weeds that have taken hold of the flower beds. The sun beats down burning the back of your neck as you yank the dandelions from the dusty ground. Your frustration grows over the realization that the only questions she’s asked have been about your love life, with not one thought to what you are doing with your career or if you’re happy where you are. No her focus lies primarily on you obtaining the golden band that has the potential to drag you home. And now the weeds of the garden are paying for it dearly as you take your aggression on them, not giving in until the sun is significantly lower in the sky.

“Jeez what did they do to you?” The joking voice of Jungkook asks behind you will looking to the wilting pile of greenery.

“I kept picking them hoping that one of them could answer my wish, but unfortunately I’m still here.”

“But you’re missing one important step.” He picks up one of the discarded dandelion heads, closes his eyes and blows away the seeds.

The innocent sight brings a smile to your face, “Your right, how could I have forgotten?”

“That’s okay you don’t need to wish on a weed when I can easily grant that for you. Let me take you out for the night.”

“You don’t want to hang out with me right now I’m a mess.”

“Then at least let me give you a ride back to the hotel. I’m heading in that direction anyway, I just came by to see my parents but I’m heading off now.”

You consider his offer, if you left alone your mother would never let you hear the end of it. But if you left with Jungkook... you could possibly kill two birds with one stone and have some form of peace for the rest of your visit.

“Okay, but I’m going to need you to follow my lead for a minute. Don’t say anything, just smile and nod if you have to.”

You step into back into the kitchen for a moment calling out to your mother. “Mom I’m going to head out, I have a date with Jungkook.”

There’s a brief silence and then a flurried rush of steps from the other house before your mother pokes her head out with a surprised grin. “What?! Why didn’t you tell me?” With his parents still living across the street your sure she’s overjoyed by the thought.

Jungkook takes the act very well waving to your mother, “Hi Ms.-”

You push him out the door before he can finish his greeting knowing she’ll want him to stay for her game of 20 questions. “I’ll be by again tomorrow,” You call out to her, before turning back to Jungkook and mouthing a thank you.

He smiles back to you taking his role very seriously he grabs hold of your hand and leads you to his car where he opens the door. If your mom was watching out the window, you’re sure that this would convince her.

You take a deep breath as you get into the car, throwing Jungkook a smug look, “I owe you one.”

“Don’t mention it. This wouldn’t be the first time I’ve had to forge a relationship”

“Why would the boy with a fan club need a fake girlfriend?” You ask, your curiosity getting the better of you.

“For the same reason you would.”

“Oh, so your mom wanted you to marry Namjoon too?” You chuckle at him unable to contain yourself.

Jungkook bursts into a fit of laughter clutching the wheel. “Not exactly, just family pressures. And me finding it difficult to... commit I guess would be the best way to put it.”

“Lucky for you I won’t be here in a couple days, so that won’t be an issue.” You breathe a sigh of relief, if he has difficulty committing spending time with him shouldn’t become an issue later on.

“Yeah... lucky I guess.”

He parks the car in front of the hotel and thank him for the ride. But you look over in confusion as he gets out too.

“Why-”

“You told your mom we’re going for a date.”

“Yeah but not actually.”

“Oh...” His expression falls looking dejected.

Fuck... why does he have to look like a kicked puppy when he’s sad, it’s not fair. You give a small huff, it would be easier to maintain the lie if you stuck around with him. “Fine, I need a shower first though.”

His face lights up and he follows you back up to your room taking up residence on the bed to wait for you.

You throw your phone and purse down on the desk and before slipping into the bathroom, sliding out of your clothes and stepping into the stream of water behind the glass door.

A few minutes later, Jungkook pokes his head through the door you left cracked to help vent the steam. “Noona your phone’s ringing.” He holds it out to see if you want to take it.

“Who is it?”

“Uhh... it’s Namjoon.”

Your stomach drops, “Let it go to voicemail... I’ll call him back later.” The thought of talking to him now, the day after his wedding, is unbearably painful. You stand still in the shower watching the water flow down the drain as you contemplate why he called. Maybe he just wanted to say hi, or to thank you for coming, as you didn’t get a chance to speak to him yesterday.

Jungkook calls out to you again possibly noticing your stillness behind the fogged glass, “I have somewhere in mind to take you if you still want to go out. I just have to stop by my shop first. Taehyung, my business partner, just sent me a message, he can’t remember if he turned the alarm on when he left the shop today and asked if I was nearby.”

You force a smile back at him, “Yeah, I’ll be out in a second.”

...

Jungkook suggests to walking to his shop since the final destination of the night is a favourite bar owned by a friend of his.

“It’s just right here,” He points to a small building just across the street, taking your hand before dashing across the road.

You smile at the small sign out front, ‘Nostalgia: Restoration and Repair’. “Cute name.”

Jungkook gives an embarrassed laugh, “Taehyung came up with it. It just seemed really fitting.” He unlocks the doors with a large ring of keys, and then looks back to you “Do you want to take a peek before I set the alarm?”

You nod curious of what you might find inside. It’s not really a store but more of a work space with painting backdrops, vent hoods, and a workbench littered with wires and soldering tools. Behind the bench are several outdated electronics old gaming systems and PCs, things that people wouldn’t normally use nowadays except for... well... out of nostalgia. “When you said a repair shop this was not what I expected. ”

“Yeah it’s a little different, we deal with things that you can’t buy anymore, items that hold sentimental value. Some people want them just repaired in working condition, while others hope to get them looking like new again.”

You pick up a brick-like gameboy from one of the tables, your fingers brush over the paint worn keys. Hundreds if not thousands of hours would have gone into this device to bring it to this state, it must have been well loved in it’s day.

“It’s not much,” he states nervously looking around the space, “We specialize in mostly electronics, but I’m hoping to branch out in some other areas too, things like metalwork and woodwork. I still have a lot to learn.”

You’ve seen places like that your own city, those which refurbish antique wagons and linen chests, but this is something new and different. This catered to a whole new generation. “It’s brilliant, it really is.”

Jungkook blushes with pride as he scratches the back of his head. “Thanks Noona, I’m glad you like it.”

...

The bar is only two streets over from his shop. The owner looks relieved as he spots Jungkook come in the door. “Thank god, I was going to call you and see if you still planned on coming tonight. Some drunken idiot knocked into our jukebox and it stopped dropping records.”

“Ah Jin I told you, you shouldn’t be using it as your main system unless you go completely electric with it.” Jungkook scoffs.

“I know but do you think you could take a look at it for me.” The barman spots you behind him, “Sorry I can see you’re with someone, but drinks on the house for you and your date if you can fix it.”

“Deal! I’m going to hold you to it.” Jungkook acts like he’s won big with this agreement.

Jin’s tone verges on exasperation, “Just fix it please.”

“Yeah, yeah, do you have a tool box?”

You take a booth right beside the broken music machine, kneeling on the cushion with your chest pressed to the back of the bench so you can watch as he works. Jungkook pulls away the backing of the player to take a look inside, muttering to himself while he looks over the interior.

“Electrics look fine nothing seems to have disconnected...” He works his way up the machine leaving no spot untouched. “Ah, here it is...”

“Did you find what’s wrong?”

“Yeah,” he reaches into the mechanical portion and tugs on a lever which falls back into place once he lets go. “Looks like the spring for the release dislodged itself... it should be around here... found it...” His nimble fingers latch it back into place. “That should do it.” He reattaches the back and selects a track with success. He glances over to Jin at the bar with a wide smile, who matches it although looks slightly nervous. “Right, I need to go wash up really quick,” He looks down at his hands covered in black grease, “What do you want to drink?”

“A beer sounds good.”

“That’s it, you sure? Jin’s buying, so no need to hold back.” Jungkook gives a wicked grin.

“Yeah I’m sure.”

He returns a few minutes later with your beer while he holds a whiskey for himself. His hands are raw from scrubbing and there’s still a hint of the black grease here and there. He drinks deeply from the cup clearly not caring for the taste but continuing with it nevertheless. You take a couple long drafts of your own drink but know it’s a futile endeavour to try and keep up.

“I’m surprised you went for something so strong considering you had a hard time with the liquor last night.”

“Honestly I can’t stand the stuff,” He laughs. “but it’s the most expensive drink he has and I’m not one to waste an opportunity.” Jungkook looks back with crooked smile to Jin who is found shaking his head. “My skills don’t come cheap.”

“I can see that, I’m almost afraid to ask for your professional opinion on a personal matter, I don’t think I can afford your answer.” You peel at the label of your bottle somewhat nervous, but still hoping to discuss something that’s been bothering you for a while now.

