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gracesimp · 1 year

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soulmates

tenth doctor x fem!reader

Summary: it's rare, but sometimes in the universe, people meet their soulmate. Upon first touch with one's soulmate,a connection is formed. A physical and mental bond. What happens when the Doctor meets his soulmate?

Nearly eight billion people live on Earth. With the possibilities of life on other planets and different worlds, the belief of soulmates wasn't unwarranted in any way. The belief, however, of meeting your destined partner was a little harder to accept. Maybe it was one of the cruelest tricks of all. Knowing that they were out there - somewhere - but unlikely to ever meet them.

The Doctor often talked about miracles. The gift of the universe. Rare, though that makes then more magical when they occur. Never when you're expecting nor prepared. The Doctor was neither when the present of a miracle was handed to him, but he couldn't be more grateful if he tried.

________

Rose Tyler ran into the console room, a spring in her step, yelling out for the Doctor and squeaking in surprise when his head popped up from under the railings.

"Whistle, would you?!" She moaned, resting a hand on her racing heart as the Doctor laughed. She rolled her eyes, sticking her tongue out at him when his smile widened.

"What do you want to do today? We could go to the future! There's this planet, yeah, that's literally made of diamonds! The sky shines so bright, you have to wear these really blocky sunglasses that they invented especially for sightseers." He chuckled, words spewing out faster than his poor companion could comprehend.

"OR, we could go back in time! I could take you to meet Cleopatra..ooh, actually, maybe not. I think she's still mad at me for winning that game of cards. Sore loser-"

"Doctor!" Rose cut his ramblings short, failing to keep her amusement hidden. "I need to go home. Just for a quick visit." She said, reaching into her pocket and taking out her 'super-phone' before she waved it in front of his face. "I've not seen my best mate for a bit. I'm beginning to miss her." She frowned.

The Doctor hesitated slightly due to a strange feeling running through him, but it was gone as quick as it came. He shook his head then began to press random buttons.

"Sure, where does she live?"

"Nah, I already messaged her, she's meeting me at home." The blonde told him, receiving a low groan from the alien. She turned to him, eyebrow raised. "What?"

He cursed under his breath, kicking his feet on the ground in defeat. "Nothing, just means we've gotta see your mum."

"oi!"

_____

After a little struggle with parking the tardis, the two had finally landed in the correct time and place. Rose immediately hopped up from off the floor after she had been struck down by the dodgy driving and ran out the door.

The Doctor was taking his time, slowly shoving his arms into his brown coat, unable to shake this weird feeling. He moved towards the door, ready to leave, when the tardis began to trill. Her lights flashed teasingly and the Doctor narrowed his eyes. "What do you know?" He asked. "What are you not telling me?" He didn't earn a response other than some more flashing lights and a playful wheeze from his ship. "Whatever." He huffed when the tardis mentally nudged him with a tiny sense of urgency and made him feel compelled to walk out the door.

Doing as instructed, he shoved the door open and was met by his blonde friend, who simply rolled her eyes at him before linking their arms and pulling him towards the estate. "Could you take any longer?"

"You wouldn't understand but it takes time to look this good." He mocked, running a hand through his messy hair.

"Oh, shove it." She nudged him hard.

After countless amounts of stairs, the duo had finally made it to the Tyler residence. Not bothering to knock, Rose walked straight in, dragging the doctor with her. Jackie came running at the sound of her daughter, embracing her tightly in a hug. The Doctor subtly tried to slip away, but was unfortunate and the oldest Tyler spotted him, pulling him in, uncaring of his arms flying around awkwardly.

They pulled away and Jackie turned to her daughter, crossing her arms across her chest. "What have I told you about that bloody phone? Just one call, please!" She cried, and the Doctor sniggered at the embarrassment on his friend's face at the telling off she was receiving.

"Sorry." Rose mumbled, slyly elbowing the Doctor in his stomach, ignoring the groan of pain that replaced his snickering.

"Right, anyone for tea?" Asked Jackie, sauntering away into the kitchen, noting Rose's shadowing footsteps.