“I have been bought with flattery on occasion... just don’t tell Jin.” Jungkook raises a finger to his lips as he lets out a small snicker.

“May I ask you a question then oh talented one?” You can’t help but laugh as you stroke his ego.

“You may,” Jungkook’s voice sounds confident but you notice a slight blush to his face as he laughs along with you.

“How would you fix nostalgia for a whole town? Say someone only gets to return during the worst periods of their life and the whole view of their former home shifts? How can you save it and bring it back to what it was before.”

Jungkook pauses, the laughter vanishes from his expression as he takes in your question. “That’s a tall order. I don't think you can for something that big. I don’t go around fixing entire blocks, I work with the smaller items. You have to find those things that you still love about this place and hold them tight, bringing them with you when you go.”

You really wish that you hadn’t asked now, for the first thing that pops into your mind is of course Namjoon. “What if you’ve already let it go...”

“Your whole past isn’t linked to just one singularity, you’ll find something else. You don’t always know what you were missing until you find it again. The items that people bring to me have often been hidden away for years in a dark closet or dusty box. All it takes is a little attention to bring them back to their former glory... sometimes they become even better than before...” He stops again looking hesitant to continue but pushes through with his final words. “Namjoon hyung isn’t your only tie Noona... there are other things you can hold on to.”

There’s silence between you as Jungkook brings up his name, you resent how easily he’s able to guess that it was Namjoon in your thoughts.

“I’ll go get another round,” He offers giving you some space.

You excuse yourself to the washroom for a moment while Jungkook fetches the drinks. Checking your eyes in the mirror for any sight of streak to your mascara before returning.

He’s still waiting at the bar when you come back, so you proceed to the empty booth. There’s a loud cat call from one of the tables you pass. You look away trying to ignore who ever thought that would catch your attention. That is until he calls you out as a, “cold bitch.”

Jungkook must have heard the insult because seconds later he’s pulling the man forcefully out from the seat.

You immediately intercede, not wanting for Jungkook to get in trouble on your behalf. “Jungkook, put him down.” He continues to hold the man, and pushes him against the wall with a look of fury.

“Apologise,” Jungkook demands of the drunkard.

“Jungkook it’s not worth it.” You try to calm him down, but to no avail. Resorting to a more forceful method you grab the arc of his ear. A yelp of pain echoes through him but he releases the man. “We’re leaving.”

“Ow Noona!”

You let go once you reach the front step of the bar grabbing his hand this time to drag him back to the hotel. His other hand reaches up to rub his ear.

“What the hell do you think you were doing?” You question him.

“He insulted you!”

“That doesn’t mean you have to throw him against the wall... fuck Jungkook. I told you it wasn’t worth it, a provoked apology means nothing. What if he retaliated and injured you? What then?”

There’s only silence as Jungkook reflects on his actions.

“Do you usually pull shit like this?”

“No...” He mutters in defeat.

“Then why would you try and start a fight?”

Jungkook doesn’t answer instead looking down at his feet as you both walk back.

You anger breaks to empathy at the sight of his sad submission, and you give him a small smile. “It was nice to see how fast he shut up though,” you glance over at Jungkook who lifts his head and grins back at you. “Usually I would just end up leaving the bar if something like that happened.”

Your half way back to your hotel when Jungkook begins to speak again, “Do you ever get scared or lonely in your city?”

“Sometimes, but that doesn’t mean that I was never scared or lonely here. It’s kinda hard to compare the two on that level thought... there just... different. Personally I prefer the city.” You look up to the night sky, “I do miss things like this though. Do you remember when Namjoon tried to teach us the constellations?”

“And you kept making up your own to impress him?” Jungkook guffaws back.

“If I recall you got jealous when he said my koala constellation was adorable.”

“Because it was, and I didn't get to tell you first...” Jungkook confesses his blush even more prominent this time. “You see, you do have something good to remember. It’s memories like that which you need to focus on.”

“I don’t think it’ll be enough though... the lights of the city often hide the stars, so I can’t hold them as close as I’d like.”

“It’s a good thing then that they aren’t the only part of that memory.” Jungkook takes your arms and wraps them around him before stealing a kiss. “You can hold me close Noona.”

You can’t help but be confused for the lack of communication between you two if he felt this strongly about your past together, “Jungkook... I wasn't the one who let go, when I moved away. I sent messages to you but you never replied.”

He looks away in disappointment, “When you left, I didn’t know what to do. Namjoon was sad and I couldn’t help but be angry. For a long time I held on to that... but when I saw you again I realized that it was really because I missed you Noona.”

“Jungkook...”

“I know, it was stupid of me. But I see that now, I shouldn't have left you in the dark. I’m sorry it took so long to find you again.”

...

Your final visit with your family starts off well, your father stops by and it’s almost like things are back to the way they were before, before the wedding, before your parents split, before your move. But then the bubble bursts. You thought your mother would behave, that maybe on your last night she wouldn’t put you through another round of guilt. Questions of when you would return begin to overwhelm you.

You return to your hotel room in tears. When checking your phone your finger hovers over two more missed calls from Namjoon. If he was so adamant to reach you it wouldn’t be wrong to talk to him despite your feelings right? You phone changes screens with an incoming call from Jungkook, you answer but there’s a slight warble in your greeting which he notices in an instant.

“Noona... are you okay, what’s wrong?”

“Just nervous about my flight tomorrow,” among other things, you think keeping them to yourself, “Was there something you needed?”

“I wanted to see you again.”

“I think I might head to bed, I have to get up early.” You voice catches even more tipping him off to a greater problem.

“What happened Noona? Why are you really upset?”

“I-I’m sorry it’s just... my mom asked about you, she said that if I couldn’t comeback for her that I should come back to see you...” You have heard it all before, but when she spoke of Jungkook that tore into you more than anything else. He’s been nothing but kind and now you’ve dragged him into you family affairs. “I’m sorry I pulled you into this, I told her we aren’t dating so she shouldn’t trouble you with anything.”

“Noona that doesn’t bother me. I can tell your upset, please, just let me come see you.”

“Jungkook I’m not going to use you as a shoulder to cry on. It’s not fair to you.”

“Maybe I want you to use me...”

“You can’t be serious. You see how much happier Namjoon is with someone who can be here with him.”

“I’m not Namjoon hyung,” Jungkook raises his voice enough to startle you, “Noona... I don’t want what he has. I want you!”

“No you don’t... Jungkook... Jungkook!” The line goes dead as you try to talk him down leaving you shouting his name to a dial tone. “Fuck.” You know it’ll be harder to convince him than Namjoon that being together would not be the best for either of you, that he needs to prioritize himself over your feelings. You try calling him back but his phone goes straight to a busy tone.

Ten minutes later there’s a pounding fist at your hotel door. “Noona open up!” You move to the door slowly, resting your hand on the knob and your head against the panel debating if you should give in. The pounding stops after a minute with one last thunk, his next plea no louder than a whisper, “Noona please...”

The waver in his voice takes hold of you and throws all forms of self-preservation out the window. You open the door to find stunned and teary eyed Jungkook. Stepping closer to him your hands reach up to his face, thumbs brushing away the dampness on his cheeks, before he crashes straight into you with a fierce need. His lips ram against yours almost to the point of pain. His hands take your shoulders and push you out of the doorway, the door slams shut as you are thrust into a wall.

His mouth continues to feast on yours in hunger, his tongue sweeping in for a deeper taste. If you weren’t wedged between Jungkook and the wall you doubt you would be standing. Your legs start to give way and you slip down a little before he places his leg between yours. A moan escaping you as you come to rest on his thigh.

He presses his leg harder against you, dragging out your reaction. “Why didn’t you answer the door sooner Noona? Why did you make me wait?” he mutters against you.

“I didn’t want to hurt you...” You whisper back.

He tugs your sundress over your hips. His hand roaming down in search of answers regarding state of your arousal. “So you were holding back? If I were to touch you would you be already wet for me?”

You nod adamantly, hating yourself for how quickly you give in to your selfish needs. He relaxes his leg for a moment allowing his fingers to push aside the damp fabric and press inside. As they start to curl inside his leg ramming the back of his hand driving the tips of his digits even further sending a shock wave through you.

You collapse forward head against his shoulder with deep quaking breaths. The palm of his hand folds up pressing firmly against your clit. You can feel the warmth begin to spread through you, his fingers no doubt soaked pressing you to your limits. As he drives more you are forced on to your toes and with nowhere left to go you give in to the wash of tingling heat. All you can do is lay limp against him as he continues to cull your moans with his hands and collect them with his lips.

You gladly accept his arms as they encircle you, supporting your body as he moves you to the bed. He takes a moment to tug off his shirt. Throwing his pants and boxers to the floor before climbing on top. He holds the swell of this cock in his hand, pumping it slightly as his hangs over you. “God I want to fuck you. Do you enjoy this power you have over me?”

He gives you a crooked smile, “Should I make you beg? Should I show you what it feels like to wait?”

“Jungkook... please...”

He buries the head of his cock to your entrance and roughly snaps his hips. “No I have a better idea, I’ll fuck you without end, continuing even when you’re raw and filled. I want you weeping my name.”

His thrusts are slow but determined and impactful, shifting you on the bed each time. His hands take your wrists and pin them beside your head.

He drives himself deeper inside as you writhe beneath him. You cry out with each surge from his cock. He looks down at the sundress and bites his lip. He stops his thrusts and removes his hand to grab the hem, dragging it up and off you. You bra is next to go, barely surviving the forceful removal. Jungkook catches the curve of your breast in his hand his mouth latching on to the stiff peak, and toying at it with his teeth. You take his other hand and bring it to your mouth, you can taste a hint of your remaining arousal but you could care less considering what the sight is doing to him.

His thrusts return and he bites down hard. A squeal of surprise exits much to his pleasure, you release his hand only for him to drag it down your stomach and grip your waist.

His fingers appear so desperate to grasp your flesh, to handle you in any way he can. Never letting go but trailing from spot to spot in a teasing line. You are at your end every nerve you your body screaming to release. “Jungkook...” You whine with desperation.

“What’s wrong Noona? If you think I’m finished with you, you clearly weren’t listening before.”

Your vision clouds as you quake from the climax that hits, but he carries on with a smirk. “I don’t want to let go just yet.”

By the end you’re nearly in tears just as he promised, barely able to move. You lost count how many times you called his name, but on each occasion he would reward you with a harder thrust leading down an endless cycle. He leaves your marked chest with a kiss before turning you over and folding in behind you. You both lay there in the dark for a time, letting the quiet settle as you listen to his breathing.

“Noona,” His mumbles with hesitation, his voice void of all the confidence that he held a few minutes ago, “If I were to come see you in your city... would you still want me? Could we ever have more than this?”

“Jungkook...” You have to cut this off now, you have to lie for his own benefit. Your selfish honesty would only cause him to follow as he admitted before. “No... I don’t think that would be a good idea.” You fill your head with assurances that he’ll find someone better for him here, just like Namjoon did.

...

You step into the airport the next morning in a haze, sleep having escaped you after rejecting Jungkook in such a manner. He surprisingly stayed with you until the early morning before heading off. You in your cowardice you pretended to remain asleep as he bid farewell with a kiss to your cheek.

Your thrown off when you hear someone calling your name from behind you. Turning around to find Namjoon running towards you. “Wait!” He urges as he takes the last few strides which separate you. His heavy breathing accompanied by a smile of relief. “I’ve been trying to reach you...”

“Namjoon, why... shouldn’t you be...” You want to question him and chide him, but all you can give is an apology. “Listen I’m sorry...”

“No, I’m the one who needs to apologize.... I got a somewhat angry and condemning call from Jungkook last night. He told me you were upset, and why you didn’t return my calls. I’m so sorry if I had known...”

“No it’s okay, I’m glad you didn’t.” You can feel the tears brimming to the surface. You plead with yourself to keep it together, just a few more minutes and then you’ll be on the plane. You make a promise to yourself that you can cry all you want then, just not now.

Namjoon pulls you into a hug and whispers. “I wanted to invite you as a thank you, to thank you for being strong, and for allowing me to find the happiness I needed... by telling me to stay.”

You have no hope in hell maintaining your expression now, the dam bursts and your tears spill out. But for the first time it’s not Namjoon that you cry over... but the loss of a future with Jungkook, and the confirmation that you’re doing the right thing by telling him that you’re relationship can’t continue.

Namjoon reacts calmly as always, rubbing your back with his hand. “I’ll be here when you need it, I’ll still give you a shoulder to cry on when you need it. Okay? We’re still friends right?”

You nod lifting yourself away from him.

“I need to ask something of you though. It’s about Jungkook... He doesn’t want me to tell you this but I think you need to know and make your own decision. Do you remember how I wanted to ask you a favour?”

You nod in confusion.

“I need you to look after Jungkook...”

Your heart breaks even further, having Namjoon plead his case. “Namjoon, please don’t say that, he belongs here, for god's sake he has a successful business! I’m not going to drag him to another city, another country with me.”

“That’s just it. He didn’t want me to tell you this but he and his partner are almost certain to by a business out your way. There’s a seller who has a restoration shop for sale and is willing to train him in the areas he wants to expand in if he buys the business. He didn’t want to tell you because he wasn’t sure if he was going to put in the offer, he was scared to make that jump and leave to somewhere new. I told him he should talk to you about it at the wedding, to hear how much you love it there.”

You chest tightness at the prospect, and the fear over the impact of your lie. “When he called you did he say that he if he had decided?”

“No I’m still not sure if even he knows. He was supposed to leave quite soon after the wedding to make an offer. If he does decide to go I wanted to make sure that someone was there for him, to check up on him. He’s probably going to have a tough time adjusting so he might need someone to lean on every now and then.”

You give Namjoon a small smile back, Jungkook clearly hadn’t gone into details about what had happened in the past few days between you two. “If he goes, I’ll gladly be there for him.”

Once you leave to go through security you’re stuck with a dilemma. How much did you affect his choice? You don’t want him to make the decision based on you but at the same time you don’t want to leave him with a bad taste in his mouth regarding the possibility of a move. You would be there for him if he moved, you want to be close to him. But if his dreams fail, if he makes the wrong choice because of you, you could never live with yourself.

You take your seat by the window fastening your belt as tight as it will, before resting your hand in it’s usual in flight position, clutching the arm rest. In your other palm lies your phone, you have only a few short moments before you have to turn it off, and you are still hoping that it’ll make the choice for you. When he calls...

You answer it quickly, and Jungkook leads with a stern question “I need to know, did you lie to Namjoon or did you lie to me?”

You begin to stutter unprepared for his question, “I-I...”

“Do you want to cut all relationship ties even if I come to the city or do you want to see me? Did you just say yes because Namjoon asked it of you? I need to know Noona. You need to tell me what you want.”

All his cards are on the table all of his choices are there, you only need to lay out yours to make this right. “I’m sorry Jungkook, I’m so sorry I lied to you last night. I was just worried that you would follow without-”

“So you want to see me again?”

“Yes.”

“You’re okay if I go the the city alongside you?”

“Yes, I just wanted to make sure if it’s something that you want for yourself.”

“It is... I’ll see you soon Noona.”

“Wait no... don’t hang up on me again...” You plead but the line still goes dead.

You’re about to call him back when you spot Jungkook boarding the plane. His fluffy black hair and masked face peak over the line of people boarding. The phone drops from your hand as you look to him. You may not be able to see his mouth but you can tell from his eyes he’s smiling widely. He sees the empty seat next to you and double checks his ticket, before a man in a suit comes to claim the spot. Jungkook looks across the aisle to what must be his seat and instead taps the man on the shoulder.

“Would you mind switching seats with me,” He points to his own two feet away. “It’s just that’s my girlfriend and she’s terrified of flying.”

The man grumbles but makes the switch. Jungkook plops down in the seat next to you but before he can get a word out you smack his arm. “Ooow what was that for?”

“Why didn’t you tell me? Do you know how painful it was to let you go?”

“I was still deciding, besides I wasn’t sure what you wanted out of our relationship. If you only wanted to have a fling and to cut ties again after this weekend I wanted you to be free to do that. I didn’t want you to have to look after me, I told Namjoon not to ask you but he came here to see you off anyway, and I guess I’m glad he did. I overheard the two of you talking...”

“And what were you going to do if I said I didn’t want to see you just now.”

“I would have taken the next flight,” He smiles sheepishly. “I remembered how much you hated flying, I wanted to be there for you if you needed it.”

He lays his open hand in front of you, his eyes wide and expectant. A hint of a smile graces his lips as you release your grip from the rest. Your fingers graze across his palm before interlocking with his. “Hold on to me Noona,” He comforts you with a whisper before resting his head on your shoulder as the plane takes off.

...

-Three Months Later-

You wait at the airport checking the flight arrival information for the hundredth time. Making sure that his flight did in fact land when you finally see him amongst the crowd. There’s a heavy bag on Jungkook shoulders but even that can’t weight down the massive grin on his face. You run to greet him colliding with his chest and forcing him to take a step back with the impact. He coughs slightly from the hit to his lungs, but then hugs you back just as tight. “I definitely prefer the welcome here, Namjoon only shook my hand when I saw him.”