"Ooh, tea. Lovely! Milk and six sugars, please!" The only brunette spoke, following Rose into the living room and deciding to ignore the disgusted look on her face. He shoved his hands into his pockets, eyes making rounds across the room. Messy, but a natural kind of messy. Like it had recently been cleaned, but there were signs of life. Such as the magazine that was just thrown on the sofa and a stained mug abandoned on the table. He liked it.

"Yeah, I'll have a cup please, mum." Rose shouted into the kitchen. "Y/n not here?"

"No. You know what she's like. Always late, that girl." She chuckled while she poured the water into the cups.

"I'd better go help her." Rose said, excusing herself from the room.

"So, go on, where've you been now? You been taking care of her, Doctor?" The mother questioned, smiling softly when he answered with a 'She takes care of me!'

"Good, that's what I like to hear." She smiled, taking the milk out of the fridge when the doorbell rang. "Ooh, that'll be y/n!"

"Doctor, can you go let her in?" Rose asked, peeking her head around the door, hands full and a tin of biscuits under her chin. He chuckled at the sight, nodding as confirmation.

He opened the door, ready to greet Rose's friend, but stopped in his tracks at the sight of her.

Her reaction was similar. She smiled brightly, but it slowly dimmed at the stranger in front of her. Her eyes took all of him in. His messy hair, his freckled cheeks, his honey brown eyes that adorned specks of caramel.

The Doctor did the same, watching as she took a strand of hair and tucked it behind her ear. Looking at her lips as they parted in surprise. The feeling he felt earlier only intensified when he trailed his eyes slowly down her body, taking his time and savouring every detail.

When they locked eyes again, a mutual blush was shared. No words had yet been spoken, but somehow an understanding was made. Neither could quite tell how long they had been stood in silence. Maybe a few seconds, perhaps a few minutes. Neither cared, both wishing to live in this moment for as long as possible.

Alas, they were interrupted. The blonde came marching to the door, whacking the doctor on his head as she placed her hands on her hips. "What are you doing?" She rolled her eyes, watching as the Doctor reluctantly tore his eyes away from the woman still standing outside. "Invite her in, idiot!"

The Doctor sputtered, blush deepening as he brought up a hand to rub the back of his neck. "O-Oh, yeah," he coughed. "Come on in."

Y/n smiled shyly, ducking her head as she walked by.

Rose tutted, leading her into the living room. "You'll have to excuse him. Still training him. When we first met he had no idea what was socially acceptable or not. He's why my job blew up. Still, good job he's got me, eh?" Rose giggled, tidying around a bit.

Y/n laughed a little, trying to ignore the tall man who had reentered the room.

The Doctor coughed, tapping Rose repeatedly on the leg as they sat down. Ignoring him, Rose turned to Y/n, attempting to start a conversation but losing her nerve at the neverending smacks she was getting from the Doctor. "Oh, my God, what?"

"Are you not going to introduce us?"

"Oh, right. Y/n, this is the Doctor. We travel together. Doctor, this is y/n. We've been best friends since primary." She smiled fondly.

"Lovely to meet you, y/n." He grinned, reaching out to shake her hand in greeting.

"Likewise." She smiled, taking ahold of his hand. Both of their grips tightened as gasps escaped their lips. The room and the sound of Rose's panicked yells faded away.All Rose could do was watch, confused, as golden energy began to course through the veins in their arms.

The pair had been engulfed in pure ecstasy, all three of their hearts racing. Y/n clung on tighter to his calloused hand as she began to see visions. Strange, random flashes that didn't make any sense, but she somehow knew that eventually they would. She saw as shadowed figures danced in the moonlight. She heard echoed laughter, she could see stars and supernovas. Flashes of a blue box began to appear. A little blue box, not so little at all.

It was strange. It was like she was experiencing memories that had yet to be made. Some of them felt as though they weren't hers. Perhaps a tad longer than she'd like to admit, she was able to conclude that she was walking upon the memories of the Doctor. She could see his past faces, his former companions. She could even see the first time Rose ran into the tardis, then out again, then back in. She listened to all the astonished cries of 'it's bigger on the inside!' and she could feel the joy the Doctor felt for hearing it.

And lastly, a soft echo of a whisper could be heard. A name kept hidden. A name so secret the power of it alone broke her from the transelike state.