“So that’s everything, your visa cleared and your belongings shipped? No more loose ends to tie up?” After Jungkook’s offer was accepted it’s been months with him going back and forth for the transition. Helping Taehyung find an additional worker and supply training, plus the time spent packing up most of his life to move it out here. You’ve grown so accustomed to having him here that sending him off each time leaves a deep ache inside you.

“Yep, that’s everything.” He takes your hand and kisses your fingers with a smile, “No more letting go.”

#bts smut #jungkook smut #jungkook x reader #namjoon x reader #bts fluff #bts angst #bts fanfic #bts fanfiction #bts reader insert #rm x reader #bts x reader #bts the shoulder on which you cry

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thecleverdame · 5 years

Text

Control and Release - 22

Series Masterlist

TEDTalk!Sam x Reader

Summary: With the rest of the staff caught in a snowstorm, you find yourself acting as a personal assistant to the notorious Sam Winchester.

Warnings: Dom/Sub, humiliation, embarrassment, sexual objectification, mutual masturbation, spanking, cum play, fingering, anal play, orgasm control, nipple clamps, dub-con, breath play.

Beta: @ilikaicalie

Words: 4.6k

Parts 23, 24, 25 & 26are currently available on Patreon for a monthly pledge of $2.50. This includes early access to all my stories, including the ABO series Gods of Twilight and Patreon exclusive content. >> CLICK HERE <<

“Are you seriously going to pretend like that didn’t happen?” You trail Sam back down the hallway, glancing behind you. Pepper ran out as soon as she collected her documents, but you’re still on edge.

“I’m not pretending anything.” Sam wanders into the bedroom, waving a hand without turning around. “What reaction would you like me to have?”

“I don’t know,” you stand the doorway, trying to think coherent thoughts. “You’re not concerned? Embarrassed?”

“Why would I be concerned?” He pauses to turn back to you skeptically. “She won’t tell anyone. She’s a bitch and she hates you but she would never betray my trust.”

“Oh,” you nod, unable to believe how calm he is. “So that’s just it huh?”

“Why would I be embarrassed?” He cocks his head, asking it as a genuine question.

“I don’t know,” you shrug. “She walked in on us having sex. In your kitchen.”

“You’re the one who was naked. I understand why you'd feel that way,” he volleys back.

“And it’s not a thing for you?” you inch into the room. “That she knows you’re with me or sleeping with me at least?”

“You say that like you’re something to be embarrassed about,” he snorts, yanking his shirt off over his head. “I’m sure most people would think being with you is the best part about me. My sole redeeming quality.”

And with that, he wanders off into the bathroom and shower turns on. You smile to yourself, cheeks burning at his easy declaration. He always does this, says things that would be laughable if it was anyone other than him.

“Take your clothes off and get in here,” he calls from the shower.

“Coming!” you sing-song, shedding your shirt and joining him under the warm water.

His kisses are messy this morning, open mouthed and wet, the heft of his tongue sliding over your own. You find yourself trapped between his warm, dripping body and the cold tile of the shower as he lifts you up and slides his cock into your pussy in one easy move.

The first thrust is always the best, that forced stretch of your body opening up for him and the thickness of his cock filling up every last inch inside. One of his forearms presses on the tile beside your head, the other hand cupping your ass, as he ruts up into you again and again.

“Fuck, Sam,” you moan into his mouth. Grasping his shoulders you hang on as he thrusts hard and fast.

He stops to nip at your bottom lip, catching it. “We’ll try this in the kitchen again this weekend.”

You haven’t been up to Sam’s office since W & S moved into the new buildings. The old offices were modern, but these buildings are from the turn of the century with an aging charm you can appreciate.

With a controlled, neutral expression you approach Pepper at her desk. She glances up, sees you and then looks back to her computer.

“He’s out to lunch with a client,” she explains coolly.

“Actually, I came to see you.”

“Why?” She smiles, a frightening expression that’s so unnatural you almost flinch.

“You know why,” you whisper, stepping closer. “I just wanted to say I’m sorry that you walked in on us. It had to be really uncomfortable seeing us like that, seeing Sam with me.”

“Please, don’t patronize me. I’m an adult. I can handle seeing your tits,” she spits back, her cheeks turning red. “Are you honestly naive enough to think you’re the first? Two years ago I caught him getting a blow job in the middle of his living room. You, naked in the kitchen, doesn’t even rank compared to that.”

Stifling your reaction you take a step back from the desk. She invoked the idea of Sam with another woman to get a rise out of you but you refuse to play into her game. “I shouldn’t have come up here. I’m sorry.”

“You, of all people,” she mutters, unable to hold back.

“What the hell does that mean?” you counter.

“I mean, I get it,” she sneers. “You’re beautiful and good at taking orders, he likes that. But Jesus, how did the two of you even get to that point? What, did he save your life and so you felt like you should offer him your pussy?”

“What’s wrong with you?” You stare at her, trying to determine the root of this hostility. Does she want him? Does she just hate you that much?

“Just be sure to watch yourself,” she warns. “I thought he was too smart to hook up with some desperate woman at work but I guess all men are led around by their dicks after all. If you think you matter to him, you don’t. I’ve seen that side of him, he’ll fuck you until he’s had his fill and then you’re toast.”

“Why are you always so nasty?” Shaking your head you back away. You came here to offer an olive branch but she’s not going to allow that.

“Because I’m the one who put in the time!” She points at you, thrusting a finger forward. “I work ninety hour weeks. I take his shit day in and day out, I take the blame and responsibility for every Goddamn thing that goes wrong. And you suck his dick and now you’re in some made-up position making the same amount of money as I am but dealing with a fraction of the bullshit. Jesus! Honestly, you were the last person I thought would sleep her way to the top. I didn’t think you had it in you.”

“It’s not like that,” you counter, wiping away a tear that’s managed to escape.

“What is it like then?”

“It’s not how you’re making it out to be.”

“How many blow jobs get you a position like that?”

“Now you’re just being cruel.”

“I’m being real.” Her face is beet red, her eyes welling up with tears. “You’ve been here a year and he’s given you special treatment from the beginning. I can’t stand to look at you anymore. I’ll send you an alert via email when he’s back in his office if you want to see him.”

Hours later you’re still seething from the confrontation. You’ve been locked up in your office, practically vibrating with anger since the encounter earlier that morning. Pepper has always been a grade-A bitch and you should have known that trying to explain yourself would get you nowhere. At least Sam was right about one thing, you’re sure of her allegiance. She takes her position seriously and she’s terrified of him. That makes for a powerful combination.

You’re about to go over next week’s schedule when there’s a knock on your door. Looking up you find none other than Pepper. Rolling your eyes you shake your head no, glaring at her.

“What are you doing here?”

Pepper leans against the door frame, watching you intently before stepping inside and carefully shutting the door. She silently takes a seat across from you, sucking in a breath before speaking.

“I was thinking. When you were leaving for Chicago, Millie wouldn’t shut up about your mystery boyfriend. She went on and on about what an asshole he must be to make you leave the city just to get over him. She thought it was Dale from accounting.”

You shift in your chair, uncomfortable with where this is going but even more appalled at the idea of Dale being your lover.

“He’s like, sixty.”

“Yeah, but a silver fox,” she grins. “Then I started thinking about Sam’s special project. All those last-minute meetings. In the entire time I’ve worked for him, he’s never once scheduled a meeting himself. I should have known there was something going on.”

“I wasn’t trying to get special treatment. It just kind of...evolved,” you admit quietly. “It was never my intention to use him to get ahead professionally. Despite what you think, that’s not what this is. I’m good at this.”

Her eyes narrow as she studies you. She’s clearly been working with Sam for too long because she’s taken on several of his mannerisms, including his stare that could pry state secrets out a cold war spy.

“When did it start?” she asks.

“That is none your business,” you counter, suspicious of her motives.

“Oh come on,” she sighs dramatically, leaning back in the chair. “Who am I going to tell? I signed a nondisclosure when I started working for him. If I ever spill any of Winchester’s beans he’d ruin my life.”

It’s an interesting juxtaposition. You and Pepper have more in common than most. Your varying relationships with Sam and the sex contract he made you sign. It’s strange to hear her talk about their own legal agreement. Sam knows the devil is in the details and he’s covered his ass from all angles.

“It happened early on,” you admit, feeling a weight lifted in telling someone, anyone. Even if that person is your arch-nemesis. “When you first had me cover for you during that snowstorm.”

“Shit,” she breathes looking at you in a mix of disbelief and amazement. “You’re sleeping with Sam Winchester. I don’t get it. I mean, women like power but this is Sam we’re talking about. Does he give you his frequent flyer miles or something?”

“If you’re going to be like that, you can leave.” You point to the door and she rolls her eyes.

“I just mean, it’s crazy from both sides. I always figured he hired high priced hookers or something, but you...I can’t believe I didn’t see it. Does he pay you?”

“Fuck you, Pepper,” you sneer, leaning forward. “I’m not a whore.”

“What? Are you dating?” She laughs at the idea.

You offer a shrug, then nod slowly in confirmation.

“Are you kidding me?” Her face falls, a look of genuine concern pulling her mouth into a nasty little grimace. “Do you live with him?”

“No, I mean I stayed for a while after the shooting, but I’m not living there now.”

“I don’t even know what to say.” All the energy has drained out of her.

“Why is it so hard for you to believe that he would be with me?”

“It’s nothing to do with you,” she shakes her head. “I mean, I know he’s not a machine but he hates people. I can’t believe he would have the patience to be in any kind of relationship. You gotta be a masochist because he’s a bastard.”

“He’s not so bad,” you retort.

“Fuck, you got it bad for him, huh? You clearly haven’t been on the receiving end of that temper.”

Your face goes hot, and you swallow hard at the mere idea of being on the receiving end of anything he’s got to give.

“He can be sweet.” You smile to yourself and glance up. Her eyes have shifted, a sudden hesitation crossing her face.

“Please don’t tell him what I said,” she requests in a hurried breath. “What happened with the documents, that wasn’t my first fuck up recently and I can’t get fired, please don’t tell him. I know I’ve been a cunt to you, but I need this job. No one is going to pay me close to what he does and I’ve got people in my life who need that money. Please don’t tell him.”

“Okay,” you agree automatically, watching the desperation wash over her entire demeanor. There’s clearly a lot more going on with Pepper beneath the surface. “I won’t.”

“Why wouldn't you?” she snips. “If what you said about your relationship is true, he’d be furious if he knew I talked to you that way. After everything I’ve done to you, why would you keep your mouth shut? I’ve thrown you under the bus a couple of times.”

“I’m not you, Pepper.” You shrug. “It wouldn’t make me feel any better to get you in trouble. Not to mention we both almost died. I think that means we deserve a chance to start over. I’m not saying we need to be friends, but at least we can be kinder to each other.”

“Alright,” she agrees hesitantly. Rolling her eyes again she laughs, shaking out nervous energy. “I can’t believe this.”

“Sam thinks a lot of you,” you add and she snaps to attention. “He trusts you and we both know there are not many people on that list.”

“Well,” she shrugs, getting up and head to the door. “I wish someone would tell him.”

Cole’s office is exactly what you expected, meticulously organized with small personal touches that make it his own. He spends most of his life here, countless hours working hard to make a good impression and so far he’s exceeded everyone’s expectations, including yours.

Behind his desk, on a floating metal shelf, are multiple photos. One of him in military garb with his former unit. Next to that is a photo of an older couple you assume are his parents. Mounted on the wall are his degrees. There’s a NorthWestern diploma for his undergrad and then his law degree from Georgetown.

He’s incredibly proud of his history as a Marine and you wonder why he left the service. He went to school later in life than most but he’s certainly excelled. He’s roughly the same age as Sam, maybe a few years older but just as disciplined.

“Sorry I’m late.” Cole shakes his head, closing the door to his office and dropping a stack of folders onto the desk. “I had a meeting with the big guy.”

“How did it go?”

“Good,” he looks at you thoughtfully. “I think. He’s hard to get a read on.”

“That he is,” you agree.”But I think you’d know if he wasn’t happy.”

“I mean he doesn’t pull any punches but that's how I like to work. Let’s just try and not screw up, okay?”

“I’ll do my best.” You give him a little salute and he chuckles.

“We’ve got a client, it’s an intellectual property rights case and we’re representing Lavion. In fact is looks like moving forward we’re going to represent them exclusively.”

Lavoin is a tech giant, right up there with Google and Microsoft and it’s owned by none other than your biggest fan, Nick Luster. They’re still considered an up and coming company, but in a few years the talking heads expect Lavion to surpass their current competitors.

“That’s huge.” It’s a strange thing to feel excited about work, this is a first but you can’t deny how fulfilling it is to be part of a powerful team like this. “What’s our role in this?”

“There are 162 members of the legal team that are available for assignment or reassignment. Our task to determine what ten associates we’re going to assign and then oversee the case. Eventually, we’ll oversee everything, all the junior associates at least. But it starts here.”

“Holy shit,” you breathe, grinning at each other.

Your period runs like clockwork. It comes on the same day, at the same time, every month without fail. It should have started this morning, but when you checked the pantyliner during lunch it was pristine white.

There’s a sick feeling in your stomach as you double-check your calendar. You’ve never been late, not for years.

A day later you’re starting to panic but realize it’s time to man up and find out, so you head to Walgreens and pick up a two-pack of pregnancy tests, tucking them into your purse before you head to Sam’s house for the weekend.

He’s not home yet when you arrive. You lock yourself in a guest bathroom, deciding to make double sure of the results. You pee on both, then set them on the counter and set the timer on your phone.

There’s never been a longer five minutes in the history of the planet. You take this time to contemplate how little you know about Sam and how a tiny pink + sign could change the trajectory of your whole life. You don’t want children, not right now and definitely not with a guy that only confessed his feelings after you were confronted with certain death. Sam, especially in his current state, is not exactly father of the year material.

The timer on your phone sounds and you take a deep breath, shaking out your hands to release the nerves before looking.

Negative.

And a second negative.

“Fuck,” you whisper, laughing in sheer relief. “I’m such a drama queen,” you mutter to yourself, taking the tests and grabbing your phone.

You’re halfway back to the bedroom when Sam appears in the doorway, pulling the knot of his tie loose. He looks amused, smiling at you. “Where were you? I saw your purse in the kitchen…”

His voice trails off as he hones in on the tests clutched in your hand. His face drains of all color, just as panicked as you were earlier.

“Don’t worry,” you take a step toward him. “I’m not pregnant, my period is just late. I scared myself too.”

“Good,” he blinks, collecting himself. Pausing he starts to say something and then stops himself to reconsider the delivery. “I don’t want children.”

“Me either,” you agree. “Not right now, anyway.”

“Ever,” he clarifies. “You should know that, if it’s a non-negotiable for you.”

“Oh.” You’re stunned for a moment, taking in this declaration. First, it’s a pretty ballsy thing to say to your non-girlfriend girlfriend just minutes after she thought she might be pregnant. On the other hand, he’s talking about this information like he intends for your relationship to progress into the long term. “I’d prefer if you don’t use business jargon when we’re talking about personal matters. It’s not something I’ve thought much about. I’ve spent my adult life trying not to get pregnant.”

“Good,” he confirms, staring at you with uncomfortable intensity. Is this his ultimatum? A challenge? Whatever he’s trying to convey it has you on edge.

“What would you say if I told you I was pregnant?” you counter and he recoils, a grimace pulling at his lips. “You wouldn’t want me to have it, would you?”

He swallows, jaw tightening as he takes off his glasses. Taking a breath he remains collected and looks at you dead on. “It would be your choice of course, but I don’t want children.”

“Will you tell me something, Sam?” You inch closer, keeping your reaction in check. “Do you see us in a place where that would become an issue? I mean, when you think about our relationship, are we together in a year? Five years? What does the future look like for you.”

“I don’t deal in hypotheticals,” he quips dryly, suiting up in his emotional armor.

“We’re not wheeling and dealing in anything. We’re talking like two people who care about each other. I’d like you to answer my question.”

“Jesus Christ,” he mutters, rolling his eyes and turning to walk back into the bedroom. You’re about to really let him have it for walking away but he sits down in the modern, upholstered chair tucked into the corner. “If I’m lucky, which I doubt will happen because the universe fucking hates Winchesters, but if I’m lucky in five years you’re still with me. Maybe we’re living together. But if you really want to know what we look like in the future, I’ll tell you what’s going to happen. You’ll be as far away from me as you can get. I’ll hurt you. I’ll make you regret that you ever gave me a chance. You’ll move on to find a happy life with some accountant from Idaho who thinks he’s won the lottery.”