They both came to with a deep gasp, losing their grip on each other as the room reappeared. Y/n's head bobbed a bit, feeling too heavy and her hearing was diluted. Rose and Jackie's yells felt so distant. A sharp burning sensation struck her head as she cried out, unable to see the Doctor rubbing at his own temples, or the hiss he released before her eyes rolled to the back of her head and she allowed the darkness to consume her.

Hours had passed by before Y/n woke up. She let out a soft wimper as she took I'm her surroundings. She was tucked up in Rose's bed, still wearing her clothes. The Doctor had a soft smile toying on his lips when she let out a noise of surprise upon finding him sitting at the edge of the bed.

"Hello." His voice was low, almost talking in a hushed whisper.

Y/n smiled back and rearranged the pillows behind her so that she was sitting upright. "Hello."

The Doctor nodded to the side of her and she looked at the bedside table. "Tea?" he asked, pointing to the hot cup situated on the otherwise lone table. "Just how you like it."

Y/n picked it up, raising an eyebrow at the, what she had previously discovered, timelord.

"Don't worry, Jackie didn't make it." They both shared a chuckle and he watched as she took a little sip, moaning in delight.

Silence filled the room as y/n placed the cup back down. She just stared at the man, and he did the same.

Seconds had passed before she broke the quietness. "Doctor.. What happened before? I mean, it was weird. It was like.. I was seeing into your life. And even now, I can feel things that aren't mine. I just don't understand." She frowned.

The doctor leaned over, taking her hand in his when he felt the twinge of her panic, able to make it subside just by his touch.

"I don't believe it." He whispered, brushing his thumb across the small mark on the back of her hand. One that had not been there before. One that now matched his. "Y/n, have you ever heard of soulmates?"

The woman nodded, replying softly with an "of course."

"Well, sometimes, very rarely, but sometimes, people meet theirs. I've only ever heard about it in stories, I never thought it would happen to me." He said, now searching her face with his eyes. "Y/n, you're my miracle."

And she was. She saved him in every aspect.

OKAYYY, I WROTE THIS WHEN I WAS SLEEP DEPRIVED AND HAD NO IDEA HOW TO END IT LMAO SORRY FOR THE CHEESIENESS. BUT IT WAS SOMETHING DIFFERENT AND I ENJOYED WRITING THIS :)

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insomniac-101 · 1 year

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So something that I often don't see people discuss is the manner in which the 9th and the 10th doctor's seasons are so intrinsically connected that it is almost impossible to understand a lot of key character arcs if you choose to skip it upon rewatch. The reason why I say this is because the moment you reach season 2, 10 is essentially the product of the development 9 achieves at the end of his season. To skip him, would mean that you also miss context as to the reason why Rose is so important and in turn, not understand the reason why their bond in particular is such a big part of the plot during the 10th's era.

Now bare with me, because I'm about to go off a bit lmao.

The first season of nuwho not only serves as an introduction to many of the key characters we see later on, such as: the Doctor, Rose, Jackie, Jack, Mickey, Harriet jones, etc. but it also serves as an introduction for the concept of the series as a whole. Prior to this, doctor who as a franchise had a reputation of being a geeky sci-fi show with no real wide spread appeal. Remaining as a niche interest to many, up until the reboot returned and reintroduced the show to a newer audience.

This is important to note because this is one of the main reasons why we see such a huge emphasis placed on the companions' lives in the reboot. Because RTD meant to expand the world of Doctor who and its audience, and by doing so, he strived to try a multitude of new plots that were otherwise never explored previously. This is why the romantic plotline of his season is so crucial to the story itself because he means to explore a facet of humanity not previously seen with the Doctor as a character. RTD essentially built this plot line from scratch, as the only other attempt at exploring such an angle was received negatively (The 8th Doctor's movie). So there's a degree of leniency that I give his writing In particular because like I said prior, he had no prior reference for exploring humanity to the degree in which the new series does.