“That’s bleak,” you respond immediately. This isn’t the first time he’s expressed his belief that he’s going to drive you away. “You know what I think? It’s an excuse for your shitty, closed off behavior. If you keep saying in the end you’re going to make me hate you, it’s just a self-fulfilling prophecy when it happens. You get to act like a dick, refuse to open up and when I leave, well fuck, you’ve known it would happen all along. Stop being such a coward and let me in. You’re using this bullshit premonition of our inevitable demise as a reason to not let me know you.”

His nostrils flare out, eyes narrowing. He hates being called out, but you’re not done yet.

“Maybe I will want to have a baby one day, but I can’t make that decision right now. I can’t even start to think about that because we’re still learning how to become us. I want to know you, to fall in love with you, hell maybe I already am in some twisted way, but I don’t know that yet. Maybe we’ll hate each in other in five years, but there’s also a chance that we really fucking enjoy each other too. Maybe we get married and adopt a dog. My point is I don’t fucking know what’s going to happen and you don’t either. So stop acting like you can see the future and just open up a little and be here with me. Show up now, Sam. I’m waiting for you, I want you. All you have to do is try.”

He’s silent, his jaw set with each hand resting on either thigh. His eye twitches, mouth pulling in discomfort.

“I think about you all the time.” He delivers this as if he’s making a weighty confession of some tawdry affair. “It’s been hard for me...for a long time...to concentrate on anything good in life. In my experience, the things I care about always have an expiration date. I don’t deal with loss well. The more I care about you, the greater that loss will be for me.”

“Sam,” you walk over to him, kneeing your way onto his lap. His hands slide over your hips as you look down at him. “What if there is no expiration date? What if you don’t lose me? You are the only one running away.”

“I’m not good at this,” he snorts, thumbs sinking into the meat of your waist.

“Well, lucky for you that isn’t news to me.” You pat his chest, looking over this handsome face you know all too well. “We should go on a date. Like a normal, real people date.”

“A date?” He raises an eyebrow.

“Yeah, you know, dinner and a show or something normal.”

“What if someone sees us?”

“Well,” you shrug. “We can’t hide in the shadows if we want to move forward. I’m not ready to shout it from the mountain tops that I’m sleeping with my boss’s boss. I’d be happy for everyone to know that I’m with you, it’s the assumptions people will make that give me pause. But this is more important than my ego. If people find out, they find out.”

“I’ll make a reservation,” he shrugs.

“Good,” you nod, leaning down to kiss him, but pull back before your lips meet. “There’s actually one more thing I wanted to talk to you about.”

“Pepper!” Sam calls through the open doors of his office.

He normally uses the intercom; when he hollers it means she’s about to get it. Pepper scrambles out of her chair and into his office, pulling her blouse into place. He sees her as an extension of him and when she looks less than put together he lets her know.

“I’m here,” she stands up straight, hands clasped together.

Sam’s standing in the middle of the room with both hands in his pockets. Never a good sign when he’s out of his seat. It means he’s got energy, something has riled him and she takes the brunt of his mood swings.

He stares right through her, eyes narrowing, the two of them locked in silence.

“It’s been brought to my attention that you had quite a conversation with Y/N.”

This statement sends her heart into her stomach. You bitch. You said you wouldn’t tell him but she should have known better.

“Y-yes,” Pepper stammers.

“I’ve also been advised that you feel you’re more qualified than Y/N for the position under Cole Trenton.” He lifts an eyebrow awaiting her answer.

She’s not normally a crier but life has been harder than usual lately.

Pepper feels like she might throw up. She’ll never forgive you for this. A single tear falls down her cheek but she wipes it away immediately. He hates it when people cry and she doesn’t want to make this worse.

“I-I said something I didn’t truly mean,” she offers, voice wavering. “I’m sorry. I should never have said anything.”

“No,” he shakes his head, walking leisurely back behind his desk. “You shouldn’t have.”

Here it comes. She closes her eyes and prepares for one of his monologues on her many failings and her impending termination.

“There are two reasons that you aren’t a fit for that position.” He sits down in his chair, leaning back and resting a forearm on the desk. “One, no one wants to work with you. Even if you and Cole worked well together, I needed someone that people like. Someone people will talk to. It’s a liaison position, I can’t have a person in that role who’s burnt as many bridges as you have.”

“I understand,” Pepper whispers, staring at the carpet.

“Look at me, not the floor,” he snaps. Pepper gulps, clearing her throat as she lifts her chin. “The second reason is that I need you. No one else is capable of doing what you do. You balance my schedule, you understand the differing levels of importance when it comes to people, meetings, and tasks. You’ve managed to work directly for me for years without cracking. I trust you and the number of people I trust I can count on one hand. You are invaluable to me.”

She’s stunned, she stands there staring at him, no longer shaking but in complete shock. He doesn’t offer praise, especially not to her.

Sam taps a file on his desk.

“Your mother’s been sick.” He’s not looking for confirmation. He already knows the details. “Now your brother has been injured.”

Her mother’s been sick for a while, slowly dying a painful death in a hospital bed in Ohio with no insurance. Her brother, Dan, went to check on their mother every day. But last week he was in a car accident, he’s in intensive care.

Now it’s just her.

“Yes,” she stares at him, wondering where this is going.

“Do you need to go home?”

“I...I don’t know.”

“You should go.” He waves his hand at her. “When you’re at work I need you to be on your game. If that means you need to handle what’s happening with your family, then go and take care of it. Be with your family and come back when you’re ready.”

“My mom, um,” she wipes her eyes again. “I was waiting until she was closer to the end to ask for a leave. It could be a month, maybe longer.”

“I understand that.” Sam stares at her, emotionless and stoic. “Find a suitable replacement that won’t turn my life upside down. Take as long as you need.”

“Thank you,” she whispers, already backing out of the room before he changes his mind.

“Don’t thank me. It’s selfish. I need you long term. When you get back we can discuss your salary.”

#sam winchester x reader #sam winchester smut #sam winchester fanfiction #control and release #Sam Winchester Fanfic

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glaringapollo · 7 years

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30 Day Warden Challenge

(But all at once)

1. Basics. A basic profile of your Warden.

Hireth Surana - 17/20 - Circle Mage (Dalish parentage) - Lawful Good - Elemental Magic

2. Appearance. Write a detailed description of your Warden’s appearance.

Standing at about 5′1″, he’s a frail looking boy with soft hands. His nose is broad and a little flat, classic elf bridge with two moles just under his eyebrows (which are pretty bushy themselves). A bit awkward looking with an overbite, soft jawline, and big ears (left ear has a mole as well). His hair is a deep brown, that he grows out over the course of the game. Also over the course of the game he gets; two scars on his jaw and one on his ear from the Archdemon, some scars across his knuckles and a gash in his left leg from his fight with Loghain (giving him a slight limp now but he has his staff for support).

3. Personality. Write a detailed description on your Warden’s personality.

NO idea how the real world works, he stumbles a lot and is naive and gets taken advantage of. A really soft spoken boy, he doesn’t smile very often, dealing with depression and anxiety. His main aspirations are to be happy and feel stable, which he puts aside to focus on others happiness as a Warden feeling it his punishment and atonement for helping Jowan. As a result of being unable to find his own happiness- he is a firm believer in others living their lives the way they like as long as it doesn’t harm others.

He only raises his voice twice, once when encountering Jowan again, and another at the Landsmeet with Loghain.

A bit self depreciating, but he’s very loyal to his friends and tries to support them as much as he can- always trying to do little things for them. Lacking a bit of empathy with certain emotional issues though, having trouble understanding struggles with family having not really known his own enough to miss them. Sometimes even when he knows he’s being taken advantage of, he still allows it to happen if it doesn’t hurt anything (the Alienage elves asking for money constantly). A bleeding heart for peoples struggles.

4. Companions. Describe your Wardens relationship with each member of their party.

Alistair - First love, quite possibly his only and last as well. Alistair’s the first person he felt a real connection to, and he clings to that connection for dear life. They don’t always see eye to eye, but they never let that interfere with their friendship. He puts his complete trust in Alistair, and would almost certainly die for him.

Leliana - Best friend! They’re both devout and relate on that point, he likes her stories, and she’s a positive person to lean on. One of the few people who can make him laugh. She is usually the one that tries to uplift his self-esteem when he’s down- he’s not sure how he feels about her past with violence, and her choice to continue pursuit of Marjolaine but they do keep in contact periodically as the years go by.

Wynne - Basically his mom/grandma, since she’s from the circle she’s known him from the start. She knows more about his past and his upbringing, and tries to continue to coax him towards being more confident in his abilities.

Shale - Despite their rocky start (pun intended) Shale’s surprising loyalty quickly won Hireth over- and his quiet company won Shale’s in return. His dedication to his cause really helped Shale warm up to him, and soon they even became a bit protective of him. Any time he gets info to help Shale return to being a Dwarf he sends it to them- wishing them the best.

Zevran - Their friendship is one built on the fact that they must trust each other. They disagree on a lot, but Zevran must trust that Hireth won’t get rid of him- and HIreth must trust the same. His flirting makes Hireth a little uncomfortable, but he doesn’t say anything on the matter.

Sten - Sten makes Hireth nervous, and while he started out wanting to befriend the Qunari- it ended with him seeing the other as nothing more than something akin to a coworker. They each had a job to do and would part ways once it was done. Their personalities just didn’t mesh well.

Oghren - Made Hireth uncomfortable, and Hireth is also the worst wingman fyi. The drunkenness was off-putting and he avoided prolonged talks with the man, but he knew the Dwarf didn’t necessarily have any ill will. Was actually a bit relieved to see Oghren in Awakening- having a familiar face was a comfort.

Morrigan - Despises her, and the feeling is mutual.

5. Romance. Who is your Warden’s romantic interest and why are they attracted to them? Describe their relationship. If your Warden has no romantic interest explain why.

He is so very gay, and Alistair is unfortunately not (tbh I do headcanon Alistair as pan (w/ a preference to women but not against dating other genders) but he’s also dense so they still don’t get together lmaooo).

6. Sexuality. What is your Warden’s sexual orientation? Describe your Wardens past sexual experiences [if any].

Honestly? Hireth never showed much interest in others as a teen. He is gay, and has had an odd crush or two but never anything really intense (I let characters develop as I play, and I thought he was going to be Ace before he saw Alistair and was just like “I wanna have sex w/ him” like boy CHILL).

7. Choices [Part One]. Describe your Wardens choices in the five main quests: Arl of Redcliffe, Urn of Sacred Ashes, Broken Circle, A Paragon of Her Kind & Nature of the Beast.

AoR - After shouting at Jowan (”No no, you MADE this mess and you’re fixing it!! You don’t just get to run away every time you have to face consequences, Jowan!!”), he enlisted the help of the Circle Mages (”I can fix it but it requires bloo-” “No.” “But--” No.”), and killed the demon (no deals for him).

UoSA - Fought that fucking dragon because I didn’t know you could skip it, of course he didn’t taint the ashes he’s A GOOD ANDRASTEAN BOY.

BC - Saved the circle, it’s his home and he actually liked it there...

APoHK - Sided with Caridan, seeing the Anvil as too cruel. He had Harrowmont put on the throne, seeing him as the more peaceful of the two (he hates Orzammar).

NotB - Managed to lift the curse and allow the elves to live.

8. Choices [Part Two]. Describe your Wardens choices later in the game: The Alienage, the Landsmeet and Morrigan’s ritual.

Alienage - Got rid of the slavers in the Alienage, refusing to deal with them and gave generously to the false beggars.

Landsmeet - Managed to get everyone on his side, he actually got increasingly angry with Loghain, even yelling at him for the shit he had pulled- when the challenge to duel was set, he agreed to be the one to fight Loghain not wanting to force anyone to fight his battles and worrying that Alistair’s anger would get the better of him. He was not able to execute Loghain however- and Alistair gladly did that one for him. He had brought up marrying Anora to Alistair but quickly defaulted when Alistair showed upset, not wanting to pressure him into anything.

Morrigan’s Ritual - [TW: Rape Mention - TL;DR vers Hireth did the Ritual with Morrigan] OK, so- due to the feel I got for Hireth and the way Morrigan’s wording came off, canonically for MY game Hireth was technically raped. While he did agree to the ritual, he felt guilted and blackmailed into it. Initially he put up a fight, accepting the fact that he will die, willing to give up his life to slay the Archdemon. Morrigan of course fought the decision, bringing up Alistair and the chances of Alistair being the one to give the final blow (”He IS a templar after all... you as a mage would be much further away, he’d have the higher risk.”) and pressuring Hireth to convince Alistair to sleep with her. Hireth refused, not wanting to force Alistair to do anything, let alone sleep with someone he hardly got along with- and Hireth gave in agreeing to the ritual.

He doesn’t like to think about it, for obvious reasons.

9. Motivation. Describe why your Warden made the choices they made during the Blight. Go into detail about who influenced them and how any key events from their past influenced them.

Hireth threw himself down as a servant to the people, he felt it his duty to completely be at the whims of the public and their needs. He feels guilty for assisting Jowan after it being revealed that he really was a blood mage, he also humbles himself incredibly once he finds out that jealousy is what drove Jowan to study blood magic.

10. Joining The Wardens. How did your Warden react to being recruited? Include your Wardens thoughts about Duncan and whether or not they were conscripted in your answer.

He sees it as a punishment- he technically had to be conscripted because he was ready to default to the punishment of the circle- whether it be death or made tranquil. The thing is, even if Jowan wasn’t a blood mage or he got out fine, Hireth would’ve turned himself in after giving it a few hours for Jowan to get away.

He likes the Wardens well enough, but he and Alistair definitely don’t see eye to eye on it being an honor. His opinion on Duncan was luke-warm, he didn’t dislike Duncan but at the time he was hit hard with depression over being conscripted and ripped from the only life he’d known.... so he didn’t really reach out to connect to anyone in the first 6 months or so.

11. Spirituality. What does your Warden believe in? Describe your Wardens Religion or their Atheism. Go into detail about how they practice their beliefs, if their beliefs cause conflict among their companions and how their beliefs guide them morally.

Hireth is a very devout Andrastean, he believes in the Maker and follows a strict moral code of ‘goodness’ in part to that . While merely being a believer in the start, he really falls in love with Leliana’s own teachings on the Maker and His love for everyone. Especially since Hireth follows a “happiness is important” sort of code of conduct, and that really supports the idea (as long as it doesn’t hurt others obviously). He prays every night before bed, which has definitely received some snark from certain party members. Zevran teases him about it, but is never malicious as his teasing is usually good natured. Alistair and him sometimes discuss the religion as two who’ve been under the pressing thumb of the Chantry their whole lives-

Both agree that it was straining, but Hireth never let it get to him the way Alistair seemed to.

12. Tattoos. Does your Warden have any tattoos and if so how did they get them? If you Warden has no tattoos explain why not. Also include how your Warden views tattoos - Include their reaction to the Dwarven Casteless brands and the Dalish Blood Writing.

He’s a big baby who don’t want no pain.

As far as tattoos as a whole go, he has no real opinion on them outside the fact that he doesn’t want one. He’s a bit horrified by the Casteless brands, not understanding how anyone could forcibly do that to others- children included. Dalish blood writing doesn’t phase him as much though due to him being Dalish born.

13. Viewpoint [Part One - Race & Social Class]. Describe how your Warden feels about the Dwarven caste system, Human nobility and Elven alienages. Also go into detail about your own Wardens race/social class and if they are proud/ashamed of where they come from.

He doesn’t understand it at all, honestly. He’s a bit bitter at the treatment of elves- but in the circle he wasn’t really treated wrongly. He was the First Enchanters star pupil, so he didn’t really experience how harsh others racism could be until he was shoved out into the real world.

The Dwarven caste system is the most upsetting to him, that they’d treat others of their own race that way. Elven Alienages upset him a bit too, and I like to imagine that while he travels he always stops in them to help them out.

Personally though, he is proud of his being an elf and a mage.

14. Viewpoint [Part Two - Mages Rights]. How does your character view Mages? Apostates? Blood Magic? How do they react to Morrigan’s shape shifting? How do they react to Wynne being a abomination? If they are a Mage describe their views of the Circle and if they believe they should be free or not.

Being a mage, he views them as just other people. He understands that they hold a great deal of power, but he doesn’t quite grasp the fear of mages that others have. While he personally supports the circle (he wishes to see it as a learning institution though, and would like more freedoms to experience life to be available), he doesn’t dislike apostates for not wanting to be in one.

Blood magic is just evil in his opinion, and should never be used.

He was fairly impressed by Morrigan’s abilities, but made uneasy especially with the implications of her mother being an abomination- that on top of her general attitude kept him from fully trusting her.

Wynne taught him that there are other spirits in the world, and her being touched by one and turned to an ‘abomination’ actually furthered his belief in the Maker that there was a kindness in this world for them.

15. Leadership. What is your Warden like as a leader? How do they lead and how do they handle companions disagreeing with them?