The ninth doctor, when we meet him, is essentially a recluse. He is in a state of stagnation, implied to have been alone for some time after the war and it gives off the impression that he's no longer accustomed to being around people. He's often direct, rudely so and very standoffish to anyone that isn't immediately measuring up to his standards. This isn't to say that he isn't charming in his own way. He's sarcastic and when he tries, he can actually be very good with people. But the war still weighs heavily on his conscious and so, he views the world through the eyes of a soldier. Prioritizing the act of surviving rather than slowing down and actually taking the time to live life.

I mean, the man essentially meets Rose while blowing up her workplace and if that isn't concerning on its own merit than I don't know what is lmao.

A scene that sticks out to me the most about him in particular is when he looks at himself in the mirror for the first time. He notes that he has big ears, and from the manner in which he says it the implication that he perhaps has not seen himself in a long time is not lost to us. This coupled with the knowledge that he had indeed been seen traveling prior to meeting Rose, gives the phrase a more dark connotation that makes sense for his character.

I like to think that this indicates that the guilt of what he did to stop the war weighs so heavily on him that he could never bring himself to face his reflection. Because truly, to have gone so long without seeing yourself, not even in the reflection of a window or other surface is not something that is easy to do. Rather, it is something you have to go out of your way to do. Also it's important to note that his appearance is in fact a reflection of that weariness he feels. With his body, being older outwardly (appearing 40ish ) and his features being very sharp and serious. Even his hair is pretty short, much like how a soldier would keep it as a means of not wasting any time on worrying on something so inconvenient. His preference for darker colors and his constant outfit is also very noticably practical, not at all decorative like his prior bodies. This is purposeful, because it is what sets him apart from prior versions of the character and an easy way to visually see his most prominent traits.

Now with that out of the way, now I can discuss how 9 changes and what his relationship to Rose is like, so that one can better understand why Rose is such an important part of the Doctor's character.

From the moment the two meet, you can see he harbors an immediate curiosity towards her. Here they are, trapped in an elevator being attacked by a group of living mannequins and yet, Rose is almost unaffected.

That isn't to say she isn't afraid, she is, but her fear doesn't stop her from asking questions and demanding explanations. She doesn't shy away from him, rather she confronts him head on and even shows a level of concern for other people while she is actively the one in danger. It is enough to prompt him to ask her name, but not enough to involve her. Preferring to instead keep his distance.

It is not until another chance meeting that he gradually lets her in, allowing her to humor him with her curiosity and we see once more that he is in fact very good at socializing, but only with certain people. The reason why I stress this is because he often outwardly puts this front of coldness towards those that don't interest him. Rose was able to look past this front, and seems to look past his rather cold attitude towards other humans. He often stresses how inept they are, going on tangents about how they're nothing more than apes but she ignores it and tries to get at the core of the issue. That's why they mesh so well, because she is able to separate the fluff he inserts into his answers and take it for what it is. That isn't to say she's a doormat, she just knows when to pick her battles.

"do you know like we were saying? About the world revolving. It's like you're a kid, the first time they tell you that the world is turning and you just can't quite believe it cause everything looks like it's standing still. I can feel it. The turn of the earth. The ground beneath our feet is spinning 1,000 miles an hour and the entire planet is hurtling round the sun at 67,00 miles an hour. And I can feel it, we're falling through space you and me. Clinging to the skin of this tiny little world, and if we let go.. that's who I am. Now forget me, Rose Tyler"

He is describing the manner in which he views the world. Unlike how a kid is unable to comprehend the vast truths of how the world functions and remains naive of it for a period of time, he is a man that was never given that chance to be unaware of how it functions to an infuriating degree. He sees the world for how it is, dark, unforgiving and so direct. Everything is calculated so precisely and he can't even begin to comprehend why anyone would see the good in it as it's just that, a planet.

But that's why he finds humans so interesting. There's a part of him that holds onto that hope that it is something more, that perhaps he is missing out on a purpose behind all the darkness. That's why he is running amongst them, to find a reason behind their way of thinking. To experience the world through the eyes of the hypothetical child, rather than the adult who breaks the illusion.

Not only that, but this conversation also let's us in on how touch-deprived he is.