He really grows into the leadership role, he’s a very gentle force and while uncertain at first- he later develops a conviction in his actions. Hireth likes to think that he ‘guides’ more than leads. Any time a companion disagrees with his choices, he usually just reminds them that they don’t actually have to listen to him, but they usually just go with it anyway because they’re there for a reason.

16. Fear. During the quest Broken Circle your character is trapped in the Fade by a Sloth demon If you could personalize your Warden’s nightmare what would it be about? And why?

Chaos, and a lack of control. His nightmare would probably center around how every action he does, the opposite happens. Tries to pick up that book? His reach pushes it away instead. Noise, and over stimulation and not being able to stop it- really fucking with his anxiety.

17. Regret. During the Urn of Sacred Ashes quest you will be introduced to the Guardian who will ask the Warden if they regret something from their past. If you could personalize the Guardian’s question what would he ask? And how would your Warden answer?

Honestly? The question about Jowan would still be fitting. His answer would be more in depth though, about how he would wish that he was more aware of Jowan’s feelings and emotions. Their friendship was a bit of a stale one out of convenience more than a connection, and honestly Hireth blames that fact on himself, and as a reason Jowan turned to blood magic at all.

18. Moral Alignment. What would your character moral alignment be and why?

His alignment is clearly Lawful Good, while he feels that others should have a more- neutral good lifestyle (again, he feels happiness is important as long as it’s harmless), he himself is Lawful. The times he has broken the law/rules, were for the benefit of others. He’s never stepped outside of the law for his own benefit.

19. Fighting Style. Describe your Warden’s fighting style and how it improves during the Blight. Make sure to include what specializations they trained in and why they chose them.

He definitely gets more aggressive in style as the time goes on, he specialized in elemental magic as a part of his training in the circle and carried that on (he was most capable of fire spells, and later electricity due to his precise control on the spells he casted). While starting out shakey, and afraid of actually hurting people, he soon got a better footing on the need to defend himself and his friends and knew his limits and capabilities. His control on his magic allowed him absolute confidence in battle.

20. Weapons/Spells. Describe your Warden’s favourite weapon/spellsand describe what their favourite weapons/spells say about their personality.

As stated, he specialized in elemental spells, which contrasted a bit with his controlling nature to use such unpredictable means- but that was part of what was actually a bit scary about him. He had the control and precision to handle those spells well, if he didn’t want his flames to be unruly and go beyond a certain parameter- they wouldn’t.

21. Meeting Your Warden. Your Warden has been transported into your bedroom through a magical portal. How do they react to meeting you? Do you get along? What is their opinion of your bedroom? Explain the meeting and go into as much detail as possible.

I am not going into detail over this, lmao. He’d be upset by my room and my life choices, I’d be way too loud for him, and we’d get along in a passive sort of way.

22. Favourites. Make a list of your Warden’s favourite things [Colour, Food, Music, Animals, etc]. Explain why they are their favourite.

-Green -- He never put much thought into his favorite color, and wouldn’t be able to answer the question personally... but his wardrobe is filled with nice earthy tones and he is definitely biased towards the color even if he doesn’t realize.

-Spicy foods? -- I-- I can’t really think of a specific food but he loves flavorful ones so I can definitely see him enjoying spicy foods. The nights where Zevran cooks are his fave (Zevran uses the good Antivan spices).

-Piano -- Piano’s are his favorite instrument so he really likes relaxing tunes, soft and melodic. He’s not the biggest fan of vocals, but he doesn’t mind when Leliana sings, and sometimes he joins her if he doesn’t think anyone is listening.

-idk what else to state as his fave lmao

23. Talents & Hobbies. What did your Warden like to do before they were recruited and what do they like to do now when they’re not battling Darkspawn? Also include any talents they may have.

He actually enjoyed writing academically and would compile notes on historical events to find inaccuracies and conflicting information. He writes down reports of his travels now, and compiles them for future information. Overall, hobbies are also reading, and he’s recently taken an interest in Dwarven history.

His talents though, is that he actually has a pretty singing voice.

24. Going Out For A Drink. The DA:O writers were asked in a interview how each companion would act if they went out for a drink [To see responses go onto the Dragon Age Wiki – Character’s Page – Trivia].How would you character react if they went out drinking with their companions and why? What drink would they order?

He’d be nervous the whole time, Hireth doesn’t like drunks... he’d probably be DD (or the closet you can be in Fereldan). He would get water, maybe a virgin drink at the pressure of his friends.

25. Food Comparison. The DA:O writers were asked in a interview to compare each companion to a type of food based on their personalities. [To see responses go onto the Dragon Age Wiki – Character’s Page – Trivia]. What food would your character be and why?

Man I dunno enough about foods for this shit, sweet potato casserole. Because it’s soft and sweet????

26. NPCs. Choose four random NPCs in the game – they can be anyone you want – and describe what your warden thinks of them and their relationship.

First Enchanter Irving - More like a father to Hireth, he tried very hard to make him proud- feels a lot of guilt over lying to him to help Jowan but becomes a bit bitter towards him after finding out he was trained to become a Warden all along.

Ser Otto - Hireth actually has a soft spot for older Templar’s. While wary of younger ones who want in for a feeling of control, most older one’s are just lyrium addled and he pities them. He thought highly of Otto for going to address troubles in the Alienage, protecting the elves like he would humans. He was upset over his death.

Anora - Pitied her for having to deal with her father’s decline, but was ultimately a bit displeased with her as a whole. Something about her demeanor rubbed him wrong but he mostly thinks that’s the result of her coming from a place of wealth (especially bc Cailan had the same effect on him). He appreciated her composure during the Landsmeet, especially since he got sick in front of everyone after watching a man get beheaded...

Loghain - Was intimidated by him from the start, he avoided Loghain at all costs if he could- A bit shocked by the betrayal, but slowly grew to truly hate the man over time. One of the few people he’s actively gotten angry with.

27. Family. Describe the members in your Warden’s family and what your Warden’s relationship with them is like.

I need to change up some of his backstory, but he was originally a Dalish elf. He had a similar background as Minaeve, but I have a bit of a different outlook on the ‘casting out’ part. I think once a child exhibits magical abilities it’s less that they’re ‘cast out’ but more like put on a trial to prove they can handle their selves and abilities to ease worries of attracting demons. Usually they’re monitored but shit happens. As did with Hireth.

Now he doesn’t have clear memories of his parents, exhibiting magic very early on, but they were an elven huntress and the First to the Keeper. His mother was a bit playful, and a prankster- which contrasted with his father’s sullen attitude, but they were together due to being childhood sweethearts and were very close aside from this. They weren’t quite fit for being parents, which lead to them botching up Hireth’s trials and honestly decimated their own relationship afterwards.

In the circle First Enchanter Irving became a father figure for him, he put the man up on a pedestal that slowly crumbled once he left the Circle and found out things Irving had been keeping from him.

Wynne later becomes somewhat of a ‘grandmother’ to him, and he finds family with his companions (namely Shale, Alistair, Zevran, and Leliana).

28. Playlist. Write out a list of songs that describe you Warden and their journey to defeat the Blight. You can include songs you think describe your Warden’s relationship with specific companions if you want to. Make sure you explain why you have chosen each song.

I’m not explaining the reasons behind these.

29. Backpack. Name 5 items in your Warden’s backpack and explain their significance to your Warden.

A copy of the Chant of Light, and an amulet of Andraste, comforting items of his faith that he clings onto.

An over read book on the history of the Dalish, it’s inaccurate and he knows it- but it was the only thing he had to help him feel connected to where he came from. It’s dog eared on points that he remembers to be true. While he’s not particularly interested in joining back with the Dalish or anything- he still won’t deny his roots.

Dumb headcanon, but since to make the heads connect to the bodies look ‘natural’ the game gives all the characters these weird choker things- I headcanon that those are fucking “friendship” necklaces that Alistair made for everyone. Hireth still has his.

A gem stone given to him from Shale, he plans to return it to them once they become a dwarf again.

He has other keepsakes from companions as well but these are the most significant.

30. Happily Ever After…Or Not. How does the Blight end for your Warden? Describe who killed the Archdemon, How they reacted to Morrigan’s offer, If they lived or died and what boon they asked for if they did live.

The Archdemon is destroyed, surprisingly enough-- Hireth made the final blow in a panic at the thought that the ‘ritual’ was a lie and not wanting Alistair to die he clumsily swung a dropped sword at the beast. Obviously was very against Morrigan’s offer, and slowly has to cope with his own choices. He lived, and didn’t ask for a boon, because he’s a pure fucking child.

#hireth surana #HERE IT IS #god this was obnoxious some of these questions i just DID NOT CARE TO DO #warden surana

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