For it is in a moment of vulnerability that he allows himself to reach out and touch Rose physically. Grabbing her hand for emphasis on how heavy this revelation burdens him. It's a cry for help in a sense, because he has reached the point where he has metaphorically "let go". Dropping her hand, to show that he is losing that last part of him that clings to that hope of finding something that will allow him to question his view of the world. He is miserable and lonely, because when you view the world through such a cynical lens it becomes all the more apparent that life is so lonely. If everything is doomed, then why go out of your way to care?

You see this in the way he remains unaffected by the reveal of Mickey's "death." Having grown so used to it, that he finds it off-putting to see that Rose is freaking out as a result. It happens everyday to people far more important so why give it any real weight if it's inevitable? Why ascribe a meaning to something that just is?

Remember when I mentioned it is implied that he was traveling on his own for a while? What places did he visit? The Titanic, the Kennedy assassination, the explosion of Karakota. These are all fixed points of time that are associated with absolute tragedies. But all the same, they're key points in life where the world remained cruel without reason. Thus fueling his very uncharitable view of the world and how it functions.

That's where Rose becomes key to his overall development. As a human, she inevitably views the world through the lens of that child. She doesn't know the ins and outs of the universe's processes, yet she continues living without ever really seeking to understand it better. It doesn't matter to her that the people around her aren't necessarily important in the grand scheme of things, they matter because they just do. She is capable of loving others and affording care to others simply because she wants to, not because she has to. She is confronted with alien threats the moment he walks into her life, and yet her view of the world and her existence doesn't really change. She does not harden rather, she curiously grows from it. Growing wiser and more aware rather than crippling under the discovery of another threat in the universe.

She is clinging to the understanding of the tiny little world she lives in, yet her hold doesn't relent. For she is not falling, to imply so would mean that he was right in his assertion that our existence is doomed. No, instead in the place of any real meaningful explanation about the world's existence is something so innately human: hope. An illogical thing to always maintain, yet she always seems to have it.

After all, it is such a confusing notion when you think about it. We have no reason to believe that things will improve, and that we'll be met with good outcomes. It's so metaphorical, not at all tethered to something practical like numbers and data and yet, even when the odds are against us, somehow we hope things will improve.

It's that aspect that he wishes he understood.

(i would love to dedicate a whole analysis on Rose in a separate post so for now, I will only focus on the Doctor and her role in his life)

This is why he takes her to the ends of the universe on their first trip. He's testing her, seeing if this will be enough to prompt a reaction out of her that fits his narrative. He also seeks companionship, to have someone understand what it's like to see your planet burn and to have yourself remain as the sole survivor. In a way, to justify the validity of his misery and guilt. She's affected of course. It's in that moment that she realizes, the scope of the universe and is faced with the undeniable truth that everything does end. It shakes her and you can see her sort of doubt her view of the world. No longer able to remain blissfully unaware of the big picture when it is quite literally in your face.

But something she has, and he lacks is a foundation. Rose still has her mother, someone to return to at the end of the day. She can be comforted by the people in her life while his inability to let anyone in, essentially stunts him.

When given the choice to spare Cassandra, he refuses. He lacks the capability of seeing past the evil, and assumes that there is no good in her. No second chances. An act that catches Rose off guard, who in spite of personally recieving the brunt of Cassandra's cruelty, she asks the Doctor to save her.

Eventually he takes her back to her time. He entrusts her with more information regarding the war and the death of his people. People pass them by, oblivious to his presence as he is wallowing in the sorrow of remembering. It's a metaphor, of sorts. While our two protagonists are brutally aware of the doom that awaits them in the future and they remain stuck in place reminiscing, the world around them continues moving on.

He is giving her every reason to run, to leave him behind and save the very last shreds of naivety she has.

But when he asks her if she wants to leave, to no longer accompany him on his adventures, she refuses. Because his confession puts it all into perspective.

He is hurting.

He desperately craves company: to have a hand to hold onto and keep him grounded as the world falls apart. Yet more than ever is she aware of her limitations; that she cannot undo what has been done to him.

And so, she does what she knows she can do to help ease the pain even if it is very miniscule. Tells him that he has her, and that his pain is one she can now share and understand. She offers him chips, not because it will magically make it all disappear but because it will distract him from the pain of remembering. It's also her favorite food, so no doubt she is trying to share that sense of comfort it brings her with him.

Such a human thing to not focus on fixing the bigger problem and instead focus on what can be changed in the current moment. They still have time until the end of the earth, so why spend more time dwelling on it?

That is her response to his question.

I believe the episode the unquiet dead is where he realizes the extent of his feelings for her. There they are about to be pulled apart by a horde of zombies yet Rose doesn't regret coming along. She tells him so and in the end all she asks of him is that they fight for their lives. Still clinging on to that bit of hope that they could get out of this, even if it is misplaced. To stay together in spite of their inevitable deaths is all she asks for, and he in turn tells her how glad he is to have met her. Assuring her that he is glad it's her that is there by his side as he clings to her hand like a life line. Somehow, having someone there to hold made the inevitable more bearable.

For a single moment, he remembers what it is like to not regret something.

But no, they live! Again and again, even if logically it makes no sense given how the world works. All the while, he meets more and more extraordinary people. With Rose, always reaching out to others as they embark on every new adventure. Thus indirectly providing him insight on the manner in which normal people are capable of doing brave and incredible acts even if it is at the cost of their own life. Their hope in a future for the people they hold dear, motivating them to put everything on the line if it meant that there was even a slight chance everything would be alright.

There's good in people, even those that outwardly appear to not be worth the trouble. And it's that potential he latches on to, and why he tries so hard to lend a hand when he can.

This is actually where the trend of the importance of knowing people's names starts, because the companions often serve as his connection to the humans around them. They ground his perspective, reminding him to not focus so much on the grand scheme of things that he forgets to look at the smaller details. This is why in the episode Midnight it is so tragic that no one asked for the stewardes' name. For up until that point, he knew better than to not at the very least humanize her (by asking for something as basic as her name, her story, etc.) rather than see her as pawn in the midst of the problem. That is the principal that Rose instilled in him and yet when left alone, he finds himself forgetting to do so. Thus, why he takes the revelation to heart.

But I'm getting ahead of myself lol

It is when he is confronting the last of the daleks that he has to reconsider his beliefs of how the world had up till now functioned. He has been proven time and time again that the world is not always such a negative place, and that there is at times tranquility that could be found in the midst of the chaos. That the universe and it's inhabitants are capable of doing both good and evil.

So why is he so quick to want to kill the last of the daleks and cling to that cynicism he was beginning to reconsider? Here he is faced with a being who understands his pain, but in the form of his biggest enemy. It is not innocent, having been at one time capable of monstrous acts that caused mass suffering but...neither is he. There it stands defenseless and unarmed and yet he is the one threatening it with a weapon, just like Rose reasons. She is alive and unharmed, standing next to a dalek yet the active threat is not the dalek, it's him. He is tempted to kill it because his first instinct is to resort back to that hatred that gave him purpose for so long. The same poison the daleks used to eradicate the rest of his people. But is it truly incapable of being good, if not, then why is he any different? To give into the temptation would mean to validate that goodness could not be found everywhere. That if he followed the same mindset that once drove him to pull the trigger on everyone involved in the whole war, than he was doomed to become one of them. To repeat the endless cycle of violence and prove once and for all that he is a monster that cannot change.

Again the answer to the question is up to us to decide. But for him, there's only one clear answer.

No one else has to die. By choosing to not do anything he can live another day, without carrying the guilt of another being dying at his hands. Not because it has to be done, but because he has the option to refuse.

He can no longer assert that its existence as the final survivor of his race isn't important. That just because he hates it, doesn't mean it doesn't deserve a second chance like he got.

Really who is he to pass judgement, when there was a point in his life where he too was blinded by rage and the very narrow view he held of the world?

There is always a choice, and sometimes, the choice is to not take part in that decision.

And so that's what he does.

Rose takes on the burden for him, reaching out to the dalek in the same compassionate way he once did for him. Ordering the dalek to die not out of spite, but out of mercy because that is what the dalek wanted. A being born with the ultimate goal of surviving at all costs with hatred running through its blood, yet it's last moments are spent anguishing over all the death it caused. But unlike the Doctor, who strived to change as a result, he used up his second chance to end the pain. All it asked in return, was comfort or in other words...a hand to hold.

Or..so we think.

It's this ability to look past his biases that allows him to see the good in individuals like Mickey, Jack, and even Rose, when she inevitably screws up. He is able to grant them a second chance to prove themselves and keep them grounded, just like they did for him. His bonds to said people strengthen as a result and now he travels with a group of individuals he can trust with his life. People that can ease the burden and see the good in him.

Now the final episodes of his run is where the final test to his resolve to change is put into question. In a cruel twist of faith, history repeats itself.

Once again, he is given a choice: to let humanity die at the hand of the daleks, or end it all himself.

But alas he chooses not to give in. To not let himself become like the very thing he despises, because the alternative would mean witnessing the mass death of humanity at his hands. A group of beings he personally saw was capable of so much good, and was directly responsible for his change of heart. They reminded him that he was not above changing and that he could find meaning in simply continuing to find the good in others. He refuses, and so he seals his fate.

Yes he would die as a result, but at least he'll die knowing that he did all that he could. That he did not repeat the same cycle of violence that drove him to make the decision to eradicate all that he knew in an act of desperation.

He was free at last of the hatred that poisoned him for so long and it's due in part to the emotion that now stood in its place. Something he slowly cultivated throughout the span of his episodes: Love.

Love for humanity.

Love for Rose.

Love for himself. Because he finally did something he would not live to regret

" Before I go, i just want to tell you that you were fantastic. Absolutely fantastic. And you know what? So was I!"

When he finally regenerates, it is done with the intention that his final act is not one of destruction, but love. This man, with the blood of so many on his hands, was able to forgive himself through the compassion extended to him when he was at his lowest. Rose a mere human, through sheer kindness, was able to motivate the doctor to keep going. To not hang up on the inevitabilities of life, and to find beauty in what was fleeting.

To have faith in the good of the people around him, even when it wasn't easy.

Most importantly, she reminded him that his journey was not one that had to be solitary. He could share the burden with others, and in turn, build genuine friendships that would help ease that loneliness he felt.

What makes Rose special to the doctor is not that she is inherently special. She is not someone of high status nor this faultless god that is capable of doing no wrong. No what makes her important to him is the fact that she was perceptive enough to realize that he needed help, and selflessly gave it at a time where he was at his lowest. She extended the best of humanity towards him during a time where he desperately needed a reminder that life was more than just pain. She never gave up on him, always assuring him that he was capable of doing good even when he himself didn't believe it.

This was not a bond forged on shallow appearances or attraction, no, it was a deep friendship in which both people involved grew to become better versions of themselves by the end. They just so happened to fall in love in the process.

Something I want to point out is that the reason why he has the courage to kiss Rose is because his love for her, he feels, is unrequited. He thinks this will be the last chance to show her how much she means to him in this body, and perhaps ever. He is insecure, you see that in the way he practically sneers at any man that looks at her yet he never makes a move himself. That is why he is deeply confused as to why it takes her so long to warm up to his 10th incarnation in the Christmas invasion. Going as far as to claim that she had given up on him. A behavior that to him, makes no sense as he was essentially tailored to her tastes. A pretty boy, just like the ones she showed interest in previously.

This is why he asks her upon regenerating what she thinks of his appearance and once again when he wakes up from his coma. He wants her to fawn over him but doesn't take into account that maybe, bursting into flames isn't exactly a normal human occurrence lol

But we see that that is not true. His looks were never something that bothered her. Because whenever she is made to make a choice between the doctor and someone else, it's always him. Even at the expense of what he would consider to be the safer options.

Rose loved him since his 9th incarnation. This is made evident in the manner in which she immediately asks him to change back once he regenerates into 10 (Doctor Who Born Again, Children In Need Special 2005).

"Can you change back?"

"Do you want me to?"

"Yeah"

"Oh."

"Can you?"

"No"

(note: if you haven't seen this clip, I strongly recommend doing so as it adds so much context to the conflict explored in the Christmas special)

If she had solely loved him when he was 10, then she would have accepted him easily but she didn't. It took her the entirety of the Christmas invasion to understand that he was still the same man. This is why the episode focuses so much on 10 sort of dancing around her, trying to earn her approval by showing off how he's still the same man. Going as far as to pan on his face numerous times as he wistfully looks at her direction, all while he fights the sycorax as if to make sure that she is watching him be impressive. (it's something I realized upon rewatch, just how desperately he is trying to earn back her approval lol)

So with all of this in mind, nine essentially transforms into a new man. Figuratively and literally lol. A man that finds the joy in living again and meets each challenge with a curiosity akin to that of a child. He's fun, far less burdened (outwardly) by the death of his people and more open to meeting new people. He becomes what 9 physically believes to be the ideal image of a partner Rose would want, down to the wispy hair and handsome features. Not to mention younger, as if, physically representing the the burden being lifted from his body, thus de-aging him.

But with this new man that was born out of his love for humanity and Rose, there's a conflict that is more apparent than ever. Will he be able to overcome the implications that come with falling in love with a human?

This is where the conflict shifts, because with confronting this question he is left to actually take into consideration what it means to fall deeper in love with her. A scenario he previously only humored in fantasies because he was unaware that she returned them.

Had she simply loved him as a friend, it would have been easy to ignore it but no she had fallen for him too. So now he can no longer skirt around it. To fall for a human would mean to expose her to what a Time lord's life and perspective entails. How alien he truly is and how that especially affects the manner in which they communicate. This is explicitly said in the Christmas invasion, when her whole world shifts at the reminder that he is in fact not human.

"The thing is, I thought I knew him, Mum. I thought me and him were...and then he goes on and does this. I keep forgetting he is not human"

This is what series 2's main conflict is.

But it is far from one sided.

She in return, has to confront the inevitability of her death. Can she ask that of him, to put aside the pain and let her live out the rest of her days by his side? Once she outlives those she loves, would she become someone unlike herself?

Because now it's not a question of will they won't they, they know how they feel about one another. No, it's a matter of when.

This is why series two appears to have very little conflict between the two at first glance, but that's because the conflict is within themselves. Since ten was made with her in mind, they tend to operate very similarly and so they don't get in as many arguments as they did previously. Because again, ten exists from the changes made in nine. You cannot have one without the other,as they are the two sides of the same coin.

Another tid bit that must be mentioned is that 10's desire to be human can actually be traced back to 9's era. This is because the 9th doctor always made it a point to separate himself from Rose's family life. This is what causes him to have such a strained relationship with Jackie in the first place, because his refusal to take part in Rose's personal life directly interfered with Jackie's relationship to her daughter. Jackie does care for the Doctor. He is important to Rose and so she makes an effort to welcome him, even when he refuses.

But really from a few comments he makes off handedly in father's day, one can infer that the reason why he stays far away from their home life is more of a reflection of how he views himself. Like an outsider who cannot afford to get too close to the people around him.

After all he had this to say about the importance of living a life that is ordinary.

"i don't what this is all about, and I know we're not important -"

"who said you're not important? I've traveled to all sorts of places, done things you couldn't even imagine, but you two. Street corner, 2:00 in the morning, getting a taxi home. I've never had a life like that.."

You can't always trust the Doctor's words because he often puts on this unbothered front. But in this specific instance, he says this not as a means of diminishing it but rather being rather fond of the idea. To live the one adventure he could never have, sound familiar?

It's because of this that the 10th doctor makes an effort to be more involved in Rose's personal life. Extending his care towards her mother, and even spending the holidays with them. He even goes as far as to imply they were the closest thing to family when he tells Donna about it.

This long ass essay is all to essentially say that the idea of pitting ninerose, tenrose, and tentoorose against one another is rather pointless lol because they're all essentially the same ship but at different stages of their relationship. You cannot have the existence of one without the other because they all occupy the same man. All are equally valid according to the narrative and canon so please can we lay this useless competition to rest?

There's enough Rose to go around!

#10th doctor #doctor x rose #rtd era #tenrose #ninth doctor #nine x rose #rose x ten #ninerose #doctorrose #tentoo x rose #rambles #character analysis #retrospective #doctor who #someone should really take my phone away #cant stop thinking about them #this hyperfixation has me in a chokehold #timepetals #rose tyler

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